If Team Fortress 2 Was Updated by a Bot

Heavy is entrusted with creating the latest TF2 update, but in his keyboard-slamming haste, copies the patch notes into a Markov Text Generator and submits the results. What could go wrong?
The patch notes in this video were generated using a Markov Chain Text Generator, which you can use here: projects.haykr...
Patch notes taken from these posts (and also a few I generated on my own):
/ the_latest_update_if_i...
/ i_asked_a_markov_chain...
/ the_totally_not_real_u...
Narration and voice acting (excluding the TF2 classes) done by me. Special thanks to The Conceptionist for helping put together the ending shot. The "New Weapons Soldier" in the intro originally created by Genowhirl70.
GMod Addons used that I forgot to put in the credits:
Stop Motion Helper: steamcommunity...
Advanced Camera: steamcommunity...
Team Fortress 2 Bots: steamcommunity...
Team Fortress Pill Pack (for playing as TF2 classes): steamcommunity...
Advanced Particle Controller (for explosions and stuff): steamcommunity...
Ragdoll Mover: steamcommunity...
Easy Animation Tool (for putting game animations on ragdolls): steamcommunity...
Animated Prop Tool (same as above): steamcommunity...
Sleep'n'Wake Tool: steamcommunity...
Turret Tool: steamcommunity...
Source audio for the Soldier screaming in Polish: • Crazy Russian Gamer lo...

[@Earthyburt]

"Scout Eviction in 7 seconds" was so ominous and terrifying

[@astrotoast9819]

Scout did not have a good time this update

[@aarshir9500]

6:05 for anyone looking for the clip

[@worsethanem3660]

@@aarshir9500 i love you

[@F-14D_Tomcat]

And the pyro mask

[@ProfessorProfesorman]

how is that scary

[@madmimika1973]

Scout getting progressively nerfed into the ground, from "fixed scout being able to run", to "tomislav now crits scout", Then SCOUT EVICTION IN 7 SECONDS, and finally just fixing being able to play scout is really funny to me.

[@purplebrickwall]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N 7 S E C O N D S

[@cYObEL]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N 7 S E C O N D S

[@VGamingJunkieVT]

Updater: Screw you, Scunts.

[@seventhspud]

s

[@evanm1337]

S C O U T E V I C T I O N I N S E V E N S E C O N D S

[@aceskeletonne7446]

"Rumor has it Florida exists" actually seems like something valve would put in their patch notes in 2011-2015 era tf2

[@straightkiller2424]

so does "AVOID PHILLADELPHIA"

[@missingtexturez]

floridilium would come from a free for all mode

[@smolboi9698]

Do I exist?

[@harrisonmoore3841]

@@smolboi9698 Maybe, idk

[@smolboi9698]

@@harrisonmoore3841 I’m a Floridian.

[@LeastInsaneUtsu-PFan]

3:46 I love soldiers face here. He’s not even mad or upset. He’s just confused by this utter nonsense.

[@Vizedar]

i would be too if all of a sudden my computer just vanished along with tf2

[@JetFalcon710]

@@Vizedar Especially if I was just watching a Scout ragdoll spazzing out

[@THE_OVERSEERx]

Hes like "Wtf just happened"

[@nameless......................]

ammo (this is a message split through multiple replies to different comments)

[@cevatkokbudak6414]

​@@nameless......................what

[@chexmax2848]

“aiming players will no longer output damage” holy shit the bot fixed the bot crisis

[@mindlessincessancebro]

CORRECT

[@turretboi]

I used the bots to destroy the bots

[@wdp1a73r]

@@turretboi wait didn't we try that already?

[@turretboi]

@@wdp1a73r beats me

[@ken.7019]

The bot fixed the bots and sniper, amazing

[@savvythedivineyethuggable7493]

3:51 "Updated someone." Spy: "He could be any one of us! He could be you! He could be me!"

[@whatisinspectelement]

"He could even be-"

[@DrLiam-fg6wd]

@@whatisinspectelement *shotgun blast*

[@honestlywhatelsewouldiput-here]

“What? It was obvious he’s the one the got updated.”

[@DrLiam-fg6wd]

@@honestlywhatelsewouldiput-here see. the patch notes will list it any second now

[@andredominguez3199]

...Aaaaaany second now. See? Patch notes! Wait... That's Scout.

[@mat8ty532]

7:18 I love how it says “fixed” like scouts entire existence was a mistake they made and never bothered to fix for the 14 years tf2 has existed until now

[@notatimetraveler6444]

It's pretty funny, considering lore wise Scout is quite literally god's gift to -man- Women.

[@thebishopoldchannel76]

isn't the definition of fixed also set in place as if a sentry if so this update would turn 1/4 the classes into sentry guns

[@kappnk9821]

@@notatimetraveler6444 god's gift to women*

[@notatimetraveler6444]

@@kappnk9821 You right!

[@robonator2945]

yeah for some reason no-one seems to have noticed it but the scout was actually a bug, not a feature.

[@Cotton_Mouth]

5:20 I unironicly love the idea of a taunt that has a ¼ chance of blowing you up. 😂

[@smug2525]

A more Russian-Roulette style kamikaze.

