Alain de Botton on Sex

[@dem8568]

"Sex symbolically cleanses us." Probably the most beautiful statement about sex I've ever heard.

[@humanrays]

You ain't heard nothing yet. Read Francesco Alberoni.

[@dem8568]

+accidentalprotégé That I will.

[@comicalcharactervoices8249]

Demian Koller that must be the stupidest thing ever! I cleanse myself in the shower before I fuck for pleasure. Six symbolically pleasures me! The shower symbolically cleanses me! It's almost as if you and he has never been laid. This talk was a pile of crap. Sex symbolically cleanses us?!?!??!? WTF?!?

[@jacobhenry2785]

What r we waiting for? Let's all get down & dirty to cleanse 🤔

[@rea-lb6bu]

it can also make you irretrievably filthy when with a terribly wrong person

[@sms2612]

does this man not just have the most perfect voice and intonation in the world!

[@Lwoods1717]

Sm S that's what it is. I was wondering why I can listen to him talk for hours when I generally can't stand talks.

[@alisyr5128]

I feel deeply envious .... :(

[@soninChina]

Sm S yes!! I could listen to him reciting a recipe!!

[@nobody-bb4di]

Absolutely.

[@at5286]

Ali Syr lol voice lessons are your friend ;)

[@OMIMreacts]

This might even be the best talk I ever heard about sex, because he talks so openly about it, while still being extremely informative and even quite funny.

[@realnigga7107]

Think about how uncomfortable it would if there was no humor In this talk

[@taglemec7798]

uncomfortable talkin sex ? hell no !

[@02121948]

One of the most intelligent persons in the world !

[@grannysb.s.4209]

Word.

[@nkinyori]

I KNOW RIGHT!

[@MargauxMachek]

Didn't know till now Alain is the voice of the school of life!

[@elenagruber5953]

oh my god, what

[@prancerboo5201]

Brah who didn't knew

[@grannysb.s.4209]

@@elenagruber5953 That's what I said. Lol

[@grannysb.s.4209]

@@prancerboo5201 Uh, me

[@1356071]

WHOA wtf

[@milliemogudala9982]

Can we AGREE this man needs to start a podcast ASAP?

[@mariaayala5632]

He literally has 500+ videos on the school of life,

[@shepberryhill4912]

She says, commenting on one of his podcasts.....

[@dorothydolan3813]

He’s on one with Elizabeth Day

[@lilhax7971]

Millie you turn me on 😆

[@bolivar1789]

After reading Alain's excellent book, you'll definitely feel yourself less weird and less lonely for the rest of your life. Just to give you an idea, here is a very beautiful and consoling passage from it. I thought it was wonderful to read someone mentioning " values" in a book about sex: "Our culture encourages us to acknowledge very little of who we normally are in the act of sex. It seems as if it might be a purely physical process, without any psychological importance. But as we have seen, what happens in lovemaking is closely bound up with some of our most central ambitions. The act of sex plays out through the rubbing together of organs, but our excitement is no boorish physiological reaction; rather, it is an ecstasy we feel at encountering someone who may be able to put to rest certain of our greatest fears, and with whom we may hope to build a shared life based upon common values. "

[@pamelamccrory3597]

Lua Veli Remembering my husband... yes , that is a truth , simply and well spoken. Then...more thoughts. It becomes complicated. But that is life. Relationships change and mold us, if we will learn from each other . Oh but we will !

[@comicalcharactervoices8249]

Lua Veli yeah that's about as insightful as my last trip to the toilet.

[@bolivar1789]

+Comical character voices I am deeply impressed by the civility of your comment.

[@pamelamccrory3597]

sammy2629. He is a phone call away. Why do you ask? We were married for 19 yrs from 72 till 93. Here it is 2017. We became much better friends after the divorce when I fell into alcohol and off my high horse. He never did condemn me. We both have that issue handled today by GODS grace. But it's always one day at a time...

[@ninjabreadgirl]

In a way that is also a very heartbreaking passage, because having allowed myself to be persuaded to get into bed with another person, he then rejected me right after. I gave myself to him, utterly and wholly, and it meant nothing either because I wasn't good enough or because I was just another tick on his smash list. He promised love and just used me.

[@isabellapreston5101]

"The problem with sex is that we often use it not to think about stuff that's quite painful."

[@marlagrey3036]

It’s not just his voice; it’s his common sense philosophy on everything, coupled with a sense of humor, that makes everyone feel like they’re okay, just the way they are.

[@theartistscorner689]

I've heard "the voice" for so long that it's strange to see it come out of a physical person.

[@gabrielborjas7923]

It's so weird

[@李尚宇-x6l]

🤣

[@musicdroid1]

Where? Does he have a podcast or something?

[@Mattomo]

Sealutions watch the school of life channel on youtube and u will know

[@Onesmo]

same.

