My Boyfriend Won’t Let Me Meet His Kids

- A woman wondering why her boyfriend won’t let her meet his kids
- A man wondering how to develop real friendships
- How strategic planning with your spouse can improve your marriage
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- Hallow - www.hallow.com...
- Thorne (25% Off Orders) - www.thorne.com...
- Organifi - protect-us.mim...
- EveryDollar - www.ramseysolu...
- Eight Sleep - eightsleep.com...
- Apollo Neuro apolloneuro.co...
Resources:
• Building a Non-Anxious Life: bit.ly/3EL5ubR
• Anxiety Test: bit.ly/460QXUp
• Own Your Past, Change Your Future: bit.ly/47q7Skm
• Questions for Humans Conversation Cards: bit.ly/472lIKd
• John's Free Guided Meditation: bit.ly/3MAGpEV
- Marriage Getaway Planner: shorturl.at/dqIRV
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( johndelony/)
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp... and get on your way to being your best self.
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolu...

[@MisterNightfish]

Mary is more lonely in her relationship than most people that are alone.

[@Shangri-LaGrange]

These are the exact words someone I know spoke over her situation after getting out of this same kind of relationship after TEN years!!

[@VhilenaNelson]

Yes!! I know this too well… lonely, “with” someone is the worst thing.

[@BlackStump172]

He is an abusive cold control freak . Scary to move in with him . Even his family do not think that it is right .

[@krism6260]

Thats her decision. They have a Living Apart Together relationship. She can do what she wants in her own time.

[@cwalker6911]

Yeah seriously so sad

[@kw2075]

He doesn’t want his kids being confused about his other girlfriends so he probably keeps all his girlfriends at arms length.

[@BlackStump172]

He may well have other girlfriends . He won’t even take a phone call .

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

For six years?!?!

[@janestephens7062]

I agree , he must have several women In his life. He's never going to marry her.

[@lg223]

Is she sure he's not still married? But, if he isn't married then he has more than one girlfriend. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have a different ringtone for each woman he is dealing with.

[@GodessIsabelRaina]

I think he has supervised supervision but too embarrassed to say why🤔 Now that they turn 18, they can meet❓️🥴

[@ulquiorraisawesome]

She needs to leave this man immediately, like sprinting away from him.

[@Shangri-LaGrange]

Yes she does! Someone close to me went thru something like this. Ten years wasted. His family knew her but his kids couldn’t meet/know her. Run lady! 😢

[@briskettacos]

​@dabd8175 nobody is going to force you to get married dude, nobody is going to give you cooties

[@joannaa.5101]

​@dabd8175 He has his way, and he wouldn't know better if he were shown.

[@trina1962]

YES

[@shirleyvincent131]

Don’t move in! He’s not going to marry you!! You have wasted enough of your life with this person!!! 😢

[@kristencobb230]

My boyfriend and I went SLOW. We had six kids between us and waited a year and half to introduce them. We are one big family now. I understand slow, but SIX YEARS is mind boggling. He isn’t all in. Leave friend. There are other great guys out there who will value you and love you well.

[@lorettacollins3061]

a year and a half is not bad. It is not like 6 years. You did it right

[@mightymouse1005]

I would wait a year. I would NOT wait 6 years. I understand not wanting your children hurt. I do think if kids are older teens, you can introduce them sooner.

[@carlam4986]

Mary, I dated a man for 7 years who kept his children from meeting me for almost 5. He told me he didn't want to face his ex-wife's drama about him dating again. It was just a way to control the relationship and hurt me, and see how much he could walk all over me.(It also let him play his ex so she would think they might reconcile.) He actually spent Christmas not only with his family and kids, but he made sure to let me know his ex wife would be there for the kids. Eventually she found out about me and I finally met them. I grew to love them over the next couple years but our relationship did not become the fairy tale I thought it would be. He found other ways to hurt and control me and became increasingly angry with me and my kids. There was the beautiful engagement ring he was considering and showed me in the jewelers and showed me the card in his wallet but never bought so I would be disappointed at every occasion. There were times he'd yell at me and throw things around my house because he didn't like how I did or didn't do something in my house. There were the times my family would invite him to a special occasion and he would arrive in worn out t-shirt and jeans because he didn't feel like dressing up. There were the times he would fight with my kids and one moved out because of him. It progressed so much that I started to dread the idea of living with this man. If it was already this bad, I couldn't imagine how much worse it would to be under his roof. Mary, he may stick to his word and marry you, but that doesn't mean it will be the marriage you want. This man has let you be alone and hurt time after time and justifies it with "well I told you so". How can someone who loves you the way you deserve do that year after year? Would you ever do that to someone you loved? I left mine 5 years ago. The kids I grew to love, he wouldn't let us see them without him even though they were teens by this time. Just more control. The lack of drama and not walking on eggshells allows you to exhale and then breath in nice and deep. It's a peace so much better than empty promises and half truths.

