How understanding divorce can help your marriage | Jeannie Suk Gersen

[@jlyo1991]

I’m a child from a broken home. Most marriages in my family have been unsuccessful. They either got divorced or fell out of love and became mere cohabitants for tradition’s sake. As bad as this may sound, I think it has helped me to do better. I have seen what works and what doesn’t. The most successful marriages are the partnerships where each give and take and work together. The ones that haven’t worked are where one or both feel like they’re working harder than the other.

[@zeldamarsh]

J Lyons I’m also from a broken home , my own marriages abs relationships have failed - I took the responsibility and made some harsh choices along with lots of self development and I’ve managed to stop the patterns in my life from repeating themselves- you can too

[@garytracy690]

A big thanks to Dr Ogbefun i never believe that there still exist a real death spell caster after all this years of disappointment from the enormous spammers on the Internet who go about scamming people, until i was opportune to meet Dr Ogbefun a real spell caster, through a close friend called Jennifer who Dr Ogbefun had helped before, when i contacted him with his email via [e-mail] i explain how my ex have been giving me problem in my marriage, she never allowed me a moment of peace, and i need to end it by killing her, and i don't want to make use of assassin because it will be risky so i needed to do it in a spiritual way that's why i decided to contact him, he assured me not to worry as i have contacted the right person at the right time, i co-operated with him and in less than a week my ex was dead, she slept and never woke up all thanks to Dr Ogbefun indeed he's really a humble man. you can contact ogbefun now via Email ogbefunhearlingtemple@ gmail. com call or add him on whatsapp [phone]

[@PAIP_Studio]

Guys if you are not doing it to have and rise kids... (aka taking one for the team and bring up the next generation of people) DONT GET MARRIED... there is nothing in it for you but hardship....

[@brittneybrisbin744]

I'm from the exact opposite, but I feel like I agree with you completely and took away the same lessons. My parents were happily married for 26 years right up until the day my mother passed away. So much of what worked for them was that they communicated about everything, shared various household responsibilities, and respected each other. I've also seen a lot of marriages in my family fail. Sometimes it's that they got married too soon and realized they made a mistake, or they were fighting every five minutes, or one felt taken advantage of in one way or the other. More often than not, I'd see them keep score. Even when it came to things that weren't responsibilities, like gifts, they'd go back to their spouse and say "Well I did this for you so you have to do this for me!" or "I don't have to take out the garbage; I got you flowers yesterday, remember?" It all felt so petty. There'd be a fight every few minutes, yelling so many insults I wondered how they stayed married when it was clear they didn't even like each other. Fights were about winning more than they were reaching a healthy compromise. In the end, it'd tear them apart within just a few years. I feel like in many cases there was a mixture of unrealistic expectations, one feeling like they gave all the time while the other took, and a need to always want to keep score. I'm sorry your parents' marriage didn't work, but hopefully your life is better off for it. I'm not married yet, but I'm hoping that when I do find the right person, I can apply all I've learned and have a happy, healthy marriage.

[@valentinkaison8615]

I guess im asking randomly but does any of you know a tool to get back into an instagram account?? I somehow forgot my account password. I would appreciate any assistance you can give me.

[@andreita_Moore]

She’s basically saying that marriage doesn’t just “happen” and things just “work out.” She’s saying that people have to be mindful, honest, and upfront about the relationship/marriage/commitment they are making. Communication is everything. The way you plan and prepare for “worst case scenarios” for like finances or losing a job, you gotta talk about and plan for the end of a relationship and in this way you avoid it happening. Relationships are extremely intentional

[@Starcrash6984]

Um... yes, but she kept bringing up "a marriage mediator" in every scenario because it wasn't just about a couple communicating and planning, but rather bringing in an expert who knows how to facilitate that.

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

@@millyuan - that depends on what you call a 'successful marriage'. My parents are still married and in their nineties. That means over 65 years of marriage! As their eldest child, that marriage is a sham because it was full of violence and hatred which meant that all of the offspring have been casualties of that marriage. It's not just about what each brings to the table. It's not just as simple as that.

[@millyuan]

@@thehorsebackheroine5950 I think you have misunderstood me. I never said that long marriage and or simply staying together is the ultimate goal or indicated any sort of validity. Just take a moment and look over what I said above carefully. If two people care for each other even in the slightest, even when life happens because they care they can an will work through it. However one person can't do it on their own, both must care for each other. …and they must also care for themselves also. CARE. Ultimately you either care or you don't care.

[@grishmashah6791]

1:06 it means men are always wrong for women, 8:51 get better at hiding money, 5:49 act selfishly in marriage

[@chevyboy9525]

@@thehorsebackheroine5950 I know all about it. And I avoid traditional marriage at all cost. In some countries, divorce is not even allowed. Or it might be bound by religious code. I cannot tell you enough what damage there is when it is a mismatch. However, if there is free choice, the divorce rate is rampant, as if the game of marriage is to get divorce and see who scores higher. Lol.

[@QueenJessica-z5j]

Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.