[@007Anukul]

Man this explains why mother-in-law and daughter-in-laws are not exactly friends. Because they are exactly the opposite.

[@fedorilitchev5092]

That's funny... I've often heard the opposite theory - "you marry your mother".

[@SviraSvi]

@@fedorilitchev5092 Yeah. I think it depends on whether the relationship with the mother was good or bad :)

[@Germatti13489]

@@SviraSvi yes

[@raskarjr]

damn bruh

[@NomfundoV8]

That's absolutely true

[@imprensasintrasem1175]

I just heard him talk for a full hour and it wasn't even close to "enough for today". What a soothing, humorous and deeply analytical man.

[@Soulhealingenergy]

I am so blown away and grateful that Alain is bringing these vital concepts of human behavior to the public. Thank you !!!

[@clairbrulee6784]

This guy is what Vision wants to become when he grows up.

[@ericcopenhaver]

Ironic, as Betany is the older of the two. Seek out his earlier works, especially Brave Knight. You may enjoy it very much. Cheers!

[@clairbrulee6784]

@@ericcopenhaver Vision isn't ;) Will do though, thanks!

[@ericcopenhaver]

@@clairbrulee6784 that was sly. Well played. :)

[@SonjaDawn]

I fell upon Alain today, I have or say I agree with most of what he says in his videos, except when he said in a video about marrying the wrong person that if you love yourself, you will be able to love others. I love myself, I have worked very hard to get to where I am, the problem is finding another person who also loves themselves, truly and genuinely loves themselves. There aren't many people who do unfortunately.

[@balahatun]

Completely agree with you

[@svilenaninetta9838]

Over here ..🖐 one more person as you are. I agree with you . I love myself but i end up with someone who doesn't love himself.

[@freshdumpling]

Agreed

[@antonyesther6892]

Get in touch please

[@relhage100]

This man's research and approach on Sex surpasses and transcends that of entire civilisations, religions and traditions preceding this century.

[@gavintoohey6604]

I would actually like some of the sources he based his arguments on, namely the ones on how symmetry is a turn on and how us being a part of a large society that isolates people makes us find aspects of Sex sexy.

[@thesouluniversal]

I thought the symmetry thing had been debunked... think of Cameron Diaz in The Mask, there are a number of famous women who are considered very attractive who dont have symmetrical faces, it may be that theyre less photogenic front on as the lack of symmetry becomes more obvious, idk

[@rosachillari3403]

wx

[@Slechy_Lesh]

Don't let that stop you talking to people about stuff like this, considering all sorts of things deeply and coming to your own conclusions.

[@comicalcharactervoices8249]

Rage A yeah and his actual experiences are zero!

[@lisilein2]

Great talk. One small critique is that he did not underline enough that what he presents is a more male view of sexuality (of course since it is influenced by his own point of view) and that the section about censorship might get easily misunderstood or interpreted in lot's of very diverging ways. But again, I really loved most of the insights he gave.

[@kellieb23]

Bruh

[@elonever.2.071]

Then Feminists should preface 'toxic masculinity' as a 'more lesianesque view on sexuality'.

[@elibennett3034]

I came here to say similar. The burka/bikini bit just seemed so utterly dismissive of men as sexual objects, and framed a compulsory garb worn under pain of injury and death with sunbathing in a bikini without a breath towards the glaring difference in power dynamics. It seemed out of place in a sea of excellent talks, so I imagine the inference was not implied, but it did stand out to me.

[@amankaur7270]

I had same analysis

[@tnntlmmn277]

it was clear, you're making it weird.

[@NicoleSole]

As an individual on the asexual spectrum, I would love to hear Alain's views on asexuality. I do really appreciate his observation about how these strange intimate acts can "turn us on" because it resembles acceptance ie: kissing, and the vulnerability associated with it. And how these acts could be looked at as revolting if done with a person we have none of these feelings with (I can definitely relate to this) However, in this video he is speaking as if levels of sexuality and desire are not on a (wider) spectrum. Does he think a partnered relationship without the intimacy of sex (or romanticism) intertwined into the love of it all, is possible? Is there room in his philosophy about how partnered relationships can still thrive with intimacy, WITHOUT it being sexual (or romantic, even)? There are many of us out there that do not share the notion that sex will/can symbolically cleanse us, or is something we can use to fulfil unmet childhood needs, as we may not desire it, or do not experience sexual attraction to a person. There are many of us out there that might feel ostracized because if you could put a camera in our minds, sex might be the last thing you see - and inhabiting a society that tells us we ALL have an innate desire for and obsession with sex, makes us feel broken. This ISN'T coming from a feeling of criticism, but a GENUINE feeling of curiosity on his perspective. I have loved and listened to his talks on love, emotional journeys, and relationships for years and really appreciate his philosophies!

