How to identify core fears?

[@duppyshuman]

Perfect ending to another useful video. A phrase I picked up years ago: "if no one pays you a complement, complement yourself".

[@everybodyhasabrain]

😁🙇‍♂️

[@zgjimgashi7664]

I never had a panic attack alone ,all my panic attacks were around people maybe because my core fear is being judged as weak and not acceped by people.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's very common!

[@yfoog]

This video is gangsta

[@barbarawheeler3557]

I was all in, then we got to the bottom of the mountain and WOW…feelings ☔️ I’ll be needing a few donuts after this one, Mark.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

🍩🍩🍩

[@wessel_g45]

Great stuff Mark! Waiting for the second video 👀

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's up now! kzbin.info/www/bejne/fInLkGqrqb2fi8k Thank you for waiting :)

[@wessel_g45]

@@everybodyhasabrain Awesome! thanks :)

[@Walterqkz1]

so damn grateful for your videos. really mark, youre a great guy.

[@PBunyanOx]

Im afraid of pain.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's a very common fear!

[@rxvnn13]

I have a big fear about not finding the root fear because if i dont find the root fear i m gonna be anxious and the other people will see me and they will not like me and will not like to spend time with me and accept me. OMFG and this is why i m rejecting all my feelings

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You found it!

[@lovelifedrawing]

just did this exercise with some somewhat unexpected results

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It is fascinating what it can uncover in the mountains of logic!

[@onyllindoro1361]

Brilliant!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thank you!

[@carlovalentini2407]

Hi Mark, can you make in the future some videos about beliefs? It's difficult for me to find dysfunctional beliefs :(

[@avid9530]

Fear of passing down generational trauma by existing. Epigenetics. Fear of becoming pregnant, fear of becoming a mother. Fear of influencing my nieces and nephews. So I isolate myself and take extreme precautions/emergency contraceptives.

[@avid9530]

OCD was triggered around this. Couldn’t sleep adequately for months. Also once I thought I was actually pregnant, had a panic attack and fainted.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It sounds like you see the compulsions you can drop!

[@oattias10]

But why did you stop at this point? You could go on with more questions, like why do you want people to like you? Why is it so important? And go on... So how do you know when to stop? I am trying to find my core fears, and I find it so hard. I get many core fears for every theme....

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Remember the part in the video about being light and practical. We're only doing this exercise to take action. If you find yourself searching for some special important core fear and going over and over again, that's just more of the compulsions to chase certainty. A great way to discover what we're actually afraid is by taking action to make changes. I learned much more by trying things and changing things and stepping into life than by sitting around trying to think about what scares me in life.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It is very easy to keep thinking! That's why taking action is important

[@hellokitkath3329]

What is usually the core free of someone with self-harm intrusive thoughts?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@hellokitkath3329 I wouldn't say there's usually one. I'm editing a video this evening about the fear of losing control, which often overlaps with harm fears. In that video, I divide the core fears into three categories: 1) The fear of losing the things we want to do in life, 2) The fear of losing relationships, 3) Fears related to identity and not being ourselves.

[@hellokitkath3329]

@ oh my gosh! I think mine is 3). Fears related to identity and not being ourselves. I started being disturbed by gory intrusive thoughts after watching a horror movie, and I’m afraid that I might do that to myself.

[@hellokitkath3329]

@ Mark, I’m always been a positive person and always rely on my positivity to cope in life so what enters in my mind is really important to me. How can I still be positive even with all these intrusive thoughts ib my head?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I don't know how you're defining positivity there. I wouldn't see positivity as related to thoughts. Thoughts are just weather. They're like any other thing we experience in life. I'm positive about how I interact with experiences. I can be positive about how I handle a workout at the gym I've never done before. I can be positive about handling a crisis at work or in my community. I can be positive about exploring human experiences, such as thoughts and feelings and other brain stuff. But if I need to avoid experiences, then I wouldn't personally see that as positivity, just like if somebody said they want to see themselves as strong so they can't have any heavy weights at the gym because struggling isn't strong. Strength is not the avoidance of heavy things, just like positivity is not the avoidance of negative things.

[@hellokitkath3329]

@ so after my accident that made me paralyzed from the waist down, I had thoughts of not having a future anymore and that I’m a failure, but I replaced those thoughts with good ones such as “I can be an inspiration to other people” and “I still have a future despite of not being able to walk anymore” and I anchored my beliefs in those thoughts until I am finally able to move on with my life being in a wheelchair.

