If You're In Your 20s and Struggling...Watch This Video | Vlogtober 6

Hi. It's Vlogtober! It's Kay from @TheOrganizedSoprano and this is what I think is my cozy vlog channel. Thanks for watching! I'm also at @KDaisy if you like cozy gaming :)
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Music from Epidemic Sound.

[@Mekhinya]

"Blooming late is not actually late at all. You're exactly where you need to be" ❤❤

[@got_style]

Can we be in our 70's and let you know what we think🙀 Be your authentic self and celebrate it! I sometimes used to hear, "You think too much!" and I would snicker-think to myself, "No, you just don't think enough!" 🤣 Any wonder I became a professor?

[@rebeccareads2722]

Hi Kay, been loving Vlogtober so far! I just wanted to say that, even though I'm way past my 20s, some things you said in today's video resonated so much with me, thank you.

[@victoriaoliver9958]

I’m 48 and reasonable with all of these. (I am also a late bloomer and grateful for it). But the one that I am working on now is “Regret is more painful than failure.” If I’m gonna write a book I’d better not stop at two chapters, I’d better keep working on it little by little, day by day. I do not want to regret not writing it. And that leads into “No one really knows what they’re doing.” I agree. I think the best way to learn is to actually do. I will become an author as I author. I’ll never become one if I don’t do the action. Love this channel, Kay! ❤️

[@jessf_2001]

I started to realize all the things you were saying in my late thirties. My uncle/godfather pasted away 12 years ago and he was in his forties. That’s when I realized life is too short to worry about how everyone thinks about me. I love learning , doing new things and being me.

[@fdoctor79]

Regret is greater than failure. Preach, Kay! 🙌🏾

[@editha5995]

Loved this video. At 29 going into my 30s remembering the habits I continue to build now will only help

[@cozybichota]

Nearing the end of my 20s, and let me tell you, I love the frankness of this whole vlog episode. For me, as a former people pleaser as well, reminding myself that not everyone is going to like me was so hard! I always thought of that as a challenge. “I have to make sure everyone likes me”. Now, I embrace the fact that not everyone will and that’s totally fine, and being unapologetically myself (without ever being harmful) is liberating. Being kind is easy and being myself is less work than trying to please everyone. Thank you for that reminder, Kay 💚

[@M-Joy]

Awesome video! I'm still working on a lot of these, but I think I'm getting better at saying "I love you" to my friends. :) Speaking of, I love you, Kay!! I'm still so terrified of making mistakes due to past trauma. It's something I'm trying to work on, but it's really hard for me. Regret is far worse than failure. That one hit home. It is something I need to consider frequently because I'm definitely hiding from some things. Motivation will never come to you is so freaking true! Though I still wish it would! and oh I am terrible at stopping and looking around! I far too frequently look at my phone. I go through phases of remembering to look around and then totally being oblivious to the life around me.

[@mystellamare]

I'm glad you're doing Vlogtober Kay! I'm well out of my 20s, but these are great tips for every age! 💖

[@brassyy]

I’m in the final week of my 20s, and there’s several in here that I found helpful. I have some goals that I feel “behind” on, but I can appreciate how what I’m doing now will help me in the future.

[@lucyselma]

10. Change is uncomfortable and it does suck. I just recently moved out of my childhood home and away from family and everything I know. I’m 29 and I just learned how much family means. But if I didn’t do this change I wouldn’t have known.

[@CatBastet77]

I'm a perennial lurker on all 3 of your channels, and thank you so much for this video! I'm also around the same age as you and while I get all of the big sis advice intellectually, it's sometimes very hard to internalize it and apply it continuously to my life. Really need to hear this tonight, so thank you so much sharing this!

[@annier.2140]

Turning 50 in November and these were on point. I needed to hear this in my 20s and I agree that regret is more painful than failure!! Love your channel Kay!

[@kris_adventures96]

Oh, Kay… Being 19 years your junior, it was encouraging to hear everything you said! I have two young daughters and work full time in a career I feel unqualified for. Most days I feel like I’m not dedicating enough time to either pursuit (career or parenthood), and other days I feel like I’ve done things in the “wrong order.” I am exactly where and who I need to be right now. I appreciate your wisdom. ❤️

[@junethiel632]

Your wise tips and insights resonate even with me in my 70's! Thank you.........

[@thatgirlnetty5308]

Don’t worry about others negative opinion of you. Your podcast was great and I’m not 20. Thank you Kay

[@chaoskitty123]

I like the one about not worrying about stuff that's not going to matter later.

[@seedylee]

i'm 35 and i've gotta save this HEAVY advice for another time. i'm NOT ready on a monday morning for this TRUTH.

[@lydialynne]

Profundity in a nutshell - all of them. I SO wish that I had been privy to this advice when I was in my 20’s (and well beyond). #20: Hindsight is 20/20 in heartbreaks. Yes, breakups hurt. But the pain is significantly lighter than enduring with the wrong person for a lifetime. Kay, your content is not only delightful, it’s educational. Ladies in your 20’s, please pay attention!

