I’m dying of loneliness (I can’t live without him or will anyone ever love me?)

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This video is for you if you are struggling with loneliness, or if you are feeling lonely. It will be really valuable if you fear whether anyone will ever love you (again) or if you currently feel like you can’t live without him.
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[@thejackbutler]

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[@theblackericacane8714]

Jack Butler thank you I’ve just started doing this the last few mos. I’m an extrovert but I’m in introvert as well ; I’m 44 yrs old and you are correct, I never stop learning about myself and I embrace every emotion and feeling I let myself feel w/o any harshness to myself.

[@thejackbutler]

@@theblackericacane8714 Hey Erica! Yes, I think there are a lot of people who know themselves as extroverts who might be surprised at their introverted side if they relaxed ideas about who they were. Good work with the embracing and feeling every emotion without being harsh - amen! :)

[@theblackericacane8714]

Jack Butler 🙏😇

[@thejackbutler]

@@theblackericacane8714 :)

[@lemonlemon2770]

I was alone in my marriage now that I am divorced i don't feel lonely anymore, I hope this makes sense

[@gratitude5740]

lemon lemon 🍋 it is sometimes worse being lonely being with someone that being alone. I totally understand you . Been there , done that . Congratulations on healing yourself.

[@imonmyway317]

I know exactly what you mean. I often felt the loneliest that I have ever felt in my last relationship.... Never feel lonely when im on my own.

[@mominator69]

It makes perfect sense to anyone who has been in your place in a marriage. I makes perfect sense to me.

[@eagle8332003]

lemon lemon I was alone in marriage also, I relish my alone time now.i get to be whoever I want

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

Good luck in getting someone to come over and just cuddle! I don't actually mind being in my own company, though. I just miss having physical touch.

[@thejackbutler]

J.S. Phoenix I hear you. There are some communities where that kind of request is more normal and done. There are also cuddlists - people who you can pay to come and cuddle! (Can’t vouch for it, just sharing)

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

@@thejackbutler Yeah... I've heard about those paid cuddlists. I once joined a website for that, but it was free. Guys on there were creepy. I'm not a very touchy-feely person in general. There has to be some kind of bond or familiarity before I'd feel comfortable. I've heard about cuddle parties in the Asexual/Demisexual communities.

[@margaritam.9118]

Maybe getting a pet would be a good idea? You can get serotonin from contact with animals, too 😌

[@annettephillipsdelaney4023]

Oh Wow, this was amazing to watch and showed me how far I have actually come in seven years of separation. Being an extrovert I remember being terrified of being on my own when I first separated. I'm unsure when I began enjoying my own company but I have learned so much about me, my spiritual journey has enhanced peace in my life. I value my aloneness so so much now. Dare I say when you enjoy being on your own you do not tend to get lonely. Thanks for this Jack. Its made me realise how far I have come

[@thejackbutler]

Congrats! Love this: "I value my aloneness so so much now" Glad you're having the experience of peace and knowing more about yourself. Keep it up! :)

[@LisaGemini]

The best part of being alone is loving and knowing yourself really well. And thus you are more independent and STRONG.

[@thejackbutler]

Yes, I like it. And I can see there's a kind of strength that aloneness can foster.

[@teresemariecloonan.c7739]

Loneliness is a time to call on someone you can trust. Although, they are few…

[@thejackbutler]

Yes to getting support 🙏

[@claudettenahjela2569]

Jack is always so experienced with his intuition and presents it from a place of self. Thanks Jack

[@loribothwell5493]

I've taken 3 yrs without dating, sex or anything. I learned a lot about myself but now Im just BORED .Shouldn't the increased loneliness now be a sign to stop binge watching Netflix and get going again? I've started welcoming men again in my life gradually and s l o w l y...

[@danitarhea1036]

I'm not prone to loneliness yet lately, it's hit me hard! I've been single since 2006 and enjoy the company of a great social life. However, I'm noticing more and more how many couples are gathering around me and I'm going back to my loverless self and it's beginning to take it's toll on me.

[@GG17250]

This is where I am right now. At first I resisted being alone, but now I'm leaning in and starting to enjoy the process. I'm thinking of getting a cat for emotional support.

[@annemann8048]

As a nurse we knew people felt lonely and isolated...we learned ways to touch people in non threatening ways so they felt human touch in non sexual and non threatening ways.

