How to understand mental compulsions

For all the exercises that helped me with cutting out mental compulsions, check out my book: YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, wherever books are sold, like here on Amazon: bit.ly/youareno...
(It's called THE MIND WORKOUT bit.ly/themindw... in the UK and Australia/New Zealand, DAS MIND-WORKOUT in Deutsch, ENTRENA TU MENTE en español)
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Coaching: www.markfreeman.ca

[@chaitanyadeshmane8243]

You are a good hearted person who shares experience wholeheartedly and helping people suffering with OCD. Thank you.

[@Miltonbosss]

Hey mark! I just want to let you know that I’m back, after two years! I went almost two years without any aggressive ocd patterns because of a comment you told me. You said, why are you trying to chase certainty ? What would you rather invest this energy into?” I have kept this close to me every time I felt uncertain, I tell myself “certainty is never attainable! Life is uncertain, and that’s ok, I invite the uncertainty and the certain, what if it doesn’t work out? Well what if it does. What if this intrusive thought doesn’t go away? Well if it doesn’t it doesn’t, if it does it does, it will not affect my peace however, what matters is my reaction to the thoughts, recognizing that thoughts, are just thoughts, unless I attach meaning to them. Thank you again. I’m back because I’ve been having major stress and triggers lately but I know with time and self love and compassion, I’ll be aight. You’re amazing

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Enjoy giving yourself love and compassion as you work on these skills, Andrew!

[@theanonymoushelpline7248]

How are u now?

[@premnikz]

"trying to get the right feeling, before doing something" that exactly the OCD is, at least mine is. an ocd person always trying to comfort mind which is baffled between thoughts.

[@cerealis_5432]

This is exactly what I’m facing right now. The more I try to actively be mindful/aware of the thoughts and not engage with them, the more bothersome they become and the more powerless I feel. I avoid things and judge myself throughout the day because I haven’t captured that “just right” feeling. Any advice??

[@ashie121]

This is amazing! I have (thankfully) been almost entirely compulsion free for almost 2 years now and it's because of a breakthrough moment I had in therapy...I discovered the fine line between the intrusive thoughts and the compulsive thoughts. Like you stated, for a long time, I didn't realize I had mental compulsions, I simply believed it was just how I thought. You articulate it all so well! Thank you!

[@maple-v2v]

This is exactly how I feel about the way my thoughts are, and I thought I was the only one to think like that. but what is the difference between intrusive thoughts and compulsive thoughts? Thank you mark for making this video, your channel helps me a lot.

[@ashie121]

+Maria Rosa Lins the intrusive thought is very simple. "What if I'm a psychopath" "what if I hurt my baby" "what if I'm really gay." Those are the intrusive thoughts. Any thought you have after, as a result, that is working towards easing your anxiety or "help" you figure it out, that's the compulsion. For me, I realized the majority of my thoughts were compulsions. Once I caught on, and would stop/limit myself from thinking in that manner, the instructive thoughts slowed down

[@Kikuye]

+ashie121 I just have to say, I had the "What if you are a lesbian" OCD intrusive thoughts for a few days before after breaking a previous very long standing obsession/compulsion. It was easier to break since I recognized it right away, but it was one of the more stand out obvious fears based on irrationality I've had. "What if you are a lesbian?" "But I don't like girls!" "But what if you are?" "But I don't like girls..!" aha.... Yeah. But then I realized trying to rationalize with it wouldn't do anything and just had to accept the uncertainty and move on in my actions anyways.

[@samahelhassan5351]

Hey ashie can you tell me more about what you do when an intrusive thought pops into your head ?

[@Ma-tu2jd]

Hello Ashley I am really happy for you I am doing erp for 1 year now and I also feel ocd free but yet I must keep pushing until complete recovery Until it becomes completely the new normal but I have a question for you, during these 2 years of yours , did you have any setbacks or step backs and how did you manage them ?

[@hg77777]

Thank you so much for sharing all this mark you're saving many people's lives

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks, Vanessa!

[@tinyshinythings]

Also used your ten minute meditation this morning which was excellent. Listened to all the reasons why I shouldn't start today and did it anyway. You are an excellent and generous teacher.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's awesome! Enjoy not listening to your brain :)

[@BigStevo1]

I had something tough happen to me within my marriage over a year ago now. We worked through it and it kind of saved my marriage because it bought us back together after a period where we had grown apart. It was hard for both of us but I have had a tougher time because my mental compulsions and ocd have caused me to relive the hurt over and over. It’s only been since I found your videos that I’ve been able to start to let go and not engage with these mental compulsions. They’re cropping up still, but I’m learning to disengage quite quickly and bring myself back to the present moment, instead of getting into that conversation in my head about what happened, why it happened, why it’s ok now - just the same conversation over and over again! It’s feeling good to be able to disengage from this constant internal dialogue and come back to the present moment. Thank-you! 👍

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Congratulations on putting in the hard work learning how to apply these skills! Enjoy being in the present!

[@ArmyofLove]

I've been doing these things my whole life, learned how to cope while suffering with having continual dark parallel tussles in my thoughts of the catastrophes. The difference is that I'm willing to expose them and not put up with the damage of believing they could happen. I knew they wouldn't, but the 'what if' I felt just had to be explored what believing is hard for me. Trust is hard for me. Now, with the help of 'so what' skills, I can bat the worst case scenario off because the unlikely scenarios I created of losing my job, going to prison, being an older homeless social leper and a life failure in general.... just isn't happening. Pride can be a reason for allowing dark thoughts and feelings to escalate by coping on my own, until you break down, which thankfully I did in January/February this year meaning I could begin recovery. Now, I still feel the need to prove that I don't have problems but changing that mindset and can talk through my irrational thoughts, fears and feelings that leave me very uncomfortable at times. I have the problems and that's OK. I wished we never had problems, be able to live a life of hiding and avoid things but, I'm learning how to be gentle on myself. Safely go through exposures to allow myself to overcome challenges and learn to be comfortable eventually with uncertainty. These fears started as a teenager with social 'coolness' being the main facade that made me need to feel like I have to prove my sexuality, learned to cope and exhibit 'manhood', prove a successful development, unable to make mistakes to avoid being laughed at and eventually having a war within about what I want vs people pleasing with absolutely everything. I have identified some traumas, thank talking therapy, thank people's love, increase self care activities and journalling everyday. I'm on a path to freedom now and still scared about decisions, but the little light at the end of the path says, 'keep moving forward toward me, you're lovable as you are'. There is darkness but am turning one degree at a time toward the light. Be blessed. Peter Burke

[@theanonymoushelpline7248]

Thanku for this comment knowing I’m not alone in this brings me a bit of comfort

[@ArmyofLove]

@@theanonymoushelpline7248 Journal Loving friends Being still in the dark moments Trust God

[@Joethebro101]

This video and learning how to stop doing mental compulsions like I stopped physical compulsions has completely changed my life. Thanks Mark, love you. Don’t stop helping people with ocd.❤️

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks! I'm glad you found it useful :)

[@TheTastyAsian]

Thank you so much Mark, you are so helpful and have a great positive attitude! I've struggled with OCD for over 10 years now and I honestly never knew compulsions could be physical AND mental. OCD has been affecting my daily functioning but I could never figure out why until I now learned that MOST of my compulsions are actually mental. Thank you, now I can actually see what is going on in my brain and how to combat it. :)

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome! :)

[@drewbowles]

I been doing this for 2 weeks I'm already seeing a drastic change, I mean there was a couple times I felt panic attacks about to happen but as soon as they started I was able to stop them, but it feels like my mind tried to relapse with a certain thought but like you said there just clouds

[@gingerisevil02]

I almost think mental compulsions are worse, having gone through both, because thoughts are all the more confusing. (Just my opinion and experiences.) And it's easier to sleep when your mind is quiet verses compulsions you only do when you're awake. But this insight is helpful.

[@dipaliacharyaa6568]

thank you ...that means all i learned about my compulsion from your videos and also from other sources...how to give importance to what i value...how to ignore those self limiting thoughts...i cn now ignore thoughts more efficiently...i want to study whole day without having intrusive thoughts..i learn science..and some times i get stuck in some problem..it takes time while solving it...then sometimes intrusive thoughts come rather than focusing on that problem i used to think why i had those what if thoughts?...i was determined tgat i cant study if i seat intrusive thoghts negative voices will come...mark belive me i love maths . .i enjoy it...but negative thought that what if am not born for science what if i change my path...i know i won't...i love machines i am in love ...but the doubt lower my confidence levels...and i know i could do better in my exams...but i could only give 75 percent..with anxiety issues...as i used to panic...now i am taking medications and became aware of the fact that i need not to fear those thoughts...i need not to hate them or fight them...i should just follow my goals...however they seem hard...i dont care...i will study ..and i will prove that i am not weak...

[@JP-kr5by]

Ohhh this is sooo good!!! And if I can make the external displays of the mental compulsions them seem grandiose and funny that may help break the energetic attachments to them! Thank you so much!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yes!