[@rachelgooden9981]

I hope to God that she reads this

[@neisci]

What a roller-coaster you went through. Stay strong.

[@blah7694]

God it sounds horrible

[@isay207]

When someone shows you who they are believe them

[@carlam4986]

​@@isay207 Absolutely. I learned many lessons. Some of us have to learn the hard way because we didn't have people to teach us our worth as we were growing up. It's so hard to feel worthy when you were raised in a way that consistently told you that you were not.

[@actuallyterry]

Im living nearly the same thing. Its been 2 years for me and 2 days ago I decided that I've had enough. I'm sick of being breadcrumbed.

[@bethford6884]

Good for you! Even if the "man" you left offers to do better, don't believe him. He's shown you his lack of respect and empathy.

[@salonsavy6476]

So relatable

[@MJfromdaO]

You’re a single mother deal with it you should be happy another man is willing to put up with you

[@BlackStump172]

⁠@@MJfromdaORidiculous comment! Grow up .

[@mirosDV]

Mary, you are precious and so is your child. Find a man who treasures you. You deserve it. Mary love Mary. If you need to do affirmations, hypnosis and do things that message Mary that you love her, do that. Praying for you sis. You can do this!!!

[@annette2326]

Don't stay just because you've invested 6 years in this relationship. It's not a relationship.

[@analozada9475]

That dude is shady af, and is manipulating her. He’s definitely hiding something from her. She’s living in a fantasy. I would RUN from that dude!

[@ElsaFlanagan2024]

This woman is terrified of being alone. I feel a deep sadness for her. I pray she tells him a genuine, heartfelt goodbye and goes on a long, happy vacation and sees how fun her life is. Her life is great and can be once she allows it.

[@freespiritwithnature4384]

Mary ,if you ever read this, please end it. You sound like a wonderful person, and you deserve a good, decent person . If you allow him to move in, this man will continue to disrespect you. He doesn't love you,and he sure as heck doesn't deserve you .He's using you and controlling you. Please move on. He's not good. This is not a good man. Women like you are special ,and so it's time for you to find your happily ever after, sweetheart. This made me cry.

[@oilnurturelady2347]

Eeeeeven "if" he marries you, the fact that he has sooo many CONDITIONS, rings MAJOR alarm bells!! RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!

[@RepentImmediately]

The condition that his children aren't forced to have a relationship with her?

[@peterlee584]

​@@RepentImmediately Meeting her doesn't mean that they're fotced to have a relationship with her. It can still be their choice. All they have to do is awknowledge her existance and respect her role as their Father's girlfriend. Those are 2 different things.

[@mightymouse1005]

The very BEST gift a controlling toxic person can give you....is NOT being with you.

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@peterlee584I agree, it's not like his children are small and she moved in. His kids are about grown and should have met this lady years ago. It would not have hurt for them to all go out to eat and meet.

[@lauren4078]

This guy exhibits weird and sneaky behavior. I agree with Dr. John that he's likely hiding a lot of other things from her as well.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

He's controlling and will make her life a living hell which she should know by now.

[@JBJB992]

When it comes to his minor children, he's allowed to set boundaries with a stranger looking to take on a role as a 2nd mom. She likes to be a victim and is pouting when things went exactly as planned.

[@peterlee584]

This isn't about setting boundaries. This is about control. It's cruel and disrespectful. I'm a therapist and I have never heard of this and I've been in practice for 15 years. She deserves better.

[@brightpage1020]

Boundaries are appropriate. For strangers. But this lady has been in his life for a number of years and they are talking marriage and cohabitation. He’s dangling those like carrots behind the perceived goal of his children graduating high school. I bet once that is done the new goal will be they graduate college. Or maybe he’s moving girlee in to help pay his bills so he can afford their college? This woman is known of by them. But he won’t let them meet who is so important to him that he wants to move her in? How will he keep his girlf a secret once he’s moved her in to his house? These are presumably the top most significant people in his life: 1) the children (understandable) 2) the girlfriend After a number of years, if he doesn’t trust either her enough to meet them or them enough to respect her then something is off - about him. They don’t need to be together. What guy wouldn’t want to share the best memories with all the people he loves and risk hurting one to keep her out of holidays? Because he is still married and has zero respect for this girl, that’s why. The apartment he has pics of them up in is a side apartment. He goes to a house with wife, I bet ;o) where the kids live.

