I Took My Brother’s Job and Got Him Fired

[@jimroscovius]

He's not responsible for his mom's problems. Maybe she needs to work more. Maybe she needs better jobs. Making her 19-year-old son take care of the family is ridiculous!!

[@terriesmith2616]

Can you imagine creating children and bringing them into the world (when they never ask to be born) and then expect your older child to financially support you and your younger children? What kind of a mother does that? She literally expects her 19 yr old son to be her husband, to provide for her as a husband would. As if the son doesn't have his own hopes and dreams to pursue. Nope, he gotta stay put, put his life on hold, work, and pay her bills.

[@texasskygirl7890]

Her son has become her welfare check. Other family members need to step up to the plate. He needs to get some counseling at a church and some help with boundaries. I would suggest that his mom go to counseling, but she probably wont.

[@Jane-rh7tc]

@@terriesmith2616ppl in the old times did that all the time. expecting the older kids to take care of the younger ones and support family financially. but that's old times, shouldn't be happening now in this country anymore

[@nomadic_orthodox]

He’s 19, he’s not the caretaker of his mother and 11 year old siblings. He needs to start his own life, hope he’ll leave, even though they’ll guilt trip him for sure.

[@lindawilson4625]

I wish this guy a whole lotta luck in this emotional up hill battle his family has put him in.

[@esonon5210]

Why did they never ask about the father who's supposed to helping mom out to take care of these kids?

[@midkort]

Do you realize that single moms aren't always the result of a deadbeat man? The father could be dead.

[@esonon5210]

@@midkort duh. That’s why i ask why they never asked the caller to be sure.

[@magicmarker7047]

The other question I wish they would have asked is how old is the brother and providing he is still living at home, what is he contributing to the household?

[@Jane-rh7tc]

@@magicmarker7047 the brother couldn't even do his job right to keep it, want to have fun n travel instead, what do u expect? most likely the caller is the only one responsible enough in the family

[@jerryvillagrana4130]

This is a blindspot for Ramsey Solutions. Genuine, No Excuses Poverty. Mom is working 2 jobs supporting 4 kids and she is the bad guy. The scenario that is laid out at the end can be built while he is living at home. Instead of paying a landord $1400 a month, you help mom for 5 years, then the girls will be 16 and can get a job in fast food. Is this ideal, heck no. But it's a reality for a lot of people. Maybe he needs to say, hey mom most i can contribute is $1000 a month for bills and family grocieries." But if he up and leaves and things go south, it could haunt him.

[@debbieharris1628]

You're so right. They don't understand true, actual poverty and they certainly don't understand the economic realities of living in the most expensive state in the US. I don't even see how the son can leave and live independently unless he moves to the mainland. It's crazy expensive to live in Honolulu....

[@ellencox8415]

No. This young man is not the father of his sisters. Mom needs to go after dad for child support and this 19 year old man needs to start building his own life.

[@SVSky]

He's a good young man. Rare and valuable thing these days.

[@IrishFrank22]

What are you talking about most men are good men. Notice the girls in his family are using the guy for his money. Typical bad women.

[@katiejon17]

Yeah, but his mother’s a creep. She’s expecting him to fill the role of the man (or men) than impregnated her.

[@Trackpad12]

Except when he takes his brothers job

[@franziskani]

@@Trackpad12 The brothers have to reconcile. I think the biz owner was shady. I do not think he told the fired brother: Leave for your longer trip as you please - and I will treat that as quitting. So don't come back. Then the brother could have made his decision. The boss was not left hanging as far as the biz was concerned: After all the brother brought in a reliable replacement - he did the recruiting for his boss. So the biz owner was spared having to look for a replacement - the one leaving for an extended period did the recruiting for him. Likely the brother leaving even instructed his brother for a smooth transition. This is NOT a high skill job where it matters WHO does the work, so what is the biz owner resentful about. It is all his ressentment about a young men being able to take time off. Has nothing to do with the necessities of the business because those did not suffer from the arrangment. At all. If he was not good in his job - why did he not fire him before that. (seems like the job had decent pay, so he would have fired him before if he wasn't worth it). He let the brother do the recruiting for him. (to be honest in the caller's position I would not have taken this job offer. Does not speak well of the integrity/honesty of the biz owner, and it is not worth the tensions within family). The biz owner likely has not overpaid (50k net is not that much in Hawaii). The other brother should be able to find a comparable job.

[@adoe2305]

How many young men do you know that you can confidently say that it's rare?

[@firegirljen]

$50k annually in Hawaii is poverty level

[@BrianErwin]

he takes home $50k, so he makes around $70k

[@firegirljen]

@@BrianErwin who cares, he takes home 50 and it’s poverty level. What are you even talking about?

[@kwill215]

Yeah hawaii is nice until it's time to pay bills 😢

[@BrianErwin]

@@firegirljen he's right at hawaii's median, so that's not the poverty line. he's also well above the mean. not to mention, he's light years ahead of most 19 year old males in america.

[@TimeMachine7773]

If you are below 80k a year, you're under the poverty line in Hawaii. They all need to pack up and leave Hawaii.

[@Shay-yg7nm]

This is way too much for a 19 yr old. He needs to move out and talk to his mom and tell her to step up because hes going to have his own family one day.

[@v_enceremos]

different culture

[@BaconMountainMan]

To say this situation is toxic is an understatement. 😬

[@lagarde2011]

Same thing happened on the Brady Bunch when Marcia and Peter worked at the ice cream shop.

[@10RRASK]

Another valuable life lesson

[@kw3113]

Poor guy is trying to get out of the cycle of poverty and his mom thinks it’s okay to keep him in. The same will be true for his sisters. He needs to break the cycle.

