I Made My Friends Baby Shower Awkward When I Called Out My Old Bully r/Relationships

[@Amna613]

I had a workplace bully team leader. Her actions and words traumatised me for a long time. It took me 4-5 years to get over it. I met her 2 times after that. I could not speak up and I hated myself for it. Last year she shared a post on linkedin about workplace bullying . I just replied to her post "The IRONY.....". Within a day, she took down the post.

[@ailinfergan]

Good for you. She deserves to be uncomfortable.

[@VidWatcher01]

I would've wrote "The HYPOCRISY"

[@TheTrueKarin]

,,The Lion, the Witch and the Audacity of this B#$*%!!!“😂😂

[@ComaLies225]

I’m so proud of you❤

[@polly_nah]

A manager who used to try to bully me when I worked a retail job did a post about how how mean customers are to retail workers... Was going to say the customers never bothered me half as much as she did, but didn't have your guts lol

[@AndyyWithAY]

Hold up! Hold the f* up! She was 33 TEN years ago bullying 20 yr old kids?! Yea when you're in your 30s, 20 year olds are like kids. And you're BULLYING them. Now she's in her 40s almost middle aged. She is grown grown. If she hasn't grown up now, it'll never happen.

[@Musiyca]

Looks to me she stopped name calling everyone, cause people just turned away from the bully, but otherwise she's the same. She doesn't seem to know why she's lonely and no one wants to hang out with her. The way she just went to everyone at the party and cried about OP being mean for no reason doesn't look like a changed person, not mature in any way.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Fantasja That was all manipulation, she made inappropriate comments then to avoid backlash she cries

[@DarkwaveMistress]

The age shocked me but at the same time, not. Some women can be really, really mean to younger women. No insecurities excuse such a trash behaviour.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

LMAO! I didn’t even catch that. That’s so terribly pathetic. I guess it’s true what the say, some people grow up and some just grow older.

[@CH-ns4gv]

It actually makes sense. The fact that she's that much older than this girl who is better at her job, going to school to be a doctor, and won a beauty pagent. It was probably eating away her so bad thinking about how much better her life could have been if she wasn't a piece of shit

[@gaxalee7392]

“It was 10 years ago.” Yeah...Trauma doesn’t work like that neither does making amends. Op doesn’t have to forgive her for something she did, especially when she’s never attempted to apologize and makes herself out to be a victim if it’s so much as hinted at. Op spent 10 years gaining and strengthening a loyal group of friends as well as becoming outspoken and confident. She may be more than her pain and trauma, but that doesn’t mean it never affects her. Refusing to take responsibility for something you’ve done is a sign you haven’t actually changed for the better.

[@tgbedini]

Emotional scars don't show up on the outside. If she had put a scar on OP's face, no one would say, "but it was 10 years ago! Why are you still upset?" Thing is, OP did her level best to not bring up their past, and to be tolerant for her friend's sake. But if you know a person is toxic as hell, it's hard to ignore it, and if they say something triggering, well, you get triggered.

[@sxatcychan1988]

Honestly, people who use that excuse need to be told "TIME DOES NOT EQUAL ACCOUNTABILITY".

[@RandomTrinidadian]

@@sxatcychan1988 I'm gonna use that line

[@dionysus_adores]

if i met any of my bullies from my school I'll probably say the same thing. What op did was call her bully out and made clear they weren't gonna be friends because of it. This woman has some gull to act like the victim, trying to be all buddy buddy, and tries to manipulate op and everyone around her after being so cruel in the past without owning up to it.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Yeah , ten years and bully still hasn’t apologize 😅 it works both ways

[@Mia-dt3gl]

The bully knew what she was doing. She only looked shocked when OP clapped back because OP never stood up for herself. And she cried to the entire party because she thought OP was going to publicly expose her so she made a scene to make OP look bad so she couldn’t. People like that are always going to be miserable.

[@vanzy01]

👍🏿

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

You're absolutely right. Never thought I'd say this, but I honestly feel sorry for them, a little bit. They're not happy with their lives, but instead of doing something about it, they decide to hurt others to make themselves feel better, because as the old saying goes, misery loves company.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Oh you know she did. She's a very manipulative witch.

[@develyntwocentshenderson5739]

the crying was probably phony. bet her eyes were dry. this is how narcissists behave, try and turn it around so it becomes the victim's fault.

[@Mia-dt3gl]

@@develyntwocentshenderson5739 You’d be surprised how quickly a woman can cry with real tears when the opportunity arises. I say this as a woman.

[@Tammohawk1]

So this older woman was bullying younger women on the job? Holy Moly what a piece of work. No wonder she is all alone. That's what happens when you can't be kind to others.

[@brigidtheirish]

About their *looks.* My nose doesn't work, but this *reeks* of a bitter old hag lashing out at those who are still young.

