If he has a “boymom,” RUN. [son confronting narcissistic mom]

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In this episode, Elle, discusses the term "boymom" and the associated red flags when dating men who have such mothers. The term "boymom," when used as one word, refers to a mother who has an unusual obsession with her son, often overshadowing her other children and competing with her son's romantic partners for attention and resources. Elle highlights that these mothers tend to raise their sons to fulfill a partner role, hindering their life progression and often leading to strained or non-existent romantic relationships for the sons. She warns her audience, mainly women, to recognize the signs of a man having a "boymom" and avoid getting involved in such a dysfunctional dynamic. Elle further explores this topic using a video of a man confronting his mother, providing insights into emotionally incestuous mother-son relationships. She emphasizes that it's not the job of a woman dating such a man to set boundaries with his mother; it's the man's responsibility. Elle concludes the podcast by stating that avoiding men with enmeshed relationships with their mothers benefits everyone involved. It forces the man to confront and resolve the issue, leading to overall healing.

[@emilysimon6239]

it’s the pick me girl -> toxic boymom -> monster-in-law pipeline

[@dinkyboss]

🎯

[@Thecodexnoir]

💯!!!

[@metatron478]

​@@M-WG Absolutely genius comparison ❤

[@nataliawm2815]

Brilliant

[@femmefatale71]

SIS!!!!!!

[@LilacEvening]

Oooh someone asked me if I was “boymom” once. I looked into it and was terrified - it seemed to me like a lot of them were using their sons as replacements for their lack of romantic relationships with actual grown men. It was so creepy. My biggest goal as a mom is to raise a son who can survive without me and be able to be a good partner so he can live a fulfilling life and not be cursed with crippling loneliness. I can’t imagine why a parent wouldn’t want to raise good, functional people.

[@lynx70123]

Self absorption and overall selfishness

[@eleisatrujillo3398]

The only parents that I've ever known everything is ALWAYS about them even if they think it's about you they make sure whatever they are feeling or doing is WAY more important than anything I could ever need help with or a diaper change but I ain't gonna ask at the wrong time and get beat 😊

[@eleisatrujillo3398]

My parents have taught me that I must avoid people who say they love me to be safe 😮

[@radwaibrahim9276]

Bless you. Women like you drive mankind to a better place.

[@mochapupcake]

Not just romantic relationships!! male centered women (my older half sibling for example) will do anything for a male figure in their life. She was raised by my biological & narcissistic parents. She would constantly tell me how much she hated that I was born a girl and how desperately she wanted a little brother, since I was the last born of 3 girls…. After months of narcissistic research I finally understand the translation: “you took all the attention from me as the new baby from my step father (which was your real dad anyway) and now I have no male figure in my life and I resent you for it.” Anyways now that male figure in her life is constantly being replaced by new boyfriends using her & my 8 year old nephew who she abuses emotionally.. haven’t spoken to her in years 😀

[@evilcuteness8194]

It's called spousification, when a parent makes the child fill the spouse role.

[@corsicanlulu]

i think its also called emotional incest

[@fattunicorns]

@@corsicanluluall of you are right- this is emotional incest, enmeshment, covert incest, spousification, and sometimes even straight up overt incest. Read silently seduced by Kenneth m. Adams Ph. D or look up videos on these keywords to learn more. One in four children in the us will experience this kind of abuse- and that's just what is being reported- I'm sure it's at least double that.

[@jclyntoledo]

​@@corsicanluluYeah that's the term I heard, that or enmeshment.

[@rosalieo5045]

Yeah my mom did this with me

[@brookebenton8192]

Yes. My dad actually did this to me growing up.

[@IanuaDiaboli]

I am probably going to claim the obvious, but I have just realized that parents who weaponize the bare minimum against their children (often claiming to be “sacrifices”) set them up for failure in relationships, meaning the children will see the bare minimum as a tremendous thing their partner did for them and will accept it even if there is no effort on the other side. Talking from experience 💔

[@christelle9122]

This is a very interesting thought! When I finally left my parents' place, my mom was very angry. She is quite controlling and I didn't leave when she wanted me to leave. She told me that I had been using them for all these years. Yes, they had been generous with material things but left me emotionally depleted since I was born. I've been parenting them and juggling/taking care of their emotional states since the age of reason. Meanwhile I was left alone with all my bad feelings and emotional hardships. Imagine growing up in such lack and being told that I was using them. They were the ones using me. I decompensated for a couple of days. I go to therapy whenever I can and I am working on my standards because I've been very badly trained by my family. I prefer to be single until I resolve these issues.

[@naediggs4816]

​@christelle9122 I'm so sorry to hear that. Please take care of you; being single while recovering is a smart choice

[@naediggs4816]

That's a brilliant observation!! I've never actively thought about it before! It sounds super obvious, but connecting these dots is how we can finally see the bigger picture! Thanks for connecting this one!

[@FantasticBooo]

Merci. Very interesting point of view… kinda feel the same about the discussion

[@maryanne4594]

This comment is super important to me and hits the nail on the head.A therapist one time said “your family is your first world,” and that really illustrates this point back to me. I too had a dysfunctional family system where parents actively talked about “ALL THE SACRIFICES” and my only thought that came from that was-“I never asked to be born,” as no one does lol…and talking about it now, it’s obvious how hearing this as a child is not conducive to any sort of self worth. Thank you for your thoughts 🙏 I’m glad we have the words now.

[@tattoocouture3761]

Boymoms are deadly. By 50 the son is left without emotional support of a partner and family of his own and is trapped with a smothering, aging narcissist. Depression, addiction and death often feel like the only escape for these broken codependents.

[@g.y.p.s.y.]

Yeah its evil, I personally had to leave the country leaving town was NOT enough, to get away. and I am still healing 3 years later, I am 32 and feel like I'm 60 sometimes. But, I am a champion so I will figure it out eventually. If not in this life then in the next one.

[@tattoocouture3761]

@@g.y.p.s.y. THIS lifetime, boo. Easy does it. 💙

[@missxmarvel]

What about the girl moms who overprotect and keep their daughters as biological property and forever companion while the daughter ages and has no job, friends or a partner to move on. Ppl always seem to feel sorry for men but girl moms are always ignored because it’s “Love”

[@cosmicllovee]

​@@missxmarvelMostly females move into their husband's- house after marriage so it ends there. However Boymoms usually live with their son And bring problems in relationship bw the son and wife

[@youresinningtoo3996]

Seymour Skinner

[@Kay-kg6ny]

She's treating her son like her sugar daddy, it's so gross. He's right about her wanting a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum of what she was supposed to do as a parent. It has the undertone of her resenting the basic tasks that come along with being a parent and holding it against him. Acting as her husband is not some kind of tax he has to pay for the privilege of being alive.

[@wildgrapesoda]

It’s crazy she acted like she deserved a medal for leaving work to do an interview with her son so he could get into a good school. Like what? To be fair idk how that process goes but don’t interviews usually happen by appointment? Meaning she had advance notice this was going to happen to ask for that day or at least part of that day off? As if it’s not her job to help her son be as prepared and set up for success in life anyway?

[@Thecodexnoir]

‘Tis. Spot on, even down to the tantrum🤢 They have no shame.

[@florist7743]

I feel like she extorted a lot of money from him to while he was younger and he let her out of inexperience, but now he is waking up to the reality that he can't afford to keep doing that and is trying to create new boundaries. She of course keeps pushing, annoyed that her tactics don't work like they used to

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

And when he smartens up and goes no contact with her, she’s going to be the one crying the blues wondering why, “after all she ‘sacrificed’ for him to be a ‘great’ mother” 🙄.

[@bebop2523]

The thing is, I’m sure it was very difficult for her to be an unexpectedly single mother when her husband tragically died young, leaving her all alone with a toddler. So to her, the bare minimum of parenthood probably felt like a gargantuan effort and she clearly never properly dealt with her grief over losing her husband. So in her mind, yes, she does deserve constant praise for doing the bare minimum that is legally required of a parent because it was very difficult for her to do all of that. That being said her perspective is totally skewed and she needs to get some mental help to deal with that.

[@christelle9122]

Being enmeshed with your parents DOES hinder any kind of growth.

[@KaylaNoelle1]

I’m enmeshed with my narc mom right now because of financial reasons I can’t leave. Last night she slut-shamed me for the skirt I wore to work and said they should fire me. My manager complimented it and asked where it was from. She has soooo much internalized misogyny. If I had been a boy she would 100% be a boy mom right now!

[@clara4942]

Yes 10000 times to this.

[@CreativeCreatorCreates]

100%. My ex’s mom felt like she was a jealous ex. He was emotionally stunted, narcissistic and ab*sive. Took me 20 years to wake up and leave. I have three sons. This type of mother is dangerous, and they have the potential to create real monsters.

