How To Stop Obsessing About People As An Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style | Limerence

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Stop Abandonment & Rejection in A Relationship (Anxious Attachment Style Re-Programming)
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In this video, I talk about how the anxious preoccupied attachment style becomes infatuated and experiences limerence as well as how to overcome it for more authentic and sustainable connections. I'll also touch on unmet needs and how to meet your needs!
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#AnxiousPreoccupiedAttachmentStyle #Limerence #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #UnmetNeeds
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[@TruePathLiving]

Whoever says they love the feeling of limerence... Has NOT experienced limerence .. it's horrible... And it doesn't stop. It's like a sickness. A disease. It's horrible. You're a slave to the feelings.

[@MarcPrime]

Yes, totally agree with this.

[@kw9801]

Unfortunately I feel this 😭

[@sosnow6194]

100%

[@coriechildofGod]

Yes!!! It’s horrible

[@thatrachellegirl3321]

Yes. It’s like experiencing all nine levels of hell at once

[@davidwhited6698]

It’s been 6 months of excruciating heartache after being rejected by a DA. I lost my sense of purpose, identity, and the most powerful connection I’ve ever felt. I miss her every day. Thank you for your videos. Healing takes time and I’m beginning to heal from my AP / limerence. It’s like emotional withdrawal from a powerful drug. I have to show up for myself now.

[@Ortiz1602]

I hope you are doing good, Ive experienced the same thing.

[@ignazs.5816]

What is Da?

[@stationeryboo]

​@@ignazs.5816dismissive avoidant

[@jcman-lp6lg]

It's hard to be anxious attachment, you get to know someone and then eventually fall for them just for your feelings to be one sided. Sucks especially when you know they're bad for you, don't have the best of personalities, ignore you, etc. But, you still think of them constantly...

[@SilentPhilly]

To be honest, it's much worse, when you understand, that the person is cool, kind and can build nice relationships with another girls, but your neediness, anxiety ruin the opportunity for you. I'm meeting with a guy, yeah, he can be avoidant, but maybe he's secure, don't know for a fact. And he had relations even with a girl with borderline disorder. And she doesn't look prettier, she wasn't younger, than me. But I feel, that I'm not so interesting for him, though he was much interested in the beginning. It's the saddest thing for me. I want to clarify our status next meeting, but don't hope much

[@angrychickadee4456]

This hits home! It's terrible to give other people the power and responsibility over your emotions, especially with rejection sensitivity the other person can do nothing wrong yet I'll have very emotional reactions

[@RubyYGal]

I have a severe crush on a girl I work with. I see a future with her being my potential next wife. A great step-mom to my kids and everything the perfect woman could be for me. Yet I was an emotional wreck when I saw her befriending another male co-worker. And I cried all the way home that night. I hardly know this woman and yet she has so much power on my emotions. I like to think I don't over-obsess but I guess I do. She just "seems" so perfect for me. I can't even fathom considering being with anyone else because the fantasy is just that picture perfect to me. It's crazy.

[@RubyYGal]

@Anthony Johnson Thanks Anthony. I appreciate greatly your reply. I have a lot of unresolved conflict I created myself as that 5 year old. So much that it overtook everything good in my life and turned it upside down. So I'm somewhat hesitant about confronting 5 year old me. I'd like to go back sometimes and just beat the crap out of him, but I know thats not the perfect answer either. I think being an only-child has contributed greatly to my limerance. It's always been about "me". So I'm naturally selfish. However, that has not turned out to be a good thing.

[@Kumachanchan]

my first adult limerance happened 2 years ago with a coworker. We are both married and she gave me such positive energy and support and I thought she was amazing and became limerant for her. Wow! this was my subconscious mind seeking these feelings I lacked externally thru another. It was a short period and the only great part of limerance is it DOES END. I am now limerant with a girl 20 years younger and this video helped me tremendously to realize it's again my subconscious seeking validation and being desirable since I'm getting older and it's not easy. I really needed this today. God bless all and remember...it does end

[@dannyschell7420]

Wooooow that got me! The things I'm fantasizing about are the needs I'm not having met now. This makes so much sense. Thank you so much!

[@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy]

This has consumed me for over three years now. I’m honestly so stuck in this right now I feel like I will never break free. My ex girlfriend was a DA and discarded me so matter-of-fact to “experience life and people”. And this is the most painful thing I’ve experienced in my life and I’ve lost a lot of people. I don’t even know where to begin to heal this, I’m a shell of myself who lives in isolation now..