[@SherriLyle80s]

The bully hasn't changed. She knew what she said. She was referring to her former "nickname" she gave her. What a b-

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

The bully was 33. There's no changing at that point

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 : “she’s mad at me for something I did 10 years ago” Yeah something you brought up at the baby shower, that you’ve never apologized for and something you aren’t sorry for. You only kiss her butt when your friend is around until you slowly prod and poke around in the past so OP could look like the evil one when you know you’d lose the only person who is your friend cause you couldn’t leave the past in the past or at least apologize for it to start again anew

[@MikePageKaltenberg]

Why on earth did the bully get so upset if she didn't remember what the original nickname was. Absolute bs on her part.

[@affsteak3530]

She was 100% trying to look like the victim before OP could get her story out.

[@beageler]

Maybe because OP blew up at her? I know it's hard to see clearly through the haze of judgemental wroth.

[@gabrielle4152]

​@@beageler Didnt say anywhere she blew up at her tho

[@wildfyah]

I love how bullies are quick to cry when called out. Smh

[@crowdemon_archives]

Considering they're only capable of only dishing out and not taking the same shit themselves.

[@Russman67]

So the bully has no idea why OP's upset, but in the same breath she's complaining that it was all from 10 years before. So she DOES know. Honestly nothing says that you have to "be the bigger person" and make peace with a person who bullied you and OP agreeing to be cordial is generous.

[@beageler]

Knowing that they bartended ten years ago doesn't mean she remembered the slur she called OP.

[@mokachahan]

lmfao the redditors telling OP she was sad for not being over it have never experienced severe bullying before

[@DameNickum]

You are on the mark! I am in my sixty’s, and I still remember and have bad feelings about the 2 female bullies in High School! One even sort of apologized at a class reunion but its still something that bothers me. I just don’t cry about it any more and I’m not afraid of them now. That pain remains. EMDR is helpful, and I have worked with a therapist to pull the fangs on those memories.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

You can always tell who was bullied by the comments. The victims rally around OP. The rest just try to shame OP for feeling the way they do.

[@Someone-or8tp]

@Random Trinidadian yeah, it's the same for people who are like "if you can never forgive this abuser/bully/person who hurt you or traumatised or betrayed you in some awful way then you can never truly live happily because hate ruins happiness" and its like... clearly you're either a door mat or you've never been through anything remotely like it.

[@mokachahan]

@@DameNickum Seriously! A lot of people try to glean an entire personality off of one reddit story and it's frustrating. It's obvious OP doesn't just sit around and think about all the wrongs that were done with her. And same here--I don't cry and I'm not afraid, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be damn buddy buddy with my past bullies just because it's over now.

[@mokachahan]

@@Someone-or8tp I truly believe that a good deal of those people are those who've abused/traumatized others and find it hurtful that they might not be forgiven.

[@theamazingalex99]

When I was a child, I was a bully. At home, I was being abused and neglected by my stepfather; I turned to hurting others to relieve my pain. I was diagnosed PTSD because of my childhood. I eventually realized how much I hurt others at age 18. I reached out to as many ex-classmates as I could to apologize. It’s the right thing to do, and I believe all ex-bullies need to apologize. We don’t realize just how much of an impact we had on others, and an apology years later can still mean so much to them, even if they don’t forgive us.

[@margarethughes6542]

Of course I can't speak on behalf of all bully victims, only myself, and it might sound cheesy but thank you. Too many bullies (like OP's) would just prefer to pretend (or even convince themselves) that their behavior never happened, and flip the narrative to make themselves seem like the wronged, innocent party. It couldn't have been easy to come to that realization and take that extra step to apologize and give those individuals (and yourself) some much needed closure. I am sorry to hear about your childhood experience and I hope you got the help and support you needed and are in a better place now.

[@theamazingalex99]

@@margarethughes6542 wow, I was not expecting to read such a beautiful reply today. Thank you so much for your kind words. My childhood classmates were wonderful and appreciated the effort I made to make amends, many of us are now even friends today! It took a lot to get to get over my childhood. I went from bullying others to relieve the pain, to then hurting myself with drugs. I’m now 5 years sober and in school to become a drug and alcohol counselor! I hope you are doing well and have healed since your experience with bullies. I hope that they can someday come to terms with the pain they caused and apologize to you ❤

[@stephaniet1389]

I've also been a victim of bullying. Of all my bullies, only one ever came forward to apologize. I wasn't able to forgive them at the time, but they got my respect. Making an honest apology is difficult, and I can appreciate that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm glad OP told her friend the true extent of what happened. There's a difference between some light teasing and calling someone an r*tard and other hateful things like that's cute. If I were the friend, I'd cut the bully off. Her current behavior proves she's still manipulative. It's not even that she didn't apologize, her actions don't show remorse.

[@red0421]

What people forget about forgiveness is this: The victim is entitled to an apology, but the person in the wrong is not entitled to forgiveness.