[@nathalie5238]

Thanks for this video!!! Really a good one on personal development! What I’ve learned lately is ACCEPTANCE!! Accept my emotions, accept people might not like me, accept me for me, accept to screw up sometimes, accept whatever happens and stop willing to control or make things happen or even worse avoid things in life. Yes I accept I might feel lonely or sad... and it frees me and by magic I don’t feel that lonely anymore and start to attract good stuff in life.

[@audra1976oliver]

This has been a big part of my inner work. This is great for anyone that has had codependency issues in childhood and or adulthood. I'm getting better at this. It will be 2 years next month in April that I'd lost my husband and I've learned thus far that I don't want a relationship born out of loneliness and fear of being alone. I love the journey of self discovery.

[@dianaf6333]

I love how you talked about this and opened up to us. You clearly care about others. Thank you and honestly the loneliest I've been in my life was when my pets died, even more so than some great relationships that ended. It was wrenchingly awful.

[@thejackbutler]

Aww I hear you - I haven't had too many pets in life but I have heard this from people. Thanks for your feedback, glad you experience the care here 🙏🏼

[@teresemariecloonan.c7739]

The book Far From The Maddening Crowd…

[@bobbyfrank961]

Yes, spending time with oneself cultivates self love, just realized that! Thank you so much, you've got so much good will Jack

[@thejackbutler]

I love how development can sometimes be obvious once it happens but not til it happens

[@bobbyfrank961]

Sure

[@mariarossi6719]

Hi Jack, I'm incredibly grateful that you've spoken on this particular topic. In my case, I'd say I really enjoy solitude it seems far more than the average person. It's how I re-charge. I sometimes wonder if it's because I was an only child until the age of 11 that I had to learn to 'get good' on my own. It concerns me sometimes that I almost 'need' so much time by myself that I will feel slightly suffocated by a relationship even though part of me would love it but it's not something I really need. Can't believe I've confessed all this in the public domain. Guess I'm a bit of an oddball where this is concerned!

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Maria, thanks for writing, sure a lot of people can relate to what you're saying there. Rest assured there are plenty of people who really like their solitude so sure there's someone that wants the same rhythm of connection and autonomy that you want. Hoping you get what you want! 🙏

[@mariarossi6719]

@@thejackbutler Thank you so so much for your lovely words, Jack. I love listening to your angle and perspective on things. A lot of it resonates. I really appreciate your good wishes and thank you for helping me to believe that there perhaps are men out there who might complement me even with this strong desire I have for solitude.

[@thejackbutler]

@@mariarossi6719 I like that I'm supporting the possibility that you might be able to have a complementary guy as well as a lot of solitude. Keep me posted! And thanks for your feedback on my words :)

[@Yvette.T]

@@mariarossi6719 I feel the same way Maria. I've pretty much been alone for the last 6 years and I'm a little nervous that I don't want to live with a partner again. But I remind myself that with the right person we'll work it out 😊

[@mariarossi6719]

@@thejackbutler I certainly will do, Jack. I love that you've shone a spotlight on the real benefits of being solitary for our own growth and getting to know ourselves. The dominant message of society tends to tell us that this isn't necessarily a good thing so I really really appreciate that you have opened a conversation around the advantages of this. I also loved that you mentioned that we mustn't necessarily see ourselves as firmly being an introvert or an extrovert. Thank you for that reminder that we can cultivate and develop these sides of ourselves. I'm looking forward to your next video!

[@jenniferaltimari8262]

PREACH🙌 I love the way your mind works. Another beautifully articulated video. As always -thank you Jack!

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Jennifer! Thank you so much, that's fun to hear :)

[@dianaf6333]

He is articulate, isn't he? lol

[@norrishastewart774]

Beautifully articulated and positive 🌻 Being alone does open us up to exploring our spirituality and our emotions, really getting to know ourselves 💛

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Norrisha, always appreciate your reflections 🙏 Yes I agree with your take on being alone

[@pagep9876]

This hit home with me. I had a traumatic experience in June that blew my world up and all I’ve want is alone time to process everything that happened and what it’s brought up from my past. It’s made me crave alone time and wanting to create different and new positive connections. Although I feel lonely sometime I use it to my advantage. It’s made me realize I’ve spent too much time worried about others. It’s helping define boundaries and figure out what I truly want. It’s also shown me those who truly care and are there when I need them with no pressure and those that have gotten angry at me because I’m not available for them whenever they want. I know I will get to a good place in my own time and I know that is ok. Your video is spot on.