[@katiejon17]

It’s so creepy to see mothers try to make their sons play the husband role. There’s a sickness in that mentality. She got pregnant at least three times - she needs to stop acting like her son was involved in that. These types of women are absolutely sick.

[@LOMROE]

​@@katiejon17 she probably talks about how there are " no good men left" while actively looking for a long term -partner- provider.

[@adoe2305]

She's not a great character considering she had THREE children out of wedlock.

[@MattSmith-vr4sr]

Mad respect for this young man!! I think he will take the advice. I also think his character will allow him to be very sucsessful in life. Im rooting for him

[@mikeshaw4610]

I will add why can’t your mom move somewhere less expensive where she can support her family.

[@alexisocasio6739]

That would probably mean uprooting the whole family and relocating to a different state, which is a lot harder to do from Hawaii than most other states and more practical than her just getting down and doing so real work. From what we heard, she's just working when she feels like it and relying heavily on her son to be the breadwinner of the family. Location isn't the issue here.

[@katiejon17]

It’s so much easier for these particular types of women to guilt and emotionally abuse their sons into playing the role of the man (or men) who impregnated them. These types of mothers are sick in the head.

[@M-Is-For-Margaret]

If she had savings, she can move to a state where the housing is cheaper. I'm guessing they are living from paycheck to paycheck because the caller said he was paying off the water bill. On a different note, there was a woman who relocated to Hawaii to live in Section 5 housing. I think she lived in Philly. If Hawaii can take in another state's indigent, why can't they do more for their own? 🤔

[@sblijheid]

I think she is where she knows how to earn a living. When you're single, you can move around. If you have mouths to feed, you can't.

[@jimroscovius]

​@@sblijheid We moved with two kids. It can be done.

[@60Airflyte]

Oh man. Just wait until he gets married. I’m hearing from all kinds of wives who are finding out their husbands are secretly giving their mom’s money to support her kids and it continues when the kids are all grown and out of the house.

[@alisonfraser8231]

There is nothing wrong with an adult child helping his family in need. I don’t think it will be forever. The kids are 11. They can get their own jobs in a few years.

[@diceportz7107]

Did I miss something? Where is the Father in all this?

[@alberttang6955]

There may be 1, 2 or even 3 fathers. A father of the two 11 year old girls, another father of the caller and his brother. OR.. the caller and his brother might have different dads. Whatever the case, it doesn't sound like any dad or dads are providing child support.

[@kattracey993]

I'm in the same boat. I want to move out but I know my mom depends on my income to help her and my sister. Its better for her if I live with her, but for me.. there's no growth and I feel suffocated.

[@handleyobusiness]

Totally agree. Hence why I work hard now so my kids don’t feel morally obliged to take care of me.

[@RLC2020]

Do what you have to do. Your family will never be satisfied with anything you do when It's more than they do themselves. Plan for your own wife and children down the road. Taking care of your mother and siblings is your mothers job, not yours

[@ChrisP-in8qr]

Wrong, if his mother is already working 2 jobs and dad isn't involved he definitely needs to be the man and take charge. Your approach of abandoning his little sisters is quite selfish. Mom can make it on her own ill give you that, but his little sisters need there big brother it sounds like.

[@RLC2020]

@@ChrisP-in8qr stfu and grow a pair.

[@sblijheid]

@ChrisP-in8qr He is neither the father, nor the mother. He did not plan on having the girls and did not contribute in producing them. It's not his job to take care of them.

[@ChrisP-in8qr]

@sblijheid if he's man enough he will take care of his sister's. Life happens pal, he will step-up

[@terriesmith2616]

@@ChrisP-in8qr How come you didn't hold the mom accountable by saying, "If she's woman enough to create these kids, then she should be woman enough to take care of her kids". Why hold the son accountable when he had nothing to do with creating these children. The responsibility is on the mom. Period.

[@Ewoonation]

Mom should be mad at the other brother for getting fired for going on an extended trip lol. Max has a good head on his shoulders and cares about his family. Other brother doesn’t seem to care

[@franziskani]

The brother did not leave the biz owner hanging and got him competent replacement, so the boss has no reason to complain. Aside from the brother allegedly not being that good of a worker there was no good reason to fire him. But the bosses HATE if when someone can have longer vacation time. Even if it is fine for the biz, they still intensely dislike it. Note how the boss allowed him to go on the extended trip. 'The boss did not need to give him the time off. He could have fired him right away. He fake accepted it, had no problems because the brothre took care there would be a replacement.

[@Sarahc0407]

Poor boy. You have nothing to feel guilty for. If anything your mother should for having put you in a position that you should never have been in. I could never ask my children to do this. Go and live your life, wishing you lots of luck xx

[@alisonfraser8231]

Easy to say if it never happened to you. We have a couple of generations of extremely selfish individuals. This sacrifice is excellent preparation for the realities of adult life.

[@FlutterSwag]

Im 30, ive been in his position for 6 years and even before that my dad left when i was 14 and as the oldest i had to step up Im dying inside LEAVE

[@TILLEYJS]

Son husbands.

[@FlutterSwag]

@@TILLEYJS yep, learned that term a little while back, it made me physically sick and its been like removing a parasite and trying to learn to live again

[@terriesmith2616]

@@FlutterSwag Wow, you literally had to become an adult at age 14. Taking care of responsibilities that weren't of your own making. Having to put your life and your dreams on hold, just to take care of your mom and siblings. I would be dying inside too. That's why I encourage this caller to LEAVE, otherwise he will be stuck in the cycle of poverty forever. Having no freedom to live his own life, pursue his own destiny.

[@huestifer]

It is hard. But it is important to change things up to make everyone self sufficient. Succeeding will be the best thing to do for the whole family no matter how that happens. Just got to remain loving to one another.

