I Was Cast Aside In Favor Of A Cheater And When It Back Fired She Wanted Me Back r/Relationships

[@Niklarus2010]

Story 1: Julia was described as religious, but supported a cheater over the person who was cheated on. *sigh*

[@maggpiprime954]

I noticed that convenient bit of hypocrisy, too!

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Religious person here, and yeah, that’s disgusting. I have zero sympathy for cheaters or those who hide it.

[@Silent_Ghoul]

Yup made me laugh, religious hypocrisy is always fun.

[@yosoyroman875]

Just shows that religion doesn’t make you a good or moral person.

[@ginahouston9352]

😢

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: OP is NTA. She was right being harsh on Julia. Everyone in the group is toxic af.

[@KCohere33]

OP is a strong person. She stands by her ethics even in the comments. She definitely deserves better friends.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

My wife had one of her friend's circles that was just co-workers, about 8 of them. One of them started cheating with a married man and as my wife says, "the rest of them all lost their damn minds" thinking it was so hot and sexy that the friend was having an affair with a married guy. My wife basically "Noped" out of the friend circle and the rest kind of scoffed at her a bit. A few weeks later the friend having an affair with the married guy had it broken off by the guy since his wife found out about it. The friend circle tried to get my wife back involved but she refused saying she didn't want that woman anywhere near her husband (me) because she didn't trust that woman. Fast forward a couple of months and at a BBQ/Pool Party of that friend circle of co-workers, the woman who had the affair with the married man, got caught giving a "Harmless" BJ to the husband of one of the other friends in that friend circle and all hell broke loose LOL. Needless to say, that friend circle of co-workers is gone as are a few of the co-workers who quit their jobs because they just wanted to get that far away from the drama LOL. As my wife says, "NEVER trust a cheater or anyone else who supports them or even just turns a blind eye to it".

[@andreavanhoof6047]

OP was not too harsh; in fact was far too lenient as far as I am concerned! LOL!

[@neru1584]

"Not ONCE ounce of accountability for your own actions." Accountability for what? Op being a good person? No matter what you can't convince me op was the one in the wrong in the first story lmao

[@johnbradbury8610]

That commenter is probably friends with the "thug is racist" commenter.

[@ghost-husband]

Same! I don't get how people could possibly think OP is in the wrong for telling someone that their partner is cheating on them

[@aluralovell6829]

​​@@johnbradbury8610 probably so since they said "as usual" like as usual what!?

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@thecursed01 sting,

[@TortoiseNotTurtle]

​@@aluralovell6829Bro talked like he and OP had beef

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: This might be mean but I don't think OP was wrong to be harsh. They laid out exactly who Alex was, Julia denied it and SHUNNED OP (making them lose their friendgroup) and then ran back to them when Alex predictably became a homewrecker in HER marriage! Like no, you can't actually do that! And she should feel bad for crawling back to OP only when she needs her. Let it be a harsh lesson. I'm glad OP isn't friends with her anymore, and I hope they find better friends

[@SteviiLove]

I'm definitely raising my eyebrows at anyone thst thinks OP was wrong in any capacity by telling the wife and not going along with it. We need more people with morals like this in the world!

[@itme154]

I mean, I laughed when Julia called and said she got cheated on. Maybe don't defend cheaters? I hope all her relationships end like that, then maybe it might get through her thick skull that cheating is bad.

[@hi_stranger9156]

@@itme154 yeah,Julia is hypocrite. OP describe Julia is religious person and yet she defending a cheater? Correct me if i'm wrong but adultery is part of ten commandments isn't it?

[@jasonkiefer1894]

@@hi_stranger9156 Absolutely is. #6 or 7, depending on which denomination is counting. And this is how the "judge not" verse is currently applied. Julia claims religions, but does not practice it. Kinda deserves her divine teaching on the subject by it happening to her. OP discerns correctly the awfulness of the situation. The "world" hates her for being right and got scorned. But OP should not feel shame. Instead she should shake the dust off her feet of this horrible friend group.

[@anggamaulana3498]

Julia now pretty much have no choice but to accept the reality of her bad decision. She stay friends and ignore everyone who being hurt by alex only to finally wake up when she herself being stab in the back. The same goes for the other friends since now they're scared alex might steal their husbands too.

[@Russman67]

Julia backed Alex when she cheated with a married man. Then Alex cheated with Julia's husband. Putting distance between OP and this group is best. Let the circus and those monkeys go down the road. And that ESH poster should suck it. There's always that one troll post where they try and toss blame on the poster just to be different and edgy. They were neither. Go have a seat.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

That ESH commenter is delusional. lol If you don’t want to know about a partner’s affair then you best make sure that your partner knows what discretion is. Because Alex and the husband weren’t hiding it very well, it was just a matter of time before someone told the wife.

[@emo7636]

I just gotta say, your post made me cackle with glee. I loved it so much lol.

[@SailorMya]

That ESH poster is probally a homewecker themselves with the way they are talking.

[@akl2k7]

@@CircusoftheMoon Yeah, if you don't want to know about an affair, have fun with contracting an STD, finding out your husband has a secret lovechild, or finding out the kid you're raising with your wife isn't yours. And that's not to mention all the money your cheating spouse has spent on dinners and hotel rooms with their affair partner that could have been spent on you or your house.

[@Azulakayes]

It is basically shows why defending a cheater is stupid and against your self preservation. Alex shows typical cheater behavior, they cheat with a stranger then cheat with someone close.

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

I hate that saying “I told you so” puts people in a bad light cuz guess what?? They DID TELL YOU SO. MAYBE YA SHOULDA LISTENED. DON’T BE MAD CUZ YOU’RE WRONG AND SOMEONE WAS PROVEN RIGHT

[@sherrygibbs7547]

I told you so = I pointed out the facts to you. Unless there was maliciousness in their voice.