[@MarilynChen-j1k]

Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.

[@QueenJessica-z5j]

It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?

[@MarilynChen-j1k]

Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.

[@MarilynChen-j1k]

He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.

[@QueenJessica-z5j]

I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤

[@Donaldhelmick]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@BenjaminJones-re8re]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

[@Donaldhelmick]

amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him

[@BenjaminJones-re8re]

His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@BenjaminJones-re8re]

He is Fatherabulu has great powers, he can help you.

[@Donaldhelmick]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive

[@LucyWorld123]

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

[@LucyWorld123]

@Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum Too Good 😊 TQ dear

[@LucyWorld123]

@Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum I'm from India What about you?

[@Akira300]

Marriage sucks

[@mrsmcdreamyxx]

Amen!

[@audiobooksummaries2157]

Please watch my audiobook summary

[@will9001asd]

I'm glad I didn't get married to the person I dated for 5 years. 2 years of reflecting later I realize tons of things about myself and my ex that I could never have realized during. Love is quite blind indeed.

[@张三丰-x1w]

From a sheer outsider's point of view, could it be that you've been. strengthening the prejudices ?

[@rachelvensand]

“Sometimes the things we do out of love can be the very things that make it hard for that love to last” that part.

[@fuquplz9983]

I read this as i watched it in the video

[@alijane6893]

@@fuquplz9983 me too and started crying. Saddest irony in a love relationship, huh.

[@maiyenish8552]

@@fuquplz9983 Me 2! Does this mean her talk becomes less interesting, and we start exploring the comments section?

[@tawheedmohammadsayyid390]

I literally had listened and re-listened to this video endless number of times in order to understand further. This is not to complaint. But to compliment that you have shared with us a wisdom

[@colunizator]

So talking about divorce before marriage, counter intuitively strengthens the marriage

[@MONi_LALA]

My mom said "When there's more me than we, the marriage is over."

[@myopinion1773]

So true your mother never wrong

[@michelemeka4540]

Your mother is a wise woman

[@drditup]

works for some, i think majority, but there are people who live happily married thanks to the distance and individuality they maintain.

[@chuckkady7282]

look what our Gov has done to We The People! Could this be a test to see how many of us are willing to rebel against those like George Bush that gave us the temporary Patriot Act! (puke) This is our Country America. Wake up. Quit belly aching and stand up for our Country. It's ours. Vote them out kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z5iUq6qCpb-Mo5Y

[@oldrichkost]

do not live the ideas of your mother... make your own path... sometimes you have to accept, what your mother could not...

[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.

[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@LilyOlivia-p3s]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

[@TheRealGuywithoutaMustache]

Divorces should serve as the best examples of the saying "learning from your mistakes"

[@paloma4444]

"If you wait until it's broken it's too late" - clearly this woman has never heard of the word 'mend' a relationship?

[@paloma4444]

@Anne Day I am talking of the impressison she gave. That you cant possibly fix the broken relationship you have to give up

[@chevyboy9525]

@@paloma4444 True, true!! --- 'That you can't possibly fix the broken relationship you have to give up.' It is not about what the speaker said, (I just skipped over it.) It is a matter of reality check, or what you want your life end up with!

[@laurenmiles8158]

yep i definitely learnt the hard way.....my dumb ex husband left me in debt, gambled and flirted with our life savings, in my next relationship i won't subscribe to the idea of setting up a joint account, I've learnt the hard way. The private investigator that helped me with evidences for my divorce settlements later confirmed to me that my credit score has taken a huge hit as a result of series of late payments and over drawn bank accounts. Y3llowl4bs agents offered me secured cards with a simple way to keep up with the payments and credit reporting to the major agencies so as to get my credit back up...2 months in and I'm saying its all good from this side .

[@SmartLazyMillionaire]

Thank you for sharing this with us. I wholeheartedly agreed with you. As a divorce coach I've seen so many things that don't work in relationships/marriages and most failed ones typically follow certain patterns. It's crucial to spot these common pitfalls early on as the survival the relationship depends on it.

[@perezjames7955]

Nice one.

[@talbenavraham1385]

Understanding narcissistic personality disorder would prevent bad marriages and reduce the inevitable divorces.

[@lucduongthai3726]

I agree with you!

[@tissie1]

Indeed

[@pjnix5618]

Yessssss. Another great video or three to watch would be any videos that describe narcissistic personality disorder traits that present them selves while dating … and sometimes you can sense signs of NPD popping up in their texts before you even invest in a phone call to hear their voice… I was married to a narcissist and it has taken me over 5 yrs to figure out what happened to our family … thank goodness for KZbin therapy and now I can help our kids to not hate their dad, but to begin the healing through understanding different personalities… no hate - just educate yourself…

[@cindyreeves5048]

And usually those of us who have been conditioned (usually in childhood) to be codependent with blurry boundaries will pick these abusive narcissists. I learned the hard way.

[@calvinrogers6652]

Moral of the story : *Pre plan Divorce before Marriage*

[@JakeRoselli]

correct!

