I won’t let my husband hold our baby 🍼 1 800 Drama Podcast | Reddit Stories r/AITA

[@TheDopekitty]

I'm a clumsy autistic person with borderline personality disorder and I've raised my own kids without major incident. Definitely feels ableist

[@PaulaRoederer]

Same. Autistic, ADHD, clumsy, but never dropped my baby, or anyone else's, either.

[@starparodier91]

I’m autistic, have ADHD AND very mild cerebral palsy. I’ve only recently held a baby (only child with a small family but engaged to someone with a big family) and I’ve had zero problems. Now it just feels natural.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Feels more like postpartum psychological disorder in OP if she isn’t letting anyone hold the baby. (There is some ableism in there too since she felt that was a valid enough excuse… but I don’t think it’s the main problem)

[@adamalobaidi1664]

I'm also Autistic and borderline, I was the main person who took care of my sister as an infant while I was also a child and also didn't have any incidents. It's not to say there aren't difficulties looking after a child in all situations, but we're not incapable just because of diagnoses.

[@TheBrokenLock]

as a clumsy autistic BPD that gets hormonal every time i see a small child this gives me hope i can be a parent one day 🥺

[@adrienstarfaer]

1st story: OP said her husband was spacing out, that's not even close to what psychosis is, not without other symptoms. Her explanation is extremely ableist, and she is the AH.

[@charliev4156]

Yeah spacing out and clumsiness is not at all psychosis

[@Juu_de]

And autism and bipolar aren't necessarily indications of psychosis I don't think... Edit: I learned from the comments that the episodes in bipolar disorder can actually lead to psychosis.

[@CC4real]

Yes!! I asked my husband (who's a therapist) about this and there are 2 types of bipolar disorder and while one of them can have accompanied psychosis, it comes in episodes that rarely last longer than 48 hrs...so even IF op is correct in her partner's diagnosis (not confident that she is), he would just not be able to hold the baby during an episode. Still doesn't justify him NEVER being able to hold baby😐

[@someone-gi5lq]

i've both spaced out and been through psychosis, i can confirm they have nothing to do with eachother

[@no-one.in.particular]

Yeah, OP also sounds quite controlling since husband didn't seem to question it for so long like he's used to this sort of behaviour and she was happy to give the internet the excuses she did like she's used to just making these rules.. unless there is severe cognitive impairment, husband would be aware of his limitations or if he is currently struggling with symptoms

[@ellehopelle]

As someone with asthma and a dog allergy, it really bothers me when people go "oh why would anyone not want a cute doggy around, how mean, they must be miserable people". I've literally heard people say things like that when told that a dog wasn't allowed in the common areas of an accommodation. Like, no, I'm sure he is very friendly and cute, but I like breathing more and I hate that I'm seen as a villain for it.

[@starparodier91]

I have asthma and I’m technically allergic to dogs and cats but was born into a house of 8 cats and two dogs and I’m an only child. While it’s personally difficult to imagine myself not being around animals- I’d NEVER push having my dog around on anyone else or think badly of them. My dog is very well behaved and if you wish to pet him, you’re more than welcome, but I’m not just going to expect you to love my dog.

[@kellyl13]

I love animals (especially dogs), but people should always ask before bringing their pet to someone else's place; that's just common courtesy.

[@starparodier91]

@@kellyl13 I go in my bathroom and shut the door and talk quietly while calling my friends/family to ask them if it’s okay if my dog comes over and we basically speak in code so my dog doesn’t get sad if he can’t go 😂

[@futhark3]

My husband has sleep apnea, asthma, and all the allergies. He's severely allergic to cats so my sister and childhood friend have been really accommodating by always meeting us outside of their homes We just got a puppy, she's a poodle mix which is what they call "hypoallergenic". It's not that you can't be allergic to her, it's just more likely that people with milder dog allergies, like my husband, will tolerate her fur. I feel uncomfortable bringing her public places because I'm worried about allergies, but it makes me a bit calmer to know that she will cause less and milder reactions than some dogs

[@undefinederror40404]

As someone who grew up with dogs, I cannot imagine being so entitled and selfish to assume a dog can be brought everywhere. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that! There's a variety of reasons (allergies, asthma, trauma, other pets present, etc) that are pretty common and valid for not wanting a dog somewhere. It's so dumb to not assume those reasonable and common things, and instead remark that someone in that room must be evil 🤦‍♂️

[@LadyRedLyrium]

Psychosis is specifically a break from reality characterized by hallucinations (seeing/hearing things that are not really there) or delusions (believing something untrue despite having evidence to the contrary). That first OP is really, really ableist. Speaking as someone who has both experienced psychosis AND worked with psychotic people as a therapist, the likelihood that someone would be holding a baby and then - all of a sudden out of nowhere with no warning - suddenly start believing that the baby is a demon, for instance?... is so beyond unlikely. She would likely KNOW if he is currently psychotic or not, to such a degree where he might not be safe holding a baby, so that is an absurd excuse. And what does autism have to do with anything? Her overprotectiveness doesn't give her an excuse to be that ableist. Big red flags, and big YES, she is the drama.

[@kellyl13]

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but psychosis isn't typically associated with autism or bipolar disorder, right?

[@LadyRedLyrium]

@kellyl13 Psychosis can be present in bipolar, but isn't always. (it often depends on the type of bipolar - it is most likely to occur during mania in type 1, and more likely to occur during depression in type 2. But psychosis is completely unrelated to autism. It would be so easy for her to just go "hm, you are manic, so maybe not today" but still allow him to hold his own child at other times. So ridiculous!

[@bxbydrxgxn]

@@LadyRedLyrium I agree, I think the comments are completely right that it is pp anxiety cause its so extreme and it really didn't seem like she was concerned during pregnancy. But she needs to deal with that and stop being ableist. I have a fainting disorder, if someone told me I couldn't hold my own baby because of that i would lose it.

[@s.a.4358]

Thank you your expert input. I was thinking it’s not something that can happen all of a sudden, but I am also not very knowledgeable so it is good to have confirmation. Beyond being ableist, OP is also assuming nobody besides her would care enough about the baby’s safety. She’s assuming the baby’s own father wouldn’t care about making sure he doesn’t drop or harm his child. The grandparents, who we can assume have cared for their own children in an okay way, suddenly wouldn’t care about their grandson or know how to take care of him? That any family member wouldn’t love and protect the baby simply because they didn’t birth the baby?