[@berriezandcream]

I'm such a crybaby, thank you for this advice Kay, from a 30yr old. I needed it 💛 [What resonated with me the most was at 3:50 when you said we may be changed in a way we dont like, but we'll still get thru it]

[@dynamicbee]

Kay, thank you for the video it was exactly what I needed to hear today.

[@dok_anchan89]

Love this video. Thank you! Been having a rough couple months but this cheered me up. Love no19. I’m in my 30’s and I returned to a lot of the same nerdy interests that i felt bad for having when I was younger. But now I’m free of the cringe and have the disposable income to feed my obsessions

[@Zoe-wl3uw]

Kay, this is such a good video! Wish I had this when I was in my 20s. ❤

[@0Cherish0]

Great video Kay. 🤗 I'm a late bloomer, it took some time for me to accept that and not see it as a bad thing. Change is a struggle too, lord knows I've been going through it. 😅 I realize it is necessary in order to grow, thanks for the reminder ❤

[@blufaerie]

Wonderful video, Kay! You hit on so many good points! We, GenX, I mean, weren’t really taught a lot of these lessons, we had to figure it out.

[@evie2411]

One of my best friends once asked me during a conversation about things that make people upset online was, "Is this something you actually encounter in your every day life? Is this something YOU reasonably have to worry about?" Some of it was, but a lot of it's not! And to be clear, we're not talking about human rights or anything terribly high-stakes. It's just a simple fact that we're confronted with way too much information on a daily basis and have no way to use or act on most of it, and that can give people terrible anxiety. Curating online life is key to maintaining even a decent attitude towards your day-to-day experience.

[@clairegibney6488]

I had to pause the video to call someone to tell them I love them. Thank you. ❤

[@nadia086]

Thanks so much for this video Kay! So many of them still resonate in my 30s ❤

[@tinasbeans]

Love you, Kay! Thank you for this

[@annajohnson5779]