[@Lactosian]

How can I find the compulsions better? Most of the compulsions I do are invisible to me and I do them so much they feel normal. What exercises can I do to uncover them?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Did you already explore this exercise and write out the things you do to control and check on things related to a specific problem?

[@ArielL2312]

HI Mark! I used to think that I had a fear of losing the things I love, now I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. for example, I love painting ==> my mind goes straight to me losing my hands some how or developing a disabling tremor. I love reading ==> I'm afraid I'm not understanding what I read/dementia/dyslexia. I love music ==> what if all the music I like stops existing for some reason. what I can't seem to figure out it why I'm feeling this way. My best theory is that that I value the stability that these things provide, I feel like I'll at least have them even if I have nothing else. Honestly I'm not sure.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Many people find that the fear just comes down to a fear of loss. And there might not be any specific reason around that, just that we fear losing things. And if we want to avoid loss, the helpful brain starts thinking of all of the things we could lose and all of the ways we could lose them. So it's very useful on this journey to explore loss and getting comfortable with it. For example, listening to a song, noticing that fear that music could stop existing, and what I found most helpful there was actually approaching that song I'm listening to like it's the last time I'll ever listen to it. I will lose it. And that hurts because I care about it. So I want to give it my attention right now and enjoy it.

[@ArielL2312]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you so much! glad to have people like you helping out!

[@chimplove2006]

hey mark, i did the exercise, i landed on a centeral driving fear of not being able to cope, missing out on life, fear of being judged and losing friends, i also identified a few compulsions, but i only really do them in high anxiety moments, i chain vape, i research, i also pace around the house trying to figure out a solution to my predicament, i avoid eating (my gi tract stops working when anxious and i get really bloated) i avoid talking with friends, i hide my situation with the anxiety (another core fear of judgment) can i ask, i value 2 of these compulsive behaviors alot, i love the feeling of energy and wakefulness nicotine gives me, i also enjoy researching different subjects that also align with my fears, like anxiety disorders, and cancer and other things, even when the anxiety subsides, i research these things out of interest, do i have to give them up?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I would use the term "value" differently. It makes total sense that people love the compulsions creating the problems and feel dependent on them. I share in my book that we're usually like somebody who says they "like jumping in the water but hate getting wet." Something else I always remind people of is that the compulsions we like, fuel the obsessions we hate. You mentioned that you like the feeling of wakefulness from nicotine... Have you considered that the nicotine compulsion is the source of feeling low energy at other times? It's quite normal that somebody will see their compulsions as providing them with feelings they want to chase, not recognizing that it's precisely that chasing which is creating all sorts of problems and just leaving them dependent on the compulsions. Cutting out compulsions usually brings up feelings of withdrawal. The brain will throw up whatever might get us back into the compulsion loop. Another thing that was useful for me to understand was that compulsions and mental health aren't about the presence or absence of feelings. I noticed you mentioned that you'd do the actions "even when the anxiety subsides". I don't use anxiety or any unwanted experience as a way to measure whether something is a compulsion or not. I look at how I want to spend my time and energy in life.

[@chimplove2006]

@@everybodyhasabrain i can give up these compulsions, but in regards to nicotine would it not be similar to someone who enjoys coffee? if someone has insomnia, so they binge on coffee to make them function, even though they probebly can function just as well without the caffeine, does that mean they must also give up coffee to become more flexible? do i strictly have to give it up? i understand nicotine can make me feel tired if i dont use it for a while but i do again enjoy the flavorings, the morning wakefulness it provides me with, the digestive support to, when i quit i had alot of gi issues that persisted 2 months into my cessation, while i can accept these losses, i do feel like i genuinely enjoy this compulsion, i feel like the pros out weigh the cons.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@chimplove2006 In that example you gave about the person with insomnia using coffee, I'd say it's obvious that the approach that person is taking to controlling feelings is likely the very reason they struggle with insomnia. It's like somebody saying they have face pain so they want to hit themselves in the face with a frying pan to solve it. There are probably many compulsions they're doing to control and cover up feelings that are now interfering with their capacity to connect tiredness with sleep (because they actively work to break that connection) and they're also probably doing a lot of stuff around checking, judging, and controlling uncertainties (like the uncertainty around an unwanted feeling interfering with their day) so it makes sense they're then staying up all night as the brain just keeps trying to do more of the mental compulsions they've been teaching it to do all day. But it's always up to them. Nobody is under any obligation to make changes. It's just about the skills we want to explore in life. There is absolutely nothing to debate with me.

