I did it. I found the Worst Book.

[@verdethestarwarrior1088]

“I like to go to Amazon, buy strange self-published books, and give them to people who clearly don’t want them.” Aaaand subscribed

[@entropyzero5588]

The problem I would have if one of my friends was doing the same thing is that I still wouldn't get any books, because getting gifted random bad books sounds hilarious to me and thus I wouldn't count as not wanting them xD

[@_yellow]

I know what I'm gonna give people for christmas gifts next christmas.

[@anonymousbosch9265]

Likewise

[@sofiyyasujuandy493]

Same

[@rowanlavellan9755]

She's revolutionizing my terrible ability to select gifts. Finally I see the light

[@rattrap1009]

Wait does she like bad boys or badly written boys.

[@cuppatae834]

I think it's badly written 😂

[@Mels0103]

It's unclear

[@TribuneAquila]

Why do girls only like badly written boys, and not nicely written boys like me?

[@twitterodammit5082]

Usually the same thing

[@lukeb247]

Yes

[@Mokiimo]

Actual Book: 0/10 Review of Book: 11/10

[@riccardoorlando2262]

I'd upvote, but you have 1111 upvotes.

[@Laurtew]

My husband looked in because I was laughing and I said, "this is a review of a bad book. The book was bad, the review was great." So, yes, I totally agree.

[@hayleyhellbound9513]

I want you to know that years later, you have influenced the purchasing of this and the Jeff the killer books so much that they are suggested in the “frequently bought together” part of their Amazon pages

[@davidwelchert264]

True social progress at its finest!

[@TheSanityX]

She can't keep getting away with this.

[@SophieJackson1993]

@@TheSanityX It’s an abomination.

[@babyblue_22]

Lol omg that is AMAZING 😆

[@amogsus631]

Holy shit no way lmao

[@georgesbugs6664]

"His pouty lips belonged to a face etched with strong features" did anyone else think of Handsome Squidward???

[@JosephM]

I read your comment as soon as she said it lmao

[@HughMansonMD]

I didnt...but now i cant not. The whole time shes reading this im picturing a 21 year old girl with a cartoon character that belongs in the uncanny valley. Thank you

[@thefairybug40]

Well *NOW* I am.

[@miguelthealpaca8971]

So you're saying Original Squidward isn't handsome!?

[@jojoschauman6055]

How did you know

[@TimeandMonotony]

That's it. From now on, every villainous monolog should be delivered while the villain is doing an awkward striptease.

[@macoy3943]

“And now Superman” says Lex Luthor as he pulls off his shoulderpads.

[@urinarytractinfection4508]

@@macoy3943 no.

[@theprofessor6838]

Perry the platypus *doofenshmirtz slides his lab coat down his shoulders* how nice of you to show up

[@ladymaiden2308]

LMFAO you guys are killing me. I actually cried reading these comments I laughed so hard

[@absolutemadladette]

"Batman!" Joker starts unbuttoning his suit "You're finally here!"

[@remnants9974]

the idea of an internet troll being "devilishly handsome" already breaks my suspension of disbelief

[@donaldhysa4836]

I am internet troll and wildly considered devilishly handsome where I live.

[@Crinkfries]

@@donaldhysa4836 where the heck do you live? Under a bridge?

[@donaldhysa4836]

@@Crinkfries In Eastern Europe people are generally better looking than americans here xD

[@theengine]

@@donaldhysa4836 Yes, very nice.

[@donaldhysa4836]

@@theengine Thank you :D

[@Idontknow-th9iq]

"Why don't you want me?" He asks wearing a devil mask with an airbrushed T in the middle, half-naked in her room which he broke into.

[@KyleRayner12]

Five minutes after threatening her father

[@ashikjaman1940]

And the T stand for Troll

[@usuariodoyoutube4718]

holding a gun

[@PinoccThePiccolo]

No context because I stopped the video one minute in (to get over the love interest's last name of all things), but judging from this I can tell that this book is going to be a doozy.

[@EarthLordCJ]

@@PinoccThePiccolo A doozy, it do be.

[@tigistsahlemariam327]

It's a Trolligy

[@pseudonym3733]

tigist sahlemariam HAHA

[@nika5318]

underated comme t

[@nicolev.3532]

go to the shame corner

[@ripleyandweeds1288]

*Get Out*

[@dabalojustalemonwithlemonn7795]

Go home

[@s.l.thecoffeeaddict1657]

So...she didnt know how to get rid of Justin, so she WENT TO SLEEP? She pulled a Victor Frankenstein.

[@JackedThor-so]

Nice reference!

[@Formoka]

This book does not deserve such an intelligent reference!

[@idigamstudios7463]

@@Odango_Atama09 Sounds like it ended about as well for her too. :I

[@comicsans2212]

nice comment m8

[@ericssmith2014]

Who can forget Justin Brogan's final speech, as what's-her-name fled across a New York street with a pocket full of mysterious cancelled cheques? “You, who call Frankenstein your friend, seem to have a knowledge of my crimes and his misfortunes. But in the detail which he gave you of them he could not sum up the hours and months of misery which I endured wasting in impotent passions. For while I destroyed his hopes, I did not satisfy my own desires. They were for ever ardent and craving; still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me?” ...God damn, where's the _Frankenstein_ fanfic? _Dracula_ gets all the action!

[@melware1372]

"Styled in a faux hawk, blond highlights streaked his auburn hair" Somehow I'm thinking of Guy Fieri right now

[@BritishTeaFGC]

Who wouldn't want Guy Fieri breaking into their house to seduce them? I had just assumed everyone had that fantasy at some point...

[@KyleRayner12]

@@BritishTeaFGC And describing himself stripping the same way he describes the addition of ingredients to a dish

[@tiraXpyrrha]

@@BritishTeaFGC I'd love for Guy Fieri to take me to Flavortown

[@chiefrief2940]

His multi-ringed fingers slowly began to unbutton his fire print silk shirt, his sultry eyes peering lustfully over his Oakley sunglasses, a wry smile across his goateed face. “The paprika gives the rub an extra kick that makes these ribs...the bomb-dot-com.” Guy’s raspy tones were driving me wild. I couldn’t take it anymore. As if the flames themselves were making me sweat, I ripped off the rest of his shirt, buttons flying across the kitchen. I ran my hands through the curls of his chest, stared into his eyes. “Oh, Guy! Take me to flavortown!” I moaned. “I want your donkey sauce all over me.”

[@BattleManiac7]

@@chiefrief2940 Sweet Jesus, this comment almost killed me. That has to be the hardest I'd ever laughed at a comment, ever. Bravo. You should think about writing a comedy story, will probably be better than whatever this story was.

[@LaineyBug2020]

I used to just browse the $0.00 priced books on kindle and once came across a book titled something like 'Brexit Made Me Gay'. I should have read it when I had the chance because I could never find it again...