[@leggyegg2890]

Yeah the psychosis stuff is wild. Autism could absolutely have an impact on parenting and present a lot of challenges (which should’ve been discussed long before they started trying to conceive) but I have no idea how it would make him more likely to drop or harm the baby? I know issues with motor skills and coordination CAN be commorbid w autism, but if it was so severe that he could never safely hold a baby that would surely have an extreme impact on the rest of his life and she would’ve mentioned that. None of it adds up tbh

[@emmashuherk6052]

Story number one reminded me so much of when people got mad at me for allowing my aunt with MS and a drug addiction to hold my five month old baby. She was sober at the time and sitting, in a couch, next to my uncle who kept an eye on her. He later told me how much it meant to her that I let her hold my daughter. She only felt comfortable for a few minutes and passed the baby on to my uncle. He later told me how much it meant to her. All of my other family made me feel like a terrible mom and told me how irresponsible that was of me. I think that this is likely postpartum anxiety that the OP is feeling, but even so, there are safety measures that can be taken to accommodate people’s abilities as well as mom’s anxiety.

[@Redthreadwitch]

As a dog owner, I have never taken my dog to anyone’s home without checking in every time. Just a quick “is it cool if I bring the dog?” And sometimes the answer, even from friends that are normally okay with it, is “no, the cat is pretty stressed out today” or “so and so with the dog allergy is joining us tonight” and that’s okay! Actually, we stopped bringing our old dog around to friend’s houses when his arthritis got bad because he would growl and bare his teeth if folks tried to pet his back end. I cannot even imagine repeatedly bringing a puppy who was so unruly to someone else’s house and letting them run amok. At least keep them on a lead in the friend’s house until you trust them to not be destructive!

[@borealernadelwald]

Exactly. I also have a dog and for me the default is: Don't bring the dog. My dog is very easily excitable, especially around multiple people and other pets, so I generally leave him at home and when I bring him, I keep him on the leash so he doesn't run around to explore every nook and cranny in that person's home. I'd also never take it personally if someone asks me to take my dog outside or to not bring him. Sometimes you just want a relaxed gathering and not a fluffy bundle of chaotic energy around.

[@AB-qt6uw]

With the first story as well, OP mentioned that her husband isn’t on paternity leave, which naturally points to the conclusion that he has a paying job. This means that he is still able to meet the demands and uphold the difficult responsibilities that come with paid work, and not on disability payments, which I don’t think would be possible if his autism and mental illness was as debilitating as OP is making it sound to justify herself. I’m not saying his conditions aren’t valid at all, just that he clearly has ways to manage them to allow for a broader participation in the world that some disabled people don’t have access to, so I see no reason why he wouldn’t be capable of managing the risks to hold his own child. This is definitely OP’s problem.

[@leggyegg2890]

I thought the same thing. I’m hesitant to make too many assumptions about his limitations because we don’t know what kind of job he has or what kind of support he receives - he may have a lot of accommodations in the workplace that he doesn’t have at home. But I agree that it’s very, very unlikely that his disability makes him completely unable to hold a baby under any circumstances, yet doesn’t prevent him from working (presumably) full time. Acknowledging your partner’s limitations is one thing, but it seems like she thinks the guy is completely incompetent

[@MoonGalleon22]

I think that really depends? I don't know how it is in the US, but I'm in the UK, and I'm currently trying get on to PIP, the UK disability benefit. I work a job - formally full-time, but I dropped down to part-time because of stress - but, due to my autism and ADHD, I do struggle with a lot of things at home and I require a good amount of support from my wife as a result. Even though it's not a means-tested benefit (aka it's available no matter how much you might earn from work), they used my employment as a reason to insist that I require 0 support at all. It's not means-tested because people can have disabilities that require them to need certain supports at home, whilst still having a job; my job is a super mundane office job, some would say I'm overqualified for it, but I often need prompting by my wife to eat and I've struggled to prepare a meal with more than 3 ingredients. Again, I don't know if having a job disqualifies you from those kinds of benefits in the US, but the point still stands that you can't judge people's support needs based on whether they have a job or not, because a lot of disabled people do work and/or want to be able to work, without that work disbarring them from getting support. The OP's ableism isn't acceptable either, by the way - if she were worried by him being "clumsy" or "zoning out", she would have asked him more about his experience, and worked with him on that. There are organisations out there who work to support disabled parents, I think this couple should try and access that support if they think the husband's autism/bipolar might present problems.

[@AB-qt6uw]

@@MoonGalleon22 Very good point! I didn't think about this so thank you.

[@ratgoddess9196]

For this first story, leaving for the night kind of makes sense to me. Like, he's upset and frustrated, and his wife won't even *let* him co-parent, so if he needs space, i feel like there isn't really that much reason that can't leave

[@ThePokemonPrinceYT]

I agree

[@s.a.4358]

I agree considering that OP is not even letting the husband co-parent in the first place so it’s not like he is abandoning his responsibilities, he wants to be involved but OP is not allowing it. Of course there are other things to being a co-parent beyond holding the baby, such as chores, making food, etc and the husband could still do those, but all we know is that he went to his parents’ place for the night in order to get some space in that moment specifically. He’s not leaving for 3 days straight .

[@marieugorek5917]

It's sending Hella ableist. If I, a clumsy AuDHDer, could safely hold my newborn brother with help at age 2, a father can hold a baby. Maybe he only holds the baby when sitting or wears the baby in a carrier, but seriously. Wow. YTA

[@marieugorek5917]

The fact that he waited a month tells me he has learned it is not safe to ask questions. He needs to learn that, at least with you, it is safe.

[@CandySphynx]

About that first man not being able to hold his baby going to his own parents’ house: he doesn’t seem to have a lot of control over the relationship. He’s been forbidden to hold his own child for a MONTH and we don’t know if OP didnt cut out conversations they’ve had.

[@stacylitwin1466]

that dog one is INSANE! When I had a dog, I NEVER assumed I could take them ANYWHERE with me unless that was the park. I have never understood the people who take dogs with you everywhere. Most places are not pet friendly and you just have to be ok with that

[@SophiaRavenna]

My dog has separation anxiety so we actually currently can't leave her alone for a few hours -- and I would still never expect her to be allowed at a friend's house without expressly asking! It's my responsibility as her guardian to either make sure she's welcome someplace (and that she has toys and treats to keep her occupied while she's there), or to make arrangements for someone to watch her, or to sit out an event.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

I love that you said "currently" which shows that you're working on it. So many people adopt dogs and just assume they have to become irrational instead of trying to help the dog learn to adjust.

[@no-one.in.particular]

I have separation anxiety with my dog (she's fine alone, I'm not lol) if someone doesn't want her in their house, we can change plans like use my house or go out or just do shorter visits until I reach my limit. I've found most people are fine with changing plans to something that is good for everyone in the rare occasions that my dog is not invited (she's very well behaved and intentionally trained to be a very polite guest, she only gets denied because resident pets might not be happy)

[@Tnya099]

yes, this! I do petsitting sometimes (overnight stays, often weeks long) and the first thing I ask is how long the dog can be left alone. And I always adhere to that. One time, the owners kindly kept their usual dog walker going so I could go out for some space three times a week for 2-3 hours a week.

