I Am Divorcing My Wife After She Got A Massage Without My Permission r/Relationships

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 2. What a fresh breath of air to hear a wholesome AITA. I, too, was shy ( not anymore) and there was a guy in my neighborhood who I had a big crush on. The guy was walking past my mom and me one day (mom is a straightforward person); she stopped him and said, "Hi, I'm

[@amarie8769]

Congratulations on 30 years. Do you ever wonder where you would have been if your mom had not stepped in? Good for her stepping in.

[@RedneckWarlock]

Ohmygod I'm cringing everytime he says "rubbing on her" that...that doesn't mean what he seems to think it means ahhhhh

[@meagancall5005]

I dunno, I get the sense that he knows exactly what he's doing, because he's not viewing the massage as anything other than an avenue towards getting sex.

[@CanyonALynn]

I mean... he wanted the action from "rubbing on her"... that was the whole point. 😂

[@Fistin4jesus]

​@@RisetoStrength are you just trolling all the comments?

[@andrewmildenberg4210]

​@@Fistin4jesuslooks like it. The person is living in the 1950s. Probably thinks women shouldn't even have the right to vote or leave the house without a mans permission.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@Fistin4jesus he is probably just bored in his mom's basement and no woman wants to talk to him so he is trying to troll and failing at it miserably.

[@theseeker9442]

Story 1: OP is very much justified in wanting a divorce but he's being a little goofy about the reasoning. The reason is the sex life is dead dude just say that don't act like a message is cheating wyd

[@kp2223]

Honestly it sounds so stupid. If you want to divorce over lack of intimacy, just divorce over lack of intimacy, don't drag it out in this other format over massages.

[@blackofelia]

@@RisetoStrength because even it’s a boundary it’s bs . It’s like saying medical appointments is cheating .

[@LamisonJamison]

​@@RisetoStrengthbecause a massage isn't cheating in any sane persons eyes. Happy ending massages are different. Getting a massage because she likes them vs going to a sex worker because wife won't fuck you is different. She doesn't owe him her body and neither does he, he can refuse massages just as much as she can refuse sex but getting a massage from someone is not the same as fucking someone. I'm sure she didn't kiss the masseuse, she didn't have sex with them, she got a massage and left.

[@calebmatthews7268]

​@@RisetoStrengthYoure an incel who thinks mens have the right to have sex anytime and that consent isnt a thing.

[@sfsin3380]

@@RisetoStrength Breaking a boundary is breaking a boundary (or boundary stomping) not cheating. It is a very slippery slope to let people decided cheating is what ever the H*** they say it is. That how you get abusive POS's (of both genders just to be clear) who declare being served by a cashier of the opposite gender is cheating. A message is not cheating by any sane persons metric of course people IRL where giving him c***.

[@songsayswhat]

Am I the only one who hears, ""I did stuff for my wife so shed' have sex with me"? He didn't ''rub her" (what a phrase!) because her feet hurt after a long day or anything like that. He did it hoping for sex. IOW, he expected to get paid. She was wrong to expect the massages, but there is a lot more going on there. I bet he "'helps 'around the house expecting to "'get paid." His entire rant sounds so "'nice guy" 'to me. Love that she probably saw a 45YO woman for that massage and he divorces her. If they aren t having sex, it has nothing to do with frequency of massages. How many more times has he "'laid down the law" and ordered her to do/not do something?

[@flamiaminu5536]

@@RisetoStrength he has every right to not give massages, just like she has the right to get them from someone else. Massages are not sex.

[@MrForkfish]

Thank you! I think I was going to go insane with all those comments and even Markee's opinion not mentioning/ realizing how creepy OP's behavior is. If you view your wife as a sex machine you put tokens (doing stuf for her) in to have sex, you're not really viewing her as a whole person, are you? And don't get me started on the weird power play of demanding her to not got to a massage parlor. It's very controlling and has nothing to do with boundaries. There is no difference between that and trying to stop your wife from going to the movies or a café. It was a ridiculous demand from the start and it's no wonder she didn't heed it. OP doesn't sound like a reliable narrator at all!

[@MrForkfish]

@@RisetoStrength I explained in detail how he is, if you can't see that you're part of the problem. I find it interesting though that every time I call out some dude's terrible behavior there is at least one of you imbeciles that try to discredit my arguments by claiming my opinion is a facade to get into some imaginary woman's pants. Like she's gonna see that KZbin comment and be like "oh, finally randomcommenter2703 defended me somwhere in a comment section in an ultimately insignificant discussion, i can't but fall for her charms!" Never happens though when I comment how terrible a woman's behavior is, currious.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Wow. I bet you are single Giving massages can and is an important part of an intimate relationship with your partner especially if you have been married for several years. Both myself and my wife use massages as a way to "get busy" even though we don't really have to. It is just a nice, intimate thing to do for your partner and leads the way toward more intimate "touching". I have a feeling you are a lot like the wife in this story. Frigid and Entitled.

[@janjanl1812]

Marriage is such a drag, where women are expected to make the bedroom alive.

[@liquerinfrnt]

I would take it as a huge compliment if a lady carried a snack around in her pocket just to make up a reason to talk with me

[@thomasjoseph5876]

For sure. If she was willing to walk around smelling like a Pepperoni stick just because she wanted to talk to me, that would definitely get my attention.

[@TessuDraws]

Giggling and kicking my feet while listening to the 2nd story. God I love a good love story! We need more wholesome stories like this in the world!

[@juliearmfield2634]

Well i carry treats in my pocket for the neighborhood pups. But i don't want the neighbors just the pups. Lol

[@alyzu4755]

They obviously needed therapy. I wish OP had gone on his own even if she refused. Maybe he could have avoided those "years of frustration". He's not wrong for wanting a divorce, but a massage is not cheating. I hope he gets therapy now and can heal. Edit: The settlement sounds very generous. Fingers crossed that they can be effective co-parents.

[@ergogrrl]

Not the AH for wanting a divorce after years of sexual incompatibility. Very much the AH for conflating non-sexual touching with sexual touching. Basically, he was saying, “I’ll only give you the physical contact that you want if I think I’m going to get sex out of it.” That’s an AH move no matter what. So is asking the lawyer to claim “infidelity” because she got a nonsexual massage.

[@nanoglitch6693]

This is a very ignorant comment but it demonstrates that you have never been through the psychological torment of being in a dead bedroom for an extended period of time. So consider yourself fortunate. It wreaks absolute havoc on a person's mental health, emotions and ripples destruction through every facet of intimacy in a relationship. It is completely valid AND COMMON to withdraw from every level of physical intimacy and touching because they are very much connected and not divided into two neat little categories like you try to make it. Go visit the deadbedrooms sub and educate yourself rather than spreading these completely ignorant and uncompassionate sentiments that don't help anyone.

