How You Treat Your Shadow People: It Reveals Your Character

[@Shimmerin]

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”-Malcolm S. Forbes

[@DrLesCarter]

Good reminder. Dr. C

[@thepoliticsofhumanity3419]

Exactly

[@francesbernard2445]

Yea. I always trust a man who treats poor people just as well [like not often swearing at his employees] as he treats rich people no matter how strong his smell is after a very long day at work a lot sooner than an ivy league graduate who is always appropriate showered and well dressed for a selfie while he is displaying a pattern of showing snobbery to people from a certain kind of background while often showing favoritism to everyone else.

[@sharonmonathcohen3642]

Wow, thanks

[@tobascoheat6582]

Absolutely!! Needs no explanation!!!

[@lynnfincham6839]

With older generation you may be the only person they see all day so smile and say hello 🌸

[@joywebster2678]

And I commented above, stop the eye rolls at us getting older types because we don't have the tech, we have life experiences the youngsters can't even imagine.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

That can happen with people of ANY generation. You may be the only friendly face of either a child's, or full-grown person's, day or week.

[@CamperEra]

🙂 Hello Y’all

[@rachelheyth3645]

@@joywebster2678 We are the elite generation. We know what postage stamps are for and how to use them. We can get from point A to pointB without help frome google maps. We actually know how to boil an egg. I could go but you get the idea. If electricity wasnt available to the X W Z s they would be stuffed.:-)

[@jedichild6815]

I’m from Ca and am in love with this guys southern accent and decency and depth and kindness and warmth. So freaking loveable.

[@brettweary8491]

Absolutely Jedi Doctor Carter s a very warm and Friendly Man who Cares

[@susanmcdonald9088]

He's not southern, he's Texan. :)

[@carolinacooper7068]

@@susanmcdonald9088 Last time I checked, Texas was not in the north

[@CocopopsMcG]

Me too, I have watched so many of his videos. So helpful to me and like you say, he is totally loveable!!

[@jedichild6815]

@@susanmcdonald9088 Cool, that’s bad-*ss. I did not know that

[@laurarandolph5600]

A mean comment or action from a stranger can be like an infected splinter that causes recurring pain indefinitely. An unexpected kindness from a stranger can be a happy memory for life.

[@DrLesCarter]

Good way to put it. Dr. C

[@dbirdeycapozzi9807]

...and then, beyond all duality ...

[@laurarandolph5600]

@@DrLesCarter Hey, I love your channel! It puts Dallas, Texas on the map for me!

[@TheBlooming144]

Great reminder today. Just be kind to everyone. Let God sort out the rest.

[@davidp2888]

One of the "tests" I have for a potential partner is to watch how they treat restaurant servers/staff. If they treat them as "less than" I don't pursue another date.

[@bobtaylor170]

Smart, very smart.

[@christinebuckingham8369]

@Millicient Aspinet Same experience with an ex - they all seem to read the same life-script.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

See, this is one of Dr.C’s videos I’m conflicted on. My in laws are SO nice to servers because they actually DO see them as “less than.” They feel sorry for servers because they see servers as being in a class that has to “work in a restaurant.” So while we are at the restaurant, they sweet talk the server and they tip really big. But then after dinner when we have returned home, they talk about everything the server did which they didn’t like about the server or they say things like “people like that” when referring to the server later. So when i dated their son, i only saw the parents who were super nice to servers, which was something that attracted me to their son to begin with. Then after marrying their son, i learned the truth. Sadly, i learned the truth about him far too late as well.

[@kimsmith819]

Sounds like a great test to me

[@merillwalter8698]

And also how they treat women. My ex as he got older, began to call any driver that frustrated him (whether he could see if they were male or female), "Stupid Woman." Never did this if he was sure they were male.

[@Dan-ud8hz]

"A man’s character is most evident by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or reciprocate." Paul Eldridge

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks for this important reminder. Dr. C

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@@chriswyma145 Amen!

[@linneajohnson5362]

Absolutely. ♥️🌛

[@zsuzsa5873]

A gem!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I know a couple of people who see me as a shadow person and they treat me like a ghost while love bombing all others around me. We may all turn towards "the Sun" without meaning to, but when it is so obvious, so conscious, *so* deliberate .... it"s mind blowing. Not on a good way.

[@brettweary8491]

Absolutely True Doctor Carter we should treat all People like we would like to be treated ourselves

[@marykoch1611]

Exactly!!!

[@leahartlee29]

That is what I was taught.

[@vals74]

True

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

And We Should Not Allow Others To Do Unto Us That Which We Would Not Do Unto Them !

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

@@leahartlee29 GOLDEN Rule. SILVER Rule: Do Not Let Others Do Unto You That Which You Would Not Due Unto Them !

[@salettamyers8845]

That was the hardest part when I was with the narcissist- you never know who is being put in your path that needs a smile or a hug or a kind word- I can testify that those were things that were given to me when I needed them the most- strangers always treated me better & offered the best conversations🤗

[@dbirdeycapozzi9807]

...gives one understanding...