[@thejackbutler]

So glad it hit home! Sounds to me like you're doing some really important self work - let's honor that and wishing you well with it 🙏

[@amylamb2768]

Your humility and ability to empathize are extraordinary. It is refreshing. You don't often see these qualities nowadays.

[@thejackbutler]

Aww thanks for the reflection, Amy 🙏

[@vanyastefanova3615]

Thank u 🙏 after a separation I got so big anxiety I couldn't handle, it feels like I was dying. And it was a call to be with myself - always been there for others and empathise. It's not easy in this dark night, I still am, but I've found that healing is possible only if you empathise yourself like you're the dearest one on earth. Like who is there when no one is - you ❤️ the core within which hold the space for you to feel for you, to got your back and when you follow emotions that you don't like and suppress, often they lead you to a place in you, which is not bad at all, it's authentic and pure ❤️

[@deed1801]

"Things that you can do in a 'high quality' way only when you're alone." YES! I love how you positively articulate this. Performing an activity with a loved one around can definitely be a benefit, but it can also be a deterrent, depending on the energy you wish for.

[@sun_rose123]

I've been single for over a year now. I love being alone and just cook and have a glass of wine. But sometimes the feeling of loneliness creeps in. And it's actually feeling that I don't have enough friends. I have friends, but I still feel lonely sometimes. What I have learned is, just like you said, to sit with the feeling. Meditate. And it usually work. And then there's sometimes where I have to reach out to a friend because the feeling is strong. I'm positive that I'll be able to master my loneliness ❤️

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Sally! Sounds like you're doing a great job. I don't think it's about eliminating every feeling of loneliness, I think it's more that you can be with it and have practical strategies for when it gets too much. Wishing you well!

[@sun_rose123]

Yes that what was meant to say ☺️

[@thejackbutler]

Sally Rose Glad we’re on the same page!

[@yvetteapicella4153]

Thanks Jack Butler for your talk on loneliness my husband of many years passed away about a year ago and I’ve been dealing with loneliness and it does get easier after a while you get to do things and connect and even wanted to take a trip by yourself

[@thejackbutler]

Yvette Apicella Sorry for your loss, Yvette. And glad to hear it’s getting easier 🙏

[@BGari101]

I needed this. You're videos have been bringing healing into my life. Thank you so much!

[@thejackbutler]

That's amazing to hear, thanks for letting them in to be able to support you in that way 🙏

[@ron8578]

I know this may sound kind of weird and a little crazy, but sometimes talking to yourself out loud may be a great way to help you enjoy your own company.

[@Earthtime3978]

Lonely is rough. Lonely and broke is soul sapping. I live it as a young 60 year old.

[@thejackbutler]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Hope you find more connection

[@marreddot]

Great talk. Love the way you explain the ideas.

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks so much Marta!

[@user-bj2lu9qt3o]

Wow. Once again you astonish me with your frankness, knowledge and enthusiasm. At the same time you're not a know-it-all and open to other people's experiences. Really wish I could return the favour and share my opinion/experience on your channel (I also love to interact with other commentators). But KZbin is just too public for me for such delicate topics.😕 Btw I think "Tony Takitani" is an impressive artwork of loneliness.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey there! I like hearing all that! Yep, I get that YT isn't appropriate for all comments. I will be launching a private group program in Fall so that might be something to consider. I'll check out the artwork - thanks!

[@alisonvanbockel8146]

Yes I am alone but far from lonely! 😄 👌

[@thejackbutler]

Glad the distinction makes sense in your world! :)

[@Tutume1111]

Right place right time for this vid. Thank you so much

[@thejackbutler]

That's awesome, I really like right place right time. You're welcome :)

[@soniaguiragosian9112]

This was great video, I am along 80% of time because I suffer with epilepsy but it’s ok Just makes me stronger , I was born alone & will leave this life alone , I love myself😊 thank you jack 💙

[@thejackbutler]

SONIA GUIRAGOSIAN Thank you. And like hearing that you love yourself and have cultivated your strength

[@Yvette.T]

Exactly Jack, and like Kelly Clarkson said♬♬ "Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"♬♬ As others have said being an introvert I love my own company and having lived on my own for the past 6 years I've come to know myself very well. I do worry that I'll find it hard to enter into another live-in relationship, but as you replied to another comment, I just need to find someone who also appreciates a little space. Hope you're enjoying being home with mum and dad 😊❣

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for the home well wishes! I would imagine that spiritual / meditation groups possibly have more introverts in gross generalization? Maybe a place to meet someone?