[@someone4379]

I agree w you

[@c.brandt3607]

I am glad you posted this statement and the questions you rose. I completely agree with you. I would even go so far to say that sex is totally overrated nowadays.

[@maggiexhelen]

YES!

[@NicoleSole]

@@c.brandt3607 I think we are SO inundated with sex in our society that it's so difficult for each individual, especially when we are in our developing/younger stages, to determine if we truly are obsessed with sex and really want sex, or if we are just brainwashed into this one-size-fits all idea about our desires and attractions. I wish there were more educators saying to younger individuals especially "Yes, ALOT of people think this way, but it is okay if you don't. You are not broken just because you think differently." Sexual desire is on a spectrum; whether it's HIGH or LOW/NONE, nobody should be made to feel like the odd person out or "the other".

[@tnntlmmn277]

@@c.brandt3607 evolution would say otherwise. there's nothing better than intimate sex with someone you click with. emotionless sex, one night stands, are overrated.

[@FlottisPar]

de Botton is like a male version of Mary Roach. Very charming, light-hearted and shameless, with a little grain of tounge-in-cheek. Absolutely lovely!

[@thinkmackay8954]

Don't forget to mention his intelligence.

[@ameliar6374]

Pargahl omfg at first I thought you were referring to that crazy American idol auditioner

[@smallsignals]

Yes, he turns me on. Probably because my parents weren’t overly bright. Intellig4nce is the biggest turn on for me. #SapioLife

[@bryankristercaranto4039]

“Sex comes along and fills a vacuum.” One of the best comments I’ve heard of sex.

[@smabtsh8333]

Pure genius!! Not only is it true, he has the ability to express how we all are as a human beings. Outstanding. I’ve already watched many of his teachings & lectures and each one more eye opening then the next. Brilliant.

[@grannysb.s.4209]

I was going to automatically blow this video off. So, glad that I didn't because it turned out to be one of the best talks I've heard on ANY subject in 60. The speaker was everything and, then some. Engaging, witty, articulate and incredibly insightful. Thanks so much.

[@gloomyliar]

The school of life has been life changing for me and I want to start watching them from the beginning

[@togepi5929]

I love Alain so much. I can feel how we talk and think very similarly about things. Granted, I'm a 15 year old German gal, but I just like the thought of someone similar to me being so intelligent and loved by a lot of people. He's kind of a role model, to be honest. Not quite, but watching his videos really gives me strength.

[@rimbouayad3157]

He is the kind of speaker that I could listen to all day long, thank you Alain!

[@deepasinghal4729]

Great insights! 1. Sex is considered a taboo and thus is more fun to do. When our "taboo" ways of sex play are accepted by our accomplice, that's when people have fun playing it. 2. We choose those face+traits from face reading, depending on the kind of life we had AND a diversion we fantasy to have, opposite to the kind of experiences we've had enough of. If we can get these from that face+traits that person has, we choose them. It's not as much about the person being dated or broken up with, as much as it is about ourselves. 3. Decreased sex with long term relationships is completely normal and healthy. It's just a bad notion to expect a 50yr old married couple to have same qty. Of sex as much as a 20yr old for whom it is new and adventure. The quality though improves with age and with same partner but often people get so used to their partners that their minds ignore the usual facial expressions, the body language, the signs, the words of that person. This is not limited to sex. Even a 40yr old ignores their parents they had enough of, but if they are little invested, they can trace contours of the face of their aged parents and find a new mole, a wrinkle, skinbreak, a glowing skin, see happiness or loneliness. People are never the same, we keep evolving, and despite living for 20yrs together, if we care to really SEE and feel our partner and imbibe new traits they developed or gauge how they are feeling at the moment. But, point is - are people wanting to really go that deep with their partners? It's like meditating on a piece of art or gazing the night sky and despite knowing how it is all our lives, we still always see a new brush stroke, a new shade of color, different thoughts that art in our living room evokes, a new sky and new stars coz it keeps changing..fact of life. People aren't any different, rather they are more dynamic. 4. Lot of sex and having explored all variety of sex, only leaves scope for exploring the negative side of sex like violence in sex (BDSM), prostitution role-play. And with that out of question or having fully explored, what is left to explore? Sex becomes a mundane task, as sex with same partner is no more desirable as the desire has been fulfilled. There is no desire, fantasy, novelty physically or psychologically which leads to less sex desire. Less sex is fine if both partners are fulfilled and do not feel expectation of having X no. Of sex per week. But wanting to have sex with newer strangers and zero desire for own partner, then you need to have less sex with partner and go on meditating on them like the sky or piece of art.

[@rebelraccoon9018]

BDSM is not a negative side of sex. It's a mutual experience based on trust and consent.