[@salettamyers8845]

@@dbirdeycapozzi9807 💙 We wear our hearts on our sleeves & it shows🤗

[@kimsmith819]

Strangers always seem to give the best advice and I'm sure we give strangers the best advice also

[@kimsmith819]

@@salettamyers8845 AMEN 🙏

[@linneajohnson5362]

In my situation the trauma I experience caused me serious trust issues. I am a kind person inherently, but it has taken awhile to even speak to people. Suspiciousness became a way to keep myself safe. In my current environment, after a month I am more at ease but cautious. There are those folks who are polite and wonderful. I do try to at least acknowledge all I pass. That's tough sometimes as my moods still can fluctuate. Much more stable tho.

[@kimsmith819]

I learned the " Golden Rule" in 4th grade and have never forgotten it. We just need to be kinder to one another. Spread love and kindness instead of selfishness and hate.

[@DrLesCarter]

I'm totally on board with that. Dr. C

[@bernadettekelly2772]

Thank you my friend 💕💕

[@surfrescue3232]

Yeah that’s was Ellen DeGeneres’ catch phrase and look how that turned out

[@s.v.662]

I am a shadow person to my family. They won't give me the time of day. I don't do drugs or drink or anything much exciting and for the love of God, why? I'm kind and loving. I'm a RN. Hospitals trust me to care for patients but my family doesn't trust me to not be crazy. My mom was all those things. Her brother, my uncle, don't get along. I have nothing to do with that. I deserve love and the damage to my heart and self worth suffers. They wouldn't be this cruel to a stranger.

[@s.v.662]

@Millicient Aspinet sorry to hear. They're so nice to everyone else.

[@creilly3728]

My heart goes out to you. However, I am happy to see that you are aware of your own self worth. I hope you can heal the damage done to you by allowing yourself to feel all the good you’re doing as an RN when you so unselfishly tend to them. Yes, you do deserve love and I hope you’ll be able to recognize and feel it when it happens. Best wishes to you.

[@margaretjohnson6259]

it tickles me to engage in chitchat with shadow people when i think that that little exchange might brighten their day.

[@katherineg9396]

That happened to me, a lady on the supermarket line smiled at me and chatted with so much friendliness on a day when I was so sad about my pending divorce, I will never forget her.

[@jbtalt]

Momma always told me to follow the golden rule...do unto others as you'd have them to unto you. That has never left my mind. There is no one "beneath me" and treating someone unkindly because of their position in life isn't even an option...actually not even a thought in my head. There's always someone "above us." In more ways than one ;)

[@dawnbailey1132]

Amen!

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

I get now how you use shadow as not a part of my inner circle. I just had a really lovely girl encounter at Target as I looked for the first time in a long while for makeup. I asked the gals at the door what they used. And they had some good tips. Then I went back to the department and got great help and she even went and got their beauty expert a young woman with little pretense unlike department stores and she ended up recommending a product elsewhere. What a great uplift for my day. Did you know tea bags are still the best for under eyes and that some products use caffeine? I learn all the time and then get to share. Thanks for this talk as usual Dr. C. I come from a gregarious family and I am now especially after working with you less afraid of making a fool of myself or just walking away. I LOVE to laugh with others.

[@sumofo9742]

Some of my most memorable experiences involved ME being the shadow person, and the kind stranger lightening my day with a compliment or even a friendly hi in the elevator. 💞

[@dyoung2739]

Years ago my soon to be ex asked the waiter for a glass of Mer-LOT. When the waiter attempted to politely clarify and asked if he meant Mer-LOW,he went ballistic asked for the manager. The manager apologized, explained that the waiter was new and thought there really was a Mer-LOT that the waiter wasn’t familiar with. That still didn’t satisfy him. On the sly, I’ve paid so many additional tips over the years to waiters/waitresses for his bad behavior/tantrums.

[@zsuzsa5873]

What a twit. Glad you said " soon to be ex"

[@dyoung2739]

@@zsuzsa5873 He’s a typical narc,always blaming someone else for his incompetence

[@ViralVibes_01]

Why would the waiter be so arrogant to try and clarify its just one letter. He even was wrong himself. U say: mér-lo.

[@RobSlopezJr]

I found it would have probably been better if the waiter, instead of directly correcting him, just said, "okay, you want a Merlot, correct?" Or maybe that's just from being with a narcissistic woman for so long. Me, personally, I appreciate people correcting me, like when I have egg on your face. I don't care for it when someone noticed but didn't correct me and let me go around with egg on face. Lol

[@dyoung2739]

@@RobSlopezJr 😂I don’t mind being corrected either but a narcissist looks for reasons to be offended.

