My Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes (He Didn’t Know)

My Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes (He Didn’t Know)
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[@abztraktt6403]

She don’t wanna be with him but don’t wanna leave him cause she think nobody would want her

[@kirapoodle]

Yes that's pretty much it plus she also wants revenge. She openly admitted she would like to cause him harm. I wonder if John would be so chill if a man was saying that about a woman.

[@KnicksNYanks84]

You’re both right. I hope she is honest with her future partners and lets them know

[@Dave872010]

@@KnicksNYanks84She won’t. This is how it spreads

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@abztraktt6403 which is true

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@abztraktt6403 who would want a herpes partner 😂

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

Her honesty & rage are really refreshing. So many callers bottle themselves up & don’t show emotion

[@Killllian]

Refreshing to consume in a 10 minute phone conversation on a KZbin call show, very very very not refreshing when she is your loved one and you are experiencing this bitter and self destructive venom in all the moments when you are most desperate to achieve reconciliation. It means that he will never be able to be truly comfortable with her, to trust her, to be truly vulnerable, because he knows that her love is only a hat she wears, that can come off at any moment.

[@be_here_now44]

​@@Killlliangood thing she recognized how destructive her feelings are and called the show to consult with someone about what to do about it. Her vulnerability in sharing this actually seemed to opened the door for her to do some real healing of deeper issues. You're right in that it wouldn't feel refreshing to be on the receiving end of rage. Then again there's a difference between rage and abuse. Nothing actually wrong with rage, feeling it or witnessing it. Like any emotion it serves to show us something, to give us information, if only we capitalize on that. It is a skill to navigate emotions so adeptly, to feel them, to really investigate them, to transmute and transform them into something useful. Thankfully skills can be built, and this call, this exercise, this show, seem to be about this very thing; being human and being on purpose about being better humans. She has every right and reason to feel the way she feels. She does have to make a choice though, as to whether she wants to nurture that rage at the expense of everything else or whether she wants to take an opportunity to build resilience and greater trust. How she handles this will certainly set a course for their relationship being that it's an early trial through which they can come together or fall apart. Hopefully she'll heed the great advice and they'll both be better for it. Cheers.

[@julie7005]

not really

[@Killllian]

Sure, it’s great that she called and is acknowledging that her rage is not taking her to a place she likes. And you’re right that rage can be a completely acceptable reaction to something life throws at you. If she can heed his advice and genuinely put the rage aside to allow for some kind of healing or reconciliation between her and Mr. Sweetlips, then great. The thing is, by the way she is expressing her feelings and thoughts throughout the call, I believe that morning cuddle sesh he recommended is about as likely as her sores going into spontaneous remission. When she says things like “I want to hurt him,” “I want to abuse him,” and other such wrathful declarations, I hear a woman who has settled for someone she is not proud to be with, who is not able to make her feel the way she has with other men, and whom she is committed to only because she perceives him to be the best option available at the moment. Maybe he won’t leave her; maybe she has been abused by men whom she desired, and so now desire is a non-essential or even problematic quality. The fact that she doesn’t seem to have any interest at all in the question of whether or not he has done this on purpose tells me everything I need to know. To be clear, this behavior is fine for some people, and we all have different capacities for withstanding the aggression of loved ones. Personally, in my relationships, I have learned that I can cope with a lot of life’s punches, but I absolutely draw the line at being subjected to contempt at the hands of my partner. This could be a huge fight or just being late for our dinner reservation. My partner can experience whatever emotions her brain produces; rage passes, you can yell at someone and make them cry without expressing contempt. It’s pretty simple, actually. But I have found that some people don’t recognize the difference between healthy anger and the relationship grim reaper that contempt is sure to be. This girl does not draw the line at contempt; she actually uses contempt as a way of dealing with her pain, shame, fear, and disappointment, and then only seeks to overcome this once it is obviously going to eliminate her relationship. With girls like this, I respectfully ask for the check and then do whatever I can to establish a containment zone where I will never enter around her, just because she is a danger to me. I can say 100% that giving her any piece of my heart will be a serious hazard for my health-mental, spiritual, sexual, social. There is no greater gift than finding yourself in a partnership with someone whom you can trust to give you the same grace that you will give them. If they ever say that they find themselves wanting to abuse you, they’d better give you a pretty swift and convincing apology campaign. Because I’ll let you in on a little secret: people who love you are not supposed to want to abuse you. It’s not normal. But this girl seems to feel that it is a completely natural and acceptable consequence for his cruel mistake.

[@AA-pz9on]

​@Killllian She is self aware. When you can call and recognize you don't want to feel like "sledgehammering someone's face"....you are a person who is self aware and desires growth.

[@biancax5431]

Her initial tears genuinely broke my heart. Poor girl, she’s truly in pain.

[@OlaoyeSegun-qr8qg]

Your magical hands have relieved me of my pain and I can't find a way of thanking you enough, thank you *MR OBALAR* for curing my horrible herpes.

[@mercyale3588]

**I couldn’t believe doctorAllenBen cure my 6 years herpes coldsore, thank you so much doctorAllenBen you’re the best on KZbin***

[@Letnothinggotowaste]

Sorry for her predicament, but like all of us, she has to lie in the bed she's made, literally. All due respect...

[@FatimaLawal-mx5ij]

OMG 😊…. *MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY 🇺🇸❤.

[@fire12731]

This is one of the most honest callers I’ve ever heard!!!! Good on you Jessica.

[@cuegordon1178]

This is sad dawg. I truly feel bad for her. She def gotta let buddy go

[@sellmav]

She sounds neurotic and extremely immature. A 40 year old woman having sex with multiple partners and acting like she has no responsibility in any of this is a huge red flag. I hope that guy RUNS FOR HIS LIFE. She will destroy him.

[@Yourmuthasaidso]

​@@sellmavHe deserves it. There's no way he didn't know he had Herpes!

[@sellmav]

@@fire12731 😂😂😂

[@timschmidt3784]

​@@cuegordon1178that'd be the best thing for buddy.

[@DK412724]

I am a pediatric dentist and HSV-1 is commonly spread at a young age just by sharing toys, utensils, and toothbrushes. Nothing inappropriate. We wouldn't judge children for having it if they contracted it innocently. Jessica is right to feel upset, but her indignation to want full justice in her own small universe is going to be her own downfall

[@christellag.3852]

@DK412724 Sorry, but nowadays nothing is innocent. In this case, CPS would be involved right away, and parents arrested.

[@alexbekkala1718]

Not in your vagina!! Hello!

[@barbaraday7662]

@@christellag.3852 are you out of your mind!

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

She was a drama queen!! And completely understand anger towards him if she thought he was screwing around on her... I've been there ended up with it because he was!!! Did I behave like this no not even close! And yeah I was told that it was as you say it was. Something that normally can happen when you're young but also it sucks because as women we will have this the rest of our freaking life.

[@furryplantsandcoins9070]

​@@christellag.3852not so! Because if this is a doctor talking about it.. why do people always say that at CPS will get involved and take your kids!? As someone that has actually had this happen... It's not like they're just trying to take your children! You're taking your children to a doctor and they know that they have this in their mouth. They will understand how they got it and it's not like they're just going to report it to freaking CPS.. once had CPS at my house for my daughter's tonsils being so swelled up. I had a physical agenda book that had all of her appointments in it. And when they asked if I'd ever taken her to the doctor over it I could prove it right then and there. If you ain't doing anything wrong then you ain't going to have anything to worry about! I did not!

[@RamSunMoon]

For the women who have never had genital herpes sores, it is such a painful and traumatic experience the first time that no wonder this woman is distraught. The first break-out is the worst, but it will calm down and, as long as you don't let yourself get run down, the break-outs lessen over time and, for most people, stop, or only happen every few years. I screamed down the phone at the person who passed it on to me as they were aware they had cold sores. The silver lining is that I was able to help a colleague who had it: I went and bought her epsom salts (which work amazingly in a bath to calm down the sores) and chocolate and covered her shift. Women need to support each other!

[@tphillips6952]

YES!!! Epsom salt bath!! Glorious relief! I am in my late 50's and will warn you...get your shingles VAX! Same viral family and lives dormant at base of your spine like herpes. But that "sunburned" "raw skin" sensation that happens on your thigh or lower back...same sensitivity with shingles but the pain is 1000 times worse. It is a much deeper burn and unrelenting to the point of insanity. I literally moaned out loud to my sweet dogs while writhing in blind pain for days!!! GET YOUR SHINGLES VAX PEOPLE!!

[@XOChristianaNicole]

Though I agree with 99% of what you stated.. Chocolate can trigger an outbreak - there are many foods, that can; specifically, ones with high arginine levels. Which, mostly, are found in plant-based foods - such as chocolate. Lysine, however, found in meat, dairy, fish - that helps reduce HSV outbreaks. (Dairy has arginine, however - it, also, has lysine). I remember when I was first diagnosed, at 20 - the doc at the woman’s center handed me a list, of foods that could trigger outbreaks. Chocolate was on the list - along with many seeds and nuts. That was my first experience with understanding how One’s diet impacts disease. I, recently, started taking lysine - not because I have an issue with outbreaks; though, because I am missing a good portion of my GI innards, and have malnourishment issues. I have had some chin acne, for the last few years. My doctor thought it was from HSV - even though I know it wasn’t; as they didn’t feel the same way. Also, I never got ‘em on my lips or around my mouth - always on my chin and a couple on my cheek (which, is where hormonal acne manifests - and I have adrenal issues and was on HRT, for a time). However, regardless, the lysine helped clear up my skin (it’s an amino acid that helps balance hormones, wound healing, and more). Though, I have a friend who is prone to cold sores - and she takes lysine consistently, to keep ‘em at bay.

[@hayley179g]

Yep. You have to make sure you don't work as many hours as people who don't have it, or else you'll get run down and get a break out. There's so many things that go into it.

[@Doinko-u2z]

Hes gona get it too??

[@ashlyons2390]

I would be upset as well. I'm glad I've never had to experience anything like this, and I feel for anyone who does.

[@JC-sv8oe]

If the guy knew he had herpes and didnt tell her, she has the right to be pissed.