[@mad_goddess2830]

Well do I have something to say about the equaliser (or if you want it to be luck based rock paper scissors does if you do the kill bind when you lose)

[@funni_moksi69]

@@smug2525 I think its just Russian roulette

[@SpaceBoundFox]

@@funni_moksi69 Holy shit they should add Russian Roulette taunt to TF2

[@funni_moksi69]

@@SpaceBoundFox YEEEAH

[@misscookiesncrime]

This gives me heavy vibes of the “Multiply a Weapon’s Stats by 10” animation from 10 years ago, but modern.

[@DrOcsid]

I did always love that animation, it's a very good one.

[@grebgrimpkit]

@@DrOcsid hey could you do a part 2

[@Dkrule1]

@@DrOcsid hay mate, I would pay you right now to get working on another,,,I needed this

[@pearljaime2]

10 years already? Damn...

[@KL53986]

You mean the animation where Razorback is actually good but once again who cares, you get shot by revolver, or get Ambassador headshot even it deals like 102 damage at max, which is not instadeath but it brings you to critical health anyway.

[@BakuraEX]

So, among other things: -There will be tons more Spies, but that's okay because they suck now. -We hate Scout.

[@TheDuckyDino]

Scout? You mean that one glitched character valve accidentally left in?

[@somehowimstillhere]

@@TheDuckyDino shut up go back to dreamland-

[@MrDawid06]

And now demoknight is way better than anything +Smissmas

[@zizo5349]

@@MrDawid06 also he explodes

[@IdiotamSpielen]

And there will be no players.

[@stuffiemario132]

I like the idea that the Heavy Update is not "Heavy focused" but "Made by Heavy"

[@zumbie8049]

Heavy care about his teammates

[@5d4a5]

@@zumbie8049 yep

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

@@zumbie8049except scout

[@drakesword5214]

@@zumbie8049 Except scout, apparently.

[@JackNick2000]

@@drakesword5214he stole his Sandvich once. A Heavy never forgets

[@a_nice_hat6850]

5:20 would actually be a pretty cool easter egg to the kritzkrieg, overdosing after taunting too much

[@trapsack]

Hell yea

[@Garbo_trashcan]

"fixed an issue where scout could run" finally, a good update

[@reio4641]

Natascha wrote this

[@Meh-fo7sp]

Tomislav crits scout is by far the best one

[@jtohgaming]

*finally an update

[@chesed_yt1]

Finaly no more speedrunning intel capture as scout

[@Nittin.]

" Fixed a bug where ammo."

[@Majima_Nowhere]

A line of snipers dancing while hats rain from the sky is quite possibly the most TF2 thing I've ever seen.

[@3verlong]

add a lime scout killing the snipers

[@ryanmaeder9898]

Man that should be a custom server addition

[@davidhong1934]

Plus one Heavy giving a sandwich to each Sniper as they pass by

[@fractiouskitty1059]

free stuff

[@lampaddict7885]

@@3verlong they fixed using him remember

[@hamburg4034]

Valve: "Alright guys, we've fixed the aimbot problem!" 3:09

[@weegee42069]

Awesome

[@Spacular]

Awesome update, Valve!

[@jihrexz666]

Awesome update, Valve! Just awesome

[@nullpug5445]

Awesome update, Valve! just awesome, Superb

[@O.Kproductions]

Awesome update, valve! Just awesome, superb, seriously amazing!

[@PeytonianYT]

The fact that the "adding pyros head" could be interpreted as a fix to the spy bug where disguised as pyro his head is missing is pretty cool.

[@nameless......................]

on the topic of spy, imma translate "spy no long uber build slightly" "when healing spies, your uber takes a slightly shorter amount of time to build"

[@renthewerecat]

if they ever fix that bug that HAS to be what the patch notes say

[@monke7919]

And similarly "spy no longer Uber slightly" sounds like a fix for some niche glitch that would allow spy to build Uber or something like that

[@vasilybullock7967]

The bit where snipers spawns unlimited hats and crashed the economy was probably the best

[@PaperWorldManShoji]

Agreed

[@ak47epic94]

"professionals have standards"

[@arandomcommenter412]

The great crate depression 2

[@blizzard2508-k7n]

@@arandomcommenter412 creat depression

[@Bombsbombsbombs]

@@blizzard2508-k7n crate depression of tf2

[@mrsquid_]

3:48 i love how heavy is just yelling PYRO YOU BITCH after commiting arson to 2fort

[@CHRF-55457]

lmao

[@pink_sky_morning4842]

Wait, it kinda sounds more like Demoman than Heavy

[@NathanDaws825]

@@pink_sky_morning4842 Clearly Heavy.

[@pink_sky_morning4842]

@@NathanDaws825 I just had a listen again, it is Heavy thanks for the correction.

[@Blueskiiiiii]

Heheheh

[@carolinewald3109]

“Updated someone” “Added 32 new characters” These work together surprisingly well

[@NathanDaws825]

Have fun guessing if it's Spy, Scout, South, West, East, Heavy, Urmomm-

[@heymedic6398]

INCLUDING THE BRAND NEW GESTAPO UNIT

[@oliverharston815]

@Army of Bamburai's Any one of the new spys

[@mugiwaradarwin4504]

- Guest starring....The "SKULLS" Parasite Unit.

