I Don't "HATE" The Holidays... It's More Complicated.

Рет қаралды 6,855

Күн бұрын

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FROM THE VIDEO "I was talking to a good friend about the nasty seasonal depression I went through this year. She said “don't you just hate the holidays?!?!”
That got me thinking, I really used to enjoy Christmas. When I was a kid we had the tree, stockings by the fire, the works. Some really good holidays. Over the years, as my illness progressed, this time of year started to remind me of hospitalizations and some of the deepest depression I've known. Now it's like I'm bracing for this time of year - waiting for the shoe to drop.
For a while there I got really pessimistic and irritated about the whole idea of “the holidays.” My family and friends thought it was simply related to seasonal Bipolar episodes. Well, it's a little more complicated than that.
For me, it's the constant reminders of all the things that I SHOULD be enjoying. It's like being in a wheelchair and watching people do gymnastics! Read that last line again. I see happy people in holiday commercials, people racing around getting Christmas trees and gifts, kids playing in the snow, in-laws and family getting together... People are enjoying things that I can't. It's NOT that I don't want to enjoy the holidays. It's that my brain is sick and there's this giant emotional wall preventing me from feeling what others do."
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Пікірлер: 78

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

SUPPORT WHAT WE DO & CONTACT ME DIRECTLY HERE: Patreon: www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors

@helenbunnehmummeh5154 Жыл бұрын

For about 5 years I “didn’t do Christmas “. I let it be known to friends and family that I was just going to hibernate and didn’t want to be involved in the whole gift giving and merriment when I felt so low and incapable of joy. I felt unable to be authentic with what I supposed society expected of me. For the last few years I’ve tried to do something positive - like see a show or music concert, but it’s not always easy. I’m child free, so at least I’m not ruining the experience and future memories of any children. It’s such a loaded time of year.

@mandy3429 Жыл бұрын

All of my most severe depressive episodes have been around the holidays. It really is tough. Thanks for this video and all you do.

@SimplySarah760 Жыл бұрын

Me too !

@tapiadelores925 Жыл бұрын

I started crying listening to this ..I feel the same way .I try sitting back and watching the grandkids and my children enjoy ..I tend to stay back and honestly I want to be involved and 😢want to socialize I just can't ..and don't know how ..it's actually scary because I wonder if I have any felings

@mandiemarie1983 Жыл бұрын

You're not alone. ❤

@zeener_and_golum Жыл бұрын

I've been there. For me maybe I'm (justifiably) protecting myself by not engaging too much. I don't think that means you don't have feelings or emotions.

@anaidherrera Жыл бұрын

Oh My dear god! Your comment just Made me realize i'm in that place right now... This is so hard

@stephanievance4685 Жыл бұрын

This is exactly what I needed to hear! I feel depressed around all holidays and I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or bring anyone down so I just keep to myself and I do enjoy my animals each day so that helps. The holidays are just extra tough at times but this was helpful. Thank you.

@lenajazuk4231 Жыл бұрын

I don’t have depression or bipolar but I do not like holidays because it brings chaos and stress for everyone

@SimplySarah760 Жыл бұрын

True 😢

@lorainecapper8687 Жыл бұрын

OMG just been diagnosed with bipolar after 30 years of Citalapram for depression. fighting the Doctors here in the UK the last 10 years and finally aged 55 diagnosed with bipolar. I have used Vodka cocaine self harm and even a male with benefits to help me feel ok in life. 15 years of being used for my money and sexual activity and feel not cured but have a better understanding of my behaviour after watching your site today. I am at the start of my new journey but now feel I'm not alone and my symptoms are normal because of how I am. Sending your videos to my family so they have a better understanding. Thank you so much. Loraine

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. For the month of July he is offering free phone calls to patrons. Another Patreon exclusive is Rob hosting and moderating weekly support groups on discord! Take gentle care! 🙏 Sometimes we all need someone to talk to: www.crisistextline.org/ teenlineonline.org/talk-now/ Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member (H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors

@AS8643 Жыл бұрын

It's so good to know I'm not alone.

