In Praise of Short-Term Love

[@ATrueLoveOfficial]

Sometimes, we are meant to be with someone for a short period of time to learn something from it. This can help us grow and be a better person in our next relationship.

[@IsitReallyrealreally]

Using other people to learn about yourself?

[@alexandreparent5754]

I think we need to aim for really long term relationships and if they dont work, well you learnt something. I wouldn't be with someone I knew it would end a day or another its no use. I kinda did know that my ex wasnt for me or vice versa. I should have broken our couple way earlier. I learnt to not lose your time if love is dead, I dont think it can revive after a lot of attempts.

[@davidthomspson9771]

Yup

[@mileyw7914]

A True Love Official yes

[@theruthmyster]

Yep

[@tmalonso]

another way to say this would be: reduce your attachments and aversions, which leads to reduced expectations and increased appreciation nothing actually needs to be short-term, we simply need to learn to appreciate everything like it will die of natural causes later this evening...then even if it lasts a lifetime, we're still consistently showing how much we're glad its around...making it harder for it to actually die of those natural causes...slightly paradoxical if you think about it, but still far better than pretending only short-term loves can have tolerance of differences. Best of luck. Cheers

[@tmalonso]

JONATHAN VALENZUELA its still a good video, even if it isn't perfect :)

[@carlosanthony4972]

long-term love is an incredibly difficult thing especially between younger people the subtle things about a person that you love are constantly changing over time that leads to you being in a relationship with someone that you didn't originally fall in love with long-term love is basically falling in love with a different person every couple years or so but without that initial six months to a year high where you just getting to know someone and everything is amazing not to say that it's not worth it or possible but I feel that modern day society and lacks a lot of incentive for people to be in a long-term relationship

[@tmalonso]

carlos anthony change + appreciation = growth you just said we're changing all the time! So if you think about it, that "initial 6 month high" of discovering things about someone can happen over and over as long as we don't become attached to what we once knew about them yesterday or averted to what we'll know about them tomorrow...how perfect ;)

[@carlosanthony4972]

+Theo M. this actually goes really well with the point I'm trying to make which is when you love someone you get attached to the things about them that you love in long-term relationships one day the things you love about someone might not be there anymore and if that happens there is really only one of three things that you can do about it find something else about that person to love which is extremely difficult because you don't control what you love this usually leads to the second option which is lying to yourself by telling yourself you still love this person who is it the same person you started the relationship with or option 3 in the relationship(I'm aware that you don't just love one thing about a person but I'm simplifying to help getting my argument across)

[@denisemcgee9534]

ass

[@clamarroan]

Real friendship lasts. No envy, no selfishness, no possessiveness, but really caring. Friends are the most important. Epicurean here.

[@JohnDoe-tt6en]

I consider myself to be pan-hedonist, at least ideologically, and I think friendship is more related to the psychology behind valuing the happiness of all possible sentient beings than romantic relationships are. Friendships, especially stereotypically male friendships, might not be rooted in empathy per se but they are rooted in relating to and identifying with someone which would be a prerequisite for identifying with and valuing someone else's happiness. The friendship aspect of a relationship is what I would commit to and the romance / sex aspect would be a casual bonus. My ideal relationships would be rooted in a commitment to valuing each other's happiness. I wrote this very quickly. I'm surprised I finished it in time.

[@bobpolo2964]

the tragic thing about being lonely and yearning for intimacy is that you end up settling for people you have no business being in a relationship with, but you ignore those logical thoughts because you'll rather deal with unnecessary issues than go back to being alone

[@raymondsanchez808]

Pretty much

[@ioanasilviag]

Exactly

[@ScientificGentlemen]

Learn to love yourself more deeply, and you will never feel alone. If you can't stand the idea that you might die alone, then you are basically saying your life alone has no value of its own. It does. You might be hoping for that value void to be filled by another. It never will be...you also need unshakable self love.

[@sasa6583]

Meh. Sorry but I. AM. NOT. Doing that. Rather be alone than unhappy.

[@toastedclosure2770]

@@ScientificGentlemen people always say this, but never explain HOW we can learn to love ourselves. it is a very difficult task

[@Zerone_1]

I don't think my heart could survive falling in love and then breaking up with so many different people.

[@anmolarora20]

I know!

[@whataboutthis10]

you associate "falling in love" with an unavoidable pain of loss when it ends? think how much of it is just direct conditioning and buying into the mainstream narrative. redefine love with *connection* - instead of an (endless) *attachment*. when in a relationship, be able to focus on the direct positives - don't only value the idea of still being together in the far distant future

[@KeyZakaWacko]

+Fejk Huawei your words are very insightful, I like the concepts of these videos. They really make you look at things in a different perspective.

[@Elven.]

Plus this video eases the drama behind having to choose THE soul mate out of 7 billion humans on Earth

[@GuyInBlackClothes]

Same here.

[@jacobdanz2492]

Basically: not every relationship is long term. Sometimes, it's better to leave a relationship for both people when there is no longer a mutual sense of love. Also just because a relationship ends, it doesn't mean that the two people failed to make it work. It simply means that both of them now need something different in their lives to move forward. And they can't find it in each other.

[@corydaddydoras]

"knowing someone could leave us at anytime, is not only grounds for insecurity, it's a constant catalyst for tender appreciation." Could not agree more! This can be applied to long-term relationships in a way too.

[@tebanano]

Having different people touch my life at different stages has been incredibly powerful and transformative experience. Im 37 years old now and Im just grateful I've had the joy to share the physical and emotional connections with these wonderful woman. I am also currently going thru the pains of a break-up from a two year relationship, from the bottom of my heart, I would not change this whole experience for anything. I just hope I can make the most of this pain to blossom into a higher human being.

