I Defended My PHD And NOT ONE Of My Family Even Turned Up. Not Even My Fiance r/Relationships

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Wait so nobody, including his own _fiancee,_ showed up? Or even said _congrats_ after???? Dude, _I'm_ offended on Op's behalf.

[@brigidtheirish]

It seriously sounds like it was *planned.*

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

Indeed.

[@abhijeetpandule5102]

Exactly bro

[@VesnaVK]

Would they do the same for a wedding? Sure hope not. Massive diss.

[@Davtwan]

It’s okay though! She knew him well enough that she figured he needed a day to cool off. 🙄 Sincerely hope this is her only fumble.

[@TheIronwil]

Story 1: Sorry, but I would not be so forgiving as OP. His family’s poor time management is blatant disrespect for others, especially at an important event. Deciding not to show at all and not even calling or texting was beyond contemptuous. Same for his fiancé. Not making it is one thing. Not even receiving a single communication on such an important day is another thing entirely. The friends I would relegate to “acquaintances” and not expect normal things you would of even a casual friend.

[@pigalottafattenton5003]

Sounds like his fiancée called everyone before him to “get the story straight.” Why would she tell everyone not to contact him and try to “manage” his reaction? Something doesn’t smell right to me 😑

[@jmrggrmj9330]

even if they arrive late at least they should have go

[@jenicdarling9425]

Bet they won’t have that issue of making time for op when op is successful and they want to “borrow” money

[@willGObye]

Not to mention that the best man's excuse doesn't even make sense! How do you "accidentally" get black out drunk, when you only intended to have one beer?

[@Davtwan]

I don’t mind that he’s so forgiving. At the same time though, I would keep tabs on how reliable they are for a long while until they work their way back up.

[@hothotheat3000]

When my friend did her PhD defense, both of her parents took the day off work. I took the day off work. We got there early to park. We all sat together, right in her line of sight. She was beaming, and we all hugged her afterwards. We were all there for her because we CARE about her. OP, don’t let these idiots get a penny from your upcoming pay increase.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Amen!

[@fytrndm]

My friends weren't even defending their PhDs, they were graduating Uni but several of them were the first in their family to get and/or finish Uni, so yeah, we showed up. It was hilarious for them coz a bunch of people showed up for like one person. One of my friend cried coz they had like 20 people who are not related to them there since they're an orphan. I just don't understand how callous the people around OP was to him. Note, different Unis and they held their graduation ceremony on different weekends which was how us idiots managed to pull this. And we got lost on our way to one of the Unis too-thankfully still made it on time coz the driver was batcrap crazy and broke several speed limit, good times.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I think OP is the doormat and EVERYONE, including the fiance, takes him for granted and ignores him when he needs something. Then the OP gets mad and someone, in this case, the fiance, smoothes it all over and sweeps it under the rug. The OP is seriously getting played by his family, so-called friends, and worse, his fiance. He needs to cut them ALL out of his life. When his fiance becomes his wife, she probably won't work and will just live off of him while she goes and "plays" with her friends. Eventually, she will probably get caught cheating or having a kid that isn't the OPs and most of the friends and his family will probably know about it. He will get mad and one of them will smooth it all over with some plausible but not probable, excuse.

[@reygonzalez8706]

Story 1 OP, just one word: DOOR MAT (I know it seems two, but YT censorship is ridic)... That's how his marriage is going to be... Mark my words...

[@titofuente9979]

@@thomasjoseph5876 Actually, I agree with you. Just posted here before reading your excellent view. The title of this story should have been "I am a xxx and I'm posting it here so every one can see. Do you want me to prove it? Keep reading"

[@nikkiwhray1598]

I bet the fiance and family will be on time to spend his PhD money, though.

[@Passions5555]

Ha! Same thought crossed my mind

[@andrewreviewschannel883]

Sure

[@annabordelon6663]

Preach

[@Pocket_Fox]

Bingo!

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

Hmmmmm... I get a friend forgetting, can understand one or two being sick, but the parents and fiancee?! The parents....even if they were late and showed up at the end, they could have just waited outside the door and said they were late and didn't want to interrupt so waited outside till he was done so as not to throw him off. I should think there isn't a parent in the world who hadn't been disappointed as a child when their parents didn't show up to one of their events; so they should have known better than to not show up for this milestone event. Sounds like being late is common for them, so one would think they had been chewed out many times. OP in the future change the time you expect them to arrive based on how late they usually run. So if they are usually an hour or 2 late then you tell them the event begins an hour or 2 before it really does so they really arrive on time or not too late 😉 As for the fiancee, her friend was in a hospital, with plenty of doctors and nurses to see to friend's needs. Available for potential suicide watch, so nope on that one. She should have gone to OPs event and then her and OP could have dropped in afterwards. Glad she saw her friend's true side. Yes, she needs to drop her from being a bridesmaid, maybe even a friend, time to go LC if not NC with this one. No one needs a toxic manipulating friend.

[@3adgamd3r]

Story 1 honestly sounds like OP has been manipulated into forgiving everyone by the fiancé running interference, he never actually spoke to most of them from the sounds of it, the parents being “chronically late” is just code for “you’re not a priority to us”, the fiancé didn’t have a good excuse as to why she couldn’t even send a “congratulations on your defence, sorry I couldn’t make it, BFF tried to end herself” text, the friends are varying levels of shitty I’d dump the whole lotta them, take my PHD and get a job across the country starting fresh, no need to be manipulated like that

[@johndavidson2365]

Yeah, the fiance was probably boffing the best man and the best friend was covering. And the family is useless. This guy needs to stop being lied to. For an educated man, he is a moron.

[@crazyminegamer2339]

As someone who’s had to talk to people I know who were considering ending their own lives and even attempted it a few times - dear friends of mine no less - I can assure you, the last thing on my mind would be talking to my partner about a special event I’m probably missing. That situation is so terrifying stressful, you can literally go into shock if you aren’t prepared for how to deal with it. You can’t relax until you can be certain they’re okay and spend however long it takes to hear from them again just worrying about them. You also feel like you’re obligated to stay with them so they don’t do this again, and it’s so incredibly mentally exhausting. I’m not surprised the fiancé took so long to finally say something to OP if she spent that entire time with her (toxic as hell) best friend trying to make sure she didn’t make another attempt abs was actually stable enough to be left alone.

