i can't sleep so i made tea | how being a people pleaser has impacted my life

[@marguie222]

hi!!! please share your experiences if you are also a people pleaser so that i don’t feel so bad 😭 love uuuu

[@userttt888]

Hello beautiful soul! Fellow chronic people pleaser currently battling these actions in therapy! One thing that’s helped me is to explore the why. For me… so much was rooted in my younger self; her want to be safe, needing to please to be taking care of, needing to please to be loved, in fear I would be in trouble… etc. My therapist and I have worked hard on learning to nurture this party and to tell her that I’m here to care for her now! I don’t expect her to be anything other than herself, and she will still be cared for if I don’t make every single person happy. It’s interesting to see how deep these feelings go… but they’re so so draining:( it feels so uncomfortable and foreign to not people please :( sending you warm wishes and a relaxing holiday

[@juquinha123]

From what I understand, you would like to say a certain thing to someone but don't do so because you don't want to upset them. A strategy I would suggest is using body language, where you wouldn't have to say anything, just show disinterest

[@sally9840]

hii! i just wanna say you are sooo real this is something ive always struggled with i relate so bad😭. i had a "friend" who just latched on to me my last year of high school i guess because she realized i was an easy target. she would belittle me and my interests and make me feel dumb, and then just talk about herself for hours and hours. i could NOT tell her to leave me alone i used to hide in the washrooms at lunch and sit in empty staircases just to avoid her rather than say i dont wanna hang out with you. ruined my entire senior year and i cant even blame anyone but myself😭. only way i escaped her was by graduating. i havent really changed much since then i should probably also work on it in 2025 loll. 🫶🏾🫶🏾

[@killjoyage3910]

I was confused and journaling about these things like you once, and I'm very happy with how far I got. The most useful thing I learned was to stop considering disagreements a personal thing & differentiate them from insults. it's been ~3 years w/ some therapy so I'm not saying it's been easy, but that you've got this no matter how hard it is!!

[@Azaz-wn3lr]

U need Some1 to Please U nd your life ,so U'll feel totally different that's all .

[@livpoetry]

Oh, being a people pleaser with adhd and anxiety ruined my life. I forget things easily, I'm constantly distracted, can´t shut up for a minute, always thinking of 1000 things, scenarios. So i still have a really hard time making genuine friends, since childhood, and that makes me try even harder to please every single person that enters my life. I´ve always felt, and still feel, as if I'm being rejected, even tho the majority of the time I'm not. I really need to change my pov about me and my relationship with others, or i will continue to please everybody besides me.

[@ronyskandi]

life really gets easier when you set boundaries and can just say no/I don’t want it/it’s not for me etc. I also still struggle with it sometimes but I’m definitely more comfortable and confident in myself rn 🙌🏼 in my opinion I believe in this situation you have to know what you want like if you don’t want to communicate with someone just tell them truth so you will break the uncertainty

[@honeyteababy]

when it comes to creepy men: please never people please!!!! it can get you in very nasty situations and if being mean is too scary, be too weird. bark at them or do other things to make them go away that isn’t ‘mean’ to you. it’s not worth your safety.

[@moths.for.valentine]

saying no can sadly be even worse

[@honeyteababy]

@ that’s why you say no indirectly by making them think you’re weird. or if you don’t want to do that and someone follows you, try to find a store and tell an employee and in the meantime call someone to come pick you up if possible. it’s better to not interact with these people at all but sometimes they give you no choice :/

[@lunns6188]

I've been a people pleaser for my whole life and it's literally destroyed me so bad that now I have to go through the long therapy 'cause I have depression and no fckng idea who I am without being a "perfect helpful person" for everyone. thank u so much for sharing your experience, It helps me a lot when I feel that I'm not alone who's dealing with this problem 🫂 your podcasts are just like cozy evenings with your best friend who will always understand u

[@joursdeTJ]

Are you? Me?

