I Want to go home: How to respond when someone with dementia asks to go home

[@melissadimoush8196]

I’m dealing with this right now. My mom is in skilled nursing following hip surgery. She fell in the bathroom in the middle of the night without her walker. She gets so worked up when we tell her we can’t go home until her hips heals, her bp goes off the chart. She was always a highly anxious person and now experiences pretty big agitation. Any ideas to keep her calm? Thank you. So glad I found this channel. ❤️

[@lesellen1994]

Really good advice…my mom just started asking to go home and it breaks my heart

[@hazel1467]

Asking them to explain their home and the feelings associated with it is something I haven't tried and seems like a great idea. Thank you!

[@dementiacarehub]

Thank you for taking the time to comment! I hope the strategy works for you.

[@davidduke7076]

You've helped me with this. I've puzzled over this for years. Thank you.

[@dementiacarehub]

I’m so glad you found it helpful! Thanks for the feedback!

[@sammie20]

thank you IMMENSELY!!!

[@dementiacarehub]

So glad you found it helpful. Thanks for taking the time to post a comment!

[@LauraSnead]

I'm glad I found this channel. I have been dealing with this with my mom, who lives in a memory care facility. I have a family member who works in this field and has been extremely helpful as well. My mom is also asking to go visit her parents.

[@dementiacarehub]

Thanks for your kind words and for taking the time to watch. I’m so glad you found the videos helpful.

[@SunshineMix101]

'Great advice in the vid'.

[@dementiacarehub]

Thanks for watching and commenting!

[@billregan1981]

My dad is in the hospital now and has been asking to go home. Thanks for these ideas.

[@dementiacarehub]

So glad you found the video helpful! Thanks for commenting.

[@btbingo]

Knew a couple in their 70s. The wife kept asking if her father could come and take her home.

[@cynthiagonzalez658]

My patient keeps looking for his long dead sisters..

[@jasonrodgers9063]

My father was experiencing advanced dementia in his last couple of years (in a nursing home). He would say this. I did the stuff that she advises, just "winging it". He passed before it became a serious issue. I want anyone who loves me to END ME before I get to that point. Hopefully one will, if needed.

[@wendynicholss6886]

😢

[@inoland9099]

My mother wants to go home because she left two small children there on their own. How do I respond?

[@dementiacarehub]

Of courser this is a difficult scenario. I would try to think of a reason that reassures her. Maybe her sister or close family friend called to say they are staying with the children…or something similar that will put her mind at ease. I will create another video on this topic and post the link here. Thanks for your question.

[@danaburre618]

I have a schizophrenic brother whom I just got off the streets. He spent a month and a half in the hospital with heart problems and failure to thrive as well as other health issues. He is 73 years old. I placed him in a nursing home and now he keeps saying he wants to go home. My question to you is what should I say to him? The nursing home is his home now. What if he wants to go to my home? Which is not possible. What do I tell him? Thank you so much for your input.

[@dementiacarehub]

Thanks for your question. I am only able to provide general information in this forum but always recommend tailoring your interactions to the person you are caring for. Try to understand what it is he is asking for when he asks to go home. Most individuals with dementia are seeking feelings of safety and comfort when they ask to go home. Often they are referring to a childhood home where they felt safe and loved. Finding ways to create that safety and comfort in a new setting can be challenging. Sometimes creating habits and daily routines is helpful. Of course having familiar items like photos, cherished belongings, and memorabilia present and available is comforting. Best wishes to you and your brother.

[@cynthiagonzalez658]

I was playing piano for my patient to distract him but the daughter said that I shouldn't, that it's harmful to his hydrocephalus. I've never heard of anything like that in my entire life. But hey, I don't wanna lose the work so I don't play. Pity, he loved the music. Hes blind and they park him in front of the TV for entertainment 😑 might as well play taped music to him but what do I know ⁉️🤔

[@patriciaheld5820]

Wow! If he seemed to enjoy it, WHY wouldn't they want tht??? Tht doesn't make ANY sense! My mom doesn't have ANY hobbies but she loves going to church [she used to sing alot but don't anymore] She used to sing w/ my dad too but he passed almost 10 yrs ago! So she hasn't done tht in several yrs! She DOESN'T seem HAPPY at all - I take her out some but she wants to hurry & get back home! It's so challenging to care for a loved one w/ Dementia! She started getting noticeable symptoms as soon as my dad passed & now I wonder IF there were little signs BEFORE he died, he was a month being 85 when he died - he prob wouldn't have noticed it! He got feeble a few WKS BEFORE he got worse & they took him off his heart meds & then he died a wk latr!! I was SO upset they took him off his heart pills! I didn't even know tht for a long time latr! Thank you for the video! I'll def try to work on my strategy more! You said alot & to the point, I liked tht! So Thx again! 💓😇💓

[@MissvanRizzle]

The feeling that I get when mother-in-law says, “I want go home” is like a take-me-out-of-this-place-because-I-can-take-care-of-myself. How would you recommend I respond to that? We’ve taken her home, and she only lasts 20 minutes.

[@dementiacarehub]

Yes of course each person may have a different need as the basis of the request to go home. If a desire for more independence is at the heart I would try to come up with ways the person could safely do self-care and other activities that are suited to her abilities. Check out my video about adapting tasks for different abilities here: kzbin.infooT1j7gHuPKA?si=lHiXOaUz0IY8aST2

[@michaelhudecek2778]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@onthehill3381]

My mom asks to go home. I could ask her about home but she already repeats over and over things about her home growing up. I’m not sure what asking her to repeat herself again will accomplish.

[@dementiacarehub]

Discussing her favorite topics may be comforting to her. Also by asking questions and engaging her in conversation you may be able to redirect the another topic if the current one is stressful. Remember too that strategies may work some days and not others. The idea is to find what works for you and have many options to choose from. Best of luck.

[@elainehanbidge3266]

My mum wants to go home to her brother thay died about 35 to 40 years ago she looked after them a lot but she never menchion my dad and my brother

[@moonpleiades99]

They want to go home to God.

[@patriciaheld5820]

Sometimes I think tht's wht they mean....she misses my dad! She expects him home ANY min! She thinks my brothers are her HUSBAND & pics of her & my dad > she thinks is her & her dad! It's SO sad : ( 💔 😥

[@whitey1209]

My mom keeps saying she wants to die, so yes, home is where God is.

[@billsmith147]

they want to go home to a real place, a place where they can feel comfortable, and fit in. They usually don't think of God or Heaven as being home with their family. They are looking for security, and peace.