[@Kraaied]

@@nanoglitch6693 Touching to express affection and touching to express arousal are, actually, different. For someone who conflates the two (which, thanks to sexist socialization, men tend to do) it can be very hard to understand the difference and lead to a relationship collapse, like it did here. Also look up touch fatigue! They have a small child and I'm certain she was doing the bulk of the childcare, which means she's basically being touched 24/7 365, and intimacy can become incredibly difficult when you don't get your own space. Should she have talked to him about it? Yes! Should he have tried to touch her without a sexual motive? Also yes!

[@PotatoCat4444]

@nanoglitch6693 I think you failed to read the first sentence where they wrote the husband was not the AH for wanting a divorce because of sexual incompatibility. The way he went about it however was wrong. If you're unwilling to really dig into your marriage issues and think that throwing around ultimatums is the way to go, maybe just straight up ask for divorce. Obviously something is wrong in the relationship, using the "do this, or else" tactic never makes problems go away.

[@Kraaied]

@@RisetoStrength Ok my guy, relationships aren't transactional? He wanted sex, but instead of figuring out why she didn't he just stewed about it, she didn't want sex and instead of telling him why she just stewed about it. They were both wrong, but your partner isn't a sex vending machine! You can't just put tokens in and expect sex when they don't want it! Marital rape is illegal in all 50 states, if your partner doesn't want to bone, there needs to be a conversation. Also, It's not sexist to understand that societal norms are different for different genders, and that they can cause misunderstandings in relationships.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@nanoglitch6693but he was literally using a non-sexual act she wanted as foreplay then getting mad that it didn’t end with his ejaculation. He was essentially going “I don’t care about your comfort at all so long as my dick gets wet.”

[@BlindStarLily]

He didn’t ask her not to get a massage, he TOLD her not to. That is what makes him controlling. He didn’t ask her why they weren’t having sex, he didn’t ask her if there was some particular reason why, he only ever massaged her because he wanted her to sleep with him. When she asked him for a massage, he got angry without warning. As somebody with a very high libido myself, I understand the idea of wanting sex or needing it from a long term partner, but you cannot force somebody to give you access to their body. OP can want or even need sex, that’s not the issue here. The issue is that he’s more prepared to make them both unhappy than he is to have an uncomfortable conversation with his wife. Also, just a side note. Am I the only one who picked up on how he says he, “Wasted so much time,” on her? Sir, you literally have a child with this woman. Was having your daughter a waste of time? Note, commenting after the initial post-might edit if my opinion changes at all after the update if there is one. As it stands though, this man is gross and gives a bad name to hypersexuals and people with high sex drives.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Facts

[@BlindStarLily]

@@RisetoStrength I wouldn’t want to be your partner either.

[@Frostfern94]

Agreed

[@Frostfern94]

@@RisetoStrengthYou seem to misunderstand what PARTNER means. It means equal. I wouldn’t be following ANY man’s leadership in a relationship. Fuck that. Why should I? They’re no better than I am.

[@BlindStarLily]

@@RisetoStrength If equal actually meant that, “The man leads and the woman follows,” then by definition of the word equal, it would also mean the reverse. You’re looking for a follower, not a partner.

[@shadewolfe1231]

Story 1 - OP is justified in wanting a divorce. But the way he wanted the lawyer to file for infidelity because getting a message is somehow cheating is such a twisted point of view. 😂😂😂

[@tamsel814]

If a massage is a sexual act then Im a serial cheater. A serial cheater whose cheating is encouraged by work. (My job offers massages as a stress reducing benefit)

[@shadewolfe1231]

@@RisetoStrength then going to the dentist, ob/gyn, physical therapy, chiropractor, etc would count since they’re so up close and personal and even require you to strip (on/gyn) in some places. It’s not like we even know if the massage was given by a dude. Husband was trying to force their marriage to work rather than accept things were over.

[@vampire9545]

People think porn is cheating. So yeah I can understand intimacy touched by not ur spouse is cheating

[@NathanielTavington]

The fact that he tried to do that is why I do NOT trust him as a reliable narrator. He's an immature prick, and I don't even need her side of the story to see that.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@vampire9545 except it's not intimate touching. Just because he uses a message to try to coerce her into sex doesn't mean that the message is actually about being intimately touched. I don't know why she doesn't want sex with him anymore, it possibly could be medical, however, if he cannot handle the no sex he does need to divorce her.

[@littleylvis]

Story 2 reminded me about when I met my fiance. We were 17, both extremely shy, but when I saw him completely fall for me the moment he saw me, I put my big girl pants on, befriended him, and then asked him out a few weeks later. Almost 10 years together and he's still so grateful I took the first step.

[@DHasty]

Story 1- they shouldve divorced a long time ago. I honestly think theyre both assholes in this situation. He seems to conflate acts of service with sex, and seems pretty controlling about the massage thing. She was making no attempt to communicate, from what info we have, and if she was so miserable in the relationship she shouldve just ended it earlier. Neither of them need to be married tbh

[@AngelDeed]

​@@RisetoStrengthsorry dude but in the modern world, nobody has the right to have sex against someone else's will. Marital ra.pe is illegal in better places now.

[@DHasty]

@@RisetoStrength No one has the right to have sex. Are you advocating for marital rape?

[@kp2223]

​@@RisetoStrengthAs mentioned, nobody has the right for sexual acts with anybody.That's not illegally granted right.

[@wildfyah]

​@@RisetoStrengththere is always a reason intimacy is withheld. The onus was on the both of them to figure out wtf was happening in their own relationship. If one party is unwilling to work on it then the other party has the right to leave.

[@narliehs1648]

​@@RisetoStrengthYikes, my guy. Would you say same if the shoe was on the other foot and the OP was the one being pressured into sex he didn't want?

[@LovesGaming37]

Getting a massage isn't cheating at all. He needed to just tell entire truth. Getting a massage vs seeing a sex worker isn't comparable

[@flamiaminu5536]

@@RisetoStrength okay, so if your spouse decides that eating cheese is cheating, do you stop eating cheese?

[@flamiaminu5536]

@@RisetoStrength yeah except nobody is allergic to a massage. The crux of the matter is, he was using the relationship as a transaction - I give you a massage, you give me sex. That's not how it works, and the two are not comparable in any way. And she was right to give him a fuck you in response. I hope she gets to marry a man rather than a giant baby next time.

[@Tokuijin]

@@RisetoStrength So, he couldn't just beat his meat and call it a day? Obligation kills the mood, really.

[@catandrobbyflores]

​@@RisetoStrengthlook an incel

[@nanoglitch6693]

@@RisetoStrength Welp, I thought I was on your side until your tangent went down a path implying that married women shouldn't have any choice or consent in intimacy. That is profoundly sick and I am not on your side at all any more.

[@Bala_Niranna]

Am i seriously alone in thinking op sounds unhinged over the massage thing? Like yeah she doesnt seem like she was putting effort in but "youre not allowed to get a massage. If you get a massage i will cheat on you" is. Insane logic. We can agree on that right?

