How to think better: master the most powerful mental tool in 3 simple steps

[@bewilderedlearningevolving]

“What we resist persists.” Not at all what I expected. What a paradigm shift. I recently described myself as a chameleon, and it felt bad. Thank you, once again, for showing us that there is another way. ❤

[@Betwixt_App]

Oh, yes! I think being a chameleon is a strength, just as long as we don’t compromise our beliefs or values in the process 🖤

[@alexahrasmr]

This is a very lovely concept- I had always thought of it as a mythological way of living, like some people just walk in a labyrinth shape instead of a line, or have to start over again and again in life due to some failure of consistency when maybe it’s just very natural! I’ll be thinking about this video for a while , thank you :)

[@Betwixt_App]

I’m so glad it got you thinking! And I agree that it’s somehow an entirely natural, healthy thing that seems decidedly _unnatural!_

[@samgonzalez8662]

I love this. I think I needed this idea in my head, that you’re always speaking the language of “You” but with regional differences- accents, vocabulary, grammar- depending on where you find yourself and to whom you are speaking. Variations on the language of You to give you a voice across the emotional landscape.

[@Betwixt_App]

Oh, I love this! 🖤

[@JaneNewAuthor]

I've noticed that the way I speak changes with who I'm speaking to. I'm Australian, and my parents were English. I went to a private school, but worked in factories. I've always had that capacity to adapt to a situation but was always a little embarrassed about it. As a writer, it comes in very handy though.

[@Hennet97]

I've often had people say I just can't give out my opinions or thoughts, there's always three or four potentially contradicting and potentially agreeing tendencies I can think of about anything, and my focus is on how they can contradict or how they can agree, and I try to distill it as I speak. I find it frustrating that the other party usually sees this as not wanting to settle for an opinion and deviating conversation, whereas I see thoughts and opinions as merely stepping stones to talk better about something through discussion and potentially discover new insights along with the other party. i.e.: I really don't get competitive debates, aren't debates supposed to make us test conflicting statements and discover new ones? It always felt natural, and I always perceived any deviation from this behaviour as "I don't want to have this discussion the 1000th time, I'll just give some vague statement I can barely agree with and see if it creates discussion", merely adapting to the social situation, but never as a signal I should change my behaviour or mode of thought. The main struggle is trying to communicate these kinds of reasoning in an acceptable manner to other people, the main coping mechanism is selecting thoughts and statements such as to tease an analogue of the underlying reasoning in the other party, but it's hard to do on the fly and I end up pausing to think often before replying, often to give a very brief reply at best, or at worst having to state I have no sufficiently concise way of putting my thoughts out.

[@Betwixt_App]

Yes, I’ve found myself in this situation before. I’ve also been on the other side, though (in debate where I have strong feelings). It’s very tricky! The world wants us to “pick a side”.

[@JessopsBezar]

DBT really helped as part of my journey. I think the trick here is healing first, you can’t trust what you want if your list of wants includes getting back at your partner for jabbing you or your best friend for that thing they did when you were both seventeen. I too feel like a dialectical thinker who answered true to the questions but I could be wrong is part of my answer as well😀🙏❤️

[@D13VR]

You're a beautiful soul thankyou Miss Witch-Lady you've helped a young lad our going through some tough times with your videos. Self love and acceptance has been a big one for me with my ego battles and fallouts. Love from Tasmania.

[@Betwixt_App]

Oh, I’m so glad to help! Love right back! And “Miss Witch-Lady” made me smile! I may appropriate that moniker 😍

[@RobynRorke]

That made me feel alot better about myself. I saw my dialectical thinking as a weakness. I can see now it's useful.

[@Betwixt_App]

I’m so glad! And yes, it’s a strength 🖤

[@RobynRorke]

You're doing such amazing work. I'm usually quiet on sm. But Betwixt and your videos are healing and being sanity in a time that seems very dark and insane. Thank you.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@RobynRorkeThank you! I’m very, very happy to be a calm/safe place on social media. We need more of them! 🖤

[@anselmcs595]

I love this. And I find it challenging. Because the dialectic mindset makes me slow to speak and by that hard to pin down for others who are looking for an opinionated leader. I am more comfortable developing a visible stance, and that takes time. I am learning to practice "selective authenticity". Chose what you show, and be truthful in what you show. I like your new setup a lot. :) Thanks for all these wonderful insights and for presenting them in such an amicable and concise way. :)

[@Betwixt_App]

I love that dialectic you started out with 👏🏼 I share that one. It really is hard to adopt this perspective when the world encourages us to double down on our views or to “pick a lane”. And thanks re the setup! This is the beautiful newly-decorated office my flat in London. One of my good friends is a carpenter and came round to install those gorgeous shelves a few months ago. I love them so much!