[@SniperJade71]

​@@KaylaNoelle1I hope you can save up and get the hell out of there.

[@rosalieo5045]

Yes, I unfortunately know this very well and it's terrible.

[@crazygamer_1082]

I’m a woman. My mom STILL throws in my face how grateful I should be that she fed me, got me to school (a private school she wanted me and my brother in because she likes bragging), put clothes on my back, and housing me. Like-no duh?? 😂 You DECIDED TO KEEP ME. I didn’t make that choice. That was a you choice. You couldn’t neglect me it’s illegal. And she loves saying that she could have been so much worse like selling me as a child for dr*gs. Which hundreds (if not thousands actually) do. But they’re trash! Why you comparing yourself to horrible parents?! They shouldn’t have had kids. CPS is failing those kids. Why are you mad at me for you doing your job as a parent? Make it make sense

[@LilChuunosuke]

My mother said the same stuff to me up until I fully cut contact. Like ma'am? I had a STROKE directly in front of you at FIFTEEN YEARS OLD because you were overworking me so hard and your response was to yell at me for spilling milk on the floor. If it hadn't been a mini stroke, I'd be DEAD. But somehow I'm supposed to be grateful for the luxury of almost dying for neglect inside while wearing clothes like HELLO???

[@user-wh2bs9tp4y]

I’m sad for you but I’m a little relieved I’m starting to see people online with similar experiences cause it took me so long to finally wake up and say everything you said!

[@user-wh2bs9tp4y]

⁠@@LilChuunosukeomg did we have the same mom!!!??? I swear this is my story. She even put me out in the street cause she got jealous of the “attention” I got after “faking my sickness.” I’m probably older than you cause I’m a late bloomer but I swear until I went no contact I let myself be abused into adulthood 🤦‍♀️

[@Asterisk.17]

I'm sorry y'all have been through this. My mom is a narcissist. Been there too.

[@missxmarvel]

That’s pure narcism. My mother does the same thing but I counter attack that with saying that I didn’t ask to be born or have you as a mother, you made that decision for me.

[@bebop2523]

The reverse version of an Oedipus complex where it’s the mother’s emotional incest towards the son is called Jocasta Complex. Jocasta was Oedipus’s mother/wife. Except in the original Greek myth, Oedipus and Jocasta didn’t actually know that they were mother and son because Jocasta was forced to give Oedipus up shortly after he was born and they didn’t meet again until he was an adult. Once Jocasta found out the truth that she had unintentionally married & got pregnant by her own son, she killed herself because she was so horrified at what she had done, even though it wasn’t her fault. Compare this to boymoms who, unlike Jocasta, know exactly what they are doing and they’re proud of it.

[@Punk_Male]

Didn't Edipo also take his own eyes out and exiled himself after realizing what has happened? Like both in the story were horrified about the crime (against morality) that they had committed even by accident. A clear contrast with boymoms and, certain, boymoms' sons.

[@Ax-xo4ux]

@@Punk_Maleyes! He gouged his eyes out and went to live as a hermit exiled in the mountains outside the city Weird that sexual love for your mother is called the oedipus complex since THEY WERE DISGUSTED BY IT

[@urarakasupremecist5671]

Yeah imagine how he'd feel if he found out his legacy was the exact thing he never wanted to happen and was actively disgusted by when he found out

[@Punk_Male]

@@urarakasupremecist5671 Yes! It always makes me feel weird that we use his name to call the complex, when he was actively trying to avoid the prophecy, just failing because he was doomed by fate and the gods, not because he wanted it

[@heyGV8]

Electra complex.

[@Coco-zb8hm]

This is so creepy because it's litteraly grooming. Forcing their sons to be the "husbands" because they have been let down by other men in the past is grooming. They're taking advantage of the child inability of knowing any better. "You're gonna love me and you're gonna like it" it's what they are assentialy telling their sons with their behaviour.

[@zinangejane4574]

I swear if it wasnt morally wrong these woman and their sons would get married to each other.

[@itgirlnique]

Definitely

[@strudelh]

For sure

[@Gezebellifestyle]

My mom wishes she could divorce my emotionally absent father and cleave to my brother lmaooo

[@BamPowBoom11]

I’m sure the sons wouldn’t want to marry their mothers but the mothers would GLADLY snatch their own son off the market 😂

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

@@BamPowBoom11....nah some would want to

[@gem9535]

One of my exes was the son of a boymom. I was a sl-t, a sixteen year old girl, just because I was dating her precious eldest son. Let me repeat that, she was calling a CHILD a sl*t and whore. She was incredibly controlling of him, going so far as to TRACK HIM when we went on dates, calling when she thought we were in one place for too long. I wish was kidding. It made dates such a chore, and it quickly caused us not to go on them, which is likely exactly what she wanted. My ex kept saying how he hated how controlling she was, and how she treated me, but never did anything. Now, he was also a teen, so now I can understand why he couldn't stand up to his mother, but it really hurt me as a teenager because it felt like he didn't REALLY care about me as much as he said. After all, he was letting his mother treat his girlfriend like that, right in front of him, and just stood there. When I broke up with him, I made sure to tell him that how his mother treated me was the leading factor of our relationship ending. I refused to be treated like that by anyone, and wasn't going to be in a committed relationship (which was what we were) with anyone who let me be treated like that. Again, I wasn't fair to him since he was also a teenager, a child, but it honestly would've ended the exact same way had we been adults dating. My breaking up with him kinda snapped something in my ex, but in a good way. He was now standing up to his mother and not taking her crap. Ignored her needy, controlling calls and messages, stopped tolerating her mistreating his partners, and bettered himself now that he stepped out of her manipulative shadow. Her ruining a relationship of his was the last straw. You might not be doing just a favor for yourself by breaking up with boymom sons.

[@samisparkleheart]

Thank you for sharing that! I also commend you for actually taking the opportunity to tell him what made you make the decision to leave - you helped him big time by informing him and it seemed to make all the difference for him moving forward.

[@babe8917]

He must have really cared about you, that paired with the frustration he already felt anyway and now her causing the breakup, he must have been so fed up that he finally said no to all her bullshit.

[@user-me6cf6hr8b]

the last sentence ruined the vibe ew

[@loserinasuit7880]

You're not a hero for dumping him.

[@skromnyasha]

How do you know he's changed if you weren't in a relationship with him anymore? Like how do you know the length and if it's actually was happening?

[@dreamchaser7603]

🚩When you see videos where young moms call their little sons “my man”, “the man in my life” 😂😂

[@olady88]

"The biggest love of my life", "the best man in my life" 💔

[@anonymous101-sb1bf]

Or when the man grows up and call her baby and honey

[@azaria4447]

Lmfaoo my narcissistic dad not buying my siblings and I shampoo/conditioner and tampons for his house bc he gives my mom child support. And then he wanted us to kiss the ground he walked on for doing something he was legally required to do🤣🤣

[@Hundredstuclo]

Smh my dad was the same

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

My Dad is extremely stingy as well..

[@Watered]

Ohhhh. I hate when parents do this. They did the legal bare minimum to stay out of jail for child neglect, but expect the Taj Mahal from their adult children. This is why those dilapidated nursing homes exist. Kids, or the state, drop those bare minimum low effort “parents” off….and the kids never visit. They die alone and lonely with a bunch of strangers

[@juliaboskamp9666]

Yeah my dad was the same, he said i should just wash the old ones out en re-use then (like not only is that gross but also a start for infection in the uterus) Good thing i went no contact with him for 8 almost 9 years ago

[@SmileyAdventures]

OMFG 😮 I’m so sorry to hear about this.

[@rinherdez]

I'm married to a Momboy and it's terrifying 😢 Don't marry a man who is in this situation, no matter what. My dumb ass thought I could fix him with therapy and advocating for him. We tried to leave but she manipulated the situation into us living with her 🙄 You WILL be pushed aside because Mommy is priority. It's worse when you have babies because grandma will insert herself as if she was their mother and pretend you don't exist. Run, don't walk, RUN. PS I am trying to get out currently as it's not easy with disabled children

[@mehilary3418]

Sending you love

[@calliecature]

Good luck 💲🍀🤞

[@fairyminie3111]

keep your head up and don't let that creepy woman or your husband make you feel like the bad guy, you're doing a wise choice!!

[@elegantrebel]

its never easy.. but the longer you stay.. the more those kids will think its normal for men to act that way.

[@aelmaest9172]

I wish you and your children the best

[@elenamartinez7301]

As a mom with boys, boy moms creep me out! I have a whole husband, and even if I didn't, I love my boys so much I can't imagine putting my emotional desires before their needs. 🤢

[@kailakelly7163]

As a mom with 2 boys , I completely agree.