[@LunaEnGenesis]

Something that really help me to overcome people pleasing is to stop giving explanation. Like why I do certain things or why I say no, just don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Hope this helps

[@gabbyosifo7914]

I’m a recovering people pleaser, and I hate being mean to people. So one thing that has helped me is to always make sure I’m being respectful over trying to be nice all the time. This distinction recently was really helpful, especially in awkward social situations with strangers who I feel are being rude because it helps me maintain boundaries without feeling like I’m being too mean or too nice

[@lucillaromano609]

Talking from my experience, I learnt that people pleasing only drives people away. I always wondered why I was never able to make genuine connections with people, and I lately came to the realization that they notice when you don't think the things you say, so they also notice your insecurities. At the end of the day, the more real you are the more people are gonna like you. It feels scary at first but maybe someday it'll all be worth it. Sending the best of luck to all of you recovering people pleasers out there

[@ordinis_helenium]

It's often so difficult to say "no', and if one says "no", the other person won't accept it, or even interprets "no" as a "yes in disguise ". 😮

[@marguie222]

!!!!!

[@skyy3216]

i like the vibe of the video its more comforting and it feels like when i have thoughts before bed so its like a sleepover

[@Maria-pm2te]

Please never stop making videos they’re so comforting,I love your style 🥰💕🥹

[@riddhimetaliya]

"let them loose you" -2025 mantra

[@Dollartrumpsign]

Growing up I was insecure and a people pleaser, but I realised I can never be the same in everyone's eyes, this might be a bit out there but I actually enjoy being hated because I'm doing right by me genuinely being your own person is freeing. I'm not good or bad I'm just morally grey, if morality exists in the first place lol

[@ashtronomii]

reading this comment section made me feel at ease. i didn't know that a lot of people has been going through this as well. i just thought for the longest time that i'm "different" and that there's something "wrong" with me. watching videos like this made me realize that we're all just humans after all. we feel emotions. we struggle to identify them but we're learning to regulate them. we're all gonna be okay

[@theofficialisaiahjames]

This was such a great video, I was a bit of a people pleaser because I felt like I wasn’t living up to peoples expectations so I felt I need to please them to make myself look good

[@JuliaGebska-c6f]

I love this series so so much! It’s so cozy and makes me feel so happy and i literally relate to every topic!

[@baxsi_l]

omg i just found this video and is so heartwarming cause i feel like i’m talking/listen to a friend who is staying for the night in my house haha

[@junhansvillain]

You're speaking out of my soul are we the same😭

[@marguie222]

we’re like this 🤞🏼🤞🏼

[@Imthesigmarizzler92_7]

YOU CANT IMAGINE HOW LONNG I'VE BEEN WISHING FOR THIS SERIES BACK I LEGIT WATCHED ALL THE OTHER ONES AIAJAIAJAIWNJWNWJW

[@marguie222]

I KNOW IM SORRY!! will def post it more regularly

[@ninassushi]

Aghhh I absolutely LOVE you're vids you are literally my comfort youtuber!! ^^

[@none_of_yourbusiness]

one mindset i tried to get over people pleasing strangers or people not worth the mental effort is to assume that they hate me and that i hate them and it surprisingly kind of works (with occasional voices in your head)

[@cookie.33-6]

oh my god i just saw you but i already love you!! you give an incredible vibe! this is exactly what i need right now!! thanks🎞️

[@jamaisali]

This video really helped😭😭 I’m still struggling w being a people pleaser, or a pushover. I’m always nervous or feeling guilty when I try to say no, and I hate that I’m like that (me being an introvert lowkey makes it worse loll) I’m hoping that in 2025, I’ll learn to set more boundaries!!

[@Escapist-qv8et]

😭i get apalled to even think of what all I've done to please people. Whatever, i am not that person anymore so it relieves me- and I'm proud of it.

[@rosalina-i8o]

These is my first time on your channel and these vedios are so comforting

[@miavv123]

this is so refreshing to hear, thank you girl, i think a lot of us in the comments needed this

[@sieloveotters]

This was really nice way to end my day thank you :)

[@busebozok]

I'm in my bed and I'm listening to your thoughts. Enjoy your life, every moment you live is precious, live it up and enjoy it, don't let people cross your boundaries, if they do that, they deserve to be treated rudely. Don't feel uncomfortable about this, thinking about your own well-being doesn't hurt anyone, (of course, you shouldn't cross your boundaries either) Live your life to the fullest, not thinking about people, but enjoying yourself!!!

