I'm hard on myself | Life limiting illness chat

Hi everyone. I think this is a really important topic. I'm sorry I'm a bit rambly sometimes, I get really bad brain fog and fainting related symptoms. I wanted to open up a conversation. Society expects so much of people who are unwell. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. You are either unwell but carrying on as they would expect or unwell and thus incapable. I think these expectations have made me be really self critical. Yes, I'm not doing things in a mainstream way - but I am doing things. I have dusted myself down and continue on.
If you would like to read about my challenges day to day please head over to my blog hannahwritesablog.wordpress.com
Hope you are all having an okay day.
My twitter: @hannahhodgson20

[@katieparker3414]

I'm really surprised you're only 19, you come across as very mature and eloquent, I've been really enjoying watching you're channel, you already seem to be becoming really natural talking to the camera x

[@HannahHodgson]

Katie x thank you, that's so lovely to hear!

[@dylnpickl846]

I found your channel through a comment you made on Annies video. I've been struggling with undiagnosed progressive/compounding illness(es) for a couple years and have recently become house/bed ridden. Finding people like you online and watching you talk about your day to day life living with chronic illness, finding different ways to function and cope, and repeatedly learning to accept our bodies and situations, it's very therapeutic and has helped me cope with being home and alone so much. I hope that once I have a diagnosis and/or some kind of treatment that I'll be able to accomplish some of my goals as well, even if they are mostly within my apartment. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

[@caitlin3739]

Hi Hannah, I've just recently discovered your channel and it's such a breath of fresh air to have someone so genuine share a part of themselves with us. I'm 20 and have Crohn's disease, which is a type of Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Although our situations are different, I can really relate to you in some ways. I hope you're doing well x

[@HannahHodgson]

Thank you for watching

[@MKReads]

Hi Hannah, I might have said this before, but, my sister has a chronic illness, including POTS. It is a very difficult way to live. She has several other medical issues as well, but, It's something she has learned to live with and learned to really rely on God to get her through it. I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but we are a religious family and seeing my sister grow and become more comfortable with herself as a person, despite the challenges she faces, it's really encouraging. I said all that to say that it's really helpful to see you, another person, who has a similar, if not more difficult situation, doing as well as you are doing. It's really encouraging. My sister, in the last few months, has been doing way more than I've seen her do in years. I know your situation is different then what she is going through, but I hope hearing about someone else with a chronic illness will be an encouragement to you as well.

[@chee_chan]

Hey there Hannah! First off, thank you so much for sharing a very private and difficult part of your life. I truly needed to hear this right now. I myself was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis very recently with my first major symptoms starting about 7 months ago after a head injury. I am now completely wheelchair bound and have no control over/feeling in my legs, BUT my feet are still very strong and mobile, which helps a ton. I also suffer from body/hand tremors, nerve pain, facial twitching etc., I'm almost certain that I have something other than MS going on, but at least I have a starting point. I LOVED that you talked about not feeling "normal". I too have said that many times, but have been able to switch over my thinking. I now try to view it as just a new stage of my life or a new adventure. Whether or not I improve quickly, slowly, or at all, I am striving to enjoy what I can and appreciate all that I've been blessed with. I know this is a really long comment but I really do appreciate your message. Your strength and your kind disposition really brought me joy when I was very much in need of it! :)

[@HannahHodgson]

Alisa Murashige You sound like you are going through such a flight time! I made this video to talk to myself when I am feeling as you are (because it happens, it's natural to feel down sometimes), so I am over the moon you got something from it! Treating this positively (as a new adventure as you said) makes life so much easier. I have found that since being ill the little things mean a lot. Take care of yourself xx

[@shegatheredbooks]

Hannah, what a truly honest, well thought out and well spoken video. What an inspirational young woman you are 💜

[@HannahHodgson]

She Gathered Books Thank you! The book sparked some life changing thoughts on me, so worth a read xx

[@mrd4518]

Thank you so much for this video, I have had a terrible day and really needed to hear this today. I have multiple chronic physical health conditions as well as anxiety and depression. I especially like what you said about being proud of every little and big achievement, it's a really hard thing to tell ourselves because we are always comparing ourselves to healthy people.