[@graealn9982]

Was it “Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union”?

[@LaineyBug2020]

@@graealn9982 lol omg you found it! I love the Internet!

[@TimeandMonotony]

@@graealn9982 Gotta love Chuck Tingle.

[@SUPERIDOLdesho]

soo.. how was the book? 🥲🥲

[@LaineyBug2020]

@@SUPERIDOLdesho lol, it wasn't free anymore when I looked it up again! I held off...

[@dearimena7466]

What can I say, I'm a quirky guy.

[@fr4225]

your insatiable hunger for control is very charming, justin

[@barbararab6390]

Nice b00bz

[@benftimaisra8078]

Damn it justin get out

[@cutetiger678]

With the low resolution photo and everything 🤦‍♀️😂

[@sanari1032]

I’m gonna follow you... idk why. Maybe you’ll hack my computer and sneak into my apartment😂

[@TheSongwritingCat]

Wait... he's a ginger with blond highlights who styles his hair in a faux-hawk? Was she trying to imagine the worst hair you could give a male character?

[@EmilysAdventuresInHorrorland]

TheSongwritingCat I think the worst male hair is a lilac tonsure.

[@Emi14873]

Only makes since in anime.

[@Jose-xh5qb]

@@EmilysAdventuresInHorrorland That's very funny.

[@evies.1018]

At least it’s not a mullet?

[@ffflustered9qr]

I think she imagined 3 potentially hot hairstyles/hair types separately but then put them together to make something far worse.

[@Anna-tk7ui]

A fanfiction I wrote when I was seven involving Mewtwo and Mew and their children is better and more consistent then whatever this is.

[@skydroid3141]

And creative most likely

[@bossman6798]

That's incest.

[@artistica-artyc.9210]

@@bossman6798 sweet home alabama question mark

[@nope-ve9ks]

bUT MEW IS MEWTWOS MOTHER

[@khatunamezvrishvili6211]

@@nope-ve9ks even better :)

[@thelogician9879]

"Tummy" is so fundamentally anti-sexual that I am making it my new safe word.

[@MrSkerpentine]

Only surpassed by tum-tum

[@ScruffMcGruff86]

Had a potential partner refer to her lady bits as her "cookie" and I noped the fuck out of that situation like a deadbeat dad on Christmas morning. Sorry, I think I left my... something on, gotta go.

[@spookyoatmeal5605]

@@ScruffMcGruff86 oh god, I'd feel like a pedo if I got with someone like that...

[@Grock620]

It's a better safe word than "grandma" that's for sure

[@thelogician9879]

@@Grock620 Au contraire! A safe word's purpose is to STOP the current sexual activity being engaged in. Can you think of anything that would halt a sexual encounter in its tracks faster than one of the participants hollering out "GRANDMA!" Seems to me like it would be super effective.

[@JustADiceGoblin]

My personal favourite self published series is Bearllionaire. "He's a billionaire, and a bear, and he'd never let anything happen to his mate... "

[@asterixsubs3656]

PositivelyVillainous wait is this an actual book?

[@Longknife]

But that just sounds awesome

[@blankflank3488]

PositivelyVillainous wow, I love puns, but that... that made me cringe.

[@ready2cry]

dDKJCBDSDJKScjDCNDSC;S BEARLLIONAIRE IS A GENUINE MASTERPIECE

[@michaelceraweed]

*slowly opens amazon*

[@IamMissPronounced]

How to gain a girl's trust: _talk to her on a dating site, hack her computer, break into her house_

[@scottlofty]

And they say that romance is dead.

[@barbararab6390]

A tale as old as time

[@zexionthefirst6767]

Does it work on guys too?

[@NegaRenGenX2gay2lift]

Not a d.e.n.n.i.s. system, but you get the same results

[@cathsaigh2197]

@rakat sceptic But you're at her apartment, right? So all's good.

[@thegrandberry4418]

Stripping down while talking about how you hacked into a computer is the best kind of foreplay

[@pomegranatejelly9767]

Thegrandberry you say that jokingly, but as a programmer that would totally work on me

[@marshalinehamismother]

Gaby G. Oh my god, your intricate knowledge of computers and your acceptence into Mensa is turning👏🏼 me👏🏼 on👏🏼

[@CheezMonsterCrazy]

@rakat sceptic I prefer proficiency in Python, if you catch my meaning.

[@entr3_nou5]

@-DepthCharge get you a girl who will greet you every morning with “print(“Hello world!”)”

[@MuttFitness]

@rakat sceptic crude joke warning: I prefer women proficient in D.

[@QuibbleTrouble]

He should have quoted rickroll lyrics at her at the end, and it turns out the entire book was a convoluted rickroll.

[@ScruffMcGruff86]

"As he walked out the door, she began to sob. He turned, flipped down his sunglasses and said, 'Deal with it.'"

[@daftzilla]

That would have actually been good

[@llewelynshingler2173]

I'll Find you Kendra! We're no Strangers to Love! You know the Rules and So do I!

[@sr2971]

@@ScruffMcGruff86 Ain't that just 'gone with the wind'?

[@teddybaker4759]

@@llewelynshingler2173 A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy.

[@TheCrazyBrittish]

"He said the door let him in" from the way he was going about things i thought you were gonna say he somehow hacked the door

[@tamramyers5841]

maybe its the new door technology that lets people in with deliveries- that could probably be hackable

[@LM-sc2wl]

I don't know why but this made me laugh.

[@Shiirow]

well if one can "Hack the Planet", its logical to think someone can "Hack the Door".

[@darkmyro]

yep, he had an axe.

[@mike140298]

Well, since electronic door locks are a thing, that might be the most realistic thing about that book.

[@andeve3]

working title: The Hot Hunk Who Hacked My Heart

[@mustavogaia2655]

keep the alliteration: a Hot Hunk Hacked my Heart

[@oliviaaus1086]

abreviated: HHHH

[@yusufkadar]

*Hacker voice* "I'm in (love)."

[@justcallmejay12]

Bro I guarantee that if this was a Chuck Tingle work it would be a masterpiece

[@cherami1864]

707 lol?

[@rolanslide8509]

"an absolute whale at 125 pounds" either this girl is extraordinarily short or this author has zero concept of what is considered overweight. something tells me it's the latter.

[@amtep]

She might have been reading Bridget Jones Diary

[@erickalbani546]

Maybe author confused pounds and kilos

[@derekchristenson5711]

Wait, am I the only one who assumed that "our heroine" was a member of the Lollipop Guild?

[@ashikjaman1940]

Nah she's totally 1 foot tall

[@roxy20231000]

Maybe she ment kilograms and got confused...

[@SpyrosKoronis]

"He broke into her house and was not invited in" So at least he's not a vampire, I guess...

