INFJ DATING | What you need to know when you are an INFJ

[@Wenzes]

What is keeping you back from expressing your "truth" in dating situations?

[@jibranjawaid]

I am Stoic so it is quite difficult to find someone with the same lifestyle as mine in the current world which is driven by capitalistic values for the most part... though this is how i have started thinking, dont want to waste my time and energy on anyone who wouldnt be a long term part in my life.

[@Wenzes]

I can only recommend online dating where you do take personality assessments in the beginning...that way you are not wasting your time with people that have a completely different lifestyle than yours...doesn't mean that everyone you talk to will be a match, but you already cut out everybody who you know isn't 👍

[@franciscosanchez2971]

People don't like politics and when I look at the root of human suffering, it brings me back to politics, I'm an interesting person but I'm not living the most interesting life and I think everybody wants to size me up on what I have and where I'm going rather than how I feel

[@isosoriharrison9556]

People don’t want to take their time with me. I’ve been through traumatic experiences with dating and it’s kind of affecting me mentally. And I can’t seem to hold on to romantic relationships because people want to take their time.

[@paulmcnary4277]

@@Wenzes What sites do this?

[@wendysmith9682]

Classic INFJ. Writes 8 lines of comment and then deletes it. Again.

[@zerotoanime3953]

Lol me

[@zibbielanham]

You're not alone!🤣

[@masteroutlier]

If only you had read the potentially misunderstandable joke I had written and then deleted 😅

[@irishmarie9892]

💯

[@HiiImChris]

Haha no way..

[@chaudiep8274]

"why waste your time and their time by pretending you're less than you are" - So true. Thank you so much

[@mbsc86]

Yes

[@MuntiK]

My Boundaries -we have to be exclusive -dont cheat on me -be honest with me -dont make me feel like I am an option -Enfp

[@Wenzes]

👍👍👍

[@alinebaruchi1936]

All of this?

[@velinakostovadimitrova4394]

Add more!

[@sonyawashington3755]

Faxs

[@stepfaniehawkins205]

I have all of those plus two more which are one don't call me that and to 2 don't make me look stupid in front of others

[@duglife2230]

I have said it before, and I will say it again. As an INFJ, I have absolutely no interest in serial dating or quick "hookups." I feel, personally, like dating should be two people trying to figure out if they should spend the rest of their lives together. If I know a girl has no mutual interest or respect for me, and is only dating me because her "chad" boyfriend just dumped her, then why should I even waste my time with her at all? Well, the answer is I shouldn't, and if you are in a mediocre relationship like that you should leave it now. I don't care how attractive the girl is. With that being said, you can imagine how scary and intimidating this modern world with its exorbitant divorce rates and mediocre relationships where people "settled" with someone they did not really like because their first choice got away is to an INFJ. Especially ones like myself.

[@petalchild]

You would probably have better luck if you didn't use incel rhetoric.

[@duglife2230]

@@petalchild I have no idea what you think was "incel rhetoric" about that. From what I gather, Incels are typically in the "all women are trash for not dating me and would probably just cheat on me anyway" camp. That is not what I was insinuating or suggesting at all. Women are just people too. There are people who are worth your time and people who are not. That goes for anything in life, including dating.

[@etcwhatever]

Yes. I understand this. But most men dont have your mindset. What you talk about isnt gender related. Its a societal issue. Everyone is discarded and temporary. I always wanted marriage for life and therefore i am alone. Because men never respected my boundaries and like Wenzes said i never enforced them...i always feel absorbed by others and its draining af. Im a religious person so i prefer to be alone now than to go against my principles like in the past.

[@daahorse1652]

@@petalchildAh yes, I would love to date a woman that will totally fuck up my life both financially and mentally all because I ain’t man enough. 👏

[@jenofire8724]

I have the marriage I want now, because my husband and I worked so hard to get a relationship we wanted. It’s a different dynamic than what is “normal” or typical. So, to my fellow INFJs, take what Wenzes says to heart. Stick to your boundaries and what you want for your emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical well-being. It’s absolutely essential for us Ni creatures who need time to let loose in our head space. I married an ISTJ who needs a lot of reassurance and affirmations, and as long as I give him that, and he gives me plenty of space to daydream and be on my own. 20+ years of marriage. It wasn’t easy. Through cancer, 25+ surgeries, deployments, 4 kids ( 2 of which are now adults) , moving around the world, a pandemic… we had to work through a lot, and I find Wenzes wisdom to be absolutely on point.

[@AHumbleHuman]

You are one of the people chosen to meet and find your soulmate in this life. I have yet to meet mine. But it's fine. I am capable of handling it. Alhamdulillah. It's difficult for me to discover even one relationship to begin. I've admitted it. But I'm glad to hear that my other INFJ sisters made it.

[@stormcrown96]

Yeah it's important to understand that other people are not INFJ's (atleast in most cases), so they cannot "read our mind" or understand what we want, like we can. It's fundemental for us to express ourselves, regarding thoughts or feelings, but also things we want or don't want. This is the only way to overcome this limitating idea of "I understand everybody, but nobody understands me".

