If you're pregnant I'll beat you up! 🫠 1 800 Drama Podcast | Reddit AITA

[@nathryl03]

This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little peaches/spuds, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Stay safe everyone and remember that there are people out here that love you 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@annasjoberg8387]

I have become kind of obsessed with the idea of bi or pan folks having gender reveal parties tyo introduce new partners to family.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

I am bi and kind of love that 😆

[@the.time.crystal]

wait this is such a hillarious idea- might steal this whenever i meet my next partner lmfao

[@smig2801]

How about a gender reveal party for trans people? Sounds fun

[@faithpearlgenied-a5517]

Definitely not. Someone's new partner is not that important to anybody else. There's enough narcissism going on with baby gender reveals.

[@smig2801]

@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 Woosh

[@musicaficta564]

Something that culturally isn’t being taken into account with the first story is that in the US you can’t legally drink until you are 21 and in Vegas you have to be 21 to gamble as well. So a 21st celebration in Vegas is HUGE! I know in other places 21 isn’t seen as a milestone but it is in the US.

[@twinning1944]

Jamie’s little rant about pandering to pregnant people was brilliant.

[@brunahamabata1]

Absolutely! I feel like we should hear that more often, be reminded of that (his point) more often.

[@ktm9292]

Reminded me of Garfunkel (mistakenly put Hall originally) and Oates pregnant women are smug some. Good for a giggle. I have a friend who just had a baby and not once has she expected us or others to pander to her. Of course, because she's an amazing friend, we're prepared to, and even want to, put in the effort to accommodate where we can, but she has never asked, let alone expected. Plus there's a huge difference between I can't do x because I'm pregnant and you should do y because I'm pregnant.

[@emo-slime-mold]

I was literally about to suggest the “Pregnant Women are Smug” song lol.

[@zenleeparadise]

​@@ktm9292*Garfunkel and Oates. 😂 This mistake made me lol

[@ktm9292]

@@emo-slime-mold whoops😅. My bad.

[@phoenixdiricci6043]

My partner and I are child free, but decided if we ever do fall pregnant, we’ll have a gender reveal, have the colour be black and proudly announce “It’s an Addams!”

[@porcelainboy264]

Please please please do this

[@Arcanist_Gaming]

I might steal that.

[@aShadeBolder]

or, hear me out, a gander reveal. release the male geese!

[@MM_MTea]

First story, I lean more towards Jamie's perspective. I had a birthday, I think it was 30 when my mom convinced me to drive to theirs, 250 miles. After I got there they revealed that it wasn't convenient for [younger sister] to have my birthday on Saturday, so we would do brunch on Sunday. I wanted to get back for an event Sunday night, which I ended up missing. The world doesn't all revolve around your birthday, especially as adults. But if you have made plans to get together with people for your birthday, i.e. traveled to be with them, you should be able to expect them to reasonably prioritize it.

[@patience5032]

I also lean more towards Jamie's perspective and I'm sorry OP shouldn't have to remind her sister it's her birthday

[@HAnnB24]

I agree, I recently had my 30th birthday. I am usually the person who just wants a nice quiet dinner out with my partner or close friends - I moved away from family for school when I was 18 and haven't been with them on the actual date since. So my mom made a big deal a couple of weeks ahead to want to come see me, so I didn't even talk to friends about plans and I actually started to get excited to see them and have plans. When I said there one a specific thing I wanted to do in the evening she almost backed out and said they'd do the drive the next day, she also tried to pick the restaurant, since that's where I took them (after confirming they were okay with it) for their anniversary the last time they visited me. I broke down to my partner, while plans were still in the air, because she's the reason my hopes were high in the first place almost to cancel altogether. Thankfully followed through with coming down but other things still had some time scale differences. (Sorry didn't mean to turn into a mini rant, but apparently I'm much more hurt by this than I realized). If you make plans with someone especially for a "big day" moment stick to them.

[@silverghostcat1924]

Being pregnant does not excuse bad behavior or being inconsiderate of others.

[@RagDollCookie]

As a very pregnant person, I agree. It can be tough and sometimes you lash out, but it's no excuse to be unnecessarily selfish, and apologies are still needed.

[@darkstarr984]

Exactly. Like, why would you exclude your sibling from a party held on their milestone birthday, or allow people to pick that day instead of putting it off a couple weeks because clearly there’s a want to include you!

[@itssteph263]

Gender reveal vs Birthday Story: I honestly would do the original trip plan wirh just the roommate, but mail a gift to sister. OP's niece/nephew will be around for many years, but a 21st birthday is literally a once in a lifetime thing. I also would feel slighted going and not be much fun at a party if I had to get off a flight, attend a party for someone else, and eat my birthday dinner that someone else picked.

[@ViktorErikFade]

Yeah when I heard the sister wanted to pick where they ate too I thought maybe OP has been run over on their bday before It's giving sibling has to blow out your candles on your birthday first or they will cry energy

[@maeshellewest-davies7904]

Also agree gender reveal has no designated day. Birthday, especially 21st, is a biggie

[@iratakeuchi3031]

1st story: I wonder if Shaaba forgot that it is also a milestone birthday since you giys are in the UK. For the 21st, in the US, the date might be more important since you can actually legally drink. I personally don’t care about the date, however, I kind of get it if it’s because of a specific age you’re turning.

[@freudianslip2010]

I wondered this, too. You can’t celebrate your 21st early with a legal drink since it’s not legal until your birthday.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

They did say it was a big birthday when they first read 21, so I think they realized it was an important one.

[@bxbydrxgxn]

No its the same everywhere. Most western countries used to be 21 so we have 21 as just as important as americans more so than 18 because we all drank before 18 anyway.

[@lilpetz500]

I mean here in Australia it's a pretty common celebration despite legally being able to drink at 18, and culturally, probably drinking way sooner Idk, hitting 21 does feel much more like a proper adult than 18. A lot of people are still in high school and having to get permission to use the toilets most days on their 18th

[@neilcognito]

Counterpoint - it's just a day and you're allowed to celebrate it whenever or however you feel? I feel like a simpler compromise could've happened... But instead it turned into "who's more special" on this day...

