7 years on T! Trusting your heart as a way toward peace

I'm a transman and have been on T for 7 years! I'm not having many changes at this point, aside from aging. But I've reflected on my journey and on the ways that trusting my feelings, taking a leap of faith, and having courage - and then transitioning - have brought me more peace and happiness and a sense of "fit" than I ever could have expected.

[@RenGray54]

Wow I've been following since the beginning! You look amazing! Thank you for being one of the reasons I've felt more comfortable to have transitioned and giving me the confidence to really become who I am. You are a gift. We all are all. Much love

[@iamwestking]

I just came from your video "How I did NOT know I was trans" and bro 🥺 this is so inspiring & heartwarming, wishing you all the best & happy 7 years

[@TheSLOfox]

aw thank you, I really appreciate that!

[@mikakauro6446]

I do think it is a courageous thing to stand up for yourself even if a lot of people are against you. Sometimes courage is not about safing someone else but safing your own life. I consider that you could only by helpful and brave for others when you feel comfortable in yourself.

[@Mark-pl3bv]

Very happy for you! I love how you tend to focus on the psychological and social aspects of transitioning in your videos. I've always resonated with what you say, as someone who also took a long time to physically transition due to physical barriers then uncertainty. "You might analyze it and feel like you're going anywhere" was exactly me for the longest time. I used to torture myself by readings tons of papers on gender theories, by questioning every feeling and thought I had. I think it's important to reflect on ourselves pre-transition, but it can be paralyzing. A leap a faith can be the best solution. About transition being "courageous", for the longest time I actually saw it as cowardly and selfish. Everybody has issues they carry but not everybody "imposes" huge changes to their loved ones. But when you actually think about it, people who don't deal with their issues tend to take it out on their loved ones due to, for instance, addictions or anger and control issues. I'd say transitioning is much healthier for both ourselves and our loved ones. So now, I can see why transitioning is "courageous": because we do it despite being told it's cowardly and selfish. Despite people saying we're overthinkers with internalized misogyny issues. I fully agree on friendships with women being more of a challenge once you transition, due to this idea that men and women can't be friends without underlying romantic/sexual intentions. Personally, I'd say my relationships with men are even trickier. I have to learn to navigate around men platonically AND romantically, as I'm bisexual but mostly had friendships and relationships with women pre-transition. It can be frustrating, but it'll always be less frustrating than being the odd one out pre-transition. About transphobic butch lesbians, I wouldn't know if it comes from internalized transphobia. I think some might simply feel threatened, as if the visible existence of trans men nowadays questioned the validity of their own gender non conformity. It might also come from a place of envy, as being a man is more accepted socially than being a masculine woman.

[@appppppplecrumble6601]

Mark, thank you, clever, honest & thought provoking comment. It deserves a better answers but I need to selfishly go ponder a bit. Thank you

[@alex95478]

I'm 8 years on T next month, been watching your videos from the beginning when I was still questioning whether I needed to transition! It's so great to get to a place where (most of) your body just feels natural and right

[@adrimo100]

This is the best video that you have. And I think that a lot of trans people, specially the ones that have recently discover this truth of themshelves, should watch the video. A lot of times it's not about knowing if you are trans or not, because at deep you already know. It's about if you can accept this part of you and live at peace with it.

[@averytischer2144]

Congrats on 7/8 yrs on T! Lol you’re probably closer to 8 years now, I hope your life is going well and I would love if you posted more often :)

[@marmaladeatkins]

Thanks Allan, you actually made so many good points in this. I really found comfort in your videos and the way you also overly intellectualised the decision initially, as that reflected my own experience. Additionally although I was initially sad you had transitioned I think I realised I was sad that a decision was made and you had taken the scary step towards transition and I was probably aware that it would be me next! I think ot was one of your videos that actually pushed me towards making a decision and it was something you said around that intellectualising not being the answer and you’ll never know unless you try - and that was what made me take the leap. I’m way behind you due to our healthcare system in the UK, but I’m now 4 months on testosterone and not regretting it so far! So thank you for being so out there publicly- and I hope for any negative attention you receive there are a bunch of us who outweigh it by telling you how invaluable you have been for us!

[@TheSLOfox]

thank you so much for your kind comment, and I'm so sorry it took me forever to reply. I really appreciate hearing what you shared. Congratulations on your transition!! I hope it goes great for you!

[@lemonadeline2950]

Your videos are very important to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this way, it helps a lot

[@LadyDiana1956]

Such a handsome happy fella you are 👏🏻❤️👏🏻

[@minacarroll8867]

Congratulations ,on your seventh ,so happy for you ❤😊

[@Sipzostudios]

Thanks for sharing this video. I am glad it popped up on my recommended. its been a long time since I watched your videos. I watched your older videos when I started to find out I was trans. Same experience you were describing and its so great to see older transman. I am 25 and it feels like tons of transmasc people are in their 20s.

[@jcuz1643]

I really appreciate your chill and gentle style xx

[@TheSLOfox]

thanks, I really appreciate that!

