I Was an ADDICTED ICU NURSE (My Story)

[@karenroy9045]

You are so brave. I have been clean for 3-1/2 years now. I lost my son and husband during a two year period. Couldn’t cope but now, sober, I can. Stay strong.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m so glad to hear that you are staying strong and finding strength in your sobriety. 🙏🙏thank you so much for sharing that with me ❤️

[@MandyWaller-xw9wj]

Everyone was impressed I didn't relapse when I lost my Husband, mom and gma within a 2.5 yr period. Now I stand alone raising 2 boys. A 19 yo electrician and a 10 yo genius computer building gamer. I have no other family besides a sister in CT. I raised her as my own because our mom was paralyzed on 7/4/04, then oldest son was shaken on 6/9/05. Paternal aunt, Dhhr approved foster parent who worked for FBI. Whoda thunk? I trusted her. Raised sis, cared for my gma from 1996-2019, and cared for my mom from 2004- 2019. They died exactly 1 months apart. Gma died on oldest sons bday. Stress makes it hard. Husband died during game of Monopoly in front of us aortic dissection. My life is finally settling back down. 2011- 2017 were great yrs until everyone passed on us. Stress of life just gets worse when ya have a full time job just to stay well. Still haven't used in 13 yrs. People tried to give me "nerve pills aka xanax" but nah at their funerals but Nah, I'm good. Keep up the great work ma'am. Hugs and prayers to you.

[@MandyWaller-xw9wj]

Pain is temporary, addiction is forever. ❤

[@Kori-Jones]

Hugs to you

[@kim123282]

Had a friend in nursing in nyc. Got caught twice stealing prescriptions lost her job twice. Stay at home all the time. Does nothing with her life. Just never recovered

[@TheLifeOfNurse]

ICU nurse ex heroin addict here. Your story is basically me if I got caught. I'm so incredibly lucky I was able to get out of this shit without losing my license or going to jail. Luckily I'm sober now but the depression/anxiety is unreal. Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe I'll do the same.

[@a-girl-and-her-cat]

Proud for you 💪💖 I can only imagine what might have become of me had I started using that

[@Idaho_Knife_Climb]

It’ll take about a year if it’s the same as it was for me before life will look beautiful again

[@TLA123y6f]

You should. It would help people

[@Jbplusmeeee]

Amazing keep it up

[@Anninukichild]

Sheesh..🤦‍♂️I struggle myself...been in "pain management" for 20 years..they dont manage sh!t..but I am thankful I never went the needle route..not that it makes me a better person, I'm just glad I didn't have to endure that pain/struggle

[@Jbplusmeeee]

Thank you for sharing!! I have a history of addiction, I have been a RN for 38yrs, went to rehab twice. Thankfully I never lost my license. I’m active in 12 step program I now work from home as a health coach- in behavioral health- blessed to work with people over the phone who are struggling emotionally and physically.. I feel blessed I can use my story to help others I’m not around and medications clean and sober for 7yrs don’t give up!!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

That is so inspiring for me to hear. That’s what I’m looking to do. Turn this whole experience into something positive and helpful to others. You are living that life and I admire you. Thank you for sharing 🙏🙏

[@wam6465]

How did you find your job? I am a nurse in recovery and need a job helping others.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@wam6465 ever since I stopped nursing, before I was arrested, I haven’t tried to find another nursing job. I also would like a job helping others now. Let me know if you find anything 🙂

[@quietone152]

You can always look at peer support or recovery coach. Please check with your state if you could become an addiction counselor.

[@oliviaglover9859]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 idk how much money this would be but yes they do have peer support people at like methadone clinics and it’s pretty cool. They would maybe pay u more because of your credentials

[@amandabogun9597]

I can totally relate to the “click” moment. I was in an out of rehab or jail for years. Then on my 843rd time trying to get sober it clicked. It’s been 14 years. It’s hard to remember that life now. It just needs to click once. God bless you and continued success. We do recover ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much. Yeah, I can’t tell the future, so I’m not saying that it’s impossible for me to backtrack one day, but all I know is that there has been a clear shift this time that is very different from every other time. Thank you for sharing that. I wish you the best as well ❤️

[@suzanneskiles6196]

Yes! We do recover! I can relate to the 843rd time trying to get clean😅 Been to rehab 8X myself. Clean for 7 years now by the grace of God and being willing to do the work.

[@Trail_Trekker_AZ]

Super brave of you to put your shit out in the world. Kudos for recovering. That’s hard and it seems like you’ve learned the hard way that drugs will only fuck your life over.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot, especially concerning this sensitive topic. I appreciate you 🙂

[@ksho8196]

Just hope addicted nurses do not take patients’ pain meds and leave patients suffering without their pain meds. That scares me.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@ksho8196 it definitely does happen sometimes. One thing I can say is that I never took meds from patients that were supposed to get them. I went elsewhere for the drugs before it got that bad thankfully. Thank you for your comment 🙂

[@kimwieczorek1879]

What about weed, booze instead😂❤😢🎉

[@srauenonline]

@kso8196 Please don't hesitate to give your care team all the info they need to help you recover quickly and safely. You will be asked what level of relief any pain med gave you - its all part of the 24/7 picture. Your team wants to know of your concerns so they can assess the situation. If you hurt, say so, please.

[@O-pm8bb]

You know I wanted to thank you so much for making this video. I worked during a summer in a nursering home just doing some practices. It was located in a small town so it was heavily understaffed and I was often unsupervised with the residents. At that point I had already tried codeine before and I loved it so being often unsupervised in a place full of opioids was so tempting for me, so I did all the time, sometimes I would take a sip off the morphine syrup right there at my shift. It became so bad that I started popping the oxys I was supposed to give to the old people, of course the patients had severe dementia and couldn't really do anything about it when I would take their drugs right in front of them. To this day I feel so disgusted with myself for doing that... watching this made me feel like a slightly less evil person.

[@Michiganmegs]

I am in recovery as well. I had five years clean when I decided to try kradom. I got so addicted to it . the amount that I purchased every day was despicable, and I even started getting seizures from it. but that led to using the heavier drugs again . In that six months of my relapse I had got locked up three times. Went to rehab three times, and got multiple charges .I am still on probation however I’m so grateful I don’t have to live like that anymore . when I got locked up for the last time I remember, I felt so relieved that I was saved from myself. I didn’t want to do those things, but the moment that I put the mood altering substance. in my body, I no longer know if or when I was going to stop. I was so embarrassed to reach out for help but one of my friends told me that we can’t save our face and ass at the same time. Recover loudly so others don’t have to die quietly.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Wow! Thank you for sharing that. I never run into anyone who was into Kratom but I was on that stuff for years!! I also had a similar experience when I was arrested. After the withdrawals went away, and even with a 3-10 year sentence I felt like I was actually free for the first time in my life. Reading comments like yours helps me so much. I truly thank you for taking the time to write 🙏

[@Melissa-d6n-b1d]

Thank you for sharing. I love that "recovering loudly" thing. And Kratom was a HUGE thing for me too. Doesn't get enough focus in recovery rooms....yet. I believe it's coming. I've been sober for 2 years. Yay us!

