How Young is Too Young To Be Trans?

[@parapluieperceptif]

Non-binary people aren’t a monolith, obviously, but my perspective after 10 years of identifying publicly and consistently as genderqueer is this: genderqueer and non-binary should absolutely be spaces that people can try out and play around in! If someone spends a few months self-describing as “non-binary,” then goes on to decide that “binary trans woman” or “binary trans man” fits them better, then that person still got some use and comfort out of the term! I am happy to share a non-binary space with any trans people who want to be there, whether it’s forever or only for a little while ☺️

[@grmpEqweer]

Quietly non-binary here. (Got the black tee shirt) Yup, nonbinary is an ok place to hang out or move in to.

[@CorwinFound]

It's interesting how we commonly see some time spent in non-binary labels and then settling in binary but not a lot of discussion of binary to non-binary. I spent about a month in non-binary using they/them, then quickly decided that he/him and binary trans guy was my label. 1.5 years later, a year on T and top surgery and I'm swinging back toward non-binary, at least to an extent. Not because I regret any of my choices in any way. But the more I experience gender as a man the more I feel that there is no way for me to really "get" being a man as someone who transitioned at 45. And also just realizing how much BS is wrapped up in gender as a concept. I can't see myself dropping the he/him pronouns but I definitely find myself relating more and more to agender. Interested to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience.

[@sepiajoy2871]

I love this perspective and openness. Some lovely genderqueer hospitality, haha!

[@omnichrome9784]

I identify as non-binary (pretty much neutral, gender wise), but didn’t come to terms until later in life. I find a lot of similar experiences to binary trans people in their trans journeys. I think it can be difficult to understand yourself, especially against what society expects of you. I support people doing what they need to, including having their identity change over time.

[@revolutionofthekind]

I agree! But i think this is the problem with folks not think NB people ARE transgender. We are! And the solution is basically the same whether you're non-binary or binary trans, and thats to give people the time, tools and support to figure out what they want. I medically transitioned, as a nb trans guy, and thats what i wanted. My partner is completely nb and doesnt align masc or fem, but they had top surgery and went on testosterone because those were the best for them to feel whole in their gender. These things arent mutually exclusive at all.

[@abigailvanr]

I am a mom of a trans teen girl. She hasn’t asked for more than using a new name and feminine pronouns. I see absolutely no value in pushing kids to wait for social transition sort of things. As you said, I think it helps them figure out who they are and where they really fit on the gender spectrum, especially now when being non-binary is a more acceptable choice. My daughter has several NB friends. I had binary trans friends starting in my 20s but I don’t think I have known NB peers until very recently. I really do hope that my daughter can live a happy life, however that looks for her!

[@BURRiah]

“Non-binary is a more acceptable choice,” launched a lengthy conversation this morning in my household. Why do you think this is? Are the majority of NB people you know your teen’s peers who are in school?

[@abigailvanr]

@@BURRiah I mean more of an acceptable choice than when I was in HS or even college. I will certainly own that it may be just my perception but I never knew anyone my own age who was NB and even now the majority of the NB people in my life are my teenage and 20-year-old kids' peers. I hope I did not come off as dismissive. What I have observed is kids who move their identity around on the gender spectrum until they figure out where they feel the most comfortable. I see this as a positive change if that is something that teenagers feel comfortable doing. Of course, I also live in the SF Bay Area, so it's a fairly progressive place!

[@merchantarthurn]

@@BURRiah I don't think they meant "a more acceptable way to be trans" - nonbinary genders were not widely KNOWN of let alone accepted outside of very specific spaces until pretty recently.

[@abigailvanr]

@Quaisoir Me?? I didn't think of that. 😬

[@marimorg7377]

The point is for them to control you so their kids remain controlled.

[@MyPumpkinSpicedChaos]

My kid is a mtf transgender kid. The first time she looked at me crying and telling me that I made her wrong was 3. I told her that was silly and dropped it. She spent the next 4 years subtly dropping hints that she was not happy in her body. I am pretty accepting but I was scared of her coming out, especially so young, because of the judgements. I kept trying to push it off. Then one day she had enough and came out fully as a girl and no one could talk her out of it. She wanted to wear a dress to school and I said no (we live in a red state), so she hid it in her backpack and did it anyway. Her teacher called and I said I guess if she's that committed just go with it today. The kids were confused and teased her but that was about it. Next day, I took the dress out of her backpack and she came home crying because she wanted it so bad. Day after that, I took the dress out of her backpack again, but she had another one hiding under her clothes. That was the first day she was beaten up, but she didn't care. She stopped responding to her dead name, only answering to her preferred name. I didn't push her into anything, she pushed us into it. About two weeks later, she was ganged up on by 8 second grade boys and beaten up in gym class. She ran out of school 10 minutes early to find me crying. She had bruises but wasn't bleeding. I checked her over and then I tried one last time to please just go back to boy mode, only for school since there was only a month left and then we will transfer her out of that school and figure something out. She screamed at me "no! Don't you get it? They could beat me up every day of my life, but they are not going to change who I am! I AM A GIRL!" Well damn. I was speechless. I had never met a kid who was so sure of anything and brave enough to walk out in this world, knowing people won't like it. She's almost 13 now and has never wavered. From that day I've been a pretty fierce advocate for her and fully accepting. We did get her into a new school and she's been stealth for the last 4 years and now she's started middle school and is finally comfortable to come out as a transgender girl. She knows that it could be dangerous, but she doesn't like having to lie about something that makes her feel happy. I regret not supporting her sooner. I knew when she was 3 that she felt different. I tried to keep her my little boy because I was afraid. I still have fear, but seeing her face when she gets to dress up and be happy with herself, there's nothing in the world like it. She radiates happiness so big you can feel it. I guess I'm doing something right to have raised a kid so strong, stubborn, and brave.

[@KillerCammy85]

I can completely understand mama, but if I can point out how she felt comfortable and SAFE enough to push back on you and stand her ground, thag speaks VOLUMES to your relationship with her. Even the fact that you do regret not helping her earlier says it doesnt matter what is on the outside to you as long as she is mentally healthy. When my trans son was 5 he started showing interest in girls so I knew he wasnt going to fit the "norm". He started asking to wear boy clothes around 8 and maybe because its more socially acceptible for bio females to wear "boys" clothing than vise versa but I still did try to be like "oh but you look so cute in dresses or this outfit but he was insistent no more girly clothes lol. Im a very progressive person and have no issue pushing back on people, my friends in highschool were lesbians so it just wasnt a big deal to me.

[@allysonalvarado3017]

Fake story…

[@ghostnebula8805]

@@allysonalvarado3017🤦‍♀️

[@j.c.9784]

You made up a whole story. I don't know where you live but I hope someone takes that child away from you.

[@j.c.9784]

Seriously? You think a 3 year old who barely knows how to talk is well versed on gender theory?

[@samaspic31]

Thank you. The idea people are pushed to transition as kids is just laughable, I'm trying to transition right now at 19 and still everything is done to discourage and deter me from it. People who think transition is quick and automatic clearly have never had any experience trying to access medical transition

[@longpigpie3584]

I think there is a small minority of people that are a little bit but not in the way I see conservatives talk about it. (bias secondhand experience incoming). A school friend of mine was a tomboy, short hair, played sports with the guys and said girly things are gross. and her parents (only met them a few times but really sweet, mums a nurse) were tying to support her. But accidentally got tomboy gender non conformity stuff confused with trans and it was a whole thing, they started taking stuff that they really ended up not liking and our teacher asked us to call her them or he. She started acting a bit different,always seemed uncomfortable they stopped taking the stuff though and all that stuff kinda stopped, and kinda went back to how they were before. they’re fine and happy now though and they’re not trans to my knowledge, I don’t think there was any true damage done . This is all 100% anecdotal though, I doubt this one person experience is that common and shouldn’t effect the lives of young trans people that are suffering under evil families that won’t let them express themselves. Just thought I’d add my random, pointless 2 cents because it’s the internet and I’m bored.

[@mm-dn6oe]

I think it's a reasonable fear for parents to have for their children. Being trans is certainly less stigmatized than it ever has been - possibly even encouraged sometimes - and medically transitioning is a big undertaking. I think that's where a lot of the concern comes from. Of course, straight-up bigotry is another reason.

[@samaspic31]

@@BabyMaharaja0 because more people hear about it and therefore those among them who are trans are able to recognise themselves as such, instead of living as what they’re not because they are unaware transidentity is even a thing and transitioning an option for them

[@grmpEqweer]

I think they're just a bunch of bigots.

[@lblack1961]

@@longpigpie3584 Yes. This is something I'm thinking about. Parents who want what's best for their child, but the information on the nuances might not be out there. The anxiety to "fix the problem"...This is what good parents kinda always want to do. They don't want their children to suffer. But they might also misinterpret what's going on. We need the language to be out there (and the research) to understand what is different about really being transgender and what is something else.

[@pastelpanda7309]

I am a trans guy, and would've %100 benefitted from puberty blockers. Didn't even know about them. Back in the early 2000's being trans was rarely talked about. Trans women were made fun of, and I had never heard of trans men. I was so confused when I started noticing how I felt. And was horrified, having no concept of transition, surgeries, hormones, social, etc. Puberty was suffering for me. Puberty blockers would've been a huge relief. Not that my ab*sive mother would've supported me getting them, but it would've been nice to know they existed.

[@pastelpanda7309]

@@Lin_Eileen For real though, I feel ya.

[@jammerkraken]

Super similar experience

[@spookysomeone]

personally i think it's important to allow kids to behave in whatever way they fucking want in regards to their gender, and it's also very important to let them know that they are absolutely free to go back on any statement or change their appearance or anything at any time.

[@p0rnany0ne]

@@BabyMaharaja0 what is the point of a parent controlling their child’s gender expression? And what has that looked like?

[@tanukkat4963]

@@BabyMaharaja0 when the child reaches the age that they’re able to dress themselves, I believe they should be allowed to express themselves as long as it’s not harmful to anyone.

[@actualgoblin]

@@BabyMaharaja0 you really thought you did something huh

[@Alice-gr1kb]

Exactly! I feel like transmeds miss this, and their pushing of all these “rules” to be trans just makes self discovery harder. If you feel like you need to act like x to be x, then you’ll pressure yourself into that, and since transmeds are so vile to supposed “trenders,” you’ll cling to that act so that you don’t seem like “one of the bad ones.” They’re causing the harm they’re against, really. If we weren’t as tight on gender, then people experimenting with gender wouldn’t feel so much pressure to choose and make permanent changes to match.

[@nutsafiso7609]

​@@BabyMaharaja0 yes exactly! as long as its not whafs called innapropriate

[@adoreme4245]

I'm a 38 year old trans woman, and I thank God so much for my transitioning. It Saved my life. I couldn't imagine going through this life living as a Man. I started medically transitioning at 23. Educating the ignorant isn't enough, like Kat said most of it is Cruelty and hate for us.

