"i'm dating a broke guy but he has a great personality" [no he doesn't]

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In this episode, Elle explores the topic of dating financially unstable men. She shares stories from women who have had negative experiences in such relationships. Elle also delves into the concept of 'locus of control', explaining the difference between a high internal locus of control (taking responsibility for one's life) and a high external locus of control (blaming external factors for life outcomes). She argues that women with a high internal locus of control may struggle in relationships with men who have a high external locus of control, particularly if these men are financially unstable. She also warns against societal pressures that encourage women to "build up" their partners, which can often lead to a realization of why these men were financially unstable in the first place. Elle concludes by encouraging her listeners to take control of their romantic choices and to prioritize their own financial stability and wellbeing.
keywords: i’m dating a broke guy, date for lifestyle, dating advice, never date men who are below you, single mom

[@TD-ln2tg]

Also, broke men with rich parents are still broke men.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Or just hiding their wealth away. That happens to.

[@dalmalifemore]

Worrrrrrrrrrd.

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

People with rich parents usually aren’t broke tho. They’ve had plenty opportunity’s so they’re probably just not showing what they have or they’re just unsuccessful in life. However a man that’s stingy with his money is the same as him being broke, to a woman!

[@katherinecordero2958]

no fr

[@ButterflyyyXoxo]

Nope. My husband is a multi millionaire due to his parents wealth. He has a trust fund. I don't care if he didn't work for it or not. He's still happily providing and we're not struggling. It doesn't matter how you get it if you've got it.

[@briskettacos]

Men won't date a 350 pound woman who's losing weight - they want a fit woman! So don't listen to a man who says "I want a woman who will build with me, not someone waiting for me at the finish line." They have no problem declining a partner who isn't where they want them to be! And you shouldn't either!

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

In the words of SheraSeven: "I am not a construction worker, I don't build."

[@TD-ln2tg]

Say it louder sis

[@eulennachathen449]

Perfect analogy.

[@SummerSun-sg3wf]

Fact

[@Maclyn88]

💯 precisely girlie‼️preach it 🎯

[@azevedoszarah]

The worst part is when some of them say, "If you wanna a tradicional man you have to be tradicional", while they're the biggest sinners of all time but want to mary an angel.

[@ia7072]

FOR REAL. Btw, the real problem is not about traditional things, it's about ""security"" but if you have a child or can't work during pregnancy, men HAVE TO provide.

[@therealmanifestelle]

thissss

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

What those men mean by a "traditional man" is a man who works full time and does literally NOTHING ELSE! While the "traditional woman" does literally EVERYTHING else.... And also works but hands over her entire paycheck to her "traditional man" and he gets to decide what she "needs" and what she doesn't

[@briskettacos]

The men who say that want to marry as young as possible, so she isn't wise yet, and can't hold him accountable for his past. They'll even deploy all sorts of deluded manosphere justifications for their hypocrisy. Don't buy it!

[@NanaHoneyB]

THAT PART chileeeeee

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

The sexiest three words aren't "I love you", but "I've got this".

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

Words only carry you so far. The actions are what matters! Not ever having to ask for money and just getting some because he feels like it’s his responsibility to take care of you, Not having to ask to be taken out but just receiving it because he wants to do that for you. That’s what’s sexy!

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@JustMe-vs1kj Of course it is. My point is that women often want to hear romantic words and phrases, but don't link it to a man's actions. However, when a man says: "I've got this", it becomes very clear if he has or not. "Love" is too fuzzy a concept to make that link clearly.

[@angeliquealamer]

Ooof!🤤

[@vortexvibes5944]

Yes!! Acts of service 🐕‍🦺🐾😙

[@marina3934]

I’d like to add: “I’ll be there.”

[@mimido23]

When I started dating my husband he was broke. I was in my early 20s and wasn't looking for a husband yet. Even tho he was broke, he made my life better with his labour and also whatever little he had he spent it on me. He understood that I won't take him seriously if he's broke, so he furthered his education and got a good paying job with 0 help or pressure from me. IF HE WANTS TO HE WILL every time.

[@vikki8699]

Beautiful! ❤ Congratulations sis!!!

[@nardip4999]

Your presence helped him mentally to succeed. They need us for motivation and validation, so you helped him a LOT.

[@xletragedyx]

He has to have a plan, ambitions, even if he doesn't have money. Not a vague "in the future, I'm gonna..." a plan. I've never been with a guy that would let me pay for all that stuff like the guy in the video, except actually my ex who was a millionaire but didn't tell me at first bc he wanted to make sure I wasn't a gold digger...

[@kima-f2853]

This is where I’m at, I’m 23 and even though he doesn’t have it like that all the time he will literally spend his last dime on me and he really is sweet. The good thing is he never asks me for money. But in reality, he has more time on his hands not being in school and only having part time job. I’m a student, working part time, and I have a business on the side. We are long distance so it’s not really a dealbreaker now but I need him to try harder. 😭

[@mimido23]

@@kima-f2853 girlie he better be amazing because long distance isn't where it's at for me. It would be a quick BYE if someone tried to have a long distance relationship when I was in my early 20s and waste my time to be miserable missing someone when I should be living my life with them and building a future in person. (Obviously take with a pinch of salt, I'm a stranger on the Internet and don't know your life)

[@DeadLkeMe]

"Great Personality" = "he doesn't abuse me and treats me like a human" The Bar is descending beyond Hell 🙃🔥

[@Egh0127]

And he only does that because he has no money. If he got a great stable job and got his money up he would start to be condescending and rude to her

[@joycejoy4119]

Sprinkle sprinkle

[@natnat_o3]

My bar has been like that because men are so bad now days

[@MissAnkh_ah]

Hahahaaaaaa 😂

[@Henry-kz4gn]

Funny considering this channel doesnt view men as human just atms.

[@merlinsreturn]

Highly educated, financially independent, slender, healthy woman here. I NEVER did build-a-bro. I invested in Build-a-ME. That wss the SINGLE BEST DECISION of my whole life. Wake up sisters. You are your priority. Everything else will fall into place when you invest in yourself.

[@angeliquealamer]

Wooo! Excellent comment.💯

[@vikki8699]

Snap sister! I dedicated my 20s to me, professionally, spiritually and mentally. I put myself in therapy and it was the best money I spent. Working on myself has now put me in such a better position in life and I no longer people please, accept bad behaviour, accept breadcrumbs and have healthy boundaries with everyone in my life. 100% better! 😁 ❤

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Somebody pin that comment! You are right - the only person you should build is yourself.

[@Beautyymark]

Yesss to thisss!!!

[@persephrotisv.2655]

I love this comment section. Always learn so much here…ya’ll my safe space!

[@zaddysm]

girlfriend told me her gramma always told her "Don't marry the man you're in love with, marry the man who's in love with you" Edit: If you think doing this is a red flag, you are the red flag. The ones who get it get it🍷

[@jordanferguson2254]

I get that saying and it's smart. But I'd at least change it to marry a man you love, but who also loves you way more 😂 What's the point if it's no fun? Might as well just stay single.

[@zaddysm]

@@jordanferguson2254 yeah but I think it's as Elle says, you are more likely to flourish IN love with a generous man who loves you, rather than someone you love

[@kristenmoonrise]

@@jordanferguson2254 that's good too, but I learned it takes so much pressure off when as a woman you're not supposed to marry for love, but grow into it over time! The men are in love immediately!

[@maevav5645]

@@kristenmoonrisewell, love, I don’t know about that, maybe…easy comes easy goes. I think someone who falls in love that easily is suspicious to me. But if you believe that, alright, we can learn what is going on with people with different points of view, I think. My thing is that I rather be single until death comes to me. AroAce here.

[@kristenmoonrise]

@@maevav5645 we've become so detached from our biology and evolutionary psychology that we see what comes natural to us as suspicious.

[@apau21]

I supported an ex for a year, he moved in with me. Things went south when I got a DM from his ex telling me how he had picked her up from the airport in my car (which I lend to him so he was able to take a job) and he bought her a huge bouquet of flowers. He had maybe bought me a single rose before, the point is, if you support a man he will find someone else to be “a man for”, at your expense.