[@alwaysstraitup]

Thats an excellent quote! and more people needro listen to you! Make a t-shirt and ball cap, stat!.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@Melissa-d6n-b1d 2 years! That’s about where I am with it! We’ve got this!

[@cassandrahughes2897]

That last sentence alone gave me chills and I'm sending that to my estranged husband I had to kick him out a yr ago during to his addictions he became mean he wasn't gunna change , and I refused to allow him to tear down our two young girls who aren't even 2 and 7 yet. I will not allow him to do that. Thankfully he's off alcohol and working on freeing himself from pills living with his parents as I care for our children alone. I know I'm not the only mother doing so and this statement gave me some push for the day that I needed as I get my 6 yr old ready for school. Thank you

[@txspacemom765]

I worked in healthcare for 22 years and I saw a lot of addiction in the field. Blessings to you on your recovery!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you my friend. Your blessing and support means the world to me 🙏

[@ksho8196]

Scared to know that addicted nurses steal patients’ pain meds. So cruel to patients.

[@hellothereyouall]

I can’t count how many times my stimulant rx was short when I got home

[@NG-qo7nu]

I’m a year into medical treatment and I feel like a lot of nurses are addicts

[@user-kp6we9qw7i]

This is very interesting to me. Thank you for sharing your story. Definitely very vulnerable of you. I am an ICU nurse. Several years ago I worked with a nurse who went home at the end of his shift and said he would be back in the morning. He never showed up. He was later found dead at his house. He had overdosed on fentanyl that he had stolen from the hospital. He was well loved, and it was a very tragic story. I’m glad you survived the addiction and seem to be headed in the right direction with your life. I have seen a lot of addiction over the years as a nurse. Thank you for bringing awareness.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Wow, thats a hard thing to have beard witness to. And it really strikes a chord for me to hear. I saw addiction in other nurses besides myself in my time, and I saw some hard things happen to them, but never that hard. Thank you for sharing that. It reminds me how lucky I am and not to take this life for granted anymore. 🙏 wishing you the best ❤️

[@juliaharbeck774]

I was a nurse for 40 years and did see some addicted nurses. One was collapsed in the ICU BR after taking a patients drug, it was easier for them in the early days and one of our anesthesia nurse OD and died from fentanyl, we were all shocked. A couple of nurses showing up drunk along with a doctor who was bad. I see so many nurses on antidepressants which I find really sad also. So glad I never had that issue and thank you for sharing your story.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@juliaharbeck774 thank you for your comment. I appreciate you sharing that. It’s always really shocking to be close to people and then to find out in startling ways that they have been hiding a problem ❤️

[@Kimberly34584]

Thank you as a CNA in nursing school there was a nurse I had been friends with notice a bottle of morphine was the wrong color. Turns out a night shift nurse had diluted the medication after taking some for herself. The nurse who caught the wrong color had to stand trial as a witness. Sad to see people take advantage of the system like that and these stories help me two years into being a nurse be more observant, especially with liquid medication that comes in a 500 mL bottle. I hope that nurse is sober and getting the help she needs. It’s been years now but I will never forget that story

[@truescotsman4103]

@@juliaharbeck774 I've been to the hospital for pain before. I've had nurses take my drugs a couple of times. Morphine is quite consistent. I understand the dose and the effect from experience. When 10mg IV doesn't touch my pain I know there is a problem. I complained once and there was a huge drama surrounding the nurse that was giving me my drugs. I could tell she was in trouble for repeatedly being complained about with pain patients and their pain not being lessened by large doses of Morphine.

[@crod0121]

He’s one of many nurses.. he just has the courage to tell his story!! You’re amazing keep going and don’t look back.. fyi people who think people like him mess it up for people in pain.. believe it or not they will go down the same path.. addiction has no name.. it will choose anyone.. stay safe people and keep going you got this..

[@HaveCommonSense76]

You have no idea what you are talking about.

[@cypresswyvern]

Spoken like a person who has no idea what suffering is. Addicts only help addicts

[@crod0121]

@@cypresswyvernjust like you and judgmental above you!!

[@cypresswyvern]

@crod0121 it's ppl like you that makes ppl like me get no pain relief. You think we're all like you. We aren't addicted. Don't want to be addicted and God willing will never be. But I have something called self control. You think bc you can't control yourself no one can. Whoever told you that lied to you. Moderation is the key

[@crod0121]

Sweetie where did you see me say all nurses.. you’re just mad cause they don’t believe you.. it does suck that you can’t get the help.. just know you don’t want to go down that path.. I seen it with my own eyes with friends and family..

[@jassy0903]

Holy shit man, I felt this hard. Listen, the only way for this to truly end is if you start forgiving yourself. You've paid your dues, you've felt the shame and guilt. When you give that ankle monitor back, I want you to give back that shame and guilt. These aren't your chains anymore. Thank you for sharing. I hope you're able to share your story at highschools all over the country!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

It warms my heart so much to read this. I’m working through it, and things are going well. Sharing the story and then getting responses like yours is a tremendous help in healing!! So I really can’t thank you enough. You made my day! 🙂🙏 thank you thank you!

[@themulti-coloredcanary5795]

I second this! Forgiving ourselves for our transgressions is probably the hardest thing to do. And it's amazing that you have decided to put your story out there because as we all know, we can only keep what we have, by giving it away!

[@Bampitas74psKR]

AMEN!!!!! Well said!!!!

[@dragonclaws9367]

Moral: It can get anyone. It isn't the homeless person on the corner you envision, it's professionals, moms dads, your neighbor, your friend. In fact I believe there are more "normal" looking people who are suffering than we realize.

[@karadodge7118]

You bet! I had everything! Beautiful home, new cars, great family. And then I lost it because I could not get off these damn drugs. Been clean sans sone detox meds for 5 years. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be me…..

[@rubywoo_5.2]

💯❤ Precisely. Crazy thing is, I believe it's because we're all ppl. Lol That's why it's hard to not be empathetic... Even if I don't share a particular struggle, I can still listen to understand. Or if I don't understand then I'll just listen and awkwardly hug you if you cry 😬🤭🥰

[@Emzzz78]

Yup! That was me. A working professional. I ended up with a choice; quit or find heroin. I quit

[@millhouse313]

More so the people that are showing up to their jobs and seem normal. Homeless don’t have the money. Someone who works gets into a nasty spot of having the need for the drug to go to work, but then having the money for more drugs because they go to work.

[@katrinamoore4624]

I was one of those people. I'm a year and 2 months clean. Only God gave me the strength to sit down and tell my family that I needed help 🙏 .. and yes it's hard but getting yourself back to yourself. It's all worth it.