[@shaynajo8217]

Be a shell & basque in the shell my friend. I've been in the same boat & am finally starting to come out of it. Do not come out of your shell, or let others in it until you're strong in your self. Fill your days with things YOU enjoy, from your heart. Find ways to quiet your mind & listen to your heart. Yoga & finding my inner strength & building integrity in my dunda has helped me SO MUCH. Ive been interacting with a DA for a year now, and while my heart goes out to him, the fact that we're capable of loving so openly so easily is something they may never experience without a lot of work. Take it as god's gift and treat it as so, not a curse. Wishing you peace my friend, you more than deserve to allow yourself to make yourself be happy. It's so much more rewarding self soothing, than feeding the demon of thinking anyone else can do it for us in any way shape or form. 🤍

[@cady1325]

I’m in this but way worse this person was my partner for five years and has completely cut me off. I have been in this for at least 9 months it consumes my day every day and my night every night I can’t complete daily tasks all I can think about is what there doing how could they do this to me are they with someone else are there other people that are telling him to stay away is it. I don’t see an end in sight I only seem to be getting worse. Overwhelming grief is all I feel worse than a death.

[@LL-qw3md]

@@cady1325 did you think about getting help from a therapist? It is like hell going through a break-up, and a break-up with a DA is even worse...

[@louisenairpyc6813]

I know how you feel. Same thing happened to me except we had 2 kids.Our daughter told me he was marrying someone else,he had to move out of my Apt after his honeymoon. I devastated. I was 25 2 kids, SCARED AND ALONE& ALL people kept telling me was ,"get over it ,men leave,oh well you shouldn't have gave him the mill for free etc. I was so depressed when my kids were little, I ate and slept. 22yrs later its CALLED PTSD ,there's support groups. Back then I was just a stupid girl who shouldn't have expected him to marry me when I "gave everything away"...I'm 46, still alone. I'm involved with a DA partner for over 12yrs.....I'm a mess.

[@lena-cv3tv]

Hi, I know the pain you are experiencing- For me, it helped me A LOT not to feel so disperate anymore to listen to explanations on KZbin about Twin Flames, Soul Mates and Karmic Relationship- To add spiritual explanations (still done in a rational way though, which was very helpful) to the psicological notions, really gave so much more meaning to the suffering- I hope for you that it will be helpful somehow if you try too❣️Time+knowledge+understanding ALWAYS HEAL in the end❣️

[@YaksHearNoises]

In a situation now with a friend I've had for a few months who's shown and verbally expressed romantic interest, but won't pursue a relationship (work, family commitments, baggage, etc.). It has been one of the most confusing, frustrating, destabilizing experiences of my life. On the one hand, he's wonderful when we're actually spending time together, but on the other I fall apart when he's made himself unavailable once again. I need to let him go, but it's ripping me in two just thinking about it.

[@lucyeaston109]

Leave. Please. I was in this situation with a friend and it too years before hed even call himself boyfriend, then once he did he stoped working and there are always events happening that mean he cant be emotionally available. Its been 18 years and althpugh i love him he doesnt even feel like a partner most of the time.

[@emmm_4465]

Terribly relevant for me right now, I know I'm doing it but how to stop it is another matter entirely. Thanks for the illumination Thais!!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

we have a couople webinars in our webinar library on limerance. They are really helpful in terms of tools to manage and reprogram. Consider joining us on a 7 day trial and you can see if they resonate with you. Good luck :)

[@lexitaylo6166]

She's so freaking smart

[@Katrica670]

I'm not sure why anyone would love that feeling! 😱

[@ribz747]

You have zero idea how much your PDS courses have helped me.. And I've loved your recent videos on your personal experience especially as someone who like you was an FA leaning AP (and much more secure thanks to you!). Thank you so much, despite never speaking nor meeting you have had a great impact on me 💖💖

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

This was so sweet! Thank you so much for sharing this

[@seanaaiolupotea4573]

i was just journaling about this last night, feels like this video was made just for me! thank you :)

[@antonykibet3019]

You are amazing😊... i stumbled upon your videos and have been hooked cant miss any each day... i discovered my attachment style through you... thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you Antony! I am happy this resonates with you :)

[@primerdimers]

Timely! Sometimes I feel a fear or a burden that when I fiiinally find someone to be in a relationship with, I'd sabotage it because it's not in my comfort zone :/

[@Nicole24689]

Your videos on limerence are life changing. I have been getting limerence many times throughout my life. But your videos make me feel like I am not crazy and you explain it so well. I feel more hopeful now that I can overcome this.

[@tammy6452]

You just helped me put a big part of my puzzle together..thank you so much for your work and your videos. I wish so many more people could find your videos.

[@FrankyBabes]

The description of limerence as revealing unmet needs is extremely illuminating. Still unsure as to what to do with that information but it's interesting

[@sophiafara5997]

"It doesn't have to be like that" Nice.