[@chimplove2006]

@@everybodyhasabrain im basically asking mark, you said when "building the new engine" for your life, you can still have old parts of it, you made the example of using exercise as some sort of unhealthy compulsion, but you still hit the gym (i can tell lol) is it possible for me to keep nicotine as part of this new engine im building on this journey ?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

In my book, when I share about changing the engine, I start off by explaining the shift we make from getting to giving. The old engine was all about trying to get things, like trying to get feelings, get certainty, etc. So less about the what but more about the WHY and the HOW. Your explanation around the nicotine to get particular feelings is how I would typically define compulsions and the old engine. But I wouldn't see that as specific to nicotine. It's just that it's the same pattern we might do to get certainty about the fears you mentioned in your first comment. If we're teaching the brain that we should get specific feelings and we need those to live our lives, then it makes sense the brain would obsess more about missing out on life and searching for certainty about that, or throwing up uncertainties around the need for feelings that we're liked and not judged, or obsessing that we can't cope without some specific feeling or external tool to get that feeling. With the new engine, it helps me to consider the things I want to teach my brain and how I want to construct systems differently in my life. If my big fear is that I can't cope with experiences and won't live my life, then I'd look at ways to practice living my life while having any experience.

[@hammadisntreal]

Hi Mark, I have a question. I basically did this pyramid for my meta OCD and I started off with 'What if I can't recover from OCD on my own?' and the core fear I uncovered was 'I'm scared of wasting my time only to get no results in the end' but the thing is, there isn't an obvious compulsion. With my meta OCD I usually feel so much worry that I end up feeling demotivated and give up/don't even start recovery. So in my case, would this action of giving up or not even starting be a compulsion? I feel like it would because I feel less anxiety around meta OCD when I don't do recovery work then when I do but please let me know what you think.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're describing obvious compulsions. It might be useful to expand how you're defining "compulsion". It would be strange to even know a term like "meta OCD" unless somebody was checking for reassurance online.

[@hammadisntreal]

@@everybodyhasabrain as far as I'm aware, a compulsion is any behaviour that reduces anxiety right? Based on that, it would make sense that completely avoiding OCD recovery as a whole so I don't have that uncertainty around recovery would be a compulsion

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@hammadisntreal Compulsions are much broader. Anxiety is just one of many different types of unwanted experiences we might try to control or avoid. But definitely avoiding mental health skills for fear of getting something wrong is an example of compulsions.

[@hammadisntreal]

@@everybodyhasabrain I see, yeah it does make more sense to say that compulsions are any behaviour that reduces unwanted behaviour. thank you👍

[@michellepeddle7895]

My daughter is seeing an OCD therapist. Initially my daughter identified fear that something bad will happen to someone she loves and she will not be successful in life as her core fears. Her therapist is now saying that she thinks it is more of feeling ‘not just right’ for my daughter than those actual fears. She seemed pretty certain when I asked her but I am not sure.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

A great way to explore is to turn any insights into actions and look at where we want to go. The only reason for identifying this stuff is to turn it into changes that help us go where we want to go in life. So with any of those ideas about what the fear might be, I'd be curious about what's most helpful for making some changes your daughter wants to make.

[@michellepeddle7895]

Thanks for your response…can you give me an example of what you mean ‘turn your insights into actions’

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@Michelle Peddle By that I mean: What changes are getting worked on through therapy? Exercises to risk getting things not "right", such as writing an email and sending it without rereading it, or leaving the house without fixing / checking something before leaving, or with a fear of not being successful in life, there'd be exercises to cut out the compulsions around that while taking steps towards whatever a person wants to be doing in life, while welcoming that fear to come along for the ride. Things like that.

[@ruslan7233]

Hello Mark, i can not identify my core fear , but i am extremely afraid of checking if i check mentally, i do it almost 24/7 and i dont know if its an obsession or a compulsion...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I would look at why you're afraid of that. What's the consequence if you check if you check mentally?