[@MandyWaller-xw9wj]

Hugs sir. I was an addicted EMT. It all started with a hip injury after a cesarean section a LONG time ago. When my doc cut me off I went to Morph and oxy then H. I have been clean for around 13 yrs. Today is my bday so I celebrate that fact that I lived theough all of the unsavory enviroments, drugs, and abuse I put my body through. TRUST ME; BEING CLEAN IS SOOO MUCH BETTER.

[@foxtrotbravo2549]

May god continue to keep you. Sending you a big hug.

[@apt5044]

Very brave of you to share your story. I was a "functional addict" for years. I was always employed ....sadly, even at my worst. I was a lawyer and high powered professional. I am clean now but it was a long and hard journey. I wish you well in your recovery.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thanks for sharing that. Being a “functional” addict is kind of a curse because it takes so much longer to have to face the problem in a direct way. I’m glad you are well and I wish you the best also ❤️🙏

[@lisafilly464]

How did you do it? I have “ friend” that is working full time. She functions perfectly normal as long as she has her meds. How does a person go to rehab yet not let her doctor know so she doesn’t lose her prescription? She wants to stop but afraid that she’ll be cut off immediately.

[@sevan8350]

@@lisafilly464she should wean herself off slowly. Baclofen and gabapentin are sometimes used in rehabs while patients are detoxing.

[@danabishop5506]

I was an ICU RN , opiate addiction, dropped a dirty urinalysis for drugs. I thank God, worked at a hospital where I found out several RNs had gone thru treatment. I was told if I went to treatment and stayed clean, they would not report me to state nursing board. I completed Treatment completed a 35 yr career as an RN, working, ICU , ER PACU before retiring. Have 32yrs clean coming up in October 2024. Sadly I know many RNs that lost their licenses!

[@cqbarnieify]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a retired RN. It’s a stressful job, and that stress can exacerbate any problems we had going into the profession, especially substance abuse. I’m really proud of you. May you have a bright and happy future!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me ❤️

[@dianaharmon4914]

You’re my favorite kind of person, someone who’s lived in hell, found their way back and used that experience to help other people to understand the ailment of addiction.

[@lmnewyork]

Thank you for sharing your story! Healthcare professionals are addicts too, 21st century medicine acknowledges addiction is a disease, and yet the brutal & punishing stigma perpetuates. Telling your story helps destigmatize it, and that is very powerful.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for saying that. Your kindness is also very powerful. I appreciate you so much 🙏❤️

[@Bampitas74psKR]

AMEN!!!!!

[@lovingod4ever33]

As a former Meth addict who is celebrating 20 years clean this month,,, I applaud you for getting sober and I pray you never relapse,,, it is a lifelong fight,,, BUT such a rewarding one!!! Stay strong brother and pray you continue to make it out of the darkness💖

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Your support means the world to me. Congrats on your 20 years! That is an enormous accomplishment. I hope to be celebrating the same in the future! You are an inspiration to me ❤️

[@lovingod4ever33]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 Thank You!!🥹 I take no credit in my sobriety, it is only always because of Jesus. I just simply surrendered,,, well,,, I guess I didn't simply do it as surrendering is it's own humbling fight, but I digress. I definitely think you will get your own 20yr celebration!! You definitely have the innate personality for someone who stays sober, by that I mean you clearly hold yourself accountable and have genuine desire to change with remorse of prior decisions. I still remember my prominent thought of myself before getting sober, which was, how disgusted I was with myself at the human being I had become and how much I was not okay with that and that I wanted more for myself, my life, and the lives of others who I cared about. Thank you for being on here and sharing your story, I definitely think being transparent and vulnerable for ANY addict is a key component to sobriety. Us former addicts are ALL marching behind you in support,,, Trust and Believe that!!! 🥰🫡🙌👏 Peace, Love, and Grace be unto you my Brother💝💖

[@foxtrotbravo2549]

My fellow nurse. I pray that god continue to keep you safe and sober. You can do it.

[@carlsenlifeafter60carlsen11]

Thank you for being so honest. I’ve been in chronic pain for 25 years and have had six spinal surgeries. I have seen a nurse give me half of my pain meds and drop the needle in his pocket. He did it right after my husband walked out of my room. I tried to tell everyone and no one believed me ,because I was in such high pain. It ruins it for people like me and I’ve cried so many times. I’m only on one medication now and I wish I wasn’t on anything, but I still have high levels of pain and have hard time walking. Not everyone in chronic pain is an addict. I wish more people knew that.😢I am 68 …

[@kayleewise8495]

They very well could have given you half but they also could have given you the dose that was ordered and pocketed the rest of the syringe to give you at a later time. Sounds weird but I used to work with a nurse on the cardiac unit where morphine was given to everyone. She would do the same so I asked her why she did that and she said it would be wasting it and she will give it the next time meds were due(i watched her give that second dose the next time around).she didn't want that patient to continously be charged for all these meds that keep getting wasted. Every time they removed from the medication machine it charged them. It's absolutely not best practice and doubt anyone does it now(this was 15 years ago) I'm not degrading your experience...I'm really sorry you were in so much pain. But maybe there was an explanation.

[@susanbennett9062]

​@kayleewise8495 that's insane

[@DollYPlAyz2]

I really appreciate how honest you are about your addiction. You've made mistakes and so have we all. Its not how bad we fall, its how well we pick ourselves up after

[@PrissyHippie]

Thank you for sharing. I'm a former ICU nurse. I now work in Hospice... an RN too. I've never been in active drug addiction, but I was addicted to food. Pales in comparison to some, but I was literally eating myself in the grave. I've lost 200+ lbs and work every day to maintain control. I have a very addictive personality. I used to love weed and that didn't help my food addiction for sure. I used weed, food and sex to numb myself... you know... to escape. Congratulations on your recovery... you are doing great. Thank you for sharing. I have a channel too. Not sure if you'd be interested in my content. I'm an old grandma from the South that likes to cook, do hauls, and blab. I talk about my weight loss journey a lot. Nice to "meet" you, I'm Jackie from Georgia. Im happy to support you. You're a handsome and well-spoken young man. I hope your channel does very well and takes off. I'm happy to share! New sub.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Addiction is addiction. Food must be really hard because you can’t fully “quit” food. Always having to be living in relationship with the thing you struggle with. Thank you so much for sharing that. It definitely doesn’t pale in comparison to other addictions in my mind. That’s incredible that you lost that much weight. You are awesome. I’m definitely going to check out your channel right now. I’ll see you there 🙂❤️

[@lawrenceschlitt2947]

Brian, thank you for your open, honest, sincere videos addressing a very difficult but important topic that is rarely talked about. I am so very proud of you and your progress on your road to sobriety. As a retired family physician, I am interested in trying to help others who have a "good heart" but fell down the dark rabbit hole of addiction. As a former ICU nurse, you have a unique perspective on the condition of addiction and would be very interested in hearing YOUR take on what you think works and what doesn't in helping those individuals who want to get sober. Stay strong, stop feeling ashamed, and know you are REALLY helping more people than you think. You are as human as all of us, but in my eyes, you will always be a nurse, i.e., someone driven to selflessly try and help others. Lawrence.

