If You've Lash Out or Betrayed People, Here's What to Do

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***
"Hurt people hurt people" - but is that just an excuse for abuse? When your trauma driven behaviors such as lashing out or fleeing relationships has harmed the people you love, your natural responses may include shutting down, isolating, acting defensively, blaming others, and self-attack. There's a better way to examine and face the decisions and behaviors your regret. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose harsh childhood is showing up in her adult life in the form of hurtful behavior toward others. Hear my advice on how to face the reality of what happened, clear up the pain caused and move forward with her life, free of shame.
***
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[@Maria7Maria]

This is so relatable. I lost many friendships and was emotionally abusive to someone who was genuinely interested in me romantically. Thank you for this video

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you're here, learning to heal and grow with us :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@stacyjaye6350]

Same. Thank you for the vulnerability. Sending you strength courage and hugs from Tulsa Oklahoma.💪⚔️🫂☮️

[@Davon-sx4zm]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairycan you please make a video about cheating. I was talking this Christian girl who’s a Certified therapist for 4 months. We flaked on me during dating came back in 2 days & pretended. She never corrected her attitude & delusional unrealistic expectations. Tried dating her & she lied about how she wanted to be my gf while cheating behind my back with her ex & other men without communicating with me

[@arnowillekes7979]

I recently misread another’s signals of friendship for a crush and i fell deeply in limerence with her…have recently angrily abused her while lashing out and this destroyed many more relationships besides this one…regret is deep and profound but im slowly finding out i have developed some very nasty bpd traits due to cptsd

[@lynneivison5773]

The great thing about apologising is that it makes it clear when it was not my fault. It gives clarity.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Excellent point! Thanks for sharing. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@thismarvelousmess9017]

What I wouldn't give to be watching these videos at 20 years old. Such a blessing and hope for breaking the trauma cycle of the future.

[@calvinjames7032]

I have lashed out at more people than I can count, numerous times. It’s very hard for me to control my anger at times. When I get upset, the feeling of anger takes over and feels so powerful.

[@shwetaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This question was much needed. The problem is sometimes I have this inner voice in me that tells me that I can never do anything wrong which actually makes things miserable. Because I have a hard time admitting that I was wrong. It’s so ironic because I already have so much shame.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you, we understand as few others can! I'm so glad you're here. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@anotherhealingjourneybegins]

Anna, thank you. Your videos this morning have been such an eye opening experience. I grew up forced into a life as a Jehovah's Witness where I lived my first 19 years of development in a cult like world. I was abused at home all my life and it carried into being abused by my peers at school. Then I also had a 3rd life in the congregation where I was constantly internally shamed for being gay. My parents disowned me at 19 and we've had a no contact relationship since 2007. My brother and sister followed their example and abandoned me too. I lost my whole congregation and family in one night. I've been with my husband for about 10 years and my CPTSD has caused so much pain and miscommunication. He too came from a place where feelings were not talked about. So we go into periods where I dissociate and he will go silent. Last night, I tried to force a conversation because of the disconnect and as you well know, that didn't go over well. We spent the night silent with each other and I broke down, remembering how my parents would give me the silent treatment due to their own untreated traumas. I left the house and drove through the night and was so heavily dissociated that I contemplated driving my car into a wall full speed. But then I put on one of your videos and listened to it on the drive. So many tears the past 12 hours, more than I've had in months. But thanks to your kindness and willingness to help others like us heal, I was able to come back and apologize for my disregulated state. The universe guided me to you last night and I can only say that this means I am worthy of redemption. That I deserve to be happy. That I wasn't meant to drive my car into a wall because the mental hell that is CPTSD is too much to endure. Thank you for giving me the emotional hug I needed. And thank you for possibly indirectly saving my life.

[@bonniehill9518]

I wish I had of found this information and help when I was in my 20's. I just lost my beautiful husband of 20 years because I treated him badly. I am so devastated I can barely breathe. At the same time I also lost my 16 year old daughter as she prefers to be with him. No matter how much I try to be a good person, I always fail and treat people badly. I started doing the daily practice but I let it slip. I have also tried to give up drinking and keep failing. To work this stuff out in your 20's would be so wonderful as at least she won't add 30 more years of pain and suffering to herself. This was a great episode but I realise how much more I have to learn about healing. Its all such hard work. I want to apologise but it has lost its meaning to them because I haven't healed yet so therefore haven't changed. I will keep watching your videos, at least I don't feel so alone in this affliction anymore.