[@Hope_this_is_just_a_dream1994]

I would have told julia, "So it was okay to ostracize me when alex was banging someone else's husband, but as soon as she started banging your husband, im the one you complain to? I warned you." Julia and the rest of the friend group are no different from Alex. Concealing cheating is just as bad as the cheating itself.

[@Aisene0910]

“I never thought the leopard would eat MY face!” laments the woman who befriended a leopard after it ate someone’s face.

[@blackwidor]

😂 love this ❤

[@skyetan86]

Story 1: The ESH is out of their goddamn mind. Shame on them, whoever they are.

[@vanguardangel6912]

Reddit really has been wilding lately, haven’t they? This has to be like the fifth story this week I’ve heard where Reddit was being dumb.

[@NigraeLegiones]

Most likely someone who has cheated in the past. It seems cheaters rally around cheaters to defend and protect them.

[@TheBlueDsc]

​@@vanguardangel6912 To be fair, the particularly outlandish comments like this one are usually downvoted into oblivion. Usually.

[@TheOtherSideoftheLookingGlass]

​@@NigraeLegionesThat or one of those insane people who would rather live in ignorance to their partner's cheating and get mad at the person who tells them of their SO's affair. I've heard a couple stories like that too. 🤦‍♀️

[@vanguardangel6912]

@@TheBlueDsc fair! Still kinda wild to me though that people can be so nasty. I know they exist but it’s still weird to see it irl.

[@carlrood4457]

After two years of silence, she wasn't OP's friend anymore. OP had no obligation to spare her feelings or even give a crap about the situation at all.

[@greenbeacon394]

Story 2: Don’t set yourself on fire to keep these people warm

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

Story 3 HUGE red flag that mom didn't suggest individual therapy, only supervised (by HER) therapy to "fix" the kids behavior. And the kid knows exactly how that's going to go down. That's why they're scared of going to therapy.

[@James-sq4sc]

Why do people coddle cheaters? I don’t want to be friends with anyone ok with hurting others and make excuses for infidelity. OP apologizing and sympathizing with her only gives her an open to backstab him if anything like this happens to them

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I don't know. It might be the not my circus , not my monkeys mentality like in this story. It might be they're just as capable of cheating. Who knows? That being said, just because OP apologized and sympathized with her doesn't mean that she's going to let her back in. She said as much in her update. And honestly, I think OP was being very gracious, something that Julia doesn't deserve after the way she treated her for two years.

[@anonmouse15]

The "accountability" comment is a cheater themselves, I'd wager.

[@tamarasmith9060]

The last story reminds me of 1 I heard a long time ago. That couple also had twins, a boy & a girl. It's been so long since I heard it I can't remember which twin it was, but by the time they were 5 it was massively clear to everyone including the kids that mom favored 1 & hated the other, did nothing but feed & bathe the other twin, never spent any time on them & then was eventually caught by the husband calling the child names when she thought there were no other adults around. It took time but eventually it came out that the mom had only wanted 1 sex, & it seemed that idea came from her own mother's influence with some crazy reason why that sex would be better, like it would make the husband happier. Also having twins meant more work & less free money for fun stuff, so she blamed that on the unwanted twin too & when she took the kids to her mom's the grandmother was doing the same thing to the twins. The husband filed for divorce & was granted full custody of both twins, citing the emotional abuse by the mom.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

Holy crap, that story is genuinely heartbreaking and I just don’t understand how anyone can view a person as lesser for any reason let alone their own child. Like for real, what goes on in people’s heads for them to think it’s okay to do that?!

[@emo7636]

Wow that's so harsh and unreasonable to hate one of your twins, or one of your children at all. I would be ecstatic to have been gifted with twins.

[@abelink9229]

It's right that he got custody of both. Abusing one wrecks the mind of both kids, just differently.

[@michamocha]

Story 1: NTA. Julia was cool with ostracizing Op to defend a woman who saw nothing wrong with sleeping with married men but now wants comfort and sympathy for when the inevitable happens. It's almost ironic remembering her speech to Op about "if you could betray a friend, you could betray me" yet the one who betrayed her...was the one who she was fighting for.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@poohbear4515]

NTA. I would’ve done the same thing as OP and tell the wife. If your friend group decided to side and support an awful lying cheater, that should be the moment you leave them cause they’re all red flags. In my opinion, Julia got the karma she deserved.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree. I'll always have sympathy for those who got cheated on, but Julia should've seen this coming since she supported a cheater. OP deserves better friends.

[@carlrood4457]

I'm not sure I would have gone "I told you so." mode. I'd be more of a , "Do I know you? Why are to telling me this? We're not friends."

[@jaimedritt4622]

Good point. OP should consider it a blessing that she got kicked out of this friend group. They suffered more than she did since they got stuck with Alex and were directly harmed by her.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

I’ve been OP before, but thankfully my friend group isn’t full of enablers. One thing people need to realize is that if they support/enable a cheating friend they look suspect especially to any current/future partners.

[@calmandfree]

If I was OP and I got such a phone call, I would just start laughing at the irony of life. Surprise surprise a cheater cheated again.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Reddit always chooses the weirdest time to choose violence. Reddit always hates cheaters... until someone outs the cheater?? 🤔🤔 No sympathy for Julia. You DGAF when your trifling friend cheated, but when it affects you? Nah you got what you deserve, and I would've said told you so too. FAFO. Cheaters love to offer you an open relationship instead of a divorce. Newsflash. Some of us are happily and proudly monogamous and don't wanna screw strangers 😒

[@LOLtz1]

There are always those couple of people defending bad actions in the comments.

