If Team Fortress 2 Was Updated by a Bot

Heavy is entrusted with creating the latest TF2 update, but in his keyboard-slamming haste, copies the patch notes into a Markov Text Generator and submits the results. What could go wrong?
The patch notes in this video were generated using a Markov Chain Text Generator, which you can use here: projects.haykranen.nl/markov/...
Patch notes taken from these posts (and also a few I generated on my own):
/ the_latest_update_if_i...
/ i_asked_a_markov_chain...
/ the_totally_not_real_u...
Narration and voice acting (excluding the TF2 classes) done by me. Special thanks to The Conceptionist for helping put together the ending shot. The "New Weapons Soldier" in the intro originally created by Genowhirl70.
GMod Addons used that I forgot to put in the credits:
Stop Motion Helper: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Advanced Camera: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Team Fortress 2 Bots: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Team Fortress Pill Pack (for playing as TF2 classes): steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Advanced Particle Controller (for explosions and stuff): steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Ragdoll Mover: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Easy Animation Tool (for putting game animations on ragdolls): steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Animated Prop Tool (same as above): steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Sleep'n'Wake Tool: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Turret Tool: steamcommunity.com/sharedfile...
Source audio for the Soldier screaming in Polish: • Crazy Russian Gamer lo...

[@chexmax2848]

“aiming players will no longer output damage” holy shit the bot fixed the bot crisis

[@mindlessincessancebro]

CORRECT

[@turretboi]

I used the bots to destroy the bots

[@wdp1a73r]

@@turretboi wait didn't we try that already?

[@turretboi]

@@wdp1a73r beats me

[@ken.7019]

The bot fixed the bots and sniper, amazing

[@aceskeletonne7446]

"Rumor has it Florida exists" actually seems like something valve would put in their patch notes in 2011-2015 era tf2

[@straightkiller2424]

so does "AVOID PHILLADELPHIA"

[@missingtexturez]

floridilium would come from a free for all mode

[@smolboi9698]

Do I exist?

[@harrisonmoore3841]

@@smolboi9698 Maybe, idk

[@smolboi9698]

@@harrisonmoore3841 I’m a Floridian.

[@BatinWithThemCheese]

“Fixed a bug where players.” Thank you.

[@lolliii5477]

is it fixing the bug where player spin?

[@TakoTrucker]

@@lolliii5477it erased players

[@Comrade_Alex_228]

@@lolliii5477 Y E S (actually no, now bots are spinning)

[@Cotton_Mouth]

5:20 I unironicly love the idea of a taunt that has a ¼ chance of blowing you up. 😂

[@smug2525]

A more Russian-Roulette style kamikaze.

[@mad_goddess2830]

Well do I have something to say about the equaliser (or if you want it to be luck based rock paper scissors does if you do the kill bind when you lose)

[@funni_moksi69]

@@smug2525 I think its just Russian roulette

[@AverageCatz]

@@funni_moksi69 Holy shit they should add Russian Roulette taunt to TF2

[@funni_moksi69]

@@AverageCatz YEEEAH

[@savvythedivineyethuggable7493]

3:51 "Updated someone." Spy: "He could be any one of us! He could be you! He could be me!"

[@whatisinspectelement]

"He could even be-"

[@DrLiam-fg6wd]

@@whatisinspectelement *shotgun blast*

[@honestlywhatelsewouldiput-here]

“What? It was obvious he’s the one the got updated.”

[@DrLiam-fg6wd]

@@honestlywhatelsewouldiput-here see. the patch notes will list it any second now

[@andredominguez3199]

...Aaaaaany second now. See? Patch notes! Wait... That's Scout.

[@madmimika1973]

Scout getting progressively nerfed into the ground, from "fixed scout being able to run", to "tomislav now crits scout", Then SCOUT EVICTION IN 7 SECONDS, and finally just fixing being able to play scout is really funny to me.

[@purplebrickwall]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N 7 S E C O N D S

[@cYObEL]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N 7 S E C O N D S

[@VGamingJunkie]

Updater: Screw you, Scunts.

[@seventhspud]

s

[@evanm1337]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N S E V E N S E C O N D S

[@Silliestgooberz]

3:46 I love soldiers face here. He’s not even mad or upset. He’s just confused by this utter nonsense.

[@Vizedar]

i would be too if all of a sudden my computer just vanished along with tf2

[@JetFalcon710]

@@Vizedar Especially if I was just watching a Scout ragdoll spazzing out

[@APLE_LEADER]

Hes like "Wtf just happened"

[@nameless......................]

ammo (this is a message split through multiple replies to different comments)

[@cevatkokbudak6414]

​@@nameless......................what

[@a_nice_hat6850]

5:20 would actually be a pretty cool easter egg to the kritzkrieg, overdosing after taunting too much

[@trapsack]

Hell yea

[@Garbo_trashcan]

"fixed an issue where scout could run" finally, a good update

[@Meh-fo7sp]

Tomislav crits scout is by far the best one

[@jtohgaming]

*finally an update

[@chesed_yt1]

Finaly no more speedrunning intel capture as scout

[@Nittin.]