[@mugiwaradarwin4504]

- Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series!

[@Koshian_Adzuki]

Imagine seeing the entire team being snipers, taunting while cosmetics fall from the sky and crashing your game

[@saber2802]

I would laugh so hard as TF2's economy crashes and all lobbies turn into friendlies

[@THE_Lee_Nash]

That would actually make an awesome unusual taunt effect.

[@MelonTF2]

Man, this video is so underrated, I laughed the whole time

[@jihrexz666]

SAME XDDD

[@MelonTF2]

@@kazama5555 everywhere

[@catmanconant9798]

i see a youtuber comment on another youtubers video, its like a fucking crossover episode

[@MelonTF2]

@@AKDProducts45 Until it hits at least 1M views, it's underrated in my eyes

[@Pllid]

Same

[@winterwolf7812]

There will never be a patch note more ominous then "The Damage"

[@iamcool322]

“Abandoning a match will now result in Halloween.” oh fr? >woke guy has left the game

[@dumpanimator]

​@@iamcool322at least we get a spell lol that not that bad unleash solar light was in enemy team

[@fadingdreamx]

Don't forget "added the pyro's head."

[@thefunniman3285]

Don't forget "SCOUT EVICTION IN 7 SECONDS"

[@cojocariutudor586]

What about S P Y I S B U R N E D W H I L E U N I S G U I S E T O H E L L

[@X-SPONGED]

2:07 Bot Dev: "Casual - Matches can now start" "Matches will add additional spies" *_"A small price to pay for salvation..."_*

[@TerminatorGundam300]

Bot Dev: "Added 5 new Spies"

[@deepdays9068]

@@TerminatorGundam300 WHAT

[@SurnameName]

that's just regular casual tbh

[@spawnIocation]

play pyro

[@aspidacctvods]

@@spawnIocation they removed the fire key because of that

[@Nod_Lucario]

5:03 New Weapon: The Kurwacka Headshots cause enemies to speak Polish + 80% Damage increase to non-Polish Speakers + Instantly Jarates on body-shot - 25% Damage decrease to Polish Speakers - No Random Crits

[@iamcool322]

Welshwacka Upon headshotting someone, they are forced to speak Welsh until respawn +25% damage to non-Welsh speakers +60% localization speed -25% damage to Welsh speakers -Byth yn mynd i roi'r gorau iddi

[@AncientFire]

Let's goo I only take 75 percent of damage with the kurwacka!!!! This is an achievement.

[@eliseymullov667]

sukabladwaka Upon headshotting someone, they are forced to speak Russian until chernobyl didnt detonate. +25% damage to peoples from another area of city +60% localization speed -25% damage to english speakers -КУБА(Комунизм У Берегов Америки)

[@Iniosiun421]

So basically headshotting an enemy makes then stronger against your attacks

[@kokorikopi]

"Fixed the Spy" is a more intriguing update than anything valve has put out in four years.

[@linusdickens4767]

Troo

[@valeriopampanoni3573]

@@linusdickens4767 They just removed the Dead Ringer

[@averagephlogfan6475]

They just castrate him

[@pqbdwmnu]

The spy class was originally based off a glitch where a character would appear to be on the opposite team. Fixing him just removes his disguise, making him a really balanced class

[@linusdickens4767]

No shit sherlock

[@williambutcher7429]

“Tomislav now crits scout” This truly is heavy update. 200% better

[@mattheworozco5929]

“Pyro head added” Scout wasn’t afraid of a decapitated pyro head. He was afraid of an empty gas mask. They added an actual head for pyro. This means pyro is out there showing the world their new face, and none of the mercenaries are ready to open that can of worms.

[@elfascisto6549]

Just search for "pyro but you can understand him" and you'll see his face

[@afunkingamer2415]

*what have they done...*

[@dumpanimator]

Pyro is bald and always being bald in concept art

[@RedLaundryBasket]

@@dumpanimatordemo man was also white before, we probably shouldn’t trust the old designs.

[@Ducknodes]

​@@RedLaundryBasketwasnt he also ginger?

[@Treebox_]

1:53 The way scout says RAGEQUIT just killed me

[@Eli-ls9hp]

R A G E Q U I T!

[@domeen0gt895]

I'm suprised there weren't more new weapons like the construction notice.

[@DrOcsid]

good point, if i do a sequel i will make sure to try and get it to generate some more weapons

[@theovermind6041]

@@DrOcsid Please make a sequel.

[@not_quiteknown]

@@DrOcsid feed us father

[@jojogacha974]

@@DrOcsid pls this one was so funny pls add more fix’s

[@Destoroyahpng]

@@DrOcsid definitely do a sequel this was hilarious

[@TheRockruffWhoCries]

6:40 I love how innocent the Engineer's smile is

[@teamok1025]

Ye

[@_Catgirl_Connoisseur_]

Spy too

[@snifey7694]

And whoever kill the innocent engie will be resulted in burning proximity

[@strelitziathekeyblader1657]

@@snifey7694 That would be the Spy

[@chaoscontroller316]

Flammable maps actually sounds like a good gimmick idea, I wanna see it.

