I CAN'T WITH JAPAN ANYMORE!

[@passatboi]

Don’t forget about the “fresh meat“ phenomenon. When you open Grindr in a new city, you get a lot of hits right away because you’re new and no one‘s ever seen you before. If you live there for a while, the number of hits goes down because people see you all the time. So don’t gauge your attractiveness on Grindr hits when you’re a tourist.

[@sutarikun]

Absolutely this! I'm probably like a 4 to a 6 on an objective scale (bad body, almost 40, but cute face) and I get almost no messages where I am for the most part except for the handful of creepers or the people I'm already talking with long-term, but I'll get hit on a lot when I visit somewhere else.

[@kingmsu]

I am with Ming. Japan is a totally different mindset… even with the “fresh meat syndrome”. Like what Andrew said (and that European guy he mentioned) as well… it is just Japan

[@wdaniel4914]

that is right. illusion!

[@Asterious_JP]

Except he was also new to Japan at some point too, so he would remember what it was like jumping on the grid there as a "fresh" guy too.

[@jamieg103]

@@Asterious_JP he was in a serious relationship when he moved to Japan.

[@Caprifool]

This is how I feel as a "fat and old" guy every time I travel from Sweden. Body shaming and ageism is VERY strong here! In other countries I'm a "hot chubby daddy". And not just interesting as a daddy or fat fetish. People actually want to get to know me abroad. That was a rather new, bordering overwhelming thing to realise. That it's not me that is ugly. It's the Swedish gay culture that's ugly.

[@downundabrotha]

I mean Sweden sets the Bar really high in terms of looks.

[@user-yb6tk1ru6x]

@@Caprifool I reckon we don't need to be attractive to everyone. Just those few who are special to us 👍

[@nakanosmb2u5]

I’m a little bit fat and older white guy living in Tokyo. There are places to go to meet guys here but it is very hit and miss. Like most places around the world the focus is on young attractive muscly guys. Here there is a lot of almost hostility to foreigners in gay places. But good luck on your next visit to Japan! I’m definitely interested in older hairy bears - from anywhere!

[@UOGMathRoden]

The problem is that Grindr is your measure of self worth. That is not a dating app. It's a hookup app. Of course they want to have sex with you in 5min. You will find your partner when you are doing all the the things you really love in life - work, hobbies, church, sports, mutual friends, etc. Who cares about "beauty standard". Be who you are and your match will come.

[@kwanako]

This “I can’t with Japan anymore” feeling, for me, is constantly there watching the Boyfriend. The whole socialising and dating moved at a GLACIAL pace and the constant myriad of social cues and nuances interactions that you need to be conscious about is insane. I lived in Tokyo for a year as an exchange student and as much as I admired and loved the city and the people, I just couldn’t anymore 🥹 Ps. Hope y’all have a great time in BKK 🎉😝

[@henrymorales3635]

THIS! Watching The Boyfriend made me realize this is just how Japanese gays work. So frustrating

[@spht9ng]

Japanese gays are closer in their cultural situation to gays in the middle east than they are to those in the west.

[@citroen-fan]

@@henrymorales3635 This is not only the case for gays in Japan, but also for straight people. Furthermore, in Japan, you are considered old from the age of 27, regardless of whether you are straight or gay! This is firmly anchored in Japanese culture.

[@momotaroben]

It really really is a glacial pace… I’m trying to navigate it… and it’s so… annoying…

[@bryinasia]

Oh Meng... I LITERALLY always felt the same way while I was living in Vancouver. Just like Japan, Vancouver has a REAL SPECIAL WAY of making you feel extreeeeemely ugly. It wasn't until after I moved away did I realize that I wasn't actually ugly 😶‍🌫 You guys both deserve to be SEEEEEEN!! It really does break my heart to hear Andrew say that one of the reasons why he was really looking forward to going to a cruise was because he was looking forward to not being ignored... 😫😫 Oh gosh, GET OUTTA THEEERREEEEEE!!