[@whygiveup11]

@Xeno Phon Marriage is apart of religion dude first off so if religion goes marriage goes. And divorce needs to be stigmatized because the divorce rate is very high nowadays. People like you are the problem.

[@jamesp9226]

I guess you are trying to be funny. But yes. You need to understand divorces before getting married. Its like taking a loan from someone and not asking what happens if you default on the loan. Might be good to know whether someone will repo your car or break you kneecaps.

[@kreativeprojekt1345]

I watched the video, I couldn't understand anything so i had to check comments. LMAO if you are planning just to divorce then don't get married. That's why divorce rates are high.

[@mirtagpa]

Marriage is a partnership. This is a great talk thanks 👍🏽

[@vincentliaison]

This is so true. Especially, " sacrifice should be a fair exchange".

[@marwamirgani999]

*There’s no such thing as a free child care* That stuck with me

[@cyndihunter6022]

💖💖💖 Please watch if considering marriage... Going through a divorce and this info would have been so useful before we got married. Thank you!! 🌜Blessings to all!🌛

[@cyndihunter6022]

@Free Speech Pretty sure that social media or the internet in general has killed the idea of relationship/commitment/marriage all around... It's just too damn easy for people to swipe on to the next person, crazy world we live in for sure! There are many aspects of this present world that my soul does not quite vibe with 🤣

[@theoutlook55]

If I may... Any red flags apparent during that first year of the relationship? Sorry, I have my own future relationship plans in mind.

[@cyndihunter6022]

@@theoutlook55 There were several red flags, but I did not even recognize them as red flags until much later. They were mostly centered around little ”white lies” that seemed like nothing at the time and were easy to excuse or overlook, but were actually signs of much bigger mental/emotional/behavioral problems the person had. For example: he would lie about what he had done that day, say he had stayed home all day even though he may have gone out to run errands or something innocent. I wouldn't understand why he would lie about something so small, but he would explain it away as if he just forgot to mention it or didn't think it was worth mentioning. Then I would later find out whatever reason he may have really lied, like running in to an ex or something stupid that shouldn't be an issue to a normal person, but to him was something to be kept secret, even though nothing happened between them. Also, I had to explain to him every detail of every second of my day without hesitation or I was instantly called a liar. He was very jealous and wanted to control every moment if my time. If I was not at work, I was expected to be sitting by him, no matter what. He had outbursts of anger regularly as well. Come to find out, he can't control his anger at all really and will blow up at the smallest things. He had more control in the beginning of the relationship and promised to work on it but it only got worse with time. Basically, anything that feels like a red flag to you should NOT be ignored. No matter how small or insignificant, it will most likely lead to bigger problems. UNLESS the person respects your opinions and feelings about it and changes their behavior that seems toxic. Every little thing I felt uncomfortable with or felt weird about ended up being a major issue that led to our overall demise. Trust your gut!!

[@theoutlook55]

@@cyndihunter6022 Thanks so much. Yeah, those are big flags. I'm lucky to not have have any of the ones you mentioned in my relationship.

[@chapterupwellbeing7520]

Sorry to hear what you are went through. What's the hardest thing you are dealing with now ? Can i ask how you've tried to heal ? Anything you've tried isn't working ? Looking to find a professional to help with separation and divorce and a potential virtual group support session 🙂

[@mgu1N1n1]

Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!

[@zxqwerxz]

I can't help but draw a parallel to a line from Frankenstein, "To examine the causes of life, we must first have recourse to death," So to figure out what works in a marriage, you look at divorce... Not very romantic if i'm being honest and not a first date conversation starter.

[@essentialoilsme]

Yes and that’s why there’s so many divorces because people don’t talk about divorce causes and solutions enough, don’t go through pre-marital counseling, and don’t use a mediator throughout the marriage

[@salemsaberhagan]

Romance is appealing, yes, but all the tricks of romance presume that all parties involved are on the same page & are working with a common unspoken script. That's why for example we have all these weird cultures that get created in every generation around dating & other kinds of wooing: the structure brings predictability & comfort because everyone has an agenda they can refer to & rate a partner on those criteria while making decisions. Today, with the traditional rules being largely discarded, it becomes an individual responsibility to make active considerations about what they want their relationship to look like & that needs clear & open communication. You can't just expect your partners to read your mind.

[@chulzzz99]

Is it possible to be committed to one person and not get married? Both sides benefit if successful. If they break up, all they lose is time and effort. If a successful marriage, both benefit. If they divorce, one benefits(at least financially). More pressure to stay together. More misery. They lose time and effort. High risk, high reward. The odds aren't always in your favor.

[@chevyboy9525]

If you can commit to each other, you are on top of a marriage. But unfortunately, if there is no traffic light, there will be even more chaos and casualty! I think a boot camp training for marriage will be good so people know what it is all about the real battle!

[@issacvinson9098]

@@chevyboy9525 BMT(Basic Marriage Training) lol

[@nancythornton4425]

Absolutely. DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. They need stability.