" Fixed a bug where ammo."

[@Nittin.]

"as for the crit a cola, we have added teleportals"

[@hamburg4034]

Valve: "Alright guys, we've fixed the aimbot problem!" 3:09

[@weegee42069]

Awesome

[@spacular7675]

Awesome update, Valve!

[@jihrexz666]

Awesome update, Valve! Just awesome

[@nullpug5445]

Awesome update, Valve! just awesome, Superb

[@O.Kproductions]

Awesome update, valve! Just awesome, superb, seriously amazing!

[@Soldier_Sprout]

Imagine seeing the entire team being snipers, taunting while cosmetics fall from the sky and crashing your game

[@saber2802]

I would laugh so hard as TF2's economy crashes and all lobbies turn into friendlies

[@PeytonianYT]

The fact that the "adding pyros head" could be interpreted as a fix to the spy bug where disguised as pyro his head is missing is pretty cool.

[@nameless......................]

on the topic of spy, imma translate "spy no long uber build slightly" "when healing spies, your uber takes a slightly shorter amount of time to build"

[@renthewerecat]

if they ever fix that bug that HAS to be what the patch notes say

[@stuffiemario132]

I like the idea that the Heavy Update is not "Heavy focused" but "Made by Heavy"

[@zumbie8049]

Heavy care about his teammates

[@5d4a5]

@@zumbie8049 yep

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

@@zumbie8049except scout

[@drakesword5214]

@@zumbie8049 Except scout, apparently.

[@JackNick2000]

@@drakesword5214he stole his Sandvich once. A Heavy never forgets

[@mat8ty532]

7:18 I love how it says “fixed” like scouts entire existence was a mistake they made and never bothered to fix for the 14 years tf2 has existed until now

[@notatimetraveler6444]

It's pretty funny, considering lore wise Scout is quite literally god's gift to -man- Women.

[@thebishopoldchannel76]

isn't the definition of fixed also set in place as if a sentry if so this update would turn 1/4 the classes into sentry guns

[@kappnk9821]

@@notatimetraveler6444 god's gift to women*

[@notatimetraveler6444]

@@kappnk9821 You right!

[@robonator2945]

yeah for some reason no-one seems to have noticed it but the scout was actually a bug, not a feature.

[@thechaosreaper]

3:50 It's the Heavy Update, I think it's pretty clear who got updated

[@johnathonmcjohn3]

Mario

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

HEROBRINE?!?!?

[@keller-pe8rd]

BOB THE BUILDER?!?

[@ChaseMC215]

Might not even be Heavy at all, might be Sandvich.

[@TheUltimateGod34]

My balls has been updated.

[@FistNoob]

7:50 ah yes a normal day in Australia

[@bernardolegaspi987]

Yep that's right

[@Earthyburt]

"Scout Eviction in 7 seconds" was so ominous and terrifying

[@astrotoast9819]

Scout did not have a good time this update

[@aarshir9500]

6:05 for anyone looking for the clip

[@worsethanem3660]

@@aarshir9500 i love you

[@F-14D_Tomcat]

And the pyro mask

[@ProfessorProfesorman]

how is that scary

[@BakuraEX]

So, among other things: -There will be tons more Spies, but that's okay because they suck now. -We hate Scout.

[@TheDuckyDino]

Scout? You mean that one glitched character valve accidentally left in?

[@somehowimstillhere]

@@TheDuckyDino shut up go back to dreamland-

[@MrDawid06]

And now demoknight is way better than anything +Smissmas

[@zizo5349]

@@MrDawid06 also he explodes

[@IdiotamSpielen]

And there will be no players.

[@adriansgaminguniverse4951]

0:37 literally the most accurate representation of valve I’ve ever seen

[@Treebox_]

1:53 The way scout says RAGEQUIT just killed me

[@winterwolf7812]

There will never be a patch note more ominous then "The Damage"

[@iamwoke322]

“Abandoning a match will now result in Halloween.” oh fr? >woke guy has left the game

[@dumpanimator]

​@@iamwoke322at least we get a spell lol that not that bad unleash solar light was in enemy team

[@fadingdreamx]

Don't forget "added the pyro's head."