[@esmetimmans5265]

Love so much

[@theotherbrief]

I'm so sorry you've been through the woods. It was relieving to hear about another young person struggling with Chronic Health issues that are limiting in certain ways but overcoming those societal expectations that do more to hinder rather than help. I think your KZbin channel is a fantastic achievement especially when just getting through a morning routine takes a mammoth effort. Often I think those living with Chronic Illness are made invisible. We see you.

[@HannahHodgson]

The Other... Thank you so much for this comment - I have just been admitted to hospital and you made me smile, so thank you :)

[@CateKanell]

Hello Hannah :) I rarely comment on videos, but I feel moved to write to you because you are such a lovely, courageous, genuine, and kind soul! I have struggled with chronic health conditions as well and though our stories are different, I can absolutely relate to you. Thank you for sharing these vulnerable parts of your life with us. These things are not spoken about enough and what you are doing here is truly important. I hope you continue to share about these parts of your life because although I know your channel is mainly book-driven, I find it so inspiring to hear how your reading sheds light on your personal experiences. All my best wishes to you, Hannah. You have a timeless beauty, inside and out, and a spark in you that will never dim. I know you've recently been admitted to hospital again- I'm sending you a hug and prayers for a swift recovery and lots of comfort along the way! xx

[@HannahHodgson]

Cate Kanell Bless you, thank you so much. Your comment has really lifted my spirits at a bit of a privately difficult time - so thank you! X

[@iffyaka9064]

love you Hannah! As someone living with chronic issues, this really helped...a perspective that I think I've always been waiting for

[@HannahHodgson]

iffy aka I would really recommend Confidence by Katie Piper in that case. I have never been one for self help books (usually find them patronising) but this has seriously revolutionised my mental health. It's also encouraged me to pick up some more books to help me with some feelings of anxiety I have been having - something there is no chance I would have done if I hadn't listened to the book! Have you ever read anything you think I should give a shot? x

[@iffyaka9064]

Hannah Hodgson Thank you for the suggestion Hannah! I'm definitely going to read this book. based on ur review it looks very promising! I haven't read any books on this topic of self help and I really think I should. Katie Piper's book is where I'm going to start!

[@HannahHodgson]

iffy aka It is a brilliant place to begin :) we are becoming self help book newbies together then, haha :) make sure you drop me a line if you find a good one. x

[@AlyssaWhite88]

Thank you for being so brave and for telling your story. You are beautiful and incredible!

[@HannahHodgson]

Alyssa White that is so lovely of you to say, I just don't think serious illness is discussed enough. Katie Piper's book really inspired me

[@kiki7428]

I have so much respect for you and your attitude! Stay strong Hannah xx

[@HannahHodgson]

Johanna H. Thank you, that is so lovely of you to say :) x

[@EleanorAvon]

This is such a gorgeous, eloquent, brave, wonderful video. Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts with us. And honestly, I think you're a much more interesting and worthwhile person to talk to than society's "norm". x

[@HannahHodgson]

EleanorsHead Thank you, that's so lovely :)

[@LittleBohoChick]

You are brilliant you are!

[@mollysaxby5999]

you are so strong and positive, love your channel and videos xx

[@HannahHodgson]

molly saxby Thats so lovely of you to say, thank you xx

[@amybower86]

I found you on Lucy's video and I actually can't believe how brave and strong you are! You're such an inspiration, WELL DONE on describing this so eloquently and cleverly. Subscribing right now.

[@HannahHodgson]

Amy Bower aw thank you! That's very kind :)

[@littlelola8182]

Just subscribed loved the video came from the comment on Louise's channel 💕

[@shalacarter6658]

This is brilliant!

[@Pippypoppy1994]

Very brave to post this, as someone living with a condition every day this made me feel like someone is going through similar things 🙏🏻☺️

[@89DoraH]

you're strong. Love.

[@sweetlittlebookworm1855]

You are a really lovely person. I love hearing from you. Looking forward to watching more and more videos from you 😊😊

[@sophywells5779]

Hey, I've literally just found your channel, so glad I did. I have POTS and EDS, I know how hard life can be especially early mornings. I agree with all your points thanks for sharing this I will definitely read this book.