[@Astlay]

About the first, sister is major drama. It's OP's birthday. You can ask her if you can do it after she's gone if it's the case, and have everyone else, or plan on another day, and accept that some other guest will be missing. That’s life. You're already compromising your sister's trip and milestone, you can do the same to a guest or two.

[@stolenrelic]

As a society, maybe we should just stop having baby genitalia parties.

[@stolenrelic]

Pregnancy announcement parties could be an alternative if someone wants an additional party to celebrate.

[@EzraSprouts]

This. I've considered calling them Genital Reveal parties, but realistically I think that'd lose more friends than change minds. So have concluded there are better hills to die on. But you're absolutely right, it is mega weird.

[@whatismylifeanymore]

As a society, maybe we just mind our own business?

[@IndrasChildDeepAsleep]

Yes please

[@faithpearlgenied-a5517]

​@@whatismylifeanymoreYes, mind our own minds about what genitals a baby has.

[@starparodier91]

My friend had a “gender reveal party” just as an excuse for a few of us to go to a cafe. Her baby kept crossing it’s legs so there wasn’t even a reveal and she and her partner didn’t care anyway. 😂

[@silverghostcat1924]

Baby's going, "nope, you don't get to look at my genitals until after I'm born!" 🤣

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

Do people actually "reveal" their baby's genitals at gender reveals? Please tell me they don't.

[@starparodier91]

@ The next appointment she had they were able to tell, so it seemed almost intentional. Which honestly matches my friends energy 😂

[@blackk_rose_]

In the first story the problem is absolutely not about the fact that the sister is wanting to celebrate something else on OP's birthday instead of another day because it's impossible to include everyone otherwise, but the fact that the sister is already the reason for a change of plans (even though it wasn't her fault, if I was the sister I'd still feel bad and make sure to plan something wonderful for OP to make it up to her!). And the change of plans wasn't something minor, it was an entire trip that got cancelled! Then OP despite it being HER birthday decides to fly home (something she rarely does in the first place) so she can celebrate with her sister and her sister makes it all about her by choosing the restaurant and planning a gender reveal party. That's incredibly rude and entitled.

[@elyzabeth5671]

Completely agree with Jamie on the 1st story. You can treat your own birthday date as no big deal. But if others do it for you, that's just blatant disrespect

[@TransHippie]

Pertaining the last entry: I am in recovery, 23 years sober. I would strongly recommend that the OP seek out a local Alanon group. They will help establish healthy boundaries with the alcohol abusing sister, perhaps preventing a complete breakdown of the relationship, and even allow OP to contextualize the relationship in a healthy, productive way.

[@Rachelhappyface]

Re: the red flag green flag at the start: my boyfriend is friends with his ex and it is a HUGE green flag to me. They just realised they didn’t want the same things from the future, which he and I do. His ex is really lovely and I now see her as a friend too. It does totally depend on the context, but in this context I think it’s a great thing, and a sign that he’s got the emotional maturity I want in a long term partner!

[@chronicAngel]

My ex and I are friends (we were friends before we ever dated and we dated for a long time) but I tell her all of the time that her future partners are probably not going to be okay with our friendship because of just how close we are and how much time we spend together. That being said, I personally wouldn't choose to date someone who had a problem with it, since we've been friends since we were 12 and I have no intentions of cutting her out of my life to appease a romantic partner.

[@shanalouiisexo5812]

my ex and i are friends. we were friends for a few months before dating and he was already friends with another ex and at first i was suspicious because of the messages society feeds you about "they have not actually moved on, they will cheat on you" but i was shown that it was never an issue at all and we had a happy 3.5 years as lovers.

[@kathleenkilmartin5494]

I feel like my adult relationships have mostly been like that. We just didn’t want the same things out of life. And because we communicated and were more mature (than my teenage self), we decided to brake it off. I mean it still sucks, but depending on the context, I do think being on good terms/speaking well of your exes is a green flag. Granted I also have a couple of exes I would not speak well of. So you know.… you live and you learn.

[@sassylittleprophet]

My ex was abusive, and fortunately, he's no longer in my life.

[@a.vulgaris]

My ex is my best friend and I even helped him to get together with his current partner. My current partner also likes him. I think the four of us have a really healthy friendship going on and I live it. If my partner had a problem with my friendship with my ex then the partner needs to go. We have been friends for over 10 years.

[@macersracers7459]

I’m all the way with Jamie on the sister/gender reveal party story. I also think the fact that it’s specifically OP’s 21st birthday-that’s the one birthday that the actual day is pivotal because it’s the day you finally get to legally drink.

[@CrystalSki67]

My British brethren, I don't think the importance of a 21st in the States translates to other parts of the world. Getting your first legal drink at the stroke of midnight is a fun tradition and this sister stepping over that is..........shit

[@faithpearlgenied-a5517]

Yep, most of us having been drinking since we were about 15, we don't see 21 as a big deal quite as much as Americans do. Although 21 is still quite important in the UK as that's when you're sort of a proper PROPER adult.

[@bxbydrxgxn]

​@faithpearlgenied-a5517 no not true. 21st was big because of the coming of age. Also most current 21 yr olds had their 18th bday in covid sooo. Anyway maybe not yhe uk but it is in NZ and Aus

[@introusas]

Maybe as a society we should stop glorifying alcohol 🤷🏻

[@Empress_Moth]

Love seeing Jamie so opinionated, go off king I'm here for it lol.

[@NyxisNox]

Yo at 8:30 I'm just wondering ; has everyone forgotten - the gender reveal isn't for a set date in the first place... Change that date over the pre planned and already changed bday...

[@vcutler4735]

This is what was getting me, like the gender can be revealed at any time?? They have months. This is 100% the sister being selfish and/or wanting to punch down.

[@ms.m5233]

I agree with Jamie on the first one. It's the lack of thoughtful communication and kindness by her sister.

[@blackk_rose_]

Totally agree with Jamie about pregnancy and babies being put above all else when it shouldn't be. Other people's lives still go on and their milestones matter too and shouldn't be treated as less interesting or important because someone decided to have a child.