[@Desimere]

when my dog had separation anxiety, it helped to act like it's not a big deal when leaving or coming back home, having the outings be short (2 h at most), and not to let the dog outside when leaving. When he could go outside and see us leave, it made it worse. Getting swept up in emotion when the dog is happy that you're back home feels pretty natural, but yeah, it makes it seem like "wow, i returned this time!" :D which shouldn't really be a surprise or a happy event, just business as usual.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

@Desimere yeah, you can't say goodbye either, which is kinda hard. My dog was abandoned as a puppy (we think bc she's obviously meant to be a hunting dog, but she has almost no sense of smell) and she had wicked separation anxiety when we got her. We've had her over 11 years now and she's almost entirely adjusted, but she gets a little anxious whenever she sees suitcases by the door and will freak out a little when my mom goes out of her line of sight when in strange new environments.

[@Sophia048]

One of the hardest, most heartbreaking lessons I've ever had to learn was 'it's not my life, it's not my choice'. Watching someone you love hurting, and self-sabotaging, and refusing help and having to take a step back and watch them crash into the same wall over and over is almost unbearable. But you have to somehow bear it. All you can do is watch and be there in case they let you pick up the pieces. Otherwise, they just push you away.

[@timeneses]

Support Faithful, and don't say "I told you so" when it goes to crap.

[@Invisiblegirl109]

First story: I experience psychosis and I have 4 kids, I have never once done anything that might put them in danger because I can recognize the warning signs of my psychosis and dissociation so I put the baby down before anything bad happens. If my wife told me that I could not hold our child because of my psychosis, I would immediately leave to cool down and the next day we would have a big talk about what she thinks my disorders are and if we can continue the relationship if she has so little trust in me. The reason I would leave is because I know my triggers and I don’t want to have a screaming match with my wife and I know what I’m like if I feel like I’m not being heard, I go into my head freak out and then end up sobbing on the floor or having a panic attack and I really don’t enjoy that. So yes, I would leave.

[@Tnya099]

My friend's (35f) mother experiences psychosis too. Her and her 3 siblings love their mom so much and it hasn't taken away from her being an active and wonderful mother. it's just been a bit hard for them when the mom has needed to be hospitalised, just as it is hard when any parent or loved one is sick! That made me feel really sad, and I'm not surprised you would need some space.

[@tabithaesaacson9039]

I can't speak for all sensory adverse neurodivergent parents, but for me and my husband it just kind of didn't matter? It sounds like such a cop out, but for me, as soon as I saw that baby my brain went "Yes, this child gets to go on the exclusive list of ok with touching"

[@n0b0dy--]

Children are a sensory nightmare for me but I try to hide it in front of them because it's not their fault and I don't want them to feel like it is. But I could definitely never have kids of my own

[@tabithaesaacson9039]

@@n0b0dy-- Oh other people's kids are a no go for sure, even my nieces and nephews. Something in my lizard brain just went "You are my child, you may touch"

[@rage_of_aquarius]

​@@n0b0dy--same! But my mum is top of my "safe hugs" list 😃

[@Sophie_Cleverly]

I definitely felt completely ok with holding my daughter and with making eye contact which I normally hate! The only sensory issue I had really was with breastfeeding, it did make me very stressed and I would often have meltdowns in the middle of the night 😫 thankfully she's 6 now so well past all of that!

[@shadowshifter5348]

I have huge sound sensory issues and 7 years ago when two of my brothers gfs gave birth a week apart, I suddenly had two crying babies in the same house. I helped raise one of them till I moved out 4-5 years ago. I can't handle kids screaming or anything, I also find kids gross. But for her, ONLY her, I could ignore the screaming, help clean her up if she was just a tiny bir messy, and deal with whatever she threw our way. She's adhd like me, originally diagnosed autistic but they changed the diagnoses a few years back. My parents are raising her so I can see her anytime I want, she's only 10 minutes away. This is the only child I can do these things for, the only exception.

[@jenniferadler9473]

Shaaba, I encourage you to hold space for the autistic dad to leave for a night to process his experience. Being told by his wife that he can’t hold his baby is not a small matter. That is a huge blow. It’s likely that his clumsiness is related to his autism (sensory differences can cause this, and also motor planning difficulty - dyspraxia - can be part of it), which genuinely makes even the word clumsy ableist in this case. He has had this child for a month without being able to hold it, then he was given an ableist reason by the person who is supposed to have his back. As Jamie pointed out, many people need to step away from a situation to process before they are ready to re-engage with their partner. In the case of an autistic person, it is highly likely that additional processing time is necessary. Also, he may need to shutdown for a time, and/or to have a more carefully managed environment in order to allow him to process this. I can’t definitely say that his choice to go to his parents’ house overnight is connected to his autism, but it is possible that it is necessary in this case. Presumably his wife knows how he needs to manage conflict, in which case that aspect is a known entity between them. I don’t think it’s necessarily odd that he waited a month to ask his wife about it, either. There’s a matter of observing, seeing what happens, not really knowing whether this is out of the ordinary for neurotypical people, not wanting to rock the boat, formulating the question, and giving it voice.

[@leggyegg2890]

OP is 110% in the wrong for all of this and it makes a lot of sense why he’d want to leave, especially bc he’s autistic, but he probably needs to work on that. If they’re going to raise a child together (obviously that’s not really happening at the moment because of OP) he can’t just leave the house whenever there’s a difficult conversation. Distress tolerance is often difficult for autistic ppl (including myself) but those skills are super important for parenting so hopefully he’s able to find ways to manage this without completely leaving for the night. Of course that will be extra difficult if OP doesn’t pull her head in and provide a much more supportive environment. I hope my point is coming across the right way, I don’t think he should be forced to change overnight and I empathise with him. Mostly I can’t believe this wasn’t discussed before they had a baby. They’d both know he responds to conflict in this way and it’s probably not the best when you’re raising a kid together, they should’ve both worked to figure something out so that he’s able to take his space and handle this emotions safely, and she’s not left feeling like he’s ditched her.

[@hollierushby]

The first one could be a form of postnatal depression. You can become very overprotective of the baby with it. But instead of looking at herself, she is thinking of things to pin it on her husband. I would never just turn up somewhere with my doggy. I would always ask for permission. I can't wait for you both to become parents. Jamie will be an incredible birthing partner, and you will both be such incredible loving parents.

[@heather9130]

I agree. Came here to suggest post partum anxiety. It's normal to have anxiety after giving birth. Not wanting anyone to hold your baby but you is not normal. I hope OP talks to her OB about what she's been feeling. I don't think I suffered from PPA because mostly my post partum journey was normal, but I remember having some pretty wild thoughts in those early weeks. I would get up more than once in the middle of the night to check the locks because I thought there was a very high chance of someone coming to steal my baby. EDIT: Oh someone commented PPA. Good I hope she follows up on that.