@clarissapinheiro9324 Жыл бұрын

I really don't look forward to the holidays, or any kind of celebration at all. In fact, some of these celebrations make me bitter, even angry, because (my thoughts, which are not necessarily the truth) the reasons for them are stupid, or they're just silly. When you said something about having a wall that blocks enjoyment, it made sense to me. Thank you for sharing your experience and enlightening people like me in the process. I wish you many good days.

@agrace2001 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for posting this. Holidays bring up a lot of pain for me. I try to view it as a normal day or look for ways to distract myself from dwelling on it so much. It helps to know that other people struggle with holidays as well.

@nicholasdavies9662 Жыл бұрын

Thanks Rob, so much. I'm afraid I DO still hate Christmas, I doubt it will change. It has become slightly easier now that I am open with those that know me well, and family. I restrict it to one day, any longer is a torture. Unfortunately, I'm susceptible to other illness during this time; I've had Covid twice at Christmas! I find that it all changes on New Years Day. It's like a switch goes and everything is reset. I can then feel optimistic that this is the start of something and everything will grow from here. Christmas still scares me, but at least I know that it will soon be over and I can look forward again. I want to thank you personally for your posts. I watch a lot of bipolar vlogs and documentaries, and I find yours by far the most useful and thorough. I have found them especially helpful when trying to explain the unexplainable to my partner. Please keep up your wonderful work, your honesty and humility is beautiful.

@ACEshredZ Жыл бұрын

I have stayed mostly alone during holidays also for the last several years. Part of the pain is remembering back when you really felt present, and were able to enjoy such times. Indeed, being grateful that the ones you love around you are happy and enjoying themselves is such a big part of being able to navigate this life. 💙☯

@karenharkovich6915 Жыл бұрын

Rob very nice to see you

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Karen. I hope you have a peaceful week and stop by the channel anytime! -Rob

@maddepression2180 Жыл бұрын

@PolarWarriors have you ever made a video during a mania? I have such a hard time explaining people what it looks like and I feel in a sense like a "cry baby" that just overreacting trying to explain it. If you have time and any tips I would love any ideas you have I was so in the dark but since I have found you I am so grateful and you are an amazing person much love to you my friend please keep up the amazing work for those of us that arent as strong as you.

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Hi there! I've made quite a few videos about various aspects of mania, but I've never made a video of myself while being manic. I don't turn the camera on when I'm symptomatic. I did make a video showing the two sides of the illness - which I think you might find useful. Here is a link: kzbin.info/www/bejne/inq5pGieoqt3rrM -Rob

@maddepression2180 Жыл бұрын

@@PolarWarriors thank you for even just this comment and I can see why now and that’s a very good idea to not show both sides. I’ll check the link out. Thanks again.

@justinamontgomery2618 Жыл бұрын

Since my house is filled with Grow Lights for all my houseplants I do not get SAD anymore! Nice video thanks do much :)

@t.rieper Жыл бұрын

Thanks for continuing to post, boss. You're doing good things with this channel. I, for one, can't resonate MORE with the message of this video lol. It's like... organized fun, something I'm unable to access and therefore feel bad for it. But being grateful that people around me are feeling joy helps me feel joy as a result. It really is a matter of perspective.

@2010balancingact Жыл бұрын

I get anxious during the holidays , but not depressed. Diagnosed BIPOLAR 2006

@michelleaneous Жыл бұрын

Oof, I needed to hear this. It’s bad enough not feeling the automatic everyday joy everyone feels, so any extra “Happy [made up holiday]” just feels like a slap in the face. The advent of social media also makes people seem happier than they are in real life, so it’s no wonder differently wired folks are feeling increasingly isolated…

@Burkwood Жыл бұрын

Excellent explanation.

@zeener_and_golum Жыл бұрын

It's a bummer that I can't justify the Patreon subscription right now. You guys are a lovely community and I'm happy to see the new uploads. I've sent these videos to people when I have trouble articulating some things, and that's been an amazing resource. Stay well everyone.