[@sablemoreno5095]

@@crazyminegamer2339 I don't mean to discount anything your saying, but the friend was already in the hospital by the time the fiance got to the friend, meaning she wasn't talking her down from anything at least immediately. So panic, yes, but not as fixated on immediate ever present danger as your comment suggests the event was. (It could go bad, but she was most likely monitored in a 48 hour psych hold because of the attempt, so what could actually happen was limited). Idk about you (and how you react), but I've been in a number of panic high stress situations and my brain goes immediately to "who do I need to get ahold of/what do i need to do" (ie a really bad to the hospital car accident, I was panicking but contacting the relevant people- sister, grandparents, insurance and such after my panic of loosing my glasses passed once they were returned) especially if its important and affects people I care about. A simple "friend is in hospital, I can't make it" would have been one of the first it not the first thing I did if I found out- before even getting in the car or leaving the building i was in. (I can speak from experience, my first calls from said accident was 1: 911, 2: my sister, 3: text to grandparents, and 4: insurance while in the ambulance with my mom) Now it could be I have a high panic "get things done" type reaction, but I can say from every family member in their various accidents, it's at least common for my circle of family and friends to have the same reaction. I will say, she messed up by not sending anything for a full day, even after realizing. It sounds like a "hey, I know your probably really mad, so im going to let you calm down before we really talk, but I'm sorry and congrats" is the only thing OP needed to at least assuage him.

[@crazyminegamer2339]

@@sablemoreno5095 Having someone you know and care about so deeply attempt to end their own life is incredibly different to that same person almost dying in an accident. I’ve been in both situations numerous times before - not even sure how my father’s still alive with the amount of accidents he’s been in - and the failed suicide is always the one that holds your attention for hours at a time. Knowing someone you care about got into an accident can put you into a temporary state of shock, but you can get over whatever anxiety you’re experiencing once you know they’re alright because you know the chances of them getting into another accident while you’re gone and they’re still in the hospital are slim to none. If that same person instead tried to end their own life, then any second you’re gone could be another opportunity to make a second attempt on their life - especially when they’re that manipulative. You have to tread so carefully because who’s to say they won’t try to end their life in front of you? Them being hospitalised doesn’t change that fear. You still have this terror and fear induced belief you’re obligated to stay with them for as long as possible so they don’t try anything else. Nurses and doctors can’t be with them 24/7, so to calm your own nerves and make sure they’re okay, you stay for as long as they let you.

[@jackchop1576]

@@crazyminegamer2339 good luck being a codependent punching bag for the rest of your life, martyr! ❤❤

[@MrHorselover23]

Story 1. Your fiancee is a master at damage control and you are a colossal pushover !!!!

[@andrewreviewschannel883]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@s4rcelle]

Underrated comment

[@shrutiK12312]

100 % agree

[@vanessashimoni6548]

Yeah… sad but true. I was cringing the whole time I was listening to the litany of excuses spewed by fiancé. 😬

[@amandab8433]

This made me so sad. My future DIL, who I absolutely ADORE, went through something similar. Twice. Her family actually planned an overseas vacation, leaving the day before her graduation from Uni. Then they purposely missed her White Coat ceremony at Med school. She was absolutely devastated. These are just two of the life events that her parents missed, while going to events for her siblings. Even though I couldn't attend her coat ceremony, I sent her a Build a Bear dog (she LOOOOVES dogs) dressed up in a white doctors coat and scrubs. She still has that doggy, and I attend every event for her now.

[@Knives7777]

You are awesome. As someone who was in a similar situation this means to the world to your DIL keep doing it. Thank you.

[@neil999ish]

@@Knives7777 Her parents are probably wondering why she doesn't contact them. Hopefully.

[@S730SD]

@@neil999ish I'd hesitate to credit her parents with that level of awareness.

[@amandab8433]

@@Knives7777 Awwwww thank you. We absolutely adore both of our soon to be DIL's. One in Med School, and the other in Law School. Both couples met in Uni, and both just celebrated their 6 year anniversary of being together. The one in Law school is graduating in March, so we'll be there cheering her along, and then treating her to a few days in NYC, and a Broadway show she's been wanting to see. Even though I have a beloved bio daughter, these two amazing women are, and will always be, daughters of my heart.

[@amandab8433]

@@neil999ish She still trys with her family. They are first Gen from India, they moved here to Cali when she was two years old. Both parents work in the tech industry. She has two siblings, boy and girl, and all three had their lives mapped out from before birth, and are following through. Oldest a Doctor, middle one going into Politics, and the youngest an Engineer. I understand wanting your children to do well, but not at the cost of the children.

[@terrex28]

Story 2: There was this thin, androgynous person that would dress fem and sometime male, dancing to their music at the corners near the malls almost every time I drove by. Just living their best life. I nicknamed them Miz Thang. Then they showed up in my neighborhood, gyrating, dropping and twirling at the corner, waiting to cross the street for about a year. Never approached them or talked to them, but I sure enjoyed seeing them dancing.

[@tinamauldin6444]

Poor OP has to be so devastated over this. I am devastated on his behalf. He deserved so much better than how he was treated by his "family" and "friends." I would simply ghost all of them after that. There is no defense of this situation.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

I'd say just keep the fiance, and maybe the friend that was actually sick. Best man is a light maybe to no depending on how frequently he does it, but he didn't say anything when he realized so more no there. Like no one called, not even the people with the lame excuses, and the lamest excuse with his parents. Like not even a congrats? Or just show up late maybe? Still be there afterwards? Like how late did you leave that you just said fuck it to your son.

[@jamestown8398]

I wish he had done just that.

[@ajvanmarle]

Exactly. This is the sort of event you should show up for, even if you don't really care about a family member. That's just a matter of good manners.

[@markbigbadbear]

@@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat Nah. The fiancé showed her true colours. You can't spend 30 seconds to send a text 'friend tried to self-delete, have to go to her'. This isn't the 1st time this happened to OP1 I'm guessing.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

@@markbigbadbear Have you had a friend or family go to the er and stay for a long period of time or had a friend or family try to off themselves then get sent to the er?

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: I'd be freaked out at first but then laugh at the absurdity and make them feel embarrassed for being awkward. It's kinda cool to figure you have a fanbase secretly cheering you on that you never knew about

[@recycledapathy7411]

It would have been so much funnier if My Dude said, "Yeah, I've been running past y'all's house hoping y'all were watching for years!" I mean, OP's dad already told him they watched him run, so the fact that he's had all this time to prepare a response and didn't use it is disappointing. 😆

[@swisstroll3]

I have had to stop running after knee surgery, but I ran in my neighborhood for years, often with a distinctive hat. Many of the people in my community have seen me frequently, and I have often had conversations like story number 2. It is not a big deal. I ran mostly to stay in shape, but I have had friends who lost a substantial amount of weight running. They tend to be very appreciative of people who notice their success. People are vain-just think about social media! 😊

[@TziporaRaphaella]

I can’t stop laughing imagining the post he could make. “I think I’m secretly living out The Truman Show in real life with my runs”. 😂

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Haha, i relate to this. I am queen of adware comments. I said to a teacher i like your dress so much. It is the prettiest this year. Yeah that gave stalker vibes, Lucky i talked to her every day. So she knew i was not stalking her.i have now my Kids that keep this in check for me. .