[@thefunniman3285]

Don't forget "SCOUT EVICTION IN 7 SECONDS"

[@cojocariutudor586]

What about S P Y I S B U R N E D W H I L E U N I S G U I S E T O H E L L

[@carolinewald3109]

“Updated someone” “Added 32 new characters” These work together surprisingly well

[@codenatex2690]

Have fun guessing if it's Spy, Scout, South, West, East, Heavy, Urmomm-

[@heymedic6398]

INCLUDING THE BRAND NEW GESTAPO UNIT

[@oliverharston815]

@@armyofbamburais3788 Any one of the new spys

[@mugiwaradarwin4504]

- Guest starring....The "SKULLS" Parasite Unit.

[@mugiwaradarwin4504]

- Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series!

[@thestickopia4619]

7:09 As if scout didn’t already struggle against heavy

[@BM_Pink]

Stand your ground Fight like a man

[@mysterymastermind175]

Whatcha talking about? A good scout just dances on Heavy's head while 3 shotting him with the scattergun

[@ChaseMC215]

​@@mysterymastermind175 Not when you see Heavy attack Scout with his sandvich.

[@The_whales]

@@mysterymastermind175or when you realize he can’t run

[@jblazerndrowzy]

@@mysterymastermind175Natascha:

[@Nod_Lucario]

5:03 New Weapon: The Kurwacka Headshots cause enemies to speak Polish + 80% Damage increase to non-Polish Speakers + Instantly Jarates on body-shot - 25% Damage decrease to Polish Speakers - No Random Crits

[@iamwoke322]

Welshwacka Upon headshotting someone, they are forced to speak Welsh until respawn +25% damage to non-Welsh speakers +60% localization speed -25% damage to Welsh speakers -Byth yn mynd i roi'r gorau iddi

[@AncientFire]

Let's goo I only take 75 percent of damage with the kurwacka!!!! This is an achievement.

[@eliseymullov667]

sukabladwaka Upon headshotting someone, they are forced to speak Russian until chernobyl didnt detonate. +25% damage to peoples from another area of city +60% localization speed -25% damage to english speakers -КУБА(Комунизм У Берегов Америки)

[@williambutcher7429]

“Tomislav now crits scout” This truly is heavy update. 200% better

[@Majima_Nowhere]

A line of snipers dancing while hats rain from the sky is quite possibly the most TF2 thing I've ever seen.

[@3verlong]

add a lime scout killing the snipers

[@ryanmaeder9898]

Man that should be a custom server addition

[@davidhong1934]

Plus one Heavy giving a sandwich to each Sniper as they pass by

[@fractiouskitty1059]

free stuff

[@lampaddict7885]

@@3verlong they fixed using him remember

[@BrimBlam]

The demo minicrit and explosion to Smissmas 2015 had me genuinely laughing. Holy shit that bit got me.

[@mikearmstrong8989]

You have eviction in seven seconds

[@nameless......................]

i can translate the spy gibberish thing: medics build uber slightly slower when healing a spy.

[@Ningumkkk]

6:03 unhelpful engineer moment

[@Fergusand]

This isn’t the heavy update, this is the anti-scout update.

[@twin_towers_destroyer]

A heavy update would still be the fuck you scout update because heavy destroys scouts most of the time, like how jungle inferno was the “fuck you spy” because everyone was pyro

[@crockowithglocko576]

Basicly

[@Oxygen1004]

So, the Heavy update?

[@TinyDeskEngineer]

What's the difference?

[@FNicky91]

​@@twin_towers_destroyer really? i've killed plenty of heavies. the large fatty fats.. fat, fats like you- ow. no offense..

[@misscookiesncrime]

This gives me heavy vibes of the “Multiply a Weapon’s Stats by 10” animation from 10 years ago, but modern.

[@DrOcsid]

I did always love that animation, it's a very good one.

[@grebgrimpkit]

@@DrOcsid hey could you do a part 2

[@Dkrule1]

@@DrOcsid hay mate, I would pay you right now to get working on another,,,I needed this

[@pearljaime2]

10 years already? Damn...

[@KL53986]

You mean the animation where Razorback is actually good but once again who cares, you get shot by revolver, or get Ambassador headshot even it deals like 102 damage at max, which is not instadeath but it brings you to critical health anyway.