[@ambientjohnny]

You couldn't challenge yourself and your sexist framework/understanding of the world so you took that conformity to the extreme by "transitioning". That is the opposite of honest self-reflection and developing mental and emotional fortitude.

[@lynca2205]

I gotta say, this is really valuable as perspective for me. I’m almost 22 and always feel like time is running out for me to medically transition (I tend to hear about ppl 16-20 y/o starting on HRT abroad), so I’m reminded that transitioning at 19 is still really young

[@Mariposa-11-2007]

I came out as trans when I was 19. Back in the late 2000's I didn't even know the word transgender let alone anything about medically transitioning. I started HRT at 23. I can't speak for anyone else, but it wasn't too late for me. 🦋💕

[@bmljenny]

You are still really young! My trans relative didn't come out to us until in her 30s and things get a lot more complicated with things like work history, finances, as well as the medical side. The older you are, the greater the chance that you may have medical issues that make surgery (if you go that route) riskier. But it's still possible! And her life is 10000x better now.

[@QUEERVEEART]

my partner just started hrt and is 36.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

Don't worry, even if you miss the window for puberty, you'll still be able to transition to the point where you're happy, it will just be harder. I started at 22 and it's been a struggle but every year I look better to myself, and I'm getting top surgery sooner or later which I'm excited for. I would have preferred getting puberty blockers asap, but it's not like I'm going to give up now just because I couldn't. My transition is still going great ^^

[@giseletheriault8633]

@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice Look into Jazz Jennings. You will be grateful you didn't get puberty blockers.

[@julesk3816]

this reminds me of the legal cases about children and their wanting/refusing life-saving medical procedures. in my country, teenagers whose religion forbids them from blood transfusions can refuse them - and doctors must respect these requests - even if the transfusion is life-saving. by the age of 15-16, they're usually considered old enough to understand the consequences of their choice, and capable of forming their own opinion. if people in their mid-teens can reject life-saving medical procedures, i don't see why they can't voluntarily undergo life-saving gender confirming surgeries, so long as they understand the full consequences.

[@dazeslays]

i think a lot of fears about trans kids medically transitioning young relate to the possibility that they may be mistaken and will regret their choice later, and i think that's a problem. i think it would be great if no one in the world ever detransitioned; no one ever misinterpreted their feelings and later realized they were wrong, no one was ever pressured back into the closet. but i think that's impossible. i think focusing on gender euphoria as opposed to dysphoria as a gauge for transness can decrease instances of people mistakenly identifying as trans, but there will always be people who detransition for one reason or another. what we should focus on instead is destigmatizing detransition. there are cis men with naturally high estrogen levels and cis women with naturally high testosterone levels, not to mention intersex people, and they can live full and healthy lives. some effects of hormones are irreversible, but treating getting on hormones and then realizing you don't want them as some sort of life-ruining death sentence just stigmatizes transitioning more and makes it more difficult for people to access hormones

[@snowtinttu3562]

I think people should also acknowledge that sometimes people have certain mental illnesses that might sometimes have some real effects on their views of gender, and affect their idea of being trans or their transition.

[@grmpEqweer]

@@snowtinttu3562 That's why therapists are involved in the process.

[@tatiana4050]

I have unfortunately seen detransitioners who were like "I found God, and that's why I detransitioned to the gender God decided I should be"

[@SuperAH1985]

But people do detransition from being cis, too😉 Get it. We don't question being cis...but isn't transitioning to trans like detransitioning from cis?! We pathologize one status and normalize the other.

[@mikaylamcfadden7866]

I am someone who’s dysphoria wasn’t permanent. I will say I think it should just be a process, why not let the individual take steps until THEY feel comfortable. It shouldn’t be one and done. It also shouldn’t be viewed as a permanent decision. Let kids be kids and discover themselves with gender expression first in a safe space, of course once they’re ready you can go towards the more permanent changes.

[@eightmagpies]

When my friend's 12 yo child decided to transition I was surprised, and my first reaction was "are they sure?" And her dad absolutely glared at me because, honestly, not my place to ask that question. Fair point. Anyway, it was quickly clear it was the right choice for her to do it when she did. She gets to have the childhood that my friends who transitioned when they were older did not get to have. Also she doesn't have to deal with hair removal and all that shit. And all the reasons you talked about. I really hope that the current political climate doesn't drag the medical community backwards.

[@longpigpie3584]

100%!!!

[@whoknows4780]

The childhood years are extremely important for healthy socialization, and currently is especially gendered. It is also as important in a physical way, where chosen puberty can replace natal puberty to the point of making us phenomenologically identical to the cispeople in the gender direction we choose (different issues for non-binary folx) I try my hardest not to consider my life if I had gotten access to medical and social transition before my natal puberty because it’s painful to think about how much healthier my brain, body, and bank account would be rn. How many years lost to severe depression, social isolation, lost friend groups, social anxiety/gender dysphoria, and poverty to afford bodymods that would ease things.

[@andreja9425]

@@whoknows4780 I feel you so much. I’m happy with my transition results so far but oh my god do I mourn my lost childhood/try not to think about it. I was already bullied incredibly badly for being an “f slur” so I should have just gone all the way and lived unapologetically. Instead I hid myself away until I was 21/22

[@sofypi7493]

"my friend's 12 yo child " "the childhood that my friends who transitioned " is this friend the same person?... because if it is i smell someone coaching their child into it

[@eightmagpies]

@@sofypi7493 where on earth did you get that from what I said? Most people have more than one friend in their lives.

[@scatra1991]

Great video Kat. I feel perhaps elders in a way simultaneously want you to suffer like they did so they can better identify with you and therefore the collective yet want it to be easier for you yet also resent all of the above. It's a quagmire of emotions.

[@ummm.4685]

ugh im so mad, I almost convinced my dad to let me start T and now I can't do it because it's illegal in my state🤦🏾‍♂️shits annoying, thank you for making this video i love you!!

[@JC-jd1us]

I socially transtioned at 18, came out and got kick out when I did that as a transguy. I medically transitioned at 20 years old bc I got helped from my grandma. I'm alive bc of that and I only wish parents could understand that their kids experimenting with gender and not puinishing them for it. Would make their kids life so much better in the long run. I've known people who had supportive parents as trans people and their so happy that they've had that support. Just take your time experimenting with what feels right to your body and mind.

[@flyingfish6383]

i think that trans kids should be able to start puberty blockers whenever. i think trans teenagers should be able to start hrt. i think that surgeries (or at least bottom surgery) should be 18+. that being said, however, there should be less barriers to healthcare. my perspective may be different based on my experience. i started experiencing severe dysphoria when i was 9, learned what transgender meant at 11 and immediately started identifying as it, came out at 13 and socially transitioned then. for me, i have been confident in my identity ever since i realized i was trans. my parents did not want me to start hrt until i was 18 because they were scared of me changing my mind, etc. while i love them so so much and they were generally super supportive, i feel that my highschool experience could have been easier if i was on hrt.

[@roma8855]

I think it really depends how bad the dysphoria is for puberty blockers at such a young age, and there should be other methods for lowering the dysphoria before resorting to it, I remember when I first discovered I was trans and started researching more into it, I wanted so badly to have puberty blockers- but after a while I realized I was actually gender fluid and quite liked some of my feminine attributes

[@flyingfish6383]

@@roma8855 the thing is though, puberty blockers are completely reversible. if you stop taking them, you go through puberty like you normally would

[@roma8855]

@@flyingfish6383 Ah, In that case then I don't see a problem with it

[@terraautumn3180]

As a trans girl, my take on it is that people should be able to take puberty blockers at any age, be able to start hormones at 16, and surgery at 18. I think by 16 the child has had enough time to decide whether hormones are something they want to persue.

[@val9344]

Surgeries would also probably be less of a need if we had more reliable access to hrt/puberty blockers, since we would already develop/not develop some of what helps us feel comfortable in our bodies without invasive intervention. As far as bottom surgery goes, I guess I can see what you mean but if its bad enough and affecting mental health I think it should be available to at least 16 year olds however based on my experience in trans spaces that isn't a super common experience. Some of my earliest memories even in elementary school are about how much I wished I was a boy, so I guess that might've been when some kind of dysphoria started for me, but I didn't come to the realization I was trans until like 13, I still have yet to transition in any way unfortunately due to quite a bit of shit. In the world we live in right now, I think the best thing we can do is encouraging gender identity and presentation exploration in children from a young age, both cis and trans people would be able to gain a deeper sense of who they are and accordingly by the time they hit puberty they would probably be able to have figured out what they want by then. If I grew up in that kind of environment I'm sure I would've figured it out even earlier than I had, and having a safe space to express my true gender would have saved me from a good amount of pain. Sorry if this comment is a little incoherent I'm bad at articulating my thoughts lol.

[@lekiscool]

I think I remember you saying that you had some secondary feminine sex characteristics growing up. So you had a uniquely complicated experiance before transition. Which like gynecomastia and stuff like that is super common for male teens. It hurts me to no end that people attacking trans kids are attacking all children in general.

[@natanbcpc]

I think that, since almost everything that kids younger than 16 do to transition is reversible, there's no point in discouraging their exploration of gender, even if it turns out that they were wrong. To me, the ideal would not be to gatekeep being transgender, but to be open to the different ways people can relate to their gender and understand that these things don't have to be permanent. It's ok to change your mind or realize you're no longer the person you used to be. And it's definitely ok to not be sure or to not fit into any of the boxes you were told you had to fit in.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

Exactly.

[@syntext]

The comment you made about how most trans people want to be able to go through their life without constantly talking about being trans is definitely true and I know I personally wanted to be as stealth as possible when I was younger, but as I've aged I've actually flipped. I don't want to talk about it all the time, but I want to be able to chat about it casually with friends, acquaintances, and the world the same way I would (and often do) talk about being gay. I hope for all of these kids coming up now that they can do the same because more of them will get the opportunity to develop as themselves through their first puberty and can talk openly about it with their peers instead of having to turn 18, graduate, and run away to a more supportive community before they can even begin to live as themselves.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

Same. When I was young, I just wanted to be a guy, full stop. I lamented not being able to go stealth. But as I've gained self-confidence and seen how important queer pride is, I WANT to be openly trans, in the way you said, as a casual fact and not something to stress over, but not something to hide.

[@TheRunningLeopard]

I started having signs that I was trans in 4th grade, when I started crying and having a panic attack when my mother wanted me to start wearing "training bras". While I can't remember for certain, pretty sure I tried what could arguably be called self harm to try to "stop" these monstrous changes from warping the body I was comfortable. But nobody cared and I thought feeling like living in your body was torture was normal, well until 2017 when I realized trans folk existed... when I was 16/17. Still haven't been able to medically transition at all due to it not being safe in my state, but the knowledge that there is a cure to my transformation keeps me going now.

[@shareathought769]

Are you sure transition will fix it? You may come to love your body as you get older.