[@SuthrnBlueEyes]

Thank you for your transparency and honesty. Im almost 4 years clean. ❤❤❤

[@mamaTea1]

Thanks for being upfront and sharing. You were blessed to get arrested. It saved your life. Better in a cell on a cot than dead in the gutter.

[@heosomeheosome6752]

I don't know why this video popped up. But, I needed to see it. I taught school for 21 years. I never drank anything till my sister died. I was 39. I destroyed everything I had built in 2 years with alcohol. I thought I was using the drinking for copeing. In those 2 years, I lost 3 siblings, and my father was diagnosed with dementiaand passed the 3rd year while I was dealing with legal problems related to the alcohol. I lost my job. I was in jail for a year and now at home, serving a sentence with probation enforcement. I have been struggling. Your genuine contentment gives me hope.

[@soupsnakes424]

❤

[@kimberlyhayes6006]

I have chronic respiratory failure and have been on life support 20x. Each extubation is more painful than the last. I can't even EXPLAIN how terribly painful it is while youre on it, but when they take you off, its extremely painful. I'm still dealing with the pain of my last extubation from over a year ago. When they take the tube out they'll stop all pain meds directly after. And when I would express the amount of pain I was in, they would automatically accuse me of being a drug seeker. I felt hopeless, to the point that I regretted even going to the hospital to be saved in the first place, knowing I would just continue living and suffering. I just wish addicts would understand the full scope of the people they hurt. It's not just their family and close friends. It touches strangers as well. Thank you for being so vulnerable and making this video and bringing to light that ANYONE can become an addict.

[@Username-f5p]

This is huge. There are people in pain and doctors who have never taken opiates just believe everyone is an addict. The same way they believed OXY’s weren’t habit forming lol

[@kimberlyhayes6006]

@@Username-f5p they went from one extreme to another. They believed it wasn't habit forming because they was shown "proof" and "studies" and there were doctors vouching for big pharma saying it wasn't addictive or habit forming. So, the Dr's agreed to prescribe it, and just went all out. Writing scripts where people would get 120 oxycontin, and 90 percocet, and 90 Xanax, all in one visit, shit like that. Then they discovered it WAS in fact highly addictive, they cut everyone off cold turkey. You can't get just a normal script for chronic pain anymore for legitimate pain without having to jump through a million hoops, just to not wake up everyday in so much pain that you'd just wished you hadn't woken up that day. Heaven forbid you go to an ER in pain and ask for meds, they instantly put you on a watch list in the hospital while you're there either in the ER or on the floor. All doctors look at you sideways if you ask for something to help not be in so much pain. So it went from over prescribing to people who DEFINITELY did need that many damn pills, to under prescribing to people like me who are genuinely in excruciating pain every single day.

[@CjizzleMizfit615]

Don’t beat yourself up man we have all done things we’re not proud of in addition. I used to push carts full of crab legs out the grocery store door to trade for dope lol. Point being your doing better now and no one is judging you that matters. Respect for sharing your story cause people need to hear it. Thank you. ✌️ keep ya head up keep fighting. I’ve been clean and sober for years now

[@cathy3864]

Thank you for your honesty. Retired RN here.

[@Melissa-d6n-b1d]

You are extremely gifted at telling your story. Not many can do it do well. Ive heard a lot of stories from recovery rooms. They're all important but not all are fluid and engaging like yours was. That was a lot to pack in and it was just perfectly done, imo. Your story is going to save lives. I don't know you but I AM SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!! That was Awesome and Brave and Helpful and Cleansing and Relatable as i am also an addict. And the Kratom?!?! Thank you for mentioning it.... it became a HUGE deal to me. No one in the programs ever seem to give it the bad credit its due. But i believe its coming, as i know sooo many people addicted to that pond sludge (if you're desperate enough to try the powder) I've been clean for 2 years but "on the journey" for a lot more. Anyways, i could go on and on but for now just know my heart is reaching out to yours. You've done a great thing here. Be well, my friend.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Oh my goodness that was such an incredibly kind message. I’m smiling from ear to ear reading it. Thank you so much for taking the time to say that. That really means so much to me. You made my day. “Pond Sludge” 😂😂😂 yep. Spoonfuls of the powder washed down with water. That was me. You are awesome. Thank you thank you 🙏

[@oliviaglover9859]

Fascinating. I’ve wondered for so long how many nurses and medical staff are secretly addicts.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

There is a lot of addiction in the field, although I don’t know any statistics off hand of how it compares to other fields or just the general public. It’s hard to think about because medical staff are charged with handling other people’s lives at their most vulnerable and hardest. So it seems like even more of a breach of trust than addiction in other places. Thank you for commenting 🙏🙏

[@y2ksurvivor]

The same people shaming pain patients for needing relief are also stealing their meds. No empathy, and I say this as an addict. Addiction doesn't make you cruel. You have to choose to be.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@y2ksurvivor I agree with you

[@lawlaw4109]

@@y2ksurvivorplenty of addicted nurses aren’t the ones shaming people for needing opioids. If anything, many of them ARE chronic pain patients that also need opioids. Keep in mind that literally anyone you meet….doctors, lawyers, teachers can be addicts and you would be completely blind to it. I’m so over this “it’s a choice” bullshit. It’s so much more than a choice. Like he said, it’s a *symptom* of a much deeper problem within a person.

[@carlsenlifeafter60carlsen11]

I am a pain patient who’s had six spinal surgeries. As you know just because they fix your spine doesn’t mean you’re out of pain. I get pain meds and they last me for months. The script usually last most people for maybe a month. I only take them if I’m at a level eight and above ,it’s really hard to get people to understand that you’re not an addict. I quit many things in my life to help my pain. I quit coffee after 30 years of drinking it. I quit all processed foods and only eat fresh food. Anything I can do to help my pain. I have tried. I’m 68 years old and I feel like I’m in prison with this pain, I wish more people understood.😢

[@L._._]

Thank you for sharing ❤I’m about to graduate my RN program and I have 5.5 years clean from IV H (and meth I was a goofballer lol). My story is backwards from yours. I ended up getting pregnant while a homeless addict and dealer then got clean on suboxone… then did my prereqs and now I’m almost done getting my RN😮I remember when I was 20 at my first rehab there was an older RN there with me who had ODed at her own nurses station. I’m not going to lie it is scary going into nursing with my history, but I know I just have to keep my recovery strong and keep my self checks in place so I don’t regress. So far the access to meds hasn’t been a trigger but it’s going to be something I have to keep an eye on.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Wow. That’s so cool that you came from that and are now going to be an RN! Congratulations!! For real! That’s a big deal! Plus you will have another level of compassion for people who suffer from this stuff that is sorely lacking in hospitals! Yep! I was a goofballer as well 😅. Damn. I’m so happy for you. You are gonna kill it!