[@KaylaNoelle1]

I love boy ✨space✨moms like you because they tend to get excited to have a daughter-in-law and end up becoming really close (in a healthy way) with their new family member. It’s so sweet.

[@berrymint6384]

also you do NOT have emotional desires WITH YOUR OWN CHILDREN That is just against nature

[@jinaolen786]

​@@KaylaNoelle1Yes! I love my bragging on my sons' gfs, I think they're great ❤️

[@devraajmoran5969]

​@@jinaolen786i hope i get a MIL like you 😂❤

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

My ex’s boymom literally blamed me for his epilepsy diagnosis and I quote; ‘HE DIDN’T HAVE IT BEFORE HE MET YOU!!!’. 😂 If I’d have been drinking tea I would have spat it across the lawn 😂 No love, he’s been drinking copious amounts of alcohol since he was 12 and now his body is paying the price. He would admit his mom was a c*nt often but sit meekly by while she insulted and belittled me on several occasions. I enjoyed ending that relationship 💅🏻

[@alisonmercer5946]

Omg Im choking laughing of all the things to blame on you 😂😂😂 u have him epilepsy hahaha

[@haroldharold9042]

What a coward, but it makes sense why he ended up that way. Glad you dumped him and got away from her craziness.

[@pinkpain-ter8412]

I’ve seen how having a boymom in law play out. She feels entitled to her son’s time and disrespects his boundaries, and she will do the same to you. And once you complain she’ll accuse you of wanting to separate her from her “child”

[@llamalyssa9088]

Hit the nail right on the head with this comment!! 💯

[@missxmarvel]

It’s so creepy. Mother should see their children as individuals who must leave the nest. Not biological property they can keep as a forever companion. If you don’t know how to be a parent then look at nature, the birds, the tigers and such they prepare their children to leave and stand on their own. If you can’t or won’t then you failed as a parent.

[@pinkpain-ter8412]

@@missxmarvel totally agree with you. Boymoms have serious abandonment issues and separation anxiety. Unfortunately the ones that suffer the most are the boys, and the daughters and girls/women in their lives will suffer due to the internalised misogyny from the boymom

[@nirmeenmaroof3871]

@pinkpain-ter8412 Aaaand welcome to South Asian households 😂😂😂

[@deforestshell3037]

​@@pinkpain-ter8412no the worst victims are the sons of these boy moms. Why is there no empathy given to the man that have no choice but to be raised under them. I noticed that Trend when I was dating. Trying to get away from my own crazy mother and trying to find a woman that would be understanding.

[@kolonarulez5222]

Had a dude whose mom called him during the nasty and he actually picked up and left the room for about 10 minutes. I'm sad I didn't respect myself to leave in that moment but I'll gladly tell anyone/everyone that pathetic story

[@AlexisBelon]

Oh my god! That sounds so traumatic. I would have ghosted him! Btw idk if you’re into nyc vlogs but if so, you might like mine! I’d be sooo grateful if you swung by and took a peek. 🙏 Stick around if you like!

[@margodphd]

​@@AlexisBelonWow, self-promotion under someone writing about a very unpleasant, difficult incident... You sound like the kind of ""considerate"" we all need to avoid.

[@kolibambangg]

​@@AlexisBelonCrazy

[@namphuongnguyen8569]

@@AlexisBelon Jesus Christ ever heard of a thing called "decorum"??

[@AlexisBelon]

@@namphuongnguyen8569 explain it to me like I’m 5

[@tassys]

Those boy moms can keep their sons, women are not born to suffer. There is no way in hell I'd ever compete with somebody's mom, that's creepy.

[@loserinasuit7880]

When the problem is a woman but actually its the fault of the man anyway.

[@marce420.7]

​@@loserinasuit7880 what does this even mean i read this like five times and i don't get it

[@bostonb4kedbeans]

​@@loserinasuit7880men do it constantly too. Goes both way buddies

[@rydiavalentine]

Never compete against other women, specially if it is for men. I never did it since I don't have the energy for that, but also because there are a lot of men out there and I'm like a zero competitive person. It doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the point in it. There are millions of men out there. Nobody needs to fight for a specific one, just leave, let all the other (asleep) women shred each other to pieces for that guy and you'll find another one. Introverts are a good choice since they won't have a bunch of women around them due to their shy character. And they are usually more interesting and trustful once you get to know them.

[@Prismalpink]

This is terrifying because girlmoms exist too. My sisters and I have been held prisoner by our overprotective and manipulative mother since the beginning of time. She’s getting a bit better but still have a long way to go. We’re getting better thankfully.

[@drukej9412]

We need a support group for girlmoms daughters ❤ My mother was abandoned by her mother and sa'd by relatives as a little girl. I think her overprotectiveness comes from that 😢. She was paranoiac about leaving me and my sisters alone with even family

[@no.6377]

I feel this. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends and it's impacted my social development to this day. She would literally shout at me that "I should know this!" whenever I asked her for help with homework and if I spilled or just dropped anything it was an emotional explosion. ...but she'd constantly remind me how much she sacrificed, continues to ask me if I ever wish I was born to a different parent, tells me I shouldn't seek therapy because I can just talk to her, but insists she always wanted a daughter. Like, good on you mom, but I'm tired of being your stand-in husband, therapist and bestie😭😭

[@dominicabollig1918]

I have slowly realized that my own mother had personality disorder. I wasnt allowed to go to college, move away, anything. I married as fast as I could to get some freedom- and she followed wherever I went. All my other siblings ran away, most never came back. She died when I was 32, I am still trying to understand it all.

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

My mom used to be this way with me until I had a talk with her. But seeing her upbringing made me understand where she was coming from. Grandmother didn't give her much.

[@serperiorandtheanimator9216]

I think my aunt is a girl mom ngl

[@Kay-kg6ny]

16:29 the audacity for her to call her love unconditional....... When she's sitting here literally stating the conditions of what she expects him to do for her in return 💀 TBH he needs to go low to no contact with her, atleast for a while. He probably won't though.

[@trerodriguez]

I knew a girl whose mom used to tell her these kinds of things. They were immigrants from Russia. The girl was smart and did really well in school and got a good job. The mom expected her to pay her back for all her sacrifices and asked her all the time what she was going to buy her.

[@NidzShah-ps6kr]

My dad says the same to my spendthrifty sister but thats only to hold her accountable, I know when it comes to it he wont actually take the money cz he's got tons of his own. For the most part it has worked bcz my sister has become very financially savvy and responsible. When we talk in privacy, my father expresses tremendous disdain for parents who treat their sons like sugar daddies and has categorically told me to stay away from them. He said such men don't change. I'm so glad women are waking up to this madness.

[@beyondallreason-du4pq]

Apparently to them we are investments

[@fortheladies771]

Caribbean parents love to do this

[@Zuzzamma]

damn,I hope she chose to cut the contact.

[@joannafernandes2350]

This my mom lmfao

[@frostmaiden85]

One thing never changes: parents compare their own performance with that of the worst parents they can point at, while comparing their children with the most high achieving and well behaved kids they know of. When I couldn't find anything to be thankful about with regards to my abusive narcissistic dad, I found myself saying "well, at least he didn't walk out on us, at least he didn't molest me, at least he's not an alcoholic or a dug addict, at least he's not a mafia boss" etc. But then I realized it's all BS because I never hear about him saying "well at least she didn't sleep around and make me raise her bastard kids, at least she's not a drug addict, at least she never insisted that I buy her anything even when she depended on me" etc. All he ever does is compare me with his wealthier and non-stingy, non-eccentric friends' daughters. So, no more being grateful for the bare minimum - because it is never reciprocated. We can't choose our fathers, but in most cases we get to choose our spouse.

[@xletragedyx]

Yeah he should throw it back to her, bc I've not bought my house a house, a car, a trip, or pay her bills or anything! She could have me as a kid instead 😂

[@OaklandMind]

Damn that’s a really good perspective shift. Good for you and thanks for sharing.

