I’m Scared I Married Someone Like My Dad

[@WWEGamesClub-t8v]

This is an example of someone who experienced a lot of trauma and pain and refused to repeat that cycle with her husband and her children. I believe you have no business reproducing or getting married unless you stop the cycle of abuse in your family. Congratulations to this woman this is what success looks like.

[@badgirlhollywood9741]

Yea that’s very true I am never getting remarried the first one was too rough the upcoming divorcing is going to be hell on earth

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

So happy I’m working on myself in my 20s, so I never have to do that. I refuse. I’ve gone through a lot of loss letting go of the wrong people, but it’s for the best.

[@Ashveni]

Nope thats projection and insecurity taking over instead of fixing you own issues

[@theprodigalson4003]

I’ll do like this then

[@NewGuy2024]

My Dad was the best: --Dad --Husband --Brother --Uncle --Neighbor --Boss --Coworker --Disciple of Christ Miss you Dad, can't wait to see you again.

[@actuallyterry]

You are lucky, you had one of the great ones.❤

[@DawnMaxwell-y4z]

I had the same type of loving Dad ever. I miss him so much… tears are forming as I type this. R I H DADDY 11-14-2014 🙏🏽♥️🌹😢😢😢

[@lela888]

Wow well isn’t that great for you

[@FellDownTheCornHole]

This is an unnecessary comment.

[@m.i.n.d.y]

After years of therapy and hard work to overcome my issues and wounds in relation with my dad, my nervous system still somehow attracted someone like my dad. It’s not always that people haven’t put in the work. Sometimes our faulty wiring just runs deeper. What John said about our nervous system is unfortunately true. Some of us have a lot more of the work to do

[@Alice-sj9or]

Same. After years and years of self-work and therapy - dating my father's copy. Self-aware af yet can't let go. Must let go though, it won't end well...

[@ineedhoez]

To be honest with you, it's because the work that you did in therapy wasn't corrective. Looking to subconscious reprogramming. It takes 30 days to reprogram a core wound. I fundamentally changed my dating behavior and healed my core wounds in less than a month. Look into the personal development school. The program lays out results in 90 days.

[@wf4983]

Me too: only can recommend the personal development school

[@theangelwearsprana1869]

People with these kind of issues may have karmic debt from past lives to pay or have chosen a difficult life to learn very deep soul lessons. Healing things on a subconscious level or through a shaman or spiritual healer would be helpful

[@xy-dd2kb]

​@@theangelwearsprana1869 Eff you for this victim blaming bs

[@sackettfamily4685]

I married someone with a similar back story to life. And it took years for him to finally stop, dramatically offering to leave. Almost every fight we had, he'd assume one of us was leaving. He's starting to calm down after almost 6yrs of crazy life. He's a very good husband and learning about fatherhood

[@abigailloar956]

My husband and I never fought until we had a child. Right away, he started asking if he should leave or even talk about suicide. I finally asked him if he really thinks that me fighting means I'm giving up? I told him I'm fighting for us and that talking about hard things means I actively want to be with you, and threatening exits makes me feel unsafe. He finally understood and stopped being avoidance. We were together for 8 years before having a child. It's crazy how you think you have your relationship figured out until kids enter the picture. I'm glad we worked it out but it was suprising.

[@SENSEF]

​@@abigailloar956This!!! Too many people don't understand this. Thank you for sharing.

[@lifeisall488]

You attract what you dont or haven't heal including relationships of parents

[@sueblack5794]

Getting the Love You Want is an excellent book that explains this. The therapists talk about how some of the clients had several options of partners who were healthy for the most part and they would dump them. Then marry or partner up with the person who mimicked their parents and the one that may trigger emotional instability. This is why therapy is important, so you can see the patterns you have in relationships and how to not sabotage your life. They believe you can still build a strong marriage though (with a lot of work) even if you marry someone like your parent.

[@jones2277]

not me.

[@cyn5962]

​@@sueblack5794That is a book worth reading.