[@maple-v2v]

could you make a video about the compulsion of repeating/making conversations in our own heads? I never thought of this as a mental compulsion. thanks again for the video

[@romantheroman98]

Same for me. Have them really often all day. If these are compulsions ouh man haha

[@Ma-tu2jd]

@@romantheroman98 yes youre right i didnt know that rumination in itself is a form of compulsion. I thought i was just someone who was just too mich worrying about stupid things But the truth is yes thats normal to be worrying about things when you give them credit in the first place. Now i know that i have to ignore these things that pop. And what has helped me is to actively focus on something else no matter how the thought "knocks" on the door. I dont open it. Because yes sometimes the thought can looks like an inoffensive granny or a little child or maybe a cookies seller but sometimes the cookies can be poisoned or the granny might have a knife behind her back --》 the idea of no matter how the thoughts in the first place might seem nice, they will lead you down a dangerous path of overthinking and compulsions or in the case of pure o only overthinking or ruminating which is already a compulsion. As for the thoughts that look already scary, the process is the same. Walk away from.them

[@Ma-tu2jd]

Thats what has worked for me for the moment Sometimes i feel i just need to check with myself, with my thoughts if "everything is ok, everything is under control, no strange things arrising" just that is a compulsion about the thought to maybe check your head. It is all neurological junk

[@theanonymoushelpline7248]

@@romantheroman98I knooooo

[@ripplerfx]

Your videos have changed my life, 🙏🏼

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Happy to be part of the adventure!

[@nagol5178]

Thanks for the message this helps. In a similar way, sometimes I realize that I wouldn't send someone else down the downward spiral rabbit trails in their head that I send myself down. If I look at someone else I can clearly see... You're fine that's not the situation. But with myself, theres that lurking demon, "But what if?" And then it uses confirmation bias, because some of the things I have anxiety about do end up happening. The only way is to let go. Teach more lessons on letting go.

[@yoyoyo5621]

this channel is really enlightening to me.. I started recording my feelings and thoughts daily, and I realized how I was a compulsive, obsessive thinker with rumination habit. I had no idea before I started recording them. but after seeing the pattern I realized I just couldn't see it because they're invisible. I'm trying to break this habit that leads to anxiety and depression. Love your insight and how you articulate this... I feel like often we don't even realize we do this because we just take all of our thoughts at face value and don't really see it in objective perspective. and you're so on point with how it takes you away when you're with other people and put this invisible wall between you and them!! that's what I had been feeling but I had no idea what it was! I used to feel so oddly preoccupied and busy(?) when I was with other people like I'm constantly checking something mentally...I think you need to get a better microphone though, your audio isn't very clear.. it's like buzzy and too quiet . Thanks for awesome videos!!!!

[@PPD3988]

Fantastic video. I have used this technique or analogy with mental compulsions. Managing mental compulsions is difficult due to identification and uncertainty. I approach mental compulsions like overt drug addiction. Compulsions are my heroin and this externalization is fantastic.

[@miahbella9913]

love your video! thank you for explaining, suffer with all this for over a year, im 22 and its literally killing me 😢

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome. All the best as you overcome these challenges!

[@theanonymoushelpline7248]

How are u now?

[@paulamurphy1007]

Joined your Live chat today and you advised to look at my compulsions so I ended up here.. this video makes so much sense..thanks again Mark...eg I don't like to tackle tasks if I'm not relaxed and haven't figured out my problem. I need to tackle tasks no matter what my mood..right

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Enjoy taking any thought or feeling along for the adventure!

[@bobhill2483]

I'm on my way to full recovery for quite a long time but it still amazes me how deep OCD penetrated my life in 15 year of having it. I just realized I have a lot of anxious thoughts I didn't know I have. I was reacting to them so fast and switching my brain to "compulsion mode" in a fraction of a second there was no time (or no willingness?) to notice existence of those thoughts. And that was always ending with emotional and painful disaster.

[@kristymarie6065]

Me too. 15yrs now and I’m just now learning more about it

[@pbshirley]

I just realized I've been doing this for as long as I can remember but in the past six months it's become debilitating

[@ashleyslapo6945]

This is a perfect description of my experience

[@mmariokart231]

Oooo! I got one! Whenever I’m trying to figure it out “is this ocd or not? Am I recovering right? What if I think I am but I’m not... what if I just accept that I’m not recovering but never recover? What if ocd just keeps evolving until it’s IMPOSSIBLE? What if I never figure this out” I translate that into a Rubix cube and actually take my hands and make motions like I’m solving an invisible Rubix cube

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's a good one!

[@Ma-tu2jd]

Each time you want to do a mental compulsion, try to refocus your attention on the present moment no matter what you are doing. Say for example you are bushing your teeth, try to focus on the movement of you toothbrush on the teeth, try to feel the toothpaste on your teeth. No matter what you are doing , focus on it. And do this at every moment of the day each time you want to do a mental compulsion. At the beginning it’s difficult because you are used to figure out each thing that pops into your head. But then as you practice this technique, Exposure and response prevention, it becomes easier and easier. Then you will experience like a brain switch. You will naturally do it. Mark has several videos on the subject and also Ali Greymond. Moreover, Dr Jeffrey Schwartz talks about ERP in another way but I found that it was quite the same concept; he talks about active mindfulness but basically that’s what you do in order to not engage in mental compulsions. As I am writing this, I feel the urge to figure out something in my head, to figure out if I need to figure out something = which is figuring out. That’s a mental compulsion. So what Am I doing instead? I am focusing on every letter I am writing. And that’s normal and you know what? People that don’t have ocd try to be experts in mindfulness, be in the present moment. With ocd and when healing ocd, we have an advantage over them, we practice this mindfulness all the time because we have to in order to heal! Do you see what I mean? And it’s not avoidance as your mind might tell you (be careful not to reassure yourself about this not to become a compulsion haha) but really that’s what your minds tell you to prevent you from ignoring the thoughts. It tries to protects you. But no brain thanks. I am not in danger. Those are mental compulsions. Even if I am not convinced of this, that’s an illusion and I will take a chance and not respond to those signals, to those brain errors and go with my day. I hope my comment helps you. I am recovering from OCD and it’s been 8 months now. I must keep pushing. I hope Mark will see my comment and give his opinion on this! Actually I wrote this comment to respond to someone’s question but found itcould benefits others. Feel free to like :)

[@kristymarie6065]

This is very very true. Working on this now. Present moment. And distracting my mind. I let ocd and anxiety control my life for over 15yrs .

[@kristymarie6065]

How are you now? Is it still working for you?

[@Ma-tu2jd]

@@kristymarie6065 hello i am doing well thank you and yes it is still working and it feels more now like second nature even though I know I still have to stay alert in order not to go back to compulsions, and that, only for a certain period of time, just for my brain to completely heal itself on a physical level but what you have to do over and over again is ERP ERP ERP

[@kristymarie6065]

@@Ma-tu2jd I know what you mean truly I do. I just had a relapse after 15yrs. I had to retrain my brain again I’m doing ok for the moment but I don’t want to fall back into the cycle again. We are all in this together.

[@TheTerminator317]

Seems like thinking in my head about what will I say to this person and what should I have done/said instead this etc are some of the subtle compulsions. Sometimes I tend to keep repeating this in my head too. OCD is so nasty and rumination is most common and probably most difficult to cut out.

[@gregfromusa]

Thank you Mark. Helpful, as always.

[@AngelCarloHarp]

Thanks dude!! I went through this relapse lol but now i know

[@kimbo1414]

Thank you for doing a video on mental compulsions

[@thescarytruth2329]

I have a lot of trouble finding out what my compulsions are, all mental that I know of other than little things I have tiny ticks I guess you could say however over the last 8 months or so my OCD has come leaps and bounds and has gotten so much better thanfully

[@yazanmadanat2309]

This is awesome, thank you very much. How do you deal with intrusive thoughts that are uncomfortable memories or imaginations using the technique you suggested? Thanks again

[@everybodyhasabrain]

The thing to focus on is not the memory or imagine, but what you're doing it to in your head. That mental actions are the compulsions to cut out. Let's say there was actually a picture of that uncomfortable memory sitting on a shelf in your home and, every time you walked past it, you shouted: "I shouldn't have done that!" And then you flinched and you tried to hide your eyes so you didn't look at the picture. And because you were doing that, you had to stop whatever else it was you were doing. Or maybe you start to avoid that part of the house because you don't want to have to look at it. Or there could be any number of things you're doing as a reaction to the picture. But the picture is not the problem. The judgments you're engaging in about the memory in that picture and then your reactions to the feelings triggered by those judgments are the problem. It can just be a picture sitting there that you pass while you go about living your life in a way that matters to you.

[@FreeDuprey]

This was helpful to me ! Thank you!