[@deepasinghal4729]

@@rebelraccoon9018 BDSM is violence in sex. Violence remains negative side of life, even if some people train their minds to like it. Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism and Masochism is based on core concept of receiving/giving pain and humiliation based on power structure using physical and emotional violence of varied degree. Anything which brings pain, is unnatural, is harmful to life, is negative side. BDSM falls on the negative side. It is practised since ancient times (popularised lately by movies), most of the items used are popularly seen in erstwhile torture chambers and dungeons. That does not mean it not practised. That does not mean it is always coerced. Many people derive pleasure in wilful infliction of physical and emotional pain/abuse of self or others (sadists and masochists of varied degree). To each his own.

[@PAJA63]

Not to mention that the dominance play and power exchange is a dynamic that will let the couple experience a wider variety of feelings, a wilder roller-coaster so to speak. It may not be for everyone, but the possible benefits of safe power exchange should not be discarded.

[@starlightwhispers6781]

@@deepasinghal4729 There's always a deeper meaning as to why someone would like to be dominated or dominate, which may not always directly involve a violence mindset

[@kimmetz5948]

Love the deep insights. He also shows care and compassion for his audience.

[@tdesq.2463]

This is one incredibly intelligent man. He actually perfectly articulated, right near the beginning, one view of mine that makes the whole modern dating (hook up culture) so incrediblyl revolting: That physical intimacy with the right person is a beautiful experience, while the very same activity with the wrong person is downright revolting. Thank You, Alain, for that singular bit of validation. Not that I really needed it, but really do appreciate it. You're the only person I've ever heard articulate that precisely as I see it. Excellent Presentation, Good Sir ... from beginning to end! Thank You for sharing!

[@marinarosabarbosa]

I wish I could hear you talking about fear of intimacy. I think I suffer from it. I don't have any problem with sex itself, but I'm terrified about third dates, holding hands, and getting close to someone. Just the thought of it makes my heart beat faster. There isn't much about it on the internet :(

[@di7787]

What Anabela B. says is very correct. I used to have the same issue until a lovely patient man happened to come into my life. I am socially anxious and just the thought of dates makes my stomach turn (while having sex does not!) I was lucky enough to finally find someone serious after 7 years of singleness and some affairs (I got very very used to being single). You know what happened? At first, I was almost trying to pick fights with him as I felt like rejecting his sudden claim of a big chunk of my time (he just came & conquered), BUT, in the end, if it's the right person, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK ! I hadn't had a very long relationship before him and I seem to do quite well and have finally learned to compromise (which I thought I would never be able to). Also, I was secretly anxious that my parents won't *ever* like a partner of mine (and I just hated that they were meddling in my life, like Anabela B said) so I better didn't have one at all lol - in the end, they do like my boyfriend even though he's not the "parents' pet" type

[@thumbprint7150]

I think this rings true; but I would suggest that you don't go to Teal Swan until you have checked on her.

[@priscilladias2310]

Hi Marina! Take a look into attachment styles, particularly the fearful avoidant type. (Just remember that that is not defining who you are, but the dynamic state of your relationship caused by your past experiences and the meaning you assigned to them). This issue has been well studied in the psychology literature. There is a channel on youtube that might help you: Briana MacWilliam. I hope this helps.

[@barbthornell4786]

Actually, I think not automatically trusting your own judgement to be infallible is insightful. Are you sure you are genuinely fearful rather than just cautious?

[@sunnymoodful]

Look at teal swan videos about fear of intimacy

[@johanneslundie]

Brilliant man, brilliant analyses, wonderful dissertaions on topics, all delivered up with an enlightened, precise, and optimistic angle, and spoken in a clear, precise breakdown of the given topic.

[@zLeeeO]

Alain, I have nowhere near the intelligence that you hold but I would love to go to a coffee shop and have a long and captivating talk with you. How about Costa at the Bow Street Mall in Lisburn, Northern Ireland. 7pm today.

[@flayedcrux9777]

+zLeeeO Rejected!

[@alanwatts7608]

+zLeeeO I'm from NI, I'll meet you

[@romyh153]

this was the best laugh i have had since a while

[@jamesdown5064]

AHAHAHHAHAHAHH

[@alinadumitrescu2693]

This is awesome, hahahahha

[@angelawang293]

I want someone to look at me the same way Manet looked at asparagus.

[@philb4462]

OK. Do you fancy going out for a drink some time?

[@emilcioran8873]

That sounds like an impossible challenge

[@susanrichard1653]

@@philb4462 why do find this suggestion offensive? It is admirable to see beauty in simplicity, including disabled individuals.

[@philb4462]

@@susanrichard1653 Why do you think I found it offensive? A lady said she wanted somebody to look at her with the same degree of respect and complexity as Manet looking at asparagus, and I asked her if she wanted to go out with me, the implication being that I be the person who did that. That's flirting, not being offended. I'm very puzzled by your comment.

