How to spot a narcissist #1: Couples Therapy (Annie & Mau)

[@MissModernprincess]

Notice this, if a man LOVES to argue and never backs down, it's a red flag.

[@gravaly]

When was he arguing?

[@-Lily7415]

Narcissist or not he is clearly a problem.

[@gravaly]

Why?

[@Abby-j4m]

I love your videos so much. I've watched them all, many multiple times, and first started watching when you did the Zanab series. I just wanted to say thank you for some of my favourite content in the all of KZbin. I'm excited for you to post the next part of this series!

[@thenarcissistwatcher]

Thank you, that's very kind!

[@ihavethots1261]

the craziest part of this couple's dynamic is some bizarre master narrative that mau's an amazing, perfect husband. completely insufferable.

[@ElleBee1315]

10 minutes into this couple, I was like this man is a covert narcissist

[@gravaly]

Why? I don't see it yet.

[@SneakyNinjaSistas]

@@gravaly Hard to explain, but there's a reason it's called "covert" narcissism 😅

[@Fay8Fay8]

He is covert NPD he is NPD with neon LED lights😂

[@Charla583]

I was so happy to see you'd posted another video!! I love how well thought through your videos are - you never say or show anything that's not 100% relevant. Your script is clear and easy to understand.

[@hlengiwehadebe_]

Annie’s tolerance is out of this world…25 years???😭😭😂

[@KateLate____]

She is completely under is spell. She doesn't realise she is trapped. Fortunately she goes on to leave him.

[@ЕленаФёдорова-ч1д]

She didn’t leave him)

[@ЕленаФёдорова-ч1д]

(*

[@Fay8Fay8]

Brainwashed...

[@mjdwyer3266]

What a horrifying person he is. Yikes

[@perrierjouet2203]

I feel you need to do an analysis on Uche from Love is Blind LOL

[@thenarcissistwatcher]

Oh yeah, I would love to do Uche! He's a great example of the "flat affect" you sometimes see with narcissists. His voice and face just don't match what he's saying at all. (Flat affect wouldn't be determinitive in itself because other things could be causing it, but it is an indicator).

[@alysiahite7086]

I went through the same thing that Anne is going through for 35 years. The third and final couples therapist that we went to...the therapists said, "Your relationship is so toxic that I recommend that you go ahead and get a divorce." She read my mind. I was so ready to divorce this covert Narcissistic man. So to fast forward...I am divorced almost 6 years now. Left him 7 years ago. It wasn't easy by no means but now I have me back.

[@Sandy-of6gq]

honestly after 35 years with someone like this you are a veteran

[@artpracticediaries]

after 35 years it must have taken so much strength on your part to walk away. Abusers will wear you down and distance you from your own sense of self. Hope your life has been going amazingly since

[@alysiahite7086]

@@artpracticediaries My health took a bad hit but getting it back slowly. I am so happy and free.😍🤗

[@laurablack8700]

Yes!!!! I love your videos and watch them on repeat, so helpful! Always excited to see you’ve dropped a new series. Thank you!

[@mercedesluna108]

Wow, these obvious narcissist reactions is eye-opening. I am wondering how someone can bend and twist with someone like this for 25 years or is Annie a glutton for punishment? She is devalued at every turn, how does she continue to survive it and still seem like a well adjusted person

[@thenarcissistwatcher]

I suspect that Annie is quite a strong and resilient person. I don't think she will have taken being abused lying down, and will have tried to stick up for herself. (e.g. when she says "for many years I told him to f*** off"). Of course, in the long run, a narcissist will wear anyone down. But rather than collapsing (as some people might) I think Annie has just reached her tether's end at this point in her life. She has simply had enough of Mau. Now either he has to change, or she's gone. It's relatively rare that a narcissist's victim reaches this point of being on the cusp of escaping, especially after the length of marriage Annie and Mau have had.

[@mercedesluna108]

@@thenarcissistwatcher thanks so much for that explanation. As always...so insightful

[@thatgirlcamillatravel6393]

@@thenarcissistwatcher is it actually possible for a narcissist to change in a positive, consistent and sustainable manner in the long run?

[@TheReadheadedJosie]

@@thatgirlcamillatravel6393 Not without serious psychiatric help/intervention I would suppose...

[@TheMinnieSalon]

Oh please do all the love is blind seasons!!!!!

[@bageshreekulkarni2661]

What an in-depth analysy. Thank you so much for this.

[@bascal133]

I want you to know exactly what I want perfectly without me having to communicate my needs to you at all or put in any effort. Also, I'm a simple guy, utterly transparent. smh

[@beckyg325]

YES!! You are back! Love your content!!

[@nathalirivero5197]

I'm like 😱 with this guy, he is horrible. Thank you for your videos, I missed them ❤

[@elephant2072]

Mau is so exhausting😮‍💨

[@tinjadog]

I broke up with that jerk as soon as he opened his mouth. I can’t believe that poor woman has put up with his for so long.