[@vickimerritt2832]

​@@chevyboy9525sorry but too many folks are working on their third course failure.

[@Amor_Fati_]

Your life partner is everything! DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT!

[@b4ph0m3tdk9]

Yes, choose your life partner carefully and use your brain to make that decision not other parts of your body.

[@russellheyns1846]

My guess is Lisa still would have held resentment if she took out loans instead of had him support her. The only reason she would have stayed is if he had taken that good job and therefore made her FEEL safe.

[@waggoneer]

My wife waited until our new home was built, and we had sunk 350k in cash into it (from a previous home sale) to tell me she was unhappy and wanted a divorce... and that she wanted to keep the house. I went into the build thinking, this is great, this will be our forever home. If I had thought defensively we would be renting instead.

[@Sterbenys]

We can’t win man.. my ex (recent) almost feels like the first example she used.. waited till she graduated college & filed for it, while I just got us an new apt & she kept it.

[@yatinbagul3932]

"If you want to Understand what Makes a Marriage works, you should think about how a Marriage Ends"

[@somerandomperson4586]

It’s like what I remember from adventure time: “Responsibility demands sacrifice.” -P.B.

[@chevyboy9525]

No doubt!

[@mrmike2119]

Only when you are more concerned about what you can do for the other person than what you can get out of a relationship with that person will you have a successful and happy marriage. As a matter of full disclosure, my wife and I are perfectly matched in our respective second marriage. Funny, our experience appears to be the same for our first (round in stupid and immature decisions to marry) spouses respectively. Good TED talk counselor.

[@TheRawBabe]

contribute, owe, give, give up 4 elements to discuss openly during marriage in order to keep a marriage ❤

[@Dimes607]

I understand divorce by not getting married. Completely eliminates the issue

[@nelsonianb1289]

Growing up with divorced parents i dont understand why the government and or church need to be part of a couples life.

[@Ur2ez4me81]

It’s a shame that we hold on to & dwell on the negative things in a relationship & seem to quickly forget the good. Also, people / friends should never encourage someone into a divorce. That’s not cool guys…. Also it’s never over until it’s over. Until you lose complete respect or you are unable to forgive, then you know it’s over…

[@penny4thought168]

I think encouraging someone is important at times. Like if they're in a mentally or physically abusive relationship.

[@TechWeLove]

@@penny4thought168 It's not your marriage, so don't break up a marriage that isn't yours.

[@penny4thought168]

@@TechWeLove Nah. I'm gonna help my friends and anyone else who's in abusive situations or they're unhappy. You stick to keeping your mouth shut and enjoy watching your friends get hurt, I'll stick to helping mine.

[@kingsleyblaiseman7006]

Never understood this until my sister died; always complained of making a mistake and not being happy. Being the 'good' brother I was, I advised her to be patient, that marriage comes with a lot of sacrifices and responsibilities. Funny enough people develop mental issues or even die in their marriages because of the stereotypical ideologies of our society. People make mistakes, even when it comes to their decision to choose a spouse, so we don't have to blame them because they realized they made a mistake. I believe in making it work, in mending broking hearts, but to an extent. Once it gets to the limit, a seperation shouldn't be eluded from the options.

[@28MUSE]

You are walking away from that person, but you are still taking yourself with you. So the You is the most important thing. If you is perfect then whatever you decide will be the perfect answer

[@Allthingsmarinelife]

I’m scared to get married

[@calebcrawford3389]

All things Marine me too

[@Allthingsmarinelife]

MAFIMA scary

[@p0rcel4in_jesus72]

Hahahaha the responsibilities scare me.

[@chevyboy9525]

@@p0rcel4in_jesus72 Ha, ha, find me a rose without thorns!

[@p0rcel4in_jesus72]

Chevy Boy the responsibilities scare me, but it doesn't mean I won't face them haha. I'm just being honest about how I feel about relationships... and life in general haha

[@karinturkington2455]

These pre-marriage decisions depend on a pre-existing balance of power in the relationship.

[@chevyboy9525]

This is a prominent thesis about life in North Amerca. Overall, it involves more than this. Wealth and power cannot negotiate that mysterious thing called Love. And I am not a believer of 'Soul Mate'.

[@sonyareyes9596]

I waited for that second husband many years, the struggle was terrible that I'm still stuck. Next life for sure.

[@georgejgilles.3999]

I concur with this video.

[@redpi11please90]

Here's three words every man should learn before marriage 1) Misandry 2) Hypergamy 3) Gynocentrism

[@nsol6523]

The new way to look at marriage, Nice video thanks TED

[@Leto2ndAtreides]

This seems to need to be reframed in the context of fairness and respect, and not demanding too much of the other person. The word divorce has heavy connotations that are probably dangerous to the emotions that bind the relationship. You can just say "These are the kinds of things that lead to divorce, so how could you use that knowledge to avoid going down that path?" The marriage mediator idea... It'd likely need to be someone who knew you two well for quite a while, because understanding people's values (that they themselves might not understand) is not that easy.