[@miniloafwr6402]

She has the right to take him to court as well

[@________1516]

She has the right to be pissed either way

[@samuelstahl5828]

Did he know he had herpes? If so, he should be jailed

[@JeanyyBee]

So you can get Herpes from someone who has a cold sore on their mouth. I feel bad more people don’t know that

[@jackoh991]

⁠for what? He didn't know. What's the issue? This woman is a horrible person

[@afriefeld1]

The way she said, “men never face the consequences” makes me think there is a history there

[@jacobdysart1524]

Yes. Throughout history, men do not face consequences for hurting women

[@stevenwallace773]

​@@jacobdysart1524do you think a higher percentage of men who hit women get away with it, versus the percentage of women that hit men and get away with it? I think almost certainly not, and I don't even think it's close

[@kate4cards]

She mentioned that she was always attracted to really bad guys in the very first few lines of the story. She already said the story.

[@bradleyh7582]

Agree, and she also blamed a religion that does not believe in the causes of infections. I can almost guarantee that there are many opinions that her parents (or some adolescent authority figure) projected onto her. She is so confused about what gives her value. Hope she can get over those voices.

[@ktokie338]

Men don’t face the consequences they generally don’t care. Grow up.

[@h4ck3rd4wg]

"What do I get from forgiving you?" One of the most human questions I've heard in some time, and a deep one. I think the question is actually "What do I get rid of by forgiving you?"

[@Roosters-rants1977]

You get peace in return. You get to keep the reason to hate and abuse.

[@hayley179g]

@@Roosters-rants1977You have the latter judging from your comment, you don't understand.

[@Coyotehunter7064]

@@hayley179ghow do you get that from his comment? He simply gave the reason for why forgiveness is necessary.

[@hayley179g]

@@Coyotehunter7064 Sure, but also ignored why some might not want to forgive, and put some of the blame on them. Abuse implies it's unjustified and the object of the abuse is innocent, and hate is generally seen as a bad thing done by bad people. He implied that those are the only reasons someone won't forgive someone, and that's not true, and forgiveness doesn't always lead to peace. Some people don't deserve to be forgiven and holding a grudge can be a protective mechanism also.

[@christinesbetterknitting4533]

Forgiveness always hurts _the one who was injured_ a second time. That is why it needs God inside you to take that step. The freedom that results is also supernatural and divine. It can be done, and is an investment in closeness for a couple.

[@kendraedwards549]

can we please stop acting as if she’s mad about him giving her a cold? It’s an STD. Nobody wants to explain that they have an incurable STD to anyone. Yes, many people have it but no one is looking for it. But she needs to break up with him if she plans to emotionally abuse him for it

[@bryanduchane2371]

Now that she has it. it's now her responsibility not to spread it.

[@HGFCVNC]

I agree , like yes emotional advise is great and all but an std is a very real and physical thing that someone has to deal with now and she has all the right to just want to breakdown becuz that’s going to be with for now on and it is something that will always have to be brought up whenever u get into relationships with anyone , I’m positive is gets easier with time but to just have that thrown into ur life especially at her age is infuriating

[@bobdog90]

I would wager that you can't explain an objective reason that a sore on your genitals is worse to have than a sore on your face. There's nothing magical about STD's except the shame people associate with premarital sex.

[@djpuplex]

Imagine a man saying he wants to throw a woman down the stairs. She's the men that were here past pre Herpes now she's a STI dumpster.

[@breezeh1127]

I feel like he didn't validate her situation nor her feelings at all. I feel that's what she needed. Validation that it's OK to be mad and sad and go through a grieving process. Then find a way to walk away from him or a way to build up with him again. Instead I feel like he invalidated her feelings and told her she was being silly and over board. Makes me think he himself has herpes. I feel like this was a projection of him trying to make it seem not that bad for ppl who have this illness. He missed the mark here.

[@jhonilocran6077]

This is why education is important. A fever blister and cold sore is the same thing.

[@sellmav]

@@jhonilocran6077 a forty year old woman having sex with multiple partners who doesn’t know what a “fever blister” is. She’s got so many red flags I can’t even count them.

[@squizzerl1478]

I find it really hard to believe he didn't know. Really hard. No one ever said anything to him before?? BS.

[@donnajohnson5688]

They are not the same !!!! One is a std and other is not !

[@donnajohnson5688]

@@squizzerl1478you need to make sure he did not know . If it was only a cold sore then he is ok!

[@kimberlykusiak2526]

Cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), and most cases are caused by HSV-1, which usually affects the lips. HSV-1 is typically not transmitted by sexual contact, but it can be passed on by saliva, body secretions, or oral sex. Less commonly, cold sores can be caused by HSV-2, which usually causes genital herpes, an STD.

[@samanthaquant7411]

She is so deeply grieving and I really feel for her.

[@itscthuwu5125]

She's obsessed with hurting her partner, who didn't know he had it, is just now finding out he has it and on top of which is clearly remorseful for giving it to her. But she wants to beat his face with hammers. Feel for her? No thanks.

[@joshmanwaring3848]

​@@itscthuwu5125I would say it's the guy's responsibility to have been aware of his condition then take the measures not to spread it. No telling how long he had been living with a cold sore on his face and completely in denial about it.

[@itscthuwu5125]

@@joshmanwaring3848 People don't know what they don't know. He possibly has had a few cold sores over his entire life, and didn't know what they were. Blaming people for not having information is dipshit behavior.

[@NimatuKabiru-r2t]

OMG… *MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY 🇱🇷..

[@sarahsnowsoup]

If you read this, herpes is hella common. I was devastated when I was diagnosed but went on to have an active sex life, with men without herpes themselves (they were fully aware) and I'm in a happy relationship and have a 2 year old son, 7 years later. Life goes on, you WILL still be wanted, I can promise you!!!!

[@XtremeSportX247]

Facts... u can get meds to suppress it

[@Stanley_Baby]

Slags have herpes

[@Ironstarfish]

I found that when I cut sugar and started eating ketovore it helped. Not a lecture but try it.

[@alexbekkala1718]

Not common in your vaginer

[@Iz7zI]

Yikes

[@KristenS-mu1oc]

Girl, this was me 4 yrs ago. I had been married already for 7 yrs, and somehow my husband must have had an oral sore that neither one of us noticed and hsv-1 was transmitted to me down there throigh saliva. I was confused, devastated, spent months crying, researching, etc. Thought life was over. I had one mild “outbreak” 6 months later, a couple of small pinpoint spots. Dr gave me meds and it instantly cleared. That was the last one I’ve ever had. I don’t even take the meds daily to prevent. I’ve forgotten about it for years almost until I saw this call. At first I thought it would define me and now I can’t even remember that it was a piece of my story. We are happily married, 3 kids, great careers, and healthy. This is not a death sentence or something anyone will know except you, your dr, and what should be, your best friend for life. Get meds just in case and don’t even give it space in your head!

[@Ginger57]

Very thoughtfully written😊💐

[@JHickey-x3r]

Somehow he had a cold sore lol girl ur man had fkng herpes and gave it to ur vagina 😮 it wasn’t a normal cold Sore he had herpes from sleeping with a woman who had herpes .

[@ktokie338]

Right a lot of people think herpes is just written on peoples faces or bodies a lot of the times they look normal and when there is a flare up it can be easily mistaken for something else such as dry lips unless the person is already aware they have cold sores. That’s how I got cold sores my partner didn’t tell me they had them and kissed me. To my knowledge they never had an outbreak just dry lips. Reality is you honestly can’t always tell. Anyone saying otherwise isn’t being truthful.

[@ktokie338]

Thank you for sharing your btw. I’m sorry that happened to you but as you said life goes on.

[@Diana-vk2yp]

Wait wait I’m so confused with this whole thing… so regular cold sores are not just regular cold sores? They are herpes?? And with a simple cold sore you can transmit herpes to your love one?? That is scary. I’ve always gotten cold sores since I was a child. They come and go 🥺🥺 So I’m terrified right now

[@deelyn6267]

It’s ok for her to be at this stage of grief. Don’t judge her.

[@squizzerl1478]

Literally this comment section is disgusting and clearly full of people who have never faced anything so horrible in their lives. It's absolutely devastating to think the collective conscience of Americans is to shame this woman, make fun of her, victim blame, minimize her experience, invalidate her, etc. If a man were telling this story, all the people in the comments section would be saying "oh poor man. She's a monster. He didn't deserve that" etc etc. I see it all the time. The war on women is so real and so scary.

[@Teewriter]

@@squizzerl1478it’s just that those of us who’ve been around the block know how much she is sooooo blowing this out of proportion and she’ll soon get over it.

[@frankcastle6159]

@@Teewriter Because she isn't there yet. Sheesh. This person just found out this info & it absolutely rocked her world re: how she sees herself & how the world will see her now. She's angry and lashing out & none of it makes sense and that's ok. Let her vent.

[@annabelle3510]

​@@frankcastle6159 the reason she's reacting this way and has all these feelings is because she only half liked him and not completely - she chose to be with him because he was kind and he took away her loneliness, and now she's angry that the price for that is genital herpes. She's disgusted of him because she never truly liked him.

[@dyllangames3592]

​@@squizzerl1478she's acting like he gave it to her on purpose.

[@lchavinga]

I was soooo deeply impressed by how John handled this call. And I listen all the time, but this one, great job John!

[@nneoma6106]

I agree. I truly admire him as a therapist. He's refreshing! ❤

[@nicolewaller9802]

As someone who has been (and is in) your shoes…. It gets better. It gets easier to let people know. Most people have it and don’t even know. Everything John said is true! I’m now with the love of my life, and am the happiest I’ve ever been in my LIFE. You are worthy of love, even if it’s not with this guy. You’ll be just fine, girl. Feel the hurt and keep it moving. Your best life is just around the corner.

[@people3865]

Most? Most people have herpes?

[@jimconner3983]

happy for you dude😊

[@irinacar]

Is he accepting of you being HSV carrier?

[@brazydee420]

​Men are so pathetic...only fans exist...I'm sure he's eating the yeast by the slice on this chick​@@irinacar

[@claireleblancfoster8010]

Brilliant remark ❤❤🎉🎉

[@AquaGirl953]

I feel terrible for this woman, people need to stop minimizing her experience. He has given her an incurable STD. She has every right to feel this way. She feels embarrassed, ashamed and violated. I don’t care how common it is, no one would want this for themselves!

[@EAAAA1505]

Exactly, people making excuses that a lot of people have it is not an excuse. It is still an STD and it will affect her life.

[@Dperfater]

She doesn’t have to tell everyone she has it. She just has to live her life like everyone else. If she wasn’t gonna have sex in marriage the odds of her getting it from another were extremely high.

