How to Stop People Pleasing (Know Your Boundaries) | LITTLE BY LITTLE | Fr Columba Jordan CFR

[@michaelorsini9695]

There's actually a great freedom to saying no. And it gets easier to do the more often you practise it.

[@mintavia]

Amazing that the best dating advice comes from the clergy. I understand it is for everyone, but wow is this sound advice for young people and dating. 😊

[@dg0215]

Wow. This is the most freeing, authentic, and totally Catholic way of talking about people pleasing I have ever heard. Simple and straightforward. So much of my misery has come from that lack of self-possession mentioned. Doing for others has become so skewed for me due to my codependency. Thank you, Father, for speaking so clearly and concisely about it. Peace and all good! Blessings!! 🙏😊

[@sineadnicraghnaill2372]

Brilliant advice! 🙏🏿🌅

[@SarahAnne44AVEMaria]

This is excellent! Thank you…this is what I needed to hear and probably a lot of other people too! ✝️🙏🏻♥️ How good is GOD?! This good! Thank God for the word “NO”!

[@vng121]

This is such a hard thing to discern for me! It's very complex, but I love how you explained this. It gave me a different perspective to reflect on.

[@jaroslaval9159]

Oh the timing of this! Incredible and jaw dropping timing. I was JUST saying to my husband today about an issue- "There is a lack of boundaries here." I know the Lord loves a cheerful giver, but what about when we start becoming an annoyed giver? I should have just said no. Sigh...

[@JuanMartinez-xl2oj]

FATHER, help me! This speaks so loudly to me, I’ve been living this - have been conflicted, and a saw change TODAY. If I knew how to discern, I’d be on my way to religious life (I’m a revert, who knows, but is not wise), but struggle in the day to day amongst the those without faith. How do I be a slave to all, who is my brother, are my concerns of casting perls to swine - and how does it relate to the Fatima prayer? I am a foul sinner, utterly perplexed, and unfaithful to the Lord. May the church triumphant and suffering pray for me, and those like me, let us not be lukewarm - but ablaze for the Blessed Trinity!

[@cirelo1896]

Been here! Learning to say what I mean, mean what I say, don't say it mean.

[@JimmyRichardsonIII]

Thank you, Father. May the Peace of Christ remain with you always.

[@DanielBrawner-j5z]

Glory!!! After so much struggles i now own a new house with an influx of $115, 000 every month God has kept to his words, my family is happy again everything is finally falling into place. God bless America.🙌🏻

[@joelEdmund]

Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.

[@joelEdmund]

I'm inspired. Please spill some sugar about the biweekly stuff you mentioned

[@DanielBrawner-j5z]

I raised 115k and Kate Elizabeth Becherer is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her.Kate Elizabeth Becherer is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!

[@DanielBrawner-j5z]

I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH

[@PamelaVohs]

Wow 😱I know her too Miss Kate Elizabeth Becherer is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life.

[@maryp5127]

Amen amen 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 ,WORKING on my NO means No even if I get anxiety saying no because I know they are going to speak ill of me ,& I got to be ready for when they tell me NO it’s a whole process of thoughts Please Pray for me Fr Columba 🙏🏻 ( don’t say no🤣 GOD BLESS You Father 🙏🏻

[@diannepenny407]

I really don't want to augment the ego you're working so hard to be free of, Father, but you truly are excellent.

[@576sqft]

Amen. I really appreciate the message here-well, from all your videos, really-but I kinda’ needed to hear this today.

[@momlifewithjessica9923]

Thanks!

[@colleen.f.s]

Best talk yet! Thank you so much.

[@namarievenstar]

It has been so good for me to hearing Father Columba for the oast months. He's taught me so much during my belated heartbreak, with humour and loving messages, that has lifted my spirits more than once, while reminding me of very valuable lessons! Thank you, Father Columba! Much love and regards from Colombia. 🇨🇴🙏🏽🕯️

[@echoa110]

My goodness how I needed to hear this! Having grown up with parents who have had their own sets of life challenges that only they can decide to work on (but - like most of us - choose not to), I have grappled with this very question for a very long time! The definition of boundaries in particular really struck a chord with me! Thank you, Fr. Columba!

[@mishp333]

Thank you so much, Father. I needed to hear this. This is something I need to work on. God bless you. 🙏

[@katttttttherine]

praise God

[@paulaherzuah1706]

God bless you Fr. Columba. I enjoy your videos and I'm encouraged by them

[@clarefrenchum9696]

God bless ya too!

[@fabiolagarcia5672]

Thank You Fr. Columba! I really enjoyed your videos, they have helped me a lot! 😊 Greetings from Mexico! Dios le bendiga! 😁

[@lindacrooks4143]

Thank you Father Columba, that was really helpful. 😊

[@rebeccaparker1554]

Thank you❤

[@aler98]

I think that this man has a sort of Padre Pio-like gifts 😂 he knows me even if we never met 😂 Thank you father...God bless you..

[@FanofAslan]

Sometimes I want the other person to choose so I know they're happy.

[@dmnguyen103]

Me too. I want the other person happy because then I'm happy!

