How To Transform Conflict Into Intimacy And Bring Him CLOSER (Stop Fighting And Start Connecting!)

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Apply for a FREE "Breakthrough To Lasting Love" personal coaching session with Valerie here: www.coachvaleriegreene.com/dap/a/?a=141&p=www.coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session

[@sshuteandrew]

Avoidants are so tough bc they refuse to communicate in conflict.

[@redrumax]

my one does communicate and throws back at me whatever he thinks I did wrong, which is me asking for 'more' lol, then he starts telling me how I am now in friend zone.

[@annettefisher7305]

These videos and these women are golden ! Adopting these techniques and communication skills has changed my world. After a little disagreement of needs with my guy ... an in-depth conversation using all your guidelines did wonders! My fav moment with him? He says “You challenge me ... I don’t like it ..and I do like it “ ☺️🙏💕 we are moving forward in such wonderful ways ! 💫

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience here, Annette! I’m glad this worked for you. ❤️

[@irene2081]

There was a misunderstanding. I got angry and pushed all his buttons. He ran off and hid in a cave on the top of the highest mountain. He avoided any confrontation, overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings. He never denied loving me, he asked for time. Days passed. I sent him two emails expressing how I felt. I unfolded all my vulnerability and my truth. I am glad I did. I told him that I loved him, but I felt I didn't deserve a man who had nothing to offer me but a silence. I had to leave him alone. I thanked him for making me understand and love myself more and wished him good luck. Since then I have decided to change the story I used to tell myself about myself. I trust that when we are both ready we will reconnect. If it doesn't happen, I am still grateful. If he were now in front of me I would say" I love you, I understand you, you are free". That was my story... Thank you ladies for the insights and your beautiful approach! 🙏 ❤️

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You’re welcome, Irene! Thanks for sharing your experience here. ❤️

[@485sofia]

Yay!!! Valerie’s back! Great video. I love these topics because now we are getting into more advanced skills that those of us that are already in long term relationships tend to need! 👍🏼👊🏼😊

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks Sofia! 💕

[@Twissstyyy]

100% can relate. I appreciate your guys insight and assuring me that I'm not the only one that gets stuck in the cycle

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

I’m glad this resonated with you - you’re definitely not alone! 💞

[@vandal280]

It's crazy how accurately you ladies describe my relationship

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

I’m glad this resonated with you! 💞

[@theresamayerhofer6943]

My ex and I would fight a lot. It often felt we were always on the defense.. he was avoidant and hated conflict in general and I had a hard time breaking through. I blame my anxious tendencies… but I also feel you need a partner to meet you half way. It was really really hard

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks for sharing your experience here, I know many people can relate. 💜 These videos should be helpful for anyone who’s in a similar situation: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rqacnoRsotmZmbc, kzbin.info/www/bejne/rGOxnHiGjruirKM, and kzbin.info/www/bejne/iZ7VkHV3ia9raZI.

[@taniaalexander2840]

Omg. This video is just in time for me. I have the tiger personality n i usually attract the turtle personality n i can relate to wat you are saying. I am currently dating a guy n i feel the need for him to tell me exactly how he feels about me. Instead of just enjoying the moments we spend together. He withdraws wen i get needy n demanding. I have learnt how to draw him in. I just need to put it into practice. Thanks so much for sharing....

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You’re welcome, I’m glad this was helpful! 💕

[@staciecook5217]

Any tips ?

[@twinflamechaser10010]

You two ! ♥️♥️ & yeah I did rewind that part again & again😅, "Vulnerability is a skill to be adopted..”

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

I’m glad that resonated with you! 💞

[@micheledoddkelton6598]

My boyfriend leaves and goes home and silent for a few days when we have an argument I want him to stay and work it out it feels like a punishment we are both miserable while in separation

[@margarethickey4895]

This is so real what just happened in my relationship.