[@WholePlantChef]

I have first hand experiences a terrible case of boymom. In Russian culture, the mother-in-law/wife dynamic is notoriously wrought with conflict. This happened in my family. My father's mother is a boymom; she was a single mother and he was an only child. My father allowed her to ruin his relationship with my mother. Ever since I can remember, my mother and my father's mother have hated each other, to the point of physical violence (throwing cutlery). My parents have nearly gotten divorced because of it many time. His mother (my grandmother) is a narcissist (so is my mother, too) who does not care about anyone but herself, not even about my father. She just drains him of all his emotional energy and his money, and he lets her. She doesn't care about me or my sisters at all. My mother told me that when she had agreed to get married to my father, she assumed that they would not be living anywhere near his mother (he had come to Moscow from his hometown). Also, at first she seemed civil. However, on their wedding day was the first time she threw a fit. My family moved to America without her after that, but a few years ago, my father moved his mother to America also. My mother told him that she would divorce him if he allowed her to live in our house, so he pays for her subsidized senior apartment. He tells all of us that it is his "son's debt" to take care of her until she dies. And take care of her he does. He does the job of a social worker to the point where he gets money from the government for doing it; he takes her to every hospital visit multiple times a week; he stays hours at her apartment basically every day. Overhearing phone calls is pathetically sad, as she is extremely cruel in her tone and language. My mother hates the situation but she told him that as long as he holds up the agreement of his mother not being allowed in our home more than for 2 holidays a year - then they're fine. Well, this New Year's, my grandmother threw a fit. After the New Year party was over, she refused to get up from the couch and cooperate with my father taking her back to her apartment. My mother started raising her voice that it was time to go, and if the grandmother doesn't cooperate, then there will be no more celebrations at the house ever again. My father just sat there, doing nothing. My grandmother started yelling back, and my mother started slapping my father to do something. He just sat there like a wet noodle, not taking control of the situation. Not cajoling his mother into her wheelchair, or calming my mother down. It was so pathetic and sad. My littlest sister was crying, and I was horrified, as this was the worst I have seen in a while. I called the police so that their arrival would get them all to stop. After that, I had to drive my grandmother and father to her apartment, where he stayed the night. The next day, when he came home, my parents continued fighting, where my father scolded my mother for being so cruel to an old person. My mother threatened to divorce, kick him out of the house, and take half his money, yet again, and he said he was fine with that, because he always has to choose his mother. Never marry the son of a boymom.

[@dinkyboss]

My goodness ☹️ what a horrible situation

[@briskettacos]

I'm so sorry for you and your siblings, having to grow up with this. What pointless suffering.

[@cristinaratiu4535]

This is horror 😢

[@Adriana-so5jn]

i'm sorry for you best wishes!! 🍀🍀🍀🍀

[@raraavis7782]

I'm genuinely speechless. I'm so sorry, you have to go through this 😮

[@serina091975]

He needs to stop having his mother in his life. Shes super toxic.

[@AlexisBelon]

I tend to think these types secretly like it!! Btw idk if you’re into nyc vlogs but if so, you might like mine! I’d be sooo grateful if you swung by and took a peek. 🙏 Stick around if you like!

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

That's the thing that annoys me about men who know their family is toxic. They complain about it everyday to anyone but then when someone asked them why don't they just....leave. They give a dumbfounded look and say how much they need to support their mom/family.

[@iseeyoushay]

​@@digimonalvatrax2738Simply put, my theory is it's because they're innately followers and self-loathing. I hate that, too. They can point all the misgivings out but they never do anything about it. I tell them you can't do both. You can't complain about it AND sit back & do nothing about it. Do something or shut up.

[@pumpyronaldrump_4417]

​@@iseeyoushayI understand what y'all are saying, but flip this on its head and say it's some "abusive relationship" and the woman just won't get out of the relationship, and it suddenly sounds like victim-blaming

[@iseeyoushay]

@@pumpyronaldrump_4417 You didn't just flip it you completely changed the entire situation. You made it a romantic couple & not parent/child like the og but whatever. In any circumstance, my theory still stands because there's no impending violence for men that women are more inclined to receive for leaving.

[@paula_de_los_bosques2653]

Watching them grow is bitter sweet, but it's life. I wanna see my child grow, be independent, decent and a self-respecting man.

[@AlexisBelon]

Right! I wouldn’t want my son to be a baby man. That’s embarassing. Btw idk if you’re into nyc vlogs but if so, you might like mine! I’d be sooo grateful if you swung by and took a peek. 🙏 Stick around if you like!

[@grittyinpink16]

Right?! The goal of parenting is to raise independent, functional adults. It’s very bittersweet, but children growing up and living their own lives is the whole point.

[@rachelesmith3342]

I see some boymoms online posting with super skimpy outfits on and basking in their sons trying to cover them up or being protective of them when they’re out in public and they seem to get a kick out of it. One said “he doesn’t play about me” and “he hates when I wear these clothes, he doesn’t like men looking at me” as if she’s talking about a bf or husband when it’s a literal 5 year old boy.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Yes cause it’s embarrassing to them to have a mother presenting herself as trashy and vulgar They mistake it for jealousy

[@jinaolen786]

🤮🤮🤮

[@Mavaros90]

Going through his TikTok and seeing that almost every single video he posts had his mom in it. He's clearly not as concerned as he wants others to believe he is. He's also feeding off his mother's obsession with him.

[@BellaRigelOrion]

The mother groomed him to be a husband and at almost 30 he is "thinking" about pulling back on that role. The fact that he hasn't yet taken real action(actually establishing boundaries instead of just talking about them) makes him a massive red flag. Men tell you who they are with action. It's good he put this out there so anyone he dates can see it and RUN before getting too involved.

[@margodphd]

Yeah. I'm sorry for him but it's a clear as day case,he seems aware and perfectly capable of both therapy and going no contact. But he doesn't, he posts it all for world to see (odd, if his job entails what he hinted) and in the video nor later - he makes no decisions. I was in relationship with boy mom son and she was downright emotionally abusive towards me (accusing of theft, calling me a wh... and so on). I hope no woman gets caught in this dysfunction.

[@thatgirlbrinna7927]

Or he can heal, and have boundaries

[@BellaRigelOrion]

​@@jinscrookedfinger You say far more about yourself in your assumptions about me. It isn't belittling to state a fact that men show you who they are with their actions, and that this "man" has made it to 30 while still enabling this behavior. At what point does he stop being a 'victim' and take responsibility for encouraging her behavior? He's only talking about possibly drawing boundaries after all this time. I grew up with a narcissistic mother as well, and as a woman we are taught to forgive more and have less boundaries than men. Yet as I got in my late teens I understood the dynamic was wrong, despite not having terms for what she was or the access this man does to information online of how to handle a narc.This man coddles his mother leaving her with no reason to find a man of her own and at his age is complicit in this dynamic. So I, a woman, have been through a similar experience and removed myself from it. I don't need anyone's pity, and speaking the truth in this situation isn't insensitive, it is what this boy needs to embrace to be an actual adult. It's absurd to think a person would extend empathy to another only if they are the same gender, but since you think that way then that's your projection of your own thoughts onto me. What you said sounds like the perspective of a covert narc, always playing the victim and not taking responsibility for their own hand in circumstances. He is not a child, he is fully grown and his mother isn't destitute, she's spoiled rotten.

[@dianakosianka5344]

It's not easy to break away from abusive parents at any age

[@nicolebread]

You have to think about what’s going on off camera, this was a confrontation, and this guy isn’t making an ARG, when he says “thinking about it”, I don’t think he means it completely literally to be honest. I don’t think he’s going to broadcast or videotape the process of setting boundaries with his mom, I think the majority of it will be off camera

[@courtneylee643]

I've seen this pattern before. Mother is bitter because she is stuck as the primary caregiver and expects to be reimbursed by her children.

[@blinkie1114]

This guy needs to put down some real boundaries. If she can’t respect them, then don’t let her have access to you. Period. She doesn’t respect him.

[@missxmarvel]

Easier said than done. She probably fostered his dependence on her making it impossible.

[@tayriobravo6204]

I’ve dated and married the son of a boymom. It’s more than terrifying. I now have a son and daughter. I have a life outside my kids and I want them to have an entire life outside of me . They don’t owe me anything.

[@haileyt857]

I have a narc mom and she's done the same to me, her eldest daughter. When I started separating myself from her emotionally and mentally, she threw so many fits. Lots of abuse followed. She has me financially handcuffed so I can't leave her house. I start a job? She demands half of my paycheck to "pay for me living in her house". She's never let me just save money up so I can gain my own independence. But anyway, there were no sons but I always thought if I had been born a boy it would've been a lot worse. She acts weird around men

[@SoVidushi]

Girl that is awful, I hope you can get out. Anyone you could ask for help?This is not okay.

[@thiacari]

You need to get out, it will get worse! You are already in deep trouble but you don't know it, because it's happened gradually. Soon you will start getting weird illnesses because of the stress. Find another place to sleep, e.g. hostel, friend, relative, assisted housing. In a few months you'll save enough money.