[@ruslan7233]

​@@everybodyhasabrainthe consequences would be that I can not stop it and will be stuck forever in this obsession/compulsion loop , and will be not able to focus on something else 😞

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@ruslan7233 The fear of being stuck with something that interferes with life is very common. But putting life on hold to chase control over it IS us choosing to interfere in our lives

[@ruslan7233]

​​​@@everybodyhasabrainthank you so much Mark, really appreciate your comments. But to understand correctly do I need to do ERP for this Fear? If yes what could it be? Or only to focus on other things in life and let that fear be there ( which I can not accept rn btw)

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@ruslan7233 I don't know what you mean by not being able to accept it right now. The stuff you're doing to not accept it, hate on it, try to control it, etc, are the compulsions to cut out.

[@loledas2243]

Hey Mark, i just tried it with the fear of losing my mind but somehow it collides with the fear of losing controll and the fear of being judged. Do I just do the Mountain 2 times for the fear of losing my mind?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

The fear of losing our minds is about control. And an element of why we don't want to lose control is often that we're afraid of doing something we'll be judged for

[@loledas2243]

Thank you!

[@iluvaus8488]

Mark!!! Hello. Thank you for this video and ur endless commitment to help us. Can you suggest an erp workbook which can help me tackle my ocd compulsions ( I want to do this on my own). Thanks !!!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I have a workbook that covers all of the skills I found helpful with combining ERP and ACT for cutting out compulsions and building a new engine for life: bit.ly/youarenotarock

[@iluvaus8488]

@@everybodyhasabrain hehe I have yr book! When I read it , I didn't understand what you meant as well as I do now( through anxious/ocd experiences). Back then I just didnt understand what you meant by beliefs or judgments . I do now ! Thanks

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@iluvaus8488 the first section of the book covers cutting out compulsions and explains ERP, so it could be useful to revisit those exercises with the understanding you have now.

[@iluvaus8488]

@@everybodyhasabrain will do! Thanjs

[@romantheroman98]

I just did the first exercise with avoidance of dates. I feel like it is important to me but I am constantly procrastinating/ruminsting or stop replying. I did probably 5-6 Repetitions of why‘s and ended up with: I don‘t want to feel worthless, which happens when I will be rejected. If I keep digging with why‘s I don‘t have an answer anymore. After that I also have realised I think and check alot on my worthiness. If that makes sense. I am not sure though if this is really the end, I feel like it should be some fear like being alone. It feels like my end destination in that exercise is not „core feary“ enough ^^. Any advise?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Like I said in the video, it'll probably seem simple. Self worth is a very common underlying fear/ uncertainty that people do compulsions around. That's a great starting point for exploring the Logic Mountain around all of the ways you try to check on and control being worthy.

[@meowx888]

Hi Mark! Still doing more of that first exercise and I keep running into an issue here... With that said, are there any tips on how to not get caught up in the meaning / content of the superficial fears while working on core fears? I truly do want to be able to heal and to be the me that is aligned with my values and not ruled by anxiety. Though part of me still feels as if I need to solve the problems my mind is constantly obsessing over, and that I need to also pay attention to those problems and the meanings behind them. Not quite sure how to approach this sticky situation... (Also thank you for responding to my previous comments in other videos -- wish KZbin properly notified me when you did...)

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I do an exercise like this just to identify useful changes to make. That'll be about changing actions. So I would move things along in that direction. The video following this one explains more: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fInLkGqrqb2fi8k

[@upscduniya3299]

Hello Mark I obsess about a small thing that happened in the past. It was a simple procedural thing, but it somehow now troubling me. I passed an entrance examination yo get in undergrad college.The results came online , but an offline result was supposed to come by mail, which i never received.College gave me admission on undertakings but never cared to as again about that.I got my degree and now working well. However i always fear that , somehow colleg will ask me about that at some later part of my life and i won't be able to produce that as i did not possess that. I think the core fear is the embarassment that i will have to face if college revoke my degree(extreme case scenario). How to get rid of this feeling?? Is this ocd? I have in general habit of worrying about small things that are related to any documents. I just fear that i might be framed for something

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Obsessions and compulsions like this are very common. Trying to get rid of a feeling or an uncertainty (and both, like in this scenario) is only going to fuel more uncertainty and more compulsions.

[@RaphaWasHere]

I need help 🥺 is there a way to reach You?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It would be best to connect with mental health services in your area to explore help in a way that works for you.