[@Lanesra62905]

Everyone dies

[@user-Lemon234]

It would be hell because of pyros, burning everything

[@fruitpummel]

PYRO, YOU B-

[@-NajimiOsana-]

3:49

[@Tower_Swagman]

would increase pyro players growth by 1,000,000%

[@TheEggHunter]

4:18 Heavy, Spy, Scout, DemoMan, Medic, Sniper, Engineer, Pyro, Soldier, Gandalf The Grey, Gandalf The White, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black knight, Benito Mussolinni, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambie the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo-Pan, Super-Man, every single Power-Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock and Haul Holgan.

[@thesleepparalysisdemonon]

this is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny Good menn Bad menn And explosions As far as the eye can see And only one will survive now ( i wonder who will it be ) This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

[@HoovyTube]

This is really hilarious. Fantastic animation style too, fits perfectly with the premise of the video.

[@Rareblin243]

69 likes

[@theanimestyle6679]

@@Rareblin243 169

[@kayagorzan]

Yes

[@jessewest8493]

Yeah, I also like coming back to watch this sometimes, so you KNOW its good. also, Hi Hoovy tube

[@3000eloxd]

9/11 likes

[@ZestyJesus]

>90 second afterburn penalty on engineer death I'm dying. Rarely does a video make me laugh all the way through, Jesus Christ, one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time

[@bonkersman5167]

ZESTYYYY

[@archmageofpizzamancy2471]

new loch and load video with these stats plz

[@Pllid]

Same

[@theanimator3070]

6:30

[@JAIBADRIVISHAAL]

Hy zesty , this was a very funny video , entire time i am laughing , out of breath , you need to collab and make more videos like this one

[@scottsalinas7019]

7:14 this kinda reminds me of the "meet the scout" where scout is messing with heavy by interrupting his sandvich meal, now it's heavy punching scout with his sandvich meal.

[@DrOcsid]

Yep I was trying to call back to that.

[@just-a-fnf-fan]

don’t mess with the sandvich

[@jmsta.romana4660]

And it's also the same spot in the map, great detail.

[@stephenboshears4832]

Food adding a 10% damage bonus actually sounds good

[@me-eat-book_7780]

@@stephenboshears4832 imagine the steak

[@businesszombie2484]

7:23 I like the attention to detail here, there’s no option to play as the scout when just before the Scout was removed.

[@difficulthail516]

I just noticed too loll

[@thediam0nddrag0n78]

"Tomslav now crits Scout" I need this

[@weebcraft6829]

If only the Natasha did its goddamn job

[@tommarch.4493]

but there's no more scouts

[@sollew7434]

kinda useless though cuz scout only has 125 hp

[@jacksonlideen891]

@@sollew7434 yes, but now it crits SPECIFICALLY scout

[@sollew7434]

@@jacksonlideen891 e🅱️ic

[@g.r.senterprisevenatorclas7314]

3:31 They forgot to mention the Blue Engineer now builds Red Buildings.

[@borbleborb4586]

It wasn’t dispensing anything, was it?

[@donttreadonme123]

@@borbleborb4586 it only dispensed where ammo before the bug fix

[@thunderspark1536]

We do a little enemy building.

[@MKTB22]

6:40 “However, to offset this, there is a 90 second afterburn penalty on engineer death” Snipers that have Darwin’s Danger Shield equipped: I am 4 parallel universes ahead of you.

[@fedethegreat88]

No it's just for Demos using the Loch-n-load

[@JackNick2000]

Chargin’ Targe Hybrid Knights: This is where the fun begins

[@theguywiththeoldds3896]

Snipers with Darwin's Danger Sheild: doesn't exist

[@DesertThing]

90 seconds of afterburn will kill every other class

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

⁠@@JackNick2000 so effectively 45 seconds of afterburn in terms of damage, might still get you killed

[@commanderdemonno9819]

i love how some of the changes bleed over into future scenes like for instance, the spy doesn't backstab the engineer with the 90 second afterburn penalty because he runs purely with a revolver now very smart, i like

[@malcolmlloydandrileyproduc6451]

Construction notice ✔hitting buildings fixes and upgrades them ✔30% more firing speed ✔25%less melee damage taken on wearer ❌15%slower movement on deploy ❌25% less damage When worn allows you to do the "pootis spencer" leaving behind a calling card

[@ScrumpeyBros]

Now the Heavy is better at cosplaying as the Engineer!

[@TheDuckyDino]

Should also be able to remove sappers like the home wrecker and neon annihilated or

[@malcolmlloydandrileyproduc6451]

@@TheDuckyDino fixing already undoes the sappers damage

[@rotothedragonlord7198]

I miss when it 100% spy-cicle’d

[@lowfurts]

Just no were not doing this

[@manncheez707]

7:14 deleted scene of “Meet the Scout”

[@cruisader9680]

The outtake he didn’t want you seeing

[@malthe236]

Realistic outghahvjauvgiviwguibhuwiyfc

[@scratchgddash]

Sandwich: *can heal people* Heavy trying to use it on scout:

[@thewindwakinghero7423]

4:25 as an engineer main this is the exact way I would react

[@borbleborb4586]

5:39

[@thewindwakinghero7423]

@@borbleborb4586 No.