[@apau21]

When I told him it was over he asked if he could keep the car otherwise he will lose his job 😂

[@ayumisae6864]

⁠@@apau21wow the cheek of that man! Glad you got rid of that loser x

[@letyv9071]

@@apau21he still has the galls to ask that!!!! Heck nooooo

[@kethougeorges928]

@@apau21The car? What?😭Nah he DID NOT

[@ava9xx3js9j]

Holy shit this is crazy. I’m not financially secure so I try my best to be responsible with the little I have. But my man I know makes a decent amount and I always get nice things when he offers cause I know if I don’t accept he’ll just go shower some other person.

[@kmoon33]

When I was young I dated a broke man with no job. He was nice, funny and sweet. But he was doing nothing to try to get a job and he was ok seeing me work hard at a stressful job and pay for everything. So I left him and married a provider and my life is 1000% better now.

[@jocelyneavila6870]

This happened to my mother and oh man the anxiety of growing up on a tight budget, frequently having public services suspended, and getting letters of the bank stating that you will lose your house. It's not worth it all. A man can be all nice and sweet but if he is broke, he is not going to be a good father either.

[@brittnay279]

I feel like it’s just so important for a partnership to both be on the same page and if you’re working your ass off and your partner is okay with having nothing and doing nothing…it’s never going to work well. Also, they don’t love you if they can watch you kill ourself daily and not feel the need to help.

[@nataliesparks4829]

​@@jocelyneavila6870 a good man will not be in a relationship if he's broke, if he truly loves the woman he will want the best for her and his future offsprings. What's the rush with men?. They don't have a "biological clock" they "age like fine wine" , they're never going to "hit the wall" , so why can't they just be patient and do the due diligence to become a great provider and a better human being, then they can have all the 20+ year olds even when they are 80 years old

[@yellaninpoppin9919]

Give him an ultimatum because plenty of injured people start businesses from home, at their desks. If not, leave. I left my provider husband at the time who lost everything due to a hidden addiction problem. I left and do very well traveling the world and dating multiple providers. @@kailahprice6792

[@vector3d654]

​@@kailahprice6792I would not say leave him right now. I would suggest everytime you decide to spend on him, keep that money aside and later on buy something for your growth. It could be a course on finances or some mini luxury or something that you like.

[@themaine2289]

A broke man should have NO TIME to date. He needs to take that time to make money😂😂

[@cecilyerker]

Never give a broke man access to your time and attention.

[@bm5_5_5]

Exactly

[@JohanDanielsson8802]

So true. And when he have made money, he should better stay away from women, and keep his money to himself. Getting emotionally attached to a woman can be super-expensive, and she can leave anytime anyway.

[@easylife6348]

@@JohanDanielsson8802facts, once you give women everything she wants she’ll be like “I’m not happy and I want a divorce,” while taking half of your earnings, your house and child support. Men needs to weave out these high maintenance materialistic gold diggers to avoid losing assets. The less a woman wants from a man the more she loves him, if the other way around the man is a 🤡 for giving a parasit a relationship.

[@easylife6348]

@@JohanDanielsson8802getting emotionally attached to a gold digger is expensive* Men need to be more picky of which women they need to be with, these same women hate a woman who isn’t a gold digger like them because that’s *COMPETITION* (because that’s keeping a lot of men not willingly to spend money on them) and they trying to eliminate that by influencing and persuade the non gold diggers to become gold diggers.

[@PhoenixDragonResurrected]

Ladies who still feel bad, think of it like this: too many men are okay with women paying for their bills and going out. Many men would give their girlfriends away for a million dollars. They would leave you for a sugar momma. So why can’t you

[@therealmanifestelle]

😪this

[@ia7072]

This, but DONNT FORGET, when a man become rich, he leaves you for a top model. (That's actually the case with the black youtubeur from Italia, he dumped his current girlfriend to get fiance to a top model)

[@briskettacos]

Where there is no pride, there is no shame

[@khadijahbegum3546]

​@@ia7072 what's her name?

[@Zullala]

That sugar mama comment hit! So my ex excitedly contacted me 2 years after we broke up to say, "Guess what! A young rich woman reached out to me on Instagram and said she wants to pay for my companionship! She's going to pay all my bills if I spend time with her." It was so weird to reach out to me with this information. Did he think it was a flex 😂? The man is 44 years old... Dude is old enough to be a sugar daddy but thinks that a 30 year old, rich woman wants to pay all his bills just to be in the presence of a mid man who is going absolutely nowhere in life? Ok sure sweetie, enjoy getting scammed.

[@catherinew04]

"love doesn't pay for pilates" I need that on a tshirt omg

[@r3tr0spctv43]

Make it yourself and catch the bag girlie 😍im the first customer!

[@veronikaljungberg7149]

😂

[@keri287]

He’s taking what he can get from her before he leaves. She knows this, that’s why she made the video.

[@raraavis7782]

You got a point there. Deep inside, she already knows it's over. She wouldn't make a public video (which likely will find his way to him) about it, otherwise. She just wants other people to tell her, it's alright. Or maybe she wants him to see it and then break up with her, so she doesn't have to be the 'bad guy'.

[@valeriew4833]

That's an interesting take! I wonder if she will ever update us on whether she left the guy or not, OR like you both suggested, if he left her 🤔

[@LoveAndSnapple]

The girl essentially pays for all of their good times. She's practically a sugar mama and he's her baby. Trips? Concert tickets? Rentals? She's probably doing just fine financially on her own, but the dead weight she's carrying around is what's giving her financial troubles.

[@katnap7157]

Imagine if she invested that money in personal and professional development courses. She would be absolutely killing it. Smh. Instead her finances and emotions are getting trashed.

[@alexdalton4535]

yeah this is fucking crazy

[@sapphiremoonstone939]

Omg I thought I was the only one. I also thought he was a total sugar baby.

[@ia7072]

📌 Little reminder When this same broke guy will become rich, he will leaves you for a top model because he will have acces for """better women"""". Because you were just a temporary "build with" That's actually the case with a youtuber.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Yeah he won't be grateful for all the work, time, effort, labor and money spent building him up! He'll resent you and move on to someone he can convince he's a "self made man" and did all that on his own! 🙄

[@ia7072]

@@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066 Sister, this is exactly what I went through ! That's true 👏

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

You see it all the time in the entertainment industry.

[@ava9xx3js9j]

Sometimes yeah but yeah u gotta be careful. This hasn’t been my experience cause I tend to go for kind men and stay away from whores. But u never know these days people are good at hiding it.

[@sapphiremoonstone939]

Some broke men have no choice, so they settle for anyone. It’s so bad that people have to find creative ways to get free sex on dating apps, like the way woman find free meals. When a man changes their wife or something after getting rich, it’s because he becomes attractive and has a bigger dating pool. He chooses someone else when he has options, it just means that you were never his choice. Those types of men dump women when the woman are only selected for their convenience and usefulness. Like a use and throw, disposable paper cup. I always found it icky when a boy asks me out, and I know that I am just the backup, because they ain’t got options. There is some unspoken rule in society that boys feel entitled to sex and the woman’s body, once they have a girlfriend. I even read news articles about a teenage mom saying she never wanted sex, but the boyfriend would pressure her. Then he told her to abort the baby. My mother never tried to understand me when I told her I rejected 2 of my male friends after they asked me to be their girlfriend. Both were right after I came out of the asylum so I found it suss. Instead of supporting me and being protective, my mother called me a slut for rejecting one friend. She said he is a good person despite never meeting him before and only hearing his voice when I play online games with him. It was obvious to me, that my mother was upset that I didn’t marry a rich man to give her money. Because that friend was rich. My mother didn’t care about me rejecting the not rich friend, but She called me a slut when I rejected my rich friend. The exception cases is when a man stays loyal after getting rich. It just means the woman he choose at the start, has always been his first choice. She is the “chosen one” and his “person”. But there is no X Ray or blood test to check before you invest in people, so I never like taking risks.

[@mollygrace3068]

I don’t care how broke he is, if he hasn’t taken you anywhere or given you anything, that’s 100% a choice. He could’ve taken you to a park and made and origami dragon for the price of gas and paper. “Best personality” my ass. He’s resting in his feminine. It’s easy to be nice when you’re unburdened with responsibility.

[@Marivi247]

Yes you can date as students and the man might still take you to the park or the lake little day trips. You can put in effort without too much money, if he doesn’t do at least that, it’s a sign.