[@TheSandman1775]

Story 2….Not sure I’d like my wife having this guy as her celebrity…. Kind of weird.

[@smellyolegoat150]

Most of those excuses in story one were pathetic. OP should make a mental note. If those same individuals demonstrate similar lack of interest on their part in OP’s milestones, maybe OP should consider the value of those relationships.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

That poor dude is probably getting a bit paranoid about a family watching him like he's Truman.

[@davidtotten618]

This reminds me of my wife’s master degree graduation. She was one of the few that graduated from high school let alone a graduation from a major University. There was about thirty people from my side of the family and not ONE from her extended family! Very (understandably) upset, she called her parents to find out why they didn’t show. I swear thirty years later I still can’t believe their response. “It was our grocery shopping day so we couldn’t make it.”

[@paulastiles5507]

Envy is a helluva thing. You basically found out why she was one of the few in her family to graduate from high school. It's family dynamics intentionally keeping everyone down and failing at the same level.

[@stephaniewilson3955]

I hope your wife has gone NC with them.

[@davidtotten618]

@@stephaniewilson3955 She did for many years. Just recently has allowed a little contact with her mom, who is 87 years old. Her Dad died a very bitter man ten years ago.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Wow, that is some weaponized ignorance. Imagine being shunned for achieving success.

[@marilynbartlett1850]

@@user-wr3vt8uq4s when my stepdad was angry he would throw my education up to me and kind of figuratively stab me with it, but the rest of the time he would brag on me because he could use my success to make himself look like Father of the Year. I couldn't win either way. So I kind of relate to that.

[@GLoLChibs]

Story 1 - Throw out the whole family and the fiancee. Fiancee didn't have to spend all day in the hospital and that was manipulative af from the bestie to insist all day. Fiancee could've called or text at any time, the fact she didn't until 10pm? Hell nah. Same with family, they could've and should've planned better. It's better to show up late than not at all for some events- this was one of those 'better late than never' events. OP just learned the yucky way where he stands with his family, friends, and fiancee.

[@whitemoonwolf13]

@@robmckenney666 if it was a real facility she wouldn't have even been allowed her phone. when my friend was in one i had to check my phone at the nurses station.

[@sixwingedbee81]

Story 1: As for OP's parents, mine are like that. It's gotten to the point family tells them to show up 2 hours early so they show up on time. Because they're always an hour or more LATE. It was awful as a child being dragged around and getting somewhere when everyone's pissed because the food is cold, gone, or the kids are whining because they want to open xmas presents but have to wait for Cousin M and her fam to show up. Especially when, as a child, I was always dressed first and ready to go. Just laying on my bed dramatically in that awful puffy coat. Rip to OP for not figuring out that trick. But screw them for just turning around, they could have at least showed up after to apologize and celebrate.

[@LadyJoolree]

Being late and not bothering to go at all are two very different things. They didn't even call until the fiancée bugged them!

[@ellorasg4525]

My fiance's parents are like OP's parents. They annoy both of us.

[@debbieroberts5866]

My SIL and her family showed up an hour and a half late for Thanksgiving Dinner. The temper tantrum that ensued when she realized we'd already eaten was epic! Makes me laugh when I think of it.

[@draconicdreaming]

Honestly even after what was explained in the update he should still be pissed at his fiance. His fiance has a friend who is known to be a liar and a manipulating bitch but still chose to go see her and spend that whole time with her. She couldn't even send a text saying congrats or even verbalise it afterwards she just explained whats going on. His family and friends are worse tho they just fully chose not too go. If i was OP i would be dropping a big chunk of that friend circle and going very low contact with my family if they pulled this on a important event for myself

[@tamsel814]

I'm also doing a PhD and would seriously cut some people out of my life of this happened to me. Nightmare stuff that is.

[@diarradunlap9337]

Yep. OP should cancel the engagement, get a positive FAR from where he is now, move there, and go NC with everyone but his immediate family, and only LC with THEM for a while.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@tamsel814 I’m not in a PhD program and am so incensed on OP’s behalf. I’d tell everyone that the only ones I wanted to see at my wedding were those who showed up for the defense. I’d move cities, change my number, change my name, live my life without all those losers.

[@immapotato1]

the response she explains makes no sense. OP was going around calling everyone and she instructed everyone to ignore him? whi wants to bet she was riding some other dude and realized after his call what she forgot and told everyone not to respond so they can be aholes together allowing her to smoothly lie her way out

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

@Ryan Mazingo exactly. Her not contacting him on the day of the defense is a nuclear red flag. Can't wait for the r/survivinginfidelity story where she cheats on him.

[@FusRoDahmer]

Story 2: There was a really big man that walked around my neighborhood when I first moved in in 2017. My mom and I would see him every single morning on our way to work and I still see him walking around 5 years later and he's lost so much weight and I'm also so proud of him!! This story made me worried to tell him if I ever walk by him but I might bring myself up to it eventually 😅

[@elalogar7340]

Just say something in a line of: "I have seen you around quite a few times, and I'm so awe of your dedication."

[@elalogar7340]

Oh, and, I have been a member of a running group and our couch like to yell: "Bravo!!" to passer-by runners, and now when I go for a walk, I sometimes when I see runners struggling while jogging do that too. 😅

[@wordforger]

Honestly, if it was me, I'd just make a habit of waving. No more unless they stop to chat.

[@Someone-or8tp]

Used to live in a pretty bad area of England, to the point that the local McDonalds had a security guard. He was 6'7ft (HUGE!!) and he had the most incredible beard and long hair. When I came in to meet up with some friends for our school coursework, only for them all to stand me up, he sat with me and chatted. he was always friendly before. at one point after a tragedy happened in my family, I come in late at night and cry into my ice cream and he chats with me (and another worker comes over and hugs me, a sweet old lady called Carol). I would talk about the security guard to my friends sometimes, to the point that we would call him the 'McCrush'. just a generally nice dude, and he gave me advice and stuff. too old for me, though, of course.

[@saldiven2009]

Story 1: So, pretty much one or two people had a legitimate reason for missing the event, and the fiancee isn't one of them. The discussion I would be having with the fiancee is, "Why do you keep this person in your life? Why is she a bridesmaid in the first place?" It appears this sort of behavior isn't a new thing. If you choose to keep toxic people in your life, YOU are responsible for how their toxic behavior subsequently impacts other people in your life. If you choose to keep toxic people in your life, you cannot expect healthy people to want to stick around and deal with the fallout.

[@RJLiams]

Non of them have legitimate reasons for ghosting.

[@damien678]

She IS one of them. Her best friend almost died from SUICIDE. I wouldn't be in my right mind in her shoes, either.

[@RJLiams]

@@damien678 no she didn't. She lied about that. The girlfriend knew about it that same day. Also a simple text doesn't take much.