[@georgiana1754]

I think this video is heavily misinterpreted. All relationships are short-term before they get long-term. Some of them don't get to be long-term for various reasons. Sometimes, there are certain things about a person/relationship that turn out to be unsuitable for a long-term relationship. You can either break up with that person and be grateful for the lovely time you had together, or be really stubborn and start pushing that person to change in order to comply with your long-term hopes. I think the first one is a much more elegant and wise way to go, although it might be perceived less so by the person whom you break up with if the reasons are not apparent.

[@rachelarmel7547]

Sometimes it is because you are willing to leave and let go because you don't feel it is right to ask someone to change for you that, ironically, the person becomes motivated to change because they then realize how valuable the relationship and the other person are so they do it of their own volition. They needed the catalyst to wake them up and grow.

[@Liddyart]

Agree with both comments above. Just got out of a short term relationship- it was very hard to tell my love about the breakup. He doesn’t see the problem but I do. I kept trying to change him to meet my needs and he is changing bc of me. I felt something wasn’t right that made me felt super insecure. After our breakup- i wrote everything down and saw so many issues that may be too challenging for long term. I realized that I might be in love with the wrong person if I kept trying to change him. He should only change to better himself not because I told him so. Even though I miss him awfully a lot, I know that’s the best decision than dragging on to know there’s a high possibility of not working out at the end.

[@frednil8304]

The first way is MGTOW thinking. It is just your turn. Value each other's happiness, nothing lasts forever. No marriage drama is why It works.

[@nonewherelistens1906]

@@Liddyart Once you try to change somebody the relationship is doomed. Embrace their imperfections first, then the rest of love will fall in to place.

[@user-tg9qv9qq3h]

well said

[@narcssius]

There seems to be some confusion about this video. What he's saying is even if it doesn't last forever doesn't mean the relationship failed.

[@GrooveMcDuck]

Something he implies here without mentioning it outright, because I expect he sees it would convolute the point of the video, is that when you treat the relationship as something is impermanent then you will not only be able to grow more from it but also accept each other's differences and eccentricities rather than letting those things ruin your feelings for each other. This, in a devastatingly paradoxical way, could actually end up helping the relationship last.

[@dancingbutterfly5852]

A relationship isnt measure only in length. Hes saying to appreciate it for what it is.

[@frednil8304]

@@GrooveMcDuck Reminds me of the guy that found it hard to give up smoking. He said "I haven't given up smoking, I'm just not having one today." Over a year later, "I haven't given up smoking, I'm just not having one today." His short-term thinking worked out OK for him in the long term.

[@KateLate____]

@@frednil8304 this is fantastic, thank you! How many bad habits or changes this could be applied to! Bad eating habits, trying to be more brave about dating, sticking at a job you hate because you need the money, toughing it out when your partner is going through a bad time.

[@meadowrae1491]

@@dancingbutterfly5852 Exactly. I have an ex I only dated for a little while. We both gained valuable insights from the relationship and it just turned out we weren't a good fit long-term. I still respect him and talk to him every now and again.

[@sierraalice8072]

I just got out of a 3-day relationship

[@ryanweston9677]

Sierra Alice I’m sorry for your loss

[@k-3402]

Was it a 3-day three-way? If so, 'grats.

[@FunkyBruja]

lol How'd it go?

[@louisglen7444]

What did you say? Yeah I wanna hear how it went

[@mbb2725]

Its been 2 years ago... any updates?

[@thombran]

The problem for me comes at accepting the departure of the other person when so many feelings have been invested. Some people may be wired as such, but even if I would like to believe in many short-term relationships, something about the heart yearns more towards long-term.

[@xXSassygurl]

One of the best and most genuine parts about love IS accepting the person at their worst and working to make things better for them and for each other. If you only wanna be with somebody for the fun stuff then it shouldn't be called love.

[@simplypqz]

Nada Mohamed whats the worst thing? Loss of trust ok?

[@grendelsmama2302]

Yea this isn’t love... it’s a fling

[@sophiebell5331]

There is a fault in that, as being with someone through the pain relentlessly tired both of you out. There isn't a reason for it other than this selfish need to feel valid that you are a hero for sticking with someone who causes a lot of grief. You can still love them, but also leave them. For them to go on their journey. Relationships do require the pain of course..but we aren't always meant to be in it.

[@Yusa_Beach]

@@sophiebell5331 If you have to leave someone for a reason even if you didn't want to go, but had to, because you could end up getting killed or extremely hurt, then sure. Otherwise, you didn't love them, if you simply leave someone, because it was "too stressful", to me you deserve nothing. Giving up even though you don't want to is fine, but simply giving up, because you got tired is pathetic since you couldn't handle it for their sake. I get you shouldn't have to go through such grief, but if someone can't seem to grasp how or to even get better, even though they wished they could, to just leave them is quite unforgivable imo. I could see if the person bringing the grief was abusing you, or simply did not want to get better and simply did not care at all about you, but thats differently entirely.

[@GawdsNectar]

This one video, watched one time, has soothed me, brought me peace and acceptance, and has left me feeling more optimistic than the several dozen "how to get him back", "how to get over him" and "how to move on" videos I've watched this past month

[@Wulfbloode]

Short term "love" in relationships is a means by which to find long term love... I don't want to permanently have to work to sell myself to someone to keep them from losing their interest in me, and I don't want to never know when they're going to be done with me. It's nice to know there is a person who will love you enough to help you through hard times rather than leave when it suits them and that you will do that for them too.

