I own an M-98 widow for home defense

I own an M-98 Widow for home defense, since that's what President Huerta intended. Four Batarians break into my apartment. "What the hell?" As I grab my combat hardsuit and anti-material rifle. Blow a hole with a basketball-sized exit wound through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because hand cannons are conceptually stupid and nails the neighbor's varren. I have to resort to the microfiliment explosives Garrus installed on the glass next to the door, "Tally ho, spider-eyes!" the shattered glass shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix omni-tool and charge the last terrified Batarian. He bleeds out waiting on C-Sec to arrive since they're all humans and turians, and hate batarians almost as much as I do. Just as President Huerta intended.

[@RyanK2036]

I own an M7 Lancer for home defense since that’s the ammo consumption method the original writers intended

[@Her_Imperious_Condescension]

Conrad was right. Detachable heat sinks are functionally just limited ammunition.

[@HashSl1ng1ngSlasher]

​@@Her_Imperious_Condescensiontheyd make much more sense if the rate of fire or shot size for the resulting models were considerably higher and could still be cooled conventionally if out of ammo. Theoretically the shift and the lore reasons for it are sound. It was the poor implementation which was the issue.

[@Eshtian]

​@@Her_Imperious_Condescensionif you play the arena with the Lancer and overheat you see why that's not the case. You have to rely on teammates to keep up the killstreak. And while you can run out of clips, they’re fairly common, especially since they're universal. So every dead enemy is free ammunition assuming you push up the Frontline. Let alone the fact that enemy pipelines become your own.

[@MrEakieran]

@@Eshtian Yeah it's still just limited ammunition. In a real firefight you wouldn't care about game mechanics like 'Killsteaks', and you wouldn't have time to scavenge the body of every foe you drop for ammo. Having an unlimited amount of ammo and just needing to duck back to give it a few seconds to recharge is better in every single meaningful way for a real firefight

[@Eshtian]

@@MrEakieran while I agree you wouldn't care about kilkstreaks, it does showcase the effective killing potential. And in real firefights we don't have biotics and tech abilities. Besides the amount of ammo a soldier class can carry is pretty absurd. So we're assuming running out of ammo is even a potential problem.

[@Slavesforsale1]

My man really said "Tali Hoe" unprovoked. He really enjoys calling his wife all sorts of demeaning names.

[@chavzone]

Just as the migrant fleet admiralty intended!

[@featurelength5086]

Nah, Tali's into it. Good girl in the streets, Tally Ho in the sheets.

[@NGLitsEthan]

@@featurelength5086that’s amazing

[@aleksiheija8170]

​@@featurelength5086Pretty much Canon. If memory serves correct if Femshep is togethet with Garrus and she gets drunk in the party she says she'd like 3some with Femshep and Garrus

[@lord-of-roses6647]

​@@aleksiheija8170I mean, wouldn't you want one as well?

[@alricmalicorne321]

"Shepard, I understand you had to blow the mass relay up to delay, the Reapers. Millions of batarians are dead, but at least we have a chance to prepare..." "Reapers?"

[@TheTrueChuster]

10103729950527 Dead Batharians Universe is a fuck

[@kostaspassias3815]

Stolen, but golden.

[@paytonkraft7564]

Yeah, personally, I could skip the delaying the Reapers bit too and just say I did it because the spider eyes had it coming.

[@AnnihilatorCZ]

@@kostaspassias3815 Stol'd but gold.

[@obi-wankenobi5330]

"Stuff this, you're on you're own"

[@docproc144]

“The only good Batarian is a dead Batarian.”- Commander Shepard, First Human Spectre and Hero of the Battle of the Citadel.

[@njux1871]

and racist lol

[@alistermanase2581]

​@@njux1871Not racist when it is slaver scum.

[@kartikayysola]

"Commander Shepard, what's it like killing people?" "I wouldn't know, I've only ever killed batarians"

[@nestorgamer9746]

​@@njux1871that's not racism that's common sense

[@noneedtoknow07]

NOW LET'S MAKE THESE BARTARIANS GOOOOD!!!!!

[@EnDoubleJay3309]

I have to resort to the M-920 Cain mounted above the stairs…

[@anthonychase6906]

To be honest that should have been the gun he pulled out when he left his room in the first place

[@kanewilson8624]

@@anthonychase6906too close quarters. Kills everything in a 25 metre radius with a 35 metre shield strip.

[@thedeadlypanda1250]

​@@kanewilson8624sacrifices must be made to purge Batarian filth

[@kanewilson8624]

@@thedeadlypanda1250 by purging yourself in the process?

[@sanchay1281]

​@@kanewilson8624 just duck behind cover.