[@Jdjsjdjen]

Being a people pleaser has put me in a chronic state of fight or flight! My health really deteriorated this year because of it.

[@006nnaya]

As a retired people pleaser, I had enough of putting myself in a situation where I have to force myself in. I had enough effort and energy, and it get me into the point where why would I force myself to smile and talk to them, when I know in the end it is tiring. And I like being myself when I'm alone.

[@sallydavey6402]

This was divine timing 🙏 Occasionally my best friend says stuff that hurts my feelings, and I’ve been letting it happen for over 2 years. Each Saturday, when we hang out, I’ve been thinking “This is it. This is when I stand up for myself” (spoiler alert: it hasn’t happened yet) 😅 But, I’ve never felt closer. Deffo gonna take your idea of writing my speech down! I’m gonna try making a bad bitch playlist too! (Pls read the whole of this part, not just the beginning where I’m giving bad advice) :’))) In a separate situation, I didn’t leave my house properly for 2.5 years. One really cool result was that when I finally entered the big world again, I was almost reborn??? Like I didn’t realise how assertive I was until it just started… happening lol. I’d never felt anything like it before. Obviously, trapping yourself inside for years isn’t healthy :’) instead, I’ve realised maybe having a week or two indoors might help? Like, journalling my boundary plan in that time. Looking after myself and being cosy 🥰 if I have to turn down plans for my time off, maybe doing it over text/email? Idk, i’m still working on it myself. This is the first video I’ve ever watched of yours, and I love it 🕯 thank you lovely!!!

[@sallydavey6402]

Update: i did it :’) 2 years later i fucking did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@am13ia]

this on spotify and I'm yours 😭😭😭 love u so much!

[@in_dyy]

It’s 3am and I just saw this in my recommended and omgggg I needed this!! Thank you so much❤✨

[@snoopepo]

currently I have overcome it in parts, because in my case, I didn't allow myself to feel anything that would bother the person that I love. but although I allow myself to feel more these days, but not too much, just enough not to hurt my dignity

[@marionettexo]

can't sleep either. just had a crash out. holding my chamomile tea and watching you rn

[@sapphics4hozier]

the way my face lit up when i saw this in my recommendations , , between the tea , , the plant and the cats , , this is incredibly comforting , , thank you for posting this , , sincerely from someone who’s trying to stop being a people pleaser

[@marguie222]

thank you so much 💗 we got this frrrr

[@Selin-mx8hw]

I really enjoy this video and the topic was moore interesting to me bc i struggle with the same problem 😭❤ this is the first time i watch a whole video that is long i actually didn’t choose video that it takes more than 10 or even 15 min but i did not regret when i watch ur video

[@junhansvillain]

I rly needed this. i started a new job a month ago JUST because i couldn't say no. After applying and having a first interview i realized this isn't what i want at all and i can't do this job but i just nodded along and when they asked if that's okay with me and if i still want the job i said "yes yes of course perfect☺" and now i'm always so stressed, my depression got worse again and i called in sick 3 times in one month already... I'm quitting in january (my friend had to convince me that it's okay)

[@junhansvillain]

forgot to add, i'm also being underpaid and i can't even step up and ask to be paid fairly

[@moths.for.valentine]

may i ask why can't you quit right this moment?

[@junhansvillain]

​​@@moths.for.valentine soo i applied as a babysitter, but the situation is complicated, it's a 67 year old man with a 7 year old son, the man was in the hospital for a while and because he's single and the mum is out of the picture, the son got taken into a children's home and now they won't give him back (because the dad is just too sick and old to take care of his son). So when i came there and he and his friend explained the situation i felt sorry for him and they said if the dad can provide the proof that he has a nanny, they will give him his son back. So i thought okay i will clean up his hoarder house and take care of him until i can do the actual job which is babysitting his son... turns out now that he realized his son is probably better off in the children's home but he still needs me as his caretaker (I am 20 and my only experience is a gap year in a home for disabled people). Now i have to work on christmas eve because his son is allowed to come home over that time ONLY if i'm there. And they asked if i can stay until end of january so they have time to either find a new real caretaker... I COULDN'T SAY NO even tho this is not my problem... the grandpa belongs into a retirement home imo💀