[@razmiddle9410]

Men should learn to choose better instead of abandoning children they chose to create - if you make the choice to have the kind of sex with a woman that can result in pregnancy and aren't taking personal responsibility for protection, you should accept the consequences that come from that choice, instead of only sticking around to raise the child if you're with the mother. The caller's mother should have made better life choices, but ultimately did choose to birth and stick around to raise the children. Her father chose poorly and ran away instead of live with the consequences of his own choices.

[@NRQ-zv5bp]

Wait a second. She mentioned how her dad stopped visiting her when he found out he couldn't hang out with the mom. So it goes to show that he was abandoning the child. ​@@silentnot4812

[@csx6910]

Whoa there, Diana, you 'ladies' are the ones spreading for those guys. Be a better judge of character and don't give it to them until they prove themselves by their actions. The problem starts with YOU.

[@aureliediebold9444]

​@@csx6910 very nice display of double standard 😂

[@csx6910]

@@aureliediebold9444 You're pretty clueless, huh? People like you and OP commonly bash guys as having no self control when it comes to sex and yet somehow think he alone determines what happens. It's called accountability. And it begins with the one person that can shut the whole interaction down in an instant: the woman. A sensible woman knows that you don't have unprotected sex with a man that doesn't want to be a father. A sensible woman with be on birth control or require the man to wear a condom every single time until he's proven himself to be worthy of being a father by _being in a real relationship_ rather than just focking. Then marriage because that's another metric of reliability. And working to build a future for you both. Problem is, you like the 'bad boy' because he's fun then find out that's all he is. Then you're a single mother and doomed. This is one instance you need to be more like a man and use common sense, logic, and reason rather than the silly reasoning most of you use.

[@yolandalcheek462]

Men and women are equally responsible for the choice we make

[@GoldenDragonfly1]

It's one of my biggest fears to be with someone like my dad. And sometimes I think I'd rather d*e or end it myself. 😅 Not a good mind-set, I know. I hope one day, I don't have to think like this anymore.

[@jones2277]

mine too. every time someone insults me for being single, i remind myself that it's better than being in a poisonous relationship.

[@GoldenDragonfly1]

@jones2277 it's sad that this is reality. Noone can hurt us more than the people we love. I am sorry for whatever happened to you and the pain you had to experience. I hope you can heal or maybe you already did. Then I am proud of you. I wish you all the best for your future. Stay strong and find happiness. My father almost took my mums life. Stay single. Stay safe. Good luck

[@jones2277]

@@GoldenDragonfly1 thank you. i wish you well, too.

[@joywebster2678]

I said that too. I chose a very physically different man, one who loved to laugh. He had the steadiness of my Dad i did admire. But 5 yrs later i diovorced him because he was a genuine narcissist. And his inner workings were more like my narcissistic mother. So i avoided marrying my stern, cold Dad andcmarried my narc mom. Moral of the story, deal with some of your childhood trauma before you pick your life partner.

[@wf4983]

Can it also be a different question? I never asked myself: what about me caused that I was not seen and not good enough taken care of, that I was not protected enough, that I was not regarded enough, motivated enough. I knew they had to fight with problems and circumstances. I always just wanted to solve the problems so that we as a family can live in a peace where everybody's concerns have a place and can be solved mutually.

[@joywebster2678]

Because it wasnt anything about you as a child that caused your parents to argue. They may have used your normal actions as the surface cause for their arguments. But as you said, you wished and tried to fix something that wasnt yours to fix.

[@scratch57]

her mom was a train-wreck of a human being. this woman is doing waaaaay better than her mother and should feel very proud of that.

[@eden.e8863]

6:20 Although i don’t disagree - anxiety is literally your nervous system going into flight or flight/ building adrenaline for threats that you perceive as life threatening, even though they may not be - a natural reaction and disorder that many have from perceived threats. Instead of ‘nervous system’ i’d say it’s your *inner child* . Your inner child is going to always search/ yearn for the love from others that your parents or caregivers may or may not have given to you. This I feel like, is what drives our older selves to fall into familiar patterns that may align with our childhood goos or bad as well as create new ones!

[@fire12731]

Jane has not dealt with any of her trauma 😢😢😢. She has a ton on her emotional plate! Her mom is a real piece of work and so is the dad. She’s not fine with anything. I feel for her

[@naomirachel9161]

Yup.