[@raziel6304]

Why did the AI get so intense when he said "AND HATE BATARIANS AS MUCH AS I DO" it's as if the real Shepard took over 😭

[@corsnake6959]

His spirit trascended realms only for that bit.

[@trevorballew4129]

Cause he chose the green ending

[@Victor-056]

Control/Green ending allows for that... And then we have the Renegade Shepard VI that may actually be an _AI_ as it actually asks you to help free it while you interact with it... Canonically, the "Butcher of Thorfan" is the "Renegade Starter Option", so a Renegade Shepard VI would _Hate_ Batarians with a burning hatred.

[@SangheiliSpecOp]

​@@trevorballew4129 lol

[@mercAltiar]

300,000 Wasn't a mistake. It was a start.

[@AimlessSavant]

holy shit the exploding glass wall, drunk garrus/Zaeed are fucking genius. imagine the payoff of a DLC set after the party.

[@AnonEMus-cp2mn]

"The shockwave alone vaporizes two Batarians in the blast, the shrapnel of glass, metal, and the entire facade of the building set off security alarms around the whole Citadel sector. It seems Garrus's 12x12 grid had "maximum impact" after all.

[@HanithSVK]

@@AnonEMus-cp2mn It was not device known for it's flexibility, but it had a very good reach 🤣🤣

[@johnprice6271]

"Owned a Javelin for home defense since that's what the Creators intended." - Legion

[@austinbutcher8106]

4 creators break into the consensus "hostile entity's detected "

[@Werelight]

Hating Batarians unites the entire galaxy

[@bruhgod123]

Every species has a reason to hate those spider-eyed pests.

[@YukarisGearReviews]

"because handcannons are conceptually stupid" I died

[@Midwesttroglodyte]

I own a Thresher Maw Hammer for home defense, since that's what the Krogan Intended

[@ingamingpc1634]

I thought the krogan's intended for you to ride them like a horse

[@malikoniousjoe]

I adopted my son Grunt for home defense, since that’s what the Urdnot Clan intended

[@ShardDeVir]

I own a Thresher Maw gun for home defence, since that's what Joker and the Krogan intended.

[@AnonCerb]

@@ingamingpc1634 Krogan ride thresher maw's like sand worms from dune confirmed.

[@ClericOfPholtus]

​@malikoniousjoe he's going to be the best big brother to whatever kids either Shepard has 😂

[@TheRealDoomulus]

I'm Commander Shepard, and this was MY favorite home-invasion on the Citadel

[@prometheusproton3886]

I have only one thing to say about this… Good. You opened this message. This isn't actually asari military command. They're busy tending to what's left of their planet. So you survived our fight on Thessia. You're not as weak as I thought. But never forget that your best wasn't good enough to stop me. Now an entire planet is dying because you lacked the strength to win. The legend of Shepard needs to be re-written. I hope I'm there for the last chapter. It ends with your death. -KL

[@roadhouse6999]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/fqDKmquMZ8hkp9E

[@Eshtian]

Shep: *swoosh* KL: ouchy ouch Ansem: Darkness! Garrus: wrong franchise

[@zacharyhicks6237]

Damn it.

[@gundamheavyarms4879]

I read that in Kai Leng's voice.

[@solomonharvey-batten8974]

I can't believe this got more of a reaction out of me than a COD lobby

[@scripted_valor]

not sure what you're on about, my hand cannons always leave a Hiroshima sized hole in dudes when i shoot it. must be a skill issue.

[@roadhouse6999]

Okay

[@spiceweasel]

Nice job, you hurt his feelings. I hope you’re proud! Cause I am

[@yazidefirenze]

Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because if you don't aim with them then they'll pierce the window and nail the neighbour's Varren

[@inserisciunnome]

Laser Sight Phalanx (the ME2 Original, not that Cheap, Tuchankan Knockoff in ME3) Is my One true love

[@snakeshepard9761]

Carnifex is love, Carnifex is life. I couldn't have been happier when I found the M-11 in the Citadel DLC, that was my wettest dream came true.

[@duskstone109]

I love how the "Tally Ho!" Is universal with this meme.

[@Historyfrek4ever]

I am a vanguard so I don’t need a gun for home defence. Down side is that the clean up is always horrendous.

[@toe_sucker_4165]

Own a Reegar Carbine. Not for home defense or anything, just for cleanup.

[@dardanik]

@@toe_sucker_4165 So true. The best cleanup method is evaporating everything in sight.

[@cousinzeke4888]

Just use a Blackstorm, there's less cleanup afterwards than there was before the attack even happened.

