I Was TRAFFICKED Between 15 Amish & Mennonite Settlements

[@Ynnsie]

Girl, you have digested the whole freakin 'tasting menu' of abuse, neglect, brainwashing, exploitation and gas-lighting - from multiple religious cults, no less! - and come out the other side a functioning person with grace and humour. I know you said you've still got stuff you carry but - boy! - if your resilience and openness could be bottled, you be a gazillionaire. Take great care of yourself, Rachel. Thanks for bringing her to us, Shelise.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️❤️❤️

[@BobbiGail]

❤ love ❤ this comment! If we could only all be so resilient. She proves there is hope!

[@garfieldshauntedmansion420]

Took the words right out of my mouth, beautifully said 🩷

[@iw9338]

Oh my goodness 😢so sorry for all the abusive nightmares 😮. Hopefully you are getting some healing.

[@annieclaire2348]

Joy in living! A wonderful plan for your future after going through so much trauma and abuse ❤❤❤

[@Rhaifha]

I feel like this is a story that perfectly shows how abuse breeds desperation, and then that desperation makes you a perfect victim for *other* abusers. This is exactly what makes serial abuse (by completely different people!) so common.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Perfectly perceptive. Great add

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

When you dont have a baseline of healthy boundaries...bcoz the concept doesnt even exist in your mind,you never lerned it,...its unbelievable ,how many ppl come "out of the woods" to abuse you just bcoz tbey can ,bcoz you ll tolerate

[@stellaxingguang]

Yes and then people will blame the victim for getting into new situations instead of blaming abusers. Again.

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

Exactly

[@BohoFreedom]

Rachel... You're kind. You're smart. You're interesting. You're beautiful. You're compassionate. They tried but they didn't break you. I am so very proud of you and I love that you are in charge and in control of your decisions and life. Thank you for sharing your story and being an inspiration to others.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

🙌

[@nadine8742]

Rachel went through a lot. So glad she's safe now. So sorry to be off topic, but Shelise looks incredible❤

[@kathleenchaffin2591]

Well said, and my 2 cents worth, too!

[@worldofdubidonia]

Thank you for sharing Rachel! Alot of us have experienced trauma here and there, but the constant control of others about how to act, dress, etc had to be so destructive to you self-confidence. Good for you for being an advocate for yoursel and happy you found some in the church that helped you alongthe way

[@lisahance]

What she said about getting punished for not having the right expression on her face brought back memories for me of spending hours in front of a mirror as a teenager, practicing the most neutral expression possible so that I wouldn't get punished for having the wrong expression on my face. It took me years as an adult to feel safe having facial expressions. It's amazing how far she's come, given what she went through.

[@leona2222]

Damn! I still have trouble with that and I was never in a cult. Men expect my face to be held in a certain way or else they get pissy. How dare I have an opinion that is not positive.

[@luvyatubers]

​@@leona2222It's common for a man to tell a woman they don't know to smile. I argue with them. That is bs. You want a smile? Joker smile

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤❤❤

[@findingbeautyinthepain8965]

@@leona2222 Respectfully, you have no idea what it’s actually like. Having a random guy with an inflated ego tell you to smile, is not anything close to us having our own parents beat us for just looking normal. Does it suck that every woman experiences those men? Of course. Is this the space to complain about it? Definitely not. It’s kind of a slap in the face to those of us who were abused for looking normal. Because the lady interviewed is probably too sweet to tell you this, I’ll be the b!tch, because I know she didn’t like your comparison.

[@faithellenlam5159]

I'm still not sure what face I made.

[@mailill]

The family/parents refusing to provide for their 12 year old daughters, defining them as adults when they were really only little girls - and pushing them into the arms of predators - makes me so, _so_ angry! I wish this strong and brave young lady all the best!❤

[@HappyCGM]

Every single bad thing she experienced is traced back to that decision by her parents. They forced their daughters into an impossible situation where they felt the only way forward to make money was by selling their bodies…. And then the churches instead of recognizing how sexual trauma can lead to sexually explicit/inappropriate behaviors in children, they blamed her for it and said she was either lying about it all or that she had seduced the men that took advantage of her young body and young mind

[@LorieM1209]

I know all about buying my own clothes at 12. Because I didn't like my mother's taste in clothes when shopping, she refused to buy me clothes and told me if I didn't like it, then I had to buy my own from then on. And she meant it. Not easy, but a lot is learned. 🙏❤️🙏

[@helenr4300]

demanding to be economically independent; yet too young to legally earn. My thought hearing that was - what was the signal for boys to be responsible for their own living costs?

[@helenr4300]

@@LorieM1209 having the option of clothes you don't like or fund your own is very different to no option except what you can fund yourself

[@lisabeautyskindeep]

Unfortunately Jesus doesn't encourage any of this abuse and people will stand before him one day

[@jaccaj1626]

I can't comprehend how anyone could hold ill will toward or harm a child in any way. There are true monsters among us.

[@Eldavide888]

And the "monsters" are Protected by other "monsters" for me they are not monsters,just humans who choose to act like monsters. God bless you.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Many do it because they want to reenact things they wished they could've done to others but couldn't. My "father" hurt me and my sister in ways oddly similar to how our mom told him and others the abuse she suffered by her step (or half, I don't know and don't care) brothers. People can and will be monsters sometimes, and it's horrifying

[@michelem9277]

I am so sad you had to go through what you have had to experience. Also, that much of the horrible treatment was supposed to be in God's name. My God is a God of love, not of abuse. I am sending you love and kindness. You are so strong. Keep healing, and enjoy your life. ❤

[@StephanieBentley-t8k]

I have told my children since they were young "monsters really do exist, but they don't look like monsters, they look just like people."

[@drops.of.jupiter]

Then you've never tried to love a child with realtrauma. I was one. Lots of self sabotage lots of lying lots of at risk behaviors plus we don't trust that you're actually gonna love us and 99% can't handle their love being rejected. You'd be Shocked.

[@robinnoble5409]

Unlicensed unprofessionals; perfect word play. Unlicensed unprofessional sadistic monsters. Thank you for persevering and sharing!

[@VectorRabbit]

Always impresses me when people who have EVERY reason to be angry, mean, bitter people... are somehow so kind and hopeful in spite of it all.