[@cherp5837]

You’ll heal. Be strong

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

My heart goes out to you. If you're not able to stop drinking on your own, then getting help with that is a wonderful next step. Healing anything else in your life is next to impossible until the drinking is healed first. Alcoholics Anonymous is one of the happiest and most hopeful places I've ever been. Look for the most recovered, strong woman in the room and ask her to sponsor you. If you have a desire to stop drinking, it's a place of healing, it's free, and there's probably a meeting near you today.

[@deb9784]

Bonnie Hill, what great advice from Crappy Childhood Fairy! I encourage you to reach out for help at AA! I came into the program through Alanon! After years of trauma, I was finally home with people who understood my pain and had tools to help me heal! If you take the chance, you'll see, your healing journey is worth it! But each journey starts with a single step, dear friend!

[@charlottetaylor4471]

It's so difficult, you're not alone at all in dealing with these persistent issues. Also, I'd add as a comment about people saying "I wish I'd known this in my 20s so I could have sorted it out then" - this is just my opinion, but I think perhaps we with Complex-PTSD just wouldn't have the emotional maturity/capacity to be healed and sorted by the end of our 20s. I may be wrong on that, but that's my feeling on it. I think we need a good amount of time to mature and gain perspective (although this kind of information is great to know asap.) But I'm just trying to soothe any possible feelings of "regret" or something similar that people might have about not starting sooner ❤️

[@AcousticUplift]

@@charlottetaylor4471 Thanks. This hypothesis also crossed my mind. I needed that reassurance. I've always tried to be self-aware but feel only now in my 40s am I finding a level of clarity that I believed would have been more 'useful' if it came 10, 15, 20 years ago. However, maybe you're correct; this insight would have been lost on our younger selves.

[@amrutxa]

Thank you for this. I've been feeling immense shame over the past few days over the confusing, chaotic way it ended. I can't even call it a relationship, it felt like I had just learnt how to drive a car and I crashed it straight into a wall. I was the problem. Now I ask myself how I even expected this to turn out when I couldn't even process my feelings without feeling like I was in physical danger, without feeling pangs of fear. It's okay that I'm here. I've got this now.

[@Parodyqueenveri]

It took me 35 years to understand that my mother was only abusing me and I was like a dog trying to help her and forgetting about myself I did so much heart to my life I still struggle till nowadays to forgive myself never seeing my narcissistic mother. For walking away from nice man and walking straight into drug addicts and alcoholics. I am so glad I have found this channel

[@will89687]

I apologised profusely to my LO every time I transgressed. When I first started apologising she didn't even know what I was apologising for. The last time I said "I'm sorry" I told her "at what point do apologies lose their meaning?" She told me "please don't apologise." It broke my heart. It was over.

[@Maria7Maria]

I had a similar situation. The guy that I hurt, at first he tried to stick by me and accepted my apologies because he cared. But I pushed too far, many times, and in the end he said “you don’t need to apologise”. Not because he loved me - but because he didn’t anymore, and no longer cared. In fact he had moved on and didn’t want me in his life, so my apologies meant nothing to him. Hope and healing to you, Will 🙏

[@sadtiger2022]

22:08 That hit straight to the heart. My ex was an SA and he'd tell me often I was a tom boy, that I wasn't girly. I always wear makeup, love jewelry, have my hair done, dress up for get togethers, outings and such. Still, I never felt feminine enough but was always told how strong I am. I remember being around 28 and telling my ex-husband that I would look at women and celebrities and couldn't wait to look like a woman. I have a round face with baby cheeks and look young. At the time, it made me feel like I'd never be that sexy woman I thought I was supposed to be. Now in my 40's it serves me well but the feeling of never being feminine enough had always been a struggle. It's just not who I am deep down and my strength has literally saved my life and I've been able to be the example my kids needed. Lord knows their Dad never was. He was absent most of their lives. I'll take the strength and perseverance any day over trying to be something I'm not. ❤ Glad to know I'm not alone 😊

[@sohara....]