[@whensomethingcriesagain]

Don't need a gun when you can just become the bullet

[@ClericOfPholtus]

*The Vanguard Experience* intensifies

[@lelouche25]

I love how most of us have agreed that Shepard Paragon or Renegade, HATES Batarians. We have done great as Mass Effect Fans lads.

[@leandrobotchkarev7693]

I personally prefer a Venom/N7 Typhoon for home defense. But you do you

[@clarencewalters338]

The Typhoon, for when you need the Enemy, their friends, family, and even acquaintances shredded to a fine mushy paste.

[@leandrobotchkarev7693]

@@clarencewalters338 Just as the Founding N7s intended

[@friendlyreaper9012]

I don't think you'll have a home anymore if you use those venom grenades in doors lol.

[@dingowarrior815]

Typhoon? I'm gonna slap an N7 sticker on my Piaggio Typhoon next riding season!

[@UnstableGoat]

C-sec: A bleeding Batarian? Just sprinkle some Red Dust on him and lets call it a day. I'm not bothering the hospitals with a bleeding Spider Eye. It's more paperwork than they're worth.

[@ShardDeVir]

Shepard is a Specter, there will be no paperwork. C-Sec found bodies. Or did not. No papers, just like former agent Garrus Vakarian intended.

[@evanpeacock6103]

Garrus already calibrated the elevator to my apartment to kill any uninvited guests so it wouldn't interrupt my pull up competition.

[@Her_Imperious_Condescension]

You know, you wouldn't need an Anti Materiel rifle if you let Garrus and Zaeed booby trap your apartment.

[@ingamingpc1634]

He did that's why two of his enemies are dead without the use of his gun

[@gimmeyourrights8292]

"Two eyes human, Four eyes, Batarian!"

[@spartanc173]

"Four Batarians break into my apartment" Oh God. Those poor bastards... Is what I would say if they weren't Batarians.

[@tfallspark5104]

Salutes with a single tear running down my eye.

[@ZoeBateman]

Commander "Blowing up the alpha relay was unavoidable, I promise" Shepard, and a completely average interaction with some Batarian "people"

[@user-jo9kz9wj2i]

That’s amazing, it deserves so much more views. I now really, unironically want an actual sequel to citadel DLC in the next Mass Effect involving this plot.

[@warmaster8247]

“Handcanons are conceptually stupid” Cayde 6: Talking mad shit for someone in Golden Gun range

[@trofchik9488]

BuT, AkCHuaLy...*clears throat* D2 has Sidearms which aren't too balky to be carried as a backup to your main weapon and can be concealed even. So yeah, hand cannons are stupid in ME universe where there's no equivalent to IRL pistol.

[@clothar23]

Ya mean the guy gunned down by a few scrub Fallen and a wanna be Goth Awoken ?

[@warmaster8247]

@@clothar23 bro had to fight 8 bosses at once Tbf

[@clothar23]

@@warmaster8247 Like I said a few scrub fallen. Any other Guardian especially the player controlled one would have won that fight in their sleep.

[@warmaster8247]

@@clothar23 Whatever you say Titian Have some crayons lol

[@TheMysticalTank]

This is why you hire a Krogan as a back up. It speeds up the dying process while adding a shitload of extra fun.

[@BearAttackMan]

>I own a Harpoon gun for home defense, since that's what the Hegenomy forefathers intended >Four human colonists break into my home seeking to settle new territory >"By the Pillars of Strength?!" as I grab my Blue Suns armor and Kishock >Launch a golf club sized rod into the first man, he ragdolls into the stratosphere >Loads my second shot and levels at the second man >Misses him entirely because I didn't charge long enough and hits the neighbor's slave >I have to resort to the AT-12 Raider shotgun at the top of the stairs loaded with Armor Piercing rounds >"Tally-ho, two eyes!" >The Raider shreds two of the men in the salvo, the sound and extra shrapnel sets off starship alarms >Fix Omni-tool gauntlet, and charge the last terrified beak nose >Bleeds out waiting for Troopers to arrive since exploded heads are impossible to stitch up >Just as the Hegenomy forefathers intended

[@roadhouse6999]

300000 wasn't enough

[@BearAttackMan]

Reapers: I got you homie

[@StarboyXL9]

Now this, this is funny. The video was boring and predictable, but this made me actually chuckle (sensibly)

[@ZorroCeleste1]

Vanguard Batarian, my bro. He has 100% damage immunity!

[@roadhouse6999]

@@StarboyXL9 your mom was boring and predictable

[@afterlife697]

I’ve always personally preferred the reaper blackstar for home defense. Also, the fact that this video only has about 7000 views is criminal. This is really good really funny and very well written.