[@L._._]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 thank you 🙏🏼 and I had a feeling I had goofballer radar 🤣 I get major imposter syndrome some times in school. Actually yesterday my clincial instructor pointed to me to demonstrate a point about the pt (who was an unhoused addict) and said “ okay so you’re a normal person , you don’t use IV drugs but imagine blah blah blah “ … and I thought that was so funny cuz they have no idea my history or the abscess scars under my uniform . I obviously don’t tell people at school bc of the stigma. Anyways I’m rambling but thanks again for sharing and the encouragement!!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@L._._ yeah, I know! The imposter syndrome is real. But I have a feeling that you have more reason to be there, doing what you are doing, than most of the rest. You are going to be a fantastic nurse

[@L._._]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 ty, I always wanted to go into medicine, life just took a 7 yr detour but I’m back now 😅

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@L._._ YOU’RE BACK!!! And it’s the best!!

[@chelseyrae1428]

RN here, thank you for sharing - it’s definitely something many can relate to and know that was very brave to share

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

It’s so cool to read comments like this from other RN’s. The understanding and support is more than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you thank you 🙏

[@THXx1138]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 It's actually incredibly revealing how broken the medical system is.

[@shaunapapa8564]

I am an RN and commend you for such an honest video. I can't help but believe that it will help a lot of people. I am so proud of you for fighting hard to work through your addiction and wish you nothing but the best in your future ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for your support. Your kind words and support means the world to me ❤️❤️

[@SayMyNameAgain]

I respect your vulnerability. It's not easy to speak out loud about our most inner failures. I hope you're doing really good.

[@JemFuerte]

Woah Brian, the views! Great on you for sharing that the face of addiction can look like anyone and reach anyone. I’m sure this video has helped many people not feel so much shame and guilt in their addiction but to acknowledge we are all just human trying to find our peace.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you! 😊 yes, I’m glad now that I shared. I was a little worried but it turned out well. 🙏

[@SuzannePowell-fb6lw]

I am over 30yrs sober I can tell you I am very glad you are doing this it takes guts to talk about this ,you are a hero thank you

[@braxlucky5718]

The Ego of an addict is something to behold, and that’s coming from an addict myself.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Yes, it is crazy how defensive and dishonest we can be to protect ourselves from facing reality. I think the process of getting off of drugs is largely a process of humbling one’s self. Getting one’s ego under control. Thank you for your insightful comment 🙂❤️

[@phoenixdavida8987]

​@@SmilesforMiles2024im an addict too. Thanks so much for your story.

[@angelicamonita6026]

Takes a lot of guts to admit your faults and your drug addiction especially being a registered nurse. I respect you for that and wish you the best on your sobriety. I am a mother of a 24yr. old daughter who is addicted to heroin. I am raising and have custody of her son. Unfortunately, we are not at the point of sobriety and have been through hell at this point but stories like yours provide reinsurance that things can get better. God bless you. 🙏

[@L._._]

Also- you’re a natural at story telling and I’m so glad I found your channel keep it up !

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Wow! Thank you!😊😊😊. That’s so sweet of you to say! I appreciate it so much!

[@micheleboris2851]

Agree. Naturally easy to listen to. Good job man.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@micheleboris2851 thank you so much ❤️ I appreciate you saying that 🥰

[@ControlAltDella]

I can relate to you in so many ways. I went from a prescription of pain killers to a full blown H addict. I also got through college doing hard stuff like morphine and Xanax and I absolutely loved oxy. But, when the pill epidemic hit around 2013, and scripts were hard to find, that’s when I turned to H. I was a dental assistant and would go in the bathroom and inject a shot and then go help assist with oral surgery or root canals. It was wild and I really felt like I had it under control lol. Until one day I didn’t and overdosed and family found me. I kept telling everyone that I was getting sober and just started stealing and lying to everyone, including my own husband. I was arrested, got multiple charges, was evicted, went to rehab multiple times and even stole even from my own mom. It was such a living nightmare and a hell that I don’t wish on anyone. Bless you honey and you stay strong! I am going on 9 years and if I can do it, anyone can ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for sharing this! 9 years! Wow. That is so inspiring. A lot of what you are saying here sounds similar to me. I guess addiction is pretty predictable when we are in it. Nothing but love and respect for you :)

[@abepfanab]

Omg I feel like we're the same person. Same story sister been clean 1 year 1 month! Never returned to Dental again but I feel that's best for me❤

[@ControlAltDella]

@@SmilesforMiles2024thank you so much for responding to me! I’m so happy you got sober and are living your best life ❤

[@ControlAltDella]

@@abepfanabomg so proud of you!!!! One year is a big deal and I hope you recognize how far you’ve come ❤❤ I never returned to dental either. I need to stay far, far away from anything medical related. I’m very convincing and manipulative and I just would rather not tempt fate and be around anyone that could write me a script for narcotics. I hope you have an amazing day and thanks for responding 😊

[@mijuajua4820]

Brian, thank you for your honesty. What an important video you have made. So many people are struggling with addiction & your video will help many. God bless you on your journey ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much. Your kind words have helped me 🙏

[@andrewwomer1052]

You are beyond brave for sharing this. Stay strong you got this.

[@MissUnderstoodasAlways]

Hi. Almost two years sober. Thank you for sharing 💫

[@Alexiax13]

Stumbled upon your video and just wanted to let you know you’re brave for sharing these vulnerable details. Thank you for taking time to make this video

[@Momma-Nurse-Sarah]

Thank you for being so real. I will be praying for your continued recovery, and inner strength to keep fighting the good fight.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It really helps and means a lot to me ❤️🙂

[@juliedurden9479]

I think you are very courageous to make a video like this. Hopefully the message will get to the right people who can draw inspiration from you. Wishing you the best in your life journey.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kindness. Best wishes to you on your journey as well ❤️

[@Oceangirl1234]

Still watching but so far just want to say it is appreciated by me that you did this video. It is important for everyone watching and for you. No need to feel shame though I know I would feel it also. I have said and done things that make me feel ashamed as well. May we forgive ourselves.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

“May we forgive ourselves.” A beautiful mantra. Thank you so much for your comment and for watching 🙏❤️

[@TLA123y6f]

I admire and respect your honesty and openness

[@TPoe3]

I am so glad you are able to talk about this candidly. Hopefully it will help others reach out for help. My best friend felt like she couldn't talk to anyone and suffered alone, she committed suicide. ; ; ; ; ; Please take care of yourself friend. You'll be successful in whatever direction you choose, plus, nursing right now is a shit show. Don't go back it's not worth your mental health.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. My best friend also took his life after struggling with drug addiction. It’s so sad to think that they might be here if they only had access to better resources. I am taking really good care of myself now (better than I ever have in my whole life) and I’m really doing well 🙂 It sounds like you might work in the medical field? Thank you so much for your comment, encouragement, and for sharing. It means a lot to me

[@TPoe3]

​@@SmilesforMiles2024 Anytime! I am happy for you! Keep smiling.