[@antihero1484]

I've always have suffered from social anxiety ever since I can remember. I don't look at people in the eyes or talk to people. Unless they talk to me, then I'll look them in the eyes and be as polite as I can, but they have to take the initiative. I really wish I was a people person, but I'm just not... I've helped plenty of shorter and old people get things off the top shelves at stores. I've helped plenty of people with vehicle troubles. I hold the door open for people all the time. Something I've done plenty of times, that's pretty embarrassing is say, "thank you" after I do other people favors. I've always been polite when spoken to, but the other person has to talk to me first. I've had a lot of people mistake me for being rude before, because I seem stand offish (not making eye contact or not being the first one to speak) but, I'm really not rude. It's just a misunderstanding.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Why not just smile, a smile and happy eyes says ... hello 💕

[@Donita1213]

I totally understand what you mean. I have gone through and sometimes still go through the same thing. On top of that I have a stuttering problem. But in my mid twenties I joined a religious commune. So I lived with all kinds of people from all over the world. And we were all expected to go out in the street and talk to people. And also to sell things door to door. And I had good days and bad days doing that. But it really got me out of my shyness. But now I'm not religious I don't belong to any religion. But I do believe that we are all connected by spirit. Meditating also has helped me a lot. And you kind of have to really step back and realize nobody's perfect. We all have different kinds of problems and insecurities. But also just you being concerned about how you treat people means you're an awesome person. Just believe that and know that.❤️

[@patregehr6735]

@@Donita1213 wow that's such a nice comment

[@karinberonius8799]

First of all, speaking as a short person, THANK YOU! Your help is greatly appreciated! To not have to risk being hit by an avalanche of tins from the top shelf, or for that matter, risk falling into an open counter at the frozen food section when you're desperately trying to reach "that" tub of ice-cream, is priceless. Secondly, I completely understand why you say "Thank you" to the person that you've helped. I do too. It's like saying: "It's my pleasure" and mean it.

[@gordo6908]

@@lynnfincham6839 it really depends on how bad the anxiety is. personally, ive had blurred vision, shortness of breath, and some times even felt faint while attempting to interacting with others. a smile can be hard to manage when trying not to fall over

[@mdee860]

I ♥️ people so I have lots of shadow people. My pharmacist, the butcher, helping a gas station attendant learn about affordable housing, etc. They enrich my life in small ways, but all are enjoyable interactions. However, one time my husband was with me @ the grocery store & I was talking w/ one of the butchers...and he stood behind the butcher & gave me the most EVIL face, like move on, now. It was so ugly.

[@barttanner8162]

I see and experience this daily as someone is only friendly and courteous when it only benefits them.

[@susanmcguire4664]

It is very sad. I wonder if the people acting that way were ever taught how to be kind by their parents.

[@maiab.4894]

Interesting. The narcissist I know was nicer to shadow people than their own family. But it was all shallow.

[@DS40764]

They all are like that

[@pliska2038]

Yes this has been my experience. I will witness my spouse hug someone at church and think " Wow, I haven't had a hug from you in years and could really really really use one!

[@collie8]

That might be a play for you. Be flattered. Once not in a mood, they treat shadow people like crap

[@sumofo9742]

@@collie8 agreed. Either they think they’ll gain from it, eg ingratiate themselves to you or others, or do it even to make you feel badly, eg why do they treat me so badly behind closed doors

[@rockstarofredondo]

That’s how my narco-relatives are. Nicer to strangers than family. Probably because the person that doesn’t know them doesn’t know their bs yet!

[@annabee922]

Being in customer service teaches you to be kind to your shadow people, at least it did for me. Unless you're highly narcissistic, like my sister--who's also in the same field of customer service... It boggled my mind when I was visiting her out of state and went with her to her work to take care of a couple of clients. She complained to me about how she hated it when clients treat her like she's second class. I agreed that it doesn't feel good and sympathized. After work, we stopped by a store and she treated the cashier like SH*T! She was so rude to her and I was appalled and humiliated by association. When we left the store, I asked her why she would treat the cashier that way after she just complained to me how she hates it when people treat her just like how she treated the cashier. Of course, she justified herself and had her own reasoning to why she's entitled to treat the cashier so rudely. My image of her changed that day and I lost whatever little respect I had for her.

[@anesasosevic2813]

I like to treat everyone with respectability and expect the same behavior from others. Also, I like to estimate people for their treatment towards shadow people ( a waitress/a waiter, a maid, a cleaner). No matter how much kidness and niceness they show towards me, if they are rude, heartless and abusive towards shadow people, then my conclusion is: this kind of people has double standards how they treat different persons. They look like fake luxury brand. Moreover, they show some narcissistic traits. Dr. Carter, thanks! Looking forward to Your video!

[@dbirdeycapozzi9807]

👍

[@anesasosevic2813]

@@dbirdeycapozzi9807 Thanks! 🙂

[@linneajohnson5362]

I have learned not to label people. We all different characteristics and that doesn't make anyone more toxic than the next person. Only docs diagnose. I have done the same and have since experienced differently. There is no room for labels. Period. When I look at someone, I will make every effort to see an individual and not a diagnosis or other label. This is stigmatizing.

[@lynnfincham6839]

I treat everyone the same , with respect , a smile and a hello and a thank you is just what I was taught to be the norm 🌸

[@aimeestutzman5823]

Always be kind. It actually is that simple. Hi Gus!!!

[@jsf8145]

Yep! I always try to show gratitude for others providing a service to me. Matthew 25:40 - whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers & sisters of God (Jesus), you did it to/for God.

[@DJHAMON-ir3hr]

Good to see Gus again!

[@moniquefleming3738]

I make it a point to be polite and kind to shadow people. I'm an extreme introvert, and don't feel comfortable around people. However, you never know who needs a moment of kindness in their lives. I learned this from people I didn't know who would treat me with kindness and respect.