[@junhansvillain]

@@moths.for.valentine i wrote the whole reply yesterday and somehow it's not here😭 so basically i'm working as a private caretaker (i'm 20 and my only experience is 1 year helping out in a home for disabled people). I actually applied as a babysitter but the child is in a children's home rn as the dad (67 years old) is too sick to take care of him and the mum is out of the picture. At the job interview the dad and his friend told me if they have proof of a nanny, he'll get his son back and i felt sorry for him so i said i'll do it. I cleaned his hoarder house for 2 weeks and now i'm cooking for him, sometimes cleaning and doing his laundry etc. (i also have to sell some of his expensive clothes and watches etc because he collected a lot). Now he recently said he don't think he'll get his son back (wow so glad he realized that🤪) but he is allowed to visit over christmas ONLY if i'm there... which of course i couldn't say no to, so now i'm working on christmas eve and the days after just so this child can spend christmas at home. I wanted to quit after december but when the dad's friend asked me how long i can stay i didnt wanna say actually i'm quitting in 2 weeks, and they still need time to look for a new maybe actually professional caretaker (imo the grandpa should just go into a home or a hospital) And i couldn't say "not my problem idc" so i'm staying a month longer than planned😭

[@starry.poeticisms]

loved this sm

[@TasnimSayed-nt4hj]

oh god how i understood everything and ur reasoning and not being able to say no it's like me talking to myself

[@viktorborret]

i tottaly undertand u, i simply cant know that someone dont like me, i try do to everythuing in my power to make the person fine and like me, i cant handle rejection and im a people please since i know myself, thanks for this video

[@jaky411]

I think for me it’s the complete opposite where I don’t people please enough and it has affected me to not being liked or people being afraid of me. I think a part of me wanting to being perceived that way comes a lot from my childhood where I’ve seen how my own mother people pleasing toward people close to her led her nothing but disappointment and being taken advantage of and not appreciated.

[@simone0745]

I just had this intuition that Marguie's gonna upload today..I can't express the joy I felt after I open my ytb to a new Marguie vlog❤✨

[@marguie222]

ihihihi 💗

[@Nona-92093]

From Oman 🇴🇲 I watched your videos and I adore them!! Love you 🥰

[@manishabirua07]

Growing up i was a people please untill i was in grade 11 i had a hard time saying no to people,thinking that they'll turn their back from me and I was desperate to keep that *good person* image in front of them. Sometimes i do feel that when I finally gather the courage to say no. They would taunt me by saying that I've changed, I'm not a good friend, I've got attitude and many more things. So it was really hard saying no. But in grade 11 idk what happen but I'm finally able to say no. And I've never been happy with myself than I'm now.

[@luvlydollie]

ahaha i understand the part of not being able to say no bcos ur scared of dissapointing who ur talking to! me too honestly, like why cant i js say no without feeling bad? its a genuine problem and i think i need to work on it more

[@graphiteshavings]

This was so comforting. Thanks for sharing! Also I'm not sure if this sounds weird but you looked like Clairo in the thumbnail, and I love Clairo.

[@lalaura7]

i also have have something kinda similar to that gym guy basically everyday i go on walks in the park in the evening and this guy has been following my speed to make small talks and mind you he looks like he’s mid 30 or sth and im 18 i feel so uncomfortable he just keep glancing around and i really dont wanna talk to him but idk how to tell him not to talk to me now i feel scared and be super aware of my surroundings

[@Herminutz]

I also am such a people pleaser but i think past years were so much worse. I used to care so much of being "popular" in 4th garde and i actually became frinds with the "popular" girla and honestly all the popularity was in my mind, those girls are just like any other girls, and some of them are really nice, but all the things i did so i can be friends with them were really unnecesarry. Also ur story abt the guy that followed you is sooo funny bc how can someone who literally followed u on the street to ask for ur number judge ur relationship omgggg wtff

