I Slept With My Roommate . . . Now It’s Awkward

[@lusciouslivingtoday]

She likes him a lot more than she is admitting. It bothers her that he is choosing another over her.

[@Carol-gs5tu]

Ohhhhh noo, she better not get fatal attraction on him!

[@UranusRising]

Bingo

[@TheCazz10]

Yeah ego plays a big part. How dare a 25 year ditch me for someone else. She thought she had the upper hand…. Wrong

[@Dev-In-Denver123]

She definitely was hoping in her most inner inner that it would slowly evolve into something more.

[@salhal271]

Men don't choose women after sex. After sex he's actually LESS interested. So if he hasn't already put her into girlfriend-type category, he's not going to later. With a 10 year gap she would have to be knock-your-socks-off gorgeous for him to really want a relationship with her.

[@abizar3660]

Good on John, holding her accountable for her actions. She is trying to blame this guy for her mistake.

[@migalorsdarwin1930]

a guy who is 10 years younger than her.

[@jennprescott2757]

Classic modern woman. Booming in her job and single at 35. Doesn’t know take accountability. Gives her body away for nothing. Sad.

[@haploid2k]

@@jennprescott27575 years later: I am 40, established in my career, but ready to be a stay at home mom, and ready to settle down with a good provider. Where are all the good men?

[@meggold3422]

They're both culpable, but she's got ten years on him, too.

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@meggold3422 Culpable for what?

[@matthewdbickel]

I’m moderately impressed that she was willing to listen, have her opinion changed, and take some accountability.

[@kellygraham3415]

@mathewdbickel she's killing me. Dr. John has had to repeat himself about a gazillion times. She says she gets it and then goes right back again. Ugh!

[@marcrose3403]

😂😂😂 she wants to find someone to blame him

[@itsbarclay9613]

@@kellygraham3415unfortunately it takes a while for it to sink in. I would say she is showing willingness to change and during the conversation she is absorbing it slowly but can’t help revert back to questioning it. I’m glad John keeps her accountable to the end though. Changing opinions takes time and so hopefully it sinks in soon for her!

[@Sam11747]

Personally, I think she's creating some alternate narrative to play the victim or play innocent. She sounds like she's the type to go to marriage therapy 1 or 2 sessions and then file to divorce, so she can say she tried saving the marriage, if she hasn't already done that.

[@nickabel8279]

Give it a sleep. She'll be back to it's the men's fault (and John was just covering for him)

[@toluani7690]

"Did you fall for this kid?" That was brutal 😂

[@aprilwashington96]

He wouldn’t have said this if the genders were reversed.

[@juliekaye363]

@@aprilwashington96100 % so misogynistic

[@jaymkz3225]

@@aprilwashington96 Yes, he would have. 10 years is a huge age gap for a 25 year old no matter their gender. The life experience gap between a 25 year old and a 35 year old is huge period...

[@raymondqiu8202]

​@@jaymkz3225what's so different with 10 years difference? It's not like we don't know how to act professionally. There's not that much more to learn after the first few years of being an adult

[@jdoe5835]

The use of the word kid was cringe, just because he’s younger doesn’t mean he’s a diaper baby

[@brooklyn_beLAA]

“Yeah, he did use you. AND you used him” and people say Dr John Delony doesn’t hold women accountable 💪🏼💪🏼

[@Soulsphere001]

Yeah, I do wonder why they state that. Maybe they just dislike women, I don't know. Or maybe they know something I don't. There could be a lot of reasons why some people seem to think that.

[@pswizzle6616]

The VAST majority of the time he doesn’t. It’s only been recently that he has

[@Soulsphere001]

@@pswizzle6616 That's because he knows, based on facts (well the statistics in his field anyway), that in those cases the men were most likely the problem. However, he only has so much time to talk to people.

[@pswizzle6616]

@@Soulsphere001provide an example of these “facts” because that’s just bs

[@Soulsphere001]

@@pswizzle6616 You'll have to provide me a specific case where you think he unfairly picked the woman's side over the man's, where he didn't later change his mind on the subject. Just give me the name of the video and I'll search for it, watch it, and let you know the facts.

[@maciw456]

As cringe as this call was, I know a lot of people in this camp. The caller showed a lot of openness to hearing what Dr John said and I agree with him 💯

[@kimberlyrivera5103]

I agree you could hear in her voice where some of the clarities actually slaps her face, in the call.

[@AshleyLebedev]

At least she was open and I commend her for that. Hopefully she picks herself up and doesn’t allow it anymore and either moves on or moves our

[@DevHazy]

This happened to me with every guy before I met my husband. Some people just don’t know their self worth

[@jennprescott2757]

This is classic. Don’t treat sex so cheaply. Of course you feel cheap now.

[@thejakelegion]

Exactly! Stupid girl.

[@kagnewcobra5228]

Because she is and always has been, most likely!

[@kiwiskiwi]

@@kagnewcobra5228 whoa dude, took two to tango. Get off your high horse eh?

[@maskedentrepreneur22]

@@kiwiskiwinope truth hurts women lose value when they have more sex men gain value🤣

[@knowvilleknows1075]

@@kiwiskiwimen when these opinions are usually too short to be on high horses

[@JesusSavesMerciful]

She wanted more, he didn't.

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

And he was honest with himself; she wasn't.

[@b7Hn4eX8yv4m]

Literally all this call was - "he didn't want any more and I did he's such a user he used me!" Such crap.

[@Playingwithproxies]

@@wordsalad01she over valued herself he correctly assessed her value

[@lilolmecj]

And at 35 she hasn’t figured this out. From the first encounter he laid it out…keep this casual…dam.

[@zeal4god402]

Maybe she was afraid that rejecting his fwb offer would have him lose interest for her...reality is he only had interest for the goodies

[@Favia.SeatedWithGod]

This is why I’m fully against casual sex. Either it’s a relationship or nothing because my feelings will get involved. My heart goes out to her.