[@beestill4126]

My grandma taught us to never "act ugly". "Ugly"was defined as rude, selfish, unkind behavior towards Anyone, anytime, anywhere. Manners were required and also courtesy. You couldn't just do what you were supposed to do, you had to get your heart right and don't be ugly! What a blessing she was to everyone 🥰 This talk from Dr. C reminds me of those learning times.

[@karinberonius8799]

Spot on!

[@marykoch1611]

As someone commented below-treat all people how you would like to be treated...with kindness and compassion♥♥

[@RobSlopezJr]

I always try and do better when it comes to working on other people's things or how I expect to be treated. I do however, try not to treat others in ways I do not like being treated.

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

This Is An Important Concept To “Get” ! I Have Pulled Off Some Amazing Things For My Employers In High Places Because Of My Good Connections With People In Low Places ! I Always Acknowledge Everyone In A Pleasant Manner. It Pays Big Dividends Sometimes !!

[@elenabelacastre7789]

🌈💃💖 THANKS This is so true! In most cases I would say that's me! There are those HOWEVER who don't seem to want to engage & that's OK too, they could be shy, having a bad day & I believe u need to respect that space also!

[@ozarkprepper1718]

I drove a route for 20 years. I remember every good person i encountered. I also remember successfull people having bad days and could see their anxiety. I tried to be as nice as i could. Anxiety kills us.

[@kesmarn]

My narc sibling goes beyond ignoring and dismissing shadow people; she makes a point of raising her voice and making every effort to antagonize and humiliate them. Like every bully, she knows that she's assaulting someone who can't really fight back because... "customer satisfaction." The victim fears for his/her job. She gets a huge amount of pleasure out of this.

[@Betscu.]

She or He was my "shadow driver". I would like to know who that person was, because we had an amazing chemistry. I was driving through the state of Wisconsin to Sault Ste Marie in Canada one night in August 1990. There was very little traffic on that freeway. But luckily it happened that some other driver started driving with me. We never stopped before our destinations, we never talked to each others, but even without that we started driving in a 30 minutes shifts so that I was leading first and then it was this other driver's turn and so on. And believe it or not we drove through the whole night hour after hour this way and early in the morning this driver exited from the freeway one exit before my own exit. This was a miracle, I would say! And I probably couldn't have done that mileage by myself without her or his help on that dark road. My car at that time was a little blue Geo Metro.

[@creilly3728]

That’s an amazing story. Sounds like your guardian angel was with you on that trip.

[@Betscu.]

@@creilly3728 Well said! Thank you!

[@nanascott100]

Thank you! And much love to Gus!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Thank you for naming this phenomenon. I know a couple of scapegoating narcissists who see people as either beneath them or above them. When people fear that you're only one rung beneath them, God help you. Or worse, if they sense that you dont understand you're beneath them, god help you. You must be aware of your status as shadow person.

[@jjean5660]

I so enjoy you videos Dr Carter, thanks for your work and your wisdom !As someone who worked in customer service for many years , people who treat you with kindness, empathy and good will can make your day or get you through a rough shift, especially because so many out there can be disrespectful, entitled and rude if they see you as unimportant . I try and brighten someones day with a smile, a kind word or patience in a difficult situation because I know how much something so simple can impact someone, and especially those who work in customer service who often interact with hundreds of people each day , if hundreds of people are dismissive or rude, vs hundreds of people being kind and grateful, what an impact that could have on that individual.

[@DrLesCarter]

You express it so well. Thanks for these good comments! Dr. C

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thanks Dr Carter ❤ I like this. I love to be kind to my shadow people 😊 it's just my nature to be this way. I've been criticized about it by the narc about it. Lol but to bad. I like saying hello and a smile. I like waving at the ones in the neighborhood and they wave too. It's a thing we all do.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

When we cross paths with “shadow people” this reveals “who you are,” however, brief the time. Do you treat a stranger with respect, courtesy, kindness , I would hope that reflects “who we are” ! I believe the way you treat others “shadow people or others”reveals the very essence of “who we want to be! A defining measure is treating them well, when no one is looking!

[@DrLesCarter]

Exactly! Dr. C

[@diymom4926]

I am an introvert so I am shy most of the time. Most people mistake shy people as being aloof.

[@DrLesCarter]

There is an excellent book called Quiet, by Susan Cain. My wife and I are in a book club and that was one of the best books we read a couple of years ago. Dr. C

[@steviecrow914]

In banking, the “shadow people” around my clients were hugely influential to my career and success. I was always astounded when colleagues didn’t value or respect them - they felt that the Alpha was the only person deserving of attention or care.

[@DrLesCarter]

You get it. BTW, I have stayed with my bank for years b/c the people there are consistently kind and helpful. I really like going in there. In fact, I seldom use the drive-thru just so I can shoot the breeze with the staff inside. Dr. C

[@suemick8709]

These are the people who grease the wheels. Support staff truly appreciate kindness and never forget unpleasant encounters. It costs nothing to develop the habit of being pleasant and it can rebound with unexpected benefits.