[@EAAAA1505]

@Dperfater are you serious? It's not just selfish to not disclose her status to future partners but it's also a crime to knowingly spread out sexuallybtransmitted diseases. Also morally we should be a better person than that. This suggestion us very dissapointing to say the least.

[@lexir7504]

@@EAAAA1505stds are the risk you run with sleeping around. she has nobody to be mad at except herself

[@EAAAA1505]

@@lexir7504 No, it should be an act of love giving your body away to someone. But dishonest and promiscuous people ruin it.

[@KittyBlueee]

I promise you baby girl, the right man will accept you for who you are!

[@ZachariahDanjuma-by1yo]

*MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY

[@aceee4386]

💯

[@Ebizzill]

bruh. This was so refreshing to listen. Often times women are expected to forgive, forget and pray on it, despite the fact they have to live with the embarrassment and pain caused by their supposed loved one for possibly the rest of their lives. She better than me because I would have gone straight to therapy right after burning his sh*t down, and I already know I aint sh*T. Most relatable call yet.

[@sethkubicek4295]

Yeah, you the kind of gal that would be out smashing his car windows In

[@NetSunJin]

She’s going through the stages of grief. It’s death to her old life and self. She is enraged, hurt, in pain and shock and it will take time to accept this. I may not be going through it but I sympathize. I’m sure it doesn’t feel fair at all and is super scary. God bless her and heal her heart and mind.

[@Elizabethatthebeach]

Yes. She's grieving the value she thought she had... "high Value" cultural influence tells women their value is determined by being as close to a young virigin porn star as possible. This is so destructive. 😤😠😔

[@jennprescott2757]

God bless her fornication?

[@nicka3993]

Her old life and self? Wtf? She’s the same person, she isn’t dead didn’t have anything chopped off. It’s not a death sentence like HIV used to be. Herpes is probably the most common virus throughout the entire animal kingdom. Not just humans, but even coral reefs suffer from herpes.

[@Suzette-gb7uj]

Dr. John was awesome with Jessica. And all you people that are disparaging her need to zip it. She’s devastated, and she has every right to be. This just happened. She’s not crazy, she’s not psycho, she’s hurting.

[@macairhead5137]

Her feelings are valid; her abusive reaction is not.

[@Coyotehunter7064]

“I wAnT tO pUnIsH hIm FoReVeR”… she is beyond crazy and very psycho. She literally said he doesn’t have to deal with it like her while he just found out he has it too.

[@Suzette-gb7uj]

@@Coyotehunter7064 But he doesn’t have genitalia herpes. He has HSV-1. He had lesion on his lip. He performed oral sex. But, if they stay together, and continue to have sex, he will get it.

[@1232lyft]

@@Coyotehunter7064she has a disease and no decent man will ever want her what tf are you talking about he ruined her life

[@lucafairhurst6599]

What a comment. Maybe you relate very hard to her because you're getting Hella defensive for 0 reason

[@JJ-jn7ei]

Was anyone else crying?? The part where he said "you did what you needed to do to survive childhood" What amazing advice. I pray she works thru this pain and forgive this good man.❤

[@Sunrise.To.A.New.Life7]

My best friend had this happen after she was engaged . She found medication for Herpes , and he never told her . He is a physicians assistant , so that was bad . She broke it off . He kept it from her and that’s her health, and yours . I would have felt so betrayed

[@TararyzeMcg]

I would SUE HIM!!!

[@Horace1993]

If they knew and hid it, that's a huge breach or trust

[@dsmalls5748]

This case is different if he didn’t know.

[@chrishampton8532]

This guy didn't know. She saw it and didn't realize what it was either so they were both ignorant of what herpes is and what it looks like. Her being mad at him for not knowing what she didn't know either is very hypocritical.

[@chrishampton8532]

​@@TararyzeMcgHe didn't know. She saw it and still allowed him to go down there because she didn't know what it was when she saw it either. It's an unfortunate case of two people having to deal with this because neither was educated or informed enough to prevent it.

[@ElizabethDerlin]

Yup let the guy go. You’ll always hold this over him.

[@lindatannock]

Agreed. That complete and utter rage at him that she feels will never go. She's entitled to be angry, but the things she said about wanting to physically hurt him, she really needs help for!

[@BadAssElf810]

@@lindatannock Yep. Any guy she is with will eventually do something that is difficult to forgive.

[@Catchyalater_Fishing_Co]

Yea and when she's crying on her bedroom floor who do you think she's gonna wish was there to make her feel better?

[@sarazink2237]

That’s a good point! With how enraged she is I think that may be a wise decision on his part too. He doesn’t deserve all the hate. Everyone is human and viruses happen to our body. But the way she is talking about this is soo extreme it’s unhealthy in itself

[@matthewdievendorf9609]

Why? So you can go and give someone herpes knowing your now positive? My advice is accept the herpes and move on.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

This call summed up in one word: EMOTIONS!!!! In all seriousness, I hope she can heal from this and I genuinely wish them the best even if they do split! ❤

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

Emotions! Nailed it. It seems to me that this woman is quite deregulated/unstable and emotions seem to be magnified 10 fold. Like, it's not such a big deal! She should just research the condition and see for herself that it's not the end of the world. He sounds like a keeper. I hope he is patient and they both realise this issue is deeper than the H, this is her unnattended past trauma showing up big time. She needs help 🙏

[@snopure]

She's only a week or two out from having some really bad news dropped on her. Most people would be pretty emotional, unless they're sociopaths.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@snopure I absolutely understand and I wish her nothing but the best. Just caught me off guard with all the rage, crying, and “i love him”. 💜

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

​@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 she is definitely having a moment. I grew up in a very rigid Christian culture and was taught something like this would make no decent person want to have anything to do with you. It was the scarlet letter and there was no possible way you could get something like this unless you'd done a lot of terrible things in life. So I get her strong emotional reaction. She needs to learn it's just a (thankfully) dumb harmless virus. It's as much a nuisance as getting an occasional UTI or yeast infection. It's not a moral failing. There are going to be way harder things that'll happen in life and one day she'll innocently do something that'll hurt him too. She needs to ditch her old story and understanding of this being something awful, is not. And she needs to learn how to express her sorrow in a manner that isn't toxic and work to realize it was never his intention to harm her.

[@dana102083]

​@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788shes not at the stage of grief to be optimistic and do research. Everyone grieves at different rates. She vlmay be dysregulated but so is the majority of adults..

[@tcribb5325]

It's heartbreaking to hear how the devastation of child abuse plays out in adult years. For this woman it literally is world-ending. For her, yet again, she doesn't deserve happiness. On top of that was what she was taught (and no doubt spending her life trying to control) is "being perfect". John handled it brilliantly, she is in severe pain. If it wasn't herpes I'd wager something else (aka life) would trigger a similar meltdown. This really hit home for me, decades of therapy helped me not go down this path. I hope she can get help! Her pain is not someone else's to suffer (or hers to suffer) and that's one of the toughest lessons

[@theduckylady1012]

I think there's a sub layer to her as well - Not just perfection, but it was likely drilled into her that only "bad people" end up with STI's. The way she said that she is now diseased was my tip off. She's now also struggling with undoing the thought that she is a "bad person" in addition to no longer being perfect. I feel terrible for her and I really hope she finds peace and as John said, builds something brand new with her life.

[@EmmaAndEmmaAndEmma]

Hundred percent agree. I think her religious trauma is factoring more into her grief and anger than she realizes. Imagine how terrible it is to grow up in an environment where you’re told you have to be perfect, that you can only be happy and fulfilled if you do XYZ and avoid ABC-Then you get out, start building a life and healing yourself and finding happiness outside of that religion, learning to accept that XYZ isn’t healthy and ABC won’t automatically be your downfall like they always said it would-Then BOOM, something like this happens, and it feels like an “I told you so” or like punishment, or like you can’t even catch a break outside the trauma you worked so hard to get out of. It’s really hard to come face to face with the reality that shitty things still happen after escaping toxic religion, and that it doesn’t mean you’re “cursed” to be unhappy-it’s just life.

[@nikistevenson1550]

​@@EmmaAndEmmaAndEmmawell said!! 👏💯

[@Zephyr6083]

This is truly one of John’s best segments. His organization, flow, compassion and balance with firmness and reality was incredible. Well done

[@edema.3418]

I'd be pissed too if someone gave me herpes.

[@Ironstarfish]

She could have had a cold sore and not known it and gave it to him. Thst virus can not only jump from mouth to genitals but it can be dormant for several years before having a breakout. I know , and for her to say no consequences for him and acting like he isnt devastated too is unfair. Honestly, I didnt know. For what that's worth but i dont expect u to believe it

[@hayley179g]

@@IronstarfishThat's DARVO.

[@StashHouse56]

But you were dumb enough to take the chance. Your fault not theirs. She knew what it might be but went with it anyway. 🙄 SHE took the risk! You take the risk…you take on the consequences. I bet most of all your likes are from women.

[@candace3493]

@@hayley179g I didn't know what DARVO was til this comment prompted me to Google it, so thank you. I do think Dr. Delony also inadvertently victim blamed by telling this woman to get over her sense of injustice, despite it being completely warranted. We're not entitled to all of the details, I just find it difficult in this context to witness harmful therapeutic practice. Like why aren't her feelings telling her the truth? Her feelings are her survival mechanism and the focus is on her to repair a relationship with a major breach in trust.

[@44LillPuffin]

You probably have at least two versions of the herpes virus right now. Image you American by any chance? It seems like Americans have very little knowledge of what herpes is amd they demonise is when the vast majority of us have at least two versions of this virus that never leave our bodies. You've have you ever had chicken pox? Have you ever bought a verruca or wart at the pool as a child? Did you ever get mono? 😂 like it literally take two minutes to access info about these well known viruses but it's as if people just don't want to know anything about anything

[@dollylewis4037]

Thank you Dr. John…you gave her the best advice. She needs a counselor…immediately.

[@Portia620]

Agreed!

[@purpleviolet2058]

Agree 💯

[@KnicksNYanks84]

John did good but maybe be more firm with her regarding how she’s mistreating her bf

[@hayley179g]

@@KnicksNYanks84After he assaulted her?

[@dorisortega4846]

She needs a lawyer too

[@nursedani5704]

“That is a strange way to live the rest of your life…” I agree.

