How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | 'Time In' VS 'Time Out' - Positive Discipline | SJ STRUM

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[@franziskarul4714]

I am 20 years old, don't even have children, but loved this video anyway

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thank you Elaina! I loved making it so happy you popped by!! xxxx

[@clarebeorhte]

My dad bought me lunch the other day and said "you deserve it" and it felt so good. And I'm 30! 😂

[@SJ_Strum]

Clare Green I keep saying it hoping my husband will notice it’s power 😂😂

[@rayy2670]

You're right..they are so distracted. Once I was so fed up with getting mad at my two year old that seamed not to pay attention to me. I just said the request once lookig her in her eyes..and the I waited. After a while she DID IT all by herself. She just needed time.

[@SJ_Strum]

RAY y exactly this!

[@jesusbuiltmyh0tdog]

Hello! I’m not a mom, nor do I plan on it anytime soon as I am 14. I am however a teen babysitter/nanny with a huge passion for leaving positive impacts on kids! When I do become I mom, I pray to be like you. We need more people like you in the word who love & care to spread positivity & reach out love to children. I really look up to you. ❤️ (Also Im not allowed to subscribe to people, if you see this and are wondering)

[@gemmadriver4166]

Love all of these tips! I have a 2 year old who I regularly give choices to and make an effort to turn negatives into positives (eg "you can..." rather than "stop...") His tantrums have totally stopped since I made a conscious effort to alter how I speak to him! I feel like a lot of it is showing them respect and making them feel valued even when their emotions are too big for them to handle ❤

[@SJ_Strum]

Gemma D yes so so true xx

[@strawberries1186]

I already know I want to name my first daughter Svetlana Mae 💓 she won't be here for years, but I like to occasionally write letters to her and my other future children. Things I want to tell them and intentions I have for raising and loving them. I think it'll be very nice to give them the letters when they reach a certain age years from now. Your channel really celebrates that part of life, setting intentions for children and giving them a loving start 💕 Love your videos

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah that's so adorable, wow what a thing to treasure! x

[@nichcool4651]

This reminds me of my fiancés mum, she kept a diary full of letters to him ever since she got pregnant. She'd write down what he had learned, stick photos in etc. It ended up being his bday present when he turned 18 and he still looks at it often, he's 26 now. It's so wholesome i could cry

[@ketoduchidze5033]

This is so lovely! And the name is very pretty too!

[@steffowler9835]

Please please please never take down these videos. I am currently pregnant but will be coming back to these when I can use them. Thanks so much for sharing. So lovely and kind.

[@SJ_Strum]

Stef Fowler ah thanks for the lovely message, I love making these and it’s so nice to know people watch them! Xxxx

[@PebbleDaisy]

Thinking of them as a frightened kitten genius. You d never rush at an upset animal so why do that to a child. ❤️

[@Gracielooks]

These videos really help me SJ. I have found parenting my now 4.5 year old the single most challenging thing of my life. I abandoned time outs and any kind of exclusion over the summer because it wasn’t working and made us both feel like shit and he really responded to the encouragement. There was a time when I was afraid to leave the house with him because of the tantrums (hitting and screaming) so this approach has helped us both enormously. 💓

[@PolPocketC2018]

Really brilliant video. When I was a teenager my dad used to just give me a cuddle (without words) when I was being a ... Well a teenage girl! I endeavour to do this with my own three when they are showing big emotions! I am really enjoying these videos x

[@SJ_Strum]

Polina Claes yes sometimes a hug is so powerful and amazing you never forgot it isn’t it!

[@amberican927]

Hi SJ, I've so been enjoying your videos! I finally caught one right after it was uploaded, so I wanted to make sure I asked if you'd make a Medieval baby name list (boys and girls) and also maybe a Gaelic/Welsh list. Thank you so much for making such sweet content for us all!!!

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah yes Medieval would be amazing!! I'll start researching xx

[@amberican927]

@@SJ_Strum Oh my goodness, yes!!! That would be so amazing, I've been having a hard time finding some. I have a daughter named Gwendolyn and I love the name Genevive but that may be too similar for a next girl (if we have another). Our son is Lars (short for Laurence) so I am especially interested in finding ethereal and strong Medieval boy names for a future boy. ❤❤

[@harrietpatchett1561]

Love these videos SJ, need to have you in my ear at these stressful times x

[@lifewithanegg7666]

Hey, we’ve just got a puppy and suddenly I’ve found myself shouting. I really hate it so this has been a lovely reminder of how I should try to be. It’s hard work with small children and a puppy but no good comes from screaming at them all at 7.30 in the morning. Thanks SJ x

[@chemundergrad]

Loved this video SJ! Really enjoy this content as a new mom. XOX thank you!