[@meetthepootis7117]

​@@thewindwakinghero7423 yes

[@Ningumkkk]

6:03 unhelpful engineer moment

[@davidron7850]

7:22 did anyone else noticed that after the "fixed using scout" the scout is no longer in the mercs selection, amazing detail

[@ArtistizcHistorian]

I didnt

[@marcowulliampopirers2216]

um yeah... that was the joke

[@guywhoexists6]

unlike some other jokes i would say....

[@JohnnicusStevicus]

@@marcowulliampopirers2216 yeah but it’s a joke not many would notice

[@someguy1894]

@@JohnnicusStevicus it’s legit in your face

[@MRDarkman]

I couldn't stop LAUGHING!!!! This NEEDS a part 2!

[@dwin2005]

Yeah, I agree, make part 2 pls

[@littleNorwegians]

Praying for part 2

[@realah3001]

Same

[@furberkara7832]

NOW!

[@j-lo5079]

YESS!!

[@BlueLionX88]

Boss: "Heavy, you're fired." Also Heavy: "So are you, Boss." Also Boss: *"Goddamnit."*

[@ChaseMC215]

The boss would have been fired anyway for suggesting Heavy to update TF2

[@JenovaDreamweaver]

4:13 I love how demo just FACEPLANTS LOL

[@guardianhero6124]

aaaa-

[@lucasgaming681]

4:17

[@NobodyEvenReadsNames]

7:08 killed me, it's just crapping on the Scout back to back to back for no reason

[@jordy_de-zee]

just like spy at 4:36

[@izzywood2874]

Heavy wrote it

[@jupiter1289]

​@@jordy_de-zeelike father like son

[@TheRedScout]

FREAKIN’ UNBELIEVABLE! THIS UPDATE SUCKS!

[@GOKU_MUI527]

At 7:22 you see the attention to detail as there isn’t a scout in the character choosing since the one before that was that scout was “fixed” by not being able to use him

[@Theperfectpepper321go]

Wow spamton g spamton from hit game underrune I had no idea

[@guh644]

So true

[@ChrisNinjaEagle]

4:45 "removed the spy from liberty" 😂 the way it's delivered, the way the spy reacts, and the way the bars and jail cell just come form no where is absolutely hilarious. Top shelf!

[@Iron8127]

Jail in hell wow

[@HaydounDO]

2:47 is good too

[@chuck5746]

kind of ironic too

[@guylikei6357]

He’s angrier having his F R E E D O M removed than being in literal hell

[@chaotic_llama6989]

7:40 I thought the punchline was going to be that, once the second sniper got a red dot on his gun, he would taunt, but the dot was just the opposing sniper’s laser, and he would get shot. Then the opposing sniper would taunt and get the cosmetics

[@FPBRM23]

that woulda been hilarious

[@lemone630]

"Added The Damage" God I love how vaguely threatening that feels

[@justforapps1670]

When you peak a snipers sightline

[@cheetahstar6790]

@@justforapps1670 suddenly the damage

[@nameless......................]

Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) :30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30:30industrial moist spaghetti on pizzawurtzite boron nitrideRIGGYRAISE WE BRINGIN BEACON BONNIE OUTTA OBSCURITY WITH THIS ONE95U4EX7YY2E4Na wiresUnunoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq) Ununoctium (118, Uuo) Radon (86, Rn) Oxygen (8, O) Copper (29, Cu) Selenium (34, Se) Platinum (78, Pt) Tungsten (74, W) Gold (79, Au) Xenon (54, Xe) Magnesium (12, Mg) Ununquadium (114, Uuq)

[@nameless......................]

Spy no long uber build sightly

[@nameless......................]

Spy no long uber build slightly better to do this with a lot more people in a car and then the right person to be a new car driver for a long period and a few years back to do the job of the same car driver in a few months or months and you can see that the right way is to be able and then to do the right things and then get the best fuel for a good price for the same reason you have to pay the same amount as the right time and the same as you can see on this site in a year and you are going through the right way to do the right way

[@The73MPL4R]

6:40 As an engie main I would love for this to be real. Gives my teammates an incentive to actually help me defend.

[@manologamerss5801]

Specifically demomen, which means you're going to have like 20 stickies right below you at all times if this were actually implemented in order for them to avoid the afterburn. That or they're either not gonna play Demoman or they're gonna harass you into not playing engineer.

[@agrastiOs]

@@manologamerss5801 or just no loch n load.

[@randomdud8364]

The entire team will ask you to not play engineer y'know and trolls could use him and start jumping off cliffs so they can see the world burn

[@anonymousmonkey9491]

or they'll just kick you faster than a MvM pyro with the gas canister.