[@theden3162]

Its all about balance, don't have a default approach to it. Sometimes its yes Sometimes its no. You dicern, either way, live with your choise and be at peace. As Father said, if they get angry, that's their fault

[@magdalenazielinska1872]

Love it ☺️💕 will be working on doing it as a struggle with saying NO

[@Irishherbs]

Nice to see you in Mass today brother,thank you. Good homily..

[@ragarse3]

Yes, saying no has led me to being called obstructive, negative and so on....but each time it turned out to be the correct decision and those that said yes either didn't then do as they had promised or did it badly because they didn't have the guts to be honest. Our friends from America must find this particularly difficult where the 'can do philosophy' appears to dominate. Can do if it's right for sure, no can do if it is not. Its not a question of attitude as they would have you believe it simply following God's word, His example.

[@unicronprimus7450]

That is hard for me as I have the problem of saying no AND also have the problem of hearing no from others. Worse is that I believe that I aligned my expectations akin to the golden rule. I people please and also expect others to please me. It has been a trap for so long.

[@dawnelainebowie3943]

We humans seem to be split down the middle between those who are people pleasers and the rest of us who see the world as, “what’s wrong with you stupid people anyway?” Knowing I am His beloved child allows me to find the balance in the moment that makes the necessary and appropriate boundary clear.

[@heidihintze6136]

As a recovering people pleaser, I approve of this message 😀

[@tylerwerthmuller2005]

Do I have a problem saying no? Do I have a problem hearing no? Yes. Lol

[@trudiswanson9855]

Father, that was the best commentry on boundaries before people pleading that I've ever heard!!

[@danielbyrnes5446]

Would you say there's a difference between people pleasing and trying to be an agent of positive change in people's live a la Francis's prayer?

[@heathsavage4852]

On the nose as always! I worked in social services for years and often found it hard to "give" in a non-professional setting, because I felt I had "already given." This is something I have been learning for a long time. Now I say "no" when I need to, and, as you say, Father, all that I give is now freely given. And the upshot is that I am now actually MORE giving, not less so.

[@rust1881]

Aren't we supposed to die to ourselves and serve others to the extent Christ did? I don't mean to come off negative, I have a guilty conscience about saying no when I think about all the Lord has done for me and how desperately I want to be like Him. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

[@animula6908]

You can’t serve others the way Christ did. You don’t have the power to save anyone. It’s got to be a balance between giving what you have to give, and turning over to the Lord the needs you can’t fulfill. If you think you can do everything Christ did for people, you have forgotten the first thing about being a Christian. I’m a Protestant convert, so I do an honest self check sometimes and ask myself “if the Protestant I used to be accused me of trying to work my way to heaven right now, would they be right?” I’m not sure if it works for people who never said that about others, but sometimes I realize I’ve crossed that line. I try not to let those people be right because it’s setting a bad example.

[@rust1881]

@@animula6908 We don't need to save someone to serve them. I agree fully that Christ alone is able to do far more exceedingly than we. But He calls us to die to ourselves and our selfish ambitions, to pick up our cross, and to follow Him. When following, why would I make reasons to follow less closely than I could? Why not die to oneself fully and give till all there is left is Him? Wouldn't that seem similar to being empty of self and full of the Spirit? When all that's left is the Lord in us. For the sake of no one's approval, but out of pure love of God.

[@milaszczecina5553]

Never saw the link between lying😮

[@marypiano3346]

❤

[@Squeebles]

Is not wanting to do something, a good enough reason to say no?

[@mariesook9141]

Good question.

[@Goretti8201]

Setting boundaries with a parent is a whole other story, and it is rife with emotional landmines. The fallout from telling a parent "no" is painful and bitter. And there is constant guilt to honor your father and mother and take care of them as they age. The whole situation is heartbreaking.

[@sallie4str]

thanks!

[@shekitty9347]

I have not even spoken to anyone apart from my parents in since an whole year

[@mindblow404]

Saying no to people isn't my problem. I want to be as self-sacrificial as possible and fullfill my obligations to the people around me, but it can be taxing physically and mentally. How do I know where to draw the line and prioritize my own needs?

[@beuller7]

Codependency and chronic people pleasing isn't love. It's a profound fear, and it's a soul sickness.

[@kimo1960]

Interesting lens on it ❤️

[@tonyhayes9827]

OK but happens to Holy obedience to God's will and your superior's will if you are a monk?

[@edm-london1660]

One of the reasons Jesus said 'I haven't come to bring peace but a sword' and 'hate your mother and father' (both passages not literally of course) was because Christ was a brilliant psychologist (as well as theologian and poet or poetic / great storyteller - look at The Prodigal Son). These two passages of Christ tackle people pleasing (yuck). And if married people (and single people) followed Christ's teaching here, marriages (and people) would be a lot happier. More joyful. One of Christ's main missions (but there are others of course) is simply to make us more JOYFUL. But we have to follow his instructions not think we know it by ourselves (which ultimately leads to insanity not just misery and chaos and self-hatred if we go it alone - God forbid)

[@crystalclear6864]

I can say no unless i know the other will lose temper and i just cant do it. But this is helpful. Tks