[@abigailspicer7799]

Love this. I have a high energy very sensitive 3yo. I started out gentle parenting about 1.5 years ago and honestly it’s been falling through the cracks. I love these, if you have any advice for single parents...(dad doesn’t set boundaries, dad doesn’t have a schedule/bedtimes or routines) Navigating these have put me in a major depression because it feels like shouting in the void. Also if you have advice for children with night terrors and major anxiety being in their room at night. He claims it’s relating to the dark. He’s never had an issue sleeping in his own bed until recently.

[@angelenapulis9083]

I adore this video. I love the “time in” method instead of time out. Kids really do need to be listened to.

[@julieb1984]

This is fantastic! Your cat analogy is great, it helps so much to reframe and actually 'time in', something that I find very challenging because I'm a turtle myself and tend to withdraw when I'm frustrated or hurt.

[@merrionbellydansoh]

i love your parenting videos! i think we are just entering the terrible twos with my extremely lovely but strong willed toddler, im going to need all these tips! xx

[@a.r8461]

Love this video and soooooo needed to hear these tips to get out of a shouty cycle which I know I hate and my toddler hates. Thank you!!!

[@SJ_Strum]

AmyJ thanks so much amy xxxx

[@kirstyc45]

Love this! Really good tips i will definitely be trying! Thank you x

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah great! I love these tips, I had a good practise with my moody chidden Friday morning before school!!!! ha ha ha! xxx

[@Kate-hg6mg]

Loved this. I bought that book on your recommendation and it has REALLY helped !!

[@nadaleex3]

I don’t have kids yet but I saved this video. I feel like it will be very helpful one day. I look forward to looking through your reading list.

[@kaylaw95]

I loved all of these-thank you! I think these will really help our morning routine with our 8 year old, and my 2 year old who is exercising her independence and want to choose between options. Our parenting styles are quite similar and I look forward to picking up some of your book recommendations. Thank you again doll! Ps- it is amazing to me to relate to, and to get advice from another mommy who is across the world from me-the internet is a beautiful thing! Have a beautiful day, SJ! 🌸🌼

[@SJ_Strum]

The Haney Haven I know isn’t it the nicest part of social media! It’s such a support network for me to get ideas and tips from so I love that these come across like that too xxxx

[@joelandjessnetting8876]

I am definitely struggling with being a 'positive' parent. I have been thinking lately that I should act and react in the way that I'd hope future them (my children) should act towards others. Ahhh goals... thanks for the pro-active tips. I will be trying them out on my own kiddos.

[@SJ_Strum]

Joel and Jess Netting yes I always try to think that way too, it’s not easy and I get it “wrong” all the time but I feel like trying it really makes me feel better and more positive xxx

[@marlena.]

Love this video!🥰 So I just realized that I already have been doing the single word reminders with my little sisters. It's so opposite to how our parents do it. But I really see such a difference between this approach and theirs. I'm not saying that I'm perfect an they're not, but I think it was my response to bring around a bit more calmness.

[@lyndseywindsor6757]

As always such a helpful video - I would love to hear your tips for gentle parenting at bedtime as that is something I am struggling with at the moment x

[@laurengrimaldi2422]

This is so important! Thank you for sharing 🧡

[@SJ_Strum]

Ah thank YOU for watching!! xx

[@EllaGreen]

Oh I can relate I’m doing to try your tips thanks lovely xx

[@veronica.theswamphag]

These are such good strategies, I'm probably 5-10 years away from kids but I'm always looking for knowledge to form a good foundation so I'll be ready when it happens :)

[@lottejohnson250]

I really love you videos, you've created such a nice place on the internet! :))))

[@hammypie742]

Such awesome tips!!!

[@Bamski391]

My 15m old is becoming extremely strong willed and defiant, so this is very helpful! She wants to be a big kid so badly, and the majority of her tantrums/defiance seem to be bc she can’t do what she wants or can’t express herself. I couldn’t bring myself to do time outs, because punishing emotions seemed cruel and counter productive. I love time in. I love one word reminders... I love it all. It really seems to foster a trusting relationship where kids can learn to express themselves, and not be shamed for their emotions. I hope all of the struggles I had as a kid to communicate and fully trust my parents (whom I love and don’t fault for their parenting style 20+ years ago) can be avoided or at least improved. I never want my daughter to “fear” me. I always heard growing up that kids should be a little scared of their parents, but I think you should focus on respect. I want my kid to respect both her parents, as well as the consequences of misbehaving. I’m about to binge all of your gentle parenting videos- thanks so much!