[@gingerlee726]

Same on pretty much everything. She will do this forever and what opened my eyes was when I became ill and she started a 'non profit' which was all her profits. She put pictures of me in the news paper, news channels,a billboard,Dr oz and more. All against my will. I never wanted anything public and never benefited from the public support. It all came crashing down when I found a hidden box with clothes people had complimented me wearing, medication that went missing and copies of journal entries. Also in that box was a notebook describing exactly how she would act when notified of my untimely death down to what she would say even mentioning that she should fall to her knees and need helped to a chair by the people notifying her. Then she had outfits picked out to wear at my funeral and an obituary written out that mentioned her name 11 times and no one else's (Even mine!) The last sentence was 'if you have a loved one suffering from this illness please reach out to 'her name' non profit and any donations are greatly appreciated (to the non profit) so basically she was trying to take my life. Please go no contact if you can it's changed my entire life for the better. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.

[@albinosaschoopasquatch4455]

​@@gingerlee726Holy smokes. If there was a book about this, I'd read it.

[@akshitas5552]

God, we have the same exact mothers. She also expects me to not only give half of my paycheck to her but also do all the house chores and buy her gifts. All my life I have heard her tell me that 'this isn't your house because I pay the rent' but the minute I started a job, the house became mine. I also have to buy my own furniture now since she won't pay for it. Currently sleeping on the floor. Hope things get better soon, for you and me. ❤❤

[@DandyXandy36]

You should do a video on the moms who think they are best friends with their daughters and don’t let them have a life. That would be my mom

[@rightnow7068]

I blame Gilmore Girls for that one. Maturing is realizing Rory and Lorelai's relationship was completely unhealthy.

[@GetElevatedWithMe]

Boy moms scare me SO much truly. It stunts their growth moms stop it. I love that you open these discussions and appreciate you bunches ❤ sending good vibes to all

[@olivegoddess1]

Why do some women have kids only to clearly resent being mothers?

[@defiantlypinki1107]

The only thing you can do is leave and stop talking to them. My dad after he got dumped because he was a cheap liar who had an affair, acted like I’m Supposed to be the one to take on the caretaker roles my mother stopped doing for him, since I was a girl and he “raised” me. Once I got independent, I stopped talking to him. It’s been two years now.

[@FantaFabuloso]

I went on a date with a man, and he kept trying to leave, texting his mom trying to explain that he'll make it in time to play chess with her and watch a movie. Gave me the biggest ick on both sides.

[@ec6621]

I agree with your message, except for the car at 16 part. Yeah, a car at 16 is a privilege. I grew up in Los Angeles county, working middle class, a car wasn't a right of passage.

[@carinatovar5209]

Yes thank you!! Like it’s possible to get around LA without a car. Didn’t learn how to drive until I left for college at 18

[@jinaolen786]

I think it's relevant that the guy in the video indicates that he got a car at 16 because he was going to a school far from where they lived and him being able to drive himself benefited his mother.

[@OriginalGlorfindel]

Dirt poor in the South, rode a bicycle until I bought my own car at 18. Didn't even have a license yet, needed help for that.

[@sullymd1]

I didn't get a car at 16

[@Neomie92]

My parents gave me their 15 year old car when I was 20 and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world 😭😭

[@Maclyn88]

My parents always gloated and rubbed it in my face that they did basic things to take care of me. Now I'm 35, and haven't talked to them in years.

[@florist7743]

My best friend married the son of a boy mom and she had to divorce him after three years, because of how insufferable he and his family were. He didn't understand that by marrying, he created a new family unit with my friend. His own family was super dysfunctional, but she was in love and hoped for the best. She's now with someone else and finally happy.

[@malinasworld]

This sort of story is sooo common in my country. The man will continue spending his whole pay check on his family and be averse to moving out from his parents, while expecting the wife to wait on his parents hand and foot even if she has a job too. Sadly divorce is rare and difficult to get here. I’m glad your friend got out and found happiness ❤️

[@florist7743]

​​@@malinasworldYes, while it was happening, I kept thinking how lucky she is to live in a country where starting over is possible. I kept thinking of all the women, who have no way out. My friend said she wasted a lot of time on him and money during the divorce, but at least she got out. I don't want to talk more details about her situation, since it's not my story, but it's a story that can caution all young women.

[@Nyuffykah]

That guy in the video is still low-key enjoying the enmeshment with his mother. You can't help them. Only he can help himself.

[@NadezdaBeka]

My first cousin is a son of a boy mom and it's terrifying. He got quickly into a relationship (first serious in his life), quickly married and had a kid in his mid 20s, and is still mentally in his mom's nest. Before that, he would dance with his mom on weddings like he was his gf. He goes on walks WITH HIS MOM and his baby, still keeps his stuff at his parents' place because they live across the street from him, calls his mom to take care of the baby instead of his wife, and the wife avoids taking care of her own child. Recently he expected his mom to make sure to find him a decent job and he didn't get it, now he's angry at HER for not being accepted. It's ridiculous. His sister went through a rough time and managed to get out of it by herself, she didn't get a lot of helping with childcare, got a decent job without connections and doesn't have emotionally incest with her parents.

[@arusu1806]

I met a boymom because I dated a boy who could not leave his mother’s side. It was only until I met him that he was able to learn so many things. The reason why I walked away was after begging my ex for a necklace for Christmas after three years being together. I didn’t want anything other than a necklace from him to have something from him with me all the time. I remember opening my Christmas gift infront of his family and finding a necklace thrown into the box. I asked about it and his mom told me that my ex let her try my necklace on bc she didn’t think it would fit me. She didn’t even put it back properly. She threw it back in the box and then he wrapped it up. Not only that but he let his mom disrespect me to my face. I suffered so much for him and his family. Never again.

[@isabelleburdge4308]

That's sick. I'm so sorry.

[@marianavase8805]

My mother is like that with my brother. I am the older sister and, of course, I have been mistreated and used as a maid. My mother always overprotected my brother and she made inappropriate comments, she said: how sexy he is, his body is perfect! She also told him things like: you are perfect, others are less than you, you are the best. My mother has transformed my brother into a narcissist. I tried to educate him and instill values in him, but every time I tried to discipline my brother, she scolded me, discredited me in front of my brother and he, little by little, stopped respecting me. In the end the situation was so toxic It's been years since I cut off relations with them. That's what my mother wanted, she was jealous of me, she felt like I was "stealing" her precious little boy and she did everything possible to isolate him from everyone, he's 20 years old now and he's too stupid to understand it. .

[@sunsetfromvenus]

Sounds like my mom, I’m also the older sister but instead of my mom thinking my brother is perfect, it’s almost like a munchausen by proxy situation where she makes it seem like he’s weaker than he can ever be and will always need her to take care of him. I was treated the opposite being the maid/servant who can never work hard enough. Also I’m hotter than her to the point she accused me of SW since I was a teen. She is the narcissist and my brother knows he has dad issues but has zero ability to even see that he has even worse mom issues

[@jinaolen786]

🤮 I'm so glad you got away!

[@fireandsugar2625]

It will never not gross me out when parents make weird sexual comments towards their children 🤢 calling your own son sexy?! What?! 🤢 I felt that way when my mum said about me "can you imagine what she'll be like when she's a teenager!?" Implying I'd be super hot because I was pretty and naturally slim. I don't know. It never sat right with me. It's creepy.

[@alyssa_1111]

I was married to a “proud mama’s boy” from the US. Her mother was definitely a boymom. The father was not in the picture so he thought that he had to be with her. He didn’t want to move out, she had to go out with us every time we went out. I’m Asian and she made sure to remind me that I should be grateful that he chose me. I went back to my home country and straight to a mental health clinic. Many therapy and medicine later… I’m doing better.

[@xxshanxx4290]

You know what makes this whole “boy mom” thing even more disturbing, is that a lot of them are actually married women as well. Now I’m sure this kind of dynamic is more likely to happen in a single mother household but the fact that a lot of thee boy moms are married is crazy. Like ma’am you have a whole man at home but it’s your son that you want to be lusting over???😭😭 And worse case scenario it develops into actual incest alongside the Oedipus complex

[@user-os8kb5bo6q]

My husband had a boymom (despite having two ither sibs) but after the divorce she clung to him, even tried to do it within the first few years of our marriage. And admittedly, he didnt see it at first, no matter what I said. It was actually the military that saved us. Moving SEVERAL states away then later a whole country away...put that distance between them where it was like he was able to honestly See what was going on with her and how toxic she was being towards him. He gave her Thousands of dollars in support that we didnt have to give but it was never enough. When we had our son, she whined to him while he was Overseas in a War about how I wasnt letting her see our son when the true story was, we had had made plans for her to pick him up for a swim park with just her and him (I had plans to enjoy a medi-pedi with my mom that I had to cancel) but she never showed. My son sat him in swim trunks for hours no matter how much I begged for him to get out of them saying "meme will come get me soon!"...no...she never did...and he was heartbroken and ended up getting a rash from where his trunks rubbed him. So when she called trying to reschedule the last min for the next day - I told her sorry I had plans already for him to spend that day with My dad and his wife at a theme park, maybe we could resch. for next weekend. About 2 hours lately I get a LIVID phone call from my husband accusing me of keeping my son from his mother and when I Set that Shit Straight....he said ok ok..Ill handle this and about 30 mins later I get a second call from MIL telling me shes sorry there must have been some kind of "misunderstanding" and next weekend would be great for her! ....I think it was This particular incident that it clicked for my husband that this combined with multiple other incidents and things said ("she really took you away from me", "you dont love me as much as you love her.", "if you hadnt married her, youd still be here with me.") that she was purposely trying to drive a wedge between us. And it was at that point he started putting his own foot down with her and distancing himself from her. - oh and side note: she didnt show up the next weekend either. She never ended up taking him to the swim park...and my son learned never to trust the things meme tells him she will do.