[@realestuserr]

killbind :troll:

[@chubbsreal]

4:25 his reaction is just the best

[@denyhaguilar679]

WHAT DUMB-

[@barneycalhoun4456]

@@denyhaguilar679 nah he said WHAT THE-

[@judahtheechidna5673]

*"₩HÆŢ ĐÆ-"*

[@TheVlogger110]

4:27

@@barneycalhoun4456 the full quote is "What dumb son of a bitch cast THAT?!"

[@terg7822]

6:38 I can't believe the greatest detective, jakkid166, plays TF2.

[@X-SPONGED]

6:40 I love how Spy uses his revolver to kill Engie now instead of the knife specifically because the previous fix stated that the class can only use the revolver from now on.

[@somerandomdepresseddude]

"The Revolver also toggles the development console"

[@howwwwwwwwwww]

@@somerandomdepresseddude on reload

[@gustavorblx9940]

@@howwwwwwwwwww Also, they have fixed a bug where players

[@afunkingamer2415]

@@gustavorblx9940 don't forget they fixed a bug where ammo

[@yiit9914]

@@afunkingamer2415 then now spy has to stab someone with his sapper

[@derpysponge43]

The part with “use the air” actually worked on me due to laughing.

[@eduardoflores1010]

I accidentally pressed it because i died laughing too

[@danielsinclair6586]

I have no idea how casual players like me were ever able to enjoy Team Fortress 2 before the Heavy Update. Matches being allowed to start has completely transformed the entire experience for me, and I can't quite put my feelings into words.

[@claudiogivone4435]

Yeah unfortunately is a little hard to see since they have fixed getting a screen

[@thatsguy1111]

@@claudiogivone4435 It confuses me how some people forget that they can use visual telepathy

[@appelofdoom8211]

The additional spies are kinda annoying though

[@Otherface]

I know right. My favorite part is that they fixed an issue where players

[@Schnort]

​@@thatsguy1111please don't make fun of disabled people, that's ableism

[@wander7812]

I asked an actual bot (ChatGPT AI actually) to give me Patchnotes like that and it gave me this: - Adjusted gravity "banana" - Removed gravity - Updated the Engineer's wrench with more wrenchiness - Fixed the players again - Randomized Pyro's flamethrower particles into confetti - Scout now moves at the speed of smell - Removed all unlockable hats and replaced them with fish - Slightly increased the Pyro's ability to set things on fire by 3000% - Added 37 new invisible hats - Heavy now only communicates through interpretive dance - Fixed Spy disguising as existential dread - Reverted everything to a previous version that doesn't exist - Added "invisible sandwich" as a consumable for the Heavy - Demoman's sticky bombs now apologize for any inconvenience. - Medics can now heal their own boredom EDIT: I'm on reddit. Pretty cool. But for people wondering yeah this WAS made by ChatGPT. I simply asked it to create bad updates, instead of normal updates. As I stated, "I asked gpt to create updates like these (in the video)"

[@dylanthegood99]

Best update.

[@rayoflight1920]

This is gold xD

[@OfcourseJimmy000]

fish hats

[@JetFalcon710]

I can't pick a favorite patchnote, they're all gold

[@Knee6811]

Sticky bomb: hey man I’m sorry for the demo spamming me

[@j-lo5079]

I love how everytime it says "fixed player" they get hit with a wrench

[@ajfireninja9012]

"Critical Fix"

[@Eli-ls9hp]

@@ajfireninja9012Update wrench:30% to “critical fix” insta killing the person who got fixed

[@thechaosreaper]

3:50 It's the Heavy Update, I think it's pretty clear who got updated

[@johnathonmcjohn3]

Mario

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

HEROBRINE?!?!?

[@keller-776ghme]

BOB THE BUILDER?!?

[@ChaseMC215]

Might not even be Heavy at all, might be Sandvich.

[@D-S-G.]

JOHN CENA?

[@Fergusand]

This isn’t the heavy update, this is the anti-scout update.

[@twin_towers_destroyer]

A heavy update would still be the fuck you scout update because heavy destroys scouts most of the time, like how jungle inferno was the “fuck you spy” because everyone was pyro

[@crockowithglocko576]

Basicly

[@Oxygen1004]

So, the Heavy update?

[@TinyDeskEngineer]

What's the difference?

[@FNicky91]

​@@twin_towers_destroyer really? i've killed plenty of heavies. the large fatty fats.. fat, fats like you- ow. no offense..

[@MajinTails]

4:50 So...does this imply that the narrator was "removed from liberty" as well?

[@Caerot22]

7:01 "The construction Notice now provides mini-crits instead of 100% spy-cicle" Heavy: what?

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

It's simple. Instead of providing a fully charged spy cycle, it will now provide Mini critis.

[@MKTB22]

But guys don’t worry the Tomislav now crits scout

[@borbleborb4586]

We watched the video too

[@DrOcsid]

@@borbleborb4586 There's nothing wrong with people noting parts of the video they liked. It's what comments are for.

[@borbleborb4586]

@@DrOcsid you right, my bad

[@docsynth4387]

Thank God they fixed the dispenser explosion glitch, that was really annoying

[@CreatorOfTheKoladi]

worst thing ever! ruined so many rounds in so many ways!