[@chinaking918]

@@LOLtz1yeah there’s always a few playing devils advocate.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Last one ended up on AmITheDevil and I agree with the ESH. This is a major cry for help. At this young age he's acting out like this. Therapy for sure. I think they need to talk to him, not punish him. ALL the kids are suffering here. You hurt both the scapegoat AND golden child and what about the girl child, what happens to the child who's just there?

[@Ashbrash1998]

I was thinking that if it's bad enough that OP acknowledges the kids know about the favoritisim, it's affecting them as well. And honestly I think the wife doesn't care about why Liam did what he did, maybe she was upset because it was public. So now other people know that Liam hates her.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Theyre invisible and start acting out for attention. I should know my sister been doing it for yrs. Apparently i paid attention to her more and thats only cuz i was forced to share a room with her. Soon as i moved out she was alone and no one tried bonding properly.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

The wife sucks for her blatant favoritism, and the husband sucks just as badly for turning a blind eye to it and hoping it just would "fix itself". Other than that, I won't blame the kids. The mother was humiliated because the collage was THE TRUTH AND DEEP DOWN, SHE KNOWS IT. Rather than lashing out at the kid she is ignoring, she should be chastizing herself and doing something to fix that relationship.

[@ericadrake387]

The OP says there’s favouritism, but gives no examples. But he did give examples of the mum reaching out to the kid. He says the kid ignores the mum every time she tries to do something nice for/with him & then the kid shouts at his mum until she leaves him alone. Then she gave him a hand written invitation to her party and is so excited by his present she opens it first. Does this sound like a mother who doesn’t love her child? A mother who isn’t TRYING? Meanwhile, OP seems to have done nothing to fix this situation, just letting it escalate. Even to the point where the kid did something really horrible and was like “Nah, he doesn’t need to be punished. I’m not going to teach my child that it’s not acceptable to treat ANYONE this way.” And even refers his wife wanting her son to be held accountable for doing something really wrong as revenge! Maybe mum did play favourites, but the way dad paints her, it doesn’t seem that way? She wouldn’t give the hand written invitation to her least favourite child, she’d give it to the favourite, she wouldn’t try to invite the kid along & would relish an outing alone with her favourite and she’d definitely open the favourite’s present first. The cynic in me thinks dad enjoys having the attention of the one who feels left out, it makes HIM that child’s favourite parent and he likes it that way which is why he doesn’t want to help fix the situation & lets it continue as is, meanwhile making mum the bad guy. Either way, family therapy is definitely in order!

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@ericadrake387 The instances you show of the mother's actions could also just as easily be the actions of someone who is realizing how she has neglected him in the past and was trying to make some sort of amends for it. These amends could be either heartfelt or "for show" to others attending the party. The actions of the kid make it appear the mother's attempts were "too little, too late". The kid may see the mother's actions being nothing more than an attempt to ease her own conscious and not valid attempts at reconciliation. Obviously, SOMETHING is not right with how the kid sees the treatment of him by his mother so there have to be some legit issues as the OP described. But yes, the OP is also hugely at fault for allowing this all to happen without stepping in or up and dealing with any and all issues between the kid and the mother. The OP makes it appear as if he was completely powerless to do anything which is totally ridiculous.

[@benlegall]

“You couldn’t live with your own failure and where did that bring you? Back to me” is the perfect description for story 1

[@lolalo6344]

Girl let a snake in her house and was surprised it bit her

[@spongebobonmolly]

this is exactly why i dont believe in remaining loyal to your cheating/homewrecking friends. they don’t care what you’ve done for them, they will end up betraying you too if it benefits them in even the slightest amount.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Same here. If they're capable of doing that to their own spouse and destroy their own family, what's to stop them from doing that to you too? Especially if they're a serial cheater like Alex? OP was right to cut ties with her.

[@SingingMermaid4]

First story update comment on ESH: Bet you anything that was Alex. That was an unhinged response. People want to know if they are being cheated on! They won't like the answer, but cheating partners open up the floodgates of STI's and other health problems. People deserve to be healthy. Edit: Story 3, yeah ESH. Dad was enabling the mom's crappy treatment. His son will grow up NC by the time he moves out as an adult. All the kids need therapy, this is affecting them too

[@kaidrazarc8000]

You'd be surprised some people genuinely prefer ignorance & living with the illusion To them they have a happy life with a loving partner but the messenger basically shatters that illusion giving them 2 choices - be unhappy with a partner who cheats on you - be unhappy and alone So in their eyes the messenger had the choice to keep quiet so they could live happily but choose to ruin it instead Very messed up logic which I don't agree with but that's how some people rationalise it

[@SingingMermaid4]

@@kaidrazarc8000 Yeah, what finally made my mom realize she needed to leave my father was when he gave her HPV and she needed to have a removal of her ovaries. It was just awful and he could not take responsibility because he was a carrier from past cheating. On my mom and his first wife. I don't buy living in ignorance either, just stupid.

[@akl2k7]

STIs, secret love children, finding out the kid you raised with your wife isn't yours, the cheater spending thousands of dollars on dinners, hotel rooms and travel. Yeah, there are 50,000,000 things cheaters are exposing the innocent spouse to.

[@SingingMermaid4]

@@akl2k7 Exactly

[@thefallennero5265]

Story 1: So Julia the religious friend decides to keep the friend that was having an affair with a married man, a sin in the eyes of God, but got rid of the friend who chose to tell the wife? Gotta love the hypocrisy and karma when Alex went after Julia's husband. Funny how Julia chose to go to OP when Alex was having an affair with her husband after ignoring OP for 2 years.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Yeah if Julia is religious,she should know that adultery is part of the ten commandments tho.