[@chf159]

As jordan peterson would say...there's no such thing as casual sex. There is nothing casual about a sex encounter

[@ATLCane]

So so true

[@krogdog]

Unless you’re Wilt Chamberlain

[@Josh-ol8sy]

yeah i generally agree but it is also much more likely for a man to be able to have “emotionless” sex, a woman has a really hard time keeping emotions out of it

[@chf159]

@@Josh-ol8sy men are more capable of doing this but that does not take away that this is a marker for psychological issues. Likewise, men are also more capable of being serial killers but you can bet the ones that are have major psych issues

[@bodyofhope]

​@@Josh-ol8sy very true. There's a big evolutionary factor there. Men push the continuation of the species with their drive to procreate. But women push the continuation of society with their drive to couple up and parent together as a unit. Without men's urges, we wouldn't have an abundance of new life. But without women's urges, we wouldn't have families, communities, and the good that comes out of a loving structured bonded home.

[@Girlgonewise]

She really thought she was a victim here lol 😂.

[@Michael-kv5ff]

☕

[@b7Hn4eX8yv4m]

Oh my god, everything she said was trying to paint herself as a victim here. It's ridiculous. Grown woman trying to paint this guy as some kind of user and abuser. They both got into this with clear minds.

[@Girlgonewise]

@@b7Hn4eX8yv4m lol, he was actually more honest than she was. He told her what he wanted, she agreed but was hoping she could manipulate him into something serious.

[@0seve291]

A true 304 that couldnt play her own game right 😂

[@Robmancan1987]

I believe she still thinks that. She's not listening to John she's just acknowledging him.

[@BSCTrainerRob]

She's 10 years his senior and she's acting super naive. These are lessons she should have learned long ago but she's learning them now

[@livingonhighvibe]

better later than never. I had the same issue. I am 40, but I was a purity culture Christian between 17 and 30 or so. Which brought me to a place of never having the dating experience normal kids have, never making these silly mistakes which you need to make before 25, I married the first person that I developed a relationship with and then when we divorced it was a huge WTF. I started making the type of mistakes that you make in your late teens and early twenties starting age 33. I am 40 and I still feel like in my dating life, I am at the age of 23. It's just what it sometimes is. I think only now, about to turn 41, I am starting to be at a point where I might be in a space to have stuff ready to have a healthy relationship.

[@doubleboy2388]

I don't think she is naive. I think she is lying to herself. I think the guy is more attractive than she is. Has a higher market value. And from the very beginning she wanted a relationship. He didn't. She said okay we'll just be FWB. Then she developed further feelings by sleeping with him. He didn't. And now she's bitter and resentful. At herself mostly! Because she knew all this from the jump. She thought she was going to slip in at some point and get him to agree to be in a relationship. But he didn't. He was true to his word. And bottomline he is just not that interested or attracted to her. If he was he would act differently. He wouldn't pass up sex. And now again she is bitter and resentful. Because she put her own self in this situation. And instead of being truthful with herself she is still trying to make excuses. That's the difference. She is not naive. Deep down she knows exactly what is happening. But her ego is having a hard time accepting that he is not that interested in her

[@cupidok2768]

She thought she was the victim until he said you used him too

[@Naijella86]

@@livingonhighvibe if you could go back now, what would you do differently? Starting at the age of 15 please?

[@Carol-gs5tu]

You have a valid reason to learn late, her, idk, he didn’t lie and let her know wassup. How in the world would she dream of something more from that? Btw her clock is ticking soon and she needs to learn fast and listen!

[@damita_jo7139]

She sounds like a teenager. Miss Ma'am leave this young man alone. He's moved on.

[@madisonandthefarm]

🤣🤣🤣

[@Veracityseeker7]

Yeah I'm like embarrassed for her and I don't know why. I was cringing the whole time. She is too old to be acting like this. She needs help.. She needs actual help.

[@brebrey124ni]

Woman mature faster than men. But woman level out and stay mentally the same. They never really mature beyond a 19 year old. Look into those studies. It makes sense considering how they act even at 80 years old. Mentally about like a 19 to 20 year old

[@Chosen302]

@joanarc7963 whoa lol liar? Why insult me Hoe lol 😂

[@as2223]

Yup i bet she's always played the victim in life. She should be growing in wisdom at 35, but nope! And this is why no real man has taken her bait for the long haul. Alpha men see through her tricks and always run from these jezebels.

[@libbypaige6160]

Upholding your own boundaries is 100% your responsibility.

[@tehbobb08]

"I entered into a casual sexual relationship with my roommate and now he’s treating me like we were just in a casual sexual relationship” All due respect to the caller, people simply don’t think enough

[@deirdrekiely6187]

Females get caught up in the massive endorphin rush that happens when a guy likes them. Women think they can have sex without "catching feelings" but it rarely happens.

[@nevenazMadwrld]

*sigh* i guess some people make it to 35 still making 20 yr old mistakes. but hey we all have to find our own way

[@OopThereItIs77777]

This is perfect for everyone who says John doesn’t hold women accountable…he absolutely did & DOES

[@terriesmith2616]

Only recently he has been holding more women accountable for their actions. He only started doing it after so many complaints.

[@terriesmith2616]

If you watch his videos from years prior, he rarely holds women accountable. Only for the past year or so, he has been holding women accountable. After so many complaints.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@terriesmith2616NO. As a DAY 1 listener he has ALWAYS held women accountable. It’s just not in the same way and definitely not as bold as he does with men. He’s more gentle with women but John still calls them on their BS and always has. I’ve watched him since the day he started back when he was down in the basement taking calls. Dr. John will straight up tell you he is tougher on men than he is on women but that is only because he feels he has more space to rattle their cage because he understands their perspective more coming from a man to man perspective rather than man to woman.

[@Bobisworld]

@@flashthecorgi2053I think these men who say this want John to tear the woman callers to shreds bc maybe that’s what they would do.

[@RS4862]

he cuddles most women, even cheaters.