[@LorieM1209]

Faith in herself. Beautiful girl. ❤❤❤

[@TA-jv9vb]

Agree ❤

[@sonderexpeditions]

Seriously 😢

[@danarzechula3769]

Yes! A beautiful soul❤

[@katwitanruna]

Break the silence. Break the cycle.

[@backtoasimplelife]

It's hard to break the cycle when CPS is a failure. That's who outsiders report the abuse to, but when they fail then what?

[@nicolefrederick2237]

powerful statement

[@lizh1988]

There isn't anyone you can absolutely trust, as far as humans are concerned. Or if they can be trusted they are few and far between, and hard to find.

[@Angry20Something]

I live driving distance from Lancaster, PA. We have Amish and Mennonite Farm market vendors all over our entire region, and people constantly hire them for building projects around their homes and businesses. My naive younger self used to think it was so neat we had this community that embraced the old school trades and were so self-sufficient with small businesses and substinence farming, etc. Now I just cannot respect the rampant abuse of both children and animals and how it is all normalized and covered up. The older I get, the more it seems religiosity correlates with awful behavior, abuse, and just completely skewed morals. The more strict and fundamentalist the sect, the more women, children, and animals are treated like tools and possessions to use and abuse in every sort of way. And crimes and bad deeds are so quickly covered up in order to preserve the fake image of piety and moral superiority.

[@kittyreincat]

Same. I live in Philly and often go out to Lancaster and grew up in the suburbs surrounded by Mennonite churches. Really interested to listen to this. Didn’t realize how awful the Amish were until Shelise.

[@jenrock8186]

Im so glad u said what u did

[@Angry20Something]

@@kittyreincat it's the shunning and the abuse, but it's also the damn puppy mills! Leave the dogs out of this.

[@bonniekellyromeo9073]

Yes, yhe dog abuse is horrible in their communities

[@aftersexhighfives]

We lived in Kentucky near some and they had a roadside stand. Their mama could make the best BlackBerry cobbler strudel I'm not sure what they called it but oh my gosh stuff is like heaven it was so good. So I go into the little store and the guy behind the counter stiffens. Realizes I'm alone and absconds to his house like he saw a fire. Out walks one of his sisters, pinning her dress as she comes down the path clearly rushing. I apologized to her and asked what the cultural rule is? She said, before you've come with your husband. This is the first time you've come without him. Our unmarried sons can't talk to married women unless the husband is part of the chat too. Told her he had deployed but I love their baked goods and we usually have a lovely chat about the things chickens get up to. Said said on Tuesdays I run this stall most often. Would it be too much to ask you come on Tuesdays? No ma'am not at all. I'm metaphorically stepping into your world, I just need to know the rules so I don't cause any other bachelors running about any surprise. I asked if my male chaperone has to be my famoly for that to work or it must be my husband? She giggled and said chaperones are for courting but she understood what I was asking. Any male I brought with me from then on was my brother. The normal cashier guy seemed relieved when i showed up with a brother chaperone the next week. 😂 my mother would deep belly laugh when I send her sibling selfies of us on our way there. I was an only child, so any kid that was my friend was also my new sibling. I would send my mom the selfies I'd takewith my "brother" and then our food haul. Send them to her. The family that ran the stand understood quickly, I'm actually an only child. But with a ton of men who are willing to be my brother for a whole sour cream cake just for them. The rear d brothers you get when your spouse and most of the unit deploys is exactly the same as getting real brothers. Endless practical jokes. Also the races of my brothers never matched me😂😂😂 endless jokes about jodi. Everything from their stand was marvelous. ❤ the rules made for funny photos and lots of brothers who still call me random holidays😂being funny. I hope this lady finds her peace and her person. She deserves a king worthy of the queen soul she earned in the forge of her life. ❤🎉

[@annahernandez7746]

Trauma driven behavior is so often interpreted as willful misbehavior. Most well intended families would not have the skills to discern the difference. Rachel’s story exemplifies this perfectly.

[@simonmiller1602]

Yes, It seems pain begets pain begets more pain. I am Mennonite and I am hurt by the blame on our well meaning people. We do not traffick. We offer shelter and food to the hurting. But imperfect and human we are. So sorry for all the tremendous amount of pain you've gone thru, Rachel .

[@starvationacres9901]

I love your statement “trauma driven behavior is so often interpreted as willful misbehavior “

[@Just_aKidFromMaine]

Rachel you are a rock star! Unbelievable strength that proves you are meant to be here and live a prosperous life. Be so proud of yourself! Your soul is absolutely beautiful ❤

[@CultstoConsciousness]

This🙌

[@DaniANDNoe]

Did you see the new vice & virtue law passed in Afghanistan this week 😢 women now are forbidden to speak in public & cannot sing or read too loudly in their own home. Really thinking about those women right now 🫂

[@AJansenNL]

That's so heartbreaking!

[@alc4ever24]

Thanks to the democrats for pulling out and leaving all of our military equipment there.

[@alc4ever24]

If you care about women's rights you'll wake up and understand the the left stands against you. The right does too, but the left pretends they don't.

[@nickywal]

@@alc4ever24 The Republicans that waddled in there in the first place because can't have the Commies having the poppy fields, rolled back out when propping up violent dictators just wasn't trendy any more, then played shocked when the person they trained and armed did what literally anyone could have expected and caused misery and suffering for 20 years. Yeah whatever far right to far right mess you call a political spectrum is amazing

[@DaniANDNoe]

@@alc4ever24if you think there is one central decision that caused this horrible situation you are misinformed. Bless your heart.

[@Seekeroftruth84]

I remember Rachel being a part of an amish church that was in fellowship with the amish church I grew up in. My heart went out to you Rachel. So sorry that you experienced the abuse you did. Filled with indignation over here 😡

[@ariyanna9088]

Rachel, I am so sorry that you went through all of that. I am 20 minutes into the video and my heart is crushed.

[@hollysego791]

I am so sorry that anyone would ever use Jesus or a religion to abuse and neglect you. Those people will answer to our maker for their actions. My heart hurts for your hurt. I appreciate your honesty so much! Praying the Lord blesses you.

[@laraoreski3417]

Jesus Christ, she was really set up to fail, and yet here she stands! Amazing job getting out and speaking out❤

[@laraoreski3417]

this was one of the most heartbreaking and at the same time heartwarming episode, and I've seen almost all of them. Thank you so much for sharing🎉❤

[@MissMentats]

Ironic choice of expletive

[@MissDebra]

Jesus was killed by religious people. He is alive now, and loves us all. Do not use His name as a swear word.

