How to Trade Fear for Freedom

On today’s show, we hear about:
- A wife unsure of how to save her marriage
- A mother who learned her neighbor is a convicted child predator
- How to choose freedom in the face of anxiety
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@jingercole3988]

Kelly is a legend!! Dr John I’m sorry but Kelly deserves a raise for that one. Made my week! 😂

[@nicklowe_]

If he’s a 9 on ACES and his issue is just feeling himself that’s not too bad. Just my opinion.

[@kita3256]

29:49 Delony team….. all this advise that he gave here is amazing! Never thought about raising my kids like this… WE NEED a Dr. Delony parenting guide book with all this info PLUS MORE stuff about parenting. PLEASE! next book!!! 🙏🏼

[@umiluv]

17:30 - I’ve had depression where I knew it could be temporary and that it absolutely wasn’t my fault while in it. Sometimes life happens at you and you get depression bc it’s overwhelming. Sometimes, life comes at you like a ton of bricks and your body and brain are so exhausted from the cortisol that your body just shuts down.

[@Brittany138]

Delony! I just realized it’s my 1 year anniversary of listening to you, 3 days a week! 🎉

[@cecilliachi]

Not John dying of embarrassment 😂. Happy Halloween 🎃

[@gen6895]

I have to say...i like how the album covers change periodically. 😊

[@harrietbaker4484]

The lady with the husband healing from pin is amazing! I have 2 sons and hope for a loving and strong and courageous woman like her for them. She is so brave!

[@Samsungsamsung-ec5gl]

No, she's not brave. Her husband is an absolute piece of crap.

[@valeriezaric]

John, you're changing lives!

[@SAHbiochemist]

For anyone in the situation of the first caller, there are 12 step groups that are specific to family & friends of porn/sex addicts. The benefit is that you can speak freely about these issues that are so hard totalk to anyone else about. And it's free to attend. I hope this caller gets the support she needs.

[@petecoots]

@48:15 well done Kelly! So great!! Doc, you’re a good sport! I’m glad there aren’t photos of my Miami Vice phase from middle school.

[@mekdesakewak3566]

Congratulations, Dr. John Delony!! Well deserve 👏

[@bellamichelle6248]

She’s a strong lady to stick around this long. 6:58

[@umiluv]

13:17 - that’s excellent advice! You control how you feel about situations. Using that as an opportunity to be intimate, not shaming it, and being the person that shows care and love for all his warts will make him feel loved. Sometimes, you have to be the lover to heal others that don’t know how to love.

[@krisware]

49:13 Dr. D you crack me up when you start screaming! I listened to this on the podcast and per Kelly’s advice had to see the video. The best!!!

[@SAHbiochemist]

John telling the first caller that masturbation in the house is not an issue, is like saying it’s ok for an alcoholic to have a beer at home. The issue is that her husband is doing this to numb and is not connecting with his wife. It's not acceptable behavior for a sex addict, just like alcoholics can't have a "normal" drink as long as it is being used to numb.

[@cur244]

People that obsess with politics and news live in daily fear.

[@prettyfeet22]

The thing that concerns me with porn addiction is in today's world anything and everything is out there and at our fingertips. Why wouldn't his interests/needs escalate into areas that are illegal?

[@Dansyoung]

How is that any different than women with shopping? Throwing this out there, but I don’t think any man would choose it over the real thing. Maybe the issue is the connection isn’t strong enough and you aren’t meeting his sexual needs?

[@BUMYONLEE]

Becoming like a salesperson, buddy! Don't lose sight of yours (the gift!). Cheers mate.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

Congratulations Dr. John!

[@Cosmogirl014]

The movie with John was hilarious !!! 🤣

[@aelh123]

48:57 😂🤣🤣 I did not see this coming . John was a star ⭐️ before he every made content for us . this was too good

[@lisaowens1664]

That video clip was GOLD!!!! 🤣

[@brendaleepierson2112]

i bought the book ,,, thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[@cremebrulee4759]

Fears rule my life. 😢

[@melanieb2132]

Sounds like you need to come to peace with your own death. I don't fear anything, because I don't fear death.. well, I do fear the death of my loved ones, but I do not fear my own death. Face that and what you believe about that, and that will help you.