[@brightpage1020]

And I got $20 that says this side chick isn’t the only one. He probably rotates pictures when she comes so he can get this one over on a few others at the same time. People do some crazy weird stuff.

[@gessrinky9129]

The main point is that he KNOWS this hurts you and continues to do it…he doesn’t care about your feelings and his are coming first…

[@tarledamanley2832]

He probably cheated 😆 and his kids have stated they don't wanna meet the woman he cheated with and if they meet her they are gonna realize she never knew

[@danieljohnson4418]

Conversely, I would argue the world needs more men like him. He set and maintained a boundary. He did not waiver and capitulate to her feelings.

[@RepentImmediately]

Are you sure his children's feelings aren't coming first? Single parents shouldn't even be dating.

[@danieljohnson4418]

@@RepentImmediately: Is that you, Dr. Laura? 🤔

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@danieljohnson4418people dragging children into the world, dragging them through divorce, and then dragging them into their new relationships is the definition of selfish. Believe it or not, no one's gonna die from not getting laid until their kids are out of the house. I was celibate for 11 years and I don't even have kids. Most people don't like themselves enough to be alone for more than 20 minutes, though. My mother lived with 5 different men before I was 18 and my father went through at least a dozen girlfriends. I met all of these randoms. John is a research-oriented person but what do you think the research says about exposing one's children to romantic partners? All he said was the children don't get a choice, like they're just there for the ride and the parents are free to do whatever they want, but the children not having a choice is the very reason a parent needs to make responsible choices, which is what the man in question is doing.

[@starlingswallow]

Mary, my sweet sister friend, you _deserve_ better. Being single and alone is better than being treated this way!!! You deserve someone who delights in you and shows you off to EVERYONE!!! ❤ I hope you leave and learn how to love yourself....

[@RepentImmediately]

Single parents have no business dating.

[@oilnurturelady2347]

I can be lonely all by myself!! I'd rather be ALONE & lonely, than WITH someone, and lonely "INSIDE" the relationship!!

[@RepentImmediately]

People who like themselves don't get lonely when they're alone.

[@oilnurturelady2347]

@@RepentImmediately - I am very happy, fulfilled & comfortable in my own company! Just saying what an irony it is to be WITH someone & feel lonely or alone, when they are right there alongside you, or giving you crumbs, (absent emotionally or otherwise, checked out!) Never settle for lukewarm!

[@mightymouse1005]

At least being single and lonely can be cured. Your FREE, you can go out with friends or meet people. Can always date and be happy. Being lonely WITH someone, sufficates your soul

[@vaska1999]

​@@RepentImmediately I disagree. We're naturally social creatures and can get lonely if we spend too much time alone.

[@sheiladiaz2359]

Exactly how I feel I’d rather be alone than to settle for less

[@daniellelevine9638]

6 years??? No ma’am you’re the side piece.

[@selindavis7389]

She is 😂😂😂

[@jessicajohnson8378]

He doesn't have nobody on the side she said that his ex-wife cheated on him while he was on active duty

[@deborahgrogan1919]

I live in a 55+ HOA. Prior to COVID the guys in our neighborhood would meet for breakfast once a month. All were invited and over time the group grew and evolved. They called themselves the ROMEOs - Real Old Men Eating Out. 😍

[@fire12731]

His family loves this woman more than he does

[@franziskani]

first caller: the ex wife of the boyfriend ALLEGEDLY had an affair while he was "on government duty" (so military). She has to believe it, and he makes damn sure she cannot verify.

[@Prettymom619]

6 years together and not married and had to beg to attend a funeral

[@ihateallyall]

I personally am not going to waste 6+ years on somebody whose life I can’t be a part of. people make weird choices…

[@RepentImmediately]

Smart women don't get married.

[@Emptytopfloor]

@@RepentImmediately smart women don’t date.

[@analafee-diaz7499]

@@RepentImmediatelyOh there is plenty of us intelligent women who get married. We get married to quality men and know marriage takes work and intentionality from both sides.

[@rachelgooden9981]

He has lost respect for her

[@jahbern]

Oh, my heart. When she said she grew up in foster care my heart broke. It makes sense. She doesn’t believe she’s worth a full time family. But Mary, you ARE. You are worth the whole package and worth being loved by his kids the way his family loves you. You can leave and find real love with a real man.

[@texuztweety]

Mary is Co-Dependant, and Co-Dependants attract Narcissistic abusera. Mary needs therapy to learn to draw boundaries, self love, and not tolerate emotional abuse. Mary DON'T MOVE IN with this man, get therapy and end the relationship

[@Heidishereandthere]

Mary needs to realize the kids come first, that dad was correct to not have the hussy move in, and leave his kids with no choice in the matter. 🎉KUDOS🎉 to him, and shame on John for siding with the hussy! Its so sad how peoples thinking has become so twisted these days. 😮

[@glitterstarbeau]

​@@Heidishereandtherehe is a hussy, too. He was sleeping with a woman for 6 years.