[@LB-gz3ke]

@@damien678 Her friend was in a safe place. In a hospital. I have sat in hospital rooms for hours with family. She had quiet moments where she could have at least called him.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@damien678 She's not. The "friend" haws a history of drama queen tactics, and besides, if you are on suicide watch there is always an attendant IN THE ROOM with the person, and often the doctors don't even allow visitors. She just doesn't give a damn about her own fiance and was calling everyone to get stories straight.

[@donnaspaans518]

Story 1. Becareful of the fiance. She needs counseling before marriage. She needs to learn that friend is attention seeker and will continue to do this whenever you have major event.

[@kingston163]

If she needs counseling on this she's not worth it.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@kingston163 nah, she need to ditch that awful excuse of a friend of hers.

[@Wander85942]

This hurts. My family jilted me at my book party and it destroyed me. They never owned up to it and didn’t care when I cut them out.

[@LadyJoolree]

Ooof, that's rough! I hope you managed to build a chosen family, and that you can always be proud that you followed your dream and did 'a thing'!

[@BankruptMonkey]

Oh no, was that a book release party? You must have felt gutted. Years of hard work totally ignored. I hope they at least bought a few copies afterwards as a token gesture.

[@anthonymark2516]

@@BankruptMonkey They will care when they see Op making money.. Then it will all be about how important £amily is..

[@ame-chan579]

Good effin' riddance, I say.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Look on the bright side, you lost so much dead weight

[@dalecowart1826]

After hearing that his fiancé’s best friend had pulled very similar stunts (more than once) in the past, that the fiancé failed to investigate more deeply, that the fiancé made her best friend of a higher priority than OP, leaving him hanging on such an important day, only then to let OP know that the level of their relationship was to be determined, placing OP at the bottom of her priorities, says more about his fiancé than he cares to acknowledge or it might be the end of his engagement.

[@tracyshackleton2488]

Story 2 was hilarious! I listened to it twice and laughed like "mom" through it both times. Whew, that felt good!

[@salembendeck]

Story 2 was absolutely hilarious. Thank you Mark.

[@McAnik-uo1ol]

Does anybody but me find it unsettling that a married woman with kids is obsessing ( all giddy and tongue tied) over a tall handsome stranger almost the way a school girl will obsess over a pop idol?

[@John-ve4gm]

@@McAnik-uo1ol if its a joke in the family its fine my family does stupid things like this all the time. shoot my dad would say dam she is a looker. my mom would look over and say yeah. and they would both laugh about it.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

@@McAnik-uo1olNot really. Like they said, They've been watching him go from a slightly overweitht to a fit guy. It's like the "Naked Guy" from Friends. Basically it becomes a Soap Opera or a show that you keep up every week

[@lynnw7155]

My Dude is going to end up moving away. Creepy.

[@HH-ru4bj]

My self included, I know several ppl that would ham up the performance and embrace the awkward neighbor stalker. Maybe get a runners shirt with a number on it for Wednesdays, change the number here and there see if they notice, where a costume for holidays...that sounds really fun.

[@Voodoomaria]

Story #1: One of the biggest moments in OP's life, ans he's found out how EVERYONE in his life feels about him. If I received a HUGE middle finger like that, those are people who would NEVER have me in their lives again. As for your fiance, Don't show up to the wedding. Ghost her for three days then feed her an obvious B.S. sob story about how something more important came up. Then cut ALL contact PERMANENTLY. Oh, and to all those saying, "Set up a time and present to them all over again" NO! There are some moments in life that come ONCE, and never come again. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for OP to evoke the same feelings in himself ESPECIALLY knowing what came before, and doing it in front of a group of people who are FAKING enthusiasm out of a sense of obligation or guilt? Oh come on, Most AWKWARD PARTY EVER!! No, they had their chance and they BLEW IT! End of story, no take backs, no mulligans, no do-overs. They Effed up and the moment is GONE FOREVER. Now they have to live with it, but given how insensitive they all are, I doubt they will lose much sleep over it. Update: Yeah, Great to have a fiance' that fully realized she was about to have her wedding shot out from under her so she pulled out all the stops to do B*llsh*t Damage Control so she'd still get a ring out of it. Sorry, don't believe ONE EFFING WORD of their excuses. All I see here is her building plausible deniability to protect HER DAY. If OP marries her, He's a rube.

[@buildman126]

Kek I'll take that high quality crack you're smoking

[@emanuelsommar7243]

Exactly this . But text her in a couple days saying you had a sick mouse at home and you were worried and you didn't want to call the next day to give her time to cool down and we can do it another time

[@BrennanCh06]

Amen, shes covering her ass

[@joefoto3243]

You people are fragile

[@Merryfrances]

Story 2: I’ve kinda been on the other side of this. A few years back I got into the habit of running a track at a HS and would see regulars there. A few months in and I say hello to a guy that went often and he made a comment to me that he noticed my form and speed were improving. I was JAZZED lol

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 1: The fiance is the only one who had an excuse. RSVPing to a major event and not coming without even an explanation is unforgiveable.

[@johnlastname8752]

Not being able to attend is understandable, but not even congratulating!?

[@b.c.9358]

The sick person is excused in my mind as well. Being sick really takes it out of you. One day I got sick and I slept 18 hours straight

[@damien678]

@@johnlastname8752 I doubt I'd be in the right mind to remember to congratulate my fiancé if my best friend almost offed themselves, to be fair.

[@jmrggrmj9330]

not enough excuse for me to be honest.

[@Julienna]

@@damien678 but would you forget to let him know the whole day long? I mean, you would have to eat, visit a restroom, ... I doubt that it would not cross your mind.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: Wow,, I just...not even a message? A congratulation? A bottle of champagne? OP needs better friends and family, people who support his educational goals. This is not a one-day glitch, it is a fundamental lack of respect and understanding.

[@You_said_what1]

Story one 0P is surrounded by people who put him last, including the fiancé. I’ve never heard someone accepts so many BS excuses.

[@mintyaquagreen1675]

I know.

[@jennysmith38]

I loved the last story, Op is a great storyteller, I couldn't stop laughing, what a great start to the day.

[@LadyJoolree]

End of the day for me 👋🏾🇬🇧 Hope you have flashback chuckles all day

[@jennysmith38]

@@LadyJoolree thanks, me too. I hope your night is good, whether you are going out, or off to bed

[@morganmirabile9765]

Story 2: I have had similar interactions that My Dude got from OP but not as awkward. I'm a 6'1 male that walks around my neighborhood with an 8lb pomeranian, 2-4 times a day. The weirdest I get is "Drive By" compliments from strangers. One had to yell so loud to get my attention, that it sounded super aggressive. Like "HEY!!! THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SWEET DOG!!!!!" Hopefully My Dude and OP can have a non-weird talk lol. Also did anyone else think "M'Dude"

[@toysruskid5074]

As someone who has interrupted many a person's day to take a pic of a cute puppy, I appreciate you taking it in stride.