[@dragongirl7978]

I found the gender reveal/21st birthday one sooo frustrating. I have fortunately managed to put some emotional distance between myself and my siblings, but basically every family event, my two younger sisters decide all the details, and I might as well not exist for any consideration they give me, which has actually led to me missing things I would have really wanted to participating in because my schedule completely clashed and nobody cared.

[@thebacinfairy]

I feel like with the addicted sister, there is an issue that OP might want to address that has nothing to do with the badge. It likes like OP is pulling away and sort of ghosting due to the addiction issues, but it does not sound like they have addressed this head on. If OP is able (and yes, this will take a lot because it is inviting a huge blow-up) they should actually tell (digitally is fine) their sister that until these addictions are dealt with that they cannot be in contact with them--that the trauma suffered from parents was too great. It does not sound from the post that this has really been expressed strong enough.

[@missnaomi613]

Absolutely this!

[@emo-slime-mold]

I agree and I also think that is something they will probably need some support from their partner, a therapist, etc to plan out. I don’t fault them for not doing it yet if it’s related to serious family/childhood trauma.

[@TheHeartThief]

I think that story number two, this might be ridiculous to say, but have her watch the Bluey episode ‘Onesies’. That episode is very reminiscent of this story and I’ve heard that it has helped make people struggling with infertility, feel seen. Obviously this person also needs to seek therapy but I can say that episode is beautiful and very thoughtful and could help her unpack why she can’t feel like she can be around her nibling.

[@alyciageiss4504]

Omg i literally was thinking of this blue episode the whole time they were reading that story!! 😂 glad i wasnt the only one lol

[@realfingertrouble]

I was totally thinking of that episode while I was watching this.

[@feridyke]

Hey! It is totally normal to miss the good things about people who hurt you! My ex-husband was super abusive, but he was also genuinely incredibly funny at times and knew how to disarm a tense situation with an incredibly cheesy joke. My mother's abusive ex-husband would go with me to the emergency room and aggressively advocate for me with the staff. (Which like, as an adult I recognize was him harassing them and them doing everything possible to get us out ASAP, but it was one of the few things made me feel really loved and safe as a child and the first time I was in the emergency room after my mom threw him out I wanted so desperately for him to be there. And like I recognize it as an adult that there's no way he would have showed up in the same way, but I still remember that feeling of just desperately wanting to have that back in a moment of vulnerability. And it was super important that we didn't try and wind that clock back, but it would have done zero good for me to try and pretend that that wasn't happening.) There are multiple sides to every person, and pretending like even abusive people are all bad really misses the mark on the complex reasons why people get into and stay in abusive relationships AND actively invalidates the difficult emotions that come with removing somebody abusive from your life. I say this with all love for you guys, just a little spot where a different perspective grows the community.

[@Arcanist_Gaming]

I respectfully disagree. There are some crappy people that _are_ all bad. I'll spare you my prime example for the sake of your (and others') sanity, but they _do_ exist, unfortunately. EDIT: Also, realizing that my comment would disappear anyway even if I shared. That's been happening with increasing frequency over the last year or so.

[@feridyke]

@Arcanist_Gaming no blanket statements could possibly cover all situations, and certainly not all abusive or toxic ones! I'm sorry you've had such rough experiences, I've certainly had some relationships with people I could never have anything positive to look back on. I was not trying to imply that in any particular situation there are redeeming qualities about a person. I merely seek to normalize that this does happen and is a common, but certainly not universal, part of the healing process. People who do experience this often feel a lot of shame about it, when it is just a normal part of healing and moving on.

[@stephierussell]

Been watching 1-800 episodes all day to get my tasks done and now I get one fresh out the oven!🤣

[@shaaba]

well done you for smashing your task list!

[@everogersdownunder1242]

And to my comment about the 1st story .... You can absolutely film and photograph the entire GR party (and actual reveal) for people who can not attend but you can't really film and photograph an entire 21st bday and send it to friends and family and act like they're apart of that celebration IMO

[@Lorelai_Di-Angelo]

12:58 I legit cried here for a while- just hearing you two talk about differing perspectives and saying "I hear you", "I see what you mean" etc. legit made me unbelievably happy cause I've never had that in a relationship. If y'all ever divorce, it'll be the day I stop believing in love.

[@whensarahdoesthings4662]

Honestly even if one-day they grew and changed and felt like it was the right thing to divorce, they'd still be such wonderful friends. Because they have such beautiful ways of moving through conflict unified. At least from what we get to see. But it sets such a good example for us.

[@bxbydrxgxn]

I feel thats really against what they believe in. If two people you have no relation to, split up due to personal issues and that impacts your real life love life, you should seek therapy.. that's concerning and parasocial.

[@frog3262]

@@bxbydrxgxn yeah 😭 theyve talked about how IF in the future they ever grow in different directions that lead to divorce it would be the right thing to do, you dont have to rely on a couple staying together forever to see that love is real. if anything people making choices right for them in my eyes is love.

[@introusas]

Your belief in love should not hinge on a KZbin couple that you don’t know, that’s not healthy and it’s not fair to put that pressure on them either.

[@rosejones8058]

On the last one, I was in my teens in the 80s. The drinking culture for teens and 20s was quite toxic- there was a lot of pressure to drink and those who didn't were ridiculed. I joined in back then and it took me many years to leave it behind. Now neither of my kids - 19 and 16 - show any interest in drinking at all. Both say they feel there are more people who don't drink and less judgement about that choice.

[@silverghostcat1924]

Maybe in the last case, they don't want to tell the sister about the house, because on some level they're afraid she'll want to move in, which would complicate matters further.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Also, gender reveals and baby showers are about getting hyped for a person who doesn't even exist yet. Like, you're throwing someone a party who isn't even going to be there, over the sister who's lived 21 years in anticipation of her celebration. Technically anything could happen before the baby is born, so this could just be a "oh look, you're kinda round" party. Invite me to the fourth birthday when they can actually hold a conversation, because a belly bump doesn't need it's own party just for expecting parents to celebrate themselves. You could also call it a "we f*cked" party, depending on how the pregnancy happened.