[@Juubelimies]

@@susanrichard1653 What the hell do you mean?

[@nefelilazaridi7048]

Ah yes the art of getting straight to the topic, love that.

[@workaholic888]

I just feel like he's about to enter the Chamber of Secrets on that stage.

[@thekendu]

Very insightful! One dangerous solution to the problem of "Let's not use sex as a distraction from very necessary internal processes" is jumping into any level of "repression & censorship". Better ways, adjusted to the modern life, involve awareness - especially awareness in spite of day to day stimuli.

[@Andygee1991]

Awareness is pretty vague. Being aware of something is meaningless It's in the practice of restraint where discipline is instilled. You'd call that repression or censorship, if wager.

[@Andygee1991]

*I'd

[@kanikaagarwal6150]

This person is immensely sexy to me, even though I have not the least impulse to ever touch him. There is tremendous clarity in his voice, in his mind and in his world view. This is radical while being entirely relatable

[@heyabshere1776]

Alain is just mesmerising, he enlightens without a smidgen of arrogance his ideas are very interesting, no one compares to this man! He is the dream dinner party guest!

[@jenibfb]

Agree. How I would love to talk to him

[@farhanjaidir2318]

his main point is practice balancing everything in life by being not too extreme towards any side ( this applies to EVERYTHING we do ). a "balance life" may vary from a person to the other, so my suggestion for you is to explore your "middle ground".

[@BradyDale]

Some people also don't have enough sex because they can't find a partner to save their lives, in all fairness.

[@francescocappello9030]

Brady Dale based on what Alain said those people are probably only encountering asymmetrical faces and might not know aesthetic perfection if it came up and hit them in the face. ;-)

[@coweatsman]

Brady Dale Sadly there isn't someone for everyone. There will be leftover men at the bottom and leftover women at the top of the social strata. For many it will be a case of Plan B with their lives.

[@mothman84]

+Brady Dale Of course. That's the elephant in the room in all discussions about sex, I think in no small part because there isn't much to be said about the undesirable. You need to approach a subject from an angle you can work with.

[@jimmyspliff88]

​ coweatsman ​ I'm one of those left overs, I'm literally living almost along side crossing the border of suicide. And with each passing day, I fight a little bit more against fighting this pointless struggle for survival the war, unless I voluntary give up those armed conflicts, to free my mind for I will rest in peace, in one or an other way. After 30 years of being rejected, that seems to be the securest way of "staying alive". That, and my Bible, to remember myself that "thou shall not murder" includes suicide.

[@imthatnggruponthatnag7784]

@@jimmyspliff88 Sorry buddy. Keep your head up.

[@littlekiwi9724]

Being human is made so much richer by Alain and The School of Life. Many thanks

[@emalinel]

As someone who's in the party of having "too little sex", this presentation was eye-opening and extremely liberating. Thank you. I'd love to attend one of your sessions next time :)

[@onemillionpercent]

same here :))

[@kzkzkzkzkz9416]

How can you speak sooo interesting sooo calming sooo well explaining with simple word such hard topics… i love this person he brought to my attention so many topics ive been avoiding

[@ricksarkar6680]

He is absurdly intelligent and such a great public speaker

[@JustnCas3]

I feel as if you talk about things that always bothered you as a kid or as you grew older. Sex, meaning of life, anxiety, depression, self-esteem. It's like this whole channel is your head in a bottle.

[@santiagogodoy2447]

this^^^

[@toomuchinformation]

Spot on.

[@TamagoyakiDog]

Fierce Maggot but these are also things that literally EVERYONE who has a higher level of self awareness does think about. have any of these things ever seemed interesting to you?

[@sta8hs13]

You are right, but Every great artist MUST be "naked". The one's who put their human nature out there without any guilt are the ones who must of us admire.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

Great communicators reveal themselves. This is how they get to people's hearts and intelligence. One can (or rather should) only talk about things they have experienced themselves. Otherwise they are pretenders

[@Ev1LAngeLXIII]

Wow, that was enlightening. Virtually everything he touched on, I could relate too. He summed up everything in my head, that's been going on in my life for the last 20 years...in less than 13 mins.

[@harrythemaori7358]

Such a good speaker. No doubt a toast master or an English equivalent. Well put sir.

[@habibaezzat9815]

I would have liked some male pictures but yeah very nice and intelligent talk

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I guess since he's a man he can't speak for women

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

I thought the same but he is a man after all so he's doing justice to his manliness there without apologies. Great confidence and lightness of delivery of content. A guy is a guy and that's so wonderful! I tell my man "you are such a guy" and he loves it. Obviously I say it to point at positive male traits to encourage them. Such as when he pinches my bottom which I hope he does when we are 90!

