I don't want kids (ft. Julie Nolke)

[@AnnaAkana]

Thank you so much to top-tier patrons for your support! Timothy Lum Melvin Teagai Frank Martinez Vanessa Khoo Edward Hirst Marcus Lechner Ian Abinoja Charles W Jansen II Alexis Gonzales Kevin Swiger Elaine Tso

[@playwithmeinsecondlife6129]

Check out Colleen123 Colleen Ballinger. She had the world's worst pregnancy and the world's best baby.

[@opetrescu]

One thing's for sure: you most definitely have at least one awesome thing to teach a child. The philosophical imperative of looking at both sides of a narrative.

[@MohanSharma-ii4es]

I mean you have guided me through all the difficult situation either they are funny and sad you are the one that I seek upon when I am sad even though you live like 2000-3000 miles away and I have seen you only on my 5.5 inch display you have there for me like my mom so thanku mom

[@savanahstrange]

Woo hoo Frank!!

[@dennisc8991]

Parenthood isn't easy. That's true. I'm a father so my experience is different than yours. I'll be the first person to tell you that it isn't for everyone. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to do it. For me it was the right thing and actually spurred my growth as a person to a new level. And since I have a daughter it also forced me to see the world from a whole new perspective. You don't have to make up your mind yet, but giving it a lot of thought is the right thing to do.

[@peachussyy]

KIDS DESERVE PARENTS WHO ACTUALLY WANT AND ARE PREPARED TO HAVE THEM. period

[@hawkeye1836]

"P*E*R*I*O*D" 💕💕💕

[@Rosie-rh4et]

@@emmaperez3826 That’s not really how that works...

[@emmaperez3826]

@@Rosie-rh4et most of the time it is and I’m not gonna start arguing for a little thing like this so if you don’t aggre with me that’s fine I really don’t care

[@Rosie-rh4et]

@@emmaperez3826 I don’t want to argue either. I’m just saying that it doesn’t really matter how much someone wants kids if they’re either emotionally or financially incapable of taking care of them. You are completely free disagree with me as well.

[@emmaperez3826]

@@Rosie-rh4et that’s not always the case y’know

[@michaelnawa929]

Instead of saying"I don't want kids"I'm gonna start saying"my bloodline ends with me". Its much more dramatic

[@RBKNinja]

I can't say that - two siblings have already spawn children haha. But that reply is very dramatic and fun.

[@alaamo840]

I'm 23 and already saying this 😂😂😂

[@AnnaAkana]

hahahaha omg i love this

[@umangmalik]

ah yes, i too read tumblr

[@amorartificial393]

🐾

[@HAlC-up4hm]

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should...even if you'd be good at it." applies to many things, including parenthood.

[@icecreamroxkndnumber]

woah. True.

[@cheeze_bytez7706]

Yes like murder. * glances at forensic scientist *

[@lamentsoda9101]

me. on becoming a stripper lmao

[@EstrellaViajeViajero]

In an individualist society, yes. In a collectivist one, not so much.

[@45641560456405640563]

Can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em is excellent advice.

[@gabbym333]

I'm a teacher and working with kids has taught me that raising a human being to be a compassionate, respectful, functional member of society is an insane amount of work. I wish people thought more extensively about whether they really want to/are able to put in the necessary work to raise a kid. I feel like a lot of people have kids because of societal pressure, even though they are not in a place to love and care for the kid the way the kid truly deserves.

[@lepurplegiraffe6917]

Another teacher checking in! My favorite after having to teach things like how to put on shoes and clothes and manners is that they get sent HOME at the end of the day 🤣

[@purelovexist]

I worked with kids too and I am so glad I did otherwise I would probably have had some and let me tell you I don’t even like kids anymore. I think society really programs women to believe they want to have kids, when in fact most of us would probably say no to it, knowing what it entails to have one before hand.

[@purelovexist]

@@lepurplegiraffe6917 I always said this the best part of being a nanny is 5 o’clock. Here is your baby back, freedom!

[@maniau]

sorry to barge in the convo, a funcional member of society, I've always heard that, but I have never heard anyone question if society is funcional, or if an individual should be functional to it, after all this society is not exemplary by any means, its always changing yes, but most of the time the ones who steer the wheel do not have the majority well being in mind, so.. just a thought.

[@normalgamergal]

I help take care of animals, and while I'm not going to argue it's the exact same, there are so many people who get their family a puppy for Christmas just to abandon them a month or two later because they find out the pup takes a lot more work than they were expecting. Dogs are very social and get very attached to their pack, so this can be devastating to their developing minds. My current dog was abandoned before reaching one (not entirely sure when) and he has had to deal with anxiety, especially separation anxiety. Luckily, I am in a position to help him with it, but there are many more dogs that are put down or go in and out of homes due to a lack of people wanting to put in the effort. Again, not exactly the same, but I see a lot of overlap, and you should never get a person or animal you're not willing to put the effort in taking care of. You may cause more harm than good to them.

[@awkwardaquamarine19]

Anna, I'm 39 and single because I don't want kids. I broke up with my longtime BF because he wanted one. In my 20s, I thought kids can wait. I was going to have a successful career and enjoy my life. In my early 30s, I thought there was still time to rethink having kids in case I change my mind. As soon as I hit 35 though, I was firm about not having one. I have 2 sisters who have kids and a sister-in-law I'm close with. The horror stories they tell are enough for me to forgo having kids. In this pandemic, I'm glad I made the right decision for myself, despite the pressures of society and my own family. I have health issues (hereditary) that I wouldn't want to wish on my enemies, let alone a child. The host of diseases in my family history dies with me. Cheers!

[@treacherousjslither6920]

Smart and selfless of you

[@beth-bi9yv]

Preach!

[@rosegoldhiips]

i dont want kids bc i dont have the right temperament to handle kids and i dont want to traumatize another human being who didn't ask to be brought into this world. i dont want "traumatized a kid" on my concise.

[@spannycat2]

Same. I have a huge temper and I don't want a child to experience that.

[@sammierose1150]

Omg SAAAME 😩 I have no patience lol

[@catspaw3092]

I don't have the time nor the patience I was at a career center & most of the people there had kids & I must've said something that one of them caught off guard because they asked me if I had kids. And I asked something like "What gave me away?" To which they said "You sound like you don't have patience" What I should've said was "Does it bother you? or "Is there a problem with that?" That would've shut them up real quick.

[@shannonlopez2295]

Same! Thank you! I have a short temper and even less patience when it comes to kids and I am self aware enough to know that is not beneficial to any child.

[@nora_8080]

Really the biggest abnormality in society is that people try to make you feel like a cruel person for not wanting kids. You can't just get pregnant because you want to or you've been taught that that's the next step in life. You have to be PREPARED. Most people can't even look after themselves, they deal with their emotions like toddlers and for some reason feel very confident and excited to be parents. Honestly if you're worried about being able to raise a kid, that shows you are actually aware of how hard and important that job is and in my eyes that's a sign of maturity.

[@eggscheese2763]

Well not having kids as a middle class person makes the society weaker cause you know who has a lots of kids? The very poor familys, middle eastern, eastern, and african countries. And just like now they already want to reorder the world :) and we are clearly. Outnumberd

[@indie1act]

@@eggscheese2763 As a middle class African (yes believe it or not our societies have the same oppressive class structures you do) this comment is deeply racist and xenophobic. Your ignorance is showing. It's wild that you feel comfortable saying this about whole continents of people.

[@LunaWitcher]

@@indie1act don't take the bait, my guy, just report the trolls.

[@yourinternetgalcarmen1288]

@@eggscheese2763 I hope you don't have kid. With all that ignorance, and backwards thinking not a good thing. Until you can be more mature emotionally and mentally please don't. From all of us.

[@kinseydesignsbrands]

Dela Gwala good response to a literal trash comment ;)

[@SamElle]

im 24 and at this stage, I don't think I want kids. There is SOOO much pressure from my family that I need to get into a relationship and I should be excited to become a mother! I just wish people would stop PUSHING IT

[@saremi89]

Don’t let them make you have kids please. And you should also have very safe sex.. please don’t abort

[@tatscrochet2604]

I completely understand u, but u should decide and not let ur family choose for you. And you’re so young like 24... u should enjoy life as much as u can and be happy🤗 i’m rooting for u.