[@kimdawcatgirl]

YES!

[@vaska1999]

Exactly.

[@jillt.3195]

Things will not change. You don't need to have a relationship to be happy. You deserve so much more than this. It's not a partnership. He controls everything. Run girl run.

[@RepentImmediately]

Not every relationship needs to be a partnership. He clearly doesn't need her help raising his kids. They're not married. His boundaries are not control. She expected him to change to meet her desires and he didn't and now she's calling John.

[@jovitarich7078]

@@RepentImmediately. Right on point

[@girlygirl1890]

@@RepentImmediately can't believe you said that. It's been 6 years...not 1, not 3, but 6...and he won't even let her be AROUND them. That's a whole lot DIFFERENT thank him needing help "raising" them. Yes, he is being controlling. Or, should I say...he still wants his ex back, (who will NOT take him back) and he doesn't want his kids to see that he is happy with another woman. That's insane after 6 years. If I was her, I'd say "If you want to HIDE me, then buddy, I'll make it REAL EASY for you."

[@rachelabate2401]

​@@RepentImmediatelyExactly. Maybe that's why it was hard for John to answer her question.😊

[@mightymouse1005]

My job, homestead, family and friends bring me much more joy than a toxic man could.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

The man is "clever" and he's playing his cards. He's using the one thing most women are obsessed with (marriage) as a dangling carrot to get his way.

[@SaystheTruth3]

Exactly!

[@soulRegal08]

She has been waiting on this man for 6 years and she is willing to give him an additional year to marry her. She is awfully generous.

[@martinmabry5460]

Awfully 🥲

[@vaska1999]

Unreasonably.

[@figgityfly]

I have 2 friends that were in a similar situation as this woman, but they ended their relationship after around 2 yrs. Their ex-boyfriends met their children while they were in a relationship, but they refused to introduce their children to them. This may be more common than you think.

[@barbiemaxwell5150]

To Mary in a 6 year relationship with a single??? Father. What is going on with YOUR kids? How will they factor in if you move in with this jerk,?

[@TerrelLewis]

6 years is crazy. I'm a single dad and if I date a girl for 6 months she is meeting my kid. Bro hiding something

[@RepentImmediately]

How many women have you introduced to your child?

[@cc99556]

Maybe he doesn’t want to expose his kids to stepshit.

[@krism6260]

6 months is too soon.

[@mightymouse1005]

I think it depends on ages of children. When my kids were small, I took a long time. When my kids were teenagers and old enough to understand dating, I introduced them sooner.

[@MMPM5870]

6 months?? If kids are small, it’s a torture. And I disagree 100%. Not surprised the world is as it now.

[@kristinaldridge1712]

I ended it with a guy who wouldn't let me meet his kids after 6 months because he wasn't ready for something serious. I'm not wasting anymore time on someone. It was fun but I deserve more than that.

[@lilolmecj]

I am sure you made the right decision. But I am of the school of thought that it is not fair to children to meet dating partners unless the idea of marriage is established. I have seen too many children become attached to girlfriends and boyfriends and be heartbroken when a breakup occurs. It is very hard on them. Both of my daughters have dated single dads but would not consider meeting the children because the relationship was not serious. My oldest daughter also loves children and fears she might stay in a relationship because she is fond of the child. She stayed in her marriage longer than she should have because she became attached to his nephew. There are lots of ways to look at it. Obviously I believe you knew the underlying message, and made the right decision.

[@mildajasaite871]

An adult with kids is not ready for anything serious 😂😂

[@marciabernard3820]

Actions speaks louder than words... he's not in love with her..he don't want her to meet his kids because he not planning on staying with her..he van be around her kids but she can't..go n 💕 yourself woman.

[@vivianivey6663]

It doesn’t even sound like he spent a portion of the holidays with her. She’s just a convenience to him. Pease don’t uproot your life.

[@melloxmello6240]

I would understand not meeting kids for about a year of dating because you don’t know how serious you’ll get in the beginning and it might be hard for kids to adjust, but for many years I’ll just feel hidden and that he’s hiding something

[@jenniferbarry5887]

How does anyone think two teenagers are suddenly going to want to live with a lady who will be a stranger to them. Doesn't matter how nice SHE is. He could have introduced her to his children over a couple of years.