[@albertfigueroa11]

Mark Freeman i was dating a girl.. we were sexually involved.. she told me she can't have kids.. Last time we had sex she told no need to wear protection.. in the middle of sex I didn't wear a condom.. but then in tbe midst of sex I wore it... long story short we stop dating.. This WHAT IF scenario plays in my head what if she got pregnant what if what if what if.. I tried reaching her.. she blocked my # I seen her on FB like 4 months after.. She's been drinking alcohol partying with friends.. following month she's in a relationship.. 7 months later she is now married.. Which are logically all indications that I shd not worry bout anything.. But as silly as it sounds... am still with what if she hidding a baby thays mine.. despite the fact that I did ended up wearing protections.. I get these introtions thoughts of what if.. In her FB there's at least 30 pics of them as cple hugging up .. its been way past a year and I get these WHAT IF she is.. Is this normal.. please help??

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Albert Figueroa It sounds like you're engaging in a lot of compulsions as an attempt to be certain about this so it's only natural your brain will throw even more intrusive thoughts at you about this topic. The more you do things like go on her Facebook to check, the worse this will get. So if you don't like this, you can help yourself by stopping the compulsions you're engaging in to fuel it.

[@albertfigueroa11]

Mark Freeman I guess I need validation for assurance.. but its been over a year n yet I still see my self lurking on this what if there's a baby thought.. But all I see is a married newlywed couple.. I need to stop..THANK U SOOO MUCH.. Trust me ur videos are the best hands down

[@sepidehkoohfar6068]

Thank you so much my OCD or intrusive thoughts are like you I repeat things e.g. conversations,my behaviors in my mind an I judging them in my head just as you said I am happy that I am not alone, and I actually know how to treat this but the compulsion sometimes gets me, I always think I have to think about them and clarify things, I always think If I act like that If I say that in the future or in the past why did I say that why did I act like that and conclude that I am a weak and stupid person and this thoughts cause me lack of confidence and sometimes I feel so miserable.

[@Kikuye]

I just realized on Monday, one mental compulsion that I has been going around in my brain for a while; it felt tricky because it previously just seemed like two conflicting anxieties.So when I go somewhere, I decide which way as I go, and then get the automatic feeling/ anxiety that I "have to" go the long way. Then I think, no I don't, that is just a compulsion. Then I think "but if I go that way, since it is a compulsion, something bad will happen" So as a result I think I "should" take the shorter route, only to then think "Wait, that's just a compulsion to avoid the longer route in fear of something bad happening, which isn't true! What if I really do want to go the long way? (and it starts feeling like that more so at this point) Nothing bad will happen, I am going to take the long route to prove it, since I am feeling like I want to now!" *goes the long way*I realize now, it was just my brain getting me to do the compulsion, in a really [really] round about way! It reminds me of when I was in middle school and did things like repeatedly touch a table. I would do it once and then get anxious and feel like I did something bad; as a result of trying to prove to myself that it wasn't something bad, I would do it again and again. It felt like if I didn't, it meant that I was admitting that I was doing something wrong or "bad" by doing so. In actuality, I didn't need to; don't need to prove anything. I can do that thing if I want, but if it isn't something that actually serves my purpose, my values, then it isn't something I need to waste my time on. Phew. Lol.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+KrayolaBlue91 That last statement there is so useful: "In actuality, I didn't need to; don't need to prove anything. I can do that thing if I want, but if it isn't something that actually serves my purpose, my values, then it isn't something I need to waste my time on. Phew. Lol."

[@susieq984]

KrayolaBlue91 yes what I realized similar to that is I was always confused on doing things a certain way. Just like you, if I had the thought "oh I should talk to people why don't I talk to this person" then my brain would say "no you should talk to this person" then I'd feel like I was avoiding the other person and that was a compulsion. Then I finally said "well if it doesn't go against my values I can do whatever way and then just accept the internal stuff with it"

[@scottadams6549]

This is awesome Mark, love this idea mate! Am going to take this for a test drive!!

[@1Kilili]

I cannot believe I never asked this : Will you make a video on dealing with pain in your body, recurring migraines etc when you have ocd. How do you escape the vicious circle of wanting to not experience migraine and ending up with migraine all the time ? Everytime you make an appointment with your friends, you think "I'm so looking forward to meeting my friends tonight. Haven't seen them in months. I hope I won't get migraine and have to call the thing off" and then you get the migraine.. and the problem is that you are a human being and cannot just accept that migraine is there and that you won't see your friends that you haven't seen in months because it is just too much of a thing to ask of you. No one wants migraine. What do you recommend ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+1Kilili What if you replaced the word "migraine" in that message with "anxiety"?

[@1Kilili]

It'S a nice intervention I think. Sometimes they are very impactful!

[@susieq984]

+1Kilili do you have an email or do you know how to direct message through KZbin?

[@MAMP]

Dude this is so good!!!

[@Alex-rq6gc]

Very helpful thank you so much

[@ramuluram2305]

my ocd tells me to reason out everything I do,for example if am studying some articles,my ocd comes and tells me or rather asks me how am able to read that particular article and this leads to a fear that i may not able to read if not able answer my ocd..at the end of the day It takes me a whole of my 24 hours thinking of answering my ocd..... please help me out...am suffering form this problem for about 6 years,my whole education graph came down..please help me.....

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is why I think it's so important to be irrational and unreasonable about recovery. OCD will always win a debate if you want to argue with it. So I cut out compulsions unreasonably. Your brain can always think of a reason to answer OCD. That's ok. You don't have to answer it. You know that answering it only digs you deeper into the OCD hole. When OCD asks a question, it's ok to let the question be there, unanswered, as you do the things that actually matter to you. That will create lots of anxiety as OCD tries to pressure you into an answer. But that anxiety can be there, too. You don't have to try to make it go away. It can come along as you do the things that matter to you.

[@ramuluram2305]

+Mark Freeman thank you for valuable advice....

[@ramuluram2305]

+Mark Freeman but how to handle that fear.. whenever my ocd strikes me......it just freezes my brain.my brain gets stuck at that point and I won't able to do anything except thinking and fearing about my ocd.please give some techniques to get rid of this problem

[@vh3914]

Ramulu Ram we all feel that big damn terrible fear,but me MUST go on with things we really need in life.Thats painfull as hell,but day by day this feeling inside gonna be less and less painful.That is like going to the gym.Your body says "OMG,thats painful!",but then it adapts.The same thing with mind.When you learn how to exercise and enjoy these exercises it gets easier in long term.And you are not alone,we all are experiencing this painfull stuff.Hold on!✊

[@isaacram1083]

It happens to me that associate numbers and words with some kind of worry or issue, i believed that they were some kind of "messages" or meaningful coincidences now i realized that im actually LOOKING for those numbers and words that trigger my anxiety and fears

[@deannagonzalez2754]

I have the same issue. I never want to tell people because I sound psychotic for the longest time I thought I might be. But it doesn’t make sense because I’m not exactly delusional it can just be hard to ignore these thoughts and seeking pattern compulsions

[@joe5583]

+Mark Freeman - One thing I have never understood is.. 1) Avoidance is bad 2) Rumination is bad don't these two phrases contradict each other? Should you ignore unwanted thoughts or accept them

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I wouldn't see those as contradictory. Rumination and avoidance go together. People mostly ruminate on things they want to avoid. Accepting a thought doesn't mean ruminating about it. Here are some examples that might help clarify this: If there was a cloud in the sky and I wanted to avoid it, I would have to spend all day trying to do things so I could be certain I wouldn't see the cloud through a window or when I'm walking outside. Trying to avoid it would consume my time and energy and take me away from the things I want to do in life. I would also spend lots of time and energy ruminating on the cloud. What if it's still there? What if it's gotten bigger? How can I get to work without seeing it? What does it mean about me? Rumination is all of the thinking we do as a reaction to the experiences we want to control. With acceptance, I can see the cloud in the sky and it can be there while I do the things that actually matter to me. I don't have to pretend like the cloud isn't there, but I also don't have to try to do anything to the cloud. Most people are very skilled at practicing acceptance with clouds. You probably see clouds all of the time but don't ruminate about them or try to avoid them. You just go about doing the things you want to do in life while those clouds float overhead. That's acceptance. This works the same way with thoughts or feelings you don't like. They can be there. You don't have to do anything with them. That doesn't mean you have to ignore them. But that also doesn't mean you have to ruminate about them. Does that clarify things?

[@joe5583]

Thanks for the reply, keep up the good videos

[@gingerisevil02]

Mark Freeman ruminating for me looks like constantly researching it or getting validation or constantly thinking of how upset I am about it.

[@hiphiprenae]

@@everybodyhasabrain This is an excellent analogy. Thank You.

[@xcintiax]

What if my thoughts are things that I actually want in life? Example, I day dream A LOT, I think about getting married, having kids, falling in love. And what happened in the past is that I have these thoughts and project on a person I met (and lead to a lot of phsysical compulstions). I have cut off the physical compulsions like, over texting, checking social media, over analysing conversations, re reading text messages etc... but I still day dream about these things over and over.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

But ruminating about these things and doing compulsions around them is not the same as actually taking steps towards them. And if you notice that the ruminating is around controlling some future possibility, I'd suggest there are totally different ways of interacting with the things you want to create in life. And it can be much less stressful!

[@xcintiax]

@@everybodyhasabrain very true, ruminating about these thoughts is not really doing anything. Thank you so much.