[@ew1258]

OMG I was literally just telling myself I need to see what videos you have on this!

[@joyfishhhy]

Sorry, I'm trying to get the point here. So, in order not to obsess about someone, firstly is to find out what my needs are and try to fulfill the needs on my own?

[@NenaaThuggin]

Exactly

[@gaggablagblag9997]

This channel is amazing, and so is this woman!

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Do you think every time we leave the present and live in fantasy land that's a clue that we're not getting our needs met in the present? :)

[@SurajMapariPrivate]

Wow

[@MarcPrime]

I’ve finally laid out my terms and standards for relationship, now that I’m uncoupled. And I know it’s going to take some heavy work to actually stick to them. I’m inconsistent because when I start to attach, I feel like I lack self-control. So I’m taking one year off from relationship to become strong.

[@MarcPrime]

UPDATE: JUST JOINED PDS!!!

[@evabolbatschan4074]

Same here. As it been a year already?

[@alissakirby588]

Wow, incredible!! I always knew I ruminated about relationships, men in general and issues in my life related to friendships or family. However, I was not aware of WHAT exactly was causing it other than anxious attachment. One question: you said when we start to receive the attention and it's too much, we'll sabotage or push it away. What are the ways in which an AP will do that? Personally, for example, my limiting belief I'm working on is "feeling unlovable/not enough". So if I was experiencing love from a partner I'd never want to that end :) so is it that when they give it I'm suspicious of it and push it away somehow with anxiety behaviors? OR do you mean something else by the "cup becoming full" externally. Thanks so much! Recently found your channel and totally LOVE your videos!!

[@Seashellsbytheseashore21]

You may think you want a loving partner, but, imagine how it would be, if that really happened. APs can decide to run towards relationships with emotionally unavailable people, so that they can fulfill this idea / fear that they are unwanted, unloved. When someone really does want to be with them, love them, they panic. They may not want the person anymore. All because that person showed real interest. For me personally, I don’t go to family events etc or hang out with them and their friends, when I feel that they really want me to be there, and are into me. It’s just so very scary to me, I fear not being liked by their circle. And I generally have a huge fear of being unloved, unwanted and abandonment. There is one time, someone was into me, and I felt safe but unfortunately that person is a FA as well and so when I let my guard down, he put his up big time. This is all only based on my experience though, I am an FA who can get very anxious with some and very dismissive, with others. Hope that helps and hopefully her team replies to your question.

[@tucky3191]

Needed this so much. So much value here

[@biba350]

Thank you so much for this needing this right now starting to feel this in my relationship trying so hard to keep it under wraps I am Anxious attachment my partner is avoidant style

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

we have a couople webinars in our webinar library on limerance. They are really helpful in terms of tools to manage and reprogram. Consider joining us on a 7 day trial and you can see if they resonate with you. Good luck :)

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Thais, your videos help me so much. I’m hoping to get the funds to buy your courses because I think it’s the missing link in my life!

[@RRthee1]

Same

[@shortingthetrend]

First like and comment. I'm an AP becoming secure

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

congrats on the efforts you've been putting into your healing!

[@shortingthetrend]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool thank YOU

[@ashleyb.8217]

In my fantasies there is an abundance of sex…. Why is this occurring? How can I stop this?

[@michaelkeller5927]

Oh man this is so me and what I'm going through with someone. I just can't fix it

[@anyasoares1758]

I'm an FA (most likely) but relating to this heavily right now

[@dusk5956]

These thoughts are consuming my mind all of the time. I am exhausted. How do I make this go away, it’s been years.

[@oliviap4792]

Do you have a Video about how to process regret and shame as a fearful avoidant after breaking up and realising ist was s mistake? So much shame and helplessness, because he moved on right when I wanted a second chance after healing a lot. 😢 I love your work and used so much of it, therefore my question. 😌

[@edwardstill8995]

@Olivia P Great job on your journey and the work you have put in. It's hard. My FA ex dumped me 48 hours after a week vacation to meet one of her kids! Continue to push forward, remember you are doing this for YOU! Best wishes! 🙏

[@oliviap4792]

@@edwardstill8995 well, I was the one ending the relationship because I had so much fear, anxiety, doubt etc. For almost 2 years, while still Loving and appreciating him dearly. So I feel so much regret about it. I am sorry to hear about your experience. This sounds very sudden and like a Shock :/

[@lisa4cohen]

Same situation as you , 2 years of avoiding with so much fear and a anger.. came back to say I love u and he has ignored me for 6 months now and I can’t stop ruminating.. but now it’s on me .. sending u a big hug

[@whoisappie]

Thais! Thank you for offering the 7 day free trial, this is truly what I need right now. However, I can't find a course when I search for "limerence". Is it called something else on the PDS?