[@jesterbons1558]

y'all don't even know what kind of diseases exist out there and what all types of people are going through

[@OlaoyeSegun-qr8qg]

Your magical hands have relieved me of my pain and I can't find a way of thanking you enough, thank you *MR OBALAR* for curing my horrible herpes.

[@anniake8578]

FOGIVE YOURSELF ❤ He probably didn't know. My husband gave it to me our 1st year of marriage, not knowing he had it. It took a while for me to come to terms with it. I was upset at first. I realized he is my forever so I can't blame him. We've been together 24 years now. ❤

[@hayley179g]

If he is not her forever, which I suspect, she will have a harder time finding partners in the future and will always have to live with the possibility of infecting them. But your advice is good. If she truly loves him, she should forgive, just be more careful in the future and always have good open communication.

[@perkasami6305]

​@@hayley179gIt is not as difficult to find partners as you might think. I have it, and many people are still interested in me despite knowing that I have it. I have a devoted partner despite having gotten it from a cheater, and I also got HIV from a medical error almost a decade ago.

[@nailahdawkins]

You literally could have learned about his medical/mental history before marriage and not get married, until he was free, clear, and healthy 😐.

[@anniake8578]

@nailahdawkins he didn't know he had it. So learning his medical history didn't help.

[@pinkpeony5871]

He prob knew he had it

[@ty454]

This call is crazy. I got HSV2 about a decade ago and at first.felt crazy. The first outbreak is usually the worst,.i havent even had a flare in at least 8yrs. I dont even think about it anymore.

[@Beantown85]

Same but 19 years ago and not alot of outbreaks

[@filthyminges]

I get them 5 to 10 times a year. Painful and feel sick each time. It has ruined my life zero relationships in ten years. As an average male it makes me undateable to most women. I've given up

[@Ironstarfish]

If I eat a lot of sugar or junk food I get outbreaks

[@Beantown85]

@@Ironstarfish yea I agree. I had to start eating decent and exercising and just being a clean person with hygiene which I was anyway.

[@perkasami6305]

​@@IronstarfishI get outbreaks if I eat too much trail mix. A lot of nuts or chocolate will cause outbreaks because they contain a lot of arginine. But a lysine supplement will help suppress outbreaks too.

[@ILaughAtYourFailure5]

People saying she’s being dramatic are WILD. She TRUSTED him. She’s in her right to be pissed off. This is a PERMANENT change in her life and she’s clearly in the first few weeks of digesting it. She needs time. Be forreal, ANYONE would freak out seeing sores on their genitals!!!

[@aviatrix7774]

It depends on if he knew or not. But that wasn't made clear. I have a suspicion he did.

[@lisad56]

💯!!! She is not overreacting. He knew he had herpes and gave it to her. I would act the same too.

[@lisad56]

💯!!! She is not overreacting. He knew he had herpes and gave it to her. I would act the same too.

[@desireesalas5820]

​@@lisad56He didn't have genital herpes. He had a COLD SORE. Two different Herpes Viruses (HSV1 vs. HSV2)

[@MicheleHerrmann]

Agreed. She believed him when he said it was a cold sore. He should have waited on having any physical contact until it passed. He needs to go to his doctor.

[@effiemay5684]

This is such a raw and genuine conversation.

[@peterwilliams6361]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.

[@GregMunro]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@peterwilliams6361]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..

[@GregMunro]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@peterwilliams6361]

You wont regret it

[@reneet5858]

Now THAT'S some real TRUTH. Relationships are never perfect! They can be very worthwhile, though. I lost my Husband, my kids Dad, My Grand children's Papa.. we had so much Joy in our life together, and so much pain. And, I would' nt go back and change any of it, except to not lose him. Yes, this is a big thing. It does NOT have to rule her life. SHE is going to have to decide whether she wants to continue in a otherwise great relationship, with a man who is truly Mourning the fact that he hurt her! Yes, Herpes is, and can be bad. You know what, though? There are MUCH worse things to have to live with, live through, and life I'd too short to make everything a catastrophe. Yes, it has forever changed her partner, no partner choices. She does'nt HAVE to stay with him. And, if she's going to throw this in his face every time she gets her feelings hurt, then she would be better off doing them both the favor of letting him go. She needs to get truly educated about this Disease. She may have one breakout, and never have another her whole life. Or, she may have breakouts regularly, and have to take meds, because of it. I know someone who got this, and the guy who gave it to her KNEW he had it, had the meds in his bathroom, and just tried to deny all responsibility. Now, that guy? He is a real shithead. But, that person rose above what happened, and even though they still get sick ( stress actually can make this so much more active & worse) they give themselves Grace. I'd like to punch that person right in the face, THAT is a horrible person, not someone who is in a relationship, a really good one, and throws it all away because they can't even give THEMSELVES Grace? Man, her Parents did an awesome Job of really Screwing her head around.

[@mariabeckwith3336]

When you've been in really unhealthy relationship, this breach of trust is a HUGE this to this woman.

[@Biglenny-v9r]

Breach of trust? It was an accident This woman sounds like a lunatic. 1 in 2 people have oral herpes. And 1 in 8 have genital herpes. A lot of people have it and don’t know it because they have no symptoms. It’s not a big deal at all. When my ex gave it to me she felt so bad, I couldn’t even get mad at her because she was crying so I was the one to comfort her and she felt even worse because she said she should be the one comforting me. It’s not a big deal at all, you can go years without an outbreak and they’re usually gone so fast and barely noticeable anyways. This woman is being hysterical as if he gave her HIV

[@angryox3102]

@@Biglenny-v9r I can see both sides. I don’t like the dude for lying to her, but I also don’t like the woman because she did sound like a lunatic.

[@irinacar]

@@Biglenny-v9ryou are assuming he did not lie to her. How do we know that? That information does not come clear in the interaction with Dr. Delony. Regardless, there is still a stigma around this STD that can’t be denied and that will reduce dating pool for anyone who gets it. You will be rejected by many you try to date, that is why many individuals play they did not know they had it in order to see if the can get others to stay once the damage is done. The fewer are honest enough and tell a potential partner that they are carriers, unfortunately. So I get her desperation, she is 39 years old with a tough background and now with this additional cross to carry for the rest to her life adding up grounds for more rejection by potential partners in the future shall she decide to break up with this guy. Too sad.

[@AshleyLebedev]

I can also see both sides

[@3roachkidsdhe]

@@Biglenny-v9rI know right

[@askquestions1236]

I love how she describe it. She is expressing how she feels about this. I'm sorry poor girl. Just awful .

[@Ironstarfish]

Yeah I'm sure he doesn't feel bad at all about it. (Sarcasm). She said " no consequences for him"

[@askquestions1236]

@@Ironstarfish He probably does feel terrible, but so does she and she had a right to express that. She is traumatized.

[@lisaliberty5872]

Ditto. Poor girl. My best friend once told me she would never be able to handle even herpes. This is a horrible thing for some people. I feel so badly for her. But she will get through this. She will. Poor girl

[@notmyrealname8777]

"It's horrible. I don't know what worse than this" Cancer. Cancer is worse.

[@jude8943]

*sigh* yeah I can think of SO many things that are far worse. Good freaking grief! She's going to ruin this guy's life.

[@1232lyft]

@@jude8943 her life is ruined . No one wants a chick with herpes

[@jakitaprice9633]

It's horrible for her. That's enough. Like be compassionate.

[@paulinamiller8262]

Dementia

[@paulinamiller8262]

Lou Geriig Disease.....oh man......AIDS....I can go on...but I feel like I am minimizing her experience

[@amh00130]

I feel for this woman. This is such a misunderstood virus. It’s so common and most people don’t know they’re carriers because they have zero side effects. I just assume everyone has some form or another. Knowledge is power in this case and learning as much as you can about how this virus works helps a ton. I promise things get better with time. With proper information and management, you’ll forget you even have it until it’s time to disclose to a partner. Most people are extremely understanding and accepting. Everything is going to be okay!

[@LiannaLovelle]

Are you a man? She’s right to feel this way. She felt betrayed that someone violated her health. I can say cancer is common so someone should just get over it. No, she has painful sores on her private parts that will keep flaring up.

[@kotorevan313]

I hurt for this girl not just because of the disease but because of how she's treating herself. She's not a blight on humanity. She's not hopeless. She can have the best life still. But I agree with John that treating the guy like crap and basically wishing for him to suffer the same way won't heal anything. That will only make your life more miserable whether it's with him, some other guy, or just alone. It sounds like this guy genuinely feels horrible about what happened. I wouldn't treat him like a monster.

[@desireesalas5820]

Even if he would've been tested, he would've tested positive for HSV 1 (which would basically mean he had a cold sore at one point in his life) which is very common amongst the population.

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@kotorevan313 by definition a blight

[@wLBlue]

Why u deny reality

[@Carmen-us1ew]

​@@desireesalas5820ya, same thing she has. And she said he had an outbreak not too much before they messed around.

[@hayley179g]

@@desireesalas5820It would have been more responsible than what he did, and then she would be able to prepare herself for the possible outcome. Not testing is a major consent violation, he infected her with something she was unaware of that has no cure. It's good he feels guilty, not many men do. Maybe they can get past this and make this work, if he accepts how much he hurt her. But I do hope she's not afraid now to date other guys if it doesn't work out, because of this, and I hope they don't reject her if she does the moral thing and tells them, but I also hope they do the moral thing and reject her if it's a casual relationship, so they don't spread it to other women. It's a whole moral mess, that he dumped on her shoulders, without consent.

[@aleia4654]

I kind of get where she’s coming from, because it feels earth shattering when you first realise what’s happening. I caught it from my first ever boyfriend and thought my life was over too. The first couple of months were rough, not going to lie, but nowadays I get an outbreak once a year, if at all, and it’s barely noticeable. And so, so many people have it. You will be okay. Also, it’s not okay to mistreat this guy. If the trust is broken and you don’t believe he didn’t realise the risk he was exposing you, then leave. Definitely do. But you don’t get to mistreat him and stay out of fear. Also, for her or anyone feeling like her - if you hold onto hating them so hard, it might be because that’s the only way you can redirect the hate and disgust you feel for yourself. And you don’t deserve it, and maybe neither do they. Let it go. This doesn’t define you.