[@Anything13404]

Yes this!

[@PhoenixDragonResurrected]

Oh that’s another one: poverty is a vibe. I love the stories where couples come up together but ladies wherever you are in life, a man should take you FURTHER. In business, in goals, in property, in your self care needs, etc. if you date him and start having less, feeling tired all the time, angry, depressed and you weren’t like that before, it’s him, remove him.

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

Right some men are in the way of their own blessings so they’re in the way of yours! I’ve been in 2 relationships. Both times I ended up broker being in it then being single… Also they’re miserable and take it out on you

[@cecilyerker]

Being frugal is good but poverty mindset and scarcity mindset is absolutely horrible and destructive.

[@nardip4999]

@@cecilyerker It's kinda the same though....if you don't have enough money, you tend to be frugal and have that scarcity mindset.

[@valeriew4833]

@nardip4999 I agree with that. What do you think about this, someone I know she's my age, has a career, and a business, and a house. But she's the most frugal person I know, to the point that it's just dumb. She won't even buy a pencil holder she wanted so bad because it was SIX DOLLARS. In my opinion, being frugal is probably what made it possible to get her home (I still currently rent my place), but I can't be like that! I like to go out at least sometimes, and go for 2-3 day getaways in nearby cities and states.

[@PhoenixDragonResurrected]

@@valeriew4833 and that’s what I’m saying! Being a woman supporter will never equate to man hate for me, I’m a sister of 9 😂. Your boyfriend honestly doing what he can to make your life easier is just as valuable. There are men who are willing to give their best effort to make you happy and comfortable. There are just a lot who do not and I want women to know they will ALWAYS have options and never have to settle. My little brother has a girlfriend who helps him financially and he started looking for another girlfriend on her dime. I don’t fw him 😩

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

And of you do decide to be with a broke guy, and devote your time, energy, money and effort into building up a broke man, he won't thank you for it! He'll resent you and move on to someone who thinks he did all that himself 😂

[@therealmanifestelle]

😭😭true

[@mchelseanicholeu]

He will leave as soon as he’s on his feet.. and the years you invested, you’ll never get back

[@citygirl713]

Yupppppp… I did this with a dusty… the amount of years and fighting and headaches to try and build him up to be a DECENT “man”.. not even successful or rich… just literally trying to be a better person… it was always for ME.. we’d fight about whatever issue at that time and we’d break up.. he’d fix that issue.. then it’d be something else.. do it again over and over (I know embarrassing) this comes down to dressing better, getting haircuts and taking pride in his appearance.. he uses me even when we’re separated as motivation to go harder in the gym… that literally came out of his own mouth.. he started a t shirt brand with the nickname I GAVE HIM.. he changed his photography because of me because back then he just wanted to photograph hoochie Instagram girls (surprise, surprise) on and on and on.. and whyyyy because of ME… oh not to mention I told him he needs to see a therapist, one of our arguments, that he couldn’t bother to do when we’re together, but as soon as we break up… what does he do.. go see a therapist and get put on medication. He couldn’t make changes when we were together, but he does it when we break up so he can come back and say he’s changed… but anyway do I get credit….. NOPEEEEEEE… NOTHING…. All the fighting, headaches, tears, stress, my mental health deteriorated, gain weight, got depressed.. and what did I get out of it besides all of that?????

[@bloodmajesty414]

(Most) men hates the woman who struggle with them, because she knows who he is before his success. Her presence keeps reminding him that he was once a loser.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

@@mchelseanicholeu THAT PART! You NEVER get any of it back!

[@pri.sci.lla.]

Broke is a mentality too, it’s a lack of abundance mindset that is pervasive in all aspects of their life.

[@tabi5550]

AMENN!!

[@TheModernMuses]

Yesss!!! Comment needs to be pinned 📍

[@brittnay279]

Yes! Poverty is real but broke is a mental state. Ik so many adults who just don’t have cars, don’t have jobs, etc…and they love it like that, they don’t want those things…it’s a lot easier to just ask for rides and stuff. Idk how they do it cuz I need my freedom lol

[@misslucywucy]

THIS

[@Thatgirly777]

​@@brittnay279yes financial independence sets you free

[@pinkpain-ter8412]

Broke men are always dissatisfied, especially if you make more money than him and you pay for everything. They're bitter and will sabotage your finances instead of leaving the relationship to focus on themselves

[@kosmopolitanna]

Because you let them!

[@salsipuedes8425]

They get jealous of you

[@TheForkOnTheLeftist]

yeah it's got nothing to do with your pompous attitude that shows even in this comment. y'all need to step out the echo chamber. if you knew anything about men you wouldn't be here lol

[@minniemoe4797]

I remember the novel Bel-Ami by Guy de Maupassant where the main character, a broke journalist George Durois gets annoyed with his rich married girlfriend who gives him monthly allowance so to relieve himself from stress, he visits a street girl every few weeks.

[@minmiunnie8208]

Yes, they will hate it if you earn more and they will hate it if you earn less. You can never win.

[@LuvMaude]

Personality doesn’t pay the bills sister!!! Imagine bringing in children into such a situation. This is the pipeline to food stamps.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Exactly. The bank, grocery store, and the utility companies is not going to accept my “great personality” to cover my bills.

[@ceresorange]

Real! My boyfriend has planned so much for the future and wants to get married & have kids ASAP and prefers but doesn’t pressure me to stay home for a few years to take care of the child. Which is insane & irresponsible since he doesn’t have savings, a safety net and he lives paycheck to paycheck 🥴. Really gave me the ick 😞

[@no.6377]

My first two boyfriends were broke. Never. Again. _Never_ . And yes! As soon as someone calls men, "men", and in the same breath call women, """feMaLes""" . I know they're on some B.S. But it's honestly even worse coming from other women. I just want them to wake up!

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Yes, a man who refers to a woman as a “female” is a major red flag for me.

[@persephrotisv.2655]

Same. Never again. I thought it was “snobby” of me to judge but my aunt told me after, “so what?” 💅

[@everylastinchofmescoveredw5629]

I'd bet that a lot of these instances are just non-native speakers of English. I've been a fluent English speaker for more than a decade but only recently realized the inherent connotation of the terms "male" and "female" that native speakers perceive. In my native language, the words for male and female (in the strictly biological sense) are only ever used for animals. Using them to refer to humans is not only rude, it's linguistically inappropriate even in a medical or scientific sense. But the lines are a bit more blurry in English - for example a doctor can say that his last patient was a 50 year old female and it doesn't sound weird. In many other languages, this would be either extremely inappropriate or downright nonsensical. So I could understand if some people are confused lmao.

[@ava9xx3js9j]

I hate when people say female yuck

[@LoveAll-dn1wv]

Some of you women just invoke that word. Some women are referred to as "females" how you refer to some men as "incels"

[@khixitin]

I just don’t get some girls who have 100/10 appearance like this pretty girl can put on make up, hair and nails done, but still chased men like a prize and gave him princess treatment ??? 😭

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

The mindset is her problem.

[@bear3279]

its mind boggling

[@lainfoz9310]

She is probably around her 30's or more women in the past were taught to be pick me and see men as the prize in that time, they were all raising women to be easy manipulated and made a fool. Im glad women of this era are being taught to know how to choose right and run from dusties I think the next generations of men will be getting better and better with dusties reproducing less giving space to men who act like normal human beings. Women at that time made errors cause they really didnt know any better and it was unfortunate and still is to see.