[@ineedhoez]

It's more nuanced than that. OP betrayed her friend by telling a secret. It doesn't matter what the secret is, op was told about the affair and confidence and she betrayed her friends. That's why she got kicked out of the friend group. Everybody realized they couldn't trust OP with anything. If we are ranking sins, betraying your friends is worst than betraying a stranger. Irony would have it that the cheating woman, would then steal somebody else's in the friend group's husband. But that's still separate from the fact that OP can't be trusted with secrets

[@achocolatebiscuit5087]

​@ineedhoez , Sometimes you have to commit a smaller sin to do what's right than to commit a bigger sin by doing nothing. Sure, OP didn't keep the secret of her friends, but by keeping it, she would've enabled a cheater and hurt the wife. The real issue we should be addressing is why the friends wanted to keep such a secret in the first place?

[@yay29823]

​@@ineedhoez OP didn't commit any sin at all. She didn't betray her friend, her friend did that to herself. She did something disgusting and wanted to hide behind a lie. Telling the truth, especially in these kinds of situations, is never wrong. It baffles me how you can say that OP shouldn't have done that

[@AndyyWithAY]

That title 👀👀 I'm deceased First OP did everything I would've done. People who cheat and those who enable/support them are disgusting. You support a cheater then they stab you in the back 🤷🏾‍♀️ You get what you get

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Exactly 💯💯💯💯💯

[@Swnsasy]

That ESH comment was ridiculous! Saying OP is like a goodie goodie and just because she would want to know that doesn't mean everyone wants too?! That person is smoking something!! OP did nothing wrong telling the wife!

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Swnsasy I swear! It made no sense. I'm glad you're recovering well from the flu! I had been thinking about you Saturday morning hoping you were on the mend then got your notification

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@Swnsasy My thoughts exactly! OP did NOTHING wrong. If telling the truth about an affair counts as doing something wrong, then I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with that person and their morals. That being said, the power of denial shouldn't be underestimated. Some people would rather live in their bubble of delusion than face reality. It's frustrating and actually sad quite frankly.

[@MarkNarrations]

[@FriedaMMartin]

Hello! What is the waffle if the day?

[@margohgs1424]

FOR ANYONE INSTEREST - In a comment the last OP clarified that her wife favoritism is this, and I quote : "She just does things more passionately when she's doing them with Noah. She hugged both of them a lot but Noah always a little longer, she gives him special nicknames while Liam and our girl are just baby or sweety, She asks every kid about their day but asks him more follow up questions etc. that is what I meant when I wrote 60% and 100%. Her behaviour is not okay but it's not true that she doesn't love or care for Liam"

[@kitkakitteh]

Children sense that and internalize the inequality. It has to be addressed.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

That's quite off putting, and I see it as borderline incest. 👀

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yea, she doesn’t think her little “extras” are seen by the children, thus she’s not showing favoritism. Children can see what’s going on around them. Mom might hug them all, but you can bet your last dollar, Liam and the daughter see these extra long hugs Noah is getting or how excited she gets doing projects with Noah, but doesn’t realize how her enthusiasm drops when she has to interact with the other two. She definitely needs some help to her change the way she interacts with all of her children. OP needs to put his foot down and insist that the family, as a whole, gets counseling together. I am sure grievances will come out that will open her eyes to the way she is treating her children. Hopefully she will take hearing them positively instead of getting angry everyone is ganging up on her.

[@johnbradbury8610]

She just doesn't love him as much as her other children which would cause any child a lot of pain. Op said that it's obvious to everyone that she loves Noah more than Liam.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op sucks for allowing this to go on. Instead of posting on reddit maybe he should have actually done something about it.

[@jablue4329]

I really hope the OP of Story 3 gets that entire family unit help.

[@ericalamothe2958]

Story 1: Unlike Mr.T, I don't pity the fool.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: This is hilarious, Julia got what was coming for her. OP needs to stay away from all these people.

[@paden1865able]

If you're in an unhappy relationship, get out of it instead of cheating. It's the decent, moral thing to do but that seems to be too complicated for some people to understand. If you support a cheater, don't be surprised if they stab you in the back.

[@Domino365]

I don't have any kids, but I tell the kids around me, "It matters what kind of people you keep in your company. When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas."

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That's good advice. Hopefully, those kids take up your advice and they don't end up waking up to fleas like Julia did.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

I applaud OP for her grace and maturity, Julia deserved no support or even pity but at the same time there’s no need to punch her down, not when she’s already in so much pain.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Same here. OP may have been sympathetic, but she made it clear that she's distancing herself from that friend group. She said as much in her update. And honestly, I think OP was being extremely gracious, something that Julia doesn't deserve after the way she treated her and supported a serial cheater for two years.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op was an idiot for forgiving Julia after the way she treated her. She will stand up for a cheated-on spouse but she feels bad for telling the truth to her shitty friend.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@johnbradbury8610 I think OP felt bad about HOW she delivered the truth, not that she told the truth. We can be "right", but that message can be lost when it's delivered in anger. Personally, I think OP showed strength of character by going back to Julia to apologize for her own actions yet being honest that they could not be friends and why. I think for OP's own sense of peace about the situation, she made the right decision for herself.

[@ladynoir8243]

The commenter who tried to use OP calling themself a "messenger" as justification for OP being a bad person is so wild, reddit has a different breed of moraly incompetent adults with the brians of a worm. I ws talking about how my phone being stollen and the police being nonchalant about it even with evidence that I have been trying to pass on but the person I was talking with was being rude to me and a redditor called me an "entitled brat" because I did not want sensitive info on my phone about friends, family and work on it. 😂

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That's just Reddit culture I'm afraid. 😒 There's always a loon with a screw loose that supports the A-hole. 🙄

[@toothless3835]

Yeah, seriously. Dude's just outing himself as a cheating scum at this point. Those who defend cheaters are just as bad and are willing to do it themselves.