[@TheRunningLeopard]

@@shareathought769 I know so, my self esteem has gone up dramatically even when wearing a mask bc it allows me to present more androgynous. In terms of stuff like my skin (ex. eczema/stretch marks) getting older has helped me heal in terms of accepting myself.

[@ghostnebula8805]

@@shareathought769😒

[@Maelstrome123]

I tried to come out at 14 and was pushed back into the closet by the anti lgbt conservative christian environment I grew up in. I had two suicide attempts during disassociation in my teens. I went through a "pray the gay away " phase. When that was not working I resorted to flagellation in an attempt to repent so that I would be "fixed". Testosterone wrecked my body. I am semi passing at best and have been shamed by cis and trans people for my appearance as well as starting my medical transition just short of turning 29. I need extensive surgery to correct the damage that testosterone did to my body. Some things can never be fixed. I would have had a very different life had I been in an accepting environment or at least not had hateful christians hammer doctrine into me before i was even 10. My body would have been very different and I wouldn't need around $60k in corrective surgery not including srs or permanent hair removal. I would have had better mental health and I would not have tried to end my life.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

I'm glad you survived.

[@parker6274]

hi there. i am so sorry you have gone through this. i'm not in your exact position and in may ways i'm very privileged and didn't get it as bad but i can relate to your story. the pain of having certain attributes that cannot be fixed with any surgery or must be fixed with intensive and expensive surgeries. knowing in your early teens you are not what was assigned to you and having to see your body progress farther down that line when it was all preventable, if only you were born to a different family who loved and accepted you. the wounds that won't heal, from so much vitriol and shaming. being a shell of a person from it all and moving through life in a fearful, dreadful, frozen state. and nobody really getting it... i hear you, i see you and you are not alone in this experience. we are glad you are still here. i am very glad you're still on this earth despite everything and i have so much love for you.

[@SuperAH1985]

My son never really "came out" he just never was interested in presenting as the assigned gender. From age 2, he'd choose to dress in "boys clothes" (clothing having gender adds to the weirdness haha). At 3 he started asking me when his penis would grow in. He was extremely distressed already at that age about not being allowed in boys bathroom in his preschool. He then pushed hard for "he/him" at age 4. During those years he also asked to be called Spiderman or Peter Parker. We live in a blue state, but had a very underinformed PCP at the time...she was gold, though, because she immediately went into overdrive to learn and help us navigate. At those ages, you talk to your PCP and if they're not willing to help and learn, you try to find someone else. You take your child to therapy, preferably a caring and affirming one. Your child hopefully can fly under the radar at school as much as possible. For example, I fudged a work around for him when he started kindergarten and was able to sign him up with he/him pronouns, it has never been an issue and he's now going into 8th grade (and yes, I know it doesn't work for everyone). He had been socially a boy for 7 years going through therapy and close monitoring from our PCP, and eventually an endocrinologist was referred. At age 10 we started talking with the endo about hormone blockers...this conversation does not come up until certain markers have been met. Interestingly, just a couple months before he started hormone blockers, he started having menstrual signs (no blood, just all the indicators that his body was priming him) which means he would have started his period at 10 and would have needed hormone blockers anyway...for precocious puberty. But alas, he got to the point over those many years of socially being a boy that he was going on blockers. Now, three years later and with continued therapy and monitoring from the endo and PCP, he's started testosterone. At the age that all his male peers are starting a deep dive into puberty. His endo does not want to do any surgeries until he's at least 18...even though in our state 15 year olds can consent to sterilization. Sorry for the long take. I'm just wanting to say from this small bit of lived experience and other families of trans kids we've interacted with is that I agree with you that there are not people out here pushing kids to transition. Sure, maybe there is an example or two, but the endocrinologist we have is one of the only pediatric endos who works exclusively with transgender kids in a pretty large area of state. If she's telling us to go slow, she's definitely telling everyone else, too. The transphobic rhetoric of trans-supportive people pushing kids to get their boobs cut off at like age 10 are ridiculous people (and sidebar, no one seems to bat an eye when celebrities do plastic surgery at very young ages). Anyway, is 3 too young to know you're trans? I think with appropriate guidance and allowing kids to be kids, it'll shake out in one way or another. But what we won't do around our house is act like children don't have perspectives and input and can't figure out their own wardrobe. Let's keep supporting our kids. P.s. my other child came out as trans non-binary at about age 14 or 15. They don't want any medical transition at this point of being 18. So yea, kids who are trans and growing up in the same home can also have very different perspectives and experiences on this.

[@Zindai]

I appreciately your seemingly non-intrusive support of your kiddos. Like just seeing what they do with their gender and going with the flow.

[@riversongsmelody]

You sound like an amazing parent who is raising amazing children. Kudos to you ❤️

[@SunshineJoleen]

I'm very confused about the part where 'he would have needed hormone blockers anyway...'. When I was 8, the girls who sat next to me in class both had their periods. I was a year younger than most girls in class, so I figured I'd get mine when I turned 9. Already had pretty much all the other early signs of puberty... I waited all day on my 9th birthday and was so disappointed when my period didn't come 😅. Fast forward 2 years, I got my period a few weeks after turning 11. I stopped growing (height-wise) one year later, age 12. I'm 36 now and up to a few months ago, I could still fit into clothes, shoes, bras etc that I wore at 12. The only reason things don't fit at the moment is because I am pregnant. Puberty for me started at around 8 and was over and done by the time I was 13. So maybe when he showed signs of puberty beginning when he was 10, it showed that it was a good time to start hormone blockers... but to say 'he would've needed them anyway' seems like a stretch to me. His body was operating on a female timeline. Someone with a Y chromosome will typically start puberty closer to 12 or 13. A girl can absolutely start her period at 10 or 11 years old. Any medical intervention to interrupt that would be frivolous outside of a clear case of gender dysphoria.

[@kericmason]

Thank you for making sure your son could have as normal a childhood that can be possible while being trans. He's lucky to have you as a parent.

[@KepTrefler]

Thank you for treating your son and not forcing him to endure the impossible, and for loving both of your children. It means a lot to see.

[@solidsteelcobra]

I’m 39, just stared transitioning (mtf) this year. I fear that even with surgery I’ll never be who I really am, the damage from male pubErty is extreme and irreversible in some cases. I’ve paid thousands of dollars so far the fix the damages. I’ll need 2 major surgeries, in addition to laser hair removal (expensive and agonizing) that had I started a child, I wouldn’t need. My body taunts me every time I look in the mirror and I don’t know how to make stop. Sometimes I tape cardboard over my mirrors so I don’t have to look at myself. It’s not all bad, since starting hrt, my debilitating social anxiety is completely gone, I’m no longer angry all the time, and everyone says I smile a lot more.

[@tesbe8600]

Thanks for sharing your story. Sending all the love and support your way. I hope all your goals are realized and that you feel worthy, beautiful, and valid at every stage in your journey.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

I'm AMAB nonbinary and can relate to a lot of what you said. Sometimes I feel like medical transition is a dead end, because I came out so late in life, and it's probably too late. It's somewhat encouraging to learn that there are trans people who figured out their identities at an older age than I did, and are still pursuing medical transition. But given all the roadblocks I face even at my age, I often wish I'd known earlier so I could have done something about this earlier.

[@ambientjohnny]

How can you think you need surgery or hormones to be "who you really are"? How can you and others not see that accepting the way you were born and finding comfort in it would the TRUE acceptance of yourself? Trans ideology is based on sexism, the idea that sexist gender stereotypes are legit and determine how people should behave in society rather than being free of expectations. Uh, if only people could be more open to challenging their harmful notions, instead of mostly teenagers thinking they've exhausted the path of self-reflection.

[@solidsteelcobra]

@@ambientjohnnyDid you think to hurt me with this feeble display of malice and ignorance? Lol. On the contrary, your disapproval fills me with pride and happiness.

[@ambientjohnny]

@@solidsteelcobra No, it's a question. Obviously you haven't considered that though based on your reply. The idea that I personally would want to hurt anyone by questioning their understanding of these matters is just silly to me.

[@naomireider2799]

Honestly had I transitioned pre puberty, I wouldn't have had to put my body through the trauma I needed to in order to alleviate dysphoria - I look at the youth transitioning with such joy that they get the chance to prevent the effects testosterone or estrogen takes on a body they never asked for. Can't stand the lack of compassion people have for the pain and burden can be sometimes to be trans.

[@ambientjohnny]

Yet it never crossed your mind that you might need to push back against these feelings and that you have internalised sexist stereotypes to such a degree that you've let them entirely define you and how you view the world and society?

[@ambientjohnny]

@Devil's Logic Are you? You accept the logic of "your side" uncritically?

[@ambientjohnny]

@Devil's Logic If they didn't validate/internalise those stereotypes they wouldn't have any reason to feel like they need to "transition". Feel free to explain why they would need to make the change if they reject the very idea of those stereotypes though.

[@actualgoblin]

@@ambientjohnny dysphoria

[@CeliaTyree]

@Devil's Logic You cannot be psychologically female. Having discomfort with your sex doesn't mean you belong to the opposite one.

[@wildboargaming1858]

got on hormones at 17 and it saved my life genuinely 100 percent. i don’t think i would have been able to wait until 18 without attempts on my life. I could write essays on how not being able to transition even socially and being trans as a kid fucks over your whole life. Before I had things figured out about myself and started socially transitioning I was like an empty shell who just stayed in my room and never did anything ever. Literally was able to do a complete 180 and it is so hard to explain to cis people and those against youth transitioning just how much transitioning really allows you to exist with personhood

[@transwomenaresexistmen]

You'll regret it big time once you have the courage to be honest.

[@Cupcake_Royale]

@@transwomenaresexistmenBased PFP

[@janniagomezgonzalez8103]

Perfect timing. Currently pregnant [black, non binary] and one of my purposes is to hold space for whatever my kid wants to or feels called to be. We will raise them in fluidity as they start choosing their path. I think that for a child to become themselves in total opening and love and not trauma is huge, not through fighting and worrying about disapproval or abandonment from their loved ones. How beatiful it would be to come to terms with our ever evolving identities surrounded and protected by your people. We need to pass on intergenerational healing, not just trauma. We here for the long haul. As always, thanks kat. I've loved growing with you.

[@mikaylamcfadden7866]

I’m excited to hear your opinion. I’m one of those weird people that had dysphoria and then it went away as I got older. I’m not saying most people or that it diminishes any experiences, but i think it’s important to let kids explore and let them know hey this doesn’t have to be a permanent decision

[@LeafyK]

Your story resonates with me. I'm a young adult who had dysphoria for years but was surrounded by so much homophobia and transphobia that I didn't know I wasn't happy. Now, I am comfortable being cis. Sometimes I wonder if I would've transitioned by now if my formative years had been different. (Don't bind with tensor bandages, kids!) I'm fortunate that I've moved away from home and found a loving partner with whom I don't need to be closeted. A big part of my current happiness is my newfound liberty to plan for how I will raise my future kids as inclusively as possible: like you said, it's crucial to let them explore gender and expression.