I don't feel feminine either, but know I'm a woman biologically soeaking and that's my basis for action. I'm feisty, and can be strong too. Modern discussions of gender don't always take on board that maybe there's a lot of us that don't feel "I'm a woman," but that's what we are, and we work with that as best we can. . On being "feminine" - or not! This is a cultural construct. Women in some parts of the world just wear cloth around their loins and their breasts are exposed. I look like a female: never wear makeup though, and like to look decent enough, as do humans in general. No interest in sports, or cars, or engines / machines: but there are men like that too. It's great to look younger than one's age. It helps one to feel younger too. I don't feel my age either ... but to others, seem "elderly" ... . Not feeling one's age ... that's a good thing! 😉

[@deb9784]

I've struggled with trying to be (look like, act like) who I'm not! But even at 65 I'm learning that I have strengths and gifts to offer others as I grow in my healing! Leaning to love me seems to be the foundation! But a person who truly loves you will not compare you with others! It's actually a sign of disrespect! Sending hugs and compassion as you heal! 💞

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are not alone! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@mv_vm_]

You heard my cries. This content - I wish I'd of known this years ago. Very similar situation of grief overload and subsequent poor treatment of the person I loved most due to BPD and CPTSD. Thank you for this content. I truly feel like this is the first step in a journey to recovery ❤️

[@yourstruly1984]

Crappy childhood fairy 🧚‍♀️ You're awesome and I'm ever so grateful for your wisdom and videos. Please keep it going 🌺🌺🌺

[@JennJenification]

You are such an effective therapist, I think because you can pick apart common issues/examples of issues people have, and offer tons of feedback, whether it's your own stories, anecdotes, recallections of past patients, etc. One problem I have always had with therapists is that they ask basic questions and wait for you to talk..and sometimes you don't know how or where to start, and it's just empty. This format and your conversational style helps one to reflect...and one can pause at any time to think. I'm really glad you chose the path that you did in life, that we live in the age of the internet, and that I found your channel. :)

[@shiningstar2903]

Completely agree

[@Bill-ni3es]

If my verbally abusive ex tried to offer me an apology, I would simply block what ever channel she managed to communicate me with. I've watched enough videos on narcissism to convince me of the value of 'no contact'. I would not take the apology as sincere, rather it just being another form of manipulation.

[@Aroha016]

Lucky she's still so young, that's a good thing 65 now and still working things out, but have a good handle on things now All too late, but on the other side of the coin, life going forward will be more peaceful

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

More peace is the name of the game! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@bridaw8557]

Mother Hunger is a good book by Kelly McDaniel for those of us coming to terms with lost nurturing, protection, and guidance we didn’t get from our mothers. It’s no wonder we’d do ANYTHING almost to avoid this painful reality and let go. All those things we did, are coming from that deep well of unbearable pain we believe will kill us if we accept the loss fully. All the trauma responses are fine by most of us at different times in different relationships. If we live long enough, we play all the roles. It’s hardest to forgive ourselves for not forgiving ourselves and the people who hurt us when we were dependent on them. Peace to all of us❤

[@tiarianamanna973]

"The huge scope of problems" yes omg. Exactly my life described fully 😱 Sigh. Thank you so much for all this info from video to video 💖

[@Forgot_We_Were_Human]

This is why I believe there is a God in heaven. I have really been struggling with the guilt and have been asking for it to be removed, and here is a video on the subject. I too am in my 20s. I am 25 going on 26. The guilt of the things I have done has been eating me alive. I had a horrible episode last year where I essentially did not feel like I was in my body for a solid two weeks. I have a strong memory, but I do not remember much from it other than I hurt so many people I love. I find it so easy to forgive the things that these people have done to me. But not to forgive me for hurting them. What I find is that the people who I minorly hurt or who pushed me to take action because of how they treated me are the ones who WON'T forgive me for my behavior, and the ones who I was legitimately horrible to are the ones who forgave and still love me. It's so difficult to understand this. But I acknowledge that my healing is up to me and me alone, so if I want to understand it I have to do the work to figure it out and forgive myself.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

No understanding on our part needed, you do the action and you're done! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Forgot_We_Were_Human]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you! This is very helpful 💕🤗

[@jbrubin8274]