[@paulaparkman5127]

So true and great video! I have done this been through it! I wish other people can understand what you are saying! It’s the TRUTH!!!!

[@pflanzenliebhaber]

I'm alone with myself for years now. I have come far spiritually. I have almost become a holy one - some people call me this, because I can help them solve their various problems. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A HOLY ONE! I'm not more able to make friends, I don't get a partner for myself. People see me above them because I can see inside them. Many people are searching for being awaken - Buddha. I want to live a normal life. I'm alone and lonely, I'm sad!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for your share. Do you reveal your experience to people?

[@jamilgotcher5456]

I'm experiencing that feeling right now. Lonely but don't want to go on a date with a man that I feel may ask me out soon from the way he's talking because in my desperation to numb my pain of my ex who contacted me first but then disappeared when I declined a Friday night date because he's legally married but his wife has moved out of the marital home and has been out for 14 months. It seamed like to me he was practicing no contact on me to punish me. So then I reached out to him via text (dumb idea) wish I hadn't. He did reply to my text pretty quickly even though I'm sure he was still feeling a little salty over me declining the dinner date. But then I haven't heard from him in over a week now and I'm not going to reach out this time. The whole experience has messed with my emotions because I started thinking, he's calling me because he's realized that we're like the characters in The Notebook (which I just watched all the way through for the first time recently btw). Oh yeah, I forgot to mention we were high school sweethearts that were crazy about each other for 2 years and 2 mos. And now I'm starting to think I'll never meet someone that makes me laugh and has the same sense of humor that I do, the way he does. And I won't meet anyone that makes my heart go pitter patter like that ever again. And yet he sort of has ruined those beautiful memories by contacting me for what I think was for some narcisstic supply and possibly even a little gloating and revenge. I guess I had him on a pedestal and now I've knocked it down. Sad, the way he's ruined my memory with not just leaving the past in the past.

[@trinitytoinfinity8283]

I love this video. Thank you. Although I'm an extrovert and very sociable, I'm learning to embrace my alone time and really starting to value it. I've been single for a year and am just about to go on holiday abroad as a solo traveller for a week - bit nervous, but looking forward to the experience. By the way, Jack, on a completely different topic, your accent sounds more British today!

[@thejackbutler]

That's awesome - let us know how you go on the solo traveller holiday - good luck! Oh does it? Well, my accent does usually accommodate back somewhat when I've been in UK for a few days...!

[@Jo-in3nt]

So glad I found you ! Thank you Jack

[@S_24120]

I feel lonely 24*7. Stuck in a loveless marriage and a stressful job for 21 yrs, out of two consecutive toxic narc friendships,,,fatiqued and exhausted to T, don't have any friends to interact or spend time with or heart felt conversations. I don't have the energy to build new or old connections or friendships. Cultivating learning to love myself..however I crave for authentic connection in my life. I am going to a spiritual awakening and this phase of loneliness and having noone to fall back upon sucks big time. I used to write, but it keeps me ruminating about the past or stuck in the head. Need to start workout but can't coz of sore backache. I want to travel different countries and also take up sketching courses. I am done being alone and lonely..I want to break this cycle once and forever.