[@patricklinford689]

Depends on which kind there are :P

[@gkarenko9593]

Sparkles?

[@MmeCShadow]

"It's kind of hard to know what her problem is." I think it's pretty obvious. At 2:14 you say she 'turns men's heads in public'. That's not a metaphorical statement, she actually goes down the street and just wrenches guy's heads. She's forced to stay in her apartment watching lovers walk the street because she's under house arrest for multiple assaults.

[@Cinn-yt]

i love you

[@twigstudios]

I actually did a spit take when I read this...well played...LOL

[@lillyofthenorth8798]

Chaos Shadow I was brushing my teeth when I read your comment. Nearly choked on my toothbrush. D: Worth it. Thank you.

[@Salmoninyourrice]

That actually made me laugh 😂😂😂

[@teabooks2291]

I would read that book.

[@kelwilli827]

"Justin, a name that stole my breath and accelerated my pulse." That's called FEAR, bud!

[@furiscafynn6275]

I don't know why this comment amused me, but it did. Probably because it's true for this character

[@rickieleel.1806]

hahahaha

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

Suddenly realizing how many emotions involve accelerated heart rate.

[@wahtwhy7144]

Why would a name scare her though?

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Justin is such a scary name.

[@lynnpehrson8826]

T - angels R - of O - light L - and L - darkness

[@baneoftechnology]

*dankness

[@eleniaristeidou502]

Oohhh

[@TheCutestTriangle]

I suddenly see AOL ads in a new light.

[@benftimaisra8078]

Damn the most dangerous creatures in the universe, Tangels.

[@mr.burkenstock4188]

Tangles Rof O’light Land L’darkness?

[@juls_krsslr7908]

I found this author's blog and she's definitely a woman. She says she was 38 in 2013 which is around the time Troll was published. She wrote four Troll "novels," then told her readers that she wasn't going to continue the series. She stopped writing around 2016. It seemed like she was having some health problems and she mentioned homeschooling her daughter. She also seemed disillusioned with self-publishing. She thought she was going to be the next E.L. James, then realized that wasn't likely to happen. I suspect Troll was inspired by 50 Shades of Grey since she mentioned James several times.

[@Mikeanglo]

Every time someone hurts my feelings or threatens me online, I uninstall windows, take every component out of the tower, vacuum seal them separately, and store them all in my garage until shit cools down. Usually a couple of days.

[@sofaninja0552]

That story is really dated for being published in 2014, however in 1984 that story would have had a theatrical release

[@sofaninja0552]

Awesomely awful just like a lot of things that were somehow made

[@ElRook]

Doug Sullivan you know, it's 2017 and two movies have already been made about a badly written Twilight fanfic that got turned into a romance about bondage.

[@sofaninja0552]

ElRook I do know but I'm not sure how old you are but a plot like what you described would have definitely existed on cinemax late Saturday night, in fact I'm positive that you could probably find 3

[@ToriHiragana]

Doug Sullivan Other way around I think. You have a very skewed idea of 80s movies. Twilight and 50 Shades are 💯 millennial made

[@sofaninja0552]

toriloveSubarukun oh I know 80s movies I was alive during the latter half of of it and I never referenced twilight that was someone else

[@sicksalt7765]

I thought this was going to be a erotic book about a woman who falls in love with an actual, literal troll. Man am I disappointed

[@ladymaiden2308]

Annabelle Evans LOL. Would a woman and an actual troll count as beastiality, or is a troll humanoid enough that it wouldn't?

[@l3luSpy]

@@ladymaiden2308 Depends are we looking at something from dnd or elder scrolls? or are we talking about something from wow?

[@iEatFrogs_]

Shrek?

[@ladymaiden2308]

l3luSpy um, you tell me, please. I'm more of a mermaid girl. I know nothing yet of trolls.

[@ladymaiden2308]

l3luSpy and if you don't mind, please attach as much of an explanation as you care to leave. I am curious, but not pushy.

[@kx_xx]

Girl: “I turn men’s heads on the street all the time” Also girl: says she received the first ever compliment on her physical appearance at over 20 years old

[@rattyeely]

Literally not inaccurate if you're social akward and never talk to people

[@kx_xx]

@@rattyeely yeah but generally socially awkward people don’t vain-brag about how they are so attractive or turn mens heads on the street all the time. Normally socially awkward people thinking when peoples heads turn when they’re walking down the street, it’s a negative connotation (like they’re ugly or weird or “everyone’s always looking at me they can tell I’m not normal”, not assuming it’s bc they’re so wildly attractive and irresistible. Socially awkward people aren’t exactly full off themselves or think they’re really good looking and attractive. It’s like the unrealistic meme trope of the hot girl who is popular and shallow but says stuff like “omg I’m soooo ugly no one’s ever told me I’m pretty before” “omg guys are alwayyyyysss looking at me when I walk in a room it’s sooooo annoying I’m just so introverted uwu” and “i totally don’t have any friends no one ever talks to me” while all simultaneously saying “omg guys are always hitting on me it’s like I can’t even go unnoticed walking down the street it’s so hard being hot”.

[@didiercollard]

She only "turns heads" because she's an absolute whale at 125 pounds. 😂

[@timothymclean]

@@didiercollard To be fair, chubbiness is a factor of both weight and height. The book doesn't _say_ she's taller than 4'8".

[@bigawesomewatermelon9511]

​@@timothymclean lol I'm only 5'2 when my weight dips below 120 I look absolutely skeletal. It's not just height, it's your bone structure, if you have wide hips and shoulders, a longer torso, etc.

[@TindraSan]

"What's my father involved in?!" "Isn't it obvious? Corruption! Bribery!" Are we sure Neil Breen didn't write this?

[@samb3209]

This is an underrated comment

[@Tareltonlives]

Mind. Blown.

[@janeeyre1990]

Naaaational and international corruption *I know* is going on

[@chymos6628]

I resign today as president of The Bank.

[@Tareltonlives]

@@chymos6628 (shoots self)

[@nicklewry3854]

This is how every guy who sends horrifyingly obscene sexual messages ACTUALLY thinks its going to play out, isn’t it? Yikes.

[@taliajung1553]

The fact that you're probably right makes me feel absolutely terrified

[@witchby7420]

@@taliajung1553 they're not 'probably right' They're absolutely right

[@KamenRiderFeline]

Textbook for nice guys, neckbeards and incels... Bleh

[@MrLTiger]

sometimes it works

[@KamenRiderFeline]

@@MrLTiger Kick in the balls or YA as a learning material for dating?

[@sanfransiscon]

I was getting really anxious about the romance I'm writing. I needed this. I don't feel so bad anymore.

[@mrjoe332]

LOL Icon I'm 100% sure it might be at least better than that book

[@furiscafynn6275]

HA! Same.