[@HannahHodgson]

You should, its fab! And welcome :)

[@nocturnaljournal7431]

Thank you for speaking about this! It sounds like such a difficult thing to deal with but you talk about it in such a calm and concise way. I just stumbled across your channel and I really like your set up! I'm studying English at the moment so super interested in new book tubers! My best friend and I just started up a channel as well, have no idea what we're doing but it's nice to see some other new youtubers because sometimes it seems like the whole place is just people with millions haha x

[@HannahHodgson]

NocturnalJournal Good luck with your channel - I will head over and check it out. Hope you are enjoying your English course. I'm about to finish education and do a poetry mentorship for a year so I am super excited for that🎉📚

[@karinap8238]

I struggle with anxiety and stress a lot, so I don't really go places and do "normal" teen activites. This video was truly inspiring, thank you for sharing your insight.

[@HannahHodgson]

Human Pie One of the reasons I made this video is to bring conversation to such an unseen area, hope you are doing okay :)

[@karinap8238]

Thank you I hope you're doing well too :)

[@KomalMadhan]

Hey, I found you when you commented on Daniel J Layton's video (Love him!) and i found this KZbin channel. I really hope you make more videos about books (what genre do you most like to read?). This video really made me realise how ungrateful I can be so thanks for sharing your incredibly inspiring story. Random question: do you watch Jack Howard (Jack and Dean?) I absolutely adore them! Subscribed!

[@HannahHodgson]

Fireheart K Hey, thanks for dropping by. Dan is so, so good. He's amazing at VEDA! I do watch Jack Howard now and the, he's a good guy as well :)

[@wordswildflowers8048]

I'm so, so glad I found your channel! You're such a lovely spirit.

[@HannahHodgson]

Katherine Lyle Thank you that is such a lovely thing to say 😊

[@thetastychapter]

Hannah, what a great video!! What you said made me really think about how I speak to myself like that too, and the changes I need to make. I have POTS too, so I understand what it can be like. I will have to check out Katie's book! Thank you x

[@HannahHodgson]

Gem POTs is very difficult to manage! Thanks you so much for dropping by, it's great to hear from other people who have challenges!! x

[@Taymanator0051]

Hannah, this was really interesting! For having just started making videos a month ago, you are really good already! I have been looking for some channels related to books and the like, so I think I will investigate more of your videos. Well done on this

[@HannahHodgson]

Taymanator0051 Thank you, that's so lovely x

[@kathleenmulvihill7801]

You are so correct- what is normal?? We all are who we are...btw I love the pretty books on the shelf behind your head...are they all your journals??

[@katelefar8824]

Hi Hannah. This was a great video and you can see from the viewing stats and comments that many others think so too. I know you want to make primarily a book reviewing channel but I wonder if you might consider broadening your content sometimes, perhaps even regularly, as we like it! Also I've met Katie Piper several times through supporting her foundation at a company I worked at. You should contact her and tell her how much she's helped you. She'd love to hear that. Who wouldn't?! I've ordered the book you reviewed too - When Breath Becomes Air - and am really looking forward to reading it. Thanks for the recommendation, I'd never heard of it.

[@HannahHodgson]

Hello! I am going to be uploading a chat like this every other week (two a month) I think. I have realised how important it is to get your message out there and heard on issues such as these. I contacted Katie via. twitter and I was over the moon with her lovely response. You will have a good face paced read in When Breath becomes Air. What a stunning book. Thank you so much for dropping by. x

[@markec123]

Damn it's so hard to watch these videos when young smart good people become so ill. It's heartbreaking. I'm a grown man and I cried so hard while reading The Fault in Our Stars. Maybe you could watch videos from another youtuber Ashton Murdock and how she deals with her horrible life changing injury. I think she does pretty well considering her options.