[@D-M-K-1-2]

The people who said it was "Sad" that OP was still hurt by what her bully did... I doubt they're nice people

[@paden1865able]

They obviously have no experience with being bullied, that's for sure.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

They've certainly haven't been bullied before. Sometimes it can be traumatic so it's hard to get over. Hope they never have to experience bullying. Then they'll know what it's like.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

People who were bullied will protect the victims of bullying. Those who were not bullied, would tell the victim to just get over it. Those people should not be associated with

[@daisymay6505]

I was lucky enough to not be bullied, but I’d still happily defend someone that was

[@selbarton]

Was bullied from the age of 8. It is sad she can't even accept she is in that trauma because she isn't growing past it. She is holding herself in a 10 year ago place where no one cares about any of it any more. The former bully has made multiple attempts to reach out and possibly apologize, but them OP gets to feel butt hurt that unlike OP the former bully grew up. OP's been cruel at every attempt, so why keep trying when met with hostility? OP has had 10 years to find her self respect and instead put that effort into how to hurt her former bully who OP admits has changed. OP has now taken the role of bully to crush the former bully's growth because she can't be the only one trapped in a miserable prison of her own making. She could have had a happy life long ago, but chose anger. That's sad

[@michamocha]

It doesn't sound like Op is being bothered by anything, she just refuses to let bs slide like she did 10 years ago. You don't have to forgive someone, especially when that person has done nothing to even earn that forgiveness. And even if you do, you don't have to give that person full access to your life. Op sounds like she's at peace with herself now and have gained the level of self respect where she won't tolerate people like her to treat her like she's stupid. Honestly, good for her.

[@Nevertoleave]

“what could she mean? I was something I did ten years ago.” She knows what she did

[@Pastel_Dreams]

1st Story: OP did the one thing that so many of us that have been bullied wished we should have/would want to do; she finally stood up to her tormentor and came out on top. Good for OP finally getting that little bit of closure & her friends are awesome in that they're ACTUALLY her friends and have her back.

[@dspadi1017]

I bartended at 21 and was also bullied by a coworker who was in her thirties. I chalked it up to jealousy at the time and that’s what it sounds like happened here, too.

[@gabrielle4152]

My BFF committed suicide following extreme psychological and emotional abuse from his own family. A few months after his death, I researched his sister's facebook page. On it, she was advocating for mental health and depression, talking about how sad she was her brother killed himself, and getting so much support and attention. He died 4 years ago and the rage I still feel every time I think of his family could fuel entire countries.

[@starbird3939]

Bullying can be traumatic and it is sad we still have not made waves against it.

[@jamestomlin5525]

Because it's nonsense. My dude, there are children in other countries fighting wars, you honestly think someone calling you names is anyway worse? Jfc you people

[@RandomTrinidadian]

You can always tell by the comments who was actually bullied, from those who never were. The ones who were actually bullied defend people like OP. Those who were never bullied will the victim to just get over it OP bully isn't sorry for what she did in the past, she is just sorry OP called her out. Just proving Bullies never change, just get get better at fooling others to believe that they did.

[@drea4195]

Excellent point! IMO the ones who tell victims to "just get over it" were also likely to have been bullies themselves, and don't want to admit it, even to themselves. It's easier to "blame the victim".

[@AndyyWithAY]

I called the dentist early this morning expecting to get the answering machine because I could not deal with a live interaction. Surprisingly someone answered but she was so nice. I still sound like I'm coughing up a lung and don't think I'll be able to be around people in just two days. I told her I needed to reschedule because I'm sick. She said she could tell and that it was going around. She got me a new appt and said she hoped I feel better. It was pretty wholesome

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

Lucky, mine is about 50/50 but be fair they are very busy as their the biggest/main dentist office in the aera

[@paden1865able]

I hope you recover quickly, hon!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Feel well soon m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@DarkwaveMistress]

The bully being older makes sense somehow. Some older women get really insecure around younger women, and they can be very, very mean. As someone who was bullied in school, and an older woman who ended up studying a second degree with people 10 years younger, I made a conscious decision to never be like that. I would never want to be the cause of someone's trauma. But some people are so immature and plain bad that they don't care until they see the consequences. She didn't change. She just realized she's been served what she ordered.

[@brigidtheirish]

Which is incredibly pathetic and also says something about how toxic our culture's worship of youth is.

[@DarkwaveMistress]

@@brigidtheirish yes, absolutely.

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

I'm 29 and had to massively fight that internal misogyny myself. Now I like to celebrate women and take joy in their accomplishments.

[@DarkwaveMistress]

@@Stopthisrightnow560 It's difficult! But you are absolutely right, it's such a joy to support each other.

[@wildfyah]

I like how the bully defaulted to her icky mode

[@fhuber7507]

You never forget the bully... They seem to always forget how they abused others (except to try and joke about it which is just more bullying)

[@margarethughes6542]

I think a lot of them (though not all) over time actually convince themselves that it never happened, because who wants to admit their despicable behavior to anyone, especially themselves? When I occasionally run into one of my old tormentors from high school and they are all happy to see me it weirds me out because they genuinely seem to have completely forgotten our old dynamic and act all reminiscent of 'the good old days' like we were all buddies.

[@roarkthehalf-orc6598]

OP needs to pick up her crown

[@Symphonia30]

If there is one thing I learned about bullies they only have power over you if you let them but the second you stand up to them than that power is gone. Op is the kind of person we need against anti-bullying

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

Don’t want your ugly past broadcast then don’t behave ugly in the first place. I love it when bullies get their comeuppance no matter how many years it takes. OP is Amazing!