[@s.s.8029]

My sil is a banker as well as a covert narc. Several people (who I trust) were surprised to hear how she treated me (after all, I took her big brother away from her). However, she can be nice to their faces, but then and talks about them as soon as she has a chance. I am now able to to read authentic people better. BTW, she was like this before she entered the banking world. There is very little genuine emotion unless it gets her something. Always has an agenda and even tries selling my husband and I banking things that we don't need. I am in education and deal with some difficult parents and I do not appreciate when my co-workers talk about parents and students in a bad way. I am learning more and more that people are complicated and we never know what someone is going through. I have more respect for people that appropriately share vulnerabilities than to act like they have it all together. No more fake people in my life!

[@purpleiguana208]

This video reminds me of a banner that is up at my kid's school: Character is how you act when no one is looking. You shouldn't just be nice because someone will see it and recognize you for it or reward you in some way. You should do it because it's the right thing to do, because treating someone with a basic level of respect and decency is the right thing to do.

[@roxannamarinak3156]

I agree completely. It is way you deal with clerks and everyone you come across and your respect and acknowledging of them as a human being.

[@DS40764]

I'm shy by nature, so I'm usually polite and patient to people ,but yes, sometimes I could be friendlier to others. I probably come off as aloof and haughty sometimes; when really I'm just feeling stressed and I'm in my own zone. And the opposite is true sometimes when people give bad customer service, even being rude to you and without consequence. You are going to find some really nice people in Florida, but you have some really rude people here too.

[@beckyyoung7395]

Your voice, teaching, encouragement, and love is a breath of fresh air, and healing for many! Thank You!

[@teresacotton7923]

Loved this video. It really sums up the difference between decent people and narcissists. Instead of calling myself an Emphatic person opposed to Narcistic, we are kind and they are not.

[@dosso9958]

My narcissist is MUCH kinder to strangers than than she is to immediate family members (mother, sister). She likes the pat on the back for being so wonderful.

[@teresacotton7923]

@@dosso9958 I got that too, although if we were in a restaurant he was rude to the waitress , impatient with others.

[@yourcalmplace]

- I just want to let anyone who’s reading this comment know. I wish you great success, health, love and happiness! ✨

[@dbirdeycapozzi9807]

...and of course you as well

[@linneajohnson5362]

Hey! Thanks, same to you♥️🌛

[@charimireles6720]

And the same to you Honey.Blessings

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

This is so interesting, Dr. Carter! “Shadow People.” I’ve never heard of this and am so intrigued by it. What i find most interesting about this is how the narcissist in my life treats his shadow people BETTER than he does me or his kids. He will sit with a perfect stranger and talk for hours, laugh, listen, and encourage- then turn around the very next moment and sit in silence while his adult kids and i carry on a conversation and enjoy one another’s company. When i confront his behavior and ask why he doesn’t speak with us the way he speaks to “shadow people” (because it’s not just perfect strangers,) he will say something like- “well, i didn’t really know anything about the subject you all were discussing” or “i just didn’t have anything to add to the conversation.” This is his habitual behavior. In this video, i think i hear you giving instruction to notice when someone treats the shadow people in their life well and that’s how they will most likely treat you also. Am i understanding correctly? If so, that’s the very thing that got me in trouble with the narcissist i deal with. I think that’s one of the reasons i stayed with him for nearly 30 years. I kept thinking surely he can pay just as much respect to his wife and kids as he does perfect strangers. Can you please talk about narcissists who actually treat shadow people well but then don’t give the same attention and respect to the ones they say they love the most? Thank you.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@chriswyma145 I would still like to hear from Dr. Carter on this one. Your comment isn’t taken hurtful whatsoever. But neither is it helpful. Sorry.

[@DrLesCarter]

Yes, I had considered this as I was putting the video together. It's a separate topic and I intend to address it. I already have a video planned for the pretender narcissist, but I'll do one on this specific dimension as well. I like getting feedback like this from viewers, so thank you. It'll be just a few weeks. Dr. C

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@DrLesCarter i almost figured you’d be on top of this, Dr. Carter. Yes- “the pretender” is a perfect description! So what i would like to know is how to spot and know a pretender (most importantly- before it’s too late... aka before relationship bonding or marriage takes place.) Thank you, Dr.C!

[@garyzgary1]

WOW! I've learned something new today, thank you Dr. C. The term SHADOW PEOPLE, now makes sense to me as well as the statement "If he's nice to you but not nice to the waiter, then he's not a nice person".

[@1ajtg]

I photographed mine recently, in the sunshine. I like my shadow :) Looking forward to hearing what this is really about. Always fascinating Dr C!

[@Julie-cb4cq]

LOVE. This is excellent. Thank you 🙏 I learned this from a friend years ago as I watched her model finding and loving the “shadow people” no one else would notice- from the challenged in corners and wheelchairs to the little ones hanging on mom’s legs 🥰 She taught me what a big heart of love looks like.

[@cymbolichuman433]

Just seeing Gus on the chair is so nice, I lost my Beloved Smokey last month. Dogs are more than shadow people, and the way you treat your beloved pet is as important. I only regret that I didn't give her a dog companion, she was mine. You should always be kind and loving...It's like always having an "E" ticket...