[@NewtsOnAcid]

Judging by your username I'm unsure if your "romance" would be well received outside of Japan lmao

[@aperson.7585]

Me too...

[@kittysrock16]

Sjjsdjdjhddh me too, this boosted my writing confidence

[@Blossomcloud321]

"I'm a receptionist at a pediatric clinic" I, a receptionist at a pediatric clinic, listening to this video while prepping for work, am truly horrified.

[@tracychristenson177]

I'm pretty sure that the only reason Kyla Atkins has a job is that her daddy, the corrupt judge, has some dirt on the pediatrician. That's why she never gets fired for not showing up or goofing off on the job. Kyla's just not sharp enough to figure out that her salary is essentially a form of blackmail payment.

[@kiamaria331]

I hate when people describe muscles as bulging. Like, it nakes me think of some body builder that has overdone the steroids and is wearing a speedo that is obviously three sizes too small. Like, gross. Bulging is not a sexy word.

[@Roadent1241]

Kia Maria muscles just make me feel ill either way. I'm wierd, I know.

[@fr4225]

bulge owo

[@KazmirRunik]

His bulging bulge bulgingly bulged from his bulges.

[@DisDatK9]

Makes me want to self publish a creepypasta fanfic called *MOIST BULGING*

[@lesmortimers4791]

"Justin's sexy blue eyes bulged out"...I may see what you're saying

[@redmanish]

Why can’t these “authors” just get a Tumblr account like a normal weirdo?

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

excuse you

[@NonsenseWithGlasses]

redmanish “normal weirdo” 😂

[@wokeslush9489]

花菊 I sense a Tumblr weirdo

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

@@wokeslush9489 excuse you

[@imnothere6696]

Are there different levels of weird?!

[@BelligerentSky]

Is the author of this book just Onision under an alias?

[@TheCamps10]

Oh, you absolutely nailed it!

[@nectarinn3]

Nah, the main character is the girl, so it's not him. Can't have an onion boy book without a male self-insert.

[@incognitoburrito6020]

Onision wishes he could write this well.

[@ciatagni1345]

YES

[@jackdanielsinthelionsden1887]

Nah, Not enough pedophilia for that

[@deeviousrat]

i want you to know that i have watched this video multiple times but it took me forever to realize that the front cover was a steamy romance cover and not an illustration of a garden troll. the mind sees what it wants to see.

[@orsikocs]

I thought it was a polar bear first 😅 paused it and then saw what it was supposed to be 😂

[@MrJjjakey]

The author goes from having a super limited idea of how to use a website to fully detailing a cross site scripting attack. The disconnect is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.

[@alexcaffrey983]

jjjakey Copy pasted maybe

[@thelexicon7294]

Yeah, no, this was written by someone with very limited understanding of how The Internets work - but juuust sufficient enough to go on a forum, ask "How would you hack somone's dating profile in a fictional universe where men in devil masks go waving submachine guns around residential areas and that's cool?" Got the answer, employed an obscure Copy And Paste tactic that no one probably knows about, went back to 1973 to carry on.

[@willofbob]

I just checked and, assuming she's of average height, 125 lbs is smack dab in the middle of the ideal range for her BMI, which is genuinely concerning if the author considers that 'whale' weight.

[@ivys1991]

I agreee

[@cawesomewhatever]

It really depends on height too and age. But hard to believe that 125 would ever be whale weight I am personally around 200 range and 5 foot 9 and that is technically overweight but yeah. It honestly makes me mad when people who don’t actually weigh that much or weigh at an healthy weight day they are too fat. You beautiful bissshh every size. 🤣

[@MrShanester117]

willofbob And the REAL average weight of an American woman is 180 pounds. That’s average. Everyone is lying

[@Talking_Ed]

Maybe she has dwarfism?

[@amityislandchum]

@@MrShanester117 Yes, but the "average" American woman is overweight. 40% are obese. 180 may be the average, but it's overweight.

[@hayakagi]

Jenny Nicholson I don't know if anyone has made this comment yet: I have a degree in Digital Forensics, and that explanation of how he hacked her computer is 100% accurate. Mr. Robot isn't that accurate. A hacker wrote this book.

[@emilysyoutubechannel2259]

That’s what I was thinking. The rest is so badly written that it CANT have been a writer. It was a hacker trying to write romance. (I use the term ‘romance’ loosely)

[@Jessamine29]

Maybe it's a very bizarre wish fulfillment fic by a hacker?

[@StoufSto]

@@Jessamine29 no shit,

[@jacobpatterson3737]

I mean, who else would title their magnum opus with an acronym. Lol

[@awoods1039]

I just assumed someone googled it or got help and copy pasted that part, since it’s so direct and technical and they otherwise don’t know how computers/the internet works.

[@trinitysarah2992]

"a total whale at 125 pounds" woah I'm a whole two whales big, that's kinda cool I rule the sea

[@ScruffMcGruff86]

To quote Jedi Master Liam Neeson: "There's always a bigger fish."

[@abbywolffe4114]

You have to fuse with another two-whaled person and become the ultimate final boss

[@i-never-look-at-replies-lol]

Uh if you're actually 250lbs you need to stop being 250lbs

[@rheasilverstorm6366]

@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol you should stop commenting on people’s weight

[@royalpain9939]

@@i-never-look-at-replies-lol you should find a life

[@Arinaretina]

This feels like a Wattpad story

[@comicsgeek3729]

There are actually pretty good, creative stories in Wattpad that I actually would like it to be published. But instead, all that bad boy, abusive relationship, cliche shit gets to become a book.

[@tinybutmighty4795]

*Ahem* Add me on WP. *Ahem* username is _LuvHurtz_

[@leonv1472]

Nah, more like Quotev. For some reason this kind of stuff is just all over the place there.

[@_toulouse]

comics geek It's alright; you can say The Kissing Booth.

[@forestwulf828]

It seriously does. There are a lot of amazing stories on wattpad, but there are also hundreds of books almost exactly like this one. I've been unfortunate enough to read the first pages of a few

[@bosanskilonac_inspace]

"I never meant it to go this far" "BRO you started this far" is an underated line and got me rolling on the floor

[@1seansouth]

my favourite line, brilliant

[@oggser8050]

are we just gonna ignore how dumb the name "justin brogan" is

[@mr.messofgeorgia]

Hulk Hogan's little brother

[@porgeporgeporge]

Kyla Adkins is equally bad

[@Lucien86]

How dare you! I have a friend called Justin Brogan. [sorry just a meme :D]

[@Lyoko1309]

Justin Brogan, from Broregon City, Broregon, USA. His interests include hacking, trolling, and brorigami.