[@StephenCWLL]

Am I the only one who has the last minute or so of video freeze with just audio playing?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+StephenCWLL You're right! Thanks for noticing that. The editing software must have messed up. Imagine that part is a podcast, not a video ;)

[@patrykdawidowski3258]

Hi Mark thanks for another great video. I cut out most physical compulsion but mental compulsion still bother me a lot. I try to not react a thoughts but because thoughts are come in to head all the time sometimes i forget and do some mental compulsions. Can You share more techniques? My OCD started with depression and its a main fear that i can be depressed again and it will be my fault because of my action and choices. Fear if im not doing compulsions that I just dont care or lose control any advice how to overcome this? Thanks.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Young Dezzy Beliefs and judgments are useful things to explore when cutting out compulsions. For example, if I have a belief that being at fault for something makes me a bad person, then my brain will always be checking to make sure I'm not at fault for something. And that will make me anxious and then it will be difficult not to engage in compulsions to get rid of that constant anxiety. But the issue is the beliefs I'm holding onto. So it can help to throw out unhelpful beliefs and learn to practice non-judgment. I explain more in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJbcn3V7e8iFmpY

[@shubhambansal6616]

Is not doing compulsion and beware of compulsive behaviour is another kind of compulsion too?

[@tinyshinythings]

I get so annoyed with myself for humming. I can hum the same two bars constantly during my waking hours. Now when I become aware of I'll welcome it as a moment of mindfulness and a reminder to take my attention to my breath. Thank you Mark.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Enjoy!

[@1Kilili]

I sometimes have cases where I don't know if doing something is compulsive or logical. An example : I had forgotten I'd spat some dish soap on my stoveplate to clean it , and turned it on to cook my legumes without first washing it off. Then it started smoking and smelling . Is checking whether breathing this in is dangerous appropriate or compulsive. How would you find out for yourself whether to go to the doctor or accept ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Checking whether this is a compulsion is also a compulsion.

[@vodkatonyq]

Great technique. How would this work for psychosomatic disorders? Maybe extrapolate it to other people experiencing as a way to make you aware of it being a damaging compulsion? Or is that already judging the disorder?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm not sure I understand. Can you explain what you're seeing as challenging about applying this to psychosomatic symptoms?

[@vodkatonyq]

@@everybodyhasabrain how does one externalize, for example, recurrent brain-caused pain on a limb or an organ like one externalizes, say, counting numbers endlessly in one's head?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@vodkatonyq What types of things are you doing around that stuff? Like checking it, hating on it, judging it, trying to control it, find rituals to avoid it. The psychosomatic pain is like the anxiety/urge that a person experiences before they do the counting. It's not the unwanted feeling this exercise is looking at, it's the compulsions/reactions to the unwanted experience.

[@vodkatonyq]

@@everybodyhasabrain gotcha. Yeah, I react to the psychosomatic pain as if it were real physical pain (which doesn't make any sense, but it feels so real...that's what I have to understand: it is created by my mind). I react to it aversely and physically and I check and judge it and hate it. I am basically keeping it alive. The pain can be really acute and it's so difficult to ignore. This is so hard. Thanks a lot for the comment.

[@krithagisc160]

My issue is basically being afraid that I'll have anxiety or a panic attack and worried it'll get worse (lose my job, etc etc). I had an issue years ago where I feared harming my kids. I overcame that by ignoring those thoughts that popped in my head (therapy). However the last few years I have issues of waking up for example and feeling anxious. Not necessarily about a particular problem, just the fear of fear I guess you'd call it. I try to just get on with my day assuming it'll go away but often it doesn't. I do replay conversations and I also catch myself becoming very absorbed in an interest. Spending too much time researching and perfecting it. Once I catch myself and stop, often a panic attack comes. How do I work towards not doing that without constantly checking my own thoughts? I hope this makes sense …

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Research into panic attacks and anxiety shows that the worry about having a panic attack or experiencing anxiety is one of the key triggers or motivators of panic attacks and anxiety. It's very common that people are only afraid of fear and just experiencing feelings they don't like. One of the key things to keep in mind with this is that the more you engage in compulsions to avoid feelings you don't like, the more you encourage your brain to worry about those feelings you don't like. The fear of fear creates more fear. So the thing I found most helpful was turning towards those feelings that I'd avoided in the past. And there are many different ways you can practice. You can practice by not replaying conversations and letting yourself sit in that feeling that something is unresolved and just soak in it and embrace it. You can want to have a panic attack and want to have a melt down in front of everybody and imagine all sorts of things happening that will lead to you losing your job and never getting another one, and bring happiness and gratitude to that fear. When we show our brains we're not afraid of those things, our brains don't have to keep worrying about them. Basically, our brains worry about these things because they want to help us avoid them. They're just being helpful. But that experience of our brains trying to help us becomes a very challenging experience and leaves us constantly worrying about the things we don't want to think about. It might sound contradictory, but the way to get rid of these experiences, is to stop trying to get rid of them.

[@krithagisc160]

Thanks for your reply! That actually makes sense. Back when I was recovering from the harm thoughts, I finally just said "yep, probably going to murder my whole family" or simply "wow that was a crazy thought. . .moving on" and finally my brain stopped throwing that at me. Same thing for some inappropriate sexual thoughts I used to have. I had a thought pop into my head the other day and wrote it down. It made sense and I think came from a compilation of some of your videos I'd watched. "Life is not about making your anxiety feel better. It's about living in the moment despite any anxiety or obsessions that come up."

[@KRAZEEIZATION]

Good video. Anybody ever tell you that you look like Peter Gabriel?

[@anthonylanni9804]

thank you so much. really helpful

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@Ray-ww7qo]

Hi mark, love your videos. I’ve an interesting question for you. Why is it that I am only ever really aware of my thoughts when I’m thinking thoughts I judge as bad. ? I usually don’t engage with my thoughts unless they are anxiety related ? Hope your well and thanks for all you’ve done 🦙

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks, Ray! There are two things I'd look at here: 1) Are you sure you don't engage with other thoughts? How did you engage with the uncertainty in this question and go online to ask about it? Is this question one of the bad thoughts you're referring to? 2) It's very natural for us to focus in on bad things. We're just trying to protect ourselves from danger. But then we recognize that we're actually causing more problems by reacting to the fears/bad thoughts, etc. And then we make useful changes!

[@Ray-ww7qo]

Great insight mark, the last point in particular! Are we reacting to the fears/bad thoughts by engaging in compulsions around trying to figure out answers as to why we are reacting to these thoughts in the first place and not just living in line with values 🦙

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Ray-ww7qo Yeah, it helped me to see spending time and energy on thoughts/uncertainties/images/etc is just naturally going to create lots more problems

[@Ray-ww7qo]

Apathy towards the brain 👌🏻 Thanks mark, continue what your doing my good man Not all Heroes wear capes 🦙🦙🦙🦙

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Ray-ww7qo thanks, Ray! Have fun accepting those alpacas!

[@dellasim7861]

Thank you for posting this. I’m having trouble figuring out my mental compulsions that I end up confusing myself and don’t know what to not do and do. I already visited a psychiatrist but an official diagnosis is not yet available. Also I have a question, is a complusion something you do automatically or is it something you do to relieve anxiety how is this different from just a normal habit or quirk?💚💚☺️ Also I’m very confused because my intrusive thoughts focus on if I have OCD or what if anything I’ll do will worsen my ocd and what if something becomes a compulsion.

[@mihiragrawal6174]

I have songs snippets played in loop in my mind and due to that I doubt whether I have fully understood the lesson read some minutes ago which led to revision of that lesson which also goes again and again revision of same text. How to deal with urge of thought which says to me that I have not fully remember the lesson?

[@Miltonbosss]

I’d appreciate it if you may respond. So basically what you’re saying is to cut out those compulsions entirely? But Is that denial or is it you just not judging the thought but also not letting your mind go there? I realized yesterday while trying your technique that I was previously always looking for that ocd or checking to see if I was ok or worrying excessively, but this helped me so much

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm not sure I understand the question but definitely, when it comes to cutting out compulsions: that's very useful to do.

[@Miltonbosss]

Mark Freeman Like is me ignoring the questions also me ignoring an opportunity for self growth? Or is it in me doing nothing I will obtain that self growth? Like where do you draw the line in like , problem solving to heal from trauma and fears and the line in choosing to be above the intrusive thoughts ? I might be confused here lol

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Miltonbosss this is something that comes up often, but it's like picking a scab to check if it's healing. The picking ends up preventing the healing and growth. If we want to grow and build health, it's going to be about actions in the present where we are right now. It's very likely there is pain with us in the present, and wecan show the brain how to heal that by taking it in new directions, not just going back to rub a bruise and pick a scab in the hope of finding something underneath

[@Miltonbosss]

Mark Freeman As well I do have one question About erp and mindfulness. So mindfulness teaches us to accept the thoughts as thoughts and erp teaches us to expose yourself to those compulsions. (Tongue placement for me) and habituate. It’s hard for me to grasp how the two work together?