[@AyAReI00]

😅 i know right, when pretty girls Say this things make me SO sad, like girl You have everything in life to find yourself a Nice man... Your not conventional attractive gals is Harder 😅😅 As a chubby girls i have heard dusty men telling me and i quoute: "I didnt thought You have SO much self steem " .what does that Even mean ????? Does this mofo accepted out loud that he thought i was going to be a doormat and was going to be an easy prey cuz he thought be being chubby mean i didnt loved myself ... Men never stop to dissapoint me

[@FireSilver25]

Our relationships are a reflection of our self worth

[@disney1fan1stars1]

I remembered now I told my mom when I was younger: I don't know who my partner will be but if I get a uni degree, he must be at the same "level". A man with an inferiority complex is a very dangerous man. I learnt that from my family

[@briskettacos]

Since fewer men are attending universities, there aren't as many men with degrees. But just because he skipped college doesn't mean he isn't smart. There are plenty of intelligent guys who went into trades and love to learn. Is he always listening to educational podcasts? Is he intellectually curious? Does he educate himself on his topics of interest? Does he start DIY projects and learn everything he needs to complete them? Applied brainpower is a green flag. If he's also been to college, did he study hard to graduate, or just get some Mickey Mouse degree where he got to party all 4 years? We need to be in our discernment. The degree he's so proud of might just be a piece of paper he got because Daddy and Mommy were connected. 😅

[@disney1fan1stars1]

That's true tho haha you're right, it's deeper than it seems@@briskettacos

[@cecilyerker]

@@briskettacosyes, he needs to use his natural gifts to bring abundance into his life otherwise he will take take take and give you nothing

[@disney1fan1stars1]

he could also be abusive T_T@@cecilyerker

[@ava9xx3js9j]

I was about to say don’t think ignore the trades and certificates. There are men in these fields that make a shit ton of money.

[@tassys]

The audacity to take a woman's money in a patriarchy. The system favors them. Also, great personality doesn't pay bills and doesn't feed kids. Great personality is good for friendships, not relationships.

[@malinasworld]

I’m so scared of those stories of women who stopped working in the last trimester or are on unpaid maternity leave and the man still says ‘dip into your savings to pay your half’ or ‘i’ve got you for now, you can pay me back later.’ NIGHTMARE fuel.

[@tassys]

​@@malinasworld right ! That could be an episode of the twilight zone, a true distopian life.

[@MindfulTatiana]

@@malinasworld This happened to my sister. He should feel lucky to talk to her. She is well traveled, has a Master's degree, and is gorgeous. He had her pay him back for the dates he took her on. It's disgusting to watch.

[@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty]

The biggest problem with "He has a good personality" is that literally just means he's not as big of an asshole ass he theoretically could be for 99% of women saying it. It's not even that he doesn't mistreat them, it's that he doesn't do the absolute worst. *You should have a partner who takes care of you too, regardless of gender.* *Love is an action and watching you struggle isn't love.*

[@dreamchaser7603]

Thank you!! I needed to hear that

[@colleens.279]

If he has such a great personality, why does the fact he doesn't have a job and doesn't contribute shows me that he's selfish, a user and shameless? Aren't those bad personality traits? Nobody's perfect, but damn, if he doesn't feel great shame for not being able to be an EQUITABLE PARTNER to you, then he doesn't have a great personality. He's just very good at masking.

[@AwoogaWolf]

The fact that she had a narc rich ex is what makes this guy such a relief, she will feel better when she moves on, it's not a real connection.

[@rosevan7845]

So true. She will find that life goes on no matter what you do, until it stops. It is better to not think you are too old for anything and you will find that life's varied challenges have varied rewards. Now to put my good advice to work for me...right?

[@WW-iz1oo]

And I doubt her ex was really narcissistic. They make up 0.5-1% of the population yet 9/10 a woman will describe her ex as such. That's my own nitpick. I agree with what you and Elle said.

[@toxicemotions2888]

Wait narcissistic or narco

[@raraavis7782]

​@@WW-iz1oo Well, those numbers refer to people with fully blown NPP (narcissistic personality disorder). Being narcissistic to some degree (or in certain contexts) is just part of the huge spectrum of 'normal' human behavior. Or at least, that's how I understand it. But I agree, that it's not helpful, to just call every 'jerk' a narcissist. Sometimes, unpleasant personality traits *are* something, that you can work with. Or live with. If they're sufficiently outweighed by positive traits. I don't think, being with a true narcissist ever works out well for the other person, because that is then their defining characteristic and they will always abuse and/or exploit the other person. They just can't help themselves. So it's useful, to be aware of the difference.

[@CassieTranthesuperfitbabe]

I was also so confused by those words--so narcissists can't also be broke? But you're right: it's very understandable that she's willing to stay because, well, at least he's not like the other guy

[@nombi1892]

As soon as he isn’t broke he’s gna leave you for someone he can provide for Facts ….

[@RS-007]

THIS

[@bunnyboo6295]

why can't they start providing for the one that was there?

[@christinata3257]

Just happened to me. He got a swanky job and left for another girl. He had a provider mentality too but I mom'd him in other areas. Never build a man for another woman

[@ava9xx3js9j]

Did this happen to you?

[@nombi1892]

@ava9xx3js9j nope ! But to many women around me ....I therefore chose to learn from others mistakes ...don't have to make them myself

[@ilaly6391]

It hurts a bit when I hear "don't date for love", but then when I hear "date for values", I realize I always loved people for their values. I want someone with courage and a pure heart, and a solid will to pursue their dream. That might explain why I've always been single...

[@martinazhila6396]

Same 😂

[@icycandiee6343]

Rich guys, over the broke ones.

[@therealmanifestelle]

🫢

[@bunchesofoats2051]

Broke girls over rich ones

[@briskettacos]

Mr. Brokie can keep the Okie Dokie

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

Generous men over stingy ones😊

[@SummerSun-sg3wf]

Rich guys can be very controlling and Dickish too tho

[@CC-kr3mr]

Dating a broke man for a month can ruin your entire life

[@Lilliana99]

Dated one for four years, I ended up gaining 30 pounds, having severe cystic acne, and constantly stressed out. I think I’d rather die alone than ever put up with that shit again.

[@bloodmajesty414]

There's something about a man who wordlessly pick up the tab while maintaining conversation with you that makes you feel so.... ✨feminine✨ I guess. I am seconds away from twirling hair, blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

That is so true!

[@tabi5550]

GIIRRLL talk about ittt!!

[@summer8779]

yesss, I can't even tell you how excited this comment made me.. high value men 😍

[@theskyizblue2day431]

@@summer8779 lmfao

[@ntm1026]

He hasn’t started abusing her yet because she hasn’t said no to paying but it’s coming. Not paying for at least yourself is financial abuse, taking advantage, and manipulation.

[@dkstamberose]

Two jobs while eight months pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is horrendous!! how could he watch her do that and not help out oh my god!!

[@Lala89856]

Yeah. This happened to me. My ex watched me struggle working 2 jobs, and I worked until I gave birth. He didn't want to help out with pregnancy bills. We both paid 50/50.

[@icecreamcake6238]

In my experience, a lot of the "great personality" guys are just really great at gaslighting and emotional and financial abuse. But I didn't even realize how bad it was until reading Lundy Bancroft's books on that topic.

[@AyaEgbuho]

Great author and great books!

[@katherinecordero2958]

ouu what was the title ? i’m interested 😅

[@icecreamcake6238]

@@katherinecordero2958 I definitely recommend "Why does he do that?" to start with.

[@AmericanDreamer]

indeed!!! And he's a man himself yet he exposes other men , actually no, he exposes ABUSIVE MEN! I found out about him recently and from the snippets I manage to read on Goodreads website, from "Why does he do that" - it's so spot on 🙌🔥🔥🔥 Also watched on KZbin few interviews with him. He knows what he is talking about! Definitely eager to purchase the book! I thought my freshly ex is a narcissist, so while researching that I came across Lundy and his amazing book. I'm not sure tho that my ex is truly a narc or emotionally abusive (as if that's not enough right?) , but Lundy shatters some very common notions in modern psychology that actually works for the benefit of abuser.

[@halosunnah5446]

thank you for the book recommendation. ❤❤

[@condwiramurstally]

Never fall for Mr Wickham 💀

[@taylardotson8100]

I love this Pride and Prejudice reference!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@tahsina.c]

Or a Heathcliff

[@DrLindseyM]

😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉

[@transitionsnc]

It's unfortunate but men with "great personalities" can still take you down. This guy can't even support himself let alone his girlfriend and yet he was more than fine with letting her pay for everything. When she started struggling, he didn't do anything to elevate himself let alone help her. In my opinion, that's not a "great personality". That's someone who is taking advantage of you.

[@kimadams8757]

Downing people pull others down. They dont WANT to hurt the other person, its just survival instinct. Good personality is irrelevant.