The goddesses part 25:12 really hit home. I’m not fully healed but far enough along to get a chuckle out of that reference. To hide my fears, even know, cosplaying is something that I’ve been doing since the 1980s, I assure you, not cool then. I still remember learning about the pantheon, usually around 3rd grade. Immediately I dove further into Demeter, who I later nicknamed “the OG Mama Bear”. Without realizing I took her as how to blunt my own inability to control what happened in my own home. By high school bullying was very uncommon, had been nicknamed by some as ’the sheriff’ and set up a system for those of us didn’t drink to make sure our friends got home safe. Not a single kid was lost from my grade. I cosplayed her without the costume. Which I now do own and wear with a bit pride and solemn acceptance. It took me far too long to finally realize that I didn’t need to have taken that scorched earth approach she did as seriously as I had. Now I can wear it or not. Either way I know I have a power that I understand and accept my part in how I lost it. Because at one point I did have power, made sure not one parent or classmate felt that pain. Now I know it’s there, it just needed to reset my inner child. That inner power is what kept me alive following a traumatic event. It is what fueled me to put myself through therapy, unsupported. Baby steps, starting where I first failed. Now it’s the adult operating the wheel. Crappy Childhood Fairy can be tough at times, trust I know, but she’s one hundred percent worth it. ❤️

[@cannibalcatgirl]

It sucks because I don’t see when I am sliding into spaces where i am sharper, meaner, and just hard to live with until my partner has had too much. Then I feel like crap and apologize. Genuinely I’m sorry. Genuinely I’m embarrassed and wish I hadn’t. But it has happened repeatedly and the apologies have no weight anymore. Frustrating.

[@fancyfree8228]

Great video! The writer of the letter in this video is truly an amazing person to have come so far.

[@leahm7875]

You're an angel, Anna. This is exactly what I needed to hear in this moment. Thank you for your content, you've honestly helped me in ways not even therapists have been able to do.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's so nice, thanks so much for watching. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@prettypuff1]

YES I am glad for this video.... I had lots of apologizing for my behavior once I really started surfacing from the breakdown. I was on the fence about it because I wasnt sure how other parties would react... I was ashamed of how i behaved; but i knew i wasn't working with the best toold at the time. I was fortunate that this group really helped me recognize mental illness and they They were supportive before during and after the breakdown; but I didnt want to beat a dead horse... I apologized anyway... It really was for me than them; I didnt feel comfortable moving on without recognizing how I was the problem. Privately I just said " hey I am sorrry for these behaviors, it was bcause of this. I am mindful of these triggers. plz help me be accountable by stopping me when I start heading down this path" I was pleased to reconnect with people I thought were through with me; even if it was only on my end.

[@megandahlgren4658]

Anna you are such a treasure!!! Thank you for this forgiveness and also insight to see ourselves and how we contribute to the spiral effect. Support of other women in the crappy childhood community is really important!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, so important and so good to see you here Megan :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@moniquemcdonogh698]

Your Chanel has helped me so much. Thank you for all your hard work. You so right about the wisdom part.

[@patricia753]

Anna, Thank you So Much!! You are really helping me!! ❤🙏🌈

[@andrejamarolt961]

Thank you for the EXACT WORDS, I have to write them down. I am at a loss for words to express an apology appropriately. I would appreciate so much a video about apologizing to your own children for horrible things they had to witness and go through for so much of their childhood, mostly with their single mother struggling, wounded, alone and dysregulated in survival mode. They're 15 (son) and 13 (daughter). I have CPTSD and often feel in a swamp with cement shoes.. Still, I have read a lot and watched videos, but it has been a slow process for me to start realizing how often my perception is off. I'm 48 and on my true healing path for the last 2 years, after a lot of spiritual bypassing and intellectualizing. I would prefer to write down an apology for each of my children, when I speak I can get emotional or distracted. Dear Anna, I hope you'll read this and answer my prayer. You are an incredible inspiration and source of wisdom, guidance and love.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I suggest Daily Practice which you can also teach to your kids :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@edwardcarter6408]

Awesome teaching indeed!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@SkyexWriter]

Thank you so much for this video. When I reflect on my life, the times I've hurt other people feel the most devastating. Even if I may not be able to apologize to everyone, I look forward to writing out apologizes and preparing them, just in case.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Check this video out for help :) kzbin.info/www/bejne/l5rRdo2todOgmZo -Cara@TeamFairy

[@SkyexWriter]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will, thank you!