[@shivangi3030]

U r young focus on yourself right now

[@franky2347]

It’s especially frustrating because when you know you’re not equipped to raise a child properly and have them grow up to be emotionally well adjusted and healthy yet are still pressured to procreate. Why bring life into the world if it won’t have the existence it deserves?! Look at how many unwanted children there are already.

[@samanthamari16]

girl i see you commenting on every vid i open omg

[@Ex0dus111]

As a father I wanna say, it's not for everyone. It IS for me though, I love it. But I was Ready for it. We wanted it for a long time, talked about it for a long time, had several miscarriages, but kept on trying. And now my daughter is the coolest kid in the world. And all the parenting stuff, diapers, waking nights, dealing with tantrums, all that, was totally worth it. BUT I knew I was ready. I knew it was something I wanted. If you don't have that certainty, don't do it.

[@Peet2022]

Ive got a similiar mindset 😊 Me and my partner were so ready. But I really think about becoming parents youve got to be reeeaaally certain about it. It changes so much. It costs you energy, sometimes even health, money, the body of the mother changes, and there are so much risks. Especially for the mother. But also the baby could end up disabled and then you have to deal with it. I know, its just risks. But I think you have to really want it to be ready to take those risks.

[@rompeldipp8488]

As a recently become father I can relate. Tho I was more on the 50/50 of having a child but the second I saw those hopeful eyes constantly learning and mimic whatever I do. I can say without a doubt I am open for a number 2.

[@getgot3461]

yeah well it's definitely easier to be for having kids if you don't have to go through the physiological aspect of it.

[@Peet2022]

@@getgot3461 i am a mom. There are enough women who want to experience those physiological things. The point is, everyone should have the right to choose. And it is fine if you want no kids, one kid or 6 kids. Everyone is different so every family is.

[@getgot3461]

@@Peet2022 aware of that, I didn't @ u.

[@Dania.q]

I am someone who was raised by a single mother who was not financially, mentally, or emotionally able to care for me. I grew up feeling unlovable, unwanted and a burden. I still struggle with those feeling as an adult despite almost a decade of therapy. Despite all of this I do know that I want a child once I am capable of giving love to myself and others. I want a child, because I know once I am healed that me and my future partner can raise a child who will do good in the world and maybe make it even a tiny bit better. I don’t think not wanting kids is selfish, and I don’t think wanting kids should be looked at as selfish either.

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

Just realize that it was a burden and also not your fucken problem. You're probably fine to have children now. Find a smart, shy guy, he will love you forever.

[@WouldntULikeToKnow.]

I grew up knowing my dad didn't want kids, or wanted to wait and go to college first. But that didn't happen for him and he got stuck in a shitty job and was pretty miserable while I was growing up. I don't want kids because I may feel like he felt: trapped.

[@cheryllim7728]

I don’t want kids too. Didn’t want them when I was 16, don’t want them now that I’m 26. People kept telling me I would change my mind, and nope. Ain’t gonna happen.

[@lauranataliaperez7538]

Not gonna happen! I never wanted them and had to take the "you'll change your mind" thing many times. But no, I didn't and I'm almost 40 and happy AF I don't have children and live a life tailor maid for me.

[@nicolenox7882]

Cheryl Lim same here. I’m now 43 and still happy with my decision

[@chadfalardeau3259]

I'm happy being an Uncle

[@Noukynouk92]

I am 28. And I am stressing out feeling pressure getting kids. I have always said I don't want kids. But people keep saying you don't know what you miss. If you have your own it is different. Etc. Etc. So frustrating I get your struggles

[@nicoleebner4929]

@@Noukynouk92 OH man, and you're "the right age" too.. Don't worry, sure you don't know what you'll miss, but trust me, you especially don't know what you're getting yourself into if you get a baby 😱

[@ghostly7139]

Being a part of the child free community should be normalised

[@thewatcherinthecloud]

Why am I thinking of a retirement home?

[@SpookyStorkRunningWild]

Atruval LMAO

[@Ayveh]

It should and it is OUR voice that will normalize it!!! I do my part however we all need to voice this online and with the people we know remind those that tell us "That's what you say now but wait until you get older" should be responded with "I'm sorry your life is meaningless without a child and you see that as the only reason for life to have meaning but not all of us are like you" because that is the truth, they need a child to see themselves as worthy, meanwhile I already see myself as worthy, Screw society labeling women as only baby making machines.

[@LaQuesaDeMI]

Appreciate your phrasing. I’m triggered when I hear “childless”

[@H3yyam1leTTe]

I don't think that should be called a community, it's just preference... without anyone saying why you should or why you shouldn't have kids... its not like anyone can make you do it or that it goes against to law... wtf

[@LadySugarcube]

Confession time: I was not a wanted kid and grew up without my dad mostly not being around. My mother raised me all on her own and my dad refused to pay allowance most of the time. So my mother had to work six weeks after she gave birth to support us both. I grew up mostly at my grandmothers, but my childhood was anything than stable. My mother is the kindest person on Earth and did so much, she basicially sacrificed her life to raise me all on her own. Even though she gave her best, I always felt and feel guilty. I know it is not my responsibility and was her choice, but it's what I do and what years of therapy did not fix. I had to go to therapy for 2+ years and I feel more stable, but there is still a lot of work to do. I completely support people not wanting to have kids and I am furious towards those who still want to convince others to have children stating "that's in your nature". My body, my life, my choice.

[@michaelc7723]

"You're pissing me off. Right now, I want to kill you. It is in my nature to kill you. But I am human, so I know killing you is a bad idea, and besides, sometimes I like you. Should I follow my nature, or follow my brain?" "It's in your nature" is one of the worst possible arguments.

[@rikkoyugi8620]

Same I was'nt wanted either. My mom would constantly remind me that she should've never had me and said that I should've died. This is exactly why we need people to WANT kids BEFORE HAVING them. Because if they don't want them they'll do so much damage in the future.

[@LaQuesaDeMI]

@@rikkoyugi8620 that’s awful! I’m really sorry and I do recommend therapy.

[@LaQuesaDeMI]

I appreciate you sharing that. I’m so sorry with what you went through. And I’m glad you are able to see a therapist (another thing we need to normalize). And yes I agree with your last sentence there. Wishing you love and health

[@waynemv]

Jen, WTF!? The context was literally about SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE when you wrote "my life, my choice"! How is it that forcing a baby into a predicament of later likely having to experience the pain of stubbing a toe, the heartbreak of losing a close friend, the frustration of being of victim of crime, the helplessness of facing incurable disease, and the certainty of eventual death could possibly be YOUR choice? Only an evil monster would make such an inconsiderate decision. Empathy for the pain of potential future generations demands we refrain from procreation. The very essence of morality is the minimization of suffering. The most effective way to minimize suffering is to just damn stop producing more people capable of suffering.

[@krisnadirgantara3531]

Two days ago I read on the news there is little girl, 10 years old, raped by her uncle for 6 years. And then she's pregnant and that's how the story blows. Her uncle are facing court, she's got into hospital and right abortion. Somehow, the news broke out, and some public figure dox her identity, that spark people to march to her hospital demanding the hospital and the doctor to stop the abortion. They even go as far as to call her "killer". When I read this, it reminds me how cruel the world is that I don't want to brought a child to this world.

[@charcboiylabagir7194]

yep that story is infuriating

[@lizzyrilo3033]

That is so sad! My heart has shattered for the 4th time today

[@toasterstrudles642]

hearing that story is so heartbreaking, i cant believe they did all that, she was sexually assaulted! this makes me feel so disappointed

[@FutureFendiFsnista]

WHAT?! She is 6 years old!!! A child cannot have a child! 🤦🏾‍♀️ What if she dies because her body cannot handle it? Or suffers some other complications along with the trauma of being raped? People with this type of idiotic thinking make me LIVID 😡 Edit: oops! I though she was 6 years old but she is actually 10. Same thing still applies

[@chocolattefeverdreams4228]

'pROteCt tHe cHiLdREn' until the kid is actually born.

[@LuceWithLove]

The question of “Do I actually want this or am I just programmed by society or biology to think I do?” is a complicated one, because they both make up who we are and so everyone, at least by part, acts based on it. And you can’t really separate it from what YOU truly want because you are, at least by part, a product of the society you grew up in 😆

[@siggilinde5623]

Thanks now I have a headache 😁

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

Both things could apply to wanting a career in acting. It is all artificial.