[@tamarbatyah7]

When the financial structure is made to cater to men who also never have to take time off for pregnancies and breastfeeding, yes, there is no reason they shouldn't be able to provide. This doesn't have to just be only monetary currency either. They can gather resources and learn skills to build a house, build barns, fix cars, make repairs on houses, etc. It can simply be resources to maintain a family, not only gold and currency. If a man really wants a wife and family he needs to be a Provider -- and he can provide resources (a house, fields that grow food, barns, sheds, etc) if he has skills and is low on currency. No excuses!

[@therealmanifestelle]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@tabi5550]

this is so smart,,, like wow chileee!!!

[@tamarjonelle9746]

This comment is spot on! There are multiple ways to provide. NOT to just sit at home, playing video games and getting drunk complaining about life. Men like that are lazy of mind and body. It's about energy, as well. Money is energy, so being of a scarcity mindset will infect those around them.

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

I agree to an extent but as someone who has been chronically ill since my teens, I know there are plenty of men out there with similar stories. Being healthy and able bodied is a kind of privilege that surpasses even the gender dynamics. I’m trying to make the best of my situation but it’s a competitive job market and my illness is exacerbated by doing anything, even if it was a desk job it would make me worse. Like trading pain and suffering for a little money. Just wanted to share my experience because the idea that everyone can work, or every man can and should, does not always match reality. Abled bodied men absolutely should work and be supporting themselves though, especially if they want to date. Interabled couples do exist though even when it’s the man who is disabled. I’m not sure if that aligns with the philosophy here, but maybe you are right that there are more ways to provide than just making money.

[@tamarbatyah7]

@Nicole-jj3hi a man who is genuinely disabled is an exception, certainly. I say genuinely though because there are obese men who say they have health issues but if they would lose the weight these issues would solve themselves. I've also seen disabled men run with prosthetic legs in the Paralympics. I've seen paraplegics (men who lost all 4 limbs) use talking devices to do computer work. I think it depends on a case by case basis.

[@LucilleDesmoulins]

All of this is 100% true. I'm 51, look about 15 years younger, very fit, great career, fully renovated my home, regularly volunteer, well-read and traveled. People find me smart and funny. My former boyfriend is very professionally successful, but is obese with health problems, no hobbies, no intellectual interests. He would pay for everything, but would say things like "Everyone probably tells you how perfect you are. Someone needs to bring you down a peg." Also, "You're funny, but not as funny as you think you are." Despite his money, he was dating up, and it intimidated him, especially as he was also a dismissive avoidant type. He ghosted after two years - no other woman, he was jealous of my grief after a personal tragedy. Luckily, I've built a great life with great people, which blunted the pain and shock. Men, at all ages, will always resent people who are what they're not and long to be, especially if it's their romantic partner.

[@Marivi247]

It’s so sad that one really can’t win with a partner with an avoidant attachment style. They either devalue you because you don’t fit their fantasy of a perfect partner, or they devalue you because they feel insecure next to your success. My ex told me once ‚Oh you only have rich people problems‘ when I was taking a train back from my parents home at night with a kidney inflammation and the train was one hour late. I was in pain, and he had zero empathy because I earned more than him, so in his mind his problems are ‚real‘ and my problems are ‚rich people problems‘. It’s very sad and disappointing, but how safe and loved can you really feel with an avoidant partner. Often they only make you feel anxious and not good enough, or even ‚too perfect‘ in your case. We can’t fix a partner like that and can only try to find someone else who is really loving and makes us feel safe…

[@K.L.Garner-uk6cd]

He should feel lucky that he got to spend even a minute in your company. Better is out there waiting for you - I hope you find it soon!!

[@KCtheSUNSHINE]

Wow you rock! Keep building yourself. He didn't deserve you if he felt he needed to 'take you down a peg.' That's disturbing. If they don't build you up, they got to go.

[@theskyizblue2day431]

You don’t look 35 lmao

[@AyaEgbuho]

Also, social media is NOT your therapist or trusted advisor. Please let that go. Please. This trend is really distrurbing.

[@malinasworld]

I think here this woman might not have access to either of those so her last recourse was to ask other women the only place she could access them- online.

[@AyaEgbuho]

@@malinasworld I understand. But now some many people are using her as an example. And it's permanent. I don't think it's ever wise.

[@malinasworld]

@@AyaEgbuho That’s a good point. I wonder if it’s a skit, after all, wouldn’t her boyfriend see this even if it didn’t gain much traction? Whether it’s real or fake, a reminder to share less personal information online is really needed. Thank you! 💙

[@heartofchambers]

They gotta develop that "great personality" as a distraction for the dustiness 🤡🤡

[@transitionsnc]

My experience has been that you are correct. These people tend to be excellent conversationalists and a lot of fun to hang out with, but there's nothing else.

[@noyemisarkisian7842]

Real

[@chrzig554]

Also not being an asshole is the bare minimum.

[@heartofchambers]

so sad @@chrzig554

[@djlivvy46]

And since most of them aren't doing what they need to do, they have plenty of time & energy to be charming because they're so well rested! Ask them to take the garbage out and see what happens.

[@MsBrooklyn11232]

If a man is broke, then he shouldn’t be dating at all. He needs to find a way to get his money and finances up and together before he can start dating. Men need to get their whole life together and make sure that they are financially stable before they can date a woman.

[@bm5_5_5]

Bingo

[@frayansertzrave]

True ✨️

[@Tshego2000]

This perspective has always baffled me...I'm genuinely curious, so what happens to men who never cross the poverty line/minimum wage line?

[@bm5_5_5]

@@Tshego2000 It’s not referring to anyone who falls on hard times through no fault of their own. It’s people who know they’re in a bad spot and refuse to even try and pull themselves out of it. The “victims” of this world. We’ve all known them both men and women. Broke is also a mindset that people can get trapped in. Part of maturing into a man is pulling your socks up and doing better for yourself but also if you want to go on and have a good woman, kids and a family to be able to provide for one day. It’s frustrating when people say they are “broke” when they can seemingly find the money for alcohol, drugs, video games, only fans and all the other vices available and then they complain that things aren’t good. Chase the free dopamine in life: sunlight, exercise, nature. Everyone can enjoy that no matter how much money you have. You do these things and realise how abundant life is and then you switch into an abundance mindset. Small steps lead to big ones, most genuinely good women aren’t asking a lot they just want to meet a stable man.

[@Tshego2000]

@@bm5_5_5 I hear all that, I don't expect any self respecting woman to be with a gamber, drug addict or generally speaking a person headed nowhere, and I belive in self improvement...but I think theres a huge difference between doing something and telling someone else to do it. like for instance its good for a track and field coach to train their athletes to the best of their own congenital abilities, but lets be real genetics play a huge factor. The probability that any of the athelets are going to break usain bolts record is extremely low. Quite literally no one whos ever been alive has been able to do it. also I get the sense that we come from two different thought camps( correct me if I'm wrong). I don't think I will ever feel comftable with the Idea of being solely finantially responsible for all the bills in a household. I just prefer women who will meet me half way. I have a feeling that you disagree. I believe in healthy disagreements.

[@lelaperkune1613]

One of my ex’s was very broke and not once did I pay for him. Not once he always found a way to take us out, it was nothing too boujee but he bought me gifts, trips, and dinners. In fact once I suggested to lend him some money and he got all offended about it and rejected it. If a man takes money from you run, he is not a man.

[@transitionsnc]

You make some good points.

[@witchykittyy]

I can’t call off the wedding it’s already too late

[@sallygirl1012]

Just communicate to him how you feel ❤ if he loves you truly he'll listen and compromise. ​@@witchykittyy

[@sallygirl1012]

​@@witchykittyyt you must also compromise. Remember it's a partnership. You are not dependent on him ❤

[@Alyakismydutchname]

​@@witchykittyy Unless the wedding already happened and the papers are already signed, it's definitely not too late. You might not get most of your money back that was spent on reservations and such, but a short term financial loss is so much better than a long term mental, physical, and emotional loss. Not to mention the loss of precious time that could've been better spent otherwise. Some people will probably be disappointed, but they are not the ones who will be living your life, you are, and you will be the one who has to deal with the consequences of accepting mediocrity (or whatever the case is). If you aren't ecstatic about getting married to someone, please don't do it.