[@MagdalenaM71]

Wow! Not one but five hundred life advises. Loved that 🎉

[@lisabeeke7162]

Thank you so much for the tips you share invaluable..this pure talk leading to self reflection and bare honesty is terrific and for free! May you receive great blessings.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@wkrapek]

Plato had people just like you in mind when he was thinking about his Nocturnal Council. No doubt.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you. That is an extraordinary compliment.

[@NEMBL013]

It was never pure love. Telling someone they're on probationary period as if its a job interview is not pure love on their part. Prematurely inducing a kundalini awakening in someone so that you can have their way with them IS THE WORST KIND OF ABUSE.

[@frankydottir8762]

This is so timely...... I just recently did that to the guy i met and like so much.. And have been feeling enormous gult and regret that takes all my happiness away and makes me depressed.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hope this helped! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@JannetjeW]

I am 64 and did this to my children, I know now that I had cptss,my son sufferd under my emotional outburst,and not as he once said, I was unpredictible,he has his own children now, me and his father are divorced when he was 18, they are very close now,workin together,my ex and his wife are babysitting,and I am not allowed to do thhat,cause of all the things were said aabout me,my ex made everything way muchh worse, my son does not want to talk about the past, I do see him and the grandkids,but I cannot be the grannie I would love to be,wich hurt soooo much! I also have a daughter who thinks I was a great mother,with all my flaws. I am sooooooo mad at my ex, when the children and I needed him he was never there,now he is talking to people about why he left me,how bad of a mother I was,and that he stayed untill the children were so big that I was not a danger to them anymore,this all is 20 years ago and it does still hurt so much.

[@dreamylove4196]

Needed this video, holy crap!!!!!!

[@marierose6792]

Working on herself may include things such as.., in my growth path, led me to ask deeper questions ( hard questions) as in " what was it in herself, that triggered the hostility towards her partner?" When, in her childhood did these behaviours, result, from the most terrible moment in her life, what is her core wounding? what decision did she make at that moment? We all have a repetition compulsion in life. I am 70 and my own exploration has astounded me. She sounds like a very mature person. She knows that she is repressing the instinct of forming a one -to- one relationship. I liked your advise. Self preservation may be her dominant core drive and that is OK.

[@rlud304]

A man who doesn’t like a strong woman is not a man you want to be with in the first place.

[@marinaaing5467]

I can relate to her My mom abused me and my dad let it happen. But I convinced myself early on that I’m better than my mother and I proved it by studying and always on top of the class being prettier than my mom and finished college with scholarships. I’m also a beauty queen not by choice but by my classmates in college. Deep inside I hid my abused history and deep wounds. I married someone with potentials and I abused him like what my mom 3:42 did to me until he left.My children are now professionals by me working 3 jobs , no child support, and 3 of us surviving on credit cards and student loans and my son going to the marines.I made my children promise that my past will come up emotionally on them and seek therapy like I did and they did too. I want to have healthy relationship but each time I hide it because of my loyalty to my older sister who never married and was also abused by my mom . I’m now 64 and resigned I’ll stay single but I’m still confused

[@adelemoreau9354]

I just loved this video, so deep, so helpful. So spot ont!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you thought so, thanks for being here! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@rachelrobertsmeditation-mo9456]

Wow. I can so relate to this. I've just left my partner of 3 years we both suffer from cptsd. He would offen trigger my trauma through criticism and judgement distancing himself we could not communicate healthy. I ended the relationship in a way I'm not proud of and I have a huge amount of guilt from this. Ive had a real problem with lying and being decietful to try and prove the sort of person he is as not taking responsibility for my real feelings.But what it has done is shake me up to realise I need to get help so I am seeing a counsellor now as well as maintaining my study as a counsellor which is helping me immensely. Every other aspect of my life is going well but I have had many intimate relationships that I've walked away from though fear and unhealthy habits. This most recent relationship we explored BDSM where I allowed myself to receive alot of physical pain that both turned me on but I feel affected my nervous system and made me addicted to the pain. I will continue to listen to your videos and have therapy to better myself. X

[@Noirnaarm]

Absolutely don’t change yourself. Goddess of love in ancient Mesopotamia (Ishtar) /Greek mythology (Aphrodite) is also goddess of war 🔥💪😂

[@milesssyy]

Thank you so much! I have saved this video since it came up and listen to it over and over again... It feels different when I your question gets answered... I cringe at how I wrote the question but maybe that's exactly how I felt in the moment... Thank you for answering, this advice wonybe wasted on me.