[@julesmallow]

@Maurits Who the fuck is attracted to even the slightest hint of the word "bro"

[@geraltshmm5750]

Me who thought she was gonna fall in love with an actual troll: "My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined."

[@WhiteRaven696]

In theory, a story about a hacktivist seducing a corrupt judge’s daughter in order to expose his crimes as they fall in love sounds like a sexy, thrilling crime novel. In execution, we get THIS. 🤢

[@eleanormason2647]

It probably could have been better if it was longer than seven chapters and showed rather than told all of this. Instead it all gets revealed in pillow talk!

[@anothermillennialschannel-9815]

You’ve got me thinking about the book it had the potential to be. I am so pissed off.

[@street-wisesmart-bomb8536]

Completely agree, that’s actually an interesting premise. But it seems it was a very tall order for the author.

[@WhiteRaven696]

@@anothermillennialschannel-9815 If this was written by someone like James Patterson, that shit would've blown up the New York Times Bestseller list and we all know it. It's disgraceful.

[@adelemon4409]

Let me know if a good book with this or a similar premise exists because now I'm invested

[@jellybeanjustin82]

"i dont want to offend anyone named justin, but it's just justin!" me: *sobbing in the distance*

[@adeer87]

jellybean justin No more anti-Justin propaganda!

[@sadlytemporary4143]

This Just-In ;D Justins across the country begin a class action lawsuit to pursue a just-indictment of Jenny's attack on Justins

[@mikeoochie7699]

awh😭😂😂😂😂😂

[@dracofirex]

I mean, I guess you could be named Karen ....like me. XD

[@roshni.i227]

@Boom Goes The Dynamite Aye

[@yusufkadar]

*Hacker voice* "I'm in (love)."

[@svgarsnap]

i'd read something with this as a title

[@yusufkadar]

@@svgarsnap Good, because I plan to write a 20-part series. It'll just be the transcript for this video and the the text from the actual book scrambled together into 20 different combinations.

[@croco_duck]

Sounds like a cheesy Nickelodeon original movie

[@uniquemystique8566]

Yusuf Kadar yesss

[@DasOfTheBroken]

*Hacker's voice* "I'm in (her)."

[@mayomust]

honestly all tinder harassment should involve a striptease where they explain exactly how they hacked into your phone

[@the13throse]

"You harassed me and broke into my house but you're cute so imma let it slide"

[@yotasukekinnie9389]

Honestly same

[@maddibesaddi]

we’ve all been there

[@maxonite]

Is it bad that I can relate to that

[@jamesmoseley5428]

Nobody’s perfect

[@morganqorishchi8181]

I mean, I would accept that if it had been a porg.

[@sleepyowlsleeps]

I'm not totally convinced this book isn't itself an act of trolling.

[@mw7845]

Sleepy Owl 🤯

[@ndzhelin2651]

So recently I stumbled upon some old drama from the community of the game Sims 3, a really toxic flamewar I didn't even have the context for, and one of the people from the old official forum who was getting exposed was none other than the author of this book. I'm not kidding, the dirt dug up on her was that she wrote bad erotica and I was almost bowled over by seeing Troll in the screenshot of what she had published. I don't know who else needs to know that THE author of THE worst book ever written was once an active member of the Sims community who was involved in a lot of drama and trolling herself, likely fueling her... fetish? for it in the process, but it was the greatest revelation I have ever had and I need to share it.

[@EliteNormie]

LMAO TF

[@Abananapie]

Hshsjdjh thats so weird what,,,?? do you have a link lol

[@willisthrilled]

Receipts???

[@myettechase]

Holy shit. Thank you for your service.

[@percyap4271]

That's wild

[@AndromedaMoon888]

10:55 I just realized Justin Brogan sounds like “Justin broke in” which would also be accurate

[@ashem05]

I like how the megaporg in the background is in the French girl pose

[@iliketrains5525]

Crmccombs draw me like one of your French girls

[@andrewjohnstone7943]

@@iliketrains5525 *french porgs

[@bemiatto67]

I love how the story suddenly gets a complex plot about political scandal and internet vigilantes in the last few pages of the book

[@lexin8139]

Bemi Atto Open with that plot and maybe the book just might have turned out halfway decent

[@fr4225]

seems legit

[@ill232]

It became a neil breen film

[@tiacat11]

I was scrolling through the comments midway through the video and I have to say, I was not expecting this.

[@sadlittleratboy]

I could have gotten into it if the build up hadn't been...like that.

[@realmofdoors9605]

"I never meant to take it this far" "Bro, you started this far" 😂

[@Troels_T_Kjoeller]

I’m left with two giant questions I have to get out for my own sanity’s sake: If he’s a hacker, why was his job to seduce a woman, gain access to her apartment, and then search it for physical evidence? None of that seems to play to a hacker’s strenghts. Why not try to access the judge’s computer or phone to find evidence by, you know, hacking him? Or if you can ‘hack’ her front door, why not just do that while she’s at work, and then search her apartment then? The woman was very interested in getting a date, and had self esteem issues. Maybe try to seduce her by just asking her out nicely, and then gain her trust by being romantic? Acting crazy, admitting you hacked her, and breaking into her house sounds like the wrong strategy to reach your objective in every possible way. Ugh, I have to go now, my brain is revolting…

[@clementinedanger]

So is hers HEYOOOO

[@camilohiche4475]

Whatever the case, the "everything that has happened so far was all just a spy job" is about the lamest - and thus hilarious - narrative plot twist imaginable.

[@Halinspark]

You wouldn't understand, you're just not MENSA enough.

[@ilikeshiba]

The entire book is actually just the main character’s fever dream. Her dad isn’t even a judge

[@cheesepants9833]

I was REALLY rooting for the next lines after, "You were using me?" to be *"Sure was, baby," said Justin, right before he stole my father (Judge Atkin)'s papers and fled out the window, his naked bulging muscles glistening in the starlit night.* *And that was the last time I ever saw him.* And all along, the book was never a romance at all, it was itself a troll.

[@AcBaLkX]

cheese pants this comment makes the book like really good and I’m confused now

[@incognitoburrito6020]

I'm having flashbacks to that Trump fanfiction.

[@Jordan-Ramses]

Judge Atkins sends you to prison if you eat carbs.

[@macgirl1234]

Oh my gosh! This would have made it PERFECT!

[@saraha180]

@@Jordan-Ramses And he _won't_ sugarcoat it!

[@charliethesquishywitch340]

Can we get more awful books reviews ? I laughed so much I cried

[@stefanfilipovits21]

Charlotte Labaquere PLEEEAAASSSEEE! This was hilarious

[@filipisandre]

for some reason i could only imagine this guy looking like guy fieri in my head

[@rowanlavellan9755]

TAKE HER TO FLAVOUR TOWN! No wait don't that's abduction Justin

[@laurenw2442]

don't disgrace guy fieri like that

[@NinjaDeathSlap]

This comment has made me realise that there is probably Guy Fieri erotica somewhere on the internet and now I think I need to go and live on an island with nothing but porgs and weird hut-people for about 20 years while I emotionally process this.