[@skyelindsey687]

You’re not alone. However there is this one dude who thinks a man should be able to rape his wife because it’s part of her “wifely obligations” and that he is nta for giving the ultimatum because it “is cheating because he gave her massages in a sexual manner so they are even if not and why are all y’all women against me you’re sexist”

[@christoph8852]

if the massage is sexually fulfilling her then i think he has a point…

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Both people here have their own preference towards physical intimacy. He likes sex. She likes massages. Both are valid, but both can be inappropriate if done outside of the relationship against the consent of their partner. She's been denyng him intimacy for years, while still accepting it from him. And when he finally has enough and says he's done doing this for her, she decides to get it elsewhere. Also, he didn't say he'd cheat if she gets a massage. He said if she's going to get her intimacy from an outside source, he should be allowed to do the same. And when she wouldn't let him, he said he would divorce her if he did.

[@slimecorn]

Yeah he shouldn’t r said he’s divorcing her because of the lack of sex. The massage reasoning makes him sound like a dumbass.

[@velveteenrabbit5940]

If youre only conflating the actions and nothing else then yes for sure, But lets say your partner shows love to your via cooking me delicious food every night and then suddenly I stop eating the food and claiming not to be hungry,and later your partner finds you eating homemade food from someone else Obviously action for action, this is not cheating at all. But the betrayal from having the way you show intimacy stomped on like that would feel so similar it might as well be. I think thats the feeling the OP is going for here.

[@savanna8103]

my thing is he mentioned his wife and him found out that she could never have another child which she obviously really wanted and he thought oh things would go back to normal without therapy for her or anything? like she's probably not having sex with you because she still has hang-ups about not being to get pregnant or carry a baby to full term.

[@aliahope-wilson4449]

He did say he suggested counseling but she declined. You can't force someone to get therapy unfortunately, they have to want it for themselves.

[@missmax2492]

I remember his additional comments: his wife didn't come to the sessoons

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- what's this? A nice wholesome AITA story? What is this magic?

[@kaykay8855]

The way to a man’s heart is through his dog, plus op is just a nice person.

[@kazzuo32]

"With out my permission "??? Nah

[@pnwperidot]

Couple in the 1st story should have divorced years ago. OP isn't wrong in wanting to leave the situation, but him trying to file "infidelity" over a spa massage is hilarious! 😂

[@JaneDoe1812]

He sounds super controlling/creepy. :l

[@veezopolis]

​@@JaneDoe1812why? For wanting his wife to have sex with him one YEARS?

[@skyelindsey687]

@@JaneDoe1812yep, someone else pointed out that his narrative is highly skewed. Most likely he told everyone she cheated and she clarified with receipts (literally) that all she did was get a massage after he stopped doing them for her.

[@gremlininblue2601]

@thinktwofold We don't care abt your side account, bud

[@gremlininblue2601]

@@RisetoStrength Defensive much? 🍿

[@Tokuijin]

Mm, for the first story, there's a lot of missing context.

[@kp2223]

💯

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

Stop excusing a controlling bully. He did nothing for her, it was all for himself. He expected sex every time he touched her.

[@wildfyah]

I feel like trying to have kids so soon in a relationship has can disrupt the hell out of it. Also, having 2 extremes in libido will result in a dead bedroom. They needed to get counselling or split fr cuz wtf man.

[@EluneAnzu]

Hearing first story's title: "It's not about the massage is it?" after hearing the story: it was indeed not about the massage, the massage was just the last straw on the back of the camel was the lack of intimacy.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Just have to do this rant. I agree fully that OP1 should get the divorce that he did, but equating a massage to cheating is insane and reinforces an unfair stereotype about massage. Yes, I realise it's intimate in the sense that someone has their hands on your body, but that can be medically important. My sister is a massage therapist and there is SO much benefit to massage, it's basically physical therapy. She gets a lot of jokes about "happy endings" and crap like that and it's so unfair. Massage therapists are licensed professionals. Treat them as such.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@RisetoStrengthoh my gods. Shut up. We get it, you believe raping someone when married to them isn’t rape. We get it. You don’t have to spread your incel bs under every comment that mentions that yes, OP is in the wrong and no, massages are not cheating.

[@katie6731]

I absolutely agree! I'm disabled because of a genetic condition. The worst part of it is my ribs. It took a dozen years to figure out what the problem was, so I wasn't receiving proper treatment, and ended up with nerve damage and chronic muscle spasms. Without the massage therapists I went to before my diagnosis, I would be *so* much worse. For years, those massages were the only treatment I got that addressed and even improved some of my symptoms. Massage therapists are skilled healers. They deserve the respect that we give to medical professionals.

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

The first OP makes me physically ill.. He sounds controlling and entitled to a woman's body as if she's property and thinking massages are strictly sexual and a quid pro quo exchange is also very telling Not only does he not separate partner foreplay and physical therapy type massages but he gets upset because she went to a professional who is not having a hanky panky relationship but a professional one that does not include sex because not everything is sexual to normal people. He says she wasn't even trying to hide it!!! Well duh it wasn't something a person needs to hide or have shame like idk seeing a prostitute.... He then looks at the credit card receipt and gets angry at her because she didn't obey an insane edict... The guy needs to grow up and see a therapist because he is unhinged. I can't believe some folks don't see the crazy red flags here. How dare my wife think for herself and be a sentient and autonomous human being... Who does she think she is?! Shes my property and thus must cater to my desires even tho she's clearly suffering from issues that I'm aware of but they aren't more important than my feelings!!! Yikes

[@firefly19690]

Yeah... this is one of the stories I would have liked to hear both sides. I think there's so much we don't know. Markee said he got good vibes from him. I got questionable vibes. I think there's problems on both sides.

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

​​@@firefly19690 absolutely.. I'm amazed Markee held that view because normally he would've seen through OP and said he was being controlling and something is off and missing I wish the wife had a post!! I bet there's a LOT of context missing here.

[@Elle44289]

​@@RisetoStrengthfound the incel.

[@Elle44289]

@@RisetoStrength you are the sexist. You are projecting your eternal victim persecuton complex from the manosphere on the fact I called you out... Or on the fact that this guy is a creep.

[@_letstartariot]

I got a bad feeling whilst listening to the story. She clearly also did not want to have sex with him, there is a reason. He never even cared to find out. She will do better being divorced from him.

[@bonniegomez5333]

I see people seeing they understand why he wanted a divorce bht he literally said giving her massages would get him sex, its clear she needs non sexual intimacy.