[@gio2679]

Thank you I really needed to hear this exact message

[@iamtheaether]

Thank you for posting this

[@tfpunk1979]

Wow I’ve been following you since the beginning! Happy 7 years. I enjoy these updates it’s nice to know that you’re doing well.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you so much!!

[@TheChampavan]

Just like the other comments here, I really appreciate your perspective and your complete honesty with your experience. I came over here after your interview with Forrest and never looked back. Though identifying as a cis lesbian, understanding others in the community is an extremely important aspect of being a good ally. Having your perspective over these years has aided my own understanding greatly. Thank you. Its also so wonderful to hear your happiness and joy with your decision. You have trusted yourself and that is a very difficult thing, as well as what seems as a very furfilling thing.

[@TheSLOfox]

thank you so much!! I really appreciate your comment. It is incredibly valuable and important that you are educating yourself and working to be a good ally to trans people. Cis lesbians (a few, certainly not all) can be some of the absolute most transphobic and mean people to trans people, which is really sad. So it means a lot to have an ally! thanks!

[@MrJimmyBeat]

We still around! Thanks for video man, happy to see you:)

[@TheSLOfox]

hey man, thank you!

[@purpledaydreamer9682]

"The machine is kind of working but it's clanking around " I love the way you phrased that! Thank you so much for this video 💜

[@TheSLOfox]

thank you and you are very welcome!

[@vernonbrechin4207]

Glad you are excited and doing well. I liked your touching on the topic of possible cognitive dissonance and avoidance denial of those who can get so angry regarding those who seek to live as their true selves.

[@nicolesi2201]

Wow. This is totally amazing. I am so, so happy for you. I'm 2 years in on E and it makes me so content to just be able to be me.

[@TheSLOfox]

aw thank you! Congratulations on your transition! I am so happy for you!

[@gladysborg4870]

I am a butch woman and a years-long watcher of your videos. I have always enjoyed your channel and your excellent insights. That said, I would encourage you to reconsider your unforgiving take on butch women who seem defensive about not pursuing transition. I definitely agree that there are some individuals out there, especially on the internet, who are disproportionately vitriolic toward trans men (to what seems like the point of insane jealousy) but there is a similar amount of vitriol, disgust and unease coming from the other direction. I think all of this stems from a fundamental discomfort between both groups, trans men and butch women, with the fact that in many cases, there is nothing that distinguishes our experiences but label only - butch or trans, woman or man. Both groups can claim the experience of gender dysphoria from a young age and there does not seem to be much of a difference in severity or quality. My earliest memories are of gender dysphoria and I still experience it to this day. Like many dysphoric people, I pursued physical transition including top surgery. Unfortunately these interventions made my gender dysphoria worse. Like many dysphoric people, I have found that dealing with gender dysphoria was not best served by medical and social transition. It has been years since my surgery and I still suffer from gender dysphoria, but it is well managed with acceptance, mindfulness, physical exercise, and a meaningful relationship with a loving partner. I was healed ultimately by accepting the hard truth that the things I truly craved about maleness were not possible for me, even if I fully pursued transition (eg a natal male body with male gametes) and by fully realizing the positive aspects of being a female and a lesbian. Today I am comfortable and content with myself. One could argue that I never fit the criteria for gender dysphoria or transness in the first place, but nearly every one of your videos, especially the one about "the shadow" (brilliant, brilliant video by the way!) resonates with me deeply. I relate heavily to basically all of the stuff you've said about living with dysphoria, passing as male (I often do), dating women etc. Yet I live as a happy butch woman, not a trans man. It is very obvious to me that many people, yourself included, benefit from seeing themselves as and living as transgender rather than as a butch woman. But is equally true that for many people who experience clinically indistinguishable levels of gender dysphoria, transition is not the best path forward. It is an uncomfortable reality yet it is true if you look around and listen with an open mind. I think the assumption that it IS the best way forward by what feels like the entire medical world and the whole left side of the political spectrum is why we get defensive. I think the two groups need not argue and we should simply appreciate that there is more than one way to skin a cat. The way that I achieve wholeness does not disparage the way you achieve wholeness. I don't think we are categorically different kinds of people, just slightly different perspectives and values, and that is ok. I would not categorize any of that as denial.

[@ma.3934]

Trans men are men of all sexualities, and they can be feminine or masculine. Butch women are masculine women who like other women. There is quite a big difference between us. Its important for people like you to really examine if your gender dysphoria is true sex dysphoria or something else, like gender nonconformity. For trans men like myself, transition cures our sex dysphoria because we're on the right hormones and gain more congruent sex characteristics. This is because we're not gender nonconforming women, we're men. There's a lot of nuance here, because you said you do relate to a lot of trans men's experiences. In my experience as a trans man, I had the opposite experience as you. I really immersed myself in the world of butch lesbians and felt that I could relate and that I was one. But I wasn't. Part of what helped me realize I was a man was seeing that I attracted and was attracted to straight women, while being quite uncomfortable in a butch-femme relationship. It's fact that there are statistically going to be more butch women than trans men. Yet, in the media and on youtube there are very few butch women. So, there are a lot of masculine women who feel like they should transition. I definitely think there needs to be more awareness of the unique feelings of gender nonconformity many butch women feel. This would help dysphoric people decide which path is best for them, because like I said statistically trans people are a very small part of the population.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you for your thoughtful and considerate comment. I apologize for anything I said that was prejudiced or making too many assumptions about butch women. Yeah, there are so many loud and vitriolic anti-trans voices online from those who identify as butch women. But I know that is a small proportion and should not be representative. Thank you for describing your own experience - I appreciate that, and it's interesting to learn about. I totally agree with you that our groups should try to understand each other and support each other.