[@anselmcs595]

@@Betwixt_App Yes, I noticed the shelves and thought they are probably not a DIY-swedish-furniture hack. Nothing against those, but sometimes it pays off to have an expert. :) And just notice those golden details and that wooden (walnut?) letter organizer. Curating like that and it's effect on our interior is another worthwhile topic. :) We are bodies and space, after all.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@anselmcs595Thanks! I’m so thrilled with the shelves (and desk - it’s all in one). The little letter organiser was a super cheap find (walnut yes). I have two. They’re really handy!

[@Ember-bn7rk]

Interesting... first set of statements I was evenly split but on the second it was mostly true. I have gone through DBT before though so maybe I actually learned something from that experience....lol. Awesome! Love this vid!!! 💛🙏💛🙏💛🙏💛🙏💛🙏💛

[@Betwixt_App]

Ooh, brilliant! Tbf, it wasn’t really a _fair_ presentation to split the reverse statements off like that. It’s certainly not diagnostic! I did it only to make the point that when taken in isolation those options read like a shopping list for a 21st century go-getter 😂

[@doricetimko5403]

Interesting- I had the same result but no dbt. I do have a graduate degree in counseling. 🫶🏼

[@fatherburning358]

My inner child (MIC): I'm really really emotional. Arrrgh. Adult me(AM): Why? MIC: BECAUSE..... AM: Why? MIC: BECAUSE... AM: Why? MIC: BECAUSE... AM: Well it's OK I've got this. Let me show you. Perspective is everything. And there are many to see. The constant Paradoxical nature of life is so shit ain't it? But here we are 😊. I'm currently up and down and sideways but always looking for a different perspective. I literally was insane prior to picking up on this neat trick. 😊 A great piece of valuable content once again. Bravo 👏 🙏🔥

[@Betwixt_App]

It is just so important, isn’t it? I’m so glad it’s helped you so much. Did you see a DBT therapist, btw, or did you just come across the info?

[@fatherburning358]

@Betwixt_App a combination of therapist and consuming hours of KZbin philosophy, psychology (Jung) and the sobriety. No means a panacea to the daily challenges of life but yes, a welcome reprieve from butting one's head against it 🙄 Evolving as best one can. 🙏

[@fatherburning358]

​@@Betwixt_AppI stumbled into my own version of the R.AI.N. mindfulness. Grew from there. My therapist is trained in it I think but we've not gone down that road specifically. I keep taking him elsewhere to help put out some other fire. I'll be honest with the questions I was both true and false on 4 of them. Like one was the correct answer but one was the truth. It feels like even my reply is a past truth now. 🙏

[@kianamarrie]

Immensely insightful. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@Betwixt_App]

Thank you, and you’re welcome!

[@CarlTelama]

Wake up babe, new camera angle just dropped 🤩 looking forward to bingeing your most recent output!

[@Betwixt_App]

Hahaha! Ta-daaaa! 🖤

[@amypola5903]

Very helpful info. Best video of yours I've seen so far. Thank you.

[@Betwixt_App]

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it 🖤

[@bertiebassat5545]

In a sense if you are dialectical, paradoxically the first set of assumptions could apply to second set to produce a iconoclastic maximum. You have provide in a sense a koan, even though each introspection point is given as mutually exclusive, dialectically rather than being one or the other, could they form a third option, for instance I am the same with both family and friends as I am always adaptive with both family and friends. Am I over abstracting….. I love the duration and degree you condense the topics you choose, they are a perfect bite size meal of introspection, keep up the great work ❤

[@Betwixt_App]

@@bertiebassat5545 Hahaha! Omg, you’re so right! I don’t know exactly how it would work out practically but, theoretically, yes, if regular and reverse statements were held as true simultaneously, that would be a dialectic. I love this thought. I’m going to ponder it and see if I can think of situations in which that could apply.

[@bertiebassat5545]

@ I suppose “A” is true to the non dialectical thinker, but “B” is false. “B” is true to the dialectical thinker, yet this can also in a sense make “A” true. As “B” now includes “A”, it is no longer simply “B”, subsequently it is something else, “C” ? As in outwith binary, black and white. I’m really not explaining this very well, it’s just an intuitive feeling. Anyway, please share anything my abstractions trigger, every thought creates a subsequent new thought 🙂

[@Betwixt_App]

@@bertiebassat5545I don’t think it’s really possible to process in the abstract and stay meaningful. If it were, I think there would only still be A and B, considering B already allows for contradictions. But really, I’m interested in whether someone could fully feel that, say, “I’m the same person around my friends and family” and “I change depending on who I’m with” were both true. I feel like it’s possible, but I can’t quite land on how yet.