[@TheRealHerbaSchmurba]

You really shouldn’t have agreed to be friends with benefits. Your rationality was overwritten by attraction.

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

And loneliness.

[@jennprescott2757]

Empty egg cartons.

[@Mscookie3131]

She thought he would be into to her after the sex

[@juliekaye363]

But don’t we all feel like that from time to time

[@Dev-In-Denver123]

More like lust

[@annbaker2950]

It’s like when a guy say I love being single and not looking to marry. Believe it. It is what it is.

[@annt7384]

This is also a guy who is never alone.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

@annbaker2950 Yes ma'am 🗣🗣🗣

[@zeroounce8874]

100% correct

[@zeroounce8874]

Women think with their hearts

[@aprilgonzalez7893]

If a guy says that they want to be single/doesn’t want to marry Id take that as he just doesn’t want to marry me.

[@yorocco1]

She’s trying SO hard to seem like the sophisticated, older, woman. You got played honey. Walk away with your dignity. P.S. For those saying “she didn’t get played”, yeah, woulda, shoulda, coulda… she clearly believed the guy. Kinda hard to “play” someone that doesn’t fall for it.

[@Batman78488]

​@@hellocx6350damn

[@jackstrand5341]

She didn’t even really get played, dude told her up front

[@nickabel8279]

Played? Not even a little bit. He was clear from the start by her own admittance. She showed how cheap she was. Plain n simple

[@ERIKALLOYD-fs4en]

She didn't get played at all. He was up front and she couldn't accept the bare minimum he was willing to give.

[@yorocco1]

@@nickabel8279 I don’t think that’s necessary.

[@RG-vb7ly]

I applaud her for immediately being receptive to Dr. John pointing out her accountability in all this. She didn't see it that way coming into the call, but she quickly picked up on how she's at fault.

[@futurefunk88eddins96]

Congratulations you played your damn self. He had the same amount of respect for you as you had for yourself.

[@jennprescott2757]

Exactly!

[@jeffblalock6326]

He had more respect for her. He was honest about what he wanted.

[@adamchavez999]

Great comment

[@Veracityseeker7]

Well said

[@kencer8320]

He respected her enough to be upfront with his intentions, most men don’t do that

[@samiraschadt8480]

I’m glad he hold her accountable. I had a friend who would flirt with every men she came across. Married, single, attractive, not attractive, best friends partners, and so on. it wouldn’t matter who. And once men would put advances on her, she would walk around and would say: “gosh, men are just so terrible. They always want to hook up with me and I don’t know why..” Zero accountability for her own actions.

[@yota8325]

Flirting with married men is no good at all

[@emmah3072]

I know someone like this. It gives me second hand embarrassment to watch.

[@pollyanna5354]

Sometimes being nice and talking to someone gets taken the wrong way

[@abbyxiong3931]

I know women like this. They won't take accountability. They like to play victim. In reality they use men to get what they want out of them. Also men that fall prey to these women should know better. We sadly live in world now where hook ups and casual culture is normal. Where pretending to be a couple is a thing. We no longer hold any space for ourselves when we give our bodies to just anyone and saying that it wasn't you, doesn't help you heal. Take accountability or you will😢 continue the cycle.

[@Yuv3892]

😂😂

[@ChiZillaaa]

"I didn't think of it that way." Yeah girl. We know. Lol

[@naturallytajy973]

😂😂😂 I literally said I’m sure you didnt . It’s real cringe, I truly believe at that age you really need to have your head on straight

[@TheWumanchild]

Aw, many of these comments are harsh, as if people want to see someone get punished or slammed down. I like how Dr John holds her accountable for her actions and thinking, but also doesn’t absolve the roommate. I believe her behavior is more common than many of us would like to admit, and I appreciate how she is being brave with her vulnerability.

[@John.Christopher]

Thank You.

[@ichoosemeimsorry]

yes!

[@RabidDisposition]

If this is common behavior, I'm glad I seem to be leagues above the average.

[@kimmie1377]

This was probably the best advice I've heard so far from John. I do wish the caller all the best in her healing journey. I do hope she realizes how worthy she really is.

[@flash12319]

John was very raw and direct with this one. I think this gave her a lot of great insight!

[@prod.saiyan4863]

Trust me, it went in one ear and out the other

[@grayschae4761]

she'll be sucking the silver off a wrench in a tool shop in 1 week.

[@rz8753]

@@prod.saiyan4863lol right, like girl admit you like him and that you wanted to be with him , he kept is end of the bargain .

[@Spiritbomb88]

Women and insight do not go together .

[@vanmamawannabe6360]

Do you really think she took it to heart? I’m having a hard time buying that.

[@thegraceofalady3629]

She's not a victim...girl bye

[@j-gem391]

I'm sorry, I'm just cringing at the way she's narrating the whole thing as if she's gossiping with her high-school bestie

[@peaceful525]

Yes! And she’s 35!

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

Oh please, John was eating it up too 🤣 Looking like he was watching a Nicholas Sparks movie his wife made him watch but he ended up loving..

[@cupidok2768]

Y roommate with a man

[@texasdazzlers]

This call makes me ashamed of my generation. Most millennial women are pigs. Very few ladies left, and most of them are mocked and called prudes.

[@JustOne-qe7jl]

Same - it’s childish

[@taybee4653]

Friends with benefits leads to nothing but disappointment and hurt. One person will always want more and or feel slighted.

[@grod805]

I've done it my entire life. I fell empty at the end of the day but I don't blame the other person

[@Stanley_Baby]

Usually the woman is the one that takes the L. Casual sex is so much more beneficial for men and damaging for women

[@Stargaze_17]

Not always. I had a relationship like that in the past. I even helped him get together with his now wife. I definitely wasn't in a good place at the beginning (things not related to our fwb situation), and being able to lean on him during that time really helped me through it.