[@hollierushby]

@heather9130 I had a very similar experience to you with my first. Checking doors, the oven, turning off all sockets, making sure there was no dust or dirt in the house, etc. Also, I wasn't comfortable with anyone holding my son apart from my mum and Nan. I did allow it as I knew I had to, but no one was allowed to kiss him apart from me and his Dad until he was 6 months old. I wasn't risking him catching anything. It's such a hard time just after giving birth with all the hormones. No one could feed him but me. However, that's because he was breastfed and I couldn't express it. It felt like needles being pulled out of my nipples.

[@juliaronai359]

On cheating : There is an amazing book on the subject by psychologist Esther Perel called The State of Affairs. In it she observes how the condemnation of society of people who decide to stay with people who have cheated makes everything worse. It's a great read and I'd recommend it for everyone. She also has some red talks and videos on the subject here on KZbin. Seems to me that being cheated on can make you very insecure, because you can struggle to see how you didn't notice the signs of it. And, by pressuring faithful to decide one way or another genuine and concerned are robbing her of her autonomy, instead of supporting her so that she feels more empowered and secure.

[@EllieR24]

I was in Faithful's place and had friends like Genuine and Concerned. My Cheater was also adamant that I cut contact with anyone who challenged or questioned the relationship, whether they were my friends, family, whoever. I cut out lots of support from my life without knowing that's what I was doing. When I finally realized how bad the situation was I felt like I didn't have anyone to help me get out. (I did, and am out and safe now) I really hope the situation isn't the same, but my advice for the friends is to stay supportive of Faithful, keep lines of communication open, and be ready to support her if she needs to leave, without any "I told you so." Remember that you never know what goes on in someone's relationship. They may genuinely have reconciled, or she may need good friends more than any of you realize.

[@littlemystery2544]

Gods this feels so much like my Storry except that my ex ended the relationship. And I suddenly realized that all of my friends were gone because he made me cut them out. As time than went on and I had normal interactions with people again I realized how abusive he was. Only one year down the line I realized to the full extent what he had done and how manipulative that was of him...

[@toosolidcuuj]

Exactly! If Cheater is abusing Faithful then that's all the more reason for Faithful's friends to be more supportive than critical. If you make your friend have to choose between you and their abuser, you're just making the whole situation more harrowing for the one being abused

[@ereane555]

I have so many issues with touch. For the most part, the first year was okay. I was never able to relax enough to breastfeed either of my kids, although I was able to pump breastmilk for them. Once they got older and more mobile it became a lot more difficult and I'd be touched out by the end of the day. One of the first things I worked with my kids on once they were old enough to understand was asking before entering a persons space. Not that I'd ever tell my kid that needed a snuggle or a hug no but knowing that someone is entering my space helps a lot with managing the sensory overload because it's not unexpected. My family thinks it's weird that my kids will run up and ask for a hug instead of just hugging them. I'll also ask my kids before I enter their space and have made sure they feel comfortable saying no. My oldest also has sensory issues with noise and touch, and she feels a lot better when people ask before entering her space as well.

[@Melody-k7n]

I love that you have normalized getting consent before initiating touch. Thank you for making it normal.

[@graciecat6344]

I don't think anyone is ever the drama for not allowing someone else's pet in their home. No context needed. It's their house, and no pets is a basic boundary they are entitled to set. Service animals would be the exception where context is needed, but those are not pets.

[@NicoleDelvilleBurke]

As someone with 4 cats who are not comfortable with dogs and also a dog allergy, I've had family insist on needing to bring their dog to my house and I just have to say no. Even without the allergy, I'm not going to allow my cats to be traumatized either. Maybe if it was the world's calmest dog, but not the one in the story for sure. OP is completely not the drama in this situation, their friend has had every opportunity to train their dog and keep them under control and they don't.

[@kikoizme]

ADHD (possible AuDHD) here, I don't like a lot of touch but I am also a single mom. It was really hard when my child was a toddler because they were very energetic and also wanting a lot of touch. I was frequently overwhelmed by the end of the day. It's easier now that they're school aged. We have our snuggle times and less touch during the day, so it's manageable. I also find it a bit easier managing that touch limit with my child than with anyone else.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Other side here, I can't handle touch from almost anyone, but I still love a cuddle from my mom

[@stephaniethorpe8852]

I became a mum last march and when my baby was born I felt like I was failing him all the time and that made me want to not let anyone do anything. The post partum blues (I didn’t get depression but the low mood definitely hit) made me feel like letting other people comfort him or do things for him meant that I wasn’t able to. I did not let myself follow through with those thoughts, everyone has always held him, I engaged with talking therapy, and he is now a super confident nearly one year old. I don’t know if this is what was happening for op in the first situation but it could be something like that.

[@sarahjanefrost]

One of the MANY reasons I decided not to have children was that I knew I would be very anxious and helicoptery and that wouldn’t be good for my mental health or the poor child’s.

[@crazycatchick4111]

1st OP's husband being autistic could explain the self isolation in what's considered a safe space, ESPECIALLY if he's on the verge of an autistic meltdown, and since his wife doesn't trust him with their own child it takes away the safe space that was once his home with her

[@s.a.4358]

I do agree. I understand Shaaba’s point about needing to talk through the issue and that leaving might make it worse. Communication is definitely key. But sometimes communication is better after having had space to calm down, sort one’s thoughts, etc. Neither my partner nor I are autistic, but we have definitely learnt that sometimes it’s best to take some time away from a too heated argument where we risk saying mean and hurtful things we don’t actually think.

[@crazycatchick4111]

@s.a.4358 Agreed! When I lose my temper I blow up and don't cool back down all that fast, I need space...plus I actually am autistic so isolation to try to regulate is a must

[@soojinlee4778]

As a autistic person, who deed not get lot of support for it, the only way of dealing with fustration and emotions that was some what allowed to me was walking away form the situation. That is the only thing that I could do in most situations. It could be that he had similar experience.

[@daniellerains5733]

11:20 it's giving postpartum anxiety (if that's a thing? I know there's postpartum depression...) and she's using ableist excuses so it won't be "her fault"

[@amberdawn868]

Yeah postpartum anxiety is definitely a thing

[@noheterotho179]

As someone with a dog whom I love dearly, I believe you can ban pets from your home for any reason. Even if it's a minor offense or superficial reason (which is not OP's case, they have a very good reason), dogs are not children, I never bring my dog places without confirming its okay first. And that's with my absolutely lazybones un-energetic lapdog.

[@BrigitteDiessl]

I have epilepsy so when I had my babies, I changed them on a changing pad on the floor instead of using a changing table. I was the primary caregiver but, if I didn't have my husband and family around me to help me, it would have been so much more difficult. Especially with my daughter who was a really colicky baby and she screamed a lot. Also, if the mum is suffering from PPD or anxiety, she will be stressed and babies soak up that stress like little sponges and sometimes someone else holding them will settle the bubba down.

[@greenginger6668]

I’m a dog owner, my dog is well trained and ‘medium’ (about 20kg). I will not ever bring her anywhere without express permission to do so, mine and my partners parents homes are the only places where we have implied permission to bring her whenever we’re there. She isn’t a service dog, there is no word where she has to accompany me without permission. Most of my friends own cats and while my dog LOVES cats and is great with them since I also have a cat but their cats are not used to dogs and would not be comfortable with my dogs presence.