[@parus_1671]

How do I know what I actually want? I am pursuing something now even though my body is aching, my heart is beating super fast, and this goes on for weeks. I feel like fainting and throwing up. In the past I ditched everything that caused these feelings, now I’m trying a different approach but feel like I’m selling my health in the process… And I don’t want that! That’s one value but the only way I see that happening is to ditch what I’m doing now.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It could be useful to work with a skilled professional on exploring the compulsions going on here and accepting some uncertainty around directions. If this is our first time living this life, there's no reason to expect we'd know what to do.

[@helperboy5020]

one problem i face is my mind gets stuck with a sensation in my bladder, as if its filling up real fast. Makes it very difficult to stay in a place for too long. It happens when i know there's no easy escape route, like when in a long bus ride/ a lecture / a class etc. I dont understand how to apply ERP for this . Please help .

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is very common. It's a great way to explore how the brain can be wrong, and see how we can do things in life while having uncomfortable feelings. I was talking about this recently at the start of a Brain Tech Support Live because I ate right before the livestream. I wouldn't have done that in the past for fear of needing to use the toilet part way through. But I can have that feeling if it comes up and I can do the livestream the way I want.

[@helperboy5020]

@@everybodyhasabrain is it in the brain tech support you did very recently?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@helperboy5020 I don't remember if it was the most recent or the previous. But one of the last two, I think

[@helperboy5020]

@@everybodyhasabrain thanks mark. I'll check it out.

[@helperboy5020]

@@everybodyhasabrain i checked it out, It was the most recent one. Thanks. To be honest though, its very difficult for me to watch discussions of any sort for more than 5 minutes, cos i feel so bored. Only exception is Dhamma sermons, where i can continue to watch for round one hour.

[@meowx888]

Did five different maps of the first exercise! I may need to do more. For now though, it seems that it all boils down to me not wanting to be unhappy. At least that's the conclusion I keep running into. Some other key things that popped up along these maps are not wanting to be judged, not wanting to lose what I love / what is important to me, and not having anything/being nothing. I def want to follow up with this comment when I do the mountain.

[@dianamorais1854]

Mark, I'm not getting how to apply this to my fear... My biggest fear is to lose a relative. My brain keeps bringing me thoughts on how i would excruciatingly suffer... I live in fear and anxiety 24/7... It's ruining my life.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It sounds like you already applied it. You are afraid of suffering and not handing the loss. But it can help to see that the fear is not ruining life. It's more likely that your reactions to the fear and attempts to control and avoid it are creating issues, though.

[@dianamorais1854]

@@everybodyhasabrain yes I can see that. How can I manage those reactions? Thank you so much Mark

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@dianamorais1854 I wouldn't find it useful to manage the reactions. I'd look at cutting them out. When I refer to "compulsions", I'm talking about those reactions. Cutting them out is very useful. If you're new to cutting out compulsions, grabbing a good book or working with a skilled professional can be ways to start learning new skills

[@ZeldaSuperSonicMario]

It looks like most if not all I do is down to I don't want to feel uncomfortable

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's very common. The more we try to avoid and control uncomfortable feelings, the more uncomfortable we feel!

[@ZeldaSuperSonicMario]

@@everybodyhasabrain so what do you suggest I do? How do I learn to be uncomfortable?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@ZeldaSuperSonicMario By not doing the compulsions. Grabbing a good book on mental health skills or working with a skilled professional could be ways to start learning the basics

[@benjaminmansour9526]

Hi mark. Is it okay if I have multiple core fears I can do more mountains for that? Like I have one fear about stuttering in public and I have another big fear of “I don’t think my partner is right for me”. Could I do multiple mountains?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Yes. There was a section I cut from this video where I was showing how you'll have a mountain range of interconnected peaks. But with both you mentioned, I'd be curious what those fears you mentioned would lead to? What would be their consequences?

[@phyllisboyle1162]

So I don’t drive. It’s a major problem.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Did you just want to share that?