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@Stargaze_17 I think 90% of the time fwb = the woman getting used

[@JaysonBernardo-ch9fv]

​@@Stanley_Baby it's sad because I feel like even if they mean it if they tell you it could just be casual s*x at first alot of women will catch feeling from the intimacy when a lot of men are just seeking some "clarity" and relief

[@victoria-louisesweet767]

I’m so glad you told her she’s worthy of so much more, I feel like she needed to hear that and I feel guilty of staying in relationships too long where I’ve deserved more. I needed to hear this too. To the lady on the call ignore all the negative comments on here, all we can do is keep trying to find our voice, I’m rooting for you

[@ChiZillaaa]

This woman is something else. Lol. She developed feelings for a guy who laid his boundaries and exclusively said "we are friends with benefits". She agreed to that and wanted to spend more "quality time" with him as if they were in an actual relationship when they weren't. He is not your boyfriend and you are not his girlfriend. He has no obligation to you. That was the agreement and the boundary from the beginning. For a 35 year old woman, she does not seem to have the emotional maturity of someone her age.

[@meggold3422]

FWB isn't exactly a grown-up type of agreement, either way. It's a way of avoiding being real adults.

[@listrahtes]

Both seem quite teenager like. Stuff happens but then as roommates call it friends with benefits is delusional. It will never work out ever.

[@Grand_Edict]

She’s no exception. It’s never their fault ever

[@HeyYou80855]

Agree, “I mean he didn’t want to watch a movie or something.” Yes, that’s equivalent to cuddling after sex and he didn’t want that. It was just about sex not a relationship.

[@captainplatipus]

"Friend's with benefits" is such a sad and empty place

[@Girlgonewise]

John was spot on! I love how straight forward he was with her.

[@OneandonlyD]

As he should or else his callers won’t understand.

[@T-CainesZR1]

Take accountability. You wanted it, he did. Things happened.

[@FTBASTAR]

This right here

[@turdrocket]

Right. Time to move on

[@marya3823]

Why even have a male roommate?

[@alberttang6955]

@@marya3823 She was probably strongly attracted to him the first time they met. She found the possibility of romance with him irresistible and agreed to the arrangement.

[@tootstoyou1]

Bit of a time bomb. The whole thing. Hope she looks for a female roommate, or a gay man.

[@Dodgeowner]

I like that she is looking at it and realizing her perspective was not the best one for her. It takes a lot to change your mind and admit your are wrong. I wish her the best.

[@No-Proof-of-God1988]

25 is not a kid. it's a grown ass man.

[@meggold3422]

He should be, at least. She should be grown by now, too.

[@gcd8994]

She's a whole ass 35 year old woman

[@Zyrean7007]

I got the feeling John was trying to highlight the age difference between the caller and the guy. 10 years is a significant gap

[@sharonb519]

@@Zyrean7007I agree! Huge difference between 25 and 35 than 35-45. Probably would’ve been a slightly different outcome had they each been 10 years older. 💯

[@DK-lz7kg]

Having seen many 25 year olds and 35 years olds, there often a big difference in maturity. 10 years of life experience makes a big difference.

[@sternshadowdude2]

This woman has no shame or accountability. She's 10 yrs older, started the whole thing, and went along with it, and she was upset that John didn't say it's all the roommate's fault.

[@jennprescott2757]

She’s the archetype of a modern woman.

[@Vmb256]

It didn’t seem like she was upset. Just that she had no accountability and is just now realizing the reality of that at the ripe old age of 35. I’d say, it’s good to learn…better late than NEVER.

[@Grand_Edict]

“This woman” lmao she is your TYPICAL woman. Sorry to seem sexist or whatever, but that’s been my experience and observation

[@kiwiskiwi]

@@jennprescott2757 the guy wasn't exactly mr perfect. Woman have done this for years, nothing modern about it.

[@Nah-ah]

@@jennprescott2757 a “modern women” archetype? This has been happening for decades. It’s just more acceptable to discuss this out loud!

[@sashalawrence4786]

How is she shocked he needs to move out? Deluded.

[@herschelsquirts2338]

She still thinks she has a shot at them being together

[@slyfox909]

Thank you for acknowledging her part in this. They definitely used each other.

[@rundogrun297]

Wow this chick fights so hard to maintain victimhood over and over again. Just wow!

[@HeartsIgnited]

All of us have areas of victimhood in our lives that we need to take responsibility for. Victimhood is a lot easier than full, 100% ownership of our lives.

[@patriciasmith8334]

And hence why she is a 35 yr old living with a 25 yr old male roommate ....😏

[@jackhass6677]

She’s a perfect American

[@mxusa8383]

😂 that’s standard female behavior. This call situation is so common. She thinks he should have given her what she drummed up in her head yet never spoke out loud to him and now he’s the bad guy not giving her what she wanted in her head. Unspoken expectations are so common with women and it’s such a big driver why they’re typically unhappy. She also literally doesn’t know what she wants, she bounces from one tingle to the next.

[@lenitaa7938]

@@mxusa8383Same goes for the men and their unspoken expectations and communication ! Not a gender issue!

[@littlemcruzat]

I have been with my wife for the last 19 years and she is 11 years younger than me. She was 25. I was 36, and I knew she was my soulmate the moment I laid eyes on her. Now I am 54, and she is 43. I love her more and more every year.

[@hazexe]

okay how is this relevant to the video?

[@balesjo]

OK, don't take the age difference personally. No one said it's a hard and fast rule that a 10 year age difference is vast and creating a relationship across the divide is impossible. It's not impossible, but it depends on the maturity of the people on each side of the gap and what they're looking for in life, their interests and life experiences, etc. The problem comes in situations like this where they appear to be at two different stages in their lives, what they want is different. She seems to want a relationship where they're spending their non-work time together. He just got out of a relationship and is ready to date around (as well as sleep around). What they want is vastly different, so at this point in time a relationship is unlikely to work out. Not to mention that their communications with each other were flawed in sending out a lot of mixed messages (verbal and body language).

[@geo865833]

Congratulations, you have something few people actually have.