[@shantimukundan4150]

I stumbled on yr videos while seeking to fill my mind ;) Love what you had to say here ie the need for time alone to digest what life imparts and growing into maturity. My situation is one of too much of time alone, I practically lived in my own bubble growing up till I reached my 20s. I was born with a hearing defect in a family that was too busy to notice, about 14 people in the house at anytime. The irony of being surrounded by people yet not having a connection! As a kid I discovered Reader's Digest, the newspapers, Oprah, etc they became my firm 'friends'. Reading voraciously saved me by the grace of God from that empty, hollow feeling. Sometimes I spoke too loud in class and and got thrown out. To keep out of trouble at 15 I decided to stop talking, a year plus of 'solitude' took place without anyone asking me what's going on.... College was great, a little tedious when I couldn't lip read every time the lecturers turned to write on the whiteboard. Work life was ok but I floundered at building solid friendships, more of a touch and go kinda thing. I was ok though, just threw myself into work....doggone tired when I got home, just to hit the sack. Then got into marketing line with sporadic contact with clients. Strange isn't it how God works, He got me out of a cubicle so I'll have some form of interaction. 3 years ago I finally got hearing aids that worked....got me out of my mental prison and I am incredulous at how much I seemed to have missed out on. However in this particular timeline I don't know why the feeling of loneliness is so acute. Books can't hold my attention like before, gardening does cut it, coffee break in new places fail to lift my spirits. The lack of touch from childhood up till now has done me in..... My apologies for unfolding my angst. I must say truly yr videos are speaking to me...may I find some kind of resolution soon Thank u for being u, way better than binge watching Netflix;)

[@MyFrankieee]

Thanks jack for you brilliant insights and wisdom 💕your videos are so helpful

[@thejackbutler]

MyFrankieee Love hearing that! Happy for that reflection 🙏

[@leighlong7005]

Hi Jack, great video and have done these things extensively that you discussed. As an introvert, it is much easier for me to self reflect and enjoy my own company. However, I struggle with the opposite, how do I branch out and meet more people? What is the best way to go about seeking new friends, a boyfriend without joining a dating website or going to a bar? Could you possibly do a future video on this topic? Thanks so much!

[@Yvette.T]

@Leigh Long - Yes being an introvert myself I second this video idea. Have tried the dating sites but just doesn't sit well with me, and I'm not into bar hopping either 😫 Thanks in advance Jack

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Leigh! Thanks for the topic suggestion, noted! Few thoughts - model people who seem to be able to meet new people, find authentic communities of interest (connect over things you both like). You could also explore the social instinct in the enneagram world, you may be able to get awareness around 'where is your attention going at the expense of being social?'

[@leighlong7005]

@@thejackbutler Will do, thanks Jack!

[@melbeth79]

This is such an important message. I'm curious, do you know your mbti type? Sorry the typology nerd has to ask lol. Being a natural introvert, I cannot imagine not spending a fair amount of alone time with myself, if I don't get I am not a happy camper. My issue has been the opposite, becoming more social has been quite challenging, and so has raising a child alone for many years with a lot of his own issues, as well as my own health issues. But I'm still here and still standing through many lonely times, and I agree self reflection is very important. Sometimes I think extroverts think introverts never get lonely, that is very untrue. E and I are to do with how one gains and loses energy. I also sometimes think some people mistake loneliness for boredom at times. They are obviously quite different.

[@thejackbutler]

I am an NF - my E/I and P/J have not been clearly expressed. Probably ENFJ historically but have realized that both E and I do give me energy and if overdone lose me energy.

[@melbeth79]

@@thejackbutler The tests can be so flawed at times it's easy to mistype too. I mistyped twice before studying functions more thoroughly and asking a professional. I finally settled on infp.

[@leisawalston7515]

Your are a beautiful person and so heart felt. Thank you for love and compassion

[@thejackbutler]

Leisa Walston Thank you 🙏 I appreciate that

[@deed1801]

I love your analogy of feeling your emotions are like clouds in the sky. That's beautiful bc it does seem to change nearly without us realizing it. It'd be cool if you delved into this more. I'm curious if you have pets and what you think about being alone but having an animal companion.

[@anaghakarnik7217]

Wow what perfect topic thank you 🙏

[@thejackbutler]

You are welcome - thanks!

[@gratitude5740]

Admitting that you are lonely, is a deterrent to other people. Almost sounds like being desperate. I would not admit that just to anyone.

[@thejackbutler]

I hear you - I was meaning that authentic friendship, in my experience, can include sharing things like that, coz they are real and real friends want to know what's real.

[@gratitude5740]

Jack Butler even friends, if you ask them to hang out together they seem to be too busy . You have to tread lightly. Get a dog!