[@user-sf3qr6jt9j]

I’ve had OCD all my life but after a combination of intense stress, anxiety and severe depression I’m in the worst episode of my life. My OCD has attacked and attached itself to my passion and hobbies I’ve had for over 20 years and it’s ironic it’s in the background of your video. (I learned Japanese in high school and recognize your Pokémon Kanji book and Weekly Shonen Jump and One Piece volume on the top shelf) I was a huge fan of anime, manga, and video games but now I can’t enjoy them anymore and get anxiety just thinking about them or engaging with them. I’m not sure how something like this happened and I feel alone since I don’t see anyone with something similar. I enjoyed these things from as early as a young child and they were a huge part of my life till 27 which is when I had this breakdown. Without these things my life feels empty. The problem is when I try to engage with these things again I get bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings so I end up just stopping. I feel horrible doing the activity but I also feel bad avoiding it since I miss being able to enjoy it. I’m not sure what to do

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Stopping because of a thought is an example of a compulsion. I define mental fitness as the practice of having any thought or feeling while being ourselves. So wanting to get skilled at having brain stuff while reading manga could be a fun goal to explore.

[@user-sf3qr6jt9j]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you Mark, I’ll try my best to do that 🙏🏼 This just feels so different from OCD I’ve had in the past. My last major OCD episode was during puberty and I had “What if?” thoughts about taboo things like being a pedophile, a killer, harming people or animals etc and compulsions like asking for reassurance and confessing to the smallest things. I got better and lived life pretty much without OCD for a long time and remember looking back at how ridiculous those fears were. This feels so different and I didn’t know OCD could latch onto things like hobbies and it doesn’t seem to fit into any of the major OCD themes. I also feel like I don’t want to taint these things and associate them with negative thoughts and feelings and that’s another reason I avoid them.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@B This is very stereotypical OCD stuff. I noticed you mentioned in your previous comment you hadn't seen anybody with these symptoms, and that you're mentioning it here again suggests to me that's one of the compulsions. Checking online for reassurance like that is going to make you judge other people as different. It's a very common thing that happens with OCD. Stopping an action because you judge a thought or feeling as bad/ tainted is the most fundamental OCD pattern there is. It's just the usual contamination stuff but with thoughts as the contamination. If you want to get over this, it's not complicated, but it will involve cutting out the compulsions.

[@meowx888]

@@user-sf3qr6jt9j Hi there. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I’m currently struggling through very very similar. I don’t exactly know what it’s like with you, what I’m struggling with has also attached itself to hobbies and things that bring me so much joy and comfort. I haven’t figured everything out yet but my one big piece of advice is: Don’t give up doing what you love. Avoidance isn’t the answer, it just fuels our fears.

[@empty_seat]

I get to the point that I'm afraid to loose my freedom, but why? I can't answer it.😢

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's a very common fear. It can be useful to start looking at the things you're not doing in life that you want to be doing, or where you're giving up control to break stuff, or situations where external factors are taking away freedom to do the things you want to do.

[@empty_seat]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you for the fast answer Mark 😊 makes sense. And I also have the fear of losing control with it, which I guess comes from the fear of being ridiculed, doing something shameful out of my control. Do they correlate with the freedom fear?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@empty_seat I usually describe fears about freedom as fears of "losing control". Even the fear of being ridiculed for losing control is usually that we fear being rejected by others means we'll be restricted in the things we can do in life. It's the same

[@empty_seat]

@@everybodyhasabrain why am I so afraid to lose control and to be restricted in life? I mean due to depression I had to finish HS later and I was kinda shamed for it, and I started to feel I'm wasting my life away. I was also broken up with and had to move back home against my will because I had nowhere else to go and was unable to work. That's all I can think of.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I wouldn't expect some big discovery under the fear of losing control. We don't like losing control. We like living our lives. It can also be because of what's going on now with putting fears and compulsions in charge instead of doing the things you want to be doing. There doesn't need to be some special past experience. Now is the time where we can practice being ourselves.

[@colt1536]

Okay I’m kinda stuck? I got hit with harm OCD(suicide type) about 6 months ago and coming from a very happy/hyper guy that thought shattered me and me havjng a health anxiety it really bothered me but anywho my who life I’ve had breathing OCD? I’m doing much better now having days/weeks that are great but what core fear could you possibly correlate to breathing OCD and that type of harm OCD? I’m kinda stuck on that

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It makes sense those go together. Did you draw out the kind of map I demonstrated in the video? I'd especially look at anything you like to control and get certainty about.