[@shedoesconcerts5762]

@@thisisntallowed9560 if he's not speaking about sex universally, the text of his speech needs to be radically changed to reflect that. Or perhaps he should get comfortable with using some male examples because his audience is, in fact, about half female.

[@LSSYLondon]

Depends on the woman... And the man.

[@ranphasan]

So basically according to him what turns us on is on the psychological traits that we are missing or slightly short of.

[@danieladimeglio4183]

This is awesome, I'm so glad I found The School of Life videos on KZbin!

[@ExoticFireGirl]

The Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman example was very interesting to me. I always liked both but felt more stable/safe when looking at Natalee in movies.

[@queenbee7074]

ExoticFireGirl i find scarlett a flirt and dangerous woman and Natalie as a more grounded and wholesome person lol just me

[@hannahmcgowan6429]

...which is odd because she’s terrifying in Black Swan

[@whatareyoulookingat7013]

It was a good lecture to understand what is going on in male brain, unfortunately we can see it everywhere in online

[@kiks399]

Interestingly enough, I've just watched 1972 Bernardo Bertolucci's Last Tango in Paris and while contrasting it with this video, controversy and feminist fiery arguments aside, it is just mind-blowing how much of what Alain says within the first 3 minutes is simply spot on.

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thank you

[@andresdiaz-oliverdelpueblo9118]

I loved it, but what I love even more is his voice. !

[@MonicaGontovnik]

Interesting ideas and talk...but: as a heterosexual female I found your slides and other explanations very much guided by the male gaze.

[@MrOssyMoro]

Yes cause he is a man, so of course is point of view is like that. It would be interesting to have also a more female point of view.

[@CG-uy8dk]

He's male so that makes perfect sense...

[@MsCatwoman111]

Absolutely. Those were my thoughts too.

[@shipper66]

im a male with pig's gaze

[@alleechance]

I would appreciate anything you would like to add

[@awfullyawful]

I have a slightly asymmetrical face. I only have 7 children. This talk makes me wonder how many more children I could have had if only my nose wasn't askew.

[@thumbprint7150]

Yes, the gorgeous Lauren Hutton also has an asymmetrical face and it didn't hold her back.

[@b.h3877]

😂😂😂 7 is the lucky number 😎 god bless you and your children ❤️

[@skyblazeeterno]

perfect symmetry is weird and unnatural...you probably have a tiny bit of asymmetry which is natural and attractive

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

I heard a theory that non-simetrical faces have high attractiveness too. 7 children only means you had sex 7 times though if you are very fertile which you seem to be! 🤣🤣

[@awfullyawful]

Stylish Loser so very kind! Thank you!

[@MrNanah38]

I love this guy, I have learned so much from him, no college could teach this well.

[@wanderingsoul1189]

very true

[@Somecrazyshish]

He was absolutely right about Scarlett Johansson, I've always had a thing for her and his description of my mother, though slightly vague, was far more accurate than the description of the mother of a man who'd be attracted to Natalie Portman.

[@MRLJ10076]

***** deep questions that occupy the minds of the staff at the school of life... ha

***** Natalett!

[@edwardkostreski6733]

+Eleqtrique actually that is not opposite thats what he was describing

[@Chebab-Chebab]

+Sam Turner My mother's dead; Natalie and Scarlet are both living -can't I have them both?

[@jokifka]

I was just wondering based on what was decided that Scarlett is the wild one and Natalie the stable one, I think Natalie is pretty wild based on what I know about her

[@mornaftniteeve1198]

scarlett is wild? natalie is calm? on what grounds does he come up with these conclusions? does he know them personally lmao. i have a feeling it has more to do with their hair colour and character portrayals in films more than anything else.

[@paularthur9110]

It's called first impressions

[@Elwen-xs7gr]

Well, Scarllett is Sagitarius with Scorpio Moon, Natalie has Venus in Taurus but in 8th hosue, so that might be the factor.

[@orenthalspence167]

Well you sir just missed the point, and found it! Impressive!

[@ledgy69]

@@orenthalspence167 LOL, that cracked me up

[@Kaisharga]

I wonder if this dude has ever met an asexual. Or a person with low libido. I promise, we're not necessarily any more sensible, accomplished, or smug than anyone else.

[@UTurn539]

+Kaisharga I think that what he means is that if the entire human race was asexual, then we would probably be all these things.

[@Kaisharga]

Hi! Asexuality is recognized in the DSMV as a normal, non-disease condition. Do you perhaps have a better source to cite to support your point?