[@bluedinoelephant8817]

Hi, i have some words that might help you view things differently and that helped me to completely stop people pleasing! People can only perceive and comprehend things that their brain is able to-. Think of it as an computer with programmed codes, if you search things that the computer contains it workes but if you search things that it isn't programed to know, it errors. It's the same things with human brains, the things we experience in life and things that we learn is what "decides" what we can perceive because it is what our brain knows and is capable of using. Just like a new born can't understand it when we speak because the haven't experienced it before and therefore they don't have it in their brain so they don't recognize our way of communicating at all, but when they learn how to talk then they have it in their brain to be able to use in how they communicate, think etc. My point is that it doesn't matter how much you think of what you're doing (like you don't want to be perceived as mean) because 1. What you think and what the person think might be completely different, so even if you do what you think is nice to not appear to be mean, the other person can still perceive you as mean if they have another view of what it is to be mean. 2. We will ALWAYS ONLY be able to view the things around us the way we view ourselves! If we only view ourselves with a loving mindset, we will only see the things around us as well with that loving mindset. If we only view ourselves with a negative mindset, we will automatically only view the things around us with a negative mindset. So whatever you do you will always be precived differently by different people because the way they view you is the way that they view themselves so what someone precives you as tells a lot more about them and what they choose to focus on than what it says about you. Maybe this will help to stop changing the way you behave just to be perceived a specific way because in the end you can NEVER chose how someone else will precive you. Hope it helped in som way❤

[@britniegwynn3789]

The tea getting cold is so relatable haha

[@gabriellavieira2123]

i love u marguie!! you can do it!!

[@marguie222]

thank you

[@niepytajmniecotam]

im not much of a people pleaser (i was but i changed a lot since then!!!) but my bf is D: it makes me sad, when he does things against his will, or sth that he doesn't agree with, but like- i know where it comes from- probably from past experiences, childhood and stuff:/ so i reccomend looking into the past & analysing why you are a people pleaser in the first place:) maybe then, it will be easier to deal with a problem if you know its origin, or at least you're gonna understand yourself better and thats always a good thing!:D ( i hope i helped;P)

[@birdy5012]

Ohh for god sake i am in the same phase of my life as you are going 😭

[@hanin26e]

THIS VIDEO SPOKE TO ME thank you so much for sharing it So there’s this guy I just can’t love him like he wants me to and he somehow still holding out for me when I don’t want it We slightly had this conversation and I told him I don’t have the same feelings but he didn’t leave ,I admit that I hurt him but he will be just hurt by staying, and I don’t know how to bring it up again it’s haunting me and it’s detaching me from my true self

[@joursdeTJ]

I’m incapable of setting boundaries and having just been existing in a state of burnout due to not being able to say no

[@TheArtOfJerry]

I'm drinking coffee when I can't sleep 😴😴 or not really... I grow panda eyes rings 😂. Seriously, I can literally drink coffee just before I sleep. Who drink coffee at 12am, 1am, 2am, 3am. I f$$k care, I just drink. I just sleep more sweet. ❤❤

[@444buns]

i feel so understood

[@ishagupta1726]

Oh god im totally relating with youu. Its like me talking about my shit🥹

[@withme7605]

Being people pleaser was such a downfall during highschool i would do anything for them thinking i have got noone else them them and at the end affected my studies mental helth and all. One girl who i thought was good said bad about me behind my back while i thought she would never and i break friendship with then

[@christinanovelle]

i was thinking about this and it’s inevitable that we are people pleasers, its just how we get by in life. It has a negative connotation because of social media but in reality it’s a tactic we use to further success (modern survival type way). The definition that you received from google sounds like more like narcissism than one of a people pleaser. It becomes a problem when you and/or other people don’t read a situation to a degree where a negotiation comes into play. We might see it in people who are not financially independent (like myself) who feel like they have to do what someone else says and cater to them in order to be supported. If theres not a symbiotic relationship and you feel manipulated or trapped, then that is what makes it bad. In terms of friendships, I’ve honestly given up. I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends and i dont have the motivation to keep up. My only successful friendship was with someone more extroverted than me and we don’t even talk any more, so unless i befriend an extrovert, i’ll remain on my own.