[@elliotwarren1090]

To the person who said “classic reddit response” to OP telling the wife because they believe she would’ve wanted to know in story 1: tell me you’re a cheater without telling me you’re a cheater 😂😂😂 That comment had an issue with OP “thinking everyone thinks like them” when that wasn’t even the issue itself. Why people enjoy finding issues with things just to find issues with things I’ll never know

[@akl2k7]

I'm sure anyone would want to know if they have a chance of an STI, their husband potentially having a lovechild, their kid not being theirs or the family's money being spent on expensive dinners, hotel rooms and trips with someone other than them.

[@ineedhoez]

That's not really what it is. It's about having a circle of friends that you can share your deepest darkest secrets with. There is a level of trust there and you expect that the things you tell your friends to stay there. You're not expecting your friend to run off to the police and tell them that you smoke weed. OP what's a snitch. We can go all the way back to kindergarten, nobody like the tattletale. OP got kicked out because she couldn't be trusted to keep secrets. I personally I have very strong morals when it comes to telling the truth about affairs. The people that are in my circle know this about me so they know not to tell me about their affairs. That would be fair game

[@HeoBaby24]

Bro that last comment shocked me "you taking zero accountability" Accountability for what?! What is op at fault for!?

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: NTA and LOOOOOOOOOL. Where’s that energy for the cheating now? It don’t feel soo good when it happened to Julia huh?

[@ZombieSazza]

Man I feel so much for the kid in the last story, Liam is trying to get love from his mother and is acting out, understandably so, OPs wife just doesn’t care for him that much and excludes him, OPs wife is more than happy to favour her other children. He’s been made the scapegoat, and trust me, as a child abuse survivor who was the scapegoat growing up, you’ll be lucky if you hear from him after he turns 18, I haven’t spoken to my mother and brother is many years and have no regrets with cutting all contact. Is that the path you want for your child, OP? Where he’ll feel more and more isolated growing up, counting down the days he can escape? Where you will be just as complicit because you allow your wife to exclude him and make it clear she just doesn’t love him as much or even care for him?

[@KingdomHeartsGame1]

I’ve been listening for like 2 years at this point and Mark is just embedded into my routine. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is click on the morning’s upload and slowly wake up while listening to the stories. 😂

[@meagancall5005]

Story 3: I feel like I need more information on this... what the F happened to get them to that stage? Because OP doesn't really give any examples of favoritism or explain how they're treated differently. Saying she loves Noah 100% and Liam 60% is a very weird way to put it, and doesn't actually clarify anything. The ONLY examples we see of their interaction shows an awareness on the wife's part that the relationship is strained, shows both her AND the younger son reaching out, and the older son rejecting any olive branches. So... what's the background? Cause there's obviously SOMETHING. Favoritism in families is really pretty common. That doesn't make it harmless, but it's... normal? Liam's reaction isn't. I can think of a ton of *relatively* innocuous reasons why Noah might be Mom's favorite. (Note: when I say innocuous here, I just mean that there's no intended malice... it can absolutely still be harmful and have a negative impact on a child.) 1) He's the youngest. Moms favoring the youngest child is so common it's a full-on trope. 2) He's a twin. Very possible that Mom falls into the habit of treating the twins as a unit, while Noah is viewed as an individual. Of course, the other twin stands out because she's the only girl, which leaves Liam as the only kid who's not "special." That's OBVIOUSLY hurtful, but I think it's easy for families to fall into that kind of dynamic. 3) Sometimes a parent just has an easier time relating to one kid over another. This can be because they share more compatible personalities, or they have more interests in common, or because one kid may be more traditionally responsive (eg. a super love-y cuddly kid vs a kid who doesn't automatically reciprocate socially). The responsiveness thing can be really tough because it's a very real factor in parent/child relationships, and it's self perpetuating. Can be especially difficult/problematic if one kid is NT while another is ND. 4) Sort of the opposite of number three, sometimes there's favoritism towards a child who has more struggles, leaving a NT kid to fend for themselves. I think a lot of these dynamics are easy for even a well meaning parent to fall into. Lacking further information/details, I think the main thing that makes the wife the AH in this story is her denial that there is any favoritism (though that's also understandable, since most parents don't want to admit this). Of course, I don't get the sense that she's ACTUALLY in denial, since she's making such explicit attempts to reach out (a hand written note?!). So it seems like she's mostly unwilling to admit to it out loud, which is still a problem if it stops the issue from getting resolved. Therapy is definitely the answer, and I think it's really worrying that it was allowed to get to this level of animosity. Either wife has done some seriously harmful things in the past that OP isn't mentioning, or Liam has been given too much leeway in his behavior... because I'm not of the opinion that punishment is the answer, but ignoring/allowing him to be openly disrespectful and rude is also not doing him any favors. Never mind the devil collage (which I think in a few years will actually be a funny story), refusing to speak to a parent and sibling is not a healthy way to express whatever he's trying to express here.

[@Kaching8412]

You misunderstood. Noah - one of the twins, 14 years old Liam - Youngest, 12 years old

[@steph3098]

Story 1: I love how if OP found out the person they were seeing was married, the advice from Reddit would be to tell the spouse of the cheater. But OP telling the spouse as a 3rd party was uncalled for

[@ineedhoez]

Snitches get stitches. Nobody likes a tattletale.

[@carolroberts4614]

Some of us would like not to be the last to know when their partner is cheating on them!