[@laraoreski3417]

@@MissDebra Dear Miss Debra, you have complete authority over your own words and behaviours, and I appreciate your concern, but as a person who was born and raised into Christianity with no choice, I can use whatever name I want for whatever I want. Please refrain from policing people's expression.

[@AotearoaAnge]

⁠@@laraoreski3417 you’re on a social media platform, you can’t control what others say. Interesting that you are policing what she is saying.

[@amandayoder4456]

Keep going Rachel!! Im Ex-Amish, but im blown away by the range of your experiences. Dont worry about church for a while, is my advice. It sounds like you're building your own community. Sometimes thats all anybody needs. Cheers!

[@helenr4300]

As a liberal Christian I believe that God gently holds those abused by 'people of faith', and any rejection of faith is accepted as a valid response to the pain. I accept that individuals may not want to affirm anything relating to faith, and I would never seek to ask them to do so

[@Oliver-Closeoff]

Religion is the cause of the world's pain.

[@danarzechula3769]

​@@Oliver-Closeoff😂very simple thinking Greed and self interest is what I see

[@Patzi-l1w]

I’m a recovering alcoholic and from Ireland and listening to Rachael describing the home she was sent to for counselling sounds exactly like the rehab, which was run by Catholic nuns, I went to! Lockdown at 11pm, night watchman coming around at 6am kicking our doors to wake us up! If anyone messed up they were put on report and denied privileges! And after 3 months of that it still took me a full year to get sober! Rachael I am absolutely delighted that you got out and I wish you a very happy life, you deserve it honey! Px

[@NegativeAccelerate]

Wow when was this? Unrelated, but I went to a mormon church in Dublin rathmins last week. The only Irish people that were there said their mothers were put into mother and baby homes. So the women left to join the mormon church where they were treated better. (I am atheist, I just went because the missionaries asked me to)

[@katim2644]

It's almost like the more godly the group professes to be, the most corrupt and abusive they are.

[@RoseMullet-c5u]

This is absolutely true in so many strict fundamentalist religious groups.

[@lijohnyoutube101]

Of course because religion to begin with is just made up nonsense.

[@Remeelialewis]

True!!! ,the bible even touches on that

[@alicialazzaro1514]

It’s true.. Jesus calls them a brood of vipers. He also spoke of them being outside being of looking like white deflectors and inside being… dead man’s bones. ….. I know all to well…. My rice is a cloistered nun….. it broke my heart to be a witness to that tragedy. She has been there since 2008. My sister in law is now luring other family members to go visit her in her self inflicted jail cell. It too is a cult. She believed that she is Isaac, the firstborn sacrifice. 😢 It’s a crying shame what her parents did to her. The firstborn son went to be a priest, but he changed his mind one month before committing himself there to that life… he is out, but she’s still locked in there. She started in Nebraska in PA.. now might be moved to Canada… Jesuit sect of Catholic Church. 😢

[@weylin32]

This has been studied and is true. The more fundamental the religion the more degrading and severe the abuse and sexual crime is.

[@downunderlife8433]

Being a parent is the best thing I have ever done..my job is to make sure my kids are loved no matter what..all these people hiding behind religion..😡

[@luvyatubers]

​@@Eldavide888control addicts

[@user56gghtf]

It's not just parents in this religion. There are many toxic parents. They're our coworkers, family, friends, etc. but behind closed doors they don't care, nurture, or love their children. They hate themselves and also hate everyone else. Yet because they look normal and the children look cared for no one bats an eye. Thank you for being a loving parent because not every parent is.

[@shannonwilliams5378]

I’m praying for all those who have been hurt by cults ❤😢

[@denia1594]

I cannot comprehend treating children like that! Anyone really, but children is even worse 😢

[@AamuAurora]

No abuse is worse or better, it's just equally evil. Some adults are as vulnerable as children.

[@nyves104]

I can't imagine being 17 and thinking that my friend is dying and there's nothing I can do to save them, and the fact she chose to get in the bed so she wouldn't die alone? yeah I've been crying for the past 10 minutes

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️❤️❤️

[@RachelKoszycki-lc4iu]

Towards the beginning of your story you said you had to learn to stop loving and my heart just broke. I've felt that before where you just shut down and go numb its safer to feel nothing than feel the pain. Then by the end of the story you said you've been learning to love again and I practically cheered out loud. I cried from sadness at first then I was happy crying by the end. You are truly incredible and your ability to tell your story so flawlessly and in a cohesive way left me in suspension the whole time. And people deal with trauma in so many ways and no way is right or wrong but the fact that your energy is so positive and just a pure light is amazing and refreshing and just a true testament to the resilience of people. Best of wishes to you thank you for sharing!

[@troismoutonsetuntigre5988]

what a sweetheart this woman is, beautiful, so intelligent, and so gentle despite all this crap.

[@KathleenNolt-r7f]

Thankyou for exposing this fr. I stepped forward about 2 years ago with the truth after leaving the conservative mennonites and my dad was arrested for molesting all 7 of my siblings. So much abuse goes on in those groups. So glad yall are sharing the truth!

[@rachelnicolecarter6254]

Thank you for your bravery in stepping out and exposing the abuse. I am so proud of you.

[@KathleenNolt-r7f]

@rachelnicolecarter6254 thankyou. It was so so hard and in definitely still struggling to get on my feet but what is important is my mom and my siblings are out now.

[@elitabarnhart3192]

You are HEARD & BELIEVED & YOU HAVE BEEN SO BRAVE NAVIGATING THROUGH the most twisted perversions of truth, love, & all the related varied abuses. You have been heroic. You are an inspiration!!!

[@raigenhuss7030]

How ironic, she is discussing not being believed her whole life when going forward about her abuse, and there are comments here expressing not believing her. And people wonder why victims don’t report. Kudos to you, Shelise, for calling these victim blamers out on their behavior.

[@arielwiley8441]

This is cope

[@lindamitchell1840]

What a strong young woman! I’m humbled by her story. It’s a shame that evil hides within churches.

