Yes. It's like searching for a way to cope with walking past some trash in the street.

Yes

I've discussed that topic often in livestreams.

Can u share once what were those advice.. actually didn't join some live streams

Thank you. That is very kind of you!

😁🙌 you're welcome, Jacob!

The next livestream is this coming Sunday! It'll be at 8 am Toronto time on Sunday here on KZbin.

Yay! I’ll be there!

@@melinamorina516 see you then!

Absolutely, so I'd actually look at what would even bring up an idea that uncertainty around relationship stuff would be different from any other uncertainty. There are usually some unhelpful beliefs or compulsions there, which is what gets us caught up doing compulsions around relationship stuff we're judging as different.

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you Mark! I'll keep exploring :)

It's like it's all happening in one organ!

Checking for reassurance about that is an example of classic compulsion. It will not be a good use of my time to even try thinking of what other possible answers there could be to that question.

The question about something being good for cutting rumination is like asking: "Is mantra meditation good for not hitting myself in the face with a frying pan?" Ruminating is something we do. It's not a specific meditation that's going to cut ruminating for us. You could do any meditation and also just keep on ruminating or hitting yourself in the face with a frying pan. If you want to change those actions because you see they're not useful to you, then it'll be about changing those actions.

Enjoy the workout!

I don't know what you mean by that, but I would describe the point of the video quite differently.

Brains like to brain!

It's a great practice for me, too, because I also ate lunch right before hopping on the video, and as soon as the video was done, we went right into the afternoon exercises. In the past, I would've put so much buffer space around everything because I believed I needed to get some feeling or make sure there were no bad feelings. And I would often avoid food before public speaking because I was afraid of anything going wrong in my stomach. But now I can nourish myself and practice just being myself without all of the extra baggage I'd dump on every moment.

@@everybodyhasabrain Really cool 🙌🏻 I no longer strive for a certain feeling✔️ and I eat before or during meetings again✔️. But accepting the bad feelings is my final boss, YET.

Enjoy!

Cmon now…he has literally dozens of videos on his channel tackling these kinds of issues. Put in some work!! Take responsibility for recovery, only we can get ourselves out of this but it takes work! Watch his videos on compulsions

@Ryy22 Do you imagine that talking to complete strangers on the internet that way, from an anonymous account, is an effective way to support people making changes? They did not post that question on your video. If you want to talk to people like that, feel free to under the videos on your channel. But if you want to share with people in this community, under my videos, then it'll be useful to communicate more effectively, with an understanding of how people navigate change. If somebody is struggling and they have to fear they'll get criticized for asking a question, it's much more likely that they won't ask at all, or they won't ask directly, and we have to have a long conversation to get at what they actually wanted to say. If I do want to articulate some boundaries, I can do that myself. I'm nearly a whole grown-up adult.

The exercise I give people to start with skin picking is to first take a week of setting specific times when you won't do the compulsion. So you might sit down to watch a 30 minute video and set the intention of not picking your skin during that video. Choose what to want to do with your hands. Practice noticing the urge to pick. Or, if you start picking automatically, celebrate that you noticed and bring the focus back to the intention you had set. Be curious about how the automatic picking started. That week is about learning how the picking machinery works. It may feel automatic at first, but as we bring more awareness to the machinery, then we can pull it apart. The following week, I'd do two periods of intentionally trying to choose not to do it for a specific, short period of time (maybe 30 minutes). The following week, I'd do 3 periods of intentionally making a different choice each day. And with each week, incorporating what you learn to help yourself get ahead of the urge to do the compulsion. The fourth week, I'd start trying to do complete days, but I'd still divide it up into small chunks (30 or 60 min) and set an intention for each period of time. AND it's not about getting it perfect. If you start picking, that's fine. Great to learn why. And for the next period of time, you don't have to pick. We just gradually get better and better at it while learning how to interact differently with the feelings that come up when we don't practice the compulsion.