[@diannholland]

I can hear Dad's voice in the back of my head. What we have here is a Queen dating a court jester. She had a bad man before this guy, and this dude slipped under the radar. She needs to like herself better.

[@katiepriegue5780]

Had this happen to me. dated a guy at his lowest and went 50/50 because i wanted to be the "peace" in his life. Every birthday, christmas, holiday I always bought him gifts and never was reciprocated with (with him even forgetting my birthday). Once he got his dream job we celebrated but once i got my first job after being unemployed for a long time after covid (mind you, i still found ways to pay for things just to make sure he was happy being with me) i was dumped just twoo weeks after my birthday. I was left heartbroken for a year cuz i couldnt find the strength to love someone else or myself at the time while he just pretended i never existed in the first place. Now my biggest regret is not leaving him first. Only thing I will say is that she was right saying how sometimes it does suck to se women all over the media being very well treated and spoiled while we spoil men trying to get the same thing in return. I'm currently trying to enter my spoiled girlie era but all these men seem to want is the princess treatment themselves.

[@monicapereziglesias5122]

Whenever I see women in this kind of predicament and don't want a "too cold" of an advice, I often think: "If he gets the chance to upgrade his life, do you really believe he'll stay with you or do you think he'll try to upgrade you too, just because you no longer fit his lifestyle?"

[@bedanan]

Stopped watching misogynistic/hateful/agressive content long time ago. Never have been more at peace and happines! Men who try to drag me into this rabbithole of misogyny just want me and other women to level down so we tolerate their bs because of normalisation through internet media consumption. Love your video as always queen!

[@ssance]

That’s her lil court jester, of course he’s going to have a good personality for his Queen that funds his extravagant lifestyle

[@transitionsnc]

Exactly.

[@mchelseanicholeu]

I dated a broke guy who was hiding his finances.. I didn’t realize I was carrying the load because he would hide his finances… I have been better off financially since being alone.. only being financially responsible for me is so much better!

[@Rezzgirl101]

Do not sacrifice everything for a man because he will leave you with nothing

[@leahweinberger583]

Truth.

[@kerri.janelle]

Facts

[@easylife6348]

Same thing with women today lol. A matter of fact she’ll leave with half of the man earnings and assets including his home.

[@robertduluth8994]

@@easylife6348they dont want to listen bro

[@starr970]

Facts

[@AyaEgbuho]

Heres the deal Ladies.....we all know the truth. Even the girls who post these videos. The REAL issue that many women just don't want to face is this......We don't think we are WORTHY of generous treatment!!!!!!!!! We don't think we are valuable and worthy. And instead of doing the WORK to increase our internal self worth, we start paying for things for men. Girl. It's time to face the truth and know that WE can increase our self worth! And yes- the quicker you realize that there is serious and deep programming for women to hate themselves, you will immediately GET FREE. It's systemic. Don't even take it personally. JUST ONLY ALLOW THE BEST INTO YOUR LIFE! AND NEVER EXPLAIN, JUSTIFY, OR DEFEND.

[@Josuperhero]

Facts!

[@KeeSu15]

Thank youuu so much for this, sister

[@j.t.1086]

I fixed my broke ex's finances and got him $250,000 in an injury lawsuit I handled A to Z (and cared for him during the injury) and he dumped me via text the same week the money got into his bank 🙃 while we were living together and I was fronting his half of the rent 🙃 we'd been together five years at that point 😐

[@briskettacos]

At least he showed his true character before you married him. It's really rough now, but in time, the situation will show itself for the blessing it is.

[@VivaciousLyla]

my mouth was literally hanging open when i read this. girl-😢 idk how i’d ever trust anyone ever again after that. wishing you the best 🫶

[@cecilyerker]

It’s a blessing you didn’t marry him and have kids with him

[@bm5_5_5]

Wow I hope that money finds its way back to you one day in another circumstance. You didn’t deserve that at all lovely but you will be blessed one day for selflessly helping him in all the ways you did. As for the other person….what goes around comes back around and it won’t be kind.

[@kimcham9949]

Were there any red flags along the way?

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

31:17 Making HIS lack of finances HER obligation!!! I dated a guy like that and we lived with his parents basically rented his childhood bedroom for very little so we could save up to move out. But he'd spend ALL of his money on whatever HE wanted as SOON as he got it, and contributed NOTHING to our savings in almost 2 YEARS! Turns out he really liked living at home and didn't actually want to move out, because he was happy and comfortable with the arrangement of me working 2 jobs and paying for all his food and gas because he drove me to my 2 full time jobs.... Didn't want his own place, or to go back to school for a better job, but drove me to my classes so I could get a better one... He really thought he was doing his fair share and going above and beyond 😂😂😂😂 YIKES 😬 Just don't do it girlies! Just do it for yourself! Build yourself a great future! Let him struggle on his own without you! He sure AF doesn't mind watching you struggle with him!

[@missxmarvel]

If he had a great personality he wouldn't make you saddle up with him until he got his financial life in check.

[@wellknown1204]

Purrr, like you can struggle by yourself, you dont need a manto struggle with!

[@missxmarvel]

Only actions speak the truth, "He's a great guy but I pay everything for him" the pickme says, well maybe he only acts great because he can leech off you. Say no to spending money on him and she will see how fast the "great personality" wavers. A great man would not be comfortable enough to operate as a financial burden.@@wellknown1204

[@TLW369]

I’m not dating a dude who isn’t financially and mentally sound. Period! 👸🏻

[@ayumisae6864]

Same! I have my own career and am self-sufficient, plus I have worked my butt off for years to become independent, rent my own place and not have to rely on anyone. I refuse to date anyone who is not on the same level and will not add to my life but instead will make it more stressful and expect me to pay for them 🤷‍♀️no offence but if he isn’t making my life better and looking after me then why do I need this man for?

[@BritneyMontes17]

I don’t agree with the girl saying “you can’t control who you fall in love with” it’s all psychological

[@wiwiholic]

Exactly

[@djlivvy46]

She actually thinks that's better than just admitting that her self esteem is in the toilet.

[@nicolegulino]

This is why women need to get their career down before getting serious with a man because he will screw up your bag if its not secured

[@rileystein6195]

As someone who thought giving to a broke man would inspire him to be better, seriously it's not worth it. He's just free childcare for now until i can make a career shift and earn more money. When i make more money, he's getting kicked out. I'm done.

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

If he’s not the dad don’t let him babysit. Keep your children in safety

[@rileystein6195]

@@JustMe-vs1kj unfortunately, he is the dad.

[@briskettacos]

Make sure to protect your internet privacy. You don't want him figuring out he's going to have to leave, and taking it out on your child.

[@rileystein6195]

@@briskettacos yes, I know. 🫡

[@rileystein6195]

@@briskettacos yes 🫡

[@marylandemoia467]

i knew i was fighting for my life when he began singing "she gives me money, everytime i need" in front of me...

[@cecilyerker]

My ex said “I’m gonna make a sugar mama out of you”

[@loveswintertrees]

I was in grad school working full time with a world class internship and amazing letter of rec’, about to apply to medical school when I started dating a “recently” unemployed man with multiple properties. Turns out he was unemployed for 5 years at that time and today has been unemployed 6/7 years. I had to quit my job when I got a disease from him and had to take time off bc of the inability to walk or stand well (hospital job!). I got another disease from him, miscarried alone…in the end he said I was a loser and never accomplished anything, and that he was out of my league. They will ruin your life

[@cecilyerker]

Moral of the story: a broke man will literally break your body as well as your spirit

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

This is sad to hear. My ex-bf was broke and unemployed for years. He did pay for lunches at first then borrowed from me many times, added up total to several thousand dollars. I was a naive young girl and always giving people the benefits of doubts. Finally I opened my eyes with red flags. One of the red flags was: He told me he admired his friend's gf for sheltering his friend. Basically, the girl paid for everything from a-z and he admired that girl so much for being a provider. I immediately told him his friend was a loser for making a woman paying for years. 2nd red flag was: I gave him $150 gift card so he could pay for gas and food in order to find a job. He ended up attempting to sell to his relatives for cash and they jewed him down. Then, he wanted me to buy back that gift card for cash, which hurt me for a while. Not too long after that, I broke up with him to cut further loss due to unpaid debts. He had a gall to ask me if I left him because he was poor. LOL... Don't attempt to fix any broke man. Luckily, he did not have any access to my moew :D. My husband now, is the only one who has access to my body :D and he is a great provider.