[@thou_narsty_gremlin]

In the first story when op said her sister can't fly, my brain farted and said "yeah unfortunately we're humans, not birds"

[@linneasvensson760]

Also on the first story, totally agree with Jamie! And I find it weird that OP doesn't seem to have been invited? She does not seem to have known that sister was planning a gender reveal, so OP have not been a part of the "which days are you free" discussion.

[@caspiansvensson]

For the birthday story, I think there should be an account for the fact that celebrating on the day is important to OP. And Jamie is right, you know its gonna be all baby-talk, not what you want for your 21st birthday. I think they should communicate more and better to find a solution that works for everyone. I also think OP should have been asked and not told. I have a sibling like OP's sister, with what i hope is the difference that this was an ongoing thing - my needs or wants were never even close to top priority. I had once planned a trip to visit them, a trip that they invited me to and was gonna pay for as a birthday gift, and when I called to confirm my traveling I was told that I couldn't come anymore because my siblings partners brother was coming to celebrate his birthday with them instead. One, his birthday was later in the month than mine, two, he lived close by while I had to take time off work and make travel plans etc. For me that was disappointing but not surprising because I had been discarded so many times before but always kept up hope. Until that time. After that I never made them my priority either again. I know I was not alone in being treated like this, that my sibling had a habit of making and breaking plans willy nilly with no regards to anyone feelings or schedules etc. Being asked makes such a difference. My sibling could have called me and said "hey, so this is what it looks like with X and his birthday, what do you think? Is it ok if you and I reschedule?"

[@AutisticTea]

Loved Shaaba's little "asshole" song, and I'm also blown away that she's strong enough to carry 6ft Jamie on her back. Go off, strong queen 🎉

[@vltjyou3316]

I think for the blood auntie story that as that kid grows older, it would be painful to know that your aunt never wants to see you because of something you can’t even control. I think it’s natural for that child to have that as an insecurity especially if she still meets your mom. People never stop to think about the children’s perspective and I just feel bad for that child

[@s.a.4358]

And there is a way for the mother (OP) to explain things to the child in a way that is likely to cause less hurt. Emphasising to the child that his biological aunt isn’t interested in seeing him, or forcing the relationship and then the child feels unwillingness (children can often feel those things) is not helpful. Of course the child may still end up feeling hurt, especially if his father and nobody in the father’s family are in his life, but OP mom can also try to mitigate that. I have plenty of aunts and uncles I barely saw growing up, and I also barely had a relationship with my maternal grandmother, however there has never been bad feelings around that because I also didn’t really know anything else and so I didn’t miss them - when I saw my aunts and uncles they were just other adults, who I knew were related to me, but that didn’t mean much. I had other adults in my life who I was super close to, including an older couple that I consider my grandparents even though we are not related. Blood relationships do not have to mean that much, what matters is who shows you love and care. I didn’t cry when my maternal grandmother died but I still think about my non-bio grandad often and also have a photo of him in my phone even 20 years after his death.

[@vltjyou3316]

@@s.a.4358 yeah but the problem is that if the child knows his aunt doesn't wanna see him because of him and not because they aren't close that is hurtful to a child. I didn't meet my maternal grandparents much but I knew they loved me even though we didn't meet. As a child to know that my aunt hates me for the reason that I exist as a small child that would crush me. And that knowledge would crush anyone

[@s.a.4358]

@@vltjyou3316 that’s why I am saying, OP doesn’t need to tell her son about this, make a big deal of it around his birthday, etc. She should protect her child from knowing the friend-aunt doesn’t want to come to his birthday, and definitely not talk about why.

[@alexp712]

Lmfao at "I'm a Slitheen," "No you're a suitcase."

[@lostinmymind8147]

0:32 i thought it was red/green flag: speaking fondly of your eggs 🥚 and I was so confused 😭😭

[@IsraBeezy]

Okay but Shaaba piggybacking her husband across three states is the most adorable thing I have ever seen 🥹

[@shaaba]

I AM STRONK!

[@IsraBeezy]

@shaaba Unironically you ARE! I couldn't do that! (Goals)

[@LettiKiss]

Last post: OP, it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to help anyone out! The thing with addiction or other mental illnesses is that the people suffering from it need to step up first and decide that they want help. You can't force people into therapy, they have to take that first step. Cause healing from issues like this is immensely hard work, and nobody can do that work for them. They need to quit and stay sober, and it's gonna take effort to do so for the rest of their lives. If someone is not ready/willing to/capable of making that effort, you as an outsider can't do anything about it.

[@RoboticComplexity]

Al-Anon is a good source for people whose family member is struggling with drinking. It's specifically for people affected by someone else that's struggling. Nar-anon is another resource but is more substance use centered. Hope this helps!

[@hannahridge7144]

There was something sooo cute about the way Shaaba says ‘you showed us this video in one of your recent videos’, like she’s a fan of his channel just like everyone 🥹

[@auntlynnie]

I’m 100% with Jamie on the birthday/gender reveal date conflict.

[@TheUnknownKitsune]

Hey! Non-binary person here, I use Entle as my title alternative to auntie and uncle. There are many forms out there, and for some it is a personalized thing, but i find this form is the most common ive seen. I still have issues knowing what to go with for an alt for niece/nephew, but i though nieph was cool, but its hard when your family isnt able to catch on to these terms (theyre older) and for people to understand where family doesnt have to explain it... My auntie is a bit overwhelmed when it comes to this type of convo P.S.I love your podcast!! this is my first episode and Im going to be watching alllll of theeeem!! THank you for your contribution!! ^.^

[@tabithaesaacson9039]

For the last one: I have dealt with a sibling with an addiction and my heart goes out to OP. First, absolutely NTA. You need to do what is best for you and your partner. It sounds like your sister has yet to reach her rock bottom and the only thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her when that happens. (assuming you want to be). My only concern is, isn't moving house kinda of an obvious thing? Like any pictures you post will have different backgrounds, someone sends you a birthday card, someone wants to make a meal train because you got hit by a car? (touch wood it doesn't happen) She will figure it out eventually, and the hurt that sister will feel will last. If you have decided to cut ties, which is totally fair, you might not care. BUT if sister ever does get the help she needs, will that be a relationship you want to save? I will say for myself I kept my sibling at a "social media friend" level. Right up there with Friend from High School I haven't talked to in 25 years and Crazy Old Uncle Gary. So anything they found out was through the life update posts. So the cheesy picture holding up a key with a "we did a thing" caption would make it so sister knows, but she doesn't know the details. It can also help to set the boundary of "this is the information you get to know about my life" and it helps to have the framework of if Uncle Gary doesn't get to know, then sister doesn't get to know. Again all the good vibes/magic/thoughts/prayers/ju-ju to you OP.