[@bertiebassat5545]

@@Betwixt_App Abstraction can be rationally meaningless, but intuitively profound. In the first section, I felt everything was true, except I am the same with friends and family, but I also felt all true in the second section, I reconciled the anomaly of not all being true, by deducing I am always the same with friends and family, because I attempt to be authentic, I then applied this to all statements to reconcile, both supposed opposites, maybe it’s a non duality bias, anyway that’s my cognition made transparent, should make my ramblings transparent.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@bertiebassat5545​​⁠I was thinking this, too. If we answer the statements on different levels of abstraction (deep authenticity vs more superficial behavioural traits) then we could definitely find the reverse set true as well as the standard set. And, of course, I messed with the scale breaking it up this way! I only did it to spotlight the counterintuitive side of dialectical thinking (ha) and how it goes against what we’re taught to strive for 🤍

[@EmilioHoffa]

You are amazing I love your videos god damn

[@Betwixt_App]

Haha! Thank you!! 🥰

[@aethelierproductions]

GODSENT

[@Betwixt_App]

🥰🥰🥰

[@KilleRoy_NL]

The video is very nice and good to reflect on, and funnily I had answered mostly falses and did get the sneaking suspicion of 'Wait, *should* I though?' before you explained, so that was a funny moment to realize it was technically a good thing. If I may though, kind of tangentially related maybe, but I really enjoy your look (hair/shape of glasses etc), style (environment/clothing/accessories), presentation and way of speaking (Calm with some small pauses to reflect/digest the info here and there). I just really feel like I resonate with you and I'd been noticing it for a few videos now, so I felt compelled to comment it somewhere haha.

[@Betwixt_App]

Oh, thank you so much! I’m so glad to resonate! And I’m glad you enjoyed this vid, too :-)

[@JaneNewAuthor]

This is brilliant, thank you. I've downloaded it, will be playing it on repeat. Can you recommend any good books to read on it?

[@Betwixt_App]

So glad you enjoyed it!! I don’t know any books on the topic, no! There’s plenty of scientific literature, and I’m sure an abundance of articles online. It’s definitely worth exploring 🤍

[@FursadWithVie]

Is there something called being "too dialectical" that it affects your productivity and pace in life because that is what has happened to me through the end of teenage up onto early adulthood now, it has only after 6-7 years begun to feel less exhausting.

[@evgeniinikolaev1563]

The beginning sounded like an invitation to the Chaotic Church : D

[@Betwixt_App]

Omg. What’s the chaotic church? This sounds like something I need to know.

[@charlenek2502]

Omg. I have been a dialectical thinker all this while but i thought it was problematic that i thought that way because it seemed i inconsistent and inauthentic … but it was the only way i know how to be. I have a different persona with different people but i m not putting up a front. Every persona is me. I struggled w it for a long time and felt weird abt it because i found it hard to find a consistent kind of person.. i cd connect w anyone and everyone and it puzzles me

[@jonlittle5032]

Translate this from a psychological to a sociological perspective, particularly as it could apply to political beliefs. Does too much adherence to one set of beliefs over another lead to the politics of the day?

[@Betwixt_App]

I think this is absolutely the case, yes! A little more perspective and empathy could go a long way 🖤

[@JaneNewAuthor]

Exaggerated by social media! Yes, definitely. It used to be a normal thing to have friends of differing opinions and beliefs. That seems to have vanished in recent years. Now we have trolls instead.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@JaneNewAuthor😢😢😢

[@anselmcs595]

If I may - yes, I do think so, as well. Dialectic thinking finds truth this and the other side of the isle. In german, we have the word "Ambiguitaetstoleranz" - a tolerance for ambiguity. It teaches us to hold the tension between to opposing truths, not resolving it to one comfortable reduction of reality. The aim is to hold and protect the space for something co-creative to show itself. :)

[@lucyk.5163]

I had 2 falses, 2 trues and 2 don't knows😂😂😂

[@user-gd5tq7df8h]

How would you explain the fact tjat I rated the frist set of questions as true, and also rated the next set of items as true?

[@Betwixt_App]

I actually think that’s likely to be quite common as a result of me splitting the questions up - this will probably create a bias. I did this to illustrate the point that the reverse statements sound so much like what we should strive for 🩶

[@user-gd5tq7df8h]

@@Betwixt_App ok thats a mindf*ck but thanks haha

[@oaklanddba]

Dialectic thinking sounds much like the "situational values" espoused by many I worked with in IT 15 years ago to justify all manor of labor atrocities, the foundation of a rationalist expediency that the ends justify the means since my values depend on the moment, which often informed by my interests rather than ethics. This makes it too easy to dehumanize and seems the root of narcissistic self-prioritization masking as rational self-interest....

[@Betwixt_App]

That’s an interesting take!

[@ekkehardehrenstein180]

You lost me right away. My principles are to think dialectically. I adhere to those principles, because I belief in them. This belief is well formulated and self reflected. Dialectically, mind you. So, with that twist on the matter...well here we are again.