[@moonmarie281]

do you love freedom and sleep? no kids is the answer:)

[@arpitabrahmachari7649]

@@moonmarie281 but hey, do you want someone who'll love you more than anyone else and take care of you when you're older? Yep. Kids is the answer

[@moonmarie281]

@@arpitabrahmachari7649 Yeah. That's ideal, but not a guarantee. I work with seniors. There are some children that are great. A lot of them never come to see their parents or can't wait until they pass so they can inherit their estate. This is not an embellishment. The more kids there are, the worse it is. They fight over POA and it becomes disgusting. This is very stressful for the parent. This has made me even all the more grateful I didn't have multiple children. Again, not a guarantee. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, though.

[@steffis9806]

My ovaries are completely quiet and content without kids. Every single day I am grateful for being child free. It's just not for me.

[@alkiou3613]

Childless

[@anamaro]

al kiou nope. Childfree

[@alexshane5713]

I think even if the time comes when my ovaries ARE screaming at me, I'd just ignored it until it goes away. I've heard the feeling can last around 3 years for some women so... I can deal with that, wouldn't make a desicion based on my feelings

[@rikkoyugi8620]

And our period is just a monthly reminder that we have successfully douged unwanted babies.

[@M_Lopez_3D_Artist]

That's great to hear! maybe its a movement from this decade of women choosing to be not having kids, honestly i think its a choice so important that it should be greater then the choice of getting married or your career in choosing to have kids or not to have them. people make it way to light now a days, i hope this decade it changes.

[@Arm4g3dd0nX]

One of my major schema on this is, "there exist enough humans."

[@toddaurelius2675]

Let's go down to 1 Billion humans, then revisit if we "need" more Humans

[@sieeeeeeen]

And I detect you as a German-speaking person. AUTOKORREKTUR tattled on you.

[@kjlm4574]

Sayo_Heart haha AUTOKORREKTUR. Sehr korrekt.

[@demondrive147]

Yup, and most of them are Chinese...give it a few decades and forget about your identity

[@adversHandle]

@@demondrive147 well ya but have you seen their demographic give them a generation and their population will drop off a cliff

[@coffeebean4356]

I don't want kids and I remember this random lady was trying to tell why I should have kids and talk about how great kids are- like, how is that supposed to change my mind? If you have kids, then kudos, but I can't do it.

[@angeleyeszarai]

Period. People will legit try to force it on you or try to make you feel bad for not wanting them. It's ridiculous 😆. I like my freedom, I like my sleep, I like MY time. My animal babies are ENOUGH work for me. I'm good

[@GoodKarma11]

You are beautiful Coffee Bean 😊✌🏽

[@mist3995]

@Glyn Adoption is an option

[@skyethain1221]

Glyn wow one single woman said they regret their choices?! Let us all completely change our beliefs thank you so much 😒

[@coffeebean4356]

Glyn That’s her experience/view. It won’t always be the same for everybody. You can have friends, pets, other family members to love you/love back. I won’t regret it.

[@NetiNeti-gm5bz]

Our society needs to programme loving ourselves first. It's more important to prioritize mental health than regretting creating another soul in this planet.

[@fmjacket4259]

Sound like you just want to normalize narcissism and frame it as beneficial for mental health.

[@SpiritScienceOfficial]

I think you and Julie are my two favourite youtubers right now! Also, you used a final fantasy 7 clip?! Thats amazing XD

[@davidcarrasco]

I thought I was the only one that caught that as well.

[@mandipalecha1440]

This is literally like the divine holy trinity of KZbin rn. My mind is jizzing like waaaaaaaaaah. Spirit Science x my two favs 😭

[@nicholaslastname]

It's worth noting that there's another option: foster parenting. Maybe the infant phase is overwhelming, but you could serve as a point of stability for a child or even teen.

[@gabbym333]

I wish more people gave fostering a chance. I don't understand why some people see giving birth to a child more meaningful than fostering/adopting a kid.

[@ViviCaligo]

This is something my family just can't seem to wrap their heads around when the topic of children comes up. If I was financially in the position I would feel much better giving a struggling kid/teen a nice home and comfort for however long they and their parents need over having my own kids.

[@yjmiglietti_author]

But when a person doesn’t want kids..I don’t think they are only referring to giving birth..foster SOMETIMES is also included..people should stop giving options to someone who said children are off their mind.

[@killiansirishbeer]

I've always thought about adopting rather than birthing a child and after talking with a friend of my mother's who fosters I know I could never do fostering. If I'm going to take the responsibility for another beings I will do it a 100% and I want to be able to make all decisions myself, based on specifics, and not have my hands tied by some unknown person making decisions, which are just following guidelines, behind a desk for kids they never met 😬

[@fran5237]

Yes!! Honestly, I do want kids but I hate the idea of birth. Why make a child when there are hundreds who need good loving homes already??

[@isaacmartinez6904]

Everyone has a choice to decide if they want kids or not. No one should force you to have kids because the person who can make the choice of having kids is you.

[@jturner2577]

Correct.

[@Karinayou97]

Exactly. I think people who say you WILL get married you WILL have kids think it's a natural thing that happens to everybody.. but like, no? there's no one correct way to live a good life...

[@n0namesowhatblerp362]

Im always so worried that ill regret it later. Yes, i know adoption is option, but..you know..fi possible..and i feel extra horrible because my mother had such difficulties gettign pregnant. Thuis will sound like a complete lie, but it isnät so ..anyways, I was deemed a miracle birth because at the time, no woman with such a progressed stage of MS, had gotten pregnant before. My birth was decided by doctors, like whether or not my mother was allowed to keep me. And im here like..."nah.,.not sure about kids.." Im not even sure i liked em when i was one myself."

[@skyethain1221]

Glyn says the man telling women they should have kids 🤡🤡

[@elies234]

Skye thain I knoww 😂

[@McYates24]

i've been solidified in my mind that I never want kids since I was a teenager and now i'm 27 and that idea only gets stronger and more and more set in stone from knowing people my age having kids. Mike's hard pass for me, forever.

[@sw33tm3]

Thank you for bringing up this topic Anna. Something I want to share that solidified my decision on not wanting kids. I am a 32 years old pharmacist, in a loving relationship. We don’t want kids. I did my clinical training at a pediatric hospital, where I saw lots of kids recover and also lots of kids suffer. One thing it stuck with me the most was children with genetic disorders, they endure a life time of suffering. There was one child who is only 5 years old, but he visits the hospital almost every week because he has cystic fibrosis, cranial defect, mental retardation and hormone growth deficiency. This child was on over 20 medications just to stay alive, and never spent a single day in his life actually being a child. All he experienced in life so far is being hooked on tubes and needles. Now imagine the stress on the parents spending most of their time taking care of this child and the mountain of medical bills. Having children is more than just having children, it’s a life time commitment to responsibilities. We understand the responsibilities of bringing a child into this world, and we choose to not to have any kids.

[@mortalman8619]

As a man, my unconditional love to the women who want to be childfree.

[@DanielleWhite]

I had those arguments endlessly from my teens through early 30s. Scranton, Pennsylvania, was horrible for it...even coworkers pulled in in the office. It was the kind of place where "how many kids do you have/want" was on of the first 5 questions a total stranger you just met felt comfortable asking and "none" was not an acceptable answer. I noticed that it was always about them, e.g. "but my kids are my life and I can't imagine my life without them," rather than anything about my life. In time I saw it as they took it personally, as though my choice for my life was a criticism of theirs.

[@catspaw3092]

If this was done at the workplace I'm surprised they weren't reported to hr for harassment or asking inappropriate questions.

[@TubeThings]

This is a healthy way to look at having kids. It’s not a decision that should ever be taken lightly. It will be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but it’s only worth it if you honestly believe that you want them. I feel like if you don’t have a loving home to bring them into, you’re doing a huge disservice to everyone, including yourself. It’s the weakest you’ll ever feel for a while, so having a supportive partner and network around you is so important. I don’t regret having mine, but I wish the horrors of child rearing were more commonly discussed, so I could be more prepared for what was coming.

[@LunaWitcher]

@Alina Stepanenko your pic looks like PrettyPastelPlease lol But yeah, people should discuss the bad and the horrible parts of having kids more frequently. My friend had a kid at 19, and it was from her that I heard for the first time that breastfeeding can be painful. And my other friend, that delivered when she was 23, said that you need to massage your breasts before breastfeeding so it won't hurt, which of course I also didn't know. Maybe people don't talk about the bad because there is that hormone that is released when the pregnancy is over, that makes you forget how horrible it was so you might do it again.