[@erzabetf9544]

“I’m wife material.” Thinking about herself in those term is so sad. She’s trying to prove that she has value by publicly attaching herself to this weak, controlling man. But if we’re talking about “material”, he’s not husband material. Why would anyone want to spend time with this jerk? I hope she can find the strength to let go of this freak.

[@millim408]

Its just like John Delony says all the “Behavior is a language” when a man says something BELIEVE IT! I thought my ex would change and he didnt we lasted 22 yrs and we were done, they only change for themselves not being pressured into it.

[@isay207]

Don't pick a fixer upper it doesn't work find one that works

[@WW-he9mz]

If a man truly loves you and cares about you, everything would fall into place naturally. He would become fully committed to you, let you into his life including you meeting his children. When it is so hard like this, he is just not into you. Please walk away, you are just wasting your youthful years in him. Nothing will change. They are just empty words and promises. He will drag this out endlessly. It is OK to be single than to be put thru heartbreak and disappointments, with your youth slipping by.

[@RepentImmediately]

His responsibility is to be fully committed to his kids. She's in second place which is her proper position.

[@lisahall9226]

Is he even divorced????

[@territ1231]

6 years!!!!! Oh hell no!! I am just shaking my head over this. Do not settle ...you need to live your life now and not wait. Life us short!!

[@madisonandthefarm]

Don’t sell your house…don’t move in together…until he is completely honest with you

[@mightymouse1005]

I bet his kids don't know about this lady. Most young adults would ask to meet someone their parent was dating a long time.

[@bethhendricks5567]

I’ve known two women years apart in a similar predicament. Each of them came to work with a black eye with the following stories: I was in a car wreck, I fell off a fence. The common thread? They were focused on marrying regardless!

[@MW-dh1ez]

She needs to say, "I need to married before I move in. " that gives her the answer upfront.

[@thisis.michelletorres444]

LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE HIM... NOW! There is something not right with that man! It could be that he's just a control freak or he could be a serial killer! My point is that this is FAR away from normal and whatever the reason, it's not good and you're not going to want to find out! Leave, block him, say goodbye to his family, change your locks!

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

It's so sad to hear how little this woman values herself.

[@michelejohnson6459]

He's not that into you. 😮

[@ssiegreen5292]

Dearest Mary! The following is said with utter kindness, although it's the hard truth and hurts. You are doormatting! You have no power in your relationship, no input, no sayso - and it's not going to change after you move in [if he doesn't dump you first as you get closer to the "do" date], or by gosh - even get married. If you are okay with that - by all means, proceed. Don't complain about being second best though, an afterthought or that things don't seem to change after you got even deeper in with this man. He's an extremely domineering man, probably a very masculine man that makes you feel safe when you are around him, otherwise you might not have put up with this crap for that long. I'm sure he gets things done, and taken a lot of your worries off the table in other regards over the years, and that can be a powerful draw for a woman who feels lacking and wants to be wallowing in her feminine. But being feminine does not equate with letting yourself treated like a doormat, or a pet. The question you should be asking yourself - is what else do you not know about him???

[@sdmod1]

My widowed brother took a similar approach to 'serving' others by starting up a 'free ice cream' and lawn games day every 3 weeks during the summer. He now has over 100 neighbors (adults and kids) who attend every event. Once folks understood there 'was no catch', they told others and word traveled. He enjoys the interaction and pulling the neighborhood together. Fantastic !!

[@IAMHERE486]

I understand people not wanting their partners to meet their kids but 6 years is way too long.He’s hiding something or maybe still married.

[@RepentImmediately]

He wants the kids to have a choice in who they have a relationship with; why is respecting his children so awful? He owes his commitment to THEM, not her.

[@carlam4986]

@@RepentImmediately Are you him? You're coming to his defense over and over and dissing her. Or are you dating him too?

[@IAMHERE486]

@@RepentImmediately They need to just break up because clearly he’s hiding something.He doesn’t want her to meet his kids and she wants to meet them after 6 years.They don’t have the same values so they should break up.

[@mish375]

He may even have other women on the side. That could be what he's hiding.

[@IAMHERE486]

@@mish375 I definitely believe it’s other women and he knows his kids may innocently expose him.

[@javaskull88]

John nailed it. This guy keeping his life broken up into isolated compartments is disturbing. What other compartments does he have that she doesn’t know about?

[@JP-ll8iy]

Leave him! It won’t get better!