[@Wenzes]

👍👍...next video is about infj being misunderstood...it picks up on exactly that topic

[@carlandre8610]

I think also infps do not understand others quite as well as they think. they are great listeners, but to understand others you really need to also be able to understand yourself. I think this person doing the videos understands herself well and is truly a well developed infp. And when you have that skill as an info you have the bull by the horns.

[@jessmason2112]

Yes, but isn't it nice to just look at someone and have no need for words. (They know exactly what you want or thinking.)

[@bruce6871]

A key to this may be learning to trust your gut about people by being adequately exposed to different types of people and others' relationship experiences (dating isn't exactly required for this). You can make a better judgement call on the right time to bring up your wants and needs sooner instead of waiting and getting more attached to the person. INFJ's develop a very precise perception of people, but that window gets exponentially narrower the more attracted or attached to the person we become.

[@Terry-ju5mh]

Okay

[@jessicaw.986]

I've only watched 3 or 4 videos and you have already helped me stick up for myself at my place of work which probably shocked my managers and bosses. I just want to say thank you it's been suffocating to me not being able to set boundaries. You've given me strength in myself ♥️

[@Wenzes]

So happy to read that Jessica, glad I can help 😊❤

[@simonmartin_ch]

Holy... In just 20 minutes you explained every little detail of what took me 2 years and 3 breakups to slowly piece together. I will have to rewatch this a couple more times and use this as a starting point to work on myself. a thousand thanks

[@arunamalla1705]

Thanks for helping me with dating. I started dating at 31. This helps a lot for me. I was in a relationship with ESTJ. I saw a vision that it’s going to be a unrequited love. Yet I didn’t believe my intuition and went ahead with this relationship only to face breakup.

[@Wenzes]

We learn and we grow! ❤

[@RebekahAPinto]

@arunamalla1705 I was given almost the same vision when I was in elementary school. But in my case, it was a voice telling me that I'll meet a guy in my early 20s but when I meet him - I can't talk to him about the future of us together, about getting engage & then marry, & he won't @ all tell me he loves me. I was even shown how he would look like in that vision. Fast forward to my early 20s, I did meet the said guy but it all led to disappointment to which I overlooked because I chose to. Only 4 years later, I decided to dump him for good - because all I wanted was a ring from him on my finger to which he disagreed(I was about to enter my 30s). So now, I'm single & have gone numb(if anyone wants an actual/proper relationship with me).

[@qazedc3]

This applies to all my relationships in my life. Currently in the process of recalibrating my own life and focusing on myself aka cutting everyone out. An issue I find is even after setting boundaries or telling a friend I wanted my time to be respected (bc they were literally disregarding my time in standing me up, trying to schedule me into their time only) they wouldn'y change their behaviour and continued to test me. After some thinking I thought, they're not really adding value to my life so why do I even need to keep them if they're just disturbing the peace by refusing to compromise? They act like the world revolves around them and we should cater to their needs. Oh yes we attract narcissists who love to use us as their supply. No more of that. I'm going to learn to love myself so hard there will be zero room for anyone who doesn't do the same.

[@RickyWhitling]

Wenzes, i dont know anyone else who understands me more than you do... Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for helping us make the world a better place! Above all, thank you for continuing to strengthen my mindset. Thank you with all my heart, thank you, thank you. thank you! Keep on keepin' on!

[@Wenzes]

❤❤❤ my pleasure!!!

[@SirMo]

I made all those same mistakes you mentioned (including giving up dating for awhile), and I sort of on my own came to the same conclusions! I've been practicing this new boundary setting self for a few years now. And it's so refreshing! People sort of get shocked, since they are used to the old me, but to my surprise they never seem to respond negatively. Which was a revelation to me. I thought my change in attitude would prompt them to think I was mad or something. But everyone is usually just like, "oh ok, no problem".

[@krystam8744]

Love this!!! Beautiful.

[@caffeinered]

Knowing what you want from a relationship? I often ponder this question and observe others trying to understand what works and does not work with there relationships. Trying to glean knowledge and understanding for myself. The flerting game is already changing and can have me riding the edges of my own boundaries. Past experiences have led me to hiding my own light. Add getting overwhelmed in to the mix and very quickly I reach the point where I need alone time to recharge and work through my thoughts. I try to be flexible with what I am looking for. But still question if I'm setting the bar too high. So my present answers to the question what do I want. Friendship Companionship Mutual understanding Shared interests Independent interests An understanding of each others alone time. Intimacy

[@tcdrx]

"Set some boundaries for your vision" That is excellent advice. Not only for dating, but also in general. Thank you.

[@chillout7206]

I'm an Infj but I don't believe at love at first sight.. I do believe in interested at first sight

[@johnathanrhoades7751]

When I was dating, I made super sure to be very deliberate with the rate of progression and levels of intimacy. It kept the "failed" relationships much less painful for all parties involved. I'm now happily married for three years and have been very happy to be able to finally relax into that level of commitment and both of us (me INFJ, she INFP) being able to enjoy our authentic selves in a safe environment. Still tons of work, every relationship is, but very fulfilling using so much of this advice.