[@Brit832]

The comments are strange and passively bitter about your experience when it just shows age was just the number and maturity develops differently. Happy for you guys 🎉

[@meelomoo]

@@Brit832ya are you going to say age is just a number to a 50 year old marrying an 8 year old? You’re a gross creep

[@peaceful525]

This call was super cringey.

[@vanmamawannabe6360]

And kept getting more cringey by the minute!

[@Veracityseeker7]

Mega

[@Mia-r9s9p]

No. Had no idea anything had happened, until I saw the results on my underwear. This was not an intimate vsituation. No one is telling me directly, but close enough. I suspected it before the tests were done (from his behaviour). Now what?

[@yogaqueen1527]

They were using each other. Just sleeping with each other until someone better came along...and someone better did come along, for him. Now she is bitter. You're too old for these kinds of games. 35 years old, acting like a 20 year old..girl get over yourself and leave the kids along. You also shouldn't be sharing an apartment with a young person. Find someone your own age. Leave him alone to live his life

[@erichchan3]

What she doesn't realize is that if the male roommate and her were not living in the same apartment as roommates but just random strangers out on the street, I don't think the roommate would be coming after her. He looked at it as convenient free sex and she was willing to oblige. If she turned him down repeatedly he would have given up a long time ago and wouldn't have gotten into this Friends with benefits label.

[@lilolmecj]

He is not a kid. Yes he is a lot younger, but he is not a child by any measure.

[@yogaqueen1527]

@@lilolmecj compared to a 35 year old, yes he is.

[@namelesswreck6383]

​@@yogaqueen1527 a 25 year old woman is a kid ?.

[@yogaqueen1527]

@@namelesswreck6383 what are you talking about? She is not 25

[@Feliciations]

How does she feel used?? Girl. Sorry, but no.

[@doctorposting]

if she was my friend i’d tell her she’s a dumbass

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

Right?? “It was on his terms” No one kept telling you to sleep with him

[@rz8753]

Exactly she’s trying to justify how he coerced her into sleeping with him , like no . He told you lol 😂

[@Nanajsiuz]

Guy pretended like he was interested. Fucked her. Then lost interest. It’s normal human behavior to feel like you are used if you wanted a connection.

[@zeroounce8874]

Women usually do. She fell for him and he doesn’t pay attention to her. He is dating other girls and she is jealous.

[@DarkMidnightDreamz]

I really appreciate this caller and how vulnerable and receptive she is! That’s tough to do when being put on the spot! Great work for both Delony and the caller! 🥰 Wishing her all the best on her journey! I feel many people can relate to the past hurt in this call, and finding themselves in situations they deserve more from!

[@averyjackson642]

My Respect for Dr.John just went up %1000!

[@UnknownSender1111]

Same

[@livingonhighvibe]

I can't believe that there are people in this comment section that a word "roommate" means that you share a room. You might, if you want and agree to, but what it actually means almost in all instances is that you rent an apartment together, each gets a room and share living spaces like the living room and the kitchen.

[@sashalawrence4786]

People maybe from non English speaking countries???

[@livingonhighvibe]

@@sashalawrence4786 maybe.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Foreigners

[@jennprescott2757]

The internet is global. Chill

[@yota8325]

Not everyone lives in America. in most other English speaking countries its called a flatmate

[@HeidisHereAndThere]

🤔 How do you feel used if you consented?? You KNEW what you were doing!

[@migalorsdarwin1930]

It is easier to blame everything else, but herself

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

Her pride is wounded, now that he is showing her that he wants someone else more than her. She doesn't realise that the real wound to her pride came when she decided to sleep with a 25-year-old casually.

[@jennprescott2757]

@@SarahConnor562also her career is booming

[@jennprescott2757]

@@user-qp2qe5gf9b he didn’t control it. She’s mad it stopped.

[@standground8284]

​@@user-qp2qe5gf9b It's simple, the attention and the D started being allocated towards another female. If she didn't lie then she'd have no issues with him no longer paying attention to her and hooking up with other women.

[@brain7890]

HAHHAHA I love her honesty with him. She genuinely was like “how am i responsible?”

[@prod.saiyan4863]

Delusional

[@drewbear17]

This is exactly why my roommate and I have not had sex EVER. Everyone always asks me why I don’t and this phone call right here is exactly why I don’t. In the moment it sounds like a good thing but it will always have its downfall. If you’re a guy and have a girl roommate never under any circumstances ever have sex with your roommate. It always comes back to bite you in the butt.

[@JoeMcKenzie888]

I agree!

[@fairyprincess1]

With all due respect, 25 is NOT a kid. I’m 25, married, and have two children and a college degree. Calling him a kid is completely diminishing his responsibility in this too. It’s coming across like she’s a groomer 🙄

[@plamondonworks6948]

Sure, but he didn't do anything wrong. He was honest about his intentions and stuck to them. And although he's not a kid, his life experience and time being a developed adult is vastly different than hers. She's had 10 years with a fully developed brain and is apparently not using it. Lol

[@erichchan3]

He didn't lie to her. He told her from the beginning of his intentions that this was a FWB relationship. She lied to herself thinking this was more than that and of course at the time those words blew past by her because she was in love and didn't think that it would end. Sure the guy should have just told her at some point that he has moved on but since they were not officially together it was different.

[@fairyprincess1]

@@erichchan3 I didn’t say he lied to her. That’s not what my comment was about. I was commenting on John’s terminology because it makes her seem like she’s an authority over him rather than his social peer.

[@fairyprincess1]

@@plamondonworks6948 I agree she has more life experience! But I wasn’t saying he did anything either. I was just commenting on John’s terminology making it sound like she was an authority figure rather than his social peer.

[@tarim2822]

It funny because if genders were reversed if 25 year old woman did this and decided she didn't want the FWB thing anymore with a 35 year old man she would probably get all the hate and be called all sorts of names.

[@lmlmlmlm7627]

She cheapened herself and now she’s unhappy that he tossed her aside.