[@hannaansari2921]

Men mostly never compromise in what they want from women,both in terms of the beauty standards and services they expect from women so why should We lower expectations of them,dont let them gaslight you into lowering your standards for them,once you start to compromise on bad behavior for the sake of retaining the relationship;they will keep crossing the boundaries and you will end up in a trauma bond with them

[@wendiewebb4457]

Women usually don’t compromise either. People here act like women are prefect in every way, which is not true at all and if you believe that you need to grow up

[@caroline.3885]

Broke or average men are insecure and the rich men think they have power/the upper hand with you for control (even though you got your own bag)...just so tiring.

[@bloodmajesty414]

That's why not either extremes -- get with someone who experience struggles and work hard to get where he is, but isn't insecure or secretly lacking in confidence. Find a capable provider, not simply a rich man.

[@RosaliaMartinezRM]

This is why Elle always makes enfasis on dating a generous man, not necessarily a rich man.

[@basicinfo2022]

​​@@RosaliaMartinezRM👏🔑 and he has to love you way more than you love him for him to be happily in the masculine role of courting and romancing you.

[@AmericanDreamer]

@@basicinfo2022 yesss, this!!!! 💯🔥

[@salsipuedes8425]

Rich men think you own them everything and broke men are jealous of you

[@anneAanneL]

The day this women that love to talk badly about "females" that get princess treatment finally understand that is not about being rich, but about effort and dedication, the world will end.

[@lavieenrose_marie]

The craziest thing I saw the other day on IG was a woman saying she didn’t want her bf to pay for their dinner at a 5 star restaurant because she would feel like a child. She then admitted to paying for the ENTIRE meal. SMH.

[@madinak2726]

If man doesn't provide for u he will provide for others....damn, these words are golden....I wish I knew them earlier. Cause in my past relationships, that's exactly what happened 😢

[@angeliquealamer]

“We had fun, I paid”…Yeah, opening up your wallet = immediate killer of fun-that’s an oxymoron.

[@zacharyo5033]

Why do you work if you don’t pay for anything in a relationship?

[@kanikakumari7219]

​@@zacharyo5033because her work and her money is her safety. She doesn't work for a man. She works so that she always stays safe and protected. So that she always has something to do if her man abuses her. She doesn't approach men to get access to them. Men approach women to get access to her time, attention,affection and body. They use women to brag to their buddies, to raise their social status. Because apparently, a man who has a woman must be a good man and must be a financially stable man. The more beautiful and high maintenance the woman is the more his status in society is going to be. And you know all these things. You just wish that women don't know these things.

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

@@zacharyo5033 Because she was born as a nurturer by birth, not a PROVIDER. She can be a provider for her kids, not to the giant man. Men know having a pretty woman by his side is important to his social status. Having access to her body, youth, time, love, potential unpaid wages, at a minimum, men should provide. If not, leave the poor woman alone so she herself can find another provider. Unless the woman is extremely ugly and never bother to take care of themselves, then we can see she is a sugar mama. Ladies, never go for 50/50 scam because 99% of time, you will pay more than 50.

[@Zuzzamma]

"he still celebrates me " - wtf does that stand for? Him still "being nice to you" LMAOOOOO

[@ayumisae6864]

Right?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@meganbrooks7370]

You're the mother I've never had, you're sister everybody would want and you're the friend everybody deserves. I don't know a better content maker

[@PsychicRenegadeTarot]

I settled in my past marriage. Built up his career and left college 1 yr shy of my Bachelors to have our baby. We split and he used all of his money I helped him get against me in court. Do not build a man… never leave yourself without a back up in case that person changes on you. Or you change and want out.

[@Tarotqueen-uv1qy]

I dated a couple broke guys in my 20s and the last guy especially used me for money place to live and sex. What did I get from him you ask? Evicted broke and cheated on after he trashed my apartment and stole all my money 4k out of both my savings and checking over a six month period. Never again now I'm dating a grown man who owns 4 cars two houses and does charity work for others. That's the difference between a good man and a bum a good man gives back while a bum takes and does nothing but lies cheats and steals.

[@esmeraldakim6591]

As an educated woman of color working full time, I dated an unemployed white, able-bodied man who was “nice”, and it was so boring cuz he couldn’t take me out and his excuse was COVID but it was a year after COVID. No excuse to still be collecting unemployment and living w/o a bed frame!!!

[@Speakyourmindgirly]

she lost me at females.

[@vikki8699]

Snap. Immediately switched off. ❤

[@cecilyerker]

Fr. Congratulations, you dehumanized yourself ma’am

[@misssincere5762]

Ikr soon as I heard females I mentally checked out!

[@srizangupta1957]

But why though ? I have watched her other videos & her audience clearly support conservative men over liberal/feminist men. So, maybe you're in the wrong place. What else did you expect from in/fem Cels.

[@Hokarina1]

Broke men =/= poor men Poor young men are normal, it's a phase. But we need to see improvements

[@kamicoolll]

yes i agree. i’m sure it greatly depends on age and also their actual efforts. not just “potential” but what they are actually VISIBLY doing to improve their financial circumstances

[@NanaHoneyB]

Semantics. The point is that you don’t date potential. Period.

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

@@kamicoollllisten you can see “efforts” all you want. Some men just don’t know how to break out of their brokeness and always do things to set themselves back. Like if they don’t know they just don’t know. The only excuse if they failed a big company and have to start over, if they unjustly got fired at a company they’ve been working verry hard for, and got a good resume, or if they’re like 20. There’s no excuse for a man in his 30s to be broke for years. Not even if he’s trying to come up. Cause some of them will be trying forever and be in their own way of luck. And if you’re with them they’re in your way of luck too. Also broke men demand you to work even if you have a child with them. They don’t appreciate the free labor you do at all.

[@Hokarina1]

@@NanaHoneyB when you are young, we are also a potentiel

[@NanaHoneyB]

@@Hokarina1 I don’t even agree with wasting time on dating when you’re young unless it’s someone who opens doors for you, so🤷🏽‍♀️

[@muhlaynee]

The transference of brokenness is the problem. Broke people make the people around them broke too.

[@hollythebordercollie2257]

'Date' someone with a good character, NOT someone with money. Chose someone honest, loyal, good with kids and who has a similar personality/values and is making real efforts to improve himself. Making a good team in life is what makes a good marriage not cash/fancy career. If he has good character and feels loved/respected then he will make every effort to provide for his loved ones

[@TheForkOnTheLeftist]

this^^^ edit: although it isn't realistically what most people do

[@ijeonu2405]

Most broke men appear promising initially but after a while become villains

[@444brianna]

"im dating a broke guy and it really really sucks because he has the best personality." homegirl forgot to put her clown makeup on before making this video LMAOO.

[@dreaz3733]

Needed this 😔

[@Mukyuify]

😂😂

[@user-dx2dm8oq8g]

She's in denial, she's clearly done with the guy, but she needs to come to terms with it and break it off.

[@miriamsun3998]

"When you are living in your light you expose the darkness in a lot of people." So incredibly true.

[@ravenanimations7]

This lady is already thrown out of balance in this relationship. "What if he leaves me?" If thats your concern, and you feel like you got nothing out of the relationship when they leave, it's not a relationship. If all he can give her is sweet talk, he's a parasite. A nice, funny, good-looking, yes even a sweet parasite. But a leech is still a leech. She should watch "dirty john" specifically season 2. Its based on a true story, a woman who sacrificed everything for her husband, hoping for a better future together. She threw away time, energy, money, life, youth, career for this man and all he did was make big promises. And he did her so dirty. It broke my heart. Stay safe out there, everyone ❤

[@roselove001]

“If you date for lifestyle you are more likely to flourish in love.” Truer words have never been spoken. People say ‘money isn’t everything’ but I don’t see poverty bringing out the best in anyone. Sadly, worrying about and fighting over money constantly kills both libido and love.

