“I Don’t Want To Be a Sugar Mama”

[@Raegoul]

I married into student loans and a car payment. She made half the money I did but while we were dating she worked extra jobs and knocked it down significantly. So I had no problem draining my savings account when we got married to put a dent in it. Now we're debt free except a relatively small mortgage (due to having a large downpayment) and she makes more than me now. This caller shouldn't be in a relationship with him if she looks down on him.

[@philipgerry5228]

Good point. In the future he might be the major wage earner. When you combine income there is more money to manage. You can’t have it all all by yourself.

[@biolife3274]

Do you have a brother?

[@RoguePlanetStudio]

She was fishing for a reason to say no and leave him.

[@djpuplex]

You can hear it in her voice the tone shift when Dave said pay off his debt.

[@Loljjkb]

Nah, she’s trying to trap him

[@austinduke8876]

@@Loljjkb trap him with what? He doesn't even make a quarter of what she does. He's got nothing for her to take.

[@Loljjkb]

@@austinduke8876who cares what he makes. She’s an unwanted middle aged hag

[@Loljjkb]

@@austinduke8876who cares what he or she makes? The fact that a desperate woman almost 40 is either with a loser like him or a Nigerian online scammer

[@SpoonHurler]

She's never going to respect him and when they divorce in 6 years after he gets awarded alimony, she'll be crying and bitter.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

YEP

[@djpuplex]

She won't marry him. She'll find captain save a hussie who makes over six figures but doesn't give her the tingles. Than the divorce will come. You can hear it in her voice.

[@austinduke8876]

I listened to a divorce lawyer with something like 30 years experience talk about this and he said (anecdotally) that in his client base the number of men receiving alimony (or at least eligible to receive alimony; he said many men reject it) has risen substantially in the last decade.

[@jimroscovius]

We don't have that problem.

[@genxx2724]

They’ll have joint custody of the kids and she will have to pay heft child support.

[@scoobie8amg]

Why did she even bother dating him with such a gap if it bothers her? 🤦‍♀️

[@thehungrywolf69]

EXACTLY 👏

[@carolyn9961]

She sounds older, women have to settle eventually

[@stevenpalmer7793]

True

[@levigoldson]

because "I can fix him" and she enjoyed having someone to date and fool around with

[@musume7723]

She's 38 and her dating options are limited

[@Ja50nkAt]

45k in construction, what does he do, sweep the floors?

[@LAM1960xyz]

Exactly!

[@willsinn1099]

I think they hold the stop sign 🤣

[@mademoisellesura]

Yeah, I was curious about that too! I know several men that are in construction, and all of them make waaay more than that.

[@seosam652]

I’m wondering too. Maybe if he put in more effort he can get that income increased. He does have a higher earning potential in that field than what his current income is at.

[@Fishouta]

​@@seosam652Depending on his skill set, if he has any. I'm guessing if he was skilled in the trades, he would be making more.

[@livingunashamed4869]

She makes more than 4x what he does, she will never respect him. She is already having doubts.

[@FrankS111]

BINGO! When the wife out earns the husband the risk of divorce dramatically increases and the risk goes up the greater the income gap. I now look forward to the comments by feminists denying statistics and reality…..and GO!

[@MrJimmy3459]

Yea, listening to her verbiage they dropped the ball on this call

[@SnifferSock]

Stupid argument. If he'd been a soldier for last 15 years, he'd still be making a fraction of her pay. Most people her would call her trash if she didn't respect him though. I think it's more of a he's in his mid 30s only making 45k kind of thing. I know people in construction in their 20s making closer to 60k. We don't know a major detail or he just isn't trying.

[@blakehanson5108]

Yes and after marriage "they" would make 250 but she wouldn't see it that way

[@SonnyBubba]

Did you expect them to say “you’re a woman and make $200k, so you need to find a man who makes $500k.”?

[@jcherestal]

Ken said "EWW" at that mans salary wtf

[@evility1]

I think it was the gap in salary, not the Salary itself.

[@Reaver1223]

@@evility1that’s still fucked up lol

[@stevenpalmer7793]

Of course he said 'EWW". Ken is superior to everyone. Don't you know...

[@davidjmaybee]

Ken is cringe. He comes across very cocky.

[@Eric_Bassett]

@@davidjmaybeevery

[@nickm1587]

Ken, someone making 45k before taxes can’t just tackle 50k in debt in a couple years. The math doesn’t add up, not even close

[@danmacgowan8242]

Ken was thinking he needed to hustle and get overtime and another job to start working the debt. I think she would have had a different attitude if he paid off 12-15K in a year. She did need to hear Dave say, once your married you pay it off. That is what he's been telling men for years.

[@jjman533]

They also mean the broke guy needs to find a side hustle delivering pizzas to tackle that debt. She needs to get a PRENUP. Someone that broke and low income is going to have family members that are gold diggers if not him.

[@NWI_Steel]

They are so clueless on their math sometimes and don't even factor in taxes either. I thought the same thing when Ken said that. Realistically making 40k, it would take that guy at least 5 yrs to pay off that 50k

[@danmacgowan8242]

@@NWI_Steel Dave and Ken preach that they are one once married and she can write a check once married. Everyone feels better if he shows that he's willing to tackle it. She likely will always bring in much more than him ,but he's working. No one would bat an eye at Dave telling a man to pay off his wife's school loans

[@samrusoff]

They talked over her way too much and didn't let her express how the main issue is really that she isn't comfortable joining finances in the first place when she "has worked so hard to get" there high income, not that he has some debt at the moment. But the hosts wanted to deliver the Ramsey message, not let it become a John Deloney counseling session.