@@everybodyhasabrain that person’s comment made me want to pick lol. I agree that it was very unhelpful and made me feel ashamed for asking even thought the question was for you and not them. I greatly appreciate your advice and in taking the time to reply though. I’m gonna try it starting today and see if I can find the willpower to do something else. I know I pick on days that I’m more stressed and for the last 6 months, I’ve picked basically every day. The place I pick is my scalp and I haven’t really been able to let it heal cause I just have this underlying simmering anxiety all the time. I was trying to think about the times before I picked and why I didn’t feel the need to pick back then, and I have come to the conclusion that I just wasn’t as anxious back then and I hadn’t “needed” to pick. I know I had other compulsions back then that I’d do when I was anxious but picking wasn’t one of them. Maybe cause I hadn’t “discovered” it yet. Lately I’ve just been feeling like my anxiety about life in general is far greater than my willpower to stop picking which is why I think it’ll be so hard to stop. If I can find a way to soothe myself in times of distress in a more productive way then that would be great but there’s something about giving into that temptation (or the bittersweet pain it inflicts) that calms me down more than anything else… I’m worried that if I try your exercise, I won’t be able to find something else that soothes me in the meantime but I’m still gonna try it and see if I can just sit with the anxiety. Thank you again

​@@everybodyhasabrain There wasnt bad intention behind it, my communication style is just a bit direct and stern, but it wasnt demeaning or swearing? Read it again, it was actually meant to be motivating. ''But if you want to share with people in this community, under my videos, then it'll be useful to communicate more effectively, with an understanding of how people navigate change. " How? If you could expand a bit then maybe I can learn how to do better/communicate more effectively. This is all new for me. @11ellie7 Sorry you feel that way, wasnt my intention, was hoping to spur/inspire you into action, I can be a bit blunt at times. I am trying to do better

That sounds like something to explore with your healthcare team.

@@everybodyhasabrain I have but left to fend for myself with this condition as most of us no

Do you understand that whether you learn skills through books, or videos, or a therapist, etc, YOU are the one that must implement them? Because the way you phrased the question sounds like you expect a video or a therapist to do something to you. But you are the one that will do the doing. You'll be the one that cuts out the compulsions. How you learn about the changes to make is up to however works best for you and you find useful to making changes.

@everybodyhasabrain right ok I understand. last question, I am trying to not respond to thoughts and feelings and images and accept them and then act according to values. I'm just wondering though if I'm using acceptance as a compulsion, and if I'm actually making myself worse. My ocd has latched onto whether I am using acceptance as a compulsion or not. What should I do, just treat this as irrational worry vs rational worry? Thanks a lot so much.

@Stesmith-xg4ry From your message, I don't know what you're doing, but you asked me what you "should" do. That's actually a great example of the point I was making in the previous comment. If we believe there's this very rigid formula of shoulds to follow, and somebody is going to tell it to us, then it can get us into obsessing about whether we're doing compulsions because we're afraid of not following the magic formula to chase the feeling we're looking for. I also wouldn't know what you should do from what you mentioned because I find it useful to focus mental health work around what we want to build and grow, and your message was just about some fear. So there's nothing there for me to work with.

Keep on investing in that trust bank, Chris!

I do coaching with people but my coaching practice is currently full and there's a waitlist. Doing 1-on-1 calls limits the number of people I can work with, so I have started up an Instagram Subscriber Channel where I create customized posts based on questions and topics Subscribers send in. And I answer DMs and comments in the Subscriber Channel each day. It's intended as a customizable, guided self-help resource. If you'd find that useful, you can find the Subscribe button on my Instagram channel: instagram.com/markwfreeman

What have you done to fix the sky? It's the wrong color and it's always there. Or is it possible that judging it and spending time trying to figure out a way to control the sky is the actual problem?

Checking and judging stuff like that is a common compulsion. It'll be more useful to shift the focus to growing the things you want to build in life instead of chasing reassurance about whether you thought a thought or not.

Thank you bro

I keep on trying to find the orgin of every thought that comes to my mind whether it's created by me or not, now i recognised it's a complusion

Thank you!

I'm glad it was useful. Enjoy lighting up the path ahead!

And I quote you all the time. You remind me to keep doing stuff I want to be doing and not get caught up in my thoughts. :)

You're welcome!