[@SingingWithMyself-Frozen]

I don't think there's such thing as 'too young to be trans' outside of like... Kids too young to verbalise the idea that they want to be a different gender. You can be too young for surgery, or too young for hormones, or even too young for puberty blockers, but kids should be allowed to change clothes/haircut/pronouns/name (socially not legally) at any age. Those things are all reversible, so if they later decide transition isn't for them, they can just change back (with the knowledge that their family love and support them however they identify).

[@josephinee.becker6406]

I'm a trans woman and began transitioning at 16, so yes, I did so as a minor. Honestly, it was one of the best decisions of my life. I never fully went through male puberty, so many of the dysphoria inducing things other trans women I talk to have to go through, I do not. I normally don't have to shave my face, have no five o'clock shadow, and my height and bone structure never fully developed. On hrt, my figure and body structure changed significantly. So long as there is a way to confirm that a child is trans, I believe that it's important to help them as soon as possible, because the older you get, often the harder it is to transition fully.

[@megsley]

if it affected bone development then why are there people commenting on this video saying the effects of hormones are reversible?

[@josephinee.becker6406]

@@megsley they're referring to puberty blockers, not hrt

[@LaedyRose]

Would puberty blockers have been an acceptable alternative? I'm just asking because it seems safer to stick to something reversible for minors. I'm glad HRT worked out for you, though.

[@josephinee.becker6406]

@@LaedyRose blockers are reversible, which is why doctors have been recommending them much more in recent years for minors. The idea is to put kids who suspect they are trans on puberty blockers at the start of puberty to give them a few years to figure out themselves and make sure they're actually trans. A few years down the line, when they're like 16 or 17, then they can decide either to stop blockers and go through puberty normally with basically no irreversible effects, or go on hrt.

[@shareathought769]

There isn't a way to confirm it though. I was super gender-conforming as a kid, but now as an adult over 30 year old woman, I am so glad that nobody talked to me about transition when I was young because I love my body.

[@ingredi8409]

I still haven't watched the video but I wanna thank you in advance for talking about this subject because I used to consume radfem content a few years back, and although I was able to find counter-arguments to many of my beliefs of back then (like pornography abolition, sex work abolition and even the anti-BDSM stuff I found there), the one about the transitioning of kids being wrong was never adressed. I don't stand by it anymore, ofc, because I know now the radfem movement was 'infected' with transphobia, but it's nice to be able to challenge those thoughts that were only discarted, but not truly desconstructed.

[@devofficialchannel]

I've been questioning even the very existence and concept of gender ever since I was still in kindergarten. It took me years to even realise that, yup, I'm trans (specifically non-binary). So like the idea of "children can't be trans" feels...odd (I mean I used to believe it before, but I was pretty gullible and transphobes like to exploit gullible children, so...) Also, it's ironic that the very people who think that letting their children discover their identities is "child abuse"...are the very same people who'd abuse their child to "toughen them up". I feel like these people aren't seeking to protect children, but to make them much easier to manipulate (hey, with systemic oppression still being alive and well and how many major governments and corporations exploit their people). They don't want children. They want slaves that will obey every order they give, no matter how good or bad. They do not see children as people. They see them as just future livestock. And like the gender binary is heavily enforced both in controlling their own populations and colonialism, because really, they don't see people as people. They're just expendable resources. This explains why many "pro-life" politicians for some reason do not care about children of marginalised groups or children born in poor conditions. Instead of choosing to do something to help, they leave them be under the whole "Missed the part where that's my problem" mindset. They see anyone with a vagina as a "baby machine" and they see children as soon-to-be-slaves. They see children as expendable slaves. Also, as someone who is Indonesian (and Indonesia is still pretty anti-LGBTQ+), I feel you in which how you find less support within your family members and try to find others who claim to help you only to get manipulated and groomed (except as for me, a European alt-righter tried to proselytise me into their white supremacist agenda as opposed to sexual abuse). To me, I feel like a "normal" life is hard to keep up (with all the financial stuff and like having to work hard in this shit system just to survive). The only reason why I even have the "privilege" to survive is because...very few people even know I exist. I blend in with society so well that people would assume many things about me (thankfully not negative). Also, in regards to stuff like surgery, I did hesitate with this, but only because I wonder if me transitioning so that I pass better is to cure my own gender dysphoria or to appease transphobic cis people and transmeds. So like am I doing this for myself or for other people (who don't even care about me)? Plus, many cis women look way more masculine in contrast to me. Hell, any dumb transphobe would assume she is a man even though she isn't and she is also AFAB. So really, transphobia, homophobia and misogyny is interconnected than these morons think. With that said, love your videos! Hope to see more of your content!

[@jeremielowen2041]

I agree! If my parents did not let me take hormones, I would have to wait a long time before I could pass as my actual gender and avoid having to constantly talk about being trans. I also am on the poverty line so saving money for the futur is a uge plus.

[@kahlilbt]

Wow. I've been watching this channel for almost 8 years, and I've always valued listening but I really learned a lot today 1. Thinking of your early transition as a privilege that we should be extending to more people... Illuminating. 2. Realizing the financial aspect of that is really important. Imagine the resentment that one could feel for parents who put you so financially/biologically far who you want to be. Parents who thought they were don't the right thing by waiting, but they were really exacerbating and prolonging the issue. 3. Thinking about why kids don't need surgical intervention--hey just don't need it yet! Their bodies haven't even developed most of the parts that surgeries would address yet. Thanks again

[@ovexo285]

this is exactly what I had hear from right wing trans activits, but when they say it they are transphobes LOL

[@scj3188]

I started transitioning in my 20s and I pass pretty well, but I also can't help but wonder how easier it would have been if I transitioned as a teenager. I'm super happy for the kids today that have that opportunity to transition early and prevent the damage that going through the wrong puberty can have. I would have rather come up in their generation that in the dark ages of the 90s like I did lol.

[@cerridwen20]

I think what you said at the end is so important. Like, so many kids would be able to make better decisions for themselves, if they would actually have the space and the understanding from their surroundings to explore who they are without fearing judgement or experiencing pressure. Normalising this discourse, normalising talking to children about gender identity and sexuality from a young age on, not pressuring them into conforming to binary gender concepts, would probably help them to find their way so much easier.

[@Nuancednudibranch]

I know this isn’t a space where my voice is necessarily needed, but, I’ve always felt like gender should be approached the same way my mom had me approach religion. She told me that I was free to choose any religion or not choose a religion at all, but that if she were to support me choosing a religion, I had to research the spectrum of religions available and make an informed decision. I wish she gave me this same opportunity with gender. While I was AFAB and still identify as woman, I don’t identify entirely with society’s standards and expectations of “woman” and don’t necessarily want to. I want to embrace more of what society calls “masculine” traits and I would’ve loved to learn how to navigate rejecting those gender norms while I was much younger as it took a long time to learn how to manage the response from “normative” men AND women to my rejection of norms. It also would’ve helped me interact with the bullying I faced as a consequence of resisting the pressure to conform to strict gendered standards. This discussion ought not be centered around my experience, but it’s basically to say that I think there is value in having children put ample research into where they feel they fall on the gender spectrum. And to also remind them that they are allowed to move fluidly throughout the spectrum until they find where they feel most comfortable. I think it would be safest for kids to explore this in the home exclusively until they feel relatively confident in their position. At that point, if parents feel that it’s outside of their league, they can seek professionals who can provide guidance without inherently pushing them to continue down that path without exploring others.

[@snowtinttu3562]

I completely agree with you. But also you have to remember that sometimes (and definitely not speaking for all trans ppl just some I’ve talked to and myself), that you dont really need to research gender or its spectrum. Like I at 5yrs old just knew that I was “in the wrong body” and that i was a girl and not a boy. And i I never really researched about the gender spectrum pr being trans etc. Until I actually started transitioning in my late teens, and my view of my gender never changed. Just wanna clarify again, that im not talking for all trans ppl, just mine and a few others! Ik that for some trans ppl their journey of gender is much more complicated and stuff.

[@Nuancednudibranch]

@@snowtinttu3562 Oh absolutely! And I apologize if I made it seem anything to the contrary. I mostly utilized my experience just because it’s the only experience I can authentically speak on. Which is part of the reason I acknowledged this isn’t a space where my voice and experience should be prioritized. 😅 (and yet, I still commented 🙃 haha) I feel like even in the situations of trans youth who are positive from a young age, researching the gender spectrum can provide necessary validation for their lived experience. Their experience with researching the spectrum would be more of an affirmation and further exploration of what they’ve always known but might not have had a label or formal definition for. I don’t want to come off combative as that’s not where my response comes from at all. I’m truly glad you commented, especially in case anyone else interpreted my words that way. I just wanted to emphasize that it wasn’t my intent to assert that researching the spectrum would provide identical lessons, interactions, or intrapersonal peace. Mostly that this approach has benefits for everyone and assumes there is no “norm” from which to deviate. That differences are to be acknowledged and celebrated but not ranked according to subjective understandings of purity and acceptability. ETA: And when I said “further push them down that path” I mostly meant that the professionals ought not lead them in a certain direction, but honor their exploration of their whole identity and self-actualization, while also helping them navigate a presently hostile environment, with the aid of a reliable support system. ETA2: And my mom did this very young. I believe it was around 2nd or 3rd grade. She also taught me about childbirth and raising children at that age, told me it was a choice, and told me to starting thinking hard about whether it was something I wanted for myself because people would tell me it’s an obligation, but it’s a choice and one I had to make for myself. *sorry this got so long 😖*

[@CeliaTyree]

@@snowtinttu3562 How can you be born in the wrong body? Do you believe in souls?

[@snowtinttu3562]

@@CeliaTyree Im just so so confused by this? Yes in some level I do believe in souls, but wtf do souls have to do with this conversation? Souls are a religious and philosophical belief and this is about gender.

[@TrueAmericanEnglish]

I feel like there are 2 conversations happening in this topic: How do we handle age restrictions from a medical standpoint vs a societal one? Cuz from a medical standpoint, I feel like transition ought to be handled with the same kinda guidelines as other medical surgeries and treatment procedures. (With puberty blockers being easier to access in general.) And then from a societal view... idk, I just don't understand why gender needs to be a big deal for kids. I understand that we still have complicated conversations to sort out about bathrooms and sports, but other than that, why NOT let kids experiment with their name, pronouns, outfits, etc. as much as they want? (Obviously that's easier said than manifested with the political climate and everything, but... dreaming big over here, lol.) Why can't a kid come in Monday morning, have a different haircut, and ask to go by a different name that week? Who does that harm? I understand that folks sometimes feel pressured to transition more than they actually want to because of the groups they're in -- I'm an afab nb person with lots of transmasc and transmale friends, and I've had many points over the years where it's like, "everyone around me who is transmasc wants beards and he/him pronouns... do I secretly want that too??" And tbh, I don't think there is a system around that's ever going to 100% protect people from unintentional social pressure 😕 but I do think medically there should be as few "guardrails" as possible. And as a society, it would be bomb if we would just be like, "what do you want to do and how do YOU want to present"? idk, probably too idealistic of a goal 😅 but like... I can't help but feel putting too many guardrails and stipulations on "when is old enough to transition" is just unnecessary and unhelpful...