[@StrongerThanBigfoot]

I bet you don’t tell ppl you have it lol

[@dtschuor459]

@@StrongerThanBigfootWhat a horrible thing to surmise. You are saying that to be a jerk. A huge percentage of the adult population has it. It’s life altering, not life ending.

[@Ironstarfish]

Yeah he's got it too, she kinda overlooks that. I do ketovore and cut sugar out and that stopped my outbreaks

[@flamingrage100]

I mean he downplayed the fact that he did have a cold sore and said it was a fever blister. He could’ve done his due diligence in not spreading it so her being upset to me is valid.

[@hayley179g]

Was with you until that last part. Some of that hate is deserved, especially if the partner is unrepentant about breaking your consent. Sometimes forgiveness can open you up to further abuse.

[@slavi7191]

The pain in her voice is heartbreaking. 😢

[@SMC1986]

Dr John is the best guy friend we all need!

[@Shay-yg7nm]

Poor girl. Her feelings are 100% VALID. She's hurt and now has to carry this around forever! My heart bleeds for her. I'm sending you so many hugs. You're going to get through this. You're not tarnished, you're not less than.. you are beautiful, with or without herpes 💜

[@piaxgft5799]

bleeds?? seriously??? U have lived a very sheltetered life

[@KnicksNYanks84]

She’s being cruel to her bf that’s not okay

[@danirocket21611]

​@@piaxgft5799right?. This girl has the best "worst ever" thing in life. Most people have much worse "worst things"

[@girlygirl1890]

@shay-yg7nm I totally agree with you. She has EVERY RIGHT to feel the way she does. My heart bleeds for her as well.

[@cococock2418]

None of her feelings are valid and if the genders were reversed you would call the man “horrible” for being mad at the woman for giving him herpes.

[@theshellykumar]

She needs to break up with him. She can’t abuse him just because of this. Her feelings are valid but doesn’t mean they’re right.

[@ellenmorse8559]

He gave her the pox! He condemned her to a communicable disease which she will have to disclose to every new partner. I don’t understand this cavalier attitude in the comments!

[@emmajones8590]

She needs some time and a good therapist. And also needs to explore any treatments with her doctor.

[@emmajones8590]

@@ellenmorse8559 That is one of the worst aspects. That little conversation you have to have with every new partner.

[@theshellykumar]

@@ellenmorse8559 I understand what you’re saying that’s why I said she should break up with him!!! She can’t hurt or abuse him because of what’s been done. It’s not going to help her heal or be able to understand how to cope with this new reality of hers.

[@mabanobi]

Exactly. What’s not clear to me is if he’s ever had genital sores as well? If he had them before and didn’t disclose it, that’s one thing. But if he’s only ever gotten oral sores, then it was an honest mistake. Not that it diminishes the harm she’s suffered, but he doesn’t deserve to be abused indefinitely for it.

[@jesscasto]

I wish I could hug this woman. I hope she sees all of the positive comments

[@jackoh991]

Really? She's so abelist. It's gross. She judges others for being ill. She's seems then as a blight and disability or health conditions to be shamed. Her heart is wicked and this was her karma for those dark inhumane thoughts

[@happytomeetyou2047]

Why? She is going to go to abuse this guy who by her own words said it’s one of the most positive relationships she ever had. She is just going to go out & hurt others. She is not a great person. Call her out.

[@bobbylacy2374]

She's scared and p*ssed-off that this happened to her. It never goes away. However, she can get through it and accept it. She's still in the "rage" state of grief.

[@happytomeetyou2047]

@@bobbylacy2374 - Her being scared has nothing to do with him. I doubt he even knew. And her rage is only going to destroy her life. She going to destroy herself & others. She needs counseling asap

[@jackoh991]

@@bobbylacy2374 why I was scared I thought about how my other half was scared too so we comforted to each other. Her abelism is why she's in pain, not the actual events that happened to her

[@celinagonzalez8417]

I'm surprised at how many people dont understanding the stages of grief and loss. For those claiming he should run because of her thoughts and anger: It has only been two weeks since her outbreak and diagnosis. She has a right to feel and express her anger and disillusionment. She is speaking with a professional. She needs to be able to pour herself out in order to go thru the separate phases of grief. We wouldn't treat someone who had lost a loved one in this case. She is grieving the loss of her previous self, she is grieving the loss of what she finally thought was her definition of a great relationship... Judging people for their expression of trauma does nothing be reinforce negative fallacies in their minds. It's one of the reasons people don't seek therapy. Imagine going thru this, coming to this comment section and seeing strangers trash you for having a human experience?

[@michelmurphy7152]

The people without compassion - it's demoralizing.

[@mistermanman]

I feel so terrible for this woman. She is so angry and so hurt, understandably so. It's not fair.

[@angryox3102]

@@mistermanman the guy is terrible for lying, but she’s a moron for believing it. At age 39 she should know that a cold sore is herpes.

[@Portia620]

I agree as my ex husband gave me a a curable STD and made him wear a condom from then on! Sad

[@agricolaregs]

@@Portia620I’m so sorry.

[@Inner-Gold]

Agreed! I think Dr. J really helped her understand that this having happened doesn’t mean she’s any less of a person and still deserves just as much respect as the next person.

[@benmyers9030]

She should have gotten married a long time ago. Old single people have stds. She is now a train wreck that no one wants anyway

[@Prettymom619]

Idk how people don’t know not to kiss or touch parts when there is a cold sore. Idgaf who’s birthday it is, if you have a sore on your lip then we aren’t kissing or doing anything

[@funny_thoughtprovoking5341]

Most people aren’t taught this.

[@ElisseThompson]

@@Prettymom619 yep, this. I’ve been getting them on my mouth since I was a kid, and have dated several guys who did too. You just don’t touch or kiss until it clears up.

[@NetSunJin]

I think in this case she said he didn’t have an outbreak at the time

[@YoYo_Ma]

I know some people who get coldsores and they always know when one is coming. I hate that she feels so disgusting, but if you have herpes you HAVE to inform your partner! How does he not know this???

[@EllenRipley42]

​@@YoYo_MaI had cold sores twice in my life on my lips. Since then whenever I start noticing the initial signs (a painful, itchy feeling) I just dab it with either vinegar or fresh lemon juice for several times and it doesn't come out. My lips will be "burnt" a little but that goes away soon. Public service announcement, y'all!!!

[@ManWithGoodHands]

She needs to talk to her doctor. Her understanding of this disease is so off base. Nevermind the emotions of it and the possible betrayal, she doesn’t understand what herpes is

[@LiannaLovelle]

Huh? She’s literally dealing with the sores on her private area. I think she’s aware. Yes it will be bad to start with and get better, less flare ups in future etc etc. But at the end of the day, he gave her an STD and she’s in the right to be pissed! I dated a guy for 3 YEARS who got cold sores and whenever he felt one coming he made sure not to kiss me for a few days. Only happened maybe twice a year, maybe. And I never got anything. The fact he was denying having a cold sore shows the TOTAL disregard of his partner. At best its inconsiderate.

[@jski718]

​@LiannaLovelle She most likely seen the sore and let him go down on her. What did she think would happen? Fever blister is the nice way of saying herpes.

[@Modern-Viking-Saga]

“Let’s start with the ending first.” I’m going to use this. 🍒

[@ZachariahDanjuma-by1yo]

*MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY ❤

[@indiaandrews6996]

Just an FYI. I had a friend who became suicidal when her boyfriend gave her herpes. I found a support group for her and went with her to the first meeting. There was a clinical psychologist and a medical doctor leading the meeting. They asked how many people had lied to a sexual partner about having herpes. Two-thirds to three-quarters of the people raised their hands. They all gave the same reason: I’ll never have sex again if I tell future partners.

[@Justsayingthat]

The fact that people lié to other people is evil. Find others with herpes and stop harming others!

[@lilred00051]

WOW! Just let that sink in.

[@LovelyJordy]

So you lie to ppl so you can get off.. that’s so sad and horrible.

[@Xzs64hh]

It will be funny when they get a cancer diagnosis. It's astounding how many mentally weak people are out there.

[@XOChristianaNicole]

@@LovelyJordy- Sex isn’t always just about “getting off.”

[@kaylynreynolds6551]

Herpes isn’t the problem here.

[@arthurshat7793]

This

[@albs1448]

Maybe for you because it's serious for many

[@lindatannock]

She needs serious help. The things coming out of her mouth are terrifying! That guy needs to run, don't walk! Can you imagine getting into a fight with her, and her spewing that hatred at you?! Omg.

[@phillipsmith7759]

Amen

[@kaylynreynolds6551]

@@albs1448 I’m not doubting the seriousness of the herpes. Her reaction and mindset to what happened will do way more harm if she doesn’t get help.

[@sarahsnowsoup]

(Jessica, I hope you read this) Here's a unique take that I have. Jessica says there's no way this doesn't take away from her in some way.... In my honest, personal experience, my genital herpes diagnosis ultimately was a gift and added to me as a person in positive ways. I was stronger for going through it, I judged others less and understood the realities of human bodies more, I learned to accept myself and see my value with more clarity. Herpes has also been a barometer to let me know when I need to slow down and take better care with my heath and energies. It weeds out people who have incorrect and discriminatory opinions on HSV from being a part of my life OR it gives me an opportunity to spread awareness and demonstrate acceptance of a common biological condition. I would not go back in time and not have contracted it, it has improved me, not taken away from me.

[@jordanodonnell7807]

#1 Herpes isnt the problem here. #2 forgiveness isnt for him, its for yourself. Thats pretty deep. She is definitely carrying trauma, and the herpes is carrying out that trauma.

[@asiira]

He was negligent for sure, but not evil. He doesn’t deserve the emotional abuse. Sounds like she will never forgive him so they should just break up.

[@UTP504]

He doesn’t??🤦🏾, directly or indirectly he was reckless, and she needs to leave his ***.

[@John-vd2fi]

UPT504 you're just as bad as her! He in no way deserves any of her abuse. And yes, she is in the wrong for how she's treating him.

[@UTP504]

@@John-vd2fi 😂😂😂😂😂, you’re obviously living on another planet, but bless your lil heart.

[@dudeorduuude5211]

​@@John-vd2fimost of her talk is rage and hypotheticals. She really hasn't done anything much to him.

[@John-vd2fi]

@@UTP504 same to you random internet person!

[@MutyaBass]

I’m sending hugs to this woman. I’m not judging her for what she feels. I wouldn’t know how it feels to have herpes. May God give her guidance and heal her broken heart.