[@morganhough1022]

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope that the message of hope will reach many who might be in earlier stages of addiction. My childhood best friend had a very similar story to yours, but instead of dealing and then lockup, she died of an overdose.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Oh my goodness 😔 I’m so sorry to hear that. I also had a childhood best friend who died from drugs. It’s so hard to deal with. Wondering who they might have been today. Thank you for your comment and kind words. It really helps to hear that we are not in this alone 🙏

[@LexNuno]

I appreciate you opening up about this. I'm struggling with alcohol and this type of honesty is very helpful. Thank you!! Wishing you nothing but success and blessings.

[@honestlyno4240]

Had that happen to a colleague. It happens, at one hospital before Pyxis. We had a locked cabinet and wrote down on a slip of paper what we used. In L&D we could be short and added one to some because it would be easy to miss a charge. One day we were missing way too much not enough in Labor. We couldn’t leave unless it was corrected so it was reported to the head nurse and night supervisor. One day when our nurse left that was getting it was arrested. She overcome that and get her license back. We had rehab programs and it worked well for some the mandated ones but a lot had to do with the willingness to admit you are addicted. I am so glad you are sharing nursing is hard and while your story may be different it hits Doctor’s, nurses, every part of the medical field and every profession. I wouldn’t be worried if you were a nurse although today it is so different and hard it would be hard. We have so many leaving it is unreal and mainly young just out of school nurses. I have a husband is an alcoholic he was clean and relapsed. I am working on getting him to stop. I know it is out of my hands and he has to want it. I have faith he will get there, he is realizing it as well. I am grateful you are willing to share your story. When you have a team that comes to you and talks to you peer to peer i think many are amazed at the people who have been down this road. I had another nurse friend that explained it to me and she went through this and now was one of the peers. I think more people need to this, there is life after recovery and jail. Sometimes our path changes no matter who you are or what profession you are in it can happen. We have so much stress, work short and have unexpected demands in medicine which has only gotten worse. It isn’t easy and I think many people but especially the medical community need to hear this message. There is life after recovery and outside the medical field or even a way back if wanted. Life sends us down many roads and in a way yours was saved by getting arrested. You will do great at whatever you decide to do just take it a step at a time. It is a testament to your strength to make it through this and no doubt hard. You need to tell your story to others who struggle. Many go to AA or NA as mandated by court. They have tons of newly sober people who are counting the days until they can get high. Many of these groups need people who have been there long term, some in the middle and some new ones as well as some who have relapsed. It inspires people who are new and many don’t fall back in because they have seen it. Covid did not help my husband and it was an excuse not to attend in person. I don’t think people realize how freeing it is being sober and can’t imagine not having that crutch. You said what people need to hear and was truly what I needed to read today. I know without a doubt your message reached someone who needed it and planted a seed or helps them seek out help. Thank you for your willingness to share. I certainly will keep you in my prayers as you get off your sentence and go out into the world again.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I got chills reading your comment. You have seen and dealt with so much. It’s so inspiring for me to hear all your encouragement. I can’t thank you enough for sharing that with me. Sobriety (this new, real sobriety that I an experiencing for the first time in my life) isn’t what I thought it would be. Like you said, it is really special and really fun. I feel empowered to be there for others instead of just living for myself everyday. Thank you again 🙏❤️❤️ comments like this help me to stay focused and motivated

[@ruthtirado2750]

You are a brave soul, an overcomer! God bless you, brother!

[@jacksonsmith5490]

Thank you for sharing. Glad to see that you now recognize the severity of your problem, and can help others that are in a similar situation. Great audio, btw

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Than you my friend. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you for watching 🙂

[@elverdad6805]

Much RESPECT for your honesty!

[@abigailh7715]

So proud of you! You're so inspiring 🎉keep going strong!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much! It’s really helpful to hear your encouragement. ❤️

[@dianebailey2609]

Bryan thank you for sharing your story. I too am a nurse and a recovering alcoholic and opiate addict. I too got myself into trouble with the board indirectly related to my addictions. I could've fixed the issues but at the time I was so messed up I just didn't care. I appreciate your honesty and relate to the shame of it all! I loved nursing. But I could never do it again...Thanks again for sharing, I'm considering starting up my own page to share my story. I also lost my 26 year old daughter to an overdose 21\2 years ago, I think sharing my story might help me and hopefully somebody else! Keep up the good work and be proud of yourself!!!

[@jennrimkus]

Go for it! ❤

[@UnBoxLifeWithLori]

Fascinating story ... There is a series on HBO called Nurse Jackie which is one of the best-written TV Drama Series about dealing with addiction.

[@oldonetwoable]

Fantastic series is Nurse Jackie

[@lindacaswell9650]

Loved Nurse Jackie, could relate

[@JulieB99]

that's such a good series.

[@mayasmith9941]

thank you for sharing your story, i am a nursing student who has very addictive traits and to be able to see someone say the exact things i am feeling helps me not feel so demonized, less alone, and more capable of combating these tendencies. thank you for sharing.

[@debjordan6810]

We are sick as our secrets. I admire your honesty ❤

[@Bampitas74psKR]

Love this comment!!! So true!!!!

[@Erinskow]

You are an incredible storyteller, thank you for sharing your story!

[@baileykokay]

I think the fact that you were willing to put yourself out there like this is so freaking amazing! I feel like addiction in the medical field and even in the corporate world isn’t talked about enough as it is obviously a very taboo topic. However; I think it’s amazing that you’re willing to share yours. I think there is an immense beauty in sharing our scars with the world because you never know who might be looking for THEIR sign to quit! Keep fighting the good fight and I’ll be subscribing!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kind and supportive words. I was really worried about bringing this topic up here, but I felt I needed to talk about it and share, and your comment made it all worth it. 🙏🙏 Thank you

[@JulieB99]

Wow. Thank you for sharing. I was just looking up my provinces' nursing board cases from the last 5 years. A lot of hydromorphone addiction cases. Scary as a life -long cardiac patient to think some Nurses are addicts. I do have compassion for them as people. I'm glad you got help.

[@Nikkinewt]

I’m currently in nursing school and we’ve had this discussion in class. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Hang in there! ❤

[@MrsHart11]

He already knows that. He’s literally already ahead of you.

[@triciagrajek4450]

Good for you for getting sober and sharing your story.