[@colt1536]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you for responding but yesss but I’m kinda getting stuck on the bringing them together because the breathing one was just annoying like “dang this is a annoying” and I just went about my days until it was over. Never got scared or anything about it. And the harm one I thought I pieced together maybe my fear is something being wrong that I can’t fix so to say? But it felt like it didn’t hit true.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's common to have a fear of getting stuck with something wrong. Something I found useful was recognizing that the brain just wants compulsions, so it'll throw up whatever gets us doing compulsions. If we like getting rid of an obsession and see that as good, then the brain happily gives us something more complex to solve. That's why it's useful to cut out compulsions as patterns, rather than focusing on a topic

[@colt1536]

@@everybodyhasabrain okay thanks gonna try the map again to try to find the “hidden gem”. Would you say your core fear hit home when you discovered it?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@colt1536 No, it's not a hidden gem or "hits home". It's very straightforward stuff. It's only to help with identifying the everyday compulsions we're doing. That's why I asked about things you like to control and get certainty about. Because the fears you've described are about control and trying to get certainty that some bad thing won't happen in the future.

[@davekloss4884]

I shit-canned my brain a few weeks ago, and it walked out of the office with one of those boxes with all its personal belongings in it. 📦 Do I still have to be nice to it? 🤔

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It depends if you want to work with it again in the future.

[@phyllisboyle1162]

I’m struggling with driving. The fear of crashing on purpose

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Did you explore the other things you do in life around the fear of losing control? Or things that you like to control?

[@phyllisboyle1162]

@@everybodyhasabrain yes. I’m dealing with chronic Lyme and ptsd. I have had very scary experiences physically. So I try to control EVERYTHING my body does.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@phyllisboyle1162 That is very understandable after having those experiences.

[@Steamprod]

Hi Mark, Heard that you’re answering questions and maybe I can ask mine, would appreciate the answer! So I’d say I’m generally a nice dude but throughout my life experience I’ve learnt that it’s not a good thing, like people will take advantage of you, will treat you as weak person and you won’t get anywhere with the nice attitude. So I became kind of resentful and angry for lots of years, trying to be dominant towards others, aggressive, conflictive and salty. However, it isn’t comfortable for me to do at all since I’m afraid people will reject me for this behavior or just will physically hurt me. And probably this idea reinforces my behavior, so the more I try to be a dick, the more I can cope with people rejecting me and with being superior towards them, so I can prove myself to be better than others, prove myself I’m not a weak person and that other people will be respectful towards me. However, this behavior seems wrong to me and that I’ll eventually get into trouble. I have OCD as well, sometimes I just leave these thoughts and am nice to people, but when I hear about some unfairness happened to someone, or I listen to some aggressive rock, or I see someone acting cool and tough towards others, it feels I want to be this jerk person. What could be your insight on this? This desire to be a jerk is making my life harder, however I sometimes think of this as of the necessary step in my self evolution that I desire.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It is understandable that trying to be a jerk is making your life harder! Can it be ok to recognize that you had painful experiences in the past AND there are different ways to react to that than being mean to people? It's an opportunity to be kind to yourself. It's understandable that we react to a painful experience by wanting to protect ourselves. But it's also very natural that our initial reaction only creates more suffering for ourselves! If you'd like, you can approach things differently. You can be kind and set boundaries. You also know now that when people are jerks, it's usually coming from their insecurities. It's not strength. They're mean because they're afraid.

[@Steamprod]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you for a reply. I get this point completely and I’m trying to just be myself and not let this jerkiness to take over. But then I get these intrusive thoughts like “Am I really myself? Why everybody else is acting like that and I cannot? I should become the one I want to be, so should I be an aggressive and masculine person? I don’t protect myself enough and stand my boundaries enough, so I should probably do it with every single person paying attention to what they say and how they act.” And it goes on. I even become quite paranoid because of this. On the street I often pay attention if someone looked badly at me, so I should respond immediately with an angry stare. Or they may not even look badly, but I can interpret that as an angry stare. And sometimes I walk on the street, I get thoughts like “You’re afraid of people, so you should start starring at them and behave dominantly towards them to be conquer this fear, and also to check if people on the street are hostile and if they can hurt me.” Which I guess is quite compulsive, since I do it all the time. And I evaluate how good is my “dominant” behavior, and usually it’s never good enough. I get thoughts later like I should be even more aggressive and more dominant towards others. Sorry for venting out, it’s just what constantly bothering me, and I’d love just to live a normal life.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@Andrii Diachenko Yeah, that's not "dominant" behavior. As I mentioned in the previous comment, if somebody wants to be doing all of that angry, mean stuff, it's an immediate indicator that they're insecure and feeling weak. So it makes sense it doesn't make you feel like it's never enough. It's only digging a bigger sense of feeling attacked and vulnerable. I find it much more useful to define strength as creating space for others.