[@alxxxxxxxxxbnhi]

Dr Laura has taught this. Single parents don't remarry until kids are no longer minors. A girlfriend is just someone to date on the side in kid-free time until kids are moved out. If she has agreed to do this for 6 years I'm not sure why she's questioning it now that he is ready to integrate her

[@lithopheliax61x5]

yes, that would be fine in a way, but his family know about her, they invited her to a funeral? and she tells him that she is lonely on Christmas, but he cannot CALL her...? That is what reads weird, like he is making sure to her that she is not only not number one, but that he does not careening to make an effort. so, it might have even started for the kids, but I think because she went with it without conditions he might have lost respect. or he just was in for the controll from the very beginning...

[@Kevin.Grindel]

Strategic partner planning - [ ] How do you feel about last year - [ ] What are you proud of from last year - [ ] What challenges did you face last year - [ ] What are you most looking forward to this year - [ ] Who are you becoming - [ ] What are 4 or 5 ways I could love you better - [ ] What do we need to grieve are there dreams we are letting go of - [ ] What do we need to celebrate - [ ] How did we handle challenges as a team - [ ] Is there anything we want to change - [ ] Talk about sex and intimacy - [ ] Talk about our health - [ ] Parenting - [ ] Money - [ ] Schedule and commitments - [ ] Work - [ ] Action items who does what - [ ] Once a week we work through the week

[@gareof]

His EX was cheating - - How does she know that's true? - -

[@sarahalderman3126]

What is she not understanding? If he loved her and wanted to marry her, he would have married her already. The fact that he still chose to hide her from his kids for over SIX years says he does not love her. If he did he would not be hiding behind his children.

[@freebie2585]

My parents divorced when I, part of 4 daughters, was 4. We still thank Dad for not spending time with a girlfriend and us when it was our time to visit when we were young. We were so broken hearted and missed our dad SO much between visits that we didn't want to share, just wanted our dad. The kids didn't ASK or OPT for divorce. Once out of high school it was different story & we were very accepting of his relationships. Thank you, Dad.

[@TB-jj7ri]

I had a friend in a similar situation. Her bf had so many conditions on integrating her fully into his life. He told her he needed x, y, and z to get married. The goal post continued to move over the years. Then, one day, he decided he was done with her, kicked her out, and was married to another woman within a month. Don't waste your time with men like these, ladies. They are passing time with you until they find someone they actually like.

[@jynclr]

Dr. John's suggestion of hosting a neighborhood cook out or something is an EXCELLENT suggestion. When a very young couple moved to our street, they did exactly what Dr. John is suggesting. And they kept it simple, too! The invites were printed off of their printer, two invites to a page. The invite stated the date, time, and address for a "summer kick off" gathering. We've been doing this every year since.

[@sds6303]

I’m wondering if she realizes she could be the other woman…I’m wondering if he’s still married, she’s the mistress & she has no idea. That’s why he doesn’t want his kids around her bc then they’ll go tell their mom that dad is cheating & he’ll get in a lot of trouble, losing control over the little worlds he’s built.

[@shaunalea823]

That’s exactly what I was thinking 😊

[@snopure]

The family knows about her though -- they're aware of each other on FB, and the family specially invited her to a family funeral despite her boyfriend's wishes, so he's probably not still married.

[@LinGil23]

This! Exactly. I think he's still seeing the mother of his kids. That's why he won't introduce the caller to his kids. He was with the kids and their mother on holidays. I think in May when it comes to her move in date, he will have an excuse for her not to. This is very shady and he's hiding something.

[@midnightblue117]

He’s afraid of his ex wife making his life miserable.. that’s why!

[@joannaa.5101]

Just like a plot for a movie on Lifetime.. a true event but names have been changed... .

[@9liveslisa]

Walk away, Mary. He's holding you back with a 10 foot pole. Walk away.

[@2daFull]

Regarding the first caller, this is all on her. He told her exactly what his expectations were from day one and she accepted it. His reasoning maybe weird but she didn't want to believe it lol

[@dancebrittany23]

I fully support the Marriage Check-In book!!! Please make one John!!

[@OopThereItIs77777]

We’ve done check ins since we first got married. I simply looked up a ton of questions & therapy guided conversations & we are happy/in love. I highly recommend asking “do we like each other?” once a year

[@littlelam3691]

⁠how would you take it of they said no? And would someone really admit it?

[@PandamanGP]

Thought the guy was in the wrong at first, but she conveniently left out that he told her on the FIRST DATE this was how it's gonna go. Why would you assume he's lying on the first date?

[@paisley8519]

If you move into HIS house, you will lose more of yourself than you’ve lost the last six years. HE will make all decisions about what happens in HIS house. He’s already shown you who he is, and that is not someone who sees you as an equal partner. Yes, he told you who he was at the start, so yes, that’s on you. But moving forward ~ you will still be under his control in his house. If nothing else, wait a year before moving in and let him show you who he intends to be - today. He may show you that he is still as controlling, but with other things. You deserve to be happy. Whether that’s happy alone or with happy with someone else who values your feelings.