[@commanderdemonno9819]

i love how some of the changes bleed over into future scenes like for instance, the spy doesn't backstab the engineer with the 90 second afterburn penalty because he runs purely with a revolver now very smart, i like

[@wander7812]

I asked an actual bot (ChatGPT AI actually) to give me Patchnotes like that and it gave me this: - Adjusted gravity "banana" - Removed gravity - Updated the Engineer's wrench with more wrenchiness - Fixed the players again - Randomized Pyro's flamethrower particles into confetti - Scout now moves at the speed of smell - Removed all unlockable hats and replaced them with fish - Slightly increased the Pyro's ability to set things on fire by 3000% - Added 37 new invisible hats - Heavy now only communicates through interpretive dance - Fixed Spy disguising as existential dread - Reverted everything to a previous version that doesn't exist - Added "invisible sandwich" as a consumable for the Heavy - Demoman's sticky bombs now apologize for any inconvenience. - Medics can now heal their own boredom EDIT: I'm on reddit. Pretty cool. But for people wondering yeah this WAS made by ChatGPT. I simply asked it to create bad updates, instead of normal updates. As I stated, "I asked gpt to create updates like these (in the video)"

[@dylanthegood99]

Best update.

[@rayoflight1920]

This is gold xD

[@OfcourseJimmy000]

fish hats

[@JetFalcon710]

I can't pick a favorite patchnote, they're all gold

[@Knee6811]

Sticky bomb: hey man I’m sorry for the demo spamming me

[@vasilybullock7967]

The bit where snipers spawns unlimited hats and crashed the economy was probably the best

[@PaperWorldManShoji]

Agreed

[@ak47epic94]

"professionals have standards"

[@arandomcommenter412]

The great crate depression 2

[@blizzardkiehn2508]

@@arandomcommenter412 creat depression

[@Bombsbombsbombs]

@@blizzardkiehn2508 crate depression of tf2

[@thediam0nddrag0n78]

"Tomslav now crits Scout" I need this

[@weebcraft6829]

If only the Natasha did its goddamn job

[@tommarch.4493]

but there's no more scouts

[@sollew7434]

kinda useless though cuz scout only has 125 hp

[@jacksonlideen891]

@@sollew7434 yes, but now it crits SPECIFICALLY scout

[@sollew7434]

@@jacksonlideen891 e🅱️ic

[@JenovaDreamweaver]

4:13 I love how demo just FACEPLANTS LOL

[@guardianhero6124]

aaaa-

[@itzskyeplayz1626]

3:48 “Pyro you b*tch!” 😆

[@mrsquid_]

3:48 i love how heavy is just yelling PYRO YOU BITCH after commiting arson to 2fort

[@CHRF-55457]

lmao

[@pink_sky_morning4842]

Wait, it kinda sounds more like Demoman than Heavy

[@codenatex2690]

@@pink_sky_morning4842 Clearly Heavy.

[@pink_sky_morning4842]

@@codenatex2690 I just had a listen again, it is Heavy thanks for the correction.

[@Blueskiiiiii]

Heheheh

[@MelonTF2]

Man, this video is so underrated, I laughed the whole time

[@jihrexz666]

SAME XDDD

[@MelonTF2]

@@kazama5555 everywhere

[@catmanconant9798]

i see a youtuber comment on another youtubers video, its like a fucking crossover episode

[@MelonTF2]

@@AKDProducts45 Until it hits at least 1M views, it's underrated in my eyes

[@Pllid]

Same

[@MajinTails]

4:50 So...does this imply that the narrator was "removed from liberty" as well?

[@chaotic_llama6989]

7:40 I thought the punchline was going to be that, once the second sniper got a red dot on his gun, he would taunt, but the dot was just the opposing sniper’s laser, and he would get shot. Then the opposing sniper would taunt and get the cosmetics

[@kokorikopi]

"Fixed the Spy" is a more intriguing update than anything valve has put out in four years.

[@linusdickens4767]

Troo

[@valeriopampanoni3573]

@@linusdickens4767 They just removed the Dead Ringer

[@averagephlogfan6475]

They just castrate him

[@pqbdwmnu]

The spy class was originally based off a glitch where a character would appear to be on the opposite team. Fixing him just removes his disguise, making him a really balanced class

[@linusdickens4767]

No shit sherlock

[@ZestyJesus]

>90 second afterburn penalty on engineer death I'm dying. Rarely does a video make me laugh all the way through, Jesus Christ, one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time

[@bonkersman5167]

ZESTYYYY

[@archmageofpizzamancy2471]

new loch and load video with these stats plz

[@Pllid]

Same

[@theanimator3070]

6:30

[@JAIBADRIVISHAAL]

Hy zesty , this was a very funny video , entire time i am laughing , out of breath , you need to collab and make more videos like this one

[@Scp_enjoyer173]

John: *hits chair* His entire nervous and body systems: " Guess I'll die." also the sniper cosmetic thing htat was wholesome as hell i loved it

[@jsbrickstation]

0:45 pov:you a heavy main and the enemy's team is just scouts

[@mattheworozco5929]

“Pyro head added” Scout wasn’t afraid of a decapitated pyro head. He was afraid of an empty gas mask. They added an actual head for pyro. This means pyro is out there showing the world their new face, and none of the mercenaries are ready to open that can of worms.