[@katiejon17]

This man’s mother is trying to make her 19 year old son behave like her husband and the father of her children. It’s creepy. Max - you aren’t supposed to be your mother’s husband. She got pregnant at least three times without you... she need to raise her two remaining kids without you. This is... WEIRD.

[@AS-gf5jn]

I had to be the man of the house at 15. Dad started cheating and was a compulsive gambler, then mom got cancer (likely from stress) and I literally had to convince her it's time for a divorce and let's move to FL to be with her side of the family. Fact is even young men are stronger than most woman. It wasn't easy, but God made a way. Both parents passed young due to illness likely from stress and bad habits. I never got married, def a late bloomer due to all the dysfunction, but prayerfully one day it'll happen. Life is different for us all. That's for sure. Prayer and trusting Jesus is powerful.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@AS-gf5jn At least you had a good reason to be thrust into the role of adulthood. Your mom had cancer and was probably unable to work the regular 40 hours a week due to her illness. Your dad was out of the picture, you had no choice but to get stuck being the man of the house at a young age. This caller story is a bit different in the sense that his mom is still able to work. She's not cancer stricken. She's able bodied. Mom also has another older son who probably still lives in the same house. If this young man doesn't move away to make something of himself, he will come to resent his mom. He clearly wants to move, that's why he called. He just needs permission from the hosts so he won't feel too guilty about leaving.

[@katiejon17]

@@AS-gf5jn the fact that you mother had cancer makes this an entirely different situation than that if the caller’s. You said you had to convince your mother.... which say your mother had the integrity to not want her 15 year old son to have to play this adult role. The caller’s mother has no such integrity. These are night-and-day differences. There are certain cultures who have children with the goal of their kids being their retirement plan and their own cash cows. That is very different to sad circumstances that arise where adult children must step in and help their parents. The callerKs situation is that of an entitled and manipulative mother.

[@tjbalistic]

Kevin Samuels called this son-husbands.

[@kristic4472]

sonsbands

[@hansonallie]

The Godfather!

[@terriesmith2616]

Kevin Samuels is not wrong.

[@TILLEYJS]

Indeed. This is why all these women leaving their husbands turns into a problem. They don't want to be alone so they retard their kids growth because Mom can't find a man she wants.....

[@texasskygirl7890]

It's definitely a codependent relationship. I hope he has good people to support him and rally around him as he learns to set boundaries.

[@jgjg3848]

Why not ask where the father is in all this? Is there no child support from him for the 2 sisters? Mom needs to step up and start financially running her own household. She needs to work a second job or find one better paying job. If the brothers are of age, then they should be paying rent to the mom, or move out on their own. Max is paying his way, but doesn't sound like the brother does.

[@terriesmith2616]

Could be FATHERS. Plural.

[@alexisocasio6739]

For all we know, the father could be dead, imprisoned, or somewhere else in the world. He's not in the picture and therefore not a concern here. Max did specify that his mother works 2 cleaning jobs but has no idea how much she makes, meaning she makes either a ridiculously low wage at both or is just pretending to work and being lazy most of the time while her son does the heavy lifting financially. Being "of age" doesn't necessarily mean that the children should be forced to help out in rent. I worked while I was in school for three years but still barely managed to make enough to pay for my own food and gas (I was only able to save around $20 a week for a long time). So long as adult children are working towards something greater like education, many parents are fine with them contributing very little if anything so they can become productive. Based on the reasons the brother was let go, it sounds like he has his mother's work ethic as well.

[@dollhouseq1530]

Either way they should be financially helping with THEIR children ​@@terriesmith2616

[@katiejon17]

These types of mothers are mentally sick and emotionally abusive. It’s so much easier for her to guilt her son into playing the role of the man (or men) who impregnated her. They are sick, .

[@atinyweneebebe4903]

Why is that our business. This young man is trying to be his best self. Let's support him without hate.

[@KH-xx1rg]

Poor guy. I hope everything works out.

[@katiejon17]

Your mother is not your dependent, nor are you her cash-cow.

[@ashleyb1091]

My parents moved me and my brother from Hawaii when I was 4 due to the cost of living. We live on the mainland and it was dramatically better for them, we moved to the south and you get so much more. Hawaii is very expensive, families live families and help each other because of the cost.

[@radolfkalis4041]

This is a hard one. Unskilled labor with 4 kids in one of the most expensive places to live in the US.

[@franziskani]

Well of the 4 only 2 are left at home (of course the mother in the years before had no chance to save up some money). Edit: the brother that returned from extended travel likely also lives at home.

[@franziskani]

Edit: the brother that returned from his extended trips likely also lives with them. At least temporarily. He can get another job asap. Both brothers should pay the same. For board.

[@radolfkalis4041]

@@franziskani I agree

[@carlaritchie331]

Exactly what John said @5:39 - 5:49. I just wonder how his mom managed to raise 4 kids on her own before the boys started supporting the family financially, but why she is not still able to do that with only 2 young girls now.

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Welfare

[@terriesmith2616]

💯💯💯 Welfare Tax payer money.

[@jasonleatherwood2172]

Get less and less when a kid turns 18

[@esonon5210]

Welfare. two of her kids are adults so she's getting less money now.

[@laundrygoddess4]

Can she get welfare in the US when she works as a cleaner?

[@vlw4877]

Oh no...I know how that feels...I've been in that boat. Only my Mom and my step father didn't support the family, while me (at the age of 16) and my sister (at the age of 15) quit school got several pt jobs. While my mom being a bully, ate, slept and watched tv and her husband who left and didn't contribute $$$. Then after my sister and I left our step father came back in the picture...We were used...yep.

