I Was ANGRY That I Wasn't Invited To The Wedding Party Yet My Boyfriend Was r/Relationships

[@Eis_Cold]

They invited EVERY friend in that group except OP including her boyfriend that's pretty much the same as slapping OP in the face and saying "You are not really our friend"

[@philwill0123]

Yep basically you get the feeling OP is good for them to use, but always on the fringes until she gave them what they wanted, some sort of upgrade on her in the friend group- her partner. Bet the next step was trying to pair the partner off with someone else in the wedding/friend group

[@carolroberts4614]

That was done in a story a while back!

[@Yume10605]

​@@philwill0123 probably the sister of the bride. This feels like some highschool mean girl bs

[@J_Isak]

THIS

[@Azulakayes]

Mark and his fiancée are crappy people, excluding OP is a-holish.

[@ta_nya5240]

How did the OP of story 1 get voted TA?! You learn in elementary school that you can invite your entire class to your birthday party, you can invite a select group of friends from the class, but you cannot invite everyone EXCEPT for Kevin. That's a big no-no and when you pull something like that you're an AH and getting married doesn't justify you being an AH. Like, just thinking about it makes me mad. When I think of my circle of friends and their partners, I cannot think of a single one of them I would want to, or even allow to be excluded like that. The idea is just absurd to tell one of them "Yeah, you know... even numbers and such, sure you understand, right?" What the actual f?!

[@titofuente9979]

Great comment! Kudos!

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

It's super strange cause like, you also give people in relationships a +1- generally even if you're not that fond of the partner and they've been together for a while. Even if they value the BF more than OP, why not give him a +1?

[@wmdkitty]

OP should have learned long ago that they are not entitled to an invitation.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@wmdkitty She was invited to the wedding, just not the wedding party. That was made very clear. You are not understanding the situation at all, and are like the other redditors who lack reading comprehension.

[@charimonfanboy]

If Kevin (well, Andy for me) wanted an invite to my party he shouldn't have pushed me over into a nettle bush causing my face to be swollen for a week nor spend the rest of Junior school calling me fat-face or similar. I was not an AH for wanting all my friends to come to my party while excluding the one mean thug.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

She seems upset that she knew these friends longer, yet they value him better. That feeling is justified. It’s hard to come to terms with realising that your friends don’t value you as much as you do them. This post seems more like she’s wondering if she’s wrong for feeling upset. Which she isn’t.

[@dimsufferer9951]

It seems like they don’t actually give a crap about her being their friend. She describes him as her best friend, but he clearly doesn’t value her at all

[@scottyshields9876]

She should move away with the boyfriend and find new friends.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Oh my god and apparently everyone telling her "don't make this about you". I swear redditors really struggle with comprehension. The wedding is irrelevant in her story, it's just the vehicle that led to her being hurt. It could be a wedding or a birthday party or a fishing trip. The fact is she feels hurt and betrayed.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

@@Aaron-kj8dv No, redditors struggle with reality.

[@kristelneedtoknow3207]

Weather she moves away or not she needs new friends. Honestly I wouldn't even go to the wedding as a guest. For me it's the fact that they invited her to the event and made her watch everyone else getting asked to be a bridesmaids or groomsmen except her. I love how the boyfriend had the sense to turn down the offer.

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

All the YTAs on Story 1 are ridiculous. Sure, OP could have worded her post better, but she's hurt because she's been excluded. We see stories like this all the time and no one's ever jumped down their throat like this. I feel for OP, she needs better friends.

[@dimsufferer9951]

It’s Reddit, I doubt those people have any friends

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

@@dimsufferer9951 Lol fair point

[@DerekScottBland]

Another person who is just as clueless and entitled as OP. I'll just repeat what I said in another response - She keeps hammering on how long she's known the groom. She's not joining the groom's party. When I got married, I had a much larger social circle than my wife, meaning I had to limit my groomsmen to match her bridesmaids, one of which she asked to be in her group mainly because I was agonizing over having to leave one of my final group out. Apparently OP is not as close to the bride as she is the groom. She needs to suck it up and move on and stop making everything about her.

[@lily-zg6io]

I think the reason she's going into AH territory is because she's making this about how much longer she's known the groom than her boyfriend has, and how she said she would not have minded if her boyfriend had not been asked. So it doesn't feel like it's entirely about being excluded, but also possibly some jealousy over how close boyfriend and groom have become

[@teamthoth]

Story 1. The reddit trolls are the a-holes

[@francb1634]

Groom's defensive reaction to OP when she brought it up to him is very sus. hopefully OP and her bf skip the wedding entirely.

[@gwdzee]

It's possible that the bride doesn't want op to be in the wedding party, and the groom doesn't want to rock the boat.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I’ll bet it was just a numbers thing, and I’ll bet OP’s boyfriend was the last to be asked. Men typically have fewer close friends than women do, and it’s possible he just needed another. I’ve seen this happen enough to swthink it’s a possibility. I completely understand OPs feelings, however. I think anyone would feel hurt in the same situation. I personally wouldn’t be able to say anything, however. I’d just go to the wedding, eat my feelings, and hopefully not sloppy drink and cry later if there’s an open bar!

[@Vida7354]

@@gwdzee He is an shitty friend then, if thats the case I hope this decision bites him in the ass

[@faizalf119]

​@@mkuti-childress3625coming to the wedding means she admit defeat. It's not worth the free food

[@mkuti-childress3625]

@@faizalf119 You’re absolutely right! But it’s kind of a pride thing, too!

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: The exclusion sounds very intentional. Op needs better friends.

[@SeraphsGenisis]

First story: Honestly, I would've left that group. It sounds really painful that they singled her out like that and refuse to give her a proper reason. It seems like they're avoiding telling her the real reason that she was excluded, though it almost feels blatent. I really hope that she makes the right decision and finds some better friends that aren't going to so blatantly show her how much she doesn't mean to them.

[@podunk_woman]

Seems like moving across the country with bf and making new, better friends might be a good route for OP to take. A small town toxic friend group is hard to work around. It kind of festers in the community. Maybe being excluded from the wedding was the eye opener she needed

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yep, might as well since this friend group will never be the same again after the exclusion!

[@annabordelon6663]

Leave the boyfriend

[@ALu-nq8rf]

This one

[@dimsufferer9951]

Also: if it were really about numbers, why ask the BF to be a groomsman instead of dropping a bridesmaid?

[@kristinicole2055]

Facts. I thought the same

[@randomusername3873]

"Why do you care that they are involving every single person of the group except for you?" Wtf is this, redditors are insane

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

Considering what someone else said about Reddit comments usually being on OPs side in this scenario, it makes me wonder if people from the friend group found the question and were adding salt to the wound since they don't seem to care about her.

[@brenscott5416]

Right? What the hell kind of paint was reddit smoking to think it's fine to exclude 1 person from your group for a reason as stupid as "we want even numbers"

[@dracawyn]

Depending on exactly how she brought it up, I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing her confusion and hurt to her friends. If she was literally the only member of their friend group to be excluded, I'd want to know why. Just bottling up the hurt and not talking about it isn't going to help anything.