[@kendrascorner]

I agree with Dave's take here entirely. The concern that I have is this woman definitely already has resentment toward the fact that she's better off financially than this guy. If she could genuinely see him as a man worth getting behind, debt and all, and they both have the same long-term financial goals and all of that, then it could work. But I think she already views it as him being worse than her, and her doing him some great favor by paying off his debt after they get married. If she is viewing him as a responsibility and a burden, it's not going to work. If she can view him as an amazing man who shares her values, and they're going to get ahead in life together and commit to each other for the rest of their life living on the same page, then that's a different story, but that's not what I'm hearing from this phone call.

[@GuilefullyNomadic]

Well said.

[@k.h.a.l.i.l.]

how could someone making $45K have the same goals as someone making triple that? especially at the age of almost 40. i doubt they have similar goals in finances. I think this guy lacks ambition because i don't know anyone in construction who earns so little.

[@kendrascorner]

@@k.h.a.l.i.l. if a man and a woman share the same values (and believe in the same principles) regarding their finances, that will result in the same goals. For example, let's say this woman is in baby step 7... She's just living the dream. But this guy agrees with all the Dave Ramsey principles but is on step 3b, let's say, then that means he has no debt, has a fully funded emergency fund, and is saving for a downpayment for a house; he also intends to invest 15% of his income toward retirement after he has purchased his house, and intends to pay off his house in full as quickly as possible. If they got married and moved into her house, they would combine their finances, he would have no reason to buy a house of his own anymore, but he would start contributing his 15% of income into retirement, help her pay off her house (if it wasn't paid off yet), would not want to go into debt ever again, and would happily decide on and stick to monthly budgets. As for his income of $40,000 there are certainly people who work in construction and make that, or less. It didn't say he is a contractor. He could be a general laborer making $14 per hour (which is double the minimum wage, by the way, at least where I am from). If he worked 60 hours per week at $14 per hour, he would come out to around $40,000 per year. By the way, I personally know many people who make significantly less than that in general labour jobs. $7.50-$10 per hour is average where I am from. So yeah, a man making $40,000 per year in general labor indicates to me a hardworking man.

[@garyclark6427]

There was a book I read several years ago called Date-onomics. It told how there are more women now with college educations than there are guys with college educations. The situation in this call is going to become more common.

[@benruss4130]

more common, yes, but women tends to get the "less useful" degrees, which will help stave this off.

[@Twotonetonyy]

Love this video my gf makes more than me thankful and hopefully she doesn't think like this woman. We are aligned with our goals and want to be debt free

[@ayintovah3132]

She is not smart

[@stud6414]

Dump her. She doesn't respect you.

[@Astro95Media]

My wife makes more than I do (not by an outrageous amount) but it's never been an issue. I had debt when we got together but I paid it off before we got married. We've marched hand in hand with finances since tying the knot.

[@Loljjkb]

Yeah yeah you’re so perfect 😂

[@frankfurter505]

Cranky morning, huh? @@Loljjkb

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

Same here. It's only an issue when spending and budget priorities don't align.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

@@LoljjkbWe work hard to make our marriages what they are. You’re on here in a comment section popping off to strangers; we know where you are in life.

[@Astro95Media]

@@OopThereItIs77777Bingo 🤣

[@Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries]

Don't marry the guy if you're going to resent him. Let him go and let him live his best life if you're going to hold his salary against him. He's younger and didn't have the DR knowledge that you did for 20 years.

[@dr.anarentasd.c.4317]

Exactly

[@JasonGroom]

Could Ken be any more disrespectful to this man for earning 1/4 of what this woman earns. He literally let out a groan of disgust. That is a horrible response, especially since in a reversed role, he would tell s guy that the debt is left would be her debt if they get married, and he would be responsible to help her

[@bearscolts1]

Yeah, didn’t like Ken on this call. Disrespect is a no go especially if he’s wanting to get debt free

[@lucialuciferion6720]

Could have been an 'ouch' this is bad reply?

[@JasonGroom]

@@lucialuciferion6720 why is it bad, guy earns money and wants to get out of debt.

[@amandawithlov3908]

The gap difference would catch anyone off guard. It is gender bias as I responded the same way.

[@TalyaT922]

The caller had already set the stage of concerns about the income disparity and fear of becoming a sugar mama. Ken was simply responding to how significant the disparity was. No disrespect. This wasn't a call where the income was incidental and Ken was having an over the top negative reaction.... it was literally the crux of the problem. Ken's questions and advice were appropriate and helpful for the stated situation.

[@d3adp94]

I think this was great advice from these guys. I’m married and her age. I see where she is coming from but this convo should have been said months ago. I took on my wife’s debt. She gave me a family. I’d do it again. We are one.

[@Loljjkb]

Simp 😂

[@d3adp94]

@@Loljjkb “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Should I go on? I am a God fearing man. I don’t need a kid calling me a “simp” for loving my wife. My Lord knows what is best for me. I’ll pray for you child.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

@@d3adp94 Heck I’m in the Bible Belt and seen it all. Maybe better to say all of that when you’re married at least 50 years or at bedside before death. Too many I know who are just like you are divorced now. All of that wasted time listening to people telling me things like that through the years I can’t get back now.

[@jusplay7309]

God bless your marriage. May you continue to prosper, grow closer together and closer to God as you live out the purpose HE has fore your life!

[@handleyobusiness]

@@d3adp94 I’m happy for you brother, but no way in hell would I be someone’s bail out plan.

[@callmeishmaelk767]

If this was reversed and she made $45k and the dude made $200k, there wouldn't be any problems. 😂

[@whitneyw.7919]

That’s right and largely because men don’t carry the reproductive burden or participate, equally in housework or childcare even in 2024

[@whitneyw.7919]

So this lady will be kicking butt in her career while the guy flounders then come home and have five hours of housework and childcare

[@Apollo0351]

If the salaries were reversed he would be a provider, but since it's her she's worried about being a sugar momma... She's a living, breathing red flag

[@ruhhshelle]

When my husband and I met, I had $17,000 in debt. My husband was debt free. $6000 of that was credit cards. I wouldn't let him pay that, I spent it, inwanted to pay it off. The rest was on my car. We're paying off the last payment next month and will never get a car loan again. I'm glad my husband didn't judge me based on my past stupidity. That said, inDETESTED the debt and we have always been very aligned on our hatred of debt.