[@orendungan3455]

Shelise - I've seen a lot of your videos. You and Jonathan always make amazing interviews but this one is a standout. I think this might be the most bewilderingly outraged I've ever seen you, and it really underscores just how monstrous Rachel's story is. If this isn't the story for torches and pitchforks, why do we even have those things at all? Thank you for having Rachel on, even as hard to hear as it is Rachel - Thank you for telling your story I hope each second that carries you from that past does something better than the last. You ARE the through line, but not in the way those jerks said.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you! I was definitely outraged. I knew we probably skipped a bunch of stuff so we recorded again. Coming soon!

[@therealdeal3672]

When you come from a really dysfunctional family situation it heightens one's vulnerability to highly controlling cults and religious groups. And in Rachel's case it seems that each situation led to the next and she was on a roller coaster of abuse and harm with a few good people sprinkled in. Thank heavens for the good people who helped Rachel to get to where she is now. Love that she has two boxers that help her. Hope that life continues to get better. What Rachel said about wanting to get to where you enjoy life and laugh again, that's strength. 💞💕💞

[@mmoore3743]

I find it absolutely amazing that so many people in your life failed you and were abusive to you yet at the end of the video, you offer to help others. What an incredible person you are! ❤

[@danarzechula3769]

Celebrating you Rachel🎉❤

[@tdsollog]

Absolutely heartbreaking. I'm happy Rachel got her freedom and is speaking out.

[@Memphismom123]

Rachel, after all you’ve been through, I find it amazing that you are up, breathing, coping, and now beginning to thrive in spite of the hardships (and that’s putting it mildly) in your life. I don’t know where you live right now, but I have some wonderful, loving Christian friends in Ohio and northern KY who would love to share life with you. Some I have known for 40 years, some less. Thank you for your courage and tenacity and the love of Jesus so evident in your life. God saved you for such a time as this and to be a voice for those who have none. 💕

[@RavenMelonai]

Thank you for bringing this story to light. I'm so glad Rachel is breaking her silence and moving back toward her passions. You both deserve all the love and support you're finding. All religions are cults, none of them can help you with medical issues.

[@jessiesheldon-huffey1824]

I am sorry that has been your experience but it is worth noting that there is a big difference between religion and a relationship with God. There are lots of people in churches that do have authentic relationships with God and sometimes miraculous healing does happen.

[@SalyLuz-hc6he]

Some of the people who helped me along the path to a healthier lifestyle were Christians whose love motivated them into medical service and volunteer work. They truly wanted to help and serve and share the love Jesus put in their hearts, the same love that had healed them up from the hurts life in this broken world inflicted upon them! I'm sorry if that has not been your experience, but there really are some very kind, patient and loving medical people who want to serve and help victims and people in need! These very kind and patient people will not steal away your right to choose the direction of your own life! But please do remember that we are all on a path, and many of us have been in the wrong place, and have been confused about the truth in the past. I am thankful to be in a healthier place now than I was 20 years ago.

[@HughMadBro]

I hope these woman move & have a wonderful life outside the cults & realize there’s so much more to life than organized religion & 🤞🏻 they remain safe after telling their story’s!!!

[@realmms]

I live in Canada near a Mennonite community and there are stories of girls being dropped off at the hospital with envelopes of cash and being told “fix” the problem. It’s wild because we have free health care but the lack of participation in society means they cannot access the care. Keep in mind English is their second language. It is so sad.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

That’s so awful!

[@mienafriggstad3360]

Correct! I live in Saskatchewan

[@WhatdoUmeanbythat]

Could I ask what type of Mennonite? I know of many and they can cary greatly in belief. I consider myself one culturally. I am not a member of any recognized church.

[@WhatdoUmeanbythat]

​@mienafriggstad3360 I'd like to ask which community of Mennonites you are referring to, as there are many Mennonites of very different beliefs. Many are quite different from what is described in this story and would be disgusted with how she was viewed & treated.

[@HosCreates]

Thats so sad😢

[@xochitlkitty]

My favorite thing is how you snuck behind their backs to keep singing and competing. What a brave girl standing up for the core of herself!💜

[@staceyschmidt3149]

I think she has done an amazing job at continuing to try to find love and acceptance in the midst of abuse, tumult, and frustration. I do find it interesting that, although she was not actually a member of that church, she still felt like she needed to sneak around to do the singing. I guess it was because, since she wasn't all in on the Holdeman idea of Christ-like living, she was worried that if she didn't comply she would have been pushed away from the church?? Or what exactly? I don't question her story; to be frank, I think that in any culture, in any area of the country, region, or world, where there are humans, there will be sneaky predators that are very good liers, and have the wool pulled over the eyes of those that "know them best". And then "those that know them best" will be prone, if they're not following the Holy Spirit closely enough, to push away as liars those that are trying to help in the community. I also think, although there are too many predators in Christian churches, and Catholic churches, there are far, far more predators in the world at large who certainly hold absolutely no desire to start to consider that there's a God who watches and will judge their actions. But I do think she is likely leaving out a substantial amount of the story. When you've gone through the amount of trauma that she went through in her young life, you don't enter into a conservative church community with the "tools" to right away conform to the "acceptable" manners, and the way one carries oneself, and the "proper" demure way of holding oneself apart from the opposite sex while still being able to interact with them. I wouldn't be surprised, then, if her usual way of interacting with the opposite sex was seen as provocative and forward, and flirty, which would not have gone over well at all. That would also have caused a wariness of her within the ministry and skew a "her word against his word" situation that hindered her and helped him. Then, her bringing it up to begin with would have caused an even higher level of wariness towards her and anything she would say. There's a fair bit of ground that needs to be gained on this issue of "her word against his" in the Mennonite conservative churches. Unfortunately, the amount of women lying about things like this in the general world (and there certainly are _plenty_ of situations where it has happened, so don't try to pretend it's not going on) is not doing anything to create a better circle of trust for women coming forward to speak on their terrifying SA situations that have originated with church-going "spiritual" men. Just a sad, bad situation all around. A big dose of grace and love goes a long ways...