[@Miltonbosss]

Mark Freeman I as well don’t even know if I have ocd. My hyper awareness ocd or at least thats what I call it is more like an intrusive thought. Briefly.. It started with me worrying about me having psychosis like my brother and me wishing he could be better and remembering and crying about our memories as kids when everything was great. And me starting to be super aware of my thoughts and actions wondering if I was going down the same road. Looking back it seems silly but having overcame those thoughts now I’m left with the hyper awareness I opened myself up to. It irritates me because I’m even thinking about it. I do however do have bad social anxiety and ruminate a lot. But your videos are helping me with that. Is this considered ocd?

[@cocoyaourt560]

Mark I was wondering how to stop checking mentally if you have ocd or not! It feels so automatic

[@dann8558]

Are things like catastrophising or ruminating (on unanswerable questions about things in the past or 'potential problems ' in the future) compulsions? Or are they just other unhelpful mental behaviours to drop?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I don't see a difference between "compulsions" and "unhelpful mental behaviors". I find it useful to just look at Time Spent in Head. Even if it's something I might judge as "good" but I don't need to be spending time on it up there, I don't have to.

[@anujsethianuj]

hi mark I stop all mental compulsions but sometime uncertainty or doubt pop ups instant when thought came I choose not to pay attention and focus around things but when thought come instant kind of reassurance thought with that thought come automatically its not thinking that thought but its itself a thought but its kind of reassurance thought how to stop this

[@everybodyhasabrain]

So much of taking care of our mental health is just about embracing uncertainty. So instead of worrying about the reassurance, it can be helpful to explore your relationship with uncertainty. Maybe there are many things you can do to practice accepting uncertainty and handling more uncertainty in your life.

[@Ashleyiza]

Hey Mark, hope you're doing well =) So I have a question... I understand that I have to stop all the mental compulsions, but one that I'm struggling with is just focusing on wanting the thought to go away. I notice that when my mind lets go somehow and I don't have that desire that the thoughts just fade away. But how can you put that into practice, into your life? Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I hope it does.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Ashley Elyse This is a useful point to get to. Have a video called "Anatomy of a Compulsion" that talks more about the beliefs, desires, and judgments behind compulsions. This will be something to explore on a broader level throughout your life. If you believe you shouldn't feel/think things you're feeling or thinking, then it's natural to feel the urge to react to those things. But the problem is the belief, not the feeling or thought.

[@jacob3180able]

All this makes great since and great tools but I guess my problem is I don't know what normal is will my mind feed me the right stuff when I overcome or do I need to have a idea of how the brain activity is normally

[@everybodyhasabrain]

All of these tools are about having any thought or feeling. It really helped me to see that I don't need to control my brain. My brain can throw anything at me and I can make a healthy decision aligned with my values.

[@dipaliacharyaa6568]

mark i am diagonised with ocpd..but your videos are helping me..i dont have any handwashing compulsions...i have intrusive thoughts...now i am anxious wheher all i learned about ocd is false because i have ocpd...i am really having problem...how can i be assured tha i have ocd not ocpd?doctor told ocpd but i think ocd..pls mark help me to throw out tha thought

[@everybodyhasabrain]

instead of focusing on labels, it can help to keep the focus on where you're going. I make my videos for people with mental health. If you want to build better mental health, the ways to do that are the same regardless of the labels a doctor might stick on you.

[@mythicshop1639]

If you could HELP! When i was 26 i was doing my masters ,jobless , gaming i was a social butterfly so happy, now i hit 30 i have a good job , good life , i have everything I missed out earlier but i don't feel that happy anymore , I'm filled with people still i feel lonely, i don't feel happiness in the things I did before.. even though great things happen it's just empty, i miss that impulse or sense awe .. it doesn't come to how hard I try in two years.. i been looking at my past and seeing what did I miss, i cant figure it out.. if you would know please share

[@mythicshop1639]

I just wanna know why I was so happy when i didn't have anything but now i have everything i feel like a complete shit

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I wouldn't see any of that as necessarily connected to happiness. It's like saying: "I wasn't standing on the street before and I was happy, but now I'm standing on the street and I'm unhappy." It sounds like there's a lot of judging and assuming going on. And it could be useful to look at how you define happiness and what that looks like as a practice inside and outside of your head

[@wutru20]

So, I don't know if you can give me an answer to this, but I suffer from a burn-out since a year. I am smart, no doubt and not trying to be narcistic, cause I often struggle with it. When I try to learn from a text book, if read every word over and over again till I know it. I can't stop this, cause I have always had this since kindergarten. I struggle with long texts (school, not hobby). Also, I am in a process of accepting that thoughts are just thoughts. I had two really really good days! Now a slightly worse one. Also, i have alot of physical symptoms like dizzyness and trouble sight because of the burn out. Tips? You are helping alot mark. You really are :).

[@wutru20]

I could struggle for months with questions like: 'why are things beautifull, why do we like things, why don't we feel the earth spinning, etc.

[@wutru20]

Sorry for the spam :-P. I also bought nice new clothes, I wore clothes that had ripps in it.. and now I constantly ruminate about this. Were my old clothes not better; they were!, Or, do you only wear new clothes to attract girls or stuff...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

With all of these, it can really help to cut out compulsions. For example, you shared about the rereading compulsion and then immediately after that said you can't stop it because of reasons. That's a very common pattern we get stuck on with this stuff. But it's entirely possible to cut out that compulsion. I had tons of compulsions from when I was a little kid, too. The first time I stopped doing them when I was 28 was the first time in my life I'd ever not done those things. We always invent stories to rationalize why we can't make changes. It can help to recognize that practice of making up excuses to keep ourselves trapped is one of the compulsions to cut out. If you can access a skilled professional or grab a good workbook or online course, those could be great ways to get started on making changes.

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain thanks. I am already getting help. For an anxiety disorder but not ocd.

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain and how to deal with obsessing over a feeling. Once i got a bit of an angry feeling when I was with my rabbit and now i'm scared I will hurt it, or that the feeling is because of the rabbit. Thanks.

[@devskuf4240]

This helps so much! It’s just so hard because when I get these really bad thoughts I get so uncomfortable.... and it’s really hard to not say a phrase or something like that to calm myself. When I get a thought or anxiety should I just clear my mind? Or is that a compulsion? Like it feels like I should say or do something to get rid of that thought....

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It helped me to recognize that saying and doing things to get rid of thoughts is what causes the thoughts. The brain is like a puppy: if you give it attention every time it brings you something, it'll keep bringing you things! If we feel relieved by getting rid of nasty things, it'll bring even nastier things so we can get even more relief. It's a vicious cycle but you can stop it by cutting out the compulsions.

[@devskuf4240]

Mark Freeman thank you so much for responding! I will do my best to get rid of these compulsions!

[@juliacarvalho9283]

Oh, Mark, I'm trying to decide what I am going to be and what major I should do, but the only thing I could do until now is to worry about the future. How can I think about my career without engaging in compulsions?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is a great thing to explore and so useful in the long-term for health and happiness. Over on everybodyhasabrain.com, one of the most recent posts is a podcast episode on this topic. Like with anything, it's all about moving towards what you value instead of trying to control and avoid fears. Check it out and if you have any questions, post them in the comments and we can chat more about it

[@juliacarvalho9283]

Hey, Mark, thanks for replying. See, I'm still choosing a major. Hum, I know I have to do some research before choosing it. However, I noticed I end up ruminating, trying to control a uncertainty about my future. Then, it's really difficult to make a choice...

[@juliacarvalho9283]

well, I listened to the podcast. It has great tips, but I still don't see how I can choose my major :/

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Are you sure that seeing how to choose a major is the problem? You probably know how to make choices. I'm sure you've made many already today. So it might help to approach this as being a problem about something else. Why do you make so many other choices every day but you don't want to make this one?

[@juliacarvalho9283]

Actually, I'm in college and I don't like my current major. So I have to change it and I want to make sure that I will choose the one that is best for me. I've made another decisions, but this one seems like a really important one. Because it can affect the next years and it will have impact in my future career.

[@lapirazo6461]

I have Peripheral Staring OCD Is this mental compulsion or intrusive thoughts?: "Did I look at them inappropriately?". "Are they judging me?". "Did my eye dart over there?". "Are they thinking Im a creep?".

[@sundus928]

You need to trust yourself more. Even if your gaze seemed inappropriate for them , you can always apologize or atleast make up to them by a simple greeting. You're aware your gaze can be inappropriate and that's more than enough. Some guys make excuses and shame women for not "limiting" themselves. Give yourself credit that you're atleast trying. Do exercises like standing in front of a mirror and practising how you look. Make a video of yourself. You can always lower your gaze too. That would be more modest behaviour. ( I'm not a professional, but I hope it helps)

[@kilifischkopp1442]

I saw an image on facebook of somebody in China skinning a dog alive. Now that image haunts me . I kind of sit through the image being there but I feel my body revolting and contracting. So there is resistence to the images on a level I cannot reach. How do I do exposure here ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Kili Fischkopp Why would you do exposure? Are you sure you're not engaging in compulsions around this image because you want to escape thoughts or feelings you don't like? That's what OCD is all about, not recovery. Instead of putting more time and energy into this, it can help to do things you value. If the thought comes up, it comes up. You can experience that and keep doing what you value. It's no different than any other thought or image or feeling that pops into your head.