@bubzilla6137 Жыл бұрын

I must be sewn from a different cloth. You mention how it may be surprisingly beneficial to be more open about our seasonal depression and/or bipolar in general. I have never been afraid to share. I feel like my brain is wired weird (I had to triple check that spelling, haha!) because I'm not afraid to share openly, too much even. But I also don't need "trigger warnings" because I'm completely desensitized to pretty much everything. That doesn't mean certain things don't evoke certain emotional responses. For example, I get angry and disgusted when I hear about animal abuse. But generally I can handle hearing it because I already have so many times. I realize that's not exactly the topic of this video but that's where my brain went so that's where this comment went. Lol! 🤣😂 Anyway, thank you for sharing another very important message! I appreciate all the time and effort that KZbinrs in general put into videos I enjoy, learn from, etc. I have the same appreciation for you, but to a much higher degree because I fully understand how bipolar can make all the behind the scenes stuff far more difficult to deal with at times. You sometimes have to work harder to put in the same effort, if that makes sense. So thank you for doing so. You truly are helping so many people and I would argue even changing and improving lives, and saving them too. Just want to make sure you know how much positive impact you are having on people, though we'll never know the true extent of it. Have a fabulous Independence Day, my friend and fellow warrior!!! 💪💪💪

@ann835 Жыл бұрын

Just wanted to tell you how helpful your videos have been to me. My son was just diagnosed, and these videos have helped me to understand what he's going through!! Thank you for everything 😊

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

@JenniferxxxJoy Жыл бұрын

The holidays are difficult as my parents have passed and my remaining family live 14 hours away and it’s difficult and expensive to travel and get time off to spend holidays together. It is just me and my pets due to my illness so I do find myself a bit sad and envious of others during holidays. I don’t consistently put up a tree or decorate. These are the times I do feel quite lonely for companionship other than my fur babies.

@soniaagrawalstoryteller Жыл бұрын

Your each video puts the clear picture of bipolar disorder as I had a bipolar daughter i can feel it Keep doing this God bless you

@RB-sy1oz Жыл бұрын

I have hospitalization’s that happened around holidays too and I always worry it will happen again. I go out of my way to buy family a lot of things for every holiday. I get super excited leading up to the day then after it’s over I come crashing back down and feel more depressed than ever. I’m not expected to go overboard maybe it’s the mania that gets me. The crashing feeling is the most horrible ever. Thank you for your video. I find all you post very helpful😊

@elalex905 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this video... 😊

@chocolatefrenzieya Жыл бұрын

June and December are historically my bad months, so Christmas is a chore I've had to train myself to be pleasant during since becoming a mother. I actually feel a huge relief that I don't have to decorate now that I'm an empty nester lol! I think this might be a reason I love Thanksgiving so much, as I inherently know the "bad days" are comin' and I'm wringing every bit of happiness I can out of November

@garywinkler2163 Жыл бұрын

I understand. The only thing I do for the holidays is watch the cartoon specials and fix the meals. I enjoy those things, so I make sure I do them. They help me from going manic.

@maniseemilieantoinette1763 Жыл бұрын

This makes sense because I use to say I hate holidays lol. But it was deeper than that. I am new to this and been untreated for 30 years. Started my meds this year but haven't been consistence because I am so forgetful.

@GigglesDaDevil Жыл бұрын

You look great. I hope all is well with you and your family

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Thank you! You too!

@Yelonah Жыл бұрын

Omg, I feel the same but I didn’t know how to face it, thanks for the video

@dodgdurango6128 Жыл бұрын

I love the holidays. I guess everyone is different. ☺️

@dodgdurango6128 Жыл бұрын

Becuase everyone knows I’m broke so I don’t have to buy gifts 😀😀😀😀😀and I sleep better 😪

@wescadle6514 10 ай бұрын

Well done dude. Thanks for the vids!

@PolarWarriors 10 ай бұрын

Hi there! Thank you so much for your comment, Rob and the team appreciates it! If you haven't yet, I encourage you to check out Rob's private community on Patreon. He posts exclusive content there and you can communicate with him directly on that platform. I'll include the link below so you can check it out :) All the best to you, take care. -Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member) www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors

@dang7097 Жыл бұрын

I am greatfull most people around me are happy; it is nice to see prosperity. I hope some of it rubs off on me.

@kathleenkinneberg559 Жыл бұрын

You hit the nail on the head

@fati3m574 Жыл бұрын

Dear Rob! Hope you feel better every day! I'm a big fan of your work on KZbin. I've been watching your videos for many years in my gloomy days and it was a huge help. I'm feeling great for about a year now, I've never been this Happy before. I'll explain it in your Email When I get to a certain point in my life!