[@Loljjkb]

Oh the pick me comment 😂

[@ruhhshelle]

@Whiskerman oh the 'I'm trying to be relevant, but I can't even use slang correctly' comment

[@dannyrrodriguez]

@@Loljjkblmao as if being a “pick me” girl was a bad thing 💀 that’s just a term bitter feminists use to shame women who can keep a man lol

[@iamme7664]

I wonder if you would have judged HIM if he was the one with the $17K in debt…And you said you didn’t want to let him pay for your debt but you also said “We are paying off the last…” so HE DID help out. Wonder if you would have married him and done the same for him if the roles were reversed.

[@ruhhshelle]

@iamme7664 given that I've dated people in debt before, I'd like to think that I would have. At the end of the day, I agree that perspective is the most important thing.

[@aqm8470]

Ken groaning at the salaries is disgusting. If the male was the high earner, ken wouldn't have had a problem

[@jdtreharne]

Men and women are different

[@thejakelegion]

Your complete denial of gender roles is what's disgusting.

[@lonestarrk9308]

@@jdtreharne Yeah, women can sell pictures of their feet and become millionaires. Men have to earn every penny we get. A plumber, electrician or truck driver can’t compete with an OF “model” making $20K a month. This is the current dating market.

[@chanelletriplett]

Well yes…obviously.

[@mikemaroyi7756]

Yea of course that financial burden should be on the man not the woman. In an ideal situation the man should make more. She will eventually resaint him. It’s female nature

[@stitcher4729]

The debt would bother me more than the salary difference. It would be interesting to know what it consists of.

[@BigJon410]

Yep is the $50k for a mortgage or car/credit card debt.

[@LovesLakes]

@@BigJon410She said his parents forced him into an expensive college, and he came out with nothing.

[@LovesLakes]

College. She said his parents forced him to go to a special college that was expensive, and he wasn’t interested and came out with nothing but debt.

[@beechcraftpvp]

I guess I’m confused. I make good money, and a bunch of my co workers make 400+. A lot of them have wives they don’t work or that make 30-50, and that’s seen as a “you go girl” type of situation, but if the roles are reversed and the dude makes less, there needs to be a high level of concern? What a double standard lol.

[@ayintovah3132]

It's not double standard it's what men were created for to make money

[@chartuck]

@@ayintovah3132 Yeeeeah except in today's society men are expected to still be traditional and lead, while women aren't traditional, don't want to cook or clean, don't want to be mother's, and refuse to be faithful.

[@NatalieS-kh3ck]

What do u and your co workers do that make so much money?

[@lonestarrk9308]

@@ayintovah3132 Yet women can sell feet pics and make a million a year. Between that, affirmative action pushing these women to the top and colleges pushing the feminist agenda, men are going to fall behind. Women have become the men they want to marry. 80% of women only want the top 20% of men now. Men can no longer compete. Hence MGTOW, Red Pill and the passport bro movements.

[@NatalieS-kh3ck]

​@@alonpalmer only toxic women want that. U must like the toxic ones because there are good women out there. U probably dont want them tho. What a ridiculous generalization. All because u prolly have poor judgement and got burned once.

[@KS_1995]

The reverse happens all the time. This is good for a lot of people to hear..

[@cutehumor]

it's equity part of DEI . men can marry sugar mamas 🤣

[@JesusisLordgh8j]

I can tell that she had a problem with him making 45,000 . She is the breadwinner and will hold it over his head.

[@jwelda1]

If the roles were reversed they would be like “You care more about money more than her!?!?” More guys need to be calling in with these concerns and not marrying losers.

[@hussameddinshleh]

Exactly.

[@handleyobusiness]

Well said.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

YEP

[@Loljjkb]

David is super hypocritical. His misogyny is through the roof. He thinks women are weak and dumb, alway has patronizing compassion for women.

[@tcgtpl]

That’s the Ramsey Simpin’ Solutions’ Way.

[@barnabusdoyle4930]

I love the double standard when it comes to income. If he made $200k and she made $45k things would be fine. As soon as it’s her making the larger income then it’s a problem. Of course, statistically making so much more than your partner is toxic for a relationship. The earner looks down on the other person and feels like they have far more say in the financial decisions before that extra income is their’s. She clearly isn’t going to marry this guy. She already sees it like this.

[@GAFB1122]

I like and agree with your 2nd paragraph. Also a thumbs up for using generic terms like earner and other. Additionally when one earner in a partnership far out earns the other it can make for a skewed power dynamic because like it or not... $$$$ rules the world!!

[@frankfurter505]

That makes sense if you view relationships as competition, adversarial, or transactional..@@GAFB1122

[@Simpleharmonica]

Absolutely agree a high earning man would have no problem in this situation as long as his girlfriend/wife was loving and supportive and good company

[@Buggu3]

That guy don’t need her … I hope he listening n run for his life

[@madisonhruschka3718]

As a woman, I think it is the fear of having to be the provider and homemaker simultaneously. From a practical standpoint, if she wants to stay home with the babies or work reduced hours, the disparity in income becomes a major obstacle. There is a lot of opportunity/comfort/luxuries 200k provides that 45k won’t. I think she has the desperation to have children and is still scared of “settling”. They can still have a great life, it just may look different than what she has in her mind.

[@FrankS111]

If they get married, statistically there is a HUGE chance she divorces him. 50% of marriages end in divorce. 80% initiated by women. When the wife out earns the husband, the odds of divorce increases another 50% and that risk increases the greater the income gap. She’s hesitant because she already resents him for his inability to keep up with her income and doesn’t respect him. It’s hypergamy.