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

Fellow transmasc here, 100% agree.

[@mr.ktsmoove]

Same with trans men. I had top surgery and wouldn’t have needed it if i started hormone blockers luckily my surgeries were free 🎉

[@BlueJGilbert]

My two boys asked me once how people know if they're boys or girls. I told them that as they grow up, there is a little voice inside them that tells them. I honestly didn't really know what else to say, but I did make sure to let them know that whatever their little voices told them, I would listen and believe them.

[@mawmaw4410]

ur kids are gonna thank u for giving them the space to grow into the people they rlly are, whatever that ends up looking like. u did a great job in that situation by reminding them that u love and accept them no matter what

[@Azucenary]

My mother making me to wait was one of the most tormenting aspect of this whole ordeal. For how long? My mom didn’t have an answer. She never let me experiment or provided puberty blockers for me. Her reasoning why I couldn’t experiment was that I never said I wanted to be a boy as a toddler. I don’t want to say that if someone doesn’t show signs as a kid they’re invalid but I did have signs. My parents just didn’t recognize them. I had no idea being trans existed so it was always “I’m a tomboy not a girly girl!” For me. I hated being treated differently for being a girl. I hated my male relatives always getting away with things I couldn’t. (Though the latter isn’t why I felt like a boy.) Asking a kid to wait before medically transitioning (but still providing puberty blockers at the best time for them) is not bad at all. But not letting them experiment or express themselves never lets them solve the problem or realize who they truly are. If whether I am or I’m not is such an issue, why not let me figure that out. Making someone keep who they are inside is just attaching a blindfold and a ballchain and asking them to jump to the other side. “If they feel like it.” The ballchain is all the shame that the parents put on their child for even thinking about that identity. And the blindfold is never letting their child experience the other side. OF COURSE THEY’RE SCARED TO TRANSITION. They haven’t seen the other side and you’ve shamed them! You’ve made it black and white and expected them to choose. Not letting them wander about the gray. Or try the black or try the white. Parents need to resume responsibility. I feel like some do this out of misguided ‘care’. But also to prevent accountability. “You wanted this so badly.” When/if the child isn’t sure yet of their identity even after transitioning. Or not wanting to deal with being seen as “The parent of a trans child.” Regardless. The child is suffering because of this. And they need freedom and support. Hope this finds someone and helps them. Whether a Parent or a child. You aren’t alone.

[@ojiilemon]

I always like to flip this question on it's head. How young is too young to be cisgender? How can you KNOW you're cisgenderl? How young did you know you were cisgender? If the answer is "Well I just KNEW!" Then there's your answer. A lot of trans youth also JUST know. I only started my transition a few years ago. But I regret being unable to grow to be my true self sooner. I've always known I'm non-binary and on the more masculine side. My family even knew as young as five I was at LEAST probably going to be gay. (They were sort of right lol). Children are not stupid. In fact, the older you get, the less in touch you become with yourself in many ways. The messages I got from family and society turned me away from who I really was and caused a lot of trauma.

[@hatchibyebye]

The cisgender question is no different than asking “how young did you know you have 2 hands and 10 fingers”. The phenomenon that has now been dubbed “cisgender” for 99.9% population is simply an individuals capacity to recognise the binary of sex and which side they fall within it based on their anatomy. It’s “knowable” and intuitive because it’s material observable. Meanwhile trans identity is intangible, spiritual and completely unscientific. So really you are comparing apple and oranges. The cisgender project is very much like categorising atheism as religion just because it exists in relation to religion.

[@Alice-gr1kb]

@@hatchibyebye there’s no “cisgender project.” It’s just a word to make it easier to talk about non-trans people. To use your analogy, it’s like making the word “athiesm” so that people don’t need to say “non-religious people.” Also gender is innate, and for a rare few people somehow it doesn’t match their bodies. A lot of those people know from an early age too in some ways. Medical scientists and doctors recognize it, and we see that transition helps give these people better mental states. How is that unscientific?

[@hatchibyebye]

@@Alice-gr1kb it’s unscientific because gender identity can not be measured, quantified or even verified via the scientific method. Why? Because gender identity is immaterial. Gender identity is as material and scientific as the existence of the “soul”. There is indeed a cisgender project because there is a political effort to give language to phenomenon which never needed it, otherwise a term for it would have existed for centuries. The phenomenon I’m referring to is humans recognising a sex binary and which side they fall int based on their own anatomy. It’s no different to making up a term “cis-legged” for people who have 2 legs and accept they have 2 legs… “Innate gender identity” as you have it, is pure ideology. Again paralleling the concept of the “soul”. We are not detached from our bodies, we have no consciousness without our body. Everything we experience is through our male or female body. But gender identity theory argues that we have disembodied experiences… the idea that one can feel like man/male while being female is unscientific, someone born female can only experience the world through a female body. Every single feeling, experience and interaction with the material world is through that body. To say we have an essence distinct from our body is simply not scientific.

[@egg_bun_]

OMG yes! I love this

[@actualgoblin]

@@hatchibyebye edit: wait nvm your entire argument is based on a strawman. this is not worth my time lol

[@snekramen6094]

I delayed my coming out for over 3 years bc of the stigma that i was too young to know, especially bc of the misogynistic and transphobic stigma about "confused little girls". In those years i went completely through puberty. Ultimately, even if i did come out at a younger age, I don't know if i would've taken a different med transition path, but the option would've been priceless. I was still lucky to get to start my transition relatively young, but the thing i keep coming back to is that i felt like IDing as trans for a while then changing my mind, not medical detransition, just the identity itself, would've been like the mark of Cain that would shame me forever. That paralyzed me.

[@jessekeiser100]

It’s been a long, long time since we’ve talked (and so happy to see you well and thriving, Kat!), but I thought I would throw my perspective into the pot, given being just a few years younger than you: Hearing you talk about transitioning young (and then describing how you began your process in your mid-late teens), shocked me into the realization that I *also* transitioned young and in the same age bracket, but simultaneously discount my own experience because I’m not a Cis-Passing Trans Woman. While I value the experiences I had to explore and appear more genderqueer, the trauma that came to me, from being so visible, was crippling. I’ve been on hormones for almost 10 years now, (which is wild to even think about), but because I really only look Cis enough to get through a space, and to not be Stealth, I still come up against transphobia, on a somewhat routine basis; and yet, ironically, I’ve never really looked so heteronormative in my life, and feel like I can’t really trust people to care for me, because a clock is a clock, you know? And we can’t control how that goes. There’s also the fact that even though I don’t fully pass, I look more ‘exotic’ (if that’s the closest word I can use), because my male puberty did give me features that are considered conventionally attractive. And even with that, feeling such pressure to surge myself out, because if I’m not fully committing to a ‘respectable’ transition, I’m not really Trans? There will continue to be challenges I face in my life, because of these elements, while also many privileges I too enjoy, because I locked down my youth on feminizing hormones right in the nick of time. I’m not sure if my thoughts even make sense, but I really just hope for all children to know that they deserve to explore, and feel like they can breathe, no matter where on the spectrum they may end up.

[@Annnie763]

Love a classic true tea ❤️🧋thank you Kat always blessing us I think age requirements can be difficult simply bc different people are able to make decisions at different ages. I recently watched a documentary about a young child with autism which caused some communication difficulties with his parents, so it was really difficult for them to judge exactly what he wanted and what he was ready to decide for himself. Thankfully the family supported his transition. It just made me think about how nuanced each individual situation may be and that gender and transition will never be one size fits all. I wish we could allow people to work out their own decisions with families, loved ones and professionals they trust rather than over legislating everything.

[@lblack1961]

"t just made me think about how nuanced each individual situation may be and that gender and transition will never be one size fits all." 💯

[@galaxyanimates1669]

It's crazy how much visib8lity trans people have gained in the last decade. I knew I was trans at the age of 11 but also understood that my parents would never support me so puberty blockers were out of the question. I had to go through a puberty I didn't want and I'm now actually recovering from top surgery thinking about how much easier it would've been if I has gotten those puberty blockers. How much pain could have been avoided and how my body would feel more comofatble.

[@lekiscool]

My parents were very socially liberal. It was pretty much like go forth and figure out who you are. I came back as non-binary and asexual. Although I don’t think my parents really understood that could be a thing. Like I think they would have understood if I was FTM and gay. But they were like “ok I guess leki isn’t interested in being anything in particular.”

[@pupbeat]

thats really cool of them (from my limited perspective anyway)! like u dont need to understand someone or their experiences to respect their decisions and who they are as well as just mind ur own business in regards to some stuff, and i think ur comment shows that a little

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

I've contemplated this question a lot as someone who realized I was trans at a much later age. At the time, I was older than most of the trans content creators you could think of. I didn't have the childhood narrative I hear other trans people describe, because the information and tools simply weren't available when I was growing up. I often find myself wishing I had known much earlier, so that maybe I could have avoided decades of depression due to not knowing who I was or where I belonged. If I had known that puberty blockers were an option at that age, I most likely would have gone that route with no regrets. My biggest regrets all have to do with the pain I caused myself and others resulting from my depression. I know there are trans people who came out even later in life than I did. I know it's still possible to medically transition at a later age, and that people have certainly done it. However, I just can't shake the thought of how different life could have been.

[@liquidmeme6019]

I feel like the the worry of kids feeling pressured into a certain gender expression in transition or not comes from the binary. I feel that if there was more awareness and acceptance of the fact that gender is a spectrum like just about everything else in the human experience these problems and the pressure would decrease. Practical application of this would be persons under the age of 18 go on puberty blockers as they explore gender and get to choose the puberty they want for their adulthood gender expression when they are ready/of age. (I say this as an AMAB Enby that definitely feels that pressure to go full fem in my presentation even on things that I don't feel dysphoria or euphoria over.) This obviously isn't the full answer and I hope to see us collectively come up with better ones. This is only my understanding from my personal experience. Stay Comfy y'all.

[@augustaseptemberova5664]

The thing is .. feeling pressured into a certain gender expression is something all young people face. Now (just an example), if a cis teen goes for a nose job or lip job or boob job etc. it's not getting framed as a "cis-problem". In such cases, the general public has a go at the media and oversexualized images of women and men, and bad role models and the cosmetic surgery industry etc. But for trans people, this pressure in gender expression is framed as a "trans-problem", as something that detracts from being trans and from wanting to transition and express one's gender. Or in other words: pressure in gender transition is never used as a (pseudo-) reason to discourage cis people from gender expression, but it is used like that when the conversation is about trans people. I'm not saying you're using it like that - it's just an observation I wanted to make.

