How To Stop Being A Shouty Mum! 3 TIPS To Calm Parenting When You're Angry | SJ STRUM

[@jessicac2487]

One major key I have found while gentle parenting is that when you slip up - discuss it openly with your kids, admit your fault and explain yourself. Kids have emotions and don't always keep it in, but this way you will be providing a great example of what to do when you mess up. Xo

[@rachaelwilson9935]

Spreading awareness and information about gentle respectful parenting is so important ! Thanks for sharing xx

[@harrieth7003]

Love language gift thing thing makes so much sense!!

[@sammm.nicole2832]

I’m just getting into gentle parenting and your videos are SO helpful ! My son is the same, he always barks orders at me to do things for him but what you said makes so much sense! I’m also definitely about to check out the books you recommended!

[@devonbear4979]

hi i try to do the positive /gentle parenting techniques but i haven't yet read about the love languages, sounds so interesting. I definitely like the staying silent way to help stay calm and not say anything regret. Thankyou for these tips!

[@melissaramirez391]

I really do appreciate you insight on staying calm when your children know how to push your buttons I am really gonna try working on these techniques. Your such a wonderful mother that I truly admire! Thank you.

[@jennifergilbey7639]

Love languages sounds really interesting, would love to see more on this and the gentle parenting. Thank you x

[@MaggieReid97]

I would love the love languages for children video!

[@gymajambobs]

I've worked with children and young people for 14 years (specialising in early years for a lot of the time) and it's so nice to hear parents are starting to move towards how early years settings have been working for years. I've always had complaints from parents about how we don't say the 'forbidden word' (naughty) and how we'd support a child in emotional distress (tantrums) rather than sitting them alone on a 'naughty step' and moving away from them. Thank you for sharing this - I'm going to share about love languages with the early years practitioners I know so hopefully they can develop their practice.

[@noemigonzalez449]

I needed this video. These videos on your parenting style are like therapy to me. My son Jace is 2 and is in a very difficult stage. I am not the most patient of parents but I’m trying to be. I strongly believe the first 5 years of a child is when their personality is formed. Therefore, everything we do or say impacts them and their formation. I, as an only child and having had trouble conceiving for the first 8 years of marriage am used to my quiet space and being alone. But our blessing came along and he is quite the active young boy. He is in a stage of throwing and turning everything in sight upside down. He also believes he is a dinosaur 🦖 so acts and talks as one. I find that as a stay at home mom and having been used to a quiet environment all my life I need to remove myself from the home, for at least 1 hour a day, leaving my son with his grandmother or dad. Going for a walk and taking the time to be alone and actually breathe. A time to be present with myself and filling my need of quiet helps me so much. Maybe other moms need time to do their nails, read a book or talk to a friend. I use to never leave my child with anyone. I was with him 24/7 and reached a point of exhaustion. I then realized it’s okay to fill your needs as a person to be able to then fill the needs of your child. A cup that is empty is not able to fill another. Thats a good reminder and my advice to all you moms out there. ❤️ Keep these videos coming SJ, they are amazing. Thank you! 😊

[@devonbear4979]

great advice!

[@mrneonet]

The idea of being their emotional rock is very powerful as if your freaking out your in no state to calm and reassure them.

[@Kateplus_x]

When you said about our voice becoming their internal voice... that really struck a chord. Sometimes I will blurt something out in the moment and feel awful about it afterwards. That's such a great tip, to just be silent. Thanks SJ xx

[@jessicac2487]

It's so true, I'm 25 and dealing with mental illness. Yes I've made my own choices that didnt help, but my absent, critical parents have helped shape my own voice, my place that is supposed to be "safe" is now trying to rebuild itself 💖 but dont beat yourself up, because the odd blurt out will not hurt your child if you simply go and apologize, show love, explain how emotions work because kids know exactly what it feels like! That's exactly what they're going through as kids, and they just want to know that when they make a mistake they can own up to it, and come to you for love. 💖 I bet you're an amazing momma

[@Exemplaris_Perennia]

As a nanny, and hopefully someday a parent, I found this video so helpful and insightful!