[@vaska1999]

She should move in with him only if they get married. After they're married.

[@tiffanysweeley4553]

I’m always shocked at what women put up with. And how much they allow men dictate their lives 🙄

[@dbennett20]

Getting a group of our church guys together at our local Jimmy's Egg every Tuesday for breakfast is what my husband did to help the guys to get to know each other better. It's been great for them.

[@christie4336]

First Caller: You deserve better and you won't get better until you get rid of him.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Mary, you are worth so much more than how this man is treating you. Don't move in unless he marries you FIRST. You have sacrificed a lot, and he has gotten everything he wanted. I would have broken up with him a long time ago, because I wouldn't be able to handle being pushed off like this. If you want to make it work though, you need to assert your needs and boundaries

[@kristinj1778]

How sad, she’s worth so much more than this! I hate that women allow men to treat them so horribly

[@kathiemathias212]

Never love themselves.

[@angelanalley1188]

Yes, please create a journal for marriages. You are amazing. Thank you for all of your wisdom.

[@JBJB992]

Frankly, that first caller sounds like the mom who puts her children in 2nd place for the new boyfriend. She is obviously obsessing over him. She's getting alot of sympathy in the comments, but i find her behavior more alarming than her boyfriend's. He had a long-term plan, communicated it then followed it. She's trying to prove her weird loyalty and how his family loves her...as she says.

[@RepentImmediately]

You're probably correct; she can't understand the respect he has for his children because she doesn't feel the same way about her own

[@ellencox8415]

Finally, a sane comment. He knows his children and he respects THEIR choices. Everyone has this Hollywood dream scenario where after a divorce, the children will just go along and be happy about whatever makes their parent happy. No. Your children are forced into the environment you create as their parent and some kids will hold resentment for "replacing" their mother for the rest of their lives because you've rejected and tried to replace half of THEM. He told her the deal, she agreed to the deal, but now she is questioning HIS deal. Not how this works.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

And, is waiting to start her life? Really?

[@vaska1999]

​​@@ellencox8415There's nothing wrong with questioning his deal. She has every right to do so, but she'll also have to act on what she decides is worth putting up with. This guy doesn't sound worth another week of her time, and I hope she realizes that now. She could definitely benefit from some therapy about her very low self esteem.

[@nataliamartin6411]

The journal idea would be amazing. My husband and I are on a path to reconciliation after a 14 month separation, and we're having a whole lot of these conversations. It would be cool to have that all in one place for us.

[@COINsimp2024]

6 years, not allowed to meet his kids, and no proposal? Lady, this is pathetic. Pick yourself up and walk.

[@freespiritwithnature4384]

This is called The Big Con. He's controlling you. This is absolutely disgusting. No woman will stay with him. His rules are disgusting. You don't deserve that! The last 20 yrs of your life are going to fly,pretending you're on your last run. If you don't leave, there won't be time for anyone else, most importantly you. You deserve to be loved. So now you need to ask yourself ," Who will be the last love of your life?" By the time most people build up the guts and really believe they deserve to be loved, 25 yrs have passed. Please don't procrastinate. [Journey's End in Love....is meeting...the new you] .

[@CatherineRozanski1963]

So true...Promising to marry next year is called 'Faking forward' 💔 (empty promises for the future)

[@Red-rose-garden]

Dean dear …go to the senior center…play cards…go to the YMCA or recreation enter..make friends at the local Moose club or VFW..

[@rebekahwilson7703]

Mary doesn’t think too highly of herself.

[@egocentric222]

He won’t marry you or change.

[@RepentImmediately]

The number of people in the comments who think a man should be fully committed to a post-divorce romantic partner rather than being fully committed to his children who "have no choice" as John said, without mentioning what blended families and second marriages have high failure rates I'll add, is pretty amusing. It's likely that the only reason the relationship has lasted this long is because they're NOT married. Meanwhile, commenters are crying, "if he REALLY was in love with her..." The man is using logic. Why is that so crazy? When you date a man with kids you will always be 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th on his life. Grow up. She should enjoy the companion, focus on her own childen, and pursue ways to increase her income. Marriage isn't going to solve anything.

[@franziskani]

His children are already grown up, they are not so delicate anymore and she does not have to move in, this is about SEEING THEM. Not that she lives in the same house, not that she is step mother - only the occasional fun contact. ... he might treat ther as the other woman (and his wife is O.K. with the situation, while the "mistress" thinks he is separated).