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm so baffled by the Holier than thou police who say OP is sad for still being hurt and that she needs therapy. Clearly, they've never experienced bullying before. And I hope they never do. It's also clear that OP's workplace bully hasn't changed at all. She's still the manipulative and nasty person a decade ago and the fact that she was in her thirties at the time makes it even more egregious because she should be above bullying at that age. These people who can't stop bullying other people and treating them like trash are the sad and pathetic ones here because they either get some sort of sadistic pleasure from hurting others or more likely because they're miserable. Never thought I'd say this, but I honestly feel sorry for them, a little bit. They're not happy with their lives, but instead of doing something about it, they decide to hurt others to make themselves feel better, because as the old saying goes, misery loves company.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. I was bullied in grade school and it still affects me. It wasn't even *bad* bullying. Looking back, I'm pretty sure half of it wasn't even meant to be cruel, I just reacted so strongly to everything and was generally so *weird* that no one knew what to do with me other than mash all my buttons hoping I'd go away. I turn forty this year and things done to me when I was *ten* still affect me.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) OP needs to be honest with everyone. These friends that can't stand her know the truth. She's trying to play as if she did nothing wrong in order to have this rug swept. Her horrible behavior has come back for Karma and that stuff never goes easy on you. OP I love your shine from here. She's living with the choices she made in her life. Cruelity has a cost and a very high one at that. Keep living your best life and being civil. Proud of you OP. I have a semi busy day so having this to help get it started is a nice surprise. I hope there's nothing but marvelous days for you all. Just remember things may not always be great but it won't always be tough. Just keep doing your best. Set backs aren't failures there learning curves. You got this. I believe in you. Stay wonderfully you.

[@listenquitely2888]

S1: she said 10 yrs ago. She knows what she did.

[@0karmaticfrost010]

you can tell when someone didnt actually change an their just bein fake af cuz their alone and have no other options. Shes rly gonna try and be friends w op while lying "idk what shes talkin about!" when u know damn well what op is sayin

[@dawnstone4424]

Absolutely NTA. OP did NOT cause any trouble. The bully actually did a passive form of bullying by bringing up the nickname and then again by crying “I don’t know what she means”. OP tried to get them to discuss it later. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@frith.calluna]

Things the bully did (in the present) - Tried to call OP by that messed up nickname again - Made a scene by crying and making the shower all about her - Consistently lies about not knowing what OP is on about despite knowing full well - Never apologized to OP once What OP did - Didn't let herself get bullied again - Told bully to talk about this at a different time and place There is no way in hell OP could be the AH in this story. She literally did everything right.

[@madcatlady]

the best thing my bullies from the past can do is never cross my path again, if I see them first I will make utterly sure they don't see me

[@thekameru6058]

The best plan absolutely was to let the friend know everything that happened. In the cold hard light of day. The bully just tried to bully again and it backfired in a spectacular way, so no way has she improved. Urg, I had to deal with someone like this at 6th form who suddenly became sweeter than aspartame overnight when she started dating a male best friend. Before they started dating she enjoyed making comments like 'Anyone who gets bulled deserves it' knowing I had a really bad time at high school. She gave me constant stank eye, tried to force me out of social hang outs, even answered a friends phone whom I had an intense crush on once and barked down the phone I'd got the wrong number and never to call it again. It didn't take 10 years for me to get mine, and I was no-where near as nice as op. Basically I enthusiastically endorsed her decision to get a Chinese letter tramp stamp the moment she turned 18 back in the early 2000's. I even went to the parlor with her to cheer her on. I knew even at 17 faddy tattoos age BADLY. I got to enjoy a nice long look at those nasty letters which were gently oozing blood under the cling film she proudly showed off the moment she left the tattoo parlor. The mental image of a 36 year old mother of two with a fading set of gross Chinese letters just above her crack has kept me warm even in my darkest moments for the past 20 years. Thank you so much Amy. I was talking out of my pristine unmarked ass when I said I thought the letters looked cool.

[@browniewin4121]

Yup, call friend and say sorry for what happened but it was the bully who caused it and explain. After update: Glad it turned out well thanks to a good therapist and discussing with the good friend. OP rocks!

[@dm9078]

Why would OP stay friends with someone who would befriend her bully? NTA! And the baby shower friend (sic) is not a kind hearted person. If she was worried about OP why didn’t she call her? Edit: the comments calling out OP for still be affected by this have never been bullied.

[@morallygary9098]

Because: The bullying occured a whole decade ago. People tend to change in that amount of time. Mind you, that isn’t always enough of a justification, so let’s also draw attention to the fact the Friend does not know the full extent of what happened. OP has actively not told the friend the full extent of the toxcicity of their bully.

[@gordybrown3667]

It's not AITA post

[@sadtitties222]

I said the same thing! Even if OP has not told her friend every little thing the bully has done, just knowing that someone said even one negative thing to my closet friend would have immediately made me end the friendship. Period. I wouldn't fully trust the friend knowing that she still chooses to be best friends with the bully.