[@SJ_Strum]

Exemplaris ah I’m so happy to hear that thanks xx

[@alexwholey3391]

Really helpful video. Thanks so much. The love language thing sounds familiar. My eldest needs a lot of verbal reassurance and will tell me she loves me a lot to reassure herself I’m going to say it back. She said it in the middle of a meltdown shopping at the weekend when she couldn’t help with the trolley as we were in Wilkos with the double buggy and all the aisles were so narrow. Hubby was ready to get her out of there but I got down to her level, asked her why she was upset, shushed the screaming, and reminded her she was there to help me and she instantly stopped. Hubby was pleasantly surprised. Usually I would have taken her out and calmed her down outside.

[@Christie-Lee]

I’m actually currently reading The 5 Love Languages for Children and I found this really insightful. My daughter is only 2.5 so still very young to understand her language however listening to your description of how the acts of service love language can come across within those sorts of situations is so helpful to me. She equally starts demanding food and drink and tv etc.... I’ll be looking out for it more from now on. You didn’t say what you would do in those situations? Whereby you want to show them of course you still love them but you don’t want to give in to any of their demands. I’d appreciate some advice there ☺️ Thank you!

[@emilyclark8731]

Enjoying these parenting technic videos and I have to say that you are definitely doing a fantastic job with your children. Even though most of us don’t know you personally, it is clear through the snippets of your life online that you are a calm and considerate parent and your kids do find comfort in you. I tend to be a shouty mom and can not stand it. 3 kids that are 5yrs and under is tough on me and I have to retrain myself from not using bad emotional habits I learned from my father. Thanks again for these tips

[@bettyjoy6361]

Loved this. So practical. Thank you! Would love you to talk more about kids and love languages please! xx

[@luisafmello]

Brilliant video! I’m watching it over and over as I’m going through a rough time with my 3 year old 😔

[@aoifehickey6295]

I would love a video on love languages... I could recognise one of my boys so much in this xxx

[@amywedge2315]

SJ you did it again! Just what I needed to sit and watch this video!! You have given me the confidence and second wind to carry on keeping calm. I'd love love love to see more about the love language in children. The last one was very insightful. ❤️

[@amandab6034]

This is something I’m working on. So far, being more organized, laying down clear routines and keeping consistent expectations for them, and give ourselves more time to do routines has helped me SO much. Can’t wait to se what else you have to suggest!

[@SJ_Strum]

Omg yes routines and I'm constantly preparing them for every next step! Freddie needs a lot of preparation on what's happening that day and countdowns to actually leaving the house!! SJ xx

[@amandab6034]

SJ Strum it helps and the more they know what’s coming the more they will do for themselves. We are week 2 of school for my little, her first time going, and she know what steps need to happen to go. It really helps their confidence and takes things off my plate to do for her. Our Mornings are peaceful...which is not how I grew up and I’m SO glad it’s different for her.

[@lyndseywindsor6757]

Love all the tips - have been trying really hard recently to use some gentle parenting methods recently with my toddler!

[@SJ_Strum]

Lyndsey Windsor ah it’s so good isn’t it! I’ve been reading up on it all year and it’s so useful with three kids!!!

[@rayy2670]

Or shouty parent!!! My husband and I are working on that as our daughter is turning two and things are getting real. It's somewhat easier as I have all day with her and can learn more on the terrain, and harder for my husband who comes from a whole day of stressul work,(so different from home) who gets only one hour at night and the weekends to practice hos patience with her. Whatever, it's difficult for all three of us at times.

[@justcallmejen2]

SO insightful and useful. Thank you SJ! Xxx

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah that's great to here thanks so much xxx

[@Emmag265]

This is such a helpful reminder xxx

[@heather4489]

Thank you SJ it's like you've read my mind. We have two boys (2 & 4 weeks) and the 2 year old has been testing and this was super insightful. I'm especially going to read more about the Love Languages. If there are any books or resources you would recommend that would be amazing!