[@rz8753]

She has abandonment issues , when she said “I’m fine “ she’s not … hopefully she can work through this ? This is coming from someone who has daddy issues.

[@texasgoddess323]

I’m really curious as to why she didn’t ask her father why he left. She says she’s okay with him no longer being there, but that would be hurtful for anyone to experience. It feels like she doesn’t want to face the unfortunate realities of her life. Hence, she chooses to see her mother’s good side.🌻

[@sharonl1965]

I'm sad for her because he abandoned her twice! Noone deserves that.

[@vivianworden]

It's not that you marry your unfinished trauma. You have been conditioned to be the target of trauma and will attract a person who uses and abuses. You don't see red flags and you make excuses. You put yourself on the back burner while doting on your abuser. It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your job or the friends you surround yourself with. So called normal people are turned off by the people pleasing and the spacey way we can be when we check out. Believe me I know.

[@startfromsquareone2913]

For my parts that is so true. My dad was an alcoholic and my childhood traumatising...I never got to know to the real him because of the addiction. I married a man who I really loved, after a few years it turns out, he has an alcohol problem,too. And I am trying to help him, to fix him, to be the little girl that finally is able to be important enough for my loved one to stop drinking. But I am not, I wasn't for him as I wasn't for my father. I left him and felt that instant relief. Finally being able to heal from all that trauma. Now I am with someone who gives me so much love and whos values aline so much with mine and I feel extremly rewarded for the hard work. But that quote is 100% for me. Thanks❤

[@Gabster1990]

People usually marry other people who are like their parents.

[@JustinCase780]

Small sampling.

[@ST-rj8iu]

Well we become our parents in many ways so it makes sense. Does it always have to be based in trauma?

[@sensimania]

And some decide not to marry anyone based on what they witnessed with their parents

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@sensimaniatrue, I’m one of them.

[@sensimania]

@@alluringbliss4165 Me too

[@Monae6890]

My dad and husband are total opposites haha

[@MsMak03]

For the better or worse lol

[@justkimintheworld6298]

Mine are opposite as well. I did that on purpose. My sister however, has been married three times and all three of them were very much like my father.

[@ireefree2024]

​@@justkimintheworld6298 me,too 😊

[@Monae6890]

@@MsMak03 definitely for better haha

[@MsMak03]

@@Monae6890 excellent, sorry dad 🌚😂

[@tina_miss_da_meana]

Dang, he is good. ❤

[@sueblack5794]

"Marrying your Parent" is very common and a lot of people do it. He is using vernacular that goes with that type of therapy.

[@tina_miss_da_meana]

@@sueblack5794 yes, I got that.

[@RoseNZieg]

I can definitely spot people who fit into the "unfinished business" category. I run away as fast as I can.

[@jakefromstfm]

East central Illinois represent!

[@Alexius1Komnenos]

Comments are missing one key detail. After finding and connecting with her father, he seemed to make a genuine effort to be in her life. Funny how once her mother became involved, he disappears again. 3 children with 3 fathers, and many other strange men. Her father didn’t just abandon her, he was driven away, as that mother drove away all men in her life. I bet now that the mother has passed, she might be able to have a real relationship with her father now

[@tomnohmy1273]

I'm scared I'm single with myself, I'm a handful

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays

[@jaxman1235]

One of the best sessions I haver ever heard! Thanks for your program. Greatly Appreciated

[@normantheforeman9866]

Misleading title

[@cherb3145]

Yeah from the title, I was really looking forward to watching.

[@Trudloops]

I thought so at first, but in a roundabout way, the title is correct. She wondered if she had married her unfinished business with her dad. But John showed that she didn't.

[@patriciaegan7244]

To the caller, based on what you said, you made it to college. That’s good. College may not be the answer for some. But you moved on. Keep moving on. Somethings may never be answered ✨

[@destinyisours7313]

Hi Jane, I’ve had a very fractured childhood with parents having multiple marriages and children. I’d love to talk to you if I could! x❤

[@Int868]

Dad was a problem but mom was not a saint ! The dad should have checked if he was the dad and he should have been involved in her upbringing.