[@citrustaco]

He used her? She seems upset that he won't keep sleeping with her and is looking for a girlfriend and she wishes it was her. And he never said he loved her. She used him.

[@Playingwithproxies]

She was used

[@HomemakingandHomeschoolMama]

​@@Playingwithproxiesno she wasn't

[@Alphaphotographer]

Well done Dr. Delony. She is definitely worth more than this, and needs her own place so she doesn't have to look at him everyday. Good luck to this lady, and I hope she takes this advice.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

What makes you think she’s worth more ?? She’s 35 and single and childless for a reason

[@notnormansmother3617]

@@prod.saiyan4863 She’s “worth more” is not a statement that she is a 10 & needs a wealthy better looking guy but rather a reference to the fact that she should have standards in the type of persons she would consider having a relationship with and then have boundaries set at what she is willing to do or accept to obtain and keep that kind of relationship. He’s saying she’s devaluing herself by accepting less than she really wants. For example: If she wants a long term stable relationship with someone she should date someone regularly, express her intentions and let the relationship grow bit by bit and not waste time with someone who isn’t so inclined. Flirting with and then choosing to sleep with someone who told you up front that they want casual sex, without relationship, and that they want to date around when you actually want a stable loving long term relationship is not worth her time since it is ultimately not what she wants. She should’ve said back, You’re cute and fun but I can’t sleep with you because I want to fall in love with someone and to have them fall in love with me and I want to be involved in a lasting and meaningful relationship and even if you’re hot and and I’m lonely, I don’t trade meaningless fun for what I ultimately want and deserve.

[@devdawg22]

My brother sleeped with his roommate too and now they are no longer roommates because it got complicated

[@mollyv1172]

Way to help someone take accountability. Sometimes it’s hard for us to see outside ourselves.

[@northgeorgiamom8956]

How could she not realize she was using him as well? Where is this woman’s brain?

[@doesnotFempute]

he's the one who propositioned (according to her) 🤷‍♀️. In her mind, she probably thinks she knew that acting on her feelings wasn't the intelligent route. But once it became "his" idea, she found it more palatable. Allegedly.

[@thebiasedkpoper]

Not using him bc she actually loves him lol

[@Veracityseeker7]

She's entitled, and trained to feel like she's always a victim because of her gender and his. Let's just be real.

[@Veracityseeker7]

​@@doesnotFemputeShe's never been held accountable for anything a day in her life.

[@zeroounce8874]

She fell for him hard.

[@kevinmclaughlin3088]

To her admission, he stated "Are we going to be able to be super casual about this" So, sounds like his intentions were laid bare and she accepted. I don't agree with it, but I can't say this is his fault. You can't say "I was used" when he was up-front about this from the start.

[@ahmritroets2596]

She doesn't want him. She just wants him to submit for her own ego. I'm pretty sure we have all been there.

[@tracym6652]

Yep. Ive been there. And I was a loser when I was there

[@castrolauraand5588]

Yup🎉

[@arreola891]

That was my understanding also, by the way she resentfully said (multiple times) things were on "his terms". She's angry that things didn't work out on HER terms. She really did play herself.

[@Sloanmatthews]

Good for you DR. For telling her what this situation is and telling her it’s in her hands.

[@wf4983]

Samantha, you could have a fearful avoident attachment style. Sounds as if you have been shamed for being vulnerabel as a child. So, you wanna appear to be 'strong' and 'reasonable' while in fact fearful avoidents crave being allowed to show emotions . Also, it seems as if connection is a scarce good (also something we learn in childhood) - that is why we go along with less than we deserve sometimes.

[@AerielFerguson]

YESS, thissss! Alot of comments are judging her so hard but this is really empathetic and understanding to the way she is.

[@pixie3458]

I would agree with that.... Unavailable people are less threatening

[@DevHazy]

That was me ! When I used to sleep with guys and fall for them in the morning

[@CollectableCuddliesReviews]

I think you're spot on. I know because I have this attachment style. It's not easy but can be worked through. 😊

[@jh26pt2]

Great job by John handling this call. Hopefully Samantha realizes that she’s worth more than what she was settling for.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

Why is she worth more ?? This is the problem with todays society. We tell people theyre worth more than they are

[@comment_account2343]

​@@prod.saiyan4863because everyone is worth more than this friends with benefits thing 🤷

[@stevengtv]

She’s clearly for the streets. She acts like it.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

​@prod.saiyan4863 everyone has value

[@Venusbry]

Its actually scary how some ppl can immediately belive they have been wronged or a victim.

[@same.7939]

John did a particularly good job on this call holding this woman accountable. She was probably calling to get victim validation. I hope John continues with this pattern.

[@jonathansnyder2602]

So,...she set all this up. Moved in a male roommate. Had hours long talks with him. Dinners together. Movies together. Flirtation with admitted touching. Sexual innuendo. The dude literally says, "Let's discuss the tension." in reference to her seduction. He is totally honest and up front with her,..and now she is the "victim." Of course, what else would it be.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

Nice summarization Welcome to 2024 gynocentric Western Society

[@Suzette-gb7uj]

@jonathansnyder2602 You’re a man, so you don’t understand. She bonded with him, as all women do if they have sex with a man, and have an orgasm. It is physiologically impossible for a woman not to bond when that happens. That’s why women should not have gratuitous sexual encounters. That’s why this hook-up culture is so disturbing. These young women that are racking up their body count are going to regret their actions, and it’s a really sad state of affairs.

[@Stanley_Baby]

This is exactly how alot of false accusations happen

[@ae3209]

I think for men it's easier to separate feelings from sex, so he has no problem with their set up. For us girls it's so much more vulnerable, it's hard to not develop feelings after intimacy.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

It’s almost like Men and Women are different, surprise surprise Feminism sold women a lie

[@janelleg597]

Absolutely

[@yusufraage8554]

Women only have sex with men they really like while men would have sex with pretty much any women that opwn their legs.