[@Wulfbloode]

Plus how can you have true passion if you're so willing to let it go and say, 'It was nice while it lasted.'?

[@Maria-xn1ix]

I can only be myself when I know there's no expectations of a long lasting relationship, only then can I love fully and without fear or insecurities. Those are the kinds of relationships I am able to appreciate afterwards, where the memory hasn't been sullen with frustration and unfulfilled needs. Those are the relationships where I'm comfortable enough to enjoy it fully and let go once it's run out, where my heart is too full for fear of fucking up or being left. Not everything good should be endless, imagine having to eat ice cream forever (or just over eating on cake like that kid in Matilda..). Just because you're ok with it ending doesn't mean you didn't like it.

[@cyberruck]

This a true love is when the person loves you for you not what you do for them. Short term relationships only happen to be atleast because they like what you do for then or won't put in the effort to find problems in the relationship.

[@TheSlimmshadyy]

@@Maria-xn1ix well then I guess the real answer is that everyone is different and it differs from person to person.

[@MMMM-qg7ln]

Honestly this is so true.

[@MissKellyBean]

I love this video - and I wish that it were more socially acceptable to discuss this, without seeming heartless and promiscuous. In all of my relationships (and there have been a few - atleast 8 that lasted a year or more) only ONE of those had an amicable split, where both parties agreed that it was time to move on, and that that was okay. Every other relationship ended in pain and heartache for atleast one person, because of the ingrained expectation of permanent love. And I really don't regret ANY of my relationships, even the ones that didn't turn out so well. I enjoyed and learned from almost everyone I've been close with, and hold many of them fondly in my memory (without wanting to ever go down that route again). I think this video is pointing out important discrepancies between society, biology and psychology.

[@fglogs6821]

Well said!

[@IFSwithAndrea]

Indeed. An amicable parting still hurts, but it is a kind of sweet sorrow. Think of it like driving your kid to college: it was expected, yet still dreaded, yet still the best for both sides for growth and happiness. And who knows? If we treated our relationships with the kind of openness and acceptance that is needed for a short-term love, perhaps they would last longer than we planned and that's okay, too.

[@JosephGubbels]

If there are scripts written up for these videos it would be awesome if you could make those available. Sometimes these sorts of ideas are easier for some (like me) to absorb through reading rather than listening, or at least a written version could make a good companion to the video presentation.

[@katjerouac]

they should be in thebookoflife.org I'm not sure if they have them for every video

[@carolovescandy]

I turn on the subtitles

[@AntonyStubbs]

Not to mention more discoverable by google

[@PetroBeherha]

You can always turn on the closed captions (CC).

[@xueyinglee4524]

you could usually find them on school of life official website.

[@christophbiebas4852]

Like Buddha said:"Nothing is permanent" If we can drop our expectations and expect that nothing is forever then people would suffer alot less.

[@jdasign]

I have to disagree that people would suffer less. I actually think people would suffer more; if we believe everything is temporary, then all meaning fades away like vapor and people wouldn't have any reason whatsoever to care about one another, for it would all be temporary anyway. I believe eternity is quite literally, permanent.

[@wms72]

So we should follow Buddha? Look at the culture built around Buddhism, their great music, art, architecture, universities, medicine that draws immigrants from the whole world. Oh wait-- that's the culture built on Christianity. I don't think Buddha's way works.

[@phoebemycroft1754]

@@wms72 I think the post was suggesting the sentiment of the message rather than asking we follow Buddha

[@phoebemycroft1754]

@@jdasign this may be the case but we could also find strength and live in the present moment a lot more. I mean life itself is not garenteed to last eternally yet we can still find peace and joy in the everyday individual moments of it

[@jdasign]

Phoebe Mycroft yes, definitely. Though I do believe living for temporary feelings of happiness means practically nothing compared to an eternal joy. (Meaning, something that lasts permanently, without failure)

[@LikeGoldenFire]

But being in a relationship entails attachment to the partner. That's what makes someone leaving you so painful...

[@slimkickens]

why can't you experience someone without trying to own them?

[@Dantick09]

+Zaq Kickasola because building trust is a long term endeavor that doesn't go well with short term love. It feels like constantly putting on an act and being entertaining to the other person because if you relax then you are not good enough ;_;

[@technoserf_digital]

You need to look deep at yourself to understand why it is painful. Are you afraid of being alone? Do you not like yourself? Etc. Obviously there will always be melancholy after the end of something good, but that is simply the nature of life. Good things always end and its always a bit sad. The key is to not be so sad that you cannot carry on with life anymore. Thats where it gets to be less about the nature of the human condition, and more about you specifically.

[@billbixly4332]

+Blazing Nipples there is no way you are married or are out of your twentys.

[@IamRanJos]

Be in a detached relationship with everyone you meet :)

[@freddymeisner]

I feel as if the video is giving you the idea to 'leave the party when you're still having fun' so it doesn't tarnish the memory

[@gnanay8555]

It's more like "the party will end at a moment, so don't try to convince you it will not stop, enjoy present until it's over"

[@cocoa105]

YES!!!

[@sleepyote]

I agree with Gna Nay. To me, it's telling me "don't expect it to last forever, and if it doesn't, it's ok, don't damage yourself over it. "

[@Artemis583]

And also take the risk of being yourself sooner, so as to not invest yourself into fallacies of long-term relationships and their detrimental expectations.