[@SJ_Strum]

Bec Haley ah bec thanks so much for this lovely message xxxx

[@TheInspirefly]

You look exactly like Saoirse Ronan in this video! Love your message

[@EmmaMcDAesthetics]

Loved this. Such gorgeous, simple ideas. Love Em from the Parent Pack x

[@SJ_Strum]

Emma McDonagh thanks so much em, I think you sent me an Instagram message and I got totally caught up in life before Xmas!!! Xxx

[@EmmaMcDAesthetics]

@@SJ_Strum haha oh yes! Don't worry! I couldn't believe it our pile of bags there was an Evelina so we messaged you! You're the only person I've ever heard of with an Evelina! If that's your little one's spelling! X

[@GardenDiaries1]

I can't understand as well without the examples. So thank you for elaborating

[@LauraByrne]

I’m absolutely going to try these tips, I’ll let you know how I get on! x

[@SJ_Strum]

They're so helpful, I always feel like I need a good tip to get me through the weekend!!! xxx

[@philippausher-erel549]

Thank you for the video, I think all of those will work well with my two year old 🙂

[@lauraclark4411]

Really helpful SJ! I’ve watched this video twice and will try it over the coming week. I never really feel as though I’m getting Motherhood right😬 Also my eldest daughter (aged 8) is evidently experiencing mood swings and hormonal behaviour and sometime just cries, saying she feels sad but doesn’t know why. Have you experienced this with Freddie yet, or is it different with boys? I’d love you to do a video on how to cope with these situations and what to do to comfort them x

[@SJ_Strum]

Laura Clark there’s a book I reviewed on channel mum’s KZbin channel called Lucy’s Blue Day - it’s a lovely book about feeling sad some days. You can watch the video together as it’s kind of jackanory style if you remember that! I can’t link it but search there channel, it really helped open the conversation xxx

[@tempa04]

I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL ❤️😍

[@Maiju86]

Loved this video!! :)

[@AnimeLove03]

I work with toddlers and we've been having a really hard time with our class lately. Been trying to be calmer and understanding, but it's hard. Thank you for some grounding ideas to add to it tomorrow 👍

[@melissaf3018]

These are all lovely! Holy parenting sounds way more complicated then I ever thought though, I knew it would be hard but wow so much to think about constantly, parents face so much pressure 😶😅😅

[@lucie.houchin]

SJ This video is amazing!!!!! i want morrrreeee! I am going to try so hard to follow this. I am such a shouty mum and i hate it xx

[@SJ_Strum]

LucieAndTheBump ah thanks so much Lucie! Xxxxxxx

[@m.evainthetruth7389]

Thank U R "SUNSHINE"🌞 Momsi( My 3 children call me)..from UK? Me 71 yr.old grma.a "/hungarican" fr. SanAntonio Texas.I wish I heard you when I was 24 ,but I can use it all as grandmother just on 5 yr old

[@Nikita-ox5si]

Unrelated note but very curious why many youtubers say they'll link things in the description but then you go to it and they haven't linked the items they said they will? I Don't understand. Coming back to the video, I love it, love the ideas. Thank you for sharing.

[@tegan-annwall5166]

Hey SJ, I really enjoy your parenting tips. I am currently pregnant, I live right next door to my brother and I hear my sister in law telling all the time at her almost 3 year old, I really don’t want to be yelling all the time. What advice do you have for parenting young children who don’t really understand ‘bad behaviour’?

[@sarahandrews4525]

Can you share your reading list for gentle parenting? Thanks!

[@meaghanredahan4041]

Thanks for making the gentle parenting videos SJ I love this topic....how does Henrik (sorry if spelt wrong) find gentle parenting? My husband sometimes feels I’m too gentle and a push over- Im not at all though. I am not a fan of old school “naughty steps” it’s so hard for me to not butt in when I hear him disciplining differently to how I would 🙊🙈 but I know consistently is key.

[@SJ_Strum]

Meaghan Redahan we aren’t always eye to eye on it, but I don’t budge on how I do things and if sometimes it means we’re doing it differently I just try not to look inconsistent and then talk about it later and come up with a plan; but I’ve butted heads with parents in law and it’s not nice. Maybe I’ll do a video about different styles and how to navigate it! Xxxx

[@galaxy8374]

Hi SJ, you are so lovely! Thank you for this advice. You are a brilliant mum! My son is 2 and very active, and very into everything. He isn't naughty, it's not intentional, but I do need to stop him from touching unsafe things etc. I find he doesn't listen to me when I say no. Do you have any tips for this toddler age? 😊

[@ThatRomyKate]

Can you physically move him away from the danger and give him something else to do with his hands? Like hand him a toy or try to engage him in a task? My nephew is similar, if you tell him to stop jumping off things or climbing then he wants to do it even more!