[@lindateuling7862]

Wenzes, I've always believed this, although when I was younger, I wasn't as articulate about it as you. And to complicate things, I was often advised AGAINST having boundaries. Fortunately, I learned better, although it took a while. This is practical, levelheaded advice. As I listen to you, I'm amazed at how so many of my childhood hunches were correct after all! 😎

[@Wenzes]

👍😉👍

[@harmonicalessonsnyc6386]

This woman is brilliant. I feel she understands me and she never met me.

[@Miidori3]

I actually watched most of this and it's really good. I like that this can be applied to most relationships in general. -enfp

[@Wenzes]

😊👍

[@BalanceWellOfficial]

Thank you for giving some mental clarity to the Infj dating situation. It's a struggle 😅

[@Wenzes]

Glad I can be of help 😊

[@YouilAushana]

Such a great video, it was exactly on point! I have also been single for 8 years after a disaster of a relationship where I wasn't even close to having my needs met. I recently came across a person in a temporary professional setting where I was working with a health professional and I thought they had a lot of qualities I was looking for and obsessed over them. To get to know them I just felt like I was too much for them and it ended being passive aggressive because I painted a a picture in my head of who they were and could have been. It really made me look introspectively and you said all the things I was thinking about as I was making myself small to not overwhelm this person. So, I understand myself better and will express my needs to future relationships better. Thanks a million!

[@artistic-old-soul]

This is straight-up the best INFJ dating advice I have ever heard. I've been looking for dating advice for about a week and by now I was already feeling like giving up. I've been feeling as if I am too much to handle and like I'm probably not going to make a good partner anyway. However, the way you explained how INFJs should approach dating, and relationships made me feel empowered for the first time in weeks and like I'm capable of taking charge of my dating life. I'm aware it takes a really long path but your video really helped me change my perspective. Thank you so, so much!!

[@djaziko457]

This is so helpful! I am starting a friendship and i'm mentally thinking about the things that I've been doing wrong because it's my friend is not particularly a healthy person but I'm on the verge of do i want to continue the friendship or cut it off because i still have to grow myself through my Fe and why waste both our times. Well, I loved the video Wenzes. Such helpful information really blew my mind.

[@Wenzes]

Glad it was helpful 👍😊 remember, focus on you, what you want, what you need and wait and see if your friend can handle this version of you...it‘s not your task to adapt yourself in order to have a healthy friendship...you do whar is best for you...in a healthy friendship both are doing that and this results in a balanced and uplifting union 👍😊

[@RobertJones-et7gh]

Thank you for making this video. I'm an INFJ and I really needed to hear this information. It's too bad I'm hearing it at 60 years old. But better late than never.

[@LostSoulAscension]

Damn... literally hitting deep in my thoughts and feelings... Countless experiences I've had with potential partners as you described Wenzes. Thank you 🙏🙌🙌

[@Wenzes]

Glad it‘s helpful 😊👍

[@pinkyup6]

Wow Wenzes thank you for making this connection of how the NI and FE affects the way we approach relationships!! This explains how I need alone time to think and process what I want because when I’m with others I naturally go into NI mode and lose myself. This also explains why relationships are difficult because it takes awhile to figure out exactly what we want and when we do it’s hard to find a person with qualities that match what we need. But like you said, that’s ok, because you screen out people who will just waste your time. I am able to share my love and strengths with people who are important to me and those who I want to help. I so appreciate you sharing your experiences and taking care of us INFJ fellows. ☺️

[@LightofApollo]

It all sounds great on paper (as usual, coming from the INFJ coach herself), but I'd say easier said than done for someone in their 20s, going into a relationship knowing exactly what you want out of it, when you don't even really have a clear-cut view of what *you* want in life still (regarding a job, a place/country to live in etc.)... Anyways, on the topic of dating and because I had this discussion recently, I was hoping for some insight. Would you say that there is a "certain kind" of person that best compliments us? I.e. someone who is equally introverted, "weird" or complicated, someone... relatable. Versus someone extroverted, "simpler", more... "bland" maybe, who compliments us in an opposite manner. Or is there no right answer to this question, and it's all just a matter of how driven two people are regarding a relationship, and how well they know themselves for it to work?

[@Wenzes]

I think it is important to find someone that we can a common day to day with...if you yourself are introverted and like to contemplate on things it probably will be hard in the long term if you are with somebody who constantly wants to go to social events, likes to be around their friends all the time etc. It's important to have someone who you can "live with"...and still not feel you are constantly working or stressed because of their lifestyle choices

[@DanielMatiasM]

Really needed to hear those words today! Before you want people to love and accept who you are, you should do it first and not to be loved and accepted, but simply because you deserve your own love and acceptance more than anyone else. Thank you so much! Just subscribed to your channel. Abraços do Brasil.

[@Daliferrio]

Omg Wenzes- thank you so much for this video ! I didn’t know this and had my doubts - I was told to stay small and do the opposite which never sat right with me - 🎉🎉🎉 this is gold

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

Thanks Wenzes, this video was so helpful. I'm gonna have to listen to it over and over to really get all those excellent points driven home. My favorite-Set boundaries early so that you can loosen them later when the person you are with is worthy of the relaxed you, great point!