[@senukuli]

why do you cringe?

[@patriciagriffin1505]

Thank you

[@rosettesionne9139]

For my own personal life I hate apologies cause since childhood I was forced to apologize even to things that wasn’t my fault. People disrespected me and when I got angry they blamed me for my anger and forced me to apologize for getting angry at them. I still have the wound now I can’t do that anymore nonetheless I will admit if I am wrong and try to make amends but apologies no, I can’t

[@Eriknaxo]

I just have to tell you that this is my first time listening to you. I had a lot of fucking anger in my life probably driven from my childhood somehow tbh. I don’t know what triggers it but whenever I’m disrespected and I don’t get the respect that I never got us a kid back, I just get so fucking angry that I do anything I can to destroy the person who hurt me! :’( This used to work for me because I teach self love so I would use self love almost an excuse :’( which I never want to do ! I would be like I love myself enough to get out of the situation to tell them off and stand up for myself, etc. and it is beautiful to love yourself enough to defend your self values, but in certain points recently I’ve realized that this isn’t even the case! I was just angry and upset and taking it out on this person who totally deserved it but not that extreme. So, I have to thank you from the soul honestly! 🥹😢🙏🏻❤️💯 because tonight listening to this speech I finally felt the most peace of ever felt about my narcissist ex who basically destroyed me. Prior to listening to this I was petty. I wanted to ruin his life because I was so upset so angry! I wanted to let him know how he hurt me, how it felt!! That I did everything in my power, from being petty to yelling at him about how horrible he was daily, to even sending him a paragraph about the things that he thought he had done right, that actually hurt me. But, tonight I sat and did what you told me to do. I apologized for saying things such as ”fuck your forgiveness, it doesn’t matter!” And honestly that’s horrible! I should never have said just to make him feel like shit! Because, even though he’s not the best person, he’s entitled to his forgiveness just as I am!! 💯😢 So I sat there, humble with my words for once. I apologized in a simple paragraph that came from the soul. I felt horrible for the way I’d treated him and I wanted him to know that I never wanted to make him feel that way ever again! I ended it with something along the lines of “we may never talk again, but I wish you well!” I’m so sorry from the soul. And I have to thank you so so much right now!! 🥹❤️🙏🏻🥹💯 because for the first time after listening to you I felt the anger go away! I felt that peace I’d longed for forever!! I’ve never felt so peaceful towards him before. I’ve never felt so happy and free of that anger by something so simple. I copied your video and sent it to my girlfriend, who is going through a similar issue. Just so hopefully she could experience a similar feeling of happiness herself :) I’m studying self-love in college right now and how to be the best at that. How to teach that to others because that happens to be my niche, just as PTSD and childhood is your niche. But, I have to say that I envy you so much. I hope that I can one day be as good as you are! My goal is to make somebody love themselves and smile the way that you just helped heal me today. So thank you for inspiring me, and thank you for being an amazing channel that I just subscribed to. I’m healing my anger currently so I can be a better version of myself for my clients and you just helped me more than you’ll ever know! Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing about this experience. I'm so glad you subscribed, please also check out this free course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@fionagrant2023]

l apologised to my middle son for not being a great mun due to CPTSD. Thankfully he forgave me. l was able to explain the abuse l encountered as a child. At least the cycle is being broken with my children.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are a rare and good mother!

[@tiffb1300]

You a very lucky. My daughter wont and it is painful to live without your reason for living

[@JudeNance]

My mother was diagnosed psychotic. I was very young that my mother's behavior was unacceptable. I picked out women that I wanted to be like.

[@JudeNance]

The day we buried my grandmother, she berated me for several hours out in front of my sister's house. She wanted me to attack her. After a few hours I asked if she was through. She said she wasn't. I told her to get with it. I never blinked but just stood and looked at her. After another couple of hours, I asked her again if she was through. She said she was, I thanked her and walked away from her.

[@JudeNance]

The last straw was when she got a gun and tried to kill my dad. I had committed to a sanitarium.

[@magdalenamaria2479]

came at the perfect time 🙏🏻, hurt someone i really liked and i lashed out

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Here's a great video for you :) kzbin.info/www/bejne/l5rRdo2todOgmZo -Cara@TeamFairy

[@wkrapek]

0:57 Yes. And it freaking hurts.