[@Shasta-sOracle]

Thanks for sharing! I’m an addict myself but the example i shortly wanna share to give people hope is not about me but a good friend. He had an extremely multi traumatic childhood and got very addicted early on to all sorts of drugs throughout his life including shooting heroine. With the way his drug abusing evolved it was impossible to live even a little bit of a functional life so he was all the way gone from the path and homeless. Eventually he did rehab but kept relapsing and has been in and out rehab a countless amount of times. To say it the way it is, he was the type where you’d think about that he would never succeed to become and stay sober and would die due to his extreme reckless and risky way of using on a daily. (Also a lot of the addicted people in his life that had a similar lifestyle as his, have died a long time ago, to give you a clear idea of how bad it actually was) Well, he is now 53 years old and has been clean for over a decade. To this day he would occasionally bump into people that knew him from before he got sober and mostly their first reaction is being completely stunned and speechless only by the fact that he is still alive let along the fact he is clean and turned his life arround. I find this the most inspiring and hope giving knowledge to have. (We are from Europe so my writing is not gonna be spotless but i did my best)

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

You write beautifully ❤️ and thank you so much for sharing that. It gives me so much inspiration to hear stories like this. I hope to join both of you on a long journey of turning life around in a big way and helping others. This story certainly helps me. ❤️ Also, I’m still blown away that people in other parts of the world are connecting with me here in Reno, Nevada. I can’t wait to get out of here and come explore your neck of the woods 😁😁

[@Shasta-sOracle]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 I’m very glad the story brought some inspiration and hope! Yeah that’s the cool thing about youtube, you get to hear stories and thoughts from people all over the world🙃

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

@@Shasta-sOracle I know right! It’s so cool. I’m so happy to be able to connect with people like you. Thank you again ❤️

[@Shasta-sOracle]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 sure thing!

[@Godblessyou10100]

God bless you and thank you for being humble, honest and vulnerable. Thanks for your story ❤🙏🙏🙏

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I appreciate that a lot. Thank you 🙏 🙂

[@reneehatin7282]

Im a recovering addict of all opiates 90% pain killers i didn't get nothing out of doing Kretom but im sober jave been for years GOD definitely had my nack through all of this and certain family members whom never gave up one good luck too you

[@rooster89116]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and showing that addiction doesn’t discriminate and there is always hope. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey.

[@Valkyrie4Life]

This is such a hard topic. I know what it feels like to be on both sides of the fence. I have been chronically ill since 2012 and have been on pain meds off and on since then. I have developed some pretty serious PTSD along the way. Getting doctors to believe me and take my pain seriously among other medical treatments as well left me in some VERY dark times. The amount of pain I was experiencing every day all day left me in absolute despair. I was viewed as a drug seeker, or exaggerating my pain or conditions. I was dependent on the pain meds when I was able to be treated for my pain, but I was NOT addicted to them. Consistent unrelenting Pain all the time can very much change people in a very profound way. It can lead them to do drastic measures from taking their lives to even self medicating themselves. I turned to alcohol to help numb my pain both physically and mentally with everything I was going through in the medical field. It helped keep me alive at that time. It soon grew to full blown alcoholism. It numbed me, both physically and mentally. I was an alcoholic for YEARS. Sadly it became what was killing me. I drank a lot, a lot a lot. I was getting pancreatitis every three months and hospitalized for more than a week most times. I was an absolute slave to it. Then I found a doctor who was actually helping me in pretty much every way possible, physically and mentally. I never thought I would from all the trauma, but I told her. I got the help needed to become a recovering alcoholic. I will have been sober three years come this July. Being an addict and getting clean is not easy. I know firsthand just how hard it is to become sober. I count my blessings everyday. Unfortunately I see so many of my online friends who are chronically ill and not being taken care of, or believed, or helped and deal with such extreme pain every day. It breaks my heart. It truly does. I have had more than a few turn to drastic measures because they just can’t take it anymore. Neither side of the fence is a good one. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to say the least.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I am so sorry for your struggles, and am so happy to hear that you are doing well today. I had a close family member go through what you are describing here and she ended up taking her own life. My heart goes out to everyone who struggles with this horrible circumstance. Your strength is an inspiration and I’m so grateful that you took the time to share this. ❤️❤️

[@YVONNE-z8r]

It takes a strong person to be truthful about what you have been through. And you should be proud of the person you have become in spite of it. Congratulations for making it through and for continuing the fight.

[@lindamcauley4728]

Very brave. God bless you ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️❤️🙂

[@mrkekman9526]

Love the honesty brother, and you're not alone. Im a paramedic from Australia and theres huge issues with Paramedics and nurses stealing drugs unfortunately, it's a hard issues to talk about. Good on you for being honest and open, all the best for the future;

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you for sharing.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for watching, and commenting ❤️

[@NancyJohnston-kw8ck]

God bless you ! You have truly been through hell ~ Welcome back ! I’ve been a nurse 46 years and can totally understand how easily this can happen I applaud you for your transparency and positivity! You should travel to schools and share your testimony. Best of luck to you hon and pray for your bright future !

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Thank you for your years of service as a nurse. My plan when I get out of the situation I am in is to travel and connect with anyone I can. I’m so excited about my future, but am enjoying every day of the journey ❤️

[@whitneyirizarry9996]

Thank you for sharing your story!❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for watching and commenting. It means a lot ❤️

[@moniqueholmes7416]

Your such a strong person and so brave... this testimony is such an eye opener!!! Many people live in denial and that is the very thing that keeps a person from their personal growth!! I believe the minute a person takes accountability is the first step of healing... best of luck to you and I hope you can kick you old habits to the curb FOREVER!!

[@EmKing333]

I’m a former ICU nurse too. You’re so brave to speak out! ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

A great thing to hear from a fellow former ICU nurse 🙂 thank you so much! It really helps. ❤️

[@bayoubabe6698]

You are blessed 🙏. We do come to our knees and it hurts. You’re not who you once were. So happy for you. Been there, done that and today I’m grateful to be sober & clean. Peace to you✌️

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you. I’m so grateful for my life today ❤️ and I’m glad you are clean and sober too. 🙏

[@pearlmason8704]

Thank you so much for sharing ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much for watching and commenting ❤️

[@luluherzog8738]

My son is going through breaking free from this insidious cycle, understanding this is a lifelong illness, building toolsets to avoid tripping back ,building healthy and strong support systems. Thank you for sharing and well done for keeping strong. Much respect for standing here . Warm hugs,keep up xxx ❤❤❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you so much. It’s so hard watching the ones you love struggle. Nothing but well wishes from me to you and your son ❤️❤️❤️🙏

[@elizabuga4337]

Thank you for sharing!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for watching 🙂🙏

[@linahoule1036]

Omg!! I hear you loud and clear. I understand you fully! Been there In and out, we all have our unique story. My life is much better at the moment but if you don’t have control of your addiction, you can fall back and very hard to get back up. Thanks for sharing your story!! ❤❤

[@wonderingsoul8021]

I admire your honesty and transparency. So proud of how far you've come!