[@SnifferSock]

That stat uses people who were married multiple times but to be fair we don't know if either have been divorced before.

[@MikeNapoli1989]

I don’t disagree agree with you. I’m curious why that happens when the wife divorces the husband when she makes more.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

INCEL

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@SnifferSock And those stats are flawed to begin with.

[@mikezerker6925]

I think the 80% goes to 90% of divorces initiated by women if they outearn their husbands.

[@fauxbro1983]

Remember men, what's yours is hers and what's hers is hers.

[@cleliaparnell8743]

Men want to be the head of the house, but they also want no responsibility. They quit jobs to play video games. Be a man or go away.

[@gingergann3934]

That's not what I heard them say.

[@lonestarrk9308]

@@gingergann3934Yet, it’s still true.

[@fauxbro1983]

@@gingergann3934 the women was complaining about the debt the man would have if she married him and she'd be paying it off.

[@bmg5015]

Her $200,000 income will be thrown in his face over and over again

[@danielneutral8697]

Dave must be like “I’m too old for this” taking some of these calls. 😂😂😂

[@rvog6584]

theres a reason the otha folks r on air many [most?] days now :-)

[@christinehopping5040]

I love this call. Lady, I feel you.

[@lkj0822g]

Sounds like those little short hairs on the back of her neck were standing up. Smart person pays attention when your instincts kick in. This might be a good time for a "long engagement." And Ken, nobody is going to pay off $50k of debt in two years making $45k per year unless you're living rent free in your parents basement.

[@BrianW211]

No kidding. My jaw dropped when I heard that. WTF was Ken thinking?

[@danmacgowan8242]

@@BrianW211 I think Ken was wanting to see the guy work overtime and pay 12-15k a year which would show that he's committed to getting out debt. I think both Dave and Ken were thinking he needed to clean up half before they got married and then she can help once their married.

[@BrianW211]

@@danmacgowan8242 He first said, "what makes you think it's going to take him 2 years" and then he weaseled out of it by saying "you don't have to necessarily marry all of it" and "how gazelle intense is he willing to get".

[@SusanGarza-li2bw]

I understand the strangeness of deciding to give up/share the asset security blanket going into marriage, especially as a woman. I came in with a hard earned nest egg, and adding my husband to my back account and paying off his car loan was a significant step for me within marriage. BUT, i knew we were aligned on the important stuff. We've been able to pull a much larger cart together than separately!

[@BuiltNutritionFitness]

She thinks she’s above him and is settling for him since she’s 38. That man will never get any respect in that relationship. Doomed relationship where they are getting together for the wrong reasons.

[@FrankS111]

Schrödinger’s feminist. She is both empowered and a victim. The outcome is dependent on what is most beneficial at that moment. Hypergamy at its best!

[@rabidgoon]

She’s past the sell date for hypergamy and that’s her real problem. She has such a high opinion of herself that she thinks she should be with a man whose salary equals hers, but those men don’t want women in their late 30s, who are going to try and be the alpha in the relationship. I hope she likes cats:

[@kleindropper]

Correct; a 38 year old woman making $200K wants a 40 year old man making $250K. Unfortunately a 40 year old man making $250K is absolutely drowning in beautiful 24 year olds and he doesn't give a rip about how much they make.

[@dustyrhodes2717]

This and Kens response to the guys income was cringe. They would never respond that way if the roles were reversed.

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

Exactly!

[@boredoreos]

@@kleindropper It's funny how red pillers talk about how men making a lot of money are drowning in young girls, but none of them are actually those men. They just fantasize about living that life to escape their own lonely reality.

[@queen.kristal8395]

for a guy who is 38 he doesn't make enough money to raise a family I will encourage him to make more money and maybe advance his career.

[@scottlaux6934]

Maybe he doesn't want to change.

[@SlyTwin]

I’ve really noticed that women never love a man that makes less then her I’ve watch multiple episodes of Dave Ramsey and they all sound the same when it comes to that aspect, but men will marry a woman with no income and 20k + with of debt it’s scary out here

[@THX5000]

Maybe because XXs are not capable of love.

[@the_different_dad9943]

My wife out earned me and had a career while i had a job. We knew that from the start. Now she works and i am a full time dad with two under 3. If you are both aligned and grateful to each other for what each person does.

[@ayintovah3132]

I would be totally turn off if my husband can't provide for me and my children. To each their own

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Dude, that's great, and you should be proud that you get so much time with the kids, but stay in shape and look into part time remote work.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

​@@ayintovah3132well happily, he's not married to YOU. He's married to a woman who sees the big picture.

[@ayintovah3132]

@@GUITARTIME2024 I can't careless about his life, as a woman and through my life dealing with thousands of women due to my job I can tell you women who are supporting their husbands get tired at some point and cheat ot leave for a provider. That's the reality

[@the_different_dad9943]

@@GUITARTIME2024 Thank you. I ran a half marathon before our second was born. And while I haven't been able to do much till now. I have a 15km run in March.

[@asl19999]

Her partner needs to run for the hills. Sounds like she doesn't respect him at all

[@currenteventsenthusiast9477]

Nots true. Getting married with no prenup is his best bet 😅

[@lionheart93]

bc she makes a lot more lol

[@danielfurr7356]

It sounds like he's coasting and unmotivated.

[@WolverineIncognito]

Not a partner. Boyfriend. They ain’t in business together.

[@asl19999]

@@WolverineIncognito You are dumb

[@revondamehovic3132]

I currently make more than my husband, but with the current job market who knows what the future may bring? I think it's more important to think of money in a marriage as ours vs worrying about who got paid what.

[@rbraxton00]

Okay, interesting. Just never let him stop pushing. Don’t let him be a stay at home dad, to take care of the children. He should definitely keep being motivated and growing. He’ll get to where he needs to be.