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

I’m glad this resonated with you, Margaret! 💞

[@monicalevyt]

Valerie, I looove that plant on the background!!! And your flower Helena is suuper popular here in Brazil. I find it so chic

[@lovelee9315]

Im both depending on the situation. So ismy partner. I withdraw untill I'm overwhelmed. Then my emotion comes up unexpectedly. Im learning better ways to let my feelings out, thanks to your community and others. He also withdraws till he feels attacked (anything that im feeling Im missing) then he's a pit bull!.

[@DeliciaTrini]

Amazing video! The best! We women have to search really deep inside ourselves to really connect with anyone.

[@PriyankaGupta-ew1li]

❤❤

[@sshuteandrew]

I’m a Tiger in romantic relationships, but avoidant with my parents. I would’ve been the lost child in the store completely silent and hiding in the corner.

[@krystallynne007]

Omg this is me

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

I'm exactly the same. I'm convinced I'm both avoidant and anxious. I do have a fear of abandonment so I'm the one who (still!!!) panics if I go to the store with someone and then lose them, but I also need sooooo much space and independence. I need reassurance though that I can take that time and still find my friends or partners still there when I'm ready to talk again

[@lovelee9315]

Okay.. I loved the clarification about styles and triggering.

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

I’m glad that was helpful! 💞

[@lovelee9315]

Depends on the person I'm in conflict with. If he's avoidant It triggers the tiger. If hes a tiger it triggers the turtle.

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Yes, that makes sense!

[@carmenwg]

This is so powerful a million thank yous to both of you 💖💖 life changing stuff!!!!!

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

[@Binnybinnybinny]

Thank you Helena😊 glad I found you, now i enjoy leaning back and my relationships are changing daily. So happy😍

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You’re welcome, I’m happy to hear that! 💕

[@Janettyboo]

Great video, thank you! Please do more videos together!

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed this! Valerie and I just recorded a couple new videos together that I'll be posting soon. You can also find links to the others ones we've done in the description of this video.

[@Janettyboo]

@@HelenaHartCoaching I will be looking out for the new videos, can't wait!

[@octoberdg7573]

It's really hard to communicate with him when he is stuck to his ways and refuses to reason. He completely just shuts me off and doesn't care what I have to say.

[@valeriegreene]

That sounds tough! Have you tried repeating back to him what you heard him say and asking if you got it right? And then you can tell him "That makes sense because [some reason it makes sense to you, even if you don't agree from your point of view]." Then ask if he feels heard. If he does, then you can ask if he's willing to hear your point of view afterward. If he's not, he might be too upset in that moment, and you can ask again later when you both feel better. If he's never willing to hear your side, then it's not the kind of equal relationship that you want and deserve. If, however, you keep attracting people who don't want to hear you, there may be some unconscious way you're showing up that you can shift so you attract people who can hear you. I'm happy to talk to you about that if you want to schedule a free call with me. You can email me at [e-mail] if you want to talk about it.

[@Shasha8674]

Someone accused me of being late and them yelling at me put them above me. They said I wanted attention which is totally not true. That relationship ended after that. Another friend said she didn't want to hear about a relationship any more. That relationship ended then. I want equal relationships and be able to be myself and unconditional love.

[@lovelee9315]

I'd love a video on how to communicate when he's not following through. Men, from my experience, don't seem to understand how that undermines the foundation of a relationship.

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks for the great suggestion! This video might be helpful in the meantime: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYqoY4eDeZiEZ6s

[@lesleyrhind3377]

Thank you guys as i need to hear this . Wow what a relief x Im a Tiger who has fallen out with my Turtle .

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

You’re welcome Lesley, I’m glad this was helpful! 💜

[@SilverGirlAu]

Hi Helena- loved this- as mentioned by someone else it deals with the dynamics in more serious relationships rather than dating and attracting men initially... would love the links to the other vids with Valerie pls... thank you 🙏🧜🏻‍♀️

[@valeriegreene]

Thanks, Maddi :) Feel free to suggest other topics you want us to make videos about. You can see our other videos here: How To Inspire Him To WANT To Commit To You - kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZivnK2Ajd6mpaM How To Share Your Feelings And Needs In A Way That Draws A Man CLOSER - kzbin.info/www/bejne/movKn3aYbN2NZ8k How To Inspire A Man To WANT To Meet Your Needs - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYqoY4eDeZiEZ6s

[@clairefoxall2313]

Wow love this thinking

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks Claire! 💕

[@lovelee9315]

Yes, yes, and flaking.. how do deal with flaking.