[@dimsufferer9951]

And for her supposed “best friend” to say it’s impacting their friendship… yeah, it is, because he couldn’t be bothered to actually be her friend

[@Songbirdstress]

@@dimsufferer9951 If she's closest to him, why couldn't she be a "groomsman"? Would have been fun and a modern take to even out the numbers.

[@grumpypants2066]

​@Songbirdstress i was a bridesgroom lol. Her hubby didnt like me cause he's one of those "men and women cant be friends " type but she didn't care

[@c2c255]

And it seemed like the couple asked everyone at the same party😢

[@rmhartman]

​@@c2c255 insult to injury

[@christiecakes014]

The people calling OP in story 1 an AH have clearly never been the one to be publicly excluded from a friend group. That kind of shitty treatment has long term lasting effects. I have severe self worth and abandonment issues to this day because my best friend did this to me constantly in high school (and then would gaslight me into apologizing to her whenever I expressed my hurt). I live in constant anxiety that my new friends will do this to me too. I have to constantly stop myself from pushing my friends away because I don't want to be the one left behind again. It sucks and it's awful and there's no way OP is an AH for simply voicing her hurt.

[@Sylphella]

I mean, that would require them actually having friends.

[@jenniferhanses]

Nope. I literally did not make the cut for the bridal party because expenses etc. I was the one who lived out of state, so didn't get asked. It was fine. I had a great time flying in to see all my friends. And despite not being a part of the wedding party, I spent most of the reception and most of the week leading up to the wedding with the bridesmaids. I was a little disappointed to not be included.. But I entirely understood why and how it happened. It was a wonderful vacation and a lovely wedding and I had a delightful time. But I actually love my friend. So it wasn't hard to be positive about just being there to see her happy. I've also seen this happen to my parents three times, where one was in the wedding party and the other was not. In one of these, i was a flower girl as well as my mother being a bridesmaid. Neither of them have ever been upset or jealous about it. It's got nothing to do with them or their relationship to each other. It has to do with their relationship with the member of the bridal couple of the same sex. Clearly OP wasn't as close to Mark's fiancee (whom she mostly calls Mark's fiancee and not be name). There's nothing wrong with that. She is pretty much tantruming over not being seated at the high table for the wedding. She needs to pull herself together.

[@christiecakes014]

@@jenniferhanses there's a difference between not getting asked because you live out of state (and what do the expenses have to do with getting asked? as a bridesmaid you are the one paying for everything???) and having every single person in your friend group be a part of the wedding party except for you. The issue isn't that she wasn't asked, it's that everyone was asked EXCEPT for her. Like someone else's comment said, you can invite everyone in the class to your party, you can invite a select group of classmates to your party, but you cannot invite everyone to your party EXCEPT Kevin. I don't care if it's "tHeIr wEdDiNg" it's fucking rude.

[@idgarobingoodfellow]

@SillySally also, there was a VERY clear person to leave out of the wedding party on the brides side without hurting a friendship: Mark's sister (called SIL). I've BEEN that sister, and yeah, it kind of hurts to not be asked, but close family of the couple who aren’t a bridesmaid/groomsman are STILL CONSIDERED PART OF THE WEDDING PARTY. There are wedding party pictures and family pictures, and even pictures with all family AND bridesmaids, the only real difference is that the sibling sits with their parents at the close family table instead of at the head table with the bride/groom. Also, they could have asked OP to do something ELSE with the wedding other than being in the wedding party. Mark and Alis just suck and don't like OP, and don't like that OP noticed and is calling them out, so they're scrambling for every excuse

[@shylavender]

Exactly! Been there myself too, on a very regular basis, the exact same situation pretty much, and still have abandonment and betrayal trauma over a decade later. I completely empathize with OP. It hurts so, so much and totally can (and does!) cause lasting damage. I’m so sorry you went through this too. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone good.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: At first I thought OP was being a bit immature, but as the story went on I felt really badly for her. Couldn't Mark have taken her aside and told her beforehand? Instead he and his fiance asked her BF at a party, right in front of her. They invited their entire friend group except her. That's extremely hurtful. Story 2: Way to go, Buddy! Ya probably just lost your job! 🙄

[@sfsin3380]

Story One. Unfortunately that the problem with exclusion and favoritism. It it very very easy for the victim to be branded immature/entitled if they dare point out the inequality.

[@wmdkitty]

OP sounds immature and stuck in that kindergarten "everybody must be included" mentality.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@wmdkitty No, she sounds like why is her friend and his fiancee not seeing how rude and hurtful to publicly exclude her. Are you perhaps the fiancee, or just a mean girl?

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

@@wmdkitty I'd ask how you would feel if you were the ONLY ONE excluded out of the friend group, but your comment shows you most likely don't have any friends and imagination may not be your forte

[@ActivistVictor]

@@wmdkittyif you are part of a friend group damn straight everybody needs to be included unless it’s a one on one hangout. Of course with your attitude I doubt you have many friends so your ignorance can be partially forgiven

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: It sounds like there was a big party with all their friends where the friends were asked to be in the wedding party in a public way, and she was the odd woman out. Yes, of course, the couple can have the wedding however they want it, but this seemed very hurtful. OP wasn't asking them to change their plans, she was just expressing her understandable feelings.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Also, if it were purely a numbers thing why ask OP’s boyfriend instead of, I don't know, dropping a bridesmaid? Because it would hurt someone’s feelings? Oh wait, they clearly don't care about hurting people for their big day

[@ElCid48]

I bet Mark and his bride are now divorced......

[@Jeremy-The-Bullfrog]

NTA. Insulting a single person for an arbitrary reason like there has to be the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is just plain dumb. Just don't have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

[@elleuno1165]

Or find someone else to fill in?! Like they had no one else that could even out the numbers.

[@dimariahgunnemann3729]

Or, you know, match them WITH their significant other and not somebody else???

[@thechosenone9769]

Just get op a bridesmaid dress but in black so it matches the guy's suits and have her walk with the guys

[@colleens1107]

Or invite a random male relative to be another groomsmen so that OP can be included. It’s not that hard

[@debl3063]

Yes. The numbers thing seemed like a non problem to lose a friend over. It's just one more person. She should move with her bf and make a new group of friends.

[@spicymayo8950]

I am so tired of people who say, “it’s my wedding, I can do what I want!” Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences! Excluding a single friend may be your prerogative, but that is going to damage the friendship, full stop.

[@chawkichalladia1812]

imagine being told you don't make the cut for a couple's top 10 friends. that's not a slap in the face. That's a sledgehammer to the face. I'd be making myself scarce after that too.

[@SheilaNorthcutt]

And there are only 11 people to choose from to make the top 10.

[@chawkichalladia1812]

@@SheilaNorthcutt damn, didn't think about that one 😬

[@Sparky0627]

But evidently her BF made the cut? WTF?