[@cookiegirl891]

Freddy this

[@nervclax7458]

He's right. You shouldn't go into every relationship with the goal being marriage, children, and forever. You wind up trying to force things to go on that shouldn't. Soap operas are fine, but a great mini-series can be just as satisfying in the short term and you deny yourself important life experiences when you pass on relationships you COULD have had were you not so focused on trying to make a failing relationship work.

[@KateLate____]

If you want to get married and have children you have a limited window of time. I'd discourage exclusively committing to someone you don't think you can settle down with, if you're ready to settle down. I did this several times, and now I'm single and 36. I got the benefit of living in the moment, and hoping guy i was with would see me as irreplaceable. And that I'd find him good enough too. Meanwhile it resulted in a lot of hurt, and not a lot of time for meeting a wide variety of people.

[@cathiebobble]

This is the problem my ex had, he broke up with me the other day and said he didn't see a future with me instead of just trying to enjoy the relationship in the moment and getting to that potentially in the future.

[@markt2398]

This is great. I've always felt that forcing long term love in exchange for security is a losing battle.

[@ttv_phalanx]

Oh why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here

[@pedroprovan4046]

i don't even like this video but i agree with the premise "love doesn't need to be eternal/long-term to be intense" which 80% of the comment section completely missed. cheers.

[@Wlof25]

"intense" for what reasons?

[@acamapichtli.raul.suppachok]

this video drastically changed my life for the better. It´s a very Buddhist approach to relationships. Healthiest way.

[@marianna1513]

I divorced my ex-husband after being together for 11 years. We were highschool sweethearts, and he was my first everything. We are 31 now. We don't hate eachother. We're not bitter it didn't last forever. We were together, we made a family and at the end we fell out of love. We can have conversation and be ok friends. We co parent, and people can't understand how we don't hate each other. Specially questioning me, since he is the one who cheated multiple tiems. But I don't hate him because I came to the realization that, none of us are perfect! That we can coexist with eachother, if we just saw that no one is perfect, and that we all make mistakes. I don't hate him, for me! because hating is such a strong and stressful feeling, and I won't allow no one take a hold of me like that. I still believe in love, so only God knows where the current relationship I'm in will go 😊. I also think the fact that my ex-husband cheated on me with men, made it easier, (in a way) for me to be at peace with the divorce. No woman wants to stay with a man who cheats with another woman, so with a man it makes it more challenging.

[@jdasign]

Marianna P thank you so much for sharing Marianna. God is love and the world will never understand how it is that we are to always choose love over hate.

[@nunyanunya6398]

you MIGHT be a shitty wife..just sayin..

[@PC.NickRowan]

Tbf, it doesn't surprise me that people are surprised you don't hate him. After all, he is someone who married you, had children with you, cheated on you with men, because he was presumably a closeted homosexual. Cheating is bad as it is, but to deceive someone for 11+ years and have a child and marriage with them, is pretty darn cruel and malicious.

[@sandramaar7585]

@@nunyanunya6398 she was not a shitty wife, she just didn't have a cock.

[@sandramaar7585]

@lauren kane if you think no man has ever cheated on you you're a deluded narcissist.

[@LostinSpacetime]

I am in a relationship for over 15 years now and the relationship evolved to be what it is today. With constant evolution comes a depth and intimacy that I cannot imagine happening in a short term relationship. While I think this is a precious experience, I also think there are so many ways to live and so much to discover in this life.

[@ReadySetRobot]

"Attracting forces come and go. It is the way of the universe" - Adventure Time

[@thsunkid]

Thanks!

[@xexious2]

the idea is that the person can only stand to be with you for a few months and then they leave you, that's why short term relationships can feel hurtful. Besides, whether you want to argue that we are being brainwashed or not, our feelings are doing the talking here and we can't control them, we can deal with them in a stoic way but we can't control when they appear, so when you say we should think blah blah blah, that doesn't really change the feeling of being hurt when someone leaves you.

[@LuvMiwrite]

All of this

[@roxyrosemckagan]

I keep telling myself this, that our memories will always be beautiful to me, and I was lucky to have spent 6 months with him, but that doesn't help the ache I feel in my chest for the fact that the love of my life doesn't see a future with me. I don't know how to be friends with him, but I want to keep him in my life sooooo bad, he's the best person I've ever met, he's the closest a person has ever come to my soul and then he leaves. Can't even be mad, he's got a dream to follow and it's going to take the next few years and all of his devotion, and he of course deserves to be happy.

[@danyipeng-co2wt]

I can feel your sorrow. Hopefully you’ve gone through all this and have a new life

[@sparklycrone]

This is absolutely it right here. I have never been in a relationship in which I felt like I didn't have to sacrifice some serious part of myself at some point to keep the relationship going as it were. When I was younger it would have been so much easier if I'd known that it was okay to let someone who I was in love with go because the relationship had run its course. Instead of continuing to stay with someone who's worldview's lifestyle and goals were utterly incompatible with mine. It took a minute after we broke up but we are now good friends and I learned so much from that relationship I am genuinely better for it. I'm now in a place where I don't force myself to stay or try to coerce other people to stay. When it's done it's done.

[@davidvoigt4575]

"Our interesting and generous sides may need in order to emerge our own bedroom and bathroom, quite a few hours to ourselves, some space to read and think and a series of meal times alone starring rather blankly at the window without having to explain how we feel" The definition of me.

[@boblouali11]

I actually find this video really comforting. It remind me that even though some of my relationships might be short they held value none the less. That the love I felt for that person still counts even if it was only for a little while.