[@thejackbutler]

@@gratitude5740 Yes pets can certainly help. I like the human stuff because it encourages us to navigate real conversations. If friends are too busy to hang and hanging is important to you maybe it's time for some real conversations or inviting new friends? 🙏

[@katerinakiaha6925]

@Irina Ivanova You just described me. Thanks for putting it in writing. 🌈🌦🌈

[@sisseljohansen104]

Jack Butler.. wow, thank you so very much for this video, because you are saying pretty much all my town thoughts around this so important «theme», «just» needed hearing others experienced into this! Thank you from the bottom of my ♥️

[@sisseljohansen104]

*own..* 😄

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Sissel! Aww, thank you :) 🙏 You're welcome!

[@sisseljohansen104]

Jack Butler 🙏 ..

[@dakine4238]

I can be with the lonliness but it doesn't go away

[@soniaguiragosian9112]

I feel along with room of people... :( so dont mine being along, i learned to enjoyed my company , happiness don't come from outside , luv you jack thank you for your great videos we all need...

[@cliffavril7507]

thank you for being here ...

[@thejackbutler]

You are welcome, thanks!

[@lmmleong7786]

Mr. J. Butler, how does someone go about "having their own back"? I like that statement and will work on it.

[@mylife-23]

Came out just in time.

[@thejackbutler]

Happy to hear that :)

[@joanclawford8964]

Hi Jack ... 😄 I'm actually a Brit too & I come from South East London .. I've lived in D.K. for many years & lordy, the Danes are outwardly friendly BUT they still don't let you in their circles. Most foreign people here, including myself tend to have other foreigners as friends ... So, I do spend more time with myself then on average & yes I'm very aware of my inner self .. I'm very spiritual too & active ... 🌼👍 Btw my favourite spiritual phrase is In lak'esh meaning You are my other self .. ! It's Mayan ...

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Kim! Fun that you're living in DK. That's interesting re the inner circles, hadn't heard that piece before. Sounds like you're making the most of it! 🙏

[@joanclawford8964]

@@thejackbutler I am, definitely, yes ... !! It is a great place to live ... I do feel the difference when I visit the U.K. but man alive, I do miss the English sense of humour .. !! & don't quit your quirky spontaneity .. !! 😂👍☀️

[@thejackbutler]

@@joanclawford8964 I think that's often what people do miss - certainly the dryness can sometimes get from time to time have me misunderstood in US ha! Oh no intentions to be any less quirky lol :)

[@joanclawford8964]

@@thejackbutler That's great to hear, it would be a loss ... !! 😁🌼👍

[@thejackbutler]

@@joanclawford8964 Aww thanks!

[@PegasusysTarotClub]

This was a good video. For me however something else is the issue. I can be alone with myself very very well, but I do miss good connections with other people. I grew up in a toxic family and pretty much lost my family because of that. It also affects all my later relations, as I seem to be a magnet for narcissists and toxic people. I do know my own worth, and withdraw from these types of people, resulting in the feeling of loneliness, not being able to find and/or connect with healthy, stable and available people. The advice to learn to sit with your emotions is a very good one, however, I'm problably at expert level on that by now, lol.

[@mylife-23]

I recently left a bad relationship. I'd realized the path he was taking wasn't a good one and, he used me multiple times n manipulated me. So I left. N it's kinda hard atm. There is someone I really love, they also love me n they're an ex of mine from last yr that I mistakingly left. He wants to be back with me but he's dealing with things ATM n isn't ready for one. Part of me says to wait for for him n some of me wants to keep looking n stay open. Things r harder after leaving a manipulative relationship....

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for share, I hear you. I sense you'll know when it's right timing to be in relationship with him - there may be less mental noise and more 'knowing' possibly. Wishing you well with it 🙏

[@cherishparkhurst8124]

Thanx this really gives me alot of insight and knowledge and hope for the future hopefully this period of life and path im on changes for the better i just wish id didnt feel like the only one in the aloneness its quite of a horrifying feeling

[@thejackbutler]

I hear you :) Partly it's learning about what helps soothe you...music? Candles? Movies?

[@gratitude5740]

I’m feeling lonely when.......… -Fill in the space . When I miss doing what I want to instead of want to without being supported.

[@thejackbutler]

Gratitude Are you saying you don’t feel supported to do what you want? What would that support look like?