[@trevorvaz7109]

Yeah it took me 5-EVER to realize that “seeing where this goes” sucks Bc you just run into people who don’t know what they want! Now I just tell people “I want LTR”

[@Wenzes]

👏👏👏 exactly

[@icef1mkd]

"I have no intentions" and "Let it be how it should be" and "Let's have a good time, without ultimatums". I accepted this shit. Out of fear of losing her, a girl I had such a strong chemistry with like none before.

[@KittyFoxArtWorld]

Really helpful. Thank you. I'm really bad at setting boundaries in my love life, especially in the beginning. But I can see how important it is to do so, not just in the beginning, but all through the relationship.

[@lauraburdopilatespreacher6878]

Thank you so very much for this most insightful and caring video. It truly spoke to my soul. I needed to hear this hierarchy of importance. Keep awareness, show-up authentic, strict boundaries, determine what we want, set the tone early-on. Wow, such wisdom! I’ve learned the hard way by not understanding or knowing what you’ve laid out here for us fellow INFJ’s. 😮❤🎉

[@monetpetals86]

I guess I’m ready for this video now but I wish I saw it 10 years ago.

[@erilluu]

I feel like I woke up to all of this fact on my own after my last relationship, I knew what I wanted and how I wanted to be treated.

[@sophiegilbert6381]

Excellent video. Very clear and makes sense. I have been doing some deep thinking about what I want in a relationship. I have learned so much about myself from past relationships, so I start from there. Thank you 🙂💜

[@Wenzes]

So happy it resonates with you Sophie...yes, our won experiences are our best teachers 👍 there are always lessons learned 😊

[@DemetriSchaefer-ew7ot]

Thank you soo much! INTJ dating a INFj and this helps out a lot!!!

[@blancheb3533]

Yes. Sticking to your guns because as an INFJ you know you are right about your vision of what a good relationship / partnership is (probably more than most people because INFJs are very particular with their morals and standards). You just need to put in effort and take your own advice.

[@NamesZKP]

Wow the trying to form relationships with people from other parts of the country or even other countries applies to me so hard.

[@patrice7p]

This is the best advice ever. You are so right, i always started relationships like you say. Ok, time for a change. Define my inner vision of what i am, what i am willing to reveal of myself, what i need and want, what i can offer in a realtionship and what i expect. I am just afraid that that person does not exist , or i will never meet them..

[@gabrielle9563]

We realy hate to set boudaries because we love to be open and we always think that the other will know the boudaries.

[@stanclark3992]

The right INJF partner provides the boundaries.

[@chimchim4616]

At first, I dont understand why Wenzes had said "you deserve all the love" many times but a thought came into my mind that maybe I tend to be a person who is other person's preferences... I think I should show more of myself and clarify things then I wanna see what would be the difference 🙂

[@RobertMertensPhD]

INTP: Here again, I assert that INFJs really do tend to be very self-involved. This video proves it. You worry that you're losing yourself in your partner, then you have to fall back and be your own self again. Right around 6:39, you propose, "how can that person play a role in your life," whereas from my perspective, you have to play a role in my life, or, in the flowering family (with children), our life. As the leader in the family, being the primary strategist and decision-maker, the intelligent man will make decisions that will benefit the whole family, no matter how big or small it is. If you're busy satisfying your own whims, or simply desiring to be your own self in your own space, this is selfish. That's fine, to the degree that it doesn't damage the rest of the family dynamic or the relationship. Watching the rest of this video, I keep thinking, you don't need a man - you need a pet, preferably a dog. I think a dog will give you all the lovin' and attention you need, and even some privacy (while he/she sleeps 18 hours a day), and they'll be happy to fit right into your life seamlessly. You only have walk him twice a day or so and feed him. Not so much with a man. If you want to have this big career and be the leader of the "family" or relationship, you may have to look around for weak men who are ready and willing to be dog-like in their obedience to you. What about children? What if your children can't seem to find a role to play in your life? Just kick them out? Put them on the street and tell them to get lost. Some women will burn down their own home when they don't get what they want. I don't know what personality type(s) those are, or even if that anything to do with personality types. But I'm pretty sure that begins with being selfish and self-centered. Or maybe it just begins with being rotten. So, just as you're busy trying to pick through which man will play a role in your life (maybe a hired servant or something) a man is also looking for a woman who won't burn down his home.