[@12345directioner]

Oh Rachel, my dear sweet woman, my heart is breaking for you. Your strength and resilience is unfathomable and an inspiration to all! I can’t even imagine the pain and emotional trauma you have endured. I am so grateful you are free and you have single-handedly moulded your own future. I am sending you love and light and all of the positive energy I can muster! You are amazing and you should rejoice in your resilience. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Nirrrina]

These abusers are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. I hope that anyone who abused this good woman are shown the error of ways & gets whatever they deserve. Maam you are doing amazing & deserve every happiness you can claw from this world. Don't let anyone force you into a mold & tell you what to do. You should be very proud of how far you've come & how far you will go.

[@barbarabentley5345]

Rachel, the fact that you are alive is amazing. What courage to speak out when it has been unbelievably hard, may you find joy and sing loud, laugh, cry, hug your dogs and find friends that hear you. My eldest child is becoming a counselor and has faced her own trauma, and there is no doubt professional care is the only way to go. May you find more freedom every day. Unconditional Love- what a gift to give.

[@aprilcappel]

I have watched every single episode of your podcast and....my goodness. I cried so many times on this one. I cried in solidarity through some of the emotions of despair, some of the emotions of medical mismanagement on your behalf (Im a health care professional), and also so many tears on your behalf because of how absolutely unfathomable it is that you made it out of not one, not two, three, four or even just five abusive homes/situations. Rachel, you are a force of nature. You are a weapon that demonstrates the power of love and the power behind truly seeing an individual for everything they are;a human being. Congratulations and best wishes on your freedom. You, above anyone else, is deserving of your own love. Go get em' tiger!

[@krissyskorner236]

What a story. 😢I'm so sorry what happened to you. It really shows up some of the huge dysfunction within our closed communities. I'm so thankful you didn't give up and can go on to encourage others. We need to hear these stories though I'm sure it's not easy to tell.

[@nicolec1004]

I am just starting the episode and I just have to commend you (Shalice) on the way you are empathetic and the level of soft comfortable love you provide for these survivors. I love you and love what you are doing here. I am so proud of you! And much love to the guest of this episode. I am proud of you too Rachel! Keep pushing baby! You are a strong beautiful woman! You are loved and worthy! ❤

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Aww thank you so much! I do my best. I appreciate your love and support for me and our guests!❤️❤️❤️

[@the_newt_nest]

That counselor didn't see a need in her community, she saw an opportunity to make money off free labor. e: oh, and her bodily gratification

[@hestererlank8354]

The feelings I have are not as polite as yours.

[@Amethystar]

No one should have to deal with abuse, let alone having to choose which abuser to go home to. I'm so glad that you made it to the other side where you could reclaim who you are and really become someone that you like and are happy with :) That's a great message about feeling stuck as well, and not just for those who are stuck in an abusive situation. I feel like I've been stuck in a number of ways that have me feeling aimless and going through times where hope is hard to find. But it's always good to be reminded to nice forward, even if you don't know which direction to move in.

[@debbiedonovan8362]

It's so sad that so many systems failed her-- family, religious organizations included! It's heartbreaking to hear how much trauma can be caused by organized religion! It makes me curious, how many children and young adults are suffering without a way out!!😢😮😢

[@sarahburesh]

My parents were “normal” then started church hopping. We were never accepted fully by any of the churches because we weren’t born into it. Fundamentalist but they visited several different cults. Amish, Mennonite, Baptist fundamentalist and several others in between. Thank you so much for sharing! It really shines encouragement to find healing for others.

[@rochellemorris9172]

It is unreasonable how much a person can go thru and survive. No one should ever have to go thru anything close to any of these things. We all only know our greatest pain so I can just imagine the pain that goes along with a story like this, but also just the amount of empowerment that comes with being able to say, and I'm still here, and not only am I still here, I'm going to tell my story. Absolutely incredible and so brave. I see you. I hear you. Everything that happened to you was real and it was not ok and I wish you happiness and healing in every possible moment. Keep on keeping on

[@martabaczewska5038]

As a mother, this story made me so angry at all the adults in your life that failed you. I am so, so sorry and I hope that life has something beautiful for you. All the best for you girl!

[@MiraBoo]

You and your guests, like this incredible person, are so inspiring. The strength demonstrated by you and your guests helps rekindle my flickering hope. When I’m struggling or feel despair, I recall these stories of endurance, perseverance, and healing. The work you’re doing on Cults to Consciousness helps even those who’ve never been in high-control settings or situations. Thank you.

[@lau4545]

The way her face lit up when talking about the dogs and her goals to start laughing and having fun again in her 30s, that made me cry 😭😭♥️ Honestly imo your 30s are the best time for that though, for anyone I think! I'm just rediscovering my love for art and painting which I don't think I could have in my 20s for fear of judgement. Wish you alllll the best on your onward journey to happiness ❤

[@Lucy-z8h5g]

Rachel is such an engaging speaker - so articulate, intelligent, good humoured, and incredibly resilient. I'm learning so much from her.

[@lorizimmerman6770]

I’m Mennonite and I’m so sad you didn’t receive trauma informed care among people who claim to be the church. I will definitely share this episode. Great awareness about unlicensed counseling centers and calling them to more accountability. Thank you Rachel for your bravery ❤

[@Kwd123]

Wow, what a beautiful human being who has been through much and come out with the purist most beautiful heart.

[@debv2933]

Wow! What an incredible strong resilient inspiration of a woman you are, Rachel! I watch every single ‘episode’ of Cults to Consciousness and am always amazed by the guests, and our beautiful host, but the way you tell your story, you have a real gift and I think you could help so many girls and women if you chose to keep using your voice in such a way! Wishing you the absolute best life and all the love and happiness in the world, you really do deserve it all! ❤ Linda Listen: F**k the Patriarchy!!