[@roballen2115]

There is a theme amongst several of the videos which are anti long-term love, anti marriage and largely although not explicitly anti procreation. Having children is undeniably selfish and marriage is tough and requires work and care and personal growth and development but all of those are things I believe are healthy for an individual anyway. I believe being a husband and a father has made me question aspects of myself, work to improve areas and as a consequence move towards being a better person.

[@danyjr]

Intelligent words Rob. Do you think it would have been possible to grow and improve yourself without having married and become a father?

[@claireo1057]

allowing your partner and yourself freedom and respecting that freedom is probably the best way to sho your love.

[@annabeutlin2958]

This video changed my perspective on relationships 7 years ago. I am very grateful! Now I life and love freely and feel well connected. Thank you!

[@robbwillz]

I can not begin to express my gratitude to this channel . This video in particular really resonates with my current situation with my family

[@MagisterialVoyager]

I just left a short-term relationship that means a lot to me but won't work in the long term anyway. Shoutout to him, he's been the best person in my almost three decades life. I hope he finds his happiness.

[@Dantick09]

I for one am very intimidated by people who have had lots or "short term love"

[@onatone]

You should ask yourself why and focus on the emotions those thoughts produce. And understand maybe it's not the people who have short term relationships you are intimidated by but yourself.

[@john10661492]

The word 'maybe' was used. It wasn't a blanket, definite statement but an invitation to self-investigate. Just my opinion. I found this video helpful regarding getting over a 'player'. I wish now I'd been less intimidated, by her behavior and my own fears about it!

[@NotALizardPerson81]

For me if the person is a serial dater it can gross me out thinking of all the people that have been in there before me. Imagine rubbing your dick on a toilet at a truck stop but unlike that toilet a vagina is like a disease incubator. all warm and moist.

[@differous01]

+Dabtick09 ~ Some people feel they "failed because their relationships have lasted ONLY 32 years" (0:35ff). This intimidates you?

[@rachelelizabeth1716]

I feel like the discussion on this comment is completely irrelevant to what was trying to be begun as a discussion. I found it amusing though. Especially the toilet bowl dick thing. I was like what does this even have to do with anything. Lmao

[@kauredo]

I always say "I'll love you forever, I just don't know how long forever is" and I mean it. I've had 3 forevers, and I loved every single one of them, and it ended. Some I broke off, others they did. And I look back fondly at every one of them. But life goes on. Now I'm looking for my next forever

[@return2innocence221]

Short term love can be a beautiful thing as there are no expectations and so we are free to really be ourselves and live in the moment 🗝️ xxxxxxxxxxx

[@felixlagemann8109]

The thing is that some of us build up what you could call a family empire. We get kids together, buy real estate together, integrate into a network of friends, colleagues, church together. At some point in time your bond with someone become to some extent the foundation of another generation to fall back on. The School of Life is very good at putting the individuals mind at ease, but sometimes too focused on exactly that, the individual.

[@christopheuhlin7309]

When my last relationship ended I was of course sad but it also dawned on me that relationships have a "shelf life ' and a "best before''date.

[@sanekabc]

One look, one smile. That is the shortest loving relationship. A friend called it moment love.

[@elenaalex4588]

I love the fact that the animation keepd changing from video to video. Am I the only one to apreciate that a lot?

[@lorenmark]

Lots of wisdom here. The pleasure of a connection is in the moment. We like to fool ourself and think we can predict our lives for the next month or year, but truth is, it can be taken in a heart beat. Appreciate what is now, and don’t put pressure or expectations on what tomorrow might or might not bring.

[@AchPhoenix]

this made me slightly depressed

[@suhseal]

same. :)

[@dogspookedbytheair3061]

I find the greatest love in nature.

[@dinosaur4714]

This isn't for everyone, it's just to let the people who don't want to be in a relationship forever know that what they are feeling is understandable and it defends how they feel.

[@pizzadesushi0000]

same

[@herbertwilliam3348]

why?

[@williamcecil5280]

I pledge for long term relationships- It can be regarded as BEST PRACTICE with RESPONSIBILITIES from both parts!There is no such bollocks as ''short-term love''!!!!!

[@LinkEX]

I'm generally in favor of long term relationships as well, given that the chemistry between the two involved was the right one to begin with. I think there can be such a thing as "short-term love", however. People change. And change in one of both partners can be enough to disrupt that love. Also, the video might have been a kind of euphemism for attempts at long term relationships where the partners noticed that they aren't made for each other after all, yet want to depart with as little pain for either side as possible.

[@katjerouac]

true, but then they have their video on how to break up and not have it be as painful I guess. because of course even a long term relationship isn't everlasting if we got anything from this video.

[@basedretard844]

Yes. SHort Term love is what animals do. This is simply Marxist ideology to destroy relationships and pair bonding,

[@williamcecil5280]

Agreed.

[@LinkEX]

William Cecil Which of the three replies does your agreement refer to, though?

[@Run.Ran.Run1]

a meaningful relationship does not have to last for ever.

[@AprilSunshine]

Short term love is good for one thing: practicing and learning to be better so you can score that long term love.

[@CherryBombBuzz]

I believe that, saying that it is not kind to propose marriage to a person in love, is extreme.

[@TheSlimmshadyy]

Yeah it is like the makers of the video imposing their personal opinions as ultimate truth.

[@marajoyrosolify]

These videos make it seem like marriage is something awful and an overall negative experience.

[@annalapanda7676]

@@TheSlimmshadyy when you think about it, philosophy and anything else relating to human behaviours, thoughts, and feelings is opinion coupled with facts. Proposals are subscribed to and shared, like the probably personal opinions of the narrator/author based on the observed reality, and the philosophy of, say, Aristotle.