[@bathhousebabylonbook]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I used to live in downtown Vancouver for over two decades before eventually relocating to the Côte d'Azur in France. To me, Vancouver always felt like one big high school. It’s worth noting that a lot of people aren’t originally from the city itself-many come from the Prairies, often bringing unrealistic expectations that seem to hold them back. For over a decade, I managed several bathhouses there, and I witnessed a lot. The gay scene was interesting-people were incredibly selective about who they hooked up with unless they were too far gone to care. Even when I started managing, the owner told me I’d suddenly become "popular" just because of my position. He wasn’t wrong. Within a week, people who wouldn’t even look at me on the street were suddenly trying to score VIP passes. It was both amusing and pathetic. Luckily, I had a solid group of genuine friends who kept me grounded. In Vancouver, unless you meet their idea of perfection-looks, job, education-you’re automatically seen as lower on the social ladder. Even those who *do* find their "perfect person" often hesitate, thinking, *If I got him so easily, there must be something even better just around the corner.* I've found life in France is far easier for meeting people and having more genuine connections. But also with Grindr here, as others have mentioned, if you are new to the app in that area and/or are a tourist, you will get a lot more hits at first.

[@prefon13]

I felt the same way, visiting Vancouver. Totally! Luckily, I found another visitor and we had our fun together instead...

[@ncgn13]

I have the opposite experience. I'm currently living in Vancouver and feel seen every time I'm out, I could be on the bus, train, or just simply walking to the grocery store. That's why I feel I needed to 'brush up' a bit every time I go out because people see me lol. However, when I traveled to Japan, I felt totally ignored. No one looked at me but a couple high-school girls on a train. I did meet up with one guy, but he was an expat. No Japanese. I felt ugly there. haha.

[@bathhousebabylonbook]

@@ncgn13 I felt noticed as well living in Vancouver but I also felt there is a "Cautious Canadian" attitude about life there. It's very cliquey. And all the people I was friends with ever mentioned was how hard it was to meet new friends etc. I wonder if you feel more noticed in Vancouver compared to Japan because there is less of a population where you are now? It's great though it you feel more of a connection.

[@AlessandroF-d2f]

I'm from Europe (Italy) and I don't think that's a "Japan thing". In my experience it's quite the same everywhere. When you are new to a place or just visiting you get a lot of attention and a lot of messages on dating apps, but if you stay longer in the same place then you are not a novelty anymore and less and less people show interest. I shortly lived in Japan when I was a student and I had the same experience as anywhere else. I got a lot of attention when I first moved there, but after a few months the number of people hitting on me had already gone significantly down.

[@Jason-lw2nw]

This is one of the things about the gay community all over the world that makes me feel like such an outsider. We invest so much of our worth on proximity to the ultimate beauty standard. We do it to ourselves and we do it to each other. We feel bad because we can't get the attention of a 10 while we ignore everyone we think is below us. It's hard for me to find the sympathy.

[@圭一-g2w]

僕は日本人ですが、日本人としても同じような感覚になることが本当によくあります！ 日本のゲイシーンってモテる人とモテない人の2極化が凄く激しい。 「量産型」か「それ以外」って感じで日本人・外国人とかはあまり大きく関係してない気がします。 日本では全然声がかからない僕も海外旅行したときにはモテるから自己肯定感上がるから今回のお話めちゃめちゃ共感しました笑 それでもやっぱり日本が好き。

[@quantafreeze]

Meng is a SMOKESHOW. He is so handsome and he has such a sweet personality. It's so sad that his self-esteem was damaged.

[@TheCircumspectSnug]

Totally agree such a hot man 😢

[@janssendangzalan]

Yes!!! He’s funny and hot! Like, howwwww

[@EsperantaMartina]

I grew up in a country where I felt I did not fit “the beauty standard. At a younger age it was upsetting and for a variety of reasons I moved at 24yo. At 41yo, after much healing, I accepted who I am, outside&inside. From where I sit, you both appear gorgeous, interesting, funny and charming men but ultimately I wonder if finding a way of letting the outside validation weigh less than our own love for ourselves may be the way to go. But then again, my experience is likely very different from that of others. Thanks for sharing your feeling and thoughts ❤

[@gooflydo]

This is so sad. Ming is an easy 7 or 8 out of 10 for his archetype, but he is in an area that doesn't appreciate his Looks. Worse, this has started to erode his personality. What a toxic environment! You love the culture and the country, but you might have to face the reality that you might have to look elsewhere if you want love. The longer you stay in an environment that doesn't appreciate you, the more happiness slips through your fingers.

[@JBustamante-f7o]

Sad reality but hope you'll find your love soon Meng keep it up✌️

[@jeffreycantrell6780]

The purpose of knowing each others love language is so you can show love in the way your partner needs it. It’s not for your partner to learn to be loved in your own love language.