[@skyelindsey687]

Yet he was using non-sexual intimacy as foreplay and then getting angry when he wasn’t receiving his happy ending. She probably didn’t do counseling because she realized with him it would be a waste of money since he doesn’t realize that getting a massage from a professional isn’t cheating and not every non-sexual intimate act will result in a fun time for him afterwards.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

And it's clear he needs sexual intimacy. And like, that's the same logic people use to say why someone might not be sleeping with you. Are you doing X, Y and/or Z for them? Well maybe try that then maybe they'll do it more. Why should he keep giving to someone that doesn't reciprocate?

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

​@@skyelindsey687so we're just changing to timeline to say the conversation about massages happened BEFORE she refused counseling or any other option to resolve this issue? Ok.

[@bonniegomez5333]

@@DragonbornMike-ym2er if you're using non sexual intimacy as a way to get sex, then its not nonsexual intimacy. She obviously doesn't feel close enough to want sex which is easy to feel when your partner touches out of wanting to get something from you.

[@Harvest133]

@@bonniegomez5333 Marriage is dead and women killed it.

[@jasminesuarez8358]

It wasnt about massage. Its about lack of intimacy. I dont think a massage is cheating but she doesnt care at all about his feelings.

[@streamerssaymyname]

And he didn't care about her feelings, he even declared he would cheat on her if she went to get a massage.

[@Swamp_Queen]

​@streamerssaymyname that's not what he was saying?

[@JaneDoe1812]

@@Swamp_Queen That kind of sounds like what he meant. Dude thinks getting a massage means cheating. :l Dude wanted to fuck sex workers because she wanted to get a massage. I get their problems were worse but that sounds so skeezy.

[@songsayswhat]

@@Swamp_Queen He absolutely said it. He'd go to a sex worker (risking spread of disease) if she got a massage.

[@JaneDoe1812]

@@RisetoStrength It sounds controlling and not the same. Dude sounds sex crazed and that he needs help. Divorcing is probably probably for the best.

[@naoko7184]

Story 1: OP is getting shafted in the divorce. He and his wife have the same incomes and are splitting child custody 50/50, but she gets 60% of the non-retirement savings AND the house AND he pays alimony and helps with house payments. Why in the world did his lawyer let him agree to this?!

[@willj24]

People don’t seem to get, it’s not the massage, it’s that she absolutely doesn’t care if his needs are met, but thinks it’s perfectly reasonable for hers to be. He’s not leaving because she got a massage. He’s leaving because she doesn’t care about his needs, and when he tries to demonstrate just how bad it is for him, she just says “well fine, I’ll get mine met elsewhere, and you can’t because that would be cheating”. This marriage was over long before the massage, IMO.

[@streamerssaymyname]

He uses massage to try and coerce her into what she doesn't want and declared he could cheat on her if she got a massage, it is completely mental and he really should have considered seperating long before this, but he is acting out in a way that will only hurt his kid. Massage is not getting her "needs met" the same way as he sees getting his friend wet is, the two things are not comparable.

[@lina9535]

Massage and sexual need isn't the same. He has hands he can use or get toys. Sex isn't everything in a relationship. His needs does not trump her, in this case, lack of needs, when it comes to having sex. Using massages to try and have sex is manipulative and gross.

[@SabakuNoShuhei69]

​@thinktwofold Well I guess it is a good thing women won't get married nowadays. Then they won't have to deal with people like you and your 50s , Christian incel mindset.

[@Fistin4jesus]

​@@RisetoStrength🤡🤣

[@boneymeroney2674]

This.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

Massage is not cheating, but dead bedroom is the real problem. That is enough for divorce

[@ggdail]

Story 1: The fact that she gets the house, 60% of their savings, & OP thinks that's a win shows how screwed up the family court system is.

[@coreymartin6486]

"You're beneath me attitude"....that probably didn't start only when the divorce process got started. Frankly, i have to wonder if the daughter is really his.

[@Suilimani]

First story they needed to just divorce each other a long time ago.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: Not going to lie the beginning of the story got a good laugh out of me, the fact OP said she was luring the guy over with snacks had me thinking "big dog energy there" then OP clarifies she lured the dog over with snacks, so the dog energy checks out.

[@meagancall5005]

Edit: OK, I'm revising my judgement somewhat, because even after going through this story twice, I missed that he claims to have tried talking, and that he suggested counseling. I still think he's overly entitled, but I appreciate that there was SOME attempt to communicate. "she knows I have a high libido and just doesn't care." "I decided I wasn't rubbing on her ever again. It only took 3 days for her to notice and she asked me to. I told her no, and I got angry." I'm not understanding how so many people are siding with this guy. He feels entitled to her body. Everything he wrote made my skin crawl. Markee says he believes OP "tried his best" to revive the relationship, but all I see is him trying to "rub on" (ew) his wife as a way to attempt sex, withhold affection when it doesn't work as he hopes, and then thinks he has the right to dictate what she does with her body (and no, a massage is not equivalent to sex ffs). It is not clear whether he ever actually tried openly communicating his needs and goals vs trying to slide into her, or making demands. No mention of couples counseling, which should have been step 1 when intimacy suffered after getting bad news. Maybe she really doesn't care a bit about his needs, and the sex stopped because she no longer had any reason to allow it after the news that there would be no baby (though, it happened once, so...). Or maybe, you know, she's grieving and that impacts her libido. Maybe her libido tanked as she got older, or just as a result of fatigue associated with parenting a young child. Maybe they always had a libido mismatch, and finding compromise would be dependent on them both making an effort to improve their relationship as a whole. He's not an AH for deciding that a lack of intimacy is a dealbreaker (but is an AH unless he communicated way more and better than this post indicates before deciding to go nuclear). He IS an AH for the way he talks about her, and the way he feels entitled to sex and ownership of her body. Yuck. On the plus side, he sounded a lot more reasonable in the update. I'm guessing because the first one was written when he was still seething. But I was struck by his response to a comment in the update that he *expects* her to move on and eventually start dating, and that seemed like a neutral observation, not something he felt bitter about. So I'm hopeful that the ick factor I got from the original post was a function of pent up resentments, and hopefully as he moves forward he can learn better communication and healthier attitudes towards relationships. I suspect he'd benefit from individual counseling, but I'm not sure he has any awareness of the problematic way he was viewing things to begin with - I didn't see any indication that he recognizes any fault in himself.

[@streamerssaymyname]

I'm so glad people caught on to his coercive and controlling behavior. Still too many "she's at fault for denying him" comments, but less than I expected. A dead bedroom is a symptom of a bigger issue, and simply demanding your "needs be met" or trying to coerce your spouse into doing it, then denying her normal services or else you'll cheat is not a healthy or normal response.

[@JaneDoe1812]

This is one of the reasons he felt so creepy to me. There's so much grossness in the way he talked about this. Including the sex worker line. DX Like, bro. The Hell is wrong with you?