[@jessicaneeds87]

I’m really happy I found you on here. I think you’re wonderful :) And I will use the tips a lot I am sure with my 2year old daughter!

[@SJ_Strum]

Ahhh thanks so lovely of you Jessica! These really help me a lot at rough moments! xxxx

[@AnnieDelphine1990]

Ooooh... this rings so many bells! 🤩Especially the part with the love languages. My 4yo sometimes gets so rude, asking for things in the most aggressive way possible. But that makes a lot of sense now... 🤔 I also use the “not speaking” method. Being present but not speaking is really helpful. I once read that parents use too much words, and during a tantrum words are generally useless anyway. Thanks SJ, your videos are pure gold, as always ❤️

[@SJ_Strum]

Yes I think I definitely pile on words and just keep saying random consequences and crazy things that will happen if they carry on! Silence definitely helps me loads xx

[@sarahcooper9414]

I hate being a shouty Mum! Always trying to keep my cool although not always easy. Trying to see the situation from their perspective. Do you have particular tips for toddlers? My son is very similar in age to Evelina and I know they don't understand as much as say slightly older children would. I always try to explain why I'm not letting him do something. (He's going to hurt himself, get lost, break something etc...) Although still young, he's definitely understanding more and I don't want him to get in the habit of trying to get the better of me. Definitely an interesting way of parenting x

[@kirstyleigh2757]

Found this so interesting!! Off to look into love language! Definitely helped me not be such a shouty mum, I hope, let’s test this tomorrow haha xxx

[@SJ_Strum]

Kirsty Leigh love languages are so fascinating to me!!! You’ll love it x

[@bekhakilby5161]

Hi sj. Any book recommendations on the subject please?

[@erinaa9486]

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, and Punished by Rewards

[@flurryisland6882]

Omg first comment yay I love your channel

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thank you Rosaly xxxxx

[@nt7842]

Hi I have kids they all ways okay home alone with me but when dad’s home or someone from relatives come they too loud and wouldn’t stop talking they talk about anything and everything don’t sit in one place please help I don’t want to shout but I end up shouting at them

[@Gracielooks]

Hi SJ, I’m really interested in gentle parenting & have been trying to practise it the last year, am currently reading ‘calm parents, happy kids’ & recommend it to anyone interested in this. I had a very loving but very strict upbringing in a house of 8 & there was a lot of shouting, we are all errr fairly lively shall we say? 😂 I’m just wondering what attracted you to this? You seem so gentle already! Was this similar to your upbringing?

[@ithrowedup]

Love this ❤️ my fiancé and I are looking forward to having kids soon and I hope to put these tips in use! Do you have any recommendations for gentle parenting books?

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah how exciting! Yes I love Gentle Parenting by Sarah Ockwell Smith and How To Listen So Little Kids Will Talk (it's amazing) Also for small baby I loved The Baby Whisperer but some people don't! xx

[@ithrowedup]

SJ Strum thank you SJ! Looking forward to next weeks baby name Monday!

[@EssElle89]

Then don't listen to any of this kids do not need gentle parenting they need firm parenting or they become brats

[@adelaipser1239]

My mother should’ve watched this nineteen years ago

[@itsmadstar_2778]

Have I missed something?? What's happened to baby name Monday?? I need my baby name fix, I need another name to fall in love with!!! xox

[@LL-bl1ln]

To sum up. The best advice is to not have kids! I’m not going to lie you can judge me if you want I hate parenting I just said it. I can’t feel or think of anything beneficial from it. It’s all lying about you will have ultimate unconditional love , it’s just bulls*t there’s nothing is unconditional in this world

[@gregparr297]

OH IM EARLY I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE !!!!!!!

[@gregparr297]

How to make common names unique Annie = Anny Alyssa = Alisa Anna = Annuh Beatrice = Beatricks Noah = Nowa Leah = Liah Sue = Suwe Sarah = Saruha Ellie = Elliy Elliot = Eliet Zoe = Zowey Morgan = Moorhgon Martin = Martyn Molly = Mohly Holly = Holliey Millie = Millyie

[@the_light_writer]

No.