I'm 40 now (my pic is incredibly old, I was actually 27 when this profile pic was taken and I just never bothered to change it, I don't know if I ever told you that though), and while a lot of your points were spot on, I feel very incredibly complicated feelings about most of the first half of your points. I realized that there is a ton of nuance involved in particular over social dynamics and power dynamics when it comes to a lot of neurodivergent people, in particular, autistic people's lived experiences. Like, I'll explain. I kinda hit a wall with a therapist at first about a decade ago when she kept trying to drill into my head that people actually like me as a person, or that I'm a likable person to begin with, or that I'm worth being liked for who I am because she liked me (or whatever wording she used). What I came to realize, though, is that "likability" isn't the issue at all. I found that why CBT didn't really work at all for me as a therapy type was because it was operating off of the false assumption that my brain was rendering my experiences incorrectly as a misperception when really it was just a lot of complex trauma of something that was in fact very real. I developed a negative bias towards about how I was being perceived due to all the ableism that I had endured that a lot of people who aren't autistic, just don't pick up on that they're doing (and that's the ableism from lack of awareness, not the ableism that comes with the cruelty I'm speaking about). Like people don't even have any awareness that they're doing at all either. In 2017 I kinda had an epiphany when a research paper came out about how autistic people are misperceived negatively upon people first meeting us due to "thin-slice judgements," even though when they met us in text form instead of in person they formed a much higher opinion of us; in both cases they were totally unaware of our neurologic makeup. (I'm sure if you searched "thin-slice judgements" and "autism" and "2017" said paper would pop up for anyone reading this who is curious). And that gets into the issue of disclosure as well as well as masking. The latter of which is a very complicated dance that has to be done for our safety. There have been too many times where someone judged me harshly or even bullied me for autistic traits while simultaneously claiming that they don't bully autistic people, or people I would have to mask for who then judged me very harshly on a chronic illness day where I didn't have the energy to maintain a mask (to the point that it had consequences to either my access to opportunity due to their not presuming competence of me, or via social consequences either one). Those kinds of things made it hard to hear that "it doesn't matter" when "someone doesn't like me" (when it did if they had a hand in controlling my outcomes due to the power differential and lack of autonomy). Adding to that, a lot of autistic people receive a crap ton of operant conditioning via behavioral training (sometimes formally like in ABA/applied behavioral analysis or classroom PBIS, and also informally for people who were diagnosed late by being shamed for daring to show any signs of being autistic), so it's not just about "being a people pleaser" that needed to be undone. Whole people who are autistic are literally taught growing up that they have to game their social interaction to be "good enough" and that the end goal of social interaction is that someone becomes a friend (which is ridiculous because even allistic people don't have that expectation and sometimes people just don't get on for the most mundane of reasons), and when that social interaction doesn't work convincingly (and it won't since people aren't NPCs and they have agency to do their own things) either the person will internalize that rejection or they externalize it in dysfunctional ways (which I could go at length about this being how a lot of people who internalize it develop mental illness like eating disorders from the control issues and how people who externalize it is part of how incels extensively court autistic men, but I don't have all day to write an absolute book about something this terrible--heck I already wrote you a book as it is). And with the struggle of obtaining and maintaining work (also due to chronic illness that a lot of us have on top of the bias that we deal with), sometimes the power dynamics around "independence" aka interdependence gets very complicated when it comes to self-advocacy and being self-assured and having self-determination, especially when people have family or parents or partners they rely on who muck with boundaries or just... really like infantilizing people due to capitalistic meritocracy standards. I myself am lucky that I have a very solid partner in my now husband (that my parents eventually trusted despite their control issues), but it did take until my 30's for my allistic but still ND parents to see the light on how to not harm me in perpetuity (and part of that was that they were also 100% clueless as to the depth of my complex trauma, and unfortunately every now and then they still mess up in some areas). And even I'm very lucky in that in comparison to a lot of my peers who are stuck in awful living arrangements on survival mode. Or they had to cut contact with their parents or families entirely due to the abuse. I feel like I'm more confident in who I am now starting in my 40's in a lot of ways. Part of that though was the privilege of having space to unpack the things that are still causing struggle for some people. I don't think I could have had that, had my parents continued to force me to live with them under "their house, their rules" mentality (aka forever infantilization). And even I know how fragile something is and fear that could at some point be taken from me. It's happened to people I know when they lose their footing. I try not to focus on those things, but can't rule things out from happening (which is another reason I supposed why CBT never worked for me). There are some things that you said that I felt like that were very relevant, like how you said that "sometimes it's not even about you." And oftentimes the things that happened to me had more to do with that than anything else. Including a lot of traumatic stuff (including with authority figures being abusive). Stuff that people made out to be my fault, and then followed it up with "well you can't control this that or the other." Which was very frustrating. And it ended up being not about me at all. But it was about everyone else's part in it but mine (including the person who told me I couldn't control the situation, who also coincidentally failed to give proper support). I used to also get so upset at the haters for projecting. And it wasn't just people being mean, but controlling people who kept trying to put their (often uncreative and unartistic, lack of mastery) judgement onto whatever I was doing. I used to even paint after everyone was in bed just to get away from my mom's constant hypercritical negative commentary on what I "should" be doing with in my paintings as they were happening (and it would cramp my creativity being distracted by her utter nonsense). I used to run in avoidance. Now I tell anyone like that, that if they feel that strongly about the idea, that they could do it better to their own liking, they could try to go through the trouble to go do it themselves and go see what that's ALL about and for them to go see how well that works for them if they think they can do it better. It really gives them a taste of their own medicine with being handed that challenge. Or at least it puts them in their place. I feel like a lot of social dynamics is aligning myself with people who are protective of my boundaries and will support me by raising the morale in whatever environment I'm in. Anyone who is continual rot who does not contribute to my wellbeing gets discarded the second that I have the privilege of doing so (as one of my family members found out--and by continual I mean continual, like the person has shown repeatedly that they don't change and don't deserve access to me). I am finding now in my 40's that I just don't have energy for people who want to play the games of tearing people down. So I surround myself with good people that I make connections with.

[@comfycozylunar]

I love this video Kay!! All of these points are really great reminders and reassurances!!

[@victoriaoliver9958]

I’m only on number 12, but this should go viral!

[@therealjenniferrr]

Straight up facts.

[@annajohnson4761]

Heartbreaks are blessings in disguise, yes!

[@TessieDobey]

One thing I learned is that You don't need all that stuff.

[@kitw76]

Kay I’m the same age as you. I still struggle with a few of the things you talked about. Yes on the heartbreak, it might be tough in the moment but that person was not meant for you and someone or something better is coming! . Being good to your body… those people that drink a lot, functioning alcoholics as I say it will catch up with you! My uncle is in his early 60s and had to have a liver transplant as he was drinking by all the time since he was 13! A person can not sustain a life like that and expect to still function, as we age for your body will give out! I’ve noticed people that cheat on their significant others or party all their lives end up later in life alone, looking way older than they are and very sickly! Karma I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@celinaquiros9381]

Holla!! These kinds of videos should be compulsory for entering a new decade of life -- have to leave advice about the previous decade to get promoted to the next.

[@njmaryannez]

I can never remember how to spell vacuum. Thank goodness for predictive text!

[@NinaCasali]

Dodged a bullet with a guy that broke my heart Thank god!

[@fefeamos9123]

❤❤❤

[@victoriaturnershoemaker3723]

Mid-fifties All of these are so true

[@organized4]

Wish I knew that other people who are disrespectful to you are most likely just jealous. It's NOT always about you.

[@cfazande]

I’m 51 Kay and we would have been best nerdy buds if we met as little girls.

[@balletmeli]

💯 : 3/5/10/11/13/15/20

[@brenbren9756]

🙌🙌🙏

[@morganzo_beans]

Number 16 is so important to me ❤️‍🩹 Thank you