[@addicted2mako]

Man, OP needs friends like these like another hole in the head! They only gained morals and shunned Alex when they realized she was shameless enough to potentially help their spouses on them

[@browniewin4121]

1) NTA for having some moral character, doing what was done, and speaking the truth. No loss to OP for not having persons like this in her life. After update: It's good OP told the wife who was being cheated on, and amazing to me that OP was so kind to this person who behaved so badly and was hurtful to her, but it's also being kind to herself by not wanting to rekindle this friendship and going back to NC. 2) NTA for trying to keep this awful person away. Do what needs to be done. After update: I'm glad OP found her anxiety put to rest after reporting this. 3) YTA. That kid needs therapy, his behaviour is nasty and self defeating and OP is enabling him. Wife and everyone should have been getting counseling long since. I do hope getting help from a professional can mend this family issue.

[@Sapphiresenthiss]

Story 1 - ESH is 100% either a cheater themselves or is one of these dumb cretins/doormats, just like the OP herself said 🤣

[@Aluranae]

Story 3: ...the poor kid is doomed unless OP yanks his head out of his ass *swiftly* and acts decisively. The way that was worded, even with the extra info...yeah no, the mom's turning into the Wicked Stepmother. That being said, OP is failing the kid too. Family therapy should have been on the table years ago, not now. This is a clusterfuck that's kind of above Reddit's pay grade, and it's not going to end in a pretty way ultimately.

[@jjbud3124]

People are crazy. "Thug" has absolutely NOTHING to do with ethnicity. It literally means "violent criminal." I could listen to your voice all day. Can't you just upload stories for at least 8 hours a day, maybe 12? Just joking. ☺

[@tiryaclearsong421]

Where I grew up in the US it was mostly about a violent or intimidating criminal. I have noticed a shift where people will just call certain races or ethnicities because they assume everyone in that group is a violent criminal. It sucks but there are connotations to the word here now so I am careful to use other descriptors like brute or meathead. Especially for the big roided guys who loom over old ladies.

[@randalthor741]

Thug originally had something to do with ethnicity, because the word is derived from the Thuggee cult in India (a fictionalized version of which was used in Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom), so originally it referred specifically to Indian murderers. It's been generations since the word had any association with any particular ethnicity, though. Now it's just used to describe violent criminals/bullies regardless of their ethnicity.

[@MsMookalate]

Exactly. I’m black but I did automatically thought it was a white thug. 😬Oops! 😅 But, you’re right.

[@jjbud3124]

@@MsMookalate People of all races can be thugs. People of all races can be good people.

[@americasteam2112]

Oh please, in America racists call non-whites as thugs but then make excuses for when white people commit crimes or something dumb.

[@Standinthegap4ever]

I’m from across the pond--the term thug, unless things have changed in recent years, means bully criminal type usually one who hurts others

[@SirFailsalot91]

"But friends should always stick together!" is the equivalent of "But Faaaaaamily!!"

[@icarussisyphus]

Give her a dose of reality and learning experience. Then once you provide the bitter medicine, reach out for comfort to her. I love OP for her morals and integrity. Cheaters are narcissists.

[@reginarainer9740]

What is with all of the comments saying that OP is in the wrong for telling the AP’s wife about it? It’s really telling of reddit’s hypocrisy that they can say breathlessly that the betrayed spouse has a right to know they are being cheated on, but then go after OP for doing the exact thing that they would have done. Tbh, I would have asked Julia why she wasn’t ok with being cheated on by Alex. I mean, Julia supported and defended Alex’s relationship with a married man, she should have supported and defended Alex’s relationship with HER husband right? Same with all of the other friends in that group. They were OK with Alex’s actions, right up until they discovered she could go after THEIR husbands.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: OP did nothing wrong, F her friend group for defending a cheater.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: The "friends" cut off the only one with morals among them because OP was calling out the cheater instead of cutting out the cheater, only to cut out the cheater when the friend group was affected, not only are the friends bad people but they're also idiots, if you're going to announce "hey we're fine with cheating" you shouldn't act surprised when you get cheated on.

[@ineedhoez]

They cut off the tattletale

[@averycheesypotato]

Outing a cheater is the right thing to do. Warn the person being cheated on, before they get dragged into unwanted drama, contract some disease, get screwed over financially, or worse. There’s people out there who have even killed their spouse to get with an affair partner without losing marital property or custody. You never know how far shady people might go, so always give people the information they need to look out for themselves

[@ineedhoez]

No one likes the tattletale

[@averycheesypotato]

@@ineedhoez Nobody can stomach a cheater.

[@rebeccay480]

Story 2: In no way did I associate thug with race. Just someone who acts mean and brutish and intimidating. Did people really ignore everything OP said about the mans behavior and assume they were racist?

[@sciencenerd8428]

I'm from the US. The term thug doesn't mean racist. I suppose a thug could be racist, in which case they would be a racist thug. Also, a thug can be any race.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 1 huge NTA- with friends like Julia and Alex who needs enemies? Op shouldn’t feel sorry for her in any capacity. And I personally wouldn’t be listening to the friends saying they were harsh when they were also the same people who didn’t like op exposing the affair. Everyone in Ops friend circle sucks and they need better people

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree. OP deserves better friends.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: I don’t get that one ESH comment, Julia was covering for an affair, that kind of person isn’t your friend.

[@TheChampionEccentric]

Story 2: What exactly does thug mean? I've lived in both Canada and USA and I've been in the UK for the last decade+, and I've never heard "thug" used to describe anything other than a brutish criminal/ne'er-do-well, i.e. how the OP described it.

[@diivaiinthehouse1]

That's a thug

[@ineedhoez]

And conservative circles, thug is used to describe an inner city black male.