[@JaneDoe1812]

@@RisetoStrength He's not owed sex. And you're creepy as shit.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Wow, you and those who hold your opinion of him being controlling are messed up. She is the one TELLING HIM she will pay to get a massage if he doesn't give her one. She is TELLING HIM she won't give him any loving in their relationship. She was TELLING HIM he could not get any "relief" from others despite her not willing to give it to him. All he did was TELL HER if she went and paid for that massage, he would file for divorce, which he did. So, how is he the controlling one??? He should have left her dysfunctional and probably cheating azz long ago. There is one constant in the world, if she ain't getting it or giving it to him, she is getting it or giving it to someone else. THIS IS FACT. Why should he stay married to a frigid wife who refuses to go to counseling to discuss any issues in their marriage??? Answer: He shouldn't. Good on him for realizing his worth and getting away from her. He did give her too much in the divorce, he should have booted her out and let her do and pay for her own thing.

[@JaneDoe1812]

@@thomasjoseph5876 A massage isn't cheating. It sounds like he has a sex addiction. And all we have is his perspective on this. I'd bet her side would reveal some stuff that Op might have left out.

[@vanguardangel6912]

Story 1: I don’t know what it is but something about OP is making my instincts go off. Which is weird cause I can sympathize with a dead bedroom with weighing on people’s mind. And it’s super clear this is a “last straw” kinda situation. I don’t know, man.

[@narliehs1648]

Story 2 is so wholesome and adorable! 🥰😍 Kudos to OP and her new guy! Story 1, though... ick. Ngl, those two suck massively at communication. I'm gonna go ahead and go with a YTA vote for OP because he was treating his interaction with his then-wife as transactional, trying whatever he could to have sex with her when she clearly wasn't interested. That's coercive and very much not cool. Fine if you have a high libido, dude, but it doesn't seem like she does. Or at least not anymore. Body chemistry can change and affect things like that, sometimes without warning. And it sounds like this change happened after she gave birth. This is a huge shift all on its own. Pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum recovery, all of that can wreak havoc on the body. It doesn't always "go back to normal." Her libido may have just tanked as a result and that's nobody's fault. She may just be asexual now or somewhere on that spectrum. Perhaps even sex-repulsed depending on what the doctors told her about whatever infertility issues there are. It might be that she's scared of another pregnancy and doesn't want the risk. I honestly don't know. Whatever it is, this is childish and entitled pouting on OP's part. She doesn't owe him sex simply because they're married. Granted, she isn't owed massages either, but going elsewhere to have them done professionally is not cheating. Him going elsewhere for sex is and comes wih far more risk in terms of STIs and so on. Get therapy, bruh. Figure out why you think you can demand such things before you get in another relationship.

[@gremlininblue2601]

I think it sounds like she became depressed aft finding out she couldnt have a second child and instead of helping or comforting her he just cared abt getting his dick wet. Dude speedran his way into a dead bedroom and instead of doing anything to fix it he just beat it further into the ground by treating her like a sex vending machine

[@andthatsshannii]

Story 2: my now husband spoke to me first, but I’m super awkward and I was DETERMINED to not let my awkwardness stop me from talking to this cute guy for a long time. So I started asking him a bunch of questions - found out his favourite colour, favourite month, favourite season, opinion on marmite… everything. Then after the poor thing entertained me for a couple hours, I was just honest: “I’m totally asking you these stupid questions so you’ll keep talking to me”. He got bashful and the rest is history!

[@Rae4Real]

S2: That line about training both boys made me cringe. If a guy said something like that he’d be getting flamed!

[@nondisclosure3920]

Why is the Husband conceding 60% of both the savings AND the house? If you have 50:50 custody, shouldn't that mean both people should have an equal share of the assets?

[@madalice5134]

Omg story 2 is the wholesome goodness I needed to hear today. That's so cute. I hope things work out well for them, and the doggo gets all the treats and belly rubs he deserves.

[@nadirimyers6643]

I would be sooooooo okay with divorcing dude in story 1.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

And most people would want to divorce the wife too. Denying intimacy for years. Refusing to elaborate, communicate, or work on the issue in any way. Denying your form of intimacy, while still expecting to receive theirs. And why they stop getting it from you, they'll just get it else where. Yeah...

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

@@DragonbornMike-ym2er Maybe if HE had made the effort to make sex worth it for her, and not demanded sex every time he so much as brushed against her, or said 'hi', the bedroom would not have been 'dead'. He is sex obsessed, wanting sex every couple of hours. He did nothing for her, it was all for his own benefit. No woman wants to be used as a blow up doll. As Americans, none of you will accept that MEN need to make any effort in relationships. There is a saying 'good sex starts with doing the dishes'. MEN need to make the effort, pull their weight with housework, LISTEN to female partners, TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. MEN need to be affectionate when they are NOT horny, compliment female partners, take them out on real dates, not just to 'football games' 'basketball games' or racing events, or down the pub (I don't know the word for pub in the American language). MEN need to care about their partner, focus on the partner, not themselves sexually, SLOW DOWN sexually, be gentle. MEN need to be loving, caring, truly romantic, not ten-a-penny, ('dime a dozen' in the American language), mass-produced, tat, like flowers, jewellery, or snooty restaurants. MEN demand all of the above, but are unwilling to give ANY of the above. None of you have the balls to reply respectfully, to a WOMAN, and NON-AMERICAN, so run along, little willy waving misogynists.

[@mikelee990]

Story 1: Hopefully their divorce will lead to a "happy ending." 😉

[@Spiritrose25]

Story 1: my bf and I rarely have sex due to trauma I've experienced. He still massages me all the time because I have terrible neck and back pain that I experience on a daily basis, which is caused by stress. We've talked about it and he doesn’t care if we have sex because he actually cares about me and wants to be with me. He also didn’t get mad at me for getting massages professionally. OP is justified in wanting a divorce, but massages aren't the same as having sex at all. He sounds like he feels entitled to sex just because he does something nice for his wife. Massages aren't cheating. Anyone who thinks they are is insecure af and genuinely too stupid to be in a relationship in the first place.

[@Spiritrose25]

@@RisetoStrength I make him laugh, I buy most of the ingredients for the food he cooks for me, I pay for meals out or other fun stuff we do that he can't afford. Hell, my best friend and I split the cost of his ticket to Disneyland last month because we wanted him to come with us. We benefit each other mutually. Sex isn't the only important thing in a relationship.

[@Spiritrose25]

@@RisetoStrength we aren't married, and I’m a woman. Why should traditional gender roles continue being a thing? I happen to earn more and have more money than my bf does, simply because I’m Native American and my tribe gives me money. I just want him to be able to enjoy these things with me. He loves cooking and cleaning while I hate it so he cooks every single time he's over and cleans my house for me, even though he doesn’t have to. I still clean, but it's nice having a load off my chest since I work and I'm in college.