[@piaxgft5799]

oh ffs im judging

[@KnicksNYanks84]

I feel for her that really sucks and she’ll but okay but tbh I would never ever date someone who has it!

[@mightymouse9001]

She kind of straight up said people with herpes are gross and beneath her though so I don’t feel too bad that she thinks she was on a pedestal before hand

[@ItsCrap97]

Honestly she seems very immature for a 39yr old.

[@ThroughHe]

“I’m an unmarried 39 year old woman, been sleeping around for 2 decades, OMGosh how could I possibly get an STI”

[@dorisortega4846]

Good luck criticizing her ,age doesn't matter those bumps make people feel like your genitales are burning and it affects the nervous sysytem. I'm fact You amkomg that comment makes You more immature

[@MochaCrochetsandCrafts]

What’s driving me crazy is that she keeps saying he doesn’t have any consequences…if he gave it to her then he has it too. I think those are consequences. Plus he has the added guilt of passing it to someone else.

[@sarahserra1630]

@@ThroughHewho says she’s been sleeping around? She’s had relationships, so what?

[@ThroughHe]

@@sarahserra1630 She a hoe slept around for 20 years and now surprised she got an STD? GMAB

[@caurbine1228]

I like how you don’t entertain people’s BS and just gives it to them straight. This girl definitely needs someone with that energy. She does a lot of common cycles of thinking these days and for it to be addressed is great to see. A long list of “bad” boyfriends, wanting to hurt him, bad self esteem. She benefited a lot from that dad advice

[@indiaandrews6996]

At least this man is sticking around. My friend’s boyfriend walked away. He texted to her, “Good luck out there finding someone.” Then he was gone. She was left to stitch herself back together.

[@Justsayingthat]

Why would he walk away? He gave it to her.

[@Caiteduck]

She's better off without him.

[@Theartermaniac34]

What a coward and a stain upon the human race. She is so much better off without that waste of space.

[@alpal87]

Omg my jaw dropped this is awful.

[@hayley179g]

Either that or "you'll have to stay with me now because no one else will want you" is also a horrific response

[@pampurcell7111]

This happened to me as well…found out after reuniting with a former BF. My doc sat with both of us. Very COMMON. Explained how to deal with this. Both On Valtrex. No outbreaks x 3 years. My old flame & I are still together. It’s not AIDS. Not CANCER.

[@jones2277]

Some people get outbreaks every month. Don’t assume just because you lucked out everyone will

[@eugeniasaftencu7793]

Herpes will not threaten her life, I understand it must me uncomfortable. It can be managed by having a healthy lifestyle and good immune system.

[@danielleherrmann3279]

@@jones2277yeah I had a friend who did and it was very painful for her.

[@jones2277]

@@eugeniasaftencu7793I know someone who said he couldn’t walk for two weeks when he got it. He’s in his 40s unmarried and childless. It absolutely derailed his personal life.

[@paigethomas3920]

​@@jones2277 I'm one of those people who gets them all the time. but I take my meds everyday and I am fine. as long as you are on valtrext it is fine and herpes is super common.

[@TTontv]

Jessica, I wish I could hug you right now. Your support system is there. Hug him , cry on his shoulders. In time I hope you both can live a great life together. He unknowingly gave it to you. Maybe you both can go to therapy.

[@aprilreed8223]

Dr John I just recently discovered your show and not only do I find it very interesting but also informative and useful in many everyday interactions. Thank you

[@Therealjosh271]

Home girl is acting like it’s stage 4 cancer. Girlfriend needs therapy

[@Amila-ym7ny]

I mean its still sad. You move on but i’d be so angry too

[@alluringbliss4165]

I would not be comfortable sleeping with other people while carrying such virus.

[@cantorcarmen]

​@@Amila-ym7nyyou don't even know who gave it to who? Maybe he should be angry because she gave it to him. It's not sad it's as common as a common cold. It's distressing but not dangerous. Why is the doctor putting stuff in her head that their life will never be the same as before? Why not?

[@uofmicha]

For people who may have pre-existing health concerns, adding an incurable infection not only adds another medication to your regiment, but some of the medications may counteract with each other. So yes, it may be in the same realm as HIV for this woman, or anyone else.

[@pattibennett8774]

@@alluringbliss4165 50-80% of the population carries HSV1. I would avoid contact while having an active breakout. Once you contract it, you will always "carry" the virus. That's what herpes viruses do.

[@justinecroshaw9231]

She has every right to feel the way she feels. It takes time to work through those emotions. I hope she is reading this because she is NOT a monster and is NOT disgusting. I’m also LDS and feel so sad that she feels like less of a person because that is 100% not true. I hope she has good friends in her corner cheering her on. Life is made up of a lot of hard things. Most of the time it’s never fair. I hope her boyfriend genuinely didn’t know so they can move forward together. Give yourself grace and time to heal but yes don’t keep him around because you feel you have no choice. I had a friend who was raped and contracted HIV. She felt like she could never date again. A few years ago she met the love of her and they are happily married. He accepted her for her and her diagnosis didn’t get in the way. There are truly amazing people out there and I pray you find peace and your partner in life if it isn’t your boyfriend now. There are many medications out there to give you a normal life. Don’t give up!

[@dudewhathappenedtomycountr9099]

And HIV is very manageable now. New meds bring the virus down to undetectable levels.

[@FumeRunner]

She absolutely does NOT have every right to feel this way. It sucks she got hsv1, but it is SUCH a common disease that MOST of the population has and doesn't even know. This woman is talking about being physically abusive and you're glosing over that and excusing it? Get real.

[@hayley179g]

Unfortunately, this is not just about being LDS, it's just a more primal feeling all humans have. She'll get through this, but it's not a small thing.

[@allysoncipollone890]

I think its a major problem that people are not taught about this virus at an early age. Most STD testing doesnt include HSV and lots of people dont know they have it or dont know they can pass it during oral. Its so important and so few people know or understand it.

[@hayley179g]

HPV is an even bigger problem, but the stigma around trying to prevent HSV, with people saying "it's normal, it just happens, just go with it" is wild

[@allysoncipollone890]

@@hayley179g I agree, it should be taken seriously but at the same time the stigma is extreme. It takes 1 partner or even just an affectionate relative when you are a child to contract it. It's estimated that 80% of people who carry it don't know and that they may never experience an outbreak. It can only be detected on blood test and even that is not 100%. A stigma where those living with it are branded as filthy or unfit for relationships makes it more likely to be hidden by those that contract it. I don't agree with people doing that but proper education and acceptance of those who are living with it or who get diagnosed would mean it's less likely to spread and causes less trauma to those effected by it. I think we can all agree that less spread of any STD is beneficial. We can't expect that to happen without a collective shift in mindset. I feel bad for this girl, it's not okay what happened, it's sad she feels so negatively about herself and her prospects going forward. I genuinely believe with more education and understanding more people can be spared contracting the disease and I hope that happens for future generations but I don't think it will.

[@msessenceofreality]

They don't know because it's not life threatening like HIV, so it isn't prioritized in the health world. It's emotionally more damaging

[@gurucarcar]

Her rage is justified. What a mess.

[@redwood20111]

Herpes will not be what ruins her life, instead it will be her infantile attitude

[@dollylewis4037]

I could not have said it better.

[@luvly1021]

I was thinking for her to be 39, she sounds childish spouting things off like John said.

[@user-je7qx6ft9i]

Exactly! She’s so young minded

[@ThroughHe]

“I’m an unmarried 39 year old woman, been sleeping around for 2 decades, OMGosh how could I possibly get an STI”

[@sandialoser]

Her nonchalant and explicit consideration of emotional abuse and intense need for retaliation against this man, regardless of culpability, is alarming. I’m surprised that wasn’t taken more seriously…

[@ElisseThompson]

@@sandialoser I was thinking the same thing. It is shocking. As someone who has gotten cold sores on my mouth and even on my nose since I was a little kid, it was pretty scary for me to hear how vitriolic she was. Then again, I’ve dated plenty of men who get them too, and if either of us had a cold sore we just didn’t kiss or do anything sexual until it cleared up. What happened is she let this man go downtown on her when he had a cold sore (she referenced it subtly in the beginning) and now she feels like she’s being punished. Also not sure how they got to their age (39) and didn’t know not to mess around when he’s having an outbreak on his mouth…but either way, dear lord. I think she’s so furious at herself that she’s taking it out on him…but she needs therapy and honestly he needs to cut his losses and run. She’ll never let this go and I’m afraid for him.

[@itskatoe9878]

@@ElisseThompson at the start of the video she says that he lied and denied it was a cold sore

[@Bluesclues-here]

I agree.

[@AmandaOwensliterature]

I'm afraid for him, too. She needs intense therapy. ​@@ElisseThompson

[@nt3833]

Yes and what about her part in it? She’s not completely innocent - she had sex!

[@NathenDaniel]

I’m sad we have stigmatized it so much that this woman about wants to die because she got a fairly common virus.

[@ZachariahDanjuma-by1yo]

Thanks so much *MR OBALAR* on KZbin for curing me from Herpes, keep saving lives.

[@bevbayb3029]

I love the way Dr. John handled this call

[@FatimaLawal-mx5ij]

OMG 😊…. *MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY 🇺🇸❤.

[@LifehasnoNiche]

I feel she called to vent and that's ok -Sounds like you both were naïve about fever blisters/cold sores which is actually HSV1. He has oral and you genital but as you can see it's transferable so he may end up with it genitally as well. Forgive yourself and him. Even if you don't end up with him it's not the end of the world, most people that have HSV1 get it as a child from an adult kissing them. By the time most make it to old age they will encounter it in some form chicken pox, cold sores, shingles... all Herpes.

[@graceg3250]

Also, you can transfer it in the days before a breakout, so maybe she wasn’t naive

[@yallcrazy302]

Herpes simplex (std) is different from herpes zoster (shingles). Varicella zoster is chicken pox. Pls don’t spread misinformation.

[@Dogmeat47]

So technically, if you have one, you're almost shielded from the other. It's unlikely to have both. It's possible, but if they stayed together, they very likely will never get both. But yes, she will be just fine.

[@LifehasnoNiche]

@@Dogmeat47 I meant that HSV 1 can be genital just like HSV 2 can be oral.

[@grmpEqweer]

Chicken pox is a herpes virus? Huh...