[@DrLesCarter]

You can tell a lot about people by the way they treat animals and small children. Dr. C

[@karinberonius8799]

I'm so sorry for your loss.🌼

[@Aannishiaa]

Yes! People absolutely hate me because I treat kids with the same level of respect as everyone else. I correct myself when I am wrong. I listen thoroughly and you don't have to be a certain age to be treated like you matter. We all do. When the kids knock on my door, they don't ask if my kids can come out and play. They ask for me. 🤭

[@morningsong8077]

Nice! Yep, you get from kids what you expect to get from them. It’s terribly hypocritical to raise up a child and tell him/her that you love them (saying they’re important to you), just to turn around and dismiss and invalidate them at every turn. Kids are perceptive. This is a big part of “acting out” in children - frustration.

[@Aannishiaa]

@@morningsong8077 If only everyone thought to think. 💕

[@michelekurlan6489]

I know I could afford to raise a bar a little bit. This was very nice message from Dr C 🌻

[@goldilocks3593]

Interesting. At a school I once worked at we had a PR high level professional basketball player associated with our school. He would show up occasionally for a smiley, happy photo op with the special needs kids and as soon as the camera was off he couldn’t get out of there soon enough. Told me everything I needed to know about the guy long before I understood the word “narcissist”.

[@carolnahigian9518]

wish my Dad had Doctor Les' HEART.

[@maureenb7399]

Well said Dr. Carter! Forget yourself sometimes…❤️

[@claudiaaguilar6845]

A "shadow" person saved Naaman's life - 2 KIngs 5.

[@carolinacooper7068]

...a little girl who was also a servant told the rich guy what to do too be cured of leprosy & she was right...thanks for reminding me of this story in 2 Kings 5

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

@@carolinacooper7068 sounds interesting!

[@rorywright5692]

You really never know what someone may be going through. I try to respect other people and would like the same in turn! Everyone deserves that. One time I got a notice in the mail about some service that was changing and it had a number to call if you had questions. I called and asked a question and the person said the notice was self explanatory!! I must of been the wrong Self!! I hung up phone and said I must be really dumb and should of thanked him for pointing that out to me!! My sisters and I had so much fun with that one!!!

[@evadefrumerie3676]

Thankyou dear doctor Carter, I usually do not care about unknown people because they treat me as nobody where I live. But this talk was so interesting. I feel so very stronger after listening to you. I am so very happy I have found your Channel. 🕊️🕊️🕊️😍

[@asalane20]

The most reasonable, emotionally intelligent man on the internet right here!

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks so much. Dr. C

[@lynnchotoocho9713]

Thank you Dr. Carter, for reminding me that I am a pretty good soul. My mother taught us how to treat people with kindness & respect. Love your pooch, she looked very comfortable in that chair.

[@salettamyers8845]

Listening to this again Dr.Carter & my memory was jogged of the video I first watched of you of the young boy you helped- my heart just smiled- God is so good, all the time! Have a amazing day😇

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

I love making friends with strangers. Just yesterday made a friend in the check out and I asked her about her purchases. As she left she turned and said bless you. Made my day. Not sure about word shadow. As I believe we are all One in the eyes of the divine there is no other. Big fan of Buber I and Thou. Another has mentioned that book here too.

[@julietamalo6881]

Thank you for the insightful explanation and the wonderful video, Dr. Les Carter. We should be grateful for all the shadow people around us, in the manner that we can help each other in daily living. That way, we also can spread positivity in others and share the values. Have a wonderful day, Doc, and blessings to you 🙏

[@DrLesCarter]

Terrific words, Julie. Dr. C

[@DevorahTafus]

My narc mother is the opposite. One time she was in the hospital with seratonin syndrome so she was temporarily behaving very bizarrely, yet she was still in character, just exaggerated. She would grab the nurse's hand (especially male nurses) and tell them "that was just what I needed, thank you so much." Then she immediately turned around and gave me a look of contempt as if to say "but not you. If you acted like them (serving her!) you would get praise too. Too bad for you that you don't measure up." But maybe I was her shadow person at the moment because she wasn't getting anything from me. Everyone that worked there thought she was just wonderful. Frankly, it was sickening.

[@halinafultiak4979]

Met some elderly people doing this to their children in my work ....... their demands can be draining 😘

[@Transformational_change]

I really appreciate all you do.

[@salliegallegos918]

I was appointed to a faculty committee. I was the only woman. Several of the men drowned me out the second I tried to contribute. I stopped trying and left the room. At the next meeting, they were polite. They probably thought that I reported them.

[@katherineg9396]

Good for you! I love it!

[@eagleeye2300]

A commitment to kindness without expectation of reward is the mark of a mature and spiritualized Soul...Whether they are conscious of it or not. You never know what another person may be going through and how a small act of kindness could uplift a struggling person. And it costs nothing to be kind...Except it's at the expense of the ego. Thanks Dr. Carter...and, Gus...Mwah!!

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks, Paulabella. Dr. C

[@fairygurl9269]

*Appreciative of Our Interconnectedness* Peace Love & Kindness to You & Gus too!

[@cynthiaspell9405]

I always taught my children, “It’s nice to be nice.”

[@jedichild6815]

This was awesome. For some reason, I see every single small encounter with any given person as a way to both practice my ideal self, and when I feel healthy, an opportunity to really light up someone’s day, bring joy or a smile, or a peaceful presence or whatever to benefit another person’s experience. Small encounters feel like sacred tests and opportunities.