[@ileensosa4406]

We know because we’re all human. And we all have a relatively human experience.

[@irenenguyen8046]

In a nutshell: think about marriage in terms of the contract that it is ... What are you willing to sacrifice in exchange for the expected benefit from the other party?

[@Je.rone_]

I was literally just randomly looking at divorce stats😅 the coincidence is real. For the record it was a computer with no known connection with my own

[@zeldamarsh]

Black Vito - Moneyology what where your results on the stats?

[@JamieAug]

Marriage is outdated in these times. People are living longer and people grow apart. Anyone should be able to change their mind about being married. If someone is not happy, for whatever reason, they have the right to ask for a divorce. Even if you have children. People are not to be owned. Being single is not the worse thing in the world.

[@cjboi204]

This marriage advice is not about saving a marriage. It's about saving anything related to monetary means.

[@ryanfrizzell736]

Now I understand divorce this much better. Thank you

[@pibadar]

I think we need to go back to the original meaning of sacrifice. If sacrifice is being mindful of future events then is it really sacrifice. In today's society where everything is about fairness.. it's no wonder divorce rates are at an all time high.

[@nicholasshawn3626]

My marriage of seven years came crashing down in my very own eyes and i was ready to give up on it before coming across Eliana Zaituna Hernandez who helped in restoring and strengthening back my marriage.

[@ruthproctor7007]

Yesss Marriage is tough

[@neuro.weaver]

How to rationalize your own choices in order to alleviate your guilt.

[@Coffeeismylifeblood]

It’s an unconditional commitment

[@englishenglish8426]

Thanks

[@sumit7851]

Who like Ted vedio and wanted to become TED speaker like here . . . .

[@p0rcel4in_jesus72]

You go, Sumit! I'm hoping to watch you in one of the TED Talks. You can do it, brudda!

[@sumit7851]

@@p0rcel4in_jesus72 Thank you So much for your Words😀

[@thenephilim9819]

So she's basically saying "Get yourselves a lawyer and sign a marriage settlement"...

[@stiephel]

Nah, it's more along the lines of: think about your financials before marrying and decide on a system that works for you both

[@michelemeka4540]

Not really, is more about looking at each decisions (mainly the big ones) you make throughout your marriage and carefully and honestly ask yourselves if it's fair for both of you... Because really... Fair is fair

[@celestialcircledance]

@@michelemeka4540 Ah but each party has a different point of view based of there own need that they deem fair from there unique perspective . Hopefully both parties are not equally stubborn and hopefully the more sacrificial one doesn't become passive aggressive and resentful . Used to be that a wife relocated when her husband had an employment opportunity but what do you do when both jobs are important ? Be nice if everything were logical and straightforward but relationships are messy ...

[@spear8403]

easy fix that will bring down divorce issues by 50%. make marriage vows legally binding(outlawing divorce) men and women alike will be FAR more picky who they choose and will have help from their parents who with experience have a greater bs detector. And in turn, far more marriages will be more coordinated and not made spur of the moment, which means marriages will more likely be healthy

[@maiyenish8552]

How can a person understand divorce, if one hasn't experienced it?

[@finalruner]

I'm noticing in college less and less people want to be in relationships.... even some people asking what's the point. What's the point of marriage, it seems like a lot of people aren't having a good time with it as is

[@carmensmithaguirre3049]

Are you noticing that?

[@VarroTigurius-u1f]

Managed to make it 18 years on my first (and only so far) marriage. Eventually she just gave up on us and even she admits it.. She decided she just wanted to stay home with her parents. I moved to make money for us since she didn’t want to do anything more than what she wants.. yeah she decided she wanted the money I earn just without me. Going on 6 months of divorce now.. 18 years of work for nothing...

[@salaford6299]

I hope you get better man!

[@ChaN-ks3ov]

Because you maybe be cheated! That’s the ultimate reason of divorce all around the world!

[@mileschannel6661]

Some people are Lucky to get married

[@omderod2206]

My inspiration

[@ShawnOfTheDead-v6o]

Sounds like she is saying marriage is a transactional bargain and it not forever. So why do women continue to push men to get legally married, when on the backend they do not plan on keeping their vows if they are not happy?...

[@lymata4607]

I can relate to this discussion..

[@richardjames7047]

Hello dear

[@神農氏-b3b]

Don't marry too late or too early, and you can manage it easier

[@ericcornish1983]

Or as I like to say don't marry at all, I am a lone wolf and always have been, I'm a person who enjoys my freedom, I feel marriage as a tie down as true freedom cannot be attained, reason for this is because if you don't marry in the first place you and your partner will not be corrupted or tainted with the man temptations and blame that's usually always associated with marriage and then only becomes a statistic. I always walk the path of the lone wolf and will continue to do so until the day I die, also marriage is only a piece of paper, if you truly love that person then be with that person, not because what laws or state dictate or define what a marriage truly is, no law can stop me or anyone else taking a partner in life. Wolves abandon their young after a certain while for a reason, so that way they can find their own path and their mate in life and no law governs them as they are truly the pinnacle of freedom!