[@truffaut650truffaut6]

They are broke for a REASON❤❤❤

[@MsTrter]

Pray for me girls. I just broke up with my broke ex fiancé. I woke up one day and felt the heaviness in my heart carrying everything in our relationship. I am not about that anymore. I don't want to buy any man anything or teach him how to invest like I'm his momma. I can't anymore. I've neglected myself and I feel so down bad even though I'm trying so hard to fix everything. 😢 I am ready to be with a man that have his shit together and capable to lift me up when I'm down without me begging. I want a man that love me above and beyond. The way I loved my ex all these years. After 3 years pouring into him, I know my karma is coming. 🕊️🍀

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

He has a great personality because he has no bills 😂

[@starr970]

No this is real lol

[@Lala89856]

I met one like this. "I have a great personality." Well, he didn't have a job. He lived at home and made some cash here and there. His dad gave him $$ for McDonald's, and he was in his thirties 😂😂

[@MichellaneousMe]

ugh reminds me of my ex. I was 19 and really dumb in love. He was the type to steal money in my purse when I was asleep and it usually went towards his car or shoes (and never me). I can't believe I stuck with him until I was 21. I was miserable, and broke always paying for his speeding tickets or his next meals (cue Khalid's Young, Dumb, and Broke lol). Now at 35 I have been with my husband since I was 22 and he makes me feel so secure and happy. Just today he surprised me with flowers and a trip for the Bahamas on next Monday, just because I need a break (I'm a SAHM and he made plans with his parents to watch our kids for the week). I'm so grateful 💕

[@Raddiebaddie]

"why would you downgrade your life to be with a man?!" 💯

[@shadowhunterartemis]

I don't understand why this man isn't going to school or something. My boyfriend and I were broke when we started dating and now he's graduated and teaching and I have a better job and I'm applying to grad school. Who wants to stay broke

[@JustMe-vs1kj]

They won’t want to make the commitment of years of study and hard work. If they work it’s jobs they can get easily and where they won’t meet a lot of people that will trigger them

[@jessn.3851]

Some people will just mooch off of others if they can. The effort is not worth it. They prefer being with someone who doesn't expect anything.

[@briskettacos]

Even if college isn't for him, or he can't afford it or make the long-term commitment, he could go to a trade school, start an apprenticeship, or attend short-term courses to get an educational certificate (becoming a phlebotomist, pharmacy technician, web developer, ect). Something that puts him above "cart wrangler at the big box store." That's not a position to support a family with.

[@djlivvy46]

He's not going to school because he's 40 years old!

[@darkstarr984]

Yeah. I’m glad my family at least banned me from dating anyone not working or studying for a good job. Their other bans like “no Muslims” and “no Scorpios” are ridiculous but they were spot on about that one.

[@GENRTS]

Why would she even post that public? Giving secondhand embarassment and on multiple levels😅

[@dalmalifemore]

There are many men with great personalities and money they are not mutually exclusive that is the lie we have been told that we can’t have both.

[@HauteHorizon]

Yes 💯✨

[@cecilyerker]

Yes they just don’t advertise it because they don’t have to

[@dalmalifemore]

@@cecilyerker yesssss!!

[@MiamiChica]

Realistically, men still legally have social and financial advantages, so they should be the primary providers/caregivers period.

[@JohanDanielsson8802]

What social and financial advantages?

[@MarbleCat.]

Same goes to women. Women seriously need to step up

[@corazondejaguar]

34:12 Ughhh my ex told me once he was so lucky and appreciative to "the universe" as he had never had to clean a toilett in his life, as if it was done magically by the universe 🤡 It's crazy the lack of acknowledgement men have for what women do for them in their lives

[@ayumisae6864]

What a jerk 🙄 glad he is your ex!!

[@reenrie590]

Can’t believe I was arguing with someone yesterday who said women have to build 😂

[@minuit6305]

Men want to date you for the now but they expect you to date them for their potential! The comment below me of a man NEVER giving a 300pd woman for her potential is 💯 on point.

[@keycrum4218]

She just signed her self up to be a care giver lol I’ve been there thinking he just needs patience and I realized he just wasn’t capable. I removed myself from his dark cloud and once I did that, I was in the sun. Don’t let these men bring you down with the fantasy of love and working together.

[@S1mmhi]

If he really loved you he would want to build before being with you. No real man would want you to pay for his bills. If he's not out there breaking his back trying to get any and all jobs so he can provide, he is not a provider, not your task. Leave him.

[@S1mmhi]

SHE'S A RUNNER SHE'S A TRACK STAR ⭐🏃🏾‍♀️💨⭐

[@Zullala]

I was with this guy who was always strapped for cash, and I ended up dropping thousands on him to support his dreams. Thing is, he had this habit of calling himself a loser all the time, and no matter how much I reassured him, he just couldn't shake that mentality. Whenever I tried to help him out it seemed to make things worse. He'd get all frustrated and blame me for making him feel like even more of a loser. The worst part? He refused to snap out of it. He kept on sabotaging himself and being downright rude to me and others. He wouldn't touch the food I cooked, turned down the groceries I bought, and even got mad when I tried to help him with his finances. I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship. It was tough because wow did I love his potential, but ladies we can't fall in love with potential or a romanticized idea of someone. We have to love the person for who they are in the present.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Don't help a man. NEVER. He'll resent the hell out of you.

[@Zullala]

@@holographicwing so true 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@malinasworld]

You’ve uncovered a repressed memory of mine. One of my exes did this too, but the kicker was that my being sweet, nurturing and supportive of him made him feel worse about himself, but when I degraded myself for his satisfaction, that’s when he felt best! Funny how that works.

[@Zullala]

@@malinasworld same! I was feeling pretty good about myself before I met my ex, then I felt worthless and helpless when I was with him. I even got on antidepressants while we were together... But surprise surprise I didn't need them after we broke up. Coincidence? I think not. But yeah, these broken men will try to drain us of our physical and emotional energy, leaving us depleted and vulnerable. All so they can feel a tad more powerful and in control without having to lift a damn finger themselves.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

"Whenever I tried to help him out, it seemed to make things worse". Don't ever help a man. Not only do they NOT appreciate it, it makes them feel even more worthless. And they hate and resent you as well. Society often puts/encourages women to be rehab clinics, shock absorbers and enablers of men. It's a dangerous position to be put in.

[@toriyt2714]

This is why I think young ladies should not be allowed to date until at least 25. We be in our early 20’s dating for vibes and good personalities. It took me a while to understand the type of relationship is the goal, the person is not the goal.

[@thehouseofmillie]

I agree, My little sister is 22 and not allowed till she is 26. She is studying entertainment law and learning how to be an interior designer part time. My dad and brothers pay her bills. She is allowed three holidays a year and has an allowance monthly. You need to be psychologically ready to handle men. They will ruin your soul if you are not prepared.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@thehouseofmillieOh wow. What a lucky sister you have!

[@ayooKondom]

@@thehouseofmilliewow she is living I love that. And she has 2 men providing for her so she will know to only go for providers in the future cos the other route is terrible

[@rosevan7845]

@@thehouseofmillie I hope that is what she wants and not what she is allowed

[@rosevan7845]

I thought that 45 was the best age for women to date as their hormone levels more closly match....

[@vm1ccc]

She's having so much fun with him while paying for everything? Disgusting

[@joycejoy4119]

Sugar mama 😅 And her man is a geisha

[@moonlightsky4840]

@@joycejoy4119 Princess snowflake geisha :)

[@ayumisae6864]

Exactly, someone tell me where is the fun in that? 😂 like why on earth even look at that guy twice, I want someone to elevate and upgrade my life not to make me broke 😂

[@kosmopolitanna]

That naivety is painful.

[@Umbear]

Oh no, it means he is lazy. I agree, men will provide but if you keep doing it for him he won’t push himself

[@sarahmicro]

I had 2 dates with a guy who is broke . I have a nice job, i travel and i live a decent life comparing to him who is used to the bare minimum and likes it. We had 2 dates and when i understood i told him frankly that we are not on the same page especially regarding the lifestyle and money. He was pissed off. Hypocrite : he was so proud to talk about his standards and the fact that he likes fit and beautiful girls. Nb : he paid for our first date (a tea) and made me pay for the second. LOlllllllll

[@ayumisae6864]

That’s great for him, and we like rich and successful men 😅😂

[@katherinesanchez3931]

Girl if you dont talk that ish❤️ Ladies no more broke dating in 2024

[@therealmanifestelle]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