[@karikaalacholan]

Kaisharga I think I agree with you

[@ronromeo9914]

Kaisharga bb

[@hazelraycameron440]

I'm asexual and was thinking the same thing, and then I realized he studies philosophy & psychology of individual's interactions; it's likely he was aware of asexuality, but the topic was about the philosophy & psycholgy of sex which a lot of is very binary. Notice he talks about symmetry of the face, leading to the need to reproduce: typical of such things to exclude most people queer. I am actually attracted to the opposite, I much prefer people with things that are perceived as visual flaws. I love complexities because it's much harder to forget that they are indeed unique and wonderful. We're not in philosophy/psychology often because we were the philosophers trying to figure out everyone else's drive: we used that power to analyze and guide the rest of humanity who finds themselves just a part of this lifestyle cycle. A lot of studious people of the past are driven by their desire to understand why they are unlike others. We don't need this talk, because we've already evolved to understand this information. The people populating our Earth (the masses binary, though asexuals included) must attain this knowledge to grow. Why teach us what we know?

[@amygalvin1799]

He’s a delight to listen to regardless of topic!

[@maseereroshan9867]

Thanks, Alain. Great as always.😊 And about the picture, you show Muslim women who are fully dressed. As a Muslim woman, I should say That these were the clothes of Muslims in the past and as everything has changed, nowadays Muslims wear clothes that are fully dressed but don't limit them in daily life activities. In this way, we enjoy not looking sexy when we don't want to. 😇 but at home and in front of our spouses, it is different.😉

[@zhenyad7948]

Thank you so much for all your great effort in bringing your audience a step further in understanding themselves and others.

[@emmawalton3240]

Alain de bottom is sexy because of his honesty. With great admiration, Emma Walton

[@sanjayraman8337]

de botton.... not de bottom.. lol

[@wanderingsoul1189]

Subscribed you for this. :)

[@valclub479]

He has the most amazing voice and annunciation I have ever heard. Wish it could be bought to read everything outloud.

[@fusox]

I adore this man....I can listen to him all day! Hahahahaha. He's such a truth giver and a real philosopher.

[@sersvati]

If your parents' personalities determine who you're attracted to, why wouldn't siblings have similar types? The guys my sister dates are people I would never consider for myself.

[@sayantanm2]

Because siblings are seldom treated the same.

[@at5286]

Sarah because even within a family unit, each child has a different mental, emotional and physical environment and therefore they differ in their tastes as they move into adulthood.

[@matthew_m]

Siblings do have a very different environment. That said, the idea that your ideal partner "type" (if such a thing even exists) is set by your opposite sex parent is silly and seems like a warmed over version of second-rate psychology. It's contradicted by many studies, particularly some interesting ones that examine the love interests of identical twins.

[@danielaspassova781]

@@matthew_m Would you be more specific? I would like to get familiar with those studies. Thanks!

[@matthew_m]

@@danielaspassova781 David Lykken did one in 90s that looked at 900 pairs of twins. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/health-revealed-the-scientific-basis-for-falling-in-love-a-study-of-identical-twins-and-their-1471868.html Also www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/04/110426111413.htm There was also one comparing separated twins and twins raised together but I don't remember it.

[@TomWardComedian]

Great video. I was looking for that clip where you talk about other people's sadness being the thing that attracts us because we feel useful. Could you tell me which video that was in? Thanks

[@trulyyours2176]

Tom Ward Voice it was "hey you will marry thr wrong person" video :)

[@TomWardComedian]

He does mention in that one yes, but it was in another one, I'll have a look, thanks

[@korviscapetrova5269]

This is by far the most entertaining one.

[@SusanJaneWhite]

Bought all the books in your series. They are exceptional. This one was the best. Thanks!

[@pibblesnbits]

+The School of Life NO WAY!!!! This is you in the video? School of life is not a place but a person? Mind blown!!!

[@ConfuzzledTomato]

+Pibbles 'n Bits it's an organization

[@abhinayjakhar1032]

i'm currently reading Consolations Of Philosophy and i just want to say THANK YOU. THANK YOU Alain De botton.

[@boutchie06]

I love this man, his book, “Status Anxiety”, was life changing.

[@nicolechemla4627]

Yessss! My thought exactly, besides he is amusing, finds the right way to get to your attention, he is made of the right material to get almost to any one; a complex and academic subject can be overwhelming and attractive coming from him.. I love listening to his lectures. Bless him.

[@pramila3067]

damn this was incredible! very well spoken, i could listen to you talk all day longgg

[@dulcefmattos]

¡Gracias!

[@jaywilson3089]

He nailed it .

[@dornelli1]

If you pay attention, he;s dead-on accurate.

[@sweetsue4204]

At 9:16 it occurred to me how right my “friend” and I are. Both seniors who live alone, we’ve chosen to keep our friendship with benefits just the way it is, meaning that I have my life and he has his and when we come together it’s all about celebrating each other sexually..... or fishing. 😄

[@shuiabvanrooyen4996]

This channel as really opened my eyes towards certain aspects in life. Thank you .