[@twinning1944]

Story 2: NTA, OP’s house, OP’s rules. It’s OP’s space and sanctuary. I don’t know why this is hard for Shaaba and Jamie. I guess OP could have tried a chat with Jess to get her to control/train pup but I don’t think OP is required to do that. My friends with dogs would never bring them without asking. Now I’ll admit I’m scared of dogs and take a while to warm up to any dog but I make the effort for my friends. It’s audacious to assume you can bring a dog to someone else’s house, especially to a gathering with many people.

[@twinning1944]

Yay, in the end Shaaba got to the principle at the heart of this is one. Also, if you read this Shaaba the above wasn’t meant to be an attack. I love hearing your thoughts and the journey to your final verdicts.

[@stroodledoodles]

1st story: I find it very telling that OP ended up deleting the post. While I hope she did it because she recognized the issue/no longer wanted guidance, a part of me thinks she got mad because nobody was agreeing with her and she wanted to get rid of the evidence. Fingers crossed it was the former.

[@katharineannie]

2nd story: I’m not a dog person. As a general rule I wouldn’t allow a dog into my flat unless I’d met the dog previously and knew it was super well trained. And even then, I think if someone didn’t want even a well trained dog in their space, that’s fine too. The only exception I’d see is in the case of service dogs, of course.

[@A_T216]

Love Shaaba's principled kindness, and I'm happy to have Jamie back! The discussion you two have about these posts is always so healthy and particularly illuminating, being a discussion rather than a monologue.

[@Imjustkendall]

Exactly! Even when I disagree with her she’s always coming from a place of absolute kindness and even though sometimes it can lean too much into the devil’s advocate, you can tell she just wants the best for people.

[@PomiDora-mm6bt]

love the expression principled kindness. It fits so well too :)

[@ameliab324]

It doesn't matter what the dog destroyed. Not wanting a dog in your house should be enough of a reason not to let a dog into your house.

[@rosemariehopkins1496]

I've been a concerned friend before and after expressing your thoughts, you have to let it go. Sometimes your opinion was never even asked for. If you still want to have a friend when the day is done, you have to let people make their choices, even if they might be mistakes.

[@laPtiteJane]

I drop my phone on a daily basis... And never dropped any of my wonderful squishes !

[@ThePokemonPrinceYT]

Same (I don't have kids but I have held multiple new borns like my nieces and never dropped them)

[@catT5236]

40:00 I've actually been in a similar position. I've found your friend will stop talking to you even if you say it's their choice, the fact that they know you disapprove means they end the friendship. There's nothing you can do. Some people just prefer to live pretending & being around people who know the truth is embarrassing for them.

[@AutisticTea]

First story: I think OP is being very unfair to her husband. That's his child. Why can't he bond? Why can't he love them? I'm sure the hormones and anxiety are crazy. You just had a baby! But this is not rational, and it is actively unkind to your husband. Also, if you are primary caregiver, and won't let anyone else hold the baby, you are setting yourself up for burnout. You need to have a break! You need to be able to trust other people! I'd be worried about OP as well. Yeah, AH, not necessarily for the feeling, but how you're handling it, and justifying it.

[@eivor5953]

As a dog person who is about to get a pupper that will grow into a BIG dog, anyone can say "I'd rather your dog didn't come into my home" for any reason and I'd understand. I might choose not to go there any more, but it's 100% that person's right to not have my animal in their space. My new dog will absolutely be well trained because it's going to be a service dog for my disability but there's a big difference between publicly accessible places (where my dog will have to be both well-trained and well-behaved anyway) and someone's home, which is supposed to be their safest space. They may have other pets, children or a new white carpet - any reason is a good enough reason. Equally, I'd be pretty irritated if someone rocked up to my very pet-friendly home, where my cats, dogs and ferrets live, with an untrained and energetic dog without asking first or taking responsibility for damage. OP's friend is doing a massive disservice to that poor animal by not addressing the behaviour with training and helping the dog burn off some excess energy in safe places before visiting others.

[@PaulaRoederer]

In the first story, OP is not only wrong, what she said to him was extremely hurtful. I would have needed space and time to process and regulate before I could discuss it calmly and be able to even listen to the other person's side. I mean, for goodness sake, even a small child can hold a baby safely if sitting down and monitored. OP definitely needs to talk to her doctor about her unreasonable fear and possessiveness.

[@crazycatchick4111]

As far as Concerned Friend, I've been in your shoes before (only it was D.V. while she was pregnant instead of cheating) and me digging my heels in led to me and my friend falling out for a couple of years before reconnecting...people will only accept help when they're ready to receive it and not a second before, so all you can do is provide emotional/moral support until your friend is ready to accept more

[@cuartemi6582]

Around 15:08 I also feel like it’s pretty common for autistic people to need some more space and time to actually be able to process and think through especially emotional conversations. So like. Yeah, I don’t think that’s the best move, but like you said there’s not the whole picture being shown

[@n0b0dy--]

This! I was in an abusive relationship in a studio apartment and she would always lock the doors so I couldn't leave after an argument

[@OctoLink-12]

I just wanted to say, as an autistic person, a lot of us have sensory sensitivities, but there are work arounds, even if its not skin to skin, maybe the baby could wear a comfy fabric, or the dad could, there are work arounds. Something I would like to say was you (Shaaba) said about a "severely autistic person" and wanted to bring up that you cant be severely autistic, or a little bit of autistic, its just a binary of autistic or not. What you are confusing and a lot of people confuse is high support needs (you might know it as low functioning but a lot of autistics don't like functioning labels) or low masking, which i will let you research because its to much to say in a comment lol but masking is so interesting lol

[@cauliflour5491]

Yes we can have sensory issues l. But it seems like the dad wants to hold his child so I assumed that wasn't a problem

[@leggyegg2890]

I get where you’re coming from but strongly disagree that high support needs just means low masking. Some people are unable to mask because of the way their autism impacts them. I definitely take issue with functional labels too or phrases like ‘very autistic’/‘slightly autistic’, but some people are much more limited by their autism than others. No amount of masking can account for the difference between somebody requiring full-time care and somebody who’s able to live independently.

[@Link-dx1lx]

@@leggyegg2890 I personally don't use high masking and low support needs interchangably, but rather see them as separate categories. So someone might be low support needs low masking, or high support needs high masking, or any other combo of the two. This is how it makes sense to me. Depending on the conversation one category or the other is more relevant. When people call someone "severely autistic", it could be because they're high support needs OR because they are low masking (and thus appear "more autistic"), or both. This is how I interpreted OPs comment, although I could just be projecting my own usage of the terms.