[@pvanpelt1]

That reminds me of how my husband and I used to watch dog shows on tv and there was this tall guy who showed a Pekingese for a whole season. He had to be over six feet tall, and the way they groom Pekes for shows, it looked like a little footstool trotting alongside him. It was the funniest/cutest thing watching them.

[@stephjovi]

I've walked by people with dogs topp many find saying oh you're so cute 😂. I always hope especially guys understand that I'm not talking to them 😂. I'm kiddle aged and overweight so quite some young guy might have thought wth? If thes didn't see me looking and smiling at their dogs 😅

[@TriXJester]

Last Story: Reminds me about how there's this couple that moved in down the street and my whole family is obsessed with their dog.

[@MrDevil-jb1fl]

Similar to story one. My absolute best friend in the world forgot my birthday. Cuts deep. Congrats Doctor.

[@rmhartman]

regardless of the fiancé tending to her friend -- what is less excusable is that she didn't send even a "I can't make it" message

[@kingston163]

Because OP is not more important than her nutty friend. Is she a closet lesbian playing normal?

[@InDeathWeLove]

Yeah I could literally forgive her bailing on him given that she legitimately thought that her friend was suicidal. On the flip side not even texting would have been the inexcusable part. Like it literally would have taken seconds. I can even imagine her not thinking of messaging the moment she finds out. However hours later he has to call her to be like wtf were you? That's plenty of time to think hey I should probably let him know what's going on. The fact that that just completely didn't even occur to her is plenty telling.

[@vintagemoss9578]

Story 1. Non of them had an excuse. Not one. Dump the GF! Live well OP. Reconsider every one of your relationships.

[@PavillionKing]

Story 1: all of those reasonings are bs. They ALL couldn't show up? Wtf

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Yeah there's something more to the story that he's intentionally leaving out. I bet he did something bad and they froze him out for it.

[@beverlywhitman303]

@@Aaron-kj8dv well you know how some PHD's act right? it's all about them and they try to make everyone who doesn't have a phd look like idiots (even when they are clearly wrong). i have one or two people in my family like that, i would not go to there event for those exact reasons and wouldn't feel the least bit concerned about them cutting me out after.

[@DoritoBot9000]

Or let him know that something was up. Disgusting people.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Can't even just show up late at all?

[@johnpauljones9310]

1st Story: The guy's fiancee is going to cheat on him. You can already see how she's gaslighting him. He never talked to the friend who tried to "unalive" herself, so only going by his fiancee's word... this won't end well for him.

[@stevecarey2030]

Going to? She's undoubtedly already got a side piece. OP is a blind fool if he buys her nonsense story. She will clean him out in the divorce.

[@JuanGonzalez-xv7zw]

Story 2 reminds me of when I was 16 working at McDonald’s, there was this guy that would come in multiple times a week and order a large double quarter pounder meal with a coke One day in an attempt to make conversation with him I asked “don’t you get tired of ordering the same thing?” He awkwardly chuckled and never came back

[@0potion]

Of course he didn't come back, he took that as you judging him for always getting the same thing.

[@LadyJoolree]

Story 1: OP needs to really address why their friends and family are happy to use them to organise their parties and be there for events, but don't have the courtesy to even call, let alone turn up to such an important event. The excuses and their reasoning for not calling, or seeing your milestone achievement important enough to have in their calendar, were pathetic; that includes the fiancée. I could hear the pain in that story, and they all put the onus on OP for forgiving them to make THEM feel better after such appalling behaviour! OP, if you see this take note: when people show you who they are believe them the FIRST time. I get it, you want to forgive them so you don't feel so soul-crushingly alone again. But this pain and doubt will continue to live rent free in your head if you don't make some changes. Let them try to make it up to you, but you MUST express how they made you feel. Don't sugar coat it or brush it under the rug. For both sides to be able to get past it you need to air it out, properly. Look at how you are present in their lives and how they are in yours... and make changes accordingly. Your family turned back or forgot to come?! There's more to this story. You deserve so much better! Story 2: I coughed up a lung laughing at the unfolding blossom of cringe. Fair play, I feel that awkward honesty. 😅

[@Rose_Bride]

Sorry but that's no excuse. He needs to cancel the wedding and drop both the fiancée as well as his family. He's not "lucky" to have a flaky fiancée who REGULARLY puts her flakey friend above him. The fact that she apparently "forgot" until "after" she got off the phone with him shows just how little she cares to even bother remembering his important events. And the ONLY reason she "stepped up" at the end was so as not to lose OP and his PhD salary. I FULLY believe that.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

Flakey friend? Dude, that's a manipulative and lying "friend", not flaky.

[@lovelywolv]

There's no way EVERYONE forgot about op on story one. The family obviously sucks for just being incompetent. Fiance should've at least said "I know you're angry and I'll give you space but congrats." Friends? Like I said there's no way everyone forgot or got sick. If you actually want to support someone you set a notification. They aren't your friends. Plus why is best man getting drunk before an event? I'd address that before the wedding.

[@ajwinberg]

OMG, I just can stop laughing at the My dude story. It is so great. 🤣

[@AtorrisVsChadinel]

That one comment that states the fiancée may not have understood the importance, that’s like missing the goddamn graduation. No way man, that “friend” would’ve been fine, no way. She deserves to be dumped.

[@damien678]

Her best friend almost DIED. FFS I doubt any of us would have acted better in her shoes.

[@stevecarey2030]

@@damien678 My money says her and the BFF made up that story so the fiancee could get out of having to sit through his "boring" thesis.

[@kbf9644]

It’s really simple. If the parents were late they should have waited at the auditorium door until he finished then came in, apologetic and congratulatory. They may have been able to crack the door a bit to listen to however much was left. Then he’d know they made an effort and they can praise the part they did hear. I mean, everyone let OP down. Literally everybody. But the ‘rents? Especially cutting.

[@ggdail]

Story 2: My wife & I had a similar experience. We lived around the corner from Disneyland, so we'd go a few times a week. Every time we went we would always see this cute old couple there. Pretty soon we started calling them our "old couple." We then moved away, but took a trip back couple years later & we were overjoyed to see them on our trip. :)

[@mpo2706]

1st story, poor Op, his girlfriend is gaslighting him. Probably a narcissist. A very skilled one at that. What a discusting jealous controlling abuser. She even told everyone not to call him for a day so that he will cool off leaving feeling even worse. She is despicable.

[@yozarahirvi4750]

damn that story 2 ! I'm usually not very fond of TIFU because it's hald cringe half people telling obout bad days of their life. But sometimes, we have a gem that is just soo funny, and every update is funnier than the precedent, I was crying out of laugh !

