if you're single, you're screwed

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@jagsdreamland9216 3 ай бұрын

The whole "pretending not to care" is so painfully commonplace in modern dating. At what point do we say someone is worthy of our true feelings? After they've broken through all of the walls we've built around us?

@brianfuller2447 3 ай бұрын

I'm sorry, but you say "we're screwed", then you go in depth about how you are not emotionally mature enough to interact with people you find attractive. Like... you're the problem. it's not dating, it's literally you lol

@notiashvili 3 ай бұрын

Yep. She does have enough introspection to know how and why she acts like this, but fails to look beyond herself to see what it's like from the other side. If she wants to get a partner, she has to allow someone to approach her and not put roadblocks in front of them. The moment a guy she likes approaches her, she should be the opposite of whatever she is normally - extremely receptive, positive and open - otherwise, the guy will assume she's not interested and just leave. It's like she doesn't want to reveal any of her cards and is not willing to risk anything for a potential gain, even though the guy approaching is risking a LOT more than her. She expects the guy to take on ALL of the risk. The only people willing to do that are players, so she's setting up roadblocks that only players or egotists can overcome and eventually when one does do that, she will get into a toxic relationship. Or maybe nobody is willing to go through so much effort for a 6. Does she not see this down the road? It's called FALLING in love because you must give up some control to do it. Otherwise we'd call it jumping in love.

@chrispbacon2535 3 ай бұрын

You mentioned how you’ve gone on many dates on hinge, but you’re not going past the first date. It might be the people you’re swiping right on. And you should also be more transparent in your profile if you want something more long term

@Anniee 3 ай бұрын

That is true! But I'm not sure how to change my judgement so that the people I meet end up being a "better fit"

@sw2598 3 ай бұрын

@@Anniee this sounds weird but my friend who's had a lot of success on dating apps says that he tries to find an excuse to call them (usually gaming or something) and that helps get a really good feel for their vibe

@JupiterNniv 3 ай бұрын

i feel the exact same way about all of these thingsss was nice hearing that I’m not alone in this 😭 good luck to us my friend. loved the episode 🩷

@Jangoora 3 ай бұрын

I AM LITERALLY THE SAME. I thought this was because I just take time getting comfortable with people. Like I change very drastically once I know someone. I am also very avoidant and somewhat mean (just light roasting). For attractive girls, I literally do the same thing u do for boys. Very cool to hear this. subbed

@Anniee 3 ай бұрын

🤝 omg

@SCFick318 3 ай бұрын

Hey, as a guy commenting on the whole american vs euro boys- it goes both ways. When I was in Europe, the women were VASTLY more open, interesting, and willing to try. I know you're speaking from your own experiences, but it ain't just "men don't care in the states", it's nearly everyone doesn't care in the states. EDIT: Oh brother, the guys v girls section- deducing, from one hangout session, that the majority of women have these killer profiles and 90% of men's are garbage is an underlying issue. Creating this superiority complex (guys and girls) leads to a lack of effort because "why should I if they don't?" It's a dangerous mentality that's plaguing our dating scene, looping back into the "pretending not to care" issue. I can't speak to the guys, but I'm fairly certain your guy friend had a lucky stack that day (happens!). 80% of what I sort through is a definite X, 15% it takes me a second to re-evaluate instead of mindlessly swiping because "oooo pretty", and 5% are both attractive and put time into their profile. The majority of that 95% don't put ANY effort at all in their profiles. That aside, I do think you scratch the surface of some issues and you've got an interesting title. But I think you gotta play devil's advocate a bit.