[@gratitude5740]

Jack Butler thank you Jack for your interest in my statement. You are correct, I’m going through a difficult time . I divorced at age 50, that brought me an emotional relief, peace of mind . I also am in a 4.5 year program that is very heavy academically. Having to study to keep up doesn’t allow me to socialize have time for myself trying to adjust to living alone support myself doing all house/ garden chores.... Garden is my refuge , my therapy on its own but it talked a lot of time . I’m constantly feeling that I’m missing out on family time, me time. It seems to me that there is many people out there , or in my family but everyone is for themselves. The lifestyle changes are hard of my . I know that I will be fine soon as I finish my school, start working full time job, start back working out , travel and maybe find someone who would see me as a good / valuable addition to his life ; be in a relationship. I have a lot of plans for the future . It would be nice to find someone to do them with someone who would be aligned with my passion and plan . Lonely means not having support from people close to me when I struggle. How do I cope with that . Asking for help makes me feel that I’m imposing.

[@magdamagda6064]

Thank you Jack!

[@thejackbutler]

Magda Magda Thank you!

[@ta_nimal2023]

When you mentioned --human touch-- I suddenly remembered this: Once, while walking with a boyfriend who enjoyed psychics... we dropped in at one off the street. It seemed to me I had simply paid a very nice woman 5$ to hold my hands and look in my eyes. No memory of her remarks or the reading! No disrespect towards those who believe in psychics! But for me the value was in her caring touch. And it was cheaper than a massage or pedicure! I wanted to share this funny idea as not everyone can have pets. I think I'll return to the psychic [NOT the old boyfriend. Safer & healthier without & that ⛵ sailed.😆😎] and pay her to hold my hand!!!!! 🤲🙏💆‍♀️

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for writing - I had never thought of that! Guess if you go for the touch, then the reading is free :)

[@lindylee1139]

I’m an introvert and my job requires a lot of social interaction. Hence in my free time I want to be alone resulting in a lack of friendship outside of work. Probably why I’m making comments on utube. Lol.

[@melbeth79]

The struggle is real. I'm trying to find that balance too.

[@thejackbutler]

@@melbeth79 Thanks for the share

[@thejackbutler]

Probably why I have a YT channel lol :) I have found that including the possibility of spending time with people in silence has created new social opportunities - how about a silent hike?

[@ninanina4799]

Lindylee same here. Saying hi 👋

[@thejackbutler]

nina nina 🙏

[@dig1272]

Very good. Thank you!! 😌

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Diane! Thank you for that!! 😌

[@NikNik0123]

Wow! I’ve never heard this stuff before and I’m nearly 4 decades old. Where are you located? I need you as a therapist! 😄

[@annemann8048]

Thankyou for insight...I do understand it but ladies you can be in a relationship and still be lonely...sometimes the lonely season can be a season of self development...here is a scripture that will help also...delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart....

[@cliffavril7507]

yes, that is what I am thinking!

[@thejackbutler]

Glad it's in sync!

[@jessieparker2435]

Lately this is a big part in my life. For me loneliness is like a shadow always coming when it's sunny. And what's to play and be friends. I guess even loneliness feels lonely Haha.. Great info Jack as always.

[@thejackbutler]

Are you saying you feel lonely as you have a joyful experience? Or just that there is no fun social time without the corresponding lonely self time? Question: does the distinction 'spending time alone' vs 'spending time 'with myself'' figure in your world?

[@user-us7vw3yq8p]

My man dosnt believe a word I say. I have been left to get on with it for months at a time by him, so I sometimes go to my ex but very rarely. Maybe once or twice in all those months. Then when my man comes back I am honest about it and he goes off again to make me suffer for it. Mean while he's been with quite a few women and pretended to his friends that he dosnt care about what I'm doing. This time it's been six months. I have felt like I'm dying the whole time. I didn't go to my ex this time, but does it matter if my man is not around.

[@robshearz6796]

I've been alone for 22 years, im 38 not married or kids

[@worldchanges10]

Yeah I was trained being a lone since at young age but as I get older my feelings bother me like i must be with someone to alleviate it and it does

[@scorpionsoracle3465]

I call the word "Boredley....or loredly..... " we need to mesh the words lonely because your bored. There was a time before the ex happened. So i went back in time to what i used to do. And i do that stuff.