[@shawnleong3605]

Hi Mark, what are your thoughts on labelling OCD thoughts when they come in or cause me general discomfort? Are they necessary and are they considered compulsions? Thanks!:)

[@shawnleong3605]

Labelling as in saying in your head that they are just ocd thoughts

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I treat all thoughts as the same. The problem is in the compulsions, not the thoughts. You can engage in compulsions with any thought.

[@shawnleong3605]

+Mark Freeman I totally agree :) I know ERP is helpful in removing physical compulsions. But it always seems more tricky when it comes to mental ones, even after I have identified the types of mental compulsions I engage in. What is your take on this?:) should I still use ERP, or maybe for such thoughts ACT might be more useful (I have thoughts that I had killed someone at a place where I had been).

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You might want to explore why it's tricky. It's no different whether the compulsion is mental or physical. Often, what I see tripping people up is that they want to engage in the compulsions. The issue isn't with the compulsion but with their desires, judgments, and beliefs. If you desire to prove to yourself that you didn't do something you're afraid of and you practice judging others who have done that thing, and you hold onto all sorts of beliefs about that and what it would mean, then it's very natural to struggle with cutting out the compulsion. But you can make changes in your beliefs, judgments, and desires. As long as you desire to prove to yourself that you didn't kill someone, then your brain will keep trying to help you be certain if you did. That desire is a choice that comes with totally natural consequences. Choosing to pursue that desire is choosing to experience the intrusive thoughts.

[@saraemily7397]

​@@everybodyhasabrain So I'm supposed to want my boyfriend to like other women? I'm not going to change my desire to that, that's ridiculous.

[@cosovic14]

Thank you for the video, I really appreciate all of your work. Quick question, if I get an ocd thought and tell my self " that's true, I accept it" then go watch let's say a random KZbin video , is that a compulsion?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It could be. Compulsions are about patterns, not specific things. Is there something you'd rather be doing than watching random KZbin videos?

[@cosovic14]

Mark Freeman Not at that particular moment. I think that's my ocd trying to make me obsessed about ocd if that makes sense. Like a back door spike I guess

[@everybodyhasabrain]

cosovic14 It can really help to shift the focus to the things we want to be doing more of in life and build around those. In any moment, taking care of my mental health is really just asking how I want to spend my time and energy right now in a way that's useful to myself and those around me over the long term

[@cosovic14]

Over time, the content has gotten clever and tricky , " what if its not ocd" , " do you even know how ocd works", "how do you know you're not doing a compulsion" , etc etc

[@cosovic14]

To the point of not knowing what the specific fear is or what to do ERP for. Sorry for my rambling lol

[@tlukay1572]

How do you tell whether something you do is a mental compulsion? Trying to remember something is essential at times, so when does it become a compulsion that I should cut? Should we avoid even engaging such 'normal' and useful behavior?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I define a compulsion as anything I do to cope with, check on, or control uncertainty, anxiety, and other feelings I don't like. A handy way to see if something is a compulsion is also to imagine what it would be like if you were doing it outside of your head. For example, if you're repeatedly checking something in your head, would you see that as a compulsion if you were repeatedly walking up to somebody and asking them the same question over and over again?

[@tlukay1572]

Mark Freeman I see, but isn't it human nature to want to feel certain or confident about things from time to time? Would it better to define compulsion as "repeated" attempts to cope with anxiety or control uncertainty? Doing it once every now and then seems pretty much human to me.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sure, it's entirely in human nature to want to chase that certainty. It doesn't mean you have to chase it. I wouldn't define a compulsion as "repeated" attempts. There are always going to be times where we engage in compulsions without realizing it at first. But then we notice that and we can choose to do something else. But if you're purposefully doing it and coming up with reasons why this time is different or this feels "real" or you need to get rid of this feeling because something important is coming up... etc, then I would just expect that to lead to relapse over and over again.

[@tlukay1572]

Mark Freeman ok, but how about say I'm at work and I need to submit a completed work. Logic will tell me I should check once or twice to ensure there isn't any mistakes before I hand it in. Is doing that a compulsion, because not checking my work seems like shoddiness or recklessness on my part. When you say to cut mini compulsions that don't bother me as much, are you referring to things like this example?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's an example I use often, actually. Getting over this stuff involved changing how I work, so that I'm proactively trying to build and create what I want to see in the world. Tools like our values are there to help guide how we spend our time and energy. We can proactively set an intention and follow-through on it. Skills like mindfulness help us be present as we do the things we want to do in the way we want to do them. And that does involve a big shift from how we've often worked in the past. I found that it helped to set up exercises so I could learn how to do things like write a blog post once and publish it and have it be the way I wanted it to be. I'd do things like write a blog post during a 15 minute subway ride and publish as soon as the ride was done. Or respond to an email I felt was "important" immediately after reading it and without rereading my response. It was about learning how to be myself now, through my actions, not leaving open the possibility to just do things distractedly and fix it later. Everything becomes like flying a plane. You prepare to fly the plane well and then you fly it. You don't fly the plane and then hope to fix up any mistakes after.

[@mustafatoribio7968]

Hi mark i have a question is for you complaining and criticising others a compulsion?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can be. Many compulsions are about trying to bring certainty and control. So it's very common that people complain and criticize as an attempt to control other people or to control a feeling they're having. I find it useful to consider the question: What do I want to give?

[@mustafatoribio7968]

@@everybodyhasabrain WoW so much wisdom thank you Mark

[@TheTerminator317]

One thing that has been bit of barrier or you can say catch22 is this. We are usually told that you become what you think. So for someone with OCD it becomes bit of a problem. On one hand you can't stop obsessing and on the other hand we are not supposed to stop that either as it's a compulsion. How do you see this Mark?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Gaurav Surati Obsessing is a compulsion.

[@TheTerminator317]

Mark Freeman sorry I probably didn't get you here. My understanding is that obsessive intrusive thoughts are being fired from brain and its not under our control. For example intrusive thought of harming your family. However trying to stop these thoughts and trying to avoid or change these thoughts are compulsions. So how is obsessing a compulsion? Please elaborate.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yes, and obsessing about the thought--thinking about it, ruminating on it--is just another way we try to control a thought, feel better about it, etc. We don't choose the thoughts that pop into our head, but what we do with them once they're there is up to us.

[@TheTerminator317]

Mark Freeman yep understood..

[@kristymarie6065]

Thank you for this. Great video. Is it possible to relapse after many yrs? I think I’m out of this one I just had but I’m afraid or another one happening and setting be back into a bad depression. I’m thinking at this point I’ll need therapy forever right? In order to prevent a relapse..

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It helped me to take a fitness approach to mental health. It's about skills and practices. Relapse is just me making different choices than the choices that are useful to me. If my brain is throwing up lots of intrusive thoughts and feelings, if I'm running into challenging uncertainties in life, I have many different choices I can make. If you notice that some of the ways of interacting with that stuff isn't helping you, that's great! Now you can make different choices. In any moment, all I ever have is a choice to experience any brain stuff and do things I value.

[@kristymarie6065]

@@everybodyhasabrain great advice, thank you

[@stephaniep2674]

Hi Mark I’m a nursing student and I️ been dealing with anxiety in all types of levels to depersonalization questioning my sanity .. which is very scarey and to the point where I️ was afraid of just thoughts how our brain functions , fear of death ... how do you get over this feeling of being able to feel normal again ...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Although it might seem like the solution is to get over these feelings, it can help to see that's the problem. I find it's helpful to recognize that experiences like depersonalization are the result of compulsions, particularly compulsions to chase certainty and check or control feelings. The more we do those compulsions, the less certainty we have and the more we experience the feelings we hate. So it's important to cut out the compulsions.

[@stephaniep2674]

Thanks for answering but how do you stop the compulsion

[@everybodyhasabrain]

There are many ways to learn that skill. Evidence based therapy for overcoming these challenges focuses on that, like Exposure & Response Prevent or Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. If you're studying in healthcare, you may have access to books and research and experts on those forms of therapy. I find it helpful to approach this practice like physical fitness, so you want to start by cutting out small compulsions and build up your abilities to handle tougher ones. The compulsions that seem most difficult to cut out now will be the ones to tackle later. In my book, The Mind Workout, the exercise I suggest to people first is to just learn how to not check your phone when you feel the urge. If you don't have skills to handle an uncertainty like "did I get a message?" it's very difficult to handle an uncertainty like "do I even exist?".

[@InLoveWithFashionxox]

I'm not sure whether what I'm experiencing are mental compulsions or OCD? I tend to think someone has said something for example 'stupid' then I feel the need to repeatedly ask them whether they have said it or whether it was just in my head. I don't actually ask them. I just start behaving angrily towards them and obviously they react the same way in return. Then everything they do I believe is because there mad at me for example bang in another room. Then I feel the need to say I'm not in my head and then have a shower to make me feel better because they banged because of me

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Sanaa I don't find that it necessarily helps to get too caught up in labels. But if this is something you want to change, then that's totally possible. It's helped me immensely to learn how to accept uncertainty and not judge everything people do as being centered around me.