[@liquidmeme6019]

@@augustaseptemberova5664 Thank you for your comment. I was referring to cis-people as well here "... in transition or not.." my bad for not making that more clear. I do like your example. It shows that problems that all people face cis or trans gets watered down on the trans side as a "trans-problem", I'm with ya. However, I will say that societal pressures to express your gender a certain way is a pressure to socially transition in of itself. EX:(Men being pressured to be "more manly" or Women being pressured to be "more womanly") My favorite gross example of this is how many times the "man in a dress" bit is played as a joke and the act of being in a dress as a more masculine person is shown to be humiliating to the character. The pressure for all people to express their gender a certain way is affecting all of us; cis, trans, and non-binary alike. Thank you again for you comment, the double standards trans folk face when exploring gender is real and should be called out more. Hope you have a nice day. :3

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

I agree, I think binary vs. non-binary plays a big role in transition satisfaction. There are a full third of trans kids who are definitely trans but who will detriment from pursuing binary-type transition plans. When your only options are being forced to be a man or being forced to be a woman, that scenario is inevitably lead to transition regret and detransition, hopefully pivoting to a more appropriate transition plan.

[@_ch1pset]

I like the idea of giving children the agency to decide for themselves and to explore. I also think young minds can be convinced something is right for them and later on regret the decision. It happens all the time with young people's relationships. That in no way means trans kids should be completely barred from the path to transitioning. I'm not trans so I don't know that I can say much else. Whether trans kids should be told to wait until they're 18 or 19 or whatever age into adulthood before fully transitioning is really a conversation for trans adults who went through it and weighing the pros and cons between waiting and not. Certainly, removing the pressure to fit into the binary will make things a lot easier for trans kids.

[@ambientjohnny]

It seems to me like "trans" individuals are so obsessed with sexist stereotypes that they cannot even begin to try breaking them down on a personal emotional or intellectual level so they just play into it full on - thinking they need to change their bodies or act like the opposite sex to fit that framework - the whole ideology behind being "trans" is deeply sexist.

[@sofypi7493]

"I like the idea of giving children the agency to decide for themselves and to explore" your brain stop development at 25...there are literally parents coaching their children to say certain thing

[@doukzu]

@@sofypi7493 I get where you're coming from, but not all trans kids are being "coached" by their parents, and just because a person is still developing their brain, doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to explore. I'm not saying they should be able to completely transition, because of course they're kids and I don't want them to regret their choice. but from experience many more kids have transphobic parents than parents trying to make their kids trans.

[@lazyperfectionist3978]

@@sofypi7493 - you say that as if kids have no sense of autonomy or sapience until they turn 25 and then suddenly they're fully conscious...? it might be the experience you had growing up after you peaked primary school, but most kids and young adults certainly aren't like that. You grow out of that "being coached by parents" phase during your teen years, the "rebellious teen" trope didn't come out of a vacuum and there's way more children and teens who hide their transness from their parents until they're able to escape at 18 compared to any kid who's been told they're trans by a negligent parent who couldn't name their kid's favourite colour if asked

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

You're certainly right about your last two points: Trans adults, who have lived through and now live the results of such questions, should be looked towards for the answers, and the pressure to slot into the binary is a big problem in this topic. As a trans adult, I would have killed to be put on puberty blockers, puberty was hell and totally unnecessary, and now I will be dealing with the consequences literally forever. I knew what I wanted as a toddler and would have communicated it had anyone asked. Therefore my advice is to consider transness there and knowable from birth onward, and to teach all children that trans people (binary and non-binary) exist and that there is help for them, and tell them this WAY before puberty onset, and then from there respect the child's own gender narrative of themself as they learn and grow, offering support no matter what they determine. As for the pitfalls of agency, I understand that kids are easily manipulated, as most trans people felt they were heavily manipulated into acting cis, and cis kids are heavily manipulated into stereotypes. However, transness is a biological reality, similar to pain, hunger, tiredness, etc... It can be lied about, recontextualized, etc, but it cannot be hidden from the one experiencing it. The child WILL KNOW their own gender if given the opportunity. So to help avoid pitfalls, insist on EVEN MORE agency... Tell them the only person who knows their gender is their own self, and the only person who can make a correct transition plan is their own self. Ignore everyone else.

[@c0rps3xk1tty]

I know there's laws (at least in my state) that you can go on hrt at 14 (12-13?) or older (with parent/guardian consent), while 17 and older you dont need consent from anyone but yourself (im still suprised i can do so at 17, omg that could mean i can finally go on hrt for my birthday?!). While all surgeries are 18+. I do see comments saying "kids shouldn't transition until this age" which makes sense for themselves, but not everyone. I do wish i could transition when i was 14 (when i figured myself out) but no i have a shit (transphobic) mother, at least my dad and his mom (my grandma) helps me with the support i can have at the moment.

[@SoularSlothesk]

I absolutely love that you said there is beauty in being able to explore. It's so important for people to have that freedom to do so, it helps people solidify their identity and move on to the next thing.

[@markfelt5650]

my very first memory as a human was when I was 2 - and it was me proclaiming to be a girl. And then at age 4, my second cogent memory, was me being ashamed of wanting to be a girl and knowing that it was "bad" I felt this way. So it's possible to know your gender identity before the age of 6.

[@pupbeat]

great video! i also feel like part of what could be an issue is pressure on people/kids who are questioning their gender or trying out different labels is the idea that there is a ‘certain way’ to be trans. like for example, if one identifies as a trans man there may be pressure to get top surgery or start testosterone (not applicable to kids, so for them its be more like wear certain types of clothing for example) because thats what a stereotypical man is so rhat what they would be ‘supposed’ to be striving for. there should be less judgement that if that example trans person settles with that specific label to their gender experience or not, they are allowed to explore their options. because some people might be trans dudes or nonbinary and perfectly fine with still wearing dresses or makeup and that doesnt need to be at odds with their genders, nor with trans women or nonbinary people, or any manner of genderqueer people, having to fit into a box of what transness ‘should look like.’

[@argonianbum]

I love these video True Teas. Obv the pod is still great because it is your words, but the whole vibe of like your body language, fashion, decor, seeing the drink you choose each time, definitely prefer this.

[@abbynever4992]

I am glad we have conversations like this where people can admit they don't know the answer, and I think it's great we don't have to rely purely on opinion/or our own experiences to have a better understanding/answer for if and whhen kids should approach transitioning in any/many forms. I'd be more inclined to rely on pediatricians and children psychologist for their current understanding of when/if kids should start socially, and medically transitioning.

[@sweetlolitaChii]

Thanks for explaining this so well. My husband and I are cis, and we're planning to have a big family. All I want is for each of our future kids to grow up with the freedom and support to explore their gender identity, knowing we'll love whoever they grow up to be. I want a world where they wouldn't ever have to face hate for anything they identify as, no matter what that is. We both got that acceptance, why shouldn't everyone?

[@Lunareon]

It is okay to have mixed feelings and be undecided. This is a very complicated topic, because people develop on different schedules both physically and psychologically. The best answer I have come up with so far is: "Well, it depends". It depends on the unique circumstances of each individual. There is no one size fits all solution. This is why legislation, which deals in absolutes, is very difficult to apply here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

[@TravondaBrowning]

When I have children, I have no desire to push my children to confine themselves to their birth genders. While I wouldn’t allow them to have a medical procedure until they are legally and financially(I’ll help where necessary) able make that decision themselves. While they are young, I’ll call them, dress them and speak to/about them however they feel most comfortable🏳️‍🌈

[@jellafim]

I socially transitioned at 12, medically transitioned at 14. Currently 15 and almost a year of being on HRT. *No one* wanted me to be trans, I promise. My mom allowed me to transition, but even she held me back for a long time.

[@juliekring7574]

I've seen a lot of fear that puberty blockers can cause irreparable harm, but I also think that if that is true, shutting down the conversation makes it so we can't identify the safe way for kids to transition. Maybe instead of blocking puberty we can guide it using hormones to produce a more feminine or masculine body at the end of it? I don't know I'm not a doctor but I think that equating puberty blockers and physical surgeries to children transitioning is silly.

[@elle-dd2hu]

Kids shouldn't transition at all.

[@crystalwoods8067]

I think the issue is that when people think of trans people ONLY think of the surgery. That one cannot be trans without surgery, which is an ignorant assumption prevalent in cisgender and even queer communities. Socialization is actually a huge part of being trans, and is actually a very important part of trans kids lives to see if they are prepared for medical transitioning later in life. If there were less boundaries to healthcare (which does include trans therapy and socialization) kids would understand more about themselves and how to properly communicate what they feel.

[@RasserMeyer]

Really interesting and challenging conversation you are starting here. Not always perspectives we want to look at. Thank you for doing so. It has really expanded my horizon.

[@lexinicole4317]

Somewhat off topic, but one of the strangest things to me is how people who transition younger and are more “passing” as a result are generally better accepted by transphobes-yet transphobes want to make it so difficult or impossible to transition with hormones or surgery, thus leading them to be even more hateful toward people they would have been more accepting toward if they had been allowed to get hormones and surgery

[@gakailyn9249]

I think detransitioning is really interesting too. Do you intend to cover the story of that Australian trans woman, who after 10 years is sueing her doctor for allowing her to transition? I don't think it's fair that she's sueing. From what I read, it took several years to medically transition and she was sure about it...until she wasn't. Really interesting.

[@xavierreed9697]

I started care with a doctor when I was 13-14 he had to track my puberty and hormones and we had to wait until it was safe to start a medical transition (testosterone) and with that information I was able to start T at 16, I’m very thankful that I’ve been able to navigate most of my life as male especially my adult life. Teen years are always a struggle and I think in a way it’s easier to go through social transition in high school. I do think a very good amount of therapy is needed to determine a trans kid is quote on quote in it, and the doctors and the therapists question you hard like they constantly are making sure you are absolutely certain, I started therapy at 13 after a suicide attempt and unfortunately I had two more each a year apart before I started transitioning. My life has been much brighter and happier since

[@nym5qu17]

Maybe this is incorrect and possibly ignorant but I feel that someone transitioning early then finding out they don't like it and detransitioning (which is very rare ofc) would be alot less harmful than someone who transitions later in life, having to spend all that money you were mentioning. It just seems like a more logical option all around to do it earlier.

[@hatchibyebye]

Yeh it’s ignorant. Especially since your reasoning is mostly fiscal, and your conclusion presupposes that detransition does not have cost.

[@Volzotran]

And why do they only care when a cis person is suffering by the consequences of their mistakes but don't care when a trans person is suffering by the mistakes of others? Hmmm one can only wonder

[@Volzotran]

@@hatchibyebye both are bad for the person affected, be it a trans or cis person, but you only care about one side.

[@Mike-sj9si]

From listening to various trans people it sounds to me that this is or at least can be an extremely complex issue that varies greatly from person to person. I think hypothetically it would be really difficult to be able to tell an individual person what might be best for them or to even know what might be best for yourself as an individual. I think we definitely need a lot more research to determine generalities. However I think those generalities of course won't apply to every single individual so it's important to keep an open mind and to consider things on a case by case basis. Super interesting topic and should always be discussed respectfully as I believe this KZbinr did so thank you to this KZbinr.