[@mahgick3272]

I’m a woman. I just fought with my mom yesterday because she is much like that man in the video’s mom. She will never change, and she always tries to sabotage my relationships or slut shame me just for going on an innocent first date. I literally went to dinner for an evening and she lost her shit. She has called me a wh0re in front of 2 exes, and I can only imagine what they thought after that. What can a girl whose mom acts like a boymom do? My dad was crappy, so she constantly made me “save” or “help” her growing up. I feel so guilty if I don’t support her but she always manipulates and fucks with my social life and then gaslights me that certain events never happened or that she never said something that I clearly remember her saying. She’s like a compulsive liar. I can’t anymore

[@HellsFurby]

Omg this

[@pynklady11]

He is gonna have to cut her off cold turkey. My mom is LITERALLY loud, entitled, pushy, mean, just like this we dont speak. She sees you as an extension of herself. She doesn't respect him at all speaking from experience. Their love is conditional ONLY if they are getting what THEY want you dont matterm

[@shreyaindia4024]

Dear bestie... love you !! My boyfriend has a boymom... she calls him 100 times in a day! If he leaves his city and comes to visit me, she goes bezerk.. she will call him unstoppably... she will say i know you are with a girl! I know it!... and he says no i am not!... He says if he admits to my presence, hell will break lose... this lady is physically fit, she has 2 more full grown sons as well... so she is not aline..but she wants this one absolutely under her control... she doesnt want to let him marry his choice! She wants to bring her own!... At his home, he can never talk to me when his mother is around, or he cant even talk to a female colleague regarding work...or even solve doubts of his female students (as he is a teacher!)... she even manipulates him to spend all his money on her!!... he had once mentioned about me to his mom, and she asked him if he had done S*x with me!! What invasion of privacy. She even beats him.. he is 30 years old.. when he was here, we could hardly spend time together.. because she was calling all the time and then crying to emotionalise him... i didnt understand this much control of a mother on her son.. and moreover i was disgusted by the fact that she doesnt want HIM to be with a woman.. she was questioning him exactly like a wife would question a husband she suspected of cheating... it was disgusting... she really did seem like his wife.. and i felt like the other woman...it was too disgusting to comprehend... but these videos are clarifying to me what this type of dynamics means... she wants him to marry according to her, so that that daughter in law can be in her control.. he told me that!

[@AyAReI00]

Yes, they want a doormat that would do everything she asks. My question is, would You? Would You do everything in your power to make this crazy woman happy ? Cuz she is clearly a narcissist, boymoms are narcissist, they want eternal supply, and as narcs they are blackholes that would NEVER be satisfied . Either men go full no contact with their narc parents or the relationship won't work. I dated one, her mother was driving me crazy, calling all the time faking illness and crying whenever he was with me, SO we run there and nurse her, and just an hour later of our Arrival, she was perfect, laughing, hugging him kissing him, i remember i told her, wow You got better SO suddendly, well then we leave, and make eye contact with him, and added, we were planning to to to the movies, and we'll go, he knew if he didnt go with me at that moment i would dump his ass, and he went with me to the movies, that woman hated me SO much, i had a conversation that if her mother do that one more time i would end things, that he needed to choose, he choose me HOWEVER only for a few months, later he start AGAIN to run to her whenever she called, i ended the relationship, i knew My future with him including her and i was not ready for that, at all.

[@mamat1213]

Girl WHY TF are you dealing with this?!! He is problematic as well. I know you don’t see it bc he’s prob so nice and sweet and fun. But a man being codependent, overly passive, or lacking boundaries and then dragging his companion emotionally into the drama is ALSO toxic. You’ll be a secret for how long? He’ll drop everything including you when she guilt trips him enough? You’ll be begging for crumbs and fighting for respect while he’s unable to stand up to her, and FOR you?! Holidays, special occasions will be hell. And god forbid KIDS enter the equation. Can you really imagine a future like that? If not you’re really wasting your time my dear

[@peacejoylove8542]

Think about what you just said. "IF he admits to my presence, all h3ll would break loose." You wrote that. Do you not want a man who is proud to announce your presence in his life to EVERYONE, especially his family? Rather than the door mat youre dealing with now, who will continue to brush you discreetly under him or off to the side? He's 30. That's not healthy

[@shreyaindia4024]

@AyAReI00 wow... thanks for sharing your story and shedding light that she is a narcissist...and thanks for ur suggestion... no I wouldn't want to be her supply...

[@shreyaindia4024]

@mamat1213 thanks my friend.. as I m distancing myself from the situation I m realizing what toxic hell this is... and no I did not see his fault earlier...I only remained sad inside...I feel they both r partners in crime....

[@loving0u]

This is hilarious and sad! I saw one mom that is constantly hugging and wrapping around her 16yo son. In her 40s she is fine sleeping in one bed in a hotel room on travel. I was shocked. It’s my friends friend. She’s living his life, all around his sports and activities. There must be no personal space for this poor boy who is not a baby, he is a grown man at this point. I can say ever harder - this is how future maniacs are made, it’s proven- don’t sleep with your kids! ❤ Ladies we just have to stay away from this couples. You never know their backstory, just let them do their own work, or let them be in that happy couple. 🎉

[@Cyhcg5uhgb]

I feel bad for the guy. My mom was waaaaay worse, I left. I dont talk to my family anymore (I was abused as well). I started working at 15 and my mom demanded me to take her out to a restaurant. I got paid 4$ an hour and had to buy her sushi. It was basically my first months pay checknI had to spend on her. She got angry I bought a small bday gift for a friend and demanded I buy her starbucks, which I did. Only for her to give it to me as she didn't want it anymore after a few sips. I am a women btw.

[@queencatherineofaragon938]

5:37 a mother being obsessed with a son is called a Jocasta complex. That was the name of Oedipus’s mother.

[@malinasworld]

Indian boymoms are next level. Some women I know have told me how their mother-in-laws cockblock them by never giving them any privacy. They also just enter their sons’ marital rooms and root through their things without warning (joint families and living with the husband’s parents after marriage is common here)

[@HotPinkGirlTalk]

I’m dating one now it’s literally insane everything revolves around his mother. How family oriented he is was something I liked at first because I come from a very close and well meaning but at times invasive Eastern European family but quickly I get very jealous because I wish he would provide and be as dedicated to me as he is his mother. I think it’s odd his mom and dad go months apart and is probably very telling as well.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

I had 3 kids with my husband who was still, is still enmeshed with his family. It ruined our relationship entirely! Run run run. If they can't put up boundaries with their families leave them alone

[@armadilloalien854]

My dad straight up is like this sometimes. I'm the middle child, and a daughter. At the moment I'm the only "child" who has a college degree and a job. When my dad is struggling financially he'll guilt me into giving him money. He's also not enthusiastic at all of the idea of me finding, even a boyfriend, or girlfriend. When both my siblings have a partner I'm alone, and have to work hard to attempt to hopefully eventually become financially independent to pay off my student loans and get an apartment. I'm still pretty young, but it has been a worry in my life. Like I keep wondering when my life will start. I love my dad, but I didn't ask to be the "responsible" one. My parents are divorced and my dad has been extremely bitter since, it's been years. Both my siblings struggle, and I'm almost forced to pick up the pieces.

[@om-nj2hw]

Love being a single cat lady with my own home... it's great

[@xsunlx]

These moms act like this because they are miserable/ selfish/ entitled. If any of you has a MIL (or maybe also a toxic sister-in-law) that is like this, but your relationship with your partner is solid....you have to be so careful and really keep your distance with these types of in laws. You have to really employ the "grey rock" method. Do not engage, do not take things personally, and do not argue with them. The toxic people will out themselves. Continue carrying yourself with grace.