[@kratkartan1486]

Story 1: I feel so bad for the OP, everyone in his life just abandoned him on a day that was important. The girlfriend at least owned up to it, and the sick friend had an excuse, but everyone else. Shame on them. The family failed him because even if they were going to be late, they still could have showed up to mingle for a bit like OP implied happens after the Defense., but nope. They decided he wasn't important enough. and the friends with the lame excuses of "Things came up" and "I was sick" (except the legit one). They are not your friends if they can't simply tell you the truth. At least some admitted they forgot. Still, there is no excuse for anyone to not at least send a congrats and an apology that day, at all.

[@pvanpelt1]

The ones who forgot-do they not have reminders on their phones? Set a reminder alarm. And the parents-I don’t care how bad your time management skills are, you set reminders, alarms, leave early and wander around the campus a bit, check in on him ahead of time, sit your butt down and wait. This was a major event!

[@kingston163]

If they forgot you then you forget them too.

[@DoritoBot9000]

The friend that got carried away drinking was completely irresponsible as well. We went out to get sh*t faced knowing he had a commitment the day after.

[@StrangeSpark]

I agree. Family should have showed, no matter what. The fiancée and the legitimately ill friend get some leeway as, had everyone else turned up, their excuses would have been understandable. Everyone else can pound sand.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Just remember this when your family tries to sponge off you because you're a successful PhD.

[@lya9677]

I almost got up to make pop corn whilst reading the second story It was THAT rivetingly, nail bitingly good Can we have more from this poster I am *so* invested in her family life, and their profound words of wisdom

[@CalifGirl000]

Story 1. OP 's friends are gaslighting him. If it was that important they would have put it down on their phones and gotten a notification. The only one with a good excuse is the sick one. I would drop the best man and the bridesmaid. It's not like you can redo the defense. The parents are so messed up. Doubt they will be on time for the wedding either. At least OP knows his friends are fair weathered. This is so sad.

[@luna_soleil]

Story 2: there was a lady like that in my neighborhood growing up. My mom eventually ran into her one day and told her that we'd see her running all the time and she's doing great and is an inspiration to us. She took it really well and it wasn't awkward at all. Whenever we haven't seen her in awhile tho we'd always wonder if she's doing okay, glad to see that's a universal thing. I've been on a fitness journey as well and have lost a lot of weight. If I was doing walks/runs every day in my neighborhood and my neighbors noticed/encouraged my progress I wouldn't be weirded out at all. Esp if my dude is good looking like he should know people are watching lol. Sometimes compliments are just compliments, they're nice words people didn't have to say to you but took the time out to. Accept it with gratitude and move on 🤷

[@mirandanils5114]

I personally find it really weird - i workout a lot too and have lost a lot of weight and if I found out someone had been watching I wouldn’t be cool with it nor find it funny. Im not saying that anyone is wrong for being cool with it or by being flattered by it - but it’s also fine to not be okay with it like the guy in the story! And no one has to accept it with gratitude nor feel like they should ! No one has to accept a compliment if they don’t want to ! 🤷🏻

[@Rose-yt5hi]

I think it all depends on the delivery. OP sounds awkward as fuck.

[@tcrpgfan]

@@mirandanils5114 Kinda hard not to be watched when you run the same path in front of houses often. Besides, it's not like they say the whole routine. Just the part where he runs by their place.

[@paigehansen8944]

@@mirandanils5114 yea idk… like if I were working out in a gym & someone approached me saying I looked great & had made progress I’d think it’s weird. (Basically the reason I work out in my home & take walks in parks now). But if you’re working out in public…? When I took walks around my neighborhood a few years ago I would get conversations and appreciative comments (sometimes hit on as well) and when you’re walking past people’s houses I feel like that’s kinda normal? Not really the sexualized or romantic comments per se but there’s a level of familiarity there. Idk, like I said I don’t leave my house anymore, esp not to workout. I’m not looking for conversation or community, so I stay inside. I thought the story was pretty wholesome ?

[@skintgirafde320]

Yo that first story kinda hits home for me! I remember way back before the world went to shit, me and my family (parents, grandmother and brother) had a thing where we all pick a movie and we all had to watch them! And yes, the point was made that we HAD to watch each other’s movies! After watching everyone else’s movies, it was finally my turn and I was excited… until suddenly the rule of having to watch the other person’s movie was rendered null and void! My grandmother went home, my dad went to sleep and I don’t even remember what my brother did and the only reason my mother stayed was because she saw me about to cry out of the corner of her eye! And no I will never get over that!!!

[@michaelcicciarelli1742]

what movie did you pick?

[@skintgirafde320]

KOTM

[@michaelcicciarelli1742]

@@skintgirafde320 like the kind of recent godzilla movie.....that sucks I'd be pissed too but if you picked shitty one I'd bailed as a sibling but the rents and grandma bailing is f'ed up

[@skintgirafde320]

I’m still not 100% convinced my mom didn’t come back out of pity! I drowned my sadness in Hot Puffs that day

[@michaelcicciarelli1742]

@@skintgirafde320 You should, for like 5 days straight, have the movie playing on their TVs on repeat and leave it on when you get the chances so when someone comes home, goes to bed, wakes up or whatever KOTM is just playing......lol im just kidding but that be legendary

[@abowlofsangria3412]

Dang, the universe really looked at OP 1 and just said, “No❤️.” But in all seriousness, I genuinely hope he’s okay

[@oakenshadow6763]

That wasnt just a party. It was OP's graduation. No one being there for the defense is so rude. You deserved better. I'm proud of you. Reasons or not, they all owe OP. A lot.

[@Famous_Athlete_Hashimoto]

Yeah, no way would I be able to forgive everyone in story 1 so quickly. I would have likely gone off on my own somewhere and been incommunicado with everyone for a few days. While the fiancé was at least apologetic about it, everyone else really had no excuse. I guess I really feel for this guy because I've had to cut off people I thought would be lifetime friends since I realized I was the only one putting any effort into maintaining the friendship. Now I'm trying to meet new people, but making new friends in your 30's is kinda awkward lol. I wish I could just go to school again just to make new friends, it was much simpler then 😮‍💨

[@stephaniewilson3955]

Patience! Just be polite and the friendships will follow.

[@eliashuapilla]

The fiance should've sent a quick text saying, "hey BFF is in the hospital. It's an emergency. I'll explain later when I have more information. Sorry I can't make it to your defense, but congratulations".

[@merykhan97]

Even the fiancée has no excuse. That whole BS about her friend doesnt cut it. She clearly got other priorities. If it was a party or a vacation, I understand if she canceled but THIS was not okey

[@anitaslack9193]

Oh my god I'm crying laughing at the jogger story. Thank you for that.