[@Cosmogirl014]

same

[@Cosmogirl014]

Nice message, wish I could let go of the fear@@melanieb2132

[@melanieb2132]

​@Cosmogirl014 When you get a very, very high level view of everything it completely centers and grounds you.The interaction with your boss doesn't matter. Your break up doesnt matter. The objects you own, (all of it!l) will eventually be in a landfill or burned or destroyed. (Just give it some time) We are on a rock that's spinning around a tiny star in the middle of the vast universe. We will eventually be dust.. sooner rather than later. This is science. But my belief is that even if the absolute worst thing happens to me, I am a creation and God cares about my spirit. We are created to connect with God and connect with creation and understand it to the best of our ability before our physical time runs out. And that's that. None of us get out of here alive. And it is calamity and the end of an age for people every second of everyday. There's no reason to fear anything. Just live to make this time and space better for those around you and connect with your maker and redeemer. Someone could come and take me away at gun point and (I would have a fear response sure) but I wouldn't be desperate or despair. I know life is short. They can't take anything from me..

[@melanieb2132]

I have a great book recommendation for anyone dealing with fear. It's called "the Hiding Place" by Corie Ten Boom.. she was a literal Saint in her day. She faced her worst fears and realized her fears in the hell of a concentration camp. Her sister and her made heaven out of a hellish place. Her story is so beautiful. I know that overcoming anxiety is just walking through the flames of an illogical fear. Bravery is much the same as overcoming anxiety, except bravery is facing a logical fear.

[@3roachkidsdhe]

I make a concerted effort not to go on FB or Instagram because when I have gone on it’s been a disaster downward spiral.

[@umiluv]

Faith over fear. ✝️

[@bffoxjr]

With caller 2, it sucks living next to a sex offender, but at least she knows he is an offender. He's on the radar of law enforcement and has to check in. It'd be worse if you or law enforcement didn't know he was an offender.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

“AND… I won’t even go there…” Oh man! Now I want to know what is “there”.

[@precioushopeatchison]

You are the best

[@mico77720]

28:19 isn't it like a wrong frame? The locus of control should be on her. The "why can x do y" frame is external, isn't it?

[@Foxie635]

I would move. No sex offenders near my kids day in and day out.

[@christaparham]

Can you guys please post the “vignette” as a separate video? I would love to share it.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It’s up now on the channel!

[@carolwatkins8541]

Priceless. 😂❤

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

I would have a direct conversation. I'm aware of the report, and I don't feel comfortable with my children having communication with you.

[@karinasanchez8059]

Why is this episode named differently on KZbin than it is on Spotify?

[@SaystheTruth3]

I agree! The heading is always different from the actual video

[@NinjaKiwi12058]

Do y’all have health insurance?? I’m technically one of the poorest earners in the country but my job has a $25 copay for therapists and psychiatrists. Great health insurance and I only make $21 dollars and hour as a full time employee.

[@butterfly32812]

I love love love Delony but I have to disagree with the advice he gave the second caller with the pedo neighbor. Maybe the husband could head up going to confront but I really think it would be unwise for a woman to do this. I hope she doesn’t do it.

[@MicheleHerrmann]

Caller #2, maybe speak with your local police department on what you should do?

[@stolen3moon]

First one.. well, I strongly disagree. that doesn't work.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I'm scared to watch this

[@cathyosullivan718]

Why are some therapists so expensive ($175.00) an hour?? I know they have to pay into insurance but that seems so overpriced!

[@brandonyzaguirre1476]

Paranormal Activity. After that I never watched horror films again

[@analozada9475]

I don’t understand why some women want to keep their husbands from self pleasuring. It’s quite a normal act. Yet, it will only become a problem when a man can’t or don’t want to have any type of intimacy with his wife due to excessive porn watching, then there’s something else going on that needs addressing with professional help.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

Totally agree with this. It seems pretty controlling. Suicide speaks to him probably feeling trapped. I wouldn’t want to be near a spouse made me feel bad about pleasure, when they could turn it around and make it positive experience.