[@cleliaparnell8743]

Women are wise to the pre-nup men who leave them, with children, penniless in a few years. This is the same. She's afraid of losing everything she worked for.

[@ciobalina7445]

Yeah, with such a revenue, she is prone to attract vultures. She needs to vet possible partners very well.

[@nleem3361]

The guy needs to invest in tools and improve skills to make better money. My dad is a carpenter. To get there, he would buy 1 or 2 tools every payday. He also learned new skills at every opportunity. Eventually, he was able to become an independent contractor, running his own projects, and making better money.

[@JPerez-xm8yh]

Wow..she's brave. When a guy wants to get with me, I immediately ask about his debts 😒. I tried hard to clear my credit and buying my own home. I get that ppl have some debt thats not extreme. But I see it as, I cleared my debt for you. Why didn't you want to do the same for me?

[@scottbailey244]

He is NEVER going to get out of debt without his prospective sugar mama wife paying off the debt for him. A man or woman knows full well when they have met their "Sugar Daddy" or "Sugar Mama". She is a sugar mama. He is trying to marry in to money. At his current wage, he is at the poverty line in virtually all areas of the US. She needs a husband that could potentially support himself if need be. That way there would be no dependencies on her money if/when they get married. How much does need to earn? It depends on the area, but I would suspect it is $60k-70k per year.

[@AmarisKrisla]

This relationship doesn't work. 😅 she already has questions and doubts about him. I don't know maybe I am wrong.

[@d3adp94]

I agree and find it funny. Money is going to make her stay single for a while. Women will never date down.

[@diannemc3179]

RUN GIRL RUN!!!

[@Michael-ft9pm]

Ken’s reaction to their incomes is great.

[@costco_pizza]

Agreed, this woman needs to RUN.

[@prowler63]

They never have this reaction when roles are reversed. A clear double standard.

[@amamadarkly]

The problem isn't his salary, it's his management of it. She doesn't trust his judgement. She is afraid he will sabotage what she has built.

[@SpoonHurler]

That's not how she presented the question and yes, she could have struggled to express her thoughts but I struggle to accept that if she earns 200k. She lead with dollar figures because that was the major factor that bothered her.

[@dylsvob6217]

No it’s both

[@amamadarkly]

​ @SpoonHurler I disagree that it is about the figures. I think is about emotions and security. If you believe that, then you must think she is engaging in something like a "my figure is bigger than your figure" contest to "win" against her man and feed her own ego. I think you are projecting a masculine thought process there. I doubt that is the case. Maybe I am also projecting, but I am a woman, so I think I am able to hear what she is saying. Money is emotional, representing security and freedom. Tying into different emotions for different people. Some amount of the success of this show is based on that same deeper realization, e.g. paying off debt by snowball and small emotional wins vs interest rates. I think her issue is, regardless of her high salary, she wants to be a woman to a man. She wants to be able to relax and trust his judgement.

[@frawdulent]

Women have standards that aren’t realistic. She’ll leave this guy to find her “prince”, but he will never show up. 40+ and still single.

[@amamadarkly]

@@frawdulent Yeah, if she doesn't want kids asap, she should probably just stay single and swim in her money vault like Scroogica Mcduck

[@laladesy7352]

She’ll be stuck carrying the kid and paying everything. Run

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

She basically said, this is the best I can do. Other men my age that make what I make or more want NOTHING to do with me. This guy, her equivalent in the dating marketplace, blows her back out and treats her well BUT if divorce happens, she won't get a satisfactory heist. The Equality feels unfair to her. She should have him sign the prenuptial agreement she would never sign if he made more money.

[@genxx2724]

Perhaps the men her age who earn what she earns or more are not nearly as attractive as her beau.

[@lauren4078]

I recently called my wedding off because my fiancé wasn't serious about paying off his debt. It was heartbreaking, but I knew it was the right call. This was the wakeup call he needed to grow the hell up and realize that he had to get serious about his finances before I would marry mine with his. He is now steadily chipping away at his debt, and our wedding is back on for the spring. I am SO proud of him and the way he's been stepping up. I will now gladly help him pay off the rest of his debt after we marry. This is what a true partnership is. Now, I am even more excited to marry him and have him be my life partner!

[@tcgtpl]

Personally, I would have waited until all the debt was paid off first before rescheduling the wedding. That way, you could both be starting off with no debt in your marriage & you’d be more assured that he was serious about being reformed in his financial ways. But best of luck to both of you.

[@lauren4078]

​@@tcgtpl That was my plan (note: MY plan) originally, but it clearly did not work out that way. Trust me, him being totally apathetic about not paying it off ASAP, and not wanting to work WITH me financially was a total deal breaker, which is why I got so scared and called the wedding off. Since, he has been making great strides in getting on the same page as me, he's been making large ($3,000+ payments) on his debt, and now he's even riding MY ass when it comes to investing (and rightfully so)! Our wedding is going to be a private ceremony with just his mom and my parents, and we are having a backyard reception at my parents'. Costs will be very minimal, so we will not be going into debt for a wedding. The way we're going to pay any remainder of his debt after we marry is I'm going to take care of his half of the house bills (we split 50-50, and I'm blessed enough that I can float the house by myself). Then, his half of the house bills he's going to throw at his debt in addition to the larger monthly payments he's already making. We should be able to pay off his debt within 6 months of getting married. Thank you for your insight and well wishes. I'm not afraid to make the hard decision if it comes to that, even if it is heartbreaking. I feel very hopeful that such a decision will not need to be made, though. Have a great day, friend. ☺

[@krobdawg]

She sounds like how a guy should sound in these modern times regarding marriage lol

[@d3adp94]

Explains why she is 38 and not married.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Indeed. Many women want to be men nowadays it seems. Slowly learning what men have to deal with.

[@thehungrywolf69]

😂😂😂

[@k.h.a.l.i.l.]