[@mortimerbrewster3671]

@@ineedhoez BS - that is the narrow minded definition of someone who always views conservatives negatively. Ironically, I find the people who get up in arms and automatically think it's describing a black man by conservatives are liberals who show their own racism by jumping to that conclusion.

[@star3catcherSEQUEL]

Story 1: Julia didn't think the leopards would eat HER face!!

[@ebagentj]

Story 3: It's possible that OP is trying to make up for the favoritism by trying to hide it. This happened when I was growing up: my brother was clearly favored by both of our parents, so my grandmother would try to make up the deficit in a way that tried to make it look like my parents cared about me as much, i.e. extra gifts from "Santa" that my parents didn't purchase, cards with money in them on my birthday that she signed as being from her and my parents, etc. It did work, and in fact slightly backfired on her: my brother noticed my grandmother seemed to favor me and they wound up not having the best relationship. It's definitely a screwed up family dynamic and not sustainable in the long run.

[@Mglay556]

Story 1: people need to learn, you’ll lose them the same way you got them

[@ginahouston9352]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾... don't usually like unless all stories have updates, but this is 3 GREAT stories! ...plz look out for update on S3...🙏🏾

[@takanuva_9355]

Story 1: I was thinking to myself that her friends had the arguement backwards. Its not "if she tells on Alex, she can tell on me" but "if Alex is cheating with a married man, what is stopping her from cheating with my SO". And the ,What happens now, pops up and I am "wait, traitorus was a traitor" "NOOOOOO?!"

[@SteviiLove]

So I have been the first OP but it was even more complicated because the guy getting cheated on was my friend and my brother was screwing his girlfriend. He didn't believe me but I was right. I told him the same reason OP did; If I'm being cheated on, I want to know and treat others the way you want to be treated. I lost my friend but I can sleep well knowing I did everything I could to make sure he was informed.

[@ineedhoez]

I think in this situation you did the right thing. My issue with the story is that it was a separate friend group they had no connection to the married woman. It was your friend and your brother so you had a connection to everyone involved. OP just wanted to put some random woman and betrayed her friend's Trust. The only reason why op knew about it was because she was friends with the woman who was having an affair. If the only reason you know something about me is because you purport to be my friend, you can't take any information I give you and share it.

[@janfick7260]

Story 1 reminds me so much of the story of the scorpion and the toad...

[@fyoutube9410]

S2: hire a bigger thug to deal with the dude. If your profession requires you to keep your nose clean, that works, you'd be surprised how cheap it is to pay a group to tune someone up.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP's definitely NTA here. Good for her for telling the wife and distancing herself from that toxic group of friends. 😊 OP may have been sympathetic to Julia, but she made it clear that she's distancing herself from her and that friend group. She said as much in her update. And honestly, I think OP was being extremely gracious. ❤ Which something that Julia doesn't deserve after the way she treated her and supported a serial cheater for two years. OP deserves better friends and I hope she gets better friends. ❤ And those comments blaming OP need to hush. OP did NOTHING wrong. If telling the truth about an affair counts as doing something wrong, then I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with that person and their morals. That being said, the power of denial shouldn't be underestimated. Some people would rather live in their bubble of delusion than face reality. It's frustrating and actually sad quite frankly.

[@Akemi.24-45]

Good afternoon, Mark and Poppy! A FUN Sunday to you both. ❤🤗

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey hey Telinha have a wonderful day :))

[@maggpiprime954]

This threw me for a loop, lol I'm guessing you got the member preview yesterday! ❤😂

[@Akemi.24-45]

@@maggpiprime954 🤣🤣🤣 I actually had to create a new Google account because I lost mine. 😭

[@fmrc93]

Imagine people in the comments of the post shaming someone for revealing a cheater. Idiots really do tell on themselves, especially when they have no morals or shame themselves.

[@cassandra6227]

Cheating has such far-reaching consequences, that is has literally destabilised society as a whole. A weakened society is the result.

[@whimsicaltitan]

Story 1: Whoever gave that comment about OP being an A-hole needs a good kick in the gut 😂 tf is wrong with that person. Most would like to know if their S/o is cheating on them 😂

[@lidkagatarek3023]

Probably cheaters dont like other cheaters to be outed ;)

[@whimsicaltitan]

​@@lidkagatarek3023probably because a sane person would want to know lol

[@ineedhoez]

It's about OP's betrayal of her friend group. When you have a group of peopl, that you share your deepest darkest secrets with, you expect them to keep your secrets. If they can't keep your secret, then they need to let you know, up front. There are some things that I will not keep Secret. If you are hurting children, committing crimes, etc. Cheating is a big No-No for me, but all of my friends know this about me so they would never tell me. the overall expectation is that when you tell your friend something you expect it to be kept in confidence. End of story.

[@lidkagatarek3023]

@@ineedhoez and when you have partner you don't expect to be cheated on. Cheating is big character flaw, who would want to keep friends with a selfish, sneaky homewreckers? In some countries cheating is a crime, btw.

[@CareyBilley]

S1 OP should have said "not my monkey, not my circus" and hung up. She was the only one with a moral compass out of all of them.

[@jackierenee1691]

You know when I read stories like these, I really wish that I could use the one Homer Simpson gif where Ned Flanders comes asking for his help. Homer crosses his arms, smirks, and say "Wellity wellity wellity....". That scene always plays in my mind when karma comes knocking 😂. Also it's the episode where they go to Vegas, if anyone wants to watch it. Crazy shenanigans as always.

[@chaosshiva4165]

Morning everyone. Can’t wait to see the karma in this story. Hopefully I won’t be disappointed. Edit: The dope on 8:43 must be on something. The hell kind of criticism is that???