[@chevyboy9525]

@@ericcornish1983 I know both sides of the corn. Let's not associate freedom with marriage. People like to challenge that. For the religious marry vow devotees, that is their choice. Freedom is irrelevant to them. For the lone wolves, more power to them, because they understand life in its essential nature. When the cage door is open, the bird chooses to stay in. Contemplate on this ... with gentleness but not meanness ...

[@e.t.theextraterristrial837]

"I want to take things slow and talk about the serious things from the get go like 1)children - do both of us want them in the future? 2)what you can expect from me 3)what I'm looking for 4)what you're looking for This way we can avoid deal breakers but people just want to "keep it casual" and "have fun". I am not looking to "have fun" and just "bang". I want a partner in crime. " Everyone else:" that's why you're single bro "

[@1NELifeBrand]

Grate information!

[@gotellthem2099]

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

[@iliakaplan]

Interesting perspective

[@Naan795]

Supporting divorce as a path to learn to love or know how a happy marriage works is a No Sense. Why don’t you just work and learn when you are married and renew your own marriage? You have a marriage not to break but to learn and grow from challenges. Is not a game and the ones who work hard staying will see the fruits.

[@janw952]

Not when only one partner wants to work on it

[@brianawd]

78% of 2nd marriages end in divorce!!

[@jameswatts4982]

Men and Women should step up and be real adults and do what needs to be done instead of being all about self and selfishness and not forgiving

[@JD.yahthatsme]

What if you have them, you prepare, you have an emergency plan if there is an issue but then when it came down to it nothing went as planned she refused to attend counseling. Little did I know she took our child and filed for divorce 30 days before I was “served” divorce papers :(

[@ajlouviere202]