[@terriesmith2616]

Your parents used you and your sister. Parents are supposed to take care of their children (children never ask to be born), it's not the children's job to take care of the parents, especially if the children are still CHILDREN. Not grown adults yet.

[@FlutterSwag]

Damn we livin the same life huh? 😢

[@kasession]

@@terriesmith2616 And a good parent's goal is to raise responsible adults who will be able to take care of themselves.

[@terriesmith2616]

@@kasession Exactly. 💯💯💯 Before becoming parents, adults need to think really hard if they can financially support a child. It's unfair to bring an innocent child into a life of poverty and then expect that child to pay your bills once they turn 18. That's a sign of bad parents. Good parents raised their children to become responsible adults who will be able to financially support themselves once they're grown. Don't have children in the expectation that your children owe you and now have to pay for you. I can't stand parents who have kids for the sole purpose of the kids taking care of them.

[@sblijheid]

@terriesmith2616 Many welfare queens expect their children to take care of them when they're old.

[@africanqueen1655]

This company is creating issues in your family, be careful you will be cut next. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@sblijheid]

Not necessarily. When I was in college I used to help my mother's friend in his business. Eventually I got a full time job elsewhere and my sister started to work for him. In less than a week he fired her. They had a heated argument. I've never seen him angry. The truth is that my sister has a very bad work ethic. Safe two jobs, she always got fired. I never got fired.

[@terriesmith2616]

Mom needs to figure it out. Mom choose to create kids she can't financially afford and then place the responsibility on her son (who is 19 yrs old) to financially support her and his siblings. How is that fair to the son? He didn't create these kids. And how come the responsibility is only on him to help out financially but not on the other older brother? This kid is only 19 yrs old, it's not fair to him that mom puts this kind of burden on him. Mom is the real problem here. She chooses to create these kids. She needs to figure it out. Hopefully she keeps her legs close and doesn't create any more children in the future.

[@socketyellow3]

While this is true, did dad die?

[@terriesmith2616]

@@socketyellow3 Sounds like mom is just out here creating children with random men. Could be multiple father situations. This is all speculation on my part. The caller never once mentioned his dad nor did he mention if mom was married. The caller just said his mom is a single mom. I'm guessing his mom has never been married (otherwise he would mention it) and caller probably doesn't even know who his daddy is.

[@peterrose5373]

"how is that fair" is a child's way of looking at things. The questions you want are "what results can reasonably be aspired to?" and "how can I make that happen?".

[@terriesmith2616]

@@peterrose5373 If billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates don't have four kids then is it a smart idea for a house cleaning lady to create FOUR kids into the world? Mom is the real problem here. This young man is trying to break out of the poverty cycle. He can't do that while supporting his mom and siblings.

[@truthtransistorradio6716]

I run my own pool cleaning business. I have worked with friends before. It doesn't always work out. I have a business to run and have to keep customers. If a pool guy isn't doing a good job, I can give them watnings and correction, but after awhile, if they continue to make the same mistakes, I keep losing customers.

[@franziskani]

Regular people (often with ancestry) are being priced out of Hawaii. That is if the government allows that people from outside snatch up all the real estate. This problem in attractive touristic destinations can only be solved when outsiders are not allowed to purchase property. One must live year round there or one cannot buy. New Zealand finally did it (there it is easier to control they can go by the passports) but only after years of people from outside driving prices up. Another possibility is to have a really hefty tax on property - and the locals are compensated. Everyone else pays it net. May still not end the real estate speculation, but coud help to finance affordable public housing.

[@mle011]

If his mom is truly poverty wages and has 2 minor children at home, she probably qualifies for all sorts of state and federal support, like food stamps. Maybe she needs to look into that if she’s truly working 2 full time jobs and unable to keep current on the light bill.

[@terriesmith2616]

I think Mom was already receiving welfare, food stamps and financial aid from the government. Hawaii is a very liberal state and their welfare program is very generous. Before her two sons turned 18, before they had a job, how do you think she was paying for all 4 kids by herself? Answer: welfare. But financial aid will stop once the child turns 18, she will still be able to qualify for food stamps. Her two younger daughters are still receiving financial aid as well as food stamps. That's why her 19 yr old son had to chip in financially as soon as he turned 18.

[@franziskani]

@@terriesmith2616 maybe she needs to get a smaller apartment. A place that could accomodate 6 people is not necessary for 3 (mother and 2 girls).

[@MikeNapoli1989]

People don’t want to see you doing better than them.

[@Chet_24]

I bet the children are all from different men

[@terriesmith2616]

I would take you up on your bet but I have a feeling I'll lose. So I'll pass.

[@carlaritchie331]

Whether one or more is irrelevant, there is no man helping to support the children. Deadbeat father(s).

[@franziskani]

Even if that is true - she did a good job in raising this one. AND she works two jobs. Hawaii is crazy expensive.

[@emilyh6293]

Sooo Max wants validation to leave. Just go.

[@alberttang6955]

Where is the baby daddy of the two 11 year old girls, and why is he not paying some child support?

[@EverElia]

I don’t understand (because it wasn’t asked) where he’s going In Hawaii only making $50k?

[@BrianErwin]

he takes home $50k, which means he makes around $70k. a bachelor making $70k will be just fine anywhere in america.

[@franziskani]

@@BrianErwin In Hawaii he will need a roomate with the 50k net, OR he will not be able to save anything. Hawaii is crazy expensive. He would do better to reconcile with the brother, find a CLEAR arrangement with the mother how much he pays for BOARD. And when his brother lives home he too has to pay. The 50k net from the shady biz owner are likely still market rate. he did not pay that out of the goodness of his heart. so the brother can find a similar job - and in the meantime he can find any job to help out the family.