[@northernskying]

'7 out of 10 for his archetype' is not remotely a compliment and yet this has 41 likes? ugh

[@maya_jones3411]

@@northernskying 5 is average, A 6 is above average and a 7 is a good looking person. 7’s and up can literally model, being a 7 is not bad lol.

[@HugoH-h6z]

@@northernskyinguh they said 7 or 8 if you *really* want to parse their comment. A 8/10+ is like almost perfect, sounds like you are a touch oversensitive…

[@passatboi]

Dang! Andrew is getting ripped! Guns!

[@kwon3879]

I understand how you feel. We're all looking for some validation in life, always wondering if there's anything we can change in ourselves to make us more attractive. LOL at the Volcano/Shelter moment. On a side note, I gotta say I loved the Janet-Jackson-nip-slip-wardrobe from Andrew

[@klingkliang]

Wanted to comment on it too, haha. No Justin needed.

[@Liota1]

90% of that is the fresh meet effect. I am Japanese living in Tokyo and I feel almost invisible on grinder in Tokyo too. But I get non-stop messages during my vacations elsewhere. I agree that people in Tokyo aren't interested in other people which makes it harder to make connections with people here though. But isn't it more or less the same in any big cities? Love your channel by the way! ♡

[@gregt769]

Meng you are absolutely adorable. Don't let the others determine your beauty. It is within as well as on the outside. Love yourself first.❤

[@THikkikomori]

❤ for Meng. I love that you're getting the attention you're worthy of

[@hetimothy9199]

The only thing wrong here is you guys taking 'Grindr messages' as a validation and your measure of self-worth.

[@dami6722]

You are amazing Meng. 🔥

[@EkkapornKong]

I'm so surprised that you both never mentioned Thai guys or Bangkok on your shows while many asian gay guys ,including Japanese guys , fly and spend a lot of money just to have a good time here. Thailand provides not only fun places and shopping ,yet you can luck out with many cute guys ranging from locals to visitors from other countries.( in the same time with U. ) Give more attention to Bangkok pls Meng & Andrew!🎉

[@JaimeVega]

Agree, Bangkok is so good is dangerous hahaha

[@bobbythejetsetter]

Their channel is meant to be gay Japan-focused, with some attention to other parts of Asia, which is fine, but yes, many Japanese will be going to Bangkok for White Party so that could be a good video to make 🙂

[@davidnunan1819]

I was in KL in 2022 and switched on Grindr just out of curiosity and I too got absolutely bombarded by guys who wanted, mostly, sex or in some cases to meet for coffee and a chat but it was very difficult to have conversations because every 20 seconds I would get a new chat or tap. Eventually I was in such high demand that I only replied to the really cute guys and I couldn't believe these really cute guys wanted my body which is old and overweight, although I don't think I look too bad for my age. But here in Ireland it is rare I get interest from super hot guys. Meng is at least and 8 out of 10 from my perspective so Japanese gay men clearly have bad eye sight! lol

[@klingkliang]

FYI South East Asian countries (usually) young guys have an attraction and affinity to Caucasian daddytypes, regardless of bodytype. Seen a lot of couples, some with "grandad" even. Possibly a cross of fatherly and foreign-exotic attraction thing going on.

[@mikeberman9270]

Yeah, I'm an old guy who also got a lot of responses in KL. Nice guys there. I live in Thailand and Meng would have thousands of guys pursuing him here.

[@mangodonut98]

That's tough to hear :( I think putting yourself in public spaces where you're constantly being judged as "do-able" or not leads to a lot of negative feelings when facing a ton of rejection. I'm happy to see the positivity in this comment section and I absolutely agree that the both of you are very attractive. Andrew is really rocking that tank top too!

[@majokko_moon]

Mengggg! I'm a chubby gay guy, in the GMPD spectrum, but more on the D side. Am from the Philippines and been to Japan many times since 2015, but as a tourist. My experiences however were quite reversed. In Japan, since language plays a huge role, I speak elementary-level Japanese and was able to get great hookups. Had fantastic dates, BUT when it comes to finding a partner, I've been extremely unlucky. In general, Japan made me feel good about my body type (in the gay scene), made me feel wanted, appreciated, but maybe if I'm there longer it might be different either for the better or worse lol Btw, here in the Philippines the majority of gays will love you! You look great, outgoing, toned, and you speak English well so you'll be appreciated here by a LOT. Hope that things will be better for you that won't need to alter your uniqueness just to conform with society's standards. *bear hugs 🐻

[@TorugoKun]

I really enjoy how the channel of you guys puts on the table the discussion on things that many of us gay in Japan feel. Thanks for sharing and discussing about it. I hope it can help people understanding what to expect when coming here.