[@nyangatagaming903]

god i love other people's drama so much

[@lisamichelle2837]

For the first one I am aligning much more with Jamie but maybe taking it even a bit further. I don't think Shaaba is wrong. I just feel like sometimes I am much more cynical. The sister seemed very inconsiderate and OP should be able to celebrate her 21st birthday in her birthday! A gender reveal could be any day. Those 14 ppl will come or they won't. OP is already making far more sacrifices than I would

[@cottagecore_rose]

30:50 the gender neutral aunt/uncle is pibling! parent + sibling

[@forestcrow5491]

Ive also heard the term entle!

[@lucaschmitt4727]

I use nuncle for myself, I just made it up one day and it's more fun than the other options I've seen.

[@WelcomeApathy]

The birthday story - there were a lot of elements that make me think this is an OP is the black sheep and sister is the golden child situation. OP says there was similar birthday stuff in the past. OP was gaslit into apologizing, like she's used to it. The selfishness of the sister when OP is just expected to change everything for her. I know that some people want to see the good in everyone, but there are a lot of situations, especially family situations, where some people are just actually bad or cruel people.

[@soharbennett8079]

Loved the conversation in the first story. We need more of these healthy conversations. They seem to be especially scarce on Reddit

[@SnickerFoodle]

On the gender reveal/birthday drama: the pregnant sister could have very easily had a small, nice dinner with just immediate family to to celebrate the having of a baby and reveal the gender. That dinner did not have to be a massive party like is usually done in the US. She could have that huge party with the 14+ people, and a nice birthday dinner with her sister, and they not be on the same day. Let OP have their birthday day, do the 14+ gathering baby reveal, do a nice immediate family dinner gender reveal. Three separate occasions that each have the weight they are supposed to have. OP is allowed to have their birthday celebration if the birthday Day is important to them

[@hollierushby]

I guess she said blood auntie as I have best friends who are known as Auntie to my kids. So I guess she is saying that even though they are best friends, they are still blood related to the child.

[@s.a.4358]

That’s also what I thought, as someone who is an aunty to children who are not biologically related to me.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

I can't have kids and I always wanted them. I decided I wanted to be a foster parent at 14, as well as having my own kids. I am chronically ill, so I didn't get either. My brothers had lots of kids. Sometimes I really hurt and get jealous, especially when I feel like my brothers take their families for granted, but I love my niblings so much. The reaction to the pregnancy really makes me wonder what kind of person the aunt is. It didn't sound like she knew she was infertile then. It sounds like she might be pretty self centered and entitled in general. That does raise the question how much that plays into her feelings and whether she would be just as mad if she wasn't invited to the birthdays. I don't think an invite is wrong. It is only if OP pushed them to come to the point the sister had to say it made her uncomfortable. Obviously OP is not entitled to her presence or her help. I am leaning toward ESH and more info needed.

[@s.a.4358]

OP is pushing her, as she keeps insisting that the friend should be in the child’s life and even help her raise him, giving as explanation that the father who is also the friend’s brother is not helping. Regardless if we think the friend is missing out or not, nobody should force or pressure her to be involved in the life of a child who is not hers and she doesn’t want to be involved in. The friend has no responsibility to be involved in this child’s life.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

@s.a.4358 that was after OP was told she was being an AH for inviting her. I meant if inviting her was all she was doing, that is not an AH move. Of course she has no claim on the aunt. OP went too far and that is why I think ESH.

[@petrastedman669]

Whoo! Under a minute! What a great treat for my Monday.

[@r2Gt06]

16:36 This here is the most British I have ever heard Jamie go, and I'm absolutely loving it!!! Epic! 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[@olive5202]

2nd story: my mom had me and my twin sister at 35! so far everything’s turned out alright :). she did have us naturally and not through IVF but still. totally still possible. i would say ESH for this story, really just because the aunt said something complaining about them being 20minutes away and therefore having kids too close to her?? which i think is unreasonable, even though she’s hurting

[@pangolinsarecool]

28:59 The Doctor Who reference, love to see it!

[@twinning1944]

Story 1: I heard the same way Jamie did. I’d just add that if OP is in the US the 21st is a really big deal. It’s the first day she can go out for a drink legally.

[@cheshirehancock4752]

I grew up with a functional alcoholic who had diagnosed bipolar (my mom). When I left that situation after becoming homeless with my mom, I felt like I couldn't tell her because she had made caring for her something I felt obligated to do (yes, parentification, not explicitly mentioned but a possibility in the relevant story) and my instinct was "just get out and then tell her because she will make it harder for you to leave not by doing anything to physically stop you but by guilting you". I now struggle to be around alcohol after my mom died, I'm trying to get to a point where I can be around less serious social use (ie a glass or two of wine with dinner) and it's hard. I know I couldn't help an addict because all I'd be thinking of would be "this is what killed my mom, I need to save this person" and it'd become not about what they need but about my own need to somehow save my mom by proxy, and that's something I need to sort out but I'm just not there yet (especially living in the US and having 0 professional support for it psychologically). Not quite sure where exactly this is going but I felt the need to share.