[@hannahwhite5567]

oxytocin

[@sarahhrndz2566]

She’s older yet seems to be blaming it all on him she’s go a decade more of experience like John said you knew where this was going 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@Tag6488]

No accountability at any age. 🏄🏻

[@standground8284]

*What sucks* is the fact that she can't even bring a guy over that she's interested in because that guy will instinctively know that her roommate had sex with her. People try to fake it but you can't hide it.

[@AshleyLebedev]

Oh stop. Not true. She can get over this and go on with her life without it being weird. Stop projecting

[@standground8284]

@@AshleyLebedev Take a poll if you think I’m wrong. Say meet a girl and you want to start dating her. You find out that she’s living with a guy who slept with her a couple times but then stopped because he found someone new. She’ll liking t’s all good because that was the past and there’s no hard feelings or nothing to worry about. It’s not projecting, it’s called reality. I’m sure if a guy you’re dating has a female roommate who he’s slept with multiple times, when you leave their place, you’ll wonder if they’re still having sex, if you don’t, good for you. Just don’t pretend to be disappointed if she’s still sleeping with him.

[@17PAT17]

@@AshleyLebedevhe’s not wrong!

[@zeroounce8874]

She fell for this guy. He dates others and she is jealous. She is inlove with him. Period.

[@jikan-tabi-1888]

@@standground8284100%. No way I would date that person with that sexual history in the back of my mind. Too messy and doomed to fail. 🤦🏼

[@jillmathisen3731]

I did not finish watching this. She knew what was going on from the get go. She willingly flirted and spent lots of time with him while being alone with him. Now she has regrets. I am rolling my eyes at her nonsense. Sheesh.

[@Meggiebeth19]

And likely had frequent sex w/this roommate.

[@funya-xw1iw]

It’s soooo cringey

[@Thekrystalhope]

I love this episode. It proves how women don’t take accountability for their actions. It took me a looooonnnnggggggg time to look in the mirror and face myself. Too long to do that actually…but accountability will set you free. Owning your feelings and actions and putting yourself out there is so much more powerful than being the “cool” girl

[@meli7315]

💯

[@dhoop4052]

Lmao. I love this channel. John always breaks it down. He always relates it to how he feels about himself or how he feels about his wife. I love it. How could you not relate it to that!!! ❤ He’s a real one.

[@jenniferwildflower4249]

Amazing advice so no bs but also compassionate.

[@HeyTezza]

People only go into a friends with benefits with someone they get along great with, but have decided there’s something about them that makes them know they wouldn’t want a relationship with. He had already decided that before he slept with her. You don’t change your mind. She thought this was a stepping stone to a relationship.

[@yorocco1]

This is so cringey I need a shower. I can’t believe she was so shocked when Deloney said, you have to move out.

[@zachg9065]

It takes 2 to tango! She’s 35 acting like she’s 20!

[@isabellopes890]

25, he is an adult.

[@Debora.14]

I so needed this call. Thank you Dr. Delony for walking alongside Samantha and simultaneously helping me.

[@warrensloan3467]

I think both of them are severely overthinking this. It’s basic common sense to not sleep with someone that lives with you if the intention is not to form a relationship. The odds of both of you being in the exact same emotional and mental place to separate physical intimacy from attachment is so rare, and even if you somehow pulled that off when one of you starts dating it creates problems in your subsequent relationships when the truth inevitably comes out. You played with matches, you got burned and now you’re calling a doctor asking “How did this happen?”

[@PaulaCosta-wj7zc]

She played with a bonfire!

[@nt3833]

Well the first mistake was being roommates with the opposite sex. Things are going to happen when your bedrooms are right next to each other.

[@brandony.1824]

This man is a freaking psychology genius. Love you man

[@ethxo6734]

She’s too old to be playing these games. 35 year old woman hooking up with a 25 year old. He was upfront with what it was. She played herself.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

Modern woman, this is very common today

[@tyronewilson7890]

1st mistake: having a roommate You’re 35, can you not afford to live by yourself. This isn’t college. 2nd mistake: hooking up. You’re 35, you should be trying to find a husband and start a family.

[@slickrick2420]

​@@prod.saiyan4863 Don't generalize women. Sincerely, another man.

[@joziewales1965]

Game is game. Dude laid it out plain and simple.

[@GG-zn5hx]

I am pleasantly shocked by the way Deloney dismantled this woman. Nice job, John!

[@marciaeovino3584]

I dont think “dismantaled” is the goal here. It amazes me how cruel and imature the commentators are on here..very sad 😖

[@NaeK188]

I’m 24. I mention marriage and kids on the first date. Don’t tip toe around your true desires, let it be known and watch those that aren’t right for you run out the door. I spent my early adulthood clinging onto the attention from men and down playing my values and what I wanted.

[@giaholmed2626]

This is so embarrassing, arrested development and some sort of limerence. Please get help and leave that little boy alone!

[@John.Christopher]

Little boy? Hes 25

[@maryannelawless4447]

Yea, exactly...a 25 year old is not a kid.

[@lisalister8002]

BOOM.... he goes right to the bullseye.

[@victory1607]

She tried to be very agreeable, even on issues she would not usually accept. She did this hoping to be liked or loved. She now feels used and cheated because his ability to move on with another makes her feel rejected.

[@amyw7200]

Sex is for marriage. It doesn't work outside of that boundary. Yes, we are sinful broken people so sometimes marriage doesn't work but that's not a reason to have sex outside of marriage.

[@MiamiChica]

This woman has no boundaries. I kind of pity her a little because it seems like she never got that education from her parents. Neglectful parents often lead to people with no self-esteem or self-consciousness. I hope she figures things out and stops being self-deprecating.

[@Stanley_Baby]

Moral breakdown of society starts with the breakdown of a society

[@CoffeeSA96]

How is it even possible that a woman can agree to share a room with a male roommate?