[@mrsparkle9048]

😁The way you talk about Tokyo makes me think of the stinger scene from Community S6E3: "You think that I am the enemy because I am the edge of your world, but when your eyes move past me, they will weep. Tokyo is a machine. Caked in flesh, running on blood. I reduce you? You will know true reduction. You will be as small as me."

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I love your chatty videos. It’s always cozy and y’all are funny. Nice to see Meng in his JETSETTING Barbie Era. P.S. Meng, you’re absolutely fabulous ❤

[@RexCapulet]

Not gonna lie, it’s comforting to know as a 6’3 black bear who is ignored in most american gay scenes, that it’s a bit more universal. Even for thin handsome white and asian guys such as yourselves. I will say I feel beautiful in Tokyo. I get attention, my hotline blings, and I just feel more sociable among strangers. Question: when you have feelings of being ignored…are you in these circuit parties or bathhouses? Really pay attention to WHERE you are when you feel these things, and don’t go there. Applauding getting into a club that excludes people based on body size and has rejected you twice is WILD outside of your world. Screw Volcano! Lol we’re looking for something a bit less shallow…are we not?

[@DDrive-u6j]

Dear people upset in the comments section saying that this experience is because they were travelling, It's true that a new face will always catch more attention anywhere in the world, but 1. I have lived in several other countries across 4 continents and it's been nothing like Japan in terms of being ignored, not being able to meet people, etc. In Japan, it really is 100% as Andrew and Meng describe in the video. In other countries, you can easily meet people in apps, or people introduce you to other people, in bars, etc. 2. New non-Japanese faces do not get much attention here anyway. I bet when Meng first moved to Japan and opened an app, he didn't get the reaction he did in Korea. Or, as Meng has mentioned in other videos, he might start a conversation online in fluent Japanese but when the other part finds out he's Chinese, the conversation might die out. 3. Even when I talk to straight Japanese people, they barely meet anyone new even when they are single. Most of the time, they end up marrying someone from school/uni/work/other classes. Even when they meet someone through an app, they might have 1 date every 1-2 months or so and it might take even 6 months before they even kiss. This does not mean that ALL Japanese people behave the same. But as any society, they tend to behave in a certain way and these are the traits. I don't know if Andrew and Meng would agree with me, but I can tell when a Japanese person has lived abroad for more than 2 years instantly. All in all, unless you have lived in 3 countries or more, one of them being Japan, you might not have sufficient experience to make such comments. Thank you for reading.

[@Jackson-g4u]

> i love this exchange, so spontaneous, so energetic and honest - thx much guys ~ ~

[@lyangnan]

A great example of this can also be seen in the show, "The Boyfriend." IMO Taeheon is an absolutely beautiful man but NO ONE picked him?! Everyone was going after Kazuto who fits perfectly the typical Japanese male standard of beauty. Gensei is also another great example.

[@Kalvization]

But Kazuto is so protective and you would never end up having more than a few nights with such person

[@lyangnan]

@@Kalvization 100%. He fits exactly what they were talking about in this video where you would have to put in all the work in order for anything to happen should anything happen in the first place.

[@bradt2320]

Taeheon was easily the hottest guy there, and everyone was like sleeping on him, i wanted them all to check their eyes at the doctor's office

[@jamesbaker4143]

First, you are adorable. Never change. Second, anyone in a new area will get more attention because they are new. So, if you go somewhere and then come back to home, you may feel less popular because you are back in your own neighborhood. I am not saying this to downplay how you feel, I can imagine it sucks and you never want to feel bad about yourself. And I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. But hopefully adding this context will make you feel better

[@Sub-on6bz]

To those talking about the fresh meat phenomenon, I know from experience of having traveled extensively around the world and having lived in and frequently visited Japan, that Japan is an entirely different universe for hookups. Like Meng, I have felt overwhelmed the moment I open any of the apps in various cities in Asia, North America, Europe and Oceania. I'm an ok looking, average body GWM bottom. On my most recent trip to Japan this year it was almost complete silence on the apps in Tokyo and what attention I did get was mostly from other gaijin. This was on multiple apps including 9Mon which is big in Japan and mentioning that I can speak some Japanese in my profile. Luckily one tall, handsome guy was into me and we had a great time. But that was just one hookup that materialized in a week in Tokyo. I wasn't actively pursuing sex, but if I wanted more I would have had to try much much harder, just like Andrew says.