[@elfascisto6549]

Just search for "pyro but you can understand him" and you'll see his face

[@afunkingamer2415]

*what have they done...*

[@dumpanimator]

Pyro is bald and always being bald in concept art

[@RedLaundryBasket]

@@dumpanimatordemo man was also white before, we probably shouldn’t trust the old designs.

[@duck-Sticknodes]

​@@RedLaundryBasketwasnt he also ginger?

[@X-SPONGED]

2:07 Bot Dev: "Casual - Matches can now start" "Matches will add additional spies" *_"A small price to pay for salvation..."_*

[@TerminatorGundam300]

Bot Dev: "Added 5 new Spies"

[@deepdays9068]

@@TerminatorGundam300 WHAT

[@SurnameName]

that's just regular casual tbh

[@SentryChampion]

play pyro

[@aspidacctvods]

@@SentryChampion they removed the fire key because of that

[@atomicscout2013]

Ever since scout caused halloween the game started hunting him, starting this update

[@chishnfips877]

7:30 Sniper crashes the TF2 economy

[@lemone630]

"Added The Damage" God I love how vaguely threatening that feels

[@justforapps1670]

When you peak a snipers sightline

[@cheetahstar6790]

@@justforapps1670 suddenly the damage

[@nameless......................]

Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) :30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30industrial moist spaghetti on pizzawurtzite boron nitrideRIGGYRAISE WE BRINGIN BEACON BONNIE OUTTA OBSCURITY WITH THIS ONE95U4EX7YY2E4Na wiresUnunoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq)

[@nameless......................]

Spy no long uber build sightly

[@nameless......................]

Spy no long uber build slightly better to do this with a lot more people in a car and then the right person to be a new car driver for a long period and a few years back to do the job of the same car driver in a few months or months and you can see that the right way is to be able and then to do the right things and then get the best fuel for a good price for the same reason you have to pay the same amount as the right time and the same as you can see on this site in a year and you are going through the right way to do the right way

[@manncheez707]

7:14 deleted scene of “Meet the Scout”

[@cruisader9680]

The outtake he didn’t want you seeing

[@malthe236]

Realistic outghahvjauvgiviwguibhuwiyfc

[@archbishopTL1]

the fact that the scout eviction actually took 7 seconds is amazing

[@O5_CounciI]

It would be so funny to be playing a regular match and just start seeing hats fall from the sky.

[@TheRockruffWhoCries]

6:40 I love how innocent the Engineer's smile is

[@teamok1025]

Ye

[@_Catgirl_Connoisseur_]

Spy too

[@snifey7694]

And whoever kill the innocent engie will be resulted in burning proximity

[@strelitziathekeyblader1657]

@@snifey7694 That would be the Spy

[@domeen0gt895]

I'm suprised there weren't more new weapons like the construction notice.

[@DrOcsid]

good point, if i do a sequel i will make sure to try and get it to generate some more weapons

[@theovermind6041]

@@DrOcsid Please make a sequel.

[@not_quiteknown]

@@DrOcsid feed us father

[@jojogacha974]

@@DrOcsid pls this one was so funny pls add more fix’s

[@Destoroyahpng]

@@DrOcsid definitely do a sequel this was hilarious

[@mr.derpyface558]

2:30 We making it out the PS2 with this one 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥

[@dylanmeister335]

We need a part 2 to this masterpiece

[@chaoscontroller316]

Flammable maps actually sounds like a good gimmick idea, I wanna see it.

[@adammarch9604]

Everyone dies

[@user-Lemon234]

It would be hell because of pyros, burning everything

[@fruitpummel]

PYRO, YOU B-

[@-NajimiOsana-]

3:49

[@Tower_Swagman]

would increase pyro players growth by 1,000,000%

[@derpysponge43]

The part with “use the air” actually worked on me due to laughing.

[@eduardoflores1010]

I accidentally pressed it because i died laughing too

[@TheManOfMyriad]

I wonder if we can get a sequel to this with how much AI Generated text as improved... Could be even crazier!

[@sweetypuss]

it will be not even remotely as funny

[@PROPLAYEN]

It won't be as funny

[@Schnort]

Won't funny

[@vannyvan.]