[@lfr8666]

19:45 I think Jamie would like Garfunkel&Oates. Specifically their song "Pregnant Women are Smug." re: the GR party on the birthday, it sounds like sister may not realize how much she's hijacked her little sister's 21st. In which case, she needs to be set straight. OP already changed her plans to include sister, sister has some damn gall to decide where they're eating and to _plan a party that is NOT a birthday party?_ Are those 14+ guests even OP's friends? A surprise birthday party would be the only explanation I would accept for this. I hope OP got to use her Disneyland and Vegas plans afterwards.

[@dragonfliesnh4204]

This has nothing to do with the stories, but I absolutely love the intro of these Reddit type videos! They are so much fun to watch every time and I always chuckle!

[@sandalaris]

About addiction: I have a double standard view on it because of trauma. I have zero issues about others drinking (as long as they don't become a danger to themselves or others) but I'm really hard on myself over drinking. My trauma stems from an abusive grandparent who on top of crossing several lines that ended with us in court and me never seeing them again, constantly told me I was going to ruin my life if I drank or tried any addictive substance. For clarity, there is only one person in our family who struggles with addiction, which ironically started because of the abuse they experienced under this grandparent. This is also one of the least harmful things this person said/did to me, but because of that it took me decades to realize my fear of drinking stems from their comments.

[@annabrown3337]

16:31 I'd go to disneyland

[@shaaba]

can I come?

[@jamiethebookworm]

Situation one sister is definetley the drama. And low key so is the other family. OP already changed her plans to include her sister, why couldn't she do the same for her? In the USA 21 is legal drinking and gambling age (as an Aussie I didn't even consider that at first) so that makes it an even bigger deal. Situation two ESH. Auntie sucks here because for starters if it's hook up that got OP pregnant it probably wasn't even an intentional pregnancy. She has the right to feel pain, but you can't threaten others for having a kid when you can't. On the other hand OP is drama for telling the Auntie how to feel and act. To our fellow Peach first of all not the drama. As someone who has experienced DV I totally understand how drinking can be triggering and with the trauma you've been through. Regardless, you can never pressure someone to drink. I have been in the party scene a bit but anyone who doesn't take no as answer is out of my life. I trust the people around me even when we're all under the influence. I totally get how hard it is to cut out blood, and it is absolutley your decision and yours alone. You are not obligated to share this information with her. Also congrats on the house!

[@cutegixie]

For the bday vs gender reveal story: I loved watching both of you work through this together! Shaaba, you do a wonderful job looking for the best in people and trying to see perspectives that weren't given by OP. And Jamie, if I ever needed an example of showing someone what it is like to stick to your opinion while being empathetic (despite strong feelings about a topic) you in this moment would be it! Ultimately, I agree that sister was being the drama because even if we were to be given additional context I still think she has steamrolled OPs plans for something that has a lot less specificity about timing. Shaaba, I do really like you bringing up the initial context about the milestone within the pregnancy. It is a good reason for someone to fall into thinking that it might be more important than other events, even accidentally (though op didn't allude to her sister struggling it's still possible). Even so, plenty of "rainbow" miracle babies are also ✨rainbow✨ queer babies that may not appreciate the party looking back.

[@Mariethechaotic]

24:59 the day after my birthday weekend I had therapy and I was kind of sad that all but 2 people cancelled on my birthday plans I had scheduled the day after my birthday, including my entire family and, my actual birthday I spent at home alone, and then I quickly tried to dismiss those feelings and say "I'm an adult though. I shouldn't care about my birthday, or gifts. I'm 32 years old now, I should just treat my birthday as another day". And my therapist said "Marie, you deserve to feel special. You're allowed to be disappointed that people didn't show up for you" and I would just like to pass that message on to op. I feel for them. And what I think Jamie was starting to get at is that there was maybe already a wound there because Mom wasn't going to go because sister couldn't so, and while there is probably logistical reasons for that, it might feel a little like mom already prioritized her sister over her and now the gender reveal party (I'm again, with Jamie on that being stupid) is planned for her birthday when she gets in. That kind of thing has the ability to make you feel small and forgotten. Another example is that my family went all out for my twink sister's graduation, my grandparents and uncle came up from neighboring cities but 4 years later my graduation got almost completely overlooked. If I hadn't been pregnant with my surrogate baby at the time and if the mom of my (now 4yo) surro baby hadn't sent me flowers and a gift certificate that I posted about my family would have never acknowledged it. And logically I know I graduated during covid. There was a lot happening, I didn't get a graduation ceremony, or grad photos, family wasn't coming up because they couldn't.... Except that my grandma had already told me prior to the pandwmix they weren't coming up because they had already been to my sister's a few years earlier. Despite going to university for 5 years while raising a child and working in the latter half, the message to my brain was "you're not important because you did it second". That was a long way of saying Shabba, Babe, you can rationalize it all you want, talking logistics and "it doesn't have to be on the actual day" but emotions and "relational trauma" don't follow logistics and reasoning. Ntd. The sister should have been more considerate. I appreciate you putting yourself into everyone's shoes and I don't think the sister is a big asshole, just as I don't think my family was trying to hurt me, but I do think she should be the one apologizing, not op. The onus should never have been on OP to tell her sister why it was hurtful that she put announcing her babies genitals above celebrating her after she went out of her way to spend her 21st birthday with her sister. I kind of want to hug op and tell her the same thing my therapist told me, especially after that update.

[@KathyTrithardt]

Re: the person who cannot deal with baby events due to infertility - very, very valid. My friends (a music duo called Half a Chance, also based in the UK) just released a single about this whole struggle called "Little Problems." I highly recommend it for anyone struggling with how other people are not sensitive to fertility/family planning issues.

[@coasttocoast2011]

Yeah Jamie is right, there’s a dramatic increase in the chances of having a baby with Down syndrome etc from 40 onwards. It’s still not huge compared to how many babies are born but it’s a huge increase from conceiving in your 20s

[@silverghostcat1924]

Not just Down Syndrome but other birth defects as well. Women don't make new eggs, like men make new sperm, those eggs are whatever age the mother is. The older the egg/mother the higher likelihood of complications. Pregnancy is hard enough when you're younger.