[@allyhvis6046]

I think that the hardest thing for a woman to do is NOT to have kids actually. You are being judged from all around while when you have kids you are being praised and supported. It takes a lot to stay true to yourself and stand by your beliefs.

[@YouYou-sm8tf]

@@allyhvis6046 Nowadays I don't think so. Lots of parents are failing at taking Care of their kids since they work a lot...not enough Money for child daycare.... Health insurrance, bills...

[@LunaWitcher]

@@allyhvis6046 Oh, you are most definitely not being praised and supported when you have a kid. Everywhere you go, you are a nuisance, because the baby keeps crying and you need to feed it and for that your breast needs to be exposed. Everyone tell you what to do and not to do, and criticizes everything you are already doing. You don't get hired as easily because your job doesn't want to release you early to deal with anything from a kid, from picking them up at school early to health emergencies. And everything for kids is expensive as hell.

[@garrettk7166]

Agreed. A loving & stable (relationally + financially + mentally) home.

[@ysi7045]

I don't want kids for two reasons: 1. my parents messed me up and I'm afraid of doing the same to another human and 2. I'm worried about what pregnancy and birth would do to my body, it sounds very traumatizing and for what? a kid you have to take care of? not worth it.

[@ariellaberger9875]

Except when you're older you will see that even tho your parents messed you up your job was to straighten yourself out and its the same for everyone and so that is not a good reason not to have kids. And then if you're lucky you will see your body deteriorating by getting older naturally and you begin to realize that societal body ideals are based on women before childbirth because womanhood and sexuality and motherhood are intertwined, we are just programmed against seeing motherly post birth bodies as beautiful which they are. Plus breastfeeding is protective against some cancers. If you don't want kids that's totally legit, I'm gently pointing out if these are your reasons, they are not so strong.

[@thatgirlinautumn5995]

@@ariellaberger9875 Agreed! The decision to have (or not have) children is such an existential one and for me as someone who has always wanted children, the last time these arguments mattered to me was in elementary school. Some people want children, some don't (which, don't get me wrong, is absolutely and 180% okay), but since it's a life-defining decision either way, these arguments seem somewhat hollow and superficial. Also people with messed up childhoods can still be amazing parents (tho not perfect ones since that's never going to be possible) and the other way around. Anyways, women about to go through an abortion will rarely ever tell you either of these reasons but that on the most fundamental level, a child just doesn't fit into their current or future life. Which isn't selfish, it's honest! But also faaaar more deeply rooted than "my body will look different" But I can see how the amount of resources put into a child can look crazy if you don't want to have children yourself, it truly is insanity, but for some of us, it's the good kind. Oxytocin is one hell of a drug

[@ruxi289]

@@thatgirlinautumn5995 I really hope you're going to have an amazing family in the future and I'm glad you're so open minded and so understanding. About the fact that some people fear about their body changing... many of us have been dealing with eating disorders in our teenage years and have tried so hard to get to the idea of a perfect body, I know how hard I worked for it, so I kinda see that as a very valid reason. Just wanted to say this as a reminder 😅 I tried to explain that to one woman(mother of a 2) in my family and she just punched me with the "you're so selfish" thing

[@ruxi289]

@Dojocho after more than 10 years of hating it, cutting and starving for days, after fixing it in the last couple of years, yes, it would be really hard to imagine having a child of mine. It is in fact a trauma if you look at it. That's why I consider adoption 😇 those kids deserve love too and for those like me, who would like, somewhere in the future, to take care of a little human, I think that's the best choice

[@ruxi289]

@Dojocho it may seem like a compromise in the eyes of others but for those kids it means maybe means salvation

[@alexmuller6752]

mirror julie being god makes a lot of sense.

[@chrisleneil]

I trust mirror Julie - she gives oddly good advice

[@vanetina07]

I love this. Honestly, I was an aupair (nanny) for many years, saw the good and the bad but mostly saw how unprepared parents are and how a lot of people underestimate parenthood. If you do want kids in the future or you're not sure, try babysitting for a little while and for different families/friends if you can, that experience will be very eye-opening. That goes for both males and females.

[@marcusanark2541]

Wise words, I wish everyone could have a little childrearing training or experience helping others before having their own children or adopting.

[@JamesCPotter13]

Does this mean Julie can summon God into her mirror whenever she wants? The character is a regular on Julie's channel.

[@MichaelaBelle]

thats the only logical explanation for the top tier advice mirror julie gives lmao

[@moisesdiaz9852]

If you do pray enough you could too !! F *** ing impious!

[@clairem7304]

It's so refreshing to hear someone saying to be responsible and look at all sides before deciding to make a human being!!!

[@yayahicks3829]

How to summon God: -eye masks -mirror -wine - pregnancy test (it being used optional) Edit: y'all I low key wanna try this just to see what I would actually summon😂💀

[@thevindictive6145]

The sad thing is that there are a lot of unfit people that want to have kids to fill their empty souls, while there are loving people that don't want to have kids because they care too much if they are good enough and a thousand other questions.

[@whateversclever7087]

Omg I was dating a guy with a vasectomy once and I got obsessed with the idea that if I stayed with this guy the choice of having kids had already been made for me. So, I constantly asked everyone about having kids. After asking nearly everyone, I had a coworker who actually said, "I wouldn't do it again. If I could go back in time I wouldn't had them." I was happy and in awe to hear her truth.

[@catspaw3092]

When I hear people say that they regret having kids but despite that they love their kids I'm thinking "No, you don't really love your kid you're just saying that out of obligation you don't want society to see you as a monster for having a child when you either weren't ready never wanted in the first place stop kidding yourself." Because every time you look at your kid you're reminded of what your life could've been had you not had them.

[@t_j2014]

I just want to be the rich aunt who spoils my nieces and nephews. Also I wish I had an aunt that was like a supportive close friend, so I strive to be that 💵

[@GoVocaloider]

SAME! I hope to be the cool aunt. But, I'm so bad with kids...

[@jturner2577]

@@GoVocaloider I am too, I would probably the lazy uncle.

[@queencleopatra007]

I want to be that aunt too! Too bad my sister also doesn't want kids...

[@coffeebean4356]

I’ll definitely be the fun aunt.

[@MsZephyra]

I've been the eccentric aunt for a while now...sometimes they love it, sometimes they don't get it! But someone's got to do it, haha. Yes, I too always wanted an aunt like me as a child.

[@orviianj7965]

Considering the way the world is, I propose that animals should be the new children and plants should be the new pets.

[@alexandrinaaa1274]

@orvi ianj Yes please

[@elbinalejandrofelizgonzale1742]

​@@chillcapybaracitrus man there is not such thing as "replacement", most people moving in european countries are other europeans from different countries, do not fall the alt right BS rhetoric, the first world birth rate as fallen for the quality of life, when people are well off they tend to have less kids, they same has happened in african countries where the quality of life has gone up, once the "immigrants" are assimilated their birth rate will fall too, it is not a straight line to the infinite.

[@Aisha-ey6ng]

@orvi ianj YES

[@lazydaisy4453]

😁😅

[@coin5207]

Do the stones I have at my apartment count as plants?

[@TheWarkilla]

I feel like women get way too much pressure to get pregnant early, like all the "biological watch is ticking"-talk and the expectation to find the right partner in your mid 20s is just out of date.

[@DerNatioller]

@peachy Bomb Don’t listen, be a rebellious person, sometimes, you have to dissapoint your parents.

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

Having children at older ages is dicey too.

[@alexforce9]

Biologicaly speaking when you are in your 20s is the best time to have kids. Young, healthy, fresh eggs. Its not just culture its nature. Maybe you should watch "why 30 is not the new 20 "ted talk.

[@urmaisgay6495]

i knew a woman that didnt want kids, but needed radiation therapy. she had her eggs stored away ‘just in case’ she changed her mind later in life. it wasnt the choice she would have made alone, she was pushed into it because she was behaving naively.

[@returnoftheromans6726]

@lil Savage Wow, really? Just turned 20, and haven't officially dated anyone yet. Can't imagine having kids now.

[@marcusanark2541]

Being childfree needs to be more normalized for both men and women.