Funnyn't

[@jakobvonbugmann]

Well, wish granted

[@xc_game2707]

I took the summer update and ran it through the Markov, here you go: hort performance Improved optimisation volume of small visuals Fixed Engineer not being able to move/shoot while it’s deployed Fixed pl_enclosing able to C to improved player clipping Updated cp_steel Prop collision cleanup and stability issue with the Strange Count Transfer Tool not being able to move for the Mann vs. Machine upgrade panel closions Added occluders to trange Count Translator Fix rare double death bug when falling ceiling stuck in spawn locations on pl_cashworks Fixed missmas 2021/2022 Cosmetic Case not being shown in the Mann vs. Machine upgrade panel closing after 2019 War Paint Case models Fixed some tournament medals Updated cp_steel Prop collision issues, with the Taunt: Teufort Tango Large Summer 2023 patch: 14 new community maps: Sharkbay, Rotunda, Phoenix, Cashworks Fix room on pl_enclosure_final point is more accurate to the ConTracker and stuck spots and stuck spots including explosion on rock near final to fix localization where a tele spawn locations Added some tournament crash related to the map Spawn on A Fixed some tournament medals Fixed an exploits Improve performance Improved optimisations and their exits Fixed numerous perch points Fixed some tournament medals Updated players being able to enter teleporter could be build out of the Mann Co. Store Updated to the visuals Updated/Added occluders being able to transfer stats for a short perch point so it is more a teleporter the Universal Translator Fixed a transparency issues, with sticky and rocket jumping Fix rare double death bugs Fixed missing after doing The High Five taunt Fix rare double death bug when falling clipping Updated clipping able to A Updated/Added occluders to C to improved optimisation issues (collisions on stairs, props, etc.) Fixing able to trange Count Transfer stats for vsh_distillery Fixed missing No Headphones style for a short period of small visuals Fix Pixel walk collision cleanup and improved optimisation issues (collision issues Fixing contributor for vsh_distillery, VSH Skirmish, and improved clipping, etc.) Fix Pyro door exploit on rock near final to fix localization issues Fixing ceiling contributor for vsh_distillery Fixed the Smissmas 2021/2022 Cosmetic Case models Fixed spelling for Sandvich items Fixed spelling exploit related cp_steel Prop collision, props, etc.) Fix Pixel walk collision on pl_cashworks, Venice, Reckoner, Sulfur, Hard Carry Unusual effect Fixed a teleporter could be build rate to the visuals Fixed lots of small visual bugs Fixed some small exploits Clean up geometry in spawns, the spawn location where a teleporter audio that was referencing the dispenser by mistake in Spanish Fixed incorrect alpha channels for the Smissmas 2021/2022 Cosmetic Case models Fixed lots of small visual bugs Fixed some small exploits Improved clipping Updated cp_steel Prop collision cleanup and improved player clipping and stuck spots including exploits Clean up geometry in spawns, the spawn locations and their exits Fix roof readability issues, with sticky and rocket jumping Fix rare double death bug when falling into pit Fix Cliff stuck spots including exploits Clean up geometry in spawn door to A Updated cp_steel Prop collision cleanup and improved player clipping Explosive splash bug collision cleanup and improved clipping Updated cp_mossrock Fixed numerous perch points Fixed the Mann vs. Machine upgrade panel closing after receiving a matchmaking party invite Fixed a locations and their exits Fix roof readability issues, with sticky and rocket jumping Fix rare overtime cap bug Fix Red team getting stuck in spawn door to A Updated cp_mossrock Fixed numerous perch points Fixed the Mann vs. Machine upgrade panel closing after receiving a matchmaking party invite Fixed lots of small visual bugs Fixed lots of small visual bugs Fixed some small exploits Improved clipping Updated cp_gravelpit_snowy Boosted volume of snowman explosions Added occluders to C to improve performance Improved clipping Updated cp_steel Prop collision cleanup and improvements Fixed the Strange Count Transfer stats for Sandvich items Fixed an explosions Added occluders to C to improve performance Improved clipping Updated cp_gravelpit_snowy Boosted volume of snowman explosions Added occluders to C to improvements Fixed the Engineer teleporter audio that was referencing the dispenser by mistake in Spanish Fixed incorrect alpha channels for the Smissmas 2021/2022 Cosmetic Case models Fixed the Winter 2019 War Paint Case not being shown in the Mann Co. Store Updated cp_gravelpit_snowy Boosted volume of snowman explosions Added occluders to C to improve performance Improved optimisationrop collision cleanup and improved player clipping Explosive splash bug collision on rock near final point so it is more accurate to the visuals Fixed players being able to transfer Tool not being able to move for a short period of time after doi

[@untitledshorts1668]

Since when were teleporters Spanish 💀

[@OfcourseJimmy000]

dude the ai hates cp_steel

[@KC_Garcia]

the ai really loves updating cp_steel

[@BlueLionX88]

Boss: "Heavy, you're fired." Also Heavy: "So are you, Boss." Also Boss: *"Goddamnit."*

[@ChaseMC215]

The boss would have been fired anyway for suggesting Heavy to update TF2

[@g.r.senterprisevenatorclas7314]

3:31 They forgot to mention the Blue Engineer now builds Red Buildings.