[@HobieInTheBox]

I didn't misunderstand OP at all, I understand she feels totally left out and she's valid for that. My immediate thoughts were that the bride dislikes OP in some way bc that's just not on

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Or he sister is single an fancies mark or even bride thinks they would be well matched and thinks op not good enough for Mark or thinks they on off relationship isn't that serious. I've seen so many stories now about people trying to fix up other people during their wedding or even the opposite, hear two people like each other and one intends to ask the other one out during their wedding so they don't invite one of them. People act crazy in weddings.

[@kimlehman8179]

“Friendships should matter more than that.” Exactly right. Sadly, many people get too focused on their big day and forget about the feelings of others. If having OP in the wedding party would have made the numbers uneven, why not find another groomsman? Problem solved.

[@Snowshowslow]

Yes or just have uneven numbers. That seems like a very petty issue anyways.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@Sparky0627]

And they ended up with uneven anyway when OP's BF dropped out!

[@DCD762]

I would feel exactly the same if my long term friends invited my wife and left me out. Great kudos to the bf that refused if OP wasn't included. That's a real man And I'm 100% certain Mark and his fiance would feel extremely offended if OP did the same to them which now she will definitely do. She should move with her bf when he leaves and start a new life away from this crappy friends

[@libbert5757]

"When people show you who they are, believe them."

[@tntaylor101]

Question: Since the boyfriend declined participating in the wedding, are the wedding party numbers uneven again and they’ll have to drop a bridesmaid? Or will the groom/friend suddenly be able to “find” a groomsman to make up the numbers. That’s the real test of where OP’s friendship stands. 😒

[@memorysdancer]

Thats an excellent point!

[@ejp99]

I think that the wedding was not very soon after the announcement that another groomsman would be found IMO.

[@tntaylor101]

@@ejp99 See, that’s gotta burn, then. If they could find an additional groomsman for the odd “invited” bridesmaid, but couldn’t find another one if OP were to be a bridesmaid… That’s just ouch. 😬

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿 good point

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

My thinking was why add one more groomsman. If this wasn't about intentionally excluding a "friend" then the bride should have just asked two from the friend group and they would have had an even number of bridesmaids to begin with and a couple of the friend group not involved. This seemed a deliberate exclusion.

[@katybee3505]

I think it’s crazy OP was voted so heavily YTA. It’s not even just the fact included everyone, but her even her BF that they met through her. It’s that they asked everyone in front of her that must have been awful. They could have at least given her a heads up. I would no longer consider them close friends and I would not go to the wedding.

[@wmdkitty]

It's the attitude of entitlement to an invite.

[@ScooterBond1970]

I think it was the way she wrote the post, it really did sound entitled and self important. I was against her too until the narration ended and I was no longer inundated with ME ME ME.

[@ActivistVictor]

@@wmdkittydude, shut up! Sick of seeing your unempathetic (and also pathetic) comments on this thread, think of other’s feelings

[@dimsufferer9951]

@@ScooterBond1970how else was she meant to write it? It's not a post about the wedding, it's a post about *her* feelings. Of course she would explain things from her point of view and how she's feeling

[@IrisAsuras]

Story 1: OP was left out. They can do what they want for their wedding and people can also feel hurt if they feel hurt by being excluded.

[@alexrivera6720]

It’s as if Reddit forgot that people are humans with emotions too.

[@poohbear4515]

I feel for OP cause I was in that kind of situation where I thought I was best friends with someone, but they just stabbed me in the back… During middle school, she and I did a lot together like usual tween girl stuff. One day, she had a birthday party and invited everyone she knew except me, I was confused and asked her about it. She claimed that her mom didn’t want a lot of people. But after the party, I saw her mom and at a PTC and asked her about it. Turns out, she lied to her mom saying I didn’t want to go, but they had an invitation for me the whole time. So yeah, I lost a “friend”, but she got her ass massively chewed off by her mom for being so horrible to me.

[@wvanyar1801]

That happens more often than you think. I have several people that think my wife or I are their best friend in the world. We are not, we are just polite to them and treat them with courtesy. As for the "you out now", yes it hurts and I've been there. I had a friend, lived across the street from me, same age and everything. Well one weekend I'm over at his house playing and everything is great. The next weekend, I'm told by the Mom that he is not allowed to play with me any more. Never spoke to him again after that, even though he lived across the street and went to the same school as me. It was just crazy. But I kept all of my friends and Kevin just never played with anyone else in the neighborhood. The next year he went to a private school.

[@gwdzee]

​@@wvanyar1801 that does sound weird. What was his mom (and dad?) like? Did they seem to like you and the other neighborhood kids?

[@southwestshelly]

Story 1: maybe it would have been better if the bride sat down and spoke to OP in advance and said due to having to include her sister and sister in law as bridemaids, she wouldn't be able to make OP a bridesmaid. That is IF the bride would of liked to have included her. I think maybe OP wasn't as good friends with this couple as she thought she was.

[@philwill0123]

This sound either like bride was jealous of OPs relationship with groom or it was a "I don't think OP is attractive enough to be part of the group. I'm tending towards the first. Jealous people suspect people are trying it on with their partner even if they have moved on and are intensely happy.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@philwill0123 Or they just don't like her. In small towns old friends are hard to get away from.

[@illusion2719]

She kept mentioning she was friends with the groom and after she wasn't chosen spoke with the groom. She never talked about having a conversation with the bride, so I think she is probably more the grooms friend and not the brides and the bride decided to choose her friends over the grooms, which I can understand. She even implied that the only reason her boyfriend is in the friend group and could be chosen is because he is dating her and if they broke up he would no longer be part of the friend group, which makes me wonder which members of this friend group she considers actual friends and who she only sees as part of the group as they are dating members of the group and if they broke up she would no longer be friends with them.

[@ShinyShilla]

@@illusion2719 oh great, another person that thinks marriage is all for the bride and the groom totally doesn't want to be involved not cares nor is important to the wedding The groom is marrying too, ya know???

[@illusion2719]

@@ShinyShilla I didn't say it's all about the bride, but the bride gets to choose her bridesmaids and the groom gets to choose his groomsmen. The fact she never spoke to the bride but went to the groom wanting him to make her a bridesmaid. Not his decision, just as not her decision who his groomsmen are.

[@rokudan96]

I'm on the NTA side for story 1 for one simple reason. I find it hard to believe that they couldn't a single dude, a cousin / uncle / father / etc to even out the numbers.

[@maggpiprime954]

I don't think OP is the AH for being hurt that she wasn't included in the wedding party. If fact, I think it's _worse_ that they're all from a small town; that's a deliberate and public snub that will be whispered about for months. Like, city folk don't care so much, ppl have fast-paced jobs, commutes/business travel, it's a more practical sensibility. Sure, feelings might get a little bumped, but it's not quite so _personal._ I hope OP gets a splashy glamourous job offer & moves to a "fancy" country & lives her best life away from these sophomoric bozos. And a bonus dilf husband to boot!

[@darksaber7678]

Or better still OP wins a massive lottery in the 10s of millions of dollars,then those leeches the so called “friends “try to come crawling for money and OP tells them F.U in no uncertain terms.