[@Swnsasy]

Right!? It's so freaking insane.. She's the AH for telling the wife?! Wtf is that person smoking.!?

[@DK-tq3fy]

Sounds like maybe the commenter is a cheater and doesn't like the idea of people telling spouses their partner is stepping out.

[@HaliaStone]

@@DK-tq3fydon’t see what else it could be, unless it was Alex’s reddit account lmao. Even if the partner didn’t want to know, I still think the decent thing is to give them the info and let them decide what to do with it

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Nope, learned that lesson the hard way. I had a best friend who was a serial cheater. I took the "not my circus" approach. Until one day she went after MY bf. If you enable a cheater, don't be surprised when they start sniffing around your home. "As friends, I feel like sometimes we need to tell them the harsh truth." Yep.

[@Windxchild]

Good afternoon Mark and Waffle gang! Great timing with the upload, needed some company to get me through the last bit of my workday! ❤

[@chaudx]

Story 1: No OP was not the AH, OP should stop speaking with those poeple but that's another subject...we need to normalize saying "I told you so" and it's variants, regardless of the current state of the person that "was told so". Doesn't matter if Julia is going through a divorce, she was informed of a fact and made her choice, now those are the consequences of her choices.

[@khaavren3]

"she is quite religious." No, she's not! She helped enable a cheater and then defended her.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

8:52 that entire comment was weird af. “No accountability as usual” Do they know OP? This felt oddly personal.

[@catsithx]

Story one. Op was right she knew what was wrong. When it went wrong for her former friend it was all right.

[@meggammacisaacrylie7869]

Story 1, I walked away from a friend group like this over 2 decades ago. I was also very harsh when one of the friends ended up in a cheating situation and called me for support; her fiance cheated with the trash woman I warned everyone about. I told my former friend that she made her choice and ended her friendship with me when I warned our friend group,; that I was sorry, but, it wasn't my problem and that I wasn't interested in being around a bunch of people with questionable morals. I had enough knives thrown in my back the first time and I don't want to be around a bunch of toxic, garbage people. I'm friends with only three people from that group. They walked away when I did and were pissed at the way I was treated. Let the garbage stay with garbage. I want no part of it. As the years have worn on, most of those people from the old group have had a lot of drama in their lives and none of them has learned a damned thing. It's pretty pathetic, since all of us are in our early to mid 50's now and these people still act like they're in their late teens as far as their antics.

[@iamharper6994]

I remember story 1. Happy there's an update

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Story 1: People are so funny “if you could betray a close friend you can betray anyone”…..weird no one feels that way when a partner cheats on a partner 😂

[@neil999ish]

To qoute from 'A few good men' movie, 'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!' People don't really want to hear the truth when they ask you for an 'honest' answer/advice on issues! Have read so many post's where the 'truth' was said and marriages, families and friend groups exploded and disintregrated.

[@mikeziegler7008]

Story 2: If the word "thug" has racial overtones over here in the USA, I am not aware of it. We tend to try and make everything racial over here, (there is no money in having us get along), so I can easily see where someone might choose to get offended and make something racial for no reason. But, from my perspective, a thug is a person that uses threats and/or violence to get their way.

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

If you correlate the word thug with a race that's a you issue, because thug ain't a race.

[@DarkAvenga]

Story 1 - OP NTA and is a goat for telling her straight.

[@Erebus04]

Story 1: Yeah that is Karama, you defend a cheater then don't be surprised when the Cheater destroys your life

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Story 1. NTA I would have done the same thing.

[@mikef2811]

Truth Hurts!

[@andreavanhoof6047]

Story 1: As much as it sucks for being shunned for doing what is right and lies are being told about you; consider this to be a blessing in disguise! You did not need to be around these toxic, selfish, self-absorbed narcissists!

[@FriedaMMartin]

Good morning!

[@WitchDoctorMegra]

There is a saying that comes to mind about people who stay friends with serial cheaters or people who treat their romantic partners bad in general “The person that’s mean to everyone except you, is going to be mean to you eventually”

[@hirohiroarikawa6806]

OP said she was a friend at the end of the post, even tho it’s been 2 years since they spoke. Honestly I’d say she deserved to be cheated on since she supported it and she picked the wrong friend and block everyone in that group and live a life without toxic friendships

[@ajb7530]

True friends will tell the truth to you no matter what. True friends will be loyal to you. OP tried to warn Julia and the friend group about Alex, but they didn't listen. OP NTA

[@ineedhoez]

Why tell the truth if your friend is just going to snitch on you? OP is the last person you can bare your soul to. If she doesn't like what you're doing, she's going to run and tell your business.

[@laurenevers8644]

8:22 That comment...made me raise my eyebrows a bit 🤨😏😳 I actually have a friend named Alex and a cousin named Alexis, and both of them are just the loveliest people. One works with helping patients in a hospital and the other works with helping animals in a vet lab lolz.

[@damonika09]

The one she stood up for was the one who backstabbed her. Wish I could say I feel bad for her. Alex never changed her spots.

[@jleftwing9771]

Story 1: This is a case of "show me your friends and I'll tell you what kind of person you are". Vindication.

[@Tacomaisalsonachomama]

1. When the trash that took itself out comes blowing back into your yard, stinkin' up the joint... NTA, AT ALL!

[@superkingoftacos2920]

Story 1: "I didn't think the leopards would eat MY face!"

[@miriam9419]

Story 1: It is one thing to still be friends with someone that cheated on their partner but she kicked OP out of the friend group. She actively supported the friends actions by doing that. If she remained friends with both then that would have been fine.

[@ineedhoez]

She kicked her out cuz she's a snitch

[@andreasrechtenwald1863]

Story 1 : We love the message but hate the messenger 😉