@foxkien2273 Жыл бұрын

My family never understand this. I'd rather take holiday alone.

@rosemaryking6650 Жыл бұрын

I always laned In hospital after holiday and Christmas 😊

@jeaninen75 Жыл бұрын

I used to love the holidays when my kids were little. But now I hate them. I hate the seasonal episodes. I hate bipolar.

@Alwaysherethere Жыл бұрын

I'm bracing for impact now😊

@zabe428 Жыл бұрын

I am in a LTR with a wonderful and supportive partner, but things are stale. In addition to my holiday mood swings, never being able to agreeably commit to a plan, there is a family friend who becomes the object of my obsession. So I do try to avoid goin to my close relatives house already bc of my mood swings/triggers but now I have a lingering crush which also makes me feel super out of whack when I do have to go and you can bet for holidays and bdays he’s always there. I do not dare tell my partner. With a normal crush,yes I would tell. But bc this crush is someone I have liked since I was young, who recently became single, I just don’t think it would make 😢my fiancé comfortable. I feel it would have opposite effect actually. Meanwhile, my poor relative, is always asking to hang out, and I’m constantly trying to dodge. I can’t tell her either. Bc I feel like I would catch so much flack for having a wandering eye and she very much likes my fiancé. I swear my voice trembles when I talk to this guy. How do I stop this feeling of fantasy and crushing on someone when I am committed to someone else? My relationship is stale, and it is hard work keeping the magic. But I dont want to quit on the guy who has had my back all this time and who’s come all this way with me, from addiction to recovery and to stability. I want to be loyal! And I want to be fair. But when I wake up in the morning, my feel that there’s very little to get excited about. I know thru these videos, it’s not uncommon for us to get bored when we are stable. And so I am do not want to engage in self sabotaging behavior.

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. Take gentle care! 🙏 Sometimes we all need someone to talk to: www.crisistextline.org/ teenlineonline.org/talk-now/ Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member (H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors

@occamsshavecream4541 9 ай бұрын

Well said!

@PolarWarriors 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much. I hope you have a peaceful weekend!

@MissCookie8260 Жыл бұрын

I haven't taken down the christmas tree in maybe 5 years. Just can't find the motivation. Once it comes down, I won't put it back up.

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

I understand!

@PrismYuuzuki Жыл бұрын

I’ve noticed I get manic during the “change of season” . This last July was particularly rough. I didn’t sleep properly for weeks. 😵‍💫 I have an autoimmune disorder, so I really need the rest tbh. I got Seroqel and Abilify added onto my medication recently.

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

@yee3771 Жыл бұрын

Holidays…just ughhhh

@Catlily5 Жыл бұрын

The holidays are better for me if I have low expectations.

@KlausSchwab-uq9sl 7 ай бұрын

have unipolar and it sounds so familiar. i also get the urge to do opioids/benzos

@jbrat1967 4 ай бұрын

@JavaFirst Жыл бұрын

I DO hate the holidays. Mom died in December, uncle died ON Christmas Day. Husband is deceased but birthday in November and Dad died in October. I could do without celebrating any holiday because I HATE them.

@sharoncatry7283 Жыл бұрын

I really dislike Xmss immensely... I take myself off to the Buddhist retreat in Ixopo .. South Africa. A peaceful loving solace for the soul 😊

@maroskuruc3855 Жыл бұрын

Pls help me, I lost help and support from my family and lost best girl I hever ever had.I think every day about suicide.I cant afford help, coz I have none to help me and I only do brigade for cover my food and roof but I am loosing grip With that also.Pls give me some advice.I meditate, exercise, try to eat good, but nothing is helping, I canot get over the breakdown and trauma I made to my dearest

@PolarWarriors Жыл бұрын

Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. For the month of July he is offering free phone calls to patrons. Take gentle care! 🙏 Sometimes we all need someone to talk to: www.crisistextline.org/ teenlineonline.org/talk-now/ Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member (H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors

@joanlynch5271 Жыл бұрын

It makes sense that the stress, anticipation, delusion and disappointment of the holidays would lead to a bipolar person having a downer. It seems inevitable.