[@ghnunes]

Just out of a 3 months relationship. It sucks but it doesn’t hurt. Every weekend we spent together we had a great time in and out of bed and we had (and have) a lot of commonalities. Going in, we knew the timing wasn’t right and neither one of us were ready for a long-term due to past history and our geographical distance at the end of 3 months. In the end, I feel more confident about what I need to ask from a partner and what I’m willing to concede and we both believe that we made a very fun and caring lasting friendship.

[@spicymango92]

I met a beautiful man while I was living in the United States. We had come from such similar stories that it felt like we knew each other so thoroughly even though we only met each other a year or so before we started dating. I had been building my professional life, and I let him know that 2018 was the year I was going to take off to South Korea to teach English. It felt like two polarizing dreams of mine were cruelly materializing at the same time. So I was honest from the beginning. I told him I didn’t know about tomorrow. I lost a good friend of mine to a heart attack a few years back, and I’ve valued the present moment quite a bit differently since that happened. I told this incredible man that the most important thing to me right now was to be with him. Things fell into place so perfectly. I still can’t believe how magical everything felt. We first kissed beneath the stars one night last December, by my favorite bridge. I’d never felt each sense go figuratively blind all at once. It was the most beautiful kiss I’d ever had. It makes me want to cry lol. Anyway, we both understood that life would separate us in time. The threads of our lives crossed so beautifully in those moments, but our goals were so different. We could have made adjustments to fit into each other’s futures better, but this idea of short-term love... We loved each other enough to let the other go. It was really, REALLY hard for me. Watching videos like this helps the bad days feel better. I still think about when we first met and how his hair felt between my fingers. How his smile paralyzed the illusion that true love lasts forever. I wish it could have lasted forever. But I’ve been building this life to bring me where I am right now. I’m here! I’m finally pursuing a career that fulfills my personal goals. And I still have bad days, but I know we’ll both find people who fit better. In the meantime, I’m here to testify that loving somebody short-term has taught me more about how to love than any other relationship I’ve attempted before. And I’m here to thank School of Life once again for making videos. I feel nourished again :)

[@frewtlewps1152]

This is such an inspiring story, thank you for sharing! I’ve been stressed a lot about whether or not a relationship that I believe cannot last because of the different paths the two lovers seem to be on is true love. It is true love and we can learn a lot about one another through this experience. I want to appreciate every moment I have with her.

[@traumtanzerin3134]

I'm currently in a relationship with an amazing guy I met on exchange and we are going to break up in six days when he is going back to his home country, thousand kilometers away from mine. He was my firt kiss, my first love and we spent a beautiful beautiful time together even though it was only a few months.This video makes me appreciate it even more, so thank you :).

[@Rodoadrenalina]

The point is that you can't know how much love will last, and at the end you end up hurt or hurting anyway.

[@lucidexistance1]

I did this once, a girl who was in the U.S. for the summer working in yellowstone. She was engaged back home, and agreed to be in a relationship with me while in the U.S. What neither of us was expecting was how hard we fell for each other. Especially her, having experienced life with me (At the time I was quite the carefree type) then having to go home to constant studying then 5 years of working and a pretty much arranged marriage more for her family's business. She sent me a letter a few months after returning home saying she can't talk with me anymore, that her life has become too difficult in comparison to how she lived with me. She said she would never forget me and I certainly will never forget her. But at least the whole experience was magical and maybe because we both knew it had to end was part of why. But I still think of her and it's been nearly 10 years. I did track her down once a few years after, she answered and I panicked and hung up. I've been regretting that ever since, but then again. What would I be able to accomplish besides maybe more heart break?

[@MsTree13]

LOL! Such silliness. I LOVED being married. The good, the bad and sometimes even the ugly. I highly recommend falling in love and getting married.then just do your best.

[@nokronis]

Some of the best relationships are short term. As long as the two of you communicate and commit to it being more than likely a short stint into the realm of romantic fantasy it's very rewarding. You know that it will end, but it's impermanence only adds to its beauty in a strange way.

[@lorenafarias5332]

Excellent! I think this is mainly due to the Christian view that marriages should last forever, and also in most stories the famous "happily after after" that we never get to see!

[@wms72]

Blue Freedom The Christian view is the natural view. Our hearts were made to love the same person forever. Would you advocate putting a child with different parents every year? Same thing.

[@chrisgewirtz5875]

Without this praise, we look for marriage in everyone, but never true friendship, I think. With this praise we can invite in spontaneity, and the critical question "might I be better off alone?". With this insight, I feel so much less afraid to start, because I'm always telling myself that if a relationship can't carry me to death, it's not worth it. Thank you.

[@sleepyote]

I'm still salty over a bad relationship and break up, and this made me feel better. Thank you~

[@safwanshow]

In relationships, do not take anyone for granted.

[@peponwi]

Damn, I'm pretty sure I've dated that fish.

[@charlita25]

peponwi 🤣😂 lol

[@delancyj67]

I immediately rejected the premise of this video due to culture and education. Yet, I know that certain sections describe how I feel perfectly. I know that more than 15 hours of continuous contact with any one person makes me cranky and snide, and that I am at my best (charming, funny, kind) with others the more time I spend by myself. Marriage/Living together does not have to be the culmination of a successful relationship. Thanks School of Life for the insight.