[@ESimms2318]

I'm not religious in any way, form or fashion (because of my own issues in church's as a juvenile & also family abuse) & I usually scroll right past these type of videos/stories, but there was something about this headline & the little like 5-10 secs of pre-play that starts before the video & im actually so glad I did. I can empathize & sympathize w/Rachel & her story is so very compelling & needs way more attention to to the rest of the world. I was never in a Mennonite or Amish "church" or setting but did suffer my own abuse @ the hands of the church my abusive mother & step-father sent me to (just to get rid of me, so basically for a free babysitter on Wednesday & Friday nights, Saturday & Sunday mornings & also Sunday from like 4pm until 10pm or sometimes later. I also had my school nurse & counselor call Children's Services & they showed up to our school & home over 100 times from my 3rd grade year until my 7th grade year where I just started coving any bruises, marks or signs of abuse in general. I can relate to Rachel & her story so much. So I want to thank Rachel personally for sharing her story & for the host of this show (sorry, I didn't catch your name). I hope Rachel is able to find the peace that she deserves in her entire life: mind, body & soul. I haven't reached out for help in over 15yrs because everyone I ever tried to trust only ended up hurting me more, so I have given up on finding help or my own peace, I just turned 43 & literally do not leave my apartment except for medically neccessary appointments due to my Lupus, Fibromyalgia & Heart issues or blood work for all of the above, & I try to do virtual dr visits as much as possible. I have all of my groceries delivered & left outside my door, I have almost everything else delivered via mail or like FedEx, UPS, etc., & I pretty much know that this is just my normal & I will NEVER be able to function in any other way, NEVER have peace or HEALING, EVER. But I'm so glad that Rachel is working toward that & that she may be able to reach others who are struggling & motivate them to get the help, the RIGHT help that they need. Blessings & Love to you Rachel, you are an inspiration to me & I'm almost 1000% positive to so many others as well. I'm sending lots of Love, Light. Peace, Good Vibes & Hopes of nothing but Blessings your way dear Rachel!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@michelleconnolly8734]

I hope you do find peace, healing, and joy. You deserve all of these. I’m sorry so many people hurt you. You are valuable, precious, and have immeasurable worth. 💗

[@debranawracaj3303]

Good job Rachel. How brave you are to share your story! Thank you for allowing us to hear it. You are so articulate and intelligent. And amazing to find yourself again. Keep singing and laughing out loud and celebrating life!

[@rhondarobinson3709]

It doesn’t matter the situation….cults, addictions, abuse, etc. like she says: DONT GIVE UP! As a person who’s been through something, and managed to get through to the other side per se, it is so worth it when you get there! Appreciate your story and you have the soul of a survivor! Thanks for sharing.❤

[@TheNurseWhoLovedMe89]

I just finished the video and oh, man… *”We don’t know you, but we love you.”* I’m literally crying, that is so beautiful💞

[@QueenGummibBear]

Thank you for the content warning on infant mortality. So many people don’t think to include it. If anyone could comment with a timestamp where I could skip that/those parts I would be truly grateful so I could still hear the rest of this woman’s story.

[@Arkaaito]

These events are discussed from 0:40-0:55, 20:30-20:38, 29:52-30:20, and acknowledged at 1:23:03-1:23:13.

[@GrannyLinn]

Shelise, THANK YOU for giving all these brave women and men a voice. It’s going to give countless others the courage to get out. Leaving is a process and finding yourself in the real world takes time and work, too. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. My heart is so full, listening to this amazing woman’s story. She has a wonderful future ahead of her. ❤️❤️

[@tammyfreeburg5715]

Wow😮 let me just say thank you for your bravery,Rachel 🎉 I’m proud of you for being so transparent and honest. One thing I admire is that you continually search for what the “love of Jesus” REALLY IS. Church hurt is real! Religious abuse is real! It’s so painful and it can be easy to allow that to separate you from actual love and people who care. One of the church hurt experiences in my life was a pastor in the Lutheran church who had addiction issues and I was called by him to be a youth ministry coordinator. I was told by him (and his wife) that I had a target on my back. It wasn’t until after my life, and my children’s faith, were trampled on and cast aside, that I realized that the pastor (and his wife) were the ones who put the target on my back. Obviously it’s nothing like your story of trauma, tragedy and heartbreak. 😢 I say to thank you. ❤there is hope and healing and Jesus is not the one that hurt me. I appreciate you 🙏🏻

[@paulaley05]

Rachel, you are so very brave. Your story is crazy. I don't know how you made it through, but I am very glad that you have. You come across as a kind, compassionate, intelligent and caring person and I wish you all the very best for your future. You will help so many by sharing your story. Thank you xx

[@tracytaylor1893]

This woman is amazing so strong thank you for sharing and praying for all those needing help to get away from toxic places and people

[@NancyTheWoman]

I rarely leave comments anywhere, but this lady's story touched my core emotions! She is wonderful, and I hope she finds all she's been searching for. ♥ These stories made me understand people who join any religion, influencing me to be more compassionate and kind to them, so thank you, Shelise!

[@ChristieCianciotto]

So glad you are still here with us. Although prayers are well intended it could be possibly triggering for those who are already dealing with religious trauma ❤️

[@lizf1353]

Seriously! I'm truly astounded that people can hear these stories of religions abuse and the first thing to come out of their mouth is more religions noise 😢

[@nickywal]

@@lizf1353 Or even try to tell survivors they just found the wrong people, go find the twue Jeebus. Its gross and frankly predatory

[@garfieldshauntedmansion420]

@@lizf1353i completely agree, it’s seems they can’t be compassionate without being religious first and foremost

[@AotearoaAnge]

How tolerant of you.

[@judyives1832]

@@AotearoaAnge It’s not being intolerant to call people out for being hurtful. Only the religious insist that shoving their “prayers” onto others is good no matter how the recipient feel about it. It’s not intolerance of their beliefs to ask them not to abuse others

[@katwitanruna]

Liked. Shared. Commented. Told the algorithm to go forth and testify.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for that!

[@PanamaCityGal]

Thank you Rachel for sharing, we love you! Thank you for being strong and for helping so many with your story.

[@zippymacadoo6336]

I had to pause the video to say I am aghast at what Rachel has had to survive thus far. It is inconceivable to me that everything wrong and inhumane was done to her with no safe harbor. My admiration of her survival ability knows no bounds. She is incredible. May she have nothing but peace and love for the rest of her life. She has more than earned it.