[@jennifer7648]

Oh my goodness, I was told all this time that Kratum is not addictive and that it's something that people take for pain and to break an addiction. Glad I have never tried it or any other drug!!!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I think Kratom is a really great thing for many people who are looking for an alternative to their opiate prescription meds. I think it should remain legal and available because it is much safer than other meds. No one has ever overdosed and died from Kratom. But if you don’t need it, probably best to steer clear 😅

[@beccabb2750]

Hello clean for 7 years here.❤ thank you for sharing your story I love listening to other people's experiences and struggles and how they made it to the other side. ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for commenting. I admire your seven years and hope to be there one day soon ❤️

[@kate4biglittlevoices]

In recovery , with proper oversight you deserve to recover and be restored fully, otherwise , what’s the point of rehab if you aren’t made new- yes, checks and balances -but persons in recovery make damn good humans

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I wholeheartedly agree. Some of the strongest and most compassionate people come from a difficult past, and become beautiful human beings ❤️

[@elainew2230]

There's just so much addiction out there right now, with all kinds of people. I'm 55, every couple months I'll find out that a friend or acquaintance has a problem that is getting out of hand. It just wasn't like this in the 80s or 90s. Most of it seems to start with those pain pills they're giving people.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Definitely. It is a huge issue. I still have countless friends and acquaintances dealing with this and people lose their lives way too often. I hope we can effect some changes in the coming decades. Thank you for commenting ❤️

[@caroking3175]

You are just simply amazing. The jouney you have gone through is really hard, but I feel like it's a great accomplishment, that you are where you are now.

[@kalayne6713]

I learnt about this the hard way. When I came around in recovery after my first total knee replacement, I overheard the recovery nurse discussing with his colleague that some of my opiates, that I stupidly thought I had to take to the hospital, had been stolen from the locked cupboard. I was totally shocked. As a chronic pain patient, I have to fight for every tablet, I am treated with suspicion, dismissed, bullied, abandoned without my medications. The health system does not treat pain patients like they do addicts. I would be better off as an addict. Millions are poured into rehabs, counselling, support programs, suicide watch. Chronic pain patients get none of that.We are criminalised, stigmatised and left without care, compassion and understanding. The guidelines for chronic pain patients are lies, yet we are controlled by them. I wish this man well. I have many friends in recovery from addiction. But I am also envious of the help offered to him, when we get only accusations and refusals. Hard to accept.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I completely understand your frustration. My mom-in-law was a chronic pain patient and at the end she was treated the way you are describing and it resulted in her taking her own life. I’m so sorry for your struggles. Things need to change. I appreciate you watching my video and you leaving this comment. It really helps put things into perspective for others. 🙏

[@shweefranglais7900]

This seems crazy to me. Why can't they made it available in some kind of sealed dose which makes it impossible for you to take more than you need ? I'm guessing though that you are saying that the amount they say that you need is far too low in order to give proper pain relief. You'd think they could work something out to make it fairer to patients suffering from chronic pain.

[@Rodmic-hd9pn]

You are so so brave. Thanks for sharing

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

Thank you for commenting. I appreciate your kindness 🙏❤️❤️

[@Saylor_On_Shore]

Do you have advice for someone taking kratom who wishes to come off? I volunteer at a food pantry and I hear this regularly. It’s legal and cheap but they feel awful when they go without

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

It is such a tricky addiction to kick. For me, the withdrawals were as bad as heroin withdrawal. Plus it’s not something that you have to be made a criminal for doing, so it’s much easier to function on day-to-day. The good thing about it is that it’s not immediately dangerous like using street drugs is (due to not knowing what the quality is or what it is cut with). With Kratom, at least it is non-lethal, and relatively safe health-wise. So that makes it less of an emergency. Having said that, it can definitely still be a huge obstacle in the way of pursuing one’s best life. My advice to anyone stuck on Kratom is to first do some reflecting and become very clear with yourself about WHY you want to be free from it. Not just negative reasons, but positive ones. In other words, “what is being addicted to this holding me back from in my life? What kind of person do I imagine being when I am my best self? Does that picture include being on this drug? What could being off of this drug allow me to do that I struggle with now due to my attachment to it?” We who are stuck in addictive patterns tent to just beat ourselves up a lot about it. We want to get off because we feel we are being “bad” or that other people want us to. We rarely stop to think about what we want, for ourselves, to live our best lives. As far as the actual detox, it is helpful not to try to do it alone. I tried to do it alone countless times and never succeeded. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are worth it. And just remember, when it feels hopeless, when it feels like it will never get better, it’s just cause you don’t have enough distance yet between you and the using. Sorry for the long answer. I hope some of that helps. It’s the toughest thing in the world but getting through it and coming out the other side can give you an incredible perspective that few others have. Much love for you and the people who you know who are struggling. Thank you so much for your question 🥰🙏

[@Saylor_On_Shore]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and thorough response. I know a few people who will be really helped by this insight. @@SmilesforMiles2024

[@Saylor_On_Shore]

What kind of help do you recommend for detox? @@SmilesforMiles2024

[@thepragmatist]

I'm an occupational therapist (worked in various ICUs, etc). Thank you for being honest and for sharing your story. This is so common in the medical industry. All the best to you moving forward with your life.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

🙏 Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you for your work as an OT. You are indispensable to the medical process. ❤️❤️

[@sarahellenrose]

I hope you’re able to release some of the shame from your past ❤

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I’m deliberately working on it and it’s going very well 🙂 thank you for your comment!

[@themulti-coloredcanary5795]

Thank you so much for putting your story out there! I went from being addicted to pills to being a full-blown heroin addict in a matter of months. When I got arrested, all I could think was "Thank God it's over ". We do recover!

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

We do recover! And you are an inspiration to me. Thank you for communicating that. I feel you 100%. “Thank God it’s over”

[@JoshuaFinancialPL]

wow, board of nursing rehab offer - very human of them.

[@SmilesforMiles2024]

I know right? I still wonder what it would have been like to go to that

[@JoshuaFinancialPL]

@@SmilesforMiles2024 I'm so glad you found profound renewal and healing during the past 3 yrs I think you ended up in my feed because of the nursing aspect - i am recovering from ileostomy reversal from rectal cancer (i will be 100% fine). i have been homebound for just over 13 months. I, too, found many more blessings than curses through the experience. May you go from strength to strength.

[@NurseJanice]

Your so brave and thank you! I am in the UK and the nursing board here give no rehab help! We have to pay for rehab ourselves!! Well done you slowly but surely and saborty is amazing!! 🎉❤

[@CooreValues]

I just got into nursing after battling addiction, thanks for sharing your story. I failed out of nursing the first time because of my meth addiction. I hope things workout for you.