[@elanahammer1076]

@ Dr. C and community... I give respect to others but if they gaslight or are disrespectful to me then I do not put up with it. For example, I had to walk away from a wonderful veterinary clinic yesterday because a shadow staffer became a gaslighter. The veterinarian is good but I will not be treated with such disrespect. The narcissist or gaslighter could take their feelings out on my dog so we had to say goodbye. This is an example where a shadow person or people became toxic. 🤔❤️🇺🇸✊

[@elanahammer1076]

@Millicient Aspinet You have a great point and I appreciate your feedback. Originally I was working with an employee whom I called last week to see if they could take a new patient. Our service dog passed away in April so I thought we would go back to our veterinarian clinic that we have gone to since 2010. The so called office manager returned the phone call from the original employee I was working with to schedule for a date. Office managers can sometimes be hidden narcs. They can be found in Hr positions too in various organizations. Anyhow this person gas lighted me for no reason and made accusations unfounded without providing any evidence. I spoke to the Veterinarian about her behavior briefly. I was so upset and talked it over with my husband and told him that I am not comfortable having any animals of mine around someone as the office managers toxic behaviors. She could retaliate on our new service dog. So not cool. I did my best to warn them and it is sad because he is a wonderful veterinarian. Thanks for letting me vent.🤔❤️

[@frau_ic]

Love your channel, greetings from Germany!

[@Gill12283]

Great video....I've never really thought of this before. I treat my shadow people well😀 Love Gus in the background

[@sandywilliams3244]

Thank you Dr. C. This is frankly something I need to work on. Seems like I am always in a hurry and don't always take time for people around me, no matter the circumstances this is great advice..

[@candybradford6468]

Great encouragement to treat others well and the way I would want to be treated. Thank you.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Good point - as you said earlier, narcs tend to act nice towards strangers if they are trying to bullshit them (e.g. selling them a 'church') or they will make them look good because of a cause they may be associated with. Anybody they consider below their station they treat like garbage.

[@Tawanda99]

I always treat my shadow people with respect no matter what walk of life they are. I so enjoy diversity and what others have to offer the everyday experience. I want to offer others simple goodness and kindness when I cross their path as well. A simple genuine smile sometimes is all that is required and I feel the Holy Spirit’s warmth inside. It’s a great feeling. What you put out there comes right back at you double!!

[@lilyclement-brown8853]

My ex-husband was usually very unkind to his "shadow people", so much so that it was embarassing to be with him in public. He was constantly rude to service-persons everywhere we went. He also used pretentious speech in public, as I guess he wanted others to think he was more educated than he really was. I knew it was fake and it really bothered me. After a short marriage, I divorced him because he became abusive to me. I'm so glad I got divorced from him, because it seemed his true colors were showing. Wish I had known all this about shadow people some 40 years ago.

[@deniedeal581]

This has just opened my eyes to how much of my spirit feels broken due to the mental, emotional and physical abuse I’ve lived through the last 13 years. She is not only a narcissist but she she is also a drug addict that I love with everything I am and hate like I never imagined was possible. It’s been so long since I’ve spoken to neighbors or done anything as you spoke about in the video. Things that used to be normal everyday things. Things that made me happy. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m gonna keep trying to survive. I’m tired of existing. She’s gonna kill me. The stress of all of it has taken a horrible toll on my health. It doesn’t stop her. My diagnosis gives her more ammunition. This is horrific. I’ve taken her to Psychiatric Drs her entire life cause something wasn’t right but this is the first I’ve ever heard about this. She’s 31 now. Why

[@linneajohnson5362]

Actually, I never heard the term "shadow people" before now. People are people♥️🌛

[@oxigenarian9763]

Shadow people are always a surprise if you just take a few minutes to talk to them. You never know what kind of gem is right in front of you! These days, there is a caution. Certain folks are sometimes unnerved by forward people (like me) so you may not be received very well. Keep in mind that they are conditioned by our present social circumstances and may regard you with a bit of suspicion. I forge ahead anyway and have rarely been disappointed...

[@jerrystauffer2351]

Most folks want to be friends

[@peppertree8244]

...and, that is why I like to listen to you - YOU get it. Thank you Doctor C!

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks, Melanie. Dr. C

[@stellaercolani3810]

You are uniquely special.

[@angelinh.5774]

Thank you for this enlightening video. Light bulbs went on when watching this and thinking how to apply this to my tool box. In looking back in retrospect in relationships and especially family and marriage, this is spot on with the narcs that used to be part of my life.