[@ladyj.9350]

David Sayers there is absolutely guy fieri erotica

[@Angelina-nm9lx]

filip isandre I appreciate this comment

[@Melody-td5hd]

It's a testament to this books awfulness when Jenny, who is typically very well-spoken and illustrative about her thoughts, is resigned to just saying "... Girl" after the bit at 12:00.

[@herb_rolls]

Genuinely not sure the author is a woman. The way she writes what womanhood and life is like doesn't line up. Sounds like the way a guy who identifies with the troll would write what being a woman is like. Most female writers spend time embellishing themselves whereas this writer endlessly praises the troll and the female character is just a follower to his actions, reactionary.

[@junobs7362]

I thought the same, I've never red a women write about women this way. Maybe I'm wrong but it just seems like a guy has written it, based on how they describe women

[@junobs7362]

@BigTastyTyrone HAH

[@TheMrVengeance]

Also I don't think a female writer would use the word "tummy" in a work of erotic fiction. Sounds more like a male writer who's unfamiliar with how women refer to their body parts. Makes me wish Jenny had gone a little more in-depth on the sex scenes, I feel like the words used for the more intimate parts would give more of this away.

[@ashleyw9111]

This just reads like an incel fantasy.

[@jpmackey8167]

I can all but guarantee that the author's real name is Justin.

[@Kameratyp]

I don't like where Mr Robot went with this season...

[@lovelandfrog5692]

“Everything’s bulging” - Jenny, 2017

[@em2478]

tell me why I looked down at my stomach and got sad

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

@@em2478 haodnfsns don't call me out like that !!

[@Naathalia12]

If you go and see the Goodreads page of this book, you're gonna be shocked. The people who genuinely love this thing? They exist

[@spookyboy8127]

they what

[@mynameisreallycool1]

In an ironic way?

[@carldurant2868]

Nah the author sends out the books to people for free in exchange for good reviews - one of the reviewers actually said this, then left a 5 star review...

[@e.sowell245]

😱

[@SergGirl]

If I ever succumb to my own hubris and try to write a novel, I’m going to proofread my work in Jenny’s voice to keep myself humble.

[@addicted2mako]

“She’s insecure, but she turns men’s heads everywhere she goes.” To quote KrimsonRogue: “Bella Swan harder!!!”

[@TheMrVengeance]

I mean, it's not impossible or even improbable. Being attractive doesn't mean you can't be insecure. But it IS a trope done to death.

[@toefingers]

She's actually just so ugly its horribly noticeable

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

I am a weird inverse Bella Swan in that I think I'm pretty dang cute and no one else seems to agree, so I can only conclude I'm biased. Or that men are intimidated by the intelligence, or don't like it that I snort when I laugh real hard.

[@ashikjaman1940]

@@FiddlebirdBlue You're so beautiful that everyone else is scared and has to put you down lest their fragile egos shatter like glass

[@ScruffMcGruff86]

She was 5'5", 124 lbs with long auburn hair and green eyes with little gold flecks. But no one wanted her because she was slightly socially awkward and tended to stutter when nervous. K.

[@sanaamariam5193]

Someone had a REALLY niche kink and HAD to share it lmao

[@SilverShadow02]

Domination and control isn't all that niche

[@sunnysea24]

@@SilverShadow02 "Domination and control" is a lot more vague than "wanting someone to hack my computer then break into my house"

[@iloveferrets5859]

@@sunnysea24 yeah you tell him

[@sicariusvast9555]

Well, I'm into this THICC Porg in the bsckground

[@dedemushi7824]

i think this is a logical progression from 50 shades. 😌

[@andrewb.8184]

She's into bad boys and rapey scenarios but signed up for "true Christian love?" Now I'm just wondering what her bio looks like

[@amityislandchum]

To be fair, the Bible is pretty pro-rape.

[@carloscaro9121]

"I'm not like other girls," duh.

[@user-pm1gb2eo1s]

sharksandsheep I mean, the Old Testament has that one law about how a woman that has been raped should marry the aggressor. The New Testament is a wee bit better in that regard.

[@amityislandchum]

@@user-pm1gb2eo1s The New Testament also specifies that every law set in the OT still stands. So, not really better.

[@user-pm1gb2eo1s]

sharksandsheep Yeah, just meant they didn’t add anything new.

[@MrJjjakey]

Man, if this is how the protagonist responds to internet sexual harassment, she wouldn't last a second on Xbox Live.

[@foxmcfog7809]

Just wait until the bot breaks and splurts out code, she would be shocked

[@ghostmain3382]

ahhhhhh lmao

[@l8Os]

jjjakey what’s your Xbox name lemme harass you

[@MrJjjakey]

I haven't used my XBox account since early 360 era, you're better off just leaving the harassment here lmao.

[@TheoneandonlyDrops]

+jjjakey Ok, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of Elder-berries.

[@MrLoveAMV]

If he was such a good hacker, wouldn’t he just hack to find Judge Atkin’s bank account statements or something??

[@blokey8]

That strikes me as a "solve that problem and you have no story" problem. Then again, considering the story in question...

[@GodMothaKyle]

Shhhhh we don't have room for continuity here

[@autumn_breeze616]

@@blokey8Thing is, good storytelling will allow for scenarios where this sort of solution can't happen, even if it's just simple. Everyone always asks why they didn't just fly to Mordor on the eagles in TLOTR, but they forget that there IS an explanation in the text. The eagles are scarcely seen, and even rarer do they interact with people. When they finally arrive after the armies of Mordor fall to bring our heroes home, it's seen as somewhat of a miracle and a sign that evil has left the land. Other stories will provide solutions such as the characters simply hadn't considered the possibility, and set up their scenarios in ways that make that reality plausible. In Avengers Endgame, we see that Tony Stark has been trying to figure out time travel, but had concluded it was impossible and so filed it away or had slowed his work on it. It's only when Scott Lang arrives as living proof that you can safely travel through the timestream that his belief in his work is renewed and he's able to finally crack the code. Here we see that he did do the logical thing. Tony Stark is a super-genius, if anyone can figure out time travel it's him. Of course he considered it. But he ruled it out BECAUSE he was logical and he didn't see it as a probable solution. This particular instance didn't give any reason as to why he wouldn't approach the problem like that, or couldn't. The fact that he's a part of an organized group makes it even weirder. There's ways it COULD work. Maybe they wanted some kind of blackmail so he started dating the judge's daughter to get racey images of her or something. It totally COULD work, the author just clearly didn't think about it very much haha.