[@dimsufferer9951]

If it were truly about numbers, they would have dropped another girl from the wedding party instead of inviting everyone in the group except OP. But they didn't, because it is about her

[@WobblesandBean]

Did AITA seriously judge OP the arsehole? I wouldn't be surprised, they always get it wrong. OP has every right to be upset. Who tf excludes only one friend from the ENTIRE friend group because of "even numbers"? I don't give a flying fμ¢k about that, I want all my best friends up there with me.

[@only1one1me]

I think it’s because most of those people made their judgement before OP’s edit.

[@wmdkitty]

Do you not understand how entitled it is to demand an invitation?

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

@@wmdkitty omg stfu your stupid comment is everywhere. Yes people are entitled to feel like they should be included in the friends wedding if EVERYONE in the friend group is invited. Otherwise bridges are burned and friendships lost. You would understand if you had any friends

[@Sparky0627]

​@@wmdkitty She wasn't "demanding" an invite, she was responding to the groom's question AFTER they had invited everyone else, including her BF, to be in the bridal party EXCEPT for her! Rude AF! She was basically invited to sit by HERSELF when everyone else in her "friends" group and her BF were up on the Bridal table for the reception! Who wouldn't be upset?

[@whims6278]

Story 1 I don't get why everyone is piling on OP. I would absolutely feel hurt being the ONE friend in the friend group to not be asked in the wedding party. People are allowed to feel hurt by things. It comes across to me that the fiance has an issue with OP because there is no other reason I can see for her to be left out but her new bf to be included. Weird. I hope her other friends are sticking up for her and understanding why she feels hurt and left out Edit: YES MARK 👏 EXACTLY!!!!

[@dimsufferer9951]

They “wanted even numbers” okay? Ask literally one other person. It’s not that hard

[@DePhoegonIsle]

Oh, and hear me out, the day those spots are picked is the day most the wedding logistics and planning has been finalized & over with. That the party in retrospect sounded like celelbrating the work done, and there is an insane amount of details missing for a wedding being planed that would have 10 (bridesmaids & groomsmen total) as it would mean... OP had nothing do with dress shopping, the little party events before, or being in those groups or helping out. Sure it's on the bride & groom to plan the wedding, but we all know it generally turns tob e a community affair... and there is bumbkiss from OP about anything about the wedding planning from her as is she wasn't available to help them before this.

[@antoinealez12]

it's how she worded it. Most redditors have the reading comprehension of a 3rd grader

[@a.westenholz4032]

@@DePhoegonIsle I don't get your point. I don't think wedding planning had reached any such stage. I'm pretty sure it the wedding was still a year off from the time of OP's post. And if the couple had not only already planned every detail, but dress shopped etc., BEFORE even asking people to be a part of their wedding party, that is beyond presumptuous. As it was OP's BF declined. So I really don't understand what you're expecting from OP at this point who wasn't even included at their choice.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

@a.westenholz4032 My point is that she is coming across as uninvolved until everyone else has a role offer of some kind. It's kinda like she was not interested or involved before had is hirt to be exclude from something she hasn't lifted a finger to help with beforehand. Like a wedding that big had many things going on before & after bridesmaid & groomsmen are picked or announced.

[@firefly19690]

Yes, the friends have the right to ask who they want to be in their wedding party, but OP's feelings are absolutely valid. They excluded her while asking the rest of the friend group to be in their wedding. Its incredibly hurtful. On top of that, her boyfriend who they haven't known as long, was included. I completely understand why she was upset ...its the moment she realized she wasn't as valued as the other friends. NTA.

[@dennisperry8579]

It always hurts when you find out that you're not as good of a friend to people, especially out of nowhere like that. You can almost guarantee that the bride is trying to get one of her sisters set up. Especially considering the inconsistent nature of the relationship.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

I've definitely had instances where I didn't want to invite a friend's GF to something but I feel like if other GFs are there then you need to suck it up. Excluding someone like this won't only alienate that person, but also their significant other and possibly bystanders as well. You can lose a lot of friends this way and they'd all be right to drop someone who does this.

[@blandoatmeal1273]

But this isn't that either. In the story it's not inviting the friend but inviting their BF

[@juliamusic4288]

In this case she is the friend, not the friend significant other. So, this line of thinking would only make sense if they invited her and not the boyfriend.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Mark (story Mark) is an idiot if he seriously thinks OP will continue to be his friend after this

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

​@@blandoatmeal1273 that makes it even more strange

[@philwill0123]

​@@dimsufferer9951makes me think bride planned this all along

[@forsomenotreally]

I've been in a similar situation as OP and I can say, the relationship is never the same, if it survives. There's obviously more to the story

[@treehouse2902]

The bride is jealous of the OP maybe.

[@momop1848]

Story 2: I work for a hotel, and I'm pretty sure that "Buddy" doesn't anymore. At least, not the chain in OP's story. We're warned about poor conduct from ourselves or from anyone using our family/friends discount. I guess "Buddy" thought he had the same ability as a guest to get what he wants if he complains enough since a big goal of hotels is to avoid negative feedback and low review scores. (At the hotel I work at, corporate considers anything below a 9 out of 10 as a failure.) I'd love another update to this story so we can find out what happened to "Buddy."

[@christinacartter9784]

My sister worked at hotels for years, guests were catered to to a ridiculous level, but any employee staying was considered as "representative of the establishment" and expected to behave.

[@darklyangelic]

Something along the same vein happened to me. My entire local friend group started a RP group and my husband joined. We couldn't both as our son is disabled and requires constant support and supervision and we wouldn't be able to dip in and out. They decided to do a secret santa for the RP group so that everyone only had to buy 1 present....only I wasn't included. Part of my love language is finding truly thoughtful gifts and they know that so to be excluded from this hurt so badly. They know how hurt I am and not a single 1 of them apologised but 1 of them bought me a scented candle so I guess that is something? Our closeness is broken in my mind. I don't feel comfortable opening up to them any more because expressing this hurt was ignored.

[@dimsufferer9951]

A scented candle? What’s wrong with them that they think that’s a real gift?

[@darklyangelic]

@@dimsufferer9951 it is a nice scent if a little flowery 😊 though to be fair when I saw it my gratitude was definitely trying to put lipstick on a pig of a situation

[@darklyangelic]

@@dimsufferer9951 though I helped husband sort his secret santa....a 3d printed mimic dice tower. At least I got to sort 1 special present and it was fun to find.

[@zard5930]

Damn, those arseholes. You expressing your hurt was the right thing to do. Just because you need to take care of your child, doesn't meant you aren't part of their group anymore. Yeah, those are not friends.

[@rmhartman]

Out of sight, out of mind. Why weren't you and hubby alternating who took care of the kid so both of you could participate?

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: I feel for OP. Have found myself on the wrong side of a friend group before, and it sucks. I do know now it waa because my depression made me withdraw, but in the moment where you find that you were not invited to something, it hurts a lot.