[@N7_Imperator]

You actively keep Reaper technology inside your home? Yeah, you’re indoctrinated.

[@gustawbobowski1333]

Mass effect is dead.

[@HanithSVK]

@@gustawbobowski1333 Sure buddy, whatever you say... There is only the slight problem with this "opinion"(if one can even call it like that, not just being a simple troll) and it is that next ME games is already in development. Very curious for series that is supposedly dead, right? Ach, simple trolls.

[@gustawbobowski1333]

@@HanithSVK 🤓🤓🤓

[@alexalbrecht5768]

Nah the M-920 Cain is what you really need.

[@echodelta2172]

This is a fucking golden and entirely too cultured reference.

[@pigmentpeddler5811]

A little mistake is calling "Batarians" "men"

[@trslim6032]

I find that a good biotic charge is all I really need. Usually parts of the house go too.

[@andrewtyrell4795]

You have to make sure you get all of them Nova and then Charge again. Don't worry about the parts of the apartment that get caught in the blasts. You had to redecorate anyway.

[@TheHaloAdventureShow]

this is a certified "Spectre Brutality" moment

[@docproc144]

Only way to play a Spectre tbh.

[@TheHaloAdventureShow]

@@docproc144 "I SAID STOP RESISTING"! ~Tela Vasir probably

[@docproc144]

@@TheHaloAdventureShow To be fair, it seems the Council recruits individuals to be Spectres because of their brutality. None of the Spectres you meet in the trilogy are particularly soft hearted like a Paragon would be. Hell, the first ever Spectre to be chosen was Beelo Gurji, a former Salarian STG member who used 30 hostages as bait to lure his assassination target out in the open. Instead of incarcerating Beelo, the Council straight up said, “Hey you wanna job?” It’s like they encourage that type of behavior from their operatives lol. The chillest one you meet is Jondam Bau in ME3 and even he’s kind of intense.

[@kubikkuratko188]

I own a glass ficture expllsive fillaments since thats what my husband intended! Four clones break into my apartment. "What the hell!?"

[@BluJack4557]

I own a reaper for home defense

[@voidimperial1179]

Control ending Shepard:

[@ClericOfPholtus]

Just as TIM intended

[@MortSalazar]

Mattock squad for life. And Revenant for Garrus so he can solo a reaper ship.

[@bruhgod123]

Give Garrus an N7 Typhoon and he will be able to solo the entire Reaper fleet.

[@nobodycares3333]

dude i have a repear artifact near my bed without protection let's check it out

[@bruhgod123]

thats a bad idea

[@makewayforthedozer664]

Dude, this reaper artifact you have is so cool. It's almost like you can hear it talking to you

[@bruhgod123]

@@makewayforthedozer664 i would not recommend listening to it

[@ellienixon3437]

God bless our Zombie President Huerta

[@Bacxaber]

The fuck is with this volume? Turn it up.

[@OriginalKasym]

I own a Magnetohydrodynamic Cannon for Harvests since that's what Harbinger intended.

[@MatthiasPowerbomb]

Glad to see the space second amendment is not being infringed.

[@SirDankleberry]

The proper way to deal with Batarian's and their shenanigans.

[@masonslavings2727]

C-sec officer: what's going on in here... Oh just Shepard killing some batarians, welp nothing to see here.

[@articulatedirtbag8809]

Fat W. Armed citizens for the win.

[@DTWesker]

They say shotguns are the best home defense guns so I'll go with claymore

[@kcdodger]

Listen you probably could have just gotten Mark Meer to voice this and he'd have done it for like 60 bucks.

[@calluxdoaron1903]

He would probably do it for free, as he loves ME memes himself.

[@kcdodger]

@@calluxdoaron1903 yeah basically. But no, we get AI instead. Turbo lame.

[@coolwolf5425]

@@kcdodger Ok you go make a ME meme and get Mark to voice it

[@ClericOfPholtus]

​@@kcdodgeryeah bitch. This is EXACTLY what AI voice is for Funny lolz and silly vids by fans and the occasional fan content like game mods You seen YuGiOh Celebrity Tournament? That things hilarious and super quality

[@smashbrosfan31]

This what ai was truly meant for

[@89BlackGatomon]

This was entertaining, the heavy handguns,actually have a nice kick to them.

[@cerberus3504]

this is probably the best mass effect meme of all time

[@jackdunn3737]

“Spider eyes” caught me off-guard

[@doyouremebervodka9387]

The enemy seeing shephard rocking the vanguard melee and power damage play style -

[@Tungar111-mv2hw]

Excellent work right here son, well done.

[@captnrobvious47]

This One owns two M6 Carnifexes for home defense since that is what the Enkindlers intended.