[@AurorasJournals]

I can relate so much. Hugs

[@rachelhope3238]

I got separated from my husband due to a multitude of reasons. My husband wanted to actively work things out. So did I. But my parents, particularly my mom, were against it. I divorced my husband to please my mother and not risk losing my relationship with her. My marriage was also a common argument between my parents in their marriage. I divorced my husband to keep their marriage alive and give it a better chance. I lost the love of my life trying to please other people and they have absolutely no idea the sacrifice I made for them.

[@user-gb6sr4hp1r]

Gurll!! U messed up. What r u gonna do now? Can u try patch things up with him? Plz never do that again..

[@Toliveahappylifeformyself]

me rn💕💕💕

[@akaiii111]

i cant sleep so im watching this video...

[@c4tluvrsz]

me senti representada

[@cinammobeau]

i befriended a girl who i was very uncomfortable around because she likes to talk about topics im not very comfortable discussing and shes very loud (im very sensitive with noise)

[@Datb2]

The mean label is a form of gaslighting yourself. There’s nothing mean about having boundaries lol don’t gaslight yourself

[@Datb2]

Mine came from fear of what would happen if I didn’t. (Fawning) cptsd trauma from violent household

[@SwayamShetty-bp5gy]

The tragedy of life is within our hands.....

[@germanberlin8318]

I think i just found my soulmate girl we’re LITERALLY THE SAME 😭

[@Claranabil1]

It's not "impacted" because it's a noun and not a verb so, you had better say " had a negative impact/effect on blah blah blah " + I really enjoy your podcasts as you talk about a lot things I really could relate to and I feel each word you say

[@marguie222]

that.. makes so much sense pahahhaha upsi

[@rond-chat]

a enjoy to watch your video in the week by french people

[@joelharris4399]

Oh please, pleasantries for pleasing sakes can only get you so far. Naked self-interest drives a lot of relationships. Relationships are kind of like geographic maps in a sense: they need to be clearly delineated with contours and boundaries and ... well, you get the picture. Marguie coming at us with another vlog flavored in her hot ginger breath ☕

[@beamoraes024]

I'm exatly like you 😭

[@amiraavenetti3692]

A 28 year old people pleaser here 😅

[@العُلا777]

ما الطفك😂❤

[@Datb2]

You should strive to be mean lol trust me it feels better

[@mitchducky962]

I said good morning beautiful day hello 👋🏾👋🏾 how you doing your still feeling yourself and being better ok ❓ let you go ahead and get your five days until your open and gifts Xmas hopefully I will miss you ❤️🫴🏾✅❤️😘😘❤❤❤🆒🆒👏🏾🫴🏾👏🏾🫴🏾✌🏾🔜🆗👌🏾💬🎁🎄✌🏾🫶🏾🤔😎🔜🆗❤️ I miss you ❤️ and dear her you 💓😘 translate English language American for you 🙏🏾👍🏾💪🏾 and 🫶🏾👏🏾🙏🏾🔜🆗✅

[@Maryam20063]

First but not first 😭

[@marguie222]

you were first in my heart

[@Elodie-gilmore]

Hi , I’m obsessed with these videos and your channel 😭🤍✨ So I wanted to make these kind of videos for my channel in Persian language..I just wanted to tell you (if you see this comment) so you won’t have problem with this . Thanks🤍

[@lifeath47]

hi marguie. hope youre doin well. i had questions bout the kitttyy❤‍🩹 have you adopted him/her? if yes, then from where? and uhm whats the breed? and how old is she/he?

[@marguie222]

hi!! i adopted him off a facebook lady that had found him on the street :,) he doesn’t have a breed, and he is 7 months old!

[@lifeath47]

@marguie222 aww♡ so kind----i wish you and him health and happiness. so, and there i go rantingggg--im 21 and have been wanting to adopt a kitten since long(but am finding myself rather timid and fearful of the-expenses,commitment,responsibility...).... im quite lonely. i need a furry friend. all those fears and apprehensions kinda make me feel weak..idk:(