[@OvercomingEverything]

So I used to be the tiger and was in an abusive relationship with the father of my kids... I am now the turtle. My BF is not a horrible tiger but can be mean when we argue. I shut down he chases, but also says sorry even when he’s not necessarily wrong. Last fight we had I asked for a minute to avoid tears , and he backed away and we were able to talk a bit later. My problem is, I need to tell him that his staring and gawking at other women even in my presence is a huge problem... no idea how to do it without coming across insecure . I don’t think I am, I just think it’s disrespectful. Any tips? As of now I just shut down and won’t speak to him and act just like Helena said, like I’m done with him and don’t care... trying not to walk away without giving him a chance to fix this.

[@valeriegreene]

Yes it's totally ok to share your vulnerable feelings when he looks at other women, as long as you're not making him wrong. You can even be playful about it. Does that make sense?

[@OvercomingEverything]

Valerie Greene thanks for your reply...I would like to try but .what does that sound like...I can’t seem to come up with anything that doesn’t sound like I would be making him wrong. We’ve discussed things like the fact that he follows Sexual Instagram models and he says it can work and that he’s liked women his whole life...this just feels very disrespectful. And in the long term it can’t work for me...but hate to throw away the whole relationship without giving him the opportunity correct the behavior...

[@sshuteandrew]

Tabbie Terd I would tell him what you said- that you feel it’s disrespectful. He should honor your feelings- if not, you have a bigger issue than him looking at girls.

[@OvercomingEverything]

Stacey Swope funny you should say that... we just finished talking. He said he would like me to push the envelope and not dress so conservatively , when I brought that up his response was “well, do you think that’s partially on you? “ suggesting that it’s my fault that he looks at other women... love my body hates that I’m conservative. I don’t think there is much else to say. I’ll be over this in a few days then, moving on

[@sshuteandrew]

Tabbie Terd WOW, that was a terrible response from him. Not considering your feelings at all for anything beyond a sex object. Have you been w him long? I’d have to say I’d be done.

[@monicalevyt]

Hi Helena, how are you? I have an important question to ask you. I have been following your guys advice to stay open to other men when a guy does not want to assume a relationship. But what if I started meeting new guys and many of them are awesome? And is it going to be possible to be faithful to the one I enter in a serious relationship after connecting to these other great men?

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Absolutely! If you meet someone who really wants to be in a relationship with you and you feel the same way, the choice will most likely be obvious.

[@monicalevyt]

@@HelenaHartCoaching Thank you!!!

[@valeriegreene]

I agree with Helena here. When you're dating multiple men, you can choose which one is the right one for you to commit to. And if you're in your feminine and letting him lead, he'll move the relationship forward; you don't have to. If he doesn't, then stay open for the man who does.

[@abbygodfrey3282]

how do you handle conflict about boyfriend who has female friends that he gives so much carisma to...i am having hard time

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Hi Abby, this video should be helpful for your situation: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pZyYiIKmpK-pkM0

[@jillseitz24]

Links please of past ones?

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Sure, here they are: How To Share Your Feelings And Needs In A Way That Draws A Man CLOSER - kzbin.info/www/bejne/movKn3aYbN2NZ8k How To Inspire A Man To WANT To Meet Your Needs - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bYqoY4eDeZiEZ6s

[@margarethickey4895]

I have not seen those interviews

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

They’re in the description of this video if you want to check them out! 💝

[@moanarolongchar8883]

I am tiger and my partner is turtle

[@moanarolongchar8883]

Avoidants are so difficult to deal with

[@HelenaHartCoaching]

Thanks for sharing your experience here. This video should be really helpful if you haven’t seen it yet: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rqacnoRsotmZmbc

[@margarethickey4895]

When I try to express my feelings he see it as me at him

[@allisonhayley46]

Me too!!