[@NitroJoe308]

I Have a dilemma... Ive been using ERP to get rid of my obsessive thought and it worked really well and i am recovering from it!!. But now it seems that the phrase or thought 'You are not your brain' or ''do ERP' or 'even your voice and phrases keeps popping into my head. So i know how to not respond, but then my brain goes, make sure you dont respond... and thats the thought that keeps bugging me... i just automatically think 'dont respond and it goes away'. how do i stop the treatment from bugging me now?? I appreciate all that you have done for me!! is the best option to just stop watching these videos or any vids in general? Regards, Jozeph

[@LetsStopThisSong]

Jozeph Nassar if a thought bugs you, I think you need to just accept it, not to make it go away, just to accept it. And focus on what you're doing

[@christinagreaves1302]

cool videos ... thanks

[@goldenrock3113]

Mark Freeman Sir if i see anything. And then i feel urge to see that thing several times.i can't concentrate on doing anything because when my mind notice anything.for example when i am walking and i see a car .my mind notice it. And then i feel urge to see that car again and again .when i am in conversation i can't concentrate what the other guy is talking because i feel urge to see that thing again and again Is this compulsion? And how can i stop Should i stop to seeing to that thing again and again.

[@alanshi8920]

Hi Mark, I am just recently struggling very bad with Pure 'O' and i get thousands of thoughts each day, so if i use this technique every time then I will just burn my self out. And even when I realise it is a compulsion, and accept it-- it gets stronger and or OCD manifests itself into another thought-- its impossible to deal with-- I've tried mindfulness, deep breathing, rationalising, and ACT and ERP, nothing really works- and I feel like I will lose it soon...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Alan Shi The point isn't too use it every time. This is simply a way of understanding how the stuff you're doing in your head is a compulsion so then you can cut it out. It's likely that you're engaging in the same mental compulsion with all of the thoughts in your head. This technique is meant to simplify things.

[@RohanSharma-fl3oi]

Hello mark I am suffering from somatic ocd and when I do my valueable things I am checking that I am fully focusing on my work or not ,is this is a compulsion??

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Checking if we're "fully" focusing is a quick way to doubt if we're focusing, and if we're checking, of course we're not focusing on our work! I find it more useful to just give my attention to the work I want to do.

[@susieq984]

So just a recap. Even if the compulsion in one area doesn't have even the slightest relationship to a compulsion is another area, can it still effect it in the other area of compulsions? Like with me talking and homework, can the compulsion of avoiding feelings with homework, effect the ones with socializing with others?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Susie Velasquez I'm not sure those compulsions are in different "areas". Avoiding feelings and avoiding feelings are the same compulsion, whether there's homework in front of your brain or a person in front of your brain.

[@amanrai8010]

Hey mark i have cut my all the physical compulsions but I get mental compulsive when practicing erp that why I am not getting enough anxiety am i doing ot right. How to cut this

[@everybodyhasabrain]

But you were doing physical compulsions spamming the chat during the live session the other day. It could help to expand your definition of a compulsion. Also, chasing a feeling like anxiety is not what ERP is about. ERP is about changing actions. It doesn't matter if there is or isn't anxiety.

[@amanrai8010]

@@everybodyhasabrain yeah Mark you are right. I will keep in mind. Thanks Mark for forgiving me. I will be a good boy from next time.

[@_krishsharma_2103]

Is trying to imagine not a compulsion?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It would depend on why the person is doing it.

[@_krishsharma_2103]

@@everybodyhasabrain so how could I know , when I have to stop or not.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@_krishsharma_2103 I start by looking at how I want to spend my time and energy in life. Then it's not about reactively checking something to avoid. It's about proactively growing what I want to see in life

[@_krishsharma_2103]

@@everybodyhasabrain what to do when I'm confused if something I am doing is a compulsion or not.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@_krishsharma_2103 This is the same question as you already asked. My answer is the same as my previous reply

[@dynamicmusic376]

Thanks bro m'y compulsion juste goes away Big pressure goes out

[@brittneyhuston6767]

What would be your advice for someone battling with relationship ocd. It is hurting my marriage and I need help.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can help to approach relationship OCD as any other type of OCD symptoms. The compulsions fuel the anxiety and obsessions. The more you engage in the compulsions, the more the anxieties and obsessions increase and the more problems come up in the relationship, which then fuels more compulsions. It becomes a very nasty feedback loop. So stopping the compulsions is a great way to break that loop. Instead of engaging in compulsions to try to get rid of uncertainty and other feelings you don't like, it can help to focus on what you want to give to the relationship and what it means to have a healthy relationship. Cutting out relationship compulsions involves accepting uncertainty, recognizing the urge to engage in a compulsion to get rid of that uncertainty, but instead doing something that supports your partner and the long-term goals with the relationship.

[@awlawla]

Heard about Stuart Ralph? He's a great guy that knows a lot about rOCD. He's suffered from it, and he overcame it.

[@traviscrooks7038]

wierd question after i beat my ocd which is the violent intrusive thought type, will i be able to engage in things i used to like agan? like watching classic movies like war movies and such or even playing games with some violence ? as of right now im actually scared to watch or play anything like that and its really scary thinking i ll walk past a tv and see something that brings up another terrible thought

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Avoiding those things are the compulsions. Reacting to the thoughts are the compulsions that fuel OCD. So it's like asking if you'll be able to do the sports you like after you get improve your physical fitness level because right now you avoid the sports because they're difficult. The avoidance makes them difficult. So engage in the things you used to like to get over OCD. They are the path to beating this.

[@sofiav7392]

Can mental compulsions make it harder to get over a person you used to be with?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

+Sofia V That's a tricky question because just trying to "get over" a person can become a compulsion, and not just a mental compulsion. People often avoid things or try to do things in the hope that they'll get rid of some feeling, but those actions can also drive that person deeper into those memories and feelings because they're still making decisions based around that past experience. So I'd look at the entire idea of "getting over" somebody and what that means. The video I just uploaded might be of interest: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHiwp3imiJl7d80&lc=z13eevhbqzfysxety223hdz5qoiyxdrym04

[@bellelee5268]

Hi Mark !I'm a high school student live in korea. I'm suffering from OCD about 3 years. I really want to recover from OCD so I read a lot of books about OCD and of course watched your videos too. So I understand the ERP and ocd. My primary ocd theme is religious ocd. I don't have physical compulsion that much, but I suffer from some mental compulsion. I know that I have to expose myself to anxiety in order to get better. But whenever I do something I'm afraid if I commit a 'real' sin. and I always have doubt that I did something really bad. and I really want to pray for forgiveness from God. If I don't pray, then I feel really afraid. I know praying is a kind of compulsion. But I can't remove the doubt "what if that was a real sin?" I really need your advice!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Hi Belle. Something that can help with these particular symptoms is to shift the focus to the consequences of committing a sin. That's probably what you're actually afraid of. What would happen if you committed a sin and you weren't forgiven? In general, recovery from OCD is all about getting comfortable with uncertainty. Trying to remove uncertainty is a compulsion. This particular fear might upset you a lot right now, so you may find it easier to start practicing accepting other uncertainties. Any work you can do to accept an uncertainty and not react to it can help build up your ability to accept bigger uncertainties. Even simple things like noticing the urge to check your phone for messages, and then choosing not to check, can start to show your brain you're comfortable with uncertainty.

[@bellelee5268]

Mark Freeman Thank you so much for your quick response! Actually in korea, we are not very open about mental health and ocd, so I didn't have many information about ocd. Now I understand ocd, but when I didn't know about it, you helped me a lot and gave me a hope! so me and my whole family always appreciate your help ! If you don't mind I would like to ask for your advice when I have some question thank you ^^

[@ciaraskeleton]

I write out my awful thoughts and look at them, sit with them. Or read them outloud. It shows me usually how bizzare they are. Inside your head its so real, but when you put it into the physical, into reality, you do see how punishing, fear driven, and downright outlandish they are. There have been times ive said them outloud and i have actually laughed upon sitting with them. Because i see and i hear how silly these little things are that i believed kept me safe. Erp every day if you can and dont expect OCD not to come back. It will come back, but you will grow and youll be able to deal with it better. OCD is trying to keep you safe, and its doing a horrific job. Thanks OCD but i dont believe you. My biggest conpulsion is 'if i dont obsess, if i let this thought go, if i dont solve it now, then my whole life is going to be utterly ruined'. It takes many different more specific forms but thats the jist. If you write it out and say 'if i dont 'check' x y z then thr 'bad thing will happen' you look at it, then look around, you will stary to see that your compulsion has 0 impact on the outcome. You can do it or not do it but life is going to happen anyway. Your compulsion is so big inside your head but throw it into the vast universe and it becomes a silly speck. Im going through a tough time at the moment and i just feel for everyone else who suffers with this. I know you are all the strongest people, you will get there.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Sorry to hear about the difficult time! Something that might be useful to consider: I did ERP with a therapist more than 10 years ago. OCD was quite severe at the time and I haven't struggled with OCD again. I do not recognize anything in what you wrote as ERP. I definitely don't do ERP every day to maintain my mental health now. If you're finding the current approach is just leading to a repeating cycle with OCD, know that there are other approaches, including different ways of doing ERP.