[@TheSLOfox]

Thank you M A , I appreciate your comment.

[@eneedham789]

I think butch lesbians feel a sense of loss when other butch women transition, which to an extent I understand. But it’s like…ok, transition isn’t for you, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean it’s not right for anyone at all. It obviously worked well for you, and besides, nobody else can tell you how to live your life. ❤️

[@TheSLOfox]

yes! totally. thank you

[@JackieDaytonaBar]

Trans men are still butch women. They aren't by any mens men. Even slofox comes off very effeminate and I would level a butch lesbian. Why not emrabce your butch lesbianess ladies?

[@RobertLewisSandersonJr]

In All Experiences... REFLECT REFRAIN LOVE & LISTEN

[@user-zu8kk4zk3r]

soo happy for u

[@srento]

Thank you for sharing your story! Now, other trans people are the ones watching your videos

[@baharalimohammadi6579]

Bro we miss u so much

[@TheSLOfox]

aw, thank you! I'm sorry I went for so long without new videos. I just posted a couple!

[@MingusTale]

I'm so fed up of thinking about gender stuff honestly. I watch like all of your videos once every few months to a year. I'm glad you're past that. I can't really get past it.

[@zooborg]

Hi Allen, would you ever consider speaking up on your views on putting kids on GNRH analogues? Do you think kids can consent to puberty blockers? Top surgery? I feel like you would have nuanced things to say on the matter. Cheers

[@justmeyouknow]

I doubt he will make this type of video, these videos are extremely controversial and not very productive for anyone. only experts should be talking about this (and I mean everyone who talks without medical, biological and scientific knowledge in general). these videos are just as horrible for the trans community as the newspapers and television programs that popularized the HIV virus and associated it only with gay people. another important point is that his channel has a more subjective focus, it's about his experience as a person in this world. don't push him to a more mainstream side of t-tube, because that's his big differential.

[@TheSLOfox]

thanks BritneyS2008, I appreciate what you wrote.

[@TheSLOfox]

Hi there. Well, I am very far from being an expert on such things, since I hadn't yet realized I was trans in my youth, and I do not have a trans kid. My view is that kids should absolutely be able to get on puberty blockers if the proper medical and psychological routes are followed. It can be literally life-saving.

[@anadamljanovic8583]

Hey Alan! I was wondering if there is any way to get in touch with you? I've been struggling with *almost identical* questions as you did prior to transitioning and although I have a therapist who has experience with trans-related issues, I just felt like a brief chat with you would be much more close to home. Of course, if something like that isn't too awkward to ask. And if you even get a notification for this comment... It's been 5 years since I've been contemplating the whole transgender issue and it's just really tough to call certain decisions.

[@justmeyouknow]

I'm not him, but I've been watching him for a long time and he always rationalized the process of transitioning or not, in each video it was possible to perceive this impasse (so normal in the life of a trans person). however, in this video he makes it clear that it is necessary from time to time to make decisions based on the emotional and not so much on the rational, after all, dysphoria is also mostly emotional, right? (but that's my interpretation). Sometimes walking lost can be more fruitful than reading a map, good trips are always like that.

[@TheSLOfox]

Hey there, I'm sorry I never got back to you! I was just off of my KZbin account for such a long time. How are you doing?

[@cittapala4781]

Hey Allan. i transitioned about 20 or so years about and just discovered your videos and have been watching a lot. i know that you said you are Buddhist in one of them and wondering if you ever want to connect and chat about that? i may even have some extra copies of the Trans Buddhist Anthology around if you would like me to send you copy. Thank you for work world in the world. Cittapala is the dhamma name my main monastic teacher gave me - otherwise i am kevin. Lovely to come across another trans Buddhist. Take good care.

[@TheSLOfox]

Hi Cittapala! Thanks for reaching out! That's so cool to hear from another trans Buddhist. I'm going to work on creating an email address that doesn't include my last name, so I can communicate one on one with people from KZbin. I will try to remember to reach out to you again!

[@cittapala4781]

@@TheSLOfox Not sure what name it's showing but Cittapala is my dhamma name. You can just call me kevin. 🧡🙏🧡

[@haberlegendarisk7564]

Can u make a keloid scar Update pls

[@aesterle7225]

hey! wondering how you are. :o

[@TheSLOfox]

Hi! thank you. I just posted a couple new videos!