[@Dansyoung]

Exactly. No offence ladies, but sometimes you aren’t in the mood, have a headache, had a bad day at work, don’t feel like it, etc - and he is being respectful to you by taking care of it his own needs.

[@mystiquevening]

@@Mysterious_Moon yep.

[@sometimesising1016]

Why are men so obsessed with mastubating?

[@Mirelatr]

Idk bc porn re-wires your brain and it’s not real! It’s addicting and most men don’t use it in a healthy way. Not only that, but they expect certain things they start to see in porn which again is not realistic!! It’s disgusting and women that are okay with are lying to themselves or they don’t understand how neuroscience works!!!!

[@Samsungsamsung-ec5gl]

Porn is an extremely selfish act. It's not the same as working too much. Porn is not okay. It destroys women's self worth. There is no excuse. It's selfish.

[@davidcharnes9161]

It is kind of sad that you are hawking an app that you have to pay for to assist with prayer. The only other place I can think of where people pay go their “faith” is Scientology.

[@umiluv]

First caller, his masterbation isn’t about her. Clearly, he’s dealing with depression and using masterbation as a coping device like his dad taught him. The underlying issue is the depression and he would be pulling away regardless of masterbation/porn. The caller making it about her is sad. Clearly her husband needs help but doesn’t know how to ask for it. Probably makes it worse that she makes the issue about her and shaming him.

[@christiecruzxo2841]

Yeah literally everyone masterbates it’s such an odd thing to fixate on. I actually think fixating on it is going to be more harmful, I’ve seen where that shame game leads to. That’s only going to make him even more depressed. I’m 35 years old and have never cared if my spouse did that in my entire life and I didn’t go searching for evidence of it either. The depression is the main thing to focus on. I hope they were able to make it work 🖤

[@Foxie635]

My soon to be ex also used porn. When we make love, he turns his head away from me. I think relationships are just so hard

[@mystiquevening]

I don’t ever watch porn, I’m not religious I just think that in porn the women are treated like crap most of the time and men think we like that Bs. But I turn my head from my husband because I can’t enjoy myself if I’m looking at him for too long. I love him but it’s a complete turnoff if I can’t be in my own head during sex, even if all I’m imagining is running through a beautiful field.

[@umiluv]

Have you asked him why he looks away?

[@umiluv]

Why not use your hands to gently guide his head to lock eyes with you? He’s probably never experienced that. Sometimes you have to be the one to teach him there’s another way to be intimate. My guess is he doesn’t know that it would make it more intimate to do that. You have to be willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position. If he rejects it, ask him gently why he doesn’t want to lock eyes. This is a learning opportunity for both of you. No partner is going to know what you want if you don’t tell them. They can’t read your mind.

[@stevemurphy3730]

I'm so sorry 😢 that's got to feel so insulting and dismissive. Like he's using you instead of making love with you. I hope you have good luck finding better ❤

[@Foxie635]

@@stevemurphy3730 Thank you for your kind words. I think after 20 years of marriage maybe he is no longer attracted to me. Nothing I can do about that. It's just not him I guess, it's me as well.

[@amiramahgoub]

It's maybe scary to be with someone like me? Don't know if he loves me and want sex with me? he think he does deserves all this love and he's not enough? He's disappointed and feel shame to fulfill sex desire and be presence with me? Can't fantasy his life with me in the future full of Intimacy, healthy and adventurous

[@teddiwhitney5111]

Why do we shame masterbation so much in our society? It is a normal human function.

[@umiluv]

Because spouses might consider masterbation as cheating or lack of fulfilling their partner. It’s an insecurity thing.

[@Daniellapalo]

This is all solidified through Jesus… without him this is fleeting

[@ritahardenbrook7342]

I do not like or watch scary movies. Suspense yes scary no way.