[@tenellecadogan3952]

It makes no sense how excited I get when Mark has a new video posted. Thanks for being such a light!

[@maggpiprime954]

Right?

[@pebble5478]

His videos are like a daily dose of sunshine ☀

[@tenellecadogan3952]

@@pebble5478 Agreed🌞

[@linnyroro3177]

I love how OP pointed out that the bully/abuser is not the one that gets to decide the timeline of when the person they have harmed has to come to terms with what was done, its the person that is has had the trauma done to them. This hit close to home because my dad was my abuser and in the last few years of his life he wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened and that things were great between us, they werent, I just helped him because I didnt want to live with any regret once he was gone, but I never fully let go of that pain and hurt he caused me growing up, which still effects me til this day because if someone even comes up to me to hug me and they catch me off guard I still flinch, even with my husband and my kids, my kids understand it because my dad was being sneaky and did things to them when I would have my back turn and then he would say they were lying, I knew they werent, so I would just remove them from the situation, but he was a master manipulator, the ultimate gaslighter. I finally started trauma therapy once my dad passed away because I knew there wouldnt be any new trauma added to it and I could begin to start healing, but its hard and I have to take breaks from it because just that one hour a week will mentally drain me for days and that is not fair to my husband or my kids that I shut down sometimes for 2-3 days afterwards and by the time I am just getting back to myself, its like boom there is my next appointment and its all started over again. The one thing I can proudly say though is that I broke that cycle of abuse, my mom was abused by her father so in turn she married an abusive man who was also abused by his parents and older sister. I at one point in life never wanted to get married or have kids because I didnt want to mess up and continue on that cycle of abuse, but then I met my husband and him and his family showed me that I was worthy of being loved and we have 2 awesome sons together who are my world. I think that what hurt more than my dad abusing me was at first my mom not believing me because I had always kept it from her, but then my sister and my own kids had to speak up and say no that he did the same things to them and had everyone sworn to secrecy or that he would make sure the abuse was worse the next time he got us alone if we did say anything. I tried my best to never leave my kids with my father, but there were times that I would get stuck at work and with a husband that was in the army, after my MIL died suddenly, I sometimes would have no choice but to suck it up and call him and ask him to watch them for a hour or two, I would always ask my kids if he did anything and then I would examine there entire bodies for marks once I got them away from him, but by that point he had learned how to hit without leaving marks and anyone that has been through abuse knows, the physical wounds heal, its the mental and emotional abuse that leaves the longest lasting wounds and that was my father's favorite was to mentally mess with someone. After he died I found out from my oldest that when he was young he had him convinced that I was going to have more kids and give him away because he autism. I raged at that one and asked my son if he honestly believed that and he said when he was little he did but by the time he was 9-10 years old he realized that my father was full of it and that I was extremely too over protective of both my kids to the point that its been hard to begin to let go now that he is 18, but i will always be protective of him because he doesnt always realize that not everyone has his best interest at heart. I am thankful that he has an awesome GF who understand and accepts him for who he is and since she is also from a military family they understand how they had completely different childhoods as their friends. I mean his GF lost her biological father when he was killed in Iraq, but then her stepfather is also military so she understands. Even people that have never dealt with any bullying/abuse/trauma in their lives can benefit from therapy, everyone in this world can benefit from some type of therapy in points in their lives. Everyone needs someone they can talk with openly and freely and not have to worry about their business being spread to everyone else and that is what therapy is for, because a family member or friend is not legally required to keep their mouth shut and sadly sometimes its the people closest to us that betrays us the most.

[@moonbear5929]

I think that nugget of wisdom was meant for any body who commented that she should be "over it" by now, not just to the bully. She is right. What we experience can stay with us for a terribly long time. We all want to be liked and accepted, but when some one tries to pick on us at a personal level, it really does hurt. It can take decades to learn how to ignore biting comments and actions.

[@franciebelcher4594]

S1. NTA. Bullies suck. That trauma never goes away. OP handled this like a pro

[@ComaLies225]

I missed that the bulky was OLDER than OP. Yea it sounds like bully is so insecure and unhappy. Good on OP for putting her in her place

[@hothotheat3000]

Bullies count on the victim to be silent. She was shocked because you stood up for yourself. Stop being cordial with her. Stop speaking to her at events. Grey rock her. Ignore her. Walk away when she tries to talk. She’s not worth the effort of holding your tongue anymore.

[@Habitarse]

The mentioning of trauma compound with each other and can be very extreme in some situations that makes you feel the same but stronger. Trauma is something that doesn’t desapear just because someone said to forget. I remember talking about a very extensive trauma with a cousin, she was much older then me, and she said i should forget and go on with my life. As it would be possible… I choose not to be a victim, but it is a conscious effort. It’s nothing light weighted and all pink flowers. We don’t forget. That’s a fact. I just don’t live by the feeling.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Bullying is a horrible thing to do to anyone, and , affects people in ways that therapy doesn’t always help.. it damages, it kills, it scars for life..to tell people to get over it is an insult..

