How to Set Boundaries with Toxic or Narcissistic Family

[@rmy_Youtube]

Omg it's Steph Anya!!! I love her videos and tips!

[@dreamlife2351]

Because I didn’t want to make “another mistake “ I asked my boyfriend to go to a marriage counselor, in order to decide moving in with him. The therapist saw us 3 times and was asking strong questions and engaging. After a positive response, I did move in with my boyfriend. 2-3 years later I was feeling “less than” and went back to the therapist. It took a while but the general consensus was that my X has Covid Narcissism with religious tones. I am now 6 years away from him and still have to repair not just financial, health and family issues but my self esteem. Your video is right on the mark.

[@emmie1176]

Really happy to hear that you got out ❤️ Sending love :)

[@SRHisntSilent]

Very good for you for leaving that relationship though I am so sorry you were treated so poorly Kudos to you and all the best with healing 👏🏽

[@chromxrobinandcorrinxcamil9031]

Don’t blame God for the shitty decisions caused by man.

[@Gwebb42]

You da best 💯

[@jillsanders8251]

This was very helpful and concise, thank you!

[@brd67]

Thanks

[@janlaag]

This is very kind, beautiful and solid advice yet I feel as if it isn't grounded in most economic and cultural realities. I mean I feel as if this kind of advice isn't contextualised in lower and standard western upbringings but rather in higher and much smaller niches... overall it is probably a structural dysfunction of the western ways of approaching knowledge that is kind of aligned with its economic ways so I don't know, if you got to go through the official ways I guess it's unavoidable.

[@josepharmstrong6031]

OK no we can choose our family but we can't choose whom we are related too not the same stop saying that shit

[@Whitewolf0516]

This new Psych term, "setting boundaries", is destroying some families, not to mention the countless outside influences. This world has become so picky and complicated that we can't even sit down at any dinner table or event and have a decent, happy, conversation without constantly having to worry about what we are saying even if it isn't being nasty. It could be a nice conversation but so many people take offense to every single "WORD" that comes out of everyone's mouth. THIS is making me very uncomfortable around my family and what it has become. My husband and I raised four children, and no we're not perfect. We did not abuse them in any way, or ourselves, for example, doing drugs, alcohol addiction, infant or child neglect, for example, never changing diapers or feeding them, not showing affection or not loving them. We guided them in the best way that we knew how, which included manners, example, please, thank you. It's sad that I even have to explain what manners are considered. And yes, religion. As much as this world hates the idea of religion. We looked forward to having so much fun with our kids. AGAIN, a reminder, we were not perfect and I don't know of any perfect parent, child, or grown child on earth. There are some therapists out there that are turning grown children away from their parents. My grown child sees one, and ever since then, according to the timeline, my child has shut me out of her life. My child has grown to literally hate me. Talk about hurt towards parents that loved their children with all their heart. They, one by one, are ripping my heart out. And yes, I have had empathy towards my children, at times, my heart broke listening to some of their troubles, but apparently, I'm the bad guy. Both I & my husband supported them in whatever they wanted to take on in life. I am literally confused mainly because my husband & I put our whole hearts and souls into raising these kids. This world is getting worse by the day and more complicated when it doesn't need to be. I am sad, unhappy, and lost joy around my kids. I am afraid to speak to any of them. My family is now divided and seems the world is now satisfied. BTW, I am not a narcissist, I gave up my life for my family. I don't want a metal or special award, just love and respect.

[@avp6730]

This is something I can't understand - how can you be having a fun happy conversation, when the person you are talking to isn't and they are saying that your comments are hurting them?

[@Lugna]

I recommend seeing a therapist. We usually struggle to see our own mistakes and behaviors objectively. My mom believes she did the best she could raising my bother and me - which I truly believe - but I still am grieving my childhood and so many things I didn't have. I also am grateful because I know how hard it is to raise children, especially for a single mom under those circumstances. To this day she can't talk about it with me. She victimizes herself and take no responsibility for her desicions and actions. She never learned to cope with feelings, talk about/show or regulate them. So she put my brother and I into this position. I don't know you. I do not blame you for anything. I just wish you'd take into consideration that there might be something that you are not seeing from where you are standing. I hope you will find a way to reconnect with your children.

[@annah995]

No therapist in the world can make your kid hate you if you didn't do anything why he or she had to seek therapy in the first place. Giving up your life for your family by the way isn't healthy at all and you saying this puts a pressure on your children for sure. You don't seem to see any mistakes, which is a red flag for me reading this. You sound like my husbands mom who also thinks her crazy religious way of raising the kids was great, while they despise this religion and all those rules, but can't even talk to her about it.. Ask yourself: For example, if you are religious, would it be okay if your children would say, they are atheists? Or gay? Or don't want children? Or want to move to Europe?... Or would you throw a tantrum? If you would, there sure is a problem in this family, because we should love and support our children but they don't owe us anything and they can chose their lifestyle all by themselves.

[@blusafe1]

"BTW, I am not a narcissist, I gave up my life for my family." Think hard about that statement. The more you dig into the idea your kids "owe" you something, the more you push them away.

[@annah995]

@@blusafe1 👌 exactly

[@ranc1977]

"You are your best advocate. You know what works best for you." 👍