[@luxetea6024]

Found more replies from OP in the first story. The friend group did not stick up for her whatsoever. "They have all pretty much stopped talking to me too. It's hard because they don't want to take sides, but they are in Mark and Alisa's wedding party after all, so it kinda puts them in a weird position. However, none of them have stuck up for me in this situation, and have all taken the "it's their wedding they can do what they want" approach. So at this point, starting fresh doesn't sound like such a bad idea." "I have not spoken to Mark or Alisa since my most recent phone call with Mark. I don't really want to, tbh. I also have it on good authority that they have been asking around for people's mailing addresses for Save the Dates, but neither of them have reached out to me for my new address. So I'm guessing my bf and I are no longer invited to the wedding. I wouldn't want to go anyway, doesn't seem like the right space for me anymore."

[@TaltharaKaelthas]

Gah, I would have been hurt. Think of all the wedding party stuff all OPs friends would go to she wouldn't. Think of all the inside jokes and memories they'd all have except her. If they care enough for wedding esthetics about this I bet they'd have a wedding party table at the reception and OP wouldn't get to be with her boyfriend the whole night. He'd be playing date to the uncoupled bridesmaid. Nah, fck that.

[@philwill0123]

This. Bride wants to hook boyfriend up with either a friend or sister. Also betting bride don't like OP because long friendship with groom

[@whiskeyontherocks]

I don't blame OP feeling hurt, as Mark said. Yes it's their wedding, their choices, but having been in a similar situation I know how hurt you are when you are when you are excluded, the excuse is lame and you realise people the friend have known for a couple of weeks were invited but not you

[@Red-jt6uu]

Story 1: Either OP’s friends are not really her friends and they just kept her around for their own convenience or the bride really doesn’t like her and the groom is going along with it to avoid upsetting her. I’m leaning towards the latter because inviting literally everyone else, including her boyfriend, sounds like a deliberate insult. Honestly, perhaps she is better off moving with her boyfriend so that she can make real friends instead of hanging out with people that don’t care for her just because they went to school together.

[@KateKanenator]

Story 1: NTA. You can do what you want at your wedding, but actions have consequences. Weddings don't occur in vacuums.

[@zard5930]

I totally agree, but had to imagine a wedding in a vacuum cleaner just now

[@kaninnee7118]

It really just comes down to valuing wedding aesthetics over her. Obviously they don’t value her as much as they value how their wedding will looks. Drop them bc if they can’t sacrifice an uneven wedding party, obviously they would not be there for her during something actually important

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: OP is NTA. I've been the odd one out of my friend group a few times, so I know how it feels, and it fking sucks.

[@jessicamorgan3568]

The kind thing would have been to takeop aside before the announcement, explainthe numbers thing, and invite op to participate in some other way. Even invites to bachelorette/join for wedding day prep would be a great compromise and go a long way.

[@danisonice.]

NTA - "Friendship should matter more than even numbers" well said!

[@Songbirdstress]

That moment you thought you were close friends and suddenly realize you're just on the periphery. You stop proposing outings, calling etc and they don't even notice lol. Don't ask me how I know this :)

[@jessicawailes4938]

What Buddy did was 1000% a fireable offense. I started shaking my head at the start of the story, knew exactly where it was going. (Worked hotel management for 5 years). By the time the announcement about the employee rate came around, I was like 'yup'. Last place I worked was a mid-level Best Western (fancy for the area, but nothing really special), and we had another hotel's employee come in and try the same stuff. As soon as my general manager got wind of it, she went right over to her desk and called the other employee's manager. Guess who got fired for abusing their employee discount? We were never sure if the guest was an actual employee or the family of one using the special rate, but even if they were the second category, they should have warned their family not to do this.

[@zoe9190]

Its like when playing sports at school. The two leaders are chosen to pick people for teams, but for the amount needed in the team, theres 1 too many people and they will have to sit out. But the 2 leaders are your friends and they choose people you were sure werent as high on their friends list, and as each person gets asked, you feel worse and doubt yourself more because you thought they valued your friendship, and now you’re the last one and teams are full and you feel like crap. Noone has said any kind words to make you feel better, but excuses for not picking you. You start to see these people in a new light and wonder if they were really your friends at all. So move this to a wedding, but the couple control the numbers, and they only care about numbers, not excluding a friend. I would never see them in the same way after that, and Op is NTA. Who says they have to be even, but the main problem is how the couple went about it, asking each person to join the wedding party knowing 1 person is excluded and not taking the time to talk to her beforehand knowing she was excluded. Anyone who said YTA has never really known the art of subtle art of school bullying by your friends, because its heartbreaking

[@toriibarlow]

The friends are more than welcome to have whoever they want in their wedding party. The issue is it doesn't negate any possible harm that could come to your relationships as a result. The real issue here is that op is just now realizing that they valued their friendships way more than the friends valued their relationship with OP. Of course that hurts and will make the friends uncomfortable to realize. They should have been straight up and the next time the boyfriend moves Opie should just move with him and find friend that value her as much as she values them.

[@dimsufferer9951]

“This is going to impact our friendship” Yeah Mark, it is, because we clearly aren't actual friends

[@zard5930]

Oh dear. I can totally understand OP in the first story. Yes, the wedding pair can chose to have their wedding however they want. But It feels intentional if her whole friend group gets to be part of this whole wedding party thing, except her. Not only that, they announced that in a group setting with only those people. So she was intentionally left out in front of the other friends. The wedding pair was incredibly rude that way. That kind of behaviour feels like a rejection and that hurts. Why didn't Mark take her aside beforehand and talk to her about it? Communication is key and that would show that she is considered important to him either way. OP didn't make a fuss in front of everyone, but talked to them afterwards. So, she acted incredibly mature. And talking about it, is the right way. Swallowing your hurt only leads to resentment. Sadly, her friendship is not as important to them as it is to her. And that's life. And that hurts. Best to distance herself from those people.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Mark clearly isn’t really her friend

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

Yeah, the fact that she was singled out publicly like that had to be calculated to hurt and humiliate her. I'm glad her BF isn't playing along with that bullshit, at least.

[@jeneden3492]

S1: they're horrible friends, even with their "justification". There are ways to go about this without being such blatant jerks....Nah There's something very sus about this situation

[@mikkolaki24]

How is OP an AH? It was a real disrespect to her. I know its a privilege to be part of the wedding party, but seeing that she was the first friend, all of their friend group being part of the celebration, etc. I think it just shows they don’t care about OP. We know its the Bride and Groom’s day, but they still can be AHs

[@Galworld761]

It is not an honor and a pain in the butt. But using it as a tool to be exclusionary is weird.

[@wmdkitty]

She's acting like she's entitled to an invitation. That makes her TA.

[@robins2819]

@@wmdkitty No, she's acting like someone slighted her by inviting someone they don't know very well over her (whom presumably they've known for longer) on the basis of "matching numbers". If it had been a small family affair, she wouldn't have minded or if only half of the group was in the party. She was the ONLY one excluded. If you don't understand why this would break anyone's heart that might be because you value appearances over your friends too. Its called empathy.

[@memorysdancer]

​@@robins2819 well said

[@PoisonedFirefly]

Story 1: I know I'm going to play devil's advocate... But I somehow got the feeling that the bride and groom had another agenda. To announce at the party, exclude her deliberately and bring up her concern... Indicates this may have been planned.