[@wildfyah]

That one comment about the last straw alway being something stupid. It's a whole mess

[@serenityserena118]

Ok I dont usually reply, but reading these comments about story 1 frustrated me. 1.) It wasn't about the massage, it was the last straw. So saying the guy was controlling is completely off base. 2.) Guy tried to communicate, wife wasn't having it or willing to work on it. So all those people who didn't read/listen he did try. 3.) Gender bias is a thing, please flip the genders of this post and see if you still get mad.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

No he didn’t

[@juliearmfield2634]

​@@RisetoStrengthyes most definitely, im suprised he lasted this long

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

​@@KadeStringer2.0If you're vague comment is about the communication issue. Go to 1:37, pause, and read.

[@Me-wk3ix]

The divorce is about her deliberately seeking intimacy from another source when she gave nothing to him. It's about the fact that those rub downs were a connection for him that she didn't return. It's about the fact that she threw that in his face.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Wow you paid attention to nothing and today I’m pro woman

[@Me-wk3ix]

@KadeStringer2.0 Wow, you think you're special because you manage not to actively hate half the population. Congrats!

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

Massage isn't intimacy its technically a type of therapy Its called massage therapy.. Why does everything have to be sexual with insecure people?! Good grief

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

Should she not see a therapist either by that logic? Its a one on one closed room conversation about personal subjects... In fact that's more intimate than seeing a massage therapist because you rarely speak about personal matters when getting a massage at a professional massage therapist.

[@OmgaCuteCatPic]

She didn't go behind his back. She said she was going to go to a masseuse He said he'd go to a sex worker if she did. She went there. He was supposed to go to a sex worker, instead he decided on divorce. She wanted a professional massage. Op rubbing her wasn't doing it for her no matter how much he thought he was doing.

[@autumn557]

No one asked WHY she stopped having sex. did she loose interest? Is she in medication that makes her have zero libido? Is it painful now? All we know is “she stopped Fing me so now I want a divorce after punishing her” I’m not saying OP is wrong. I’m saying this is one side and I’m curious if there’s a reason. They have a child? Is the wife exhausted?

[@averycheesypotato]

@@RisetoStrength if it’s a health issue, it absolutely does matter. If it is painful for her, then of course she would be justified in saying no. I’m not saying that is the case, but given that it started after their child was born & fertility issues were brought up, it should be considered

[@averycheesypotato]

@@RisetoStrength As a woman who actually speaks to other women- no. Some women will cheat, but that doesn’t mean all women are looking for someone newer & better. Women’s health issues are often not taken seriously. If a man has low libido he can get Viagra or other medications. What do women get? That’s just low libido though, it could be something more serious. For all we know, the doctor put in a “husband stitch” after the birth.

[@HPgirl]

When I began asking out men myself, I found a whole new branch of men who rarely if ever goes on dates, because they never ask anyone out themselves, but who are so wonderful. It is such a game changer. I recommend it.

[@HPgirl]

... I also recommend rescinding the invitation if he reacts like this.

[@HPgirl]

@@RisetoStrength and thus both parties avoid a date, they wouldn't enjoy anyway. Wins all around.

[@tabytha7636]

Her needs her massage. His needs his sex. He's not being controlling by seeing that it's unfair that she can step out to get her needs met, but he's just supposed to wait patiently and just have a roommate at that point. She's not putting any effort or any consideration for his needs but gets upset when he doesn't put any effort or consideration for her needs. If anyone's controlling it is her. Dude just needs to run So he can find a considerate partner that will put in the effort.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Wow he didn’t really do anything to earn having sex

[@momo382844]

I agree.

[@kp2223]

He can divorce her for a lack of intimacy.What he can't do is tell her what she can and can't do with her body

[@tabytha7636]

@@RisetoStrength disgusting a relationship is a partnership. The minute one person starts thinking that they're the other person's boss, you're not in a relationship anymore. In a business, partners don't boss each other around, You don't treat your partner like an employee now do you? No. Your girlfriend/boyfriend is not beneath you, they're not your subordinate, they aren't someone that You pay to do things for you.

[@tabytha7636]

@@RisetoStrength there are many reasons to why birthrates are going down(and the divide between men and women is one) but there are plenty of countries that still try to have this "I'm your boss, obey me" mindset and birthrates and relationships are going down the drain there too. I've treated my partner with consideration and effort and we're doing just fine on track for marriage and a family so I'm not going to take advice from someone single and bitter. I have no problem with letting him lead but he EARNED that, something a lot of men nowadays think they just deserve right off the bat. Plenty of men nowadays don't do anything to earn or deserve that respect though. I've never seen someone with this bitter mindset actually be in a relationship or stay in a relationship for long so advice from you would be like taking health advice from someone morbidly obese.

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

Um I actually think the OP isn't being fully honest at all. And a massage isn't sexual

[@darsalome]

The second story made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Ah, to be young and in puppy love...

[@lizartfight9157]

Story 2 is the right amount of derangement and fluffy goodness that needed. Usually I come to you for a swift kick in the jorts! Good change of pace.

[@vidhead85]

Massagegate: YTA for divorcing for that reason. There were plenty of ones excluding that

[@tgbedini]

For all the people who don't understand that therapeutic massage is a real thing, here are some thoughts. I was a licensed massage therapist and massage instructor for 12 years. I was a healthy, moderately handsome man in his 40s to 50s during this. Not once did I cross any boundaries. I worked with naked people all the time. (of COURSE I wasn't naked. geez, how weird.) I relieved tension, worked with competitive athletes, male and female, and helped keep their muscles healthy and reduced pain, as well as doing stretches which aided mobility. It's a good and legitimate service. And, yes, I did have some people who thought otherwise, and I cleared up any misconceptions immediately. If you are ignorant of this, please inform yourself.

[@thebigmystery7841]

2nd story: I feel the hints thing is so true. I had a lil crush on a friend on high school. I had hung out with him a ton. It took anothrr friend of ours going "dude she wants to go to prom with you but she doesnt think you like her enough." He immedetly asked me to prom and now are married 14 years later. ❤ it can sometimes need a slap in the face lol

[@selinesbeau]

There's regular massage and then there's a "happy ending" massage, the two are not the same. I have a friend that's a massage therapist, my whole family and a lot of our mutual friends go to her. There is NOTHING sexual about it. Frankly, it hurts. But after, it's like "oh I can move!"

[@Zaddy-Lu]

My friend and her husband got divorced. It was important to them that their children got to stay in their home. So the kids continued to live in that house, my friend & her husband both rented apartments, and each of them stayed in the house with their kids during their custody time (does that make sense?) It was really admirably, though definitely financially out of reach for many people.

[@audreynothepburn7663]

That’s really cool of them to do that

[@streamerssaymyname]

S1 the comments about lawyers is pretty scary, looks like lawyers are playing chess with other peoples lives when they previously were in agreement. Trying to pull something sneaky? Definitely see the retaliation coming. Maybe they make more money by making the court time worse.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

That doesn’t happen in every case

[@deballen7031]

Aaaw, that last post left my heart all toasty! 😊

[@Hazey4420]

Random side note I really love the changing up of the hats.