[@GypsyDove]

Actually not self-involved it's more so other-focused selflessness to point of focusing too much on others in one's circle an family; an thus in doing so can lose themselves. Which means they've sacrificed again and again so much so that their actual needs aren't being met. Believe it or not an INFJ actually can relate to the concept of a man who leads his family in a healthy manner will make decisions based upon what's best for the whole family unit not simply what's best for themselves. They can relate and appreciate due to tendency of sacrificing wants an even needs for the same reasons. It sounds self-involved due to many have sacrificed much most of their lives an are now realizing that it's not healthy to sacrifice constantly an it's okay to have boundaries and it's okay to have needs an meet those needs. Some may go slightly the other direction for a short bit trying to figure out the healthy balance. Considering your view of a healthy male leadership in a family unit: Would you think it self-involved if they were sacrificing to the point that none of their needs are being met, actual basic needs, while everyone else in the home is lavishing on all their wants: electronics, expensive toys, fast food, instant gratification spending wildly despite not being able to afford that kind of lifestyle... Meanwhile the INFJ is going without the most basic things like essential clothing, food deprivation to point of malnutrition so others especially children can eat, any funds they get go to family needs or bills never anything they need or might enjoy, dealing with all the major responsibilities an creditors while the lead is irresponsibly digging a hole financially but making it a wildly fun ride for everyone else an somehow has all the moral support for such irresponsible living. While the sacrificing INFJ is seen as a killjoy of all the fun an any attempt of them setting boundaries (for the betterment of all not just themselves) is manipulated as being selfish an self-absorbed an they need to learn to sacrifice for others... This is losing oneself. Going a lifetime of sacrificing for everyone else to an extreme. When one finally realizes their health overall physically, mentally an emotionally is important to protect an begin to meet those needs, start creating healthy boundaries an spend time learning what they actually prefer an enjoy in life it can be seen by others as self-involved or self-absorbed. An honestly over text it's even more difficult to truly comprehend another fully we know nothing about them in real life setting, no visual cues, no body language, no tone of voice...which can cause misunderstandings. There are INFJs that fit the old-fashioned ideal many men say they desire. That would thrive very well within healthy leadership of a husband that truly is looking out for what's best for the couple an for the family. One who appreciates the sacrificial nature they have but doesn't take advantage of. An more importantly protects her from sacrificing too much an protecting from others taken advantage of that quality. Which ironically is the old-fashioned ideal in marriage. At least from what I was taught by a much older generation (1880-1930)

[@RobertMertensPhD]

@@GypsyDove For a long time after we went our different ways, one INFJ lady friend and I kept in touch via email, and I recall massively long letters between us, not very different from this. We each, in our own ways, lead complex inner lives, and it seems, we can spend hours and hours exploring each other. I used to break up her email responses to me in sections, copy, paste and then respond to each subject, so as to ease up the complex discourses, several running side-by-side. Strange, it seems to me, that INFJs always seem to find me, out in the real world. I can't seem to locate them. It is the dad's job to make sure the kids have some fun in life, and that's a fairly traditional role, although in some families, the roles could be reversed. Mom's job is to be, as you say, the killjoy, and that, also, is a fairly traditional role. Dad's job is to take the kids out and thrust them into a river full of alligators - just for the adventure and excitement of it all, while Mom's job is to keep her children safe and secure, make sure they get an education and teach them manners and socialization. As for sacrificing themselves, I think I've yet to observe an INFJ (friends included) in an environment where such sacrifices were needed. I know that mothers, for their children, will do such things, but I don't believe that this is specific to any one personality type.

[@GypsyDove]

@@RobertMertensPhD I agree with you especially on the point that mother's will sacrifice for their children and it is not necessarily specific to one specific personality type. An I'm not completely sold on these personality types personally. Boxes an labels have never been my thing an none of the various ways mankind comes up with to categorize people an their behaviors, beliefs, etc never seem to fit anyone perfectly. Some are obsessed with pigeonholing everyone into a specific catagory. Yet, as a mother who sacrificed to the Nth beyond what would be considered normal or appropriate I can relate to that portion very well. When a Father's is piddling money away on nothing but fun, instant gratification, video games and fast food. And relegating paying bills balancing checkbook an dealing with creditors to his wife so he can have the excuse of, "...she does the finances..." When asked why bills didn't get paid so his family will bail him out. Instead of admitting he's spending wildly causing checks to bounce or spending it all before the bills are paid leaving no way to cover the basic essentials for heat, electricity an the like. His wife having to dress children in full winter wear to keep warm inside due to such spending sprees. Sacrificing to the Nth degree. If you knew how much so I think you'd agree it would not fit into your own idea of a husband/Father who makes decisions for the overall good and well being of his family. I don't regret my experiences I learned a whole lot, on so many levels, that has actually benefitted me in the long run especially in these economically troubled times. As a whole decent husband's/father's an decent wives/mother's are oft thrown under the proverbial bus today while others fuel a war of the sexes to further spiral this societal runaway train with no working brakes dividing people on every possible level and angle they can dream up. It's sad to see it happening.