[@Galworld761]

Weaponized their wedding choice to inflict pain.

[@teyarose]

Wow, that would break my heart if I was excluded from the people I love like that. I hope OP finds better friends in the future.

[@Cjaj2]

Story one: inviting everyone except one sends a clear message.

[@tamarasmith9060]

Story 1: It's good she recognized she didn't handle it as well as she should've, but if there's truly no other issues between her & the friends then they would include her & not care about even numbers. There's something more going on & either she's really blind to what it is or they're deliberately hiding it from her. Seriously, I've seen weddings where there were like 5 bridesmaids & 2 groomsmen or the opposite. You don't have to have the "traditional" pairs of bridesmaids & groomsmen walking down the aisle ahead of the flower girl & bride. I've seen there be 3 extra bridesmaids just to help with the bride's train. Something weird with that story.

[@wmdkitty]

Or OP is deliberately leaving out her part in all this to make herself look better.

[@tamarasmith9060]

@@wmdkitty It's possible. But assuming she's not part of the 5% pure attention seekers & it's all true & she's not leaving out anything, then I completely understand her confusion. Good friends don't do stuff like that, inviting everyone in your friend group except you to be involved in a major event of their life, & do it right in front of you? Majorly passive-aggressive.

[@ponchopeligroso]

Story one op deserves better friends they’re awful. She wasn’t in anyway the AH she was hurt because her friends were mean and she had every right to be upset. I would never speak to those jerks again personally just full ghost. You don’t exclude someone from a wedding and then invite their boyfriend that’s disgusting friend behavior

[@amberliddell4503]

Hope she dropped the boyfriend too

[@paulqueripel3493]

​@@amberliddell4503 why? He declined to be a groomsman. Drop him because of someone else's actions?

[@DaniS398]

The inclusion of her boyfriend was to hurt her. To make sure she felt hurt and alone. I suspect the fiancé is uncomfortable with her SO's best friend being another woman.

[@philwill0123]

This. Don't see why people can't see this.

[@messinalyle4030]

I wonder if the reason there were so many YTA votes was because Reddit automatically jumped to the conclusion for some reason that Mark's fiancé had some sort of right to feel uncomfortable? Maybe they even read into it that OP had a crush on Mark? (I think that would be really reaching, but God knows I've seen people draw more absurd conclusions). Maybe the YTAers were saying, "Oh, so you feel hurt at being left out? Ha ha! Eat it!"

[@justinecorrington4106]

@@messinalyle4030or op didn’t name the bride until edits. Seriously, until edits; it was all about how close she was to Mark, I am close to Mark, I talked to Mark. And then the at the end, she talked to Mark’s fiancée even.

[@messinalyle4030]

@@justinecorrington4106 You do have a point there, but I'd still hesitate to draw the conclusion that she had feelings for Mark because after all, she had known him longer than her.

[@a.westenholz4032]

@@justinecorrington4106 Well naturally she was because she was making the case for her close and long friendship with Mark as compared to that of Mark and her BF- who got invited unlike her. The fact that she was also good friends with the GF for 8 years, since the start, was just a further bonus argument. Sometimes people can see too much that isn't there. Her argument was that despite what was in her POV this old, close friendship, she was the only one inexplicably left out. And I get that confusion. If they hadn't included EVERYONE else, I don't think it would have mattered to OP.

[@holyek7892]

I would pull a Maleficent on the ex best friend's wedding. It's not about her per se is that if you are giving honor roles to anyone but me, I would have feel so slighted I would curse their wedding and destroy their happiness. The bride might be petty or jealous, the groom might be a doormat but that doesn't change the fact they deserve such spectacular outcome.

[@Taecoconut]

Story 1: NTA - it shows what sort of friends they are to her. So my step bro always for Xmas gave more meaningful gifts/spent more money on my siblings gift even though they don’t interact with him as much - and I always was generous to my gifts to him whilst my siblings gave things like chocolate. First two times he did that I felt so hurt to be the only step sibling to not get something meaningful and be an after thought. After the second time (second year of it happening) I just decided to give him chocolate as well. 6 years down the track and he has to see his brother (my other step sibling) get better gifts than him. I have no regrets. You adjust your stance and relationship with people depending on how they treat you. In the end, you end up realising that people can be crap and if they’re not going to put the effort and be thoughtful then you need to let it go and move on.

[@glitchyglitchy3925]

I've read enough of these stories to know that wherever "it's a numbers thing" is said, it is absolutely never a numbers thing.

[@saldiven2009]

It sucks to find out your friends don't like you as much as you like them.

[@diamcole]

She just seems hurt and I can totally understand why, my feelings would be hurt too. It doesn't sound like she wanted to force her way in, she just wanted to talk to her friend about it. It seems reasonable to want to check in to make sure nothing was wrong or amiss. Are people really expected to not feel things in response to people's choices? That seems a tad unrealistic.

[@SunnyD74]

Honestly, this is why I had no attendants at my wedding. There was no way I was going to choose one person and risk someone else getting upset, nor did I want a bunch of people to have to pay extra money for dresses and suits.

[@shmellomello]

Damn.... If they really valued her friendship,they would have found a way to make it work.

[@SkyEcho751]

If you invite ALL but 1 person from a friend group, definitely feels like a snub. And looking at it, ya no it wasn't justified. It was just for "Matching numbers" which implies there might be a certain sister who has a crush on the BF, and the Bride is trying to hook them up. Like I remember a story where that exact thing happened, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.

[@cathybaldry7822]

She is invited to the wedding. She is hurt because the Groom, with whom she is closer to, that he did not make her a bridesmaid......ummm the BRIDE decides HER bridesmaids NOT the groom.

[@dimsufferer9951]

@@cathybaldry7822 are you 50? That’s not how it works anymore

[@philwill0123]

​@@cathybaldry7822true, but sky echo is right, bride will dictate the bridesmaids, groomsmen and the numbers. OP was excluded for a reason. The usual ones are 1. Bride has an issue with grooms friend being female, and is jealous 2. They want to exclude up, but keep Boyf, so make him hook up with someone @ wedding party, usually bridesmaid, so at rehearsals, pre wedding get togethers/meals wedding itself, he is with the one who is non partnered. As OP said, most of the wedding part is couples. Probably all but OPs Boyf and one other.

[@louellacharlton4425]

My sister worked at a holiday Inn in the 90s, when we found out our dad had cancer. He had to go to Kentucky for treatment and we are in Florida. Holiday Inn gave us the rm for 15 dollars a night for 2 rms. It was incredibly nice of them. All the employees were so nice, helping with anything we asked. We were there for 2 weeks. We expected nothing but the employee discount but they went so far beyond that. I think if you act nice you get nice in anything you do. Stay safe please, peace.