[@borbleborb4586]

It wasn’t dispensing anything, was it?

[@donttreadonme123]

@@borbleborb4586 it only dispensed where ammo before the bug fix

[@thunderspark1536]

We do a little enemy building.

[@terg7822]

6:38 I can't believe the greatest detective, jakkid166, plays TF2.

[@theentertainer6198]

In a way this is the heavy update, indirectly. It absolutely slaughters scout (which can be harder to hit), it massively nerfs Spy by only letting him use the revolver (no more backstabs) and now aiming players no longer output damage, removing Sniper’s headshots. And now Tomislav cries Scouts (which no longer exist) and lunchbox items now have 10% attack (???)

[@NobodyEvenReadsNames]

7:08 killed me, it's just crapping on the Scout back to back to back for no reason

[@jordy_de-zee]

just like spy at 4:36

[@izzywood2874]

Heavy wrote it

[@jupiter1289]

​@@jordy_de-zeelike father like son

[@malcolmlloydandrileyproduc6451]

Construction notice ✔hitting buildings fixes and upgrades them ✔30% more firing speed ✔25%less melee damage taken on wearer ❌15%slower movement on deploy ❌25% less damage When worn allows you to do the "pootis spencer" leaving behind a calling card

[@ScrumpeyBros]

Now the Heavy is better at cosplaying as the Engineer!

[@TheDuckyDino]

Should also be able to remove sappers like the home wrecker and neon annihilated or

[@malcolmlloydandrileyproduc6451]

@@TheDuckyDino fixing already undoes the sappers damage

[@rotothedragonlord7198]

I miss when it 100% spy-cicle’d

[@lowfurts]

Just no were not doing this

[@Ian_Paneque]

We got it. And it has a seal

[@blacksfrommoon]

Im so proud how fast your channel is growing and how so many people relate to you. Sending love!

[@MRDarkman]

I couldn't stop LAUGHING!!!! This NEEDS a part 2!

[@dwin2005]

Yeah, I agree, make part 2 pls

[@littleNorwegians]

Praying for part 2

[@realah3001]

Same

[@furberkara7832]

NOW!

[@j-lo5079]

YESS!!

[@danielsinclair6586]

I have no idea how casual players like me were ever able to enjoy Team Fortress 2 before the Heavy Update. Matches being allowed to start has completely transformed the entire experience for me, and I can't quite put my feelings into words.

[@claudiogivone4435]

Yeah unfortunately is a little hard to see since they have fixed getting a screen

[@thatsguy1111]

@@claudiogivone4435 It confuses me how some people forget that they can use visual telepathy

[@appelofdoom8211]

The additional spies are kinda annoying though

[@Otherface]

I know right. My favorite part is that they fixed an issue where players

[@Schnort]

​@@thatsguy1111please don't make fun of disabled people, that's ableism

[@HelixProto]

this video is like an enigma, i have no idea why but i keep coming back to it

[@spamton_g_spamtom474]

4:19 this aged like the finest wine on the market 🍷

[@scottsalinas7019]

7:14 this kinda reminds me of the "meet the scout" where scout is messing with heavy by interrupting his sandvich meal, now it's heavy punching scout with his sandvich meal.

[@DrOcsid]

Yep I was trying to call back to that.

[@just-a-fnf-fan]

don’t mess with the sandvich

[@jmsta.romana4660]

And it's also the same spot in the map, great detail.

[@stephenboshears4832]

Food adding a 10% damage bonus actually sounds good

[@me-eat-book_7780]

@@stephenboshears4832 imagine the steak

[@ThePikminCaptain]

3:49 Heavy mains after losing meet your match

[@jordy_de-zee]

ETN

[@alonelywriter6076]

PYRO! YOU B*TCH!!!!

[@sebastiangibson9671]

Heavy players when they realise there is no more updates and pyro was the one to steal them becoming more fun

[@roksanna251]

PAIROW! YU BICH

[@endgamerplays]

Thanks *_PYRO_*

[@ihave2cats459]

I LAUGHED DURING THE WHOLE VIDEO XD, lmao, it has been a while i dont laugh this much, thank you for the video.

[@Explosions40]

"PYRO! YOU BITCH" is my favourite line

[@chubbsreal]

4:25 his reaction is just the best

[@denyhaguilar679]

WHAT DUMB-

[@barneycalhoun4456]

@@denyhaguilar679 nah he said WHAT THE-

[@judahtheechidna5673]

*"₩HÆŢ ĐÆ-"*

[@TheVlogger110]

4:27

@@barneycalhoun4456 the full quote is "What dumb son of a bitch cast THAT?!"