[@THEISAAC1593]

the Tokyo bottoms are bulking with muscle now :O first thing I noticed was Andrew's arms and chest muscles & Men is just glowing

[@kenny3265]

People need to understand that Japan is only for Japanese, most of the time. Don’t fantasize yourself become Japanese cause it’s cool. They are in their own league and people need to find happiness and beauty within whoever they are.

[@coffeehany14]

I don't remember if you guys have a podcast yet but I ENJOY "watching" your videos like this and just listening on the discussion while I'm working. YOU guys should definitely look into starting a podcast (if time permits LOL)

[@space_completer9310]

It took me awhile to watch the video, even though KZbin suggested it. I didn't realize that as Ming in thumbnail! You always were attractive but there's definitely something transformative present in thumbnail.

[@EastWindCommunity1973]

Hey Andrew, you do know that it's illegal to own guns like that in Japan, right? >

[@dinodon2142]

New skincare routine? both of you are glowing especially Meng

[@ChasMusic]

Thank you both for being willing to be vulnerable and authentic about your experiences. Damn, it's painful, but this was well worth hearing.

[@ewilson8504]

Yeah Meng is hot AF. A heartstopper and the sweetest guy. Next time you’re in LA…

[@jspihlman]

It's not just his looks that are attractive, but as you said he is sweet, and also kind, friendly, has a great attitude and personality, but that is non-existent in hook up culture. Unless you chat with someone for a long time, they generally have no idea how you are as a person.

[@SweetSourSlug]

I agree with Andrew, that dating life is just one facet of our lives. Especially as foreigners, it is not so simple to connect with locals, and I say this as someone who lived in 3 countries. I use my leisure time to develop deeper friendships and pursue personal interests. A relationship is not my end goal in life. Hope you find what you are looking for 😊 Btw, I am in Kyoto now, and the fresh meat syndrome is not working for me 😂😂😂

[@JaimeVega]

Works in most places but Japan hahhaa

[@MarcoPolo-vb1sw]

Andrew & Meng!!!! Change your mindset. Stop pinning your self worth & validation on other peoples fleeting attention based on your physical appearance. Focus on hobbies and friendships. ❤

[@i.t.t.]

3 minutes in and I feel so deeply understood. The difference in my Grindr activity in Japan and anywhere else outside make me feel like it's a different universe here. I must say that this is also the same for the straight foreign women here. It's the guys who get to live it up here.

[@i.t.t.]

* for the foreign women here. It's the straight guys...

[@shotamerican]

i'm a bisexual woman, a mom, and married to a man. You both are objectively extremely good looking. My straight, Japanese husband would hands down agree with me.

[@BoardroomBuddha]

Andrew is hot af. That boy knows how to have a fun time. I'm sure he'd be VERY popular back in Canada or the USA.

[@neilgrant9090]

If I saw meng on grindr it would be a instant “hello”. Alas I didn’t when I was over.

[@MrTopcop3003]

Guys! Average looking avid traveler here. My advice is STOP visiting these places for big gay events. You do not get the local experience. We purposely visit Taiwan , Thailand , and Korea when NOTHING is going on. The difference is astounding. Last year in Taiwan before Pride you could see the downward shift in friendliness and action everyday closer to Pride as tourists started coming in. Take a chance and visit when nothing is going on. You will have a totally different experience. I promise

[@sou990]

I hear you Meng, I live in Vancouver, Canada, and I feel really ugly and undesirable. I message guys in my local area all the time but I never get a response and if I do it’s half-assed 🤷‍♂️ . I’d like to think I’m average (6/10). I don’t use Grindr, but I do use apps like Scruff and Jack’d where you can message guys from around the world. A lot of the guys who message are from the US. Infact, when I travel to the USA or Southeast Asia my dating apps blow up 😂 Maybe it’s not just a Japan thing but a global phenomenon.