[@catz537]

I think a sort of solution to this would be to simply allow kids who think they might be trans to get on hormone blockers to stop puberty, and then once they are sure what they want when they're a bit older, they can choose any surgeries or therapies they want. This way, they have the stage to explore and they have enough time to really decide what they're going to do

[@lingeringquestions519]

Kat, there is something very genuine and nice, like kindness nice, in the way you address things and on top of the fact for so many reasons the world and many people like me have not been nice and kind to you and people that share identities and looks with you. Thank you. It's always very meaningful and humbling.

[@Author.Noelle.Alexandria]

I'm a mom of a cisdaughter who has NB and trans friends. Under no circumstances should be be anyone else's business what healthcare they receive. That should be between those kids and their doctors. Trying to limit access to healthcare, whether that's puberty-blockers or abortions or sterilizations or anything else, is grossly wrong, and those trying to limit others are absolutely always insecure assholes who lack the courage to stand up and say that others deserve rights too.

[@beebopbug]

you sound like an amazing mom and ally, thank you so much

[@doukzu]

Yes, thank you! The fact that people are trying to LIMIT access to healthcare while thinking that's remotely a good thing is insane to me.

[@Nok112]

Hell no dude. Doctors are also corrupt and money-hungry. It should be up to the PARENTS....at least until they're 17 I think. If the parents decide to allow that earlier... then they can make that decision. However, surgery of any kind should be ILLEGAL until they're an adult. Idk about hormone blockers... but I do know they have scary effects. They're not just a magical pill that just turns off the hormones. Children do not have a full understanding and cannot conceptualize the repercussions of their actions. That's why we don't let children smoke or drink or anything else that could permanently impact their lives potentially in a very serious, tragic way. Trying to take parents' rights away is going to make people turn against this community, lightning speed.

[@Nok112]

I do however fully accept and encourage allowing your children to socially transition. Literally zero harm in that. Again, up to the parents though.

[@Ebrill_Owen]

I wish all trans and enby children had a mother like you!

[@sleepyspacegremlin]

I relate to you a lot in the family department. Thank you for the videos. ❤

[@richardmurrayaalbcassist7279]

your always informative, I never heard of detransitioning stories. Your point is the key. The assumption to humans is that each person is supposed to know their self at a certain age. But the truth is, knowing oneself is not a mechanical thing. Parents need to have patience with their children. The communal heritage or culture or personal desires may make it a challenge, but it is the best thing.

[@nauticoom]

They way you are explaining this topic makes total sense. Great video

[@Lytah84]

An interesting thing I was thinking about the other day is at 14-15 years of age kids are asked to decide what career they want for the majority of their life but they are considered "too young" to make decisions surrounding gender.💜

[@nicked_fenyx]

Thank you for talking about this. I always find questions like the one in the title a little odd. Like... a trans person has always been trans. Research shows children develop their internal sense of gender identity by around age 4, and that doesn't really change. Children may or may not have the words, experiences, real world references, etc to express how they feel or to live as their authentic selves, but just because many trans kids are kept in the dark as to why they feel the way they do doesn't make them "not trans." So there is no age at which a child is "too young" to be trans. That said, there may be ages where children are too young to be definitively labeled as trans. We have research that's shown us that children who persistently and consistently claim a gender other than what they've been labeled rarely change their minds, so I feel like that should be the standard. I also feel like any social (and later, medical) transition should be guided by the child's needs and wishes, with regular involvement from experts in mental and physical health as appropriate. But that seems to be the norm anyway whenever kids are allowed to transition. Cis kids aren't being forced into "transness." Quite the opposite: many trans kids continue to face immense pressure to pretend to be cis. How is it people have things so backwards? As a trans guy unable to medically (and to some extent, socially) transition the way I'd like due to medical issues, I can't help but look back at my own childhood and early adult years and wonder how much better, less traumatic, etc they could have been if those around me had noticed the many, many cries for help I shot out into the world, showing in every way I knew how that I wasn't a girl, that I felt like a boy, etc. Raised Christian, I prayed every night that God would turn me into a boy. I convinced my entire class for several days that I was a boy. And as a normally quiet, shy child who was terrified of stepping a single toe out of line, the one thing I consistently tried to fight my mom on was the issue of wearing dresses, because they felt so wrong I was willing to literally endure severe, lifelong-physical-damage causing physical abuse for just the chance of not having to wear a dress, even for just a few hours. As a teen (removed from the abusive home and placed in a very loving one), I fought severe depression because I knew instinctively I would never fit in with either binary gender. When I hung out with girls, they could feel I wasn't quite like them (as could I), so there were awkward, confusing moments even with my closest friends. And when I hung out with boys, they were unable to treat me as "one of the guys" because, even though we tended to "click" better, my outward appearance told them I was a girl. Even strangers in women's restrooms could feel I didn't belong there, and it wasn't uncommon for women to look at me as a teenager and assume I was a boy, despite my rather obvious chest size that refused to be hidden no matter how tight a sports bra I wore. I didn't fit in. Anywhere. Yet I was repeatedly told by women in my life to "fake it til I made it," and that if I forced myself to look and act like a woman long enough, eventually I'd begin to feel like one. How much better my life could have been if I had been free to be myself from a young age! So there's definitely no age at which a child is "too young to be trans." Children should be free to explore and express their gender in whatever way feels right to them. That way, cis kids can be cis, and trans kids can be trans, and nobody is forced to pretend to be anything they're not. What's so hard about that?

[@euodiaclitterhouse4726]

I am sitting here with my coffee, watching the sky go from dark to colorful in the early morning on my honeymoon and I am thinking about Kat Blaque. I am reflecting on everything you and your channel have brought to my life and I am so grateful for you. I am enjoying the topic of this video, so I will watch it now. Just wanted to stop by and tell you that you were on my mind and you are wonderful🥰

[@palsinaaer]

Aside from medical intervention, parents giving their trans child a girlhood or boyhood that fits their identity is already a big deal. As a cis woman, with trans woman friends, we often find a disconnect because she had a boyhood. (Often that gives her a ton of insight). Kat, I'd be so interested in your ideas about how transitioning earlier or later effects a trans person's social development. Like, if a person lived for a long time as a man, they will be effected by patriarchy differently than someone afab or who transitioned early. During boyhood and early adulthood, such a person may be effected by toxic masculinity, different privileges and costs of being treated as a man in a patriarchal system. I imagine that such a person when transitioning would have a lot of challenges relearning her socialization compared to a trans woman who transitioned young, or whose parents gave her a girlhood. I'd love to hear what you think about that ❤️ you rock kat!

[@ddneq677]

It's giving "trans girls that transition early in life are more valid"... And y'all never bring up trans men in this topic. They can have a lot of toxic masculinity and so can cis women tbh.

[@curtisfrazierjr.]

Thank you for this informative and nuanced take on a complicated issue.

[@tikibah]

A huge problem is the medical-industrial-complex which includes big pharma, is profiting billions from the surgeries, treatments and therapies, etc., involved. It is a statistic that they often brag about.

[@JustJRR]

I love what i know about puberty blockers, though at the same time, it's still asking trans kids to wait until they're 18 years to start their lives so they likely miss out on certain developmental aspects of being a teenager who is fully seen as their gender. I don't know that there is a such thing as too young to be trans as being trans does not center social or medical transition. I think being present with children (& adults) when they share things about themselves as well, asking them what they need in this moment (support, feedback, acceptance of what they're saying, etc) because that presence (& support) is so crucial and often acts as a balm.

[@susyhippopotamus2732]

I completely agree with not pressuring identities onto kids. Teachers, parents, and friends should give teens room to develop their identities. (Although how tf are we supposed to stop kids from pressuring each other?) For example, I grew up in the zoomer/millennial generation and A LOT of my friends would say, "LOL such and such is SO straight!" As if being straight or acting straight is a bad thing. You cant possibly be gay and also have "straight" tendencies. That shit is so annoying. You can't just live your life as a gay person without acting super gay all the time. Or you are trying to "pass" or "hide." People have to fit a narrative in everyone's head or YOU are the problem not them, in queer bubbles and straight bubbles. I really enjoy your content for trying your best to look at both sides honestly. I think it's important to give attention to well-transitioned one trans folks and detransitioners. Not picking one narrative that every trans person is an empowered, role model, human being with no mistakes made or a "gay-propaganda" pushing sinner who is confused and needs "help." Both narratives are so annoying to me, why can't trans people be PEOPLE! They make mistakes and detransition sometimes. Sometimes they are just living their fucking lives not bothering anyone. Leave them alone. Both narratives need to die and be replaced with a "live and let live" stance.

[@cautiousgalaxy4613]

I wish I had been able to be on hormone blockers when I was younger. I only have dysphoria around my chest area. I'm transmasc my life would be so much easier. I have to plan my day around how long I can wear my binder, because my ribs start to hurt after like 3 hours.

[@Bianca.Nceeee]

As an outsider one side is saying this and the other side is saying that. I don't know what's true and what's not. As a human being who plans on having a child in future currently residing in the West it makes things very scary for me because on one side if my daughter is a tomboy for the majority of her childhood like I was ( I cried when I got a barbie doll instead of a toy truck at 4 years old), then I don't want authorities/ teachers getting involved telling my child they are trans because they like stereotypically boy things. And I also don't want my child who feels like the opposite sex to not feel like they cant come out and be themselves because the other side is telling them their feeling are invalid. I'm already on the fence about having children but so many issues we are facing today not only social but political ,economical, environmental just make that decision so much harder to make.

[@00s.v.n.s00]

Parents decide to dress and treat their children a certain way fresh out of the womb based on their genitals, but a child as soon as they are sentient and can choose what they'd like to wear and how they'd like to act is discouraged and even completely stoppedfrom deciding what they'd like to be on the basis of "not being old enough?"

[@Boahemaa]

"Imagine if you felt like the only way to live a happy fulfilling life is if you had $100,000". Me from the back of the class: Student loans...

[@agapetheprodigalraqah]

Thank you for your thoughtful content. I’m a recent college graduate that just recently accepted myself as a nonbinary trans woman after having been through a whole lot of therapy since 2018 and it was definitely a life long wrestle and I’m slowly reconnecting and rediscovering myself and learning to love me truly for the first time 💜

[@user-ts8fj5kj2z]

I would say it's perfectly fine for people to explore their gender and gender expression and that for SURGERIES (read = puberty blockers are fine) they should wait until they are at least sixteen and shown a consistency in gender IDENTITY (read = not gender expression).

[@ambientjohnny]

How do you differentiate "gender identity" from simple personality?

[@user-ts8fj5kj2z]

@@ambientjohnny can you explain what you're trying to ask? Last I checked my gender identity wasn't part of my personality or a personality trait, it was and continues to be a part of all the parts that make up my identity

[@ambientjohnny]

@@user-ts8fj5kj2z So what does your gender identity entail exactly? What defines it?