[@OctoLink-12]

@@Link-dx1lx yeah you explained it better than I could, I meant that people that typically see them interchangeably and mistake or being “severely autistic” not that that is how it works. Thanks :)

[@Ezr4-666]

Just presaved your song, it’s not really something I would usually listen to but I was singing the snippet you’ve shown and I realised how catchy it was. I can’t wait for it to come out :)))

[@meganwarren221]

I am actually bipolar and autistic. I also have other conditions and drop everything. We have plastic/silicone/metal cups and plates for my husband gets me otter boxes for my electronics (non of which are the latest models so if something happens it is not the end of the world). With that being id, I never dropped my daughter or any of my nieces/nephews. I know hen I m in a pace where my hands are not working and there are so many touches and slings to aid me. If it is a true problem get a sling and a papuch (baby holder that looks like back pack). Both are easy to use and hand /arm tremor safe. Or only hold sitting, but that one is tricky. Its ok to have this disability, but they should have brain stormed solutions before the baby came.

[@erinjohnson7329]

33:50 - aw, the internal battle between fear and curiosity ❤❤ also a part of why babies, (both fur- and squish- ) are such enjoyable companions, they're like Sims, you can see the internal waxing and waning forces 🎉

[@athenaamethyst8385]

First story - I think she's being very ableist. And I also think she probably has postpartum anxiety (in the not wanting *anybody* hold the baby other than herself).

[@geelee737]

28:56 I’m glad they said that because I would just not let someone bring a dog into my house. If a friend turned up with a dog without asking it would be leave them outside or go home, especially at a group thing, not 1:1. What if someone was allergic?!

[@latronqui]

I would do the same as Concerned, but then I would understand not being invited to the wedding.

[@Inna-sa]

I get that you want to sort through a problem right away, but i always stand by the phrase "you cant see your reflection in boiling water". I totally understand needing to go away and calm down to assess the situation more logically. Also i know someone who will only hug and touch her children and husband. It feels so special when my husband and i get offered a hug occasionally 🥰 The only time you have no reason to deny a dog, is if they're a guide or therapy dog. Your house your rules, if you dont want a dog there thats your choice. I wonder if the dog owner brings her dog because her house gets destroyed if its left alone 👀 (i have a friend with an untrained dog and this is what i suspect of him)

[@bunn228]

The last one i think the upset came around cause the bridesmaids said they don't want to be bridesmaids anymore. As Faithful, I'd feel very abandoned at a time of need. This is a time where even if a friend didn't agree with my decision, I'd want their moral support and them to show me they care about me. I probably would have uninvited them from the wedding too... But totally agree with the everyone needed to communicate way more.

[@Mel84ish]

Not wanting anyone else to hold your baby can be a symptom of PND. I’d be interested to know if she has any other signs.

[@fallenmar9894]

Jamie going "I wanna go out with you. You're my best friend." So CUTE! Couple goals > .< ❤

[@leggyegg2890]

I feel like there’s 3 things going on in the first story: 1. OP is struggling w some post-partum mental health issues 2. She’s in denial about this and is using her husband’s disabilities as a scapegoat 3. She has very little understanding of autism and bipolar, which is pretty inexcusable. Not everyone can be an expert, but that level of ignorance wouldn’t be acceptable even in the early stages of dating, let alone when you’re married and meant to be co-parenting. It baffles me that she’d have a child with someone she thinks is unable to participate in parenting. His disabilities will present some challenges, but that should’ve been spoken about before she even got pregnant. I can’t wrap my head around this at all. I hope she gets help and puts even the most basic effort into understanding her husband.

[@MogamiKyoko13]

Maybe I'm totally unreasonable for this opinion, but I think it's really weird to bring your dog with you to a friend's house. I love dogs! I have a dog! But I would never bring him to a friend's house, and especially so without asking first. To me, it's just a given that you leave your dog at home unless you absolutely cannot, and if you can't leave them home alone for a little while, maybe you need to reschedule your plans. If OP gave permission to bring the dog, sure, they should absolutely dog-proof the house beforehand, but since the friend brought the dog without asking, I don't think it's unreasonable that OP asked the friend to take the dog outside and to not bring them around anymore.

[@costanzarosamongioi5989]

Regarding the last story: for me, the friends overstepped by telling Faithful that Cheater should still move out. Like Shaaba said, it's not your life. You can express concern and offer advice, but not tell people how they should live their life.

[@StoryBird2]

18:42 For me, usually contact with a person feels just. wrong. like you're head is shooting off the alarms to get away. You know when you have to touch something gross and your body does that shiver? That sensation is what touching a person feels like, even on accident, and it's very distressing. In my case I am fine with contact as long as I know the person, and trust them (My mood that day may also affect how I feel about it though). With my best friends/family I can hug them, but if I so much as brush past a stranger I feel icky.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

It's like bugs all over you or when the shower suddenly goes cold

[@tabitas.2719]

I honestly loved that apple crumble example/anecdote - what a perfect sweet note to end on!

[@ahvah6971]

my dad has epilepsy and has had tonic-clonic seizures (the ones where your body tenses and you collapse and shake) since before me or my brother were born and he held us all the time. having mental health issues is no excuse not to let someone hold their own child, and the first op needs to speak to someone if they genuinely have concerns like that, they sound extremely ableist for second story why would the friend just assume they were allowed to bring the dog? and why are they letting it make a mess and misbehave in someone else's home? if i had a dog i couldn't properly control i would not be taking it to someone elses house unless i had very clear permission to do so. op is well within their right to not allow the dog to come over in my opinion (as a dog owner and liker). also, respectfully, a dog and a baby are very different in this situation - a baby would not be knocking drinks over or breaking things

[@ArinellSnap]

First story: Potentially an occupational therapist or psychologist could help with addressing mom’s fears and adapting how the dad interacts with the baby to solve any true safety concerns while still allowing dad to be a parent. Her reaction is definitely TAH reaction though. He’s the baby’s parent too and she doesn’t get to make these decisions unilaterally

[@dishevelleddev]

1st story: my most generous possible interpretation is that OP is overwhelmed with anxiety about Baby's safety, and instead of recognizing/admitting it, she's finding ways to justify the fear. I get it, I do. My parents do this, I used to do this. But that doesn't make this an okay thing to do to your partner, and doing this just feeds the anxiety more. If this is what's going on, not only is OP being the asshole, she genuinely needs therapy.

[@Mr_Eef]

To Concerned: NDH (other than Cheater) I think Faithful could easily just tell Concerned and Genuine why she has decided to forgive Cheater. I'm not sure if that's overstepping cause I'm very open with my close friends about pretty much everything. I just feel that if everyone knew why this decision has been made, there would potentially be less push or maybe some form of manipulation​ could be caught and pointed out. Personally, i didn't realize i was in an abusive marriage (8 years) until a friend pointed it out to me so i value my friend's input and perspective especially when it comes to relationships cause i have a hard time recognizing when someone i love is treating me badly.