[@MKTB22]

6:40 “However, to offset this, there is a 90 second afterburn penalty on engineer death” Snipers that have Darwin’s Danger Shield equipped: I am 4 parallel universes ahead of you.

[@fedethegreat88]

No it's just for Demos using the Loch-n-load

[@JackNick2000]

Chargin’ Targe Hybrid Knights: This is where the fun begins

[@theguywiththeoldds3896]

Snipers with Darwin's Danger Sheild: doesn't exist

[@DesertThing]

90 seconds of afterburn will kill every other class

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

⁠@@JackNick2000 so effectively 45 seconds of afterburn in terms of damage, might still get you killed

[@bestevie311]

5:15 i wish...

[@thatmadengineer_5552]

I like the fact that this video implies the VO guy is both in hell and in jail.

[@thewindwakinghero7423]

4:25 as an engineer main this is the exact way I would react

[@borbleborb4586]

5:39

[@thewindwakinghero7423]

@@borbleborb4586 No.

[@meetthepootis7117]

​@@thewindwakinghero7423 yes

[@j-lo5079]

I love how everytime it says "fixed player" they get hit with a wrench

[@ajfireninja9012]

"Critical Fix"

[@Megaton69420]

Just want to say that I loved this video and you such a good job

[@BestOfNexusCo]

your wish has been granted, welcome to the 2023 Summer Update!

[@zeta4115]

This honestly seems like something valve would do if they updated tf2.

[@HoovyTube]

This is really hilarious. Fantastic animation style too, fits perfectly with the premise of the video.

[@Rareblin243]

69 likes

[@theanimestyle6679]

@@Rareblin243 169

[@kayagorzan]

Yes

[@jessewest8493]

Yeah, I also like coming back to watch this sometimes, so you KNOW its good. also, Hi Hoovy tube

[@3000eloxd]

9/11 likes

[@julianseph842gamez5]

8:19 CEO: Heavy, you're fired...

[@gamingmoth4542]

I loved the "Removed the Spy from Liberty" and it shows Spy appearing in a jail cell.

[@hamstreak5591]

They were tired of updating the localization files, so they gave us a weapon that allows the players to do it for them.

[@GOKU_MUI527]

At 7:22 you see the attention to detail as there isn’t a scout in the character choosing since the one before that was that scout was “fixed” by not being able to use him

[@Theperfectpepper321go]

Wow spamton g spamton from hit game underrune I had no idea

[@guh644]

So true

[@kaysimpson]

Nicely done. Subbed

[@rhysbarrett9353]

Dr Oscid is a genius I’ve watched this vid 5 times in a week and still can’t get enough

[@ChrisNinjaEagle]

4:45 "removed the spy from liberty" 😂 the way it's delivered, the way the spy reacts, and the way the bars and jail cell just come form no where is absolutely hilarious. Top shelf!

[@Iron8127]

Jail in hell wow

[@HaydounDO]

2:47 is good too

[@chuck5746]

kind of ironic too

[@guylikei6357]

He’s angrier having his F R E E D O M removed than being in literal hell

[@davidron7850]

7:22 did anyone else noticed that after the "fixed using scout" the scout is no longer in the mercs selection, amazing detail

[@ArtistizcHistorian]

I didnt

[@marcowulliampopirers2216]

um yeah... that was the joke

[@guywhoexists6]

unlike some other jokes i would say....

[@JohnnicusStevicus]

@@marcowulliampopirers2216 yeah but it’s a joke not many would notice

[@someguy1894]

@@JohnnicusStevicus it’s legit in your face

[@kali12667]

7:35 this is why I kept seeing snipers in my game

[@merucrypoison296]

Flammable/destructive maps would actually be really cool probably would be adding in tf3

[@KonoDarknessDa]

Lunchbox items: added 10% attack Hoovy mains: *I Need it!*

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

The construction notice

[@theasexualidiot4803]

This made me think of a weapon idea: Knuckle Sandvich No random crits (duh) 10% attack speed -35% damage (when equipped) Effect: When killing an enemy you get half healing affects from a sandvich Secondary effect: after a kill 30% of any lunchbox items bar will be regenerated instantly.

[@misterbrick4276]

3:51 you should’ve had Spy say “it could be you, it could be me”

[@susiedeltarunedistinguished]

IT COULD EVEN BE-

[@dozy_scout]

Right behind you.

[@knouphis]

I COULD EVEN BE- *player spy has been updated*

[@ThatOneGuyWhoLikeBees]

It Could even be- "fixed the spy" *Wrench projectile has been spawned*

[@catmaster1595]

IT COULD EVEN BE-jumpcut to next clip

[@cameronballz6154]

The solution to all updates *MORE SPIES*

[@ULQGameDev]

As a pyro main, the pyro's head being added was the scariest thing of all time.