[@dagontheseatitan7846]

Great video today I really enjoyed the topic you discussed and I like how you tell it how it is. Keep up with the good and merry Christmas 🏳️‍🌈🎄

[@TokyoBTM]

Happy holidays!

[@claytontn61]

Meng don't let others make you feel bad about yourself. Your sweet, kind and very handsome....cute and sexy.

[@may1978ad]

Trust me, I felt the same way too 2 years ago when I first visited Japan. I was there for 3 months and I was disappointed and felt invisible. And I’m going back this weekend but this time around I’m just gonna enjoy the food and scenery. Japanese men are just so reserved. My gaydar won’t work properly in your county 😂

[@garssympa500]

I don't know... all this celebration of superficiality and exclusion. I'm 68 and as I got older I realized it was all such a waste of time and energy. It's the people who are not bothered by the noise and go their own way that seem to really make it in life. BTW... Meng, you are adorable.

[@EastWindCommunity1973]

As an average foreigner I had so much action everywhere but Tokyo. Next trip, I'm getting straight on that Shinkansen after taking the monorail!

[@tombjmcnie]

Agree with @passatboi - the fresh meat phenomenon is a thing but I know where Meng is coming from. Living in the UK as a bear who prefers slimmer guys, I am a very niche proposition. In Japan my apps explode with interest. For the record Meng - I know you like slender men too - but you're gorgeous! Don't EVER rate yourself that low x

[@happyhappyaus2128]

Come to Sydney for Mardi Gra!!

[@TokyoBTM]

Going next year

[@jubmelahtes]

Ming you're attractive AF don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[@reminotinparis]

It’s funny because before living in Tokyo I used to live in Seoul and I feel like it’s much much worse over there. Guys are way more colder. I think something to keep in mind is the difference between living and visiting and those experiences might be similar in different countries. But don’t feel ugly you’re so hot 😭

[@rafaelgoncalves7443]

I feel like this is everywhere guys - but it manifests in different ways. Lived in Tokyo for approx. 3 years, I could feel some xenophobia from japanese guys, as a hairy guy I heard the worst things. Here back in Brazil I feel like I'm more attractive - but I know fat, non musculas guys may still struggle here.

[@dramonmaster222]

Poor Ming! You are Beautiful ❤️

[@tpatrickl9539]

FMS! Fresh meat syndrome, haha! Japan is a very lonesome country. You are not ugly. I left at 61 after 14 years in Japan. Korea is a bit more friendly, it's a mix of China and Japan. Kind of in the middle of the two. Enjoy your time out of Japan if you stay in Japan

[@letmein8807]

#freethetit. BTW I totally agree about Taiwan. They are so friendly and coming from SG where you might as well become a monk after 35, I feel like gosh, is this what feeling attractive feels like?! I am practically invisible in my own country.

[@Derhek]

It's weird to me because Ming is clearly Very attractive person

[@pipeanp]

Just found your video. I personally think you’re both solid 8.5. Keep your head high guys! ❤love from orlando!

[@rykalskyes8888]

Back in the 90s I lived in San Fransicco. We used to say, it you want sex stay here, but is you're looking for love g0 elsewhere. Different places have different things to offer. Looking at the other comments, I agree there are various reasons.

[@RobRVA]

Definitely not ugly, Memg is a hottie!

[@Globalastral5]

A few things: 1- Many big cities are the same (NYC and LA especially). The boys have Prince Charming syndrome where they’re always looking for the next best thing. 2- When traveling, they’re aggressive because they know you’re only there for a limited time. The same happened to me in London where a boy showed up to my hotel lobby at 8am while I was sleeping. 3- Japanese guys (in Shinjuku specifically) are odd. I’ve gone to 24 for 18 years and rarely do the Japanese boys approach me (I’m a mixed ethnicity American, I’d rate myself a 7.5/10). I get stares but they do not engage, even if I give the hints. Same goes with the clubs. I usually end up with another foreigner because were being ignored by the Japanese boys 4- Many NYC boys on Reddit express the same exact feelings you are in this video

[@thejapanarchocommunist]

Ming, don't be too hard on yourself. Frankly, you're an absolute catch and any dude worth their salt would be super lucky to get with you

I can absolutely relate to you guys and agree that it is a Japan thing. Having traveled to almost 40 countries by now, I definitely feel a different "vibe" in each place and I can quickly tell if I'm gonna be popular there or not. I saw some people here in the comments mentioning the "fresh meat" phenomenon, but I disagree. It's more to do with local beauty standards, and also with what's available locally and the local mentality. I love Japan for a bunch of different reasons, but it ALWAYS makes me feel lonely and unwanted. It's kind of a toxic relationship. 😂

[@OmarIsmaelRossi]

Meng YOU´RE VERY HANDSOME! Period.