[@darkbr3ws]

Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@swanne.9]

Thank you. I apologize to my ex last year, and as you said, I didn't excavate on what I thought they did wrong. Sadly, we ended up getting back together after that. Huge mistake! Because we hadn't excavated our real issues as a couple, so it ended up fastly after the honeymoon phase

[@callumfreebairn8082]

being insulted in public is like the worst nightmare

[@samcollins5546]

I have previously lovee bombed a girl. I kept on sending her messages that i liked her. Only after a period when all things went wrong i came accross your videos they helped me. To gaind clarity on why i did it. I feel soo bad that she had to goo through this. I feel it hard to forgive myself for this.

[@jeannefarrar621]

“You should just, like, make popcorn and give it to people sometimes.” Haha!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So hilarious!!! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@xfesto5734]

I’m Mila x 10,000. I don’t know how my partner is still here 10 years later … that’s a miracle. I’m tired of being like this … last year in my 20’s I need to get over this bs seriously.

[@EndPoliceBrutailty]

Good men may be out there, but for what ever reason, they run for the hills, not towards me. They see my faults and want nothing to do with me. However, it seems that all the crappy men in the world are attracted to me. I haven't dated for several years because I am through with only getting the crappy ones. One was a criminal and he didn't tell me for over 3 months. And what he was guilty of I wanted nothing to do with. Wasn't just some petty theft from high school. It was a serious crime. How do I ever trust a guy again when I dated this rat and had no idea? I can't ask everyone about their criminal history nor be so paranoid that I background check every guy I meet. Unless that's recommended? All I know is, the next guy I date needs to be honest about his past with me but how do I get answers without being rude or awkward or intrusive? Thanks for this helpful video. I could relate so much

[@tiarobinson6415]

Just have to say you look stunning in the blue top! Great video.

[@laceyheartstring2841]

Dear Anna, thank you so much for all you do. Could you recommend any online source that gives help and tools for people with DID in the same manner as you do for those with CPTSD?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

CCF isn't familiar with those resources, we wish you the best!! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@mollyaleena777]

Can you pleaseeee do a video about spacing out and how to recover from our “ rules “

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Feel free to write in: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Cara@TeamFairy

[@chilloften]

I love you Anna. Your like a bestest aunt.

[@aeonabyss2192]

I've been so viscerally reactive I've been physically reactive. That shit... Is never ok and I know it. I feel like whenever I feel like really fucking sick of who I've been , reacting like that every it of awful Ive ever dealt with, I deserve and I deserve to suffer and I fucking hate when pp try to coddle me and deny that. It makes me angry cuz I know that that hitting ppl is unforgivable. Ppl saying racial slurs or bringing up my past as a way to hurt me isnt a good enough reason to fucking be such a POS but I have for lots of reasons

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

I hope you can find a way to work through some of this. You sound so very angry, in so much pain. I just started counselling for the first time and it's pretty astonishing how easily she can see exactly how my current problems stem from my childhood experiences. Somehow having that reflection makes it more real and easy to understand. Hopefully it gets me somewhere better in the end.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Everyone's issues come from childhood. A bully, a narcissist, someone who self-harms etc etc.

[@aeonabyss2192]

My in c in CPTSD stems from chronic. Like my whole life. I wish that was an over exaggeration. It's really hard to unpack though because I thinks most traumatic know I'm certain to my most traumatic things I've been through had happened whilst I'm packing all of the s*** that I've been through . That brings a lot of fear of course.

[@aeonabyss2192]

@@charlottetaylor4471 I disagree not all issues come from childhood I'd see the way that I react definitely became a problem when I was a homeless woman fending for myself and trying not to get napped by human traffickers because before I was quite passive and comfidemt

[@TK-fm5ud]

Are there some people who just shouldn’t be in relationships knowing that it is more than likely they will cause psychological harm on others?? Cluster B personality disorders are pretty robust against treatment or healing.

[@greyfox2822]

God I wish a certain ex would apologize to me. I want that very much

[@Courtney-pn5lr]

I've had the opposite experience. I've heard a lot of criticism towards women being too sensitive, or me being too sensitive. Also, give yourself credit for recognizing and taking responsibility for your mistakes!