[@artheenbyrogue804]

pibling is something I've heard as well as Auncle and Untie (pronounce Un-tee if that makes sense).

[@shaaba]

sooo cute!

[@melodycuthbert4840]

So the thing with weed & “not being able to live without it” I sort of get it. I have PTSD from childhood abuse & use medical marijuana to be able to have…adult fun time. (Trying to figure out how to say that without using the actual words is weird.) For me marijuana is medicine. No difference between me using marijuana & a man using Cialis. & I really don’t want to give up on the part of my life that medical marijuana has opened up for me. So I could see saying that I don’t want to live without it.

[@s.a.4358]

That makes sense and is a very good point. And considering the back story from OP’s childhood time, it is also possible the sister is using weed in a medical way and/of to help cope with trauma. Saying one would rather unalive than to give up weed is a very strong statement though. Even if the sister has valid reasons to smoke, I’d be worried for a loved one who makes such a strong statement. I am not someone who considers weeds necessarily a big deal, however I do think the amount one uses and how dependent one is on it makes a huge difference on whether it is an issue or not. Saying one would rather unalive than stop using points to a bigger issue, possibly with trauma, depressing, maybe chronic pain, etc.

[@ajsunsetgirl18]

I use periodically for many different reasons, and I know people who use because anti-anxiety/anti-depressants and/or pain meds are too intimidating (drug interactions, familial reactions, therapy/doctor appointment affordability, etc.) for them it's a difference in their ability to function day in and day out and honestly helps stave off the thoughts of unaliving/thoughts that things would be better off without them. It's definitely something I wish more people would take a step back and remember that marijuana is more than just a recreational drug and has been used in medicinal practices.

[@ayajones6069]

It's really refreshing seeing 2 people have a healthy disagreement with one another and understand each other's perspectives. Should be the baseline in relationships, really.

[@Silentgrace11]

I think the red flag and green flag is definitely a green flag, because the x number of years you spent with them don’t disappear. My mom and stepdad kind of get into a huff about this every once and awhile because my mom will speak fondly of memories with my dad sometimes - most notably ones that also had my sister and me involved. He doesn’t get it, partially because he divorced his wife only a few years after they married and there was bad blood all around. My mom was married for 20 something years - while my dad is quite frankly a narcissist there were still times that gave her joy, and she likes to remember those times fondly, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d say this is especially the case if the ex is still a friend - then you’re just talking about a bestie who you happened to date, yknow? Only time it goes into red flag territory is if it is more of a pining thing than enjoying someone’s company.

[@lavenderhoney3208]

I always wanted my children to be close to their aunties. They have a total five and for many reasons, some good ( a surgeon in Germany) and some bullshit ( the dog has a headache and three miles is too far to drive) they are not close to any of them. It's sad because people go on and on about 'family' but we just stopped asking. We do more expensive events with just chosen Aunties and our kids friends. We don't even invite them anymore and our kids don't care. We put our energy and love into people who want to spend time with us, blood family is just genetics, chosen family that is there to celebrate and to mourn is what makes life worth living.

[@ViktorErikFade]

42:45 my younger sister is the same way, She thinks I hate her because she constantly drinks and does ehstever drugs she can get ahold of but shes "trying to stay clean" which I wish she would actially stick to it, i just want to see her try for the better. I wouldnt tell them about the house. If they are dealing eith substance abuse they could just guilt trip you to see if they can get stuff , not saying they would but it would probably just make them feel worse

[@ThatRainbowMama]

The only kind of "gender reveal" I've had was my first Earthside baby (my first Rainbow after 2 losses) and my partner couldn't go to my anatomy scan with me so my Mum went. We told him the baby wasn't cooperating so we couldn't find out the sex but everything looked great. We went back to my parents' house (where we lived at the time) and had champagne to celebrate another great milestone (obviously I had none) but while my partner looked away, my Dad dropped a few blue food colouring drops into his champagne to signify our rainbow boy (colour doesn't mean anything to me but it was the only colour we had in) and I told I may have lied about not finding out then pointed towards his glass... And that's the only time I've done any kind of reveal! My other Earthside children were simply telling people when we found out, my partner was with me for the other two so we both found out at the same time with sexing scans! I'm hoping to have at least one more and I think I may do a bigger celebration about that baby but I'm unsure for now.

[@sami5261]

Omg this made me cry 😭

[@EleanorfromNeverland]

I had a thought that maybe the sister is organising a surprise birthday party for OP, and this is a way to make her believe, that she isn't thinking about her. I'm kinda doing it with my brother for Thursday. I'll have a huge exam that day, and I'm always talking about it, while secretly contacting all his friends, and find a place, etc.

[@blackk_rose_]

That would be so shitty too... To make someone believe you don't care about them is NOT the way to surprise someone. You can surprise someone without making them feel like they don't matter to you or that you're making other plans that you deem more important. A surprise is when you don't have plans or only have small plans and then someone does something unexpectedly special for you (sounds like that's what you're doing with your brother?), not someone pretending to change plans that centre around them instead of you and making you believe for weeks you will spend your birthday celebrating someone who isn't even born yet despite originally having awesome plans you were looking forward to!

[@junoantaresofficial]

I agree with Jamie about the birthday thing, but i also have personal context with birthday trauma. My last birthday party was when i was 10 so i have a very deep seated "im not inportant enough to celebrate" but i also desperately wish someone would look at me and see me as someone they want to celebrate. So when my birthday is overlooked, even though as an adult i know birthdays arent a bid deal, it still hurts.

[@thebonewitch11]

19:35 I really agree with this! And I feel less like the only one hearing you say that, ty.

[@qryptid]

Anyone else ever just "am I the drama?" Dramatically with Jamie when he says it 😂😂 i feel like i gotta now

[@miserablepunk]

Yes!! I do it too! It's just so ✨ iconic ✨

[@yellowkoi1054]

01:07 I am still friends with one of my exes. While I'd never get back together with her, she did show me what a healthy relationship feels like, and I'm still grateful to her for that.