[@RobertMertensPhD]

@@GypsyDove A lot of people don't like the idea of being pigeonholed into some "box" and told, "this is who you are." It took me many years to understand that, this test doesn't tell me who I am - I tell the test who I am. What it really tells you is where you fit in, in the world, where you are relative to the rest of the world. INTPs and INFJs are two of the four very rarest (1%) personality types. After spending so many years of my life on the outer edge of society and sociality, I had finally discovered why everyone else was so different from me - why they were so odd. When my parents first married, in the early years, Dad would go off after work on payday and play poker with his buddies, and sometimes lose his entire paycheck, coming home empty-handed, to my mom and two children, and nothing to report in the way of groceries. That's clearly not the memory I had of my father (I was the 5th), and I can't tell you what changed, but by the time there were seven of us kids, Dad would bring his paycheck home, hand it to Mom, and she would pay the bills. She gave him money to go to the commissary (military) and buy groceries. He worked two jobs and Mom gave piano lessons and directed the choir at church, just to keep us all with food, clothing and a place to live. I think there were sacrifices all around, especially in those years on an Air Force paycheck. I don't think it matters whether you're P or J (liberal or conservative), since we all live on a bell curve and the vast majority of us live somewhere in the middle, but there is a line, right around the middle, and you can be near or next to it, but you can't be on it, except in a very subjective way. We're all at least a little on the left or a little on the right, or a lot on the left or a lot on the right. The blow that's been delivered to us in a hard way is gerrymandering, which has led to a government that represents those on the far right and/or those on the far left - which probably represents about 20% of the population. The rest of us are screwed. This is probably why Congress has only a 20% approval rating. I don't see a war between the sexes, except, again, between those on the far left and those on the far right. The rest of us are generally at peace with one-another. While I lean left (not far, but a little), most of my romantic partners and interests have been on the right. If we had more leadership from the middle, as we had before gerrymandering became ubiquitous in our political system, more people would be happy with the way the government works. My current flame tried to convince me that she was an INFJ, knowing that I like this particular personality type, but then dragged me onto mainstreet downtown Daytona Beach during Bike Week, through massive crowds of people, loud motorcycles (I can't complain too much about the loud motorcycles, since I rode her there on a Harley with straight pipes - it was also loud), and loud music. I was miserable. After a while, I said, "I'm going for a walk on the beach - I'll meet you back here later." I don't think she's Introverted at all. But we get along well and enjoy each other's company, spending many hours together at a time. She has many of the emotional outbursts of a Feeler, at which times I simply need to be stoic and observant, and listen. She's fairly Agrarian (J-type), since likes digging in and building a home and wants a farm. Probably iNtuitive, since she sometimes gets caught up hair-brained schemes and sometimes scams to make money, and always loses her ass. And then wishes she had called me first. But also she likes "magic stones" and I have no clue what they do, since I don't believe in fairy tales and "the craft." She once bought a mood ring, which would turn dark blue whenever she was with me, so I would tell her, "That means you're in love with me." ENFJ? I get along with ENFJs, and can spend hours at a time chatting with them. So, maybe.

[@АрхангельскаяАнтонина]

My assumption is don't date infj then, date someone who will fit into what you need from a partner. Save yourself some unnecessary butthurt.

[@infjpodcasts]

INFJ needs soul-soul connection. Simple.

[@reinettesteynberg8432]

I found that I am happy being single... I perform at my best.. I am much more relaxed, relaxing is never easy to start with.. It is as though a relationship takes up too much time. People at their best is untrustworthy.. I really don't have time or the desire to spend on negative issues.. I figured certain things out through the years .. I don't accept certain behaviour i set boundaries very quick ... it is so easy for others to use us until there is nothing left of the inner self anymore.. We change ourselves as we go along. Thank you love this channel..

[@Oreo-s1f]

Thank you so much! I have realized these truths recently, and your video was a confirmation for me, that I am choosing the right attitude. Would be so helpful to hear that in my teens.

[@HanyouInny]

I feel like these rules can apply to all relationships including friends , family, coworkers, classmates, and peers. I’m so bad with boundaries it’s not even funny.

[@johnnyblaze2257]

Your like a Life Coach for INFJ’s.

[@lambogirlrusty87]

This is a really good video. I really appreciate how you explain how to make positive changes. I know what I shouldn't do, but it's harder to figure out what I should do. Thanks.

[@Wenzes]

Glad I can be of help Rusty, thanks for your feedback 😊

[@jenniferrevilla5298]

Great advice, thank you. I have always been afraid of jot hurting the other persons feelings so I put up with them until I blow, then they have no idea what went wrong. They are hurt, I feel bad and usually go back to the same dynamics. By setting expectations / boudaries in the beginning, yes, I could avoid the disaster.

[@jewelsbarbie]

I am guilty of doing the exact same thing! I am always so afraid of setting boundaries, bc I don’t want the other person to feel like I’m upset or trying to hurt their feelings. It always comes back to bite me in the a$$, and causes way more stress and turmoil in the the end. 😣

[@KCobainFan4Ever]

Thank you so much for creating this video Wenzes!! I have pretty severe ADD so whenever I watch any videos I want to sink in, I have to rewind a lot and it took me about an hour and a half lol to watch this, but it’s because I love it, know it’s true, really need the knowledge to stay with me and I’m about to go on a date. If it works great, if it doesn’t then that’s fine too because I love me and I’ll find someone that loves me for me too!! Thanks again!! Now onto the next video you recommended at the end of this one. ❤

[@Joshdifferent]

Infj male here. I avoid relationships after dating a narcissist for 5 years. Now at 27 I just work on myself but I don’t date

[@etcwhatever]

Same...dated two autistic guys (both good people but unable to fulfil my emotional needs). Im not even sure if im not on the spectrum myself but i know i need someone who is an example of normal interaction....then a narcissistic dude. Yeah i gave up 😂

[@Joshdifferent]

@@etcwhatever I hear you

[@Joshdifferent]

@@etcwhateverI can relate

[@etcwhatever]

@@Joshdifferent well to provide an update I'm diagnosed as autistic now and dating a guy who has all the same obsessions. Idk if it will work but my advice is to never keep hopes too high. Aiming for the best but always prepared for the worst. Being detached...