[@blokey8]

@@autumn_breeze616 I'm actually with you on pretty much all of that.

[@duskrush]

I feel like Revealing Eden: Save the Pearls is the worst book. It's about how a white girl has to use blackface to survive in a post-apocalyptic society

[@imperfectwaffles5688]

Wait what?

[@SP3CTR0L1T3]

Oh god, why does that ring a bell? I think I saw a screenshot of the blurb somewhere, and it was overwhelmingly racist. Like some sort of "white genocide" fetish fantasy written by a Republican.

[@davidtaylor142]

Why does the apocalypse dislike white people?

[@ribozyme2899]

@@davidtaylor142 Because it was brought upon the world by liberal sjw black gay antifa commie feminazis!

[@normalusernameiguess1516]

@@ribozyme2899 obviously /s

[@aacsmiles]

This book was written by the kind of person who thinks JD from Heathers is romantic.

[@bettycharms]

aacsmiles ew , totally.

[@fairytalebeliever8394]

shit you right I see the parallels ew

[@anxietyyeet9859]

Justin dean

[@MissVintage789]

Nothing wrong with being a freak 💀💀💀

[@arifybush1203]

The musical version of the character is slightly more tolerable and less keen on killing Veronica, but still, a maniac.

[@animatedgeek1009]

When I first read the video title, I thought it was gonna be a knock off twilight book where instead of hot vampires or werewolves it was a hot troll that lived under a bridge who our heroine met when she was told to solve three riddles. Turns out one of the riddles...was the trolls heart.

[@animatedgeek1009]

Memsly Mem because it came from me and I’m the best.

[@renge5589]

...i'm suddenly really happy that that didn't happen...😓

[@animatedgeek1009]

renge Speak for urself 😤

[@WolfHreda]

Heroine* Heroin is probably what the author was on when they wrote this book.

[@PRGME7]

AnimatedGeek100 honestly that’s a better concept than the book we got.

[@TheGreatMondello]

My new favorite phrase: "Midwestern mom with no shame." I want to commission an expensive portrait of myself with that phrase inscribed on a golden plaque beneath it.

[@hagberry6477]

I'll gladly do the portrait for you

[@schoo9256]

I'm not even American and this comment is my best self.

[@schufck5272]

You have to write a kind-of-but-not-really sexy romance novel with dubious consent before you can claim that title.

[@Actual-Knight]

despite this book being terrible, it does seem to have the most accurate description of hacking I've ever seen in a work of fiction

[@Abe_bb]

Oh my god, you’re right. How was the bar that low

[@Degioannie]

Further proof it was actually written by a guy

[@hopeofsaya]

@@Degioannie uhm what

[@starwarfan8342]

@@snoozley853 stereotypes exist for a reason. For some reason or another, men enjoy dealing with computers in general more than women. Idk why. Obviously it's not a good idea to make broad generalizations, I'm a guy and I'm basically tech illiterate, but the trend is still pretty accurate.

[@merrilloshaughnessy1154]

This doesn’t necessarily conflict with what you said but if you’re interested, research in the gender divide in computing generally shows that men and women are equally interested in and competent with computers as children (until about 3rd grade). But after this age both girls and boys begin to believe boys are “better” at using computers and girls generally begin to decline in confidence and therefore interest. The same pattern is seen in math and some sciences. You can identify this trend as caused by stereotype threat (not just natural disinterest) because if reminded of their gender prior to taking a math exam, women do worse than if their gender isn’t mentioned. The same is not true for men. A reminder that you’re supposedly bad at something is enough to diminish your abilities. By adulthood, men use computers more than women and are more likely to enter tech related careers, even though among adults who actually are software engineers there is no difference in skill between genders. So you’re actually kind of right, women enjoy dealing with computers slightly less than men, but they don’t start out that way; they learn that at a young age. Right or not, you might want to consider the stereotypes you reinforce. They’re kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, don’t you think?

[@prettygirlrock444]

i've watched this video several times now and i've only just realized that the cover is a couple making out. every time i honest to god thought it was a polar bear around ice and every time i was like why would they do that.

[@brookeworley5140]

Oh my gosh you're right and I also never noticed

[@bsidethebox]

Me too!

[@ampersandcastle1091]

Same!! I thought it was something to do with ‘animalistic impulses’ or smth? Or just because polar bears are cool

[@colorbar.s]

I can't see a polar bear :(

[@damon899]

Same, but I was honest-to-God 100% sure the cover was a troll. As in a fantasy bridge troll. Now that you've revealed the truth to me, I can't unsee the couple making out, I can't even point out where exactly I saw a troll... but I swear that up until three minutes ago that cover depicted a bloody troll! I'm not mad, I'm perfectly sane!

[@laurelcello]

the name "justin brogan" has major chad energy if you ask me also is nobody gonna talk about how god awful spiky auburn hair with blonde highlights is

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

It's a cursed hairstyle. No one wants to talk about it.

[@laurelcello]

@@ReiAnikaAyanami haha fair enough

[@suemccashland]

it was SO HARD TO PICTURE

[@Raw774]

Is it guy fieri after all?

[@GioTheVax]

The hairstyle of someone in a college rock band in 2003

[@biogopher]

Justin : *breaks into home* Also Justin : "My job was to gain your trust"

[@joschistep3442]

😂

[@judeconnor-macintyre9874]

Justin: "I'm bad at my job"

[@Croutonking65]

This story reminds me of when I had to write an SAT writing prompt and described the characters in detail only to realize I only had 15 minutes left to have them actually do something

[@crossthekira99]

Daughter of a respected judge, working as a receptionist, and only weighs 120 lbs? You mean no single dads tried to compliment you once? How deep was your nose in the dating site?

[@crispylith9558]

How tall is she, even? 120 lbs on a 4'1 woman or on a 5'8 (or more) woman are gonna make quite a difference in how she'll look

[@alliebonesVODs]

Maybe she's like 6'7" and she looks like a skeleton in a shrink-wrapped skin suit?

[@dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668]

@@alliebonesVODs This is Halloween!

[@sourpuss5951]

We need answers! Does she look like the book's title or a bony giraffe?

[@tracychristenson177]

Remember, she doesn't always show up at work, and even when she's there, she's not really working. The secret is that her corrupt judge daddy got this job for her because he's got dirt on the pediatrician, and that's why she never gets fired for not really working. Her employment is basically a form of blackmail payment, and she's not sharp enough to have figured it out.

[@rachelleigh7027]

Jenny! Emma Clark has more books! They're called "Boy Next Door", "Chosen", "Baby Daddy", "Dancer", and "Teaching Melody"! Please review them!