[@mo.ka.9661]

Not if you want to have a future workforce

[@marudhanayagam9756]

People try to normalize which is not normal.

[@ZarrocLP]

Given enough years the genes of not wanting kids will disappear, because they are not being passed on. So either it will be never be normalized or humanity disappears

[@gadeba9324]

I regret to be a child of a regretting mother.

[@rainn8652]

I am so sorry for you. Hope it gets better.

[@Gaia369]

@@rainn8652 it never does, same here, unwanted is allways and forever..

[@lemku3318]

maybe "not ready" and "regretful" can be 2 different things....? how many per cent regret is enough to make the kid regret their existence? just wondering....if it s less than 50 then maybe...it s forgivable? :/

[@beentherelovedit9150]

(some) regretting parents are ticking abuse bombs

[@BlackBlood74]

It seems so wrong to have kids with all the problems happening on the planet at any given time. The bad outweighs the good imo. Plus, if I truly want kids, there are so many poor kids that want to be adopted.

[@skyethain1221]

This is exactly how I see it too!

[@Zoobie16]

I couldn't agree more

[@RandomPerson-cz8yq]

YAS PREACH!

[@whoistanya]

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@SmultronsyltNatha]

Yes, there are bad things happening in the world, but that has always been the case. One new problem, however, is that there are so many people in the world and perhaps not enough resources for them to survive and live a decent life. Hopefully, people will have fewer children as more countries are becoming wealthy (that seems to be the trend). Regarding adoption: I think it’s great when it’s done correctly, but keep in mind that the demand for adoptive children has created unethical adoption processes in some countries, where poor people are pressured into giving up their children for adoption. Sometimes, they are told that they will keep in contact with their children, when this is not the case. There is a great Danish documentary about this, called The Price of Adoption (directly translated).

[@ValeSakuras]

I don't want kids, and that's it. No buts, no ifs, I just don't want them. Not with or without a partner, not if I became a millionare, not if the world became the perfect peaceful society I wish it was, not if evil itself is totally erased from the universe, nor if the earth is saved by an ecological miracle. Don't get me wrong, I actually love kids, they are great and fun and cute, but I wouldn't have a kid. I'm not opposed to the idea of becoming a foster carer, or a legal guardian for reasons outside my control, but I'll never bring my own flesh and blood into existence and that's final.

[@LunaWitcher]

Preach! I don't like my genetics and my partner has a family history of everything, including MALE breast cancer. No thanks. When I'm ready to raise a kid, I'll just adopt.

[@skiphopflipflopdripdrop]

Yes to this!

[@marlonmoncrieffe0728]

...Okay then. Really. I mean it. I am glad you know what YOU want. Have or don't have a kid because it is YOUR decision.

[@yourfavoritepessimisticexi8041]

Period

[@H3yyam1leTTe]

The best comment

[@TheNetflixNook]

Having a child is one of the craziest things to think about right now for me.

[@kwtkwt5277]

This is wise quote it is really i feel sorry for those who didn’t even question themselves / i mean everything must come out of some reason but bring human-been is totally another level

[@ghost245353]

It's always sad/tragic that toxic romantic relationships feel they'll be fixed with a child. Creating a mistake doesn't fix a mistake. Before I get assassinated on the internet, the mistake I'm referring to isn't the child itself; it's the idea of becoming a parent when you should not be.

[@austongreen9883]

sex education & planned parenthood needs to be a more honest conversation for the sake of the community

[@justkita7078]

Regretting mom here who, like you said, feels terrified to say it out loud. The permanent changes to my body sucked, but more than that was all the sacrifice. Financially, I’m always struggling (especially now when there is no daycare). The emotional impact is tremendous. I firmly believe humans were meant to be raised by a whole village like the saying goes. I love my daughter, don’t get me wrong, but taking care of her feels like always trying to give from an empty glass. No matter how much I do, how much I sacrifice, it’s never enough and in the eyes of society I’m a disgrace. (Yet her father is never shamed for walking out and abandoning her.) If I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I’d have had an abortion. I’m actually meeting with my doc next week for a tubal ligation pre op appointment. I don’t want any more kids, ever, because I’d like to have the opportunity to live for myself for a change and not exist solely for the benefit of another.

[@loredanavasilescu5634]

@@hanami741 I'm sorry you're thinking you never should have been born. It must be terribly painful.

[@loredanavasilescu5634]

Thank you so much for sharing

[@jasminehks]

Thank you for being honest and I wish more parents could do so with themselves and maybe one day with the world.

[@brownstudios5379]

i hate that society usually looks down on this truth. people always try to minimize this issue by saying "every child is a blessing". that's true but that doesn't mean everything going to be fine because there's a child. children are A lot of work and they take a toll in so many ways. its really concerning especially with the rise of teen pregnancies.

[@jamiemations12]

Actually fathers are very shamed for being deadbeat dads and kinda sad that even now you rather aborted your daugther for your personal benefit even though she alive now, that's like thinking "I wish you were dead" or "I wish you were never born". Question, would you ever adopt to not have permanent changes to your body? And do you believe you can have hobbies and do stuff you like as a parent? And if you don't why? I'm not talking about a parent with a newborn or toddler but when they get older and start doing stuff for themselves.

[@anikabushra1965]

I don’t want a child of my own rather I want to adopt a child. But most people around me tend to dismiss my wishes and say you can never love an adopted child like your own.

[@skyethain1221]

Yes I’ve had the same experience, so hurtful. I don’t care if my baby looks like me I find that’s so narcissist, you definitely can love an adopted child as your own and not all biological births are great bonding experiences after (look at post partum depression)

[@makalaadams4]

even if they aren't exactly loved "like your own," it's still a better alternative to not being loved at all.

[@anmael3544]

I think it is exceptional that, if you want a child, to take in a child with no family or a broken family and give them a loving home. I would say that is far more magnanimous than having your own child. Good on you. There is no reason that the love you give to a foster child would be any different than that given to a biological child, such thinking is just silly...

[@cassierxse]

Same here! I don’t understand it. Of course I can love an adopted child as my own, because they ARE my own. They just didn’t come out of my body.

[@carolincheco7711]

I agree. I want to adopt children. My mom says I’m just being silly and that I don’t know what I’m talking about.

[@KarlMalowned32]

Remember when she used to say Stay Awesome Gotham? Ah, nostalgia.

[@ananyasharma8970]

I kinda miss that.....🤤🤤

[@getoffmyacc2885]

i don't want kids but my family insists I'm to young to know what I want for my self so hearing more stuff about others not wanting to be a parent makes me feel a lot better

[@catspaw3092]

You're old enough to know what you want if you don't want kids that's your choice from now on don't mention anything about not wanting kids. That is until your family asks you "When are you going to get married & have kids or when am I going to be a grandparent? Then you stick your guns & say "I'm not, it's my life I'll do whatever I want" & if they don't stop pestering you just don't speak to them for awhile eventually they'll quit hounding you. If you have siblings & they want to have kids then your parents should be happy that at least one of their kids is going to give them grandchildren of course if they don't want kids either that's a win win also. Times & people are changing people aren't getting married & having kids anymore & the govt is starting to get nervous now some countries are already trying to sweeten the deals to get people to have babies. I'm not taking anything from the govt to try to bribe me to have a kid.

[@ashleysvoboda8331]

I'm turning 30 this year, and I still hear "you'll change your mind" when I say that I don't want kids. I don't know when that will stop, but I am firm on my decision, and it makes me feel better hearing it from others as well.

[@MJ-nz8ov]

I absolutely don’t want children. The idea of being a mom made me so uncomfortable ever since preschool and I am battling guilt from others about it all the time.

[@LunaWitcher]

Every time the thought of having kids comes to mind, the fact that my mom is a twin and she is part of the second OF FOUR pairs of twins in my family counting her generation and mine comes along as well. I can't help but think that even if I'm ever prepared to have 1 kid, I might have 2 and I can't control that. And if I'm lucky to have only 1 kid, and for some reason I want another, I might end up with 3 and not be able to control that either.