[@leofromthefire]

These advices are good. Especially working on moulding back into society. Great 👍

[@TaxEvasi0n]

I don't know why I'm even watching this. Dating has always been out of my reach 😏

[@willhill2871]

I do so many of the positive suggestions you make in your videos. I always get treated like I’m an ugly guy whenever I express even the slightest bit of interest in women. So many women that are friends, associates, advisors, etc argue tooth and nail that I’m not ugly. To the point that if I ask a woman I don’t know very well, they yell at me within one minute that I’m not ugly. It’s extremely confusing. How can I even date anyone when their knee jerk reaction is to call me “ugly and tell me to go away” but others that I’m not interested in tell me that I’m cute or have a great physique?

[@thomasmuller7740]

Wow, that’s incredibly helpful to me. I‘m glad that it worked out for you! I‘m in my mid 30s and this boundaries thing feels incredibly hard to me, as I’m pretending to be someone else. I guess I will now try to change the dynamic🎉

[@jessmason2112]

If you can't feel it, it isn't not happening.

[@leoneranger9348]

I get this. But I also think you can't know EVERYTHING. There's a time for exploration and finding out. Even if you know that THAT is your goal or preferred route, as long as you're honest about yourself and to yourself, that's less pressure to 'know'

[@rashellewilcox2633]

Im a hsp/infj and have had alot to deal with. Dogmatic religion,perfection expecting and challenging sometimes parents, losing my close sister,and changing church congregations from one thing to the opposite thing and not knowing everything i need to know in life.

[@rashellewilcox2633]

And I just want to say do your best,be a good kind person,and dont judge people by what you see.who you assume they are or might be. Give each person a,fair chance to thrive as an individual without judging by assumed associations.

[@michaelshannon9169]

As an INFJ guy its near impossible. Open-minded, introspective, non-conforming/adherent to cultural norms and expectations, into sub-genres etc its utterly depressing and it often feels the idea of finding someone I can relate to is a pipe dream. And time doesnt wait. Christ.

[@Monika_Daddarwal]

uhhhh! same, man, same. have faith. have faith in the divine timing. ik things seem bleak, but hope is a good thing after all. what I focus on is becoming more and more of the right person, and keeping myself open to possibilities, and trusting that god has something, someone planned for me which is so beyond my imagination, the way it has always been.

[@debmanrique6466]

The more you set boundaries and drop the dates that don't meet the standards, the less time you waste, and the more time you'll have to find the right one

[@Cglay-fw5ti]

Agreed. INFJ male has a spikey dating profile for its set of unique traits. Our traits has BIG advantages and BIG disadvantages simultaneously For any UNFJ man I reccomend somatic trauma/nervous system work to build up your nervous system capacity. Essentially this allows you to gradually increase your window of tolerance to emotional material (which is stored and expressed in the body) That way you can still hold your deep emotions, be passionate and radiant, but you don’t get overwhelmed, anxious or loose your “masculine frame” when they become too much. This kind of work builds reslienace to things like conflict, intimidation via anger, other peopels emotions etc and can compensate HUGELY for conventional INFJ weakness If interested in science/theory DR Peter levines “waking the tiger” is a great start and Irene Lyon on yt has HUGE amounts of free info

[@gabrielle9563]

You are changing my life! Think you!!❤❤❤❤❤

[@kacake]

Want: 1 same spiritual belief 2 same romantic connection 3 same reciprocity

[@mariabaker1982]

This really changed my life. I've been going my whole life not understanding myself. Thinking my intuition and loving nature sweetness was a flaw. Smh I was so wrong.

[@Tomken8d2]

Non of my girlfriends were ever really honest with me * cough* Johnny Roche * cough* and they didn't understand my honesty. I was lonelier with them than when I was alone. The deception poisoned everything and I couldn't connect as much as I wanted. I didn't fully realize my true nature at the time but I did know that I was empathic and somewhat psychic but then again, if you can feel someone else that's often the same as "mind reading." One of the nicest and penetrating compliments I've ever gotten was from a girlfriend I'd stolen from another guy. I was showing some jealousy and questioned her feelings for him. She responded, "[He's] a boy, you're a man." I was very deeply moved and filled with humble pride. Non-Sequetor: As a child I had no real friends but I formed deep bonds with my cats. I think I incorporated their engrams into myself. Once one of them had a fresh, warm kill in his jaws (a bird) and I could feel the blood lust, the total abandon and overwhelming satisfaction of the predator. I understood the savage, wild look in his eyes. He was an innocent but still a wild savage carnivore in that moment. I'm not deceiving myself. I'm a "cat" and the spirit of the cat is Sigma. That's served me well all through life. If everyone lies to you, trust is not possible and you're always alone but I prefer to be alone.