[@sonyaakhanna]

This is by far the best call. Dr John so well handled & explained. ❤

[@bettysmith4527]

If you cannot forgive him, let him go. He sounds like a wonderful man, someone will value him.

[@hayley179g]

A wonderful man *who was criminally naive about sex

[@user-je7qx6ft9i]

Unpopular opinion here, but I think she’s quite immature for 39. Yes, she is shocked and disappointed, and feels like he did this intentionally. It may be helpful for her to consider more comprehensive sex education, and even a support group for people newly diagnosed. She is going to be okay ❤❤❤

[@oana-mariauliu5828]

I'll say, before having sex with him, did she get a full check-up for STIs and ask for his results in return? If she didn't, she should not blame him. I know medical services in the US are outrageously expensive, so that may be her excuse, but come on, don't have sex until you're ready to accept all the things it may imply. Also, in order to accept them, you need to know them, so learn about them, do your research before having sex, and have a mature, honest talk with your partner to-be beforehand. Discuss your medical history with each other, be aware of the fact that even a virgin may have a-symptomatic STIs, get tested, or, if you won't get tested, at least be psychologically ready to assume the consequences! I understand this lady's resentment. But it really could have been worse. She's still in shock - after only two weeks. However, I hope she will come to realize that her chances of having a good relationship under the circumstances are higher with a man who, being fully aware of this condition, will love her and be supportive.

[@clericstorm2009]

Yep, religion will do that to you.

[@user-je7qx6ft9i]

@@oana-mariauliu5828 great point!

[@TheEquiss]

And this is why I don’t sleep around and won’t. Was married a long time but single now. Not interested in be hopping and getting something that won’t wash off. I know two other women in their 50s who got the same thing bed hopping. Not worth it

[@1232lyft]

Yes your opinion is very unpopular no decent man will want her now . Shes completely fked

[@Ben-zr4ho]

"He deserves grace as well..." "Grunt." Lol.

[@michaelb.6007]

I'm with her. Why does he deserve grace? He was either stupidly flippant with his girlfriend's health, or intentionally deflecting so he could get some. Fact is, he likely knew how she felt about STDs and thought if he told her before infecting her it was over.

[@miniloafwr6402]

I feel sorry for u Mich. Being unable to forgive someone for an accident is truly the worst possible kind of mentality. If he KNOWINGLY gave it to her she can file a lawsuit. (Knowingly giving an STD without disclosing before hand that u have one is illegal in America.) But since he didnt immediately leave I’m gonna error on the side of he didnt know he had it. So i ask u what do u gain from hurting your SO. ESPECIALLY if the ONLY negative you have is the fact that they gave you an STD?

[@michaelb.6007]

@@miniloafwr6402 He knew he had fever blisters on his face, and was avoidant in getting them checked out. He was defensive when asked about them, and then gave an incurable, highly contagious, and seriously painful (especially in old age) infection to this poor lady. I honestly feel sorry for you too, in that you are able to sympathize with his absolutely childlike naivety in his late 30s. I'd hate to "whoopsie" my way through life seriously jeopardizing the health and safety of those I "love" like you and Mr. Negligent. Forgiveness is one thing, but so is accountability.

[@jennprescott2757]

@@michaelb.6007 why does she not get held accountable for doing the stuff with someone with a cold sore? She is also at fault

[@sethkubicek4295]

Maybe she got it previously from one of those d bag guys she used to date…maybe she gave it to him

[@notbornagainbornright5046]

I found out my husband had herpies before we got married. He takes medication, and after 25 years of marriage I never caught it. I thought to my young self he's still worthy and that's the chance you take when your sexually active

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

If they stay together he will never be able to make ANYmistakes without this kind of reaction. shes unhealed from past traumas. he needs to peep that and keep moving.

[@Catchyalater_Fishing_Co]

She didnt call to listen to Dr John. She basically called to vent and look for affirmation about her outrage towards her bf. She'll run him off then wish he was there to pick up the pieces

[@LipstickNWhiskey]

No and Yes, unfortunately.

[@Ironstarfish]

I hate that she acts like he isnt devastated by it

[@ScarletRiley]

She's going through all the emotions of grief. She comes from a toxic religious background. She's had so many reasons not to trust men. He is getting to the root of her issues. Herpes is the trigger of what this session is really about. I'm so grateful that this vulnerable woman's therapy session was shared with the public because so many people can relate and be helped by how Dr John goes about this. Her self worth, her self protection mechanism, her needing to forgive for herself. So many golden nuggets here! Thanks to both the client and Dr John! You both did great!!

[@critiqueanoob5290]

LDS do not teach that herpes is a "cosmic curse", for the record. Anything told to her, even by a representative of the LDS church, was incorrect and a mistake. She's in a lot of pain, more than just herpes. High hopes she can heal emotionally from every trauma, not just this one.

[@norlanderduwallis9074]

Typical LDS gaslighting. Yes, they've never taught that something is a verbatim "cosmic curse", but I was literally in the classes where they put dead crickets in the ice cream and told the girls that losing their virginity is comparable to ruining a bowl of ice cream. All you LDS people are so quick to defend your religion when criticized; if you weren't in a such a panic to defend your religion it'd be a lot easier to buy your claim that your religion isn't just an anxious attachment you can't let go of.

[@fioregiallo]

I'm sorry, but as someone who faced an actual HIV scare due to a cheating partner I wasnt even this dramatic. Nor when I got cancer from HPV that amother unfaithful partner gave me. She needs to get tf over it. It's just herpes. She wasn't personally attacked. She needs a therapist.

[@fioregiallo]

And YES I've had cold sores since I was a baby. I'm having a hard time sympathizing with this woman.

[@ZachariahDanjuma-by1yo]

*MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY

[@aureinaalvarez9207]

People being ok with having an std is so bizarre. I get where this woman is coming from. Her whole life is different now. There’s so much stigma and judgments from having an std especially as a woman. She will have a harder time finding someone else. I would be just as panicked as she is.

[@fioregiallo]

@@aureinaalvarez9207 oh I'm not saying to be okay with it, I just don't think we should normalize violent tendencies and ideation. Desire of such graphic revenge is not normal. She needs help. She's Mormon and thinks people who get STDs are bad, disgusting humans. She spoke of sledgehammering her ex's face and dragging him behind a truck. She's actively fantasizing murdering him over herpes. I think that's ridiculous.

[@Chelsea-si6dc]

She can feel however she wants.she doesnt need to get over it just cause you think she should. She will get over it in her own time and comments like this arent helpful. ​@fioregiallo

[@aliciaohara8794]

What happened to her is very upsetting- but it sounds like she's borderline abusive to her boyfriend in retaliation. I think more than anything she would benefit from counseling and finding some supportive resources on leaving the Mormon church.

[@isay207]

Judge not lest😢

[@cantorcarmen]

@@aliciaohara8794 now that's great advice!

[@lilsamantha1]

He gave an std. I would have sued him. Emotional abuse is the least she can. Other people will physically hurt because of this

[@Adem-ih8mk]

@@lilsamantha1never get in a relationship

[@lilsamantha1]

@@Adem-ih8mk im married, u cant even find a gf 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Private.eye.007]

The trouble here beyond the STD is that she's deeply vindictive. When she's talking about justice, she doesn't mean balance. She means that *she* feels the need to get back at him. That's vindictiveness, and it's poison. This will be the rest of his life, it's not going to be pretty or cinematic. He needs to get away.

[@privacyplease1556]

Yeah there is resentment. The relationship is over

[@kimdawcatgirl]

Yes! Huge red flag for him!

[@kimdawcatgirl]

@@colleen7549 You're not seeing the point. It goes beyond that. The controller lost control.

[@lilsamantha1]

U GOT IT

[@gforceforever]

He didn't "give" it to you. You made an uninformed choice for which there are consequences.

[@vannastarr8897]

She wouldn't have made that choice if she knew he had it. And it's more than likely that he knew and didn't tell her. He did give it to her. Are you really fucking victim blaming?

[@AbiePerez-hq1qr]

Wow, that was rough. I agree with all the advice you gave her she can still live a great life

[@Inner-Gold]

She’s allowed to feel the way she feels. Comments need to stop invalidating her feelings. Dr. J’s advice is solid.❤

[@Biglenny-v9r]

Na she needs to educate herself and realize it’s not a big deal at all. She’s being hysterical for no reason

[@slv6470]

​@@Biglenny-v9rit literally can turn into cancer

[@MirjanaPucarevic]

​@@Biglenny-v9rit is a big deal female genitalia and male genitalia are different

[@jimconner3983]

shes now trapped, she wants him to pay. primal emotions

[@Inner-Gold]

@@jimconner3983 I think Dr. J helped her realize that’s not the answer. I think she will either forgive him, if it really was an accident and he didn’t know or she’ll break up with him if she can’t let it go. But by the end you could tell she’s not going to continue torturing him about it. It probably also helps that her close friends told her not to break up with him over it and that she won’t be seen as less of a respectable person because of getting genital herpes.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

From what I’ve learned with friends and a cousin of mine, you won’t be alone with this disease. There are plenty of people who would look beyond that.

[@javanburton]

It won't be a deal breaker but we not having sex till we married though.

[@yallcrazy302]

Maybe oral but genital is not as common.

[@JohnFKennedy420]

Almost 60% of the population gets cold sores on their mouth, another 20% have it on their privates. It’s extremely common

[@JohnFKennedy420]

@@Bigguy_33it’s not that painful or annoying. It goes away after a day or 2 and isn’t contagious if there are no sores. If you can’t look past something like that, you will be alone the rest of your life. Good luck “big guy”

[@irinacar]

@@JohnFKennedy420not true. The virus can be transmitted asymptomatically. The carrier will experience both symptomatic activation (blisters) and annual asymptomatic ones in which the virus can be infected. The carrier is not infectious all the time though, but the question is: how can the person know when he/she is contagious when they are not symptomatic? Not feasible. However, there are medications that can reduce the viral load and decrease (ONLY decrease) the risk of infection - laboratory trials with couples where one was a carrier and the other was not have been conducted - and the use of the medication reduced the amount of infection among the couples where the carrier used the medication compared to the couples subject to placebos (I can’t recall the no.s and %s), but the risk of infection can’t be eliminated a 100%, unfortunately.