[@misamisa2677]

I don't believe the kids should be part of a relationship that is not concrete. 6 yrs heck NO!! Moving in together after 6 yrs its not for me unless thats what you aim for. He does not love you in a good way

[@RellaSemmone]

Mary has to work on her abandonment issues, her self worth, desperation, and being alone . She should've left day one but she can end it now. 10 to 1, it wouldn't matter if she left.

[@maddyabby300]

This guy sounds weird.. she needs to run away from this man, he clearly doesn’t value her enough

[@luannkelly5071]

This should have ended after 3 months! I feel like she has no respect for herself. Get married before you move in with someone. He will never marry her. He doesn't love her. 💔 this is non-committal behavior.

[@amyridley3926]

It's totally fine to not want to integrate 2 households especially with minor children... But no interaction? Weird!Is run like you're on fire

[@RepentImmediately]

What's weird is being a child and being forced to have a relationship with someone just because your parent has feelings for them.

[@misamisa2677]

The fact you are asking is your answer Its your intuition telling you is not the ONE

[@karenhultgren7810]

Sending my support to Dean. Very cool of him to reach out for help. My Dad did not have any close male friends and depended on Mom and us kids for connection. Real shame since he was a great guy and should have had male friends to hang out with. Wishing you great success Dean!

[@lindacornell7881]

if he holds back on this part of his life, he doesn't see you as an important part of it. When we love someone, you want to share everything. The good and the bad. His kids won't want to meet you. you're just the woman my dad sleeps with. Putting you the place of being lower deserving no respect or status in not thinking of you as family.

[@RepentImmediately]

Why should the kids look at her as family just because he's involved with her? They have a mother.

[@lindacornell7881]

@auemmjee why shouldn't they not met her . Your proved point you believe she's lower than them.

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@lindacornell7881because she's irrelevant to their lives. His obligation is to the children he dragged into the world and then dragged through a divorce. The fact that he chooses to have a romantic relationship with her doesn't mean kids should be forced to have a relationship with her. I met more than a dozen women who my dad dated.... they're all totally irrelevant.

[@seattlegirl2077]

Better Help is still more expensive than a lot of people can afford.

[@itsjustme5030]

It's ridiculously overpriced, even with discounts.

[@debbieanderson6740]

I wonder what "the boyfriend" is hiding? He is using his kids as an excuse. Right now he is in control. And what is this telling her kids.If there is a daughter, she is learning that Men are Controling. Or if there is a boy, Oh this is how men act. Why are you accepting this relationship as ok?? You are better than that!!! Free yourself! You are worth it.

[@RepentImmediately]

Men setting boundaries around their children so that they can have a choice in who they have a relationship with is controlling? I see that women are not used to hearing about single fathers who actually value their kids.The daughter is learning that she's valuable enough in her father's eyes that she comes first...not the girlfriend. I met plenty of my dad's girlfriends...they brought zero value to my life.

[@vaska1999]

Exactly.

[@mnil159]

Heard of it, lived with it. Ended it. Definitely happens. He wouldn’t talk about past or anything personal especially kids!

[@rachelgooden9981]

He has lost respect for her. The fact that she put up with this!

[@bettybutterbean5759]

Many many years ago a guy in uni accommodation along from me put a sign in his window. "FREE TEA AND BISCUITS FOR GIRLIES". I don't know if he had any takers but it made a good talking point and we all sat out on our stoops having a laugh. Forty five years on and he works with my brother! 🤣

[@neededtobesaid4275]

On a positive note with the 66-year old man doesn't have any real friends. Church groups or "men's groups" could be great for him. Meeting the neighbors sounds like a fantastic plan! Wishing you the best my brother!

[@pegzpat]

He pretty much told her he was crazy on the first date and she willingly continued the relationship. I agree with John. This is on her.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

In this thumbnail, Dr. John’s eyebrows are speaking loudly! 🤨 I already know his answer to “should I run?” He says “YES!” And before watching anything, I’m already leaning towards, ummm… yeah!

[@nursemakchews8601]

Check if this man is really divorced first. Sounds married af

[@kekejefferson9219]

He's not letting you move in. 😂😂😂

[@vickimerritt2832]

He is hanging her up like a coat waiting for winter, lady run.

[@phauser3817]

I'm going to make a guess that her boyfriend didn't want the kids ratting him out that he was seeing other ladies. I think she was the last one standing, the rest bailed, and now she can move in.

[@debi_ChildofGod]

I think he may have been the one that cheated and he don't want his kids to let that slip to her.

[@shrtblondie1]

This happened to me and it was the mother. She and my ex boyfriend had a "thing". Run... you are better than that.

[@sarahalderman3126]

With their mother?!🤢

[@kw2075]

I beg your pardon…