[@cynnimini2650]

Really funny, because I would love for that to happen to me. Id like to have 3 kids and only having to go through pregnancy and birth twice sounds like a good deal to me

[@cynnimini2650]

Not, that you should have to feel the same way. I just thought it was funny

[@LunaWitcher]

@@cynnimini2650 yeah, I know! The problem is that having twins is a way riskier pregnancy, and you can't deliver it normally, at least not where I live. It has to be through that surgery, and it has to be exactly at 38 weeks. So I have the anxiety of dying on surgery as well as the anxiety to raise two babies at once and the anxiety of making them as psychologically traumatized as I am, AND the anxiety of passing on my shitty genes along with my husband's shittier genes. I might just adopt when I feel ready lol

[@RandomPerson-cz8yq]

@@LunaWitcher i so relate to everything you said. My mom is a twin too and so is my great grandmother. Im really scared to have children cause i might end up with twins and i dont know if im ready for that much responsibility. Also having twins is way riskier when you give birth. Thats why i have decided to adopt.

[@LunaWitcher]

@@RandomPerson-cz8yq we will singlehandedly lead twins to extinction and I am fine with this

[@iguessitslydia]

I feel like a lot of people who have kids are people who dont think about the consequences and the responsibility of having kids. They just want a cute baby, feel needed, and love something(someone) to feel better about themselves and then get another one to have siblings. I experienced trauma as well as a teenager and sometimes you have no influence on it as a parent, no matter how well you treated your children. There are always other "bad" people in this world. I am 26 and already saw so many badly raised people. It is a lot of responsibility to raise a human being with good self esteem (who sets good boundaries), a secure attachment style, manners, good morals, etc.. I dont want to project my unresolved issues - even though I am already working on them - onto my (hypothetical) children, they deserve better than that.

[@Woestheboss]

I don’t think people just make a baby, because they just want a ‘cute’ baby. I do agree though that people should be responsible like everything in life. That means taking care of and educate children.

[@epicherbalism]

I do agree that the wanting a BABY feeling isn't enough to have a kid because yes babies are extremely cute and sweet but if you're not also jazzed about having an 8 year old, an 11 year old, a 17 year old etc then it's not a good plan because they're only a baby for 1-2 years. Yes ideally you get it together and for the long term after those 2 years but I think when it's wanting a baby, people just want more babies and maybe regret having kids once they have a bunch of annoying expensive kids and no babies....

[@saneea-m]

THIS. THIS COMMENT RIGHT HERE!!

[@dreamyanon5151]

iguessitslydia This COMMENTTTT. Exactlyyyyyyy. Like when I think about having kids I am not thinking just "oh cute, and I can dress it up" it's a human being. All I think of kids as is a HUGE responsibility. And honestly same, I don't want to project unresolved issues onto my kids. Plus I didn't have the best example of a good home and felt I had to figure out a lot on my own, so idk how to give that to a kid. And like you said, bad things just happen sometimes. How do you teach your kid morals, boundaries etc. and in the world we live in now no less!

[@chrisallum9044]

Perfect is the enemy of good. You know every single well raised person was also a baby once. We are animals first. Would you suggest dogs stop having kids? FYI self esteem doesn't exist the same way race doesn't exist. It has no scientific validity. So get self esteem as a concept out of your mind. minor correction, you meant ethics rather than morals. You are quite obviously, from this comment, more than capable of raising a kid.....with a partner of course. That is one thing we can say scientifically. For the kids sake you 100% want a partner. At 26 if you do want kids one day i'd strongly suggest working towards it now as it becomes exponentially more difficult to achieve in another decade. Goo...actually no, you don't need any luck so I'll save this for someone else :P

[@nicoleebner4929]

As a mum, I totally understand and respect people who don't want kids 😅 Sure, I love my kid and wouldn't trade it, but being a mom is sh*t most times 🙈🙈 real talk here

[@makalaadams4]

thanks for being honest

[@sydneysomething]

I always just assumed when i was a kid that when i grew up i would have kids myself because that's what is done. I wasn't exposed to it being any other way. Then i met a couple that were friends of my parents' and they had no kids and i assumed they must have had fertility issues. I was shook when my mum informed me they just didn't want them and were super happy in that choice they had made. It made me question my whole view of the family dynamic. I grew up in a small town where the nuclear family was all you saw. After that i really considered how i viewed myself and how actually in reality, having a child wouldn't be very 'me' at all. I'm very caring but I'm irresponsible and often off in my own little world; not conducive to a good environment for a child if the parent is off with the pixies. I'm wo glad since I've now approached aduldhood that being childless is so much more common and acceptable. I think most of all i couldn't live with the fact that i might put in decades of tireless effort only to find out my kid is a bit of an asshole.

[@moonmarie281]

good assessment.

[@Elven.]

Everyone has the rainbows and butterflies response when they talk about being a parent.... which sounds very suspicious

[@goldwriting]

Unless they gave birth to rainbow-winged butterflies, which...I guess would be even more suspicious.

[@erk44]

Being a parent is INSANELY hard. Im not gonna sugarcoat it. It is one of the most pain in the a** things you will do in your entire life. You will love your kids. And there will be rewarding moments. But not without a million other moments where you feel like ripping your hair out. Or jumping off the nearest tall building.

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

To me everyone sounds like they are worked up and trying to prove themselves right all the time, unless that act totally cool about whatever.

[@floatingsara]

I think today people are most often choosing to be parents, so you are talking to people who wanted to have children in the first place. I wanted to be a mother, so if you ask me I would probably sound like rainbow and butterflies, but the truth is if you want me to complain about it I'm gonna lie

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

@@floatingsara It is hard to be a parent. It is hard to do anything except never follow through with anything but then you have a hard life anyway.

[@franky2347]

It’s especially frustrating because when you know you’re not equipped to raise a child properly and have them grow up to be emotionally well adjusted and healthy yet are still pressured to procreate. Why bring life into the world if it won’t have the existence it deserves?! Look at how many unwanted children there are already.

[@xMckingwill]

I see your point. No one is ready to be a parent, you don't get experience at being a parent until you are one. Every single concern anna has about being a parent is something MOST parents think about. Ask your own parents. Another misconceptions is you are "alone", when you are not in it alone that's why you have family to help you. Remember most of human history children were born into a world much worse then ours were there was no guarentee they would even survive to adulthood. Obviously some women don't have the maternal instinct or desire have children its not a societal pressure but a biological program to insure humans don't go extinct No I'm personally not a parent or a women. Its something one can easily figure out from observation.

[@angieroman6723]

Doesnt it creep you out that infants are groomed with baby dolls, effectively praying of off their developing maternal instincts? And the pressure is SO on females. "When you have kids" "my grandkids.." And even my little brother said "you have to expect males to want as least ONE kid if you get married" like ur a baby machine. 👏This 👏world👏 has 👏enough 👏children👏

[@skyethain1221]

Glyn people don’t need ‘excuses’ for not having children. If they don’t want them, they don’t want them. End of. Leave people alone.

[@stephanieh5478]

I studied early childhood education and work as a preschool teacher. I know I am equipped! However, I don't want children. The kids in my classroom are enough. . I don't want my life to do a 180 and then hate it even though I know how to raise a child.

[@nora_8080]

@Glyn "More than half of the population lives with less than minimal wage, stop making excuses, give up your rich lifestyle"... that's how you sound like. Some people are willing to make that sacrifice, others are not.

[@lauranataliaperez7538]

Im 38 and childless by choice. I Was never into the idea of having children, don't really like them and deem them incompatible with life goals. Like almos any CF person, I have suffered the stigma, judgamental attitude and critcism of many. Motherhood shouldn't be a default option that society forces on anyone! Being CF might be difficult, but definetly the way to go if you have not desire of raising kids, have tokophobia, do not have the conditions to perform parenthood well, etc, etc. Thanks for voicing for the CF community!

[@skyethain1221]

Glyn all of your reasons for having children are so incredibly selfish 🤮

[@elies234]

Skye thain I know right? It’s like he sees kids as literal forever slaves to their parents 🤧

[@PatronHall]

Also CF here. Just curious, what is it you find so difficult about being CF?

[@PatronHall]

@Glyn It's weird how other people's loneliness only becomes a concern during the debate on having children.

[@Jamie-wh3kd]

@Glyn You're the one that sounds lonely.

[@emilymanova]

Unpopular opinion: I think having kids can be selfish. Life is hard. Why make my children go through that, knowing damn well the world we live in, just because I want the fulfillment of being a mom. Not to mention the amount of children who need homes. Who am I to make more children when I could adopt one that already exists and needs a family. My genetics are not more important than those kids. My ovaries are still screaming at me though.