[@RosequartzDivination]

Best friend chocolate 😊

[@thejackbutler]

🙏

[@shamiranblack1819]

Yes I am lonely I am scared to have another relationship but I wanna have it

[@thejackbutler]

That's really understandable

[@freshdumpling]

How about a video for anorexics - people who hardly had any romantic relationships and are afraid of sexual contacts / sexual anatomy? Scared of sharing their feelings or needs for the opposite sex.

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for the suggestion. Not sure I have enough direct experience but will add to my development list

[@redpillqueen8888]

Who doesn’t Iike themself? Weird. Bad people?

[@thejackbutler]

Can you give me a bit more context on the question?

[@scorpionsoracle3465]

I made some playlists on my channel to pass the time. Shes not lonely shes actually bored.

[@Mz.Becky341]

The question: being lonely is one thing but being alone is another! When dating how to pose the question about their HIV status and proof of it if they want to get busy eventually. If that question cannot be addressed LONLINESS IS THE TICKET.

[@maureenmaureen2217]

Yes

[@rpaul9578]

It was interesting but I think you focused way too much on people who are extroverted cultivating and introverted Nature. My problem is being an introvert who is completely comfortable win my own skin and completely comfortable in loneliness not wanting to develop an extroverted nature, given how many times people have burned me over and over again. I don't think you talked about that at all.

[@karinaoetinger8984]

I want to marry you!

[@thejackbutler]

Karina Oetinger I’m taken but thank you 🙏

[@Sapphire37.]

👌🏾🙏🏾

[@thejackbutler]

🙏:)

[@magicgemmaster566]

I like you. ✌💗🍕

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Maggie! Thank you :)

[@mominator69]

I never feel lonely when I'm alone, but I feel the most profound loneliness in his presence. I spend my day, humming and singing and dancing about my way,(literally, I do this) yes I am a stay at home mom. When he gets home, I give him some time to chill and hour longer if he needs it, but when I try to have a conversation about anything other than surface banter, he shuts off. The tv, his cell phone, his e-book, and his computer games are his connection, he sees no need to connect with me. I have told him how lonely I feel in non-blaming ways and I have asked for his time, for conversation his presence with me for so many years. Unfortunately, I guess because I tolerated his tuning me out and dismissing me and ultimately neglecting my needs unless there wasn't something in it for him the message I sent was he could treat me, however. Is it possible to even turn it around at this point? 30 years and he has not seen me for most of them.

[@thejackbutler]

Frances Ball Sorry to hear that. I do think it’s possible to re-connect. Is he stressed by work? Sometimes it’s easier for guys when they are not stressed/preoccupied. Have you guys been on a trip or holiday, is that any different?

[@mominator69]

​@@thejackbutler He might be stressed by work because of the type of work he does(licensed nurse in a drug & alcohol psychiatric rehab resident facility, but the residents are permanent there is no rehab) and I do understand this, I try to make sure our home is quiet and peaceful when he gets home and I do my best to give him time to unwind. He began working for this facility in 1991 until 2002 then he worked for a hospital for ten years and in 2013 he went back to this facility I know he does not like his job. I have tried to encourage him to look elsewhere but he took it as me saying that it wasn't good enough. We have not gone on any kind of vacation together in close to 2 years but he has gone on a vacation with his friends a few times, to his sister's cabin about 300 miles away and hunting a couple of times. He doesn't respond to me when people are around the same way he does when it is just the two of us, I think he hates me as much as any kind of love he has/had for me. He doesn't look at me when we talk about anything at all. I guess he could be emotionally flooding but honestly, words can be spoken without emotion, he is very at that and words can be put on paper. When I asked him if he was emotionally disconnected from me and he said yes, I asked why and he would not tell me so I asked if he wanted an emotional connection with me he said, "no I'm good." we had this conversation twice now he says we never had that conversation but it hurt so bad I journaled about is and I also text my friend because I was s confused about it. I don't think he has forgotten the conversation, I think he just realized that it should not be this way and he doesn't want to discuss it.

[@thejackbutler]

Frances Ball Have you watched my video why does my husband hate me?

[@mominator69]

@@thejackbutler Yes I have but perhaps I will watch it again as I may have been distracted at the time. Thank you

[@thejackbutler]

Frances Ball 🙏