[@BrianErwin]

@@franziskani like every expensive state, there are plenty of cheap places to live, it's just that the area may not be desirable, or the unit may not be that big, etc. you can go on the apartments website and see plenty of studios in hawaii ranging from $1200 to $2500. every single spot isn't $3500-$5000. it is a good idea for him and his brother to room together, but he probably wants to get away from his mom. she's probably needy and demanding, and then having to take care of his sisters adds to the burden. he needs to start his own family, and have his own kids, send his mom and sister money, and visit often.

[@John3.36]

Solid advice. Send support to family while you you have money and prepare for the future.

[@robloxvids2233]

You're 19, you don't need to pay your mom, who is a grown ass able-bodied woman. Move out and leave these bums in the dust. Get a roommate. Don't let your family drag you down.

[@franziskani]

His mother works two jobs ! The unemployed brother better get a job like yesterday to pay the same board as he does. In a few years (at 14 ? that would be in 3 years) the girls can start having a side gig or working in summer (that would pay for school trips and clothes). Around 1000 USD may be appropriate board ! for a young adult still living at home in Hawaii - which is expensive (and his brother has to pay the same). Or if both contribute their share, the rate will be 800. Financially he is much better off *if his mother, his brother and his two sisters are his room mates.* He did not say that his mother is toxic - only now he has a quarrel with his brother over getting his job. Staying at home at least for 2 more years would also force him to reconciliate with his brother (and the other brother also has to give up on his resentment, the shady boss is not worth it) Just because they live in the same home. Which would be a good thing. As per the advice of you and the Ramsey show he wcould give a lot of money to a landlord (rent is crazy high), have other cost of living and a room mate that is not as predictable as his own family. Two smaller households cost MUCH more than one large. He would cohabitate with a person that he does not know and that may be financially and otherwise not trustworthy. Or they just change plans and leave and he is stranded with rent (if he finds a girlfriend that shares rent - in that age group that is not a reliable arrangement, lots of break-ups). He will not be able to save much if he has an apartment alone AND he has the other cost of living AND he will have to invest a lot (furniture, washing machine, dishes - it adds up. And all that stuff is dead weight when he moves in a better apartment or marries or moves. Usually the quality is cheap so he will have to get rid of the stuff when he really starts a household (with more money or with a wife to share it with).

[@franziskani]

If he has his own room he could bring home a girl over night. But the only advantage he would have when leaving home (and or having a roommate). He could throw wild parties, he can have sex all over the apartment and he can hook up. If he brings a girl home it would be someone he is seriously dating. Plus she would need to have some good sense of humour and show some understanding for families under financial restraint. Would eliminate some ladies that he better not date anyway.

[@kingdele01]

I don't get the point of moving out to go start paying rent & helping another person's mortgage, when you can help improve your family's financial situation, with the same rent.

[@peterrose5373]

Depending on how bad the rest of the family is, he might need a space they can't get into.

[@alexisocasio6739]

Not everyone comes from a loving family. Some people are raised in broken homes where everyone is at each other's throats. Live and let live without judgment, my friend.

[@kingdele01]

@@alexisocasio6739 I agree! In this situation, it doesn't seem like his family is bad, other than his weird brother.

[@farzana6676]

​@kingdele01 It might be that he wants the privacy and maybe he wants to get a girl. Which he can't do living with his family.

[@kingdele01]

@@farzana6676 That's true! But one can have a girlfriend while living with family - But if it's his gf pushing him to move out. It's probably because she wants to cohabitate and later become a stay-homer. That's probably not gonna be in his best interest. Well, it would be in her interest because, she doesn't have to do a thing and act like the queen of the castle.

[@kathylutz5461]

He is not his mother's husband. It's not his responsibility to support her in the household, but it's very nice that he is willing and able to do that. I believe if he can do it he should go ahead with his plans. Make a life of his own. Send his mother whatever he can and just keep moving forward in his own life. The mother has got to bone up and make decisions for herself and the two younger ones. It's not the 19-year-olds responsibility.

[@mariaceja3190]

You are not alone, I've been having to be a parent to my parents and siblings to the point I have no desire to be a mom.... Run!!! I'm telling you it will not be easier they will get use to you!! They decided to have kids not you! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! You will feel stuck if you don't!

[@BrianErwin]

reminded me of It's A Wonderful Life, where george wanted to see the world but ended up taking over his dad's struggling banking business. just go do your thing and send some money, if you can.

[@dannyh9010]

Maybe help mom with getting the father of the girls to pay child support?

[@bettygrable6440]

Baloney is so dorky

[@virgierutledge3004]

What is the older brother doing to help?

[@MarkSullivan-n6e]

I’m praying for max and his family , in Jesus name Amen

[@sblijheid]

That's not a prayer.

[@taylolz]

This advice is so out of touch. Sure helping younger siblings isn't legally your responsibility, but it certainly doesn't make you a good person to obsolve yourself of any responsibility. And this guy isn't even making a lot of money for his location. He's going to lose a lot more trying to live on his own in Hawaii. The smart advice would be to save and work on a business before he moves out.

[@lawiwis882]

Well it doesn’t make him a bad person if he decides to absolve himself of the mothers responsibility.

[@terriesmith2616]

He's not just moving out, he's moving away so he can start his own life and make something of himself. He needs to do this for his own future and his future wife and kids. Mom created this poverty living situation by choosing to have kids she can't afford. Mom is stuck in poverty, she created it herself. Why create 4 children on a house cleaning salary??? Mom has no common sense. I wouldn't be surprised if she got pregnant a 5th time. The son is trying to get out of poverty by moving away and trying to make something of himself. His older brother, the one that got fired...how much is he helping? No one mentioned him. If this caller stays and doesn't move out, he's going to continue to be poor like mom. His younger sisters, if they follow mom's footsteps, are going to remain in poverty too. Mom is the real problem here.