[@restlessellis]

With the dog one, outside of assistance dogs of all varieties, there is no reason that the op would ever be the drama for asking their friend not to bring a dog. It's their home. They get to decide what animals go in. Dogs aren't for everyone and no one is obligated to allow them in their home. A dog is not a child. It should not ever be expected for someone to be entitled to bring their dog to a friends unless this was an established thing. (As a person who works with dogs, calling it a 'drastic measure' was a bit much imo)

[@annabrown3337]

24:08 friend is the drama. I had a lively dog (she had bad experience as puppy, not our fault), you know where is OK to take them. Also it's OPs house you can choose who comes.

[@twinning1944]

Story 3: Oh this is a sucky situation. I always tread carefully when talking with friends about their significant other. I always bear in mind that I only know part of the story and it’s not my relationship. As a friend my job is to show any friends in any situation that I’m there for them and I will be no matter what decision they make. I might offer my thoughts on what I think I’d do but always acknowledging that it’s not my decision and I’m there no matter what. If you won’t support her as bridesmaid, why would you expect to be at the wedding. Concerned friend is the unfortunate AH. Yes good intention etc. but say your piece gently (I.e. express your concerns about the choice) then support their choice about their life and stay close in case they need support.

[@OxyMauron]

Doctor: "It's a squish." Jamie, taking off his shirt like Superman: "I'm holding the baby."

[@adeliecn1763]

Having just listened to a podcast on the importance of tenderness in parent-child relationships, especially after birth and in the first few months, the "holding the baby" story was truly saddening.

[@themystery424]

For the 2nd story: I have a medium sized dog (Aussie/lab mix, 50-60lbs), high energy and high anxiety. He's six years old now and overall, he just sticks to me when we go to new homes. BUT when he was a puppy he was an absolute devil! I'm floored as a dog owner that you'd just take your dog, a puppy no less, without asking or respecting boundaries. My Good Boy would pee inside and destroy items, and if people invited both of us, I would warn them. Otherwise you kennel train your dog! (Or teach free roam, but for my high anxiety boy it wasn't an option) Jess feels like the kind of person who gets a dog as a prop, not a companion.

[@TehTeh911]

I absolutely agree that the problem in the dog one is the friend thinking its unreasonable to take the dog outside. If you showed resistance to taking action to minimize your dogs actions, im more likely to ban the dog than otherwise.

[@RedTheAbnormal]

As someone who has been a pup mum for many years (up to 2 days ago when my little squish crossed the rainbow bridge💔), I would never have brought my fur bub to someone's house without permission. They may be allergic, scared of dogs, or simply not want a dog in their house. It is their house, not mine or the pupper's. Common curtesy is to ask if you can bring them over or just leaving them at home (either with someone else or in a safe place alone). If your dog is not yet trained, you should not even be asking to bring them over. I would be mortified if I had taken my little boy over to someone's home and they damage something (even if it was just a photo frame). OP was so not the AH in that situation. Those are just called boundries.

[@LoraK31]

For the last story, I agree that you can say your piece and make your points, but if they're not in a place to listen, sometimes you have to let your friends make their own mistakes (as long as there's no safety concerns). My friend once dated this horrible guy, and I tried to convince her to break up with him. She did go through with it, but then they got back together within the same conversation. But at that point, I had to respect that she weighed the options and made her choice (and he was moving away and didn't want to do long distance, so it ended pretty soon after that anyway). Obviously, marriage is a more difficult situation to leave, but if the friends made their arguments and she made a choice (free from manipulation), they should respect her wishes. So I don't think they're drama for bringing up their concerns or refusing to be bridesmaids, but they would be drama if they continue to push after she's made her choice

[@ari-cu6ql]

Regarding the first story: I do get that OP may be worried about parenting with a partner who is occasionally struggling with psychosis because that is really difficult to understand from an outside perspective and people who are actively experiencing hallucinations and or other forms of psychosis typically are not safe to be in charge of a babys safety. However psychosis isn't something that pops up unannounced from one minute to the next. Usually if someone has been dealing with it for a while they will know the signs and that takes at least a few days sometimes weeks. And then they should be able to talk to their doctor to figure out the right medication. If OP and their partner aren't at that point in the journey they shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Because psychosis can totally be managed with the right treatment and people can be very responsible parents to happy children. I think, like you said, OP is struggling with her own responsibility and being a mom rn. And it's unfair to the child and father

[@nicole4523]

5 minute crew!! Sending love from Canada

[@gracelovely3838]

18:44 I have this! The phrase I hear a lot is that you have to get "mental permission". For example, I have been with my partner for 5 years, and I hardly ever have an issue with physical contact with him. But physical contact from strangers can make my skin feel like is burning. The reaction depends on the relationship and sometimes my headspace. Based on my relationship with my pets, I'm not worried about having physical issues bonding with my (hypothetical) children. The noise, on the other hand...

[@LucifugousHippo]

First Story: Post partum depression/anxiety/psychosis are all very real, very scary to experience and often hard to recognize when you're in them. They can be experienced by someone who recently gave birth as well as the partner who hasn't and should always be taken seriously. And while they can cause behavior that's hurtful or problematic, going through this doesn't make the person a bad parent or an AH. What I'm stuck on with this story is the casual use of ableism. If my husband and I had a baby and he suddenly decided that because of my autism, ADHD and mental health issues I wasn't safe to even just hold our child, let alone be an active parent to them, I don't think I could ever trust him again. I also feel like Shaaba in this case might not realize just how much pain it can cause for someone you trust, especially your life partner, to use your disabilities against you like this and taking some space to let those emotions calm down a little is a very resonable thing to do. I hope for the sake of everyone involved in this story that there is some therapy happening for ideally both parents as well as some open and honest conversations with maybe a friend or family member acting as a mediator. On a different note: Are you really friends with Jess and Claudia? Because that overlap just blew my mind in the best way.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

The kind of extreme protectiveness of not letting anyone hold the baby can be a red flag for some pretty serious psychological things like postpartum anxiety heading towards psychosis. 🚩 Yes, there is also some ableism in there that needs to be addressed eventually too, but not the most pressing thing here at the moment because the safety of baby can be put at risk if the postpartum goes unaddressed.

[@alexp712]

Psychosis usually relates to delusions and hallucinations. But those are very different things also, not everyone with psychosis has both.

[@thedragonssparkvideos]

As someone with fur-baby dogs. To me it sounds like that poor dog needs its energy released with exercise and also taught manners when it comes to visits. Bring that poor dog for a long walk and find a constructive way to release the initial "new place, new person" energy. Good luck OP! I do agree that you had every right to bring that up.

[@neo-cb9lc]

wahoo happy monday !

[@JokesInBase13]

A friend of mine is the reining champion of Ill-Advised Reconciliation... you've really only got 2 options: tell your friend your concerns but make it 100% clear that you'll support whatever choice they make, or try to push them into making the "right" choice and accept that this friend will cut you out of their life. Either it works out, or they eventually learn their lesson.