[@TheKBDestiny]

I can see how these types of relationships can make one resilient and stronger.... I've been through one and it emotionally blows. But I still want a long term relationship and well I guess the experience will help me be more specific about what I really want in my ideal relationship.

[@artwonnowtra1987]

I like this person so much for so many reasons... she is mature and very aware and conscious can concentrate with no issue. She is smart and beautiful and is out outspoken and easy to get along with and well i feel i love her so much that at the point of finishing this sentence i have gotten very emotional but its been about a year now coming up on our birth days and well we are making it known to each other thats its over...the problem is that the problem was I... i behaved the total opposite to her claiming that im other wise affection many things in the relationship... i dont know why i feel and behave the way I do with her... i feel literally crazy for her love but I have also not when in 100% right

[@jessiefreeman3095]

No one talks about how globalization is impacting relationships. People are trying to have the kinds of long term fulfilling relationships that were born of real communities and the values those communities maintained. This doesn't work when the character lessons the community would have taught you aren't learned...instead they are learned, today, thought the mistakes and endings of many relationships...for better or worse. We live in the age of a short attention span and weak human bonds. Relationship patterns reflect this.

[@adrijadasgupta2779]

I've never been in a long term relationship till now. My shortest relationship was for four days,then we broke up and started as friends, a few months later we discovered we still wanted to be with each other, we got back and stayed for a month this time but things didn't work out... We broke up again, after that I dated another guy but broke up for some reasons. I was still in touch regularly with the first guy and slowly I realized I love him a lot more than I thought, I felt madly in love with him but as a relationship it didn't work out, and he said that he doesn't really feel strongly in a romantic way for me. He started dating another girl.. it was hard for me to watch so I cut off all ties with him. It's been four months and I still stalk him or talk to him sometimes, and he's extremely happy with his life now , I see that he's finally found his happiness. I don't really want to share my life with him because I know that we aren't really compatible as couple but the feeling of love which I experienced for the first time just said that "if you love someone, let them go".

[@melissaCgreenwood]

This idea we have of monogamy is slightly skewed. We, as a species, are obsessed with a permanent, long term relationship when really we are more the "serial monogamist" types and that's ok. I can see how this mentality could ultimately benefit offspring but it's at detriment of our personal life and inner turmoil.

[@maxinator2869]

Ok... this fucking deep and even emotional for me... There is so much shit going on inside you when you realize you are not "an eternity person". You really get the feeling something is wrong with you. Thank you for this video. I deeply appreciate it.

[@choke_the_woke1179]

been saying the same thing to everyone for years but most ppl still find it hard to cope with such ideas !

[@wms72]

Deity Slayer Because it's foolish and unnatural.

[@rivaxie7886]

So true to the essence. If you know a relationship is not gonna last forever, better leave it at its prime time, the turning point bf it's going downhill

[@saurabhsswami]

Probably one of the best and boldest of your videos till date. The comment section here is full of pathetic relationship advice to make relationships longer. You're missing the whole point of the video.

[@ivanaandrijevic7252]

Exactly!! I love this video.

[@fiarunfair]

awww i usually consider this principle whenever a relationship or "perfect" situation ends. it hurts but you tend to love the feeling and affection it once provided that you look forward on probably finding it to someone else.

[@francescorossi7582]

So true and insightful, thank you. Your ideas are really helping me out.

[@northern_lights4954]

Totally understand. Love in the moment! It feels great!

[@FrisbeeGirl]

Why no consideration for the relationships that ebb and flow? This feels very all or nothing and shortsighted as a mature adult. Why so negative regarding fluid long term relationships?

[@mrcadej]

That's what I was thinking

[@FrisbeeGirl]

I really appreciate your response. Thank you! I do feel that the tone of this anti-long term video as opposed to presenting a range of options does not take into consideration all of the options. Maybe it's just my personality, but some of my closest friends / partners are people that I can go months without speaking with, but with whom I maintain a deep sense of intimacy. I just don't think it has to be one or the other. I do think that lives change and people evolve. I feel as though the bigger person accepts that this is the beauty of this thing called "life."

[@doggo4918]

Where in the video is he negative regarding fluid long term relationship? Seems to me he's talking positively about short term relationships, not bad about the long term ones. feels like your comment is more all or nothing than the video really

[@FrisbeeGirl]

In the first 20 seconds.

[@FrisbeeGirl]

I never said he bashes anything, just that there doesn't seem to be given equal consideration to different possibilities. It still feels very all or nothing which is great for some people but not the only option. And for many of us eternal is not the only option, but having the maturity and ability to describe what true love is doesn't have to be all in or no game. Many people can have compassionate and loving relationships that are fluid.

[@Papayalexius]

Wow. That hit home. I went myself often through very hard conversations because of this.

[@angelicachung2828]

I go in short-term relationship for temporary company, and only because I'm sure that I won't fall in love with him.

[@hdrevolution123]

You speak with such immense coherence and clarity that I am truly in awe! Keep up the good work, sir

[@mariabumby]

In fanfic verse: not all ships are destined for the forever domestic AU, and that's ok, we should allow a wealth of endings

[@audychan96]

As someone who values her own personal life and identity while still appreciates the idea of loving someone else, the message or this video is true for me. Often times I'm torn between committing to myself or to a relationship. Both have their own merits, but then I thought, why not both? Just because something is short-lived doesn't mean it wasn't real, sincere and beautiful while it lasted. The less you put an expectation out of something, the more you appreciate it for what it is at the moment.