[@galaxy8374]

@@ThatRomyKate that's a good idea thank you! It's not always possible, but at home I can do that 😊

[@wes9352]

Hi SJ. I really love your style of parenting and am really trying to use it as a base for my parenting. I am wondering what you do when you are in a time crunch? I find that I can do this style of parenting, but it usually only works when I have a lot of time. My child is two and I have one morning a week where I have 60 minutes to get myself and him ready. He wakes up around 6-<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="375">6:15</a> and we have to be out the door no late than <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="435">7:15</a>. I really try to set things up in advance and even have a breakfast on the way to his preschool that day to give him a bit more time to get ready. But we live in Sweden and he has to be outside for most of the day in below freezing weather due to the pandemic (schools are not closed here) and has to wear quite a lot of clothing outside in the winter. He hates getting ready and every Tuesday turns into a melt down because we have to get out the door by a certain time or we will miss the bus. I always get to the point where I run out of time and I just have to cram him into the clothes he has left screaming to get out the door on time. I try singing, choices, the one word rule, and distracting. Right now it is taking on average 30-40 minutes to get his clothing on him without a metdown.Any suggestions?

[@Kendra.ardneK]

I recommend giving him advance notice. For my son, when he wakes and we have to be quick, I tell him something like, “We need to be FAST like a race car to get out the door on time! Show me how fast you can be putting on your coat/etc.” Also, I sometimes do his breakfast in the car if we need to be really quick lol.

[@utterlypurple]

My nine year old has let me know that if I ask her to do something politely, that means she doesn’t actually have to do it. So ‘please’ is out, and barking commands is apparently in 😂 (no, I do not actually bark commands).

[@nodata8551]

I'm very new to this approach and only just came across your videos, but I really like your ideas. I shout a lot and want to stop. My child is only 1.5 and doesn't speak at all. He can hear fine, but he doesn't listen. So how can I get him to stop something that is dangerous or otherwise needs to stop when I am not standing right next to him and have no time to engage? E.g. I am cooking and he keeps switching the kitchen lights off, leaving me to chop veg in the dark, or he is about to dig in the cat litter? I cannot move the triggers away, he does not listen to friendly reminders (actually nor does he listen to shouting, but it's hard to stop) and trying to engage him otherwise has not helped either...

[@FurryMammaNini5]

I’m more in the camp of yelling to kids is acceptable but I try very hard never to yell at them. I’m not a parent but I work with kids approx 60 hours a week. It is very rare for me to yell in anger. It has happened a few times, I always apologise afterwards too. But on occasion I will yell to kids such as if they run ahead I will raise my voice to get their attention. The kids I work with are mostly Autistic so time-out is totally ineffective anyway. Although I do a modified version with one of the kids where I move away from him but stay in the same room until he is calm, this is only when he is physically attacking me ( he hit, kicks, pinches and scratches me, occasionally bites too, when he is both upset and when he is happy).

[@ellacruise4205]

Hello SJ and all! Asking on my sisters behalf, she has a two year old daughter name Elena and currently pregnant with another girl, she really likes the name Evalina and Evelyn but she’s worried that it is to close to Elena, I don’t think it is, but I’d love to hear your opinions ❤️

[@mrneonet]

School run is my trigger, tips?!

[@SJ_Strum]

mrneonet I’ve put some ideas in my new video; it’s my total trigger too! Xxx

[@brandoncosmo6955]

So for instance my one year old boy loves throwing blocks. I get down on his level and hug him instead? I don't understand. This is all new to me 😞

[@aliesefitch1099]

SJ! There's a Child Development Specialist that I found on IG who did FB classes this week all about "Getting children to choose to listen." You would love her! Both of your philosephies go hand in hand. She is @xolaurenpace on Instagram and the group is "Raising Emotionally Healthy Children • XO parenting w/ Lauren Pace" on Facebook!

[@SJ_Strum]

Aliese Fitch ah amazing thank you xxxxx

[@emilykochco]

any tips for kids who don't want to fall asleep, and push their bedtime till 10( toddler age)

[@torimcflurri]

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[@megancleary6381]

when you're not thinking about or ready to have children but still watch this video because sometimes a family member asks you to babysit your niece and nephew or baby cousins ahahaha