[@dawn7617]

Hello Hannah, I have just found your channel and subscribed. Just wanted to say you seem like such a lovely girl and so mature. I really hope your tube channel gives you a lot of enjoyment and it sounds like you have a lovely supportive family too. :) xx

[@HannahHodgson]

Dawn H My family is incredible, I honestly don't know where I'd be without them, they have taken so much on over the last few years and I will be forever grateful to them. My KZbin channel is really helping my mental health. Knowing there are people out there who want to hear what I have to say is amazing! I never expected a trickle, never mind this flood of love and support xx

[@tatnsteph]

Hannah I think your an amazing beautiful young lady. keep your chin up xxxx

[@HannahHodgson]

Thank you, that is such a lovely thing to say. It can be difficult but I have a wonderful family and am finding KZbin to be really supportive and friendly as well, which I wasn't expecting! xx

[@georginareads3969]

Hi Hannah! I'm a booktube newbie from the uk & I'm 19, have POTS, GI issues & possible EDS too & also got ill 3 years ago 😮 As you can imagine, this was so crazy to watch as you've gone through almost exactly the same thing me 😮 I'm really sorry you're going through this too but I'd be happy to give you my social media name if you need someone to talk to who can fully understand, empathise & relate 😊 This was the best video I've watched this year & I really needed to hear everything you said so thank you so much 😊 Ps, I haven't got a feeding tube yet which is why I'm up at this ridiculous hour- really cannot sleep through the nausea tonight so you've really helped me :) Hope this doesn't wake you x

[@HannahHodgson]

Georgina Reads Wow, that is weird! Would be lovely to chat on twitter if you have it? Thank you for being so lovely about what I said :) xx

[@georginareads3969]

Hannah Hodgson You're welcome 😊 It's such a coincidence isn't it! (Although I think it's typical for pots & other conditions to develop in this way- so maybe not so much of a coincidence after all 😂) I have Twitter but I don't use it much so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit slow to reply (but I'm sure if I figure out how to get my notifications on I'd be better) or I normally use Facebook messenger if you have that? xx

[@HannahHodgson]

Georgina Reads I don't really use Facebook, I'm a Twitter lover :)

[@spooniecrafts]

thanks for making this video. I think I'll get Katie Piper's audio book. I have a few different health conditions which affect me so I'm also not living the life society expects me to. however I just got a job again after 6 years! proud of that. have you read Gut by Guilia Enders? I haven't yet but it's on my audible list; several of my friends have read it and say it's great x

[@HannahHodgson]

Karen I haven't read gut, I'm a bit worried it won't really be relevant as it will probably be geared towards people that eat. If you give it a go do let me know because I genuinely want to try it but am a bit nervous! Congratulations on the job 🎉🎉 That is HUGE. Well done you :) x

[@spooniecrafts]

Hannah Hodgson thanks! If you have audible, as I suspect you do, you could always return it if it turns out not to be relevant to you. they have a no quibble returns policy as you may know! x

[@HannahHodgson]

Karen didn't know that so thanks :)

[@spooniecrafts]

Hannah Hodgson you can only do it via desktop site rather than mobile. I think you'd also like Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. it's about overcoming the fear of the creative process 😊

[@NotAnotherKuromi]

What condition do you have that is life limiting? I am sorry you have intestinal failure & POTS. I am glad you have found Katie Pipers book so helpful:)

[@HannahHodgson]

Sammy Ariel I have other conditions that I don't talk about on camera yet, but my gastrointestinal symptoms are degenerative, and have deteriorated and I also have EDS. I'm also having investigations for things. I'm not on TPN yet, I am clinging on to tube feeding by the skin of my teeth! I am in bed at least 14 hours a day due to tube feeding intolerance though which is rubbish. Katie Piper is inspirational, she's really made me rethink my thinking!

[@briharris5544]

This video is so inspirational and amazing to watch. You are such a beautiful and accomplished young woman and I look up to you as a role model x congrats for coming to the end of your A levels!! What subjects did you do? I'm in my first year with exams in 2 weeks. And I know it's nothing like your medical conditions but I have Crohn's Disease so can relate a little with the gastro x anyway just congrats on being you!!!

[@HannahHodgson]

Bri Harris I'm only doing one a level now, I started off with two but it made me stressed out so I stopped. What are you studying? :)

[@briharris5544]

Right now I'm doing English Language, English Lit, Sociology, and Classical Civilisation

[@HannahHodgson]

Bri Harris wow! Nearly identical to what I was doing before I got ill! I was doing English language, English Lit, Sociology and History :)

[@briharris5544]

Hannah Hodgson that's so Cool! It's a lot of content though

[@HannahHodgson]

Bri Harris yep, it really is! If you love a subject that's gotta help! Thinking of you in study leave 😑😫