[@emo7636]

Story 1, Why on earth did she get the majority of their savings if she also got the house, and is also receiving a house payment from this OP each month? What? Especially if they each get one week on and off with the kid, it's equal custody, I think it should be equal assets. Men usually seem to get the short end in a divorce.

[@daisyfaye3630]

There’s no shame in having a relationship fail. The shame comes from being the only one in a relationship trying to make it work.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

It certainly doesn't seem as if the relationship failed on his part. SHE seems to be the one who failed in the relationship.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

4:30 cuz a massage isn’t cheating! And now OP looks stupid af! 4:54 and trying to tell someone they can’t get a massage isn’t a good look either!

[@abdulkarim56239]

As always, cheaters support cheaters.

[@Peeges_]

@@RisetoStrength I’m not going to say it’s cheating, because I personally wouldn’t view it that way. However; OP made his boundaries clear and expressed he would view a massage as cheating because it’s an intimate act to him. That is valid. If this were a man going to a massage parlor after avoiding intimacy with his wife, these comments would be entirely different.

[@TuAmigoElMorrocoy]

​@thinktwofold in that case we can add any ridiculous reason that a ridiculous person feels like calling cheating as cheating... he could said "I don't want you eating a banana in public, it's cheating" and would be valid? That is just stupid Everyone sucks here, OP was just being petty, but this was a dead marriage WAY before the massage. And this really seems to be the real reason for the divorce, but trying to list the reason for divorce as "infidelity" because she got a massage is ridiculous and probably done to be petty

[@kp2223]

My husband likes they massage. If I get a pedicure and they rub My feet while rubbing in cream, Did I just commit adultery ?

[@uh8myzen]

@@RisetoStrength While I agree that these two need to be divorced due to their obvious issues, people don't get to cook up definitions out of thin air. Cheating describes very specific behaviours, not "whatever I say it is." People do get to set their own boundaries, but they don't get to or need to manufacture definitions to justify them. She violated a boundary that he set, and so he's justified in taking action, but to call what she did cheating is disingenuous at best.

[@jameswatson9338]

Story 1: So, I generally believe that people can have whatever boundaries they want, and that holds true here. He explained his perspective on massages, however absurd, and she tried to hide that she did it anyway. That's a breach of trust. However, communication probably could have solved this without people exploding in rage and resentment. It sounds like OP never once talked to his wife about what she wanted, why she didn't want sex, and explained his feelings of neglect without screaming and accusing her. There is probably a reason that she didn't have a high libido that doesn't simply equate to her not caring about his feelings. And honestly, if you don't want sex, you shouldn't be expected to put out for someone else's sake. And, OP said he'd go to a sex worker if she had a massage? That's just childish. YTA, or maybe ESH but not enough info to be sure.

[@starlaaster523]

He's needs aren't met but hers are and she was unwilling to do anything about it.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: YTA, this is very stalker like behavior, stop carrying this "treat" and using the dogs hunger like this. Story 2 (update): Well I guess being a stalker worked for you, don't F it up.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

Massage story- ESH. If y’all have a dead bedroom, get a divorce. She didn’t want sex anymore so she preferred massages (WE ALL DO). But OP wanted sex and he went mental about massaging is cheating; unless it was sensual with happy ending. But it isn’t he just said he stopped massaging her and she found a way to get massage. Op took it as, “Why are we married? There’s no sex & communication; just roommates.” I think instead of trying to paint her as a cheater made him look crazy and controlling to us. But the wife, she doesn’t want to have sex fine, but she could have taken care of him orally. If she doesn’t want that either, then sign those papers and let OP be free.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

@@RisetoStrength Did you even read the last thing I wrote? I said if she didn’t want to have sex she could have given him oral. ETA- I get why OP was frustrated he needed a release and she wasn’t even being affectionate; not even to tickle the pickle. 300 + days of massages and she doesn’t at least give him oral pleasure, it’s better they just divorce. But so obvious they didn’t know how to communicate.

[@yippycat5303]

SCREAMING AND CRYING OVER THE 2ND STORY

[@michellemybelle1231]

Dead bedrooms are a thing. Has OP considered maybe he’s not doing anything for her?? And the wife should be communicating better too.

[@willj24]

He said he’s still giving her massages. Maybe he’s not the best lover in the world, but massages take a fair amount of effort. He’s giving her SOMETHING, she’s giving back nothing, and if we didn’t have such a terribly puritanical view of sex work, him going to a sex worker to get his needs met would be exactly equivalent to her going to a massage therapist to get hers.

[@AngelDeed]

​@@willj24sex is not something that should be done as payment for massages tho. That is why he is an ahole. If he wants to give massages, he should do it because he loves his wife not because he wants something in exchange.

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@RisetoStrength you're hearing his side of the story

[@gremlininblue2601]

​@rubymeaddle7532 that guy's an incel and sexist in practically every comment thread abt Story 1, he doesnt care about her side because he doesnt see women as people

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - YTA I would have understood the sex incompatibility… But OP took it a step too far by saying massage is cheating and CHECKING THE CREDIT CARD BILL and saying she needs PERMISSION?! Controlling as hell.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

FR. Like him calling that cheating, and threatening to see sex workers makes me think OP totally cheated on his ex B4 because his dick wasn't getting watering

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: YTA, you equating hiring a masseuse to hiring an S-worker, is your issue not hers. On top of that trying to claim she cheated to a lawyer over the massage. That said if you want a divorce just do it.

[@MrsGump]

The "men never get the hint" comment reminds me of a story about my husband. Back about 15 or so years ago we were both mid/late 20s n working for my parents in their country NZ town pub/restaurant. It was one of our busiest nights of the year & we were RUNNING we were so busy. Anywho, hubs comes up to me, looking all confused, pulls a wee bit of paper out of his pocket & goes.... "This chick just gave me this, I dunno what it is" I'm like "it's her phone number hahaha you big stud muffin" He was SUPER confused & like "why would she give me that???" I had to spell it out. He was partially stoked he was hot enough to get given some random chicks phone number (well, he is very very handsome I must say) but also super super embarrassed. I'm still giving him shit about it lol

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: YTA and OP's being childish and bitter. You're not entitled to your wife or anyone else's body. Just pleasure yourself for god sake. If you don't want to give her a massage, then ok, but she can get a massage on her own and you can deal with your own pleasures. Men need to grow up and understand that they can't force women to have sex with them. Get angry and divorce all you want, but I find it sexist to expect women to just pleasure their spouses and screw whatever they have going on🤦🏽‍♂️

[@wendyh2708]

Story 1: I love how all the commenters glossed over the fact that he FORBADE her to get a professional massage. I'm sorry but who TF is he to FORBID anything.