@@blackworldtraveler3711 someone needs to be the man in that relationship cause it aint him at $45K at 35 lol

[@maximusdecimusmeridius5438]

She’ll never respect him bc she makes more. Guys don’t think like that

[@nickm4662]

Yea when she said “I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at”. She implied that he hasn’t done the same.

[@brendalaird6942]

Dave, you are hilarious! But good advice to this woman.

[@NWI_Steel]

The way she said "yepppppp" when dave said "youll pay off his debts when you get married" shows she already holds resentment. This marriage will never work. She is always gonna hold resentment

[@MrClassicmetal]

If one of the partners has to pay off the debt of the other one, it's going to cause issues. This marriage is not going to work.

[@n1k01k0]

Is he a good man? Does he have a good work ethic outside of work? Does he need to be reminded 10 times to take out the trash? Does he show up for his job on time and work hard? His 45 could be all you make at certain periods of life if you end up down on your luck. Are you defining too much who you are based on what you make?

[@justwatching8357]

If it was the other way around it would be expected that he takes her debt.

[@hastycontemplation]

One humbling thought to consider is if the 200k job is lost or there is a disability or other change. Look at yourself in a context of not having the job and see how you feel. Construction workers are often very strong and can fix anything, these are very valuable assests. But debt can be a problem, that is a different issue.

[@genxx2724]

Either of them could become disabled. If she becomes disabled, they’ll be living on his income. If he becomes disabled, the strong ie masculinity he brings to the table won’t be there.

[@dougcrum943]

Great show 👏 👍 👌 🙌

[@LAM1960xyz]

I immediately see a red-flag. A guy working construction and making less than $75k is basically a laborer.

[@Loljjkb]

So? He’s still a human being who deserves love and marriage, right? Laborers are bad people?

[@NWI_Steel]

The guy is working. Not everyone is super ambitious. The world still needs ditch diggers

[@1CJ6]

Obviously, you've never been to eastern NC.

[@lucialuciferion6720]

She gave him 'the money makeover'. He could end up watching this call 😂

[@alberttang6955]

He only earns 45k working in construction?? That's really on the low end for the building trades. He should be making a lot more if he's a skilled tradesman or a contractor. Or is he a handyman doing odd jobs here and there, and she calls it "construction" because it sounds better?

[@GAFB1122]

Lol well with all due respect as a white collar worker, I condense all building trades including handy people and laborers as construction. If you touch grass then I'd refer to you as a landscaper. And so on.

[@davidbrayshaw3529]

You get a lot of tax deductions as a construction worker.

[@shobull8695]

Shes values status over companionship.

[@THX5000]

Like all women

[@defiantlypinki1107]

This is a bad idea. She makes 4x more than he does so there’s no way finances are going to split evenly. Also, women are expected by society to take up most of the domestic work (cleaning, cooking, child rearing.etc), more than men do. He’ll probably feel emasculated, then go off with someone who makes less than him.

[@oneeyedman99]

I do think women should be open to relationships with men who earn less than they do, but 4x his earnings is a lot, and construction workers do not age well. Insisting that he work when she's making so much more money and he's likely coming home too tired and sore to even take a shower won't make a lot of economic sense, unless she wants to live in a pigsty and be the one who does most of any child care that is needed.

[@swayzieandchinita]

She can also get a prenup if and when he proposes. However, it sounds like she has a good man who is aligned with her and making changes. A committed man with gainful employment, who is aligned with your values; that is what is very important.

[@amandawithlov3908]

Hey Kathryn, I empathize what you're going through. I grew up financially insecure, and it has trickled into my adulthood. I see money as a form of safety, and really enjoy financial literacy and finding the best way to earn money. I will be in the same income bracket as you (when I graduate as a CRNA) and am also in cahoots with someone who makes historically $70K (but hoping it can evolve to $100k). I spent a lot of time battling with these thoughts, but it's mainly my own insecurity with money. I suggest therapy. Also, there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. I found that the sooner I accept this as is, and tackling it as a team worthy project, the better I can accept this. My partner isn't in financial turmoil and is a smart spender. He appreciates and respects money and that's what's most important to me. Someone can easily make $200k and not have any form of savings to show it. And I rather the $50k person with a humble savings, than a $200k person with debt to their eyeballs.

[@ricmightybonefeliciano9800]

She doesn't respect him. She feels in her heart and soul that she's in a higher state of life, cause she is. He can never compete. The real question is does he wow her and sweep her off accomplished feet? If not, this will eventually. turn into a loveless mommy/son situation with an ever growing resentment within her heart. Additionally, her tone of voice was CEO like, describing him as one of her employees, discussing with her head of HR if he's a good fit with the company, and should they lay him off?

[@rodrigok1220]

I kinda disagree. It sounds like at some point she’ll resent marrying him if they do start to have financial issues.

[@ethxo6734]

The mentality it takes to earn 200k and be debt free is not compatible with someone earning 50k and in debt. She isn’t a pacif woman content with bare minimum. She should not move forward with the relationship.

[@2btrue2u]

Opposites attract

[@littlejimmothy2818]

The problem here is she makes $200,000 to his $45,000. I think that is her actual concern.

[@lv4366]

Don't take on anyone else's debt. Marry afterward. Ugghh.

[@alex182618]

He works in a much more stable business than she does. If he opens his own home repair business, he is going to be a king.

[@Fishouta]

He's probably not skilled in the trades, based on his pay.

[@benruss4130]

Having been an engineer in the automotive sector, it depends. When one part is booming (say, new car sales), the repair and parts sector shrinks, and the inverse is true too. However, Engineering is rarely effected because automotive companies HAVE to continue innovating or the will succumb to their competition.