[@santafilipina9020]

I appreciate you advising this young lady to find a good partner to raise children with. There is a vast amount of social science data about the consequences of single motherhood. This is not to denigrate single mothers, and I do not have an ideological axe to grind.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

No ideology coming from CCF either, just truths :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Me and my siblings grew up with a single mother (complicated situation to explain) and we all have Complex-PTSD.

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

While it’s an ideal situation, it’s not like you can order a good partner on Amazon 😅

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@charlottetaylor4471 I’m sorry you had that experience, however, I grew up with married adoptive parents and also have C-PTSD, mostly cos my “dad” was an alcoholic and generally chaotic and covert abusive. I’m not going to denigrate single parents, either, because I know there’s many ways one can end up a lone parent. Some people are married and technically still single parents because their spouse doesn’t co-parent equally (sometimes that’s because of selfishness, but not always). In my case… I don’t actually like either of my parents as people, but I’d have been a bit better off with just my adoptive mother, trauma-wise.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Any advice for motivation and finding purpose? I don't want to do anything. And I never have done really. I don't know what I like, what I can do, and I feel very lost. People say "oh you'll figure it out!" but it's been years and I haven't. It comes from having narcissistic parents, codependency, being brought up to be a servant. But no idea what to do about it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Absolutely! Here are some videos on this topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qZPGlGasfquVfsU kzbin.info/www/bejne/h3jCpGetqphga7c kzbin.info/www/bejne/opmtgJ-Qlqaogrs Hope that helps! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@heidiclub6813]

To quote a meme... forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you knew it

[@jessicasomeone19]

How do you apologize to an abusive sibling that cornered you and you lash out and basically tell them “you’re an abuser and I’m done with you, you’re dead to me”!!? I feel guilty every day about this, I feel that I need to cut him out, but my perception is warped. Too add, my family is pushing me towards an apology, and it’s known that he expects it. How can I move on from feeling so guilty about acting out in this way. He says “you need help” and I have “anger issues”, no one can trigger me like this anymore, how can I let go.

[@tomtbi]

If she tried to contact her ex even to apologize... Especially if he's in a relationship... She could be labeled a "Homewrecker" then never be able to find a healthy relationship...

[@callumfreebairn8082]

we don't realise it

[@ayseyilmaz3910]

Can you also talk about losing good friends. 😢

[@shannonranae4477]

First!!🖤

[@AlfieTrevor4444]

I lash out at my friends alot

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can learn it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@americasariesson1862]

I wonder how you get prepared to let go after I see how much of a pain in the ass I have been ajd still am - I’ve abandoned and neglected people animals jobs responsibility- I feel like I deserve what I get and then some. I imagine one has to be willing to give all that over and ready to heal and not pick it back up again over and over. But how 🤔

[@ghazikutbi3206]

Thank you Anna. Mella I have two advices for you (one) provide your residence with a place where you can have a man with you privately separated from the rest of the residents (two) put in your weekly schedule a free time to walk and have a meal outside with people like in a park or as a pedestrian in the road and allow yourself to feel people and understand them inside your heart "you have the tools younglady", and if you have that man you want, don't stress yourself or "act" more than your true feelings, and him being another wrong choice is not far from your reality, God always helps those who help themselves. Femininity is precious.

[@milesssyy]

Thank you for the advice @ghazi kutbi . I already have my own apartment. The only thing left to do is to become available to meet new people. I gave myself a deadline. I think I need to lose some weight to have the confidence to do it. Thank you!

[@ghazikutbi3206]

@@milesssyy You don't have to do anything that you are contented with so far. Men nowadays are not very important, and if God wants you to have a baby, He will facilitate a marriage for you with a man who is convinced that you are his type. remember God Always.

[@MsCaterific]

❤

[@edwardcarter6408]

Second

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

And?

[@rainsara2795]

8:12

[@davidanderson566]

Sorry, I'm probably among the minority, but I was disappointed to find out that this episode was so personal to a person who wrote into you. Was just wondering if there's a way to identify on the description of this episode that it might be so specific?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

In the 2-3 videos per week where I respond to letters, The description sections says "In this video I respond to a letter from a woman (or man) who.....

[@Nancy-dz1vo]

At lest she didn't see it in her 70.

[@jasonnoling4721]

Fairy, I'm in over my head. Can I email you?

[@julzluvzdollz]

You don’t have Feminine energy for not making them popcorn? Lmao wow they wanted a roommate/mommy/wife. No wonder they were single men 😂.