[@jackiemarchand2647]

So happy you’re getting back into music and shining your light ❤❤❤❤

[@erikarizkallah9309]

What a harrowing and brave story! I came to know Jesus rather late in life & used to wish I’d have discovered him earlier. But after listening to Rachel, I realize how lucky I am to have found a supportive and loving church community when I did. I’ve listened to almost all of the episodes here & Rachel’s ability to persevere & endure is TRULY remarkable! May God bless you as you cast off all that stupid, hurtful & harmful junk & discover the person you really are. So far I see a beautiful heart, a persistent spirit, compassion & grace. Would love to see a “where is she now” episode in a couple of years. Stay strong & stay free 💜

[@EdensApple80]

I’m a cradle Catholic and have had nothing but positive experiences with the church and our faith. I too realize I am one of the fortunate. God bless this woman for sharing her story. ❤

[@SalyLuz-hc6he]

Wow! All I can say is what a trip! I have known some of the same people and communities Rachel mentions, but also some of the sister communities which were slightly different. Thankfully I was a bit older when I met the Holdemann Mennonites. The family I got to know First was involved in a lot of mission work and medical service work. For example, they were registered nurses, EMTs and teachers on a reservation. I was a young adult re-examining my life after a severe crisis, and making my own choices for the first time. I was glad to find joyful people who loved to sing and serve others! I was encouraged to see that while they did not have instruments in the church, the people I knew listened to CDs in their trucks like when they were on the way to work, going going to get groceries etc. they were very big on medical care, and then that local congregation I don't believe anyone would have gotten away with not providing medical treatment for a person with an infection! Something nagged at the back of my head and I started asking a lot of questions about their history and theology. I asked a lot of what if questions about different types of situation's, trying to determine how much personal freedom would be realistic and expected in this congregation, and if the men thought they would have any right to control my life as an unmarried woman. The thing that sealed for me that it was not the right Church, not a good match for me is, ultimately the leadership of the church believes they are the one true denomination. The leaders will not be open about it upfront, but they don't honestly believe that even other Mennonite churches are right with God. Thankfully I had already come to the conclusion that any church who says they are the one true church, and they're the only way to God, is a cult. Seriously, the Bible is available and thousands of languages, and thousands of different cultures all around the world. If you choose to believe the Bible and follow Jesus, there should not be any force or threat of violence ever involved at all! If you see this type of behavior, RUN Away!! 10 years later I had some friends attending the same congregation, and found out the people I knew who had attended college and were medical professionals had left for a less strict Mennonite church where people could follow their own consciences. Also, Caneyville Christian Community part or at least half the people left and it is now consists of different people than it did a few years ago. Now they are under the supervision of a more modern Mennonite church, they have some motor vehicles and electricity if the individual families want it in their house. They don't have such strict rules that require everything to be done by hand. Obviously there is not anyone through church or a perfect place on earth, but there are a whole lot of us people who are hurting and looking for others on a similar path, who want to live a healthier more love-based life. I think we need to be careful to not take on any more rules than Jesus himself spoke. Jesus spoke to women alone, he allowed a "sinful woman" to anoint his feet with ointment and her hair! He loved everyone, and he looked at the need of each human heart. If we can't have grace and compassion and empathy for each other, then we are not full of the love of God. Look for people who are not controlling, places who know how to be brutally honest about their own struggles and challenges, without gripping on and being controlling of other people. Now I know it is a wonderful thing to find like-minded people who are going the same direction as you and Life, who can become a family of choice for each other! But my Congregation does not seek to grasp and control others. We believe that if each one of his loves Jesus and chooses to follow him, we will eventually be going in the same direction, to become more like him. We help to strengthen and encourage each other along the way, and we know that it's not our job to judge, criticize or condemn anyone! But my congregation does not seek to grasp and control others. We believe that if each one of us loves Jesus and chooses to follow him, we will eventually be going in the same direction, to become more like him. We see each other as brothers & sisters, and we help to strengthen and encourage each other along the way. We know that it's not our job to judge, criticize or condemn anyone! There is plurality in our leadership, and we don't have anyone person telling the others what they must do. That is not healthy! Dear ones, don't give up! You are unique, immensely valuable and precious, and the world needs people just like you!! You deserve to be loved and feel safe! You deserve to find the reason you were here on earth, and to explore different ways of living a meaningful life! While there is life, there is still hope for your future to be better, to be beautiful! 💙🙏🏼💛✌🏼💜🦋🌻🪻🌅

[@SuperSteeler98]

The "good family" reference is heartbreaking. Bless you for speaking publicly. There's so much abuse that never is talked about

[@marip0sa3833]

I have never related to an interview more! For myself, coming from an abusive household I ran to multiple church groups through out my life to try to find a community and ended up in less severe but similar groups. It's so nice to hear someone else expressing that unique feeling that comes from being in one of these groups but coming from the outside while also not really having anything on the outside. I defintely hope to see more videos with Rachel!!!!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for sharing! One more coming soon

[@D.I.V.A.Journey3758]

Young lady, you are truly an amazing human! Your strength is beyond words. The thing is, you should NEVER have had to be that strong!! It breaks my heart and INFURIATES me that you and sooooo many other children are treated this way! All for control and manipulation! This has absolutely JACKSHYT to do with God or whatever Supreme being they poport to worship! I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but that is my personal take on it! It is sick, disgusting, and INSANE!!! Ok, rant over. I'm so glad u are making your way and continuing to heal. Sending you so much positive energy and love your way! 🫂❤️🙏🏽

[@rivkahmiri513]

Oh Rachel You are a strong, beautiful, kind, miracle! This hands down was the most difficult episode to hear. It's a miracle you survived you survived as you have. I'm a licensed clinical social worker in California and I completely support you. You had the sweetest inspirational statement. I'll find you on Instagram. I'm glad you have your dogs and your landlord! I became a licensed clinical social worker because I've been through a lot of trauma too but different than yours. I knew it 10 years old that I wanted to help people. you are an empathetic beautiful soul. I'm thankful you survived.

[@PamH1955]

An amazing story. Thank you for telling it. TAKE YOURPOWER BACK!

[@MsFriendly2009]

Oh my, when the speaker said I'm putting it in my own words. What's the point of feeling when it doesn't change anything. I can't tell you how many times I've said this to my therapist. I'm learning to feel my feelings sit with them even if I'm uncomfortable and now learning how to articulate them.

[@DannyAnn101]

You're so strong Rachel & incredibly intelligent & well spoken. Your story is extremely important and touches on the availability and network of these dangerous churches. And as someone who had a tense scary childhood home it is so easy to be bated into stange relationships with adults. It's not your fault that those around you (until latley) did not love you, they know their transgressions and they were threatened by your honesty. It's all in how we choose to see ourselves beyond their views, and regaining our image of ourselves and independence. I hope you prosper where you want to be!