[@skyethain1221]

Ahhh I feel the exact same way!! People look at those who don’t want children as selfish but I definitely see it the other way around, sometimes their reasons are so bad too (I want to be looked after when I’m old.) I too am considering adoption.

[@margherita2729]

Exactly

[@BlueMoon3l3b]

I agree that it’s definitely somewhat selfish. I do want my own biological child and I would also love to adopt. Unfortunately it’s extremely expensive and difficult to adopt in the U.S. I hope there are steps taken to at least make it less expensive because again I would LOVE to adopt.

[@FindingYourSerenity]

I agree! Yet, people still tell me I am the selfish one for not wanting them...

[@juliaplo3492]

What's so terrible about doing selfish things? True Altuisms doesn't exist aniway, we had a course about that in college. You do something for others to be accepted by them or third parties that witnesses your actions. But the outcome is the same, you do good stuff for the world. And I don't know about you but no matter how bad the world can be, I'm glad that I was born and got the chance to be living in it.

[@briannadau]

The fact that Drunk Julie is now giving advice to other people is A M A Z I N G

[@Pandaemoni]

My wife and I don't want kids for a variety of reasons. On rare occasion, people will argue with me about that, but my wife gets it all the time, even from complete strangers. Many people like to tell us that we will change our minds as if we are just being obstinate. Worst of all, two separate people (one a stranger) have told my wife with some mild anger or frustration that she had better change her mind soon before she is too old and misses her chance. My personal favorite is being told that we're selfish, as if we are harming the children we don't have by not having them. People are weird about this topic.

[@justinjesunathan2280]

Always make sure you have a complete support system before trying to raise children. You don't just want them to merely survive but to thrive.

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

A little stress is good.

[@saltedstella]

i can't even make my own dental appointments and i got family planning my wedding and baby shower like,,,,,,,if i have to hear "you'll change your mind" one more time imma start setting things on fire

[@amandareynolds-gregg5962]

I am in the no-kiddos-ever camp myself. Had a tubal at 28 and 4 years later still very happy I did

[@Cutiejuliya]

They let u do it without having kids?

[@wordzmyth]

I think having this option really depends on what country you come from.

[@Cutiejuliya]

@@wordzmyth makes sense. But i heard in America its next to impossible to do that

[@h.i.6513]

I don’t want kids for a variety of reasons, and I am tired of when I try to date that men ignore this and insist I will change my mind. If I say I don’t want kids, I mean it. Go find a woman that does if you want kids that much

[@Cutiejuliya]

Yeah i hear u. All the dudes i ever liked wanted kids. Its hard to find a guy who truly doesnt want them

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

I have known one man, ever, in 46 years of living, who actually parented. Of course they "want kids"--if someone else weree willing to do ALL of the work, I might have kids too.

[@MsXperienced]

Agree. Exactly the same thing I said to a guy. Men think they can get you in a commitment and try to change your mind. If you say no then you’re suddenly the bad guy when he knew from the start how you felt. He should not push it on you because he likes you.....the moment someone says no to kids move on to someone who does period. That’s why I’m single. Men and women can kick rocks if they don’t like it.

[@MilwaukeeF40C]

Why are you dating at all?

[@moonmarie281]

this is literally why I've been single most of my adult life.

[@SublimeLullaby]

I’m 43 and I started wanting a baby the last 2 years, I still think I’m too old now and I love being a free spirit! So I’ll Pass on the whole motherhood thing, ty

[@ryc3658]

Any fellas here that have read “Regretting Motherhood”? 20-something year old dude here and I’m trying to find something similar for regretful fathers lol

[@slm613]

i'm sure it'll give you just as adequate insight

[@mdemel06]

Get married, you'll regret that when she cleans you out you don't have a legal leg to stand on regarding the children. Oh and you will be forced by the state, basically slavery, to pay child support whether the children are yous biologically or not. That enough regret for you? Many men have blown their heads off because scenarios like this I just described.

[@kirstenarnold7114]

You should look at the regretfulparents subreddit. There are even some posts in the childfree subreddit that are from fathers who regret having children or were tricked into being a father when they didn't want to be one.

[@PatronHall]

For men it's definitely marriage. Even beyond the statistics of marriage and divorce, having married friends will tell you the truth. Everyone lies on social media but when of your BROTHERS gets married, he'll tell you everything, and he'll need you to lean on. The only thing as traumatic and miserable as a bad divorce, is a bad marriage where a man feels trapped in his own home. Stay close and be an ear for your married friends and remember this post when they tell you their stories.

[@lilyoh5780]

@@mdemel06 yeah supporting your child financially when the other parent is doing all of the care work is basically slavery. boohoo.

[@itziaramos5964]

I did mental jumps and whoos when I saw Julie's name!!

[@nikstar1313]

I chose to not have kids because I always felt this world was so unfair... I am still healing as an adult 😊

[@stephanieh5478]

Well said!!

[@ursurada]

you are not alone....:)

[@chewbrocka6833]

The problem is idiocracy. People who would be fit to be parents don't have kids, and those who aren't do. It leads to some weird eugenics.

[@stephanieh5478]

@@chewbrocka6833 I agree. I'm a teacher and work with a team of very educated people who most likely would fit as great parents. However, most of them don't have or want children. Parent's have told me I would be a great mother since they see and hear from their children how much I love working with them. BUT, I don't want children. My students are enough! :)

[@alonzorodriguez8878]

Omg same for me 😭

[@bex5214]

Thank you! I feel like this topic is never fully explored from all sides with true honesty because of how dark that honesty might be. It’s incredible to see you speaking up and out in a really creative way about a discussion we as women should feel comfortable having before making such a huge decision. Even if we don’t feel comfortable, at least having the access more openly to information is incredibly helpful and insightful.

[@xRandomHousex]

It shouldn't be about wanting kids, it should be about wanting to be a parent

[@snehasharma9204]

Considering the population of a lot of countries, including mine (India), it's great that some people don't want kids.

[@MrsFalkor]

Best decision I ever made was getting my tubes tied. No kids for me ever.

[@meghanarora4136]

Did you notice any bad changes in your health afer getting the procedure done?

[@moonmarie281]

@@meghanarora4136 I got mine tied. Be sure your doctor is on board. My doctor was extremely rough. I've heard women are gentler. Otherwise, I haven't had any ill effects.

[@MCMA24]

Anna Akana and Julie Nolke being a duo is something I never knew I needed. 🙌👏

[@eskanderx1027]

I always wonder how you need a license to drive a car, but none to raise a human being... And now we're all here.

[@tonjes]

wow spot on I relate

[@johnnyguitar6639]

If you don't wants kids,don't have kids.

[@SUPAJ568]

It's literally that simple. Just keep letting us poor people have them and let the world end up like Idiocracy 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@johnnyguitar6639]

@@SUPAJ568 Well you poor people, who somehow can afford internet access and a phone to access you tube.Can stop having kids too. Nobody forces you to have kids.

[@SUPAJ568]

@@johnnyguitar6639 yeah I know I was just so poor and my father died when I was a child and all I had was my mother who had to work everyday and so I was getting molested from the age of 5 to 13 and no one knew about it which turned me extremely overly sexual and I ended up having kids at a very young age and now I'm old enough to know that that's not how it should have went but that's actually the story of a lot of Poor women and men in America 😊😅 so sorry for being a failure 😉

[@DariaHupov]

Sooner or later, people will accept a person's decision of whether or not to follow the path of parenthood. I've always wanted kids and I always will, but I also realise that some people don't and that's ok! I am still baffled by the fact that some people can't just accept a woman's decision not to have kids. We are all different people with different paths and that should be celebrated!

[@EstrellaViajeViajero]

People that don't want kids and don't have them or who are ambivalent about it and don't have them don't pass on their genetics to the next generation. This means that there is going to be a strong selective pressure for people that either strongly want kids or are amenable to being pressured to have them. And this will be true for every generation unless we actually force the people that don't want kids to have them and keep the people that do want them from having them. Then, the next generation would inherit the lack of desire or desire to not have kids. Since this is very unlikely to happen (for obvious reasons, at least in the near future), there will always be a bias toward wanting or being pressureable into having kids.

[@Forty2Times]

It might be my Aspergers but I knew right away I didn't want children. I like kids, they're nice but I would rather be an Auntie than a Mother.