[@Loljjkb]

If the genders were reversed Dave would have said “marry her asap, her debt is yours” 😂

[@beaniemac]

He sure would. There's definitely a double standard on this show

[@crashtestdummy1972]

No, he wouldn't. They had a call just like this and they said the same thing. Its all about the persons attitude towards the debt. If they don't care, you'll have problems. If they are doing their best to pay it off before getting married, you guys will be fine

[@fernnoli]

He literally said at 4:16 , “you’re gonna marry him, he’s gonna have debt, and you’re gonna pay it off”. Open your ears😂

[@OopThereItIs77777]

HE LITERALLY SAID THAT! You have selective hearing 😂😂😂😂😂

[@thehungrywolf69]

Exactly‼️

[@cesaravegah3787]

If a man earns 4x what his SO nobody baths an eye, because this time the situation is reversed that as an issue, doesnt looks as equal and fair to me

[@armandoweckmann5699]

I have no issues making more than my significant other. I am a man, though. 😊 when I get married, it's our money

[@Loljjkb]

Why can’t she find a man that earns in the same league? A doctor or a lawyer? She chose to get with a guy that she feels below him to easier control. This is going to be a disaster. These type of women are scary. She’s probably getting paid alimony or child support from a previous marriage. She’s not even telling them what exactly she does for a living.

[@alberttang6955]

She's 38. The pickings are slim if she wants to meet and marry a high earning single professional man. I know high earning, well educated women facing the same dilemma. Male Doctors and lawyers close to her age are often: 1) Already married by that age, or 2) Divorced and only looking to date women a decade younger.

[@brettlawrence9015]

High earning available men generally want mid 20s women

[@genxx2724]

@@alberttang6955 The men get snapped up while they’re still in school. They don’t even care that they’re marrying down.

[@megalodon1726]

Less than 5% of men earn $200K or more, which means over 95% of women cannot have a man who earns that much. She's one of the 95%. Her $200K doesn't make her more attractive to high-income men, so she's competing against women all the way up and down the income spectrum for that small percentage of men.

[@genxx2724]

@@megalodon1726 Her $200K income puts her in a position where to gets to know those men.

[@brewsandbass5572]

She has to pay for her own wedding. 😂

[@alberttang6955]

And she will pay for the ring too, if she wants a big diamond to impress her friend and colleagues. LOL, the female CEO at my previous workplace got engaged to a very low earning guy. She bought her own ring because she wanted something impressive, and she knew he would never be able to afford any real piece of jewelry with his salary.

[@genxx2724]

@@alberttang6955 How did she feel about it, and how did things go after that? Was anyone impressed knowing that the guy didn’t earn enough to buy that ring?

[@alberttang6955]

@@genxx2724 She let her friends and family believe her fiance purchased it himself, though a lot of folks knew better. The guy spent most of his previous life backpacking around the world - partying, taking mind altering substances, and working odd jobs here and there. He was employed at a local art gallery when she met him. I think he saw his opportunity and love bombed her from day one, playing to her deep need for attention, playing the part of a charming world adventurer. Up to that point she was having zero luck with high earning professional men she thought of as being at her level. Physically attractive, but her unpleasant personality and extreme narcissistic nature made it impossible for those high status men to date her seriously. The marriage actually lasted about 6 years. He pretty much stopped working after they married. He bummed off of her and smoked a lot of dope. She was always trying unsuccessfully to find him a career with some kind of status. You could see her visible shame and discomfort when someone she met would innocently ask what her husband did for a living.

[@isay207]

Nothing wrong with that

[@genxx2724]

@@alberttang6955 In that situation, I think it looks better to have no diamond at all and just get married with a plain gold band. She can wear other jewelry.

[@porterosbournejr.5083]

This has disaster written all over it. She will eventually lose respect for him and when that happens, it’s over.

[@carlosmiro4932]

And then she will owe him half her assets and alimony.

[@rays242]

Most of the "High Value" men are taken at her age.She has been sold a bill of goods to put everything into her career. A woman's job success means very little in the dating game sadly. It is everything for men.

[@Loljjkb]

How much you wanna bet she’s obese?😂

[@rays242]

Men go by appearance.....just the way it is.

[@GAFB1122]

The comments on this call requires that I make this comment. If you are a man and you do nothing but put down and negatively criticize all women then you are shaming your mother/daughter/sister/aunt/etc. AND SHAME ON YOU!! If you are a woman and you do nothing but put down and negatively criticize all men then you are shaming your father/son/brother/uncle/etc. AND SHAME ON YOU! As for me... there are good men and women. There are also bad men and women. The character of the specific person is the only thing that matters to me!

[@amylukenash4048]

She makes 200k in the auto industry. They are doing terrible right now. Sadly those high paying positions will be the first to lay off. She shouldn’t be bragging about that high salary. It’s going to be obsolete soon. What she should do is stick most of that money in the bank and live like you make only 45k a year. . I’m glad so glad I’m a saver. She also seems like she loves making more than him. What happens when her salary is gone and she can’t get that kind of money again. Karma is real and it puts you in your place quickly

[@tonipetrova]

Exactly, I thought the same.

[@Carolina480]

He’s gonna pretend he loves her then divorce her get her money to enjoy with a younger woman Don’t do it Don’t even bring him to leave with yuo

[@realTaylorRobb]

What happened to the income and debts become OURS not his or hers. We we!!!

[@dannyrrodriguez]

This just proves that women are unhappy when they’re the bread winner in the relationship, and that they are unwilling to provide for a man 🤷🏽‍♂️. She obviously doesn’t respect him and never will unless he makes at least 200k

[@laundrygoddess4]

I made more than my partner. Not all women are this selfish

[@Europa1749]

He's going to start feeling inferior. Resentment could set in. I'd move on.

[@jimroscovius]

I'm semi-retired and my wife is still working. Therefore, she's making 4x what I'm making. We're doing just fine. No debt, paid-off house, good investments. The hosts are right.