[@esonon5210]

Taking care of the kids is his mother's responsibility. Instead of relying on her son she needs to call the sperm donor and make him do his part. I'm really surprised neither one of them asked about him.

[@sblijheid]

The word is absolve. Why do you use words you can't spell?

[@braddavid902]

Why was ken in the thumbnail when John is actually in the video?

[@dsma06]

I got divorced and had to go to work. My adult daughter works and lives with me still because she can't afford to leave. I had to get an apartment, etc. I was and remain adamant that she doesn't help with the bills because I want her and I to have that freedom when she moves out, she can fly freely and we can both move on.

[@rbraxton00]

Yeah, you’re not her husband. If she wants to be a child, let her go back to her parents.

[@kathryncashner3294]

If the adult offspring move out, will she qualify for SNAP or other government assistance for herself and the minor children? Can she work more hours? At better locations? He needs to move out and make a life plan that will result in way more than $50K. That's barely a living wage in Hawaii. He needs a skilled trade or education....and he needs to get away from mom's house.

[@lukeharris2622]

✝️

[@tashanapink7688]

Idk I’m on the fence with this. Hawaii is expensive and I don’t think he’ll make it by himself with just $50k in salary. I think he needs to stay just a smidge longer. I would be worried sick about my sisters having to endure what may come without his help in the home.

[@sjaykay9884]

I really hate sometimes when people call with problems that involve interpersonal family dynamics. The hosts never really take the call as “this is your side of the story…” and whoever the caller is referring to becomes what the caller says they are even if none it may be true or more context might make the perspective just that…a perspective. The show could really be pushing callers to act on things that might not be true.

[@NovelNovelist]

Feel like this guy got off way too light in this call. He DID screw over his brother, and while I don't necessarily disagree with the advice about his mom outright...it's still not awesome that he's leaving her and his sisters in the lurch. The sad reality is that not everyone can earn a living wage ample to support two kids and themselves in today's society. Maybe the mom is out of options, out of money, and out of energy.

[@franziskani]

He will not be off better financially if he leaves, he will need a roommate, a person that he does not know and that may take drugs, not be financially reliable, or leave - and he has to take the risk of cohabiting with another person. Of course it may be easier = less awkward to take home a girl for the night if the apartment is rented by two young dudes. As per the Ramsey show: Heaven forbid his mother and his 2 sisters are his roommates. That is the bias on the Ramsey show. In many cultures it is unheard of that the young adults leave their parents home until the start their own household - and that means getting married. I guess he gets food at home, his clothes are washed etc. (it is not only the work, but he would need to buy a washing machine, household items like dishes, cleaning tools, bedding - it adds up). Of course if he can share a room with a cool dude (that is not a slob and pays his dues reliably) it would be more fun and it would be less awkward for him to take home a girl. Again living at home might be a protection, because he will not bring home a girl for one night stands - more like only if they are seriously dating. Is it ideal (for his sex life) ? No. His sisters are 11, in 4 - 5 years they can hold a job to help their mother out. No one keeps him from dating, he will have to bring his lady home (or she has her own place. But it is more likely that a young lady would also live with the parents (or with a room mate). It is possible that there is one free room (not sure if the brother that lost his job still lives at home) But when both young males are leaving the apartment or house will be too large. Of course the mother could take in a stranger (renting out a room). It is a bit tricky - would not hurt if a grown up male is around.

[@theshow1269]

Tough one…. Needs to break the cycle…. Yes, but Mom needs help and sometime families need to pool together. His brother? Does he live at home and was his income helping Mom…. Sorry too many unknowns here. My mom was widowed and a house wife left with 3 kids and no plans…. For me, too many unanswered questions. Can he and his mom sit down make a plan and give her a year to get it together?

[@rochelle-xz8gl]

why can’t mom find a better job? where’s his dad? why isn’t he involved? a 19 year old should be in college and enjoying his life!

[@olakhoury74]

Why there are some people go and ask strangers if it's ok to help their parents? come on man she is your mother & she works 2 jobs as a cleaner - minimum wadge - and she needs your help, and you are asking : is it ok to help my mom? It's not ok not help your mom who made you a man, I think that what should all kids when they can to help their parents when they need.

[@n1k01k0]

Stay. Help your family. This is not going to be your whole life. Don’t listen to this advice. You can be under one roof and benefit all of you and still make your dreams come true so that in a few years you are better off and they are ok and you are proud of the good you did for your loved ones.

[@queen.kristal8395]

Even if his brother didn’t replace him he would have been fired sooner or later anyway boss probably was just looking for a replacement

[@mwhe3111]

Where's dad?

[@GnarlyCoyote]

Clicked for the thumbnail but left when i realized its dr John Bologna

[@drewhoffman1461]

If she’s working 2 cleaning jobs the mom most likely speaks no English.

[@dericofdorking]

Coming from a culture where children don't move out until they're married this is a weird call.

[@lexi24425]

i feel for you. my dad is putting me in a similar situation and i know it’s not fair to me but i just don’t know how to deal with the guilt

[@pacman531984]

Blessed Express Jerome

[@rajbeekie7124]

Yes, you guys are telling Max to abandon the family. Why does John think the man will have resentment?

[@ellencox8415]

🙄 Moving out is not "abandonment". Oh he's going to have resentment that his mother turned him into her son-husband. If mom needs money, get dad to pay, don't burden your children with your mistakes.

[@howlbeast]

Is mom is like mine they both need to find better paying jobs not scrape by

[@INuniform]

Being a single mom is a choice she made.