[@noa-ix9pe]

"just imagine a kitten... But it has no fur" Me: *ugh*

[@moonmarie281]

way more complicated!! lol

[@HandheldGamingHQ]

I think my generation (late 90s - early 2000s) is just to traumatized to have kids

[@ft.xsammy]

yes

[@mo.ka.9661]

no, we want to BE the kids

[@sbusisiweshaba1715]

Too traumatized from what?

[@Sara-qh9rn]

For the nothingness surrounding. No job, no opportunities, no security, no principles, no relationship and no hope for the future. 20 + years living like this would make anyone rethink about having children.

[@TweezerStreet]

DINK - Dual Income, No Kids. Best idea ever. #NoKidsAndThreeMoney

[@jturner2577]

Indeed

[@watchalotadunks]

Are those your factory defaults from the slave making machine?

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

Unless you want kids and then that plan sounds really sterile and empty.

[@TheTwan85]

I totally get it! I've always said "I don't want kids, I'm not ruling it out if I meet the right partner and the circumstances are right for us, but it's not a wish of mine'... So refreshing to hear someone else say it out loud.

[@olivialeann7963]

I wish my mom would just admit that she regrets having had kids. She planned me, she wanted me. But she was also a 19 year old girl from a broken home who just needed love. I would respect her so much more, if she admitted it instead of denying all her mistakes -- which had let my siblings and me to have huge traumatic experiences. It´s okay to regret decisions. But it is also sooo important to be honest about it to those who were affected by those.

[@arania.exumai]

My mum told me she regrets having children. I'm one of four. She's a great mum and has done really well with raising us, but her attitude now that we're all grown up is one of "What have I done with my life? I'm useless. I'm no longer wanted. I have no legacy. When Dad dies, what have I got left?" She's a bit of a misery-guts sometimes, and I think that's why I am so against having kids⁠-even though I'm an aunt three times.

[@olivialeann7963]

@@arania.exumai I definitely get your decision and think it is really responsible to make such an "unpopular" decision. Though, it would be interesting to see if your decision stems from your mom´s attitude or just your grounded want of being childless. I was basically a mom to my own siblings because my mother didn´t take responsibility and I definitely think, it influenced my need to become a mother one day.

[@arania.exumai]

@@olivialeann7963 I definitely think there could be an element of that there; I worry about what motherhood would do to my career, my body, and my freedom. But I also can't stand how smelly and dirty and loud and needy children are. Even when I'm hanging out with my niece or nephews. They're just kind of gross and annoying 😂

[@rene3759]

Similar story here. I had to help raise my own siblings (still do with the youngest) and form that I know I don't want kids. I feel drained and resentful. So I'm going to make sure I live the rest of my life for my happiness and well being. Though I am studying to be a child psychologist.

[@olivialeann7963]

@@rene3759 Wow, I think it´s amazing that you will help children someday. After having been through that, you can probably empathize with them really well once you are a psychologist. I personally had the opposite reaction. Basically being a mom to my siblings and a few other things, showed me that I really want to work on myself, so I can have children and not repeat the mistakes of my mom or grandparents. I really think making a conscious decision and taking accountability for it, is key. Don´t want children? Then do that. Want children? Then you should work for it. It is far too easy to have children without being educated in parenting or your own inner workings.

[@ABetterYouEm]

Whenever I dream about my kids, at some point in the dream, they turn into kittens.

[@ruxi289]

❤❤❤

[@DreamingHearts]

Speaking from experience... Don't feel pressured to have a child if your hubby has "baby fever". Big red flag if he says "I need a child. I need it. I need it. I want to continue my family line. I just need it." Last thing you want is to regret it. But that's also not a reason for anyone to drop a perfectly great relationship either. "Oh, you won't have my kids? Forget you then. Our nine years of being together is over. I'll find someone else." Me: Really...wow. (Even from the very beginning, he knew I didn't want kids.) You just can't win either way.

[@rainscalleia5182]

Ever since i was 12 the thought of having kids scare,confuse,burdened and stress me out. As of now I’m already 18 and it’s still a NO

[@H4ram]

If you wanted kids at 18 I would be worried. Honestly it wasn't until after I was past 25, with a degree, permanent job and my own appartment, where I started thinking about kids and starting a family. Never ever did I think of having kids or family when I was younger.

[@rainscalleia5182]

KhB it’s actually pretty common from where i came from to be a mom at a young age to the point that in family gatherings not having kids at 18-21 shocks them. Good for you to realize that you want a family❤️ i kinda have life “things” that led me being firm to this decision.May you have a wonderful life with them ☺️

[@nilak.s617]

Yep. The idea of being pregnant, giving birth, holding a baby in my arms, and breastfeeding scare the crap out of me

[@firedreams1]

If you have even a little hesitation you probably shouldn't have kids because the harm that comes to children who are unwanted/resented is pretty bad, and no good person wants to harm kids. Likewise, it's a decision that will change your life forever, so it needs to be concrete

[@arisunohana]

I still don't want kids, but I feel pressure... all I want is A FAMILY OF CATS. Is that hard to ask?

[@alfiona7951]

I feel more comfortable with adopting. Better raise a person who's already here. My concerns aren't superficial about my body changing but just my life experiences and how much it means to me to give someone a chance at a life that started off not so well.

[@bunnykatsoracle3275]

I love that. If and when I want/am ready to raise a child (or a teen) i would surely adopt or foster. I grew up an unwanted child myself and was out on my own by 16 (and many times before then, whenever my.mom needed to be rid of me) so I know all too well how painful that is. And there are SO MANY unwanted children in the world! So it seems amoral to bring another one into the world knowing that.

[@marcusanark2541]

Feel the same, the world is already hard enough I would like to be a bright star coming into someone's life.

[@moonmarie281]

That's awesome!!!!! More people should definitely do this! You're a beautiful person.

[@maishazarinanan5028]

I don't think think concerns about the body are superficial at all, I don't want my body to experience chid birth. I'd rather it stays at its prime.

[@anara967]

@@maishazarinanan5028 yes exactly. Pregnancy brings a lot of changes into a women's body and it should not be underestimated. Concerns about the different physical changes your body will go through because of pregnancy is not superficial.

[@thirstfast1025]

I can't say how much I appreciate that there are people out there with this way of thinking.

[@kristinaharper7496]

Yes to all of this 💕 Let’s get rid of the shaming and societal pressure

[@RebelReine]

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them, I do this weird Asian thing called "disappointing my parents" lol I make comedy videos on youtube btw

[@jucy588]

I'm not Asian, but I do that so often omg

[@dreamyanon5151]

Rebel Reine I hear a lot of people say this....

[@cablefour]

I don't know why, but I was dying when the cat said "fish" 😂

[@Shadun1315]

One coworker said to me that it was selfish of me not to want kids, because of the women who want kids, but can't. Wait.. what? 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

[@catspaw3092]

Tell that co-worker why do they care about what goes on in your life cause really it's none of their business but I think what your co-worker is saying that you're lucky you can have kids because there are women out there that unable to have kids because of health reasons or something may have happened to them & they're unable to bear children. But that doesn't excuse her nasty remark to you just ignore them next time or tell them to piss off it's none of their concern of how you live your life.

[@nunanusta]

Before wanting to parent someone else, parent your inner child first! You're enough, and lovable as you're, stay awesome godamn! 🤠

[@jturner2577]

I don't want kids either.

[@luiza1321]

The last thing I want is a human being growing inside of me. And then they have to come out! And then you have to raise them and not sleep for years! No thank you. At maximum, I’d adopt a toddler

[@Adrian-19-A]

Imagine if your mom thought the same way. hmmm....

[@starcherry6814]

They don’t owe their mother anything, that was her choice. They don’t want to go through pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum depression. And you and their mother should respect that choice

[@gryranfelt5473]

We need institutions that grow the kids for us and hand them over when they're old enough to pour cereal and turn on the TV for themselves.

[@aditiyadav5833]

The idea itself looks terrifying. I can't even imagine how my mother went through it🙃

[@skyethain1221]

Adrian Ortiz that would be totally fine as we wouldn’t be here to know abt it or be sad that we weren’t born lmao

[@andrewjazdzyk1215]

Anna is putting all this thought into what's the most responsible- meanwhile- I know people with ten kids who shouldn't have had one. Definitely how idiocracy happened

[@Insaneurl]

It’s so cool seeing three creators I love just casually in a vid together, (Julie, Anna, and Beth)