[@livingonhighvibe]

You definitely appear to never had to live with a roommate. In the United States, if someone says "roommate", what it means is that it's a housemate. You call it roommate but in reality it's a situation where someone has a lease or owns a pice of property and then they rent out spare rooms. Or, sometimes people find a "roommate" to pool up with to sign a lease together. It does not mean per se that you share a bedroom or a bed. If you make 20 bucks an hour and the 2 beds rent for 2500 a month and you can't afford to buy, so you should live in your car? These are numbers from a town in Northern Arizona btw, this is what I had to face. And at 1.7 million average home price, was not able to buy either, surrounding cities 350-450k average.

[@bodhisattva2348]

Don't be 1 dimensional

[@miketheyunggod2534]

Room? ARE you in America?

[@lot2196]

She knew she would do it with him eventually.

[@TonyCox1351]

When I was young and dumb and single, I tried my hardest to get a female roommate for exactly this reason. Unfortunately the hottest one that applied had bad credit and my landlord rejected her 😭

[@what.the.whatever]

I am a 32-year-old woman and I did those same foolish things when I was in my twenties... I hope she decides better for herself... I couldn't do all that now in my thirties When I was twelve years old, my dad would tell me that guys like a challenge and he wouldn't want to stick around for an easy hookup. He told me this because he was like that until he married my mom. She was a nice girl and made him wait

[@drwho9319]

Even in 20s it’s non excusable bc they are legal adults, especially someone that is 25 and up, fully grown up. Not a child

[@heather71421]

Thank you John for calling her on her ish!! ❤❤

[@calvinwestburg904]

She did a wonderful job taking accountability in this call, genuinely

[@MariaKoroleva.Realtor]

She pretty much offered herself to him to satisfy his needs and now she’s looking for respect and emotional attachment from a 25 year old kid! That is so grossly irresponsible and disrespectful towards herself. A grown woman wanting a pretty much child for herself and he’s not doing that. That’s beyond gross

[@OnjelieMarie]

25 is not a child lol

[@MariaKoroleva.Realtor]

@@OnjelieMarie it is. And a 35 year old has no business playing with a much younger man who was not interested in anything serious. She got what she asked for.

[@victoriak.2707]

25 man, not a kid

[@gandalfthegrey2171]

At 25 I had been in a stable marriage for 5 years, worked as a teacher, saved to buy a house and had a child of my own. I'm 26 now. 25 is definitely old enough to know better. Both of them should have known better but he used her and she let herself be used.

[@Myglowtips]

To be honest, I am shocked that Dr John actually told her that she used him too.

[@funnynina1]

Ofcourse she did

[@Playingwithproxies]

She accepted casually sleeping with him because she got out of a relationship. Of course she was using him.

[@jjjaylud]

This is why your dad, men and other guys in your life who actually care about you and dont want to get in your pants say to not be promiscuous. It chips away at your soul....

[@Horsegirl2024]

Been there done that never again. I did this because of low self esteem and bought into the idea that it was more empowering to have casual flings. It isn’t. It really isn’t. And it sucks. And I realized one night after one all this was doing was hurting me further. And I stopped it. Now I’m engaged with a child and way better off than I was back then.

[@kimberlyreed5236]

She wanted him to want more. She did not necessarily want more. She wasn’t in love with him. She confused attention with attraction. She liked the attention he was giving her. I’m sure it was validating. Had he wanted more, she would have ended up coming up with some excuse as to why it wouldn’t work. She was feeling insecure from the prior relationship and needed this young man’s attention…his validation. She wanted her sex to mean something to him. It didn’t. She’s insulted and now is in her feelings about it. She was using him…just not in the same way he was using her. She sacrificed sex for the attention. He sacrificed…really nothing. That’s why she feels used.

[@StashHouse56]

She feels used?? Wasn’t it mutual? Cmon now ladies. Be real

[@Playingwithproxies]

He outright states this

[@mxusa8383]

That doesn’t satisfy the victim mindset and beliefs thats hard wired in 99% of women’s day to day behavior.

[@lorryr255]

​@mxusa8383 everyone is lucky you're gay

[@Mayfloweralways]

The minute you sign up for friends with benefits, you lost. There may be some very rare case that it worked out, but you basically just said he can have you without caring about you. And of course it was on his terms. He wanted only sex and he knew that her asking to do tbings together was her wanting a relationship. He absolutely knew. And he just wanted sex. She was the one that believed she could sex her way into a relationship. She played herself.

[@HeyYou80855]

This is so cringe on her part. She agreed to hook ups with no strings attached. Now that he’s moved on with an actual gf she’s feeling like a jilted ex. You’re NOT his ex, you were a willing roommate w/benefits. Now, she wants to talk to him about why sex was on his terms, it’s because you were willing to keep doing it when he wanted too. Just stop, don’t try to talk to him about this because he’s going to think you’re crazy. Thanks Dr. John for being straight up with her.

[@bodhisattva2348]

& that is why I avoid avoid sleeping with men I'm not in a serious & exclusive relationship with. He only wanted 1 thing & he got. Thats it! She need to be more responsible. At least now she knows.

[@KingSensitive]

Ya i agree she just needs to be more aware of herself and whay she wants instead of externalizing things

[@crazeekids9744]

Girl caught feelings when all he wanted was a booty call.

[@jennprescott2757]

Me too but that relationship is marriage.

[@prod.saiyan4863]

“Now she knows” she knew all along but is allergic to accountability

[@KingSensitive]

@@prod.saiyan4863 all people would like to see themselves in a positive light. She wasn't very introspective about the situation but when confronted with the reality she accepted it and hopefully changes her mindset for the future. I think she did a pretty ok job all things considered

[@DonnaLena1]

We can be kind here. She got the point and she listened to John. Hopefully this was a profound lesson.

[@kbearr724]

Thankful Dr. John told it like it is on this one. In the past I’ve felt he’s been way too coddling to female callers and he was starting to lose me for that reason, so I appreciate the honesty with this situation.

[@alberttang6955]

He totally held this one accountable. And he didn't do his typical "are you safe?" query either.