[@stephaniewildes]

I can't believe how much horrible stuff you survived and yet you glow, you irradiate life. I was so moved and impressed. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@danarzechula3769]

Not just surviving but thriving❤

[@lilasfaves7846]

Amazing woman - having gone through so much and still being sane and honest and brave… such an inspiration thank you sorry you’ve been through all this sh*t my family were Lutheran too in Denmark ❤❤❤

[@greg-op2jh]

Power to Survivors. Bless this women. If i could reach out a hug her i would. Sending so much love and healing to her. ❤

[@michellereneetruthseeker9339]

Sending LOVE To all of those who were involved, still are involved , and hurt ,by these dark souled humans..... YOU ARE LOVED ,,, YOU ARE IMPORTANT,, YOU MATTER

[@CultstoConsciousness]

❤️❤️❤️🙌

[@sonjah4847]

Wow, Rachel you seem like a wonderful and lovely person to talk to and you are incredibly strong for not giving up throughout all those years! You have definitely sparked some joy in living for me through sharing your story and I am truly amazed by your resilience. As a trauma survivor myself I still struggle most days to even find joy and do one thing that makes me happy, so thank you for being so positive and showing me that the path of healing can lead to finding yourself and being happy again!❤

[@jenniferhatcher5326]

Rachel you are absolutely amazing.

[@katececiley]

What a strong, wise, beautiful soul. Thank you both for being who you are in this world. Truth tellers and bringers of the light🙏🏼 So much respect and love🙏🏼

[@lisahance]

Kudos to Rachel for having the courage to tell her story. I just wish I could hug her. Rachel, you are so special and worthy of love and kindness ❤

[@Momof5grannytomany]

While I did not grow up in a cult I did find out that I was raised that way due to my paternal side of the family. I dont condone what cults to children or woman thank you for sharing your story it helps young woman learn there are ways out of this with out killing yourself due to all this abuse.

[@DaniANDNoe]

Family cults are a thing! She has a few videos about different examples

[@jennaxoxox4821]

My mother ran our family like a cult. It is hard to unlearn. Much love and hope to you.

[@Momof5grannytomany]

@@jennaxoxox4821 thank you same to you

[@cynthianewman3909]

What a beautiful and inspiring human being! Always finding her strength and positive force in spite of the bad. ❤

[@melissavick3071]

Rachel, I'm born & raised in Iowa. I'm not religious, but I wish I could have helped you have a better childhood. This is not "Normal" of our state & it's horrible you were dealt this deck from the beginning. You did a WONDERFUL job in this interview & I couldn't stop listening. I will be following you now & cheering you on from NE Iowa. Love you girl! ❤

[@Reader1155]

How can you be so sure - any state probably have these organizations in the name of religion and religious freedom! I’m from a neighboring state and have always had a healthy distrust of these religious organizations that are obviously HORRIBLE and CRIMINAL- here’s your proof….

[@CarmellaCake11]

The troubled teen industry is a cult in itself! It’s terrible the institutional abuse and exploitation that goes on in these places! Some are state sanctioned but all have cult roots and abuse. I live in Pennsylvania and see the Amish pretty regularly. It’s so sad what these people are forced to endure and they’re so isolated it’s hard to reach them. I know in Lancaster PA the city allows the men in these communities to get away with all manners of abuse and exploitation because they bring so much money into the area with their goods. Amish built furniture and sheds etc are all over here in PA. I often see the young men working in construction on roofs. It’s labor trafficking.

[@Plethorality]

Yes. Its disgusting treatment.

[@chrissyJ6232]

She is a beautiful soul even though she went through a lot of evil. She still came out on top.

[@cc-hk5ih]

Truly amazing!Omg 🎉 if anyone had gone through half as much no one would be upright! Well done wonderful speaker! Makes me so thankful for my family and all the love I've had particularly as a child. Those churches should have helped this girl her problems couldn't just be prayed away or hidden away like her predators. Children should be protected and loved. A church should be a sanctuary for the innocent not for criminals. I hope that rediscovering music and singing and health and happiness will make for a lovely life. Music and singing have helped me through my hard days it's balm for the soul.

[@MaineCoonMama18]

I agree, Rachel did an amazing job of telling her story! She seemed natural and relatable. I really loved everything she had to say. I'm so happy to hear she's finally found love, support, and belonging with wonderful people. ❤ I'm excited for a future episode!

[@sayhello5377]

A lot of this resonated so much of me with my own upbringing. My dad was a Baptist pastor at various churches for about 15 years. When I was in college, he had an affair and lost his position at the church, and then turned away from Church entirely. There was a lot of control exerted over my mom, my brother, and me. We were supposed to reflect well on my dad, no matter what. And while I never personally went to one of these “unprofessional counseling centers,“ I do know that a lot of pastors offer counseling services, even though they are not legally qualified to do So. It’s called “pastoral counseling” and a lot of churches push people into it, because they are fearful that a legitimate, licensed counselor might help someone see reality.

[@Dragonflyathena]

You’re a phenomenal woman and I’m so glad you’re still here helping and inspiring others. Your “Linda Listen” made me tear up. ❤❤❤

[@amanwell3619]

Rachel, you are a beautiful soul & a beautiful woman! You are a shining light in this dark world. Thank you for your willingness to share your story. I'm so sorry for all you endured in those religious cults. Your resilience is an inspiration. You are loved! You are enough! I admire you for wanting to help others. Shelise... I love your top! You always look so beautiful. You are beautiful! Thank you for your dedication to doing this work.

[@adriennenelson759]

I have so many thoughts and reactions to your interview, Rachel. I grew up in a home that didn't believe in mental health problems (unless they were extremely obvious). I spent years hiding in depression and finally got help at 22. There were people in my church who discouraged this kind of help because it was "worldly influence". I no longer belong to that "church", and I still treat my mental health problems medically because I deserve to feel human. You are still young - you said "my life was" as though it may be mostly over. Life is just beginning and it will become more beautiful as you surround yourself with people (and puppies) who love you for you. As a side note - look for a community chorus group in your area. I belonged to one as a younger adult and really enjoyed it. There are usually community concert bands and orchestras too in most areas. I hope you continue to unfold the life you were truly destined to live and enjoy.

[@peacenyk]

Oh, my heart is breaking for what she went through. I wish her all the love and kindness for the rest of her life. Thank you for being so brave and speaking out to help others in that situation. My heart to yours.