[@jboy804]

If she truly mattered they would get a sixth male if they truly cared about even numbers. A cousin, a 2nd-cousin, whatever. That honestly is what tells me that this isn't a numbers game but was to specifically to exclude her. Doing the announcement of the chosen party members in front of her, gives a mighty hint tells me a mighty hint that they meant to hurt her as well. No forewarning? What a friendship.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA, something doesn’t add up here. (Disclaimer: I’m not saying OP has any right to demand to be in the wedding or to take someone else’s place in the wedding party. I’m pointing out why their excuses don’t make sense.) 1) They told OP that the only reason they didn’t invite her to be in the wedding party was because they needed the numbers to match. 2) They invite her bf to be in the wedding party “to make the numbers match.” So…not only did the numbers already NOT match even without OP, they were fine with that and didn’t make the other bridesmaid sit out to make “numbers match.” 3) They were fine with inviting someone they didn’t know as well to fill in spots (her bf), so why couldn’t they have done the same and had an extra groomsman fill in another spot so OP could be a bridesmaid? Or cut out one of the other bridesmaids and let OP take their place? Or, have OP be a groomswoman, since she and Mark were best friends? There were SO MANY other ways this could have been handled without leaving out a “best friend.” Especially while including her SO! 4) They included everyone BUT her? That’s intentional. You’re really telling me they couldn’t figure out somewhere to put her? Or have an uneven number of bridesmaids because “you’re more important to us than matching numbers”? (Which honestly would have been what I would have said to my best friend. No, actually, my best friend was my maid of honor. There would never have been this kind of situation in the first place.) They do have a right to choose their wedding party. And YOU have a right to not accept being figuratively slapped in the face. Stay classy and just decline the invitation, then let the friendship fade, find a friend group that actually wants you around. If down the line they try to rekindle the friendship or act like nothing happened, have some standard excuses ready. “Oh you guys want to come to our Christmas party? Sorry, we’re actually going to his family’s place this year.” (Obviously, only say that if you’re NOT hosting a Christmas party that year.) “You guys want to hang out? Sorry we have other obligations.” Get an invite to a baby shower? Send a congratulatory card (no gift) and don’t go. Either they’ll get the hint, or they’ll ask what your problem is. Say there’s no problem, you’re just busy. Smile and wish them well, and walk away. The best revenge is a good life. Leave them in your rear view, and concentrate on building healthy friendships that are equal instead of all giving or all taking, or toxic high school exclusion.

[@nicknitro86]

"Friendship should matter more than numbers" so...just make a spot for her? Like all of the spots were taken and her boyfriend was likely chosen to fill the last spot rather than 'they just like him more'.

[@dimsufferer9951]

And what was stopping Mark from making her a grooms woman?

[@nicknitro86]

He literally told her it was just a numbers thing. Putting her on the groom's side instead of the bride's would still make the numbers off. In a friend group of 13, someone will end up being the odd one out.

[@dimsufferer9951]

@@nicknitro86 how would it still be uneven, he did not need to ask the Bf if it was really “just a numbers thing”

[@nicknitro86]

6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen. How is that uneven?

[@ArcaneNim]

​@nicknitro86 So drop the sister-in-law, problem solved.

[@garthrogers2269]

1st story. Poor OP. Her so-called friends threw a party for the entire friend group, the sole purpose of which was to publicly ask every single member of the friend group EXCEPT for OP to be either a bridesmaid or a groomsman. Then they gaslight her with the "its a numbers thing" bullshit, not to mention saying that that they also used the old "but the others are couples, so it makes sense to ask THEM" crap, which totally ignores that they asked OP's BF but not OP. If its a couples thing, why not ask OP as well? My guess is that either the bride-to-be is jealous of OP's friendship with the groom, or one of her relatives has a thing for OP's BF and this was a stupid plan to get them together. Regardless, the groom is gutless for not being honest with OP.

[@GK-ob1ni]

The redditors in this story made me so mad. OP has every right to feel hurt from being excluded from the wedding party. Yes, it's the bride and groom's day and yes, they have a right to ask whoever they want to be in their wedding party but for goodness sake people have feelings! How could it not cross their mind that inviting everyone in their friend group except for ONE person wouldn't result in that person feeling feeling hurt, betrayed and excluded? Especially when that person is your best friend. And they did it right in front of OP too, which is a further slap in the face. If they at least felt bad about it and apologized for hurting OP, she would probably have been able to get past it, but it sounds like they didn't care at all and that's probably what stings the most. If it really is just about numbers and there's no underlying reason that they didn't want OP in their wedeing party, couldn't they have just made it a 12-person wedding party instead and asked some random male friend to be the sixth groomsman? They would still have even numbers and no one would need to be excluded. Shouldn't caring about your friends feelings matter more than just the aesthetics of numbers? It certainly does to me and if that makes me as asshole, then I'll wear that name with pride.

[@jakemarie828]

What a crappy way to find out you never had friends to begin with.

[@J_Isak]

Story 1: they invented the whole friend group including op to their house to invite everyone But op to be in the wedding In front of OP. If they asked everyone else in private or something and she found out later through talking to friends she was left out it would still be NTA because this looked way intentional. They wanted to kick her out of the group without losing any benefits she provides. Or she is neurodivergent and they think of her as a charity friend to have in the group for clout. (Been that friend and didn't realize). Even if she wasn't a bridesmaid they could have her in the wedding somehow or be a part of it somewhere. They simply didn't view her as an actual friend.

[@knowmyhustle]

She just found out her friends don't value her as much as she values them. cut her some slack

[@mikouf9691]

In story #1, I get why OP feels hurt since she seems to be the only one excluded. In her place, I don't think I would have said anything, but would also probably pull back from the group and reevaluate my friendship.. With regard to the couple getting married, if they are being honest about their reason, better friends would have realized that excluding only 1 person, while including her boyfriend, might cause hurt feelings and they could have approached her beforehand and given her a heads up and reassurance that they do value her friendship. If they don't value her friendship, that's a whole other messy situation.

[@macytorro]

I had a similar situation as OP where every person in my 'friend group' was in the wedding party except me! I ended up going to the ceremony but skipped the reception, and now I don't really talk to them anymore lol! It does really show who your friends value and who they consider the expendable one... honestly NTA, situations like these really hurt

[@cathybrookeburt2616]

I was gonna say YTA but when I thought about how you are expected to sit alone, while your BF & ALL your friends sit at the head table & spend the evening doing what wedding parties do... while your BF is paired with another girl. All the guys had their GF's but OP's BF. I hate to say it but OP is not as close with this couple as she thought. It was not the grooms place to ask you anything, but the bride knows your BF is doing it & she deliberately left you out. Are you telling me the groom doesn't have another friend> The hubby of SIL? A bother or cousin, to 'even out the numbers'? Mope Honey I am sorry. This sounds personal. I would never have said anything, but the friendship would be ruined. They KNOW they are isolating you from them AND your own BF. NTA but these people are not your friends.

[@kimmatura3564]

My son & daughter each had uneven numbers. Each wedding one groomsman walked 2 bridesmaids. Problem solved.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

If they hadn't asked the BF I would have said to suck it up. But she has every right to feel slighted when everyone is included EXCEPT her. I wouldn't even go if this happened to me. And I would seriously find new friends b/c clearly none of these people looked on me the same way I regarded them.