[@katherinehutton9870]

What annoys me about these posts Is when people say I tried everything and then there's a huge list but on that list is never talking. Neither is going to therapist and having conversation.

[@Marstic666]

OP isn't painting himself as a good husband or partner here. Him saying "she knows I have high sex drive" just... Ick. And he seems to think acts of affection should equal sex. If my hubs only offered massages cuz he'd get laid, I'd stop wanting sex too. I feel like his offers to fix everything ONLY happened so she'd give him sex and she knew it. Idk. He's free to leave but he's still coming across as a douche

[@nickwest9075]

So neglecting a HUSBAND’s needs for years at a time is fine? But explicitly mentioning it to acknowledge how it deeply affects him is wrong? That’s just a bad take

[@abdulkarim56239]

Then don't cry when someone is ready to give him sex which you yourself neglected.

[@abdulkarim56239]

​@@nickwest9075leave it bro, these bozos will stop having sex with their man and cry and blame men if they find someone who gives them sex.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

⁠@@abdulkarim56239wow you paid attention to nothing and op should communicate

[@jakemarie828]

The "I wish women were more confident" bs is really annoying as someone who had the confidence beaten out of her for decades. Men, if you want confident women, stop telling your daughters to be "lady like."

[@utatanepiko7087]

2nd story The dude is a puppy. I love puppy-traits in men XD

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

3:06 I get the frustration, but now she thinks every massage is a way to get her into bed. Calling massages cheating _IS_ ridiculous! OP sounds controlling and kinda crazy.

[@lorifiedler13]

Dog treats. Its better than a hallmark movie!

[@FanFicnic]

I hate the term “dead bedroom”. Like is that all relationships boil down to??

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: While I certainly agree the legal system shouldn't view a massage as cheating. Anything that is outside the intimate boundaries of both partners, is cheating. He's completely valid in his choice for numerous reasons. And on top of that, she already had it made clear to her how OP would react to her choice. Not to mention, she starts talking to people about why he's divorcing, but leaving all the other details out. Its like telling people about an argument you had eith someone where they said something offensive to you. But you leave out what you did that led to that point, and the things you daid before and after as well. I'd definitely greyrock the ex and cut out any in still taking her side after hearing everything. And the comments saying it was a communication issue on both sides are weird af. Like, how do you communicate with someone who constantly shoots you down when you bring up an important issue in the relationship. And you gotta love the hypocrisy about how OPs form of intimacy would be cheating despite that she clearly doesn't care to engage in or discuss it. But her for isn't, despite the same logic apparently not going both ways.

[@enerioffutt1881]

I don't think OP is totally wrong in his thinking about the massage. It's intimate touching all over the body that makes you feel good and relaxed...like sex. She is able to go out and get what she wants, yet he isn't (according to her). There are many types of massage and if he went and got one, she'd probably think it was a 'happy ending' one, even if it wasn't. How do we know hers wasn't?

[@lia-chan8581]

My now fiancé is the type of person who can get kissed by a girl and not get the hint (something happened in his past, and he told the story when we were just friends.) That's when I knew I have to be clear when I confessed, because he's just dense like that 😅

[@lia-chan8581]

@@RisetoStrength I mean, he said something about being scared that people joke about things like these sometimes (the kiss thing), but he himself said that he's too dense.

[@lia-chan8581]

@thinktwofold yeah, he even said back then that he doesn't see himself getting married, and I told him that meeting the right woman might change that. Less than a year later, we are already engaged 😆

[@lauragarza7585]

New hat!

[@nataliebateman1151]

I'm sorry how is a massage cheating?

[@stellamccoy5259]

S1. OP should have ended this marriage a long time ago.

[@ranadapolite4599]

Squealing and kicking me feet over the treat story!❤

[@burntblonde2925]

It definitely sounds like a 90/10 relationship. He does everything to please her, and gets nothing in return. This is not a parternership. He deserves to find someone better for him

[@Lucina..]

The way he described “rubbing on her” in ways that he knew would make her have sex with him was just ugh. Like she’s a machine and he needs to input the correct programming to get what he wants out of her. He may have good reasons for divorce, but he might want to work on how he views intimacy before getting with someone else.

[@Harvest133]

you mean like how women treat men like ATMs that will just continue to spit out resources no matter how neglected they are? Marriage is dead and women killed it.

[@LuisHenrique-lx8vo]

MARK, MY DUDE, THAT HORN HELMET LMAO IN BRAZIL, WHEM YOU HAVE HORNS ON YOUR HEAD IS A "CUCK" SIMBOL LMAAAAAO. YOU LOWKEY CALLED THE GUY CUCK 😂😂😂😂😂

[@MamieBabi]

They should have just gotten a divorce long ago. Or gotten fucking therapy.

[@nicknitro86]

People YAS QUEEN women who simply divorce because they 'fell out of love', but this dude's reason isn't good enough?

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

He can divorce for whatever reason. It doesn't mean that people are going to agree with his decision

[@Peeges_]

He was valid. The comments were entirely right. I also feel like people should stop asking for logic behind divorce. It’s doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you don’t have too

[@AngelDeed]

He can divorce, he is an ahole for saying that getting a massage is the same as getting sex. And also for treating his wife as a slot machine where you put in massage or other nice things and sex falls out. He is an ahole for expecting his wife to force herself in exchange for massages. Why would anyone want to have sex with a person who is not into it and is only doing it for massages? He is as bad as men who do chores and "babysit" their own kids in exchange for sex.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

He can divorce for that, but trying to call massage cheating isn’t gonna fly lol It could be an incompatible libido and that’s fine. His angry, controlling behavior also wasn’t a good look.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@RisetoStrengthin which ways is she wrong? Because she wants a massage that is not a breach on her wedding vows but going to escorts is?.

[@missinformed9550]

Just cancel the credit card and get a divorce. 😅

[@jay_vee96]

If i was infertile I'd have so much fun with my husband. To bad i am pretty fertile and we have to used protection smh. I dont think op's wife like him

[@BbiBbii]

Story 1: YTA for how stupid that reasoning sounds. NTA for wanting the divorce 😅 Like ofc people are going to call you petty or childish if you tell them you’re divorcing over a massage, even if you give the real reason after that it just doesn’t sound real because you said some childish stuff before hand 😅 Really he shot himself in the foot by telling others the petty reasons vs the actual reason, I’m sure those around him will eventually see why OP divorced her. At the end of the day this story shows why you should communicate with your partner, I swear these Reddit stories are communication issues 90% of the time

[@Hanszegler35346]

Any adult moving in was a good move. She’s gonna move her girlfriend in within 3 months

[@mellogerman]

The 2nd story is so sweet

[@Lahk1]

Last story - definitely need to watch the "Casually Explained: Is She Into You?" video. Still true in 2024.

[@ellaj.659]

How do people have sex all the time. Like I'm tired most nights and sleep by 8