[@pennyseldon1811]

You are Brilliant!!!!!! This information is so True & insightful!!!!!! Thank you for your Great work!!!!!💖💖🦋🦋💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@m.skinner6303]

Awe this video just warmed my heart, because it describes me to a T....I didn't know they were called shadow people, but I always say Hi by their names and I know their life stories.. Lol ( I always thought I was weird! ) Ex: Randy at Shell station on the corner, he fills my gas grill tank, his face is disfigured because he has Bell's palsy.. But he is a very nice person. And Cheryl and Gina are the cashiers there too. ( they're good friends out side of work, they have smoking cigs in common ) Cheryl had cancer, kicked it but still smokes:-( Then there's Kenny at the pinch a penny, he always rings me up & brings my jugs out. ( turns out he is the owner, young fellow, and a good worker) Then there's Monica at Spouts, she's a cashier - we chit chat as much as we can before a New Yorker pushes me out of the way...lol ( I live in Palm Beach Gardens, all of NYC moved here) back to Monica, she has a son, single mom and 2 pit bulls ...and she enjoys working out at planet fitness. Then there's Victor, Chris & Guillermo, they do the HOA maintenance where I live, very nice. Also, Jessica, is in the office, sweet we chit chat all the time...she lives out in Wellington & has kids. I can go on & on... I think at the end of the day, we all put our pants on the same way or if we cut ourselves we all bleed red. It just takes 2-3 minutes to make a person feel appreciated & seen. ( Here's the kicker, my dad raised my siblings and I not to talk and nor engage with the hired help- I guess I'm still a rebel :-) )

[@dlynch1898]

Dr Les Carter today’s talk maybe my favorite of all. TFS. We need to make the effort often. I have always been a people person but as I age and my friends pass I feel it’s more important now than before to connect be kind and and helpful. Then if the opportunity arises make a new friend. Blessings👍💕💕👍💕🙋‍♀️💕🐶💕🐶💕

[@DrLesCarter]

I like the way you think. Dr. C

[@htpm325]

Thankyou Dr. C. I love this part of myself and it comes out naturally, always has. It's a genuine pleasure when that shadow person smiles back.

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

One Body Should Never Look Down On Another Unless They Are Admiring Their Shoes !! 😎

[@catharinepizzarello4784]

Thank you so much. It’s so hard to be patient sometimes

[@maranpandianksp8148]

Thank you Doctor for explaining/ educating..to be kind to Shadow People. 🎉

[@danielestaub9445]

Thank you!

[@mariankeller5852]

The best advice I received was when my minister told me..If you want to see how a person will treat you watch how they treat their family... If a man is kind and good to his mother and sisters He'll be kind and good to you.. my husband invited me to lunch after church.. and invited his Mother to come with us..after being married 23 years he still treats his mother and me with love and kindness. He was definitely a keeper...😊💕❣..

[@joann5157]

When I was young and dating, how my date treated waiters and other service people was the first thing Iooked at. It told me more about him than anything he said.

[@jes5918]

Thank you, sir. My boyfriend and I like your videos. They're simple, clear, concise, informative, and delivered in non-patronizing manner. You are clearly respectful and caring, and you want people to have the opportunity to be the best version of themselves.

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks, and I think it's great that the two of you are watching together! Dr. C

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I’ve been a shadow person before so I often consider them and treat them well. Was a server for awhile. And in the narc fam, you know this Cinderella knows how it feels to be “nobody.” I kind of like it now tho. Sometimes “prestige” comes with so much fake everyone chasing after you and what they think you have. Lol.

[@DrLesCarter]

You understand exactly what I was getting at in the video! Dr. C

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

@@DrLesCarter Cool. Thanks. I’m glad to be on the right track. Lol.

[@jannasterling4153]

Excellent video great thoughtful content. I never knew what Shadow people were. But, I am happy to say that I have been kind to my Shadow people. It's common human decency or it should be. I have experienced in the past being that Shadow person in someone else's lives and being just totally ignored that happened to me when I was a kid growing up in the church the pastor's kids who were my same age just ignored me and looked right through me as if I didn't even exist. A couple of years later as I became a teenager I turned into quite a beautiful young girl and the pastor's son was just tripping all over himself to try to talk to me and that was after he had ignored me for 6 years of my childhood. I just was NEVER receptive towards him because I couldn't be, after the way that he had ignored me in my childhood. His parents even tried everything that they could think of to try to convince me to talk to their son, but to no avail. I HAD COMPLETELY SHUT OFF TO HIM. Due to the way that he ignored me during my childhood and we were both the same age. I have nothing but very horrible memories of their church and of how horrible they treated me. They went on to harass me and stalk me for several years all in efforts to literally force me to talk to their son. But, I completely shut them down. The damages had been made. They were a HORRIBLE FAMILY all of them, they were extremely abusive treated me absolutely horrible. I ended up distancing myself from them, and eventually I never went back to that church. The only time that I went to their miserable church was because my mother forced me. But, every time that I was there I was ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE EXIT. I knew those people for 9 years, I practically grew up in their church by force my mother took me to their evil church by force. I never went there of my own free will. But, after I knew them for 9 years I NEVER HAD ANY GOOD MEMORIES OF THEM, ALL I REMEMBER WAS THEM IGNORING ME AND PRETENDING THAT I DIDN'T EXIST. Then when I blossomed into a beautiful young girl all they could do was stalk me and harass me constantly for several years. That was child abuse, as I was still a child. My mother was totally to blame for their trash as she not only forced me to go to their evil church by force, she also forced me to put up with their abuse. Looking back Knowing now what I didn't know back then, I realize that I should have sued those criminals for sexual harassment.

[@virginiaharvey]

Thankyou for your lessons I'm learning and valuing them