[@wonder12374]

For caller 1. Unfortunately, she is an example of someone who ignored the red flags before marriage by accepting a verbal promise. Now that she is married, she just has to stick with it its the life she chose, and I bet she chose it due to her trauma and abuse as a child. Her goal now is how does she stop this cycle of trauma with the children that she willingly brought into this mess. For the caller who moved next to a predator ....she better be very afraid of her neighbor its odd that she refuses to move because she loves her home...wow. all it takes is 1 second for her and her kids lives to change forever because of her neighbor and I truly feel she is not fully grasping the weight of the reality that she lives next door to a child predator.

[@olivias2836]

I completely understand what you’re saying- but anytime you buy a home there’s always a risk you could have bad, unsafe or sketchy neighbors move in next door. You can’t prevent your neighbors from selling their homes and you can’t vet the people they sell too. Also it’s illegal for a real estate agent to tell you about the neighbors of a house you’re looking at. Imagine they buy another house and a predator moves in next door. Unless you live within a mile of a school or park in most states a sex offended can legally move in next door even if other people with children live nearby. This is why we purposely bought a home within close range of a school and playground (so no sex offended can ever legally be our neighbor) if they’re going to sell their home and move I hope they do research to ensure this doesn’t happen again. These laws and guidelines are different in every state

[@Piccolo_Re]

Read the Bible. It’ll help you push through your fears. God does not want anyone to be COMFORTABLE. COMFORTABLE is the killer of experiencing life. Satan wants you to be comfortable.

[@jacosisaba]

Yeah because a old book written by men will really do anything. Not everyone believes the way you do. The invisible man in the sky and the bible is all about fear, it's the thing that religion and the corrupt leaders in churches use to manipulate people who are struggling or are in need. Threatening people with eternal torment and suffering if they have different lifestyles or believe in a different God then them. That won't help anyone struggling with fear. It'll just train them to be hateful and bigoted. There's nothing wrong with believing what you wanna believe but don't force it on others and tell them it'll fix everything.

[@blah7694]

Oh God

[@jcstuart6978]

Before your feet hit the floor after waking up - Proverbs App and Verse A Day

[@stephaniec5215]

Then why is the Holy Ghost called, ‘THE COMFORTER’?

[@Piccolo_Re]

@@stephaniec5215 I’m pretty sure the only version of the Bible that refers to the Holy Spirit as the “comforter” is the KJV. So it’s up to you if you want to rely on a Bible named after a king and his version is worthy to read or not. King James did all kinds of things that aren’t Christian. And he made all kinds of changes to Christianity that most scholars don’t agree with. Most other versions refer to the Spirit as helper, advocate or counselor. It’s best to go to a version that is closest to the original language. God put lots of his people into uncomfortable situations. Look at Jonah who pretty much almost suffocated to death in a whale, Gideon who had to fight when he was extremely fearful as a person, Daniel in the lion’s den, David and Goliath, are a few examples of God’s people put into uncomfortable if not painful situations.

[@jgbotwinick49]

The Shining Children of the Corn Doctor Sleep The Omen Halloween Halloween 2

[@captinplanet2007]

it's real ????????? i thought it was photoshopped LOL

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It’s totally real and it was super hilarious! Found it by just searching the title!

[@zinnmarx]

Christian guilt is too much for one individual

[@jeradkiester698]

Wives of men using porn, how often do you reject sex with him? If you refuse him sex, why does it surprise you? You can have first crack at his libido, but you don't deserve sole custody.

[@SaystheTruth3]

Yes I agree 👍 taking care of the kids might be draining her out... It's totally not her fault. Sex on demand also? I can't see that working all of the time either.

[@melanieb2132]

I think it becomes an issue when they don't even ask. They just take care of themselves without trying to connect their wife. That's so sad.

[@loveubye2288]

I think if he was connecting with her and having sex with her she would not be so hurt that he's masturbating. I think he's probably not very interested in sex with her so she says he's "pulling away not connecting" etc etc

[@umiluv]

@@melanieb2132- that will happen if rejection happens over and over again.

[@umiluv]

@@loveubye2288- if he’s depressed, he can’t connect with anyone let alone himself. Masterbation will give you a quick temporary high but then you will feel terrible about yourself. Depression is the underlying problem. The masterbation and him pulling away are symptoms of that depression.