I just found out my boyfriend has been destroying all the things I love so he's the only...

[@mannydcbianco]

He didn't suddenly change, he was always that person. He just stopped hiding his true self. Abusive, controlling, violent. This would have ended very badly if OP stayed with him. Also the sister definitely needs to press charges. When going after a person like him, where the is no one single thing that will render severe punishment by itself, you instead go for the "many little streams make a mighty river" approach.

[@Arkryal]

You are exactly right. He has always been like this. I know the type, his actions were predictable, almost comedically in sync with the stereotypes. OP's hobbies and interests are a part of who she is. It's what makes her, her. If he ever loved who she was, while he may not share her passions, he would still appreciate how it enriches her life, and by extension, his own. Instead he loved her for how she made him feel about himself. That's actually important in a relationship too. He did love her to the extent of his own limited capacity, which is how OP didn't see this right away. But it was always all about him, not her, and not them as a couple. This is actually a much better definition of "Puppy-love" than the currently accepted one. Like a dog, he loves her, but if he feels ignored for a moment, he'll pee on the rug and tear up her favorite shoes, lol. I've never heard such a literal expression of the term. OP should be thankful nonetheless. While this is horrible, things can be replaced. But if he hadn't given her such a flamboyant example of his true nature, this would have gone on a lot longer. Even if her was the perfect boyfriend, he never destroyed stuff, was always supportive, she still would have resented him in the long run because he was only in it for himself. He will never understand that loving a woman is about more than how she makes him feel. He can't change. His soul is just another one of OP's missing, broken past interests. He was threatened by her hobbies because that's all he will ever be, to her or anyone else. He's not worthy of her contempt, just her pity, and even that has limits. But I hope she does go through the checklist: • Get the dog microchipped, and take some recent photos of her and the dog incase he tries anything. • Put up some cameras where she's staying, and an always-on dashcam for her car. • When she's at work or school, she should ask someone to walk with her to her car for a while. I've done this for countless women, we guys don't mind at all, even if it's a stranger, just ask. Don't give him a place to confront her alone. • Check the phone for tracking apps... just check location sharing permissions in the settings, some of those apps are discreet and don't show up as icons. When in doubt, factory-reset. • Check the car for Apple Airtags (just bring an iPhone near it and use the app to check). • File in small-claims for the damaged and stolen stuff. It's an easy process, and if it's under the monetary limit, you don't even need a lawyer, it's just filling out a form and showing up on the court date. Some people find the prospect of going through this process intimidating or confusing, but it's quite easy. • Send a copy of his texts to his family, let them know his behavior has changed dramatically. Maybe they can get him psychiatric help, maybe they won't believe the claims, but do what you can regardless. • DO NOT block him on the phone. Keep every text, every voicemail. Any move he makes at this point will be for attention or to prove a point, so he'll tell you what he's up to. Keep that evidence. Blocking him on social media however is prudent as he may use that to keep tabs on her or try to isolate her from friends and family. • Carry some form of protection. What specifically depends on what's legal in her area. Whether that is a gun, pepper spray, a TASER, etc. Check the legality and do everything above-board, but have something. • Whether she's skilled in self-defense or a novice, the best option is usually to run away and scream for help. I don't care if she's a 7'2" 300lb man and MMA fighter, as ridiculous as it would look, "run and scream" is still the most effective way to stop an altercation 99% of the time. Don't let pride or self-confidence put you in harm's way. Knowing how to fight is secondary to knowing when to fight. And when to fight is always "Only when necessary", because you never know if they have a weapon or what their intentions are. • OP's sister should absolutely press charges. Just because some people never accept accountability for their actions doesn't mean they shouldn't be held accountable. All she needs to do is tell the police and give a statement. If it's picked up for prosecution, she will likely need to give a deposition, which can be done in an hour over the phone or on a video chat. She won't need to testify in court or anything. With photos of the injury, witness statements, etc, it's a slam dunk. They'll cut him a deal if it's a first offense and it will never go to court, but it will be on his record. And the next girl to date him hopefully has the common sense to run a background check before things get serious, and seeing a past DV conviction may very well save her life, or at least save her a lot of trouble. It's NOT about punishing him, it's about accountability.

[@Amenimun]

"I hope no one has to experience something similar." But they will. They will. Because situations like this are a dime a dozen.

[@bluecraft2012]

Sounds like the guy had a mental break and went crazy towards OP

[@Maninawig]

One thing extra I would have done is to text the evidence to his sister so that his family knows. They can help keep him away or at least get him some help

[@kmth34]

Run