[@gumcannon]

It's really a shame that some interpretations of the video are warping the idea of "short term love" to fit anything short term like a hook-ups, and flings, and whatever else. Long term relationships have their value, and if you're in one nobody is trying to take that from you, but there are some solid points to consider in this video that (as the title states) are reasons to praise Short-term ones, and why as a society, maybe we shouldn't be so quick to deem all break-ups as a "failure".

[@Micsma]

This one made so much sense. It's the if you love them let them go part. Now I'm actually all warm and fuzzy.

[@thetobe49]

“If you have reasons to love someone, you don’t love them.” ― Slavoj Žižek

[@randytorero1516]

Finally, now just, if need be, force the world to listen to this.

[@katiekat4457]

While I think that this could lead to an amazing relationship the problem I would have is that I wouldn't be able to put my full heart into the relationship knowing it was short term. Since it wouldn't be full hearted then I wouldn't experience those great benefits of a wonderful carefree relationship. So for me it is an impossibility to achieve.

[@albertmarkish]

This is so true! For most of my life, "having an affair" was something negative and obviously not for me. Once I met a beautiful woman and we have spent a few wonderful months just going out, travelling and spending unforgettable nights together. She ended it suddenly and very unexpectedly for me and only years later I came to realize what a beautiful story it might have been...

[@Blahidontcare11]

What about people who are doomed to never have any kind of relationship at all?

[@InsGovful]

yes

[@Dantick09]

Ever heard the "you are fated to find the one"? We are on the other side of that coin :(

[@SynergyCeleste]

Well you have to be OK with that, be happy with yourself and not expect anyone to come along. Chances are that if you are 40, it probably won't happen and the odds get even worse if you are 50-60. Although some people find love in their 70's, it takes more effort than it's worth.

[@Blahidontcare11]

SynergyCeleste Humans are social animals. Without social interaction we go insane. It's not enough to say just be okay with being alone. Living in isolation is torment, but we don't get a choice.

[@SynergyCeleste]

Blahidontcare11 That's right, we don't get a choice, we can't force people (the right people) to hang out with us. Yes we are social animals but if you have nothing but bad experiences or abuse, then we must carry on alone.

[@natureshorts6657]

"Some people won't be able to shine in the conditions of long term love." REALLY resonates with me. I do very well early on or in casual relationships, but I never do well in serious long term relationships. It's just something I'm not made for. People wonder why I'm single all the time and it's because I've learned that serious relationships just don't work for me and aren't fair to the other person, so I refrain.

[@benm9396]

It's my birthday! 18th, use probably don't care but I'm sharing anyway!

[@Undergalaxy]

Happy Birthday.

[@KultrunAus]

along with millions of other peope

[@Mehdz03]

Use is not a word when referring to people. Happy birthday

[@Elven.]

Happy Birthday Ben!!

[@traptngraematter143]

happy birthday

[@thefirespectrum]

I just had to end a new relationship that was going exceptionally well to take my dream job across the country. This made me feel so much better about it.

[@benkelly9295]

NOW WAIT... NO One is saying anything about 1:18 ?

[@joshwi4193]

They both have really big clocks.

[@salimalbitar]

minus the ؟l? :P

[@nathankaras7245]

one has painful knots in their back, which produce an expression from her that is a fetish of the male ticker

[@curiousSOUL22]

lol I noticed that and enjoyed that heheh

[@theruthmyster]

😂😂😂 I didn’t notice

[@markh4926]

Had a short term love between marriages. She was fun and when she decided to end it there was no problem. We could still be around each other without guilt, shame, hatred or any other negative emotion. I would have held on for a while but I knew before it started that it would end in the short term...she was a single mom and more concerned for her child.

[@EmptyKingdoms]

I do not believe one that has really dwelled in these things may agree with what is exposed in the video. One thing is a relationship with a space for each one, which some couples need (most) and some not really, because they can work around. Another thing is "short-term love", an expression that makes no sense at all because love is a construct, a building that is itself built overtime from loyalty, confidence, trust, shared experiences, etc. I pretty much enjoyed some other videos and I cannot say this one was not helpful either, because I am learning quite a lot from some stuff I just went through. But I believe the word "love" is very ill suited for the task. Passion? Most probably, or having the hots for someone; yet certainly not love. As love is a structure co-authored by two, it cannot be short lived. And being a structure it is perfectible, therefore demanding more time to get more and more right on its tracks. It's about effort and change and good will, etc. etc. I'd go as far as to say this video (partly) contradicts the first one (Pessimism for Lovers). Just my 702¢

[@noemilicitra2587]

EmptyKingdoms i agree! I partly like what's expressed in the clip, maybe with my own interpretation: to let our partners free, leave space and don't be constrained by society's expectations, but surely not in this view of a short-term relationship. One can love without seeing eachother/getting messages or calls everyday, maybe that's the interpretation which i find myself more comfortable with in my actual situation.Maybe, i'd rather said, living a long-term relationship or whatever it is, with the mentality of what they see here as a short-term one.. sorry for my poor english

[@a.l.4720]

you define love like a work project according to me

[@raymemichaels]

Fantastic video! I really loved this one! People are so preoccupied with trying to make things permanent, as if death isn’t always looming overhead to one day put a stop to anything and everything.

[@12321dantheman]

when you have this many people disagreeing with you, you know you're onto something. gj.

[@semolinapilchard2555]

all you teach, and hope everyone can do is... simply... seeing the positive / bright side of everything, am i right ? doesn't matter, thanks a lot Mr. Botton, u r a bless

[@reynal_omnicide9217]

Lower the volume of your sound effects. It washes away my train of thought and attention spam.

[@whatithoughtyouwere]

By far my favourite video on here