[@magicbeefy85]

Story 2: ESH while OP is the bigger Drama The birthday parties are going to be a horrible trigger for her so she has a good reason to not go to those, but not getting to know nephew over fertility issues only means nephew never gets to know his aunt because, from the way it's going to look from outside and possibly to him, it is nephew's fault for being born that aunt doesn't want to know him

[@roanaway]

i come from a really big and blended family and bc of that i generally do lean on the side of birthday celebrations not necessarily needing to be on the day, but this is the US and 21 is a milestone birthday that comes with traditions that they're already majorly altering plans for to fly home. but, also as someone from that big blended family who has *had* to have birthdays never on my actual birthday (problems with being born around xmas) i know it feels really nice as an adult to make plans and make sure that I am getting my birthday acknowledge on the day in some way in ways i couldnt when i was younger

[@arualblues_zero]

I didn't know that Shaaba angelically singing "asshooooles" was exactly what I needed in my life.

[@Ona1979]

It is inspiring to see a couple who are such a safe space to disagree with out judging 😊

[@HighAsHeckPriestess]

On the last story: here in the US kava and kratom bars are getting popular for people who are either sober or just wanna take a break from alcohol. I go to one fairly often, and it's proof how much fun sober folks can have

[@jaymeamonsen7728]

For the autie one, I think OP is the drama. I get feeling like someone is missing out, but being an aunt is different that being a parent. I personally have to take distance from my nieces and nephews at times because even though I love them and want to care for them, I am not their parent or guardian. It hurts to want to give more than you can to a child, and there are we have to take care of ourselves. I do agree that the aunt should get help so she can be close to the child, but OP can't force that. For the last one, I agree OP is not the drama. If you're reading OP, I have been in similar situations. It can be hard to live your life away from family when family can't be there with you for your wellbeing. It may feel like this will end a relationship, and it may increase distance, but that could change. People who don't follow through on good things also often don't follow through on their resentment either. Give it time. I wish you well.

[@s.a.4358]

Story 2: I completely agree. You cannot force someone to be involved in your kid’s life. And you also really shouldn’t, because why expose your child to the vibes of someone who doesn’t want to be around them?

[@GlamourNNail]

I wanted to mention how wonderful it is to see that you didn't necessarily agree but still had a healthy conversation. You may not realize it, but you both just demonstrated something that many people have probably never seen. A healthy disagreement in a healthy relationship. Keep being your awesome selves and showing how to healthy relationship.

[@rosejones8058]

Slept with the frosties! Snap, Crackle and Pop! 😂😂😂

[@ari-cu6ql]

Regarding the substance abuse story: it's often a pattern that children whose parents had addiction issues will either grow up to follow a similar path or vehemently reject using any substance. That can obviously lead to problems between siblings

[@christinakyleloves]

Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑 Love you Jamie!!💛💛🥔🥔

[@shaaba]

🍑💛

[@lorensammons1083]

“This one made me grumpy 😡 “ I feel that Jamie!!

[@whedonite81]

The last story, the fact that she lied about taking medication instead of saying she doesn't like to drink implies to me that OP has made no attempt to help her sister and is avoiding the issue. I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to get another person help, but I personally would at least make an attempt to help someone I cared about. I think that knowing their sister is struggling and not even attempting a conversation before disconnecting from her is a little bit of an AH move.

[@tessafails5598]

My NB friend uses Entle as a gender neutral Aunt/Uncle word

[@rage_of_aquarius]

How exactly does the blood aunt avoid children all the time. If she breaks down every time she's around kids she couldn't go to the supermarket or mall or park, she'd have to only go out at night. Also, being an adult at a toddler's birthday party sounds like hell.

[@AstronomicalJelly]

i mean there's a big difference between passing by a kid in public and being in the same room for hours with multiple kids

[@s.a.4358]

@@AstronomicalJellyand being expected to help raise that child….. Maybe the friend is also reluctant because it isn’t just a case of being present at one toddler birthday party, but there is pressure from OP to take a more active role in the child’s life.

[@victoriabaltimore4360]

Love Jamie’s rant on 1st story and totally agree!!

[@stargalaxy9458]

Omg itty bitty Shaaba piggybacking around her 6' husband is a hilarious and adorable image XD

[@lindenbug]

To the last one from a fellow listener… your relationship with your sister reminds me a little of my dad vs. his siblings. When my parents were young and dating, they lived in close proximity to my dad’s siblings. They’d ask my dad for money he barely had for himself, then turn around and spend it on alcohol, substance use, etc. etc. My aunt referred to my mom as a “goody two shoes” but there was one time my uncle made my mom so angry she chucked a plate at the wall and told him to get the f out of their apartment. If you knew my mom, you’d really struggle to imagine she’d be capable of even that much. I can’t imagine it, truly. Anyway, flash forward to a couple years after I was born, my parents moved far away to spend most of our time with my mom’s side of the family instead. Part of that was definitely to keep me out of the worst of it. But I often overheard phone calls my dad would have with his family that caused him so much stress and anger as he was forced to try to pick up the pieces of their broken lives, like they were his personal responsibility. My dad struggled a lot to get out of his situation and it was like they were still keeping him locked into that old life, mentally, emotionally, making him relive trauma. I mean, it sounds like your sister doesn’t outright ask favors from you all the time like that or run to you with all her crises, but it does sound like spending time with her brings you down in a similar way. I won’t try to tell you what level of relationship you should have with your sister, to limit contact or not, but the fact is you are living your lives in incompatible ways, and your wellbeing matters too. I do wonder if it might be worthwhile (or potentially a bad idea…) to explain how you’re feeling instead of lying about how uncomfortable she is making you. I have no idea whether that would be a wake-up call, or just make her more miserable. Probably both, especially since addiction isn’t something you can control. On the other hand they say acknowledging the problem is the first step, but idk, I’m not qualified to speak on that. Wishing you both the best no matter what you choose

[@jdbrown9380]

I’m torn about the first story. It’s unlikely that the baby shower would go into the evening, so OP could still go out with her friend that night, but it’s likely her family members would be too tired to do anything afterwards.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

A flight and a family party before going out... sounds extremely exhausting