[@mdot2213]

lol you dated him?

[@dreidreidreiundsechzig]

Sex addict. She does everything for him.

[@courtneyrudy9461]

It’s so interesting that when he’s talking, she’s sitting there watching him like it’s so interesting to her. I definitely think he’s a narcissist, but I also think she has some major issues. Almost like she puts him on a pedestal and is working towards being worthy enough to be in his presence..

[@IntelligentFlame]

I have a friend who gave his ex all benefit of doubt for her unfaithful and manipulative behavior until at one point he realized she is incapable of changing her behavior if he keeps enabling her, so he left. That was half a year ago and now he's hopping from one relationship to the next, so she definitely did damage, but I don't know what advice to give him besides "take a break from dating" and he doesn't entertain it. :(

[@timeisdancing8]

she is 23 years married to this bloke I'm sure it had and has some major impact on her he made her feelings invalidated so many times, she learned there is no point of arguing because she always loses, he convinced her she is not good enough...that's why she is trying to be worthy but can never be...that is called devaluation. imagine expiriencing that for 23+ years, I'm not blaming her at all, he completely destroyed her persona

[@EeeeVeee231]

Spot on! it's scary because actually a lot of therapists aren't familiar or trained in spotting narcissists of all kinds let alone effectively treating them. Also, couples therapy does not work for abusive relationships & some could argue for couples involving a codependent & a narcissist.

[@LeandroVelez7]

A narcissist never wants to be understood because in their eyes it relinquishes their perceived control over the situation. Every time the therapist throws out an interpretation of his words, he pulls another pivot. The words have to be exactly HIS, as other words might expose unconscious motivations that he has no control over. If another person, the therapist points this out, via interpretation, he sees this as a threat and thus keeps pivoting his words as cover. You can’t do therapy with these people because if something is wrong it’s not with their own perception or accountability but always with those they crush in their infantile need for self gratification.

[@bernzrdo]

absolutely loved this video!! i'll keep watching the rest of the series :)

[@Reef_inow]

I loveeeee your channel!!!

[@EssaryMichele]

Definitely a narc & an impossible jerk.

[@taoofmau7316]

I really enjoyed this, another piece of the puzzle I suspect

[@-jamie-9896]

Question: Narcissim aside, do others feel like he's a clear communicator? Because while it may seem strange, selfish, grandiose (all of which are true), I actually feel he doesn't shy away from his selfishness and acknowledges it to the point where he actually (from the viewpoint of knowing he's a narcissist) is actually very well adjusted...

[@guyafrica7894]

I think you are confusing being un-reflective with clarity. Clear communication requires self reflection and awareness of how it sounds, how reasonable you're being, how meaningful your words are to someone. He just wants to verbalize his feelings without first even asking if said feelings are valid, reasonable and easy to understand.

[@Nottheone213]

Mau is VILE. I truly hope Annie left this awful man.

[@NameRedacted-e6k]

She did

[@barbarayork3675]

Good!!! What a toxic guy!!😜

[@ЕленаФёдорова-ч1д]

Did she? I only found info that she didn’t

[@Fay8Fay8]

He calls himself Mr. Amazing😂😂😂I've come across such character in real life. That person literally devalued us to our faces by saying that it is very rare someone can be like her of being an amazing seller and a perfect project manager, no one apart from herself can do that. Back then I didn't know NPD, but I just burst into laughter in front of her and said: are u listening to what you are saying? Which normal human being talks like that? She looked confused deeply believing in what she stated, right then I realized she is beyond savable.We all gradually unfriended her but god bless her family members.

[@TheSublime78]

This is a person who's perceived vessel is larger than the Titanic, and yet, feels they create no wake.

[@julie5668]

If someone describes themselves as Mau does - run for the hills. No one but no one is "easy to live with." We all carry around inside us the little child who, in varying degrees, did not get their needs met.

[@TheBeautifulOne1203]

He is disgustingly intolerable.

[@voyageuse2011]

she's a codependent

[@CoachBillyMcMahon]

I’m curious, are u a university student studying psychology? Perhaps at the masters or doctoral level? Your analysis is quite in depth.

[@tmoneycash9695]

Can you do more reality tv. Everyone says Tom Sandoval is so a Vanderpump rules

[@christopherbareja996]

Italian food is a narcissist

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤❤ excellent analysis

[@Fay8Fay8]

I wish Annie watches your video and the comments here. The therapist or many of them are being too diplomatic.

[@Heykyddo]

Hear me out: couples therapy with two therapists, a man and a woman professional. That way the undercurrents and conclusions can be affirmed by more than one person other than the other person in the couple. 😅

[@mikamiks2475]

Is this real ?

[@jackd105]

She looks like George Washington