[@gutenmorgan2063]

i want to get married and fall in love but at the same time im terrified to have a marriage like my parents, so therefore i am single

[@huntforberries]

Can she investigate the full story of what her mom fully said to him before he cut contact? Mother's can spin things.

[@staceystrukel1917]

Seriously?!

[@tagaway6173]

I dont get it, what about her dad is similar to her partner? I missed that part 😅

[@90charim]

28yrs and now she is asking this question 😮

[@amare83]

❤

[@DevHazy]

Her marriage ❤❤❤

[@p.s.6674]

Sitka 💯💯💯

[@StrizzyBlizzy]

Short answer? You did. And you should divorce him as soon as you possibly can.

[@raesully2615]

My father was physically abusive and I married a man who was also physically abusive. 😔💔

[@yolandalcheek462]

Dang he just wanted the mom 😂trauma

[@starlingswallow]

First!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@mitsubachi6865]

Her mother's love life was such a mess. Not the best environnement for children to grow up.

[@staceystrukel1917]

It’s better than straight up abandonment.

[@rafaelnarvaez6303]

She needs to get 3 jobs

[@Melissa.712]

😅🤣

[@alluringbliss4165]

😂

[@abigailloar956]

😂😂 Not what I was expecting, but what I needed

[@lebumjames1373]

lmaoo

[@Ell5589]

This is another repeat

[@FrankS111]

Your mom had 3 kids from different men. Sounds like she was the problem.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Well along with all three of the men...

[@KimRope]

@@sarahalderman3126exaccccccttttly. My mom did the same thing and it might have been partly bc her dad left, her stepdad abused her, and her mom would sell her for sex as a teenager. And then bad men would live off her support without helping , use her for sex, get her pregnant, leave. 🤷🏻‍♀️ mayyybe?

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@KimRope 100% It literally takes, at the very least two😉

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@KimRopethat’s catastrophic

[@dahliaherrod4301]

Why can't it be both?

[@Gee_MoneyzGee_Moneyz]

My dad is the problem ,but my mom had 3 kids outside of the marriage. The man saw the red flags and ran 🏃‍♂️

[@neisci]

Not before he made another child with this woman who already had children outside the marriage.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Exactly the sort that causes this problem in the first place.

[@mxusa8383]

Mom was probably a smoke show when she was younger and just rode the c@ck carousel. Many relationships and multiple kids later she probably had a mom that had similar behaviors as well. Dad had his fun and saw the crazy in her mom and bailed after he got his piece.

[@purplepride94]

What comes first the chicken or the egg…seems like in situations like this the parties will point fingers at each other instead of both working on themselves…and because they didn’t work on themselves the kids get affected by it

[@Melissa.712]

​@@neisci"outside marriage" I hear this all this time🙄 do you think if somebody gets married first and then has kids they still can't get divorced??

[@joeriveracomedy]

I saw an ingredient on the back of the hamburger helper box I didn't recognize so let me call a cooking show to ask about it

[@nevatoolate]

Sounds to me like he left because the mom was a terrible person. That’s why she went through the carousel so many dudes and they all ran. It was a mom’s fault not the dad’s fault.

[@Heeta.]

And yet the dad wanted to get back with the mom 🤔

[@staceystrukel1917]

Let me get this straight…the mom stayed and raised her, the dad abandoned her but the mom is the problem. Make it make sense.

[@unknowncomment85]

this lady thinks she has a great mom.. 🥴.. lol.. women .. mom was a 304, daughter and grandkids will likely become a 304, apple doesn’t fall far from the apple tree

[@mysurfing3550]

Well at least the mom stuck around and did the work. Her dad was a lazy coward who didn't man up.

[@jones2277]

anything to excuse the men for not sticking around to raise their progeny.

[@unknowncomment85]

@@mysurfing3550 man up and stick around to raise a kid with a wh0re?

[@lebumjames1373]

@@mysurfing3550that's the bare minimum lol, you don't get praised for taking care of a child you voluntarily brought into the world.

[@normantheforeman9866]

Misleading title

[@Melissa.712]

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