[@Ilovemeitalianpink]

she isn’t alone tons of people have it and don’t even realize they have it underlining

[@Firefox-hw3co]

Jip...the truth... this man needs to run from this woman

[@KendraSmith087]

Yep! The majority of millennials have it. It’s really not a big deal. She seems super judgmental. Many people how have it don’t even get it from sexual intercourse. This girl needs therapy.

[@kaybelcher824]

What about her responsibility she knew he had a cold sore? She sounds quite selfish.

[@Veracityseeker7]

Yeah but he knew he had something going on and he failed to go to the doctor and check it out. Any weird and odd bumps should be taken to the doctor.

[@Veracityseeker7]

​@@kaybelcher824Yeah, she should have refrained from sex with him without knowing what that was, but it was his responsibility to take care of his own health.

[@srcrdh]

"Fever blister" aka HSV. I do feel bad for her but knowledge is power.

[@growinwoman2290]

This happened to me the very first time I had sex. I thought the EXACT SAME THINGS about myself too. I’ve had a few relationships since then and after sharing this information with them and giving them time to think about it, they STILL chose to move forward with me (commit and be intimate). Surprisingly, I have not been turned down commitment NOT EVEN ONCE because of that. They actually respected me MORE after understanding that I was protecting them by not allowing them experience me before giving them the option to make a fully informed decision. I am now happily married and my husband tells me all the time that he got the best wife in the world. Your life is not over Jessica. It’ll be hard but you will be okay ❤ And stop being so mean to him about it. Take some time to process your emotions in private but based on the context given here today, he doesn’t deserve more of that treatment. Your attitude is actually a bigger problem than the herpes is.

[@Stargaze_17]

No one really turns you down if you're open and honest about it at the beginning.

[@carolrosa379]

How did you explain it your husband when you first stating dating him ? & how soon ? If you don’t mind

[@Stargaze_17]

@carolrosa379 I usually talk about it when things move towards being sexual, but nothing has happened yet. Like... um... their hand starts wandering when kissing. I'll pull back and say that we should probably sit down and have a sex discussion. Kind of like they do in the kink sphere where they talk about all the things they are and aren't comfortable with... I'll add in there the STI and let them make an informed decision. Let them ask questions. That's where you need to make sure you're up to date on all the information yourself.

[@growinwoman2290]

@@carolrosa379 sorry I missed the part where you said “how”. This is kind of corny but one night, on the phone, I suggested that we just tell each other the worst things about ourselves that we are aware of. He likes games so he was down. lol he kept trying to one-up me. When I dropped that one, the game was over. 🤣🤣🤣He didn’t know how to respond so we got off the phone. Then 2 days later he called me and told me he did some research so he wanted to ask me some questions about my experience. Then another day later, he called me and told me he still likes me a lot but he was confused because he felt like he shouldn’t. (Not gonna lie, that hurt my feelings a little bit.) We continued dating and then about a month later he brought it up and told me that he wanted to be together for real. 🤣🤣 His words, “I guess we’re just both gonna have it cause there’s no way I’m passing you up. That’s out.” I told him 2 months into dating. I figure that’s enough time to get a sense of the person to see if they’re even worth giving that information without seeming deceptive. We also both wanted to wait until marriage to have sex so he knew for over 1 year before we had sex.

[@growinwoman2290]

@@carolrosa379 sorry, I missed that you said “how” at first…. This is kind of corny but one night, over the phone, I suggested that we tell each other the worst things about ourselves that we’re aware of. He likes games so he was down. lol he kept trying to one-up me. When I dropped that one, the game was over 🤣🤣🤣. He didn’t know how to respond so we got off the phone and then 2 days later, he called me and told me he did some research so he wanted to ask me some questions about my experience. Then a day later, he called me and said he still likes me but he’s confused because he feels like he shouldn’t. We continued dating and then maybe a month later he brought it up and said he didn’t care about that. His words “I guess we’re just both gonna have herpes cause…..🤷‍♂️”

[@Thisisayoutubepage03]

This may be a controversial opinion but I am of the belief that if you engage in any type of sexual relations, STDs (while scary and of course life altering) are a natural consequence. The American education system has seriously failed so many adults on sexual health. STDs are so stigmatized because there's the UNTRUE belief that it is a sign someone is dirty, promiscious, etc. when that's simply not true. Even if you are not engaging in sexually risky behaviors you could still be at risk. Sleeping with one person your whole life does not mean you won't catch an STD. Wearing condoms does not guarantee you won't catch an STD. Herpes is an especially common "STD" for people to have, and a lot of times it's not even sexually transmitted! People need to seriously get educated on STDs and end the stigma around them. Your life isn't over because you contracted an STD, in fact, you probably know MULTIPLE people in real life who have contracted an STD and would not consider them dirty or less or a person because of it. And in reality, a lot of people have STDs but are completely unaware because a lack of education makes them believe because they have no symptoms, have only slept with a small amount of people, maybe they have gotten tested but are unaware of tests they cannot receive (i.e HPV is generally only tested in women via a papsmear, is typically asymptomatic in men, and can be passed even if protection is used because it is passed by skin-to-skin contact), or have only engaged in non-penetrative sex they aren't at risk. Completely untrue. Get tested regularly (or atleast 2-4 weeks after engaging with a new partner, due to the incubation period of some viruses), wear protection, ask your partner about their sexual health history, and don't engage in exceptionally risky behaviors (i.e: unprotected one-night stands, sleeping with multiple partners at once w/o consent from all parties, not asking about your partner's sexual health, etc.). And please know that if you ever contract an STD or are exposed to one, your life is still worth living, the people who love you will continue to love you, and you will still be able to find romance and pleasure in your life!❤

[@Mike-sj9si]

❤

[@jaylove3487]

I was at a resort sitting with a table full of Europeans. They were talking about herpes, they all had it. I was shocked and asked why they were openly talking about it, they shrugged and said it was normal. In North America people would rather talk about having cancer then to admit having herpes.

[@santacruz7455]

Its what can happen if you have close or intimate conatct with other people. And we often cannot blame the other people for it, often they do not know , are careless or want to harm anybody.

[@joane24]

@@jaylove3487 I find it so strange how so many in the comments speak about a cold sore, oral herpes, as _the_ sti. (I'm not American either). It's like saying a cold is an sti, because you can transmit it during sex (since you're close and breathing and coughing onto each other). I don't know how about the US, but a cold sore (oral herpes) is very common here and more people have it than not, often since childhood. 🤷‍♀️ And it's not _conceptualized_ as an sti, but more thought of as related to the cold, flu, etc.

[@eugeniasaftencu7793]

HPV only comes out in tests 6 months after exposure. The most conclusive test is a DNA test. If the pap test is abnormal it is most likely that the virus was contacted years prior. Until the age of 30 we usually eliminate it naturally from our bodies, after the age of 30 it gets tricky. So HPV it is probably as common as the flu. The only way to prevent its negative effects is to limit the number of sexual partners...but most likely everyone had it at one point. It does not make them dirty or tainted..or whatnot. Honestly the caller seems quite distressed over something that will not endanger her life. She can make sure she has a healthy lifestyle that supports a good immune system and she can live herpes free for a very long time.

[@allisonrodriguez1834]

This interaction was so sweet. Gosh it made me cry!!

[@shaleeebee]

The same thing happened to me. I thought no one would ever love me. It was beyond words a dark place. It took me years of self work and being single to heal from the experience. Fast forward, I was so wrong about no one loving me. I found a wonderful man who treats me like an absolute queen. I told him after about a month of dating that I have herpes, and he did not care. He is a medical doctor and is educated on herpes and antiviral prevention. We have been together for 1.5 years and I have never transmitted herpes to him. I take pills every day and haven't had an outbreak in years. It is the worst feeling and experience in the world to get herpes, but life goes on and you learn to adjust and cope. It will be okay, you will feel better. Every person I have ever told in my life has never judged me, they do judge the disgusting person who knowingly gave it to me.

[@kristinenelson990]

This call hit home for me. I'm former LDS. The guilt, shame and anger are real. She wants to punish him & herself. But the grace and truth found on the other side once you are completely out, is wonderful. My prayers are going up for Jessica & this man!❤

[@Jkaye13]

Exactly.. she's mostly mad at herself, and wants to take it out on him. She saw the 'cold sore' and went ahead with oral sex.. she needs to take responsibility for her part in this

[@justinclark6141]

She has issues, this is not the end of the world. The religion thing is bs, it's time she takes responsibilities of her own as well. It takes 2 to spread it

[@danoyse8233]

I understand Jessica’s influence by her religion. I have guilt issues from my catholic upbringing. I am still working on things. I’m not vindictive or angry. I just need to be realistic in my day to day life. This is what Jessica needs. I get the impression this is the cherry on the cake after all the other ‘stuff’ she’s been through. Look at what she has with this man, who misread his tiny sore, which has taken, or might take everything from her as far as she believes right now.Nothing is perfect. Great advice from Dr John Delony.

[@RndmAnvgr777]

"Enraged at the injustice" For sure. 1000% and that feeling is valid. BUT that is absolutely no way to live your life. She needs a counselor.

[@louisasmiles]

Ok this Dr is a genius. You really spoke gently to her.

[@averyjackson642]

I feel soo bad for her boyfriend this girl is very unhealed from her past and only herself in the future will destroy her own self. But still wish her the best maybe possibly getting on better track

[@ThroughHe]

“I’m an unmarried 39 year old woman, been sleeping around for 2 decades, OMGosh how could I possibly get an STI”

[@bisiilki]

She's got BPD for sure

[@tomnohmy1273]

He needs to leave her. She's nuts. This is the first time I ever felt this about a caller.

[@jordanbailey5942]

I completely agree. Shes batshit crazy.

[@Jkaye13]

Exactly! He will never be able to live this down..

[@cyoohoos]

He needs to leave her STAT. She will never let this go. She’ll say she will but she won’t

[@scratch57]

she never intended to commit anyway. the only reason to be this upset is if she planned to find additional sex partners. he's better off without this nearly 40yr old with a massive body count and badboy complex

[@Pinkfrosting962]

Her going on and on about she has to deal with the consequences of it and he doesn’t is the biggest lie of it all. This is the problem with anxious attachment and people who are always the victim. He will also never forget this experience. Believe that.

[@Enimasj91]

And he needs to start being upfront about having herpes.

[@tommyboy7-iz8wd]

@@Enimasj91absolutely!!

[@jacobwestfield3164]

Bro ….. let it go ? Lmao I would never let this go. So whack