[@ChristopherLaw-qv4ou]

If she feels entitled for people to respect and do everything she says then she must be prepared to bear responsibility and care for him that is what leadership is about duty accountability and sacrifice

[@fishtail1129]

Dave was way too quick to assume this guy has bought into her debt free life and vision. If she is concerned about being a sugar mama there probably are hints that he is going to want to coast on her income and assets. At 38 kids are no guarantee but what if she wanted to be a SAHM? Or, maybe he has dropped hints about feeling less-than? Either way I think these two need serious pre-marriage counseling if they get to that point. Dave totally missed her intuition telling her something isn’t right. She needs to lean into that!

[@jimv77]

A friend is a medical doctor. She dated a teacher. Of course big salary gap. He listened to his pop and bought her a “small”engagement ring. She said she was more disappointed in the “momma’s boy” mentality versus the size or price of the ring. They broke up. She is still single after several failed relationships. What are your thoughts?

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Lol. Not surprised. She followed her biology and now she's alone.

[@genxx2724]

My thought is that she doesn’t need what these men have to offer. When you remove financial need from the equation, women often see that they’re not better off marrying.

[@saeedhossain6099]

her $200k annual income in the "automotive industry" is a really wide array of possibilities, could be an auto engineer, a manager at corporate GM, or she's in sales and had a good 2023 when cars were absurdly priced and it's very unlikely to happen again.

[@A_w_200]

Why does it matter?

[@saeedhossain6099]

@@A_w_200 good question, it matters becuse if she's resentful of floating her partner when she's up, but that being up is subject to radical change, and he's then floating her, is she going to be ok with being the "lesser" partner. based on the pre advice info she provided, if she doesn't take on board the view that his attitude/character, not his relative bank balance, then she's setting the stage for problems down the road.

[@Loljjkb]

She’s not specifying what she exactly does for a living. That means she’s hiding something. If I was making $200K a year I would not lose an opportunity to tell the world what I do for a living. She’s probably getting paid alimony of child support from a previous marriage.

[@egresk1]

This is the problem with marrying a 38 year old woman. It took her 38 years to find "the one" and she is having doubts over money even though he is on board and is taking her advice. Men are faced with decision every single day. Screw her and the high horse she rode in on. She will look down on him until the divorce. Initative will NEVER be enough for most women, especially this one. Run away man and find a younger woman that loves you for being you.

[@SnifferSock]

I just want an explanation how he's only making 45k at 35? Career change? Lazy? Temporary job? It doesn't add up.

[@deusphyllis]

True 100%

[@HOLDXSTEEL]

@@SnifferSockYoj sir are an asshole

[@uncle_tones1222]

BEST RESPONSE EVER!! you’ve nailed it.

[@CJ2023Incognito]

@@SnifferSocksome people are just not high earners. Maybe he is a more nurturing family-man type. 🤷‍♀️ (Wouldn’t be my first pick, but to each their own!!)

[@insure4cheap]

Firstly I don’t think they’ve even spoken about marriage to one another for her to even start considering finances. If she had called up and said my fiancé & I are talking about finances then she would have a good reason to speak on this. I believe that she’s trying to push marriage on him and he’s probably not even thinking about it because of the financial gap. I don’t think they even live together as well. This call is very premature 🤷🏾‍♂️✊🏾

[@Red_1976]

She is worried. Go with your gut feel. He’s a risk. Don’t go there YET. Let him show you he can clear his debt (& still date you!) This is a challenge he should rise to should he want to be with you & align values. Other thing to point out is asking him will he feel ‘emasculated’.. yu can’t stay home with children. He will have to.

[@SnifferSock]

2:01 never agreed with this one. There's a few people that don't get along well out of my 50+ aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings etc. There's maybe a few that wouldn't volunteer their house as a place to stay for certain other relatives but nobody is ex-communicated or anything like that.

[@saladboy1465]

If your girl makes more than you the shot clock is on my friend. What this woman really means is she doesn’t like that she out-earns him. She doesn’t respect him & never will. It’s a wrap. These guys are so out of touch on dating/relationship questions

[@sandramartin9784]

She is not comfortable with his financial and career situation, that's why she called. He's working but in this current economy, should be/could be making a lot more money, sounds like a path of least resistance. Would he still be as interested if she made 45k a year?

[@dustyrhodes2717]

Why do we not get an idea of what kind of debt he has? That is a big deal.

[@joann5157]

I understand what Dave advised, but doubt this relationship will work. First of all, with the large disparity in earnings, that tells me that there must also be a large educational difference. How well are you going to relate when you want to go to a concert or some other cultural event and he wants to have his buddies over to drink beer and play corn hole? Secondly, making that much more money than the other person makes one feel resentful AND entitled to make the financial decisions. I don't see this working out.

[@danielfurr7356]

Everyone here seems angry at this woman for expecting her potential husband to earn more, but I'm kind of on her side. She said he is 35 (or maybe it was 45, but I heard 35). $45,000 is about $22/hr assuming a 40-hour work week. That pay rate makes more sense for someone who is new to construction, but not someone who has possibly been in it for over a decade. At 35, this guy has been beyond college age for 17 years. There are several avenues he could take to earn more - go for construction manager, work overtime or extra jobs, career pivot, etc. I live in a low cost of living area, and you can earn more than that being a gas station supervisor. I get the impression her boyfriend is someone who is just coasting. If I were in her shoes, my issue wouldn't be so much with his salary, but more so, his motivation. Maybe $45k works for him, but it doesn't work for a couple who has aspirations to get married, own a nice home, and have kids.

[@odibua9107]

People are angry because when the same calls happen with the genders flipped the men get a lecture and how it should be "our money". They just want Dave and Ken to give her the same energy.

[@danielfurr7356]

@@odibua9107 I can agree with that.

[@JoeMattitas]

Ken is definitely not an accountant! 😂