[@beave200]

I've been in this situation. I'm no longer friends with those people. I was the grooms best friend for over 25 years. At his wedding I was isolated and sat in the back away from everyone. People he had only known for a year or less were part of his groomsmen. I just ghosted him after that and haven't spoken since. That was almost a decade ago.

[@thechosenone9769]

The bride and groom couldn't find ONE other male anywhere in their lives so they could include op? Bs.

[@Afterburner]

Story 1: NTA - Those friends were no friends of OP. The way to handle the situation would have been to privately talk with the boyfriend and both bow out and cut contact with the bride and groom. Pay them off in silence and miles and let them realize that they've been cut out of OP's life from that point on. I understand her feelings and she had every right to feel slighted, because the bride and groom did it as a slight in the first place.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: Aaand that's one of the reasons I hate big weddings and using BS like "matching" bridesmaids/groomsmen as an opportunity for rudeness. Well, the good thing is the bride and groom have revealed the kind of people they are. Just have four groomsmen if you don't have more than four male friends, or have someone like OP on the groom's side. You're not animals entering the effing Ark.

[@dimsufferer9951]

“It’s our wedding and we can decide who we want in the wedding party” You’re right, it is, too bad you’ve used that as a way to drop a friend

[@seancantwell5430]

If i was the groom in this situation i would've said something like hey we don't have room in the wedding party but we want you to still feel included so we want you to join us for the celebration and other occasions we just couldn't fit everyone into the wedding party but we still want you to come hang out at the rehearsal and everything like that

[@georgia7967]

Mark you are so insanely wholesome. I used to listen to other people reading these stories but there is nothing like an accent from home and haven't listened to anyone else since finding your channel. I hope you are having a lush day! Keep making us brits look great ❤

[@MarkNarrations]

[@Jjudes9665]

Especially when other said channels where the reader can’t pronounce words properly, use awful grammar and don’t even bother to try and pronounce peoples names correctly. I find that just plain lazy and disrespectful. LOVE listening to Mark when I can’t sleep at night when insomnia gets the better of me. ❤🇬🇧

[@jeniegaia]

Your wedding- your choice BUT actions have consequences.

[@WolfyFancyLads]

I'm wondering if OP1 was excluded on purpose. I feel like somebody actively requested that, that OP NEEDED to be cut out cos the groom fancied them or something. I mean, they're one of the oldest friends! They had less priority than people who joined later, with bonds that didn't get forged as long as theirs. OP is very much allowed to feel hurt. They've been cut out as if they were nothing. It's just not on.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

I had a version of this when friends downgraded my wedding invite to just the evening instead of the entire day after inviting me to it previously. The sucky part is they just sent the evening invite without explaining to me beforehand and I was so clueless that I rang her thinking it was a mistake - budget cuts apparently. I was upset but did go and it was a rubbish night 😂 (whole wedding party was wrecked when we got there and saw the bride for one minute before she disappeared to throw up for the night so glad I didn’t take a gift!). Either way you know where you stand by how people treat you; I wasn’t as valued as I thought I was and that did hurt but I got over it. Top tip would be not to invite people before you’ve budgeted. They did the same to a few others so it caused extra, unnecessary friction.

[@habituallearner7680]

I agree with OP's initial determination that this was a deliberate slight. Given that they invited everyone else in their friend group except for OP, and especially given that they invited OP's boyfriend but not OP that was a message. Perhaps Mark's fiance isn't comfortable with OP's friendship with Mark because OP's female. Perhaps OP has done something not mentioned here that has caused the fiancee to dislike her. Without sufficient data it's impossible to tell who's being the AH here. All I can say with certainty is that excluding OP was a deliberate choice meant to send OP a message. In any event, OP can save money on a wedding gift!

[@AtorrisVsChadinel]

Idk what Reddit was thinking but NTA. I could excuse until her bf was invited and was barely a part of the friend group AND was leaving soon. Real passive aggressive of these “friends”.

[@kp2223]

Story 1. Does OP get a plus one? Since Boyfriend is in the wedding party? If so, I would bring a friend completely outside of the group and still go to the wedding... but I'm petty AF

[@NottyAries]

I've read plenty of stories where ONE friends was left out of everything and Reddit had compassion for OP. But somehow everyone decided to ignore her feelings and accuse her of making it about herself. I hate trolls.

[@venusbleu5764]

There's literally zero grounds for labeling OP TA given the very blatant shitty circumstances lol. "It's their wedding " does not negate that they did something blatantly tactless to someone they consider a "friend " who does that to a "friend" period let alone disregards the natural feeling that would come from this. Wtf it's not that hard to understand

[@kristin7046]

Reddit has a bad habit of thinking that just because you’re allowed to do something means you’re not responsible for the fallout of those choices. Obviously they can choose who they want to be in the wedding party, but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t snub OP, or that OP can’t be upset about that

[@halla3184]

Omg that first story is my personal NIGHTMARE. NTA. I have extreme insecurities when it comes to my friendships, and a hearty dose of rejection anxiety. If my friends pulled something like this on me I’d be a fucking wreck. This would confirm for me that I’m not good enough of a friend to be included in anything big, that I’ll _never_ be good enough no matter how much love and time I put into my friendships, and that none of them value me as much as I value them. I’ve worked for years to build up my confidence and self esteem regarding my social skills, and this would send me crashing right back down to zero. This topic is genuinely a bigger source of pain for me than the fact that I lost one of my parents to cancer at 18. I really feel for op. She deserves better (unless there’s a bigger reason than that dumb numbers game for her friends to want to exclude her)

[@stutikhanna987]

People really need to get over this pathetic behaviour of my wedding my rules. If they're so self centred get married all alone why bother other's even? One of my close friend when get married he didn't bothered to tell us before one day before marriage and he able to get away to invite any of us. Felt a crappy move but no one was offended for this since no one was invited at all. While on the other when another friend got married she told the whole group initially about her engagement and invite verbally to her marriage but didn't bother to invite us properly with invitation. Well later we got to know she did invite 7 people out of 20 people group to whom she have spend more then 5 years and went to outing every weekend. Later we got to know that she saw us as a useless extra baggage well we cut her off and so is her supporters.

[@las9582]

I would feel bad if I was her aswell. Its like you don't mean as much. Add the fact that they include her boyfriend and not her makes it seem like she means nothing.

[@83gemm]

When I was younger, I had a “friend” group. I was kinda talking with a guy who would hang around occasionally and he had a weed connection. One day, one of my friends called and asked me to call the guy because they were all going to the fair and wanted to get some to smoke on the way, so they wanted to invite him along. I said that sounded like fun as I hadn’t been to the fair in years. My friend was quiet a moment and said, “I’m not asking you to come. I just want his number.” Everyone else in our group was going and they were even inviting the guy (not for his company, but still). It’s been almost two decades and I remember how that hurt. OP is NTA. They want her to attend and watch the whole group participate, including her bf, and Reddit called her the AH? Wut?