[@lifewithlee6298]

The genuine shock the boy he had on her face, 😮shows she never thought op would stand up to her

[@jamestown8398]

OP’s “friend” is not a real friend. She knows Bully bullied OP, but still chooses to be friends with Bully. That’s not how friendship works - if you’re a real friend to someone, then their enemies are your enemies and vice versa. Befriending one of their enemies is a betrayal.

[@sadtitties222]

I said the same thing! Even if OP has not told her friend every little thing the bully has done, just knowing that someone said even one negative thing to my closet friend would have immediately made me end the friendship. Period. I wouldn't fully trust the friend knowing that she still chooses to be best friends with the bully.

[@novabrilliant4510]

Really thought provoking video. Those of us who have been bullied need to find what we need to heal. Glad OP spoke up.

[@jeanninetamblyn7625]

I am 50 years old and was bullied badly as a kid, both in my family and in school. It still hurts to this day. I still wonder, sometimes, what I did to deserve it. Bullying has life long effects on most of the people bullied. Remember that when you laugh at someone being mistreated because you think it's funny.

[@cassieloser2907]

I had an assistant manager bully me and despite everyone knowing the vitriol she held for me-- nothing was ever said beyond me getting written up for random things & getting fired while in the ER

[@83gemm]

OP really buried the fact that her bully was more than a decade older! Which means she broke down sobbing at that baby shower in her 40s!

[@carolroberts4614]

Such an exhibitionist! Ridiculous carrying on like that at 40!

[@venusbleu5764]

OP is absolutely not TA the fact that bully even brought it up just shows she most definitely never changed. Beware of those "see the good in everyone" friends, toxic positivity is also a thing

[@iononcantomascrivo]

That's the thing about bullies, they never ever realize how they treat others or have the empathy to process or put themselves in other people's shoes. Hence why they are bullies. The worst kind are the ones who swore they would never treat you that way i.e friends or family. I had a former friend like this. Let's call her Molly. She had no respect for boundaries, zero comprehension of the word no being a complete sentence or that there are reprisals as well as consequences for her actions. I want to leave a detailed story about how she treated me, but it won't let me post because I guess it's beyond the character limit. She was one of those types who thought she was real and honest but instead was really just a petty, spiteful, mean spirited, insecure, stuck up cruel overgrown middle school mean girl bully trapped in a middle-aged woman's body. She had a habit of weaponizing things that were told to her in confidence and using them as emotional or mental blackmail later on. She was a very toxic person. The last straw for me, was the day my father died. When I wouldn't let her make it one of her spotlight performances where she would turn everything that happened into a story about herself, she had the audacity to tell me: “well, you two never got along anyway.” She couldn't understand why I cut her off and let her stew in her own messed up world. Apparently she got shamed by her husband, and the few people who still talked to her for being so callous. Naturally, she tried to apologize later on followed by the word but. I shut her down stating she was either or sorry or she wasn't. I also told her a teary-eyed apology mixed with a bunch of excuses does not work or cut the mustard as they call it. The tears immediately stopped and she flew into a rage. That was when I knew that there was no hope for her. We're no longer friends.

[@AIBot929]

I was bullied and mistreated when I was younger, I will 100% not stand for it as an adult. OP did good. You are never truely over it, you can make peace with the fact it happened and try to make it so it doesn't affect your life... but if I saw an old bully I'd also be upset by their mere presence.

[@BerryTrekkin]

It’s sad, but it doesn’t surprise me that your former bully is now an advocate for mental health. I see people who treated me badly preaching about being kind and I just think “couldn’t you have thought of that before you started treating me like crap?” I can’t help but feel bitter that they’ve gone on to have happy lives and have the families I’ve always wanted and I’m alone with mental health issues. Those who say words shouldn’t affect you were never on the receiving end 😔 but hey, you’ve gone on to be a success Mark so be proud of all you’ve accomplished in spite of them ❤

[@mesquitetejas8328]

Love how the bully was STILL TRYING! BY MAKING YOU REPEAT THE NICK NAME! BUT YOU DID GOOD WITH YOUR REPLY! LOVE IT! HOW DARE SHE! IT WOULD BE WILD IF SHE WAS IN A CRAZY ACCIDENT AND CAME TO WHERE YOU WORKED AT!!!! NOW THAT WOULD BE EVEN WILDER!

[@maggpiprime954]

Oooofff... this one got me remembering things I didn't want to feel again.

[@angietyndall7337]

Bullyimg is abuse and imo and experience, they don't apologize much or think what they've done is wrong. If they're a Narcisst or Sociopath then this is more so the case imo. Oh yeah and if they demand that you forgive them, then that is up to you when, but as my sister told me about my stull abusive " dad", who is a Sociopath-Narcisst and I now an adult, "You don't have to forgive. " btw she has a MSW and worked as an LCSW, until she had to retire early, due to medical reasons which I won't go into.

[@dorelia88]

I always say to mean people that I consider bullies stupid , insecure and weak willed people, now its up to them if they want to place themselves in that category, petty but very effective.