[@emma_nutella58]

Yep exactly. My narcissistic mum always points out how she put a roof over my head and fed me and did the bare minimum like yeah. That’s your job. The second I started earning money I had to pay her back for all the money she spent on me even though it was my dad’s money he sent her for child support and she was spending bare minimum on us. And now she says she pays for everything else. She doesn’t I pay for my own food, rent, clothes, stuff and I contribute a third to the bills. Yet she keeps saying my dad needs to chip in and give me money so I can pay her so she can pay the bills. She always says I did better then alot of other parents. Parents like that make you feel like shit to the point you believe them

[@blancalovesbeauty]

Being the selfless mother and wife is also an attribute to the pick me girl stereotype. These two extremes need to be reconciled.

[@mimi42428]

You just described my soon to be ex mil She is the most evil woman I have ever met but thinks she is the kindest most caring person 🙄

[@katharinaharke6907]

Toxic dynamic for sure. But when he was talking about his accomplishments and she gaslighted him again about me-me-me I really felt his frustration and sadness. He is so damn thirsty for a: you have done an amazing job so far, I am proud of you, I am content you will find a way on your own, now go into the world. Both have attachment issues and no clear boundaries at all. The WE instead of YOU and ME really messes with your mind. Talking from experience when you don't get the validation.

[@bebop2523]

So this woman was traumatized from the unexpected death of her husband when her son was only 3 years old, and instead of processing her grief in a healthy way, she pushed it all onto her toddler son. I absolutely sympathize with her for how difficult that would’ve been to lose your husband and be left all alone with a toddler. But since her son is 29 now, that means her husband died 26 years ago. It’s totally understandable that she would’ve been grieving and may have behaved in ways she regretted 20+ years ago, but it’s not OK that it’s been 26 years now and she hasn’t moved on at all and she is STILL putting all that trauma on her now-adult son all these years later. It’s completely fine if she never wants to get married again, it’s understandable that losing your spouse in a traumatic way would not be something you’d want to experience again in a new marriage. But she has to accept that if she doesn’t want to deal with the downsides of marriage, then she can’t get the benefits of marriage either. Most boymoms have either lost their husbands to death, break up, divorce, or they are still married but it was an arranged marriage and they never actually love their husband/they may have loved their husband at one time but now their husband sucks. So, instead of taking the risk of potentially experiencing more heartbreak with a new man who could die, or leave them, or disappoint them, they focus that energy on their son, who they don’t think can ever leave.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Yeah, I feel that once 2-3 years have passed after a loved's one passing, you might need therapy if you haven't reached a specific stage of grief yet. I don't wanna downplay people's grief, but once it's discovered that someone hasn't grieved properly action needs to be taken.

[@AyaEgbuho]

People really need to reconsider having therapy sessions on social media. It's not good long term. That was a red flag for me. Going to your followers to get therapy and validation is not going to work out well for you. And definitely avoid men enmeshed with their moms. RUN!

[@deankirkland2623]

I moved several states away to be with my then bf. My parents were sad but they helped me move. When I had times where I needed gas money or anything they were there for me. And when that relationship ended and they asked if I would want to move back to take care of my dying grandma they moved me back and financially/ emotionally supported me. They have never asked for anything and even now while I am between jobs (my grandmother passed away a few months ago) they are supportive and here for me. They do so much more than the minimum and I am so thankful for them.

[@sundown6748]

I would give all the money and luxuries in the world for that type of love and support.

[@deankirkland2623]

@sundown6748 100% my biggest want is to make enough so my dad can retire and take care of them. I gave up my job to care for my grandmother until the end of her life and now I live with my grandpa to care for him. I love them so much and I know that I am extremely lucky to have this.

[@onetwo-lc2tb]

Getting into a relationship with a boymom man is my biggest nightmare.

[@Mom_of_the_Chickies]

When I was pregnant, I cried when I found out I was having a daughter. All my childhood trauma and how life has been so hard as a daughter of immigrant parents in the USA. Then I saw a silly quote somewhere that resonated with me even though it’s obviously not true. It says that women are given girls because they have their inner child to heal. And women who’s first born is a son is because they need to heal the lack of love from their partner. I took that to heart and thought well at least my partner loves me. Now I have to deal with my own baggage 😅

[@myar9759]

I had to breakup with my ex because he refused to grow up and think for himself. I was with him for a year and a half. He was 25 and I was 21 when I ended things. He lived with his parents and I lived by myself. His mom would constantly call and text him asking when he was coming home. He said if his parents (mainly his mom) knew about me they would disown him. I asked him before why his parents couldn’t know about me. One reason is his mom felt like no girl was good enough for him. Therefore, he claimed he never brought a girl home before. I explained how he made me feel like I was less than and a dirty little secret. I asked him to tell them who I am and stand up for me. I wanted him to make me feel like he cared about my feelings. He said he couldn’t do that so I had end things. It hurt that I apparently wasn’t worth fighting for when I loved him. I’m glad I didn’t stay, it just would have caused problems with his family. Plus I knew it wasn’t going to work anyways. He wanted children and I did not.

[@MrsLadyLiberty]

My narcissist mom had my brother when I was 15. She instantly became a boymom. I was already the problem child so it was a natural next step for me to kind of be forgotten. But not before she ramped up her narcissism with me to the point where I moved out at 19 with an abusive boyfriend bc it was easier than dealing with her. Fast forward 25 years and my brother can't have functional relationships. When my brother and his last gf broke up and then got back together, our mom DEMANDED an apology from the GF to our MOM for breaking up with her son. Like I what the actual?!? I told them don't do it, that it's weird. But they did bc my mom made my brother's life hell until she did. There's a reason I moved across the country from her.

[@insideAdirtyMind]

When I was in my early 20s I had a beast of a MIL. She did not know any boundaries. She even wanted us to install a telefon for her calls in our bedroom, so she can call us when we are in bed. I did not take this serious, because I was strong and was able to keep her in her place, but damn it was draining. This will never get better. Over years I was exhausted. In the end I discovered that he always went behind my back with his mom, instead of standing by my side. I even discovered that he told her I don´t want him to call her (I can not even check that, he was working night shifts so he could call her all day long when I was at work.....anyways). She was crazy, but he played us both and I finally left. The best decision of my life. If a guy has a crazy mother, you basically marry her with him, she will be in your neck all day and night. It will never get better and you will be tired from all this abuse. There is no happy ending.

[@lookouthill11]

After 5 yrs with a guy with a boymom who lived in the same neighborhood, I would NEVER date another man with a boymom. Ever. Having every private detail of your life and relationship unknowingly shared with your partners mom and then with everyone she knows has destroyed my trust in people.

[@karrinrachelle]

Right, that’s what narcissists do all the time. I dated this dude who would almost always spread half versions of shit I’d tell him and or totally twist shit I’d tell him to seem like something more, or for sure more than what it actually was etc. He’d tell like over half of his family members, or then some of them would share further etc so many of these things I’d share with him, that was only meant to be between us obviously, trying to get fakeass sympathy for himself and attention, and making me out like im this kind of bad/bad, weird, etc person. It was so ridiculous and strange as fuck😹

[@jananir6148]

Wow it seems like you two just spit out what happened with my ex. I remember initially she was acting vey friendly and cheerful but slowly I could start to see the controlling aspect. She would constantly talk to my ex for atleast 1-2 hours a day about me and everyone else. And he has to update her on every little thing going on in his life .I requested him specifically not to talk about our relationship behind my back but he refused. Looking back now that was just a huge red flag! One more thing that happened was unfortunately he used to be very mean to me and one day he spoke to me like i was trash.! I broke up with him and blocked him. One week later his mother called me to asked why we weren't talking & i said to her its because he verbally abused me, but she didn't even take it seriously! It was like she would justify anything he does! Leter he apologized and we got back together but this cycle only got worse. I was so naive back then to think this would change. One day he accused me of cheating just because i had male friends. It was incredibly draining just to prove my innocence to him. He demanded to check my chats! And he would talk about this to his mom and tell her that i was whoring around! And her mom said "i wouldn't want you to be with a girl who has a lot of male friends" like what? I understood they had assassinated my character long back and i just lost my respect in that relationship!

[@jananir6148]

Sorry for the long story and thanks for telling your story !

[@arianex2575]

He needs to put strong boundaries, that’s a vampire. Narc moms are so sad

[@ohnowendigos8804]

Me wondering how he’s only 29 and getting her a Mercedes, a house, club membership...wayyyyy beyond upper middle class

[@EndlestGameplays]

I randomly decided to watch this video because I've heard my friends who are women talk about this a lot and wanted to better understand but that line at the end of the video, "Stop playing life on hard mode and stop choosing struggle." was something I did not know I needed to hear. Thank you for that and great video as well!