[@levitrowell122]

same with the cozy camper, though it was too bad the medigun taunt now explodes

[@stationalphastudios]

@@levitrowell122 no it technically balances the afterburn penalty for demo

[@levitrowell122]

@@stationalphastudios oh yeah, i didn't think about that

[@stationalphastudios]

@@levitrowell122 yeah

[@cromanticheer]

Brilliant! The whole framerate drop sequence is incredible. Especially Scout's shift from joy to terror at 1 FPS.

[@statera5854]

Also the PYRO you BECH

[@iamcool322]

“What have I done?!” “Nooooo-“ [spy.exe has stopped working]

[@balala7567]

if you replace "framerate" with "attention span in seconds" you get what's slowly happening right now

[@blacksfrommoon]

Im so proud how fast your channel is growing and how so many people relate to you. Sending love!

[@justarandomguy2833]

Someone NEEDS to make a community server with these changes

[@EpicZap1ooo]

boy i can't wait to play as a , this is gonna be fun

[@CS-sf5nq]

So they actually did but they fixed the bug where players :/

[@Annadog40]

how would they implement the 30+ spy variants

[@LarryTheTugaGamer1511]

And they fixed the spy cloak causing the game to look 3D

[@Rvxaz]

Wbu getting a screen and flammable maps?

[@adriansgaminguniverse4951]

0:37 literally the most accurate representation of valve I’ve ever seen

[@FlakkerDPS]

god i hope there's a sequel some day, this is absolute gold

[@jsbrickstation]

0:45 pov:you a heavy main and the enemy's team is just scouts

[@cheese_tastes_preety_good_tbh]

heavy mains don’t exist

[@g-dust4671]

"flamable maps 3:48 " "heavy : pyro ! you bitch !!!" that got me also this video is a masterpiece please keep working on more.

[@kentpaul9617]

They should add this voice line in heavy update

[@JokerAutomaton]

I need that voice line isolated

[@KL53986]

Why Heavy you must hurt Pyro ? Its updates fault. Hes nice guy similar to how quincy in btd6 is nice guy. I dont play TF 2 now a entire Year because bot issues.

[@Screenwriter318]

Mmmmmp mmmp mpmpmp?

[@MisterBrick42]

3:51 you should’ve had Spy say “it could be you, it could be me”

[@susiedeltarunedistinguished]

IT COULD EVEN BE-

[@knouphis]

I COULD EVEN BE- *player spy has been updated*

[@ThatOneGuyWhoLikeBees]

It Could even be- "fixed the spy" *Wrench projectile has been spawned*

[@catmaster1595]

IT COULD EVEN BE-jumpcut to next clip

[@PrestonZ20]

IT COULD EVEN BE- MRBEAST!

[@Sun-d4yy]

5:20 this could actually be a great addition

[@EtanMarlin]

for like april fools, it would be hilarious if taunts did that haha

[@bugstuff2121]

@@EtanMarlin your a genius

[@monke7919]

I think would be funny if instead of just this specific one Taunt they made it something popular like the kazakov kick And made it so the self destination only happens to people joining in on the taunt. So that way someone could just go into the enemy base. Start doing the kick and let everyone blow themselves up trying to form a party. I may have gotten the name of the taunt wrong or I Mispelled the name of the taunt but I honestly don't care. I'm spelling using text to speech.

[@Sylver-tf7kg]

I like how all pyro got was his head, flammable maps, and losing the key to his flamethrower which basically makes flammable maps insignificant

[@sharynkerr8378]

I like the detail when scout got fixed being used he was no longer a option for a class 7:22

[@ZorotheGallade]

2:14 2020 Source Video Maker video 2:18 2015 SFM capture 2:25 2012 Gmod video 2:28 2011 Animated Smexual 2:35 Scout is Delicious

[@nikolaiisstupid]

Wtf does "Scout is delicious" mean

[@ZorotheGallade]

@@nikolaiisstupid It's the original TF2 parody video. kzbin.info/www/bejne/rJi7gqpvfp15n8U

[@ChaseMC215]

@@nikolaiisstupid 2008 GMod video actually. On December 30th 2008, Scout Is Delicious was uploaded to KZbin for the world to enjoy.

[@iamthemouse4483]

Wait, was that the first Painis Cupcake video?

[@ConfusedLemons]

​@@nikolaiisstupid same question here.

[@deez29]

Imagine a server that worked like this

[@Oyakinya-Izuki]

It would be full of snipers spamming taunts for cosmetics

[@feefre]

@@Oyakinya-Izuki and spies, lots of them

[@rendann]

@@feefre but they'll use revolver

[@scyther-x4903]

@@rendann and live in florida, with no liberty

[@rendann]

@@scyther-x4903 but it's just a rumor that florida exists

[@impermanentLucidity]

"Added THE DAMAGE, fixed THE SPY" always make me cackle like a fiend. Something about the simple blunt intonation and the utter mystique of the patch note is HILARIOUS

[@ckinggaming5bucketmadness766]

I call upon a part 2, this was hilarious and I need to see this again

[@nickname5447]

I second this

[@rlocks7253]

We really do need a part 2!