[@itrasheditgood]

Wow, Op handled that bully amazingly. She shut down toxic conversation, expressed talking to bully in private, moved out of line of target and when all else failed made a gracious exit. You couldn’t ask for a better strategy when handling this situation. The problem of trauma with a bully is that there is not a lot you can do to repair that damage besides therapy. Most who have been victimized want to have that stand up to the bully years or even decades later as a sort of redo and express the pent up hurt and humiliation suffered. You want the bully to feel as much pain as they dealt or more, but the truth is they take up space in your head, however, you take up none in theirs. They often forget you even exist until the next time they see you and only then are you some target for their amusement. That is why conversation with them is pointless. People don’t readily change personalities, feeling constantly uncomfortable around someone is instinct of self preservation your body knows when the vibe is wrong but we stupidly choose to ignore it.

[@juanhaines7295]

I can't believe some of these commenters. People saying get therapy is a persons way of saying your feelings don't matter.

[@nocturnalcove9736]

Holy shit. Finally some good friends who know the bully isn't someone worth defending.

[@holyek7892]

Remember people if you are bullied always return the bullying to the bully in such an espectacular way they regret ever messing with you.

[@whitneybennett4857]

Yeah, screw all that bs about "being the bigger person," or a personal favorite of mine, "If you retaliate/fight back, then you become a bully, too." Don't let your universe revolve around always finding ways to get back at them, but don't allow them to hurt you without some kind of consequence.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Maybe you should pretend concern and say how worried you are if she's having memory blanks and can't remember ten years ago. It doesn't matter if it was ten years ago, or ten minutes ago: she 1) never apologized and 2) BULLIED you. She can kick rocks.

[@sagesaria]

If she didn't remember what OP was talking about, she wouldn't have started with "didn't you have a different nickname?" Just putting that out there. She's sorry she got caught, that's it.

[@VidWatcher01]

I literally just finish watching this story on Lost Genre! Love you 2!!

[@johannag.5484]

I always turn on your videos when I need to get up and get shit done - and a fun side effect of that is my dog knows your voice now. Whenever she hears your voice, she now freaks out and does a happy dance, because it means we're going for a walk, she's getting food, or I'm doing another activity that's usually connected with her getting playtime.

[@sixfeetundertheradar6080]

If you have sexual assault trauma be careful reading the body keeps the score.. one of the stories in there is about a soldier who R worded women when he was on duty and how he had trauma from assaulting THEM and his journey of healing from the actions he chose to take against innocent women. I’m not saying he can’t grow and learn to be a better person but it can be triggering as a survivor of that kind of abuse to read about how the abuser felt trauma from his/her own actions EDIT: EMDR helped me a lot but there are temporary side effects like memory loss, night terrors, and higher anxiety during the beginning and middle of the treatment. Gets worse before it gets better type of thing. Also I’d recommend seeking additional talk therapy as well during the EMDR, either CBT or DBT

[@VidGirl88]

The bully is so immature. She wanted attention so badly she picked on OP in a sneaky comment, and when that didn't work, she made herself the center of attention at a BABY SHOWER.

[@jackchop1576]

Stories like this are why I am glad that I bully back. I go for the jugular too and DO NOT CARE.

[@sliceofpizzainspace]

I really needed this today. Thank you

[@rocioguerrero1310]

Got early here today, I'm so glad to start the day listening to you. You have no idea how much your voice soothes my mind. Thank you for posting 💜

[@mrbas5150]

I absolutely hate bullying, never been on the receiving end of it but my folks brought me up to defend those who are bullied ( they drilled it into me). Got into plenty of fights in school standing up to bullies when I witnessed their nonsense. Some fights I won, many I lost ( even lost a couple teeth and got a couple of scars ). But even if I lost, they never bullied again and it drew attention to the problem. Win or lose, we have to stand up against bullying to stop it.

[@margarethughes6542]

Hi! Just recently discovered your channel and have been happily bingeing your videos ever since! I just popped in here to also recommend the book "The Body Keeps the Score" as one of the responders to OP mentioned. It was recommended to me by a psychologist friend of mine and it's a great read with a lot of invaluable insight 😀

[@DFullerLisa]

Theres people i have in junior high that i would still walk away from as a 43 year old. Life is too short to deal with bullies rather past or present.

[@acertainpointofview4744]

EMDR therapy was a life saver for me. It's not something where you talk about it and then you're supposed to act like it never happened. Instead, it helps you take traumatic events in your and work on making them less painful to think about them. It's very effective and I highly recommend it.

[@destinedtogame]

Mark uploading 3 hours early. Did he change his name to McDonald's because I'm loving it

[@DisneyChar]

S1 nta, she's still a pos. I have a high-school bully who ten years later would apologize to me everytime she saw me. When people grow they acknowledge their past, she downplayed it and then tried to crybully you.

[@vivekshindhe7336]

Man... I'd hate to see the nice friend get angry... No clue how far she'd go to exact her revenge

[@squidward6187]

I am crying right now. I was bullied terribly and thought I had moved on. I've had a lot of therapy too. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD because of it and had to learn how to talk to people and make eye contact in my early thirties. My family were the main bullies. I planned to see my dad since my mom died and she was the ringleader. I thought maybe he had changed, but then he said that my brothers love me and want to see me. I know for a fact they hate me and want me dead. Scared the crap out of me because I told him I never want to see them. Now he's trying to manipulate me to see them? Definitely not safe to go down there.