[@ciaraskeleton]

@@everybodyhasabrain I think I absolutely need to change how I'm doing things, mine is ROCD and pure O though so it's never just one topic so I assumed that I didn't have much chance to tackle all of the obsessions and compulsions. I'm late diagnosed autistic too which had made getting actual helpful treatment very difficult. Your comment has given me new insight and I won't give up persuing proper therapy. :)

[@gilpaez7213]

hi mark,i always count in my head,but now its gotten bad by swallowing i keep counting ,i have bad numbers good numbers,if i swallow on a bad number i have to swallow until i get a good number or else i think i might throw up very scary stuff

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Those are all very common compulsions. It's important to cut them out. It helped me to see compulsions as skills you practice. If you keep practicing them, it's only natural your brain wants to do them more and more. Getting help from an experienced professional that can help you accept the feelings in your head and not react to them with compulsions can be a useful way to get over this.

[@Chillassassinm]

I have where I repeating prayers it's hard for me to pray cause it takes forever most days

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's a very common compulsion. It's useful to cut out the repetition and to just sit with that urge to repeat but not do it.

[@littlemisslefty99]

Dear Mark, I have some very scary questions from OCD. Whenever I try to use my recovery techniques, my OCD whispers to me that I'm doing them as a compulsion and I don't actually need to think about them. I feel like my OCD may be right -a lot of the time I feel anxiety and automatically want to remember the principles of ERP and ACT so I know that I have them when I need them. It smells of OCD to me, but I also know that it is what I need to do. I'm so confused! I also don't know how to leave OCD "unanswered". Whenever I try to do that, my OCD/brain tells me "Oh, you are trying to distract yourself or suppress your thoughts." This makes me feel confused and that I need to do something, and that I feel guilty because I'm like "Oh crap, I'm ruminating...". Then the cycle just continues! I don't even know if this counts as compulsions or what, but I think they must be...also I get lots of distracting thoughts when I read which hurts my comprehension. I have made myself stop rereading as much as possible, but I get confused when I study (because obviously, you should repeat stuff so you remember!) and then I feel like I should summarize in my head what I just read. But what's the line between what's acceptable and what is compulsion? No matter what I do, I feel guilty and stupid.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I found it really useful not to listen to my brain. It also helped me to not see OCD as this separate thing. There's just me and I get to make choices about how I use my time and energy. And I don't have to put random experiences in charge of how I spend my time and energy. Thoughts are just things I experience, like sounds or something I see. If I saw a poster on a wall that said I should do compulsions, I don't have to believe that anymore than I would believe a thought telling me to do a compulsion. They're just experiences.

[@nicolasjacques8337]

Hi Helen! I'm struggling with the exact same thing right now. How are you doing today? Have you found anything helpful?

[@arkapratimbanerjee6323]

hi mark, in your videos you said that things which might seem normal to you/others are also a kind of compulsion.I have a doubt regarding this.After taking a bath everyday i clean my specs,otherwise i don't feel clean.This thing is done by many,and doesn't seem like compulsion but after seeing your videos i fear that it also might be a compulsion.Also i have the routine of shampooing my hair every sunday.I mean most people have this kind of thing.But is this a compulsion?And there are so many other natural things which seems to be a compulsion now after seeing this video of yours.If you could please tell what exactly you mean and reply so that i can identify my compulsions clearly? -Arka

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Specific things or actions aren't compulsions. It's the pattern of thinking and behaving that makes them a compulsion. You can do anything as a compulsion. Many people develop compulsions around exercise, eating, or meditation--all things that can be useful supports or they can be ways to practice making our mental health worse. Trying to get rid of uncertainty is a common compulsion. Instead of trying to avoid OCD and avoid uncertainty, you might find it useful to shift the focus to doing things you value. The more you try to get rid of uncertainty about recovery, the more uncertainty you'll experience.

[@stephanieperez2458]

How do You stop the compulsions in your head ?? I feel like My mind wants to believe all the thoughts and irrational ones is always judging and analyzing scermerios how can I stop this ... is so paralyzing

[@everybodyhasabrain]

We don't control the thoughts that pop into our heads but we do control how we react to them. Here's a video on thoughts vs thinking that can explain more: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJ-npI2JfryIerc

[@daniellamalone5209]

Hi mark. Is their a way i can practise erp alone? I have a therapist but im not sure she is trained im erp ! Thanks

[@everybodyhasabrain]

ERP is all about cutting out compulsions. So even if you have a therapist, they're there to help guide you through the process, but you would still have to do it on your own when you're not at the therapist's office. You would have to cut out the compulsions in your everyday life. It does help to follow a structured process for cutting them out, which is what the therapist is often helping you with--to figure out where to start, how to stay consistent with cutting them out, how to support the changes you're making, etc. Since you have a therapist, you could get something like a book that describes how to do ERP and then check in with your therapist as you're using that book to guide you. My number one tip would be to start very small, even with something that doesn't seem like a compulsion. ERP is really just about change. So you can practice by learning how to change something in your life. For example, if you came home each day and turned on the computer or TV as soon as you got in the door, just try changing that. Notice the urge to engage in the old habit and choose to do something different. ERP is the same process, only with much more anxiety. Enjoy!

[@daniellamalone5209]

Thanks so much mark! Your videos are helping so much! Are their any books you would reccomend? I also would like to knpw more about ACT therapy ive been doing some research after watching your videos but im still veru unsure were to start! Thanks so much again

[@lisaroberts9104]

How do you get rid of breathing obsession!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can really help to tackle the compulsions around breathing. They lead to the obsession (although it might feel like it's the other way around right now). In addition to working on cutting out compulsions (like checking how you're breathing or trying to control your breathing in a particular way), it can also help to work on welcoming and accepting uncomfortable feelings and allowing them to be there while you do things you care about. One way I find useful to work on that is through meditation--by sitting, and meditating, and waiting until I get uncomfortable and I feel the urge to move, but then sitting with that feeling and not moving, but instead allowing that feeling to be there, exploring it with curiosity, and then deciding if I want to move or not.

[@lisaroberts9104]

I constantly feel like i have to get a deep breath its very uncomfortable how do i stop that?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's a compulsion. That's what I meant by "trying to control your breathing in a particular way." It's a very common compulsion. If that's the compulsion that's bothering you the most, it helps to start with cutting out an easier compulsion first. That helps to build up the skills to tackle the tougher compulsions. So if there are other things you do in your life to get that same certainty or control the same fear, then you could work on cutting out those other reactions and practice sitting with the feelings that brings up while you do things you care about.

[@lisaroberts9104]

Not sure what the easier compulsion would be?

[@harrycostley2026]

Lisa Roberts I got this it’s hell

[@kassie5779]

What about existential intrusive thoughts? I get an image of the universe over and over again (basically that humans are just ants on the Earth) & feel trapped, scared, and like life is meaningless.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Those are thoughts you can have!

[@gingerisevil02]

How do you cut out mental compulsions though? I'd do it cold turkey if I knew how.

[@Ma-tu2jd]

Each time you want to do a mental compulsion, try to refocus your attention on the present moment no matter what you are doing. Say for example you are bushing your teeth, try to focus on the movement of you toothbrush on the teeth, try to feel the toothpaste on your teeth. No matter what you are doing , focus on it. And do this at every moment of the day each time you want to do a mental compulsion. At the beginning it’s difficult because you are used to figure out each thing that pops into your head. But then as you practice this technique, Exposure and response prevention, it becomes easier and easier. Then you will experience like a brain switch. You will naturally do it. Mark has several videos on the subject and also Ali Greymond. Moreover, Dr Jeffrey Schwartz talks about ERP in another way but I found that it was quite the same concept; he talks about active mindfulness but basically that’s what you do in order to not engage in mental compulsions. As I am writing this, I feel the urge to figure out something in my head, to figure out if I need to figure out something = which is figuring out. That’s a mental compulsion. So what Am I doing instead? I am focusing on every letter I am writing. And that’s normal and you know what? People that don’t have ocd try to be experts in mindfulness, be in the present moment. With ocd and when healing ocd, we have an advantage over them, we practice this mindfulness all the time because we have to in order to heal! Do you see what I mean? And it’s not avoidance as your mind might tell you (be careful not to reassure yourself about this not to become a compulsion haha) but really that’s what your minds tell you to prevent you from ignoring the thoughts. It tries to protects you. But no brain thanks. I am not in danger. Those are mental compulsions. Even if I am not convinced of this, that’s an illusion and I will take a chance and not respond to those signals, to those brain errors and go with my day. I hope my comment helps you. I am recovering from OCD and it’s been 8 months now. I must keep pushing

[@y2taner]

i feel like giving people the finger even though i don't want to its really annoying

[@gingerisevil02]

taner raven lol I've done that.