[@ntqtdly]

the [insert city] BTM youtube channel possibilities are endless. you two should go for it.

[@alanbiernacki639]

The desire to find the love of life, a life partner, someone you can rely on and go together is deeply imprinted in every human being, it is our psychology and that's it. The fact that you complain about the lack of possibilities, chances, is not a "problem", the real problem is to be somewhere you are not wanted. For me, this is a matter for a psychologist-therapist, something to solve. The first basic thing is "putting yourself in a situation (group, country) in which you have less chance for happiness and fullness of life". This is to be solved, not rationalized "that it is not so bad".

[@joeseeking3572]

I do a LOT better on Grindr when I travel - but part of that is me: I have a preferred (sexual) 'type' and there just aren't many matches in my immediate area, and frankly the app really isn't for friends/relationships no matter what people pretend. Plus, I live in the burbs and no one is driving 13 miles out of the city - or even looking at profiles. When I travel I stay in center cities, so huge difference.

[@olivieram7280]

I can't believe we are loosing Meng... Meng you are not ugly at all... But Japan (even the Gay community) is turning more and more conservative and nationalistic... I am not using Apps, because they were always damaging to self image (Japan or not)... Even in Europe, I had very bad experiences with guys met this way (I am French). But, I have also more and more difficulties meeting guys in Tokyo, even in "real life"... Do not forget there is the "Fresh Meat" experience when you arrive somewhere for the 1st time, but also, their is this age thing going on right now in the Gay community... If you are above 35yo, you are considered "old" already... And it is even worse if you are not a local.

[@quexybompq]

I've been living in Taiwan long term, and honestly I've had the most success in dating I've ever had in my life. In Australia, I had a decade of being unsuccessful. Here, I've seen quite a few people find love 😍 In a broader sense, it feels like people are more willing to accept me here too. But you're right that it doesn't have all the shiny and fun vine that Tokyo has, and the nightlife is pretty empty for the population size. Nowhere is perfect I guess 😭

[@seth_sesu]

You’re adorable Meng. ❤️ Exactly same experience for me too. I think homogeneous society leads to homogeneous beauty standards. When I moved here I was a twink- and got very little interest. I put on some muscle and facial over the years and was treated completely differently.

[@martip2736]

Andrew's guns!!! So unfair! I've been lifting for years and still no results :'( And that sideboob situation, omg

[@marcusmcqueen7996]

Japan is great, but to hear Meng say "Im not hot anywhere"- UGH. My heart. Bc he's SUCH a hottie! You are both too young and attractive to live in a place where you feel undesired. SELL YOUR STUFF AND MOVE. ASAP! Taiwan! Bangkok! KL. Seoul! I think its time!

[@zhanhangsky]

Honestly feeling the same at Toronto right now 🥺 also been travelling tons and found the same thing happened. Maybe that’s why I have been travelling nonstop 🫢 but at the end of the day still need to come home to Toronto to face the reality 🫥

[@Rogerla62]

I have found that when you are in a place where you are the minority, you will be noticed. This can be good or bad, but it is a natural occurrence. I am an old white guy who spent two weeks in a smaller city in the Philippines in July. No matter where we went, I was noticed. I was taller, paler, blonde/gray hair than the majority of the population. It was nice to have others interested in me and at the same time uncomfortable when many would just stare at me. If you blend in with those around you it can make you feel unwanted, but really it just means you have to try harder to stand out.

[@meluvcats]

How would u feel if u matched with someone now that u achieved a better bod but was rejected by the same guy in the past?

[@sychia2830]

Warmer countries have warmer people. It's really that the way it is lol

[@JoseReyes-ov2tu]

You guys remind me of my single days LOL I think when it comes to hook ups or even finding love, its a numbers game. While it can be frustrating when you go out and don't get any attention, and while it can be hard to face rejection, in the end it comes down to finding the right person among all that noise. Good luck! Hope you guys find what you are looking for, hopefully in Japan. (Maybe it is time to get out of Tokyo to seek love! Maybe Tokyo is the problem!)