[@paden1865able]

Well, who's the cheeky boy with the early video, I love it, thanks Waffle Bear! I just pulled the last dozen chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, so the rest of the day is mine to do with as I will. People who tell a victim of being bullied to get over it/themselves obviously have no experience with it themselves. Trauma has a way of reminding you of the hell you lived through. You have the right to speak out against them, that doesn't make you a bully in return.

[@Josku2411]

Oop good timing bc i'm fetching some firewood rn so i can listen to this while stacking them

[@jessical4866]

I haven’t finished the original post, but if this best friend is still friends with this bully after learning everything, there’s no choice but to also lose this good friend. There’s being a people pleaser and then there’s forcing a victim to play nice with their abuser.

[@lina9535]

I would have gone too far had I been in OP's shoes. "Oh, so you *didn't* call me 'x' for 2 years then?" Bullies need to be put in their place, if they haven't taken responsibility or apologised for their past actions.

[@gracehubbard282]

Got class in half an hour online so perfect timing.

[@fen_scrawl04]

Once a bully, always a bully. She didn't even apologize for putting Op through that shit in the past, but played the victim instead. Tbh, I would never be friends with someone that my other friends hate.

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

"Isn't that just part of your nickname?" 10 seconds later... "I don't know what she means... what could she mean. She's upset about something I did 10 years ago." Sweetie, you realize you just outed yourself, right? lol Not only that but OP says "Let's discuss this at a different time & place," meanwhile the bully has to be the one to make a scene. And let's be honest here, the only reason the bully looked "shocked" is because OP stood up for herself & the bully wasn't expecting it. She was probably expecting OP to be the same meek woman she was in the past, so it came as a surprise. WAIT!? The bully was in her 30s when she bullied OP!?!??!?! Nope, nuh uh, no way. This woman needs to take a good hard long look in the mirror & ask herself how she got to this point in her life. Fucking 40 years old & opening up old wounds to a person you bullied. You're an adult!! No wonder she's got no friends.

[@runawayfromtoads674]

Never read the book OP is sharing about. But her talking about how the body and mind work together in reacting to traumatic situations is strangely cathartic. I only realized this a year or so after an abusive point in my relationship. I would freeze then panic at every silence, desperate to keep up the conversation-- because I feared that I fucked up somehow that warranted silence. I would feel sick at every outsider's compliment because I remember how, after that, I would have to keep reassuring someone that they're amazing too, diminishing encouragement I was freely given. It's been years since then and I'm better. But I guess, I wish more people would know how abuse and trauma can warp your mind to have your body react strongly --- and the body remembers to react strongly when similar situations arise.

[@dancing0nthe3dge]

Mark, you mentioned how you thought she was strong. She wasn't for a long time, EMDR helps with that. I've been doing it twice a week for an entire year now, and probably have no end in sight, but it is very helpful. It is like magic

[@Handalorian]

Upvote then view. This is The Way of The Wafflorian. Hi Mark!

[@Luve2020]

Story one: yes queen! 👏🏻🙌🏻

[@Chikane204]

The only thing that changed about the bully was that her manipulation and harassment has become as natural as breathing. The bully seems lonely and I think her unintentional goal was to befriend OP and then would naturally go back to her old ways of making fun of others, possibly finding a group of friends within OP's circle that were just like the bully, which I doubt there is, and then she would go back to bulling OP. Once you reflect on the past It's not impossible but it is very difficult to change yourself the older you are. If the same situation presents itself, people just go back to old habits especially if you haven't taken steps to move forward and attempt to treat the wounds and clearly the bully never took any steps.

[@HawkTHSS2893]

Dude i been bullied before i can handle this story Plus i sypatahthy how Op feels like Op i too have been bullied before and went through Hell for the bullies tormentment and pyschially abuse me cause i was 'mildly' special needs and was called the R word as like an insult even though that was my painful past i still understand and 100% sypatathy how Op feels about being bullied

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@TT-fy6hk]

I'm forgeting names of clasmates for a while now but l will never forget my bullies name that made my school days miserable from age 16 to 18. You might think it's only 2 years of this but it passed 22 years and l still hate her and what she did to me.

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

God i can so relate to mark at 19:51 about the former bully now being a mental health advocate!! When my curiosity got the best of me i went online looking for an update on my abusive ex and found out they're a fucking THERAPIST NOW??

[@Old_Toby]

I can't understand why ppl spend so much time and energy bullying ppl. Is this your hobby or something?

[@EphemeraImaging]

The kind of person that assumes OP 'should be past the bullying' by now, does not have any idea how far bullying reaches into your life. And they probably are the kind of dolt who bullies themselves, but doesn't consider it bullying, aka 'I just call it like I see it' kind of bullcrap.

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

Big brain thoughts how come it's called a baby shower when there are only baby bath tubs sold?