[@astrangermagi]

Rachel Likes To Smile Baby Daddy omg

[@sanfransiscon]

I absolutely had to look these up. Boy Next Door = kidnapping and BDSM Chosen = girl gets drugged, becomes the sexual prize for some contest Baby Daddy = woman hates husband, cheats on him with stepson (who I share a name with... oof) Dancer = girl's friend dies, she meets a dancer, ...revenge? Not sure how erotica works into this... Teaching Melody = girl has crush on friend's single father WHAT

[@isabelasiqueira5405]

Rachel Likes To Smile "baby daddy" i sCreamed

[@izzydog111]

RM

[@sanfransiscon]

@method haibane lol Which part?

[@JablecnyMliko]

Hacker voice: I'm Just in

[@superswagmimi4237]

Tokehko 220 sorry im replying late but this is SO fucking funny

[@direcircumstances]

This was my first ever Jenny Nicholson video. I'm so glad this managed to hit the algorithm in a way that caused it to show up on my recommended page. She truly is a gift.

[@albertskoften1452]

Man, you really got thrown in the deep end. I don't know what would qualify as "entry level Jenny" (probably one of the Star Wars videos) but this really isn't it. Have you by chance seen the gaslit labyrinth that is her MLP parody?

[@corvusenca]

I held it together until "fauxhawk".

[@elizabethbennet4791]

it's the signature hairstyle of douchebags.

[@verityi5545]

I lost it at 'sub machine gun'

[@liskovecsf]

This is a trilogy? Which means there's a Troll 2? OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

[@christianciv1998]

I was looking for a comment about that movie lol

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

liskovecsf Featuring the McElroy brothers.

[@yahooeny]

THEY'RE NEGGING HER. AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA NEG ME.

[@christianciv1998]

@@yahooeny OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@BucketOfMarbles]

You can't piss on hospitality! My tummy won't allow it!

[@alex-8736]

"This is scary, I'mma sleep it off" sounds like something I would do tho

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

I'm a nanny and that's basically what toddlers do. Sob til they drop.

[@amyshoemaker8430]

A mood honestly

[@elafimilo8199]

My mom says that's what I used to do, so yeah.

[@kendallpaige4160]

I wish more than anything she would bring this back! It’s oddly nice to be read to and joked with. Trigger Warning has been my favorite so far but this cracked me up too!

[@starberryshortcakee]

im just gonna say, being a writer named emma clark and hearing your name in a video where jenny is talking about the worst book she's found made me double take

[@ceve]

Nice profile picture

[@autumn_breeze616]

Being a writer and hearing "I've found the worst book" is enough to put you on edge. I don't think I've met a single writer who thinks their shit is good who's shit is actually... good. I don't even write novels, I write screenplay, and I still got uppity until I heard the name. RIP to you for actually being named Emma Clark lol.

[@qwerty8382]

Don't worry no one reads your books

[@autumn_breeze616]

@@qwerty8382 haha wowee very epic piece of shit human being moment

[@khatunamezvrishvili6211]

Lmao I'm sure there could be another person just like you. Emma clark is a pretty common name I think

[@grahamhaspassedaway4580]

I was surprisingly far into this before I realised that he wasn't the kind of troll that turns to stone in the sunlight.

[@novaburst375]

Graham Kennedy I love you.

[@Moocow2003]

I genuinely thought it was going to be some urban fantasy monster erotica. Knowing human nature, that almost certainly exists.

[@alisaurus4224]

I thought it was going to be like “he trolled me, but it’s not his fault he does bad things! Don’t you see, he’s literally a TROLL (who has excellent wifi under his bridge).”

[@lexin8139]

Ali the Heep That would probably be better than what it actually was

[@edisonmichael6345]

I honestly thought it would be some two ways metaphor, like a homeless war veteran who lives under a bridge and is bitter about life and politics, tries to be nice to other people who are in bad conditions in real life (because one might want to make the romantic interest, you know, have some qualities) but he would use a library computer to vent his many pent up frustrations, becoming an internet troll (he could use the nick Troll as a self-reminder that he lives under a bridge, oh, the cheap drama!). The protagonist would engage in flame wars against him until they meet and, you know, the old tropes would ensue, her discovering his broken heart/heart of gold (and that he looks good, of course), him trying to be a better person to be with her but, ashamed of his life, he would be going in and off those silly self-pity romantic novel tantrums etc until a climax where his old unity whatever-dramatic-something leaving a potentially dramatic event for a following novel that would trace back its steps and undo the purposed dramatic ending. But, alas, it was shallower than even I could ever dream.

[@MaeriberiiUsami]

I looked it up. Apparently she IS a mom from the midwest. Good lord.

[@Grace-ie8bz]

How completely unexpected

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Oh boy. I feel sorry for the kids.

[@aislinggill6432]

and there is a part four :)

[@chloepineapple3549]

SERIOUSLY?! I thought this was a neck beard guy that pretended to be “Emma Clark”

[@objectiverational2363]

...SHE IS ALSO A CHILDREN"S BOOK AUTHOR. Her list of books written include this abomination and other erotica with fairy tale retellings and rhyming the alphabet

[@cvc99]

This was either written by a teenager that only reads fics on wattpad, or a Christian middle-aged mom

[@dylanmcdermott1110]

My thoughts exactly

[@FlameOfUdun96]

Fifty Shades of Troll

[@LightYagami583]

Still a better love story than Fifty Shades Of Gray

[@madlants]

Now a Lifetime Channel original movie.

[@bluchismoon]

This is the legacy of E.L. James

[@fruit86]

My god man..

[@crys_cornflakez]

madlants excited for the lifetime movie how fun. Hopefully it's a sequel to cyber sex or whatever.

[@kaysgemcreations]

"I don't want to offend anyone named Justin, but... it's just Justin." I choked laughing 😂

[@ThreadBomb]

I was so glad my name isn't Justin.

[@Humanitywaswarned]

*sighs

[@NicholasGreen451]

My dad's name is Justin lok

[@Tamarinarose]

I read this as she said it lol

[@theMoporter]

I am aware that some women *dont* receive those messages. Not me though. My favourite one ended the conversation with "Aishiteru, Madam"

[@Hazju100]

I don't see how you could turn that down. That's some masterful romancing.

[@mopanda81]

madam makes me think of the proprietor of a brothel which is instantly erotic

[@Airdathegamer]

Smooth.

[@Grendelynden]

SUKI DESU, MY MISTRESS.

[@neighbourhoodegglet3231]

Ore wa Emilia ga suki da

[@rongpirson5250]

one of the worst books ever is called "Troll" one of the worst films ever is called "Troll 2" the question is, when will the trilogy end, and what medium will "Troll 3" be in?

[@nervouswilly3978]

I believe it was Edgar Cayce who predicted that a song called Trolls 3 would be the final sign of the apocalypse. When the song hits #1 on the charts, we will all face our doom.

[@sheelfjohnson]

Nfts