The divorce and remarriage for adultery doctrine is based solely on the supposed guilt of the wife in Matthew 5:32, and Matthew 19:9. However, the wife in Matthew 5:31-32 is clearly not guilty of fornication because the Jews that Jesus was speaking to were still living under the law, and if fornication was discovered, there was a moral obligation to report the offender according to Deuteronomy 22:13-24. The wife, who would have been found guilty of fornication, was subsequently stoned to death, according to the law, which had still governed the Jews up until Christ's death on the cross. The same for a woman caught in adultery, according to Leviticus 20:10. How could a wife, guilty of fornication, or adultery, under the law of Moses, be given a writing of divorcement and be caused to commit adultery with whosoever marries her, that is divorced? Jesus is clear, in these examples, that the wife is not guilty of fornication, but is still caused to commit adultery if she marries another man now that she is divorced. This is the only way that Matthew 5:31-32, and Matthew 19:9 keep harmony with Romans 7:2-3, and 1 Corinthians 7:39. Unlike the synoptic gospels of Mark and Luke, which were written to evangelize the Gentiles, Matthew was written to the Jews, and has of 24 characteristics that identify it as intended for the house of Israel. The ancient Jews called the betrothed (engaged) "husband" and "wife" according to Deuteronomy 22:23-24, Matthew 1:18-25, and Luke 2:5-7. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (Moses's precept of divorce and remarriage) was never for fornication or adultery. Allowing those guilty of fornication and adultery to remain living and become a prospect for remarriage was against the law of Moses in Deuteronomy 22:13-24 and Leviticus 20:10, which commanded that those who were found guilty of fornication and adultery be put away from Israel, and stoned to death. The law of Moses was not given to the world, only to the Jews. From the exodus, to Christ's death on the cross, the law of Moses governed the Jewish people. But when Jesus died on the cross, he caused the Jews to be dead to the law of Moses so they could be joined to Christ under a New Covenant. This is what Jesus's fulfillment of the law of Moses, including Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (Moses's precept of divorce and remarriage), means. Paul gave several warnings to Christian believers against keeping the law of Moses over following Christ and his commands under the New Covenant with Christ. Keeping the whole law is no longer possible for those in Israel and that is why Christ prophesied that the temple would be destroyed. These scriptures make it clear that if you choose the law over Christ, that you must keep the whole law: Romans 7:4, Galatians 3:1-9, Galatians 3:10-29, Galatians 4:1-7, Galatians 4:21-31, and Galatians 5:1-15. Being unequally yoked to unbelievers is not a cause for divorce, once two become one-flesh in a covenant of marriage, according to 1 Corinthians 7:12-14. Many one-flesh covenant marriages between unbelievers are recognized by God in the scriptures, most notably the marriage covenants between Herodias and King Herod's brother Philip, Potiphar and his wife, Ahab and Jezebel, and Ruth to her deceased husband Mahlon by Boaz when he took her to be his wife. Some are teaching that 1 Corinthians 7:15 implies that those who are abandoned by the unbeliever, are "no longer bound" in a one-flesh covenant of marriage. The reason this is in conflict is due to the way they word it, which gives it an entirely different meaning, and context. 1 Corinthians 7:15, says, "15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." As you can see, the actual scripture says "not under bondage," which means that the husband or wife is not enslaved to sin with the unbelieving spouse, and is free to worship Christ in peace. Subsequent translations have changed the words to imply that they nullify the marriage covenant, when this is not at all the case. The issue that this creates is with 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, which says, "10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." As you can see, those who claim 1 Corinthians 7:15 has the Apostle Paul giving permission to remarry do not understand that the abandoned husband in 1 Corinthians 7:11 is expected to also remain unmarried, in order to be reconciled with his wife. The theory that 1 Corinthians 7:15 nullifies two as being one-flesh in marriage puts the Apostle Paul directly at odds with Christ, by implying that he has issued an opposing command. Some also teach that 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 is referring to both divorced men, and virgin women, and not exclusively to men and women (virgins) who have never been married. This has been falsely taught for some time in churches as referring to anyone who is not currently in a marriage, which, for them, also includes those who are divorced. This is a very false assumption, and puts these verses in a different context, that is at odds with both the teachings of Christ and the apostle Paul. We see Paul refer to virgins, which signifies the unmarried who have never before been wed, which is the proper context here. We see Paul saying clearly that it is good for virgins, which is also speaking to never before wed men here, "that it is good for a man so to be." He goes on to say, "Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife." Who is he referring to here? Men who, like himself, have never married. The word "bound", in these verses, is a clear reference to betrothal (engagement) and not to a one-flesh covenant of marriage. The ancient Jews were considered bound as husband and wife during the betrothal (espousal/engagement) before becoming one-flesh in a covenant of marriage, through consummation. This is affirmed by the context of the term "bound" seen in Numbers 30:14-16. The Jewish couples in ancient Israel, who were betrothed (engaged) were also bound together until death, either by execution for fornication, or by other causes. Then Paul says, "But and if thou marry, thou has not sinned", which is who? The men who had never married in the congregation at Corinth. So he begins with verses 25-26 speaking exclusively to men that have never married. Paul then says, "and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned", which is speaking directly about virgin women who have never been married, within the congregation, not divorced women. Notice that verse 34 says, "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband." Paul speaks plainly when he says "there is a difference between a wife and a virgin." Paul goes on to say, "But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry." This is speaking of a virgin who has become of age to bear children when it says, "let them marry." This is a clear command, to a single man, who has taken a virgin to be his wife. Paul then says, "Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well." This is referring again to the single man who decides it is better not to marry, but to stay betrothed (engaged), under the present distress, by saying that he "hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin." Paul then says, "So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better", which again means single men, in the congregation, who have betrothed a wife do well if they marry, and those who choose not to allow their virgin brides do better, under the current climate. For more proper context of the word "bound", let's look further down in this chapter to verse 39, which says, "39The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39). For so long, these scriptures, between verses 25-38, have been twisted and used to enable divorce and remarriage, by wayward churches and teachers, and have caused many to stumble and to be trapped in unlawful unions. The use of the woman at the well, in regard to marriage, falsely implies that Christ was endorsing remarriage after a divorce. This teaching is in defiance of Matthew 22:23-28, which shows a woman who had been widowed seven times, and entered into each subsequent marriage without any scriptural conflicts with God's law of marriage (one-flesh covenant) seen in Genesis 2:23-24. Mark 10:1-12 is the same biblical record of Matthew 19:1-12, which both record Christ's teaching that day beyond the Jordan. There is no mention of the words "fornication", "writing of divorcement", or "divorced" in Mark's Gospel, because Mark was not written to the Jews (as Matthew's Gospel was), but to evangelize the Romans and Greeks, who had no knowledge of the law in Deuteronomy 22 or Deuteronomy 24. All of these facts draw a clear understanding that remarriage after a divorce, under the New Covenant with Christ, is a scripturally false and baseless teaching. Please use wisdom when living in any situation against what the scriptures command.

[@TheRawBabe]

sacrifice v fair exchange, no free childcare, yours becomes ours! 3 golden rules to remember BEFORE getting into marriage ✌

[@mahedihassan7566]

Sacrifice just a simple word. but? really not simple for the human life. Thank You

[@Lore-wv5mt]

It sucks for those who got married and end up in divorce. I’m sorry guys… that’s why am scared to get married

[@melquesilva3339]

so, what´s the point of getting married? makes no sense

[@nandisteynberg5427]

Marriage is not for everyone. You get married to signify that you and your significant other has become one(in a sense). You get married for love. But remeber love is not a feeling its a choice. You choose to love this person during the good and the bad. Love is hard work and there is no denying it. With the right person its worth dping all that work. But if you marry someone because of only a feeling it wont work. And if you dont want to put in some work in bettering the relationship then its best for you to stay away from it

[@nandisteynberg5427]

@Tyler Trobaugh Well there are many reasons that people dont feel like they are made for marriage because of all the stigmatism. Marriage has been built up to look like it would only affect your life badly. I mean we could go on for ages about how the "social norms" dictates people to live their life a certian way and if they dont they failed in life. People arent made to be pushed in a box. And most people view marriage as being put in a box. So the sad reality is that everything is screwed up in some way or another. Maybe within the next 100-125 years the social norms would shift and people wont be so narrow minded

[@bepeculiar7mixtv940]

No luck in marriage. You are lucky if you can find one. Tried my best, but just frustrated. ..