[@Paradisepie32]

That's last story about the runner is absolutely amazing and hilarious 🎉🎉🎉

[@tabbyhankell9584]

Story 1: dang, I hate stories like this because the comments make me question my own family a lot more than I want to. When I graduated with my undergrad, I got nothing. My parents helped me move home (I lived with them for reduced rent while paying off my loans), but I had no party/celebration, no gift, not even a card. When I earned my MBA, I didn't even get a text from anyone - siblings, parents, aunts/uncles, grandparents, etc. It hurts. I didn't expect to be showered with gifts or to be treated like the next Einstein, but it would be nice to feel like anyone cared, especially since I'm the first one in my family to get a master's degree. I skipped my MBA graduation, even though I was top of my class and won several awards, because I knew no one would show up to support me. Thank goodness for my hubby and a few close friends - they remind me that I'm still deserving of love and support, even if my family can't give it to me.

[@low-keydrama1260]

Story 1: Whenever someone in our family is gonna do something (exam, travel, etc.) we always let contact them through call, voice message, text, post that we wish them luck, and that we’ll keep them in our prayers. Whenever they’re done we either call, text or wait till we see them to ask how they did and support them. I can’t imagine anyone in my family doing this and act so nonchalant about it.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. I'm so sorry for OP. I don't blame him for being so upset. I understand why the fiance went to visit her friend, but to ask her to stay all day is ridiculous. I wouldn't have stayed all day either. Glad to see my feelings were validated. 2. I think this is one of my favorite subs of all. Just makes me laugh so much. This one was hilarious. And there is no "I may have maybe's" here. OP definitely creeped that guy out. Badly. What makes it worse is that OP and her family have not only been "stalking" him, but she puts it all on the internet for our entertainment! It's so funny though. lol

[@reneecollier5034]

The "running guy with glorious hair" story had.me.dying! So funny!!! I laughed so hard!!!

[@junecleaver4099]

I laughed so much at the 2nd story.It's my Pop's memorial today and I couldn't go because it's too far away so I really needed that.Thanks Mark 😊

[@amranard]

I think that story 2 has been my favorite of all that I have heard you read. Good stuff

[@RealAnimeBadGuy]

Op on the first story is too kind. Fiancée did have a valid excuse but man even if your late show up. Oh man the second story is so wonderfully awkward.

[@InDeathWeLove]

She had an excuse for not being there, she didn't have an excuse for not texting something as simple as "X tried to kill herself, can't make it." it would literally have taken her 10 seconds and instead she just ghosted him for the entire day.

[@tictactoe325]

😔. I’m so sorry that nobody turned up. Just devastating. They clearly have no idea what it’s taken to complete your PhD. Congratulations on your massive achievement.

[@Swnsasy]

Wow.. Just wow.. I would have been there with bells on after all that work! I'm 1yr away from my PhD in Forensic Psychology and Applied Behavior and it's work! I'm hurting for him man, that is so very messed up.. Idk if I could forgive them for this...

[@paulastiles5507]

It's a lot easier if you go in knowing that last year is going to be hard. There's something about that home stretch. I stayed up 36 hours finalizing everything before I submitted. No drugs or anything besides some caffeine. I just really wanted it done. Good luck on your defense.

[@Swnsasy]

@@paulastiles5507 Thank you so, so very much!!! I'm nervous. Technically I have, going by Carlos Albizu semesters, 17wks left... Is it normal to just feel like.. I can't do this? No, I cannot do this????

[@paulastiles5507]

@@Swnsasy Totally normal. Just remember that you *could* do this previously, so you probably can do it now, too. It just doesn't feel like it as you get near the end, for some reason.

[@Swnsasy]

@@paulastiles5507 You better be there! I'm in Florida If you're not, I know where to find you since I've seen you here many times before!! 😝😝😝 Thanks so much though. I really appreciate you letting me know.. I'm ok, I'm normal.. ❤️

[@AndyyWithAY]

My head cannon is that Swan Guy is in Waffle Gang and watching right now and loving it.

[@myadhdlife4869]

I’ve named a guy in my neighborhood “track suit.” No matter how hot and humid it is he is wearing a full on track suit.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 1: I think fiance found the reddit post and realized just how much she actually f'ed up. Sure, everyone was radio silent for a day...right...to let him cool off...sure...uh huh. B/c god knows not saying ANYTHING when you were an AH is the best way to make sure feelings don't fester. Also, friend was in the hospital. Fiance could have left for a few hours to be there for the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She made a choice about how is a priority to her here...and it wasn't OP. The family's excuse is just the worst. YOU. STILL. SHOW. UP. Even if you're late. Sounds to me like they noticed the time and had a 'oh f' moment, then said 'well, it's too late to make it now...no need to bother.' Will they do that for the wedding too? Also, dude who OP attended his PHD defense and planned drinks after 3 weeks prior and didn't even show up is a sh!t friend.

[@hibiscusrose6074]

Story 1 ghost them find a job abroad and never contact them. That friend is messing with your girlfriend because she is jealous of her.

[@kingston163]

You gf is stupid and if you marry it goes on for lifetime.

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

I'm conflicted about that day to calm down. That was more of her deciding to not contact. Whether it was right or not, no and poor communication is the reason there is a issue.

[@PatKilbourn]

I feel your pain. When my Mom got her PhD. My step-father, his children, my brother and I and our spouses and children all showed up. Most didn't understand most of her defense, which was much more formal than yours; but we sat there radiating pride and happiness because she had achieved her dream. She was 60 years old and went on to teach at the university for 20 years until she retired at 80 because she didn't like driving downtown any more. Two of my in-laws took her classes and said she was a great teacher.

[@whitneylivingston5706]

story 1: To be overly petty, OP could always allow all wedding planning to continue and then the morning of, just now show up and not call or text anybody until 10:00 at night and tell them an emergency with a friend came up. Story 2: I want a "My Dude" shirt!!

[@lanceelliot9979]

This deserves a reward

[@AuntLoopy123]

A runner with long, luscious locks, and covered with a trash bag, running in the rain, in worn-out shoes. YEAH!

[@Bkgksan625]

When I graduated from med school my family couldn’t be there due to visa issues. But they wanted to be there for me. When I defended my PhD and later when I walked my whole family was there. My friends threw me a party, my mentor threw me a party and there was other small celebrations. People who care about you will want to celebrate something this significant. I feel this was more important than baby shower, birth of my son and even my wedding! My husband agrees!

[@maggpiprime954]

S2 I'm in fucking HYSTERICS 😂 My cat is staring at me like he's trying to figure out if he should help, and his sister has come RUNNING AND MEOWING from the other room to see what's going on! 😭💀

[@jasoncarter4343]

Most excuses are not valid. If someone really wants to be somewhere, nothing will stop them.

[@GreenSkye42]

Story two had me in tears xD 😂😂😂

[@aileencastaneda3724]

No matter what age you’re in, having someone show up is heartwarming

[@ambarmar8601]

Story 2 gold! I couldn’t stop laughing I really needed it. Maybe they should start a fan page or fan news letter for the family keeping track of sightings…also that may be too much

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

Would it be as funny if a man was basically stalking a woman runner?