[@sorryforbatenglish]

*the smartest things to ever be said in a church about sex* (I hope that's grammatically correct^^)

[@ms.turquoise6341]

The smartest things that have ever been said in a church. (that is my guess but it's okay to be gramatically incorrect. It is understood what you mean and this is a difficult sentence)

[@sorryforbatenglish]

+Real Crusades History enlighten me then

[@markbravaco2912]

Your sentences are 100% correct, and actually work best, for the comment section. Though, I think an entity that does an action and a verb are needed to make it fit the grammar rules: he said the smartest things ever to be said in church about sex.

[@thumbprint7150]

You are doing OK ; passive tense fine.

[@natashavalerie752]

Thumb Print pPP

[@allsop91]

This was miles better than I thought it would be.

[@Czar_Music]

i love this channel so much you just explained alot to me that ive been struggling with

[@luigiarmero9584]

Love your acting as Vision. I never thought you could sound better with a few tone twitches. Thanks, Paul Bettany.

[@el-mehdibenchaib9950]

I read the book how to think more about sex and it's a great essay and lets me question my standard ideas about sex, i find that our education about sex is ridiculous and not worth believing in. There're many great lessons that we learn from questioning our thoughts, feeling, custom and belief.

[@loonycushion]

this channel is so wonderfully 20th century. it doesn't take into account the revolution of human consciousness, quatum physics, spirituality that is happening right now, and which is changing everything to a degree we can't even begin to image.

[@adicakes]

dont 4get about the fractalz

[@jamiehusky8062]

This guy could talk about anything...and somehow I would enjoy it!👍

[@MsAudities]

it's interesting to find your talks at this juncture in my life because they are so relevant to my current life lessons and where I am in my healing journey. Thank you

[@vishnuseelan7011]

This is the only time I have heard a speech and thought of calling it "Beautiful".

[@falconindia9384]

That is very straight forward of Allan. I think what matters is the state of mind in which we indulge in a sexual act and this applies to drinking and drugs as well.

[@MrUndersolo]

Expecting one person to fill in all those roles is garbage. No wonder so many great men and women had lovers and are still seen as great.

[@iangoldberg3992]

Some people are attracted to the idea of monogamy, some people aren't. I think if you expect any lover to fulfil every role in your personal satisfaction, you're gonna end up disappointed no matter how many lovers you have.

[@Slechy_Lesh]

I really feel monogamy asks too much of a single person, it's unfair.

[@cmrobby]

Ian Goldberg monogamy has its challenges, but there aren’t any good alternatives that don’t destabilize society

[@maocharlisme]

Precisely! Well, for some people it might not be garbage... but people really, really overestimate the number of people and relationships that are cut out for this!

[@thisisntallowed9560]

@@Slechy_Lesh I feel polymory asks much more

[@beldonhuang]

As many as his talks are, this one is just as interesting, funny and marvelous! There are even ones that I talk about on my channel like those on TED and Google, which I highly recommend. They are pretty good as well. Such a great speaker with a great mind!

[@finze1]

Alain de Botton has saved me more pain and suffering than any other stranger I've known.

[@sheydasharifi1837]

Thanks, School of life, thanks for being such an amazing influencer on me.

[@BrianSmith-vl7xu]

I had to re-read the title. I thought it said "Bottom Sex"

[@annah5867]

cheeky! ;) thanks, Brian.

[@HippieHesten]

I read your comment and now I hear Beavis and Butthead laughter in my brain :)

[@robertjsmith]

thats a whole new video

[@pastelfluff5131]

This is really interesting.. he defended causing physical harm to another person, as well as ignored the demographic of asexuals. But this video had really awesome points, and Alain is such a good speaker

[@PAJA63]

The physical harm should have been a mention of BDSM.

[@nicoleannecollet]

What a great talk, thanks for sharing!

[@millintribe6997]

Only discovered this chanel now. Been missing out all these years. Definitely going to get hubby to watch his videos.

[@true7251]

6:58 someone didn't hear Natalie rap.

[@ariadgaia5932]

Huh... This helped me make even better sense of my dating life~ Thanks!

[@TomeRodrigo]

"Tremendous sense of well being that comes from that" as our dark parts are accepted by our partner.

[@dmczx]

I play warframe since the closed beta, I got the master founder and I think that the game mechanics items shall rotate, it is right that new players have the chance to get everything. I like the idea of having exclusive cosmetics instead, that sounds fair to me.

[@avalanche9142]

Great talk, but there are lots of assumptions in his arguments that are up for debate; for instance, many believe that you get attracted and marry someone like your mother/father ; while he says the opposite here. Anyway, the assumptions of the talk are also very important to pay attention to and analyze carefully.

[@PAJA63]

There is a difference between having a "bad" and a "good" mother/father.