[@srikarvelavarthipati7323]

I’m a guy who lives traveling. This is amazing because it can be doubled as quality time with wife and later with kids

[@FadliMarjan]

Amazing... Beauty Seleb....😍😍😍Smart, Energik, Hero and Best People... God Bless U All viewer and suscriber TED. TED FOREVER,AND TOGETHER...😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@mfriedrich2012]

I think it’s better to avoid marriage and cohabitation. The divorce laws make marriage prohibitive. No man ever lost women pursuing money. But men soon lose all their money pursuing and placating for women.

[@Х-г3шшохл]

People who can marriage are so lucky.

[@chevyboy9525]

Yes or No. It is a trade-off. Not being cynical. It is a life long project, a contract with contingencies, known and unseen. The key is maturity before marriage, but unfortunately, often the reverse is the case. Time would not wait. Haste is dangerous. Those who are married often envy the single. Those who are single envy the married. It is melodrama in general. It can be a fulfilment if you make a choice consciously knowing life is a personal deed but not a religion. There is no such thing as better than or lucky or not lucky. There is no lucky charm or worship for this one! It is a kind of symbiosis that requires give and take, respect, sacrifice, genuine compassion for the partner. If 'who can marry are so lucky' means they haven't treaded on the landmine (not as yet), then they are truly lucky! Of course, I am trying to do humour here, no offence. Let's have a good laugh about everything that is 'happy ever after'!

[@ricardoortega826]

Totalmente de acuerdo ,es para siempre

[@TechWeLove]

Whoever breaks the marriage, should get less, 25 % , not 50% . In that way, we are not rewarding those who break marriages, and leave children with broken families.

[@angelisland22]

This talk was so convoluted and hard to follow. smh

[@johnjordon253]

so do i

[@pongmc2245]

2nd wife as well

[@nonchalantd]

Why even get married? Societal pressure? Fear of missing out? Possessiveness?

[@chuckhall5347]

To share the burdens of raising children.

[@Zackman217]

Just think twice before marriage. That’s my philosophy.

[@b4ph0m3tdk9]

If you cannot open your mouth and speak your mind to your spouse you married the wrong person.

[@platriercube]

She ask me divorse this week😭for all u said very true

[@AnkitSingh-gf1zb]

Wanna marry me

[@jasumin.tomorrowisstoday]

@Đức marriage property is always divided in half when they divorce

[@nonyeawurum9193]

Great talk.

[@chuyistheshiz6811]

I like her dress.

[@charlescastell4638]

Wonderful and useful information. Way too many camera angle changes, almost made me dizzy. Too bad the editors could not calm down! Try just listening and not actually watching...

[@K-ONE16]

Wonderful Ted talk! However, how do you stop women and recently men from operating from the point of hypergamy in relationships and marriage???

[@De-tw7by]

Never make women the top priority in life. Make your health, passion, career, hobbies, friends, relatives etc the top priority. Learn to live with or without women. Focus on yourself, work hard, make lot of money, have lot of fun.

[@JoseGarcia-eb1pz]

Describe the concept of fair exchange in a marriage.

[@timtravasos2742]

Great info

[@abcdefgh-rq3gq]

Marriage is a one sided contract. Make sure you know what you are getting yourself into.

[@izyizhan3561]

4 who tho?

[@abcdefgh-rq3gq]

@@izyizhan3561 You know who. 🤭

[@nks3ak263]

@@izyizhan3561 women of course. Even the slutiest ones with the no fault divorce.

[@Burdflu]

lol @ people acting like they don't know who benefits

[@IOPE_]

Funny because in my country you marry with Al your assets separated and it will stay that way until you day differently. Also mairrage is a give and take and communication is key the moment when you feel like resentful towards him or her because of sometimes you agreed on in the first place then just be open about it and find a solution both to be happy with. There is still time to fix but as long as you open about it.

[@TechWeLove]

I think if assets remained separate, for the whole marriage, then divorce would happen less, because there would be less incentive to take 50% of the other person's assets. I wouldn't mind seeing examples of where that worked, cause it sounds great.

[@himanshu3247]

I m not in love or married yet i don't need this video now

[@chevyboy9525]

Ha ha. Good wordings. Not as yet.... It is good to galvanize yourself before the spell of love sap your power. Bless you, when the time comes for whichever it might be!

[@simlucien]

Understanding divorce is why men don't want to get married. Its a losing proposition for us.

[@grishmashah6791]

5:49 got it, act selfishly in marriage

[@dejadeadlea]

grishma shah Did you actually watch this? What about equal sacrifices is selfish? What about involving both partners early on in decision making is selfish?

[@jasumin.tomorrowisstoday]

I can relate this to boys and girls relationship

[@richardjames7047]

Hello dear

[@날쏘-f6z]

3:11