[@elcholo83]

Story 1: Go no contact with everyone and Cancel the wedding. Congrats for the PhD.

[@brianbarber5401]

Story 1: even with the update, I’d still be pissed. Everything was excuses, even the fiancé. It all proves that nobody in OP’s life considers him important enough to be there for. It might be a case that they believe they’ll forgive them no matter what, so they don’t worry about completely disrespecting him. And, “don’t call now because he’s going to be upset”? Really? I’m sure he’ll be lots less upset when it’s a day later and still no one has shown him any care or love.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 OP is literally me. I know it could sound a little creepy, but some of us are people watchers. I have some people or couples I admire from afar. I hope the guy comes back round. I'd love if OP and hair guy became friends.

[@ajakuk1]

Story 1. Congratulations DR OP. If I would of known I would of.been there for you. Story 2. Glad to hear ma dude is still running. When growing up in the 80s there was a guy who looked identical to my brother. I think his name was Phil. But we would wispa there is Tommy 2. I bet in Phil House my brother was Phil 2.

[@Claire8483]

There's an old man who walks down our road who is the spitting image of my moms dad. We call him Grandad 2 lol.

[@eileenstewart9866]

‘Yeah I’m so grateful for my fiancé who chose to be manipulated by her so called bff to skip my PhD defense’

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Wondering what his PHD is for. Edit: Never-mind. I thought he was going to have some really messed up PHD and defended it. But this is a totally different story.

[@BertrumArthur]

A friend will help you move, but a true friend will grieve your losses and celebrate your triumphs with you.

[@triplemoyagames4195]

Story 1: The issue isn't that the Family didn't show up. It's they all made it a point to say they would come and then just didn't

[@fxgiant]

Didn't realize you could get a Phd in being a naive doormat. He must've passed with ease.

[@kanelovec4315]

S1. Fiancee need to drop that attention seeking friend before she pull up at the wedding in white or so some crap to grab the spot light. Also Op's friends knew in advance the was an event notice Facebook gives me the day before warning. Highly expect friends are using op because with the comment of op paying and hosting events for friends but they don't do the same for them sounds like they using him for money/party making. Lets be real Family never left the house if they did they would have been outside the event. My family would have quietly walked in or waited outside the door if it was locked for support. Family weren't even in the area like getting food or something. Probably see this degree as stupid or showy.

[@kingston163]

It is NOT her friend but her priority and this will continue throughout their married life. She showed you who she really is. Believe her and dump her asap just as she did you.

[@tifadreamers]

story 1. This story made me feel so sad. I know things got resolved in the end but maybe it's just me cause I tend to take a long time to get over something so hurtful, I just feel like they didn't do enough to make things up for OP. everyone around him disappointed him on his big day and they all acted like it wasn't a big deal and moved on after a single phone call. Sure, fiance did a lot to mend things and pulled through for OP, but I also feel like she only did that to safe her relationship because she knew there's a huge chance he would step away and call it quits knowing how upset and disappointed he was of her. idk I'm just a sceptic I guess. it's hard to be friends with someone so manipulative as fiance's friend so I kinda get it why she missed the big day but she should've seen it from a mile away and unfriended the toxic person years ago. she also had a ton of chances to call or text to inform him about what happened, not wait until late at night and still forget to congratulate him.

[@Chaoticbunnii]

I have had a terrible week, and that last story along with my roommate’s dog showing me unexpected love has made me feel so much better. Thanks! I needed this!

[@hoppystar439]

Gees, my SIL had her PhD defence and my husband went to support her. Our dog had a seizure the day he flew out and had to be rushed to the emergency vet. I didn’t ask him to come back, a neighbour supported me that day until he could fly back the next day. The vets took care of our dog and she's fine. My husband didn’t tell SIL until after her defence so she could enjoy her big moment.

[@theplaintech]

Congratulations on the PhD, OP. It is a significant achievement, particularly in a STEM field. Though it is unlikely, it could lead you to make a significant advancement to benefit mankind. Concerning your fiance: If your girl friend isn't going to be there for you for this and just has to support her 'best friend', you are not a priority. It does not bode well for your future. Seriously reconsider and at minimum postpone any thoughts of wedding for a year at least. Or just go for it and dump her. Once a woman disrespects a man, it is all over. Generally, it's like a switch being thrown and is usually quite permanent. At best, you may be the ATM and fix it handyman for the rest of your life. Been through this. Strongly suggest you don't go through it. The rest of them -- if you are not worth their time, they aren't worth yours. And, OP, if your parents couldn't make it on time to your defense, do you really think they could be on time for your wedding?

[@Nammjahtan]

Concerning the parents always being late: I remember when my brother got married there was a couple that they knew routinely showed up late for things so they told them the wedding was an hour earlier then it was. They showed up 20 minutes early. Still if that's really such a regular problem then the parents need to take responsibility and start leaving for things earlier. To me the most egregious thing was that everyone said they'd be there and then no one even called or texted to say something came up. Even the fiancé not texting. I get the circumstances but 1 even she admitted the friend does things to pull the spotlight onto her and 2 she should have texted him to let him know her friend is in ER. Frankly like others have said he wasn't important enough for any of them. I also don't think he should be so quick to just forgive and move on. He needs to speak with each and everyone of them himself not via the fiancé.

[@theplaintech]

@@Nammjahtan Those who are chronically late are narcissistic and clearly sending the message: "You aren't that important". In OP's case, it's time to get new friends.

[@Nammjahtan]

@@theplaintech I agree.

[@zander8018]

Tell them how disappointing their lack of participation in this monumental moment in your life. If it were me, I'd ghost them all.

[@fyoutube9410]

Welcome to modern society where people can't barely commit to gatherings.

[@damien678]

It's terrible, and I can barely judge because I was allowed to grow up to be flakey... 😭

[@TheViiktor95]

OMG, Story 2 really lifted up my mood. 😂I really needed a cheer up today. Thanks for sharing, Mark!

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - when people show you what they truly think of you believe them. Story 2- 🤣🤣🤣🤣 love this story.

[@jimivey6462]

To the new PhD: end your engagement and and ghost everyone who failed to show up. Get a great job far away and make friends worthy of your friendship and build a family worthy of you.

[@impagain]

A warm congratulations to the first OP on such a huge accomplishment!!!

[@AndyyWithAY]

I rarely relate to a Reddit protagonist these days, but wow did I relate to OP. I'm so socially awkward. I need an update on this story! A positive one. My Dude and OP becomes besties and Mom gets him those shoes

[@Main07vega]

Story 1: drop all of them. They're not your family or friends. Dump the fiance too. Couldn't even send him a quick text "wont make it, bff is in the hospital, will explain later" and no congratulations after.