[@betruetoyourself7162]

50k will not allow you to move out unless you have roomates

[@mistiinseattle]

I live on far less than that in a 55+ luxury apartment and am debt free. :)

[@BrianErwin]

and he's taking home $50k, so he makes around $70k. he'll be fine.

[@naomirachel9161]

He’s 19, a roommate would be okay

[@franziskani]

@@mistiinseattle But you are not living in Hawaii - one of themost expensive places of the U.S.

[@IZZYGOTDAFLAME]

Depends where u are at

[@johnsradios484]

Not so sure about taking your brother’s lost job was a good idea.

[@anthonyrao3254]

Shout out john with the max Holloway remark!!

[@SnifferSock]

You can make $20-30/hr cleaning houses in the Midwest. I get that Hawaii is expensive and she has 2 other kids but... Does she clean in the lower class areas and live in the expensive area??? Make it make sense.

[@Jmarshall20]

Average rent is about $2500/month (honestly-plan on more than that if you want more than 1 bedroom-but it is ‘possible’ at least-but I’d be willing to bet for 2-3bedrooms it’s closer to $3500-$4000) At $2500 per month, 30k per year is spent just on rent. A 62k salary will net about 43k after fed/state taxes. Add in the other high costs of living and it gets tight very quickly. A lot of folks on the islands work more than one job for that reason.

[@carlahoag7154]

From so many cold hearted answers here, I'm hoping that the comments aren't Christians,. Abandoning family that's doing what they can and it just isn't enough, is selfish, no matter how you cut it.

[@Pommit]

Yeah. It's selfishness. But being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[@carlahoag7154]

@@Pommit Wrong. If it actually is selfishness, and not something else, it's very wrong.

[@suen5006]

This is how high rents are making people homeless. Mom is a housecleaner and has 2 jobs and still can't afford the rent and bills by herself. Hawaii is notoriously expensive and working class people are struggling. Rachel and John are not understanding this. I don't see how he can afford to be in his own apartment or even a room in a house at 19. I think they should stick together, he can keep working and go to college. This is a crisis affecting so many families in our country.

[@miketheyunggod2534]

Anyone notice how these personalities hate family.

[@AmericanWears]

Hawaii is a rich persons playground. You’re competing with Oprah 😅. I would like to live in Hawaii also just can’t afford it. You guys need to become doctors, lawyers, business owners, some big time careers, or find somewhere else to live or the struggle will continue. That’s the sad part about a lot of places now.

[@peterrose5373]

These days, maybe plumber, electrician, or machinist is as good a choice.

[@carlaritchie331]

Or own a pool company.

[@kitrivers979]

I dont get why people are upset with the mum. He is an adult, he needs to pay rent/food/bills. Why should he live for free? Such a baby! When he does move out, im pretty sure he will go running back to mum because cost of living is waaaaayyyyyyy higher than what he expected.

[@thisguy7201]

Sounds like someone needs to re-watch the video 😂😂

[@katiefountain2407]

Sounds like they all need to move to another state..

[@matthewhoheisel4840]

This has humblebrag written all over it

[@kingdele01]

Staying with family actually will improve his chances of going to school & starting a business, while helping out his family financially. - Rent in Hawaii would cost more than the amount he's contributing to his household. - Then he has to pay bills for a brand new household - Then there is the risk of job loss, if you have to focus on studies whenever college gets hard (would he then have to move back home to the mother he abandoned, when she needed him, if he looses his job?) Also, there is the issue of him not being there to help guide and protect his younger siblings through the initial turbulent teenage years, so that they do not make the mistakes of their mother. Honestly, people giving counsel are not qualified to be giving advise to people they haven't considered all the context of their situation.

[@TartarianTopG]

Why is ken Coleman in the thumbnail 😂

[@Julian-zc9vm]

Jesus stop interrupting the caller

[@ChrisP-in8qr]

Max, I hope you see this. I was 20 when my mom died. I had a 14 year old sister and ailing grandmother that I had to take care of. I would NOT take John's advice. He went straight to negative thinking when he talked about you staying and helping mom rather than going to college. Help your mom and your little sisters, it seems as though your man enough and responsible enough to do it. If you leave them to defend themselves you will regret it I believe. That is if you have a heart, which it sounds like you do. John and Rachel cannot relate to this call, but I relate. I've been there. John saying if you stay you'll get laid off, making $35K a year ect. blah blah blah! A negative thinker he is. Do what you want, but years later I do not regret my decision. God called me to step up and step up I did. Perhaps he's asking you to step up

[@rh-bd6wv]

Your experience is anecdotal and not a good basis for advice. My 12 year anecdotal experience of physically caring for my mom and financially supporting my brother is that stepping up can lead to being stepped on. The caller must assess his situation and try to made a wise decision. God? Mom thanks Jesus all the time for the help I have given her.

[@ChrisP-in8qr]

@rh-bd6wv that's your opinion, but abandoning family is also not good advice. Each situation is different. Just because you got stepped on doesn't mean I did or he does. Quite the opposite, quit being selfish, take care of family. Taking John's advice and getting thousands into debt for schooling is a horrible approach. If you got a conscious you will step up and take care of those little sisters more importantly

[@rh-bd6wv]

Not my opinion, just my experience, which has nothing to do with the caller's situation. Neither does your experience. The caller is in the best position to assess the situation. I wish him well. He should not listen to me but he and his family would probably benefit by him staying with his family a while longer.@@ChrisP-in8qr

[@terriesmith2616]

@@ChrisP-in8qr I heard from at least ten co-workers who had to put their dreams and life on hold to take care of family members and all of them regret it. All of them have come to RESENT their family for putting them in the care provider's role that they never asked for. It was all a toxic family situation, none were grateful for the sacrifice, ended up fighting and arguing a lot. The resentment is real. Now the family members are all grown and has no relationship. They don't speak to each other anymore. Too much deep resentment.