[@byJessCh]

Me (33) and my husband (31) had it difficult with his mother when we got married 6 years ago. He is an only child and his mom had opinion about everything in our lives and she acted as her way was the correct way. I fought many times with her, and luckily my husband had my side most of the times because she also drives him crazy. When we bought a house she visited only to change the whole decoration according to her taste and wanted to teach me how to serve her child the best, by how to clean and what to cook. When i was giving birth she demanded to be in the delivery room, i was very mad, but i was in too much pain to fight with her that time. When baby was young she behaved as she birthed my daughter, and making nasty remarks as "oh she forgot about you" with smile in face, when i was coming home from work and baby was ignoring me by playing. Thankfully, we moved to another country and we live far away otherwise she would visit daily and ruin our mood.

[@va8196]

This is so triggering. When I met my now ex husband, I had no clue mothers wud do this or that a grown, 35 y/o male wud allow it. She hated me & his daughter who was 6 at the time he & I met. She pretended to like me at first but cudn’t hide her jealousy & hatred for long. He divorced me b/c of his mother. That was actually a good thing for me b/c I can’t imagine staying in that dynamic.

[@Alemarie2023]

I'm so glad that people are bringing more awareness to this. A lot of boymoms hate their son's girlfriend or wife for no reason just simply the fact that they want to control their sons lives and have control of their money specifically.

[@BlaecOleander]

Ah my second "husband" and his mommawife 🤢

[@goldenari295]

Dude, I think this is a pattern in my family. It’s always made me sick to my mf stomach.

[@emma_nutella58]

Man my mum loves throwing how she’s done so much for us, she fed and clothed us. I used to feel horrible for making her do things that were the bare minimum of being a parent. Like no mum, you were being a parent you brought me here you gotta take responsibility for the fact you brought me here

[@diannholland]

In my life I have dated 2 boys of boy moms. One was SO entrenched in what his Mom wanted that there would be ZERO way we would continue to date without HER EXPRESS PERMISSION. She broke us up. Because I was not good enough for her son. Apparently NO ONE WAS, because he is almost 60 now and never got married. I also have an acquaintance who is a Boymom, It was SUCH a strange dynamic what we had to break contact with her. Around the same time, her son did the same. After this woman broke up a relationship between him and his girlfriend, (GF left because the mom was TOO MUCH) the GF will not go back to him, because she is worried that the son will "Get back together with his mom" And THIS dynamic went ever father, not only was she a boymom that expected her SON to take care of her, but she expected the GF to take care of her too. Physically, financially, and entertainment wise. She was SO distraught about the GF leaving that she told anyone who would listen that the GF was a bad person and that she "KNEW ALL ALONG THAT THE GF was BAD NEWS" Umm, "No dear, the GF ran for her freaking LIFE to get away from YOU!"

[@yys6253]

I had one when I was very young. And both he and his mother think he was the prize even I was younger and has better job. That was the most unhappy time in my life. Ladies, run for your life.

[@taylorcusimano423]

As a parent your job is to pour everything you can into your child and watch them flourish. You give yourself for your child. and at the end you are supposed to be content with that and supportive. Expecting something back from your child is ridiculous. It’s not their place to give back. You (as a parent) are their safe place, you are who they can receive unconditionally from without any consequences. If they give something back that’s great but she definitely took advantage taking all those gifts.

[@PassportBrosAndBlondeManWeaves]

The same with men that have weird relationships with their sisters. I have seen dudes allow their sisters to live with them and have a whole bunch of kids. Men like this have a hard time in relationships because they tend to treat their sister like she a girlfriend or wife.

[@G0ddess_Kate]

Keep em coming bestie!! Pure gold. Women everywhere are side stepping land mines thanks to your awareness 💋🤌

[@AfuaYmani]

I have a daughter and a son and I just came here to hold myself accountable and make sure I didn't exude this kind of behavior. Happy I say that I do not.

[@OGfromQueens]

Short story: I i went to see my son and my daughter in law 2 weeks after she gave birth to my granddaughter and at the airport she was trying to get in the back seat of the car and I i was like gurl RELAX you just brang a whole person into this realm. I can sit in the back seat. It made me talk to her more about her worth. I love her so much!!

[@uzamakiforlife5554]

She probably wanted to sit in the back with the baby???

[@absolutemenagerie639]

I ran from my last two relationships, really nice good men but they were 100% boymoms that wouldn't put their foot down when I would raise concerns and questions. I won't play second fiddle to someone's mother or tolerate her mental baggage, especially when he talks about "obligations" cause that boymom talks about concerns of their mother ending their life at some point. Thats the excuse to keep the toxic cycle going and as someone who cut off her entire family and never looked back, I have zero room in my life for that.

[@saranghae2808]

Not just Moms. Some sisters are like this.

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

Yuck but true

[@Marz859]

lol a car at 16 is NOT a basic thing but the points still stand. Most people I know didn’t have a car til they were grown or paid for it themselves through a job.

[@ILoveStemi]

Literally lol I'm 27 and still never had a car. Long Beach has a pretty good public transit system but still I hardly know anyone that got a car at 16

[@darkstarr984]

I was enmeshed with my mother and realize that cutting that unhealthy connection is just… it’s hard to recover. I’ve realized my apparent attraction to people is often muddled and damaged because of how much it has basically been performance for my mom.

[@Whimmery]

This situation can have similar effect of mom’s wanting their daughters to fill same gap too except less incestuous and more demanding financial, time, and unwanted trapped audience from their kids. They be pulling Mother Gothel and scare off bf potential or set fears so daughters won’t leave them to their own lives. These narc parents be bonkers

[@aduckwithanumbrella]

I've seen this happen to a friend. Her mum was too reliant on her and blamed her husband for *taking her daughter away* now my friend livea 50 miles away from her mum when she used to live a 10 minutes walk away. Her mum didn't drive and refuses to visit unless my friend picks her up.

[@bridgetmakesmovies]

Very valuable information. Avoid men with this issue like the plague.

[@althealee9375]

If you go into having a baby with the thought of “they will owe me for all I do for them”, you’ve already failed as a parent

[@StitchFae]

Men are not a lot of work, stop doing so many things for them and start asking for what your needs are. Simple. They also get attached by doing for you, where as women get more attached by oxytocin (hugs, sex, romance) men get more attached by doing for you and providing things and experiences. Edit: and show appreciation for the things he does, they love that

[@AyaEgbuho]

🎯

[@tahsina.c]

Anyone remember Tray in sex and the city? 💀 this topic high key brings him to mind, if you see a dude whos comfortable bathing/being undressed when in the same room with his mom _Run_

[@katas.6910]

I have this kind of mom but as a lesbian. She still guilt trips me everytime and i feel shitty and guilty. How are we supposed to stop that

[@ReginaMcNeish]

You move far away. It’s up to YOU to make this decision. How brave are you?

[@MiniKitty27]

acknowledging that what she's doing is guilt tripping you is half the battle. if there's something you really want to do/don't do and she tries to guilt trip you to change your mind, call her out on it. you deserve to live your life how you want to live it so don't let her guilt trip you into changing your mind, that just leads to shame and resentment and ultimately it takes more energy dealing with that shame, regret, and resentment than the guilt that comes with her guilt trip. also, if you're not financially dependent on her, don't let her have access to anything in your life. she has to earn the right to be in your life and since she has proven time and time again that she will always guilt trip you, don't give her the opportunity to guilt trip you. she will pull the "you never call me, never visit me, i know nothing about your life" card and it's your job to say "this is the consequences of your actions and your actions alone. i want to live my life without feeling guilty for doing things that are right for me." or something along those lines. know your boundaries and firmly stick to them, do not let anyone even slightly bend them, go no-contact if you have to, the peace you will feel after the initial guilt will be well worth it. if you feel anxious or stressed at the thought of even talking to someone, they do not deserve the privilege of being in your life.

[@dianakosianka5344]

​@@ReginaMcNeishIt's not that easy to just 'move far away'

[@ReginaMcNeish]

@@dianakosianka5344 lol I guess it’s easier to stay… right? But how easy is it really? Maybe moving is easier than you think. It’s a decision and like I said.. “HOW BRAVE ARE YOU?” Brave enough to stay or brave enough to go………..

[@derena4444]

I just lost my MIL this year and she was an absolute star to me. As much of a mom as my own. And guess what, her lovely manner and respect for others made a beautiful husband to me and happy life for her grandson. She put such kindness out into the world.

[@shyamlisingh10]

THIS IS WHAT I WAS GOING THRU RYT NOW And She Posted On It.....!😭❤