[@muhchung]

Meng is cute! According to this middle-aged Taiwanese in the US.

[@samuellow5803]

Meng. Greetings from KL Dint know you've in KL. Hope you will be here again and definitely bring you guys around 😁

[@chrisflores9585]

I guess it's the same with every country. if you go to another city and open Grindr, you get lots of attention because you're a new face in that area.

[@brucemacdonald7037]

Wait until you get into your 60s. Talk about invisible. You will be invisible everywhere. Might be a good topic for an upcoming episode 😊

[@TorugoKun]

Just saw the part of "got in Vulcano"... now I wanna know, how can we enter there? Cause The time I tried, geeeez, I didn't even saw an opening that I could call a door. Give us hints lol

[@christiaanwynn9332]

I think you may be giving up too much control over your sense of self-worth to your environment and to the culture that you currently find yourself in. There is nothing more attractive to me than someone who is comfortable in their own skin and does not give a f%$# what anyone else thinks about them. I find that (attitude) profoundly sexy! I think that the secret to attracting what we want is to love ourselves first. I think you both are awesome!

[@TchengRee]

I'm a new subscriber and I love your videos so much leting me know more about Gay culture in Japan!

[@TokyoBTM]

Thanks for watching and subscribing!

[@ArrowofDarkness]

You guys are experiencing what the world is like for fat guys in the gay world. If you don't have visible abs, you are considered ugly.

[@nanabai2007]

難しいな、、、基本的に英語が苦手って言うのがあるのが大きな原因かな 嫌いとかではないと思う

[@danieldeoleo5417]

I'm glad to hear that Meng had a really good time in Malaysia and South Korea, but if you measure your "popularity" based on the reactions you get from locals while browsing on apps like Grindr, Tinder or any of the others, you'll always get a biased perception. Those apps work with algorithm that highlight ✨novelty✨, if you're a tourist on vacation then the app is going to put you on top of the list very soon, so of course if you're on top, you'll get more people to see you, you don't even have to go to another country to get the samw effect, if you live in Tokyo, try going to the other side of the city and something similar may happen (btw, this is my opinion about using apps based on my experience using then back in my hometown in Dominican Republic and here in Japan). Second, being on vacation is never going to compare as living and working in a place, when we're on vacation we exaggerate both the good and the bad things we see, because we aren't used to them. And yeah, in the case of Andrew, he compared his experience on two similar bathouses in Tokyo and Seoul, but again, when in Seoul he's on vacation mode, everything is ✨bliss✨ when touring, same happened to me in South Korea when I went three months ago, inbox was on fire, now that I'm back in Fukuoka, nobody even texts me (which is why i delete the apps from time to time)

[@jamesnorman1630]

I felt the culture shock when I went to Florida. I get it's a totally different country but I felt very much like fresh meat. Was nice but overwhelming at the same time x

[@robertheiser8943]

So fun to watch you two. I watched the gay cruise report too. Gambate

[@danguinan3732]

It’s a great honest discussion that we need more of. I’m don’t know what to make of your strategy of going all over Asia to find a hookup. I think I would go to the small Japanese towns with lots of sweet old people and get them to match you with their grandchildren who also live in the cities.

[@taiwanmark]

You are always someone's 10/10 - Meng is a 10 for me!

[@paulip80]

Growing up in the us and living in Europe for many years I feel the complete opposite about Japanese, because suddenly I’m more of the standard of beauty because of my Asian background and bulky build. But I also think when I’m a new city or place you’re gonna be fresh meat so I don’t think it’s comparable. And everyone has different tastes so it’s important to remember that it does devalue you. Just because you don’t like spicy food, doesn’t mean it’s less delicious.

[@JacobMoretti-NotABot]

There’s a lot of anti-Chinese sentiment in Japan. I wonder if you said you were from Taiwan if you’d get a different reaction. I’m sure you must do well in China/Singapore?

[@Alexwhatisit]

I don’t know how or why I stumbled on this video, but it was hilarious. You gays are some dawgz . 🫡

[@J4yzie]

Meng is my type! ❤😍

[@MuzakMeister8]

Andrew, have you been working out? That top is really working for you! 😍🤩