[@esonon5210]

why did you have to take care of your sister instead of her dad?

[@porterosbournejr.5083]

What happened to the Father?

[@Primitive_Code]

He's on the Maury Povich show.

[@terriesmith2616]

Could be *fathers* . More than one. Mom has no common sense since she decided to create 4 kids on a house cleaning salary. Mom probably is not married to any of the baby daddies too.

[@alberttang6955]

There could be 2 (or even 3) different fathers. The father of the two 11 year old girls may not be the same father of the 19 year old caller and his brother. And we're just assuming the caller and his brother have the same father.

[@franziskani]

2:58 He paid 1500 USD per month and it is down to 1300 now - or so he says. (Living alone would cost him more). He is unclear in his communication and gives unncessary details. He should have a CLEAR arrangement with his mother. If he goes shopping (maybe she does not have time) then he keeps the bills or he uses one debit card to pay for the purchases, so it is clear WHAT he paid for and his contribution does not go unnoticed. According to his vague statement at 2:58 he pays some of the rent, the water and he buys all the food?? His mother was behind with the water bill and he paid that off. Is water THAT expensive in Hawaii that he needs to mention that specifically ? His sisters can take a side hustle in 2 - 3 years (maybe the legal age is 14). It is an unconvenient lesson that they have to contribute - but for that they have the privilege to live in Hawaii. (and it looks good on a resume). A few hundred bucks can pay for their clothes, extra school activities. And they will be more mature than their peers. And less likely to let student loans pile up while they are getting a useless degree. And they have less time to think about boys ;) Sounds like that would cost him more than 1300. If he really pays all the food for a household of 1 mother, 2 sisters, 1 grown brother (the one that lost the job, I assume he still lives at home), and him. And Hawaii is expensive so grocieries will add up. Maybe he pays more that is appropriate, and more than he is aware of - but not because his mother wants to take advantage of him but because they have such a weird and vague arrangement. Water and his share of rent are specific amounts. If he needs to do the grocery shopping for practical reasons, they have to find a way to make that budget / contribution more transparent and visible.

[@franziskani]

Regular folks (with children) cannot survive in Hawaii, that is what it sounds like. If she had a partner / husband they would get by. A divorce is a financial catastrophe. Who do they think will do the cleaning and the mundane jobs if the cost of living price out regular people from the housing market.

[@dutch4117]

First thing I thought was “max Holloway”

[@MrTrollified]

same llol

[@franziskani]

His mother holds two cleaning jobs and he does not think she has problems with addiction. Is she paying off debt, is there unwise handling of money (spending too much). Of course we do not know how many hours she works per week (2 part time jobs).

[@IHateNicolasCage]

"That doesn't work for me, Brother" - Hulk Hogan and Max

[@franziskani]

From a financial standpoint the caller is better off staying with mom (she and the sistes are his roommates, and maybe also the other brother) and paying a fair and *clearly defined* amount for board and in order to support her. (at the moment they have a vague arrangement, paying for all the groceries, the water and some of the rent. He thinks it is 1300 USD now, but it may be more. It should be an certain amount of money he gives to the mother and SHE pays all of the rent, the water bill. And his brother pays the same. The two brothers must reconcile (I guess the other brother lives at home, too and that may be the most pressing reason he wants to move out - because of the tensions). His brother needs to get a new job asap (he too has to pay his share, and it should be the same for both brothers). If both young men leave (eventually) the mother must get a smaller apartment. If the household shrinks from 5 to 3 persons. Or she must rent out a room - but that can be tricky. I think he spoke of a home. And the brothers have to reconcile. I think the biz owner was shady. I do not think he told the fired brother: Leave for your longer trip as you please - and I will treat that as quitting. So don't come back. Then the fired brother could have made his decision, if the trip was worth it. He could have left at good terms. The boss was not left hanging as far as the biz was concerned: After all the brother brought in a reliable replacement (for a job that is not highly skilled). So the biz owner was spared having to look for a replacement - the one brother leaving for an extended period did the recruiting for him. Likely the brother leaving even instructed his brother. This is NOT a high skill job where it matters WHO does the work, so what is the biz owner resentful about ? It sounds like revenge to me. It is all his ressentment about a young men being able to take time off. Has nothing to do with the necessities of the business because those did not suffer from the arrangment. At all. If he was not good in his job - why did he not fire him before that ? (seems like the job had decent pay, so the boss could have easily replaced him if he wasn't worth it). He let the brother do the recruiting for him. (to be honest in the caller's position I would not have taken this job offer. Does not speak well of the integrity / honesty of the biz owner, and it is not worth the tensions within family). The biz owner likely has not overpaid (50k net is not _that_ much in Hawaii). The other brother should be able to find a comparable job.

[@thehungrywolf69]

That’s a 19 yr old MAN. Do what you have to for your family. YOU run this household, NOT your mom.

[@vjs4539]

Move out. Mom can go apply for foodstamps

[@Yogastrong908]

At 50K per year in Hawaii he might need food stamps.

[@deborahblackvideoediting8697]

He mentioned they live in a house. So when he moves out, a bedroom will be free. (Hopefully, unless he's sharing.) The mother could rent that room out for extra income. It won't cover everything, but at least it would help!

[@huestifer]

Here is the solution. Build a tiny home on the property move the kids and Mom into the tiny house and then rent out the main house for like $5000/month then profit!

[@BodiaGuy]

This is why I want all most parents and adults out there please don't bring another life if you can't work out on your own.. only thing you can create for them is burdens for their life. Fight on Max you young you can do this