[@user_hat]

ye

[@ericabrown819]

i will subscribe

[@junior-gamer-410]

True. This was so funny

[@Mr.Galaxia]

4:06 i love how the narrator is trying so hard not to laugh at these ridiculous updates

[@bling__brute6048]

17 new main menu! Cant wait to see that in PD watergate.

[@Mr.Galaxia]

@@bling__brute6048 wtf are you talking about

[@bling__brute6048]

@@Mr.Galaxia because he mentions 17 new main menu in Pd watergate.

[@gordonf5553]

@@Mr.Galaxia whu

[@TheZamaron]

7:25, I love the idea for this one, that it gives Snipers a shit ton of cosmetics and they all start dancing, Heavy is surprised, then it said the Sniper singlehandedly crashed the TF2 economy.🤣

[@nothingtoseehere5829]

A Free-to-Play’s dream.

[@Fireball-lc3td]

Me too

[@memoman_yt]

4:19 this aged like the finest wine on the market 🍷

[@Toon.Hamstreak_658]

They were tired of updating the localization files, so they gave us a weapon that allows the players to do it for them.

[@ThePikminCaptain]

3:49 Heavy mains after losing meet your match

[@jordy_de-zee]

ETN

[@alonelywriter6076]

PYRO! YOU B*TCH!!!!

[@sebastiangibson9671]

Heavy players when they realise there is no more updates and pyro was the one to steal them becoming more fun

[@roksanna251]

PAIROW! YU BICH

[@endgamerplays]

Thanks *_PYRO_*

[@blueeyeddrago3540]

6:40 That would give the players a punishment for not helping the Engies. In a hilarious way.

[@racheltoothaker3259]

People would target the entire way to often

[@rodian_skypyratz6181]

I think this only applies to Demomen with the Loch-N-Load.

[@blueeyeddrago3540]

@@rodian_skypyratz6181 Yeah but still.

[@mr.derpyface558]

2:30 We making it out the PS2 with this one 🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥

[@V1_ULTRAOFFICIAL.]

5:29 I love how Medic just lays on the floor and scream

[@shokvalu8819]

4:18 ok is it just me or do I really enjoy how the Overwatch joke lines up with OW actually having 32 characters

[@eroth1008]

Well, that's the entire reason the amount is 32?

[@mindlessincessancebro]

no, that would be 41

[@shokvalu8819]

@@mindlessincessancebro The amount in the update not the update + the already existing mercs you babboon-head

[@Eli-ls9hp]

@@mindlessincessancebrothey added 32 new characters.

[@KonoDarknessDa]

Lunchbox items: added 10% attack Hoovy mains: *I Need it!*

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

The construction notice

[@theasexualidiot4803]

This made me think of a weapon idea: Knuckle Sandvich No random crits (duh) 10% attack speed -35% damage (when equipped) Effect: When killing an enemy you get half healing affects from a sandvich Secondary effect: after a kill 30% of any lunchbox items bar will be regenerated instantly.

[@CertifiedCheeseChef2]

5:32 I like this part the most

[@betadinemonarch]

same

[@WaylaidByEndlessNinjas]

3:31 Probably the only "bug fix" that sounds like it could actually exist Also ive been laughing the whole time Edit: Das a lot of likes

[@nevadaman7699]

ye

[@freedom-man]

*distant explosion

[@WaylaidByEndlessNinjas]

DISPENSER DOWN

[@nevadaman7699]

D:

[@brandongreen4439]

I just noticed thats a BLU engie with a RED Ranchospencer setup

[@futuremuffin799]

7:34 Sniper would've gotten at least 2 unusuals by how many cosmetics spawned in

[@guywholikesorialot1246]

“Fixed engineer dispensers sometimes detonating when using the Mann Co Store” is the most legitimate one out of all of these

[@mindlessincessancebro]

The dispenser contains the item purchased from the store, which spawns inside the dispenser that breaks the physics engine, causing the dispenser to explode.

[@Chunkboi]

Aw man, that would have been a great move to use. Spy sapping the dispenser? Open the Mann Co. Store and you have an instant claymore mine.

[@DaRkLoRdZoRc]

It brings me great amusement and joy to learn that even brainless, soulless computers hate Scout.

[@the-bman]

at 5:44, it genuinely looked like an official valve animation.

[@FistNoob]

7:50 ah yes a normal day in Australia

[@Paul_isCool]

Yep that's right

[@DinoRicky]

@@Paul_isCoolactually New Zealand

[@wyattninja100]

@@DinoRicky🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓

[@jeythegamer8527]

@@wyattninja100🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[@Averageguywithagun]

As a Aussie I agree

[@speedybp5950]

7:19 removed the scout, to confusing for new players

[@Arqadessecondbrain]

Scout: ARE YOU FREAKING! *gets deleted*

[@TheRedScout]

ARE YOU FREAKIN-

[@TheManOfMyriad]

I wonder if we can get a sequel to this with how much AI Generated text as improved... Could be even crazier!

[@sweetypuss]

it will be not even remotely as funny

[@PROPLAYEN]

It won't be as funny

[@Schnort]

Won't funny

[@vannyvan.]

Funnyn't

[@jakobvonbugmann]

Well, wish granted