[@user-ts8fj5kj2z]

@@ambientjohnny that I identify as it? I don't know if you're trying to claim there's some sort of essential characteristic that can be quantified about various genders. It's like someone saying that manhood is defined by... "manhood" rather than how we as a society define men

[@ambientjohnny]

@@user-ts8fj5kj2z You must be able to define something that you think is so important a part of your life/existence.

[@sailorplanetmars6103]

I feel like there's two sides to this, but they both lead to the same end point for me. I think easy access to hormones is a complete no-brainer because it is basically fully reversible (bar some fertility issues), but the more permanent surgeries probably do need a little bit of a barrier, just because identity is messy and people need time to know for sure. Detransitioners are massively uncommon, in the statistical sense, but they do exist, and in that respect having safeguards in place is reasonable. However, those safeguards should be no higher than those placed on other elective surgeries. If a cis woman can get a boob job, a trans woman should be able to get a boob job just as easily, but it should be about as atypical for a 16 year old trans girl to be getting a boob job as it is for a 16 year old cis girl to. On the other side, my non-binary ass is screaming that we should uncouple pretty much everything from gender and from transness, at least in the way that it is now. If a cis person wants hair removal because they're uncomfortable with their body, they should be able to get it. If they want to experiment with hormones to see if they're more comfortable in a different body, that should be an option. Testerone is an effective treatment for many joint conditions, and cis women are denied it because of the "side effects", while being kept on ineffective pain medication with vastly more severe side effects - what gives? I think if, as you say, we were more permissive overall of gender non-conformity and transient states of self, we'd actually see *less* people "regretting" things because they'd be allowed to see those temporary identities as steps on a journey to their true self, not misdemeanours away from a socially acceptable norm they're later forced to reassimilate into. Burn it all down, is what I'm saying. Keep medical safeguards, as determined by medical experts, in place, but other than that, give us complete gender anarchy, both for cis and trans people.

[@Envy_May]

yes i agree with this - i feel like there are so many false messages and baggage attached to how we view bodies and how it relates to the concept of gender that really really needs to be unpacked for everyone, cis or trans, and people need time and space to explore and deconstruct and understand these things (which they should be able to do in any way that suits them with different labels and names and whatever) - ultimately, people shouldn't feel like the only way to be "feminine" is to be female and vice versa and all kinds of other qualities that are associated in ways that aren't intrinsically attached and desperately need to be separated still it should be no harder to get trans treatment than it is for cis people to get similar treatment and the double standard in that area is just silly

[@ambientjohnny]

Ah yeah, infertility caused by unnecessarily ingesting drugs meant for other purposes, what a "minor" side-effect.

[@ambientjohnny]

How is needing surgery bringing out who anyone "really" is? It is the EXACT opposite.

[@Envy_May]

@@ambientjohnny speak for yourself - it's a more nuanced subject than you're giving it credit for; you need to really consider what people mean, because all feelings come from _somewhere_ genuine whether it's obvious or not

[@tangoblast7614]

@@ambientjohnny Naw. If getting a procedure will help you express yourself more authentically, then surgery can help. Changing your body isn't inherently in authentic, and the physical body isn't the totality of who you are. The inner world counts too, and is more important imo.

[@zayisaperson6696]

This is a really interesting topic! I'm a young trans kid, 14 to be exact. I know this video is more discussing slightly younger kids than myself however I'd like to put my own two cents in. I am nonbinary, I currently identify as so and have since I was 12. My parents take on transness and my gender identity is very odd, and honestly, I don't even know what the hell my mom's take on it is at this point. Due to me being afab I have been allowed to explore more with my gender expression, even before I was out to my parents. As it is more acceptable for "Girls" to dress masc than "Boys" to dress feminine as I'm sure many of you know firsthand. My parents think I am to young to know, my mom saying something similar to your "Hold on" argument (Which I 100% agree with on a medical scale) However unlike your take, my parents won't let me socially transition either. At least not around them. They deadname me, and misgender me constantly, I have tried to have talks with my mom about this and she just reverts back to the two genders argument despite calling herself a trans ally. Its honestly all very confusing. I know I am a kid, and I know that I don't fully understand my gender identity. Hell in a few years it might be completely different. But I also know that refusing to do what makes me happy now has destroyed any remainder of mental health I had. I acknowledge in this video you are talking about medically transitioning, and for obvious reasons I have no experience with such. But as I'm sure most folks will agree there is no harm in letting your kids socially transition even at a young age. Even if later they say "Hey, I'm actually cis" they will have a better understanding of who they are. I guess all of this is to say that we should let kids socially transition and experiment, however on the medically transition front I am finding myself in the same box, and I'm really glad you started this discussion.

[@pathevermore3683]

Your mom is not an trans-ally. Allies do not deadname and misgender.

[@pathevermore3683]

You are much wiser than your parents. To be fair, I do not know them and they may be great parents otherwise. But in this case they are choosing anti trans rhetoric over thier own child.

[@zayisaperson6696]

@@pathevermore3683 Thank you, my whole family is a bit of a mess, my mom's put me through hell outside of transness for many many years. And my dad tries his best, and I appreciate that. I just wish they would listen to me when I tell them who I am.

[@Lin_Eileen]

Best of luck on your journey! Keep correcting your parents when they deadname/misgender you to try and make it stick with them more that this is reality. if they won't accept that you are forming your own identity that's on them not you❤

[@KillerCammy85]

As a mum of a trans son Im so glad to see such an awesome community of people. ❤ My son sort of started around 8, it just started as him wanting to wear boys clothes, and around 10 came out as non-binary which is when my deep diving began lol. Two years later he realized he was more comfortable in the boy box, its where he felt most comfortable. He will be 15 this year and we are starting to look into hormones. We talked about letting his natural puberty happen so his body could grow at its natural rate. Its honestly been a challenge to get into the physical transformations. Waiting limits for the gender clinics, getting proper psych eval, etc. I cant just go into my gp and get hormones for him. It would honestly be easier but I get why they want the process to be slow to give the person a chance to sus out whether they truly want it, but its a bit frustrating.

[@elle-dd2hu]

Honestly I know it is not my place to say this but please wait until your child is 18 to make any decisions on hormones or anything of that sort. I only say this because I was girl who used to feel the same way as your child does.

[@c0rps3xk1tty]

Wish the best for your son!

[@austin.luther]

I wish I had known I was trans at least in my teens. I'm a trans man but I'm not hyper-masculine so it wasn't super obvious to anyone and not even to myself. I also had no idea that trans people even existed, so I didn't have a basis of knowledge for how I saw myself. I know being trans and young is difficult, but I would much rather have come out at 16 instead of 32.

[@samuelmcghee7941]

It makes sense to me that no one should be pressured to be trans in the same way that no one should be pressured to be cis. Unless some study comes out saying puberty blockers are highly risky, they should be an option for kids who want it. They shouldn't feel pressure to take them or not take them. It should be a different decision than socially transitioning

[@BliskeroidPlays]

Kids don’t have the mental maturity to know what they really want and how it will affect them. Puberty blocks will affect them extremely

[@ghostnebula8805]

@@BliskeroidPlaysWrong

[@BliskeroidPlays]

@@ghostnebula8805 so kids have mental maturity? The brain doesnt stop developing until after 23.

[@christinahong1257]

I just wanted to say I noticed the Rina Sawayama album pic on your wall and it makes me happy haha

[@Weestley]

I think it's important to note that detransitioning/dissatisfaction post gender affirming surgery is incredibly rare and puberty blockers are reversible.

[@jeanniemaycrawford4466]

They're not reversible, puberty only happens for a finite amount of time and your growth hormone levels are directly linked to what sex hormone you produce.

[@Weestley]

@@jeanniemaycrawford4466 Apologies, I was mistaken by old info. However it is also inaccurate to say outright that they are not reversible as it appears more research needs to be done. It also appears most of the sources citing them as potentially irreversible are simply reacting to news of the NHS' description changing -a change which seems to linked to medical proffesionals acting reactively to a rise in youth visiting gender clinics rather than any new evidence on puberty blockers being irreversible.

[@transwomenaresexistmen]

Liar

[@elle-dd2hu]

Okay but at what age was the average of age of those who were surveyed in the study that your citing from because that would be key information

[@fourcatsandagarden]

I feel like the people who think elementary school or middle school is too young for kids to even be exploring their gender identity are the same people who think its too young for kids to be exploring their sexuality. Whether they like it or not, kids are doing those things and feeling those ways. They can either help kids explore in a healthy way, or they can try to suppress it and ruin their child's mental wellbeing and/or their relationship with that child for years, possibly even for life. Which, of course, a lot of people who are shocked by this want to do the suppression, not caring if they cause harm, because they're super convinced that they're doing what's best because they refuse to consider life from any perspective other than their own.

[@popsicleemperor]

Researchers on trans experiences in the US actually l have found that kids can understand and recognize their gender identity and thus their transness as early as 5 years old! so theirs no such thing as too young! obviously for transitioning needs and steps there are some medical guidlines and when folks can start HRT but even that is blurry because of research that is limited. but yah GREAT VIDEO

[@quantumspacepossum]

i'm 14. i came out to my dad 5 months ago as transgender (ftm) and his response was that i'm confused, but he supports me. his response was that he somehow knows me better than i know myself, and that this is a ''mistake'' and i'm doing it for the trend. he put a progressive spin on it, though. he won't refer to me as my proper name and pronounns, but he calls me 'kiddo' and 'they'. i'm just so confused. all i would like is to be called ethan, and he. that's my experience with this topic, sorry if it's confusing or hard to follow! -eef

[@kahlilbt]

No worries Ethan. You are who you say you are. And whether that changes or stays the same, you're always the one who makes that decision. Just keep on your road and you got this, man

[@quantumspacepossum]

@@kahlilbt tysm!! this is very sweet of you, i really do appreciate it

[@Cupcake_Royale]

And he’s right. Most trans people are being trans just for a trend.

[@DIGI0TAL]

I dont enjoy the narrative of young transitioners being superior, admittedly bc I did not come around to internally transitioning until 21 years old. Even now, approaching 23, I have not begun my medical transition due to obstacles in access to these resources. I do wish sometimes that I could have come to this revelation much younger to avoid the effects of testosterone, but it feels indulgent and unnecessary. There are reasons and a special experience that comes to transitioning at this age. I hope this reaches the right person.

[@KC-co7hn]

Although this is late, thank you for reaching me. As a teenager about to finish high school I already feel like I'm running out of time.

[@AryehAmitz]

I always come here when i want to get a good perspective on Trans stuff. Thanks for being visible.

[@chrislawuk]

How about just not ever pressuring anyone either TO be or NOT to be … anything? (And honestly this “epidemic of kids being pressured to be trans” is mostly a conservative myth, as far as I can tell) Oh and no I didn’t know I was Shakespearing until I’d done it

[@Lion3doll]

Thank you for talking about this. It's nice to hear your thoughts. It feels puberty blockers seems to be the better idea and then let them feel it out.