[@wutru20]

Pokemon in the background! 😁

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's my kanji study book! I learned I can read Japanese as well as an 8-year old.

[@wutru20]

@@everybodyhasabrain cool! Have fun there. You're in japan if I believe discord 👍🏼😁

[@lorikyoungboy1010]

Bro some things are morally wrong Does that mean i care about what other people think I agree with almost everything you said, but i also think going outside naked is stupid

[@everybodyhasabrain]

The Bible says it's morally wrong to wear clothing made from two different types of fabrics (Leviticus 19:19). Deuteronomy 22:11 specifically says not to wear linen or wool together, but I think that's more like a fashion thing. Still, good idea to check your tags and make sure you're not wearing any polyester-cotton blends or anything evil like that. But, it's also possible that morals change with time and are influenced by society. Recognizing that doesn't mean we need to drop them. It just means we can look clearly at where these beliefs come from and we can consider why we hold them.

[@Muddymudskipper]

I feel like my biggest fear of panic attacks anxiety is the feeling of fear of losing my mind? My thoughts start racing and I can get the strangest thoughts. I’m not sure I’m as afraid of the sensations as I am the thoughts anxiety/panic can produce. I’m not suicidal, yet I’ll get thoughts of losing my mind so much during panic that I’ll do something irrational to hurt myself out of losing control. It’s mentally taxing. I’ve had a constant uphill battle due to having an H Pylori infection for the last 9 months that I’ve treated yet to no avail just yet. It’s scary to think of a bacteria creating all these strange thoughts/feelings, and not knowing exactly what to do to quell these fears it’s producing. They just come out of the blue. I wake up shaking as if I have Parkinson’s every single morning. Heart always racing, stomach burning. It’s been absolutely miserable. I have a wife and five small children. It’s made life just so depressing with no end in site. I see all these other people with such much great information about how to overcome all these scary intrusive thoughts, and they seem so incredibly strong. I feel absolutely weak and powerless, I honestly just envy you. I’d love to get past this, but when it seems to be controlled by a bacteria, how in the world do you combat it?

[@aoleary88]

Wow, had to check that it wasn't me that wrote this comment, know exactly what you mean, id Helicobacter pylori myself and went through the battle with antibiotics and prebiotics, its tough as the stomach is the anxiety driver, was told before is it the chicken or egg, as in am i sure its not the anxiety causing the stomach issues. A big part of my stomach problems came from drinking tea/coffee on empty stomach, in order to get my anxiety manageable i had to get my stomach right, you'll get there, have faith, the lose your mind thoughts and feelings are really common ive had/have them, fear of freaking out getting psychosis having to be signed in its all very common, your here today able to explain what your going through and those that lose control are not aware of it nor are they able to tell anyone that there afraid of going crazy, keep the faith

[@Muddymudskipper]

@@aoleary88 Andrew, thank you buddy. Usually my days are good with the anxiety, but this H Pylori is no joke, extremely hard to eradicate. It’s insane to think that a bacteria can cause such chaos in one’s mind.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

The fear of losing control is very common and that often comes up when we've had or are having an experience with illness. At the very bottom of the logic mountain, adding in the line about that person having dealt with an illness, was very intentional. This is likely because an illness is an experience of not having control over ourselves. You mentioned there how frustrating that is. And it's helped me to see that the brain throws up the intrusive thoughts we don't like as a protective mechanism to try to give us something to control when we're having experiences we don't control. Two other things I'd note: You mentioned the thoughts being controlled by bacteria as though that would change something. 1) The cause of the intrusive thoughts is irrelevant because the issue with them is what we do to them. The problems arise from the compulsions we do to judge and hate on brain stuff. It wouldn't matter if somebody blamed bacteria or genes or trauma or a Tuesday. The issue is our interaction with it. The second thing is that you asked about how to "combat" it. But I'd see that as the compulsion. The brain is just throwing it up to give us something to control and solve. So it helped me to recognize that trying to fight and solve intrusive thoughts is just like chasing any addiction. We look for a fix to get rid of the withdrawal/experience we hate, and then we solve it... and that teaches the brain to throw up even more of it!

[@Muddymudskipper]

@@everybodyhasabrain well said, Mark. Thank you for your time.