[@Rikrobat]

With the last story, I agree that Jamie and Shaaba seem to be on the same wavelength, even if the badges are different. I’ve been the friend where I don’t agree with the decisions another friend is making, but I’ve tried to be open-minded and stand at their side no matter what they chose to do. Other people in the friend circle stopped being supportive and made demands of that friend, and when they didn’t comply with the demands, ties were cut. They were only supportive when it fit their decisions. I can understand why Faithful is frustrated by her friends not being as supportive as they were when they agreed with her decisions. But I understand the friends wanting Faithful to realize that they are concerned for her well-being. Saying they won’t stand next to Faithful as bridesmaids is reasonable-they don’t agree with this decision-but what that says to Faithful is these friends aren’t as supportive as they claimed to be originally. They’ll only stand next to her when they agree with her choices. And that’s a difficult balance to strike.

[@kate1618]

i actually love watching this video and experiencing your discussion. thanks, you guys!

[@ElaineColeman-do9iy]

This is the earliest I’ve ever been

[@raeee204]

Same!! New record XD

[@AB-qt6uw]

Same! Go us!!! 🥳

[@kittysunlover]

Me too - I forgot it was monday and was like "What do I do while I eat my lunch?" XD This was the perfect thing to cheer me up after a stressful experience with my food delivery.

[@Sarcastic_Lemons]

Hiiii Shaaba!!!! :D hope ur having a good day!!

[@jamievee8375]

So glad you guys also have a subreddit!

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

Hi Concerned Friend, I understand your perspective and you're not wrong for having your opinion, but soft YTA for how you communicated that opinion. It sounds like you've done more than just say your piece, but are trying to force Faithful to make the choice you would in her position. But she's not you. I don't blame you for backing out of the wedding, but once you've said your opinion, your job is to let Faithful decide. And then you decide if you're able to be friends with her as she is, and respecting that within yourself. We can't force people to accept help they don't want, and trying will only cause harm. It's tough to deal with, but that's the truth. I don't think she's handling it well either, but it's her life. I hope you work it out, including healthier communication and good boundaries. Best wishes OP.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Prawn with dogs sounds like me with cats 😂

[@annabelyates5219]

We love a Jessie and Claude shout out! 🎉🤩

[@amberdawn868]

The first story definitely strikes me as the mother suffering from postpartum anxiety or depression and is projecting that PPA/PPD onto her husband instead of realizing she needs help to work through that mindset.

[@christinakyleloves]

Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑 Love you Jamie!!💛💛🥔🥔

[@kerkerzwerg]

I happen to be an owner of a very high energy dog that has some attitude.. quirks? (husky akita mix) She's usually a chill girl, but can get a little rowdy when she's really excited. She's also very fluffy, so you get her golden/white hairs everywhere, even in your food sometimes, and they tend to stick to fabrics. You're never done vacuuming. All this can be, understandably, very uncomfortable or annoying to other people. Which is why I'd never bring her with me to another household, or into another person's space in general, without asking first, and warning them of the dangers of possibly getting spin-cuddle happy-jump tackled by a 26kg fluffy mini wolf that is excited about meeting a new potential play mate or snack machine

[@MegaGreencarebear]

First one sounds like post-partum anxiety to me. It's extremely common, but we don't talk about it. The mother probably feels terrified. I experienced this myself when I had a panic attack in the hospital with my newborn and I couldn't tell the midwives because I was convinced they'd take my baby away. One month actually isn't long at all after having a baby and lack of sleep, hormone haywire and your life being turned upside down can make you act in ways you never would otherwise. I hope this OP doesn't get blamed, but she gets the help she needs.

[@hjones911]

Im disabled, have weakness and occasional spasms, my friend was absolutely 💯 and delighted that i wanted to hold her child. I did so when sitting down, with a cushion to help me position the 1 week old. When he got a couple of months old, she'd leave me with him for 10 so minutes. Now hes 4, we have such a fantastic bond and hes so accepting about my impairment and lovingly adapts eg is filled with joy when he can help push my wheelchair ❤ Concern is one thing, but theres definitely ways of safely letting people hold babies etc

[@WalkedWithWolves]

I had a lot of postpartum anxiety after my first child to the point where I could not walk down the stairs in our house while holding baby without breaking down crying and my whole day was planned around minimal use of the stairs when I was alone with the baby. If the mum in the first story struggles with anxiety and won’t get help it will likely get worse. I don’t think it would excuse her reasoning but I can understand how out of nowhere she could go from trusting others to feeling convinced that something bad will happen if she’s not holding the baby herself

[@MegaGreencarebear]

100%

[@twilightwillowglade7214]

My uncle's wife (so my aunt), went really postpardum and dealt with also not being able to be on certain medications so she could have the baby safely and breastfeed. She wouldn't let ANYONE over unless they had a flu shot, and it got worse with her second because her second was born amidst covid. Most thought she was overreacting, but I was just kinda like "eh, it's a thing." and I tend to honor the wishes of the mother before my own, my cousins are important to me As for the second one, my cats are terrified of dogs, but my brother and his family had moved in with us and they have a dog. My cats have been stuck in my parents' room practically from the start because Salem (my brother's dog) will chase them. He's gotten into the room a few times and the cats immediately hide and if he manages to approach them, my cat's tagged him a few times and honestly, I'm proud of her for standing up for herself! I love my brother's dog, but Imma choose my baby floof over ANYTHING! For the last one, my best friend is my everything, only thing I would choose over her is my cat, but she's never put me in that position. If a guy cheated on her, he would cease existing, but in reality, I'm there for my friend through everything, I will make my opinion known and how I feel, but I'll make sure she knows that I'm always there for her, supporting her. I would keep reaching out, but I know my friend, unless it's a very toxic situation, she's not letting me go, so we'd talk things through, keep each other level, we can have a grown up conversation, we ARE grownups.

[@kristinw2600]

First Drama: OP is a drama, but I do want to take the other side here. While postpartum depression is more well-known, postpartum anxiety is a thing too, and it's possible that OP has a rather extreme version of this. If she never thought of it until baby was born, but now it's interfering with her life to the point where she can't accept help from anyone and ESPECIALLY her husband, she should probably be evaluated.

[@iglybo]

The apple crumble story made me smile. :D

[@createconsiderconnect3356]

My parents were very young when they married at ages 16 (mom) & 17 (dad). They were both extremely family first focused & wanted to start having kids immediately (this was in early 1970’s). Once they had their first child they would ask if children are welcomed at whatever event they were invited to & if the answer was no then they simply wouldn’t go. They didn’t get mad at anyone who said children weren’t invited they simply said no problem we will not be attending because we don’t have child care. It didn’t break apart any relationships. In fact, my parents decided to become the host house so that others with children could come & play with us (their children) while all the adults enjoyed time playing games, chatting, etc.. My parents made sure everyone knew we were their number one priority even though they were still very young so most their friends didn’t have children yet.