[@blingwraith6951]

this is art

[@HappyKratos725]

I just randomly stumbled upon this video and it's golden.

[@noxlumina8303]

Based.

[@Azumgi]

I love when Shepard said, It's Shepherding time and Shepherded all over those Batarians.

[@Shiftyshadee]

One of the jokes of all time

[@themantleofgod4722]

Beautiful

[@TheEcho112]

Ah yes. The "Widow". Hahaha. Damn good vid, just as president Huerta intended.

[@t8kabr8km85]

Admiral Hackett: Shepard its unfortunate you had to kill 305,942 Batarians but we had to stop the Reapers Shepard: Reapers?... oh yeah the Reapers sure thats why i did that...

[@HiyoriShirohana]

What's better than Widow? Black Widow! It has extra clips for extra batarians

[@srzar]

Good thing you had calibrated.

[@rodenbeard]

I own an M920-Cain for home defense, just as Zaeed Massani intended

[@h3r3s1]

I own a squirt gun for home defense, since California took all of my firearms.

[@RHCPKK]

.......I should go.

[@savageassassin8548]

so are we not going to talk about how jack is there but choosing to play with ezo instead of help shepard

[@Scatmanseth]

This makes me realize just how robotic Maleshep could sound at times

[@austinm5630]

This. Personal preferences are fine and all but Jennifer Hale's performance is simply objectively better.

[@cdru515]

Clearly, the Control ending is canon with Maleshep

[@KopperNeoman]

​@@austinm563080% of fans disagree.

[@thatbloomer5642]

Do not let this distract you from the fact that Ashley's the xenophobic one.

[@acewolfgang276]

This is a great Mass Effect sh*tpost.

[@HighKage97]

It's neither racism nor a war crime if it's inflicted on batarians 🗿 that's just pest control.

[@MrTwistedLizard]

" Handcannons are conceptually stupid" Well you problem is your using a Carnifex and not a ME2 Phalanx, if you miss with one of those babies its your own damn fault

[@n543576]

It was only a matter of time til the Mass Effect AI memes began. And i approve!

[@Ajc-ni3xn]

surprised he didnt bust out the Cain or Blackstorm

[@howawlyfalloookenhool7495]

I am Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite video on the Citadel

[@pokemongo-up3rq]

An m-98 for home invasion? Please, everyone knows a rifle like that is best used for picking off looters and rioters from the roof of your convenience store.

[@roadhouse6999]

Roof Salarians

[@ZorroCeleste1]

​@@roadhouse6999- At Morlan's.

[@TiaraStarbrighter]

Shotgun is the best for home defense. Suggest the Graal Spike Thrower so they can't get away.

[@hamyman35]

glorious

[@ryanalamo3851]

The ending tho!

[@standhaftgarithos3832]

Should have been spaceship alarms, but I still enjoyed it.

[@Vorox17]

absolutely based

[@12LoLproductions]

“I own an M-920 Cain for Home Defense”

[@phoenixfire9176]

Facts about hand cannons lol

[@dreamingpanda]

Based Shepard

[@pyroshilov8474]

I wouldn't be suprised if it was actually Mark Meer saying all of this and not A.I

[@MILDMONSTER1234]

Shotgun infiltrator >>>

[@kendaldk5634]

Guess Shepard should have sprung for the black widow

[@ianlewis9317]

All my homies hate batarians

[@FutureIndustrieseditz]

This content is too good to see Racist shepard, you should have more subs🤣💀

[@volga6247]

I own a M-920 Cain for home defense

[@doctorfives]

I much prefer the M-920 Cain for home defense, but you do you pal

[@battlesheep2552]

Yeah, might as well glass thr whole place since that's the only way to get out the stink of Batarians

[@Omborhan]

I own an N7 Typhoon for home defense😂

[@shiteyanyo1111]

Please read the description

[@Black_Aces]

God i love mass effect for shit like this lol

[@MarieAvora]

Rock a Black Widow, blow holes in three of the Batarians

[@saintsinningsword]

Carnifex best sniper rifle.

[@bruhgod123]

Thats a hand cannon...

[@angydoteawakens8076]

I own a m7 typhoon for home defense with heat rounds 😊

[@gamingpanda7516]

All I have is a gun for my A.D.S. or American Defense System.

[@darkprincemole498]

Can I get the M-96 Mattock as the back up?

[@Calekoflight]

No, it's too heavy and will lower your cooldown times.

[@rebornpage1]

For me1 on a new game plus save i have a fully auto machine gun that never over heats that has no recoil really just uses two hofh level heat sinks and shoots forever it. Anyways anti material rifle go bang boom bop and those freaky spider eyes creeps