@Fanny_Tomato 3 ай бұрын

I want to add, that from the perspective of someone who lives in europe, is from europe, has never left europe, and so on and so forth, I believe it´s less the quality of people over here and more the attitude that people have when seeing someone who is "not from here". Because if I visit a foreign country I always get more "high quality" matches than if I am at home and I think that´s purely due to the fact that it makes everyone more interesting, if they´re "rare", or "only there for a short while". I can obviously not compare the US to Europe, but I can compare different places in Europe to one another and my experience is, that if you are at home somewhere, you tend to not put in as much effort into conversation, because u´re busy on the daily, where if you´re on holiday you kind of put in more effort fro the get go, and, as said, you usually get more interesting matches as well, but I think it´s both things coming together. God, I am rambling, I´m sorry. And another thing: Switzerland is Switzerland; try finding quality matches in the UK for example. I feel like there´s a stark difference between different countries. I could list them from "best" to "worst" (from the ones I´ve been to) but that wouldn´t help either, cause that would just be stereotyping, I think.

@doctornachozlivestreamchan4763 3 ай бұрын

Run clubs are a growing thing here in San Francisco. With downtown dead and more remote work going on, it's harder than ever to meet people the normal way. So that grocery store thing might be coming to SF. :)

@bossnass2600 3 ай бұрын

I swear upside down pineapple is a swingers thing already

@Anniee 3 ай бұрын

ooo I wonder how it will go there!!

@doctornachoz8099 3 ай бұрын

@@Anniee I'm surprised that there are so many run clubs here because with the male to female ratio 60-40 in favor of females, run clubs aren't needed. The odds are good for women here, but like they say, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd". :)

@shesthunderstormsx 2 ай бұрын

tbh I’m just trying not to overthink it…I got my heart broken early this year and I decided to give hinge an opportunity bc damn I want to date. I’m European and I live in southern Europe and my experience with hinge so far has been very shitty, it has made me wondered that maybe I should try bumble or just quit it. I’ve only had one in person date and it went well, he seemed over the moon about getting my number at the end of it but then he ghosted. Then another thing is I get sick of the amount of conversation I start that end up going to nowhere because eventually they stop replying and you never meet in person. Like come on guys you’re lucky you are coming across decent amazing complex women on these apps why don’t you just start being proactive or at least respectful to them…very frustrating as you can tell!!

@Malfoyiscool 3 ай бұрын

no I'm not screwed and thats the problem 😔

@MafiaCatt 3 ай бұрын

I feel like apps are just looking to sell you a subscription- hinge seems to find your type and hide them behind roses, bumble i've seen i had 30 likes, but swiped for multiple days until i ran out of swipes not once getting notified that i missed a match or i got one, tinder at least the second card is usually a match but point being, i agree with you- these apps are just looking for us to spend unfortunately :( AND theyre our only hope as introverts we wanted love but god sent another lesson LOL

@ID_Kevin 2 ай бұрын

24:34 what’s the point of them responding if you stated that you weren’t looking for things long term and they (the boy) were looking for a relationship? You call it respectable but taking a step back, it is honestly a waste of time. Also the run club. Don’t go in looking for a date. Do it because you want to experience running with people (new experience)/ need helping learning how to run in zone two/ getting out of your comfort zone/ enjoy run, and maybe a conversation strikes up with someone there (male or female). Someone said I had a cool mullet and now I got new friends. You’re just opening doors for new opportunities because if you choose to stay with what you’re currently doing, you’re going to get the same results.

@notiashvili 3 ай бұрын

Neither the run club, nor the pineapple cart thing are crazy at all. If it works to find you a partner, who the fuck cares? As you said, it's a tragedy that we have to resort to this, but what's the alternative, wallowing alone in our singlehood? One has to give up the fairy tale idea of bumping into someone and then it naturally growing into a relationship without effort or "forcing" as you call it. In reality, ALL relationships have the "unnatural forcing" - dates have to be arranged, dinners payed, conversations led and emotions exchanged, which all are done deliberately and not unconsciously. It just sometimes seems natural to the follower side, because they don't notice it, but the relationship always has someone who's leading and they're the ones doing the "unnatural" thing of progressing it deliberately. The leader in the relationship HAS to take the step for the follower to also do the same. Sometimes the leader is the man (approaching, planning dates...), sometimes the woman (working through emotions, moving up to marriage...). The sooner you get over these insecurities, the sooner you'll meet your person.

@ID_Kevin 2 ай бұрын

30:44 just work on something with someone. Great ice breaker and you see how they navigate a situation/task