[@marianaherrera3933]

I love you, thanks so much!

[@snuggleb100]

I'm an APA and am possibly in love with a FA. He is hot/cold all the time. Its so frustrating. He is meeting the needs my husband could never or ever wanted to meet. Right now we are in the discard stage bc he got scared and ran. But we still talk and he still flirts with me. Its so confusing. But in many ways he's polar opposite to my soon to be ex-husband who is a narcissist. I'm in therapy but feel she isn't dealing with my childhood trauma and abandonment issues plus my anxious side as well as she could be. I'm going to check out your classes and see if they can help. I've never really known love true love only partial half baked love. It's what I want more than anything in my life. But I want to be healthy enough to receive it.

[@elizabethc5149]

Ive always been embarrassed by my limerance like I always try to hide how obsessed I feel 💔

[@Gazinho10442]

I've been after that full bucket for 14 years +....I definitely won't push it away .it was filling up around 4 months ago but the tap moved away and it's beginning to empty again . I feel I'm more likely to kick it first before anything else ....

[@bmurray5164]

AP with a trauma bond to a narcissist or a toxic person what else can I do? its been 7 months we were married for 4 months prior, it was filled with fear guilt and shame. I dont know exactly what I am doing: blaming myself, repressing anger, holding on to hope, etc.

[@wcfields4469]

Needs? I need food, shelter,and cloths. I take care of that myself. As for needing to socialize and be around people. I don't. It's dangerous and I have huge trust issues. I am socially inept

[@nellautumngirl]

In the beginning of my relationship I enjoyed the feelings of love and limerence. Now not so much xD

[@lightitupsweeney9627]

What if u had ur kundalini awakening by what they call a twinflame and after 10 years u still cry and are obsessed over them!? What’s wrong with me and why won’t he leave my mind!?

[@catcat9582]

What if you and the person of your limmerence is infatuated with you, too? And you're doing everything you say in this video and it's still not helping

[@rsamuels6969]

Where is the Limerance course? I cannot find it on the website?

[@missdeadlynightshade]

Absolutely amazing video but I have one question. I know that I'm obsessed with him and might be limerent to him and thanks to this video I've realized that it's because I loved the attention that he gave to me and I wanted it to continue but it didn't. But the thing is I had a person who was amazing in every way and handled me so much better than him but I just couldn't like them. I know that I want attention but I only want it from this one person. What can I do about that?

[@ashleyb.8217]

I’m wondering is there a way to avoid attaching quickly? I believe Thais would say that I need to create a more exciting life for myself.

[@saharaofthedeep]

I am always looking for this limerence course and its not there. Theres one that says overcoming lonliness to instead build thriving connections though.

[@deepamehta1110]

Wow; just wow.

[@manfrombritain6816]

normally I'm a DA but since I've been healing I've become a big time AP. recently I've been dating someone secure who has a lot of stuff going on in her life but who still managed to make me feel special and prioritised... but I'm constantly seeking reassurance and the highs of infatuation. I've been communicating TOO much and being too honest and i feel like I might have ruined things and I'm so depressed about it... I've over explained everything and kept bringing things up every time i feel insecure which is a lot. The fantasies thing is so right. I really rushed into fantasising about a future together where we were really strongly committed

[@Rosehybride]

Literally what I’m going through as well, almost to the t. My friend says I’m too honest and that I trauma dump but when we met I did say I wasn’t looking for a relationship but I really really liked him and I think he really liked me. He was/is respectful, attentive, honest & upfront, and respects my boundaries but I messed things up with him really bad because I just couldn’t believe that I was deserving of his affection, I felt like he was either using me to get to my friend or just stringing me along to get me emotionally invested only to ghost me because he wanted attention. He disappeared on me for a couple days and came back to apologize through text and I quickly forgave him but However losing someone who may be the best man who has potentially ever been interested in me has really inspired me to do the work because now I know I really am worthy of affection, respect and maybe someday love.

[@Calicokitty2]

This is so helpful, but I'm having trouble finding a course on limerence. Anyone have a clue?

[@kikimochi555]

Can you link the webinar for this please?

[@heenavhora6479]

Can anyone send me the link to the course, I tried searching up limerence and it did not come

[@jessica_clementine]

i can’t find this course in the school! help?

[@tucky3191]

Still so helpful

[@soulburning2000]

You're beautiful. I'm obsessed!!!jk

[@shaynajo8217]

Finally said goodbye for good to a toxic DA situation. Feeling so free again, looking forward to doing the work to keep this feeling. Much needed video today. Thank you always, Thais! 🤍