[@chevellekilborn9134]

I love all of this. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[@juliet9548]

Absolutely one of your best videos. Thank you!

[@colonelgraff9198]

Wenzies- a lot of what you say applies to ENFJs. I’m INFJ but have an ENFJ friend and I’m like “Damn, that applies to them too…!”

[@matilda4406]

"don't pretend you are less than you are" sure. But what if that was how you survived, literally survived, a l l y o u r l i f e

[@lilydarling4215]

Yes sounds great,just like any well informed dating advice,in the perfect world sure thing…I find it frustrating that psychologists and life couches making it out like we all live in this good old fashioned reasonable realm,like a Christmas Hallmark movie,where this gorgeous couple synchronically would just run into each other and live happily ever after because they are the best versions of themselves and abstained and worked,studied and meditated a lot recently…yeah..like we have all this time to really take things slow at the beginning and mull over differences,details and boundaries…in actual reality people gotta work with what they can or cope with solitude…

[@CosmicFox808]

This is such an insightful video. Thank you for sharing!!

[@starryeyednomad3519]

Girl, preach! You spoke straight to my heart ❤️❤️

[@LilacSnowBun]

INTJ here, studying up on my fascinating INFJ. :) Any relationship advice is welcome.

[@maybee...]

Thank you Wenzes, You have all of us figured out.

[@naturelover1284]

there is so much pressure to be paired up, because older woman got/get by this way, desperately. Stay in school in your twenties, you will not get those chance later. A man can be a real let down, but if your paired up all the female cats will comb you less severely at your jobs. Bless the parents who encourage their daughters to study and develop inner worth not worth from mrs. so&so

[@junie9642]

I really really love your videos

[@corpuspoetico791]

Thank you for this video. It helped me a lot.

[@frankgood8764]

Thank You for Excellent Insights

[@sandrapaul720]

Brilliant insight.Helped me to understand myself better!

[@annettebierkos7928]

Amazing, thank you 😊

[@mathushahs2724]

THANK YOU - FOR THIS!

[@DenaeAllDay]

Very eye opening, honestly.

[@meganjastervid]

This is so valuable, thank you , it really spoke to my situation

[@MuntiK]

Btw thank you so much for the content! Love it !

[@Wenzes]

Happy it resonates with you 😀

[@MuntiK]

@@Wenzes aha I'm happy I discovered this 😊

[@anthonymwesigwa4113]

Mehhhn, I have alot to learn.

[@LainaTayler]

Thank you thank you! This brings so much clarity!

[@juliemenser3898]

So important and so well said! Awesome video!

[@KimWilkinson-k9i]

Excellent! Thank you!

[@HiiImChris]

It's honestly unfortunate. I came across an individual that was something I had never had before. I worked really hard to modestly communicate in subtle ways over the week's things about their outfits, hair, quirks, and general appreciation for their existence. Well, I found out randomly they were in a relationship today which wasn't apparent at all. From the outside, I can only imagine how silly it looks to be so heartbroken from another's perspective. To me though, it's significantly more than that, I need to just accept that this does feel sad, and to process it with my genuine feelings. I know this person is 1 in a hundred million, they're exactly the type of person I want to give my attention to and struggle and grow with. I just feel a deep level of sadness because I know the value of what I have to give up. One step at a time I guess..

[@philly111]

Thank you for this video, much appreciated!

[@gabrielle9563]

Vou escrever em português porque não sou boa com a gramática do inglês e em português me expresso melhor, mas o tradutor traduz. Sou melhor em conversação.... Foi exatamente por pensar que meus ex parceiros tinham que saber o limite, e não querer estabelecer limites, pq não sinto que é da minha natureza isto de ficar impondo nada a ninguém, em grande parte, que deu muito errado. Obrigada por isto!❤❤❤❤

[@lialy3071]

I agree with you so much thank you for saying all this it`s also really helpful❤❤❤

[@osamashehab9935]

My ex fiancee was ESTJ and I really loved her , after she broke up with me GUESS what she wants to be back but i will never be back. Never ever. What you think are the reasons for this break up and why she wanna be back even after 2 years I don' t know why she wanna be back I and I didnt even expect that she would be back one day the whole matter is shocking suddenly break up and suddenly back that's mayhem and confusion

[@kristianjensen5877]

Dude, she's trying to get back with you, because she couldn't find a better deal. Never let yourself be someone else's backup plan or secondary option.

[@TokioTE]

Did you go No Contact for 2 years, and they suddenly contacted you to get back together?

[@tytambo22]

this is an awesome video ! thankyou again

[@May-xt9pv]

This is phenomenal! Love it!

[@myeyesite1198]

Very insightful. Thank you.

[@tomtesoro5465]

Spot on! Ruin it all the time!

[@ROKMO]

Wenzes!! thanks again for giving us this great truth!

[@Wenzes]

My pleasure!!

[@matilda4406]

this really is very helpful, thank you